Original subtitles

Released by The Movies

People who've seen my movie, didn't think it was pornographic.

Strange, no? They see a huge cunt on screen and they say it's not porn.

It wasn't made for voyeurs.

When you watch this movie, you should be relaxed and feel good.

You should watch it thinking...

We'll see what happens.

You can't sit there and drool. It's way too subtle.

Although, sometimes I don't find it that subtle at first sight.

I liked to get out of my normal surroundings for a week.

To have fun at that castle, like everybody would like to...

To just be completely yourself.

To show your body, spread your legs and say: "Ain't I beautiful?"

I like to have a good look at men when I'm between their legs.

To play with their dick a bit...

...and to see what it looks like and feels like.

Except there was a camera present.

I'm doing it for myself.

In this movie, I wanted to find out how I'd like it.

I just wanted to have the courage to do what I felt like.

My heart told me to participate in this project, but my brain said...

..."Oh, God, what will my father think". You know.

But I really felt like doing it, so I did it.

And I was right.

Before I started the movie, I thought I couldn't tell my family.

And before I'd seen anything of the movie...

...when I came out of the castle where we had shot it, I thought...

...everyone I know can see this movie. That's how good I felt about it.

It was very intense. For a week, we lived together in the same rooms.

We filmed there, we knew the place and we ate together at a huge table.

We spent day and night together.

I really liked it with all those people. It was a great group.

Did anything happen you'd dreamt of? -Absolutely!

Who doesn't dream of living in a castle and partying each day.

Doesn't everybody dream of that? All those women and good food.

Yes, of course.

I really opened up during this week.

It was great to be the centre of attention, with the cameras...

...and the lamps. It was great to be part of it.

The best thing is that we were two separate groups at first.

When you just arrive, everything's new, but we were absorbed by each other.

It was really good with those people.

It was so good to be in those rooms...

...as if you lived there. I thought it was very normal.

When we drove up, I felt like I was coming home.

It was fantastic, a dream!

Like a dream? -Yes.

I really gave a show there. I went overboard.

I felt great all week. There were some people filming.

I felt incredibly free.

It was really great.

Some things just happened, without me doing anything.

I don't know exactly what happened.

That week just was like a high.

We had a good week.

We could leave all the work to you.

We only had to eat the cream...

...that you whipped for us. Crazy, you whipped it and we ate it.

It was like throwing cakes in a slapstick movie.

Bombarding each other with dreams.

You know that it's good and that you feel like...

...ignoring conventions and just experiencing this.

You already miss out on so many experiences that could be important...

...just because of moral considerations or social rules or...

...because that's how you were raised.

As a result, you miss out on experiences and fun in life.

We both talked to many people beforehand who were very afraid...

...and didn't want to join in and when we met them later...

...they were disappointed to hear how fantastic it had been.

I enjoyed showing my lesbian side and saying...

...ok, now I like this woman.

And we could do whatever we wanted.

More or less. I really enjoyed doing that scene.

It started strangely. I was very turned on that afternoon and you noticed it.

So you asked if I wanted it and I did.

I had been so horny I didn't know what to do.

I would have preferred a screw on the spot.

But I thought, control yourself and see what'll happen in that scene.

I didn't feel any inhibition or shame or anything, which...

...would have been normal. I really liked it.

In the train the other day, I thought everyone was thinking about cunts and...

...cracks and slits, as they say, and dicks.

And that they only thought of fucking, of screwing and shagging...

That that's very deeply rooted in people and that it's all they think about.

I often think that when I'm in the tram.

So that's your fantasy? -Oh, yes, absolutely.

My fantasy. -Is it still?

Yes, I'm still full of dreams.

I think I was really stupid, especially during that party.

We could have done so much that evening. We could really have gone crazy.

That didn't really happen. Maybe we had already given too much.

So we didn't have anything left. But when I think back at that...

...I often regret that we didn't go all out.

What you can't do normally, because you have to behave. That was a chance...

...and we didn't grab it.

Yes, the party scene. I understand why they were aggressive.

I acted like an outsider and didn't really play along.

I was only observing.

And that made me stronger than the others...

...who didn't know why I did that and got scared. Afraid to be...

...hurt, psychologically, because they opened up their hearts...

...and I could abuse that.

I didn't really want to fight with that one actor.

But it was more a game than serious. It only became...

...serious when he hit me with that belt later...

In a reflex, I grabbed a champagne bottle to hit him on the head.

Then the director asked us to stop, because that didn't fit into his movie.

What was important to me, was that I'd feel pain in a situation...

...that I said "yes" to. That gives pain another dimension.

Then it doesn't happen against my will. I don't yell out "ouch", but I observe.

And then it's stimulating.

Did it turn you on?

It didn't turn me on sexually.

But I did feel psychologically humiliated at some point.

At the end, she hit me really hard and I got furious.

I almost threw myself on her and at that point I was turned on.

A shame they stopped filming because I was just about to undress her...

...and rape her, although that would have been quite a job.

But to fight and make love like that...

For me, it was a positive experience. The camera, for me, meant that...

...for the first time, someone says "yes" to sex wholeheartedly.

And the situation in that bed was such that I forgot everything around me...

...and focused very intensely on myself...

...and that woman and our bodies, which made the experience very intense.

The camera made me concentrate on what I was doing.

Normally...

...it's hard to lose yourself in something, to follow your feeling.

You think the other person has to like you or that you have to do something...

...special to be liked, that you have to perform...

...in order to be happy with yourself.

In the film, all that didn't matter. It was ok.

You spend one or two hours with a woman.

You don't have to do anything for it. You get together without a problem.

There were no obligations afterwards.

I could do what I wanted in bed.

The director didn't say: do this or do that.

I could just follow my feelings and do what I wanted.

Can't you do that without a film?

Yes, but you're afraid the woman doesn't like you or that...

...she'll walk away. Those things have happened.

Before we started, I watched some porn movies to see what...

...they do, but I didn't like them much.

Women just spread their legs...

...so that men can stick their big dicks in...

...and come. What the women do, doesn't matter.

When you look well, it always seems to hurt for those women.

The men are ready to burst and look all red from the effort...

...they really have to fuck...

...and fuck well - it has to look cool and the women only feel the pain.

That's not normal. I don't understand how that can make anyone horny.

And because you allowed us to find out for ourselves...

...with who and how we wanted to do it...

...we were much more relaxed and it was also more natural.

It went the way it should go in bed...

...meaning that you're open to each other and care for each other.

So that it's good for the man and the woman.

Those men in porn movies just take it out after they've come. Just crazy!

The main thing is to show your feelings and to touch each other.

That you're sweet to each other.

How come you feel so good?

Because for a long time, I was in an environment...

...where I could do anything I felt like.

Where I felt confident and had some very intense...

...experiences.

Such as?

That one time when I was in bed with Nora...

...for more than 5 hours...

I got really weak inside, that time.

That was the first time that I forgot everything around me.

Except for myself and that woman.

And that I didn't demand anything of her, but just...

...did what I wanted and felt how that was.

It was the first situation where I felt no aversion...

...no distance, no disgust, no dislike of that woman...

...but accepted her body completely...

...and noticed that she accepted me.

That made me weaker and weaker and more and more open.

With porn movies, it always feels dirty and as if it's not allowed.

I actually thought people would enjoy this movie.

That this film would give them new ideas...

...that something opens in them too, that they recognize something and...

...think "I can touch my woman that way as well".

Even though I can't express it very well rationally and verbally, right now...

...I know that this was a radical experience.

That's also because I was allowed to put my dreams into practice.

I dreamt of it and I didn't even imagine it to be that beautiful or...

...that intense or that fantastic...

...before I started the movie. But I did have ideas about how it should look.

I was just horny, which is why I made the movie.

Those are just men's fantasies: fucking lots of women and stuff like that.

But you don't take the camera into account and that they're people...

...not fuck dolls. Then it becomes reality and is no longer a dream.

And yet it was a dream.

That's what was so beautiful.

That in a way... it's something you dream about.

Normally. But something that never happens.

In a castle. Man, man!

Going all the way, in a castle.

I was a bit woozy. I got so turned on by what was happening there.

Jesus! The way he was going for it in that bathroom.

During filming, I didn't notice it as much.

He was really going crazy, wasn't he? Fantastic. I think that's great.

That really turned me on. I wish I was with him again.

I wasn't aggressive, but to get things started...

...I just hit him.

I often feel like hitting people and I never do.

Sometimes, I feel like beating someone up, but I never do.

I noticed that I felt like it when I took off his jacket.

And immediately I thought "no". Something took over...

...and I started, but then I felt the "no" again and I stopped.

I don't allow myself to be as free as I want to be. Often!

Now that I see the movie, I'd like to do the exact same thing again.

Because personally, I could have gone a lot further.

Much further, much crazier. I could let myself go much further than...

...I did there. And that's true for everyone.

These were my deepest sexual experiences.

The most important thing about sex is to let go.

I think that in normal porn movies...

...sex is viewed from the head. It has to satisfy your head.

They show sex the way your brain imagines it.

With the idea that the bigger the dick, the better. The more direct the shot...

...the better. The clearer you can see the cunt, the better.

They want you to be able to see everything with your own eyes.

And in this movie, people go all the way in their sex.

They can only get turned on when they're open and...

...really feel the contact between people.

That man really surprised me.

I thought he really let the beast in himself come out all week.

That made a big impression on me. Opening up like that.

I didn't feel I was being a beast. I didn't think I was...

...aggressive or anything.

I was wild, but I noticed...

...that it was superficial, not very deep.

It was a battle, that's true.

We came together. We all didn't know each other. We were strangers.

And then, when we were together, there were such strong feelings between us.

Such strong experiences of love, not just sexually...

...but also by watching or touching... such good emotional experiences...

That happens very rarely between strangers.

Sometimes I think: for 19 years, I went to school and listened to bullshit.

Now I want to know what's out there.

And now that I'm 25, I understand that I just have to do what...

...I want. Don't listen to anyone. Just do!

Fuck everybody! Do what you feel like. Try it.

It's like Mick Jagger's song, where he sings...

..."Catch your dreams before they fly away".

Grab them before they fly off.

Try it one way or another.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don't listen to them. It's all bullshit!

Translation: Cinemageddon