All language subtitles for N V1

.::FLiCKSiCK 1080p::.
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(Rain pattering)

(Metal squeaking)

(Bell dinging)

(Silent)

(Pattering)

(Squeaking)

(Train approaching)

(Bell dinging)

(Wind blowing)

("Führe Mich" playing)

(Man singing in German)

♪ Nymphomania... ♪

(Music stops)

(Water trickling)

(Softly) Hello?

You've had an accident.

You need an ambulance.
I'll call for one.

I'll be right back.

Lie still here.

No.

No what?

I don't need
an ambulance.

I can
clearly see you do.

I'll call for one.

In that case,
I'll be up and gone

before you have
the time to come back.

That will hurt.

That's possible,

but it doesn't matter to me.

(Man sighs)

I assume you don't want me
to call the police either.

Yes, that's exactly right.

Is there
anything you want?

I'd like a cup of tea
with some milk.

(Laughs)

(Man) Well...

You have to come
with me.

I don't serve tea in the street.

Can you walk?

Yeah.

I've even bought a cake.

I'll wash your clothes.

- Not my coat.
- It smells rather badly.

It's my coat.

It's your coat.

So what happened?

Were you robbed?

It's my own fault.

I'm just
a bad human being.

I've never met
a bad human being.

Well, you have now.

Do you want
to talk about it?

You wouldn't understand.

Well, try me.

But I wouldn't know
where to start.

Why is that ridiculous
fishhook hanging there?

(Man) It's a fly.

I caught a fish
with it once,

a rather big one

strangely enough.

Fly-fishing is about

tying feathers
and other things to a hook

so it resembles something
the fish likes to eat.

And then because
the fly is very light,

you have to have
a line that is heavy.

It creates the velocity
when you cast.

You fish a lot?

Well, some...

But I don't catch much.

When I was young, I...

I had a book I...
I worshipped.

It was an old book
by izaak walton

called
"The Complete Angler."

It was like a romantic
nature Bible to me.

Maybe I know
where to start.

But if you're
to understand, I'll...

I'll have to tell you
the whole story,

and it'll be long.

Long... is good.

And moral,
I'm afraid.

To begin with the bait,

I discovered my cunt
as a two-year-old.

(Woman's voice)
At an early age,

I was mechanically inclined.

Kinetic energy,
for example,

- has always fascinated me.
- (Water running)

And my friend...
Let's call her b...

Always came up
with the ideas.

Playing frogs was
one of b's classics.

(Giggles)

(Knocks on door)

- (Doorknob clicks)
- (Sighs)

(Woman #2 knocks)
Joe, are you all right?

Just a moment!

(Woman #2)
Are you done?

(Flushes)

For Christ's sakes,
leave them alone.

(Joe's voice)
I loved my father very much.

He was a doctor.

My mother's name
was Katherine.

My father called her kay.

I suppose she was
what you'd call

a cold bitch.

She always had
her back turned

when she played solitaire.

I hated solitaire.

(Sighs)

When we had p.E.,

I'd climb up
into the ropes

and hang there for ages

with the rope
between my legs.

"The sensation"
we called it.

I remember very distinctly
this word, "sensation."

Perhaps the only difference
between me and other people

was that I've always demanded
more from the sunset.

More spectacular colours
when the sun hit the horizon.

That's perhaps
my only sin.

Why are you insisting
that children are sinful?

Not children. Me.

I don't see sin anywhere,

but then
I'm not religious.

That's because you don't know
the rest of the story.

And by the way,
I'm not religious either.

Why would you take the most
unsympathetic aspect

of religion such as
the concept of sin...

And let it survive
beyond religion?

I don't understand
this self-hatred.

That's what I said...

- You wouldn't understand.
- No, I'm...

I'm sorry,
I'll shut up.

Please continue.

Nervus pudendus.

Nervus dorsalis
clitoridis.

(Snorts)

(Rustling)

(Joe's voice) My dad loved
telling me about the trees

and their leaves

and considered it
part of a good education.

When the ash tree
was created,

it made all the other trees
in the forest jealous.

It was the most
beautiful tree.

You couldn't say
anything bad about it.

Then in the winter...

When the ash tree
lost all of its leaves...

All the trees noticed its black
buds and started laughing.

"Oh, look...

The ash tree's had
its fingers in the ashes."

See?

You can always tell
the ash tree in winter

by the black buds.

(Joe's voice)
He especially loved

the childish educational
stories he told

to help me remember
what I had learned.

I knew how much he loved
telling those stories,

so sometimes I pretended
I had forgotten them.

Am I boring you?

(Seligman) No, I'm just
looking forward

to how you will get fishing
weaved into your tale.

You could start with
the fly on the wall there.

It's called a nymph.
It would tie in elegantly

with your discussion
about nymphomania.

A nymph is...

An early stage
in the life of an insect.

(Joe)
As a quite young nymph,

it was imperative for me
to get rid of my virginity.

Hopla.

I kind of knew
this boy j,

who had a moped.

So in my eyes,
he was rather sophisticated.

I was 15, and perhaps

my girlish romantic
expectations were a bit high.

(Clicks)

(Joe's voice) But he had
good strong hands.

- (Blowing)
- I liked his hands.

Hello?

- Young Joe: Hi.
- Hi.

If I asked you
to take my virginity,

would that be a problem?

No, I don't see
a problem.

So, um...

Where shall I go?

(Door closes)

(Clears throat)

(Sputters)

It's the fucking
carburettor.

I just can't work it out.
Can you imagine that?

- That's not very good.
- Hmm?

- That's not very good.
- No, it bloody isn't.

It ruins the whole idea
of having a moped.

You should probably
take off your knickers, yeah?

(Joe's voice) He shoved his cock
inside me

and humped me three times.

(Both grunting)

Then he turned me over
like a sack of potatoes...

Then he humped me
five times in the ass.

- (Grunting)
- (Cries out)

(Clattering, squeaking)

(Sputters)

(Engine starts)

(Joe's voice) I never forgot
those two humiliating numbers.

(Seligman's voice)
Three and five?

Those are
fibonacci numbers.

That may be.

In any case,
it hurt like hell.

I swore I'd never sleep
with anyone again.

But of course, that only
lasted a short while.

And now to get back
to your fishing...

A couple of years later
I was at my friend b's.

And as always,
she had a new idea...

Financed by her younger
brother's piggy banks,

which she regularly emptied.

We put on clothes
later known

as the fuck-me-now clothes.

The idea was
a competition.

We were to go
on a train trip.

B said there was
no need for tickets.

The one who
had fucked the most men

when we reached
the destination

would win
the chocolate sweets.

(Whistle tweets)

("Born to Be Wild" playing)

♪ Get your motor running ♪

♪ head out on the highway ♪

♪ looking for adventure ♪

♪ and whatever
comes our way ♪

♪ yeah, darling,
go on, make it... ♪

(Seligman's voice)
May I interrupt here?

What you were doing

when you walked down
that corridor...

You were reading
the river.

(Music rewinding)

♪ Born to be wild... ♪

(Seligman's voice) Most of
the large fish stay sheltered

from the current
to save energy

- and to hide from the prey.
- (Water flowing)

Where the fish hides
in the stream

entails a very
complicated hierarchy.

The topography decides

where the most
attractive places are,

and the biggest fish
choose the best positions.

Smile and make eye contact.
If you have to talk,

remember to ask a lot
of wh- questions

if you want more
than a yes-or-no answer.

Then it'll just happen on its own.
Just take them to the lavatory

and you have sex with them.

Oh. But what if it's nasty?

Then you just think of
the bag of chocolate sweeties.

What... what time is it?

10:00

(Young Joe)
Where do you come from?

From home.

Who knows where
the lavatory is?

(Man)
Well, if you take a right,

you will arrive at a lavatory
at the end of the car.

At the same time,
it is so cleverly arranged

that if you take
a left turn,

you will also arrive
at a lavatory,

since at the end of
the next car there is also one.

I'll show you where
the lavatory is.

(Breathing heavily)

(Joe's voice) It turned out
to be shockingly easy.

In no time, B was ahead,
five to three.

And it was exactly right...

Look them
in the eye and smile.

But then suddenly
it stopped.

That's a very clear parallel
to fishing in the stream.

As it happens,

either none
of the fish are feeding

or they all feed
at the same time.

They go
into feeding frenzy.

All bite.

And then just as suddenly
as it started, it stops.

The fish most readily bite
at the beginning of a light rain,

and I think that's
because they feel safe

when they swim
in the stream.

Because they can't
be seen from above.

The water's surface
is disturbed.

But then it started again,

although a bit
more slowly.

Yeah, and I think
I know how.

Because fly-fishing can
be done in several phases.

And if the fish stop biting,
you move on to phase two.

And in phase two,
you not only imitate an insect

but an insect in trouble.

You pull...
You pull the line.

You tug it...
Irregularly,

so the fish gets
the impression that

it's dealing with an injured
and easy prey.

And then helplessly

let the fly float
down the river again.

Then half-heartedly

make a few jumps
forward again.

It can be done...

It can be done
very elegantly.

(Sighs)

Are you all right?

It's Betty.

I was just told
that she's very ill.

Is Betty
a close family member?

You could say that.

She's my dwarf hamster.

(Seligman's voice)
Dwarf hamster?

You can't be serious.

(Joe's voice)
Well, what was I to do?

And then I did have a dwarf
hamster when I was young.

(Seligman's voice) That you
were very close to?

(Joe's voice) Not at all.
A bloody nuisance.

(Man #2)
Dwarf hamster.

It would've been worse
if it were a person.

(Young Joe)
Don't say that.

I'm extremely fond
of my hamster.

Yes, I think that's a rather
cynical thing to say about Betty.

Yes, I had made the cage
nice and cosy for her when...

- When I got her.
- And Betty liked that?

Betty was excited.

(Joe's voice) One of nature's
most meaningless creatures.

(Seligman's voice)
You're aware that the choice

of a dwarf hamster
possibly suggests

certain sexual connotations.

(Joe's voice)
I can see that now,

but it was really
not a conscious choice.

Can you show me
where the lavatory is?

I... have to
blow my nose.

(Joe's voice) We were
running out of subjects,

and B was ahead
on points,

which led us to s's
first-class compartment.

(Conductor)
Tickets, please!

Thank you.

Ladies?

Tickets?

(Young Joe) Well...

I think
I might've lost it.

(Conductor) Perhaps.

Dropped yours as well,
did ya?

I haven't bought a ticket
for your shitty train.

It's so bloody slow,
we should've been

at the end of the track
half an hour ago.

Regardless of delays, you still
need a ticket, sweetheart.

£8 each, please.

Oh!

I accidentally tore it up.

You can't expect be to pay
for scraps of paper.

- Have another one.
- Oh, great idea.

Oh, that one's
disappeared too.

(Conductor) I can get the police
to collect your payment

at the next station.
How about that?

Now let's just take it
easy here, shall we?

Apparently the young ladies
have left without any money.

If it's okay with you, I'd like
to pay for their tickets.

No sir, it's not. Just leave
your money where it is.

We'll let the police
deal with these two.

Actually, we did have an
agreement that I was to pay.

I just forgot about it.

I see.

Two first-class tickets...

For two first-class ladies.

Enjoy the rest
of your journey.

Tickets, please!

(B) Now that you've been
so nice to us...

We'd like to be
nice to you too.

(S) Oh, that's
very kind of you,

but there's no need.

I mean that.

Well, I've already
lost anyway.

I'm willing to give you
five extra points...

If you can get
that one in there.

(Joe's voice) I decided,
perhaps a bit desperately,

that the only thing
standing between me

and the bag
of chocolate sweets

was an unequivocal
provocation of this man.

(Seligman's voice)
Excellent. An induced take.

When all other
attempts fail,

a dramatic provocation
can get

an otherwise completely
passive fish to bite.

They will react instinctively
to the right provocation,

which would not be a fly,
but, for instance,

a brightly-coloured wobbler,
preferably red.

The very best is one we call
"the Finnish weapon,"

the so-called Rapala.

(Young Joe)
You've bought a gift.

Yes.

- It's for my wife.
- Oh.

You travel first-class

and you bought us
our tickets.

Why then not buy
a decent gift for your wife?

I can see it comes
from the station.

Of course,
I should have...

Bought her something...

Something better, but...

Let's just say I was suddenly
in a hurry to get home.

Why would a man
like you

with such an orderly life
suddenly have to hurry?

It has to do with family.

My wife and I
have decided that we...

We miss having children
after all,

and that if we are to have
children, it has to be now.

So my wife called yesterday
to say that she...

She started ovulating.

And all signs point
to maximum fertility

precisely tonight.

You see...

That's why I bought her
a gift at the station.

I had to get a ticket home
as quickly as possible.

Well, I understand now.

What is it
you understand?

Why you didn't
have sex with us.

It wasn't because
I didn't want to.

(Whispering)
Please.

I'm begging you,
please don't.

It's okay.

Please don't.

You've been
as horny as hell...

But you wouldn't
give up your load.

Please stop.

(Grunts)

(Grunting)

Oh God.

(Chuckles)

Wow.

(Crunching)

(Seligman)
So oral sex

became, in the eye
of the angler,

your...
Your Finnish weapon.

(Joe's voice)
Is that your only comment?

What else... what else
do you want me to say?

That I behaved
reprehensively,

that already my actions
exemplify that I'm a...

I'm a terrible
human being.

That's not
the way I see it.

On the contrary,
I saw it as a...

As a very pleasurable
and humorous story.

I've consciously
used and hurt others...

For the sake
of my own satisfaction.

And what I've told you so far
only begins to suggest that.

But when you told
the story, you were...

You were cheerful,
full of humour.

The only thing
you've done...

Except giving a few people
an experience to remember

is that you... you relieved s
from his load

in some...
Some youthful hubris.

And I read somewhere that
if you keep the load too long,

the sperm will die.

Or worse, degenerate.

Maybe thanks to you,

Mr. S and his wife
now have a healthy

and well-functioning child.

I discovered
my power as woman

and used it without
any concern for others.

That's completely
unacceptable.

Oh, little darling.

Don't you
"little darling" me.

No.

What I wanted
to say was that

if you have wings,
why not fly?

(Train passing)

No more stories.

You need to sleep.

No, no.

This is beginning
to amuse me.

I don't even
know your name.

My name is Joe.

I'm Seligman.

What a fucking
ridiculous name.

(Snickers)

It's Jewish.

You said
you weren't religious.

No, but my
great-grandfather was.

And my parents
gave me the name

as a sort of...

Sentimental association
to judaism.

But we've always been
anti-zionists...

Which is not the same
as being anti-semitic,

as certain political powers
try to convince us.

Seligman...

Means "the happy one."

So are you happy then?

Well, I suppose I am...

In my own way.

Even if
I'm the kind of person

who cut the nails
of the right hand first.

What does that mean?

Well, I divide humanity
into two groups:

The people who cut the nails
on the left hand first

and the people
who cut the nails

of the right hand first.
My theory is

that the people who cut
the nails of the left hand first,

they... they...
They're more light-hearted.

They have a tendency
to enjoy life more

because they go straight
for the easiest task and...

Save their difficulties
for later.

So what do you do?

Always the left hand first.

I don't think
there's a choice.

Go for the pleasure
first, always.

And then once
you've done the left hand,

only the right hand remains,

and that's
the easiest one left.

I've never thought
of it like that.

Well, you...
You're never too old...

Never too old
to learn.

That's rugelach.

Mm-hmm.
It's a Jewish cake.

There's that
sentimentality again.

No, but it's more
than rugelach.

It's rugelach served
with a cake fork.

Rugelach, in my opinion,
is pastry,

which there is no excuse
for eating with a cake fork.

To serve it with a cake fork
is irritatingly unmanly,

not to say
downright feminine.

However it can bring us
further with the story.

I also knew someone who
consumed rugelach every day,

almost ritually,
with a cake fork.

And although we'll be
jumping a bit in time...

I have to tell you
about Jerome.

As far as I can see, the next
chapter doesn't contain

as direct an accusation
against my person

as the rest of the story.

The chapter will also make

a sentimental soul
like you happy,

as it contains observations
on the subject of love.

(Young Joe grunting, moaning)

(Moaning loudly)

(Both breathing hard)

Can I tell you something?

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah sure.

It might not be
important to you...

But it is to me.

I've never had
an orgasm before.

Really?

(Kisses)

You're my first one.

You don't know
how happy that makes me.

(Both laugh)

I love you.

(Laughs)

(Whispers)
You're my first.

Well, I have to admit:

Quite a lot
of girls say that.

(Chuckles)

(Joe's voice) The train trip
had increased my appetite,

and soon B and I started a club
that we called the little flock.

(Tritone playing)

(Women) Mea vulva,
mea maxima vulva.

(Joe's voice) B, of course,
took the lead,

as she was
the most daring of us.

She was raised catholic.

I'm sure you're familiar
with the practices

of the catholic church.

(Women)
Mea maxima vulva.

Mea vulva, mea...

(Seligman's voice)
That's interesting.

Blasphemic, satanic.

The music...

The interval
between B and F...

It's a tritone,

the devil's interval.

It was banned from music
in the middle ages.

Well, the vacuum cleaner
invented it.

She took piano lessons.

The vacuum cleaner?

The vacuum cleaner
possessed

a special talent
for floppy cocks.

She had some kind
of vacuum in her cunt.

I... I was imagining
something like that.

It was about fucking

and about having
the right to be horny.

We masturbated together,
that kind of thing.

But it was rebellious.

We weren't allowed
to have boyfriends.

No fucking the same guy
more than once.

What did you rebel against?

Love.

Love?

We were committed
to combat

the love-fixated society.

(Running footsteps)

- (Classical score playing)
- (Kissing)

(Joe's voice) I really believed
in our little flock,

but of course,
that was naive of me.

Over time,
even the strongest

couldn't stay true
to our manifest.

Third of the fifth. My third
intercourse this week,

- again with Alex.
- Third.

Haven't we stated
that we fuck each guy once?

I don't think
you can understand Alex.

(Laughs)
I don't want to.

- Our relationship...
- Relationship?

There you are.

Do you think you know
everything about sex?

(Whispers) The secret ingredient
to sex... is love.

For me, love was just
lust with jealousy added.

Everything else
was total nonsense.

For every hundred crimes
committed in the name of love,

only one is committed
in the name of sex.

That's quite a statement.

Well, it all
strengthened my wish

for a serious education.

Glasgow.

Aberdeen.

(Joe)
Why are you smiling?

Oh, I just pictured
how an education

would be conveyed
in your storytelling.

Well, that's nothing
to smile about.

I understand that.

So what kind
of education did you get?

I began studying medicine
like my father.

But it was harder and harder
for me to concentrate,

so I studied less and less
till finally I dropped out.

So instead I began
to look for a job.

It turned out
it was hard to get a job

that paid
even halfway decently.

I didn't really know
how to do anything,

so I didn't have
high hopes

when I applied
for a position

as an assistant
at a printing house.

So could you tell me
a little bit more

about your background?

- Um...
- Education-wise.

Oh. Well,
I finished high school

and decided
to study medicine...

But I didn't finish.

I know it sounds
a bit pointless coming here.

- Right.
- I just really need a job

and I've tried everywhere.

I don't usually
give jobs to people

just because they need one.

What about
secretarial skills?

Do you have any of those?

No, I didn't think
you needed skills.

You didn't think
you needed skills

for this position
as a secretary?

No.

Can you open
an envelope?

Yeah, I... yes, I think
I can open an envelope.

Well, I'm glad
to hear that.

I shall discuss
this conversation

with Mr. Jerome,
my boss.

(Young Joe) Do you think
there's a chance?

I doubt it.

Oh.

(Knocks on door)

Well, apparently

having absolutely
no experience

is absolutely fine
for this job.

You've got it.

Oh.

Does that mean
I should start tomorrow?

Yeah, I suppose it does.

(Young Joe)
Good morning.

(Secretary) Right.

- (Clears throat)
- (Knocks on door)

Yes?

- Good morning, sir.
- Good morning.

I just wanted to introduce you
to our new junior secretary. Joe?

I believe you wanted
to explain her work duties.

Hi.

This is the new
junior secretary, sir.

Liz, can I have
another coffee?

- Yes, of course, sir.
- Thank you.

Hi.

Jerome?

Your first love.

I bet you didn't think I'd make
something of myself, right?

And now here I sit,

the director's chair
of m&j Morris ltd.

Yes, quite surprising.

Surprising?

It's a sign from God.

You know, I've thought
about you often since then.

Have you thought of me?

- Well...
- Ah.

Usually, you know,
my Uncle sits here.

But he's developed
a bit of a tummy problem,

so he's at the spa,
taking long baths,

drinking lots of water.
Poor guy.

And no one knows
for how long,

so now I'm the j
in m&j Morris ltd.

How about that?

We print cards and envelopes
and nonsense like that.

It's a bloody complicated
business, you know.

I don't understand
a word of it.

Come on, I'll show
you around. Yes?

- Liz?
- Yes sir?

Oh, look, there you are.
Good job.

Every time you do a good job,
I say, "good job, Liz."

- Thank you, sir.
- What's her name?

- Liz.
- "Good job, Liz."

- Good job, Liz.
- Good job, Liz!

This is Bobby. Bobby, say hello.
This is Joe.

- (Bobby) Hello.
- He does the business cards.

(Elevator clangs,
whirring)

(Elevator clangs)

It stopped.

Fuck.

Yes.

Well, isn't there
an alarm?

To which?

- Isn't there an alarm?
- Alarm, all right, yes.

- Good thinking. I'll press this.
- (Bell rings)

Imagine...

You look just as great
all these years later.

Oh no.

(Sighs)
No.

No?

- Wha?
- No, Jerome, this won't work.

- Which won't work?
- This.

Why not?

You're not really my type.

That's how it's gonna be?

- Yes.
- All right.

Fuck's sake.

(Sighs)

Okay.

- (Young Joe) Umm...
- Give me your hand.

In a fireman's grip.

Ooh!

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Why didn't you
have sex with him?

I'm not quite sure.

I've shagged lots
of idiots.

I suppose
he fired you then.

No. If he had fired me,

then he would've lost.

As I didn't recall anyone
having defined my work duties,

I decided to clean up
in order to smooth the waters.

- (Liz) Good morning, sir.
- Any calls?

No sir.

What have you done?

Oh. I cleaned up.

You cleaned up?

It... it was
quite messy and...

- Liz?
- Yes sir?

She cleaned up.

I know...
I didn't know, sir.

- I was away from my desk.
- Are you completely mad?

(Door slams)

What is the tea
and pastry doing here?

I thought that's what
you wanted for breakfast.

You thought? Mmm!

You're not supposed
to think.

I don't pay you
to think, do I?

This is a do-over.

- A do-over?
- Right.

Pick it up,
take it outside

and do it again.

- (Knocks on door)
- One moment.

- Come in.
- (Door opens)

Would now be a good time
for some tea and cake?

Sure, why not.

Where the fuck is
my cake fork?

Cake fork?

- Right.
- Well...

I would've got you one,

but it just...
Feels inappropriate.

Unmanly.

Feminine.

On the other hand,

you must say
that a cake fork is...

Is a rather
practical tool.

It's like a cross between
a knife and a fork.

The point is
that you're supposed

to be able to hold
the cake dish with one hand,

then cut it
with the other...

And then eat it
with the fork.

It's not feminine.
It's at least bourgeois.

It's said that the...
The bolsheviks

during their rampage
through Russia,

to separate
the men from the boys,

or rather the bourgeoisie
from the proletariat,

they brought a boy,

and before
burning down a house

they sent him in to make sure
they had cake forks.

That's not true.

(Chuckles)

I don't have
the story first-hand.

- (Young Joe) Hello.
- (Man) Hi.

Hi, I was wondering
if you could help me.

It's suddenly gone
very dirty.

(Young Joe) See, you put your
dirty fingers on there.

Maybe we should
wash your hands.

Yeah, better.

- (Young Joe) Mm-hmm.
- (Snorts)

You must be
very talented.

- Yeah sure.
- Mmm.

(Joe's voice) If you had asked
Jerome, he would've said

that I was the one
who had declared war.

Many times
he'd take me into town,

just so I could
hold his coat.

- (Young Joe) There.
- (Jerome) Where?

There,
behind the green car.

It's not big enough.

It is,
there's plenty of space.

(Sighs)
I saw it.

It's not enough space.

I'm telling you
there's plenty of space.

(Scoffs, mutters)

No.

Can I try?

(Sighs)
Can you try?

I'm a wizard at this.

I just tried it.
There's not enough space, Joe.

You just saw me do it.
There's not enough space.

Okay?

- Can I try?
- You wanna try?

Why not?

- (Gear shift clicks)
- (Engine stops)

(Joe's voice)
It was about this time

that a dramatic change
happened inside of me.

I could suddenly see

a kind of order
in the mess.

It was all
very, very wrong.

I wanted to be
one of Jerome's things.

I wanted to be picked up

and put down
again and again.

I wanted to be treated
by his hands,

according to some
sophisticated principle

that I didn't understand.

His strong hands?

Yes, but now it was

no longer
just about his hands.

It was as if everything
about him was different,

which of course it wasn't,

and I knew that in my head.

And I scolded myself
for seeing him

in this new light.

Love is blind.

No, no, no, it's worse.

Love distorts things.

Or even worse,
love is something

you've never asked for.

The erotic was
something I asked for

or even demanded of men.

But this idiotic love...

I felt humiliated by it...

And all the dishonesty
that follows.

The erotic is
about saying yes.

Love appeals
to the lowest instincts,

wrapped up in lies.

How do you say yes

when you mean no
and vice versa?

I'm ashamed
of what I became,

but it was
beyond my control.

You know what
you're doing now?

No, what am I doing?

You're defending
your personality.

I thought the point
was to reveal it.

(Joe's voice) At this time
I took up walking again.

I walked in the forest.

The forest
of my childhood.

I took the same walk
again and again.

Right turn
after the gatehouse,

and right again
by the ash tree,

which has the most beautiful
leaves in the forest.

And further on past
the lady with her poodle

and the old man
on the bench.

I couldn't free myself

of the image of Jerome
and his careless elegance.

And during this time,
when I was with other men,

I forbade them to touch
my body with their hands.

(Grunting)

And soon I stopped
having sex altogether.

I tried to meet him
all the time.

I found out
where he lived,

but of course never dared
ring his doorbell.

I worked for a long time
on a letter

in which I told him
about my feelings for him.

A month would pass

before I had built up
enough courage

to deliver it.

I'm sorry.
Isn't this Jerome's office?

I'm happy to say
that this never has been

and never will be
Jerome's office.

But my nephew has
been standing in for me

while I've been unwell.

Was that a letter for him?

- Yes.
- Give it to me

and I will make sure
he gets it.

I can't promise
when that might be,

as he's long gone.

- (Briefcase closes)
- How the young finance

their irrepressible
desire for travel

is a mystery to me.

So he's gone?

Deserted us, yes.

Raving about
a trip around the world

- and married and all.
- Married?

Married, yes.

Flown the Coop
with my secretary.

Liz.

And your job?

It turned out that
Jerome's Uncle demanded

a bit more knowledge
about the business, so...

That was
the end of love then?

Well, maybe it's not
quite as simple.

But more
about that later,

as they say
in the novels.

And Jerome
just disappeared?

Yes, though I tried
to keep him,

in my own way,
mentally,

as I masturbated on the train
amongst other people.

You masturbated
on the train?

- On the seat?
- Yes, of course.

(Train rattling)

(Joe's voice)
I did a Jigsaw puzzle.

(Seligman's voice)
A Jigsaw puzzle?

(Joe's voice) I found details
in the other passengers

that reminded me
of Jerome.

But in the long run,

I couldn't hold on
to the details of him,

no matter
how hard I tried.

Maybe that's
how it is with memory.

You... you remember
silhouettes,

the essentials.

But that's not necessarily
a bad thing.

(Water trickling)

(Joe's voice) Of course,
as silhouettes in the winter,

the trees are difficult
to tell apart.

See these buds?

(Joe's voice) My father
wrestled courageously

with his flora
and tree type guides.

It's actually...

The souls of the trees
we see in the winter.

In the summer, everything
is green and idyllic,

but in the winter,

the branches and the trunks,
they all stand out.

Just look at how crooked
they all are.

The branches have to carry
all of the leaves

into the sunlight.

It's one long struggle
for survival.

(Joe's voice)
My father surprised me

by calling the naked trunks
the souls of the trees.

A poetic thought
that was rare for him,

as by his own account

he preferred
the empirical sciences.

(Seligman)
And after Jerome?

I reacted...

Well, let's just say,

aggressively.

How?

By intensifying
my hunt for men.

You know
these supermarket doors

that open and close by way
of some kind of sensor?

Now compare
these doors to my cunt

and add an extraordinarily
sensitive sensor.

My sensitive door opening

gave me an opportunity
to develop

my morphological studies

from leaves to genitals.

I embarked
on a trip through

what, in the lingo
of children's books,

one might call the country
of the big black cocks...

The country
of the small yellow cocks

and so on.

And most of all,
I battled my way

through an untold number
of circumcised cocks.

By the way, did you know
that if you combine

all the foreskin
cut off through history

it would reach to Mars
and back again?

(Train passing)

(Joe) Mrs. H.

- By now I had built up
a sizeable circle of men...

(Beeps)

...and was starting
to have trouble

remembering who was who.

(Man) Hello, sweetheart.
Want to meet?

- (Beeps)
- (Man #2) It's Fisher.

I'm lying here, thinking
of you and what you said.

I'm not angry at all
if that's what you think.

- (Beeps)
- (Man #3) Hi, Joe, it's rob again.

I had a really good time
seeing you.

- Give me... give me a call.
- (Beeps)

(Man# 4 hi, Joe, I left
a couple of messages.

- Is everything all right?
- (Joe's voice) I quickly gave up

trying to remember
the individual relationships.

It was impossible,

and impossible to predict
what they wanted to hear.

So I invented a method.

(Clatters)

(Joe's voice)
It was all based on chance.

(Clatters)

A one meant
an overly loving answer.

A two, not quite as passionate
but still positive.

And so on up to five,

which was
a complete rejection.

And six,
no answer at all.

(Beeps)

(Rings, clicks)

(Beeps)

Hey, Eddie, it's me.

Listen, I've given it
a lot of thought

and I've come to the conclusion
that we're done.

- Bye.
- (Beeps)

(Joe's voice)
The trick with this method

was that
I didn't have to worry

about the individual
relationships...

Hi, Patrick, it's Joe.

...but instead became
completely unpredictable,

which of course
drove the men even Wilder.

You're quite annoying,

so I don't want
to see you anymore.

Please don't call back.

(Seligman's voice) That sounds
rather stressful.

(Joe's voice)
Yes, actually it was.

But fortunately I had
my little book of comfort.

When I needed
comfort or peace,

I took out my herbarium

and looked
at my favourite leaves...

Ash, trembling Aspen
and lime.

When you're dealing with

a larger group of lovers,
as I was,

there will typically
be a difference

in their qualities.

H was a sticky bastard.

You have to leave.
I've got guests for dinner.

But he's not coming
until 7:00.

No.
(Sighs)

But 7:00
isn't that far away.

(Plates rattling)

Do you love me?

(Joe's voice)
A was to arrive at 7:00,

and I needed
to get H out of there.

I love you too much.

You keep promising,
but I understand now

that you'll never leave
your family for my sake.

It's sad, but...

It's your choice.

It's not satisfying for me

that I can't
have you completely.

Which is why we can't see
each other any longer.

Goodbye.

Look, I...

And have a nice life.

(Whispers)
Oh. Ugh. Wow.

(Ticking)

(Knocks on door)

My darling, I'm yours.

I've left her.

(Kisses)

- (Woman) Has he gone inside?
- (Child) Yes.

(Woman)
Is the door closed?

- Uh, hello.
- Hello.

(Woman)
Apologise.

We... had promised
not to come up.

We just wanted
to make sure

he got here safely, now that
he's made the big decision.

May the children
see him inside?

(Exhales)

What a nice place.

It's... so bohemian.

Oh, that's right.
(Sighs)

- You need the car key.
- Uh, no, I don't need the car.

Oh yes, you do.

He likes the car.

Here.

- No, please. Just take it.
- I don't want it.

- Just take it.
- I don't want the fucking car!

(Mr H) It's all right.

We'll get the bus home.

The children
might as well get used

to public transport now,
right?

Of course,
their standard of living

won't be the same
anymore, but...

(Young Joe)
Hey. What's this?

It's a present.

A pillow he has
embroidered himself.

- (Mr H) And who's it for?
- Daddy.

I do hope it's all right
if the children call

their father "daddy" here.

If you prefer,

they can call him "him"

or simply "the man."

To be honest, my first
thought was never ever

to let either of you
see the children,

but then I changed my mind.

I thought it only right that
their father be confronted

by the little people
whose lives he has destroyed.

Give daddy your present.

It's a car the little dear
has embroidered.

(Clears throat)

I'm aware that
not everyone can see it,

but with the heart
one can see much,

however unimportant that
information may be to you.

Would it be all right

if I showed the children
the whoring bed?

After all, they also have
a stake in this event.

You need
to see it, right?

(Whispers) Let's go see
daddy's favourite place.

Come on, boys.

Oh!

(Sighs, chuckles)

So this is
where it all happened.

You should try
to memorise this room,

especially the bed.

It'll stand you in good stead
later in therapy.

(Laughs)

Here I sit,
rambling on about therapy

without a thought
of what it might cost.

I do hope you don't think
we're here to beg.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

(Chuckles)
I'm being silly.

Mommy's being silly.

Let's have a cup of tea.

(Clattering)

(Sighs)

The children's father likes

two lumps of sugar
in his tea.

- (Knocks on door)
- (Mr H) Mmm!

- I'll get it.
- (Young Joe) Hm-mmm.

No no no,
please please please.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Yes?
- Uh...

Oh, how nice!
Lovely.

- Boys. Come here.
- Is Joe here?

This might be interesting.

Hi. Yes.

- This is my son. Yes.
- Hello, hello.

Good boy.
Look him in the eyes.

(Man) I'm Andy. Hello.

Friend of Joe's then?

- Yeah.
- You known each other long?

- Um, not that long, no.
- Not terribly long?

- No.
- Oh.

(Mr H)
A ménage a trois.

It's all so exotic.

So... broad-minded.

On that point...

I failed.

No doubt about it.

Boys, now is
the time to be alert

and ask all the questions
your hearts' desire,

because...

I hope that you shall
never have to encounter

such people or be in such
a situation ever again.

- (Spoon clatters)
- Well? Hmm?

You don't have
any questions?

No?

Well, I'll start, shall I?

Approximately
how many lives

do you think she has time
to destroy in one day?

- (Cup thuds)
- Five?

50?

Or several hundreds?

Look, this is just
a big misunderstanding.

Boys...

- I don't love your father.
- (Scoffs)

(Mr H) She's just saying that
to make us feel better.

I'm sure you understand that.

Because if it were
a joke, I mean...

If... this were
really a joke,

then it would be
a joke so cruel.

No one can be
that cruel.

To destroy a mesh
of feelings woven

over 20 years is no joke,
I can assure you.

Well...

If three's a crowd,
then seven must be a bit

of a challenge
for the pretty miss.

I must say I have
a hard time

picturing her
enjoying loneliness.

I think we'd better grab
the chance to get away,

before things
become grotesque.

(Crying)
Come on.

- No, dad!
- No. No. No.

Come on. You wouldn't want
to give your father

a guilty conscience now,
would you?

(Screams)

(Grunts)

(Sobbing)

(Screams)

So how did this episode
affect your life?

Not at all.

- Not at all?
- No.

You can't make an omelette
without breaking a few eggs.

Oh, that's true.

Some people...

Blame the addict.

Other people feel sorry
for the addict.

But I was an addict
out of lust, not out of need.

(Chuckles softly)

You would say that,
wouldn't you?

And lust that led
to destruction around me...

Everywhere I went.

Well, addiction
sometimes leads to an...

Absence of empathy.

You can't fight a lion
and blow the noses

of your children
at the same time.

For me, nymphomania
was callousness.

(Clicks tongue)

You're very stubborn.

But what about yourself?

How did you feel
during all this?

Did you feel good

or did you feel bad?

Mrs. H was right
about the loneliness.

I'd be lying if I said

it hadn't been
my constant companion.

So you were
with all these men

and you still felt alone?

I didn't want
to tell you about it...

But you've led me
into a trap.

It was a certain feeling.

Oh, how awful that everything
has to be so trivial.

When I was seven,
I had to have an operation.

Nothing serious,
but it did require anaesthesia.

I had already been
pre-medicated

and was feeling
all right.

But when I looked
into the room

where the doctors
and nurses

were preparing
for the operation...

It was as if I had
to pass through

an impenetrable gate
all by myself.

It wasn't just that
I missed my mom.

I don't think
I missed my dad,

even though
he was the nice one.

It was as if I was
completely alone

in the universe.

As if my whole body was filled
with loneliness and tears.

And I'm still not allowed
to feel sorry for you?

Shall we go on?

What are you reading?

I'm not reading really.
I'm just

reacquainting myself
with Edgar Allan poe.

I don't know him.

No. Well, he was a...

A very anxiety-ridden man.

He died in the most
fearful way you can imagine,

in something called
delirium tremens.

It occurs when a long time
abuse of alcohol

is followed by...
By a sudden abstinence.

And your body goes into some
kind of a hypersensitive shock.

You can see the most
horrifying hallucinations

like rats and snakes
and cockroaches

coming out of the floor and
worms slithering in the walls.

One's entire nervous system
is on high alert

and you have a constant panic
and paranoia.

And then
the circulatory system fails.

But the panic and horror...

Remains until
the moment of death.

(Rustles)

I know what delirium is.

(Seligman's voice) "During the
whole of a dull, dark,

and soundless day
in the autumn of the year,

when the clouds hung
oppressively low in the heavens,

I had been passing alone,
on horseback,

through a singularly dreary
tract of country,

and at length found myself,

as the shades
of the evening drew on,

within view of the melancholy
house of Usher."

(Father moans)

(Whispers)
Hey, dad.

(Sighs)
Hey, luv.

How are you?

I fought with mom.

(Sighing)

She's...
She's not coming.

You ought not
to fight with her.

You know kay's fear
of hospitals.

I know
she's not coming.

We already said everything
we needed to say.

Kay and I
said goodbye at home.

I don't want her
here at all.

I can't accept that.

(Snorts)
You'll have to.

She's a cowardly
stupid bitch.

No, she's not.

- Yes. Yes.
- No, she's not. No, she's not.

Yes, she is, and you've
never understood that.

(Breathes deeply)
Mmm.

Doesn't it scare you?

(Chuckles)
No.

No.

How can you not
be afraid?

I've seen so many die.

Then there's that...

Epicurus quote about
not fearing death.

"When we are,
death has not come.

When death has come...

We are not."

We know what's
going to happen.

I also know all of the drugs
the doctors have to offer.

So no...

I am not...

I am not afraid.

Hmm.
A beautiful girl.

- Beautiful dad.
- (Chuckles)

(Sighs)

(Shouts) K-kay!

- Daddy, it's okay.
- (Gasping)

Kay?

(Sobbing)

Daddy.

Hey.

It's gonna be okay.

Don't you want
to take a little walk?

I'll stay with your father
in the meantime.

You'll stay?

- You'll stay here?
- Yes.

(Sniffles)

(Breathing heavily)

Ash tree leaves.

Where did you find them?

They were in the park.

It truly is the most beautiful
tree in the forest.

But, dad...

How do you
recognise it in winter?

I've told you
a hundred times.

But I can't remember.

When the ash tree
was created...

It made all the other trees
in the forest jealous...

'Cause it was...

It was the most beautiful
tree in the forest.

It had the strongest wood.

It was the world tree
in norse mythology.

You couldn't say
anything bad about it.

And when
all the other trees...

Saw the ash tree with its...

Black buds...

They all started laughing.

"Oh, look...

The ash tree's had
its fingers in the ashes."

(Young Joe crying)

- (Father grunting)
- Dad. Daddy!

Daddy. Daddy, what's wrong?
Daddy, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

- (Screaming)
- Daddy, it's me!

It's me, daddy.
It's me!

Help! Help!

- Daddy, it's okay.
- Okay.

- (Alarm beeping)
- (Nurse) Okay.

- (Screaming continues)
- (Nurse) It's okay.

- It's okay. It's all right.
- (Father babbles)

(Mumbles)

It's all right.

- (Doctor) We have to fixate him.
- (Father grunting)

What are you doing?

What are you
doing to me?

Joe! What are
you doing to me?

(Screaming)

- Joe! Help! Joe!
- (Crying)

You should take
a break.

(Softly)
Okay.

(Screaming continues)

(Lights humming)

(Machinery humming)

(Young Joe) Excuse me.

Can you help me
to clean... um...

(Nurse) Oh.

Okay, mister...
Don't worry.

- Just... I need some help.
- (Clattering)

(Nurse) We're going to have
to change the sheets.

Ready?

(Machinery humming)

(Moaning)

(Crying)

(Joe's voice)
When he died,

I had no feelings left.

(Seligman's voice) Well, that's
certainly understandable.

(Joe's voice) No.

I don't know
what happened to me.

It was very shameful.

(Seligman's voice)
Shameful?

I don't understand.

I lubricated.

I know you like
to present yourself

in a negative way and that
you have this kind of dark bias

that you're worse
than everyone else.

But this story doesn't add
to that belief.

It's extremely common
to react sexually in a crisis.

It may be shameful to you,

but in literature
there's many worse examples.

(Train approaching)

(Cup rattles)

You listen
to music, I see?

Yes.
I like it a lot.

Shall I find a tape?

No, if there's a tape
already in the machine,

- I'd like to hear that.
- It's something

I've been listening to
a lot lately, though it's not

an entirely complete
recording, unfortunately.

- What is it?
- It's bach,

from his little organ book.

"Ich ruf zu dir,
herr jesu Christ."

The theme is
originally a hymn,

but bach rearranged it
and embellished it a little.

He was the master
of polyphony,

if you know what that is.

No. Yet another thing
I don't know.

Well, polyphony is

from the middle ages.

It's an entirely
European phenomenon.

It's distinguished by...

By the idea
that every voice

is its own melody

but together in harmony.

Bach's forerunner
palestrina,

he wrote many works
for several choirs

at the same time,
wallowing in polyphony.

(Choir singing)

But in my eyes,
bach perfected

the melodic expression
and the harmony.

And also...
Also mixed up with some...

Rather incomprehensible
mystique

regarding numbers,

most likely based
on the fibonacci sequence.

You know, the one that starts
with a zero,

then comes the one.

The sequence is created

by adding
the two previous numbers

to create the new one,

so it's zero plus one
makes one,

and one plus one makes two,
and two plus one makes three,

and three plus two
makes five,

and five plus three
makes eight,

and eight plus five
makes 13.

The sequence has
an interesting connection

to Pythagoras' theorem
and the golden section.

It was all about finding
a divine methodology

in art and architecture.

A bit like
the way a tritone...

Which was played on the piano
in your little club...

- Was supposed to be
a satanic interval.

(Tritone playing)

The sum of the numeric values
represented in bach's name

is 14, a number he often used
in his compositions.

The clever thing
about bach's name

is that the numeric value
of the individual letters

are all fibonacci numbers.

This piece has
three voices:

A bass voice...

The second voice played
with the left hand...

The first voice played
with the right hand.

That is called Cantus Firmus
or "Can-Toos Feer-Mus."

And together, these three
voices create the polyphony.

Normally, a nymphomaniac
is seen as

someone who
can't get enough

and therefore has sex
with many different people.

Well, that of course
is true,

but if I'm to be honest,

I see it precisely as...

The sum of all these different
sexual experiences.

So in that way,
I have only one lover.

Since the music
has three voices,

I will limit myself to
talking about three lovers.

The bass is easy:
That's f.

F had a red car
that he'd bought used.

As I was having sex

with seven or eight men
every night at the time,

scheduling was tricky

and they all had to have
precise appointments.

F was a good man.

If he was scheduled
for 10:00,

he always showed
up around 9:00

and parked down
in the street.

I always smiled
when I saw him.

Often I took pity on him

and gave him
a cup of coffee

while I was finishing
with the one before.

It's hard to say why I'm
choosing to talk about f,

but he was reassuring,

and he knew exactly what
I wanted when we had sex.

No, I'd go
even further and say

that there was
a kind of telepathy going on

when we had sex.

- (Breathing heavily)
- Without words,

he knew exactly
what I wanted,

where he should touch me
and what he should do.

The most sacred goal
for f was my orgasm.

- Well, and then...
- (Laughs)

...the swans answered
in the same voice.

(Joe's voice)
And granted him privileges

none of the others received.

F was the bass voice:

Monotone, predictable
and ritualistic.

No doubt about it.

But also the foundation
that is so important

even if, on its own,
it doesn't mean much.

(Organ playing
bass voice)

(Joe's voice)
G was quite different.

The only one I had to
and wanted to wait for.

When he finally turned up
and I opened the door,

he didn't immediately enter,

the way a cat doesn't
when you let it in,

as if once
the door is open,

it has all the time
in the world.

But he was more
than a cat.

He was like some kind
of Jaguar or leopard.

He moved like them,

which turned me on no end.

(Both breathing heavily)

(Moans)

(Joe's voice)
He was in charge.

That's the way it was.

(Both moaning)

(Organ playing
second voice)

(Organ playing
both tunes)

(Music stops)

(Joe's voice) Despite my success
in managing

the complicated logistics
involved in arranging

up to 10 daily
sexual satisfactions

while also having
a full-time job,

I was still prone
to a certain sadness.

So when my busy life
allowed a few breaks,

I used them
to take my walks.

These repeated walks became

a kind of metaphor
for my life:

Monotonous and pointless.

- (Bangs)
- Yes, precisely like

the movements
of a caged animal.

Basically, we're all waiting
for permission to die.

(Birds chirping)

(Seligman's voice) No.

No, no, no.

No, there...

There are some completely
unrealistic coincidences

in your story
about Jerome.

First, by chance
he hires you as...

As an assistant and then
you take a walk in a forest

that is littered
with photographs of him.

And not only that,
he's present.

And then like a God,

pulls you up to him
through the clouds.

Goodness gracious.

(Joe's voice)
Jerome was there

because he had just
had a fight with his wife,

who, in anger,
tore up the photographs

they just had developed
from their travels.

(Seligman's voice) Oh, I don't know
if I can believe this.

(Joe's voice) Which way do you
think you'd get the most

out of my story?

By believing in it
or by not believing in it?

(Seligman's voice)
No, you're right.

You might have
a point with all this.

(Tritone playing)

(Whispers) The secret ingredient
to sex is love.

The third voice:

The secret ingredient.

Cantus Firmus.

(Moans)

- Ah.
- (Laughs)

(Both breathing heavily)

Fill all my holes.

(Organ playing first voice)

(Organ playing polyphony)

- (Clicks)
- (Music stops)

(Jerome breathing heavily)

What's wrong? Hmm?

I can't feel anything.

- Huh?
- I can't feel anything.

I can't feel anything.

(Crying)
I can't... anything.

(Jerome sighs)

(Young Joe sobs)

("Führe Mich" playing)

♪ Nymphomania... ♪