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1
00:00:01,234 --> 00:00:04,136
- I'm here!
I'm here, I'm here.
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,137
You can start the meeting now.
3
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,105
- The meeting is over.
You're late.
4
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,407
You missed roll call
and the tutorial
5
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,742
on using the new copiers.
6
00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:12,044
Six years, and no matter
how hard I try, I still can't
7
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,480
get you to understand the
importance of being punctual.
8
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,581
- Maybe you should just give up
and accept me for who I am?
9
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,648
- No, I will break you.
10
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,117
Right now.
11
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,985
- While you were out
being tardy,
12
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:22,054
I was hard at work
devising a special punishment.
13
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,056
I've crafted an intricate
personal high five
14
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,591
with everyone in this office
except you.
15
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:27,026
- What?
But you hate high fives.
16
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,361
- Yes, every minute of it
was hell.
17
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,264
But it'll be worse for you.
Squad, dismissed.
18
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,900
Good-bye, Diaz.
19
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,235
- Salute into a fanny waggle?
20
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,971
- Good-bye, Boyle.
- Oh, the snake charmer!
21
00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:41,173
- Good-bye, Jeffords.
22
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,342
- That's a butt bump.
- Good-bye, Santiago.
23
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,310
- Double fist bump
reverse explosion
24
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,146
into a Pete Townshend strum.
25
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,681
All right, that was terrible,
26
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,216
but it's over now,
and I made it through.
27
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,284
- Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox.
28
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:54,787
- What?
No, no, no.
29
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:55,921
The copy guy?
30
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:06,893
♪ ♪
31
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:15,874
♪ ♪
32
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,276
- So nice of you to stop by,
Kevin.
33
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,844
Enjoy your day.
I hope it's productive.
34
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,579
- Thank you, Raymond.
35
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,147
I hope your day
is productive as well.
36
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,016
PDA in the office?
My, my.
37
00:01:24,018 --> 00:01:25,451
Couldn't help myself.
38
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,219
Oh, may I please use
the precinct facilities
39
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,455
before I head to work?
40
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,089
- Yes. Thank you for asking
for permission.
41
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,659
- Thank you for granting it.
42
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,596
Whoomp.
- There it is!
43
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,363
Got to say, I could have used
44
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,566
a little more oomph
on the whoomp.
45
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,101
- That's the oomphiest whoomp
you'll get.
46
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:42,868
- So what's going on? Why'd you
want to meet in private?
47
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,236
- I need your help with a case.
48
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,504
Three antique coins were stolen
49
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,972
from my classics department
at Columbia.
50
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,607
- So why not ask Captain Holt
for help on the case?
51
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:49,675
Wait, are you guys getting
a divorce?
52
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:51,710
I can handle it.
53
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,278
This doesn't bring up
any weird issues for me.
54
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,446
- No, it's nothing like that.
55
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:55,547
Raymond's a brilliant detective.
56
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,049
It's just when a case
involves me,
57
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:59,384
he can get a little
overemotional.
58
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,452
You remember the safe house.
- Oh, yeah, he went crazy.
59
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,688
But I also remember you and me
becoming best friends
60
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:03,789
and watching every Nic Cage
movie ever made.
61
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,924
Can you still quote them all?
62
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:06,925
- No, I purged myself
of that nonsense.
63
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:07,626
- Oh, I bet it's still in there.
- It's not.
64
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,994
- We'll see.
- We won't.
65
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:09,528
- There's a chance
it's in there.
66
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,130
- Chance of zero.
67
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,331
- I'd put money
that maybe it's there.
68
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,265
- You're losing your money.
- Okay.
69
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,234
- So will you help me?
- I don't know.
70
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,602
I want to, but keeping a secret
from Holt?
71
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,302
That's a lot of pressure.
72
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,871
Am I remembering correctly?
73
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:20,506
Don't you...
eat pressure for breakfast?
74
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:23,342
Nic Cage in "The Rock."
75
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,444
We are best friends.
I am so in!
76
00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,079
- Oh, no, that's Raymond.
77
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:28,080
That's how he opens a door.
78
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,882
- Kevin, are you still in here?
79
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,717
- Uh, yes, Raymond,
I'm in the stall.
80
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,252
- Some tickets
were just released
81
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,587
for Mahler's Fourth Symphony
this weekend.
82
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,122
- Great. That sounds great.
Let's do it.
83
00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,290
- Fantastic. Now, which section
do you prefer?
84
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,992
The first tier,
85
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,227
the second tier,
the third tier...
86
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,029
- The first tier.
87
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,697
- Now, which section
of the first tier?
88
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:49,168
Right, left, right center,
center...
89
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:50,936
- Just any section is fine.
90
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:51,970
- Any section, wow.
91
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,906
Someone had pepper
on their eggs this morning.
92
00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:55,874
I'll buy the tickets.
93
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,610
Any section.
94
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:00,879
- Guys, horrible news.
95
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,614
The fridge broke this morning.
Everything's warm.
96
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,949
- Doesn't seem like
that big a deal.
97
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,517
- Your yogurt's spoiled.
- Who did this?
98
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,619
- Okay, everyone calm down.
99
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,321
I will put a request in
for a new fridge.
100
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,689
- Good luck
getting that approved.
101
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,323
Commissioner Kelly's already
slashed our budget
102
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,824
within an inch of its life.
103
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,027
- Yeah, the toilet paper's
only one ply now.
104
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,261
- My butt hurts all the time.
- The AC is broken.
105
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,496
- My butt hurts all the time.
106
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,931
- Scully's butt hurts
all the time.
107
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,499
- All right, guys, we get it.
108
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,134
- It's just that lunch
is the one part of the day
109
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,602
Commissioner Kelly
hadn't ruined.
110
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:24,736
People are pissed.
Morale's really taken a hit.
111
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,805
- Okay, I got this.
112
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,607
Hey, squad.
Lunch is on me today.
113
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,275
Taking everyone out for pizza.
114
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,345
And that's how you improve
morale.
115
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,647
- Okay. You're not the only
sergeant around here.
116
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,115
Let me help.
117
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,384
This side of the room,
lunch is on me,
118
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,887
and we're getting something
better than pizza.
119
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,055
Sushi!
120
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,091
- Are you trying to outdo me?
121
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:47,960
- No, no, no.
122
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,429
Just trying to raise morale.
123
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,930
- Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
124
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,466
Morale, morale, morale.
Okay.
125
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,069
- Wow, so this is
your classroom.
126
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,237
What's today's lecture about?
127
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,905
- I know you don't care
about that.
128
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,039
Just ask me what you want
to ask me.
129
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,475
- Can I play
with your laser pointer?
130
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,777
- You know, the laser pointer
is a bit of a misnomer.
131
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,313
It is simply a laser.
The pointer is you.
132
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,881
- That was awesome.
- Take it for a spin.
133
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,117
- Don't mind if I do.
Good afternoon, class.
134
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:14,987
Allow me to make my first...
point.
135
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:17,122
- Very impressive.
- Thank you very much, Kevin.
136
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,091
But I do have five additional
points to make.
137
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,960
Chair, chair, wall, chair,
138
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:22,961
Captain Holt.
139
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,529
Captain Holt? No.
140
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,866
- Yes, that was
a delicious lunch, Gary!
141
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,035
And I agree,
our group does seem happier
142
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,136
than it was before.
143
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:33,605
- Oh, the pizza was that good?
144
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,407
- Pizza? Right, that's what
I said we were getting
145
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,976
before we decided to
uh-snazz it up.
146
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,711
- Oh, you guys snazzed?
147
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,514
- Yeah, we snazzed all the way
to La Petite Creperie.
148
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,182
- I thought we couldn't say
"snazz."
149
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,551
Oh, no, I was thinking of.
150
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:47,819
We can't say.
Carry on.
151
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,521
- Tell 'em how good it was,
Rosa.
152
00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,723
Tell 'em how high our morale is.
153
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,558
- High.
- Oh, stop gushing, girl.
154
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,661
- I think it's so interesting
155
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:57,162
you guys didn't stick
to your original plan,
156
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,697
because neither did we.
157
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,033
- What? Why?
158
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,068
- Oh, you don't think we knew
you were gonna snazz?
159
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,270
We saw your snazz
coming a mile away.
160
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:07,072
That's why I took my team out
161
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,541
for some big, juicy steaks,
and...
162
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,076
♪ Mashed potatoes ♪
163
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,179
♪ And some spinach
and some key lime pie ♪
164
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,348
Thank you, Heather.
165
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,449
- Well, that doesn't sound
better than crepes.
166
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,183
- It is.
Terry wins.
167
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:20,018
We know.
We were at both lunches.
168
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,287
- How? They were simultaneous
and two miles apart.
169
00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:24,122
- It was free food.
Life finds a way.
170
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,357
- Okay, but you can't win
171
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,792
because it wasn't a competition.
172
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,826
- So let's make it
a competition.
173
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,861
Same groups tomorrow?
174
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,663
- Okay, but let's agree
at the end of this
175
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,231
that we'll still be friends.
- No deal.
176
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,966
- Good!
'Cause I didn't mean it anyway.
177
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,435
- Hello, sir.
How'd you find us out?
178
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,602
- Mahler's Fourth Symphony.
179
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:38,804
He'd never sit
in just any section.
180
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,205
- I might.
I'm flexible.
181
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,075
- Oh, really?
You'd sit center left?
182
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,209
In timpani alley?
183
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:51,717
I'll purchase those tickets
right away.
184
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,151
- No, don't!
Fine.
185
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,519
Jake is helping me
with a burglary
186
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,287
here at the university,
187
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,589
and I asked him not to tell you.
188
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,725
- Is this about St. Augustine?
- Yes.
189
00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,992
- What's going on?
- He's embarrassed of me.
190
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,328
Last Christmas,
191
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,930
the classics department
threw a holiday party.
192
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,899
I had one drink too many
and utterly humiliated myself.
193
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,701
And that was the point
St. Augustine was making
194
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,902
in "Consolation of Philosophy."
195
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,604
- Yeah, sounds
super humiliating,
196
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:13,605
saying something smart.
197
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,441
- Smart? I confused
St. Augustine with Boethius.
198
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,776
I might as well
have stepped on a rake
199
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,277
and bonked myself
on the forehead.
200
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,345
- The problem
wasn't what you said.
201
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,114
It was that Dean Allister
pointed out your mistake,
202
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,649
and you lost your damned mind.
203
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,385
- I misremembered it because
I'm reading both simultaneously.
204
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,186
One book is too few for me.
205
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,188
Where is everyone going?
206
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,157
- It was quite the kerfuffle.
207
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:34,459
- The problem is, is that I get
flustered and defensive
208
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:37,062
because I know
how they all see me:
209
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:40,265
as Kevin's working-class bimbo.
210
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,500
- I can't imagine
that's what they think.
211
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,402
- It is.
- Really?
212
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:44,770
- Obviously I know
that they're wrong,
213
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,138
but they put you
in your own head,
214
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:47,472
and you're not yourself
around them.
215
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,541
I'm sorry, I was just
trying to protect you.
216
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,909
- Yes, of course, thank you
for saving me from myself.
217
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,977
Now, if you'll excuse me,
218
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,080
I'll just go sit by the pool
and read some fiction...
219
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,317
like the bimbo that I am.
220
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,286
- There's a pool here?
221
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,170
- Sir, wait.
To catch up to you so fast.
222
00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:08,671
I don't know what to say now.
I thought I was gonna have
223
00:07:08,673 --> 00:07:10,840
more running time
to formulate it. Oh, I know!
224
00:07:10,842 --> 00:07:12,542
I'm sorry that we kept the case
a secret from you.
225
00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:13,843
- Oh, I understand why you did.
226
00:07:13,845 --> 00:07:15,512
The truth is,
ever since I met Kevin,
227
00:07:15,514 --> 00:07:17,347
I've felt insecure in his world.
228
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:20,517
I can't compete with these
highly educated academics.
229
00:07:20,519 --> 00:07:21,684
I worry every day
230
00:07:21,686 --> 00:07:24,654
that I'll make one
St. Augustine slip too many,
231
00:07:24,656 --> 00:07:27,524
and he'll realize...
232
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:28,892
I'm beneath him.
- This is insane.
233
00:07:28,894 --> 00:07:30,460
You're the smartest person
I know.
234
00:07:30,462 --> 00:07:32,896
- I'll explain it to you.
Among Kevin's peers,
235
00:07:32,898 --> 00:07:34,564
I'm a Jake.
- No, no, no, no, no.
236
00:07:34,566 --> 00:07:36,065
I refuse to live in a world
where you're the Jake,
237
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:38,134
because if you're the Jake,
what does that make me?
238
00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:39,536
The Charles?
- The Hitchcock.
239
00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:41,905
- The Hitchcock?
Oh, my God.
240
00:07:41,907 --> 00:07:44,174
You dropped down so many more
levels than I was expecting.
241
00:07:44,176 --> 00:07:46,075
Okay, you know what?
Screw this.
242
00:07:46,077 --> 00:07:48,077
You are so smart,
243
00:07:48,079 --> 00:07:49,412
and we're gonna prove it
to those professors.
244
00:07:49,414 --> 00:07:50,613
You're gonna work this case,
245
00:07:50,615 --> 00:07:52,182
and you're gonna find
those coins.
246
00:07:52,184 --> 00:07:54,584
- Well, I suppose
it would be nice to show them
247
00:07:54,586 --> 00:07:56,986
I'm more than just a hot,
dumb piece of ass.
248
00:07:56,988 --> 00:07:58,488
- Yes! That's the spirit.
249
00:07:58,490 --> 00:07:59,856
Now get that hot ass moving,
250
00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:01,090
'cause we've got a crime
to solve.
251
00:08:01,092 --> 00:08:02,725
- Peralta, please,
have some decorum.
252
00:08:02,727 --> 00:08:04,194
- What?
I was just using your words.
253
00:08:04,196 --> 00:08:05,929
Look, you teach people
the way you want to be treated.
254
00:08:05,931 --> 00:08:07,597
That's what Dr. Phil says.
255
00:08:07,599 --> 00:08:10,500
- Okay, lunchtime starts
in ten minutes.
256
00:08:10,502 --> 00:08:12,202
Whichever team wins
gets recorded
257
00:08:12,204 --> 00:08:13,770
on the Whiteboard of Victory.
258
00:08:13,772 --> 00:08:15,238
- The winner will be decided
by our judges,
259
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,507
Hitchcock and Scully.
260
00:08:17,509 --> 00:08:18,274
- Oh, my God, are we
high status, Hitchcock?
261
00:08:18,276 --> 00:08:20,076
- I think so.
- What a world.
262
00:08:20,078 --> 00:08:22,145
- Ah, well, good luck.
263
00:08:22,147 --> 00:08:24,080
I'm sure you know
all the best places to eat
264
00:08:24,082 --> 00:08:25,181
since you've reached
Elite status on Yelp.
265
00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:26,516
Oh, wait, that was me.
266
00:08:26,518 --> 00:08:27,584
- Oh, because Yelp reviewers
267
00:08:27,586 --> 00:08:28,785
are sane people
with great taste?
268
00:08:28,787 --> 00:08:31,621
- Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you
over GourmetGlen12 saying
269
00:08:31,623 --> 00:08:33,623
that my review of the duck skin
at the Hearth and Feather
270
00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:35,058
was helpful.
271
00:08:35,060 --> 00:08:38,127
- Come on, Team Jeffords.
It's chow time.
272
00:08:39,297 --> 00:08:41,231
- We have a cool thing
to say too.
273
00:08:41,233 --> 00:08:44,100
Team Santiago,
let's lunch-a-bunch!
274
00:08:44,102 --> 00:08:46,536
- No, I don't say that.
- Come on, Rosa, please?
275
00:08:46,538 --> 00:08:47,570
Let's lunch-a-bunch.
276
00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:48,771
- Aha, Rosa said it!
277
00:08:48,773 --> 00:08:50,273
Did you hear that?
Did you hear it?
278
00:08:50,275 --> 00:08:53,877
- Ah, Dean Allister?
- Policeman Raymond.
279
00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:55,912
Good to see you.
280
00:08:55,914 --> 00:08:57,981
Read any interesting magazines
lately?
281
00:08:57,983 --> 00:08:59,549
- This again?
I was waiting for Kevin,
282
00:08:59,551 --> 00:09:01,751
I had finished my book,
and I happened to glance
283
00:09:01,753 --> 00:09:04,621
at an issue of "The Economist"
that someone left lying about.
284
00:09:04,623 --> 00:09:06,656
- All I remember
is you becoming unhinged.
285
00:09:06,658 --> 00:09:08,625
- The only reason I
picked it up was to swat a fly.
286
00:09:08,627 --> 00:09:09,826
I mean, I'm not crazy.
287
00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:11,961
Why are there always flowers
here?
288
00:09:11,963 --> 00:09:14,831
- So is policeman Raymond
joining the case?
289
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,332
- Actually, he's leading it.
290
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:18,167
Captain Holt
is the finest investigator
291
00:09:18,169 --> 00:09:19,836
I've ever worked with.
292
00:09:19,838 --> 00:09:27,777
Sir, tell him our plan
of action.
293
00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:29,178
- Clues.
- Okay, you're freezing up.
294
00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:30,680
I'm just gonna take the wheel
for now.
295
00:09:30,682 --> 00:09:32,081
There were no signs
of forced entry,
296
00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:33,816
the only people with access
to the archives
297
00:09:33,818 --> 00:09:35,118
were the professors
in the department,
298
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,254
and they all have alibis,
which means...
299
00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:40,857
- I don't know
what you want me to say.
300
00:09:40,859 --> 00:09:42,559
- Okay, that's my fault
for throwing it to you again.
301
00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:43,826
Which means we need to examine
the crime scene.
302
00:09:43,828 --> 00:09:45,828
It is there that we will find
303
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:49,699
what Captain Holt has
so eloquently described as...
304
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:50,466
- Clues?
305
00:09:50,468 --> 00:09:52,101
Sir, you just said it.
306
00:09:52,103 --> 00:09:54,203
- Cupcakes up, everyone.
307
00:09:54,205 --> 00:09:56,139
Heather, you already ate yours?
308
00:09:56,141 --> 00:09:58,181
The point is to eat it
in their faces.
309
00:10:00,879 --> 00:10:02,845
- Honk, honk, bitches.
- What the hell?
310
00:10:02,847 --> 00:10:04,681
- We rented a party limo,
311
00:10:04,683 --> 00:10:05,982
drove to Coney Island
for hot dogs,
312
00:10:05,984 --> 00:10:07,884
and then did karaoke
the entire time.
313
00:10:07,886 --> 00:10:09,652
I sang "It Wasn't Me"
by Shaggy. Crushed it.
314
00:10:09,654 --> 00:10:10,853
- But that's not even
about lunch!
315
00:10:10,855 --> 00:10:11,888
It's...
- An experience.
316
00:10:11,890 --> 00:10:13,289
- Team Amy wins.
- What?
317
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:15,224
How did you get there?
You were just with us.
318
00:10:15,226 --> 00:10:17,293
Scully was with them.
- Free food.
319
00:10:17,295 --> 00:10:19,329
- Great cupcake, Sarge.
320
00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:23,299
But Amy still wins.
- Eat snazz, losers!
321
00:10:24,636 --> 00:10:26,069
- Okay, so there were
no witnesses,
322
00:10:26,071 --> 00:10:27,303
no cameras, and no prints.
323
00:10:27,305 --> 00:10:28,972
- In other words,
we have nothing.
324
00:10:28,974 --> 00:10:30,907
That's what you get when you
put a bimbo on the case.
325
00:10:30,909 --> 00:10:33,076
- Okay, well, let's not give up
all hope just yet.
326
00:10:33,078 --> 00:10:35,011
We do know some things.
327
00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,846
For example,
the perp entered using a key,
328
00:10:36,848 --> 00:10:38,348
which means they probably
work here.
329
00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:39,949
And they knew enough
to skip past
330
00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:41,918
all these expensive-looking
artifacts.
331
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,586
They walked straight up
to this shelf
332
00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:44,988
and grabbed the coin case
from up there.
333
00:10:44,990 --> 00:10:45,888
- It's too high.
You can't reach it.
334
00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:47,824
- Exactly.
So now we know that the thief
335
00:10:47,826 --> 00:10:49,659
was taller than me.
That's a good lead.
336
00:10:49,661 --> 00:10:51,427
Also, we know they were
a little bit of a freak,
337
00:10:51,429 --> 00:10:53,363
since I am above average height
according to the 1940 census.
338
00:10:53,365 --> 00:10:54,831
- I didn't realize you had
a thing about your height.
339
00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:57,066
- I don't!
Because I'm above average.
340
00:10:57,068 --> 00:10:59,302
Why would I have a thing
about my height
341
00:10:59,304 --> 00:11:01,264
when I'm above average?
It doesn't make any sense.
342
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,239
Anyways, we're looking
for an insanely tall perp,
343
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:05,608
a real Shaq type.
344
00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,076
- Maybe the thief stood
on something, like...
345
00:11:07,078 --> 00:11:10,279
one of these drawers.
346
00:11:10,281 --> 00:11:12,181
Turn off the light.
347
00:11:12,183 --> 00:11:16,119
Maybe something will show up
under UV.
348
00:11:16,121 --> 00:11:18,021
Bingpot!
- A footprint.
349
00:11:18,023 --> 00:11:19,856
You did it, you brilliant bimbo.
350
00:11:19,858 --> 00:11:22,058
- Oh, there you are.
Why are you in the dark?
351
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:24,460
Were you not able to find
the light switch?
352
00:11:24,462 --> 00:11:26,295
- Ha-ha, very funny,
but I'll actually have you know
353
00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:28,097
Captain Holt just found
a very promising lead.
354
00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:29,465
- Oh, how fun, a lead.
355
00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:30,967
Meanwhile,
we actually found the thief.
356
00:11:30,969 --> 00:11:33,036
- You did?
- What?
357
00:11:33,038 --> 00:11:34,237
- Well, technically
our janitor found him.
358
00:11:34,239 --> 00:11:35,672
Come on in, Randy.
359
00:11:35,674 --> 00:11:36,873
Tell them how you did
their jobs.
360
00:11:36,875 --> 00:11:38,207
- Well, um,
I was emptying the trash
361
00:11:38,209 --> 00:11:41,044
in Professor Port's office.
362
00:11:41,046 --> 00:11:42,979
I saw something shiny sticking
out from underneath a notepad.
363
00:11:42,981 --> 00:11:44,714
It was one of the missing coins.
364
00:11:44,716 --> 00:11:46,282
- Great police work.
365
00:11:46,284 --> 00:11:48,384
Perhaps you might want
to hire Randy, or...
366
00:11:48,386 --> 00:11:50,753
Randy, you could hire them.
367
00:11:50,755 --> 00:11:53,256
It seems like you all have
basically the same skill set.
368
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:57,093
- We're actually all staffed up
in maintenance.
369
00:11:57,095 --> 00:11:59,015
- We don't want your job, Randy.
370
00:12:01,850 --> 00:12:03,350
Humiliated us,
our revenge. till have
371
00:12:03,352 --> 00:12:05,852
I watched a ton of horny '80s
comedies when I was a kid,
372
00:12:05,854 --> 00:12:08,522
and they're filled with ways
of getting back at mean deans.
373
00:12:08,524 --> 00:12:10,824
So we are gonna throw
the wildest party
374
00:12:10,826 --> 00:12:12,893
this campus has ever seen.
- No.
375
00:12:12,895 --> 00:12:14,327
- Okay, then we'll have
a bikini car wash.
376
00:12:14,329 --> 00:12:15,896
- No, no, save your schemes.
377
00:12:15,898 --> 00:12:17,998
I know exactly how to get back
at the dean.
378
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,933
By arresting him.
- For what?
379
00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:21,301
It seems pretty obvious
that Port did it.
380
00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:23,303
- No, no, that makes no sense.
381
00:12:23,305 --> 00:12:24,137
Why would someone
steal something valuable
382
00:12:24,139 --> 00:12:25,772
and then leave it in their desk?
383
00:12:25,774 --> 00:12:26,907
- I feel like this is
a veiled shot at me
384
00:12:26,909 --> 00:12:27,674
for leaving the crown in my desk
385
00:12:27,676 --> 00:12:28,642
during the third
Halloween Heist.
386
00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:29,843
- It is.
- Oh.
387
00:12:29,845 --> 00:12:31,011
- Allister planted the coin
388
00:12:31,013 --> 00:12:32,245
in Professor Port's desk.
389
00:12:32,247 --> 00:12:34,781
They're rivals.
390
00:12:34,783 --> 00:12:37,184
- Did you see the book Allister
was holding back there?
391
00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:39,319
A biography of Macedonian
general Parmenion.
392
00:12:39,321 --> 00:12:40,453
He was taunting us.
393
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,455
- Again, I'm the Hitchcock here.
394
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,424
You're gonna have to
connect the dots for me.
395
00:12:44,426 --> 00:12:45,959
- Parmenion was a close advisor
to Alexander the Great.
396
00:12:45,961 --> 00:12:47,994
Alexander suspected
that Parmenion
397
00:12:47,996 --> 00:12:50,363
was trying to supplant him,
so he executed him.
398
00:12:50,365 --> 00:12:52,132
- He was getting rid
of his rival.
399
00:12:52,134 --> 00:12:54,634
Sir, you cracked it!
You and your big hard brain.
400
00:12:54,636 --> 00:12:56,837
- Hard?
- Yes!
401
00:12:56,839 --> 00:12:57,904
You have the biggest, hardest
brain on Earth,
402
00:12:57,906 --> 00:12:59,639
and I want you to say it.
403
00:12:59,641 --> 00:13:01,174
Say "I am Raymond Holt,
and my brain is rock hard."
404
00:13:01,176 --> 00:13:03,243
- A brain shouldn't be hard.
405
00:13:03,245 --> 00:13:04,744
If anything, I'll say,
"I am Raymond Holt,
406
00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:06,413
and my brain is soft and wet."
407
00:13:06,415 --> 00:13:08,215
- No, don't say that.
It's gross and I hate it.
408
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:10,083
All right, let's go do
some cop stuff.
409
00:13:10,085 --> 00:13:12,686
- Wait, why does Terry's team
have four wins?
410
00:13:12,688 --> 00:13:15,522
He only won steaks, bowling,
and the mobile escape room.
411
00:13:15,524 --> 00:13:17,290
- You're forgetting
about our breakfast
412
00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:18,525
at the Empire State Building.
413
00:13:18,527 --> 00:13:21,294
- It was so cold up there.
414
00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:23,730
- It sounds a lot better than
our indoor skydiving lunch.
415
00:13:23,732 --> 00:13:26,066
Speaking of which, are we gonna
get reimbursed for that?
416
00:13:26,068 --> 00:13:27,567
- How dare you complain
about the Funtastic FlyZone.
417
00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:29,502
That was funtastic fun
for everyone.
418
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,171
- So what are you guys planning
for today?
419
00:13:31,173 --> 00:13:32,472
- Oh, nothing much.
420
00:13:32,474 --> 00:13:33,573
We're just gonna keep it
"caszh."
421
00:13:33,575 --> 00:13:35,642
- Us too. Super "caszh."
422
00:13:35,644 --> 00:13:38,078
Super duper "caszh."
423
00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,013
- We all know
you're both planning
424
00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:42,482
something insanely complicated
and annoying.
425
00:13:42,484 --> 00:13:45,218
- Your teammates
are turning against you, Terry.
426
00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:47,020
- I'm on your team.
- Who cares?
427
00:13:47,022 --> 00:13:50,357
We're gonna win.
Team Lunch-a-Bunch forever.
428
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:52,259
- Sir, why are we still
doing this?
429
00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:53,560
We've been following him
for days,
430
00:13:53,562 --> 00:13:55,161
and he hasn't done
anything suspicious.
431
00:13:55,163 --> 00:13:57,530
Let's just confront him.
432
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,266
- He only hid one of the stolen
coins in Port's desk.
433
00:13:59,268 --> 00:14:00,233
He'll probably try to sell
the others.
434
00:14:00,235 --> 00:14:02,035
I want to catch him in the act.
435
00:14:02,037 --> 00:14:02,435
- Shh. Here he comes.
436
00:14:02,437 --> 00:14:08,074
♪ ♪
437
00:14:08,076 --> 00:14:09,576
These college kids.
438
00:14:09,578 --> 00:14:10,710
I used to wear
long-sleeve T-shirts
439
00:14:10,712 --> 00:14:12,279
under my short-sleeve T-shirts.
440
00:14:12,281 --> 00:14:13,380
Wait a minute, I still could.
441
00:14:13,382 --> 00:14:14,414
- Hang on.
He's stopping.
442
00:14:14,416 --> 00:14:16,216
- Oh, no, he forgot his phone.
443
00:14:16,218 --> 00:14:16,549
He's gonna turn around
and see us.
444
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,652
Come on.
445
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,954
Sorry, sorry.
- Oh, hey, guys, what's up?
446
00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:21,688
You want to join
our a cappella jam circle?
447
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,189
- Oh, no.
448
00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:24,057
- Are you guys
Harry Potter fans?
449
00:14:24,059 --> 00:14:24,524
- I do not like
where this is going.
450
00:14:24,526 --> 00:14:26,459
- Three, four.
451
00:14:26,461 --> 00:14:29,462
- ♪ Won't you
come visit Hogwarts? ♪
452
00:14:29,464 --> 00:14:33,700
♪ I'll be alone,
dancing in Gryffindor ♪
453
00:14:33,702 --> 00:14:38,238
♪ Harry is the best
at the spells ♪
454
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,441
♪ And as for potions,
Hermione does well ♪
455
00:14:41,443 --> 00:14:42,609
- This is actually pretty funny.
456
00:14:42,611 --> 00:14:45,111
You got to know Harry Potter.
457
00:14:45,113 --> 00:14:48,081
Wait a minute.
Where'd Allister go?
458
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,282
He was standing right here.
459
00:14:49,284 --> 00:14:51,084
It's like he vanished
without a trace.
460
00:14:51,086 --> 00:14:53,420
- Wrong, Peralta.
He vanished with a trace.
461
00:14:53,422 --> 00:14:55,622
Check it out. His footprint.
Gotcha.
462
00:14:55,624 --> 00:14:57,257
- I am Raymond Holt
and my brain is rock hard.
463
00:14:57,259 --> 00:14:58,325
- I'm not going to say that.
- Smart.
464
00:14:58,327 --> 00:15:00,393
Saving it for a bigger moment
465
00:15:00,395 --> 00:15:01,661
in front of a bunch of people.
Can't wait!
466
00:15:01,663 --> 00:15:03,430
- Okay, squad,
hope you ate lunch already,
467
00:15:03,432 --> 00:15:05,665
because it's lunchtime!
468
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,734
- What's with the getups?
- Oh, nothing much.
469
00:15:07,736 --> 00:15:09,069
We just turned
the parking garage
470
00:15:09,071 --> 00:15:10,603
into an elaborate
paintball arena.
471
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:13,239
It's zombie-themed.
We hired 60 actors.
472
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,474
- That sounds pretty expensive.
473
00:15:14,476 --> 00:15:16,142
- Nah, New York actors
are desperate.
474
00:15:16,144 --> 00:15:17,644
For ten bucks, you can
shoot 'em right in the face.
475
00:15:17,646 --> 00:15:19,579
- Wow, that's amazing.
476
00:15:19,581 --> 00:15:22,449
I don't know how anybody
could ever beat that...
477
00:15:22,451 --> 00:15:25,785
except maybe an in-office
teppanyaki grill.
478
00:15:25,787 --> 00:15:27,020
- Moshi moshi, losers!
479
00:15:27,022 --> 00:15:29,356
- We got shrimp.
We got lobster.
480
00:15:29,358 --> 00:15:31,257
Heather, I know you're allergic
to shellfish.
481
00:15:31,259 --> 00:15:33,159
You're just gonna have to
not eat.
482
00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:36,129
Where's Heather?
Where is everybody?
483
00:15:36,131 --> 00:15:38,365
They're on the roof
by Gina's statue.
484
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:40,533
- What the hell, guys?
- Oh, God, they found us.
485
00:15:40,535 --> 00:15:42,502
- Don't let them take me.
- Why are you hiding from us?
486
00:15:42,504 --> 00:15:44,838
- This lunch competition
has gotten out of hand.
487
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,272
No one is having fun.
488
00:15:46,274 --> 00:15:48,742
I keep having panic dreams
489
00:15:48,744 --> 00:15:49,776
about Sergeant Santiago
shooting down my lunch ideas.
490
00:15:49,778 --> 00:15:52,779
- Historic walking tours
don't win lunch, Gary.
491
00:15:52,781 --> 00:15:55,115
- No one cares about
winning lunch.
492
00:15:55,117 --> 00:15:57,050
Please, just leave us alone.
493
00:15:58,387 --> 00:15:59,786
Gary, wait. Look...
494
00:16:01,523 --> 00:16:02,355
Why did you do that?
495
00:16:02,357 --> 00:16:04,190
- Oh, my God,
it was an accident.
496
00:16:04,192 --> 00:16:06,152
This thing doesn't have
a safety.
497
00:16:06,728 --> 00:16:09,796
Ow, stop!
Help!
498
00:16:09,798 --> 00:16:12,365
- And a big round of applause
for Janitor Randy
499
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:14,534
for recovering
our precious coin.
500
00:16:14,536 --> 00:16:16,636
- Don't applaud for that man.
501
00:16:16,638 --> 00:16:17,637
- What's going on?
502
00:16:17,639 --> 00:16:18,738
- What's going on is,
503
00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,507
Captain Holt just solved
this case.
504
00:16:20,509 --> 00:16:22,375
- What's there left to solve?
We found the coin
505
00:16:22,377 --> 00:16:24,144
in Professor Port's desk.
He's the thief.
506
00:16:24,146 --> 00:16:25,412
- Oh, you'd like everyone
to believe that,
507
00:16:25,414 --> 00:16:26,579
wouldn't you, Dean Allister?
508
00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:29,382
Or should I say,
General Parmenion?
509
00:16:29,384 --> 00:16:31,184
- Raymond, are you causing
a kerfuffle?
510
00:16:31,186 --> 00:16:33,386
- Yes. Sometimes a moment
calls for a kerfuffle.
511
00:16:33,388 --> 00:16:35,221
- No. No moment
calls for a kerfuffle.
512
00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:37,157
You know my feelings on this.
513
00:16:37,159 --> 00:16:38,725
- Dean Allister
framed Professor Port
514
00:16:38,727 --> 00:16:40,660
to get rid of a rival,
515
00:16:40,662 --> 00:16:42,562
just as Alexander got rid
of Parmenion.
516
00:16:42,564 --> 00:16:44,864
- Preposterous. Do you even
have a shred of evidence
517
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:46,599
to back up that claim?
518
00:16:46,601 --> 00:16:47,767
- Oh, we've got more
than a shred.
519
00:16:47,769 --> 00:16:49,369
Look at these photos.
520
00:16:49,371 --> 00:16:50,770
Here, a footprint
from the scene of the crime
521
00:16:50,772 --> 00:16:53,173
left by the thief.
522
00:16:53,175 --> 00:16:55,542
And here, another print
made yesterday by you.
523
00:16:55,544 --> 00:16:57,744
You've been caught, Allister!
- Is it happening?
524
00:16:57,746 --> 00:16:59,245
- Caught by me.
- It is happening.
525
00:16:59,247 --> 00:17:02,415
- Me and my rock hard brain.
- It happened!
526
00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:04,517
- Oh, Raymond.
Look around.
527
00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:07,854
These shoes I'm wearing
with their "unique footprint"...
528
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:10,256
We all have them.
529
00:17:10,258 --> 00:17:11,858
They were the departmental gift
this Christmas.
530
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,460
They're actually very funny.
531
00:17:13,462 --> 00:17:15,328
They have Achilles printed
on the heel.
532
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:17,464
- I don't know if I would
call that "very" funny.
533
00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:18,565
- I'm surprised you didn't know
about them.
534
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,166
Kevin must have gotten a pair.
535
00:17:20,168 --> 00:17:22,068
Oh, I remember what happened.
536
00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,336
You had to leave
the Christmas party
537
00:17:23,338 --> 00:17:24,871
before they were handed out.
538
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:26,739
Why was that again?
Oh, yes. The kerfuffle.
539
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,608
- But what about the
autobiography of Persimminons
540
00:17:28,610 --> 00:17:30,543
you were taunting us with?
541
00:17:30,545 --> 00:17:32,245
- I suppose I can see how
holding any book
542
00:17:32,247 --> 00:17:33,813
would seem like a taunt to you.
543
00:17:33,815 --> 00:17:34,681
- I own a book.
- But I don't think Raymond
544
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:36,649
is remembering
the story correctly.
545
00:17:36,651 --> 00:17:39,052
Alexander didn't see Parmenion
as a rival.
546
00:17:39,054 --> 00:17:41,054
He killed him over a dispute
about his son.
547
00:17:41,056 --> 00:17:42,455
- Oh, no, it's Boethius
all over again.
548
00:17:42,457 --> 00:17:44,224
- At least you got one thing
right.
549
00:17:44,226 --> 00:17:47,293
You do have a rock hard brain.
Because that's bad.
550
00:17:47,295 --> 00:17:49,662
Everyone knows that a brain
should be soft and wet.
551
00:17:49,664 --> 00:17:51,631
- I wanted to say that,
but Jake told me not to.
552
00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,734
- Yeah, because it's gross.
553
00:17:59,425 --> 00:18:01,258
Are.
You okay, sir?
- I'm fine.
554
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:02,926
I have decided
to stop fighting it
555
00:18:02,928 --> 00:18:04,461
and lean in to the fact
that I'm an idiot.
556
00:18:04,463 --> 00:18:05,862
Look at me,
playing a video game.
557
00:18:05,864 --> 00:18:07,364
- Oh, which one?
- "Times" crossword app.
558
00:18:07,366 --> 00:18:08,598
- Not a video game.
559
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,934
- It plays a little song
when you solve it,
560
00:18:10,936 --> 00:18:13,496
as if you've just learned
to potty.
561
00:18:13,939 --> 00:18:15,739
Yes, yes, play me
my dunce's tune.
562
00:18:15,741 --> 00:18:19,376
- Okay, so those guys look down
on you. So what?
563
00:18:19,378 --> 00:18:20,877
I mean, Amy's parents
look down on me.
564
00:18:20,879 --> 00:18:22,746
They talk about me right in
front of my face in Spanish
565
00:18:22,748 --> 00:18:23,947
because they don't think
I'm smart enough
566
00:18:23,949 --> 00:18:25,282
to learn another language,
567
00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:26,983
but I've been taking classes,
568
00:18:26,985 --> 00:18:28,552
and now I can understand
569
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:30,387
all the hurtful things
they've been saying.
570
00:18:30,389 --> 00:18:31,621
- And how did that help?
571
00:18:31,623 --> 00:18:33,056
- Well, now I know
they think I'm short
572
00:18:33,058 --> 00:18:34,491
and I was able
to do some research
573
00:18:34,493 --> 00:18:35,826
and find that 1940s census
574
00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:37,394
that proves I'm above average
in height.
575
00:18:37,396 --> 00:18:38,728
- For 1940.
- Yeah, I'm taller
576
00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:40,397
than the greatest generation.
It doesn't matter.
577
00:18:40,399 --> 00:18:42,766
The point is, you can use this.
578
00:18:42,768 --> 00:18:45,969
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
579
00:18:45,971 --> 00:18:48,738
- My goodness.
You're right.
580
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:51,741
There are benefits
to being underestimated.
581
00:18:51,743 --> 00:18:53,477
You can get away with anything.
582
00:18:53,479 --> 00:18:56,480
- Sir?
Are you going to kill the dean?
583
00:18:56,482 --> 00:18:59,349
- No. What if the thief
was someone we dismissed
584
00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:00,917
because they didn't have
a classics background?
585
00:19:00,919 --> 00:19:02,786
Someone who wasn't a professor?
586
00:19:02,788 --> 00:19:03,954
- But what about the footprints?
587
00:19:03,956 --> 00:19:06,656
The shoes were only given
to faculty.
588
00:19:06,658 --> 00:19:07,924
- There was one pair that was
unaccounted for: Kevin's.
589
00:19:07,926 --> 00:19:09,626
They were left at the party...
590
00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:11,094
to be cleaned up.
591
00:19:11,096 --> 00:19:12,662
- By Janitor Randy!
592
00:19:12,664 --> 00:19:14,931
My story solved it.
I'm tall.
593
00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,834
- Hey, everyone, we would like
to say we're sorry
594
00:19:17,836 --> 00:19:19,936
for letting this competition
get the best of us,
595
00:19:19,938 --> 00:19:21,538
and to make it up to you,
596
00:19:21,540 --> 00:19:22,772
we figured out what to do
for lunch.
597
00:19:22,774 --> 00:19:24,007
- Please, whatever
your new idea is,
598
00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:25,542
I just don't want
to get shot again.
599
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:27,711
- Ugh, Gary, it was
a paintball. Suck it up.
600
00:19:27,713 --> 00:19:29,346
- Isn't this supposed to be
an apology?
601
00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:32,315
- Yes. You're right.
I'm sorry.
602
00:19:32,317 --> 00:19:34,484
I mean, I shot my husband with
a real bullet two years ago,
603
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:35,485
and it comes up way less
than this.
604
00:19:35,487 --> 00:19:36,486
- Way less than this.
605
00:19:36,488 --> 00:19:38,688
- Guys!
- Right.
606
00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:40,524
What we're trying to say is
that we lost sight
607
00:19:40,526 --> 00:19:43,326
of what this was all
really about: building morale.
608
00:19:43,328 --> 00:19:45,495
- So we bought two-ply toilet
paper for the whole squad.
609
00:19:45,497 --> 00:19:46,963
- I call shotgun!
- Shotgun!
610
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:49,733
- Also, I sold
the teppanyaki grill
611
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:52,969
and used the money to turn
the briefing room into...
612
00:19:52,971 --> 00:19:54,571
the lunch zone.
613
00:19:54,573 --> 00:19:57,307
- Oh, no.
What's the lunch zone?
614
00:19:57,309 --> 00:19:58,808
Is it someplace we have to put
on a harness and not eat lunch?
615
00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:01,144
- There are no harnesses.
616
00:20:01,146 --> 00:20:04,648
There are phone chargers
and noise-canceling headphones.
617
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:07,050
- So you can eat your lunch
and stare at your phone
618
00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:09,686
and you won't have to see
or hear anyone you work with.
619
00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:12,489
- It's perfect.
It's... it's absolutely perfect.
620
00:20:12,491 --> 00:20:14,691
- We're so glad you like it.
621
00:20:14,693 --> 00:20:16,927
- And just to be sure,
I'm not gonna get shot.
622
00:20:16,929 --> 00:20:19,696
- Oh, my God, Gary.
Yes! You won't get shot!
623
00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:21,097
- Yeah, I stole those coins.
624
00:20:21,099 --> 00:20:22,666
Can't believe you bought
that whole story.
625
00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:24,501
- They underestimated you,
Randy,
626
00:20:24,503 --> 00:20:26,403
just as they underestimated
Raymond Holt.
627
00:20:26,405 --> 00:20:27,904
- Well, you guys haven't been
that great to me either.
628
00:20:27,906 --> 00:20:30,407
- Well, you got to teach people
629
00:20:30,409 --> 00:20:31,808
how you want to be treated,
Randy. Dr. Phil, RIP.
630
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,610
The point is, Captain Holt
631
00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,612
solved the case
when no one else could.
632
00:20:35,614 --> 00:20:37,647
- He's actually been stealing
from these archives for years.
633
00:20:37,649 --> 00:20:38,882
You've been asleep
at the wheel, Allister.
634
00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:40,350
You're an embarrassment.
- Really?
635
00:20:40,352 --> 00:20:41,551
Well, at least
I've never confused
636
00:20:41,553 --> 00:20:43,620
St. Augustine with Boethius.
637
00:20:43,622 --> 00:20:45,589
- Oh, who gives a rat's ass
about Boethius, Wesley?
638
00:20:45,591 --> 00:20:47,557
- What are you doing, Kevin?
639
00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:49,492
- I am creating a kerfuffle.
- Oh, damn.
640
00:20:49,494 --> 00:20:51,094
- Sure, my husband is
a hot piece of ass,
641
00:20:51,096 --> 00:20:52,862
but he is so much more
than just that.
642
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:55,532
Raymond Holt is as smart
as anyone in this department,
643
00:20:55,534 --> 00:20:57,400
but he chooses
to use his intelligence
644
00:20:57,402 --> 00:21:00,870
to make our city a better place.
645
00:21:00,872 --> 00:21:03,940
One day, I hope to live up to
the standard you set.
646
00:21:03,942 --> 00:21:07,143
You make me want to have
a wetter brain.
647
00:21:07,145 --> 00:21:09,179
- Oh, Kevin.
648
00:21:11,550 --> 00:21:13,249
- Y'all are hella specific.
49285
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