All language subtitles for The.Orville.S02E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10

(sighs)

Claire to Isaac.

ISAAC:
Yes, Doctor.

Can I borrow your brain
for a moment?

I'm writing a paper
on the use of nanosynthesis

in Xelayan tissue regeneration,

and I could use your help
on the tech side.

Of course, Doctor.
I am on my way.

(door whooshes open)

Dr. Finn.

Hey, Bortus.
What can I do for you?

I would like a mustache.

I-I'm sorry?

Lieutenant Malloy
has informed me

that I would...

"look pretty good
with a mustache."

Moclans do not
grow facial hair naturally,

so I require your help.

Well, I-I mean,

I could run a follicle
stimulator over your upper lip.

-Please do so.
-Are you sure?

The lieutenant
was quite persuasive.

Okay, it's your face.

(whirring)

All set. You should have it
within the hour.

Thank you, Doctor.

CLAIRE:
Oh, Isaac. Good.

Come here and take a look
at this.

Is Commander Bortus unwell?

The answer to that depends on
your taste in personal grooming.

Why are you holding a banana?

It is for you.

I have noticed your tendency
to become cantankerous

after 1600 hours
when you have not eaten.

Well, thank you... I think.

Now, this draft
is a little long,

so I just need to verify
the sections pertaining

to angiogenesis
in the vascular system.

Have a read.

-There are numerous errors.
-Mm, I thought so.

Uh, would you be a pal
and take a pass at it?

Of course, Doctor.

-Revision complete.
-Thanks.

I owe you one.

One what?

Uh, you know, return the favor?

It is unlikely you would be able

to offer useful insight
into any of my research.

My intelligence
far exceeds your...

Right, right, ri...
Uh, uh, I forgot. I'm sorry.

You have modified
the configuration of your hair.

A little bit, yeah.

I didn't think
anyone would notice.

Did the previous alignment
fail to provide adequate warmth?

No, I just felt
like changing it.

Odd.

*

Union Symphony's
here next week, right?

They are, yeah. Ship arrives
on Friday. You going?

Yeah, Cassius and I
were gonna go.

-What about you?
-ED: I think so, yeah.

Um... wow.

Oh, my God.

What is the matter?

Nothing. We were all just
wondering when you decided

to join the fire department.

Hey! There you go.

See, that's what
I'm talking about.

-And now it makes sense.
-That was your idea?

GORDON:
Yeah. He looks good, doesn't he?

Rugged, authoritative.

The lieutenant told me
it would be appealing.

Is that not so?

Oh, no,
it's-it's super appealing.

-It really is. It's-it's great.
-I love it.

I-I think people are really
gonna be talking about it.

-Is that good?
-GORDON: Oh, totally.

No, no, no,
they're-they're gonna be like,

"Man, if he has that much
across the lip,

I wonder
what else he's got going on."

What does that even mean?

Hey, um, you remember
that conversation we had

about selectivity
with what you say to Bortus?

Yeah.

Oh. This would've been...

This would've been
one of those things, yeah.

CLAIRE:
Commander?

I have that update
on the vaccine shipment

to Alamak Three.

Hand-delivered. Thanks, Claire.

Actually, I came up here to
remind you guys about tonight.

With all the buzz
about the symphony,

I don't want you to forget Ty's
piano recital is this evening.

I really hope
you all can make it.

-Is it mandatory?
-Well, no, but...

But we're all gonna go anyway,
because we want to support Ty.

And Isaac, too.
He's been an amazing teacher.

Ty possesses considerable
musical aptitude

for a biological life-form.

We'll be there.
Tell him good luck.

I will.

(piano playing)

*

He's really good.

(whispers):
I know.

Seriously, I thought
this was gonna suck,

but he's really good.

(cheering, whooping)

KELLY:
I took piano lessons
when I was a kid

'cause they told me
I had the hands for it.

I quit after three lessons.

Had the hands
but not the talent.

This little guy, though.
You're something special,

-you know that?
-Thanks.

CLAIRE:
Oh. Excuse me a second.

I haven't thanked the teacher.

Hey, there. You standing
over here all alone?

Large social gatherings provide
ample opportunity to observe

the behavior
of biological life-forms.

Is it always
just about studying us?

That is my primary function.

Does any small part of you
ever enjoy our company?

Enjoyment is an emotional
response unique to biologicals.

(scoffs)
Sit down. Have a drink with me.

-I do not drink.
-Well, nobody's perfect.

You know, Ty really loves
the time he spends with you.

I know you can't
share the feeling,

but he's really attached to you.

The data I have acquired

from his behavioral stimuli
has been plentiful.

Is it possible that's the
machine equivalent of saying

you like spending time
with him, too?

Interesting. The parallel
would require further analysis.

Well, you think about it,
then get back to me.

The cognitive capacity
of most preadolescent humanoids

is quite stunted.

However, Ty has demonstrated
superior focus.

There is a human phrase:

"You should be
very proud of him."

-(door chimes)
-Come in.

Hey, Claire.

-You have a minute?
-Sure, what's up?

There's... something
I need to talk about,

and I'm not sure
who else to go to.

Well, you can always come to me.
What is it?

You feel like a glass of wine?

Always. But I don't do it
during work hours.

Okay. Um...

I think I'm developing feelings
for a member of the crew.

And you're worried
whether it's appropriate.

In several capacities, yeah.

Your judgment is rock solid.
You'll know how to handle it.

I can tell you that Cassius and
I have made it work pretty well,

and there's obviously
all the history with me and Ed.

Ship's still afloat.

Can I ask who it is?

It's Isaac.

Chardonnay, two glasses.

I know I sound
like a crazy person,

but I think it's been brewing
since the shuttle crash.

Have you talked to Isaac
about it?

No. He has no idea.

Claire, Isaac is incapable of...

Incapable of love,
incapable of emotion, I know.

He's a machine,
I understand that, but...

(sighs)
when I'm with him,

I don't know, I...

We get along really well.
I feel warmth.

Is it possible
that you're projecting

that feeling yourself,
onto Isaac?

Maybe. But hey,
don't we all do that?

In every relationship?

Especially when someone's
a little mysterious.

I guess so. Whenever Ed was
silent for long stretches,

I used to think he was pondering
big questions.

Then he'd just be like,
"I'm hungry."

He brought me a banana.

-Ed?
-No, Isaac.

Oh, right.

Well, look,

if it were Gordon or Yaphit
telling me this,

I would probably see a red flag.

But you are the most responsible
person I know.

So if you're feeling this way,
then there's something there.

Not to be indelicate,
but can he even...

-I mean, does he have a...
-I-I haven't even thought
about that yet.

I'm still just contending
with the emotional side of it.

Well,

I guess...

why not?

-Why not what?
-Why not try it?

I mean, if it doesn't work out,
you could probably write

an award-winning research paper.

(chuckles)

"The Secret Sordid
Love Lives of Robots."

Not that it's a fair comparison,

but as someone
who's been with a man

who could be unemotional
at times,

just be careful.

We're all attached to Isaac,

but the reality is
he can't love.

Just make sure
you don't get hurt.

Hi.

Hello, Doctor.

-What you doing?
-I am analyzing

and reconforming
the hyperspace metrics

in Dr. Aronov's
temporal equations.

-Can I help at all?
-That is doubtful.

-You want some company?
-For what purpose?

Okay, um,
I'm just gonna go right at it.

Uh, Isaac,

would you like
to go on a date with me?

-A date?
-Yes.

A social coupling designed
to facilitate mating.

Wow, it just got
really hot in here.

I am not detecting a rise
in the temperature.

Isaac.

I would very much like
to go out with you.

-Out? Into space?
-No.

Out. To dinner, to a show.

Uh, how about
the symphony on Friday?

You and me-- we could see
how it feels.

Such an outing
would yield substantial data

regarding human
behavioral patterns.

Is that a yes?

Affirmative, Doctor.

I will go on a date with you.

I just think, if it had a little
more kick when I hit the gas,

it would feel better, you know?

You understand this isn't
a Porsche, right?

This is a quantum drive engine
that makes a thousand trillion

independent calculations
every millisecond.

Yeah, I know that, I-I just
like to feel a certain level

of responsiveness
when I'm driving.

Oh, okay. You want
power steering, too?

Maybe an air freshener
shaped like a little tree?

ISAAC:
Excuse me, Commander Lamarr.

Am I interrupting?

Oh, hey, Isaac.
No. What's up?

I require guidance.

How does one prepare for a date?

Uh, I'm sorry,

-did you say "a date"?
-Affirmative.

-Are you serious?
-Isaac, you have a date?

-Yes.
-Oh, wow.

Sweet emotion.

I am seeking advice.

Well, I mean,
what I would normally do is...

I prefer to hear
from Commander Lamarr.

Uh, well, who's the lucky lady?

Or fella?

Or o-object?

Dr. Finn.

-What? No way. Come on.
-JOHN: Wait,

who asked who out?

It was Dr. Finn's request.

I must now learn the intricacies
of the ritual.

Well, you got to
get some threads. I mean,

if it's a real date, you're
gonna want to look snazzy.

-Snazzy.
-But don't overdo it.

It should feel comfortable
and feel like you.

You're a pretty
conservative guy,

so I would go
with something fun but classic.

I have some really neat shirts
if you want to borrow one.

I mean, not just for the date.

Anytime.

And you're gonna want
to pick her up at her place.

And maybe bring
some flowers, too.

But not roses. You don't want
to come on too strong too soon.

This input is quite helpful.

Thank you, Commander.

(both panting)

(grunting)

-Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God, you guys.

-Claire and Isaac
are going on a date.
-I swear to God.

-This is so insane.
I can't even believe it!
-Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Guys, guys, guys, slow down.
What's going on?

All right.

Claire asked Isaac
out on a date.

-What?
-You serious?

So he told you.

Wait, you knew about this?

Claire confided in me.

But now, apparently,
the whole ship knows.

Uh, is this a thing?
Like, wh-what did I miss?

I mean, they've always been
close, right? I saw them

hanging out together
after Ty's recital.

They bonded during the shuttle
accident, and it just...

blossomed into something more.
It happens.

A human and an artificial
life-form are incompatible.

It will not succeed.

How do you know? They could just
be two people in love.

Well, it's not
as simple as that.

The guy has limitations.

I mean, even in the best-case
scenario, he's still...

my father, and he'll never be
a weight lifter

no matter how much
his heart is in it.

(door chimes)

Hello, Doctor.

I am here for our date.

Isaac, you're-you're dressed.

Commander Lamarr advised me
to look snazzy.

Well, mission accomplished.

I wish the boys could see you.

-Will they be joining us?
-Uh, no.

Ty's at a sleepover.

Marcus went to the simulator.

Shall we go?

That is the next
appropriate step.

You nervous?

That is not possible.

I am.

Excited, but a little nervous.

May I ask why?

It's all brand-new, and I don't
know where it's gonna take me.

That's always a little scary.

-Perhaps you should go home.
-No.

No, I mean, scary-good.

Sometimes it's electrifying
being afraid.

It means you're out
of your comfort zone.

(door whooshes open)

Shuttle bay.

(instruments tuning)

(audience murmuring)

Bortus, I wish that you would
remove that thing.

What thing?

The strip of hair
above your lip.

The mustache? Why?

Because it is foolish-looking
and people are staring at us.

They are not.

And if they are,
it is with admiration.

I do not like
the way it feels when we kiss.

And last night, there were bits
of your dinner present.

It must go.

We will discuss this later.

TOPA:
Papa?

I like it.

Thank you, Topa.

(tuning dies down)

(applause)

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

One of the great pleasures
of conducting the Union Symphony

is getting to travel
around the galaxy every summer,

performing for so many
brave members of the fleet.

It's an honor to be here.

Before we begin
our main program,

we'd like to start off
with something a little light.

Enjoy.

(sweeping, symphonic overtures)

(orchestra playing
"Singin' in the Rain")

*

*

You know, it was funny
they played that song.

Just the other day,
I was thinking what I miss most

about being away from Earth:
the rain.

It is my understanding
that many humans

dislike precipitation.

Oh, not this human.

When I was on Earth,
I used to sit outside

on the front porch
before a thunderstorm

and smell the ozone in the air.

And then the rain
would come crashing down

in big, dark curtains,
and it was exciting

and beautiful and humbling
and wonderful.

And I always thought to myself,

"This is what being alive
is all about."

The simulator is quite capable

of recreating
such an environment.

It's not the same.
I tried.

The smells are never
completely accurate.

Although, I must say,
I am really impressed

with this simulation.

It is your favorite
Earth restaurant, is it not?

Yeah.

I was wondering how you knew.

It was in your personnel file.

My neural processors
can instantly access

and cross-reference
all information

-in the ship's database.
-Wow.

Feels like home.

Your home is
Baltimore, Maryland.

Located in the Northwestern
Hemisphere of Earth.

Founded 1729, Earth time.

Approximately 210
square kilometers...

O-Okay, you got it. You got it.
Ooh, my God.

You're like Jeff Bellman.

A fictional character from
your favorite motion picture,

Mind of Hermes,
completed 2035 Earth time.

-A depiction of...
-I-Isaac.

Is there anything
you don't know about me?

I downloaded all available
information prior to our date.

It kind of takes the fun out

of getting to know someone,
doesn't it?

My intent was
to maximize efficiency

so that our evening
would conclude more promptly.

What's my favorite
vacation spot?

The Caribbean island
of Saint Lucia.

-Favorite animal.
-The dolphin.

-Favorite drink.
-Champagne.

-Favorite food.
-Potato cakes.

Here's your potato cakes
and champagne.

Thank you.

Isaac.

It's not really a first date
without the excitement

of getting to know
the other person.

My method is more efficient.

Uh, yeah,
but nothing's spontaneous.

Okay, listen.

Let's flip the tables here.

(simulated patrons gasp)

That's not what I meant.

Reset table.

What I mean is,
why don't I ask about you?

Of course, Doctor.

No human has ever been
to your home planet Kaylon.

What's it like?

Kaylon 1.
It is a planet populated

by artificial life-forms.

Circumference,
57,583 kilometers.

Average density,
4.42 grams per cubic centimeter.

Surface gravity,
1.13 times Earth standard.

And these reports
you send about us--

the data you collect
for your research

of biological life-forms--
how long does it go on?

Kaylon Primary will notify me

when sufficient data
has been acquired.

And then your people will
consider joining the Union?

That is correct.

What does your data
tell you about us?

Please clarify.

Well, what I mean is, I was...

Well, I was ju...

Never mind.

Well, I had a really
interesting time tonight, Isaac.

As did I.

It yielded considerable data.

Of which I have
already begun analysis.

At least you'll be
thinking about me.

Do you wish
to have another date?

Um, uh, m-maybe.

Shall we begin now?

Uh, l-let's give it
a day or so, huh?

I am a little tired.

Very well.

Good night, Doctor.

Good night, Isaac.

*

Well?

Can I assist you, Lieutenant?

Don't act like you don't know
what I'm talking about.

How did it go?

You are referring to my evening
with Dr. Finn.

Yes, brainiac. We're all dying
to find out what happened.

We attended the symphony,

then Dr. Finn consumed
an evening meal.

That's it?
That's all you're gonna tell us?

What information do you require?

-Did you have fun?
Were there sparks?
-Sparks?

-Yeah.
-Negative.

There was no
equipment malfunction.

Well, you don't have
to brag about it.

There is one element
that has presented

some difficulty in my analysis.

Dr. Finn said I was not
"spontaneous" enough.

Sounds like she wants you
to be more in the moment.

Please elaborate.

Well, you should try to
surprise her every now and then.

One year, for my birthday,
Ed showed up

in my office unannounced,
and he brought me a cake.

-Baked it myself.
-It was the saddest,

grossest-looking thing
you've ever seen.

-Okay, but that's not...
-It was like a wide mound
of yellow.

-It was the taste that matters.
-It looked like...

You ever see a picture
of a caterpillar pupa?

-Come on, now. That's... No...
-Like a half-formed thing?

-That's what it looked like.
-That's what
it looked like, but...

But it was
the thought that counted.

But it was the thought
that counted. Exactly.

Well, you couldn't
be healthier, Talla.

Every test is letter perfect.

-Told you.
-Yeah, well,

it's still no excuse for waiting
so long for your physical.

Most ships' doctors
aren't as patient as I am.

Excuse the pun.

-Hey.
-Oh, Commander, hi.

Forget the commander.
This is a Kelly visit.

We heard Isaac's bone-dry
account, and I wanted

-to hear how your night went.
-Ugh.

-I just don't know.
-What do you mean?

I just... didn't feel the way
I wanted to feel.

It's like, when I'm just
spending time with Isaac

under normal circumstances,
he's charming and adorable

without even trying.

But last night,
he was so prepared.

-It was all too rigid.
-Well, he is a machine.

I know.
And dating a machine, it's...

Oh, God, I hear my mother's
words in my head:

"Be open-minded, but not so open
that your brain falls out."

You know, there is one upside
here: he doesn't eat.

Well, how is that an upside?

Every time I'm in
a relationship, I gain weight.

-It's just all about food.
-That's true.

Like, 90% of a relationship
is going, "What should we eat?"

You go out, you eat, you drink,

you come home,
you eat more, you drink more.

Ed and I gained 40 pounds
combined when we were married.

That's why I always try
to break up with guys by summer.

-God, we were fat.
-See, you don't have
to worry about that.

Point for Isaac.

Great. We can be awkward
and starving.

I-I don't know, Kelly,
maybe you were right.

Maybe it was just me projecting
my own affection onto him

and thinking it was real.

So what are you gonna do?

(sighs)

I have brought you a cake.

Isaac, what the hell
are you doing here?

I am being spontaneous.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

Surprise.
I am taking you on a date.

No, Isaac.
For God's sake, not now.

-Mom, what's going on?
-God...

-Hey, Isaac.
-Hello, Ty.

-Why is Isaac here?
-CLAIRE: Never mind, kids.

-Go back to bed now.
-Is that cake for us?

Now, Ty. We'll talk
in the morning. Go.

Listen, Isaac, this is my fault.

I don't know why I ever thought
this was going to work.

I was lonely, and I just reached
out in the wrong direction.

On the contrary.

The data I have accumulated
has been most useful.

You see,
that's exactly what I mean.

To you, it's just data.

Uh, my God,
I can't even kiss you.

Does this mean you do not wish

to go on a date
with me right now?

Yes, that is what it means.
I'm sorry.

I think we should just go back
to the way things were.

Very well.
Good night, Doctor.

("Centerfold"
by The J. Geils Band playing)

JOHN:
Uh-huh, yes.

That's a good ball.

-TURCO: Yeah, baby! Whoo!
-Boom!

-That's what I'm talking about!
-(grunting)

It's true,
he was just talking about that.

GORDON:
Hey, Isaac.

What's going on?

I am here to observe.

-You want to learn how to bowl?
-Negative.

It is my understanding that you
and Ensign Turco are dating.

I mean, we... yeah,
it's not serious or anything,

-but we hang out.
-It's not?

-Is it?
-I... uh, no.

-TURCO: No, right?
-JOHN: Uh, no.

-No.
-Psh. Why do you ask?

Dr. Finn has terminated
our coupling.

This would indicate a flaw
in my ability to fully process

human romantic interaction.

Wait. Claire broke up with you?

-Affirmative.
-TURCO: Oh, my God, Isaac,

I'm so sorry.

You are not to blame, Ensign.

What did she say, exactly?

CLAIRE (over Isaac):
Listen, Isaac,
this is my fault.

I don't know why I ever thought
this was going to work.

I was lonely,

and I just reached out
in the wrong direction.

My God, I can't even kiss you.

Okay, remind me never
to tell you anything intimate.

I think I might have an idea.

*

Hello, Doctor.

Isaac.
What... what are you doing?

Initiate simulation.

Isaac.

Is that you?

Affirmative, Doctor.

Commander Lamarr suggested
I create a simulation

that would allow us to kiss.

(quietly):
Can't believe it.

In addition, I have deleted
all data pertaining

to your background and interests
from my internal memory.

This will allow me
to get to know you.

Would you like to sit?

I think I better.

So I guess this means
you don't know where I'm from.

Negative. That information
has been deleted.

Baltimore, Maryland.
Back on Earth.

I would like to know more
about Baltimore.

(chuckles) That's a sentence
you don't hear very often.

Um, well, I haven't been
back in a while,

but I remember
there was always something

to see and do.

Music, art, live performances.

They have one of the best
symphonies on the continent.

Do you prefer it to the Orville?

Oh, no, I love my job,

-but I do miss one thing.
-What is it?

You really did
delete everything.

Rain, Isaac.
I miss the rain.

It is my understanding that many
humans dislike precipitation.

(laughs):
Déjà vu. I love it.

I would be interested
to see Baltimore.

Was that a kiss?

It was.

Did I execute it correctly?

You did just fine, Isaac.

If you wish,
you may kiss me again.

Simulate quarters.

Finn, Dr. Claire J.

I'd like to do more than that.

*

The moment he transformed,

it was one of the most moving
experiences I've ever had.

A machine who knows nothing
of love--

only logic--

figured out a way to say,
"I'm trying. Let me try."

-How was he?
-At first,

I thought it was
gonna feel mathematical,

but that was
the exquisite part of it.

He could instantly attune to

and harmonize with my every
move, with such precision.

Imagine a human guy that aware,
that eager to please.

-It was amazing.
-I got to say,

that actually sounds
kind of incredible.

It sounds like
he really is a machine.

But does that really matter?

Does it matter why people
do what they do for us,

whether it's a man
or a computer?

As long as they
make you feel the way

you want to feel,
then I don't think so.

It's the best
it's ever been for me.

And maybe it's okay

that it doesn't look
like I thought it would.

Maybe it's okay
that it looks like

a woman and a vacuum cleaner.

(laughs)

I think I'm in love with him.

The coital pairing
marks the completion

of my data acquisition.

What is the proper method
of terminating a coupling?

You want to break up with her?

There is no need for further
association at this time.

Analysis of the data I have
accumulated will be sufficient.

Well, she's probably
gonna be really upset.

It is not my intention
to distress Dr. Finn.

I merely wish to conclude
the experiment.

(sighs)
I can tell you what I do.

When I'm in it with a girl
and I want out

but I don't want
to make her feel bad,

-I get her to break up with me.
-Please elaborate.

You just have to make yourself
really unappealing

so she doesn't want to be
with you anymore.

That way, you end it,
but nobody gets hurt.

-At least, not as much.
-I see.

How would you suggest
I proceed in this endeavor?

(sighs)

Ah, you are home.
It is about time.

Isaac, what are you doing?

I am awaiting my dinner.

This has caused me
to become displeased.

CLAIRE:
You don't eat.

And what the hell
are you wearing?

-Is that underwear?
-Affirmative.

I thought we were
going out tonight.

I was looking forward to trying
that butter cake at Mooska's.

The last thing you need
is more dessert.

Excuse me?

As I am incapable of stuttering,

I must conclude
that you heard me.

Okay, you're gonna
tell me what's going on

right now,
beginning with an apology

for what you just said.

I am sorry you are upset.

Perhaps you are on your period.

Get out. Right now.

Does this mean we are
no longer together?

Wait a minute.

Is that what you're
trying to do--

get me to break up with you?

-Affirmative, Doctor.
-Why?

Commander Lamarr said it would
be the most appropriate means

of terminating our coupling.

But why would you want
to do that?

I have experienced the full arc
of a human relationship.

Our sexual union signified the
completion of the experience.

You slept with me,
so now you're finished with me?

That is correct.

Fine, then.
You just got what you wanted.

We're done.

Get out.

Good day, Doctor.
Thank you for your assistance.

Captain, I have completed
the spectrographic analysis

of the Septar binary system.

Full data cataloging variations

in radial velocity
is now available.

-Great. Coordinate
with Chief Lamarr.
-Aye, sir.

Way to go, jerk.

-Are you addressing me,
Lieutenant?
-Nope.

No, just talking to myself.

How's Claire doing, Commander?

-She's doing great, considering.
-That's good.

I know if a guy
ever treated me that way,

I'd probably want to break
a few of his ribs.

Understandable feeling.

It's weird how some guys
can treat a woman that way

and somehow just...
not be bothered by it.

Takes a special kind

of garbage person,
if you ask me.

(indistinct conversations)

Another one, miss?

Yeah, thanks. Make it a double.

YAPHIT:
Hey, Doc.

Oh, God, not here.

Yaphit, this is
a private simulation.

I thought you might
want some company.

(groans)

What in God's name did you do?

-Just a little makeover.
Can I buy you a drink?
-No.

Are you sure?
I know I hate being alone

when I'm on the rebound.

-I'm not on the rebound.
-Hey, man, I'm on your side.

I always knew Isaac
was a scumbag.

Only had one thing
on his mind, that guy.

You're better off without him.

Yeah, I just wish someone
had told me that before.

Hey, you want to see
something cool?

-What?
-Watch this.

Some whiskey, milady?

God.

What did I say?

-Hello, Doctor.
-What do you want?

I am here for Ty's piano lesson.

Ty has a new piano teacher.

-May I ask whom?
-Lieutenant Kleeman.

Lieutenant Kleeman's 26 fingers
may appear to be an advantage.

However, his ability
to navigate the keyboard

is inferior to mine.

He'll manage just fine.

-Your reasoning is unclear.
-Then let me clarify it for you.

You and I have to work together,
but aside from that,

I don't want you in my life.

If this is due to the
termination of our coupling,

it would be far more efficient
to excise it from your memory

and resume standard
operating status.

Yeah, well, it doesn't work
that way for humans.

I know you can't
understand that,

and that's why I don't hate you.

I just don't want
to be around you

any more than I have to.
That's all.

Very well, Doct...

There's a sight
you don't see every day.

I've heard about these things,

but I've never been
this close to one.

Isaac, analysis.

The primary is a type B7
white dwarf star.

The secondary
is a type M2 red dwarf.

The radial velocity
of the white dwarf

is 78.2 kilometers per second.

Correction:

89.6 kilometers per second.

Wait, wait, wait,
how's that possible?

Orbital velocity can't just
change without an outside force.

It did not, sir.

The error was mine.

-Yours?
-ISAAC: Yes, Commander.

I believe I should perform
a self-diagnostic immediately.

I'd say that's a good idea.

I've never seen him
make a mistake before.

At least, not that kind.

(door whooshes open)

Am I interrupting?

Negative, sir. I have completed
97% of the diagnostic.

-You find anything?
-There is no evidence

of any significant malfunction.

However, I believe
I have identified

the source of the error.

And what is it?

I have restructured

several recursive algorithms

in order to accommodate
Dr. Finn's request

that we minimize
our association.

However, I neglected to account
for the adaptive nature

of my programming at large.

Well, we've all done that once
or twice. So what happened?

The time I have spent
with Dr. Finn

since my arrival
on board the Orville

has affected a number
of unrelated subprograms.

The data had not reduced the
efficiency of those subroutines,

so I saw no reason to delete it.

However, it has contradicted
the directive

of the new algorithms.

She's gotten under your skin.

-I do not have skin.
-Your various programs

are used to her,
and it turns out

she's not so easy
to just... delete.

A crude analogy,
but essentially accurate.

You know, Isaac,
you just might be

the first artificial
life-form in history

-to fall in love.
-That is not possible.

However, the incompatible data

must be consolidated
in some fashion.

I must create
a new translative program.

Let me suggest
a possible option.

There is one part
of the relationship experience

that you haven't yet tackled.

Please elaborate.

You screwed up,

and now you have
to win back the girl.

Dr. Finn has made
her wishes clear.

Yeah, well, Dr. Finn
is also the wisest person

on board this ship. She knows
how new this is to you.

If she sees you making
a real effort,

then who knows?
She just might be understanding.

I have no experience
in such matters.

Yeah, well, there's no rule book
for this one.

Y-You just have to take
everything you know about her,

every bit of data, and do
something you've never done.

-What is that?
-Be creative.

(door whooshes open)

You finally shaved, huh?

Klyden insisted.
I became tired of his protests.

Well, for what it's worth, I
think you look better this way.

Perhaps.

It was... itchy.

Well, I think we've seen
about all there is to see here.

Affirmative on that.
We got about

six months' worth of data
out of these scans.

Gordon, set a course
for outpost 30.

You got it, sir.
Off we go.

Lieutenant Keyali,
signal them we're on our way.

Aye, Commander.

What is it, Captain?

Hmm?

I got a message,
you needed me on the bridge?

-I-I didn't call you.
-You didn't?

-Did you call sickbay?
-No.

CLAIRE:
Well, somebody did.

My comm said it came
from the bridge.

I did, Doctor.

What for?

GENE KELLY:
* I'm singin' in the rain *

* Just singin' in the rain *

* What a glorious feeling *

* I'm happy again... *

Initiate environmental
subprogram 43-Isaac.

* I'm laughin' at clouds *

* So dark up above *

* The sun's in my heart *

* And I'm ready for love *

* Let the stormy clouds
chase... *

ISAAC:
Dr. Finn.

I apologize for my conduct.

Further analysis of human
interaction has informed me

that a relationship
is best served when both parties

make a commitment
to its longevity.

I wish to attempt this.

Isaac, if a relationship
has any chance of working,

it has to matter to both people

more than anything else
in their lives.

My research has verified
this fact.

And why should I just say yes?

My internal programs
will function more efficiently

if you do.

You're saying...

you're better with me
than without me?

Affirmative, Doctor.

We are, without a doubt,

the weirdest ship in the fleet.

*

* I'm dancin' and singin' *

* In the rain. *

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH