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Adrian: Every
film I make-

every-

they're always
kind of-

it always comes back to
this kind of family story.

And I realize-

that everybody's shaped by-

by their family.

When you're adopted-

you spend your
life feeling isolated.

When a mother's been gestating
this child for like nine months-

and then-

when that child comes
out, they're just-

they just kind
of disappear.

But they don't disappear.

My adoptive mother-

told me I was from
Newfoundland.

And from a young age-

that island in the
North Atlantic-

has been a
mythical place.

Seeing the name Baby Boy
Cousins on my birth records-

changed everything for me.

I realized I used
to be someone else.

Linda Swain: This is
On Target St. John's.

My in-studio guests
are Adrian Wills-

and Anne Roane Sheldon.

And Adrian
is a filmmaker.

He's from Montreal.

But born in Newfoundland.

And he's starting
a journey.

And you don't know where
this is going to take you.

Adrian: No I don't.

What I have is the information
that's called a background-

like, non-identifying
background summary.

So my biological mother-

she was 20 years
old, 5'7 tall.

She was one of
five children-

all of whom were in
good physical health.

She had completed
grade eight in school-

and had been employed-

in a service
occupation-

laundry work.

She was a
quiet girl-

who did not
talk very much.

Nor did she find it easy
to express her feelings.

Linda: You can see where the
mythology starts though-

Yeah.

because it's almost poetic.

You get this sense
of the person she is-

but not
who she is.

Anne: Yes.

Linda: You shared with me
a very powerful excerpt.

Adrian: And so there's
this one quote that I read-

that's from a story
by Sandra Newman-

called The Fortunate Ones.

And it says-

An adopted child is really
a wolf raised by humans.

We are loved children.

Bastards.

Unrespectable by blood.

The world has
chosen to raise us-

from the goodness
of its heart.

Our lives are like something
found lying in the street.

And ours is the world of magic,
fairy-tales, and legends.

Mythical figures
don't have parents.

Anne: Wow.

I mean, that was the best-
written description-

I've ever heard.

But you can always
look at your parents-

and say, I don't
look like my dad.

I don't look
like mom.

I know I
belong here-

because they wanted,
they chose me.

They wanted me.

They chose me.

Right?

But there's something
in there that says-

I don't belong here.

I'd really like to see
somebody that I come from.

Like I'd love
to see a photo-

or understand-

you know- who
these people are.

Mm-hmm.

So once again,
babyboycousins-

with an i-

at gmail.com.

So if anybody has the answers
that you're looking for-

they're welcome to send you
an email and pass it along.

Adrian: Please do.

Linda: And we wish
you all the best-

whatever the
outcome might be.

Adrian: Thanks for everything.

Fabulous!

Thank you!
Adrian: That was great!

Michael Crummey:
If you find-

anything about who
these people are-

that will have a huge impact
on your sense of yourself.

Yeah I think it's-

I think, you know,
making this-

kind of feels
like you're-

looking in-

into your own-

but also into other
people's secrets.

You know?

And-

you know-

what is it to be
a Newfoundlander?

Michael: I've spent
my entire adult life-

basically trying
to get on paper-

what it is that's
unique about this place.

There's a particular
kind of person-

that's created by
those circumstances-

where you're living
very close to the edge.

And in order
to get by-

everybody has to rely
on everybody else.

There's a particular kind of
humour that people developed-

in order to-

to not just survive,
but to live.

You know?

Did your adoptive parents-

like how did they
find Newfoundland?

Like how did they- ?

Do you have any
idea about that?

I like-

the-

my mother-

my adoptive
mother is um-

she's maybe not as
linear as I am with facts.

Okay .

So, you ever heard
of Frog Pond Road?

I haven't.

No.

So- and nobody has.

So, Frog Pond Road
was where your-

mother thinks
she picked me up.

Wow.

When I was 26-

I went with this
friend of mine-

Hannah.

I'd met her
in film school.

She said to
me, you know-

you really need
to go back-

to where you
come from.

I got a camera
from school-

this big video camera.

And we hitch-
hiked around-

around Newfoundland.

I kept trying to pick up my
camera and film with people.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't ready.

Michael: I mean,
Newfoundland's famous-

for like just sort of trading
children around right?

Like-

there's too many
kids in the family.

And they just sort
of like farm them out-

but don't tell.

No-

they never knew that-
they had been farmed out.

They just sort of grew
up in another house-

with their parents,
they thought.

I mean, my mother tells a story
about an aunt and uncle of hers-

who wanted
to take me.

Like they just-

they didn't have
children of their own.

And they
made a pitch.

They said-

Why don't we
take this one?

I mean, I think that's
another thing here.

It wouldn't have
been unusual-

for the parents of the
mother to take a child.

Right?

And sometimes the mother
is just thought of as a-

a much older sister.

Jean Ann: Early seventies,
when I got into adoption first-

there were at
any given time-

there were hundreds of
young children available for-

being relinquished for
adoption on a daily basis-

from the two hospitals.

We had so many children under
one minister of social services-

he came up with the idea
of advertising babies-

through the local papers.

And if people applied-

to adopt in the fall-

they were guaranteed to have
a baby by Christmas day.

Adrian: I'm trying in some way,
I think, in this, empathize-

like, with my
birth mother.

Yeah, I'm just-

I'm trying to piece it
together you know?

I'm trying to understand

what brought those choices.

We had a large Roman
Catholic population.

So if you were
Roman Catholic-

you weren't practicing
birth control.

What would it have
been like for her-

when she went
in to St. Clare's?

As an unmarried mother?

We were still
working with-

an Illegitimacy Act.

And a child, even in the Act,
born of unmarried parents-

was in black
and white-

a bastard.

My name was
Wayne Cousins.

So that's
Baby Boy Cousins.

Cousins.

Your adoptive mother- ?

Yeah-

was given this?

was given this-

was given my name-

my name at birth.

Do you know of anything
on Frog Pond Road?

In Montreal?

No, in St. John's.

- Oh here?
- Yeah.

Frog Pond Road?

Never heard of it!

And would it
be normal-

that my parents
would fly in-

to St. John's
for 24 hours-

to pick
up a child-

and adopt them
at three months-

and then leave?

Sounds a bit fishy.

Like I already didn't
have any information-

about my birth parents.

And now I have less
information about the story-

that I actually thought-

was the one I've been
holding on to my whole life.

You know?

Yeah.

Adrian: So-

so you have-

you have-

you have the name
of my birth father?

Elaine: I have an
approximate age for him.

Oh wow.

So you have the name
of my birth father.

But you can't
release it to me?

- Is that-?
- You're cutting out.

Oh sorry, can
you hear me now?

Is this better?

It's a little
bit scratchy.

But okay, yeah.

So you have the name
of my birth father.

But you don't have
a way of finding him-

because you
found a guy-

No.

who's dead.

No no,
what I have-

Okay, six-foot tall,
dark hair and what?

Um- and from Newfoundland.

And from Newfoundland.

We don't know
how many people-

And would the
Newfoundland government-

ever give me
that name-

do you think?

No.

They won't.

You can look it up in
the article of the law.

It's in that letter
that I sent you.

You know,
at this point-

we don't have any choice
but to close the file here.

Linda Swain: Eastern Health
is implementing measures-

in preparation for a
possible COVID-19 outbreak-

in the province.

VOCM's Linda Swain reports.

Eastern Health says-

an emergency operations
centre has been established

and a COVID-19 Assessment
Clinic is being set up-

at the Waterford Hospital-

which is expected to be up
and running by next week.

I'm nervous to
call my mom.

Press record on Zoom.

Nina: Give us a break.

Yeah!

We're not
as up on-

Yeah no.

See, he has record
down on the bottom.

- Yeah okay, yeah.
- So-

Mom- you hear
everything mom?

Nina: What?

I can hear, yeah.

Adrian: You can
hear me, eh?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Nina: So tell me
what's the good news.

When I came
here in March-

remember I told you I
was going to go on radio?

Nina: No.

I did.

We talked about this.

I went to-

I went on radio.

I did a
radio show.

It's kind of like
a mystery, right?

You're trying to find
out who you are, and-

Mom?

Yeah.

I'm listening.

So I've been trying
to find out who I am.

Yeah, fair enough.

And what happened?

I got contacted.

Nina: Really?

Adrian: Yeah.

Nina: Wonderful.

By your maternal mother?

My maternal mother
passed away.

In one week, I'm going
to go meet my aunt.

And she's going to-

uh-

give me pictures
of my mother.

Nina: Oh that's nice.

And uh-

Nina: It's lovely.

I'm very happy
to hear that.

Yeah.

Why are you
crying, Mom?

Nina: It's
nice for you.

I'm sad for
you in a way.

I'm happy that you
found somebody.

That's really very important
for you to do that.

I'm happy for you.

We went to the office
on Frog Pond Road.

I mean you were dressed
up in that little blue hat-

which I saved for you
but you never wanted it.

Adrian: Was it
a foster home?

Nina: No, no, no.

It was an office-

welfare office.

Not a foster home.

You were never in
a foster home, ever.

Adrian: I think I was.

Nina: No you weren't.

Adrian: I'm going to
talk to Kristin too, eh?

I want to talk to her
about her adoption.

Nina: She actually had been
moved around quite a lot.

She didn't trust anybody.

Took her six months
for her to settle down.

How do you feel?

Adrian: I'm um-

scared.

Nina: Yeah.

Adrian: So does that-

that means that this
is going to last all day.

We can record
all conversations-

with my aunt and
with her daughter.

Oh, they're going to be
here in 25 minutes, so-

We have 20 minutes.

19 minutes.

Josh: So can
I get a just-

check check from
both you guys?

Mara: Yeah, check
check check!

Adrian: Hi!

Really, really nice
to meet you!

So nice to
meet you!

Mara: I'm Mara.

Adrian: Hi Mara.

Really nice
to meet you.

Mara: Nice to
meet you too!

Adrian: Wow!

I can't believe you
guys showed up!

You know?

Ellen: This is-

Adrian: No but-

Ellen: We were going to
leave you in the lurch?

Adrian: Yeah!

I was terrified you
weren't going to show up.

Ellen: And this
is for Adrian.

Adrian: So this is-

so this is
Mary Margaret?

Ellen: It is, yeah.

Adrian: This is
Mary Margaret?

Ellen: Yeah.

Adrian: This- wow!

She- she-

she looks so
much like me-

when I
was like 12!

So this is in
Greenspond?

Ellen: Yeah.

Mara: She was happy
in Greenspond.

Adrian: She was happy?

Ellen: She was.

Yeah.

Adrian: So- so-

so tell me-

I mean, tell me-

who she was, and-

Ellen: She was-

uh, quiet-

and gentle and
kind, you know?

Creative, and-

Adrian: Was she creative?

Ellen: Yeah!

And then that's
Mary Margaret-

her first communion.

She was seven there.

And there's my father.

Just look at the
height, you know?

He was about 6'7!

Adrian: Your
father was 6'7?

Ellen: Yeah!

Lawrence was the one who came
from Ireland, from Kilkenny.

Adrian: Okay, so we-

so we came
from Kilkenny?

Ellen: Yeah.

That's our origin.

We're definitely Irish.

That's the family home.

Adrian: Wow.

Ellen: My grandfather
built that home.

And we were all
born in that house.

Adrian: Wow.

Ellen: Yeah.

And that's Mary
Margaret and Gerald.

And that's me.

I'm eight years old.

And this is Mary
Margaret and Gerald.

And there she is.

I think that one was
taken in Greenspond.

Yeah.

Adrian: So when she had
me, she was how old?

Ellen: She was 18
when she got pregnant.

Adrian: She was working
in laundry works?

Ellen: Yes.

And after she
became pregnant-

she moved back home.

Adrian: And your
mom knew?

Ellen: Yeah.

Adrian: And then she just went
into the hospital and that was-

Ellen: Yeah.

And I went
in to see her.

And she was-

lying on her side.

And um- you know-

she was just
looking at the wall.

And I left there-

and went to
the nursery.

And I asked to
see baby Cousins.

And the nurse came.

And she said,
I'm sorry.

You can't see
that baby.

But she was so
harsh, you know?

Norm: I was a pallbearer
at the funeral.

Ah.

That's your mom.

That's how I
remember her.

I don't think she
changed much-

as she got older.

When did you
meet Mary?

I guess when she
came here with Ernie.

Ernie was the lighthouse
keeper on Puffin Island.

And there were
times when-

when Mary would-

would go out-

go out with him.

And uh-

the day of the
funeral was-

it was snowing.

Not a good day.

We were up-

to the Salvation
Army cemetery-

which is up
there on the hill.

Why was she buried in the
Salvation Army cemetery?

I believe she
was a soldier.

It's the quasi-
military religion-

an army of God.

When Mary was
talking to you-

she'd sort of look
right into your eyes.

Several times
now, you went-

That's what
she used to do.

Oh yeah?

What do you know
about how she passed?

I don't know-

if some of
Ernie's family-

I didn't know.

All I knew, she
had passed away.

But what happened
to her, I don't know.

Do you know
where she was?

Somewhere on the mainland.

That's all we knew.

Ellen: She went away-

I think it
was in '95-

Adrian: to- to- to-

Ellen: to Sault
Ste. Marie.

And I have no idea
why she went there-

or who she
went with-

because she,
to my knowledge-

she never left
the island.

And here she up and goes
to Sault Ste. Marie.

Who goes to
Sault Ste. Marie?

Adrian: How did
she pass away?

Ellen:
She died by choice.

Adrian: Oh wow.

Ellen: She-

I don't know what medication
she was taking, you know?

But she
took it all-

and died
in her sleep.

You know?

Adrian: Ohhh wow.

Ellen: I'm so sorry to have
to tell you that Adrian.

Adrian: Ohhh.

I didn't expect that.

I didn't think
she was going to-

I didn't think that.

Like I've been walking.

And the last couple
of weeks, I was in-

like massive depressions-

I mean, to the point
where I couldn't function-

without bursting into
tears all the time-

which is just-

not easy, because
you can't function.

You can't go
through your life-

because you just
can't control it.

I want to know
her life though.

Van: And then, what
are you hoping to get?

I did, like, know-

because I thought
I'd be going to see-

and I will,
you know-

I thought I'd be
going to see people-

and talking to them
about their story-

understanding Newfoundland-

like-

you know-

trying to understand
kind of like-

what my origin
story was-

who these people were-

what they lived-

what I might
have lived-

had I been there,
you know?

But that's-

it's turning into
something else, right?

I think there's
something-

always really, really,
really necessary-

about finding
out the truth-

no matter what
the truth is.

Van: Oh yeah?

Adrian: You
don't think so?

Van: No.

Do you think you should
always look for the truth?

Boy, I don't know.

Yes, I do.

But uh-

I think it-

I think the truth can fuck
you up as well, you know?

Like- you know,
when people say-

You know, you're better
off not knowing that.

That's entirely possible.

Right?

It's entirely possible-

that knowing something
you didn't know-

uh, is not going
to be helpful at all-

and in fact, may be
more painful than not.

But I also-

I don't think there's any sense
to living in a dream world-

that if you're not
interested in the truth-

then you're not interested
in living, really.

You're interested in
having a little bubble-

where everything's okay.

Wanda: Hi Adrian.

I got this message-

from this fantastic woman.

And I'll read you
what she wrote.

I read your Facebook post-

and recognized the
name Mary Cousins.

My mom-

was a loving foster
parent for many years.

And I believe that
Adrian may have been-

part of our family-

for the first four months of
his life, until he was adopted.

Lorraine: I said,
Oh I know that baby.

So then I
look up-

yes, I've got
his bracelet.

Adrian: Wow.

You knew my
name just like-

Yes.

Like you remembered
my name?

Oh yes!

I don't forget.

We'll see if
we can find-

Ohh.

'71.

Wayne Cousins.

That's me.

That's you.

1973.

And you went
on May the 4th.

How crazy is that?

That's pretty
crazy isn't it?

Four months.

The whole thing's crazy.

All dressed up in
your little outfit.

Your mom probably
got pictures of that.

Yeah, she does.

Seventeen years.

This is Mom in
'67, with two.

That's your mom?

That's not a
good picture.

She was a wonderful,
wonderful person.

She was very caring.

And you were how old
when this started?

I was like
maybe 12-

when we had
the babies first.

And then all through
my teen years.

That's John, I think.

He was so sweet.

I could cuddle
him now.

Look at that.

That was so sweet.

And did you-

you knew-

did you know
my birth mother?

Did you know Mary
Margaret Cousins?

And did you know
Ellen Cousins?

Did you know
the Cousins?

I knew of
the Cousins.

I knew the-

I knew the family-

you know?

So I kind of wonder-

whether my mother
would have known-

like my birth mother would have
known that I was in this house.

No.

No.

No.

Very unlikely.

Uh-

very confidential.

And then what would happen when
they came to pick up the baby?

It was quite an
emotional time for us.

And of course, Mom-

hoping and praying that you
were going to get a good home.

That was always, always-

so important, you
know, to her-

and to
all of us.

It's super hard
to imagine-

that you kind of brought
me up for four months.

I know!

You heard my heartbeat-

lots of times.

That's what Mom would-

we've got to
take them-

you know, hold them.

That's all they-

that's all babies need.

That's all they want.

They want
to be fed.

They want to
be kept clean.

They want
to be loved.

They want to
hear a heartbeat.

Nina: I was not told you
were in a foster home at all.

No I met
the woman.

She has the records.

And look, Mom.

She has my
baby bracelet.

- Look.
- Yeah?

My baby bracelet.

Can you see?

Oh my God.

That's just so lovely.

I think she had over
200 or 300 babies, from 19-

like late 1960s-

until early 1980s-

they kept foster children.

Unbelievable.

I was told that you
were in a hospital-

because you
had a hernia.

And then-

you went
straight to me.

Yeah, they didn't
tell you the truth.

I don't know why.

Why are you doing
this for anyway?

Why?

I wanted to spend time
finding things out.

Yeah, that's normal.

And now-

when I've found out
that she passed away-

or that she
killed herself-

I-

now I want
to honour her.

Of course.

And you should
honour her.

I mean, she was
your maternal-

your mom.

Yeah.

But she-

but you're much
stronger than she was.

And uh-

whatever happened
to her life-

you don't know what
she went through.

Ellen: We were raised
devout Catholics, yeah.

Adrian: Right.

They really believed in being
educated by the nuns and-

yeah-

And you know, my sister Joan,
and then I went to the sisters.

And then Dad
got sick.

And the resources
weren't there.

I feel that
she felt-

that she didn't have
the same opportunity.

You know?

But I do believe-

she was sincere in wanting her
child to have a chance at life-

because maybe-
I don't know.

Maybe she felt she didn't
have a chance, you know-

the way things
unfolded in the family.

Walter: You were
thrown into a place-

that most kids were
not thrown into.

Adrian: What
was I like-

as a kid?

Do you remember me?

Uh-

you were-

curious.

Very, very curious.

Very, uh-

not reticent to explore.

I met you-

when your adopted mother
and father did just that.

They adopted you and
were living in Montreal.

I was the best man
to their wedding.

So I knew what they
were going through-

after marriage.

They wanted kids.

They couldn't
have kids.

Hence, the adoption.

Keith tried to
work in Montreal.

I think he tried to be
an industrial designer.

And he had an
office in the house.

And he was there
all the time.

I sensed-

while still in college-

that he was gay.

And yet he
was married.

Mm-hmm.

By this time-

Nina was very, very interested
in the work she did-

and being successful,
designing clothes.

And she became so
involved with that.

She was at work
all the time.

And for him,
that was fine.

I would come up to Montreal
when I went to do lab work-

film lab work.

And they were
very gracious-

to let me stay overnight
at their house-

every once
in a while.

Do you realize you
gave me my first camera?

Did I really?

Yeah.

Do you remember that?

It was kind of like
a point and shoot.

- Right?
- Oh, okay.

But it was kind
of a first time-

that I started looking
sort of through a lens.

Van: Where are
we going Adrian?

We're going to see
Shawn Burry, who was the-

I think-

I think Mary Margaret took
him in in Greenspond.

I'm hoping that he can tell me
more about Mary Margaret-

and what
she was like-

and I guess fundamentally,
what she was like as a mother-

you know?

Shawn: You
finally found it?

You've got your
mother's frame!

You look-

you've got your
mother's shape.

Your mother was
a smaller woman-

tall but-

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

And I can sort of
see you look like her-

some.

So this is okay
out here?

Or you rather have been
in the house or what?

No this is great.

What was my
mother like?

What was Mary like?

Um-

I wouldn't say shy.

But she more or less
kept to herself.

My fondest memories-

I guess the most that
I would remember-

is just
listening to her.

But there was a little-
maybe Kelligrews accent?

I don't know.

And so, Mary-

how long did you live
with Mary and Ernie?

About nine-

nine or ten months.

I was in
grade eight.

I had no money.

I had nowhere
to live.

Mary took me in.

She did what she
could for me.

I didn't go hungry.

I didn't wear
dirty clothes.

I thought it
was wonderful.

Yeah, it's-

like when I
heard about you-

I couldn't help but think
it feels like she's trying-

like she didn't
have her own kids.

I couldn't
figure that out.

She would be crazy to
have a child with Ernie.

Huh.

She would have been.

Mmm.

Because back when Ernie and
Mary got together, you know-

Ernie was
a bit of a-

a rough character.

I know like when I
was growing up-

I can remember
lots of times-

someone would say-

Oh, Ernie is coming
up the road.

Turn off the lights-

because you didn't
want him coming in-

because nine chances out of
ten, he was probably drinking.

If I could run
into her tomorrow-

I would certainly say-

Mary-

whatever in the name
of God possessed you-

to come
on a ferry-

to an island-

where you
knew no one-

and move in
with a drunk?

She was like scared
all the time, or nervous-

or watch
what she said-

watch where she went-

trying not
to upset Ernie.

She didn't have
a lot of friends.

Like if he came
home drinking-

and drove her out
2:00 in the morning-

where's she going?

Roland: When
he was sober-

he could well support
himself and his family.

How should
I put this?

When Ernest was good,
and Mary, they were good.

When they were bad-

they were drunk.

I'm sorry I had
to say that.

But-

Was Mary drunk
as well?

Yes.

Sometimes.

But not-

not to the extent that
Ernest used to be drunk.

They'd do anything
for anyone.

Anything they could do to
help anyone, they would do.

Norm: When
Ernie was sober-

he was a different
man altogether.

And he tried-

a number of times-

to quit.

Cavell: You see
a man that's-

pretty much
drunk every day.

Mmm.

Cavell: Mary came along.

And for whatever reason-

it seemed to
make a difference.

Settled him down.

And they joined
the church.

And from there,
you know-

That's where they lived.

The house was-

I can visualize the house now
just exactly the way it was.

Yeah you remember
the photos I showed you?

And you say that
Ernie would like-

go out to the
lighthouse?

And on good days, when
water wasn't too rough-

he would come in
and pick Mary up-

and take her out
for a few days.

I wonder if Mary was proud
that she was with Ernie-

because he was a
lighthouse keeper?

Oh there's no doubt-

working with the government.

And then I guess it
was a little bit higher-

higher up on
the status ladder-

It was, hey?

type of thing, yeah.

Sure.

In the spring, you'd get
the drift ice coming up-

the northern floes.

Everything would
be blocked in.

So how would they get back
to Greenspond in the winter?

Uh, they'd just
have to stay here-

have enough supplies.

Yeah I was amazed-

when I first
heard that she-

was with the
lighthouse keeper-

I thought it was-

- it was, you know-
- Yeah.

I knew nothing about
lighthouse keepers right?

It felt like a story
or something.

You can't say
that anymore.

No.

Adrian: So my Aunt-

Ellen wrote out the
Cousins family narrative.

This says-

Josephine Veronica Dwyer
was born June 27th, 1913-

to Johannah Bryan
and Edward Dwyer-

of Bell Island, Newfoundland.

She first laid eyes
on Jack Cousins-

all 6'7" of him,
in the church.

It's crazy, man.

Like she wrote
this like a story.

Van: She wrote
this for you?

She wrote
this for me.

Family members-

staying up were
having a mug up-

when there was a loud
knock on the front door.

My father
opened the door.

But no one
was there.

He came back to
the kitchen and said-

Adrian and Michael:
That's strange.

Michael: No sign in
the new fallen snow-

of anyone there
on the step.

Shortly after, there
was a third knock.

Mom shouted from upstairs-

No Jack.

Don't go out.

That's a token.

Pop was
close to dying.

And my grandmother,
deceased five years earlier-

was giving a sign
with the three knocks.

My grandfather died
later that day, before noon.

That's-

That's a fantastic story.

And there are all kinds
of stories in Newfoundland-

about tokens or
signs or the fetch-

which is the-

like the-

a vision of somebody-

who's come to-

They don't say anything.

But the vision
basically means-

that they're dead.

And especially
around the war-

there are all kinds
of fetches showing up.

I mean I think that
history here, right-

like history is not
the story of great men-

who sort of came and
tamed the wilderness and-

History is about where
your grandfather fished-

and the garden that
your grandmother kept-

and you know, where
your people belong.

Adrian: And she just
kind of severed contact-

after the pregnancy?

Is that kind of
what happened?

Ellen: Yeah, she just went
and lived her own life.

Adrian: What's her birthday?

Ellen: November 28th.

So she was 43.

Adrian: Ernest was like
32 years older than her.

And it says,
Ever remembered.

Ever loved.

Erected by wife Mary
and friend Maggie.

And it says,
Mary Margaret-

or Mary M.

1951.

And then it doesn't
actually have her-

her death date.

They don't even
etch in that she died.

You come out to
this lookout a lot?

No, not much.

I went up to
the cemetery.

Then I went to Mary
and Ernest's grave.

And it has
Mary's date, right?

But it doesn't
have the death date.

No.

Why?

Maybe the headstone
was never paid for.

I guess she just didn't
have the money to do it.

Do you think Mary
had a good life?

No.

I don't think so.

Adrian: Who was Maggie?

Shawn: Maggie
was a girl-

that stayed there.

It was Maggie Burton.

She was younger
than me.

But it was one of my
friends going to school.

She came in with
Ern and Mary-

right at the time
I was leaving.

Cavell: Well Maggie-

poor thing-

- was a-
- had a hard life.

had a hard life.

She wasn't brought up in
a good home environment.

Like there was abuse?

Yeah, the family
were not good to her.

Adrian: Okay.

And then Mary
took her in?

Cavell: Yeah.

Norm: Yeah.

Shawn: When Ernie
became Salvation Army-

and stayed Salvation Army-

they had a car.

And they'd be driving
back and forth to The Army.

And Mary in the
passenger seat-

Maggie in the
back seat.

But I'd say the
last 10 years-

that it was probably
wonderful for her.

Major Kean: I remember
Mary and her husband-

very well.

Very well.

Very nice lady.

Friendly.

Very friendly lady.

She used to
pray right soft.

And it was nice.

What was she?

An officer?

No no no,
she wasn't.

She was a soldier.

Yeah.

And looked good
in her uniform-

boy, I'll tell you-

dressed up
to the T.

And when you become
a soldier, you-

you look into the rules and
regulations of being a soldier-

you know-

testifying for the Lord-

living for the Lord.

And I guess, Mary and Ernie
wanted somewhere to go-

that they
could feel love.

And people
cared for them.

So they came
to The Army.

And they became a very,
very important part of it.

And when they came, they
were embraced, you know?

They were loved!

They were cared for!

They were talked about-

because of their
goodness and their love.

And that's why they-

we shared so much.

And it was great
just to know them.

Great to know them.

But I didn't
know about you.

Like I never
met Mary right?

I know you didn't.

I never met her.

But you would've
loved to, would you?

She was a
sweet person.

Very sweet person.

Yeah, very sweet person.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Are you still
hurt about it?

What's that?

Are you still hurt
within your own heart-

because of the adoption?

Or is that
too big?

You'd like to have
been different?

I'd like to have met
her, you know?

I know you
would, yeah.

I'd like to have
met her and-

It would have been
all different then.

I'd like to have
hugged her, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lord, we come
into your presence-

in the name
of Jesus.

Especially for Adrian, Lord.

So many things that
he's getting into-

and wants answers to.

Lord, I pray in
a very special way-

he'll learn
to trust you-

leave it at
your feet.

And when the time is
right, you will answer him.

Thank you for
your mercy.

Adrian: That year,
her husband died.

Her mother Josephine
died at Easter time.

Another blow was the loss
of her dear friend Maggie.

Ellen: When Mary was in
St. John's at Mom's wake-

Maggie had a
seizure and died.

So that-

so she felt that
if she had been there-

she would have
known what to do.

And Maggie wouldn't
have died, you know?

So she kind of took
all that to herself.

So that was '92,
all that happened.

And then, I
don't know.

That was the last
time I saw her, really.

Adrian: And you know what it's
like to go looking for somebody.

Cavell: Yes, I do.

I was 43 when I got
to know my father.

Like I would get
this feeling-

Well, I've got
to find him-

because nobody
would tell me anything.

If I asked
a question-

What do you want
to know that for?

You don't need
to know it.

And it took me
a long time.

What was it like the
first time you saw him?

Cavell: Oh.

What a feeling.

We just sat back
and we talked.

And he would come
along and smooth-

smooth down my hair.

I'm some glad
you found me.

I'm so glad
you found me.

I don't know.

It's hard to
explain it, Adrian.

It is.

Adrian: Yeah, it's
turning out to be-

uh-

Norm: Not what you
were hoping for.

I mean, for sure, I was hoping
for what you got, you know?

Cavell: Sure you were.
Norm: Yeah, yeah.

I wonder Adrian,
did she ever try to-

Adrian: -have children?

Cavell: No, try to-

Norm and Cavell: -find you?

I wonder did
she ever?

Adrian: You think she might
have, like your father?

Cavell: He knew
about me.

Adrian: And he
was looking.

Cavell: Yeah.

So, you know?

She might have.

Norm: Well you spoke about,
you know, finding the truth.

Adrian: Yeah.

Norm: She didn't go to Sault
Ste. Marie from Greenspond.

She lived, uh-

with a guy
in Dover.

Cavell: Yes, this fellow was
something, I think, like Ernie.

He liked his drink.

You know-

it seemed like when she got
in with this fellow George-

Norm: George.

Cavell: she sort of went back
to where she was before.

Norm: Which was what?

Cavell: Well-

drinking and-

Norm: Uh, she
left George-

and gets involved with
his great uncle, Frank.

Adrian: Okay, wow.

Cavell: And then,
we don't know.

Norm: And you know-

I'm wondering if
she met someone-

who took her to
Sault Ste. Marie.

A lot of Newfoundlanders are
going to the mainland working.

And he might
have been one.

I can't see Mary just
buying a ticket-

and going to
Sault Ste. Marie.

Why would
she do that?

Adrian: The more you
start investigating-

the more you just want
to know the answers.

Michael Rigby: Yeah, well it's
like pulling a thread, right?

You know, once
you start to pull it-

it just unravels-

and keeps going
and going-

and hopefully until
you get to the end.

But sometimes you don't.

Yeah.

But uh- yeah.

So you were saying you're
a retired police officer?

What- what- ?

Yeah, I was a
staff sergeant-

of the Ontario
Provincial Police.

You referred to her-

as just committing suicide.

How do you
know that?

My aunt Ellen
told me.

You know, she-

the first time
I met her.

Okay.

Well she saw
the nails.

And the nails were
blackened, you know?

Right.

That doesn't necessarily mean
that it was a drug overdose or-

and if it was-

the question remains whether
it was intentional or not.

Well I would-

your best starting point
is with the police.

Obviously Sault Ste. Marie has
their own police force up there.

You know, there would be a
report on file, obviously.

Um-

Someone
has called in.

Someone has found her.

And either in
medical distress-

or deceased.

And uh, the police
become involved.

And the coroner
becomes involved.

And it becomes
a coroner's case.

And they make a determination
of the cause of death.

On the 19th of January, 1997,
at approximately 22 hours-

the deceased, Mary Wheeler,
was found laying in her bed-

by the landlord of the
building, Frank Kment.

There's a synopsis of the facts
provided by the boyfriend-

that he attended upstairs
and knocked on the door-

and eventually entered, and
no one answered the door.

He continued to yell
out Mary's name.

He then observed
Mary Wheeler-

laying in bed, motionless.

Then he left-

went back home-

and eventually called police.

It won't give me the
name of the boyfriend.

He observed the deceased
laying in the bedroom-

located to the east of the
hallway in the residence.

She was laying on
a foldout couch bed-

was wearing pyjamas,
not covered.

There was nothing of value
found in the apartment-

except a stereo-

and the watch that
she was wearing-

which was turned over by
Arthur's Funeral Home.

However toxicology and
blood alcohol testing-

still had
to be done.

He observed a black leather
purse beside the bed-

with a pill bottle
lid on top.

She made several attempts to
leave messages and contact-

blanked out the name-

by telephone, with
negative results.

Approximately six
calls were made.

There was a note on
the floor, beside the bed.

There was a
suicide note.

The suicide note
was seized by police-

and tagged as
Exhibit E38388.

This is a statement that's
been completely blanked out.

And that's it.

I wonder why they
didn't include the note.

But then I'm like-

who did she write the
note to, you know?

Adrian: I've been trying
to have conversations-

with the police department.

And I have.

But you know-

everybody who was in the police
department is now retired.

And basically, all they could
say to me was after five years-

because the note
wasn't claimed-

you know, it
got destroyed.

You know, you
would think-

or I would think that if
you wrote a suicide note-

it would just be like kind of
stamped for the rest of history.

But I guess nothing
is, you know?

So-

So I don't get to
read what she said.

And-

you know-

that's not how I'm going
to get to know her, I guess.

I don't know if she came here
hoping for something-

or if she
came here-

knowing it was
going to take her.

She wasn't here long.

My name's Adrian.

You're on our property.

So can you please explain
why you're trespassing?

- Man: You're in my yard dude.
- Sorry dude.

Man: Yeah.

Yeah I was looking because
my mother used to live here.

- Woman: Okay.
- And that's it.

I just wanted to come by
and see where she last lived.

Man: Okay.

That was it.
Man: Okay.

That's all- that's
why I'm here.

Man: Okay.

You could knock
on the door.

Sorry about that.

It's just-

I-

Woman: Okay.

Thanks.

Adrian: I get it.

I get when you
go through pain-

that sometimes
it hurts so much-

that you just don't
want to continue.

I understand that.

Like I understand what
it's like when you're-

when you feel
like you've been-

or when you
feel like-

you don't have anything
really to cling to-

and you just feel
really alone-

and lost.

And you just
kind of-

you know, fall in
whatever path you can-

hoping that that's going to
help you get through it.

But I mean-

I'm not Mary
Margaret, you know?

I'm not-

obviously I made
different choices.

Or she made
different choices.

Sometimes it feels a bit like
a Greek tragedy or something-

that you go
looking for-

you go looking for
light and happiness.

And what you
find is, you know-

the similar tones
and colours of things-

that you've already
experienced.

I'm going to meet
my Aunt Johannah.

She's Mary Margaret's
second oldest sister.

She reached out
to me via email.

And she's invited
me to meet with her.

She left Newfoundland
in the mid-70s.

And she's now living
in Sedona, Arizona.

Adrian: I can't believe-

Johannah: What?

This.

I mean, I can't
believe that I'm here.

I can't believe-

I know!

You're with family!

I know,
which is crazy.

Look.

This is what
Ellen gave me.

Have you seen this?

No.

Oh I'm not sure.

I don't know.

I haven't-

So she gave
me this.

There she is, yeah.

Oh wow.

She looks so
much like me-

when I was younger.

Mm-hmm.

It's crazy.

Well, it's your mom.

You know?

It's your mom.

I know.

Oh my gosh.

Mary Margaret, yeah.

Ellen and Betty
and Mom and me.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Oh look at those
beautiful dogs.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

Hi! Yeah!

And so, uh-

But like nobody
in the family-

told you that she was pregnant
when she was pregnant?

No!

Nobody?

No idea!

No idea whatsoever.

Isn't that something?

But you see-

remember, I knew nothing
about Dad being sick.

Yeah, wow.

So, you know,
they just didn't-

Like, was there a lot of
secrets kept in the family?

Apparently!

You were one!

You know?

Yeah.

Um-

Yeah.

So you watched
her grow up?

More or less,
you know.

But with five
years difference-

Right.

You know, there
was a whole-

So-

different world.

Here's- like what's
weird for me is like-

do you feel like she
separated from the family?

I think, um-

I think her life took a
whole different direction.

The one who could
tell you the stories-

who is no longer
with us of course-

is Gerald.

He was the
closest to her?

Well they were
closest in age.

It was two years,
you know?

Actually-

she sounded like me.

Um-

She did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She did.

And uh-

um-

on the phone, people would,
you know, be confused-

thinking it was Margaret,
or thinking it was me.

So- yeah.

So she sounded
like me.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

I'm happy to
share this with you.

This is very special.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I found the-

like I was in a
foster home.

Yeah?

Did you know that?

No I did not
know that.

You know, Mary Margaret
looked for you.

What?

Yeah, she went to-

she thought for sure that her
baby boy was in Kelligrews-

with this family.

And she went and
she worked for them.

They had-

foster children.

She just knew that
her baby was there.

Yeah.

And that was-

Fuck.

Yeah.

Well I mean, you
were already gone.

So she was like-

Oh wow, so she thought
I was in Newfoundland.

Yeah.

She didn't know
where you were.

She didn't realize they adopted
me out to another province.

No.

They let her go-

because she was getting
too attached to the baby.

Ruth loved-

Ruth loved Mary Margaret.

And Ruth was your
daughter, right?

My daughter Ruth, yeah.

Ruth was the baby that
Mary Margaret helped to-

helped to take care of
when she was born.

Ruth was living
in Sault Ste. Marie.

She was married-

and had two children.

And Mary Margaret
would go and visit her.

And it was the police
who called Ruth to-

gave her the
news, you know?

And um-

and Ruth had
to identify-

identify her body.

You know what's crazy
about that is that like-

and I mean, I
found it out, and-

so I was born
January 17th, right?

You know that.

Yeah.

And she took her
life on January 19th.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh Adrian.

You know, I went.

I went to Newfoundland
when I was 26.

Did you?

Yeah.

I did.

I didn't have
the courage-

to go looking
for her.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

I just didn't have the courage
to go looking for her.

Fear of rejection.

Ah yeah.

And not
just that.

Like I-

The family I
was with was-

it- we had-

It was dark.

You know, there were dark
things that happened.

Yeah.

And um-

I just didn't
want to like-

I didn't want to come
and be a blight, you know-

on you guys.

But you know you would
have been welcomed.

This photo is amazing.

It was a great
moment for me-

you in one arm-

Kristin in
the other arm.

And she was carrying-

the baseball bat!

Yeah, it's great.

And look at
your expression!

Yeah yeah.

No, I've always-

Yeah, I've always
idolized you.

So that expression-

and you look at
these other pictures.

And uh-

it's different.

Your adoptive father
gets in there.

With Keith, yeah.

Yeah, I haven't spoken to him
in like 28 years or something.

I remember when I was a
kid, I thought one thing.

I thought okay.

Because I was always
told that when you're sick-

it's not your fault.

When you throw up-

because Keith was really-

really, really, really
violent, right?

But if you threw
up, and um-

he never got angry
because you were sick.

And I was
like, okay.

And when I was a really
young kid, I just decided-

well, Keith was sick.

There was a really
angry, angry streak-

in him.

It never
happened to me.

Um-

but it happened
to you.

And Kristin.

Yeah, it was bad.

Anyway.

Oh, it was bad.

So you-

uh-

Adrian: I couldn't-

I couldn't talk
to him anymore.

I was done.

I couldn't-

Really?

Oh yeah.

I couldn't do it.

I quit smoking.

I realized smoking
was going to kill me.

And I realized Keith was maybe
the exact same thing as smoking.

If I had him in my life,
he was going to kill me.

It's really hard-

Johannah: Yeah.

to get information
about her.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you feel that
way about her?

Um-

I felt like I
never knew her.

And yet I did.

The way
I see it-

um-

everything-

absolutely everything
was taken from her.

There was a-

a sadness in her.

And what-

what I found
was, um-

she had been
sexually abused-

by the family doctor-

who was known
to abuse children.

And I was looking at
pictures here in this.

And you can see-

and I could see
the lost little girl.

No one did anything about
kids, you know, at that time.

Growing up, the
doctor was the-

you know-

God almighty.

Mary Margaret-

liked to tell stories.

And she would
come home-

and tell that Dad was
with one of the women-

that Mom just
didn't like.

She would tell the stories
to cause problems.

Like she was trying to
break up the family?

Yeah.

And you think-

How old was she when
she was doing this?

Oh I don't know.

She was a kid.

She was-

um-

teenager.

She-

I mean- but she did create
problems with the family.

And I think-

this is why there
was the rift.

I don't know.

I looked through
her photos.

And I was like trying to
find that joy or that spirit-

Yeah.

who she was.

Yeah.

No, there's-

I mean, I'm looking
at this picture here.

This is Christmas.

It feels like-

if what you're
saying is true, it-

kind of a lot of
things make sense.

Mm-hmm.

My journey
and her journey-

have too many similarities.

I don't understand why-

Yes?

My adoption wasn't good.

Do you know this
point right here?

Mm-hmm.

This is where we hold our
traumatic memories, okay?

So I'm just putting
my finger here.

And you just take
a nice deep breath.

And now we're
going to come to-

you're going to
meet little Adrian.

At what age do you feel
like you'd like to meet him-

and talk to him?

Five.

Okay.

Take a nice
deep breath in.

And what does he
need from you?

Protection.

Adrian: So you
were asking me-

if I resolved
things with Keith.

I mean, yeah.

Um-

uh, you know-

I don't wake up with the same
amount of pain, you know?

I'm older.

It's a long
time ago.

I don't have
the same kind of-

you know, but I had to go
through a lot of stuff, right?

Like, I had to-

I had to do
everything, right?

Drink, and the
whole deal, right?

Like everything
to get past, uh-

you know.

And I made films.

And the films basically
helped me uh-

see people, meet people,
find people's kindness.

You were my
best friend.

I was your
best friend.

I don't know if you remember
that, that you know-

I had a film
showing.

A feature.

And uh-

I went to the studio
before they showed it.

And I did a little
introduction.

And I said-

I want to
introduce this film-

to my very best
young friend-

in Montreal.

Yeah, it was
on television.

I was watching
on television.

And my name
came up.

You had
dedicated the film.

You introduced
the film to me.

It was amazing.

They've supposedly restored it-

a year ago, or
two years ago.

I love her reflections
as she's going through.

Yeah.

♪I have been searching
through the timeless past♪

♪Because of
you my love♪

♪Because of you

Ah, that's beautiful.

Thank you.

Mmm.

How, like-

how did you
write it?

I don't know.

I just-

Oh Mama.

It just came
to you?

Mara: Yeah,
just that day.

I guess I
just felt sad-

because we hadn't met you
or talked to you or anything-

and just knowing that you would
never get to meet Mary Margaret-

and just how
sad it was.

That's all.

I don't know.

I guess I
just always-

wondered about her.

Ellen: I thought
about in-

you know, when
you were born-

and I went to
the nursery-

and asked to
see the baby.

And um-

the nurse came out-

and she just
shouted that-

You can't see
that baby.

And then, here I am,
all this time later.

And you're coming
to see me!

So I thought,
Oh my God.

I was just-

you know-

Adrian: Yeah.

It's weird.

I've been asking all
these people whether-

whether you should go
looking for the truth, right?

Mm-hmm.

Ellen: For me,
it would be-

Yeah, I would-

I would want to seek the
truth of my beginnings.

Yeah.

What about you?

Um- I don't know.

It probably comes to find
you anyway eventually.

Johannah: A whole
new beginning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you
are a gift-

from Mary Margaret-

to us-

to her family.

Yeah.

That's really sweet.

You are her gift.

That's really sweet.

It's true.