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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:27,193 Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr. Alvin Weasely. 2 00:01:28,431 --> 00:01:33,268 Dr. Weasely is one of the most respected motivational researchers in the country. 3 00:01:34,172 --> 00:01:37,007 Harveys Beer has dropped 84%. 4 00:01:37,778 --> 00:01:42,581 So Dr. Weasely will tell us how the American public really feels about beer. 5 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,251 Dr. Weasely. 6 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:49,054 Beer is for men who doubt their masculinity. 7 00:01:49,928 --> 00:01:53,764 That's why it's so popular at sporting events and poker games. 8 00:01:54,869 --> 00:01:56,861 On a superficial level... 9 00:01:57,005 --> 00:02:00,841 a glass of beer is a cool, soothing beverage. 10 00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:03,273 But in reality... 11 00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:06,546 a glass of beer is pee-pee dickey. 12 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,521 - That's it. - Beautiful. 13 00:02:12,728 --> 00:02:14,025 Beautiful. 14 00:02:15,164 --> 00:02:16,256 Beautiful. 15 00:02:17,201 --> 00:02:18,395 Beautiful. 16 00:02:19,471 --> 00:02:20,802 Beautiful. 17 00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,037 "Pee-pee dickey?" 18 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:28,346 - We paid for that? - $28,000, and we got off easy. 19 00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:31,986 The man made some very perceptive statements. 20 00:02:32,188 --> 00:02:35,921 I got it. "Make it big with Harveys Beer." 21 00:02:36,929 --> 00:02:39,626 Big foam. You get a big bang out of it. 22 00:02:40,768 --> 00:02:44,205 Big, proud head. It's big and it lasts long-- 23 00:02:44,306 --> 00:02:46,867 You know, you're about as subtle as an elephant in heat. 24 00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:49,776 That's great. We'll show an elephant sipping Harveys Beer at the circus. 25 00:02:49,881 --> 00:02:52,908 - It's obscene. - Don't moralize, Elias. 26 00:02:53,485 --> 00:02:56,979 - We're committed to Harveys Beer. - I'm committed to myself. 27 00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:59,652 Harveys Beer is the worst beer in the market. 28 00:02:59,761 --> 00:03:01,787 It's a loser. Get rid of it. 29 00:03:01,898 --> 00:03:04,561 There are no losers. Every product has potential-- 30 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:05,795 It's a stiff. 31 00:03:05,904 --> 00:03:08,237 No, no don't say that. There's no such thing. 32 00:03:08,341 --> 00:03:09,365 You're a stiff. 33 00:03:09,475 --> 00:03:11,842 I'll not tolerate your self-indulgence. 34 00:03:11,945 --> 00:03:13,004 When your father comes in... 35 00:03:13,114 --> 00:03:14,843 I'm gonna tell him exactly what you've said. 36 00:03:14,949 --> 00:03:17,647 Just because you were here when my old man started this agency... 37 00:03:17,754 --> 00:03:19,415 you know, that doesn't alter the facts. 38 00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:22,925 You've played so many sides of the fence you don't know where the fence is anymore. 39 00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,827 - I know my job. - Oh, that's beautiful. 40 00:03:25,932 --> 00:03:28,766 If it weren't for your father, you'd be on welfare. 41 00:03:28,869 --> 00:03:31,669 $60,000 a year, and all you can do is wreck the joint. 42 00:03:31,774 --> 00:03:34,767 He's right. He's not creative, but he knows the rules. 43 00:03:34,878 --> 00:03:37,177 And you gotta know the rules before you can break the rules. 44 00:03:37,281 --> 00:03:39,546 - Right. - There's no respect anymore. 45 00:03:39,651 --> 00:03:43,053 He's right, Nathan. You did your tango 30 years ago. 46 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,385 Fascist! 47 00:03:45,494 --> 00:03:47,462 Duck hunter loses his rifle... 48 00:03:47,897 --> 00:03:50,958 walks seven miles to a cathouse, knocks on the door. 49 00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:54,128 The door opens, the madam says, "Who sent you?" 50 00:03:55,074 --> 00:03:59,341 He says, "In the '40s, it was Judy Canova and Victor Mature. 51 00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:04,812 "In the '50s, it was Christine Jorgensen and James Dean. 52 00:04:05,588 --> 00:04:08,717 "In the '60s, it was Smith & Wesson." 53 00:04:12,598 --> 00:04:13,896 That's it. 54 00:04:16,905 --> 00:04:18,533 He was a nice guy. 55 00:04:23,181 --> 00:04:24,944 Can you lend me five? 56 00:04:26,485 --> 00:04:30,617 Our job is to manipulate the consumer by arousing his desires... 57 00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:34,286 and then we satisfy those desires for a fixed price. 58 00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:39,262 - Sounds familiar. - It sounds familiar. 59 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:41,565 It's called advertising. 60 00:04:46,581 --> 00:04:47,605 Yes? 61 00:04:50,987 --> 00:04:52,318 Thank you. 62 00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:56,287 Elias Sr. just went through the lobby. 63 00:04:56,394 --> 00:04:57,884 Well, let's go. 64 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:00,766 Let's go, Bissinger. 65 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:06,336 Our war toy account is up 23% and a third. 66 00:05:06,509 --> 00:05:08,978 Hey, Bissinger, you better get hip to reality. 67 00:05:09,079 --> 00:05:12,573 By advertising toy guns, you're encouraging kids to enjoy violence. 68 00:05:12,684 --> 00:05:14,949 You're only Music Director around here, Swope. 69 00:05:15,088 --> 00:05:17,057 What do you know about the total spectrum? 70 00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:20,458 - I know what I feel. - What's that got to do with it? 71 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,757 - I think we should drop the account. - How dare you! 72 00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:26,598 Drop the account and show the business community and the public... 73 00:05:26,704 --> 00:05:28,866 that we're morally and socially responsible. 74 00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:31,068 - Groovy, let's do it. - Thank you. 75 00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:32,440 Putney... 76 00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:36,746 I've been supervising the war toy account for 1 2 years. 77 00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:40,317 And let me tell you something. 78 00:05:41,192 --> 00:05:45,597 Deny a young boy the right to have a toy gun... 79 00:05:46,532 --> 00:05:49,434 and you'll suppress his destructive urges... 80 00:05:50,138 --> 00:05:52,869 and he'll turn out to be a homosexual... 81 00:05:54,143 --> 00:05:57,706 - or worse: - I'd rather have my son be a fag than a killer. 82 00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,943 Your son is a fag! 83 00:06:00,052 --> 00:06:02,544 You took him on the picnic hike, I didn't. 84 00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:07,762 Last year at Malibu, only Jim was a fag. 85 00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:11,265 Two weeks ago, Steve and Ralph came over. 86 00:06:12,336 --> 00:06:14,168 Yesterday, Randy came over. 87 00:06:16,175 --> 00:06:17,540 There it is. 88 00:06:22,517 --> 00:06:25,453 The fraught priest is on the road. It's 3:00 a.m... 89 00:06:25,555 --> 00:06:28,787 he's got a flat tire and it's raining. So he goes up to this farmhouse-- 90 00:06:28,892 --> 00:06:31,054 We're grossing less than $1 million a day... 91 00:06:31,162 --> 00:06:34,395 and you're talking about flat tires and farmhouses? 92 00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:38,266 Get out of my life. 93 00:06:45,182 --> 00:06:46,946 Good morning, Mario. 94 00:06:51,225 --> 00:06:52,556 Good afternoon, Mario. 95 00:06:52,660 --> 00:06:55,961 Every consumer has a small box in his head. 96 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:59,097 Everyone has a soapbox. 97 00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:02,105 A breadbox. A cereal box. 98 00:07:02,207 --> 00:07:04,972 A shampoo box. 99 00:07:05,445 --> 00:07:07,380 This box is the target... 100 00:07:07,481 --> 00:07:11,441 of $46 billion a year in advertising. 101 00:07:12,955 --> 00:07:17,223 Now, there's only so much room in each box... 102 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:22,861 and if we overload these boxes with too much information... 103 00:07:23,271 --> 00:07:25,466 they won't remember anything. 104 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:27,201 But... 105 00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:29,904 if we use... 106 00:07:30,247 --> 00:07:32,716 creative foreplay... 107 00:07:32,818 --> 00:07:35,049 before we penetrate... 108 00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,150 we'll... 109 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:42,692 Benefit. 110 00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:45,728 Bypass? 111 00:07:47,038 --> 00:07:48,369 Looks like... 112 00:07:49,441 --> 00:07:50,703 Sounds like... 113 00:07:50,809 --> 00:07:52,778 How many syllables, Mario? 114 00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,406 How many syllables, Mario? 115 00:07:55,750 --> 00:07:57,742 How many syllables, Mario? 116 00:07:58,153 --> 00:08:00,145 How many syllables, Mario? 117 00:08:08,702 --> 00:08:10,102 We'll never know. 118 00:08:15,378 --> 00:08:18,314 - I'm going to the track. - Have a ball, baby. 119 00:08:31,835 --> 00:08:33,963 What do you think of those cuff links? 120 00:08:34,071 --> 00:08:36,063 How many syllables, Mario? 121 00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:38,400 How many syllables, Mario? 122 00:08:38,745 --> 00:08:40,737 How many syllables, Mario? 123 00:08:41,015 --> 00:08:43,007 How many syllables, Mario? 124 00:08:43,318 --> 00:08:45,310 How many syllables, Mario? 125 00:08:46,022 --> 00:08:47,991 How many syllables, Mario? 126 00:08:48,091 --> 00:08:50,083 How many syllables, Mario? 127 00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:52,955 How many syllables, Mario? 128 00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:56,733 I'm the Senior Vice President, so I'm the new chairman of-- 129 00:08:56,838 --> 00:08:58,066 Bullshit. 130 00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:08,716 The corporate bylaws make it very clear... 131 00:09:08,821 --> 00:09:13,419 that the only way we can determine a new chairman is by democratic process. 132 00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:22,168 Paragraph 68 specifically states... 133 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,807 that nobody can vote for himself. 134 00:09:25,545 --> 00:09:28,515 That's what it says, so that's where it's at. 135 00:09:33,556 --> 00:09:37,688 Vote for me, and I'll get you into the Knights of Columbus. 136 00:09:38,897 --> 00:09:41,493 Vote for me, I'll give you 10% of the business. 137 00:09:43,436 --> 00:09:44,461 25%. 138 00:09:45,139 --> 00:09:46,630 Vote for me... 139 00:09:47,342 --> 00:09:49,903 and I'll set you up in Puerto Rico... 140 00:09:50,848 --> 00:09:52,110 for life. 141 00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,752 I got Puerto Ricans in my building. 142 00:09:55,821 --> 00:09:58,052 Enough carcass. Let's get the votes in. 143 00:09:58,158 --> 00:10:00,684 How can we talk about who's gonna be chairman of the board... 144 00:10:00,795 --> 00:10:02,991 when my father's laying dead on the table? 145 00:10:04,533 --> 00:10:06,263 Why can't I be chairman of the board? 146 00:10:06,369 --> 00:10:07,598 Because you're a nitwit. 147 00:10:07,705 --> 00:10:11,540 My father started this agency. And you're not going to finish it. 148 00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:16,817 Thank you, Valerie. 149 00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:34,531 One for Elias. 150 00:10:39,717 --> 00:10:40,844 Swope. 151 00:10:44,290 --> 00:10:45,781 One for Bissinger. 152 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,395 Swope. 153 00:10:59,412 --> 00:11:00,436 Swope. 154 00:11:07,089 --> 00:11:08,216 Swope. 155 00:11:13,666 --> 00:11:14,792 Swope. 156 00:11:21,843 --> 00:11:22,970 Swope. 157 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,579 Swope. 158 00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,594 Swope. 159 00:11:50,151 --> 00:11:51,311 Swope. 160 00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:55,388 That's it. 161 00:11:56,326 --> 00:11:59,889 One vote for Elias, one vote for Bissinger... 162 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,396 nine votes for Swope. 163 00:12:03,169 --> 00:12:06,333 Swope, you don't have to accept. 164 00:12:06,775 --> 00:12:08,937 It's a terrible job. 165 00:12:09,078 --> 00:12:11,172 Don't take it, Swope. 166 00:12:11,281 --> 00:12:14,410 Take it easy, Nathan. I've seen your cardiogram. 167 00:12:14,519 --> 00:12:16,317 It's a mirage. 168 00:12:16,555 --> 00:12:19,116 A man's been elected and you voted for him. 169 00:12:19,226 --> 00:12:21,024 We all voted for him. 170 00:12:21,963 --> 00:12:24,933 Because we thought no one else would vote for him. 171 00:12:26,102 --> 00:12:30,200 Putney Swope is the new chairman of this board. 172 00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:34,675 And I will defend that mistake with my life. 173 00:12:38,153 --> 00:12:41,214 Congratulations, Putney. 174 00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:47,895 It's going to be a pleasure working with you, Swope. 175 00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:54,141 You're gonna make a great chairman... 176 00:12:55,611 --> 00:12:56,976 if you stay in line. 177 00:12:59,883 --> 00:13:02,182 My father would've wanted it this way. 178 00:13:03,455 --> 00:13:05,219 He dug you very much. 179 00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:07,954 Your father was a horse's ass. 180 00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:13,062 Yeah. But he dug you very much. 181 00:13:30,126 --> 00:13:32,721 The changes I'm going to make will be minimal. 182 00:13:32,830 --> 00:13:34,560 I'm not going to rock the boat. 183 00:13:34,666 --> 00:13:36,464 Rocking the boat's a drag. 184 00:13:37,136 --> 00:13:39,105 What you do is sink the boat. 185 00:13:39,206 --> 00:13:40,936 And there's no sense sinking nothing... 186 00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:44,103 unless you can salvage with productive alternatives... 187 00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:47,651 and, brothers, you can't change nothing with rhetoric and slogans... 188 00:13:47,752 --> 00:13:50,847 because if a man's really got the truth in his pocket... 189 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,356 he doesn't talk about it. 190 00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:55,657 He hangs it out on a shingle where people can see it. 191 00:13:55,763 --> 00:13:59,360 So, from now on, the name of this agency is... 192 00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:01,563 Truth and Soul. 193 00:14:01,672 --> 00:14:04,039 - T.S., baby. - That's right. 194 00:14:04,809 --> 00:14:06,175 No smoking. 195 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,154 Nathan, you're a good businessman and you're not a cop-out... 196 00:14:15,258 --> 00:14:17,055 so I'm going to let you stay. 197 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,097 I want a contract that guarantees me an expense account... 198 00:14:20,232 --> 00:14:22,724 stock options, 22 weeks vacation... 199 00:14:22,936 --> 00:14:25,701 a company car, a box at Jay Stadium... 200 00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:29,340 a percentage of the gross, total creative freedom... 201 00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:32,607 transplant insurance and a no-cut clause. 202 00:14:34,719 --> 00:14:38,121 - Nathan, you're corrupt. - Thank you. 203 00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:44,021 I've come all the way from Miles City to ask you to be my woman. 204 00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:49,000 It must be my new depilatory, Superlip. 205 00:14:50,174 --> 00:14:53,737 Superlip eliminates peach fuzz and feminine whiskers. 206 00:14:53,846 --> 00:14:56,577 Superlip digs deep down into the hair follicle... 207 00:14:56,683 --> 00:14:59,175 instead of just lopping it off at the surface. 208 00:14:59,822 --> 00:15:01,414 Cut! Cut! 209 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:09,495 I don't believe it. Again. 210 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:17,512 There's a bunch of lilies shooting a commercial in our studio. 211 00:15:17,613 --> 00:15:19,707 They must not know about the recent transition. 212 00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:21,808 Well, let's go take care of business. 213 00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:28,227 This chick's from nowhere. So it's up to you. 214 00:15:29,063 --> 00:15:31,328 lmprovise. Do something. 215 00:15:32,835 --> 00:15:35,532 I've seen you work at Jones Beach with Guy Lombardo. 216 00:15:35,639 --> 00:15:37,301 I know you can pull it off. 217 00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,973 Superlip. Shot 1. 218 00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:42,177 Take 107. 219 00:15:42,916 --> 00:15:44,475 - Action. - Action! 220 00:15:47,923 --> 00:15:49,414 Lady Beaver... 221 00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:53,493 I've come all the way from Biloxi to ask you to be my woman. 222 00:15:54,766 --> 00:15:55,995 Wayne. 223 00:15:56,335 --> 00:15:59,169 You do go on. 224 00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:05,539 I have a malignancy in my prostrate 225 00:16:05,649 --> 00:16:09,381 But when you're in my arms, it's benign 226 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:14,159 I don't feel it. 227 00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:19,092 - What did you say? - I am not going to say it. 228 00:16:19,469 --> 00:16:21,164 - It is stupid. - Cut. 229 00:16:21,972 --> 00:16:25,500 Listen, sweetie, I could be home writing my novel. 230 00:16:26,946 --> 00:16:29,745 You could be playing Lady Macbeth in some basement. 231 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,378 We're both here, aren't we? 232 00:16:32,987 --> 00:16:34,353 That's okay. 233 00:16:34,790 --> 00:16:35,815 Let's do it. 234 00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:38,258 - Let's do it! - Let's do it. 235 00:17:01,595 --> 00:17:04,565 I have a malignancy in my prostrate 236 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,459 But when you're in my arms, it's... 237 00:17:06,569 --> 00:17:08,196 Quitting time! 238 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,167 Get on out! 239 00:17:11,276 --> 00:17:15,874 Yeah, no more taking pictures of no jive cans and jive bottles... 240 00:17:15,982 --> 00:17:18,008 and skinny-legged broads with stockings on them. 241 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:19,086 Get on out of here! 242 00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:22,021 We're gonna have some greasy fingers and some chicken... 243 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,650 and all the beautiful things that people have... 244 00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:26,787 who have it. And you ain't got it. 245 00:17:26,897 --> 00:17:28,763 So get on out. You understand? 246 00:17:28,867 --> 00:17:31,063 We're not gonna take any more of your jives. 247 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:33,935 'Cause we're Truth and Soul, you understand? 248 00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:36,876 Truth and Soul, 'cause we got it... 249 00:17:36,979 --> 00:17:39,608 and we got a brother that's gonna make it right. 250 00:17:39,716 --> 00:17:40,910 We got brother Putney. 251 00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:42,143 Okay. 252 00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:45,285 Every single account pulled out. 253 00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:48,019 I wish I had pulled out. Too many dependents, baby. 254 00:17:48,127 --> 00:17:49,493 It looks bad. 255 00:17:49,597 --> 00:17:52,328 Swope, I think we're still in the ball game. 256 00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:55,165 Wing Soney just got off the elevator and he's dying to meet you. 257 00:17:55,272 --> 00:17:56,637 - Wing Soney? - Wing Soney. 258 00:17:56,740 --> 00:17:57,901 Wowee. 259 00:18:18,676 --> 00:18:22,078 Hey, man, what's this thing? Do-it-yourself Pearl Harbor? 260 00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:23,205 He's Chinese, Swope. 261 00:18:23,315 --> 00:18:25,945 I don't care what he is. We're gonna get that account. 262 00:18:26,053 --> 00:18:27,145 Let's go. 263 00:18:30,593 --> 00:18:33,927 Wing Soney, say hello to Putney Swope. 264 00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:37,568 Mr. Swope, I'm not a happy chappy. 265 00:18:38,771 --> 00:18:41,570 The agency that's currently handling my merchandise... 266 00:18:41,675 --> 00:18:43,837 is the biggest nosebleed in town. 267 00:18:44,212 --> 00:18:46,181 Now, I have a new item... 268 00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:49,247 and I dig to launch it with a new outfit. 269 00:18:49,353 --> 00:18:52,289 So let me tell you about the Get- Out- Of- Here Mousetrap. 270 00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:56,529 The Get- Out- Of- Here Mousetrap is a unique breakthrough... 271 00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,792 because after it traps a rodent... 272 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,765 it chemically cremates. 273 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:04,399 No flame, no noise, no mouse. 274 00:19:05,075 --> 00:19:06,600 I invented it myself. 275 00:19:06,711 --> 00:19:09,237 - Mr. Soney, you're not gonna believe this... - Then don't tell me. 276 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:10,543 ...but for the past six minutes... 277 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:13,620 I've been working on a whole new approach to mousetraps. 278 00:19:14,255 --> 00:19:15,655 Lay it on them, Nathan. 279 00:19:20,431 --> 00:19:22,195 Columbus is on the Santa Maria. 280 00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:24,292 The crew's Italian. 281 00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:26,597 Columbus walks down the gangplank... 282 00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:29,540 and waiting at the bottom is a middle-aged Indian. 283 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:32,646 Columbus knocks the Indian on his ass... 284 00:19:32,748 --> 00:19:34,979 and sticks the Spanish flag in the ground. 285 00:19:35,085 --> 00:19:38,250 And out of the bushes comes a 75-year-old squaw... 286 00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:41,119 with a cleft head, and an ax in her back. 287 00:19:41,227 --> 00:19:42,854 But the Indian starts to cry... 288 00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:45,090 because he knows he's going to be exploited. 289 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:49,332 Columbus puts his arm around the Indian, points to the crew, and says... 290 00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:52,203 "In exchange for your land, I'll give you 50 guineas." 291 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:54,677 Cut to a shot of a Get- Out- Of- Here Mousetrap... 292 00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:58,012 tell him how much it costs, where you buy it, and that's it. 293 00:19:58,751 --> 00:20:01,186 It's the most fantastic thing I ever heard. 294 00:20:02,090 --> 00:20:03,455 Who's your shrink? 295 00:20:05,628 --> 00:20:06,857 I dig it. 296 00:20:07,698 --> 00:20:09,963 - I dig it. - I dig it. 297 00:20:10,068 --> 00:20:12,196 My mousetrap is yours. 298 00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,833 You've revitalized me, Swope. 299 00:20:15,375 --> 00:20:16,638 This way. 300 00:20:19,781 --> 00:20:21,409 I'm a happy chink. 301 00:20:24,421 --> 00:20:26,617 We did it, Swope. We did it. 302 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,861 - You're fired. - Why? 303 00:20:30,264 --> 00:20:32,756 That Columbus thing is the worst thing I ever heard. 304 00:20:33,434 --> 00:20:35,494 I thought it was brilliant. 305 00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,467 That's why you're taking the next elevator. 306 00:20:44,684 --> 00:20:46,710 - Hey, you a messenger for T.S.? - Yes, sir. 307 00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:49,984 - From now on, use the freight elevator. - Yes, sir. 308 00:20:56,501 --> 00:20:58,868 I just heard about the Get- Out- Of- Here campaign. 309 00:20:58,971 --> 00:21:00,667 It's a trailblazer, Swope. 310 00:21:00,774 --> 00:21:04,176 Your master conception is a masterpiece. 311 00:21:04,278 --> 00:21:06,839 Why, it's already a classic. 312 00:21:06,949 --> 00:21:10,182 As far as I'm concerned, you're my man. 313 00:21:10,654 --> 00:21:15,059 I would like to discuss the possibility of you handling my account. Would you? 314 00:21:15,828 --> 00:21:17,797 I'm with the Audie Murphy Toy Company. 315 00:21:17,898 --> 00:21:20,026 We just came out with a junior miss flamethrower... 316 00:21:20,134 --> 00:21:22,035 that runs on ordinary lighter fluid... 317 00:21:22,137 --> 00:21:24,436 and next week, we're coming out with a heavy-duty model... 318 00:21:24,541 --> 00:21:29,105 for the back-to-college group. It features an after-burner and five-second reloading... 319 00:21:29,214 --> 00:21:31,615 with disposable propane cassettes. 320 00:21:31,718 --> 00:21:34,244 I want to have nothing to do with war toys or cigarettes... 321 00:21:34,355 --> 00:21:36,551 and do something about your breath. 322 00:21:38,327 --> 00:21:40,660 Tell me what you like. I'll go out and make it. 323 00:21:40,764 --> 00:21:43,632 I'll produce it, you push it. You and me, Swope. 324 00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:45,966 If you stiffs want T.S. to do your advertising... 325 00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:48,734 it's gonna cost you a million bucks up front. Cash. 326 00:21:48,842 --> 00:21:51,004 That's hallway robbery, Swope. 327 00:21:51,112 --> 00:21:53,809 - That's an outrage. - The price is right. 328 00:21:54,117 --> 00:21:56,586 But I can't come up with a million bucks in cash. 329 00:21:56,687 --> 00:21:58,120 Me, neither. 330 00:22:00,492 --> 00:22:02,051 Forget it, baby. 331 00:22:05,900 --> 00:22:09,166 If your sales don't increase by 50%, you'll get a complete refund. 332 00:22:09,271 --> 00:22:11,035 - I'm in, Swope. - Me, too. 333 00:22:11,141 --> 00:22:13,406 - You and me, Swope. - Don't forget me. 334 00:22:13,511 --> 00:22:17,175 - Pit Stop deodorant. - Dinkleberry's chicken pot pies. 335 00:22:24,827 --> 00:22:26,989 Jim Keranga of Watts, California... 336 00:22:27,097 --> 00:22:29,464 is eating a bowl of Ethereal Cereal... 337 00:22:29,701 --> 00:22:31,897 the heavenly breakfast food. 338 00:22:32,137 --> 00:22:36,701 Jim, did you know that Ethereal Cereal has twice as much vitamin B... 339 00:22:36,811 --> 00:22:38,905 as any other leading cereal? 340 00:22:39,514 --> 00:22:42,245 Ethereal also has the added punch... 341 00:22:42,352 --> 00:22:46,222 of.002 ESP units of pectin. 342 00:22:47,192 --> 00:22:48,387 No shit! 343 00:23:01,679 --> 00:23:04,148 Dinkleberry's chicken pot pies. 344 00:23:04,851 --> 00:23:05,909 Ground rules: 345 00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:08,647 give us the name of your product, what it's supposed to do... 346 00:23:08,756 --> 00:23:09,951 then take a walk. 347 00:23:10,058 --> 00:23:12,994 We don't need your ideas. We don't need your advice. 348 00:23:13,095 --> 00:23:15,291 And we don't need lames in the hallway. 349 00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:25,067 Lucky Airlines. 350 00:24:21,201 --> 00:24:24,001 Introducing Miss Redneck, New Jersey... 351 00:24:24,307 --> 00:24:26,469 Eugenie Ferliger. 352 00:24:44,001 --> 00:24:45,993 Eugenie is 23. 353 00:24:46,237 --> 00:24:49,970 She's 5'4'', and weighs 117 pounds. 354 00:24:50,977 --> 00:24:55,439 She has blue eyes and blonde hair with matching cuffs and collar. 355 00:24:56,585 --> 00:25:01,183 Eugenie is a graduate of the Sawbone/T-bone Diner in Redneck... 356 00:25:01,493 --> 00:25:03,586 where she majored in philosophy. 357 00:25:04,597 --> 00:25:09,298 She's a social worker and her favorite hobby is emasculation. 358 00:25:27,697 --> 00:25:30,326 Eugenie, in 25 words or less... 359 00:25:30,567 --> 00:25:33,366 would you tell us what your philosophy is? 360 00:25:35,508 --> 00:25:36,703 Well... 361 00:25:37,644 --> 00:25:40,808 I believe that everyone... 362 00:25:41,183 --> 00:25:44,711 no matter their race, creed or color... 363 00:25:45,522 --> 00:25:47,889 should get a piece of the action. 364 00:25:48,326 --> 00:25:50,761 A piece of the what, Eugenie? 365 00:25:54,568 --> 00:25:57,436 - A piece of the pie. - Right. 366 00:26:01,511 --> 00:26:05,745 Confidentially, folks, I never thought she'd get that line. 367 00:26:06,452 --> 00:26:07,943 Oh, fuck off, Bert! 368 00:26:08,054 --> 00:26:10,819 Everybody wants a Dinkleberry Frozen Chicken Pot Pie... 369 00:26:10,925 --> 00:26:12,621 and they'll do anything to get it. 370 00:26:13,829 --> 00:26:15,297 Who did that? 371 00:26:18,535 --> 00:26:19,901 You do that? 372 00:26:24,911 --> 00:26:27,210 Yeah. Yeah. 373 00:26:29,251 --> 00:26:30,240 I didn't do it. 374 00:26:30,353 --> 00:26:32,754 Then what are you doing, taking her temperature? 375 00:26:32,857 --> 00:26:36,692 Boss, don't fire me. I got a wife, three kids and a shuttling pony. 376 00:26:36,795 --> 00:26:40,198 You should've thought of that before you dipped your pen in company ink. 377 00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:43,564 Oh, man, give me a break. I'm in love. 378 00:26:43,972 --> 00:26:47,034 All right, you get one more chance. But she's got to go. 379 00:26:47,511 --> 00:26:49,707 What do you mean, I gotta go? 380 00:26:50,314 --> 00:26:54,412 That's right. Just 'cause you got a pair of jugs don't mean you rule the world. 381 00:26:54,521 --> 00:26:55,954 That's right. 382 00:26:57,958 --> 00:27:00,519 - Mr. Swope. - Clean out your locker. 383 00:27:01,030 --> 00:27:02,292 Up yours. 384 00:27:07,672 --> 00:27:10,643 Didn't mean to put down your jugs, baby, but... 385 00:27:11,144 --> 00:27:12,635 gotta protect my interest. 386 00:27:25,164 --> 00:27:28,157 - Mark Focus is waiting in reception. - Thank you. 387 00:27:35,545 --> 00:27:38,914 Great window cleaner. Don't drip and it don't streak. 388 00:27:40,319 --> 00:27:43,916 But it smells bad. Cleans good, but it smells bad. 389 00:27:48,531 --> 00:27:50,397 As a window cleaner, forget it. 390 00:27:51,001 --> 00:27:52,936 Put soybeans in it for protein... 391 00:27:53,037 --> 00:27:55,529 and we'll push it as a soft drink in the ghetto. 392 00:27:56,041 --> 00:27:58,237 Lay a picture of a Rhythm and Blues singer on it... 393 00:27:58,345 --> 00:28:00,211 and we'll call it Victrola Cola. 394 00:28:01,415 --> 00:28:04,181 - I think we got a winner. - We better. 395 00:28:04,821 --> 00:28:08,691 Or you and that jism are gonna be back in that drugstore where I found you. 396 00:28:15,268 --> 00:28:16,531 Yes, sir. 397 00:28:19,241 --> 00:28:20,208 Okay. 398 00:28:20,309 --> 00:28:22,745 If your lip was hip, you wouldn't need no jip. 399 00:28:23,414 --> 00:28:26,043 - Sell rolls, that is. - How you sound? 400 00:28:26,151 --> 00:28:28,712 I don't know, baby, but wherever I'm sounding from... 401 00:28:28,821 --> 00:28:31,757 I'm stacked up and I'm gonna stay stacked up. 402 00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:35,996 But I wanna know about this Putney dude. And the faggot at the Traffic Department. 403 00:28:36,098 --> 00:28:37,862 There's a blonde faggot in the Traffic Department. 404 00:28:37,968 --> 00:28:40,164 Next time he bends over to pick up the paperclips, General... 405 00:28:40,271 --> 00:28:42,069 I'm gonna sock it to him right in his keister. 406 00:28:42,174 --> 00:28:43,198 Does he like dudes? 407 00:28:43,308 --> 00:28:45,834 I don't know, man, but he's got a boss little round ass... 408 00:28:45,945 --> 00:28:48,472 in them tight bell-bottom pants. I know that. 409 00:28:48,583 --> 00:28:50,984 Well, if you're tripping, and you're going that way... 410 00:28:51,087 --> 00:28:54,216 No, my johnson get hard, Jim. It knows no discrimination. 411 00:28:54,491 --> 00:28:56,016 Yeah, discrimination, huh? 412 00:28:56,127 --> 00:28:58,596 No, my johnson get hard, everything goes. 413 00:28:58,698 --> 00:29:01,566 - Jism is okay, but you can can the trollops. - Mr. Swope. 414 00:29:01,935 --> 00:29:03,301 Mark Focus. 415 00:29:07,911 --> 00:29:09,675 I did that for Hertz. 416 00:29:10,781 --> 00:29:13,410 That's Colgate. That's a Nabisco. 417 00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:17,413 - That's lBM. - I've seen enough, Mark. 418 00:29:17,591 --> 00:29:20,186 You're one of the best photographers in the business. 419 00:29:20,295 --> 00:29:21,320 Thank you. 420 00:29:21,430 --> 00:29:23,763 This printout I'm working on is perfect for you. 421 00:29:24,267 --> 00:29:25,791 If it's me, it's $9,000. 422 00:29:25,903 --> 00:29:29,840 $9,000? I just want a picture of a light bulb with lipstick on it. 423 00:29:30,008 --> 00:29:31,408 Make it $6,000. 424 00:29:31,711 --> 00:29:34,647 Hey, man, it's going in the newspaper, not an art gallery. 425 00:29:34,749 --> 00:29:37,743 - $1,200 is the best I can do. - Forget it. 426 00:29:37,854 --> 00:29:38,912 $350. 427 00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:44,288 I'll do it for nothing. I need the work. 428 00:29:44,597 --> 00:29:47,465 I can get anybody for nothing. Take a walk. 429 00:30:04,424 --> 00:30:05,516 Boss. 430 00:30:09,231 --> 00:30:11,700 Who do you think you are, Lawrence of Nigeria? 431 00:30:11,802 --> 00:30:13,464 At least I ain't jive. 432 00:30:21,215 --> 00:30:22,444 Big man. 433 00:30:23,285 --> 00:30:25,015 Wanna have din-din? 434 00:30:26,289 --> 00:30:27,848 Why have dinner? 435 00:30:28,325 --> 00:30:30,658 I'm at 1 293 Lennox. 436 00:30:30,962 --> 00:30:32,863 Apartment 4C. 437 00:30:34,267 --> 00:30:37,396 I got to be straight with you, girl. I'm engaged. 438 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:40,073 Keep it to yourself. 439 00:30:40,175 --> 00:30:41,404 Swope... 440 00:30:42,345 --> 00:30:44,405 I'm gonna bend your johnson. 441 00:30:45,349 --> 00:30:46,681 I'm ready. 442 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,549 I'm gonna make you young again. 443 00:31:17,795 --> 00:31:19,525 Where is Lopez? 444 00:31:19,632 --> 00:31:23,866 - Where you at, man? - Stratosphere, baby, stratosphere. 445 00:31:24,205 --> 00:31:28,268 I'm stacked up over at La Guardia, and I'm not coming down for nobody. 446 00:31:28,378 --> 00:31:29,811 Not even you. 447 00:31:31,382 --> 00:31:34,580 Mr. Swope. Brother's in the black room. 448 00:31:34,687 --> 00:31:36,986 - Putney. Putney! - Brother's in the black room. 449 00:31:37,124 --> 00:31:40,526 Sonny Williams, our copywriter, just got busted at Radio City. 450 00:31:40,628 --> 00:31:43,359 He was sitting in the first row and when the Rockettes came on... 451 00:31:43,465 --> 00:31:46,561 he opened and closed his raincoat and exposed himself. 452 00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:47,797 Bad PR. 453 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:51,809 Tell Sonny next time he shows it, I'll make him a creative director. 454 00:31:52,645 --> 00:31:54,739 Sonny, if you don't straighten up... 455 00:31:54,848 --> 00:31:57,374 we're gonna send you to Hollywood as a choreographer. 456 00:32:02,159 --> 00:32:06,325 Putney, we just sold 1 7 new accounts and Cowboy says we have $156 million. 457 00:32:06,432 --> 00:32:09,630 Mr. Swope, Brother's in the black room. 458 00:32:09,736 --> 00:32:11,967 Putney, there's trouble in the black room. 459 00:32:12,507 --> 00:32:15,306 Mr. Swope, brother's in the black room. 460 00:32:22,221 --> 00:32:23,779 Just you and me, Swope. 461 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:27,752 You and me. 462 00:32:29,698 --> 00:32:32,224 I deal with housing in the community. 463 00:32:32,335 --> 00:32:35,100 Bad plumbing, bad heating and bad rats. 464 00:32:35,206 --> 00:32:36,868 The only way to set this thing straight... 465 00:32:36,975 --> 00:32:40,572 is with self-determination, self-respect and self-defense. 466 00:32:44,519 --> 00:32:49,117 We don't go for Jesus no more. Violence is a cleansing force. 467 00:32:49,226 --> 00:32:52,493 We must adjust ourselves to the level of our audience... 468 00:32:52,598 --> 00:32:54,088 which is pretty low. 469 00:32:54,634 --> 00:32:58,002 Non-violence has proven to be non-functional. 470 00:32:58,873 --> 00:33:00,603 So, it's guns, baby. 471 00:33:01,109 --> 00:33:06,015 The end result will be our own political, social, economic future. 472 00:33:07,218 --> 00:33:11,486 My organization is pro-integration. We're not hostile like these other groups. 473 00:33:12,526 --> 00:33:14,859 We can't do it illegally, we'll do it legitimately. 474 00:33:14,962 --> 00:33:17,899 - You know, up front. - Tanks, cocktails. 475 00:33:19,035 --> 00:33:20,367 Guns, baby. 476 00:33:20,538 --> 00:33:23,565 The pigs must cease the brutality, destruction and murder... 477 00:33:23,675 --> 00:33:25,371 of our brothers and sisters. 478 00:33:25,545 --> 00:33:29,141 Or they'll suffer the consequences from the armed people of the community. 479 00:33:29,249 --> 00:33:31,947 Bazookas. Tanks. 480 00:33:32,188 --> 00:33:33,655 Flamethrowers. 481 00:33:34,257 --> 00:33:38,126 My organization is pro-integration. We're not hostile like these other groups. 482 00:33:38,229 --> 00:33:40,630 - Lay some bread on it. - Guns, baby. 483 00:33:41,101 --> 00:33:43,798 A gun is not gonna get your job. 484 00:33:44,305 --> 00:33:46,706 It'll eliminate the competition. 485 00:33:48,911 --> 00:33:51,039 Who the hell wants a job? 486 00:33:51,782 --> 00:33:55,276 - You better get yourself a piece. - Lay some bread on it. 487 00:33:55,788 --> 00:33:58,758 Lay some bread on it. Lay some bread on it. 488 00:33:58,859 --> 00:34:01,454 My group doesn't need your money, man. 489 00:34:03,565 --> 00:34:06,729 But what we can use is your help on another level. 490 00:34:08,272 --> 00:34:09,672 I believe... 491 00:34:10,375 --> 00:34:13,539 that together with your power and my structure... 492 00:34:14,348 --> 00:34:17,807 we could create a subliminal tremor throughout the land... 493 00:34:17,919 --> 00:34:21,357 by using the advertising that comes out of your toilet. 494 00:34:22,559 --> 00:34:24,050 A word here... 495 00:34:25,831 --> 00:34:27,389 a phrase there... 496 00:34:32,908 --> 00:34:34,535 innuendoes... 497 00:34:40,051 --> 00:34:41,575 and subtleties. 498 00:34:42,588 --> 00:34:43,953 Lay some bread on it. 499 00:34:44,056 --> 00:34:47,289 And when the time is right, man, we move in for the kill. 500 00:34:47,395 --> 00:34:50,194 - No mercy, stamp on the-- - What about the bread? 501 00:34:50,299 --> 00:34:53,394 Tap City. When my ship comes in, I'll call you. 502 00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:55,672 You're a sham. 503 00:34:56,408 --> 00:34:58,707 I'm gonna pull the covers off of you. 504 00:34:58,811 --> 00:35:01,679 You ain't pulling the covers off of nobody. 505 00:35:15,068 --> 00:35:17,060 ...mixed media... 506 00:35:34,762 --> 00:35:35,991 Hey, man. 507 00:35:36,365 --> 00:35:40,166 You're just the cat I wanted to see, man. I was looking all around for you, Jim. 508 00:35:40,270 --> 00:35:41,704 Do you know what, man? 509 00:35:41,805 --> 00:35:46,403 Like, I'm tired, I'm fed up, I can't take no more... 510 00:35:46,512 --> 00:35:48,913 I can't stand no more of Putney Swope, man. 511 00:35:49,016 --> 00:35:51,008 Like, he's got to go, man. 512 00:35:51,119 --> 00:35:53,918 'Cause this cat is a jive cat, you understand? 513 00:35:54,023 --> 00:35:57,654 You know what, man? Like, I have been jugging his old lady. 514 00:35:57,828 --> 00:36:01,026 Do you dig this? And this cat has never said nothing to me, man. 515 00:36:01,133 --> 00:36:04,571 I have called him out many a times in front of all the people around here... 516 00:36:04,672 --> 00:36:06,265 who kiss this cat's ass, man. 517 00:36:06,374 --> 00:36:09,139 I don't kiss his ass. 'Cause I call it like it is, man. 518 00:36:09,245 --> 00:36:13,080 This man caught me with his woman, and still, this cat can't get rid of me... 519 00:36:13,183 --> 00:36:15,049 'cause I got the power, you understand? 520 00:36:15,153 --> 00:36:18,591 I got the power, I got the talent, and I've got everything that this cat wants. 521 00:36:18,692 --> 00:36:21,856 He keeps me around here because I make him look good, you understand? 522 00:36:21,962 --> 00:36:24,158 And I'm tired of making this cat look good. 523 00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:25,828 Are you ready to die? 524 00:36:25,935 --> 00:36:28,564 Man, I'm ready to die. I'm ready to go anywhere... 525 00:36:28,672 --> 00:36:30,903 do anything, see anybody... 526 00:36:31,009 --> 00:36:33,808 walk, talk, smart, be anything... 527 00:36:33,913 --> 00:36:37,407 to do what I got to do, man. I'm died. Died means nothing to me, man. 528 00:36:37,518 --> 00:36:40,010 You know, I always wanted to get things straight around here... 529 00:36:40,122 --> 00:36:42,114 'cause Putney Swope is a jive cat, man. 530 00:36:42,225 --> 00:36:45,320 He can't talk, he can't walk, he can't sit. 531 00:36:45,429 --> 00:36:49,299 Man, this cat can't do nothing right. He was voted in here on a hummer. 532 00:36:50,838 --> 00:36:53,603 Mr. Swope, I'm tired of doing commercials. 533 00:36:53,875 --> 00:36:56,367 I wanna do something more creative. 534 00:36:56,679 --> 00:36:59,945 - Pick up your severance pay. - Why? 535 00:37:00,184 --> 00:37:03,848 Did I ask you why when you said you wanted to do something more creative? 536 00:37:04,623 --> 00:37:05,716 Nope. 537 00:37:11,032 --> 00:37:13,228 I feel like an Oreo cookie. 538 00:37:13,336 --> 00:37:15,532 You like a pile of shit. 539 00:37:29,159 --> 00:37:31,060 Are you putting me on? 540 00:37:33,598 --> 00:37:35,692 - Where you been, Put? - Mecca. 541 00:37:36,669 --> 00:37:40,038 The man says he's the President of the United States. 542 00:37:47,085 --> 00:37:48,143 Yeah? 543 00:37:48,853 --> 00:37:50,116 Putney Swope? 544 00:37:50,222 --> 00:37:51,280 Yeah. 545 00:37:51,390 --> 00:37:54,884 What do you mean, "yeah" ? Be congenial. 546 00:37:55,262 --> 00:37:58,426 I want to extend to you my deepest congratulation. 547 00:37:58,533 --> 00:38:01,766 It's very, very important to have a boy like you... 548 00:38:02,072 --> 00:38:03,938 in such a prominent position. 549 00:38:04,042 --> 00:38:06,671 It's good for me. It's good for you. 550 00:38:07,046 --> 00:38:09,242 And it might keep the summers cool. 551 00:38:09,349 --> 00:38:11,079 I like your style, Swope. 552 00:38:11,185 --> 00:38:13,711 So I'm gonna throw some business your way. 553 00:38:13,822 --> 00:38:16,189 I never chase foul balls. 554 00:38:16,292 --> 00:38:18,261 You are lot of laughs. 555 00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:19,955 Next time I'm up in Big Town... 556 00:38:20,065 --> 00:38:22,034 we'll get together and shoot up or something. 557 00:38:22,135 --> 00:38:23,534 What you want, man? 558 00:38:23,636 --> 00:38:27,267 Mr. Six, the man who owns the Borman Six is a friend of mine. 559 00:38:27,375 --> 00:38:29,401 Take care of him. Quick. 560 00:38:31,982 --> 00:38:34,281 Looks good. He'll come around. 561 00:38:34,619 --> 00:38:37,111 Thank you. Excellent, Mimeo. 562 00:38:37,389 --> 00:38:39,551 I like the way you handle yourself on the telephone. 563 00:38:39,659 --> 00:38:42,527 You're nobody's fool. Except, perhaps, mine. 564 00:38:42,730 --> 00:38:46,190 But I'm glad I chose you for this job. You've justified my faith in you. 565 00:38:47,436 --> 00:38:49,962 However, Mimeo, there is one question. 566 00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:53,868 This business about shooting up in the Big Town. 567 00:38:54,313 --> 00:38:56,805 After all, a man in your position... 568 00:38:57,185 --> 00:38:59,780 which is a rather strange position... 569 00:38:59,888 --> 00:39:02,187 you have justified my confidence in having chosen... 570 00:39:02,292 --> 00:39:04,454 such a big man for this assignment. 571 00:39:05,129 --> 00:39:09,033 There are, however, one or two points I would like to bring up. 572 00:39:09,802 --> 00:39:13,900 After all, I'm sure Barnum and Bailey wouldn't mind having you back. 573 00:39:14,008 --> 00:39:17,308 So, please, I suggest you be a little more careful. 574 00:39:17,746 --> 00:39:19,977 Mrs. Mimeo, you play divinely. 575 00:39:20,350 --> 00:39:23,412 Perhaps you would like to play for me sometime. 576 00:39:24,656 --> 00:39:26,591 Nice wife you have there, Mimeo. 577 00:39:27,493 --> 00:39:31,864 It would be most unfortunate, would it not, if anything should happen to her? 578 00:39:37,141 --> 00:39:40,578 Don't worry, Mr. Six, the Borman Six gonna be okay. 579 00:39:41,146 --> 00:39:43,377 I hope you're right, Mimeo, for your sake. 580 00:39:43,483 --> 00:39:45,384 But now, we have a moment of joviality. 581 00:39:45,486 --> 00:39:49,652 We relax, you, Ruthie and l, we sit down, we partake of a bit of grass... 582 00:39:49,759 --> 00:39:51,250 I've got some good shit. 583 00:39:51,362 --> 00:39:54,924 Tell me something, Mimeo, do you have the new Maximilian Schell album? 584 00:39:55,033 --> 00:39:56,228 I love rock 'n ' roll. 585 00:39:56,335 --> 00:39:57,768 Perhaps The Electric Pygmy. 586 00:39:57,870 --> 00:39:59,964 Ruthie, you're looking lovely as ever, my dear. 587 00:40:00,708 --> 00:40:04,577 From now on, if outsiders wanna talk to me, they're gonna talk in my face. 588 00:40:06,216 --> 00:40:09,050 No more telephones. Too much communication. 589 00:40:09,253 --> 00:40:12,190 If you take out the phones, how are we going to conduct business? 590 00:40:12,292 --> 00:40:15,194 - With your head and your soul. - That's right. 591 00:40:15,362 --> 00:40:16,955 That's unrealistic. 592 00:40:17,065 --> 00:40:20,092 If you want reality, I'm gonna put you back on the streets. 593 00:40:20,836 --> 00:40:23,533 The dude's right. We don't need phones. 594 00:40:23,775 --> 00:40:27,177 I can get a message to California quicker than you can make a phone call. 595 00:40:27,279 --> 00:40:28,770 - How? - The drum. 596 00:40:28,948 --> 00:40:30,746 - Say what? - The drum. 597 00:40:30,851 --> 00:40:33,150 - What's that? - Vibrations. 598 00:40:33,522 --> 00:40:35,753 Out, O'Dinga. You're finished. 599 00:40:45,605 --> 00:40:47,870 I heard you fired Mr. O'Dinga. 600 00:40:47,975 --> 00:40:50,308 - How did you find out? - The drum. 601 00:40:50,913 --> 00:40:53,781 Hey, Lopez says this place is crazy. 602 00:40:53,883 --> 00:40:55,545 Who's Lopez? 603 00:40:56,354 --> 00:40:58,687 - He's in my head. - That's right. 604 00:40:59,292 --> 00:41:02,490 I've been running this tree hut just like it was run before. 605 00:41:02,596 --> 00:41:04,394 Straight into the ground. 606 00:41:04,499 --> 00:41:07,594 I've made a few innovations, but not enough. 607 00:41:08,638 --> 00:41:12,735 I have a feeling that there's a lot of untapped talent around here. 608 00:41:13,045 --> 00:41:16,709 So, beginning right now, I want each and every one of you... 609 00:41:17,050 --> 00:41:21,079 to conceive, write, produce and execute your own campaign. 610 00:41:22,392 --> 00:41:24,861 If you don't think you can come up with something new... 611 00:41:24,962 --> 00:41:26,954 then don't come up with nothing. 612 00:41:27,065 --> 00:41:29,364 And if you don't feel that you're the creative type... 613 00:41:29,468 --> 00:41:32,802 then pitch in and help somebody else with what they're doing. 614 00:41:44,055 --> 00:41:48,790 Creative juices are flowing in my vein, man. You've liberated my muse. 615 00:41:49,296 --> 00:41:52,425 Picture a foxy chick sitting on a park bench... 616 00:41:52,835 --> 00:41:54,598 the camera zooms underneath her dress... 617 00:41:54,703 --> 00:41:57,070 and you cut to a train coming out of a tunnel. 618 00:41:57,174 --> 00:41:59,473 It's a commercial for the Long lsland Railroad. 619 00:41:59,577 --> 00:42:03,310 - Like, it's surreal man, surreal. - Are you for surreal? 620 00:42:03,817 --> 00:42:05,752 I don't have any ideas... 621 00:42:05,853 --> 00:42:08,846 but it's good to know that if I ever do... 622 00:42:08,957 --> 00:42:10,858 I will be able to try them out. 623 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:13,829 I just came up with three names for teenage skin creams. 624 00:42:13,932 --> 00:42:17,198 No- Blem, Squeeze No, and Face Off. 625 00:42:17,303 --> 00:42:18,999 - Get rid of him. - Mr. Swope... 626 00:42:19,105 --> 00:42:21,870 I think we should do all our commercials in sepia. 627 00:42:22,276 --> 00:42:24,802 And instead of having coffee breaks... 628 00:42:24,913 --> 00:42:28,510 - we should have watermelon breaks. - Get rid of him, too. 629 00:42:28,619 --> 00:42:31,111 Hey, here's a poem I wrote when I was in jail. 630 00:42:31,223 --> 00:42:35,423 "Life is about a relentless journey to a path of oncoming screeching cars 631 00:42:35,529 --> 00:42:40,468 "with headlights of boredom and a bumper of social responsibility." 632 00:42:59,463 --> 00:43:02,399 Mr. President, did you hear about the woman who asked her husband... 633 00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:04,526 to walk out to the garbage can with her? 634 00:43:04,637 --> 00:43:06,697 "Are you out of your mind?" replied her husband. 635 00:43:06,806 --> 00:43:08,138 "Not at all," replied the wife. 636 00:43:08,242 --> 00:43:11,542 "I'd like the neighbors to know we go out together once in a while." 637 00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:16,546 Mr. President, did you hear about the fellow who was 9'8 "... 638 00:43:16,654 --> 00:43:18,589 and wore a size 22 shoe? 639 00:43:19,425 --> 00:43:22,293 And do you know what he did for a living? He stamped out forest fires. 640 00:43:22,396 --> 00:43:23,624 Mimeo... 641 00:43:24,666 --> 00:43:26,328 what is that? 642 00:43:29,439 --> 00:43:31,772 The game warden wanted me to throw it back. 643 00:43:31,876 --> 00:43:34,903 But I put up such a fight that they mounted it. 644 00:43:38,986 --> 00:43:43,220 Mr. President, this fellow who went down to Florida to do a demonstration... 645 00:43:43,326 --> 00:43:45,659 - a benefit show-- - This is a real funny man. 646 00:43:45,762 --> 00:43:47,697 - Funny man. - In a benefit show. And they put up... 647 00:43:47,799 --> 00:43:49,825 a special platform, with a trap door. 648 00:43:49,935 --> 00:43:53,997 Mimeo, who is this schmuck you have hired, babbling in your ear, over and over: 649 00:43:54,107 --> 00:43:56,907 "Mr. President, Mr. President" ? What banality! 650 00:43:57,012 --> 00:43:58,536 Mr. President. 651 00:43:58,647 --> 00:44:01,846 And this fellow's show was so terrible that when the trap door opened... 652 00:44:01,952 --> 00:44:03,579 - if it wasn't for the fact... - If you'd like a toke... 653 00:44:03,687 --> 00:44:04,677 ...he had a rope around his neck... 654 00:44:04,789 --> 00:44:07,281 - ...he would have broken his legs. - Come on, it'll put hair on your nose. 655 00:44:07,393 --> 00:44:08,918 And he couldn't kick. 656 00:44:12,767 --> 00:44:14,065 Yeah, he is funny! 657 00:44:14,169 --> 00:44:16,536 Actually, when I think about it, I knew he was funny. 658 00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,836 Mr. President? Mr. President? 659 00:44:20,412 --> 00:44:21,879 Mr. President? 660 00:44:25,285 --> 00:44:26,752 Mr. President? 661 00:44:28,757 --> 00:44:32,160 Hey, it's cold in here. Throw another Jew on the fire! 662 00:44:34,432 --> 00:44:35,922 Mr. President? 663 00:44:37,302 --> 00:44:40,363 Mr. President. There were three women in Florida-- 664 00:44:44,079 --> 00:44:46,344 Mr. President, there were three women in Florida-- 665 00:44:46,449 --> 00:44:50,113 - He's like a stupid baby. - Describing what once... 666 00:44:52,057 --> 00:44:53,525 Mr. President. 667 00:44:56,029 --> 00:44:57,496 Mr. President. 668 00:45:00,903 --> 00:45:01,892 Mr. President. 669 00:45:12,686 --> 00:45:16,624 It started last weekend 670 00:45:17,793 --> 00:45:22,459 At the Yale- Howard game 671 00:45:23,101 --> 00:45:26,800 Girl, I saw your beaver flash 672 00:45:26,906 --> 00:45:30,901 I'll never be the same 673 00:45:31,613 --> 00:45:34,276 Oh, no 674 00:45:38,156 --> 00:45:42,356 You gave me a soul kiss 675 00:45:43,096 --> 00:45:46,966 Boy, it sure was grand 676 00:45:48,103 --> 00:45:51,802 You gave me a dry hump 677 00:45:51,976 --> 00:45:56,244 Behind the hotdog stand 678 00:45:56,582 --> 00:45:59,313 Oh, yeah 679 00:46:02,724 --> 00:46:06,787 I used to have pimples 680 00:46:07,664 --> 00:46:11,033 But I made them disappear 681 00:46:12,839 --> 00:46:16,469 He faced life with Face Off 682 00:46:16,577 --> 00:46:21,016 It made his skin so clear 683 00:46:27,326 --> 00:46:30,694 A pimple is simple 684 00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:36,502 If you treat your pimples right 685 00:46:37,307 --> 00:46:40,972 My man uses Face Off 686 00:46:41,079 --> 00:46:45,016 He's really out of sight 687 00:46:45,352 --> 00:46:48,720 And so are his pimples 688 00:47:13,859 --> 00:47:16,624 I just created a skin cream called Face Off. 689 00:47:16,730 --> 00:47:20,292 And I just come up with a whole new concept for the Long lsland Railroad. 690 00:47:20,802 --> 00:47:23,567 - I love you, baby. - I love you. 691 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,805 - I love you, baby. - I love you. 692 00:47:27,278 --> 00:47:30,909 - I love you, baby. - I love you. Did you take your pill? 693 00:47:32,286 --> 00:47:33,776 You'll never know. 694 00:47:39,462 --> 00:47:41,089 Is Mr. Swope in? 695 00:47:41,197 --> 00:47:42,187 Uh-huh. 696 00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:43,928 This is President Mimeo. 697 00:47:50,110 --> 00:47:51,874 - Yeah? - Putney? 698 00:47:53,249 --> 00:47:55,046 - Yeah. - Guess who. 699 00:47:57,387 --> 00:47:59,788 - Marcus Garvey. - Nope. 700 00:48:00,492 --> 00:48:03,223 - Try again. - President Mimeo. 701 00:48:03,530 --> 00:48:06,796 - How did you guess? - I used to be an exterminator. 702 00:48:06,901 --> 00:48:09,736 You might be saying, "I used to have an agency"... 703 00:48:09,839 --> 00:48:12,434 if you don't get moving on the Borman Six. 704 00:48:12,543 --> 00:48:15,138 Why are you so hung up on the Borman Six? 705 00:48:15,246 --> 00:48:16,714 I'm a stockholder. 706 00:48:16,949 --> 00:48:19,544 - Let me sleep on it. - Good night, pal. 707 00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:46,414 Out. 708 00:48:49,094 --> 00:48:50,756 Swope. Mark Focus. 709 00:48:52,333 --> 00:48:53,960 What do you want? 710 00:48:55,604 --> 00:48:58,733 Did that for Hertz, that's Colgate... 711 00:48:59,343 --> 00:49:01,312 - Nabisco-- - I seen enough, Mark. 712 00:49:01,413 --> 00:49:03,678 You're one of the best photographers in the business. 713 00:49:03,783 --> 00:49:05,809 - Thank you. - Take a walk. 714 00:49:14,064 --> 00:49:15,225 Mr. President? 715 00:49:16,133 --> 00:49:17,601 Mark Focus. 716 00:49:22,576 --> 00:49:24,271 I did this for Kennedy. 717 00:49:28,217 --> 00:49:30,083 I did this for Johnson. 718 00:49:33,825 --> 00:49:35,418 I did this for Nixon. 719 00:49:38,799 --> 00:49:40,528 And this was the Agnell Funeral. 720 00:49:41,136 --> 00:49:43,332 Have you a picture of Raquel Welch? 721 00:49:48,113 --> 00:49:50,275 Would you like to join us? 722 00:49:53,153 --> 00:49:54,882 Did you vote for me? 723 00:49:57,191 --> 00:49:58,750 Well, it's okay. 724 00:50:30,740 --> 00:50:33,301 Beach Club Sundae. 725 00:50:33,410 --> 00:50:36,141 Come up with an idea for the Borman Six. 726 00:50:36,848 --> 00:50:40,650 I know nothing about automobiles. 727 00:50:41,521 --> 00:50:44,151 Give me an idea for the Borman Six. 728 00:50:44,726 --> 00:50:48,288 All right, if I ever think of anything... 729 00:50:48,398 --> 00:50:50,128 I'll let you know. 730 00:50:55,876 --> 00:50:57,503 Did you think of something? 731 00:50:58,646 --> 00:51:02,174 - The Borman Six, nitwit. - Listen, Swope... 732 00:51:02,284 --> 00:51:04,947 if you want me to come up with ideas, get me a license. 733 00:51:05,055 --> 00:51:07,685 Take me down to city hall and do what's right. 734 00:51:08,093 --> 00:51:10,255 - Forget it. - You forget it. 735 00:51:28,188 --> 00:51:30,350 Mr. Swope, congratulations. 736 00:51:48,384 --> 00:51:50,580 What about the Borman Six? 737 00:51:51,888 --> 00:51:54,016 Oh, all right. 738 00:51:55,427 --> 00:51:59,388 - What are they going to feature next year? - Defects, pollution, velvet safety belts... 739 00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:01,935 - strobe headlights, fiberglass windshields-- - Okay. 740 00:52:10,682 --> 00:52:13,049 You got to get a young girl with soul. 741 00:52:21,597 --> 00:52:24,294 You better get moving on that freight elevator. 742 00:52:29,810 --> 00:52:32,405 Sonny Williams got picked up in the Bronx Holiday Inn... 743 00:52:32,513 --> 00:52:34,414 with a 13-year-old girl. 744 00:52:36,085 --> 00:52:38,054 At least he's not superstitious. 745 00:52:38,588 --> 00:52:42,754 Your lawyer, who's his lawyer, wants to be the prosecuting attorney. 746 00:52:43,295 --> 00:52:46,425 Get Sonny Williams in here. Now. 747 00:52:57,916 --> 00:53:01,045 Would you like to come over to my house and have some dainties? 748 00:53:01,154 --> 00:53:04,147 - I don't exercise. - Don't put me down. 749 00:53:04,726 --> 00:53:06,922 I can't sleep because of you. 750 00:53:07,630 --> 00:53:10,031 That's why I've got these valises under my eyes. 751 00:53:11,001 --> 00:53:14,700 - I'm in love with you, Myron X. - My name is Rufus. 752 00:53:14,940 --> 00:53:17,842 I don't care what your name is. You're my man. 753 00:53:19,981 --> 00:53:22,143 - I'm not your man. - Yes, you are. 754 00:53:22,251 --> 00:53:24,584 I'm not your man, and I never will be. 755 00:53:25,188 --> 00:53:27,248 I don't care what you say to me. 756 00:53:27,925 --> 00:53:29,951 You're my biggest fantasy. 757 00:53:30,295 --> 00:53:32,526 I dream about you every night. 758 00:53:33,901 --> 00:53:37,269 That's okay. Just don't send me the laundry bill. 759 00:53:54,664 --> 00:53:57,998 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 760 00:53:58,101 --> 00:54:00,366 is got to have soul. 761 00:54:03,109 --> 00:54:06,876 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 762 00:54:07,181 --> 00:54:09,309 is got to have soul. 763 00:54:22,804 --> 00:54:26,366 Putney says the Borman Six girl... 764 00:54:26,475 --> 00:54:29,241 is got to have soul! 765 00:54:32,351 --> 00:54:34,411 Got to have soul! 766 00:54:37,858 --> 00:54:42,024 Putney says the Borman Six girl is... 767 00:54:49,108 --> 00:54:51,270 - Best shit on me. - Yeah. 768 00:54:51,645 --> 00:54:54,274 Excuse me, Mr. Swope, could I speak to you a minute? 769 00:54:54,382 --> 00:54:55,441 Sure. 770 00:55:05,264 --> 00:55:06,630 Mr. Swope... 771 00:55:07,134 --> 00:55:10,434 I do exactly the same job as the other executives. 772 00:55:10,538 --> 00:55:13,064 But I don't make as much money as they do. 773 00:55:13,543 --> 00:55:15,204 I don't think that's right. 774 00:55:16,547 --> 00:55:19,813 If I give you a raise, everybody's gonna want a raise. 775 00:55:19,918 --> 00:55:23,947 And if I give them a raise, they'll still be making more money than you. 776 00:55:24,058 --> 00:55:26,823 And we'll be right back where we started. 777 00:55:33,137 --> 00:55:35,402 I'd never thought of it that way. 778 00:55:35,641 --> 00:55:38,167 And that's why you get less money. 779 00:55:38,612 --> 00:55:40,513 'Cause you don't think. 780 00:55:44,487 --> 00:55:45,818 Thank you. 781 00:55:59,037 --> 00:56:00,767 I believe this. This girl... 782 00:56:00,873 --> 00:56:03,274 she's got to have soul. Don't you believe this? 783 00:56:04,111 --> 00:56:05,977 She's got to have soul. 784 00:56:07,081 --> 00:56:09,984 Putney says she's got to have soul. Right? 785 00:56:10,887 --> 00:56:12,685 See, she's got to have soul. 786 00:56:14,559 --> 00:56:16,858 Putney says she's got to have soul. 787 00:56:21,736 --> 00:56:24,763 Don't you believe she's got to have soul, this girl, huh? 788 00:56:25,641 --> 00:56:27,371 Let's go. Let's go. 789 00:56:52,380 --> 00:56:54,781 You can't eat an air conditioner. 790 00:57:22,923 --> 00:57:25,484 Beautiful, give everyone a $10 raise. 791 00:57:25,627 --> 00:57:27,459 What about the messengers? 792 00:57:37,077 --> 00:57:40,479 They charge an arm and a leg in there, but it's worth it. 793 00:57:53,890 --> 00:57:56,533 - What's that for? - Worth It Life Insurance. 794 00:59:59,322 --> 01:00:01,256 Will the passenger holding... 795 01:00:01,359 --> 01:00:04,761 lucky winning ticket 5- 8- 6... 796 01:00:04,863 --> 01:00:07,958 repeat, 5- 8- 6... 797 01:00:08,267 --> 01:00:13,139 please report to the special lucky prize room, at the rear of the aircraft? 798 01:00:13,609 --> 01:00:15,635 Go Lucky Airlines. 799 01:01:42,970 --> 01:01:45,769 - Who did that? - You did. It was your idea. 800 01:01:45,874 --> 01:01:48,002 Not bad, not bad. 801 01:01:48,511 --> 01:01:50,537 We'll have 1 2 more by sundown. 802 01:01:50,847 --> 01:01:53,248 I want these on the air by tomorrow night. 803 01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:57,713 Putney, in my humble opinion... 804 01:01:57,824 --> 01:02:00,055 these commercials are tasteless. 805 01:02:00,194 --> 01:02:02,595 Putney, Myron X said you were tasteless. 806 01:02:02,697 --> 01:02:05,532 You said we were gonna do things with integrity and style. 807 01:02:05,636 --> 01:02:08,902 What we're doing is worse than anything our predecessors ever done. 808 01:02:09,007 --> 01:02:11,909 Them commercials are literal, and they're disgusting. 809 01:02:12,546 --> 01:02:14,514 And by advocating such filth... 810 01:02:14,614 --> 01:02:17,414 Putney is confusing obscenity with originality. 811 01:02:17,519 --> 01:02:19,818 Let me un-confuse you, baby. 812 01:02:19,923 --> 01:02:22,154 Everybody that was in these commercials, you fired! 813 01:02:22,259 --> 01:02:24,490 Ain't one of them around! And I know you a jive cat... 814 01:02:24,596 --> 01:02:27,225 'cause you done made your last mistake you ever gonna make, mister. 815 01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:29,495 I seen that nonsense you trying to show us here. 816 01:02:29,603 --> 01:02:31,799 You trying to dupe everybody in this joint. 817 01:02:31,906 --> 01:02:35,206 Now, what is this? We done taken the last bit of your nonsense, man. 818 01:02:35,311 --> 01:02:38,646 I'm not gonna take all this crap. Everybody knows you're a jive nigger. 819 01:02:38,749 --> 01:02:40,444 You done pulled all this jive shit. 820 01:02:40,552 --> 01:02:42,520 Your mother had a creative idea when she borne you... 821 01:02:42,621 --> 01:02:44,112 and you had to go and blow that! 822 01:02:44,223 --> 01:02:46,158 Then you gonna come and try to show us all this crap. 823 01:02:46,260 --> 01:02:47,990 A nigger sitting up there eating cornflakes. 824 01:02:48,096 --> 01:02:50,224 Man, you ain't had nothing original since you got here. 825 01:02:50,333 --> 01:02:53,303 You stole the idea about Borman Six. You got it from your wife! 826 01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:56,237 Now you gonna tell me that's a lie? One night, she told me herself. 827 01:02:56,341 --> 01:02:59,608 And that little nephew who gave you that idea for that other thing... 828 01:02:59,713 --> 01:03:00,805 and you got rid of him. 829 01:03:00,914 --> 01:03:02,678 Ain't nobody around who help you in anything. 830 01:03:02,783 --> 01:03:05,446 Everybody either been shut up, cut up, or been put out. 831 01:03:05,554 --> 01:03:07,716 Can't you see this trash this man is trying to sell us? 832 01:03:07,824 --> 01:03:10,794 Look at you in the highwater pants. You jive nigger, look at you... 833 01:03:10,894 --> 01:03:12,556 two-button suit? Now what kind of suit is that? 834 01:03:12,664 --> 01:03:15,190 You're supposed to be a soul brother. Look at this brother's hair. 835 01:03:15,301 --> 01:03:17,896 Everybody's dressed up like pride and dignity. You ain't got none. 836 01:03:18,006 --> 01:03:19,974 Now what kind of godfather... 837 01:03:22,277 --> 01:03:24,405 This company runs because I'm here. 838 01:03:24,514 --> 01:03:26,506 And I'm going to hate you if you don't get right. 839 01:03:26,617 --> 01:03:29,246 And you ain't right, and I hate you. I hate you, you understand? 840 01:03:29,354 --> 01:03:32,519 I hate you because you a jive cat. You ain't got nothing inside! 841 01:03:32,626 --> 01:03:33,752 You got to go. 842 01:03:33,861 --> 01:03:36,387 You got to go or I got to go, and I'm not going. 843 01:03:36,732 --> 01:03:38,893 How do you like that? He ain't got a thing inside him... 844 01:03:39,002 --> 01:03:40,492 he ain't nothing but a shell. 845 01:03:40,604 --> 01:03:43,403 Hey, man, you better let me go! I'm gonna get him! 846 01:03:43,508 --> 01:03:45,136 Shit! Hands off me! 847 01:04:06,316 --> 01:04:07,511 - Cut. - Cut. 848 01:04:26,612 --> 01:04:28,240 What do you think? 849 01:04:31,686 --> 01:04:33,245 Keep the money, Swope. 850 01:04:33,355 --> 01:04:36,848 But don't put it on the air, or I'll be out of business. 851 01:04:37,662 --> 01:04:40,723 - What's wrong with it? - Too much tail-pipe. 852 01:04:41,099 --> 01:04:44,126 Listen, you. You lucky I'm pushing this death trap. 853 01:04:44,237 --> 01:04:46,935 I don't play. Goes on the air tomorrow night. 854 01:05:00,460 --> 01:05:03,397 - What the hell are you doing? - Making a delivery. 855 01:05:03,498 --> 01:05:07,060 You better make it down the stairs, and come back up the freight elevator. 856 01:05:07,170 --> 01:05:10,072 - It's 36 flights. - I don't care what it is. 857 01:05:10,174 --> 01:05:12,838 Why do I have to take the freight elevator? I'm not a package. 858 01:05:12,945 --> 01:05:14,776 Because it's custom. 859 01:05:16,183 --> 01:05:17,344 It's policy. 860 01:05:44,685 --> 01:05:46,278 Love you, Walter. 861 01:05:46,387 --> 01:05:48,720 I love you more than anything else in the world. 862 01:05:49,525 --> 01:05:52,393 - I'll see you later. - I love you, Walter. 863 01:05:54,232 --> 01:05:55,393 I love you too, Mother. 864 01:05:55,501 --> 01:05:58,596 You know you're not supposed to serve food without something on your head. 865 01:05:58,705 --> 01:06:00,469 I don't want your hair in my food. 866 01:06:00,808 --> 01:06:02,868 I told you a hundred times. 867 01:06:03,178 --> 01:06:05,477 - All right. - Get in the kitchen. 868 01:06:13,392 --> 01:06:15,919 Honey, I'm sorry about this sandwich. 869 01:06:16,030 --> 01:06:19,023 That tile man's got the kitchen so stacked high with tiles... 870 01:06:19,134 --> 01:06:20,762 cook can't cook anything. 871 01:06:21,638 --> 01:06:22,832 I'd send the damn tiles back... 872 01:06:22,940 --> 01:06:25,239 but you know we're having a dinner party on Friday. 873 01:06:28,948 --> 01:06:33,853 You see, it's terribly difficult to run such a big house, but then... 874 01:06:34,489 --> 01:06:38,985 I really do think it's important this house is run well. 875 01:06:39,564 --> 01:06:43,695 And I'm not like, washing windows here. I'm sort of... 876 01:06:45,405 --> 01:06:48,934 ...secretary in a very old-fashioned way. 877 01:06:54,384 --> 01:06:56,853 Mr. Swope, do you think that your approach to advertising... 878 01:06:56,955 --> 01:06:59,151 will encourage young people to go into advertising? 879 01:06:59,258 --> 01:07:01,420 - I hope not. - Well, do you conceive your creations... 880 01:07:01,528 --> 01:07:03,156 under the influence of drugs? 881 01:07:03,264 --> 01:07:05,460 Hey, Swope, what do you think of the Panthers? 882 01:07:05,567 --> 01:07:09,004 They look good against the Bulldogs, but they need more depth at quarterback. 883 01:07:09,105 --> 01:07:13,043 Last night between 8:00 and 10:00, only 14% of the usual amount of people... 884 01:07:13,144 --> 01:07:15,579 left the house to buy newspapers and ice cream. 885 01:07:15,681 --> 01:07:18,651 In essence, your commercials were so good that nobody left the house... 886 01:07:18,752 --> 01:07:21,917 to buy anything or burn anything. Would you comment on that? 887 01:07:22,024 --> 01:07:24,789 I think anything I would say would just be redundant. 888 01:07:24,894 --> 01:07:27,329 Mr. Swope, where have you been all these years? 889 01:07:27,431 --> 01:07:28,694 Laying in the cut. 890 01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:31,395 Mr. Putney, did you sleep with your wife before you married her? 891 01:07:31,504 --> 01:07:32,664 Not a wink. 892 01:07:32,772 --> 01:07:35,401 What is your position on the checkerboard of life? 893 01:07:35,510 --> 01:07:38,173 ls it true, do you refuse to advertise war toys, cigarettes... 894 01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:40,215 - and alcoholic beverages? - You said it. 895 01:07:40,317 --> 01:07:42,148 Where did you get the name "Truth and Soul" ? 896 01:07:42,252 --> 01:07:44,084 - In the streets. - Excuse me, Mr. Swopes. 897 01:07:44,188 --> 01:07:46,851 Gourmet magazine says your commercials are tasteless... 898 01:07:46,959 --> 01:07:49,485 and that you should be censored. Now my question is... 899 01:07:49,597 --> 01:07:51,258 in what direction are you heading? 900 01:07:51,365 --> 01:07:53,994 I'm going uptown. Can I give anybody a lift? 901 01:07:54,704 --> 01:07:56,935 Get off of my short, baby! 902 01:08:05,752 --> 01:08:08,382 You little bitch. What are you doing out here? 903 01:08:08,490 --> 01:08:11,654 Get your ass in that house immediately. Go on, move. 904 01:08:12,295 --> 01:08:15,094 What do you think I have you for, anyway? Come on. 905 01:08:15,667 --> 01:08:17,761 Get in here, you motherfucker, get in! 906 01:08:21,942 --> 01:08:24,970 I believe Mr. Swope asked you to use the freight elevator. 907 01:08:25,081 --> 01:08:28,017 - Since when is that your business? - Since right now. 908 01:08:28,218 --> 01:08:32,179 And if I catch you using that elevator again, I'm going to tell Mr. Swope. 909 01:08:54,622 --> 01:08:56,784 - Is that Mr. Swope? - That's him, baby. 910 01:09:00,965 --> 01:09:03,127 - Mr. Swope? - Putney. Putney. 911 01:09:04,336 --> 01:09:05,702 Sonny Williams again. 912 01:09:05,805 --> 01:09:08,331 He was a guest on Dating Game, and when he didn't win... 913 01:09:08,442 --> 01:09:10,502 he stood up and exposed himself again. 914 01:09:10,779 --> 01:09:12,975 CBS went off the air for seven hours. 915 01:09:13,884 --> 01:09:15,977 Bail him out and get him in here. 916 01:09:16,921 --> 01:09:21,792 Mr. Swope, I'm Sister Basilica, and this here is Billy Reilly. 917 01:09:21,895 --> 01:09:24,694 Billy's an orphan, and he wants to be your pal. 918 01:09:25,266 --> 01:09:28,101 Now, if you want to be Billy's pal, all you have to do is... 919 01:09:28,204 --> 01:09:32,403 fill out the necessary papers, and take him out of the settlement once a week. 920 01:09:32,677 --> 01:09:35,670 You know, you can take him out to lunch, or take him for a ride-- 921 01:09:35,781 --> 01:09:39,218 - You're taking me for a ride. - Oh, be a pal. 922 01:09:40,755 --> 01:09:45,194 - Shouldn't you be at school? - Fuck you. And fuck the establishment. 923 01:09:45,295 --> 01:09:47,560 And fuck you people who are trying to make me... 924 01:09:47,665 --> 01:09:49,930 part of the unestablished establishment. 925 01:09:50,035 --> 01:09:53,096 All right. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 11:00. I'll take you to the zoo... 926 01:09:53,206 --> 01:09:54,868 then we'll go to the ball game. 927 01:09:55,275 --> 01:09:57,744 Why don't you just adopt me and get it over with? 928 01:09:57,879 --> 01:09:59,347 Don't push me, pal. 929 01:09:59,448 --> 01:10:02,282 Whatever you decide, don't do it out of guilt. 930 01:10:05,858 --> 01:10:07,382 Bless you. 931 01:10:09,429 --> 01:10:12,126 If this stiff comes through, we have it made. Come on. 932 01:10:15,271 --> 01:10:19,038 Brother, you were voted in here on a jive hummer. 933 01:10:19,276 --> 01:10:23,578 Now how, when, are things gonna happen, man? 934 01:10:23,682 --> 01:10:27,677 Your whole cart has been pimped. When are thing gonna start to change? 935 01:10:27,788 --> 01:10:30,155 Where's the revolution you were talking about? 936 01:10:30,259 --> 01:10:33,424 There ain't nothing happening, there is no revolution... 937 01:10:33,530 --> 01:10:36,022 the way you're running this joint, man. 938 01:10:36,301 --> 01:10:38,236 Now, when is something gonna happen? 939 01:10:38,337 --> 01:10:40,932 When are you going to do it? When and how? What day? 940 01:10:41,041 --> 01:10:45,844 Give me a time, man. Show me how progress is gonna be made. 941 01:10:45,948 --> 01:10:48,281 There ain't no progress the way this is running now. 942 01:10:48,385 --> 01:10:50,047 Putney, this is Sonny Williams. 943 01:10:52,391 --> 01:10:54,883 What do you got to say for yourself, Sonny? 944 01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:06,975 Don't feel bad. It's okay. 945 01:11:20,397 --> 01:11:23,492 Now, there's a man who is doing something. 946 01:11:23,601 --> 01:11:26,867 That is a revolution, man, don't you understand? 947 01:11:26,973 --> 01:11:30,536 When are you gonna start? When are you gonna do something? 948 01:11:39,858 --> 01:11:43,226 Putney, the President of the United States wants to see you in three hours. 949 01:11:43,329 --> 01:11:46,357 He says that he'll meet you halfway so it's all set for Philadelphia. 950 01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:48,460 Mr. Swope? Mark Focus. 951 01:11:51,375 --> 01:11:54,470 I did this for Hertz, that's Colgate... 952 01:11:54,579 --> 01:11:57,344 that's Nabisco, that's lBM. 953 01:11:58,018 --> 01:12:01,250 Did this for Mr. Swope. That's Rockefeller. 954 01:12:02,089 --> 01:12:04,183 - That's Rockefeller. - What are you gonna do for me? 955 01:12:04,292 --> 01:12:05,920 What are you, nuts? 956 01:12:10,535 --> 01:12:12,561 - We made it, Put. - It's phenomenal. 957 01:12:12,671 --> 01:12:15,266 We've thrown a tremendous hump into the cooling industry. 958 01:12:15,375 --> 01:12:19,245 - Who told you to open your mouth? - No one. It just happened. 959 01:12:19,581 --> 01:12:23,542 All right. I created Face Off. I conceived the Borman Six... 960 01:12:23,654 --> 01:12:25,554 and don't forget the mousetrap. 961 01:12:25,656 --> 01:12:28,752 The rest of you people took old ideas, and broken down concepts... 962 01:12:28,861 --> 01:12:31,330 and embellished them with a sense of show business. 963 01:12:31,432 --> 01:12:32,798 Now, that's not enough. 964 01:12:32,901 --> 01:12:36,235 When I see things that ain't fresh, I get butterflies in my ulcer. 965 01:12:36,338 --> 01:12:39,935 So from now on, you got to come up with completely original fantasies. 966 01:12:40,044 --> 01:12:43,606 Stop looking at the tube. Stop reading magazines and newspapers... 967 01:12:43,715 --> 01:12:46,651 - and don't talk to strangers. And don't-- - Mr. Swope? 968 01:12:47,955 --> 01:12:49,753 Get on the freight elevator. 969 01:14:00,425 --> 01:14:03,918 - Get rid of him. - What do want me to do with him? 970 01:14:05,232 --> 01:14:07,258 Get him a gig with the President. 971 01:14:32,338 --> 01:14:35,331 First day on the job and you get to meet President Mimeo. 972 01:14:35,442 --> 01:14:37,070 I'll take him off. 973 01:15:54,421 --> 01:15:56,913 How do you like my demonstrators, Swope? 974 01:15:57,025 --> 01:16:00,484 I put them in front of your building, 'cause you won't advertise cigarettes... 975 01:16:00,596 --> 01:16:02,929 war toys, and alcoholic beverages. 976 01:16:03,033 --> 01:16:04,934 And that's discrimination. 977 01:16:05,236 --> 01:16:08,173 I also hear you flipped over the Borman Six. 978 01:16:08,575 --> 01:16:12,535 Bum trip, Swope. If you keep discriminating against those products... 979 01:16:12,780 --> 01:16:16,513 I'm gonna keep up the demonstration. It's a small world, Swope. 980 01:16:16,886 --> 01:16:18,377 Don't cross me. 981 01:16:21,292 --> 01:16:23,921 - Let's move out. - Say "please." 982 01:16:24,029 --> 01:16:25,588 I said move out! 983 01:16:31,140 --> 01:16:35,078 Back to welfare, Trigger. Okay, move out. 984 01:16:36,648 --> 01:16:38,674 Rent yourself a short, schmuck! 985 01:17:01,416 --> 01:17:02,611 Hing! 986 01:17:02,718 --> 01:17:04,687 My word, "Hing" ! 987 01:17:05,022 --> 01:17:07,583 Maybe Hingleberry or Hingsaurio. 988 01:17:07,759 --> 01:17:11,287 Hing spells nothing, begins nothing possible unto Webster. 989 01:17:11,398 --> 01:17:13,993 It is my very, very own Hing! 990 01:17:14,168 --> 01:17:18,367 Hing in the teeth of the wind, and in the faces of governments and men. 991 01:17:18,541 --> 01:17:19,565 Hing! 992 01:17:19,742 --> 01:17:22,439 Hing uninvited, Hing unexcited... 993 01:17:22,546 --> 01:17:25,015 Hing retiring into his own Hinghood! 994 01:17:25,485 --> 01:17:28,751 I built a wooden Hing once, and fooled no one. 995 01:17:28,856 --> 01:17:31,985 I painted Hing in oils and ran out of canvas. 996 01:17:32,093 --> 01:17:35,155 But I shall follow wherever Hing lead... 997 01:17:35,265 --> 01:17:38,429 till Hing vanish into darkness. 998 01:17:42,709 --> 01:17:44,541 My word, "Hing" ! 999 01:17:44,712 --> 01:17:47,273 - Get everybody into the conference room. - Got it. 1000 01:17:50,286 --> 01:17:51,686 Put that out. 1001 01:17:51,788 --> 01:17:54,519 Lunger cigarettes, Swope, what do you say? 1002 01:17:54,626 --> 01:17:59,531 Daly War Toys. We just came out with a new game called "Cops and Demonstrators." 1003 01:18:00,066 --> 01:18:02,831 Bull Connor Bourbon. You name the price, Swope. 1004 01:18:02,938 --> 01:18:04,963 Lunger cigarettes, Swope, what do you say? 1005 01:18:05,073 --> 01:18:07,372 Ethereal Cereal. You saved me. 1006 01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:23,726 - Fill this up. - Right. 1007 01:18:58,550 --> 01:19:00,451 I want everybody to drop whatever they're doing... 1008 01:19:00,553 --> 01:19:03,421 and start thinking up ideas for Bull Connor Bourbon... 1009 01:19:03,523 --> 01:19:07,723 Lunger cigarettes, and a new game called Cops and Demonstrators. 1010 01:19:07,930 --> 01:19:11,129 I thought you said we wasn't going to advertise that kind of stuff. 1011 01:19:11,235 --> 01:19:15,606 - I changed my mind. - I thought only women changed their mind. 1012 01:19:15,708 --> 01:19:18,542 - The man's copping out. - What did you say? 1013 01:19:18,646 --> 01:19:21,582 - I said you're a cop-out. - Get out of here! 1014 01:19:21,983 --> 01:19:25,352 - And don't come back either. - Shit. 1015 01:19:29,995 --> 01:19:33,762 You're a punk. If you wasn't my brother, I'd kill you. 1016 01:19:35,403 --> 01:19:38,567 I want these campaigns ready by 5:00 sharp. 1017 01:19:38,674 --> 01:19:41,668 - Are you sure you want to do this? - I already done it. 1018 01:19:42,746 --> 01:19:46,650 What do you really want to do? Advertise garbage or do what's right? 1019 01:19:47,753 --> 01:19:48,846 Both. 1020 01:19:57,500 --> 01:19:58,934 The man's a genius. 1021 01:19:59,036 --> 01:20:01,699 Good people. I tested them but they did not cop. 1022 01:20:01,807 --> 01:20:04,937 - You mean that whole scene was a put-on? - That's right. 1023 01:20:12,923 --> 01:20:15,290 There's $8 million and change here. 1024 01:20:15,626 --> 01:20:17,925 Figure what's left and divide it up equally. 1025 01:20:18,030 --> 01:20:20,363 Forget the messengers and forget the Arab. 1026 01:20:20,467 --> 01:20:22,561 Beautiful, baby, beautiful! 1027 01:20:23,605 --> 01:20:26,939 Putney, if you want to push cigarettes and booze... 1028 01:20:27,043 --> 01:20:29,069 - it's all right with me. - That's right. 1029 01:20:29,179 --> 01:20:33,880 Putney, I don't care what you advertise, as long as I get my raise. 1030 01:20:34,386 --> 01:20:38,950 Brother, if you want to advertise crap, that's your prerogative. 1031 01:20:39,694 --> 01:20:42,187 - You're my man. - That's right. 1032 01:20:43,199 --> 01:20:44,667 I'm with you, Put. 1033 01:20:44,769 --> 01:20:46,931 Whatever the hell you wanna do, I'm with you. 1034 01:20:47,038 --> 01:20:50,065 You're a genius, Putney. Do your thing. 1035 01:21:24,057 --> 01:21:27,586 Putney, I hear you're splitting up the money equally. 1036 01:21:27,696 --> 01:21:30,666 - That's good. - How did you find out? 1037 01:21:30,767 --> 01:21:33,066 - The drum. - The drum should have told you... 1038 01:21:33,170 --> 01:21:36,733 - you ain't getting a penny. - If I don't get my piece by sundown... 1039 01:21:36,843 --> 01:21:38,471 your ass is mine. 1040 01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:57,530 Hey! Do you have my bread, brother? 1041 01:21:57,839 --> 01:22:00,536 The man says you gets nothing, Arab. 1042 01:22:00,643 --> 01:22:03,442 What? Man, you better get your story straight. 1043 01:22:03,547 --> 01:22:07,815 What you talking about? The drum says equal shares for everybody. 1044 01:22:07,920 --> 01:22:09,616 And everybody means me. 1045 01:22:09,723 --> 01:22:12,955 Don't you understand, mister? So come out your dream world... 1046 01:22:13,060 --> 01:22:16,554 and get your story straight, man. Before I get hot here... 1047 01:22:16,666 --> 01:22:19,033 and I have to tell my cousin Sirhan Saran Wrap. 1048 01:22:19,136 --> 01:22:21,298 The man says you gets nothing. 1049 01:22:23,342 --> 01:22:24,969 You gets nothing. 1050 01:22:29,885 --> 01:22:32,046 The man say I get nothing. 1051 01:22:32,555 --> 01:22:35,218 Then I gets nothing. 1052 01:22:37,930 --> 01:22:40,365 - You got a light? - Right. 84043

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