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1
00:00:03,494 --> 00:00:04,537
Ooh!
2
00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,591
Getting a jump
on the Halloween decorations?
3
00:00:06,679 --> 00:00:08,367
The 'ween dec.
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,639
Never. This is from
the window display of my novel,
5
00:00:11,727 --> 00:00:13,376
"A Case of
a Knife to the Brain."
6
00:00:13,463 --> 00:00:14,604
Mm.
7
00:00:14,721 --> 00:00:17,823
You know, we never did do
that book tour across America.
8
00:00:17,971 --> 00:00:20,128
We should do a road trip
when Eddie gets back.
9
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,284
We haven't done one
since we moved down here.
10
00:00:22,372 --> 00:00:23,753
♪ I saw the sign ♪
11
00:00:23,966 --> 00:00:27,534
♪ And it opened up my eyes,
I saw the sign ♪
12
00:00:27,622 --> 00:00:29,362
I'm fine if that was
the last one.
13
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:30,853
Hey!
14
00:00:30,940 --> 00:00:32,950
Eddie sent us
an e-mail from Taiwan!
15
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,024
From an Internet café.
16
00:00:35,111 --> 00:00:37,160
Oh, man, those babies
are the future.
17
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,557
I bet 10 years from now,
18
00:00:38,645 --> 00:00:40,457
there's two of them
for every Blockbuster.
19
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:42,365
Print the e-mail
so we can read it.
20
00:00:46,403 --> 00:00:47,972
Here it comes.
21
00:00:52,098 --> 00:00:54,043
"What up, other Huangs.
22
00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:56,489
Taiwan is do-ope.
23
00:00:56,715 --> 00:00:58,768
All the unique
customs..."
24
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,545
"...the Qing dynasty
architecture..."
25
00:01:04,874 --> 00:01:06,397
"...enchanting."
26
00:01:06,498 --> 00:01:09,399
"And don't worry. I'm playing
things safe and smart."
27
00:01:09,487 --> 00:01:10,597
I got this, chief.
28
00:01:16,624 --> 00:01:18,873
Unh! Ugh!
29
00:01:19,089 --> 00:01:20,092
Uggh!
30
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,571
"See you in a few weeks.
Peace out."
31
00:01:22,660 --> 00:01:25,459
And then he drew a skull
out of commas and semicolons.
32
00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:26,775
It's quite good.
33
00:01:26,862 --> 00:01:28,374
Eddie's really getting
our money's worth
34
00:01:28,461 --> 00:01:29,584
out of cultural exchange.
35
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,061
I can't wait
till I get to go.
36
00:01:31,149 --> 00:01:32,948
He had me at
"Qing dynasty architecture."
37
00:01:33,078 --> 00:01:34,617
I'm gonna go hit
the Brittanicas.
38
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,789
We raised some good kids.
39
00:01:38,877 --> 00:01:40,030
We have.
40
00:01:40,118 --> 00:01:42,225
Captions by VITAC...
Sync corrections by srjanapala
41
00:01:42,312 --> 00:01:43,344
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
42
00:01:43,432 --> 00:01:45,194
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
43
00:01:45,282 --> 00:01:47,330
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
44
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:48,597
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
45
00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:50,735
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
46
00:01:50,823 --> 00:01:52,238
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
47
00:01:52,365 --> 00:01:53,836
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
*FRESH OFF THE BOAT*
48
00:01:53,924 --> 00:01:55,446
Season 05 Episode 22
Episode Title: "No Apology Necessary"
49
00:01:58,737 --> 00:02:00,776
Hey, Emery.
What's wrong?
50
00:02:00,864 --> 00:02:03,248
Too many girlfriends?
They love him.
51
00:02:03,336 --> 00:02:05,953
I got reprimanded at school
for academic dishonesty.
52
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:06,926
What?!
53
00:02:07,014 --> 00:02:08,217
Remember that video essay
54
00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:10,235
I did with Grandma
for Social Studies?
55
00:02:10,323 --> 00:02:13,039
Well, her language
was a little salty,
56
00:02:13,243 --> 00:02:14,539
so I had to do some editing.
57
00:02:14,627 --> 00:02:18,709
My first boyfriend was
a bricklayer from Malaysia.
58
00:02:18,797 --> 00:02:20,929
He's got strong thighs,
59
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:24,133
and then we used to stay up
all night long...
60
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,968
Cross-country skiing.
61
00:02:31,032 --> 00:02:32,094
I got caught,
62
00:02:32,203 --> 00:02:34,710
and Principal Hunter's
making me redo the project.
63
00:02:34,797 --> 00:02:35,881
I'm sorry
I got in trouble.
64
00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:37,446
Don't apologize!
65
00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,076
It's Grandma's fault.
66
00:02:39,164 --> 00:02:41,047
When you're near the end,
anything goes.
67
00:02:43,273 --> 00:02:45,188
You know,
if this is "trouble,"
68
00:02:45,289 --> 00:02:47,113
we've raised
some pretty good kids.
69
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:48,844
You know what?
We really have.
70
00:02:49,025 --> 00:02:50,289
Even Eddie.
71
00:02:50,407 --> 00:02:51,860
I thought
he was our throwaway,
72
00:02:51,947 --> 00:02:53,229
but he's really matured.
73
00:02:54,384 --> 00:02:56,952
See, the key
is to lick your palms.
74
00:02:58,864 --> 00:03:00,344
Quick pit stop for gas,
75
00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:02,186
then we hit the street market
for lunch.
76
00:03:02,274 --> 00:03:04,397
Hey, Wendy's!
Let's go there for lunch.
77
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,142
We're not eating
American garbage food.
78
00:03:12,268 --> 00:03:14,758
I'm getting
that cheeseburger.
79
00:03:19,942 --> 00:03:22,825
What is it
with the vehicles here?
80
00:03:26,883 --> 00:03:29,598
Just giving myself
a celebratory blow.
81
00:03:29,685 --> 00:03:31,600
Because...
82
00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:33,703
I got Emery
out of trouble.
83
00:03:33,844 --> 00:03:34,873
You faked his death.
84
00:03:34,961 --> 00:03:36,147
Nope,
we made a video of him
85
00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:37,773
saying "sorry"
in several languages.
86
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:39,608
We even threw in one
as Sean Connery.
87
00:03:39,766 --> 00:03:41,156
"Shorry."
88
00:03:41,703 --> 00:03:42,875
It's your favorite word.
89
00:03:42,963 --> 00:03:43,991
"Chimichanga"?
90
00:03:44,078 --> 00:03:46,680
No, "sorry."
You say it all the time.
91
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:47,932
I do?
92
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,828
Sorry.
93
00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:52,618
Watch...
Oh! Uh...
94
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:54,128
Sorry! Sorry!
95
00:03:54,677 --> 00:03:56,091
Ooh!
Oh! Oh!
96
00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:58,021
Uh, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry. Sorry.
97
00:03:58,109 --> 00:04:00,539
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
98
00:04:01,706 --> 00:04:03,187
Okay,
maybe I say it a lot,
99
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:05,200
but only to avoid
senseless conflict.
100
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,936
It cheapens the word
if you say it all the time.
101
00:04:08,023 --> 00:04:09,208
You're a "sorry" slut.
102
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,707
Well, at least I say it.
103
00:04:11,794 --> 00:04:13,242
You should only apologize
104
00:04:13,329 --> 00:04:14,858
when you've actually
done something wrong.
105
00:04:14,945 --> 00:04:16,612
But you never apologize.
106
00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:18,541
Bingo.
107
00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:22,718
Thanks again
for babysitting Maria.
108
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,203
Of course.
109
00:04:25,077 --> 00:04:26,773
Now,
where is the child?
110
00:04:28,119 --> 00:04:29,634
Ah. Yes.
111
00:04:29,812 --> 00:04:31,827
Jessica was right.
112
00:04:31,914 --> 00:04:32,995
- He's perfect.
- Yeah.
113
00:04:33,082 --> 00:04:34,663
- Come on, Honey. Let's go.
- Oh.
114
00:04:35,745 --> 00:04:37,693
Now, any governess
worth her frock
115
00:04:37,781 --> 00:04:39,164
comes prepared
with the proper tools.
116
00:04:41,476 --> 00:04:44,843
Music prepares the infant mind
for mathematics.
117
00:04:45,039 --> 00:04:47,232
Problem-solving begins
in the uterus.
118
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,023
Best we catch up, then.
119
00:04:49,364 --> 00:04:52,976
To know ourselves,
we must first know the beasts.
120
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:58,278
Now, Maria, sometimes a child
needs encouragement to eat.
121
00:04:58,537 --> 00:05:02,052
♪ You are six months,
going on seven months ♪
122
00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:04,468
♪ Baby, it's time to ea... ♪
123
00:05:09,452 --> 00:05:11,013
The citywide traffic jam began
124
00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,301
when American exchange student
Eddie Huang
125
00:05:13,389 --> 00:05:14,941
crashed the bus
into a restaurant
126
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:16,081
for a cheeseburger.
127
00:05:16,169 --> 00:05:17,706
Yo, I didn't crash.
128
00:05:17,793 --> 00:05:19,308
I got stuck.
Big difference.
129
00:05:19,395 --> 00:05:21,644
And I never got
the cheeseburger.
130
00:05:21,731 --> 00:05:22,811
So you're not sorry
131
00:05:22,898 --> 00:05:25,638
you completely shut down
Xinyi District?
132
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,808
It's not my fault the
clearance height was in meters.
133
00:05:27,896 --> 00:05:29,964
I can't be driving
and doing all kinds of math.
134
00:05:30,052 --> 00:05:31,058
It's not safe!
135
00:05:31,146 --> 00:05:32,821
Chimichanga.
136
00:05:32,997 --> 00:05:34,956
Y'all should look into
using feet and miles.
137
00:05:35,091 --> 00:05:36,725
Way less confusing.
138
00:05:36,997 --> 00:05:39,261
So, does this count
as "doing something wrong"?
139
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,219
Hey! Oh!
140
00:05:56,131 --> 00:05:58,809
Taiwan, an entire island,
kicked you out!
141
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:02,418
Yes, but I didn't get
kicked out empty-handed.
142
00:06:02,505 --> 00:06:04,052
I got you all gifts!
143
00:06:04,139 --> 00:06:05,427
Oh. They were stolen.
144
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:07,831
But there is a crab backpack
in here for Dad.
145
00:06:07,919 --> 00:06:09,257
This isn't funny,
Eddie.
146
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:10,690
The cultural exchange
program
147
00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:12,487
said they won't
take your brothers now.
148
00:06:12,575 --> 00:06:14,380
Zàijin, Yale!
149
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:17,590
That means "Goodbye, Yale"
in Mandarin...
150
00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:20,268
The language that you've been
immersed in for over a month!
151
00:06:20,482 --> 00:06:22,571
You know, I feel like we're only
focusing on the negative here.
152
00:06:22,658 --> 00:06:23,747
Positive?
153
00:06:23,835 --> 00:06:24,939
Your boy's home early!
154
00:06:25,027 --> 00:06:26,607
I'm gonna surprise the crap
out of Tina.
155
00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:28,778
No!
No Tina crap surprises.
156
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:31,646
You are grounded...
For the rest of your life!
157
00:06:31,734 --> 00:06:33,350
And for whatever comes
after that!
158
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:36,358
You come back as a mushroom,
that mushroom is grounded, too.
159
00:06:36,539 --> 00:06:37,769
How would you
enforce that?
160
00:06:37,857 --> 00:06:38,964
Not now, Emery!
161
00:06:39,052 --> 00:06:40,489
I had
the same question.
162
00:06:40,577 --> 00:06:41,364
Mm.
163
00:06:41,452 --> 00:06:43,560
I thought you had matured,
Eddie.
164
00:06:43,648 --> 00:06:45,355
You got
your driver's license.
165
00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:46,901
You were acting
more responsible.
166
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:48,193
But you tricked me!
167
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,318
We wanted to raise
good kids,
168
00:06:50,427 --> 00:06:53,099
kids who would make a difference
and stand up for something
169
00:06:53,187 --> 00:06:56,204
and maybe have enough money to
send us to Hawaii twice a year.
170
00:06:56,599 --> 00:06:59,528
But instead,
we raised a cheese-burglar.
171
00:06:59,638 --> 00:07:00,700
Wait, Mom.
172
00:07:00,864 --> 00:07:01,722
I know how you feel about
173
00:07:01,810 --> 00:07:03,497
standing up for something,
and...
174
00:07:03,705 --> 00:07:05,387
- I was.
- What?
175
00:07:05,475 --> 00:07:06,556
Really, I swear I was!
176
00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:09,669
See, what happened was...
177
00:07:10,135 --> 00:07:11,408
Cheeseburger.
178
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,177
We're not eating
American garbage food.
179
00:07:14,896 --> 00:07:16,112
You guys are soft.
180
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,599
Hey! I'm not soft!
181
00:07:17,939 --> 00:07:19,454
And neither are
my parents,
182
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,996
especially my beautiful
and ageless mother.
183
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:24,733
Yeah, well, uh,
your parents are fools,
184
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,167
and so is your country.
185
00:07:26,255 --> 00:07:27,269
Boom!
186
00:07:28,513 --> 00:07:31,630
I'm not gonna let you disrespect
my parents or my homeland.
187
00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,145
Are we gonna let him insult
188
00:07:33,232 --> 00:07:34,777
our brilliant mothers
and native soil?
189
00:07:34,864 --> 00:07:36,579
And let him deny us
cheeseburgers?
190
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:37,589
No! No!
No! No!
191
00:07:37,677 --> 00:07:39,044
No, we are not.
192
00:07:39,132 --> 00:07:40,255
USA!
193
00:07:40,369 --> 00:07:41,399
USA!
194
00:07:41,487 --> 00:07:42,619
USA!
195
00:07:42,707 --> 00:07:43,855
USA!
196
00:07:43,943 --> 00:07:45,097
USA!
197
00:07:45,185 --> 00:07:46,254
USA!
198
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,490
USA!
199
00:07:47,577 --> 00:07:49,487
USA! USA!
200
00:07:49,575 --> 00:07:52,427
It was like that movie
"Braveheart," minus the skirts.
201
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,363
No matter what, you can't
just take a bus on a joyride.
202
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:56,599
You're not a kid
anymore,
203
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,708
and you can't make waves
in a different country.
204
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:00,911
No, Eddie was right.
205
00:08:01,762 --> 00:08:03,294
- He was?
- I was?
206
00:08:03,392 --> 00:08:05,716
You stood up for yourself,
like you should have.
207
00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:07,372
Eternity grounding lifted.
208
00:08:07,583 --> 00:08:10,458
Yes! You heard her!
She said it! No take-backs!
209
00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:18,341
Ooh!
210
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,341
Evan likey.
211
00:08:21,443 --> 00:08:23,956
So, if Eddie makes a formal
apology, then you'll let
212
00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:26,214
our other sons participate
in cultural exchange?
213
00:08:26,302 --> 00:08:28,063
No apology necessary.
Bye-bye!
214
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,733
Jessica! I was making a deal
with the exchange program.
215
00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:33,802
If Eddie just apologizes,
the boys can go to Taiwan.
216
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:36,911
So you want him to just
roll over and play dead like...
217
00:08:37,027 --> 00:08:39,943
some kind of animal
that rolls over and plays dead?
218
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:42,068
This just isn't worth it,
Jessica.
219
00:08:42,528 --> 00:08:44,647
Look, I get
the instinct to fight.
220
00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:48,021
When I first moved here, I never
backed down from anything.
221
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:52,183
Whoa. Relax there,
fresh-off-the-boat.
222
00:08:52,271 --> 00:08:53,513
I was here first.
223
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:56,862
Okay, here's
what's gonna happen.
224
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,308
I'm going to
punch your throat,
225
00:08:58,396 --> 00:09:00,020
then kick your throat,
then chop your throat,
226
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,599
and that's just
your throat.
227
00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:03,958
You never told me
that story.
228
00:09:04,046 --> 00:09:05,733
Yeah, because
he beat the hell out of me.
229
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:08,236
That's why my jaw clicks
whenever I eat a Tootsie Roll.
230
00:09:08,323 --> 00:09:10,042
Still, it was good
that I lost.
231
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,757
I'm not sure
you understand fights.
232
00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:14,347
I realized
you have to pick your battles.
233
00:09:14,435 --> 00:09:15,944
You want to fight
every injustice,
234
00:09:16,031 --> 00:09:17,349
especially
as a new immigrant,
235
00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,853
but some dumb comment
in a grocery store
236
00:09:19,969 --> 00:09:21,917
wasn't worth it,
and neither is this.
237
00:09:22,004 --> 00:09:24,186
Eddie made a mistake.
He should apologize.
238
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:27,224
Well, that's just not how
I want to raise our boys.
239
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,177
If they feel like
they've been wronged,
240
00:09:29,265 --> 00:09:31,308
they should fight...
Every time.
241
00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:37,874
Peek-a-boo!
242
00:09:39,943 --> 00:09:41,136
Peek-a-boo!
243
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:44,106
Peek-a-boo!
Peek-a-boo!
244
00:09:45,549 --> 00:09:48,620
Will you just take
the flippin' bottle?!
245
00:09:50,528 --> 00:09:52,126
Aha!
246
00:09:53,768 --> 00:09:55,850
Guess we'll do this
the hard way.
247
00:09:57,274 --> 00:09:59,541
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbb!
248
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:09,259
Permission
to come aboard.
249
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:11,124
- Hey!
- Hey.
250
00:10:11,212 --> 00:10:12,768
- I hope we're not interrupting.
- Mm.
251
00:10:12,855 --> 00:10:15,170
We just wanted to talk
about Evan's babysitting.
252
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:16,805
He's been a little...
253
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:18,157
Harsh.
254
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,540
- Harsh?
- Harsh?
255
00:10:24,501 --> 00:10:26,114
There's a camera
inside the bear.
256
00:10:26,201 --> 00:10:27,783
Uhh... what?
257
00:10:27,985 --> 00:10:30,919
Peek-a-boo! There's one in
the moose at the country club,
258
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:32,688
so be sure to keep
your limericks clean.
259
00:10:36,779 --> 00:10:38,661
If you don't drink
your milk,
260
00:10:38,748 --> 00:10:40,629
this is
what's gonna happen.
261
00:10:42,617 --> 00:10:43,666
Evan!
262
00:10:45,357 --> 00:10:47,933
We'll handle this.
I'm really sorry, guys.
263
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,699
They just wanted
to tell us, Louis.
264
00:10:49,787 --> 00:10:51,183
They didn't come
for an apology.
265
00:10:51,271 --> 00:10:53,642
I mean, it wouldn't be the
craziest thing in the world...
266
00:10:53,729 --> 00:10:55,010
Uh, let's go, Honey.
Come on. Okay.
267
00:10:58,849 --> 00:10:59,814
What was that?!
268
00:10:59,902 --> 00:11:02,230
Okay, I didn't
actually spank her.
269
00:11:02,318 --> 00:11:04,519
I was simply suggesting
an alternative outcome
270
00:11:04,607 --> 00:11:06,263
if she refused
the bottle.
271
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,324
Look, this isn't gonna be
popular, what I'm about to say,
272
00:11:09,411 --> 00:11:10,966
but here it comes...
273
00:11:11,146 --> 00:11:12,534
She a bitch.
274
00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,496
Evan,
that's my goddaughter!
275
00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:16,560
Hey, I'm just
standing up for myself.
276
00:11:16,648 --> 00:11:17,659
Like Eddie!
277
00:11:19,117 --> 00:11:21,607
Chimichanga!
This house is out of control!
278
00:11:21,708 --> 00:11:24,888
Now your "no apology" philosophy
has corrupted Evan, too!
279
00:11:29,131 --> 00:11:30,522
Ma, please tell me
280
00:11:30,631 --> 00:11:32,162
this meeting's to announce
a new phone number.
281
00:11:32,249 --> 00:11:33,334
I can't hit up Tina
282
00:11:33,422 --> 00:11:35,582
because that Taiwanese reporter
won't stop calling.
283
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:38,381
And I had to
unplug my phone.
284
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,010
I wanted to announce that
I spoke to the exchange program,
285
00:11:42,253 --> 00:11:45,051
and the boys
can now participate!
286
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:47,006
Yes! This is why you lead us.
287
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:50,590
I realized that sometimes
you do have to compromise
288
00:11:50,678 --> 00:11:51,848
for the good of others.
289
00:11:51,936 --> 00:11:53,401
So Eddie's
going to apologize.
290
00:11:53,597 --> 00:11:56,084
Good God, no.
I made a deal.
291
00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:57,172
Lei?
292
00:11:58,949 --> 00:12:01,729
Boys,
meet your new sister.
293
00:12:02,573 --> 00:12:04,894
Greetings, host family.
294
00:12:09,266 --> 00:12:10,881
Isn't this exciting?!
295
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:13,417
Lei's host family
in Minnesota fell through
296
00:12:13,505 --> 00:12:15,417
because they got lost
in that big mall,
297
00:12:15,505 --> 00:12:16,854
so now she's ours.
298
00:12:16,942 --> 00:12:19,126
Girl,
fetch me a Zima.
299
00:12:19,214 --> 00:12:21,463
Jenny,
she's not our servant.
300
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:22,589
Ohh.
301
00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,792
She's part of the family
for the next year.
302
00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:26,768
Boys,
show Lei to her room.
303
00:12:26,856 --> 00:12:27,696
Where's her room?
304
00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,235
Your room.
The hell?!
305
00:12:30,497 --> 00:12:31,931
You can move in
with your brothers.
306
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,464
- The hell?!
- The hell?!
307
00:12:34,783 --> 00:12:35,979
Come on, Lei.
308
00:12:36,112 --> 00:12:38,149
FYI, the nightstand
is off-limits...
309
00:12:38,237 --> 00:12:39,114
For your own safety.
310
00:12:39,263 --> 00:12:41,472
Do you know
the Backstreet Boys?
311
00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:44,085
Now, don't get me wrong.
312
00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:45,387
I am already
starting to plan
313
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,323
some father/exchange-daughter
activities,
314
00:12:47,411 --> 00:12:50,239
but wouldn't it just be easier
if Eddie apologizes?
315
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:51,960
You wanted the boys
back in the program,
316
00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:53,495
so I took care of it.
317
00:12:53,582 --> 00:12:55,330
You won't even know
she's here.
318
00:12:57,303 --> 00:13:00,329
♪ That girl is poison ♪
319
00:13:01,723 --> 00:13:02,637
Hi.
320
00:13:04,393 --> 00:13:05,841
♪ Never trust a big butt
and a smile ♪
321
00:13:05,928 --> 00:13:08,977
♪ That girl is poison ♪
322
00:13:09,064 --> 00:13:10,979
♪ Poison ♪
323
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:11,780
♪ Poison ♪
324
00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:18,954
♪ Poison ♪
325
00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:19,864
♪ Poison ♪
326
00:13:21,243 --> 00:13:22,190
♪ Poison ♪
327
00:13:22,277 --> 00:13:24,497
I'm baking the family
a cake!
328
00:13:24,585 --> 00:13:25,660
Yum!
329
00:13:25,747 --> 00:13:28,096
♪ Poison ♪
330
00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:33,701
♪ Poison, poison, poison
331
00:13:33,788 --> 00:13:34,970
Hello?
332
00:13:35,057 --> 00:13:37,893
Yes, this is
Cheeseburger Boy's family.
333
00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:40,943
Eddie, why can't you
make your bed?
334
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,792
This is our fire lane.
It's got to stay clear.
335
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,704
If I roll it up,
it won't dry.
336
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,595
Why is it wet
in the first place?
337
00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:48,817
Because of
my sleep soda.
338
00:13:48,904 --> 00:13:50,729
One of you turds
kicked it over last night.
339
00:13:50,824 --> 00:13:53,081
And why does Lei
get her own room?
340
00:13:53,242 --> 00:13:55,858
Do I get one if I pick up
an instrument twice my size?
341
00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:57,459
Because I can go harp.
342
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,995
I can go harp lickety-split
like a crazy man!
343
00:14:00,082 --> 00:14:02,159
Dude, Evan's
really freaking out.
344
00:14:02,844 --> 00:14:05,157
Not so fun when someone
newer and cuter shows up.
345
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,568
Welcome to irrelevance.
346
00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:08,536
Population...
Nobody's counting.
347
00:14:08,675 --> 00:14:10,638
That's it!
348
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,862
That's why
Maria's in such a bad mood.
349
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:17,643
Honey's new baby
is Maria's Lei.
350
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,136
Just nod along.
351
00:14:22,304 --> 00:14:23,897
Hey, hey. Hi.
352
00:14:24,581 --> 00:14:25,884
How are we doing
with Lei?
353
00:14:25,972 --> 00:14:27,587
Not great, Pops.
354
00:14:27,675 --> 00:14:29,024
Yeah, this is a mess.
355
00:14:29,111 --> 00:14:30,725
All she does is shower
and bake cakes.
356
00:14:30,812 --> 00:14:31,893
I gained 10 pounds.
357
00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:33,195
10 dirty pounds.
358
00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:35,046
Shh! It's Lei!
Act natural!
359
00:14:38,423 --> 00:14:40,321
Hey, Evan, do you still have
your Beanie Babies?
360
00:14:40,409 --> 00:14:42,493
Lei wants to know
about American toys.
361
00:14:43,142 --> 00:14:44,376
No.
362
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:47,045
Jessica, we need to talk about Lei.
Close the door, please.
363
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:50,436
No. Louis, quit complaining
about your host daughter!
364
00:14:50,524 --> 00:14:52,114
She's a sweet girl!
365
00:14:52,201 --> 00:14:53,348
She showers regularly,
366
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,298
she knows her way
around a cake tin,
367
00:14:55,386 --> 00:14:57,701
and I haven't heard a peep
from her all week.
368
00:14:58,016 --> 00:14:59,721
Lei is on TV!
369
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:06,518
Damn it, Eddie!
370
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,855
This is why we keep
the fire lane clear!
371
00:15:19,861 --> 00:15:22,564
See? They turn everyone
into a villain.
372
00:15:28,117 --> 00:15:31,251
Nobody asked you
to make delicious cakes!
373
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:41,846
You left before Lei told Taiwan
I'm vain about my hair!
374
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:43,196
What a liar, right?
375
00:15:43,298 --> 00:15:44,175
I know.
376
00:15:44,263 --> 00:15:45,633
Taiwan sent us a dud.
377
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,135
Maybe I can trade her in.
378
00:15:47,222 --> 00:15:48,622
They did mention
a set of twins.
379
00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:50,504
She's not a dud,
Jessica.
380
00:15:50,592 --> 00:15:52,774
And her German chocolate
is wunderbar.
381
00:15:52,974 --> 00:15:55,503
The problem is,
you upended this whole family
382
00:15:55,591 --> 00:15:58,052
all because
you refuse to apologize.
383
00:15:58,867 --> 00:16:00,482
You're right.
384
00:16:00,684 --> 00:16:03,224
Her German chocolate
is excellent.
385
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:05,988
But her buttercream is
a little bit "grocery store."
386
00:16:06,075 --> 00:16:07,289
Jessica!
387
00:16:07,376 --> 00:16:09,589
Eddie stole a bus
to eat a cheeseburger.
388
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,911
You know he wasn't really
standing up for something.
389
00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:14,639
Fine!
I knew he was lying.
390
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,300
Maybe I was just looking
for an excuse to save him.
391
00:16:17,388 --> 00:16:18,800
Save him from what?
392
00:16:19,138 --> 00:16:21,036
When I first moved
to this country,
393
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:23,636
I didn't know the language
or the culture.
394
00:16:23,724 --> 00:16:25,520
I would
shrink my shoulders,
395
00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:28,610
put my head down,
and try to be invisible.
396
00:16:28,747 --> 00:16:30,212
The immigrant shrivel.
397
00:16:30,536 --> 00:16:32,872
A model minority.
398
00:16:33,418 --> 00:16:35,723
I didn't want
to cause any trouble,
399
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,364
so I apologized
all the time,
400
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,942
even when I wasn't wrong,
like you do.
401
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:44,104
Until one day,
back when I was teaching,
402
00:16:44,192 --> 00:16:46,168
I gave this kid an F.
403
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,370
He got upset,
404
00:16:47,458 --> 00:16:49,663
and he told his parents
that I shouted at him,
405
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,199
which I didn't do,
406
00:16:51,286 --> 00:16:54,051
but instead of
standing up for myself,
407
00:16:54,456 --> 00:16:55,903
I agreed to apologize.
408
00:16:55,991 --> 00:16:59,332
I'm very sorry
for what happened with Steven.
409
00:16:59,551 --> 00:17:01,840
Please accept
my apology.
410
00:17:02,036 --> 00:17:03,512
Thank you.
411
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,081
You're still gonna
fire her, right?
412
00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:09,106
We'd hate to have to tell
the school board about this.
413
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,200
Uh...
414
00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:11,369
Yes.
415
00:17:11,457 --> 00:17:13,948
I suppose that is
the only appropriate move.
416
00:17:14,036 --> 00:17:15,057
What?
417
00:17:15,144 --> 00:17:16,091
You understand, Jessica.
418
00:17:16,178 --> 00:17:18,036
It's just easier
this way.
419
00:17:18,482 --> 00:17:20,927
I did everything
they wanted me to,
420
00:17:21,015 --> 00:17:22,651
but I still lost my job.
421
00:17:22,739 --> 00:17:25,598
I felt
so powerless and weak.
422
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,582
I don't want the boys
to ever feel that.
423
00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:32,418
Eddie being alone
in a new country,
424
00:17:32,543 --> 00:17:35,395
like we were,
brought all that back.
425
00:17:35,895 --> 00:17:39,082
And in two years, he's gonna be
out on his own for good.
426
00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:41,317
Jessica...
427
00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:44,119
we have great kids.
428
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:46,254
And they have the strongest
mother in the world.
429
00:17:46,426 --> 00:17:47,689
I am strong.
430
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,757
But even great kids
make mistakes.
431
00:17:49,844 --> 00:17:51,879
Eddie owning that
won't make him weak.
432
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:55,151
Saying sorry is one of
the hardest things you ever do.
433
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:59,372
If the boys learn to do that,
it'll only make them stronger.
434
00:18:05,194 --> 00:18:06,708
Thanks for having me over.
435
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,310
There's something
I need to say to Maria.
436
00:18:09,311 --> 00:18:11,200
That's so sweet.
437
00:18:11,301 --> 00:18:13,148
Maria, I forgive you.
438
00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,216
Huh?
439
00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:15,583
I thought you hated me
because you had
440
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,455
all the compassion
of a bag of sand.
441
00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:19,487
But then I realized
it's not about me.
442
00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:22,090
You were just upset a new baby's
gonna take your place,
443
00:18:22,178 --> 00:18:24,192
but nobody
could ever do that.
444
00:18:26,348 --> 00:18:28,230
There's that smile!
445
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,231
But she's
not smiling...
446
00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:30,567
No,
let him have this.
447
00:18:30,661 --> 00:18:32,684
He's working through
something.
448
00:18:38,227 --> 00:18:39,848
After Eddie apologizes,
449
00:18:39,936 --> 00:18:42,364
your other sons
can participate in the program,
450
00:18:42,452 --> 00:18:44,252
and Lei will go
to another home.
451
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:46,551
Close to
a Planet Hollywood?
452
00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,247
Just to be clear...
453
00:18:48,398 --> 00:18:50,557
If you had actually
been standing up for yourself,
454
00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:52,086
I would never
let you do this.
455
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,221
You knew I was lying?
456
00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:55,096
I always know
when you're lying.
457
00:18:55,184 --> 00:18:56,987
Plus, you are not
charismatic enough
458
00:18:57,075 --> 00:18:59,979
to get a bus full of children
to chant "USA."
459
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,529
I know.
460
00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:02,616
Sorry, Ma.
461
00:19:03,552 --> 00:19:04,832
I must admit,
I do love the word
462
00:19:04,919 --> 00:19:06,534
when it's coming
in my direction.
463
00:19:06,621 --> 00:19:08,803
So maybe you'll start
saying it yourself?
464
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:11,473
Oh, Louis,
I love your optimism.
465
00:19:11,590 --> 00:19:13,973
Okay.
Here come the words.
466
00:19:14,715 --> 00:19:15,848
Mm.
467
00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:18,145
I'm sorry I took the tour bus
and crashed it
468
00:19:18,233 --> 00:19:19,948
and shut down
half of Taipei.
469
00:19:20,036 --> 00:19:23,153
It was immature,
and I'm really sorry.
470
00:19:24,754 --> 00:19:25,953
Thank you
for this opportunity
471
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,889
and for lifting the ban
on our boys.
472
00:19:27,976 --> 00:19:30,520
Uh, well,
it would go a long way
473
00:19:30,668 --> 00:19:32,627
if you two
also expressed some remorse...
474
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:36,223
For raising
such a reckless son?
475
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:41,869
Uh, Jessica,
remember...
476
00:19:41,956 --> 00:19:43,918
Sometimes
you just have to apologize.
477
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,875
Now is not
one of those times.
478
00:19:47,962 --> 00:19:49,311
Okay. Here's what's gonna happen.
479
00:19:49,398 --> 00:19:50,812
I'm going to
punch your throat,
480
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,895
then kick your throat,
then chop your throat.
481
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:54,887
And that's
just your throat.
482
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,742
Bye, Lei!
483
00:20:03,278 --> 00:20:05,227
I borrowed 100 bucks
from her.
484
00:20:05,314 --> 00:20:06,361
She'll never see it.
485
00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:09,331
I'm impressed you got us
out of that meeting
486
00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:10,543
without apologizing.
487
00:20:10,631 --> 00:20:12,864
Hmm. I'm just glad I didn't
have to fight that guy.
488
00:20:12,952 --> 00:20:15,713
He seemed like the type who
secretly has a rocked-up core.
489
00:20:15,801 --> 00:20:18,028
- Wiry. Like Linda Hamilton.
- Mm.
490
00:20:19,294 --> 00:20:21,948
God bless whoever
winds up with that monster.
491
00:20:25,832 --> 00:20:27,043
Okay.
492
00:20:32,374 --> 00:20:34,121
Hey, can we hit
that drive-thru?
493
00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:35,276
- No! - No!
- No! - No!
494
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,002
Oh,
that reminds me, Eddie.
495
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,794
You are un-un-grounded,
Cheeseburger Boy.
496
00:20:39,881 --> 00:20:41,260
What? Mom,
you can't ground me.
497
00:20:41,348 --> 00:20:42,764
I'm gonna be
a junior in high school.
498
00:20:42,851 --> 00:20:44,266
That means I own you
for another two,
499
00:20:44,353 --> 00:20:45,557
possibly three years.
500
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,218
And I'm gonna make sure
those years
501
00:20:47,306 --> 00:20:49,075
feel as long as possible.
502
00:20:51,614 --> 00:20:54,208
Hey, you can still listen
to music, Eddie. You love music!
503
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,176
Huh?
504
00:20:58,667 --> 00:21:01,463
♪ Every morning,
there's a halo hangin' ♪
505
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:05,320
♪ From the corner of
my girlfriend's four-post bed ♪
506
00:21:05,407 --> 00:21:06,988
I love you guys,
but I'm out.
507
00:21:07,075 --> 00:21:09,123
♪ I know it's not mine,
but I'll... ♪
508
00:21:11,212 --> 00:21:12,994
♪ Uh, work it out ♪
509
00:21:13,081 --> 00:21:14,829
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
510
00:21:18,086 --> 00:21:19,667
♪ Junior M.A.F.I.A. ♪
511
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,730
♪ Oh, oh, ohhhhh,
oh, oh, oh ♪
512
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:26,341
♪ Shut the door, baby,
don't say a word ♪
513
00:21:26,428 --> 00:21:27,842
Think that's a good idea.
514
00:21:27,929 --> 00:21:29,230
Hmm.
36450
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