All language subtitles for Angry Video Game Nerd The Movie 720p-en

That ought to do it.

The Atari 2600 was the pioneer in home video game
systems. It created a cultural phenomenon, but most

importantly, a ripe industry gaining billions of dollars.
Atari's success and brand loyalty was so strong,

they were able to produce games as cheaply and quickly
as possible. But in 1982, it would all come to an end.

This is when they produced a game based on the highest
grossing film of that year, Steven Spielberg's.

Eee Tee. The man chosen to program the game was Howard
Scott Warshaw, based off the previous success of.

Yars' Revenge and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Under normal
circumstances, programming a game took Warshaw six to

seven months. For Eee Tee, he was only given five weeks in
order to meet the deadline for the Christmas shopping season.

The end result was a strange and incoherent
game that alienated devoted gamers.

To this day, it's viewed as the biggest commercial failure
in video gaming history. Atari suffered a 536 million

dollar loss, not only bankrupting the company,
but bringing the entire industry down with it,

an event known as the Video Game Crash of 1983.
As a result of overproduction, over two million

copies of the game were said to have been
buried somewhere in the New Mexico desert.

And that is why we at Cockburn Inc. Will be making Eee
Tee 2 for today's most advanced video gaming platforms.

But will fans be eager to buy a game based off of such a
reputation, even though the new version will be better?

Oh. Well, that's the beauty, Mr. Cockburn. It
won't be better. We'll make it even worse.

Did you say worse? >> Oh, absolutely! It's called outside-the-box marketing.
This is highly irregular. >> I know. >> Research shows gamers these days

are playing games they hate. They think bad is the new good.
Consequently, we'll cut our expenses and double our profits.

If people hate the games they're
playing, why are they still playing them?

Oh, because of this guy.

And for him to endorse it,
it's almost too brilliant.

This is the vile crap I had to

grow up with as a kid. Gamers today are so lucky. They never
have to encounter anything that sinks to this level of filth.

Ah, man! There's so many projectiles
on this screen. It's impossible

to avoid. It'd be easier to go out in a thunderstorm and try to
dodge rain. You touch the floors, you die. You touch the walls,

you die. You touch the ceiling, you die. You die, you die,
you die, die, die, die, die, die, die! >> Ha ha ha ha ha!

So there's this guy on the Internet called the Angry Video Game Nerd, and he claims
that he's reviewing all these old, shitty video games to give closure on all the

ruined childhoods. >> Like what were they thinking? >> I fucking love
the Nerd. >> Your accuracy in this game has to be so precise that

hitting your mark is like trying to piss into a shot glass that's spinning
on a record player that's strapped to a running cheetah's back while you're

riding on a unicycle blindfolded. >> Ha ha ha. >> In other words, it's
pretty hard. >> Ha ha ha. >> They just want to cover up the truth

with their awesome cover that makes the game look great when really, it
just rips kids off their hard-earned allowance money. >> What you do

for all of us is a public servicing. >> You're, you're so much
the awesomeness. >> It's both a form of kind of retroactive

revenge, but it's also therapeutic. >> It would be easier
to pick fly shit out of pepper while wearing boxing gloves.

Crazy dude. He's freaking crazy! >> Oh, man. I remember
that game. >> Awesome! >> We are your biggest fans.

Drew you this picture.
Love the Nerd. >> I drew

a little portrait. >> I got your custom t-shirt right here. >> Well, who else
can you think of that actually cuddles up with the AVGN plush doll every night?

Got a Angry Video Game Nerd tattoo. >> I got that immortalized
in ink. >> Who goes around punching snakes and spiders?

I am your biggest fan from Germany. >> Greetings from Cleveland. >> Norway. >>
Toronto, Ontario. >> Mexico City. >> Dallas, Texas. >> From Italy. >> New York.

England. >> Scotland. >> Sweden. >> Ukraine. >> Tennessee. >> Chile. >> Brazil. >> Angry
Video Game Nerd episodes helped me to learn English. >> This game is a blizzard of

balls. It's a catastrophe of ass. >> The
suffering of someone is the pleasure of another.

I try to respect the pain that you go through. >>
Could you please review Eee Tee for the Atari 2600?

I mean it's the worse game of all time. >> >> Heard
legends of it that it's buried in the landfill somewhere.

Let's just keep this one buried. >> Why is it
called Xenophobe, anyway? Well, apparently it

means having a fear of anything foreign. Well, if by foreign it means
a drooling, alien creature that's gonna kill me, you bet your ass

I fear it. >> When in the name of the ass are you
going to do the Eee Tee? >> You are my last hope.

Please do Eee Tee. >> Where the fuck is Eee Tee? >> It sucked
balls. Glug, glug, glug. You see, is it really that hard?

Review Eee Tee. >> Why not Eee Tee? You drink tea. >> Review Eee
Tee. >> Are you on the Internet again? >> Eee Tee. >> Eee Tee.

The game just goes on and on and on. I
don't think there's an ending. The only

objective I can think of is to rack the
score up to 999,999. But no, it stops at

999,990. That is nine video game points you
will never have. So, when does the game end?

When you shut the fucker off and throw
it out your window. >> Back up, back up.

Here's to Xenophobe, Xeno
fucking piece of dog shit!

Oh, cut, cut. >> Perfect take,

Nerd. Nice throw, man. Want another angle? >> Cooper, I appreciate
the help, but usually I film these videos all by myself.

Wanna wide shot? >> No. >> Closeup? >> No. >> An
over-the-shoulder? >> No! >> A behind-the-knee shot? >> What?

Hm, alright. That one is gonna be good.
Alright. We're late for work.

If you want to be a nerd like me, you got to make
some unique sacrifices. No physical fitness,

no social popularity, and most
important, no girls. Nerds before birds.

That's the way.

Holy mother of God! >>
Do you see that, Nerd?

They're making Eee Tee 2. That means you're finally gonna review the
original Atari Eee Tee, right? >> Cooper, this is too much to comprehend.

And no, I'm never reviewing Eee Tee. >> But, but the timing is perfect, man.
You have to do it now. >> I'd rather suck the dry shit out of a dog's ass

fur. >> You know it's your most requested game. You get emails about
it all the time. >> You're still checking my emails? >> I got to!

'Kay, let's go to work. >> You know
it's considered the worse game of

all time, right? >> Oh, trust me; I know. That illogical gameplay.
We don't know what to do. Falling in the pits over and over again.

It brings my piss to a boil. >> Well, then why not
do it, man? It'd be perfect. I'll help if you want.

Have you watched my videos yet? >> No, what is it,
Super Video Dude? >> No, man. It's Super Rad Video.

Game Dude. >> Ah, rad. >> Hey, Angry Video Game Nerd! >> Hey, how you
doing? >> Hey, I saw your last review and I was laughing my ass off.

I just had to go buy the game on eBay and see how bad it was
and man, you were right. >> Whoa, whoa. No, no. >> Yeah.

Herb, can I see you
in here for a moment?

Hello. No, you listen to me, you sick fuck!

No, yours is sick fuck. You're sicker than
fucking sick. Yeah, and I have the DNA

to prove it! Alright, I'll see you at 8.
What do you want? >> You called me here.

Oh, right, Herb. I'm sorry about that. Look, Herb, I, I just
wanted to tell you there's gonna be a couple of changes.

But my name is Nerd, Mr. Swann. >>
My fucking father's name was Mr. Swann.

Please call me John. Now one of the things
we're gonna change is that you're gonna start

wearing these. Yeah, let's see.
Oh, that looks great.

But more importantly, a shipment
of War Duty 3000 came in today.

And because you're the fucking expert, I was
fucking wondering just off the top of my head,

do you think we should put it in the front
display? >> I don't think that's a good idea.

Bullshit! That's going in the front display, and
it's your job to sell it. >> But I can't sell people

games that look this unbelievably bad. I don't even play most
of these newer games. >> Go for the gun! >> I'd rather not.

Go for the gun! Take it out of my hand! You're gonna
sell it. I don't give a shit about your happy horseshit.

Sega games or the Gamekid or all that shit.
What's ever on that shelf, you get it sold!

Hello. What? It's a boy? Aw.
No, I knew my semen

was good. >> Hey! Angry Video Game Nerd.

Hey. >> Hey, what's you holding there?
War Duty 3000. >> Oh, did you play it?

What, are you kidding me? Just looking at it makes me feel like having an anal evacuation.
I'd rather have a dick right on my forehead so every day is a struggle not to shoot piss

into my own mouth until I eventually drown only to get
reincarnated as another dick on my now lifeless body.

Ha ha ha. Well, now I got to buy it. I can't wait
to tell everybody that the Angry Video Game Nerd

yelled and spat on this game.

Oh, and what do you think of that?
They're putting out Eee Tee 2.

It can't be as bad as the original, though, right? You know
what? I heard that Atari recalled all of the cartridges

and buried them somewhere in the middle of the desert because
the game was so bad. Worst video game of all time. Ha ha ha ha.

Oh, you should review Eee Tee!

No. >> Can you review Eee Tee? I think you should review Eee Tee. >> Yeah, come on, Nerd.
Review Eee Tee for all the fans. >> No. >> When the new Spider-Man movie came out,

what game did you review? >> Spider-Man. >> And
when the new Transformers movie was released,

what game did you review? >> Transformers. >>
So, the new Eee Tee is here. The time is right.

Do Eee Tee. Eee Tee! >>

No!

Nerd! Wait, wait. I'm sorry. It's just that we really want to know
what you think of that game. Can you at least tell me? Off the record.

Alright, it sucks ass through a straw. That game is proof
that we failed as a human race. It's a horrible abomination

that fucks you harder than life itself, and I wish I could
send every single cartridge off the face of this earth!

See? That's exactly what you say in the video. >> I can't even be
pissed off and have it mean anything anymore. >> It's better to get

pissed off than to get pissed on.
There's one thing that I could

never get to the bottom of. >> Hm. >> Why is that Eee Tee
game so infamously popular? >> Well, it's the worse game,

but it's the greatest game story ever told. I mean when
gamers found out Eee Tee was buried in that landfill,

it became forever buried in our conscious minds. >> You really
believe they buried two million cartridges in the fucking desert?

Yeah! Well, how can you dispute the dozens of eyewitness
accounts, hundreds of online articles, testimonies from.

New Mexico high schoolers, reporters? Even the mayor
of Alamogordo for Pete's sake. Here, take the wheel.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean it doesn't make any
sense. So, they give the game to one person

to design in five weeks, and perpetually make bad games over and
over again with the mentality that people would just buy them.

And now you're saying they buried all the cartridges? That's bullshit.
They would have recycled all those cartridges. They were so stingy,

they would have reused every piece of plastic and saved every last cent.
Here's a photo of the actual game carts >> Whoa. >> Laying at the

bottom of the landfill. >> You got to be kidding me. This is the shittiest photo
I've ever seen. Looks like it's been put through a copy machine 100 times.

I don't see any games in there! It's no better than a picture of the
Loch Ness Monster showing the loch with nothing in it or a picture

of Bigfoot shown in the woods with nothing in it or a picture of a UFO
showing the sky with nothing in it. This is a picture of a landfill

with nothing fucking in it! >> Hey, I happen to have seen Bigfoot
twice; Two of them. >> Oh, you saw two Bigfoots? >> Mm-hm.

Would they be Bigfeet? >>
They had big feet. Mandi!

Oh, we're just pulling up. We'll be there in a sec.
Who's that? Where are we going? >> Just trust me.

Give me a Rock. Rolling.

Are you the Nerd? >> Um, uh, yeah.

Oh, my god! This is so cool.
Would you sign my breasts?

I'm his manager. I handle all the
important documents. >> Really? Oh, okay.

There you go. >> Bye.
Holy shitskies, man.

I'm never taking a shower again. >> She got them
big-ass titties. I'd like to bang that booty like ah,

uh. >> Hey, stop that. Stop! Always
remember the golden rule. Nerds

before birds, right? >> Hi, Cooper. Hey, Nerd, my man. >> Hey. >> What's
up? Alright, give me just a minute and I'll come over to that table.

Wait, what the hell is this? >> This is a tremendous
career move. Just hear her out. >> Mr. Nerd,

I'm Mandi with Cockburn Inc.
I've been talking with Cooper on

email for so long. It's great to finally meet the Nerd himself. I know how
extremely busy you both are, so I'm not gonna rattle on and on. >> Thanks.

I would like to present you with an exciting opportunity to review
our newest game. Obviously we at Cockburn Inc. Have seen all of

your videos. They're brilliant. So, we knew
that this game would be right up your alley.

But talk is cheap, right, boys? So I'll
let this demo walk the walk, so to speak.

Ooh, ooh. >> So what do
you think about that, Nerd?

So that's a yes?

And then you just automatically assumed I'd be
cool with this? >> Well, you never said anything

about not reviewing the new Eee Tee game. >> Oh, but don't you understand?
If I review the new one, I'm only gonna end up having to do the old one too.

Then why not do both? > I can't. I physically can't play
that game. It caused me so much torment as a child,

I'd rather quit reviewing games permanently. >> You know what? You're
right. You should find something else. I can see you doing a lot of things.

Shrimp boat captain, iron working, nuclear decontamination
tech, roofing, reviewing the new Eee Tee game.

No! >> Come on. Just think it over. Anyway, I better get inside. Mom's
gonna kill me if I'm not inside before the streetlights come on.

Cooper? Get your ass in here! Didn't I tell you to get in before the
streetlights come on? >> Gotta go. Bye. >> Where have you been? See, uh-huh.

You was at that young girl titty bar. Didn't
I tell you to stay away from the titties?

No!

Whoa!

Oh, oh. Ah!

Oh no. Not again! Whoa!

Oh, couldn't I just wake
up after the first fall?

Ah! You motherfucker. Ah!

You fucking piece of shit! Ah!

Even my dreams are low-budget.

Oh, my god. They found it. I don't
know how, but they found it.

No! No! No!

Whoa! Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Whoa! Ah!

I have to save the fans.

Noob.

Come on, they nerfed PvP. And you still
using those items. That's level 15,

level 26 already. Nerd! What's up, man?

Cooper, is this thing working, can you hear me? >> Yeah,
dude, you're moving so slow, man. Here, take this item.

What? >> Equip it. >> Equip it? Okay.
No, the other hand. >> Cooper,

we need to do something about this Eee Tee game. We need to bury
it in the past where it belongs and prevent future generations

from being emotionally scarred. >> Dude, you can't do that. That's the most
popular bad game of all time. >> I know. It's all because of that stupid landfill

story. Hm. Yeah.

Cooper, meet me outside right now. >> Alright,
just let me finish this level. >> Now!

Oh, man. My mom is gonna kill me.

Psst. Cooper! >> Shh.

Whoa!

Alright, hurry up and tell me about this crazy plan of yours. >>
We're gonna find that landfill and prove that there's nothing under

there. Maybe then everybody can forget about this game. >> My mom
doesn't let me wipe my own ass, let alone go to Alamogordo, New Mexico.

Then fine, stay home and be a mama's boy, but there's no chance
you'll ever see me review that game. But if we find any games under

that sand, I'll review it. In fact, I'll play every single one of them. >>
Oh, okay. It's a deal. But the only way to properly search that landfill

would be with ground-penetrating radar and a whole excavation
team. >> Heh, well, then let's do it! >> We can't afford that.

Hm, you want to play manager?
Well, then you manage that. >> Play?

Yeah! How do you like your new Nerdmobile,
boys? >> Ah, it's great! >> Yeah? You love it?

And like I said, everything is fully paid for and
endorsed by Cockburn, Inc. We're going to video document

the trip. It will be great content to lead up to your big game review.
Oh, and Nerd, there's going to be a whole excavation team waiting there

with ground-penetrating radar just like
you asked. Let me help you with that.

New game review? I didn't agree to this. >> You're gonna have
to review this new game if you want to debunk the old one.

It's a fair trade. >> Well, ah, I wasn't.
Really don't like the idea

of bringing this girl with us. >> Relax, Nerd. She's our
producer. And she's not a girl, she's a gamer. >> Hi guys.

Everything alright over there? Good.
At a time like this,

the fans need you more than ever, Nerd.

You know what? I don't think this van has a radio.
And I brought a lot of things to install in our van:

GPS, mobile internet access, roof camera. But I forgot
to think about music. >> Don't worry, I got the music

covered. >> Nice, you got an MP3 player? >> No. >> CD
player? >> No. >> Cassette? 8 Track? >> No. >> Th, then

what do you got? Is this a joke?

Nerd, Eee Tee?

You should kill that guy. You see
that guy right there? >> That's me.

There, I just posted an announcement
that you're doing the Eee Tee 2 review.

Um.

No.

I don't know Mandi, this
excavation project is costly.

What does it have to do with the Nerd's Eee Tee 2 review?
Just trust me, Mr. Cockburn. With the Nerd behind this,

plus the video documenting the trip, we'll make a million times
the cost. >> Well, we like how you think outside the box, but

since this is your first big project, let me give you a little
advice. Don't get too close to these nerds. They are the product.

Eh, you can't sell something if it becomes too
precious to part with. >> Don't worry, Mr. Cockburn.

They're just a couple of dorks. I'll
get you some video ASAP. Over and out.

Hey, we're almost there, Nerd.

Is that our whole excavation team?

Yeah. Well, there's
been some budget cuts.

Alright, whatever. Let's film this.
I'm so excited! My first Nerd video.

Alright. >> Rolling. >> Out here in the New
Mexico desert, something allegedly happened

many years ago. Yeah, we're talking Eee Tee,
extraterrestrial and we're gonna get to the bottom of it.

General Dark Onward, sir. I think we may have something a little
disconcerting here. Sounds like they're looking for extraterrestrials.

What? >> Yes, sir. I fear espionage.
Maybe they're just tourists. Maybe again,

maybe they're terrorists. >> Tourists, terrorists,
what's the difference? Scan their vehicle.

They say Eee Tee is buried under the sand,
somewhere not too far from where we are now.

And we're gonna solve the whole case. >> I'll take care of
this. >> And present all the facts and prove what is there.

So stand by, from the Nerd. >> General!
If you don't mind me saying, sir,

that's a little excessive, sir.
Well, maybe you're right.

Send an MP unit to search their vehicle.
Make sure they don't have anything that will

threaten homeland security. >> Yes, sir. >> On
second thought. >> Sir. >> I think I should

supervise this mission personally. >> I don't think that
will be necessary, General. You're needed for more vital

things, sir. >> Well, I insist. If something
important's about to blow up, I want to be there.

Yes, sir. >> Goddamn terrorist

alien hunters. I'll blow their nuking
asses out that ship and back again.

Hey guys, you find anything? >> Nope, not yet. >> Come on,
patience, Nerd. It's gonna take a while to analyze the data.

Well, I hate to be the one to debunk the myth, but it's got to
be done. You know, one day you find out there's no Santa Claus.

Any other line of thinking only leads to disappointment.
Wait, that's not true. Santa Claus is real.

Yeah? Well, you probably believe the
world is flat. >> The world is flat.

So, how come nobody's ever fallen off? >>
Gravity? >> Oh, okay. Well uh, hasn't the world

been photographed from space? >> Have you ever examined a photograph
of the world from space? I mean, you can only see one side at a time.

See, the earth is flat, like a coin. And the water and land roll
over it like a conveyor belt. That's why we have day and night.

Well, what about heaven and hell? Do you believe in that? >> Yeah, that
all comes down to Death Mwauthzyx and that's a known fact of nature.

Death Mwa, what? >> Death Mwauthzyx.
You don't know about that? >> No.

Please educate me. >> Death Mwauthzyx is a cyber mutant death
god living under Mount Fuji. He created both God and Satan.

Yeah, sure. >> No, I swear. This is all true. And this
thing has the power to end all life as we know it.

With a single turn of the satellite dish on top of his
head, every universe and the Multiverse will disappear.

The Ultraverse and the Megaverse will collapse. The six dimensions
will flatten into one and all existence will be obliterated.

Oh, wow. So, everything you
believe exists will no longer exist?

No, it'll be as if it never existed at all.
So, non-existence, no space, nothing?

Nope. Well, one thing will remain,
bologna sandwich. >> So, like,

a giant bologna sandwich, or just like a
regular? >> No size. I mean, since nothing else

exists in existence to compare it to,
this thing would be scaleless. >> Wow.

Scaleless. That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard. >> It's the fuzz!

We don't have a permit. I'm gonna make a run for it. >>
Cooper! >> Get in the truck. >> Come on, stop! Don't be

so suspicious. >> Yeah, man.
Just play it cool. It's fine.

Put your hands on the vehicle.
What have you guys

got in the back of that big van, huh? You got some migrant
workers? You got some sex traffic? You got some drug mules?

You guys got some cocaA-na shoved up your
butts? >> No ma'am, just video games.

Get me the fuck out of here! >> Just let
me handle this, okay? I'm sorry, ma'am.

We didn't know that we were doing anything wrong. >> Put your hands on
the vehicle. >> Alright, alright honey. Don't get your panties in a wad.

I'm not wearing any panties. >> Hot.

Get me into that. What the hell? Oh, goddamn it, men.
You had two days. You could have had a ramp installed.

Sorry sir, it's hard to keep track of
your accidents. >> Check out that van.

Well, what you got back there? >> It's
just video games. >> Just video games?

Look at me, son. You trying to steal American government
secrets? >> No, sir. >> We're just trying to do a game review.

See? >> Gun! >> Ooh, you listen to

me, numb-nuts. You see this? >> Please, god, no. >> This will
put a second anus where your head used to be, goddammit.

You fuck with the USA, you fuck with Dark Onward.
You want this? >> No! >> Oh, my god! Where the hell

are you all going? Help me! Oh, my god.
Where's my fucking arm?

Get in! >> Come on, in the van. >> I have
to give it a proper burial. >> Come on,

in the van. >> That's
gonna leave a mark, oh.

Ah, hang on, they're not after us anymore. >> Yeah, they are. >> Oh, sh. >> That's
alright, hang on. >> After them, McButter. Get going! >> Brilliant idea, sir.

Don't we have any weapons aboard this vehicle? >> No,
sir. We took them out so we could fit your chair, sir.

Okay, hang on. >> Oh, shit. >> The
hell's the matter with this damn thing?

You're in it, sir? >> Hang on, bitches.
I got this. >> Really? >> Whoa.

What the hell are all these fucking
boxes doing here? >> Oh, god. Wait, wait.

What the hell is that? >> Fruit, sir.
My god,

did you see the size of those melons?
Take a note, McButter. Ha ha ha.

Watch out for the people. >>
Straight through. Straight through.

I didn't sign up for this. >> Oh, just
chill out. >> Make this thing go faster.

Get the thing going. >> It helps if
you shake me, sir. >> Really? >> No.

Ah! >> Whoa!

Oh, my god. Glass, a sheet of glass.
It's alright.

Shit soup. >> Thank you.
Just keep going.

Would you like a steering wheel in the back,
sir? >> Yes, I would. >> Look out! >> No, no.

No!

What? Explanation McButter?
Glass, sir.

Double pane, sir. >> Good driving.
Thanks.

Looks like doing an Eee Tee review will be tough now.
Darn, just when I was finally warming up to the idea.

Really? >> No. >> Aw. >> What was that madman shouting about?
We did nothing wrong. >> Something about government secrets.

You know, we're only a couple of hours away from Roswell, so. >> Oh, yeah. Isn't
that where the UFO crashed? >> Yes, in 1947. >> Oh, for the love of Pong.

One hoax at a time. There's probably a perfectly logical
reason why those fuck nuts didn't want us near that landfill.

Whoa, did, did you see that? >> I guess they didn't destroy
it totally. >> No, no, it just came back together.

No, that didn't happen. We're dehydrated and hallucinating. >> I don't
know why, but I'm sure there's more to this game than we realize.

We should go to the source, Howard Scott
Warshaw. The guy who made the game, seriously?

Yeah, why not? I'll just pull up his
location. >> Okay. Fine, he'll agree

that there are no games under that landfill.
Even better, we'll get him saying it on video.

He made Yars' Revenge, but he also
made Eee Tee I mean it's like, somebody

gave you a present, but then took a shit on your doorstep
at the same time. >> It's like Santa with diarrhea.

So uh, this is Warshaw's house? >> Jeez.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Hm. >> Eh, at least he's hospitable.
It smells. >> Read the sign!

Whoa! >> You're never gonna take me alive,
you no-good, goddamn gumshoe son of a bitch.

Whoa. Wait, wait, wait. We, we just want
to ask you some questions about Eee Tee.

Eee Tee? Eat lead, you FBI scum!
Whoa! Wait. Um, wait.

We're not FBI. We're just gamers. We want
an interview. >> Gamers? Why didn't you

say so? Come in.

Should I get the camera for the video?

Not yet. I have a funny
feeling about this.

Oh iii. Nerd, let's just go home, man.
No, no wait.

He's just testing us. You can do it, Nerd. It's just, it's a
game. >> Yeah, an impossible one that relies on the gamer to

take a shitty guess. Like, maybe there's
an invisible block. >> Well, kick it.

Yeah. >> Wow.

Okay. >> Nice.

Whoa. Can't say I didn't
expect that. >> Okay.

Okay. I'm coming. Oh.

Watch out! >> Oh, shit. Okay, now?
Come on, yeah. You can make it.

Ha ha ha ha.

Care for some lemonade? >> Are you

Howard Scott, what? >> My
name is Doctor Louis Zandor.

Won't you join me?

What the hell was all that back there?
I had to make sure you were just gamers.

Only a gamer would know to jump at nothing to find
a hidden block. And something tells me you're not

just some gamer, but THE gamer.

Did you know the Atari logo was based
off Mount Fuji? I always find that odd.

Well, how may I help you? >> Well, obviously we came to the
wrong place. We were looking for Howard Scott Warshaw.

Why do you seek Warshaw? >> Well, we wanted to ask
him about the Eee Tee Atari game, specifically the

legend of the landfill. >> Ha ha ha ha,. Not true,
not true. Quickly, everyone! Into the kitchen.

Come! Everybody into the fridge, now. >>
Wait, wait, what are we doing in here?

They might be listening to us. You understand, they can't hear
us in the fridge. >> Who can't hear us? >> Who do you think?

Many years ago, I was a scientist in
a nonexistent place called Dreamland

or Area 51 as the civilians came to know
it. It was the height of the Cold War

and Americans were as paranoid as potheads at a
policeman's ball. >> So, you're an ex Area 51 employee.

Huh, jeez. Don't people ever get bored of all this
Area 51 nonsense? >> Yes, it's true. Now, listen.

Chocolate pudding? >> No, I'm alright.
A beer? >> Yeah. >> Ah, there you go.

Anyway, I was a rising star in their
aerodynamics program, so they

put me onto the ongoing top-secret Roswell project as their
head reverse engineer. >> Roswell, there it is again.

The UFO crashed there in 1947, right? >> Precisely.
When that sucker crashed in the desert, it broke up

like one of those clay pigeons in Duck Hunt. There was
metallic debris all over the desert. >> Or debriss.

No, it's debris. >> Well, there's an s. Why isn't it
pronounced debriss? >> A greater mystery than this.

Anyway, the metal was like nothing on Earth. It was
thin, almost identical to tinfoil, except that

it reacted strangely when you played around with it, displaying
strange magnetic properties. I was one of few who figured

out how to harness the powers of this metal. The
government wanted me to rebuild the Roswell spaceship,

but I realized that any nation with a spacecraft
like that would have unstoppable power.

Our civilization wasn't ready for that, so I refused to
continue on the project. Needless to say, I was forced

into resignation. After that, my life quickly went
into a tailspin. I couldn't find work as a custodial

engineer let alone a reverse engineer. >> What does this have to
do with anything? >> Well, my resentment towards those Area 51

pricks got the best of me and I found the
instrument of my retribution, video games.

I took notice of a young pioneering
game designer, Howard Scott Warshaw,

whose games were revolutionary in their day. Not
only were they met with great success, but he also

came up with inventive ways of hiding little
secrets within the games, such as his own initials

or hidden characters. This gave me the inspiration
I needed. I began developing a program

which emulates the Area 51 floor plan, a perfect
blueprint of their precious secret base.

Meanwhile, Warshaw was asked to begin the
now infamous Eee Tee game. Atari gave him

only five weeks to complete the whole project. Yes, the game was
finished, but no one can single-handedly design a game in five weeks.

Unbeknownst to everyone, that
final night before the Christmas

deadline, I offered him my Area 51 code, and
he accepted. >> So, you're saying the Eee Tee

game sucks ass because it's not really meant to be a
game? It's a floor plan to Area 51? >> What can I say?

Subversiveness has always been my downfall.
Naturally, I was on a watch list and they found out

or whatever, and the next thing I know, the government,
not Atari, orders a recall on all the games

and dumps them into the Alamogordo desert.
Holy shit! >> Meanwhile, I was given

hard time to serve. >> You don't say? >>
But I escaped. And I've been on the run

ever since. My only satisfaction is
the fact that before I quit Area 51,

I stole the dreamland material to prevent them from ever
reassembling the spaceship. >> You stole the pieces of the UFO?

I had to. I replaced it
with ordinary tinfoil. And

I've kept it safely hidden to this very day. >> Okay,
so I think I've got most of that. Basically, you put

a map of the most top secret place in the world
inside a video game all out of revenge? >> Not quite.

I did it to save my friend so that I could
one day return to rescue the alien.

Oh, we have an alien now too, huh? >> What, what's
wrong with you, Nerd? That's the real deal, man.

Yes. Not being able to save him was
one of my greatest regrets. Anyway,

I'm too old now for rescue missions.
Louis?

Yes, dear? >> I'm cold. >> Right.

Sorry, general. I wasn't able to hear much when they
were huddled in the fridge. I'll keep an ear on them.

Whatever. I just can't believe that we've finally found Doctor
Louis Zandor, and these idiots let us straight to his doorstep.

McButter? >> Yes, sir! >> I want
Zandor apprehended and groveling at my

treads tonight. >> Yeah.

Ha ha ha.

How's that fence coming? >> Oh, it's good, sir. Um, we
should have the whole landfill closed out by tonight.

No one will ever be getting here anymore. >>
About time. I've been asking for that goddamned

fence since 1983. >> He's been asking
since 1983! Will you hurry up?

Mm-hm. What the fuck's going on here?
Get back to work. >> Just spread your

feet out a little bit more. >> But I don't even want to
learn how to surf. >> Alright, men. You too, young lady.

The time for the spacecraft's maiden voyage draws
near. With the help of this extraterrestrial

technology, I look forward to the day when
we could incinerate anyone who doesn't

eat, breathe, or crap American! Now let's have
a look at your progress. >> Yes, sir. Move!

Backing up! Backing it up.

Ah, looks great! And have you mastered

the metal's mysterious melding power yet?
Absolutely. The metal, please.

I see. Fantastic.

Alright then. Proceed with your work.
Oh. >> What?

You will all be safe here from

the Men in Black now that my stealth cloaking system is
activated. >> So how does it all work? >> Well, I first employed

this technology in the Eee Tee game. You know how when you
play the game, the three phone pieces and the call zones

are always hidden someplace different? >> Oh, I know. That annoying
shit where it sends the gamer on a big, wild goose chase? >> Precisely.

It will reorient the position of the Men in
Black's radar detection system so it appears

the house is randomly appearing
across their grid. >> It's ingenious.

Right. The only side effect is the TV and phone reception
gets a little choppy here, but I'm working on the bugs.

For now, make yourselves at home. There are
video games upstairs. Just make sure you

never step outside. >> Okay.
Thanks, Zandor.

Hey, Nerd.

Hey. >> What's the matter, Nerd?

Um, this whole story about the landfill.
Zandor says it's true and more. Whether he's

crazy or not, all these stories about Area 51 are only gonna
generate more interest in the game, and innocent gamers will suffer

because of it. >> Hm. Well, I can think
of something we can do that might

lift your spirits.

Oh, oh, shit. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
It's so hard! >> Yeah, it is. >> Yeah.

Yeah, it feels good. Oh, shit.
Faster! Come on,

faster! Faster! Yeah, faster! You
got to take it easy on me, okay?

Oh, shit. I don't normally
do it on the pad. Oh, oh,

okay, okay. Oh, yeah. I'm almost there.
Yes, yes! >> No!

Yes, yes! >> Oh, come on. Don't
use your hands. >> Oh, yes.

Oh, look at that. >> Yeah, it feels good. >> You cheated.
No, I didn't cheat. I won. That's what that looks like.

You're a cheater. >> I won. >> You did. >> Cheater,
shut up. >> Uh. >> Nuh. >> Uh. >> Uh. >> Uh. >> Uh.

Cockburn, it's 3 a.m. Hello?

Are, are you there? Hey, listen. Listen, Mandi. You, you've got to
meet iii morning at the Atari landfill. Wait. Cockburn, you're,

say that again. You're, you're breaking up. >> I, I got the most incredible
idea you ever heard. We are gonna do a game convention advertising.

Eee Tee 2 at the Atari landfill. >> No, no.
Cockburn, listen to me carefully.

Do iii go to the landfill. >> What? Go to the
landfill? Okay. >> No. No, do not go to the landfill.

Yeah, meet me there in the morning. It's gonna be amazing. There's
gonna be like tents and there's gonna be snacks and there's gonna be,

jeez, you know, gamers gaming with each other and everything.
Alright, I'll see you in the morning. >> Oh, shit.

General, we're closing
in on Zandor's house

as we speak. >> You never cease to please me, McButter. >> Wait a
minute. Every time the radar swipes over Zandor's house, it's at

a different coordinate. >> General, scratch that. We don't seem to
have the right location. The radar's jumping all over the place.

You never cease to disappoint
me, McButter. >> Yes, sir.

Hello? Cockburn? Shit. >> Wait a minute.

Freeze! Put your hands up.

Oh. Okay.

Oh, shit! >> Take me to Doctor
Louis Zandor. >> Never.

Get in the Jeep. You're gonna take me
to Zandor's house now! >> Fine, bitch!

Ugh. Damn, so violent.

Nerd. Nerd.

Nerd! >> Oh! >> Wake up! >> Ah, what? >> The girl,
man. We have to ditch her. >> Mandi, our producer?

I thought she was a gamer, not a girl. >> She's not a
gamer. From what Zandor said, I think she's a secret agent.

A secret agent? No way. >> Come on, we're being chased by military police. The
girl knows too much. She's working for them. >> Cooper, there's no reason

for acting this way. >> Acting this way? You're the one who's acting all
weird and you got a little girlfriend all of a sudden. >> Oh, fuck off.

Don't break the code. Nerds before birds. >> Alright, come
with me, Cooper. We're gonna settle this like adults.

Mandi?

Mandi?

What's wrong? >> Where's Mandi? >> This happens in every movie. >> Oh, what?
Like they kidnapped her or something? >> More like she kidnapped herself.

That's nonsense. She's probably just out getting
some air. >> No, she's nowhere on the property.

Well, she's probably in the shower.
No, she's not in there either.

Look what I found on the nightstand. These are phony
prescription glasses with fake plastic lenses. >> Bullshit.

Okay, so why would she do this?
To appear more nerdy.

It was all an act. Don't you understand? She's bait. I mean we'll
all foolishly try to rescue her and get caught right in the trap.

Oh, I feel like such a fool. The moment you
share your joystick with a girl, they break it.

You've been taking us around in circles all night,
kid. And I am telling you, if you >> I swear.

This is Zandor's house this time.
Ah, what the fuck!

Ahem, sergeant, since we're
here and all, do you think

Fred and I could get some ice cream?
Don't even think about it.

The landfill excavation
team emailed me the results.

Mm-hm. Sorry, Nerd.

I'm here in Alamogordo, New Mexico at the Atari
landfill. Here, hundreds of video game enthusiasts

have made a mysterious pilgrimage to the resting place
of the classic Atari game, Eee Tee, where an unlikely

convention has sprung up in the middle of nowhere.
I'm here with Stacie, one of the gaming pilgrims.

Stacie, what brought you out here? >> It's all to honor the
Angry Video Game Nerd. You know, I saw that it was on Cockburn

and then it said he was gonna be reviewing Eee Tee 2, so then I added it up. You know what I'm
saying? I mean he's probably gonna be reviewing the original Eee Tee game and I'm gonna be here

when it all goes down, you know? So, you know, you can bet he's gonna show up and I'll be here ready for it, you
know what I'm saying? I found this bone in the woods, but it turned out to be wood. So, you know, you never

know what's going to happen, you know what I'm saying? >> Fuck me. I should
have never gotten involved with this. >> And here we are with Bernie Cockburn,

the chairman of Cockburn Inc., the creators
of the new Eee Tee 2. >> Hello, gamers! Hey!

You, too, can get your copy of the game right here, right now.
For the first 100 gamers to get their new copy of Eee Tee 2,

you're gonna get a free shovel and the chance to climb over this fence
behind me and dig yourself up one of the originals. Ha ha, come on.

Be a part of Cockburn's stock. Be a part of gaming
history! >> The prophesy is almost fulfilled.

I've got to put an end to all this.

I'm telling you, Mandi, you've been running me
ragged all day long. >> No, really, sergeant.

I know I've retraced my steps right this time. >> Howdy. Mind grabbing
a family photo? >> No. >> Sure! >> No. >> Come on, right here.

No, no, no, no, no. >> Oh, that's good. Everybody get in the picture.
It's gonna be cute. You know, a baby. >> General, our captive is

grinding down on my patience. Permission to shoot. >> Negative,
McButter. She's the only one who knows where Zandor is.

Say cheese!

This is

amazing! >> This is horrible!
I've got to put an end to this.

Step right up,

friends, step right up! I hold before you
the new game for the new generation,

Eee Tee 2! Yeah, ha ha! There you go, young man. $49.95. Good.
Hey, listen. And if you're fast, you can take that shovel,

go dig yourself up one of the originals. Ha ha ha. Go get
it. Who's next? Who's next? Eee Tee 2. Come on. Ha ha ha.

Oh, my god. Eee Tee.

Eee Tee.

I can't believe all these geeks

found the landfill. >> General. >> What is it,
McButter? >> You'll never believe where Las Vegas.

Please tell me I can shoot her now. I've
had enough of this. >> Negative, McButter.

Yeah, woo! Woo woo!

No!

No, no, no. No! >> Is that,
is that, is that the Nerd?

Fellow gamers, may I
have your attention?

May I have your attention? This game is bullshit
and the legend behind it is a total lie.

There's no games buried under that landfill. I wish you all would
just forget about it. It's all a myth. You can all go home now.

Oh, man. The Nerd just
said this is bullshit.

Dude, when the Nerd says something is bullshit, it's
bullshit. >> Well, great. What are we gonna do now?

I guess we just go home.

It's working. It's working! Yes!

Come on, Nerd. Let's just go home, man. I don't
like what this game review is turning you into.

It doesn't matter if you believe
in the landfill or not.

Oh, my god. >> Whoa. >> Holy shit. That's the
guy who made the game. >> Gamers, here we have

Howard Scott Warshaw, a game designer way ahead of his
time. He's responsible for Atari classics such as.

Yars' Revenge, Raiders of the Lost Ark, and
Eee Tee. >> The worst game of all time.

How may I be of service, Nerd?

The whole story about the landfill.
Tell them it's not true.

Alright, fellow gamers, the
legend of the landfill is true.

I've held my silence long enough. It is time for the
truth to be told. The government buried these games here

a long time ago because those games
contain a map, a map to Area 51, a map

designed by Doctor Louis Zandor. And
there he is. Join him in digging up

these games, every last one. They contain
a map that will lead you to a treasure,

and that treasure is nothing less
than Zandor's captive friend,

the extraterrestrial. >> Wow. >> Zandor!

Nerd, I've seen your videos. I
know you are a frank and honest man.

People like us, we don't cover things up. Wouldn't
this be a better world if people told the truth?

The truth, Nerd, that
is what you must find.

I can't let this happen. This whole legend has to stop.
The game's not a map to Area 51. There's no alien.

There's nothing mystical about that game. >> Whether there is
or isn't, what does it matter, man? There's nothing you can do

to disprove it anyway. >> Like hell there isn't. >>
What are you gonna do? >> I'm gonna break into Area 51.

What?

If Doctor Zandor isn't at the top of these steps,
you're gonna be dead. >> Have faith, butter face.

I will kill you, fat butt. Oh. >> Are you crazy?
Do you have any clue where Area 51 even is?

Between Area 50 and 52. >> Come on, man. Haven't you had
enough? A nerd's work is never done. >> Now that, that's just

a stupid line. >> I only said it for the
trailer. >> Wait. You may need this.

McButter!

Yes, sir? >> The Nerd and his little friend are coming
for us. Use the girl as a diversion. >> Great idea.

I'll get that.

Nerd. >> You again? Listen, I have nothing against
you Area 51 people. This is all about a video game.

Oh. Well, I have a game for you. It's called come
rescue your little girlfriend. >> Nerd, help me!

She's not my girlfriend. >> But you like her,
don't you? >> Um, no. >> What? >> Anyway,

if you want to find her, she's on top of the Eiffel
Tower. The what? >> The mock Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas.

Tower in Las Vegas. >> Oh. >> It's a
trap, Nerd. Like I said, don't go.

Uh, I'm not coming. >> What? Nerd?
Come up here and rescue me right now.

Eff you, you FBI bitch. >>
Yeah, that'll show her, Nerd.

Diversion didn't work, sir. >> You should have put her into
something more provocative. How the hell can you use her

as bait when she's dressed in causal attire? >> General,
sir. >> What is it? >> There is something you should see.

What do we have here? >> This is the guy
that's been causing you all the trouble, sir.

He's an Internet superstar. They call him the Angry Video
Game Nerd. >> Well, let it roll. >> I'm finally gonna do it.

I'm gonna land the plane. Up, up,
down, down, speed up, speed down.

Ah!

Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha, he's funny. I like
him. Ha ha ha. >> Sir, then there's his friend.

They call him the Super Rad Video Game Dude. >>
Hm. >> Have you ever taken a really long dump

and then you sit on the toilet going, god dang, what did I eat? That's
the feeling that you get after playing this game. This is Super.

Rad Video Game Dude. >> Oh, not so much.
He sucks. Let me learn more

about this Angry Video Game Nerd person.
Don't worry, son. It's just a flesh wound.

Look, Nerd. I don't even care about this game review anymore.
I just have a really, really bad feeling about this.

Cooper, you don't want to heroically rescue the girl, you don't want to run
headlong into Area 51, and now you don't even want to do a game review?

Uh-uh. >> What do you want to do?
I'd like to stay alive.

Look, Nerd. You're living
in a fool's paradise, man.

I mean, let me show you all the ways
in which we would die. Come with me.

For starters, the base is situated in the

middle of the desert, hidden by mountains in an area where
Mother Nature is at its most treacherous and unforgiving.

The base is surveyed by online directional radar
and military jeeps. If you pass the signs,

deadly force is authorized. Even a bird flying through its airspace would
get shot down by ballistic missiles. Burrowing prairie dogs would get

smoked out by nerve gas. >> What? Oh, shit!
Nerd, how do you expect to get in?

There it is, Cooper. Dreamland.

Here's a walkie-talkie so we can secretly communicate when I
make it inside. >> Secretly? Nerd, I'm sure they're already

monitoring us. >> Don't be paranoid.

How do I look? >> Let's
just get this over with.

Alright, now, now hold, hold it. Don't, don't let it go down yet. >> Just don't rock it
too much. I can't hold you. >> You got to hold still. You want me to die or something?

Be careful. >> Alright. Now listen, at the
count of three, you're gonna drop me. Alright?

Alright. >> Now wait for me
to get in first. Alright? One.

Whoa! Shit! Oh!

Holy hell.

Security desk three to unit commander.

We've got a live one.

Um, take me to your leader. Oh!

Scalpel. >> Scalpel.

Ah.

Intruder! >> Ah.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! >> What?

Retinal scanner.

Rectal scanner.

Whatever.

Cooper! I'm looking at the Eee Tee game.
Yeah? So am I.

I mean for real! Area 51 is literally
the game. >> Of course. How similar?

Well, let me put it this way.
Zandor wasn't too subtle about it.

Alright, Nerd, you completed your lunatic
mission. Get the hell out of there.

Nerd, listen. You've got company. Don't
ask how I know, just move. Nerd? Nerd?

Ah! >> Wouldn't this be a better
world if people told the truth?

Well, Nerd, ha ha ha ha ha. We meet again. From
now on, there'll be no more fighting between us.

I've been watching some of your videos. We appreciate
your work. You might even say we're big fans

of yours here at Area 51. Here, let
me show you something. I need your

expertise. >> No. >> Won't
you play this game for me?

Isn't that what you do? >>
No, I never play that one.

You hate this game, don't you? You see, we're not so
different, you and I. We stand for the same thing.

You want to rid the world
of this game and so do I.

Look at me when I speak to you.
What do you know about

this Doctor Louis Zandor? >> I told
you, butch Barbie. I know nothing.

Why are you doing this? >> Your friend,
Doctor Louis Zandor, designed this game

with the floor plans to our base. Don't you realize
what a threat this poses to our homeland security?

So what is this new Eee Tee 2 game you're
selling? >> It's just a game. >> Well.

You have quite the fan base I realize. The gamers are loyal
to you. Have them send all their Eee Tee games to me.

Join me, Nerd, and this game can be history,
forever in the past where it belongs.

You have your customers bring in
their old Eee Tee games for a discount.

You give us the old games, and we'll make
sure that this new game is a success

beyond your wildest dreams.

I'd rather lick the shit skid off
the inside of a toilet bowl than aid

you in your quest for world domination.
No! >> Well, yes, ha ha ha ha.

No! >> Get your hands on that filthy
game controller, you damn filthy nerd!

Yeah? >> Turn it off, you evil son of a bitch. I can never get
you every game on the planet. Besides, do you have any idea

how many Eee Tee cartridges are still in the public? And you know what?
You've already lost because my fans have already found your landfill

and dug it up and cleared out all the games.
They're probably at home playing them right now.

Ha ha ha ha ha. There's no playing those
games. They've been smashed into little pieces

since I buried them and bulldozed them in the 80s,
but you have given me an idea. I see now that

your greatest weakness is not the hate you have for
that game, but the love you have for your fans.

So I'm gonna blow them
all into smithereens!

For someone so interested in protecting Americans, you
sure are quick to blow them up. >> Well, sometimes

you have to break a few eggheads in order to make
a homeland security omelette! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Wait. Doctor Louis Zandor is in that crowd. >>
Good. But he has something of great value to you.

Oh, and what might that be? >> The Roswell space metal. He stole
it because he didn't want you to rebuild that alien spacecraft.

That's a lie! We have all the space
metal. >> You have nothing. It's tinfoil.

Tinfoil? >> Don't worry, Nerd.
I'll save you.

How am I gonna do that? Wait a minute.

Who are we trying to be here, Pee-wee
fucking Herman? Foil, it's all foil.

Tinfoil. My plans have been
foiled, you assholes. Ah!

Damn! It's glitching up.

Ow, that fucking hurt! >>
Where's my space metal?

Only Zandor knows. >> Zandor, god dammit.
Well, I may not be able to blow up your

gamers, but I can blow up your
precious Atari monument. Stupid Atari.

Stupid Mount Fuji.

Launch sequence activated.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. So long, Nerd,

and thank you for telling the truth.
Oh, that smarts.

Hey there. Looks like
you're coming with me.

No, my hands are tiny. Okay, ah.

And away we go! Ugh!

Whoa!

Damn, dude. You're heavy. >> Holy shit.
I thought you were just a hoax.

Yeah, we get a lot of that around here.

Wow.

Wait. We're gonna need this
to get out of here. >> Okay.

Oh, shit. >> Exterminate. >> Oh, terrific.
Killer robots. >> Exterminate.

Here, have a gun. >> Okay.
Must kill nerd. Exterminate.

Let's get out of here. Go go go go go!

Get me Zandor. He's at the landfill.
I want him alive!

Whoa, I hate it when
people shoot at me. Fire,

fire, fire! >> How do you
open these doors? >> Ahem,

down here.

Brilliant. >> Look out! Hey,
hey, hey, works every time.

Come on, come on, come on. Go, go, go.

How do you shut these doors? >> I'll tell you there.
Hurry! Come on. >> What are you waiting for? Shoot them,

white arthropod moron. >> I'm trying.
Excellent shot. >> Come on, shut

these shitty, slow-ass doors.
Whoa, nice shooting, Tex.

Well done!

Exemplary work.

I can't fly one of those. How about you?
Alright.

Nerd, come in. Nerd, come in.

Please, Nerd. Fuck this. I'm going in.

Hm hm hm hm.

So, outer space, huh? >> Yep. >> Um,

so why'd you come to Earth? >> I was looking
for intelligent life. >> Well, you found it.

I found life, yes. >> Oh, that's funny. >> No, I came
to save you people, but you locked me up for 60 years.

I had nothing to do with that. I wasn't even alive back then.
What about my friend Cooper who's somewhere out in the desert?

What? >> Cooper, you know it's foot massage
Friday. Bring your ass home now. >> I can't

come home right now. I have to drive this van and break in to Area 51. >> You don't
even know how to drive no van. >> What do you mean I don't know how to drive a van?

We'll find him, but trust me, we have bigger worries. If
you only know what I'm trying to prevent. >> Prevent?

You wouldn't understand. Concerns the entire
spectrum of existence. >> Oh, what? Like the, the.

Megaverse and the Ultraverse? >> Yeah. >> A cyber
mutant death god with a satellite dish on his head?

I've underestimated you. >> Well, I don't care. I'm just
trying to save my fans from that lunatic Dark Onward.

Well, who's gonna save your
fans from Death Mwauthzyx?

Whoa!

The whole world you live in is a
video game. It's a game that I made.

Then you people invented the nuclear bomb. That's when I came down to
settle things 'cause when the game gets out of control, Dad's gotta

take it away. >> Your dad? >> Death Mwauthzyx. If
he found out I created a culture of warmongers and

xenophobes, all it'll take from him is one 360
turn from the satellite dish on his head and.

Existence as we know it will come to an end. >> No, it'll be
as if it never existed at all. Just a punishment for me, but a

painful apocalypse for you guys.

Psyche! Ha ha ha ha ha.

So how do we stop this?

I need my spaceship. That would help. >> Well, it's in a million
pieces, wherever it is. >> I can harness their power and join

them all back together if only you could find the pieces.
Well, Zandor hid them, so he's the only one who knows.

Oh, shit. We got to find him now. Ah!

Dismount! Back off, Keith.

Back up. Back up. Back up. Back up.

Attention men. Bring
me Doctor Louis Zandor.

Find him and bring him to me.
You can run but you can't hide.

Ah!

Either we refuel or we land this thing. >> Well,
I don't even drive a car, so how am I supposed

to do this? These controls don't make a fuck's bit of sense.
I'd have an easier time doing a handstand while taking a shit.

You want to know what happened to me
last time I tried? >> Well, you ever see me

play Top Gun? Not a pretty sight.

Oh, I'm gonna be.

Oh! >> Okay, bitch. Come
over here and untie me.

Let's see who can fuck up who. >> Oh, yeah?
Yeah. >> Yeah? >> Yeah.

Hang on, Nerd. I'm gonna
get you out of there.

Oh, shit. It's Death Mwauthzyx. >> Go!

Fuck you.

No, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

Ah!

Holy shitskies.

Alright, bitch. Now I thought I could

get through this without objectifying myself in a sexy
catfight, but it looks like that's impossible now.

They're on us. Hurry.

Whoa. Did you see that? Ah!

Ah!

Holy cow!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah! >> We are gathered here today

to bring together, in holy
matrimony, Robert and Lisa. Robert,

do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded
wife, to have and to hold, to cherish, love

from this day forward? >> No.
Bobby? >> Oh, god.

No! >> Bobby! >> Oh! Wait, but.
Shoot these gamer geeks if

they don't get out of your way. >> Oh, no. We
might be too late. Alright, I'm going down there.

Come on, Nintendo skills.
Don't fail me now. Up, up,

down, down, speed up, speed down.

I'm gonna land the plane.
I'm gonna land it.

I'm, fuck it.

You did it. I knew you would!
Ha ha ha ha.

Back up. Step back. Back up. Back up.
Ha ha ha, Zandor. You are mine!

Great, more guns. Just what we needed.
Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha, Zandor.

Ha ha ha ha. >> Look what we go
over here. $200 either one. >> Oh.

Holy shit. Look at that!

Damn! I don't never win nothing.

Double zero? Woo!

Ah! >> Hot. Wait a minute. That's Mandi.

No! >> Ah!

I will get you!

What the fuck? Oh, ah!

What the fuck is this shit? Get off of me!
Chick magnet! >> Iii.

No.

Mandi, it's me, Cooper. >>
Oh, Cooper, you asshole!

You left me for dead. >> I'm so sorry. I
just thought you were a double agent.

Oh, I'm not even a single agent.

Surrender, Nerd! You have no place
to go. You're mine now. >> Nerd!

Zandor. >> There's something important I have to
tell you. The space metal, the pieces to the ship.

I put them in the safest spot imaginable, in
the hands of all the children. They're inside

the Eee Tee games.

Ingenious.

Are you doing this?

I have enough accumulated power now.
I can summon them all!

Oh.

Oh. >> Dirty son of a gun.

Ah! >> God, free me from this game.
Go, God. Free me.

Thank you, God. Thank you, God!
Ah ha ha ha! Ho ho ho ho ha ha!

Piece of shit. Ha ha ha ha.

What the fuck was that? Holy shit, dude.
It went right out the fucking window.

Ha ha ha ha. Oh, man. Oh,
let's play another game.

Up we go!

What the hell's the matter with you? Are you
all a bunch of pussies? Pick those weapons up.

Drive!

Goddamn hypocrite cocksucker!

I'll teach you not iii.

Oh, God!

Oh, oh, oh, shit.

Ah!

Whoa! >> Don't worry, Mandi. We'll
get out of here and save you.

Ah!

Nerd! >> Oh, hey. >> You came back.
Oh, man.

I'm so sorry I ditched you that one time. >> Yeah, that was a dick
move. >> I know. Cooper, you really turned into a man back there.

Thanks, man. >> Oh, shit! What the mother fuck
is that thing? >> Nice to meet you too, babe.

Ha, Death Mwauthzyx. See, Nerd?
I told you.

You thought I was making it up, huh? >> Well, I'll be damned if all that other stuff you
said was true too. >> None of that's gonna matter soon if he turns the satellite dish.

If he could wipe out all space and time just by turning that satellite dish
on his head, then what the hell is he doing playing around in Las Vegas?

That's how he gets his kicks. I don't fucking know. I've known him for 5,000
years and he never got around to it. Imagine if you were Death Mwauthzyx

and knew everything there was to know. You would be so
bored you'd go crazy. And if there was one thing that

maybe you haven't thought of in a while, one thing that nobody
could ever learn, one indescribable, far-out, unimaginable,

fucked up enigma of nature, way, way, way outside
the boundaries of existence. Maybe if I could

direct his attention to that, he'll, he'll go away. >> It's kind
of like turning on Sunday night football when you want your dad to

forget about your weekend chores you were supposed to do, right?
Not even close. I just need a good shot at that satellite dish.

I'll take aim. >> Get him, Nerd.

I've always wanted to meddle with
powers I can't possibly understand.

Whoa, now that's some heavy-handed
symbolism. >> Go for it!

Ha ha ha ha ha! >> What the fuck?

Ha ha ha. You want me to explain?
No, uh-uh.

Oh, boy. >> Yeah! >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a goddamn hero.

Not yet. I still have one last
thing I have to do. >> Yes, yes.

Oh, Nerd. You don't owe Cockburn Inc.
Anything at this point.

Got to stay true to my word.
Care to give us an intro?

And now presenting
AVGN's long-awaited review,

Eee Tee 2. He's the angriest gamer
you ever heard. He's the Angry.

Video Game Nerd!

Let's get this baby fired up.

Um, I know

we don't have the original cartridges, but can this ship somehow
play the old Eee Tee games? >> This ship was the old Eee Tee game.

I can reload the bygone data from the circuitry.
Yeah. >> So this is the new Eee Tee 2,

hm. It claims to be even worse than
the original. Ugh, look at it.

It's foul, it's putrid, it's despicable
as it intentionally tries to be, but true

wretchedness is too unique to duplicate.
The original stood the test of infamy.

Why else would you have all come out here in the middle of the desert?
Not to buy a shameless sequel, but to celebrate the most spectacular

failure in video gaming history and stand on its unholy
grounds. That's why we've all gathered here today.

And hey, there's more room in hell now, so let's make some new
history and throw these fuckers in the pit where they belong!

Hey. >> Hey. >> So, is
birds before nerds okay?

Well, if you got one, don't
let her fly away. >> Okay.

Oh. >> Damn. >> Okay, Cooper.

Hello, Cooper? >> Well, hello to you too, ma.
You okay, sugar? >> Yes, I'm fine. I was just

in a spaceship with the Nerd. We just saved
the universe, okay? >> Okay, bye. >> Bye.

See, Nerd? You're just like my mom. You're
overprotective. The fans don't need you to protect them

from bad games. They can take care
of themselves. >> Oh, thanks.

Yeah, and bingo.

Well, everybody, I said once

before that I wanted every single cartridge of this
game off the face of the Earth. Ad I think I'm gonna

get my wish. But first,
you're gonna get yours.

Eee Tee on Atari 2600. To begin with, it's not a game you just pick
up and play. And most games of this generation were very simple.

Shoot a bunch of aliens, climb to the top of the screen,
stop missiles or chomp down all the pellets. But Eee Tee

is an enigma. With all these random symbols appearing at the top of
the screen and falling in holes all the time, it's no wonder why

gamers didn't understand how to play this game. You have to read the
instruction manual. So, once you understand how to play the game,

it still fucking sucks!

When the game starts, Eee Tee comes down from space. And now he has to
go back? Why'd he come down in the first place? All he had to do was

stay on that ship and there wouldn't be a game. And wouldn't that
be better if Eee Tee just came down and went right back up again?

Was there any colors available besides just green? The ground is green,
the pits are green, and even Eee Tee is fucking green. I feel like I'm

taking a colorblind test. No matter where you go,
you fall in pits. They're fucking everywhere!

You get out by extending your neck which somehow makes Eee Tee float.
When in the movie did Eee Tee extend his neck to float out of a pit?

Once you reach the top, most of the time, you just keep falling back
in. No, oh fuck! Oh, wait. Get out of the pit, get out of the pit.

Ugh, fuck! There's a trick. You got to fuck about with the
controls just right. It's just a really bad learning curve.

There's a way to catch yourself before you fall down, but
you'll never be expecting it when you fall. Oh, look! Shit.

The human brain can't react that fast. I don't who can pull off that
trick. Maybe ninjas that take speed and sit around and play Atari all day.

The goal of the game is to find three hidden pieces
of a phone that Eee Tee needs to call home with. And

guess where you find them? In the pits. When you're walking around,
you pass over these invisible spaces which hold special items.

When you're standing on these spaces, you can use them to perform a certain
action. For example, if you come across an arrow, you can use that to transport

you to the next screen, but half the time, you're gonna end up
on a pit. So if you want to use the arrow, you need to remember

what's on that space on the other screen as if the game is forcing you to
think fourth dimensionally. What is this game, for fucking scientists?

It's marketed like it's for little kids, and
that really shows a lack of communication. Also,

the whole game works off a randomizer. All these zones and the phone pieces,
everything, they're always hidden a different spot every time you start the

game. Some fans have spoken out in defense of this game, saying
that it's different every time you play it. Kind of like how every

time I take a shit, it's always different. What I really hate
are the FBI agents and the scientists. The scientist takes your

ass back to the buildings and the FBI agent takes all your phone pieces.
What an asshole. Trying to outrun these guys without stepping in the

holes is a real pain the ass. Come on, you motherfucker, motherfucker,
motherfucker. Come on, ugh. Fuck. And how come they can pass over

a hole and you can't? Yeah, yeah, go ahead, pass over the hole
again. Yeah, fuck you. I'm gonna pass over your mom's hole.

Even if you find the pieces, it's worth Jack and shit. And
Jack left town. That's because you need to find the phone

home zone also. It looks like a space invader alien, but
there's only one in the entire game. And keep in mind, it's

always someplace different, so you have to trace over every
fucking space. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack

or like a turd in a mudslide. All the senseless running
around drains your energy. That's right, Eee Tee dies

from moving around too much. So maybe he'll find the call zone first.
After all, finding the phone pieces are easier because the question mark

zone shows what pits they're in. Got the call zone, but oh fuck, I
wasted all my energy. Maybe I'll find the phone pieces first. Okay,

got the phone pieces, but oh shit, the FBI guy took them away. It's
like a big brother who wants to give you a noogie and a wedgie

at the same time. And if you do manage to find everything you
need in one flawless run, guess what? You can't call home

unless there's nobody on the screen. So if the call zone happens to
be on the screen where the FBI and scientists are, you're fucked!

Why does Eee Tee need to be alone when he calls, like a
teenage girl? So when you find the call zone with all the

three phone pieces and you phone home, then you got to make your
way back to the landing zone. But even worse now, there's a time

limit. You have to be standing on the landing zone at
the precise moment at the precise time when the timer

runs out. And if an FBI agent or scientist walks into the
screen, it doesn't work. Why does Eee Tee need so much

privacy? Does he need to tug on his
little green beam or something?

So, is it really the worst
game of all time? Um,

I don't think so. It's frustrating, it's
challenging, and it's a brain teaser, but that's

what makes it so addicting. And considering it was made in such a short
period of time, it's more sophisticated than anything of its era.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was just as strange and cryptic and that
game was met with glowing praise. Both these games came with

instruction manuals. Now I can understand kids just wanting to pick up
a game and enjoy it without having to read anything, but if you could

understand Raiders, you could understand Eee Tee. So
what was it that gave this game such a reputation?

I can't answer that. It's just something that
happened. It's something we needed. Is there

something mystical about the game?
There is. It's a floor plan to Area 51

as well as an access key and every cartridge contained a piece of the
alien ship. Sure, but forget about all that. The mystical thing about

all these old, craptastic games is that they somehow
hold a place in our hearts and bring us back to that

special time when we were kids. And that's the
power of the classics and the not-so-classics

that we love to hate.

See you later.