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Captain's log. Stardate,
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00:00:43,837 --> 00:00:45,713
National Donut Day.
3
00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:48,799
We're under attack from a
ship made of solid fire.
4
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,136
All weapons simply pass through
and come out the other end.
5
00:00:52,137 --> 00:00:55,222
Like that ball bearing I
once mistook for a mint.
6
00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:58,350
It's a conundrum, Kif.
7
00:00:58,351 --> 00:00:59,977
Pray fetch my travel tub.
8
00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:02,396
I do my best thinking
in the shower.
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00:01:03,523 --> 00:01:05,900
♪ humming ♪
10
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:07,651
♪ Ya ba bum ♪
11
00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,236
♪ Ya ba bum bum bum ♪
12
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:12,364
Could you at
least close the curtain, sir?
13
00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:14,366
Certainly.
14
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,327
Lieutenant Kroker!
15
00:01:16,328 --> 00:01:18,954
You expect me to think
without a loofah?
16
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:21,165
Where's my loofah?
- What loofah?
17
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:23,000
- You! You're the loofah.
18
00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:29,799
Will you be quiet?
I'm trying to think!
19
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,303
Ah-ha! Water!
20
00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:36,180
Fire's mortal enemy!
21
00:01:36,181 --> 00:01:38,141
Lieutenant, fire water.
22
00:01:48,902 --> 00:01:51,695
What the? Who used
up all the water?
23
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:55,908
- Your shower depleted the
ship's three-year supply, sir.
24
00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:58,869
Well, no worries.
25
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:01,163
I can end this battle
with two words.
26
00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:04,083
"We surrender."
27
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:06,544
Sign
this certificate of defeat,
28
00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:08,170
so I can show my mom.
29
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:12,676
- Kif, my desk.
30
00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:17,012
I'll just put the old
Zapp Hancock on it.
31
00:02:17,013 --> 00:02:19,431
Big confident dot on the I.
32
00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:24,521
Oh-ho. You're juicier
than I thought, Kif.
33
00:02:35,407 --> 00:02:36,699
- I have had it!
34
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:39,994
I'm through putting up with
your... crap!
35
00:02:39,995 --> 00:02:42,371
I'm filing a formal complaint!
36
00:02:42,372 --> 00:02:44,039
- It's pronounced compliment.
37
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:49,587
- And now, I am proud to present
38
00:02:49,588 --> 00:02:52,673
the monthly Only Good
Employee of the Month Award.
39
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:53,674
Yay.
40
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:56,927
- This month's recipient
has the special distinction
41
00:02:56,928 --> 00:03:00,222
of also having won the
award every previous month.
42
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,057
- Do you think it's me?
43
00:03:14,863 --> 00:03:16,864
- Congratulations!
44
00:03:16,865 --> 00:03:18,115
- Well done, Leela.
45
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:20,701
You've reached the
pinnacle of success
46
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:23,871
in the stagnant, dead-end
delivery business.
47
00:03:23,872 --> 00:03:26,040
- You've really hit rock top!
48
00:03:26,041 --> 00:03:29,376
- Thanks, everybody.
It's a dream come true.
49
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,796
A recurring dream. That
I can't wake up from.
50
00:03:32,797 --> 00:03:33,797
Who wants cake?
51
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:35,507
There's one handful
left. I'll have it.
52
00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:43,557
- I call this disciplinary
hearing to order.
53
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:46,769
Captain Brannigan, Lieutenant
Kroker has made some serious,
54
00:03:46,770 --> 00:03:49,480
though somewhat
amusing, allegations.
55
00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:50,564
Do you have counsel?
56
00:03:50,565 --> 00:03:52,191
- I say, I say, present!
57
00:03:52,192 --> 00:03:54,568
- Lieutenant Kroker,
do you have counsel?
58
00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:59,198
You're representing
both sides in this case?
59
00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,909
- Till my wings give
out, Your Honor.
60
00:04:01,910 --> 00:04:03,787
- I'm going to allow this.
61
00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:07,206
- Now, Mr. Kroker,
please describe
62
00:04:07,207 --> 00:04:09,416
the horrific
treatment you endured
63
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:12,545
at the hands of my innocent
other client there.
64
00:04:12,546 --> 00:04:15,756
- He took a public
shower and used me to...
65
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:18,676
scrub his armpit.
66
00:04:18,677 --> 00:04:20,094
- It was a joke.
67
00:04:20,095 --> 00:04:22,763
Literally everyone was
laughing except Kif.
68
00:04:22,764 --> 00:04:26,141
- He insisted on telling me
his fantasies about my wife!
69
00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:28,143
- That was just
locker room talk.
70
00:04:28,144 --> 00:04:29,770
- He wore greenface!
71
00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:34,775
- It was a Halloween costume.
72
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:38,404
- He made me watch him
perform an erotic fan dance
73
00:04:38,405 --> 00:04:41,782
with a ping-pong paddle
and a no-show sock.
74
00:04:41,783 --> 00:04:43,784
- It was a different time!
75
00:04:43,785 --> 00:04:45,244
- It was yesterday!
76
00:04:45,245 --> 00:04:46,870
- So you admit it!
77
00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:49,248
- Your Honor, I have
reached a verdict.
78
00:04:49,249 --> 00:04:52,376
I find my client,
Zapp Brannigan,
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00:04:52,377 --> 00:04:54,670
guilty.
- I'm going to allow this.
80
00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:58,591
Captain Brannigan, there is
no room in this organization
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00:04:58,592 --> 00:05:00,676
for bullying and harassment.
82
00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:03,721
Your egregious behavior
cannot...
83
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,222
Why are you massaging me?
84
00:05:05,223 --> 00:05:06,932
- You just seem so tense.
85
00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:10,103
Also, you should smile more.
You're prettier when you smile.
86
00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:13,356
See? It's just
nicer for everyone.
87
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,150
- It is therefore
this court's judgment
88
00:05:16,151 --> 00:05:18,444
that you face the
ultimate penalty.
89
00:05:18,445 --> 00:05:20,696
- Dating a woman over 35?
90
00:05:20,697 --> 00:05:23,866
- Zapp Brannigan, you
are hereby... canceled.
91
00:05:24,868 --> 00:05:27,286
The second-worst punishment.
92
00:05:27,287 --> 00:05:28,829
- You will be
stripped of your title
93
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:31,832
while you undergo mandatory
sensitivity training.
94
00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:34,084
And for the duration
of your cancellation,
95
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:36,253
you shall wear the Scarlet C.
96
00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:41,342
- I object to these
frivolous, paltry charges.
97
00:05:41,343 --> 00:05:42,843
- Frivolous poultry?
98
00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:45,054
You insult me, sir!
99
00:05:58,109 --> 00:05:59,902
Who is it? Poop?
100
00:05:59,903 --> 00:06:01,862
- Captain Turanga Leela,
101
00:06:01,863 --> 00:06:04,448
you put in an application
to be a DOOP pilot?
102
00:06:04,449 --> 00:06:06,784
- Uh, yeah. Like an hour ago.
103
00:06:06,785 --> 00:06:07,827
- You're hired.
104
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,417
- Captain of the Nimbus!
105
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:17,753
So you're gonna be Kif's
commanding lobster?
106
00:06:17,754 --> 00:06:19,296
- Negative. Right?
107
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:21,757
- Affirmative. I'm
taking some family leave,
108
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:24,426
so I can get bossed
around by someone I like.
109
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,762
- Psst. Stinky needs changing.
110
00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,973
- But the DOOP did
authorize me to bring along
111
00:06:28,974 --> 00:06:30,641
two trusted crew members.
112
00:06:30,642 --> 00:06:32,017
A first officer,
113
00:06:32,018 --> 00:06:34,144
which, in a bold
command decision,
114
00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:35,145
will be Fry.
115
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:36,438
- Aw, thanks, honey.
116
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,941
- I mean, Captain Honey.
- Sir.
117
00:06:38,942 --> 00:06:40,694
- And a Chief Science Officer.
118
00:06:41,319 --> 00:06:42,361
Professor...
119
00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:46,073
- I, Bender, humbly accept
this prestigious appointment.
120
00:06:46,074 --> 00:06:48,325
Also, it comes
with double salary.
121
00:06:48,326 --> 00:06:50,786
- So long and good
luck, you three.
122
00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:53,581
You have been an important part
of the Planet Express family,
123
00:06:53,582 --> 00:06:56,000
and you'll be greatly missed.
124
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,838
Next item of
business. We have...
125
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,465
one, two, three office
chairs for sale.
126
00:07:08,263 --> 00:07:10,306
- I'm here for the
sensitivity training,
127
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:13,267
and, uh, also, do you have
a better-looking sister?
128
00:07:13,268 --> 00:07:15,144
- Please go inside
and take a seat.
129
00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:17,187
The training will begin shortly.
130
00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:21,775
- Howdy, cancel mates.
131
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:23,819
You wanna know why
I got sent here?
132
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:24,820
- Nope.
133
00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:26,530
- Indecent exposure!
134
00:07:30,785 --> 00:07:33,954
You all saw it,
right? You wanna see it again?
135
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,165
- I could barely see
it the first time.
136
00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:37,792
What?!
137
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:39,835
I've seen brighter.
138
00:07:39,836 --> 00:07:41,795
- Yeah, well, it's not
about the brightness.
139
00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:43,631
It's about the
color temperature!
140
00:07:43,632 --> 00:07:45,591
- How 'bout you?
What did you do?
141
00:07:45,592 --> 00:07:47,593
- Meh, it was total BS.
142
00:07:47,594 --> 00:07:50,429
Some people "alleged"
I was verbally abusive
143
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,681
and threw food at my coworkers.
144
00:07:52,682 --> 00:07:54,808
I mean, a lot of
people, actually.
145
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,393
- That's ridiculous.
146
00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:58,854
You're obviously not
the type to waste food.
147
00:07:58,855 --> 00:08:01,982
- You should talk, you
family-sized bucket of lard-ass!
148
00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:03,275
Ow!
149
00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,319
That hurt in more ways than one.
150
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,404
It hurt in two
ways.
151
00:08:10,867 --> 00:08:14,370
- Hello, class. I'm Dr. Kind,
your sensitivity instructor.
152
00:08:14,371 --> 00:08:16,622
- Wow, you're ugly.
153
00:08:16,623 --> 00:08:19,333
- Oh! Now, we don't
talk that way in here.
154
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:21,210
This is a safe space.
155
00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:23,128
The fact is, sometimes,
156
00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:25,506
our words hurt other people,
157
00:08:25,507 --> 00:08:28,884
and we need to be made
aware of how that feels.
158
00:08:31,304 --> 00:08:33,931
It feels like this!
159
00:08:33,932 --> 00:08:36,392
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
160
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:38,769
- This isn't some
woke-ass seminar!
161
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:42,606
This course will take the form
of a simulated space mission,
162
00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:45,025
with me as your abusive captain!
163
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:48,070
And you'll learn from the
example I'm not setting!
164
00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:49,363
- Ouch!
165
00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:55,161
Now, kindly
follow me to the simulator.
166
00:08:55,829 --> 00:08:57,788
Ooh, careful. There's a step.
167
00:09:02,335 --> 00:09:04,628
This
mission may be simulated,
168
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:07,798
but my abuse will be very real.
169
00:09:07,799 --> 00:09:10,426
Set course for degradation!
170
00:09:10,427 --> 00:09:13,470
- Hm, never been
there. Sounds exotic.
171
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:18,475
- I'm pleased to have a civilian
pilot of your caliber, Leela.
172
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:20,769
The DOOP is rebranding
to project an image
173
00:09:20,770 --> 00:09:23,689
of peaceful exploration
rather than war.
174
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:27,651
Also, we want to show we care about
looking like we care about hiring women.
175
00:09:31,531 --> 00:09:33,532
Wow, it's huge!
176
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:36,702
It's like a Princess cruise
ship with laser cannons!
177
00:09:36,703 --> 00:09:38,329
- I hope they have
a kids' center.
178
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,371
- They don't.
179
00:09:39,372 --> 00:09:42,666
But there's a buffet with
all-you-can-eat week-old sashimi.
180
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,667
- Score!
181
00:09:52,344 --> 00:09:53,719
LEELA
I'm really nervous.
182
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,512
What if I can't handle this?
183
00:09:55,513 --> 00:09:57,848
Leela, I
know absolutely nothing,
184
00:09:57,849 --> 00:09:59,350
but I know one thing.
185
00:09:59,351 --> 00:10:01,060
You'll be great.
186
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:03,854
- Nimbus crew, I'm
pleased to introduce
187
00:10:03,855 --> 00:10:05,898
Zapp Brannigan's replacement,
188
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:08,235
Captain Turanga Leela.
189
00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:11,403
- At ease, crew.
190
00:10:11,404 --> 00:10:14,657
I, um, I know I'm nothing
like Zapp Brannigan, but I...
191
00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:24,416
Dear Captain's Diary.
192
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:26,835
If you're not me,
don't read this.
193
00:10:26,836 --> 00:10:29,088
We're preparing to
make first contact
194
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:31,090
with a primitive civilization.
195
00:10:31,091 --> 00:10:33,801
Anyway, G2G. TTYL.
196
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:36,012
PS, Fry looks cute.
197
00:10:38,306 --> 00:10:40,558
- Captain, it's time to
descend to the planet.
198
00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,226
Have you readied
a shuttle-copter?
199
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:44,061
- I've been thinking about that.
200
00:10:44,062 --> 00:10:45,854
Maybe we shouldn't
intimidate them
201
00:10:45,855 --> 00:10:47,481
with our advanced technology.
202
00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:48,482
- Hm...
203
00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:51,277
Generally, I like to
intimidate new civilizations,
204
00:10:51,278 --> 00:10:52,903
but what did you have in mind?
205
00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:54,446
- A bucket on a rope.
206
00:10:55,991 --> 00:10:57,700
Sorry you can't come, Bender.
207
00:10:57,701 --> 00:11:00,244
Your robot technology
might scare them.
208
00:11:02,747 --> 00:11:04,415
Safe travels.
209
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:09,253
- This was a clever
idea, Captain.
210
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:11,422
- See, Leela?
You're doing great.
211
00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:19,221
- Hope my robot technology
isn't scaring you.
212
00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:21,056
And now, to stop it.
213
00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:39,325
- Hello! We are people from
the sky who come in peace.
214
00:11:39,326 --> 00:11:41,619
They speak Tactillian.
215
00:11:42,704 --> 00:11:43,746
- Ah!
216
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:47,583
- I am Airee, Quing
of Planet Tactillia.
217
00:11:47,584 --> 00:11:49,293
For centuries, we have wondered
218
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:51,545
if we are alone in the universe.
219
00:11:51,546 --> 00:11:54,673
But now, we know
intelligent life exists,
220
00:11:54,674 --> 00:11:57,718
flying among the
stars in a bucket.
221
00:11:57,719 --> 00:11:59,637
Welcome.
222
00:12:02,807 --> 00:12:06,560
- The bucket people have
unusual bodies, oh Quing.
223
00:12:06,561 --> 00:12:09,940
- They have fewer
knobs, but not none!
224
00:12:10,732 --> 00:12:13,651
- Hey! Just 'cause I'm
wearing a short skirt.
225
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,319
No means no.
226
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,447
- Blech! What are
you doing? Stop that!
227
00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:20,574
- Captain! Respect
their customs!
228
00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:23,535
We need to win the hearts
and knobs of these people.
229
00:12:23,536 --> 00:12:25,663
But they're so grabby. Oops!
230
00:12:25,664 --> 00:12:27,498
Whee!
231
00:12:27,499 --> 00:12:29,625
- Um... Quing Airee,
232
00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:31,752
we have important
matters to discuss,
233
00:12:31,753 --> 00:12:33,254
but it may be difficult.
234
00:12:33,255 --> 00:12:36,590
Our civilizations are at very
different levels of technology.
235
00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:39,343
- No kidding. You
traveled in a bucket.
236
00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:42,429
- Actually, that was...
- We have much to teach you.
237
00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:50,688
Brush harder, tubby!
238
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:53,691
- You can't yell at me.
You're on your short arms.
239
00:12:53,692 --> 00:12:55,734
- I yell at any height I want!
240
00:12:55,735 --> 00:12:57,861
You! Brush your teeth!
241
00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:58,946
- I don't have teeth.
242
00:12:58,947 --> 00:13:00,781
- Then brush my teeth!
243
00:13:00,782 --> 00:13:02,241
Damn,
those are nice...
244
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:03,493
Whoa!
245
00:13:04,202 --> 00:13:07,538
You all think
you've humiliated your crews.
246
00:13:07,539 --> 00:13:09,748
You ain't seen nothin'.
247
00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,167
I'm gonna do
something so degrading
248
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:14,628
that you'll never be the same!
249
00:13:14,629 --> 00:13:18,591
I'm going to take a shower...
right here on the bridge!
250
00:13:19,843 --> 00:13:21,468
- You sicken me.
251
00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:29,852
- If you're wondering
how our civilization
252
00:13:29,853 --> 00:13:32,104
became so advanced...
- We're not, but...
253
00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:35,357
- it's because we learned to
harness pneumatic technology.
254
00:13:35,358 --> 00:13:38,193
All the sophisticated
machinery you see
255
00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:39,945
is powered by air.
256
00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:41,071
- I've heard of air.
257
00:13:43,366 --> 00:13:45,659
- This is our main
air power plant.
258
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:48,662
The air blows through
high-pressure transmission lines,
259
00:13:48,663 --> 00:13:51,248
so our citizens can
power their appliances
260
00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:53,167
and inflate their meals.
261
00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:56,629
- I'm fascinated by
all this wonderful air.
262
00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:58,088
Where does it come from?
263
00:13:58,089 --> 00:13:59,674
- I'm glad you asked.
264
00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:05,137
Behold!
265
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:06,639
Oh no, wait. Hang
on.
266
00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:09,642
Behold!
267
00:14:09,643 --> 00:14:12,479
The Great Blow Hole!
268
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,274
- Fresh from the hole.
269
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:18,609
Whoa!
270
00:14:20,946 --> 00:14:22,321
This is kinda fun.
271
00:14:22,322 --> 00:14:24,240
- Get out of our air!
272
00:14:27,077 --> 00:14:29,912
- This is an amazing natural
resource, Quing Airee.
273
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:32,706
You should do everything in
your power to protect it.
274
00:14:32,707 --> 00:14:34,918
- Uh, Leela, a word.
275
00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:38,295
I may not have told you
everything about this mission.
276
00:14:38,296 --> 00:14:40,422
These people are
lovely and whatever.
277
00:14:40,423 --> 00:14:41,465
It's debatable.
278
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:44,760
We're really here for the air.
- What?
279
00:14:44,761 --> 00:14:47,846
The whole core of
this planet is frozen gas.
280
00:14:47,847 --> 00:14:50,724
It's like a slot machine
that keeps paying out air!
281
00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:53,018
- That sounds like a
really boring casino.
282
00:14:53,019 --> 00:14:54,562
- Have you been to space, Leela?
283
00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:56,313
Not a lotta air out there,
284
00:14:56,314 --> 00:14:59,066
and what we do have
is, like, 50% burp.
285
00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:02,069
Which is why you must get
them to sign this treaty
286
00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:03,904
granting us air rights.
287
00:15:03,905 --> 00:15:05,614
So,
288
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,908
this peace mission isn't
really about peace?
289
00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:09,493
- Who said it's not about peace?
290
00:15:09,494 --> 00:15:11,453
It's entirely about peace.
291
00:15:11,454 --> 00:15:12,789
Also, air.
292
00:15:13,248 --> 00:15:16,417
Leela, sometimes we
coerce people with war.
293
00:15:16,418 --> 00:15:18,419
Other times, we
take the high road
294
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,170
and trick them with peace.
295
00:15:20,171 --> 00:15:22,215
Excuse me.
296
00:15:28,263 --> 00:15:30,764
- It is my great pleasure
297
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:34,018
to sign this peace
treaty with Captain Leela
298
00:15:34,019 --> 00:15:37,062
and her big bucket
of space friends.
299
00:15:39,024 --> 00:15:41,942
- Tradition dictates
that the parties begin
300
00:15:41,943 --> 00:15:43,777
with the ritual knobbling.
301
00:15:45,614 --> 00:15:46,822
- Uh...
302
00:15:46,823 --> 00:15:50,534
- Our captain will gladly
engage in the knobbling.
303
00:15:50,535 --> 00:15:52,411
- I will? I'd rather not.
304
00:15:52,412 --> 00:15:54,371
I said knobble!
305
00:15:57,083 --> 00:15:59,084
Blech!
306
00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:01,503
It's starting to get
real ripe in here.
307
00:16:01,504 --> 00:16:05,382
- No offense, but could it
possibly be all the food you threw?
308
00:16:05,383 --> 00:16:08,052
Let's
find out.
309
00:16:08,053 --> 00:16:10,763
- Ow.
- Man. It does stink.
310
00:16:10,764 --> 00:16:13,933
It's like rotten flesh
floating in a puddle of vomit.
311
00:16:13,934 --> 00:16:15,726
You wish.
312
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,061
It's a durian!
313
00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:18,938
- No.
314
00:16:18,939 --> 00:16:20,439
Noooo!
315
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,149
What's a durian, by the way?
316
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:25,736
- Earth's most putrid
yet delicious fruit.
317
00:16:25,737 --> 00:16:29,281
So refreshing after
a public shower.
318
00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:34,995
- My God. It actually
has stink lines.
319
00:16:34,996 --> 00:16:36,664
- Tough it out, snowflake!
320
00:16:36,665 --> 00:16:40,459
Now you see how you've
demoralized your own crews!
321
00:16:40,460 --> 00:16:43,504
Crews you expect to
follow you into battle!
322
00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:46,257
- At least with me in charge,
they don't suffer long.
323
00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:49,510
- Let's see how well you
fight under these conditions.
324
00:16:49,511 --> 00:16:51,887
Crew to simulated
battle stations!
325
00:16:51,888 --> 00:16:54,848
Captain Cranky!
90 degrees to starboard!
326
00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:58,185
Shields up, Flashnut!
327
00:16:58,186 --> 00:17:01,772
Fire simulated
missile, you fat moron!
328
00:17:01,773 --> 00:17:03,566
So mean.
329
00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:07,861
That simulated ship looks
a bit like my real ship,
330
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:09,572
the Nimbus.
331
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:11,240
Yes! Direct hit!
332
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:15,494
Now, who's the fat,
incontinent moron?
333
00:17:24,754 --> 00:17:26,255
- Hey, man, that's catchy!
334
00:17:26,256 --> 00:17:29,049
What song is that playing
on the emergency siren?
335
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:31,719
- It's the emergency
siren! We're under attack!
336
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,178
- Ah! I'm getting outta here!
337
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:46,692
- We need this treaty, Leela.
338
00:17:46,693 --> 00:17:49,570
Act like a captain and
start fondling knobs.
339
00:17:51,823 --> 00:17:55,576
On behalf of the
Democratic Order of Planets,
340
00:17:55,577 --> 00:17:58,412
it is my honor to, respectfully,
341
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,664
grope your slimy...
342
00:18:00,665 --> 00:18:03,334
I can't do it.
343
00:18:03,335 --> 00:18:06,629
Something just seems
inappropriate.
344
00:18:06,630 --> 00:18:08,088
Possibly this thing.
345
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,932
- What a marvelous bucket.
346
00:18:20,018 --> 00:18:21,518
- Jumping Judas.
347
00:18:21,519 --> 00:18:24,146
I've never seen a
simulation so realistic.
348
00:18:24,147 --> 00:18:27,191
Is it "okay" to hit
on a simulation?
349
00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:28,776
- What is the meaning of this?
350
00:18:28,777 --> 00:18:31,028
I thought I canceled
all four of you!
351
00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:33,906
- Yes, but I hijacked this ship
352
00:18:33,907 --> 00:18:37,785
after hog-tying your pathetic
sensitivity instructor!
353
00:18:39,621 --> 00:18:41,372
- It was a teachable moment.
354
00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:43,040
- So, our ship was real?
355
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:45,334
And the simulation
was simulated?
356
00:18:47,963 --> 00:18:51,924
- No one cancels Dr. Gary Kind.
357
00:18:51,925 --> 00:18:54,802
- Who's the tall short guy?
- Dr. Gary Kind,
358
00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:57,680
one of the DOOP's most
notorious gropers.
359
00:18:57,681 --> 00:18:59,598
A groper?
360
00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:07,648
- Now, this
gentleman's a diplomat.
361
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:11,569
- You messed with the wrong
doctor of botanical science.
362
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,612
But I have with me a bio-weapon
363
00:19:13,613 --> 00:19:16,657
of inconceivable power!
364
00:19:16,658 --> 00:19:18,701
- He's got something
in his jacket!
365
00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:20,244
And so do I!
366
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:28,377
- Jeez. How many more
durians does this guy have?
367
00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:32,381
- One. Enough to befoul
this planet's air supply
368
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:33,883
for centuries!
369
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,219
- Gary, put down the durian.
370
00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:39,930
We swore never to use
those in peacetime.
371
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:45,561
- Bender to Leela! The Nimbus came
under attack about an hour ago!
372
00:19:45,562 --> 00:19:47,438
I probably should
have called earlier.
373
00:19:47,439 --> 00:19:49,523
Be on the lookout
for a small gunship
374
00:19:49,524 --> 00:19:52,443
about yea big from a
million miles away.
375
00:19:52,444 --> 00:19:56,155
- Captain Leela, command the
Nimbus to fire on Dr. Kind.
376
00:19:57,198 --> 00:19:59,033
But, he's surrounded
377
00:19:59,034 --> 00:20:01,452
by those poor innocent pervs.
378
00:20:01,453 --> 00:20:03,120
They might get hurt.
379
00:20:03,121 --> 00:20:05,456
What a wimp!
380
00:20:05,457 --> 00:20:07,291
Captains need to be ruthless.
381
00:20:07,292 --> 00:20:09,293
Women belong in the kitchen,
382
00:20:09,294 --> 00:20:12,254
fixing me a sweet durian pie.
383
00:20:12,255 --> 00:20:14,340
- That's an
offensive stereotype.
384
00:20:14,341 --> 00:20:16,091
Leela's terrible at baking.
385
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:20,763
Your eight-hour
sensitivity training is complete.
386
00:20:20,764 --> 00:20:24,141
Please deposit me in the
nearest recycling bin.
387
00:20:24,142 --> 00:20:25,393
- No chance.
388
00:20:26,394 --> 00:20:29,521
- Zapp Brannigan, having
completed your rehabilitation,
389
00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:32,858
I hereby reinstate you
as Captain of the Nimbus.
390
00:20:32,859 --> 00:20:34,693
Order your ship to fire!
391
00:20:34,694 --> 00:20:36,070
- Uh, thank you, Glab,
392
00:20:36,071 --> 00:20:38,614
but, uh, I'm not
sure I can do that.
393
00:20:38,615 --> 00:20:40,658
Dr. Kind taught me a lot.
394
00:20:40,659 --> 00:20:42,243
- That's wonderful!
395
00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:45,747
- I now know there's a difference
between right and wrong.
396
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,707
One of them gets you canceled.
397
00:20:50,627 --> 00:20:53,379
- See what you get
with PC culture?
398
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:57,132
Weak captains too cowardly
to shoot the helpless!
399
00:21:01,304 --> 00:21:04,014
- Ah, what a beautiful night
400
00:21:04,015 --> 00:21:06,016
for smell-gazing.
401
00:21:09,354 --> 00:21:13,357
- You should have shot me before
I destroyed your precious air!
402
00:21:13,358 --> 00:21:17,111
If I were captain, I'd have
fired without a second thought!
403
00:21:18,947 --> 00:21:22,241
Your eight-hour
sensitivity training is complete.
404
00:21:22,242 --> 00:21:23,784
Please deposit me...
405
00:21:26,204 --> 00:21:29,540
- Dr. Kind, having completed
your rehabilitation,
406
00:21:29,541 --> 00:21:32,543
I name you Captain of the
Nimbus. Order your ship to...
407
00:21:32,544 --> 00:21:33,627
- Fire!
408
00:21:53,773 --> 00:21:55,649
- Leela, you're a hero!
409
00:21:58,194 --> 00:22:01,697
- Quing Airee, I am now
prepared to knobble.
410
00:22:01,698 --> 00:22:04,158
Don't mind the
durian.
411
00:22:04,159 --> 00:22:08,038
- I declare the groping
optional. Where do I sign?
412
00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:16,587
- In conclusion,
413
00:22:16,588 --> 00:22:18,714
I sincerely apologize
414
00:22:18,715 --> 00:22:21,133
to all those I've harmed.
415
00:22:21,134 --> 00:22:22,801
Especially Kif Kroker,
416
00:22:22,802 --> 00:22:25,346
the giant sex
ladies of Amazonia,
417
00:22:25,347 --> 00:22:26,889
simulated Leela,
418
00:22:26,890 --> 00:22:30,100
and, of course,
the late Dr. Kind.
419
00:22:30,101 --> 00:22:31,602
Yeah, baby!
420
00:22:34,147 --> 00:22:36,982
- Move! This ceremony
is for Leela.
421
00:22:36,983 --> 00:22:38,025
Captain Leela,
422
00:22:38,026 --> 00:22:41,487
having heroically secured
our supply of space air,
423
00:22:41,488 --> 00:22:44,406
I present you the
DOOP's highest honor,
424
00:22:44,407 --> 00:22:46,158
the Medal of Valor.
425
00:22:49,079 --> 00:22:51,372
- It's pronounced velour.
426
00:22:51,373 --> 00:22:54,917
- Your refusal to shoot
unarmed civilians when ordered
427
00:22:54,918 --> 00:22:57,127
was an inspiration to us all,
428
00:22:57,128 --> 00:22:59,922
as well as grounds for a
dishonorable discharge!
429
00:22:59,923 --> 00:23:03,050
What do you think this is,
the Peace Corps? Get out!
430
00:23:07,305 --> 00:23:10,766
- I guess I just don't have what
it takes to be a DOOP captain.
431
00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:13,018
- No, you have something better.
432
00:23:13,019 --> 00:23:15,105
You have what it
takes to be Leela.
433
00:23:24,489 --> 00:23:26,282
- Yum. Durian!
434
00:23:26,283 --> 00:23:29,493
May I slurp your cheek clean
with my tendrils?
435
00:23:29,494 --> 00:23:33,205
- Eh, sure. And thanks
for asking first.
436
00:23:34,332 --> 00:23:36,166
Ew, blech!
437
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:38,460
But also yum.
29654
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