Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFING)

Ew! P.U.!

Of all the disgusting...

(LAUGHING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

- (CAR HORN HONKS) - (CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Hey!

Look out, you crazy...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Ouch!

Rough night of crime-fighting, sir?

Very.

Well, you'll be happy to know I've drawn you a bath.

Whenever you're ready.

What's the deal, Alfred?

I said I "drew" you a bath, sir.

April Fool's.

Very funny, Alfred. I guess I'll just take a shower.

Not a funny bone in his entire body.

Alfred, hit the radio, would you?

Right away, sir.

REPORTER: Traffic is at a standstill on the Gotham expressway

where a trailer full of eggs has overturned. This just in.

The Gotham police are investigating

a series of near-fatal accidents along the riverfront.

Initial reports indicate that hundreds of Gothamites

have inexplicably begun acting like total laughing fools.

More details as they become available.

Sounds like a rather dirty April Fools' prank.

Sounds like the Joker.

REPORTER: (OVER RADIO) At this hour, Gotham City is in the grip of insanity.

Everywhere, people are turning into lunatics.

The latest reports say that the wave of foolish hysteria

is moving down 7th Avenue towards...

Towards the financial district.

(REPORTER LAUGHING)

That's my cue.

JOKER: Uh-huh. Hmm...

(CHUCKLES) Perfect.

Now, everybody, remember where we parked.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

Who says crime doesn't pay?

Now, this is what I call a sidewalk sale.

(DEVICE WHIRRING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Airborne gas emanating

from riverfront district.

Analysis, lengthy exposure to the gas will result in permanent insanity.

BATMAN: Alfred, I left the hex key upstairs in the den.

Would you bring it down?

ALFRED: Oh, go fetch it yourself. (BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

Very funny, Alfred, but I've no time to play.

(GLASS BREAKING)

Alfred? Alfred!

(ALFRED LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)

Just a little spring cleaning, sir.

(ALFRED CONTINUES LAUGHING)

(COUGHING)

The gas!

(INHALES)

Oh!

(VASE SHATTERS)

I believe I've contracted a giant case of the giggles.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Lengthy exposure to the gas

will result in permanent insanity.

(ALL LAUGHING)

REPORTER: Okay, let's shoot it. This place is giving me the creeps.

I'm here in downtown Gotham

where corporate CEOs have gone stark raving mad.

It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent.

The question is,

Will April Fools' Day mark the end of Gotham City as we know it?

The only things gaining now are the laughing stocks.

(LAUGHS)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GRUMBLES)

(JOKER GROANING)

Huh? Ah!

(YELPS)

(GROANS)

(BEEPING)

Look who's come to trash the place.

A fitting setting for you, Joker.

Ooh, I just love to get down and dirty.

Okay, boys,

it's playtime!

HENCHMAN 1: It's about time.

HENCHMAN 2: What are we waiting for?

(SCREAMING)

(YELLS)

Batman, you're a real party pooper.

Why don't you take your mask off and have a few laughs?

(LAUGHING)

Cut the clowning, Joker.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Get him.

(BATMAN GROANS)

(ARMS WHIRRING MECHANICALLY)

Tsk-tsk. You shouldn't have made Captain Clown mad.

Time to take out the garbage!

(PANTING)

I just love these new Ziploc seals.

We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate,

so we'll just punch some air holes.

(LAUGHING)

Okay, Captain, give it the old heave-ho.

Oops! Looks like our air holes are water holes too.

What a shame!

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

I never knew Batman could sink so low.

Well, Captain, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.

(LAUGHING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(DEVICE CHIRPS)

(BEEPING)

(PANTING)

You want to play dirty, Joker?

Get ready, boys. Here it comes.

This will give those April fools a lot more smiles per gallon. (LAUGHS)

(BOTH GROAN)

What are you fools... Batman!

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS AND BREATHES HEAVILY)

(LAUGHING)

(GRUMBLING)

(LAUGHING)

(WHIRRING)

JOKER: Hey, Batman!

Looks like Captain Clown is really getting attached to you.

(STRAINING)

(BATMAN GRUNTING)

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS)

You killed Captain Clown.

You killed Captain Clown!

Just for that, Batman...

(GROANS)

Hey, Batman,

you stink so bad I can smell you from here!

P.U.!

Pyew, pyew, pyew!

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(LAUGHING)

Yee-haw!

(GASPS)

Justice is served hot, Batman!

You're going to melt just like a grilled cheese sandwich.

(BELL RINGING)

(JOKER EXCLAIMS)

Justice will be served, Joker.

Service with a smile?

Clean up your act, Joker.

Oh, that's a joke, right?

Batman finally told a joke.

(LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

(SCREAMING)

Batman! You wouldn't let me fry, would you?

Batman!

I've taken eight showers and I still feel soiled.

Ugh! I've never seen so much garbage.

What's wrong, Alfred? Aren't you feeling better?

"What's wrong," sir?

I destroy a priceless Ming vase, and you ask me what's wrong?

Don't worry about it.

I'll just take it out of your salary for the next couple of years.

Very well, sir.

Alfred.

April Fool's. (LAUGHS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)