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OLD RANGER: And now...
Death Valley Days.
♪♪ [ trumpet ]
Howdy, folks.
I'’m the Old Ranger,
and I have another interesting, true story for you
about the historic Death Valley country.
Readin'’, writin', and arithmetic--
the three R'’s.
But in the mining camp school at Ubehebe,
which is the scene of this story, I call...
there was a fourth "R," "R" for "Ruction."
[ laughs ] And how.
Quiet! Quiet!
TEACHER: Stop it! Stop it this minute!
TEACHER: Quiet!
Quiet in this room!
Order! Qui--
Hey, stop it!
[ mutters ]
Just dotting your eye for you, Jim.
You young hoodlum, you.
[ boys laugh ]
Morning, Jim.
Morning, Alex.
[ mocking ] Morning, Alex.
Doggone you!
[ laughs ]
Tomorrow they'’ll be back again in school.
Oh, that'’s right. New teacher arriving, eh?
On today'’s stage.
Heavens help him.
Hey, how come you'’re the reception committee today?
A man with no kids in school and you'’re not even married.
Well, I happen to go to Cornell University,
and this fellow hails from there.
Easterner, eh?
Nobody around these parts would take the job.
Evan Prentiss, Class of '’93.
[ man spurs horses ]
Mr. Prentiss.
WOMAN: I'’m Miss Prentiss.
Not the new schoolteacher?
Yes.
But the-- the wire said--
I mean, I thought of course that...
well, we expected a schoolmaster.
The name is confusing.
I'’m always receiving letters addressed, "Dear Sir."
All right, well, suppose we go where we can talk more easily.
Which is your luggage?These three.
By the way, my name is Alex Gaynor,
I'’m Superintendent of the mill.
How do you do?
She won'’t last half a day.
She won'’t even open school.
WOMAN: Mr. Gaynor is absolutely right.
It'’d be like throwin' the Christians to the lions.
The children can'’t be that bad.
ALEX: They'’ve run seven teachers out of town already.
Eight! You can count the notches on the desk.
It'’s very kind of you to be so concerned about my welfare,
but I can'’t go back now,
and I need the position.
So, in spite of everything you say,
I want to try to teach here.
But, Miss Prentiss,
Please.
Could she have a room here with you, Miss Doty?
Well, I don'’t usually sleep folks, just eat '’em,
but all right.
Oh, thank you.
You have a lot of courage.
So did the early Christians,
but the lions finished '’em just the same.
Go on right in, I'’ll be with you in a minute.
What does she look like?
Pint size.
You gonna break her spectacles, Tiny?
She don'’t wear spectacles.
She doesn'’t?
But she'’s old, isn'’t she?
Nope. She'’s young.
Young?And pretty.
Pretty?
Good morning.
[ chattering, giggling ]
Good morning, dear Teacher.
[ mimicking ] Good morning, dear Teacher.
[ chuckles ]
Good morning.
The last three teachers left with only five legs,
and four eyes between '’em.
Aren'’t you awful?
[ bell rings ]
[ children laughing ]
Take your seats, please.
We will begin with a morning prayer.
Bow your heads, please.
"Every morning mercies new
"Fall as fresh as morning dew;
"Every morning let us pay
"Tribute to the early day:
"For Thy mercies, Lord, are sure;
Thy compassion doth endure."
Amen.
A-women.
[ laughter ]
We'’ll begin with taking the roll.
Then we'’ll arrange classes.
Gladys Murtaugh.
Present.
MISS PRENTISS: Put that ball away, boys.
Put that ball away, boys.
We will proceed with the roll call.
Thomas Ruggles.
Here.
Richard Sloade.
Richard Sloade.
Here.
Genie Simmons.
Present.
Have a busy day, Mr. McEwan?
Very busy.
Then you must be hungry.
Thanks.[ chatter ]
Well, uh... how did things go?
Very nicely.
I was thinking of you all day--
Nicely?
I think they'’re going to be an interesting group to work with.
Stimulating--
That'’s a new word for it.
...and most responsive.
You mean you had no trouble with them?
It'’s all in the initial approach.
Did you hear that, Miss Doty?
They behaved.
Just like a cat playin'’ with a mouse.
Just wait.
Potato?
If I were you, I'’d arm myself with a ruler,
a good, big one.
Oh, I couldn'’t strike a child, Mr. Gaynor.
I'’d like to speak to the teacher.
What is it?
You know very well what it is.
You couldn'’t keep a thing like that a secret very long.
She threatened the children with a gun.
A gun?
Oh no. Oh yes.
Gladys came home and told me.
Fired it, what'’s more.
Point blank.
I was just trying to break up a ballgame.
The boys wouldn'’t stop, so I aimed at the ball.
And what did you hit?
The ball, of course.
In mid-air!
Well, I'’ll be everlastingly--
We'’ve got an Annie Oakley with us!
Gladys was still shaking with fright, poor lamb.
I'’m sorry,
but I'’m sure there won't be an occasion to do it again.
There had better not be,
or we shall take our children out of school.
BOY: Morning, Miss Prentiss.
Morning, teacher.
Morning, teacher.Morning.
I know it isn'’t the proper thing to do,
but in a case as serious as this,
I would suggest that you go--
I'’ve already looked. It isn'’t in her room.
It isn'’t?Nope.
Are you sure?Positive!
Then she'’s taken it to school,
and she'’ll use it on the slightest provocation.
That'’s a dangerous woman for you.
If I was you, I wouldn'’t have an easy moment
with her under the same roof!
We brung you somethin'’, Miss Prentiss.
A present.
Cartridges? Oh, dear me.
We brung you these so you could put on a shootin'’ match for us.
You brought me these
so I could put on a shooting match for you.
Yes'’m. That'’s why we brung 'em.
Will you, teacher? Please?
[ together ] Yeah!
Certainly not.
[ groan ]
At recess!
I'’ll let you shoot this out of my mouth, Teacher.
MISS PRENTISS: No!
Aw, Miss Prentiss!
This is a school, not a shooting gallery.
We'’ve got lessons to learn--
spelling, geography--
We'’ll learn 'em.Honest!
All right, you do, and then we shoot.
When?How soon?
Well, say, the end of each week.
[ cheering ]
But only for those who behave themselves
and gotten good marks.
Now, pass out the study books,
and we'’ll get to work.
And she has a whole desk, full of ammunition.
Isn'’t that so, Gladys?
Boxes and boxes of bullets!
Makes me wish I was back in school again.
Why, our old cross-eyed schoolteacher
couldn'’t have hit the side of a barn.
Won'’t you ever take anything seriously, George?
Suppose she suddenly decided to point that gun at Gladys.
She won'’t, if Gladys behaves herself.
She'’s got an awful funny look in her eye.
I think she'’s kind of crazy.
Do you hear that, George? She might go berserk!
Now don'’t start using words I can'’t understand, Deliah.
Remember, I didn'’t get beyond the fifth grade.
Maybe she'’ll hold evening classes for blokes like me.
Maybe you could go hunting with us sometime.
Yeah, I know where there'’s a lot of rabbits.
And quail, too!
I'’ll bet you wouldn't miss a one.
Thank you, boys.
See you tomorrow morning, bright and early.
Bye.Bye.
Hello.Got '’em eating out of your hand with your little gun.
Haven'’t you?Oh.
You know they didn'’t give courses on marksmanship
to co-ed'’s when I went to Cornell.[ laughs ]
It was my father who taught me.
He used to take me out to the lake on Saturdays,
and we'’d practice for hours.
Well, that'’s funny, for a girl.
He'’d always hoped for a son.
That'’s how I got the name I did.
Evan.
Well, if you hadn'’t, then you wouldn'’t be here now.
No, I'’d be back home,
trying to help him salvage something from the crash.
He lost everything in a panic last summer.
I'’m sorry.
That'’s why I'm so grateful for this opportunity.
There aren'’t many openings for teachers
middle of the year.
Well-- well, I'’m sure you'’ll make good.
I hope so.
I'’ll help you any way that I can.
Thank you. I need friends.
Tom, what are you doing with those bottles?
None of your business!
You sellin'’ them to the junk man?
No.Then what?
Aw, shut up.And don'’t come taggin'’ after us.
Why not?
'’Cause we don't want ya.
Savvy?
Maybe we should get some tin cans, too.
Too easy.
Even bottles ain'’t much of a target for a shot like her.
Come next Saturday, we'’ll set 'em up
way up on the back fence.
And stick candles in '’em and let teacher put '’em out,
one by one.
Yeah. Ping, ping, ping.
Come on.
What does a person'’s breath smell like when they'’ve been drinking?
Smell your father sometime.
Well, I like that.
I thought so.
What do you mean, you thought so?
It'’s just like hers smells.
Who'’s?
The teacher'’s.
Miss Prentiss?
Miss Prentiss?
George, did you hear that?
Oh, I don'’t believe it.
If Gladys says so.Children imagine things.
Of course, it could have been a sarsaparilla bottle
she was hiding.
Where?
In the stove at school.
You saw her?
Please, Mom, I'’m trying to do my spelling.
I'’m going over to Miss Doty's for a few minutes.
Some more pie, Mr. McHughen?
Say it again, Miss Prentiss,
So we can learn '’em.
Multiplication is vexation.
Division is as bad.
The rule of three perplexes me...
ALL: And fractions drive me mad.
[ laughter ]
That was a good one.
I like that.
Let'’s have some more.
MAN: Come on, give us some more!
I just learned something more about our dear teacher.
She drinks!
Drinks?
Gladys saw her hiding the bottles.
Well, I never...
George refuses to get excited,
but I think it should be investigated.
It certainly should.
Will you go with me?
Right now!
Just like Gladys said.
General Grant.
There'’s a whole bunch of them in there.
You don'’t suppose that they could have been left there
by some of her predecessors?
Oh, no, Gladys saw her putting them there.
She must have been having regular orgies.
This settles it. She'’ll have to go!
A schoolteacher who packs a gun and drinks.
I'’ll circulate a petition among the parents.
The mothers.Naturally.
It won'’t be necessary to mention it to the men.
And I shall give her notice to vacate her room.
♪♪[ no audible dialogue ]
You mean,
I'’m going to have to find another place to live?
That'’s what I said.
I don'’t understand.
You will before the day'’s up.
Come along, Gladys. I'’m going to school with you this morning.
Mama, I don'’t feel very good all of the sudden.
What'’s the matter?
I'’ve got a headache and a sore throat.
[ coughs ]
Maybe I better not go to school this morning.
Not if you'’re coming down with something.
I hate to miss.
It won'’t matter much.
George, I'’m going to drive over to Ruby Valley
with those engineers from Denver.
I won'’t be back till evening.
Well, I'’ll tend to things.
[ bell ringing ]
Well, school'’s still keepin'.
Why not?
Well, I understand they'’re having some trouble.
The womenfolk are up in arms about the teacher.
That ridiculous gun business?
More than that.
There'’s talk about--
Well, some claim she tipples.
That'’s a lie.
I don'’t believe it myself,
but you know how women are once a rumor gets started.
Who started the rumor?Search me.
Well I'’ll make it my business to find out
as soon as I get back.
Bow your heads.
"Every morning mercies new
"Fall as fresh as morning dew;
"Every morning let us pay
"Tribute to the early day:
"For Thy mercies, Lord, are sure;
Thy compassion doth endure."
Amen.
Good morning, Mrs. Murtaugh.
I hope Gladys isn'’t sick, I noticed--
She is,
but that'’s not why I'’m here.
I think this document will explain itself.
What in the world?
We'’ll begin with penmanship this morning.
Take out your pencil tablets.
[ chatter ]
GIRL: Hey, look what I got!
Children. Children.
Children, there will be no school this afternoon.
[ cheering ]
Is Mr. Gaynor in?
He'’s away, out of town.Oh.
I'’m his foreman.
Anything I can do for you?
[ sighs ] No.
Is there any message you'’d like to leave?
I'’m afraid not.
Is something wrong?
Oh, I say.
"Unfit to teach the young." What do they mean?
What do they mean?
Now, don'’t upset yourself.
It'’s so awful, my first position.
I'’ll never be able to get another.
There, there. Now, we'’ll straighten it out.
Don'’t you fret.
Deliah!
There isn'’t anything you'’d stop at, is there?
Miss Prentiss!Teacher!
It will be a week tomorrow.
And we'’ve behaved ourselves.
Yeah, and studied hard.
I can name the capitals of all the states.
Boys, I'’m sorry,
Oh, but you promised, Miss Prentiss.
I won'’t be here tomorrow.
I'’m leaving.Leaving?
You mean, for good?
There won'’t be no shootin'’ match?
Why? What'’s happened?
I can'’t explain it, but that'’s the way it is.
Is she really leaving?
Well, she bought a ticket.
Where is she going?What for?
Oh, quit pestering me!
Why is she leaving all the sudden?
Oh, don'’t act so darn innocent!
It'’s all you kids' fault. You drove her to drink.
That ain'’t so!Miss Prentiss don'’t drink.
No? Well, they found the evidence--
bottles hid in the school stove.
Bottles? Those was our bottles.
How'’d they know they were there?
Gladys! She met us, remember?
I'’ll bet she followed us, the little sneak.
Yeah, then blamed it on Miss Prentiss,
just to start something.
Just like her. Come on.
What is it, Tommy? Please tell me.
No, sir. It'’s a surprise.
Just wait. You'’ll see.
Tommy says you'’ve got something for me.
What is it?A rattlesnake!
[ screams ]
Tattle-tale tit, your tongue shall be split,
and every little dog in town shall have a little bit.
You'’ve seen us put those bottles in the stove.
And said they was the teacher'’s.
No, no, I didn'’t! I didn'’t see you put them in there!
I never said a word!
You tell the truth, or I'’ll let this out.
You wouldn'’t.
You'’re just foolin'.
You think so?No, no!
Then fess up, quick!
You did spy on us.
Yes, yes, I did. Don'’t let it out!
And you made '’em think it was Miss Prentiss.
Yes! Let me go!
It'’s going behind the wood box.
We'’ll get it later. We ain'’t finished with Gladys yet.
Come on.
Where'’s Miss Prentiss?
I don'’t know. She come by the Express Depot
and asked me to pick up her bags.
Miss Doty here?
No, she'’s gone over to Murtaugh'’s.
If you were my child, Gladys Murtaugh,
I'’d take you over my knee
and beat the stuffings out of you!
Her father will take care of her when he comes home.
Here he comes now.
Oh, Mr. Gaynor.Where is she?
Where'’s Miss Prentiss?Over at the school, gettin'’ her things.
[ cries ]Of all the cruel, unwarranted--
You can save your breath, Mr. Gaynor.
We know the truth now.
Gladys has just confessed.
[ crying ]
And what'’s more,
she'’s going with us right now and apologize.
We all owe her an apology.
Come on, Mr. Gaynor, I'’ll tell you all about it on the way over.
I'’m sorry I lied, Miss Prentiss.
I'’ll never do it again.
Ask her to forgive you.
Please forgive me.
[ rattling ]
Don'’t move, Gladys.
Don'’t make a sound.
[ screams ]
My baby! Oh, my baby!
A bulls eye!Shot the head clean off of it.
Gee, we got our shootin'’ match.
Let me pick it up and show it to Miss Prentiss.
Oh, please don'’t. I can'’t even stand to look at a snake.
What she needs is a good, stiff, drink.
I could use one, myself.
THE OLD RANGER: From that time on,
they dropped the "R" for "Ruction"
from the Ubehebe school curriculum
and indeed from the whole community,
as far as dear Teacher was concerned.
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