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1
00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:03,420
Hi, I'm Captain Dave,
and I'll be escorting
2
00:00:03,450 --> 00:00:06,760
you to an exclusive preview
of the pilot episode of "LA
3
00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:07,860
to Vegas."
4
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:09,036
If there's anything
else you need...
5
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,730
snack, blanket, perhaps
a cocktail... well,
6
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,200
you're on your own there.
7
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:14,600
That's not my job.
8
00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,470
Enjoy the show.
9
00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,420
Hi, Mr. Brightman.
10
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:34,780
It's Ronnie Messing.
11
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:36,350
We met yesterday.
12
00:00:36,390 --> 00:00:38,360
I was just calling to...
Oh, wait!
13
00:00:38,390 --> 00:00:39,890
Sorry, not you.
14
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,460
I'm yelling at a car.
15
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:43,290
Anyway, I just want you to know
16
00:00:43,330 --> 00:00:45,900
I'm very, very interested
in the job.
17
00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:47,300
I still... Oh, wait!
18
00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:49,230
Again, not you.
19
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:50,430
So call me.
20
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,740
I'm talking to you this time,
not the car.
21
00:00:58,070 --> 00:00:59,810
- Hey, dick!
- Sorry.
22
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,480
No liquids.
23
00:01:01,510 --> 00:01:02,910
* Gonna set my soul *
24
00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:04,880
- Ow.
- * On fire *
25
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,880
- Ow.
- * Got a whole lot of money *
26
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,890
* That's ready to burn *
27
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,460
* So get those stakes
up higher *
28
00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:14,660
* There's a thousand pretty
women waitin' out there *
29
00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:16,760
* And they're all livin' *
30
00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:18,160
* Devil may care *
31
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,600
* And I'm just the devil... *
32
00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:20,900
Excuse me, guys.
33
00:01:20,930 --> 00:01:22,430
Sorry, I have
to get through here.
34
00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:23,800
I know. Thank you very much.
35
00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:25,240
- Hey!
- Oh, God. Sorry.
36
00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:26,640
Thank you. Excuse me. Oh.
37
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,640
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Excuse me.
38
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:30,570
* Viva Las Vegas *
39
00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:33,910
* Viva *
40
00:01:33,940 --> 00:01:38,420
* Viva Las Vegas. *
41
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,250
Welcome aboard.
42
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,090
Got dressed in the terminal
again, didn't you?
43
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,020
Well, at least I wore underwear
this time. Welcome!
44
00:01:45,050 --> 00:01:46,166
Jackpot Airlines.
45
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,090
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
46
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,090
*
47
00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:57,030
That's the third time
you've checked your phone.
48
00:01:57,070 --> 00:01:58,640
Am I not enough for you?
49
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:00,840
I'm sorry. I'm expecting a call.
50
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,310
You heard about Margie Kendall
at Delta, right?
51
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,010
Yeah, they fired her
after she freaked out
52
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,156
and started sprinkling bacon
all over the vegan meals.
53
00:02:07,180 --> 00:02:09,150
Well, I applied for her job.
54
00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:11,320
- I interviewed for it yesterday.
- Girl, no.
55
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:12,720
That's the JFK route.
56
00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,480
You don't want it. It's so sad.
57
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,890
The only reason people fly
to New York is for work,
58
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,460
and, ugh, to see plays.
59
00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,060
Even the name JFK...
60
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,160
So tragic.
61
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:23,990
It's not just
about New York, Bernard.
62
00:02:24,030 --> 00:02:26,360
New York leads to London,
which leads to Hong Kong.
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00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,900
I could see the world.
Isn't that why we do this?
64
00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,330
Let me tell you something.
65
00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:32,040
I've been doing this
for a long time.
66
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,400
I've been on flights
with royalty.
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00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,540
Hollywood royalty.
Elizabeth Taylor.
68
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:38,140
- She threw an earring at a baby.
- Okay.
69
00:02:38,170 --> 00:02:39,710
And of all those destinations,
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00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,980
Las Vegas is the most
enchanting place there is.
71
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:43,810
A place where tigers
are liberated
72
00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:47,150
from their dirty jungles,
and acrobats can make a living.
73
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:49,150
Do you really want
to leave this?
74
00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:52,090
I need to be on a real airline
where people aren't just looking
75
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,360
to cheat on their wives
and butt-smuggle molly.
76
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,490
Don't joke.
I lost a friend that way.
77
00:02:56,530 --> 00:02:58,190
Ronnie!
78
00:02:58,230 --> 00:02:59,200
Ronnie?
79
00:02:59,230 --> 00:03:00,700
- Ronnie!
- Okay, okay.
80
00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:02,430
Artem, what's the problem?
81
00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:05,540
There's a baby man
sitting in my seat.
82
00:03:05,570 --> 00:03:07,900
We've been over this.
There aren't assigned seats.
83
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:10,010
But you know
this is my lucky seat.
84
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,510
If I sit here, I lose,
if I sit here, I lose,
85
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,710
but if I sit here, I win.
86
00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:17,210
And I can hire
some sexy dancing ladies.
87
00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:20,080
This seat is a job creator.
88
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,190
Then pay the extra seven dollars
for priority boarding.
89
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:26,260
It's only a lucky seat
if it's free.
90
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,790
We don't care where we sit.
91
00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:29,436
We'd just like two seats
next to each other.
92
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,060
He's adorable.
93
00:03:31,090 --> 00:03:33,700
Okay. One moment.
94
00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,300
- Thank you.
- Um... Oh.
95
00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:37,370
Hi. I'm sorry,
would you mind terribly
96
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,400
sitting next to
this pain in the ass
97
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,100
and letting the couple
take your row?
98
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,910
Oh, no. No, I'd rather not.
99
00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:45,940
I like to keep to myself,
and he's a bit of a talker.
100
00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:47,440
That's a nice shirt.
101
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,150
How much percent cotton?
102
00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:50,710
Okay.
103
00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:52,550
Thank you. That's helpful.
104
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,380
All right.
105
00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:56,620
Anybody sitting
next to an unoccupied seat
106
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:59,060
and is willing to move
gets free beer!
107
00:03:59,090 --> 00:04:01,760
You!
108
00:04:01,790 --> 00:04:03,730
Not you.
109
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,900
Anyone drinking for one?
110
00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:07,460
You, sir.
111
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,970
- Thank you.
- Of course. You're welcome.
112
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,640
After you.
113
00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:18,310
You happy now,
or is he bad luck, too?
114
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:19,580
Not sure yet.
115
00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:21,650
Are you Jew?
116
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,620
Take it from me,
Muay Thai will change your life.
117
00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:27,580
- Mm-hmm.
- I myself started taking lessons,
118
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,950
but I'm picking it up so fast
that I'm also giving lessons.
119
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:32,590
Captain, cabin's ready
and doors are closed.
120
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,490
All right, gentlemen,
it's time to get high.
121
00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:38,160
And also fly this old bird.
Just a little captain's joke.
122
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:39,830
I never get high
when I'm flying,
123
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,770
unless I mistimed the edible.
124
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,600
Another captain's joke.
125
00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,640
You really think that's
a good use of everyone's time?
126
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:49,270
If I can't have some fun with
my passengers, why am I here?
127
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,270
To fly the plane. Go do that.
128
00:04:51,310 --> 00:04:52,780
Ronnie, I haven't taken orders
129
00:04:52,810 --> 00:04:54,780
since I was in the Air Force
or married.
130
00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:57,680
Fortunately, I was
honorably discharged from both.
131
00:04:57,710 --> 00:05:01,520
He still looks at pictures
of his ex-wife and cries.
132
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,890
You want to do the honors, Alan?
133
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,890
- Yeah!
- No. You never touch this.
134
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,790
This is Captain Dave time.
135
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:12,460
Good afternoon, everyone.
This is your captain and friend.
136
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:16,230
I'd like to welcome you
on Jackpot Airlines Flight 1610,
137
00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:18,940
service to "Lost Wages."
138
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,540
Why aren't you laughing?
139
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:24,610
I've heard it, like,
1,200 times.
140
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,710
Okay, I saw you talking
to the British invasion before.
141
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:32,680
Shut up right now
and tell us everything.
142
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,350
Oh, it was magical.
143
00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:36,590
I ask him to move, he said no.
144
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:39,320
But that accent. Does he
call his pants "trousers"?
145
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,760
Ooh, I bet he likes warm beer.
Do we have any?
146
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:43,760
The fridge is broken;
that's all we have.
147
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:46,000
Maybe he's a secret agent
like James Bond,
148
00:05:46,030 --> 00:05:47,530
who keeps falling in love
149
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,530
with the witnesses
he's sworn to protect.
150
00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,100
But, oh,
they keep getting killed.
151
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,870
Well, he's terrible
at his job, then.
152
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,440
Explains why
he flies this airline.
153
00:05:55,470 --> 00:05:56,770
You know what?
154
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:59,180
I'm just gonna find out
British guy's deal myself.
155
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,710
I might as well, right?
Today is my last chance.
156
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:03,880
- Why? What's going on?
- Oh, I didn't tell you?
157
00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:05,920
Delta hired me
for their JFK route.
158
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,750
You got Margie Kendall's job.
159
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:10,450
Oh...
160
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:12,420
Wow!
161
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:14,790
That's so... great!
162
00:06:14,820 --> 00:06:18,060
I mean, what a big...
big deal for you.
163
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:23,730
Ladies and gentlemen,
164
00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:25,800
if you're looking
for a high-quality steak
165
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,640
at a low-quality price,
166
00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:29,440
go to Ernie's Steakhouse
off the Strip.
167
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,910
Trust me,
I don't get paid to say this.
168
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:33,410
Free steak.
169
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,180
- Bye.
- Bye.
170
00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:41,150
Oh, my God, are you a stripper?
171
00:06:41,180 --> 00:06:43,050
Um... no.
172
00:06:43,090 --> 00:06:45,220
Why not?
You have an amazing body.
173
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,960
You could totally be a stripper.
174
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,660
I'm a stripper.
Kelly's a stripper.
175
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:52,330
We go to Vegas on the weekends
because you can make, like,
176
00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,600
ten times more there
than you would in L.A.
177
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,400
Especially if there's
a big fight in town
178
00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:58,600
or a trade show for phones
or toilets or whatever.
179
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,570
I mean, you would not believe
how lonely urinal salesmen are.
180
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:04,010
That all sounds... neat.
181
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,640
Um, but actually, I'm going
to Vegas to get married.
182
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,410
Oh, that's so romantic.
183
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:11,920
- Marriage is the best.
- Are you married?
184
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:14,450
No. But a lot of the guys
who ask me for oral are.
185
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,920
Anyway, if you ever want
to come by the club and dance,
186
00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:18,420
ask for Nichole.
187
00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:20,320
I get a bonus
for every new girl I bring in.
188
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,860
And don't worry, I'm not
gonna make you trap or anything.
189
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:25,130
- Trap?
- Tell you that we're gonna go
190
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,660
and strip and party, but then
force you into prostitution.
191
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,770
Oh. Well, I wasn't
worried about that,
192
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,940
but now it's the only thing
I'll ever worry about.
193
00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:40,680
I trained Jill. How could they
give her that job over me?
194
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,110
So you didn't get JFK.
195
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:43,656
Personally,
I think you dodged a bullet.
196
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,180
Unlike a certain president
on a cold November day.
197
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:47,980
I did not take this job
to be stuck
198
00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:49,720
on the same
stupid route forever.
199
00:07:49,750 --> 00:07:51,720
I thought I was going
to travel the world,
200
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,020
meet interesting people.
201
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,460
I thought I would have
adventures.
202
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:56,290
I thought I was
gonna be a dancer.
203
00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:58,900
Oh, my God.
Is that how crazy I sound?
204
00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:00,360
Ronnie, this is
where you belong.
205
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,870
You are great at this job.
206
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,470
You speak
these people's language.
207
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,230
I don't want to speak
their language.
208
00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:07,400
I want to speak French
or Italian
209
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,710
or whatever accent
Madonna's faking right now.
210
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:11,340
You leave Madonna out of this.
211
00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:13,340
I can't do this anymore,
Bernard.
212
00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:14,740
I've had enough.
213
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:16,250
I quit.
214
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,550
- No, you don't.
- Yes, I do. I'm done.
215
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,350
And the raving bitch in 5E
needs a double screwdriver.
216
00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:23,890
- There's no one in 5E.
- There is now.
217
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,360
And don't worry, I'm not gonna
make you trap or anything.
218
00:08:33,030 --> 00:08:34,660
Hey, we don't even
need a chapel.
219
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:37,000
This guy will come to our
hotel room and marry us for free
220
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:40,500
- if we let him film the... Never mind.
- Hello.
221
00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:43,740
I would like to apologize
for my earlier rudeness.
222
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:47,080
I didn't even say
congratulations for wedding.
223
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,280
Oh. Thank you.
224
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:51,920
So, give me the deets.
225
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,020
You are eloping?
226
00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:57,250
Well, we actually
aren't calling it that,
227
00:08:57,290 --> 00:09:01,020
but, yeah, I-I guess
that is what we're doing.
228
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:02,790
Marriage is such
a beautiful institution.
229
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,460
I'm married.
230
00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:07,760
The first time I see wife,
it was like Cupid hit me.
231
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,630
Yeah. Yeah, that's how we felt.
232
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:11,270
- Yeah.
- We're high school sweethearts.
233
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,070
So why you elope?
He knock you up?
234
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,710
No. God, no, she's not pregnant.
235
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:16,910
I...
236
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:19,140
Oh, because you're virgins?
237
00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:22,310
It's religious, and now
you want to get married quickly
238
00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:23,750
so he can make entry.
239
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:25,450
I'm sorry. So he can what?
240
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,720
Uh, we're-we're not religious.
241
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:29,250
It's just...
242
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,966
Our parents are throwing
this giant wedding for us
243
00:09:30,990 --> 00:09:32,720
that we don't want.
244
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,560
We finally decided to just
do this on our own terms.
245
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:37,490
Well, I wish the both of you
246
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:41,670
a lifetime full of
happiness, luck and love.
247
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:42,830
- Thank you.
- Yup.
248
00:09:44,270 --> 00:09:46,140
What a sweet man.
249
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,470
It is to piss off the parents.
250
00:09:58,010 --> 00:10:01,650
Hey, King George, you want
to have a drink with me?
251
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:04,350
Seems like you're doing fine
by yourself.
252
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:06,160
Vodka, scotch, tequila.
253
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,620
It's like you're hosting
the Olympics in your liver.
254
00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:10,830
Oh, yeah.
Well, Russia's in the lead,
255
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,760
but Mexico's coming on strong.
256
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,360
Mmm.
257
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,170
Oh, come on.
258
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,370
One drink. I'm having a bad day.
259
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,170
- Fine, I'll have one.
- Hmm.
260
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,010
But only 'cause
I'm concerned about
261
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,346
what all this liquor is doing
to somebody of your body mass.
262
00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:27,180
Oh, you've noticed my body mass.
263
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,010
Yes, well, you have to have
a keen eye
264
00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:31,850
when you're an MI6 agent.
265
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,050
Even a terrible one
266
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,150
who kills all his witnesses.
267
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,820
No, you don't kill them.
268
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:41,660
You're just so incompetent,
they die on your watch.
269
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:43,490
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
270
00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:45,800
I need to do a better job
of eavesdropping next time.
271
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:47,400
Mistakes like that
get people killed.
272
00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:49,530
Yeah.
273
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:51,170
You know,
in eight months of flying,
274
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,400
I think this is the most
I've ever heard you talk.
275
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,346
Well, I guess it's 'cause
you haven't got me drunk before.
276
00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:57,240
- You want another one?
- No. No, no, no.
277
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:59,840
One more, and I'm gonna have
to attend a tiny A.A. meeting.
278
00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:02,710
Okay, so what do you really do?
279
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,750
I am a professor of economics
at, uh, UCLA.
280
00:11:05,780 --> 00:11:08,350
Oh, well, are you at least,
like, a rogue professor
281
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:10,020
who plays by his own rules?
282
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:13,420
No. I generally operate
within university bylaws.
283
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:15,660
Wait, did you say
you teach economics?
284
00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,730
Okay, you might know this.
So, I'm an exotic dancer,
285
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,400
and I get naked at work,
but I also get naked in my home.
286
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,170
Can I write that off
as a home office?
287
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,530
I don't believe so.
288
00:11:23,570 --> 00:11:26,040
I'm gonna kill Amber.
289
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:31,210
Nice to see you.
290
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,680
Well, look at that.
291
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:34,350
You two kids
getting married this weekend?
292
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:35,440
Uh-huh.
293
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,910
That's fantastic.
294
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:38,920
You know,
if you need an officiant...
295
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,020
Oh, actually, we might.
Are you ordained?
296
00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:43,720
Uh, yeah.
You're sitting in my ordination.
297
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:46,290
You know how a boat captain
can marry anyone?
298
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,360
I'm a plane captain.
299
00:11:48,390 --> 00:11:49,906
It's the same thing.
300
00:11:49,930 --> 00:11:51,860
It's not the same thing.
301
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:53,376
Yes, it is.
What the hell do you know?
302
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,036
I know that you should be
flying this plane
303
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:56,600
and not talking garbage.
304
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,376
If you understood anything
about modern aviation,
305
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,070
you know these planes
fly themselves.
306
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,140
This baby is
a technological marvel.
307
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,610
And besides, my job isn't
just about flying the plane.
308
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,480
It's about connecting
with the passengers.
309
00:12:07,510 --> 00:12:10,050
Connect with us
by not crashing the plane!
310
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,220
I'll connect
however the hell I want!
311
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:15,550
Hey, you still owe me $300
from, uh, Vikings last week.
312
00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,590
I'm good for it.
313
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:22,090
I really thought
that Delta job was my chance.
314
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:24,760
I-I don't understand
why this keeps happening to me.
315
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:26,800
Uh-huh.
316
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,070
"Uh-huh," what?
317
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,270
Oh, it's nothing.
I was just clearing my throat.
318
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,640
The accent makes it sound,
um, judgmental.
319
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,810
No, it's fine. You can tell me.
I'm a big girl.
320
00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:42,280
Well, I've observed
that you are quite impulsive.
321
00:12:42,310 --> 00:12:44,280
You did just quit your job
on this airline
322
00:12:44,310 --> 00:12:46,320
because you didn't get a job
on another airline,
323
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,420
which is precisely
when you would need a job
324
00:12:48,450 --> 00:12:50,290
on this airline.
325
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,960
Thank you very much, but I don't
need to get lectured by you.
326
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:57,130
People literally pay
to get lectured by me.
327
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,500
Okay, TED Talk,
what would you have done?
328
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,600
Well, since you asked,
I would have analyzed
329
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:04,600
current hiring trends
in the job market,
330
00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:06,776
cross-referenced those with
my experience and particular...
331
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,540
- Oh, my God!
- If nothing else,
332
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,540
I wouldn't have quit
on the outbound flight,
333
00:13:10,570 --> 00:13:13,180
'cause now you're gonna have
to pay for your own way home.
334
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,010
Damn it. Yes.
335
00:13:18,050 --> 00:13:21,280
That was dumb on my part,
but I go with my gut,
336
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,390
unlike some overthinky
British know-it-all
337
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,060
with an NPR tote bag.
338
00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:27,536
Okay, their programming
is brought to us
339
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:28,620
by listeners like me.
340
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:30,190
Well, I don't
have to listen to you
341
00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:32,360
just because you have
a sexy accent.
342
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,060
Well, I don't
have to engage with you
343
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,900
just because you're
uncommonly beautiful.
344
00:13:35,930 --> 00:13:37,470
Why are you complimenting me?
345
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,140
You complimented me first.
346
00:13:39,170 --> 00:13:40,800
This is a very confusing fight!
347
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,570
You're a very confusing woman!
348
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,910
Well, I know how to make it
more confusing!
349
00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:53,250
That's wet,
that's wet, that's wet.
350
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,820
This is so much grosser than
I ever imagined it would be.
351
00:13:55,850 --> 00:13:58,390
Never touch that with your hand!
352
00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:04,590
You two banging in there?
353
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:06,930
Rain check?
354
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,860
- God, yes.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
355
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,170
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Las Vegas.
356
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,246
Okay, so it looks like the
chapel is next to a gun range.
357
00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:16,870
- Ooh.
- Wait, the chapel is a gun range.
358
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:18,786
Hey, look, I've never done
anything like that before.
359
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:20,280
I don't want you
to think that...
360
00:14:20,310 --> 00:14:21,280
Oh, I don't.
361
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:22,610
Also, by the way,
neither have I.
362
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:24,410
- So I don't want you to think...
- I don't.
363
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:26,750
Good. So, neither of us think.
364
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:28,620
Vegas! Vegas! Vegas!
365
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,420
I'll call you
when I'm back in L.A.
366
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:32,720
I'd like that.
367
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,360
Vegas! Vegas!
368
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:36,160
*
369
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,400
Well, bad news, folks.
370
00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:44,630
Flight 1322
with service to Los Angeles
371
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:47,470
will be delayed
at least another hour.
372
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,910
I just want to throw up
in my own house.
373
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:55,880
Hey. How'd you do this weekend?
374
00:14:55,910 --> 00:14:57,780
Ah, so-so.
375
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,820
What about you?
376
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:02,650
Pretty good.
377
00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:05,620
Maybe I should quit card,
become stripper, huh?
378
00:15:05,650 --> 00:15:07,566
Well, what are you working with?
'Cause you'll clean up
379
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:09,830
if you're bigger than eight
or smaller than three.
380
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,290
And then she says,
381
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:13,800
"I can't be with someone
who's always somewhere else."
382
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,930
So I say, "Booboo, I'm a pilot."
383
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:19,270
And she says, "No,
emotionally somewhere else."
384
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,440
Then... I don't know
what she said.
385
00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:24,670
I had to end the FaceTime
because we were landing.
386
00:15:24,710 --> 00:15:25,910
Mmm.
387
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,810
One more for the road, Scotty.
388
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,780
I'm wheels up in ten.
389
00:15:35,380 --> 00:15:37,320
It's club soda.
390
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,830
Flight 1322, now boarding.
391
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,160
Hey, there.
392
00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:46,760
Hi.
393
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,860
Uh, what are you doing here?
I thought you quit.
394
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,430
Oh, well, you were right.
395
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:52,700
That might've been
a little too impulsive.
396
00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:54,700
And besides, this job
is not all that bad.
397
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,970
I meet some interesting people
at least, right?
398
00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:58,870
Uh, yeah, that's good.
Uh, pleased for you.
399
00:15:58,910 --> 00:16:01,440
Here's the thing,
uh, quick update...
400
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,310
Honey, all the bins are full.
401
00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:04,710
I hate other people's stuff.
402
00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:06,520
Hi. Can you check this for us?
403
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:09,850
"Us"?
404
00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:11,320
You two are together?
405
00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:13,220
Yeah. We're married.
Isn't he lucky?
406
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:14,720
Can you take it, please?
407
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,390
Yes.
408
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:17,790
Absolutely.
409
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:21,230
I didn't realize
you had so much baggage.
410
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,316
For the new trick,
Pascal the Magnificent
411
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:30,570
wants to make me disappear
412
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:34,540
and then reappear in Jerusalem.
413
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,550
But I don't know.
I don't like hummus.
414
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,820
Excuse me.
415
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:41,320
Oh, no, it's guacamole
I don't like.
416
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:42,750
I don't like guacamole.
417
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:44,366
Attention, passengers,
418
00:16:44,390 --> 00:16:47,190
you are now free
to move about the cabin.
419
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,260
Hello. Could I please explain?
420
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:50,860
No need. I get it.
Mystery solved.
421
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:52,730
You go to Vegas every weekend
to see your wife.
422
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,560
No. I go to see my child.
423
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,170
Of course you have a family.
424
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,600
You didn't think about maybe
mentioning that to me before?
425
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,416
Oh, yeah, while you were
unbuttoning my pants,
426
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,440
I kept on thinking, "I can't
wait for her to meet my son."
427
00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:05,570
- Look...
- I can't believe how stupid I feel.
428
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,540
I was just having
such a bad day,
429
00:17:07,580 --> 00:17:10,350
and I really thought
something nice came out of this.
430
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,096
But you're not nice.
You're just another guy
431
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,180
who will do anything
to get a woman into bathroom.
432
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:17,520
Just listen. A few years ago,
I was in Vegas for a conference.
433
00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:20,120
I met... a magician's assistant.
434
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,530
I didn't overthink it for once.
We spent the night together.
435
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:23,930
Ta-da! She's pregnant.
436
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,460
I mean, what are the odds?
437
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,460
Well, it depends on her age,
438
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,300
time in cycle, and which pocket
you keep your cell phone.
439
00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:32,100
It's roughly five to two.
440
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:33,400
That's not helpful.
441
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,940
Sit down, Colin. We're done.
442
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,316
Can we please just discuss...
443
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:37,770
Ladies and gentlemen,
444
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,110
the captain has turned on
the fasten seat belt sign.
445
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,480
Please return to your seats.
446
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:42,980
The seat belt light isn't on.
447
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:45,456
Right, but we're not
experiencing any...
448
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,950
Wow.
449
00:17:46,980 --> 00:17:49,290
That is a terrifying trick.
450
00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:55,960
And the thing that took
my Muay Thai to the next level
451
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,730
was when I realized...
452
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,360
There are no levels.
453
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,900
You want to fly the plane?
454
00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,330
Okay.
455
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:08,070
What are you doing?
456
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,270
Just taking a walk.
457
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,010
Mm-hmm.
And what's in your pocket?
458
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,580
Is that... Oh. A sock?
459
00:18:13,610 --> 00:18:15,780
Were you gonna put a sock
on the cockpit door?
460
00:18:15,810 --> 00:18:17,280
Yeah. I'm doing it
for all of you.
461
00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:18,810
It's bad enough
Alan has to watch.
462
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,426
This is not okay.
You cannot just go around
463
00:18:20,450 --> 00:18:21,780
putting socks wherever you want.
464
00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:23,450
Captain Steve,
who flies international,
465
00:18:23,490 --> 00:18:25,620
says he has sex all the time
with the passengers.
466
00:18:25,650 --> 00:18:27,590
How come I'm not allowed
to do anything cool?
467
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:29,860
How come I can't bond
with some 21-year-old bros
468
00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:32,330
or officiate a wedding
or make it with some EDM ho?
469
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,600
Excuse me. I'm into house.
470
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:37,270
And I cannot wait
to hear all about that.
471
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,130
You think this is
how I pictured my life?
472
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:41,040
I grew up wanting to be
a fighter pilot,
473
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,286
not flying
the puddle jumper to Vegas.
474
00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:45,310
All I wanted to be was a hero.
475
00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:48,540
Now I'll just settle
for one decent story.
476
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,310
Please...
477
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:52,520
don't cockpit block me.
478
00:18:58,050 --> 00:19:00,060
Ronnie, can I at least
have my sock back?
479
00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:02,990
My foot's freezing.
480
00:19:06,530 --> 00:19:08,200
Hey, newlywed.
481
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,500
Where's the wifey?
I just wanted to say thanks.
482
00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:11,900
'Cause of her,
I got a gift card.
483
00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:13,800
What are you talking about?
484
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,216
Well, she came to my club and
danced and said I referred her.
485
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,970
To dance, you mean to strip?
486
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:19,710
Well, yeah. You didn't see?
487
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:22,750
No. Last time I saw Katie
was Friday night.
488
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:25,810
So the wedding did not happen?
489
00:19:25,850 --> 00:19:27,720
No. Okay?
490
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,520
When we got to the hotel,
491
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,850
she decided that I've been
holding her back.
492
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:34,360
So, she broke it off
and stayed in Vegas.
493
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,690
That's the story. You happy now?
494
00:19:36,730 --> 00:19:40,360
No, I lost "Girl stays in Vegas"
six to one.
495
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,600
You're a winner, Gary!
496
00:19:42,630 --> 00:19:45,170
Wait, you bet on
my marriage falling apart?
497
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,940
Eh...
498
00:19:46,970 --> 00:19:49,240
What is wrong with you people?!
499
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:52,440
Before she got on this plane,
she was just a normal girl.
500
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,940
Two hours with all of you,
and suddenly she's leaving me
501
00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:57,180
to go take her clothes off
for a Saudi prince.
502
00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:59,680
Oh, you guys met Raja.
No, he's not a Saudi prince.
503
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,780
He's just a Mexican
with a pet falcon.
504
00:20:01,820 --> 00:20:03,250
What's going on?
505
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:05,890
This plane is full of monsters.
506
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,260
Okay. You're not wrong, but the
best thing you can do right now
507
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:12,030
is just take a deep breath
and relax.
508
00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:13,930
Oh, now you want
to get involved?
509
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,630
You're not too busy having sex
in the bathroom with that guy?
510
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,770
Yeah, everybody knows
about that.
511
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,270
Wait, you had sex with her?
512
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,210
No, we did not have sex.
513
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,210
It was just a bit of
over-the-trouser stuff.
514
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,080
Trousers. Told you.
515
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:31,080
But, frankly, even if we did,
it's none of your business.
516
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:33,880
- We've been separated a year.
- You're separated?
517
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,080
Yes. That's what I was trying
to tell you before...
518
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,650
Oh, my God! Who cares?!
519
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:40,790
Okay, just calm down.
Let me get you a nice warm beer.
520
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:43,460
Do not come near me,
or I swear I will go
521
00:20:43,490 --> 00:20:45,790
Passenger 57
all over this place.
522
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,630
You leave Wesley Snipes
out of this.
523
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:49,130
You people are the villains,
524
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,400
and you know what happens
to the villains?
525
00:20:51,430 --> 00:20:53,770
They go down.
526
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,900
Yeah, that's right.
527
00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:57,440
I'll take out this whole plane.
528
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,140
They'll call me a hero.
529
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,480
They will throw parades
in my honor!
530
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,280
Muay Thai!
531
00:21:05,810 --> 00:21:06,980
Ooh.
532
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:10,150
Okay.
533
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:11,690
Too far. I get it.
534
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:12,960
That was too far.
535
00:21:12,990 --> 00:21:15,120
Consider yourself grounded.
536
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,600
This is a pretty good story.
537
00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:26,840
Making love in the cockpit
would've been a better one.
538
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,670
Oh, good luck, my friend.
539
00:21:31,710 --> 00:21:34,380
We're all betting
you're out on good behavior,
540
00:21:34,410 --> 00:21:37,410
so be nice, but don't be bitch!
541
00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:40,350
May I?
542
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,850
Where's your wife?
543
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,350
Ah, I got her a ticket
back to Vegas.
544
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:47,120
She wanted to come to L.A.
to work things out.
545
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,630
My instinct was to say no,
but, um...
546
00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:51,130
You overthought it?
547
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,000
- Yes, I did.
- Mm.
548
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,030
So, where do you suppose
this leaves me and you?
549
00:21:57,070 --> 00:21:59,400
I don't know.
550
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,540
Okay.
551
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,540
I'll have to think about it.
552
00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:05,740
And I would say
don't overthink it...
553
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,556
...'cause I kind of like
your impulsiveness.
554
00:22:08,580 --> 00:22:11,180
I kind of like
your NPR tote bag.
555
00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:12,980
Aw, that's so sad.
556
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:15,196
I really thought they were gonna
end up in another bathroom.
557
00:22:15,220 --> 00:22:16,320
What the hell?
558
00:22:16,350 --> 00:22:17,890
Yeah, I've got a black light
559
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,390
and a little dance floor
in my apartment.
560
00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:21,560
Bye, guys.
561
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:22,890
Is that my sock?
562
00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:25,490
Alan!
563
00:22:25,530 --> 00:22:27,660
Give me back my sock!
564
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:29,700
Alan!
565
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:36,740
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
566
00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:38,545
.srt Extracted, Synced and Corrected
by Dan4Jem, AD.I.MMXVIII
41640
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