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1
00:00:02,046 --> 00:00:03,656
What up, elders?!
2
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,812
Can't believe in a couple hours,
I'll be in Taiwan.
3
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:07,626
Why are you dressed
like a man
4
00:00:07,728 --> 00:00:09,484
who yells at women
in Times Square?
5
00:00:09,572 --> 00:00:10,953
Oh, my fuzzy Kangol?
6
00:00:11,041 --> 00:00:12,624
Since I'm going on
this cultural exchange,
7
00:00:12,711 --> 00:00:14,671
I can switch my look
without Trent clowning on me.
8
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:16,117
That boy hates change.
9
00:00:16,205 --> 00:00:17,439
Quick Taiwan question...
10
00:00:17,527 --> 00:00:19,333
Is the boys' bathroom symbol
the same?
11
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:21,486
I'm not going to answer that,
but take a seat.
12
00:00:21,574 --> 00:00:23,867
Now, since this is
your first trip by yourself,
13
00:00:23,955 --> 00:00:25,923
your mother and I
want you to be prepared.
14
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,240
That's a lot
of Taiwanese cash.
15
00:00:31,328 --> 00:00:33,015
Consider this
your emergency fund.
16
00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:35,013
Please don't use it
to get into a Taipei disco.
17
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,484
I want to be there
for your first time.
18
00:00:36,571 --> 00:00:38,001
And just in case,
19
00:00:38,101 --> 00:00:40,025
we got you
a pre-paid cellphone.
20
00:00:40,113 --> 00:00:42,275
It's programmed with
Big Auntie's number in Taipei.
21
00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:43,250
Sick!
22
00:00:43,338 --> 00:00:44,378
I'm gonna wear this
on my belt,
23
00:00:44,465 --> 00:00:46,150
like a vacationing
businessman.
24
00:00:46,594 --> 00:00:48,541
Johnson, you better have
a damn good reason
25
00:00:48,629 --> 00:00:49,658
for calling me in Cancún.
26
00:00:49,746 --> 00:00:50,951
This is not a joke!
27
00:00:51,104 --> 00:00:53,908
Do you know the number
for 911 in Taiwan?
28
00:00:54,002 --> 00:00:55,259
Uh...
29
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:57,182
It's 119.
30
00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:58,870
By the time
you've figured that out,
31
00:00:58,958 --> 00:00:59,958
your stolen kidney
32
00:01:00,046 --> 00:01:02,846
has already been
sewn inside a rich man's son.
33
00:01:03,306 --> 00:01:05,080
And last
but not least...
34
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,994
Is this... for my butt?
35
00:01:10,083 --> 00:01:11,377
It's a neck pillow.
36
00:01:11,465 --> 00:01:12,986
It'll help you
fall asleep on the plane
37
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,221
so you can avoid
the deadly effects of jet lag.
38
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:16,525
Deadly?
39
00:01:16,613 --> 00:01:17,656
Deadly.
40
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,010
My first day in America,
41
00:01:19,098 --> 00:01:21,408
I'm walking across the street,
feeling good,
42
00:01:21,496 --> 00:01:23,244
and then bam... jet lag.
43
00:01:23,332 --> 00:01:25,135
I get hit by a bus,
and then I die.
44
00:01:25,232 --> 00:01:26,322
That sounds made up.
45
00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:28,736
Some facts changed
for dramatic effect.
46
00:01:28,884 --> 00:01:32,294
All I'm saying is,
immigrating here was hard.
47
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:35,554
I'm saving the real story
for my memoir... Dark Waters.
48
00:01:35,642 --> 00:01:37,307
Seriously, guys, relax.
49
00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:38,525
I can handle this trip.
50
00:01:38,613 --> 00:01:41,377
Oh, I thought I could handle
everything when I moved to America.
51
00:01:41,465 --> 00:01:42,465
My first week here,
52
00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:44,393
I was working
as a seafood delivery guy...
53
00:01:44,877 --> 00:01:47,941
...when my
mediocre English got me lost.
54
00:01:59,221 --> 00:02:00,421
Uh...
55
00:02:00,775 --> 00:02:02,783
Uh, friendship gift crab?
56
00:02:09,705 --> 00:02:12,423
Guys, I've heard these stories
a million times.
57
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:13,798
We just want you
to be careful.
58
00:02:13,886 --> 00:02:14,966
When you're
in a new country
59
00:02:15,053 --> 00:02:15,978
and you don't
speak the language well
60
00:02:16,066 --> 00:02:18,267
and you don't have any money,
it can be dangerous.
61
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,994
But I've been in Taiwan before,
62
00:02:20,082 --> 00:02:21,634
and I'm not just
a little kid anymore.
63
00:02:21,845 --> 00:02:23,775
Trust me... I got this.
64
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:28,353
Johnson, I'm with my kids
at the beach.
65
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:29,791
This better be good.
66
00:02:32,962 --> 00:02:34,078
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
67
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:35,963
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
68
00:02:36,051 --> 00:02:38,121
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
69
00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:39,337
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
70
00:02:39,425 --> 00:02:41,689
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
71
00:02:41,777 --> 00:02:43,273
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
72
00:02:43,361 --> 00:02:44,611
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
*FRESH OFF THE BOAT*
73
00:02:44,699 --> 00:02:46,197
Season 05 Episode 21
Episode Title: "Under the Taipei Sun"
74
00:02:57,317 --> 00:02:59,753
I'll remember
this performance forever.
75
00:03:02,863 --> 00:03:03,833
Amazing!
76
00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:05,821
Speech!
Let's hear some words!
77
00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:20,183
Kidding!
I'll be speaking English.
78
00:03:20,271 --> 00:03:21,171
Excellent.
79
00:03:21,271 --> 00:03:22,837
You're not here
to be challenged.
80
00:03:22,925 --> 00:03:25,509
You're here to have fun
and learn about your heritage!
81
00:03:25,603 --> 00:03:26,611
Oh, thank God.
82
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,775
You're hilarious, man.
83
00:03:29,914 --> 00:03:31,509
Pete...
Newark, New Jersey.
84
00:03:31,655 --> 00:03:33,189
Eddie... Orlando.
85
00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:34,634
You're from Newark?
86
00:03:34,722 --> 00:03:35,862
Do you know Redman?
87
00:03:36,029 --> 00:03:38,275
Comes to my dad's sporting goods
store all the time.
88
00:03:38,363 --> 00:03:40,411
Dude goes through
a lot of tents.
89
00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:41,851
What about you?
90
00:03:41,951 --> 00:03:43,974
You meet anyone cool, like, uh,
like Penny Hardaway?
91
00:03:44,061 --> 00:03:44,961
A few.
92
00:03:45,061 --> 00:03:46,961
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, DMX,
93
00:03:47,049 --> 00:03:48,279
Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis...
94
00:03:48,391 --> 00:03:49,740
Billie Jean King.
95
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:51,831
Damn!
Oh, we gotta hang out.
96
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:53,736
I need me
some Terry Lewis stories.
97
00:03:55,082 --> 00:04:00,197
Now, you all ready to do some
traditional mountain paintings?
98
00:04:01,292 --> 00:04:02,392
Me neither.
99
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,780
Let's get some Boba Tea
and go to the mall!
100
00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:09,572
What a beautiful day
for a ride.
101
00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:10,890
Isn't this perfect?
102
00:04:10,978 --> 00:04:13,788
With Eddie gone, we can enjoy
fun family activities
103
00:04:13,876 --> 00:04:15,465
without
any "Eddie surprises."
104
00:04:15,553 --> 00:04:16,527
"Surprises"?!
105
00:04:16,615 --> 00:04:18,567
Last time we went biking,
he cut my brakes!
106
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:23,795
Tell my storyyyyyyyy!
107
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,240
I made a whole list
of things to do
108
00:04:26,343 --> 00:04:28,069
now that we are
Eddie-free,
109
00:04:28,157 --> 00:04:30,053
including
a daily bike ride.
110
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:32,443
I think this time apart from him
is gonna be good for us.
111
00:04:32,553 --> 00:04:34,411
You know,
us riding together like this
112
00:04:34,511 --> 00:04:36,764
reminds me of that scene
in The Sound of Music.
113
00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:40,226
♪ Doe, a deer,
a female deer ♪
114
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:44,114
♪ Ray, a drop
of golden sun ♪
115
00:04:44,202 --> 00:04:45,044
♪ Mi! ♪
116
00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:47,441
♪ A name I call myself ♪
117
00:04:47,529 --> 00:04:48,529
♪ Fa! ♪
118
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,591
♪ A long, long way
to run ♪
119
00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:53,491
- ♪ So! ♪
- ♪ A needle pulling thread ♪
120
00:04:53,591 --> 00:04:54,459
♪ La! ♪
121
00:04:54,547 --> 00:04:56,517
♪ A note to follow so ♪
122
00:04:56,605 --> 00:04:57,605
♪ Ti! ♪
123
00:04:57,693 --> 00:04:59,423
♪ A drink
with jam and bread ♪
124
00:04:59,511 --> 00:05:03,921
♪ That will bring us
back to doe, oh, oh, oh ♪
125
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,959
Whoa!
Check out that stand!
126
00:05:07,211 --> 00:05:10,541
Oh! Look at that fanny pack
shaped like a wiener dog!
127
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:11,506
That's so cute!
128
00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:12,865
I mean... cool.
129
00:05:13,017 --> 00:05:14,347
Cool.
I-I don't say "cute."
130
00:05:14,435 --> 00:05:15,865
Nah, if it's cute,
say it's cute.
131
00:05:15,953 --> 00:05:18,584
Like, uh, this foam cowboy hat
with a built-in radio?
132
00:05:18,672 --> 00:05:19,772
That's pretty cute.
133
00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,074
I'm-a get that
for my bro Emery.
134
00:05:21,161 --> 00:05:23,061
A Hello Kitty-themed
Chinese yo-yo?
135
00:05:23,149 --> 00:05:25,428
Cute as hell!
I'm-a get that for my moms.
136
00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:27,225
Now I need something
for my dad.
137
00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:29,748
That crab backpack!
138
00:05:30,044 --> 00:05:31,530
Don't get me wrong...
It's cute and all,
139
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:33,131
but why would your dad
want that?
140
00:05:33,219 --> 00:05:34,785
Oh, he told me
this dumb story
141
00:05:34,873 --> 00:05:36,101
about him
and some live crabs
142
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:38,029
to scare me about
living in another country.
143
00:05:38,241 --> 00:05:39,795
That backpack will be
a funny jab.
144
00:05:43,463 --> 00:05:46,115
Dance Dance Revolution
Extreme?!
145
00:05:46,217 --> 00:05:47,709
We just got DDR
in the U.S.,
146
00:05:47,797 --> 00:05:49,350
and they already have
a sequel in Asia!
147
00:05:49,438 --> 00:05:51,208
I hope you wore
your loose-crotched pants,
148
00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:52,696
'cause we about to
go to work!
149
00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:54,454
Wait, hold up...
Before we hop on,
150
00:05:54,549 --> 00:05:57,319
I need to call my boy Trent...
He's obsessed with DDR.
151
00:06:01,831 --> 00:06:02,803
Hello?
152
00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,845
Trent? You will not believe
what I found in Taiwan.
153
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,802
Eddie? It's 1:00
in the morning.
154
00:06:06,890 --> 00:06:09,100
They have DDR Extreme!
155
00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:10,741
DDRX?!
156
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,185
Put the phone
on the edge of the screen
157
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,818
and let me
listen to you dance.
158
00:06:16,511 --> 00:06:18,281
♪ DDR ♪
159
00:06:19,911 --> 00:06:21,482
♪ DDR ♪
160
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:22,803
Wonderful.
161
00:06:27,842 --> 00:06:28,798
Crap!
162
00:06:28,891 --> 00:06:30,134
We were supposed to
meet our group
163
00:06:30,221 --> 00:06:31,506
a half-hour ago
by the bus!
164
00:06:31,594 --> 00:06:33,473
Dude, it's easy
to get around Taiwan.
165
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,774
We can just
take the subway home...
166
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,812
After we finish
another round of DDR.
167
00:06:36,905 --> 00:06:38,105
My hips just warmed up!
168
00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:39,577
We're waiting
for you! Are you ready?
169
00:06:49,762 --> 00:06:52,220
Wow, Jessica.
You broke out the fancy china.
170
00:06:52,376 --> 00:06:54,563
I thought this only came out
for weddings and funerals.
171
00:06:54,651 --> 00:06:56,691
With Eddie gone,
we can use the good stuff
172
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:58,806
without worrying
about him breaking it.
173
00:06:58,899 --> 00:07:00,626
I know we have a funeral
coming up,
174
00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:02,017
but I figured, why wait?
175
00:07:02,105 --> 00:07:03,251
Whose funeral?
176
00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:05,791
No one's.
177
00:07:05,879 --> 00:07:07,532
Okay, come on, eat up!
178
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,892
There's half a pork shoulder
left. It's the good half!
179
00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:11,407
- I'm stuffed.
- Me too.
180
00:07:11,495 --> 00:07:14,025
Hmm. I cooked
my usual portions.
181
00:07:14,199 --> 00:07:17,017
I guess with Eddie gone,
we'll just have more leftovers.
182
00:07:17,182 --> 00:07:19,622
This morning, I had
my usual bowl of Lucky Charms,
183
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:21,910
and there were
so many more marshmallows.
184
00:07:21,998 --> 00:07:23,876
I haven't seen a Shamrock Hat
in years.
185
00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:25,657
Ugh. He'd pick
a marshmallow out
186
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:27,215
and say,
"Top of the morning to you,"
187
00:07:27,303 --> 00:07:30,673
in that weird Irish accent
that sounded like Dracula.
188
00:07:30,761 --> 00:07:32,801
"Top of the morning to you."
189
00:07:32,972 --> 00:07:34,892
Do any of you know
what color boxers I'm wearing?
190
00:07:34,982 --> 00:07:37,912
No. Because Eddie's not here to
administer my daily pants-ing.
191
00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:39,574
Speaks Chinese...
192
00:07:39,662 --> 00:07:42,292
And look at our Costco
bulk toilet paper pack.
193
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,385
Barely a dent.
194
00:07:45,556 --> 00:07:47,813
Hey, maybe we should call Eddie
and see how he's doing.
195
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,142
No!
196
00:07:49,230 --> 00:07:50,771
If he needs us,
he'll call.
197
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,774
But I miss him.
Don't you?
198
00:07:52,985 --> 00:07:54,352
No.
199
00:07:54,655 --> 00:07:55,925
Oh, come on.
200
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,657
We have plenty to talk about
besides Eddie.
201
00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:09,242
Isn't the weather
beautiful today?
202
00:08:09,329 --> 00:08:10,061
Sunny.
203
00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:11,654
- So sunny!
- Very sunny.
204
00:08:14,071 --> 00:08:16,191
Back to this funeral...
205
00:08:20,362 --> 00:08:22,071
Oh, crap.
I'm outta cash.
206
00:08:22,188 --> 00:08:23,663
I just got carried away
buying gifts.
207
00:08:23,751 --> 00:08:25,376
Can you cover me?
I'll get you back.
208
00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:27,022
I only had enough
for one fare.
209
00:08:27,122 --> 00:08:28,753
Okay, we'll figure out
another way home.
210
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,642
Sorry. I'm hopping on
the next train.
211
00:08:30,730 --> 00:08:32,590
Connie Chung's granddaughter's
in the program,
212
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,118
and if I don't make a move
at lunch,
213
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:36,181
I'll regret it
for the rest of my life.
214
00:08:36,586 --> 00:08:37,852
Is she cute?
215
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,663
Breaking news...
She re cute.
216
00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:41,628
Oh.
217
00:08:43,581 --> 00:08:45,915
Oh, wait! Um, what's the address
to our dorm, again?
218
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:49,261
825 Lane 199,
Xiazing Road.
219
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:52,101
Uh, 825
21 J-Jump Street...
220
00:08:52,201 --> 00:08:53,301
Crap!
221
00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:06,035
We're okay, Crabby.
222
00:09:06,511 --> 00:09:07,651
I'll just call Big Auntie,
223
00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:09,081
and she'll come pick us up.
224
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:13,611
Ugh!
225
00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:15,953
I used all my minutes
calling Trent!
226
00:09:20,813 --> 00:09:23,473
Excuse me.
Want to buy this Garfield?
227
00:09:23,691 --> 00:09:25,861
Hi! Meow-meow!
You want to buy this cat?
228
00:09:27,603 --> 00:09:30,343
I know there's some Mandarin
in me somewhere. Um...
229
00:09:37,156 --> 00:09:38,156
Yo-yo!
230
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:39,881
Yo-yo!
231
00:09:40,466 --> 00:09:41,944
Yo-yo?
232
00:09:43,393 --> 00:09:44,710
Oh.
233
00:09:56,358 --> 00:09:58,776
What's wrong?
Why is everybody so down?
234
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:02,268
I think we're just a little sad
because we miss Eddie.
235
00:10:02,356 --> 00:10:03,886
He's only been gone
a few hours.
236
00:10:03,974 --> 00:10:07,684
Speaks Chinese...
237
00:10:08,146 --> 00:10:09,376
Come on, Jessica.
238
00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:11,589
You don't miss him
even just a little bit?
239
00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:13,526
It's okay to admit it
if you do.
240
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,854
Do you miss breakfast?
That was a few hours ago.
241
00:10:16,942 --> 00:10:18,142
Even I have to admit,
242
00:10:18,321 --> 00:10:20,581
I miss Eddie's
great conversation skills.
243
00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:22,519
This meal's a dud
because he's gone.
244
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,197
Eddie?! What...
245
00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:26,215
How is Eddie
a great conversationalist?
246
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:28,074
He just
keeps the chat flowing.
247
00:10:28,204 --> 00:10:29,634
Like when someone's
telling a story,
248
00:10:29,722 --> 00:10:31,118
he asks smart questions
249
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,925
and brings other people
into the dialogue.
250
00:10:33,013 --> 00:10:35,253
I can do that.
Okay, somebody tell a story.
251
00:10:35,341 --> 00:10:36,706
I'll fill in for Eddie.
252
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,484
Okay. Well, a funny thing
happened in gym class...
253
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:42,012
- What was it?
- I was just getting to that.
254
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,260
What day of the week
was it?
255
00:10:43,348 --> 00:10:45,690
- That's irrelevant.
- Emery, jump in.
256
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,881
Do you think the day of the week
is irrelevant?
257
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,911
I don't know.
258
00:10:49,011 --> 00:10:50,221
Louis, what about you?
259
00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:51,887
Do you think the day of the week
is irrelevant?
260
00:10:51,974 --> 00:10:54,331
I think you should let Evan
finish his story first.
261
00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:55,744
Great point, Louis.
262
00:10:55,832 --> 00:10:57,172
Evan, continue.
263
00:10:57,289 --> 00:10:59,480
So, the gym teacher's
wearing shorts...
264
00:10:59,568 --> 00:11:02,620
Ho!
An adult man in shorts!
265
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,667
Jenny,
isn't that ridiculous?
266
00:11:04,819 --> 00:11:06,698
I am uncomfortable.
267
00:11:06,823 --> 00:11:08,792
Louis, make a joke
about your mother's discomfort.
268
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:09,880
Oh. Um...
269
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:10,956
Not as uncomfortable
270
00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:13,134
as when we have to hear you
sing Peking opera.
271
00:11:14,198 --> 00:11:15,471
How dare you!
272
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,886
Aw, geez. The wheels are
really coming off this meal.
273
00:11:17,974 --> 00:11:20,626
But everybody is talking,
and the energy is way up.
274
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,034
Jessica,
you have to admit,
275
00:11:22,122 --> 00:11:23,544
it's just not the same
without Eddie.
276
00:11:23,631 --> 00:11:24,701
I agree.
277
00:11:24,981 --> 00:11:26,081
It's better.
278
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,891
You're just romanticizing him
because he's gone.
279
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,620
You did the exact same thing
with Grandma's bird.
280
00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,308
"Gigi was so funny.
281
00:11:33,396 --> 00:11:35,166
I wish Gigi was here."
282
00:11:35,254 --> 00:11:37,794
You forgot
that Gigi ate all our Band-Aids
283
00:11:37,882 --> 00:11:39,452
and nested in the VCR.
284
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:41,022
That doesn't sound
like Gigi.
285
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,430
She pecked you
in the face, Louis.
286
00:11:42,528 --> 00:11:44,241
W... That was a kiss!
287
00:11:51,023 --> 00:11:53,723
Xiazing Road?
I'm only one stop away!
288
00:12:02,614 --> 00:12:03,974
Speaks Chinese..
289
00:12:04,062 --> 00:12:04,998
What's happening?
290
00:12:05,086 --> 00:12:06,908
End of the line.
Get off.
291
00:12:06,996 --> 00:12:08,303
Are we at Xiazing Road?
292
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:09,974
That was 15 stops ago.
293
00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:12,912
Where are my bags?!
294
00:12:13,318 --> 00:12:14,123
Dang.
295
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:15,763
Jet lag is real.
296
00:12:16,138 --> 00:12:17,478
Did you see
that huge mustache
297
00:12:17,566 --> 00:12:18,881
on the hot dog guy
we just passed?
298
00:12:18,968 --> 00:12:20,598
Bet Eddie would've
zinged him good.
299
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:22,486
Yeah,
something clever like,
300
00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:24,412
"Hey, you got a caterpillar
under your nose."
301
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,888
No. Not like that.
302
00:12:25,994 --> 00:12:28,185
Since you all
miss Eddie so much
303
00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:29,616
I thought
I would do something for you.
304
00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:30,535
What do you mean?
305
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:33,568
Oh, no! Big turn coming up!
Better slow down!
306
00:12:35,391 --> 00:12:36,491
My brakes don't work!
307
00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:37,561
Mine either!
308
00:12:37,661 --> 00:12:39,243
Oh, no!
It's happening again!
309
00:12:39,331 --> 00:12:40,946
How do I
stop this thing?!
310
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:43,680
As you can see,
I have clipped your brakes.
311
00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:45,733
You all miss Eddie so much?
312
00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:48,191
Here's a reminder
of what you're actually missing!
313
00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:49,971
Aim for the lily pads!
314
00:12:51,608 --> 00:12:52,775
I'm sorry, Crabby.
315
00:12:52,863 --> 00:12:54,541
Don't worry.
We'll find a way home.
316
00:13:09,711 --> 00:13:11,721
Guys, let's be friends.
317
00:13:12,329 --> 00:13:14,377
Um...
do you like comedy?
318
00:13:14,465 --> 00:13:17,455
I-I can do a really good
leprechaun impression.
319
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,860
"Me gold's
at the end of the rainbow!"
320
00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:24,775
Speaks Chinese...
321
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:25,763
No, please.
322
00:13:25,851 --> 00:13:27,205
It's the only thing
I have left.
323
00:13:27,293 --> 00:13:29,553
Hey, don't worry! I'll get
these guys off your back.
324
00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:32,181
Whoa. I can
understand Mandarin.
325
00:13:32,281 --> 00:13:33,344
Immersion is the key.
326
00:13:33,432 --> 00:13:35,252
- I'm speaking English.
- Oh.
327
00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:36,240
Hey.
328
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:42,098
Speaks Chinese...
329
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:49,593
Fine. Just take it.
330
00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:02,076
So, I hope you all learned
a valuable lesson today.
331
00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:03,836
Lesson?
What lesson?
332
00:14:03,924 --> 00:14:05,626
You cut our brakes,
and we fell into a lake!
333
00:14:05,713 --> 00:14:07,485
Because you needed
to be reminded
334
00:14:07,573 --> 00:14:09,541
of the annoying things
Eddie did!
335
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,039
Yeah, Eddie's a handful,
336
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:12,672
but he also adds so much.
337
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:13,969
Why won't you
acknowledge that?
338
00:14:14,057 --> 00:14:16,242
There's nothing
to acknowledge.
339
00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:18,461
But I do have something
for you to think about.
340
00:14:18,549 --> 00:14:20,438
While you're wasting your time
missing Eddie,
341
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,688
he isn't missing you.
342
00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:22,916
How would you even know?
343
00:14:23,004 --> 00:14:25,102
Because he hasn't
called us yet!
344
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,250
If he cared,
he would call!
345
00:14:27,755 --> 00:14:29,032
Jessica.
346
00:14:29,981 --> 00:14:31,516
Is Mom okay?
347
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:40,133
Speaks Chinese...
348
00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:49,673
Holy moly!
349
00:14:50,242 --> 00:14:53,172
Your Grandma's weird example
is right.
350
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:56,123
Your mom misses Eddie,
and she's expressing it
351
00:14:56,211 --> 00:14:58,336
as hostility towards us
and our bicycles.
352
00:14:58,547 --> 00:15:00,921
We have to do something to
help her get her feelings out...
353
00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:03,055
For her sake
and for ours.
354
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:05,305
Speaks Chinese...
355
00:15:11,048 --> 00:15:12,225
- No.
- No, thanks.
356
00:15:12,313 --> 00:15:13,586
- Yeah.
- I'm good, thanks.
357
00:15:15,252 --> 00:15:16,822
Thanks again
for trying to help.
358
00:15:17,094 --> 00:15:18,654
What are you doing
in this part of town?
359
00:15:18,779 --> 00:15:20,453
This isn't a tourist area.
360
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,750
I got separated from
my cultural exchange group,
361
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,521
and then I blew all my money
on gifts,
362
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:25,961
and then
I lost those gifts,
363
00:15:26,049 --> 00:15:27,479
then my ass got lost, too.
364
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:28,507
Rough.
365
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,073
Do you have a phone
I can use?
366
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,134
I need to call my Big Auntie
so she can come pick me up.
367
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:33,435
Yeah, I have a phone
at my home.
368
00:15:33,522 --> 00:15:35,498
But I have to
finish my route first.
369
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,641
Hey, why don't you
help me out for the day?
370
00:15:37,741 --> 00:15:39,514
And then when we're done,
you can use my phone.
371
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:41,180
How are you
with a knife?
372
00:15:41,662 --> 00:15:43,671
Not as good as I am
with a spoon!
373
00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:48,439
Here she comes.
374
00:15:48,527 --> 00:15:49,787
Follow my lead.
375
00:15:51,165 --> 00:15:52,395
What are you guys
doing?
376
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:54,404
Drawing portraits of
your favorite times with Eddie
377
00:15:54,491 --> 00:15:55,391
and then kissing them?
378
00:15:55,491 --> 00:15:56,537
That's not a bad idea.
379
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,380
But no. Take a seat.
380
00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:02,273
I picked up some
"Missing You" greeting cards
381
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:03,331
to send to Eddie.
382
00:16:03,431 --> 00:16:04,702
I thought you might like
to sign them.
383
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,759
You want me
to perjure myself in print?
384
00:16:06,847 --> 00:16:08,122
I don't miss Eddie.
385
00:16:08,286 --> 00:16:09,800
If one of you
committed a murder,
386
00:16:09,888 --> 00:16:11,505
I wouldn't take
the bloody knife
387
00:16:11,593 --> 00:16:14,177
and wipe it all over my body
so we can both take the fall.
388
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,330
I don't think that's
389
00:16:15,418 --> 00:16:16,608
- what we're...
- You want me to drive to
390
00:16:16,695 --> 00:16:18,880
the store in my bloody blouse,
391
00:16:18,969 --> 00:16:21,509
make memorable small talk
with the cashier,
392
00:16:21,718 --> 00:16:23,724
and then, when I go
to write the check,
393
00:16:23,812 --> 00:16:27,255
accidentally pull out the knife
instead of my pen?
394
00:16:27,343 --> 00:16:28,933
No. No way.
395
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:30,561
You wouldn't be
perjuring yourself,
396
00:16:30,661 --> 00:16:32,130
because you actually do
miss Eddie.
397
00:16:32,218 --> 00:16:33,778
I don't miss people.
398
00:16:33,904 --> 00:16:37,294
People are either here
or they're not here.
399
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,513
"Missing" is just
something that happens
400
00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:41,052
in Mariah Carey songs.
401
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,531
Just take a look
at the cards
402
00:16:42,631 --> 00:16:43,935
and see
if you feel differently.
403
00:16:44,023 --> 00:16:45,433
Fine.
404
00:16:49,030 --> 00:16:51,693
"There's a pit in my stomach
because I miss you."
405
00:16:52,871 --> 00:16:53,871
Clever.
406
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,810
"Even though you're far away,
407
00:17:00,502 --> 00:17:03,017
I think about you
night and day."
408
00:17:06,179 --> 00:17:07,346
Poignant.
409
00:17:12,455 --> 00:17:14,971
"You can't tell on my face
that I'm sad,
410
00:17:15,071 --> 00:17:16,831
but I miss you."
411
00:17:19,384 --> 00:17:20,924
Okay, fine!
412
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,494
I miss Eddie!
413
00:17:22,611 --> 00:17:25,096
I'm just like
this loose-skinned dog.
414
00:17:25,184 --> 00:17:27,584
The house just isn't the same
without him.
415
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,166
Why won't he call?
416
00:17:30,321 --> 00:17:31,924
I just want him to call.
417
00:17:32,022 --> 00:17:33,072
This is hard.
418
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:34,908
But it's good
that you're letting it out.
419
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:38,291
Talking about Eddie will at least
make him here with us in spirit.
420
00:17:38,494 --> 00:17:40,244
That's so cheesy, Louis.
421
00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:41,353
But you're right.
422
00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:44,127
Ugh! Why are
cheesy things right?!
423
00:17:44,346 --> 00:17:47,306
Are Mariah Carey songs
built upon the truth?
424
00:17:47,821 --> 00:17:50,561
Is she the greatest artist
in all of music history?
425
00:17:50,771 --> 00:17:52,080
This is a lot to process.
426
00:17:52,168 --> 00:17:54,868
It's good that you learn
to be without Eddie,
427
00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:57,765
because in two years,
he'll be gone forever.
428
00:17:57,853 --> 00:17:58,987
Ma, unhelpful.
429
00:17:59,074 --> 00:18:01,619
Then you will have to do it
with these two.
430
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:02,777
Ma!
431
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:05,523
I thought we were supposed to
talk about things.
432
00:18:09,276 --> 00:18:10,716
Damn,
that was hard work.
433
00:18:10,804 --> 00:18:12,334
Hell of a sweat ring
you got going.
434
00:18:13,610 --> 00:18:14,958
Yep, that's a lot of work,
435
00:18:15,046 --> 00:18:16,691
but I almost saved up enough
436
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,857
to open a restaurant of my own
down the block.
437
00:18:18,945 --> 00:18:21,804
Better and easier idea...
Just bring your food to Orlando.
438
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,758
Your noodles are better than
anything we have in the States.
439
00:18:23,845 --> 00:18:24,815
You'd make a killing.
440
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,653
Eddie, come on.
It's not that easy.
441
00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:27,641
Sure it is.
442
00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:28,833
My dad has a restaurant,
443
00:18:28,921 --> 00:18:30,234
and he'd totally
give you advice.
444
00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:33,476
Wait. Your dad owns a successful
restaurant in America?
445
00:18:33,624 --> 00:18:35,249
It's won
a couple regional awards.
446
00:18:35,337 --> 00:18:37,538
You know,
a Palmy, a Pruny...
447
00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:38,624
Man.
448
00:18:38,712 --> 00:18:40,726
I immigrated to the U.S.
three years ago.
449
00:18:40,814 --> 00:18:42,384
I stayed with my cousins
in Nevada,
450
00:18:42,472 --> 00:18:43,902
and we tried
to open up a shop.
451
00:18:44,125 --> 00:18:45,218
It bombed.
452
00:18:45,372 --> 00:18:47,929
People were like,
"Why is my spaghetti in soup?"
453
00:18:48,037 --> 00:18:49,077
Fools.
454
00:18:49,165 --> 00:18:51,913
Succeeding the way
your parents did is very hard.
455
00:18:52,225 --> 00:18:53,238
Didn't they tell you?
456
00:18:53,331 --> 00:18:54,474
They did,
but I thought
457
00:18:54,562 --> 00:18:55,860
they were just doing
that "back in my day" thing.
458
00:18:55,947 --> 00:18:58,593
You know, "Back in my day,
there was no hand sanitizer.
459
00:18:58,687 --> 00:18:59,929
We just
boiled our hands."
460
00:19:00,017 --> 00:19:01,087
Dude!
461
00:19:01,261 --> 00:19:02,401
Look at you.
462
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:04,320
You come here
on a cultural exchange,
463
00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:07,030
which is the most sheltered
version of visiting a country,
464
00:19:07,118 --> 00:19:09,335
and you end up broke, lost,
465
00:19:09,423 --> 00:19:11,718
and clutching a crab backpack
for comfort.
466
00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:15,603
It's no joke
what your parents pulled off.
467
00:19:18,933 --> 00:19:20,543
Anyway...
468
00:19:20,683 --> 00:19:22,140
you should call
your Big Auntie.
469
00:19:30,201 --> 00:19:31,327
Hello?
470
00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:33,460
- Hey, Mom.
- Eddie!
471
00:19:34,121 --> 00:19:36,644
I'm... somewhat excited
you called.
472
00:19:36,732 --> 00:19:39,302
I'm like a 5 on a scale of 10
in excitement.
473
00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:41,677
No, we're at a 10.
474
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,581
- How's it going out there?
- Hey, Dad.
475
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:44,430
Let's just say it's more
than I ever expected.
476
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,687
You went clubbing,
didn't you?
477
00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:47,375
Did you go
to Diablo Yang's?
478
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:48,900
Anything goes
on that dance floor.
479
00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:50,519
I'm pretty sure
that's a library now.
480
00:19:50,759 --> 00:19:51,819
Oh, what a waste.
481
00:19:51,914 --> 00:19:52,814
Anyway, I'm just calling
482
00:19:52,902 --> 00:19:53,851
to tell you guys I'm sorry.
483
00:19:53,939 --> 00:19:55,640
I should've respected
your advice.
484
00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:57,468
Who is this?
485
00:19:57,556 --> 00:19:58,999
No, I'm serious, Mom.
486
00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:00,257
I've got next-level respect
487
00:20:00,345 --> 00:20:02,075
for your struggle
as immigrants to America.
488
00:20:02,531 --> 00:20:03,501
Hmm.
489
00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:04,904
That means a lot, son.
490
00:20:04,992 --> 00:20:07,121
Wait. Why do you have
a newfound respect?
491
00:20:07,209 --> 00:20:07,971
Are you in trouble?
492
00:20:08,071 --> 00:20:09,274
No, I'm fine.
493
00:20:09,470 --> 00:20:10,800
I made
some cool-ass friends here,
494
00:20:10,888 --> 00:20:12,288
including this one guy
named Willie.
495
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:13,852
He makes the best noodles.
496
00:20:13,940 --> 00:20:15,710
Wait, wait.
Are you calling your parents?
497
00:20:15,926 --> 00:20:17,496
That's long-distance, man!
498
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:18,423
What are you doing?!
499
00:20:18,511 --> 00:20:20,612
We spent hours on a kissable
drawing to cheer Mommy up,
500
00:20:20,699 --> 00:20:22,191
and just when we're
about to show it to her,
501
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:23,718
Eddie calls
and ruins it.
502
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,601
Classic Eddie...
Such a wild card.
503
00:20:26,735 --> 00:20:28,165
God, I've missed him.
504
00:20:29,689 --> 00:20:30,697
Hey, Eddie!
505
00:20:30,785 --> 00:20:31,855
Guess what.
506
00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:33,923
Grandma has tattoos
of the cast of "Cheers."
507
00:20:34,061 --> 00:20:36,101
Rhea Perlman
is on her lower back.
508
00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:39,738
So, what else
is going on?
509
00:20:46,714 --> 00:20:48,284
I'll go first.
Here's my Eddie.
510
00:20:48,479 --> 00:20:50,893
Yo,
I listened to this one rapper,
511
00:20:50,981 --> 00:20:51,906
and he's my favorite.
512
00:20:51,994 --> 00:20:53,408
And then I listened
to this other rapper,
513
00:20:53,495 --> 00:20:54,565
and he's just as good.
514
00:20:54,653 --> 00:20:55,683
What do I do?!
515
00:20:57,253 --> 00:20:58,114
Yo, Pops,
516
00:20:58,202 --> 00:21:00,173
I got a new dish
you gotta put on the menu.
517
00:21:00,261 --> 00:21:02,591
It's cheese, cantaloupe,
salmon, pecans,
518
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,241
horseradish,
and Thousand Island
519
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,283
blended and served
in a basketball shoe.
520
00:21:06,371 --> 00:21:07,941
Also, I need Friday off.
521
00:21:09,217 --> 00:21:10,684
I say words too fast.
I say words too fast.
522
00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:11,914
What am I saying?
I say words too fast.
523
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:13,681
I say words too fast.
I say words too fast.
524
00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:14,689
What am I saying?
I say words too fast.
525
00:21:14,777 --> 00:21:16,407
It almost feels
like he's here.
526
00:21:16,495 --> 00:21:18,965
Hi, Eddie.
How are you today?
527
00:21:19,099 --> 00:21:20,099
Frustrated.
528
00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:22,665
I feel like Mom's controlling
everything I do!
529
00:21:29,735 --> 00:21:32,415
-- Captions by VITAC...
Sync corrections by srjanapala
37768
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