All language subtitles for The Graham Norton Show Season 3 Episode 9 [English (auto-generated)] [DownloadYoutubeSubtitles.com]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Hello

everybody welcome to the show and

Summer's here isn't it hooray for the

summer yay you

stink no you don't now everyone's been

out enjoying the weather haven't they

haven't they yes they have including

people in Brighton who've been taking

part in the annual Naked Bike

Ride

M what lovely

girls I think the one of the right could

use a bicycle

pump leave them no loveely looking girls

there I wonder if there are any

good-looking men at the

event

no enough enough of these sites we have

no seriously we have true sophistication

on the show tonight later and gentl my

first

guest is Oscar winning French actress

Juliet benos ladies and gentlemen yes

she's

here yeah she's in lots of films like a

damage now I don't know what that is

going into her ear and coming out of her

head but that is going to do you some

damage it is and of course our Oscar

performance in The English Patient what

a film intelligent moving wonderful

sophisticated cast beautifully shot in

the hospital I think I think we managed

to get a picture of from it yes

good I believe she's the one on the left

yeah now guest is one of the world's

best chefs Gordon ramsy on the

show of course of course he is famous

for his swearing and legendary temper

but with Gordon it's all just an act

he's lovely really

yeah I think in this picture here he's

just got his [ __ ] stuck in the

Mino hello

it can happen more frequ than you think

yes now I've worked in kitchens yes I

once got mine caught in a dishwasher

[Applause]

[Music]

yeah and a waiter as

well during his career during his career

Gordon's met everyone once John Prescott

came into his kitchen and ordered a

light fish

starter is even met the queen yeah oh

see isn't it terrible meeting the queen

when you've got an

erection Camila camil Camila it's gone

listen let's get my guest on music from

Indie cropter scouting for girls but

first she's the Oscar star of the

English basent and the most successful

French actress of all time it's Juliet

BOS wo hello

give it up

gent

down and there are so many words to

describe this man but they all begin

with f it's super Chef extraordinaire

Gordon

Ramsey very

[Music]

[Applause]

very

excellent looking good how are you both

very well thank you very good very good

to see now Juliet BOS uh you're in

London uh dancing is this

right yes we're doing with Aram K who's

a choreographer and Dancer uh he's a a

contemporary uh choreographer and also

he does kitak dance and we we decided to

do a show together what's kak dance uh

is the Indian with the music you know

counting on your on your fingers it's a

classical way of dancing and

a so are you doing a bit of acting and

then someone comes on

attacking we we did some writing first

uh together and and trying to link and

I'm sorry I didn't get your joke no it's

not a

joke I'm not I'm not joking you're

having something on your head is it the

end of my hair no no

not oh

[Laughter]

oh it was a big fly a dra to [ __ ]

thank you very much I this is weird it's

now on new it is

there thank you this is the start of a

really creepy film isn't it to everyone

in the

audience so you're not a train dancer

but you like you must like dancing I

love uh challenges I love uh going on to

uh different fields and uh and I feel

like that's the time you know that's the

time to go on to something new but I

feel that movement is me is in me you

know as an actress you start with with a

wanting to go to expose something of a

something intimate to the others and I

feel like dancing is also yeah as as

painting too you know you start I'm not

smiling no it's all right but my I know

I'm just thinking I can't wait to see

the katat but

that's now H Gordon Ramsey although well

known as a chef I read that you want to

learn how to dance Oh no I got size 15

ft I got got no chance and my fing arriv

first um they don't look that big they

are just got flare jeans on trust me

they are they're huge flare

jeans [ __ ]

jeans and now Gordon here you your

career started in France didn't it start

Paris amazing I I love France do you

speak French a little bit

yes and and did you you had a French

girlfriend didn't you that's right yeah

amazing and are you keen on the French

ladies

I was 22 at the time uh 23 um yeah she

taught me a lot I mean amazing and

uh it's uh you know it's it's difficult

um down

there um

I'm I'm trying to be polite and sort of

you know very discreet at the same time

just say what do you want well her funny

started there very

hairy so they don't do bikini waxes in

France

what are you talking about what are you

talking

about

no

uh honestly it's sort of something you

needed to Plat on your way

down that was then and it was like sort

of scratching over the B bin but um

thank God I don't understand everything

you

know however she taught me French um I

got through that sort of you know first

stage and uh yeah yes cuz I believe is

it my imagination

or I think in French things sound better

definitely R why do you think that

that's always funny for me to you know

because I heard that several times and I

wonder why but on menus you must

sometimes start to think this is bit of

Plaine I'll describe it in French and

people will pay a lot of money for it

the French they have a cot Miss shirt we

have cheese and [ __ ]

toast they have buom we have mashed

potatoes I it's not difficult is it yes

we have cheap sausages bangers you have

sausy

sa

yeah you have more than I have you're

trying to win Juliet over by going Saucy

S no but just insulted French fannies I

don't think

it's we're never coming back from that

Gordon give it up I didn't insult them I

just said they're

bushy

s have you asked you can't ask a lady

if you're dancing right and you got a

lard on okay

you you wax no you boot he hasn't wax no

no but but you have a sack back and

crack from no I

don't you do that you don't do that do

you no I don't of course I don't but I

thought it was quite common with you and

your

friends I'm only ask

I have a lot of gay friends that our

demographics are strong all French

people and not turned off all gay people

turned off but food lovers of Britain

they're loving

it it's it's a plent thing it's a nice

thing to have so you should be proud of

it that didn't work that was that was

even weaker than Saucy

song sorry well listen I tell you what

we thought that because everything

sounds better in French yes we sort of

like what would this show be like in

French right so we thought we might

rerun a little bit of the show uh but in

French I think quite

impressed and so uh audience you are now

going to be uh a French audience okay so

should I I'm going to do a bit of the

monologue so should I I crack a joke

right remember how you laugh before this

time you need to laugh as French people

so imagine your French audience find

something funny now

[Music]

sound like a bunch of pant that was good

I think just commit to it more let's try

it one more time so something funny in

French that was really good okay okay

are ready okay let let's start again bit

of music and I'll start again back in a

minute okay

sounds like you're

wanking chef

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

to adore

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

bu do you speak

[Laughter]

was good very

good what's French for annoying show

off uh now H Gordon the thing is

Gordon he likes to work right I think

that's fair isn't it yes yeah hard

working okay is this you've now cuz you

open them all the time so God knows this

number is changing as we speak but 19

restaurants yes does that include the

three pubs so um that's with the three

pubs yes that is with the three pubs

okay nine Mitchel and stars uh okay

these restaurants are all over the world

yes um you just got back from La yeah

last week opening the London West

Hollywood so now and then you make all

the he makes television shows as well

like seriously I am in awe because I

like are there more than one of you are

there more around the triplet or

something wish I wish I wish um Jack's

on his way he's only eight I got about

another 10 years before I uh start

getting in the kitchen but I mean

honestly we got a team now an amazing

team 1,500 of us and the talent within

the team is extraordinary so as these

chefs have been trained they're all

going out and becoming even better chefs

um under my Direction with the most

amazing you know kitchen and restaurant

to to run and cook in but like you you

can eat Gordon Ramsey in Terminal 5 now

can't you well that's amazing there

amazing okay the bags may take a little

bit longer but the food's fantastic s

you you've got time to for

dessert 10 courses now Juliet have you

ever been in one of these restaurants no

never good one

J hit him where it

hurts well you could have gone with yes

but I didn't like it that

would Works do you love do you love food

food because I I do like food actually I

do like what do you eat in the morning

vegetarian I'm not a vegetarian no in

the morning not a lot not bit of tea bit

of yogurt bit of tea bit of yogurt no

his no you that lat's book that lat's

book The Healthy eating thing right

healthy appetite I opened it this

morning and it's like this whole section

breakfast it will be lunchtime by the

time you made the [ __ ] stuff maybe

like what I'm eating this for lunch a

bit of tea and a bit of yogurt You're

such your wuss what do you have for

breakfast um crumpets you don't read I

do have toasted crumpets porridge

porridge oh come on do you what do you

have breakfast so a little complicated

sprouts with

sprouts sprouts sprouts

the okay so baby sprouts sprouts not

brussel

sprouts no I was I was thinking dancing

after brussel

sprouts that's a morning at rehearsal

and some almonds almonds I'm with you

there they

sound do you have any coffee or anything

tea tea and green tea green I do have

green tea

yeah

Green we're in the

gang

Gordon no I'm very organic food are you

organic food part not 100% ENT but yeah

traceability but not not totally

obsessed by or ganic but now didn't you

inconsistent inconsistent yeah in terms

of demand and it's got a bit of a snob

Factor over here no no The Taste is

completely different do you

[Applause]

agree no we've got to help them because

it's so hard I I I love the organic

produce without a doubt definitely The

Taste is completely different what I'm

trying to say from a chef point of view

is the consistency to supply a

restaurant daily with that level of

consistency is difficult

whatever now talking of of restaurant is

it true that I don't know maybe this

isn't that uh that you were approached

by uh president miton in a in a

restaurant I met him twice once I just

had met with iak Kazan the the director

and I went to a bookstore because I was

so happy and I went to because I love

painting um books and I I was completely

inside of the book and I heard uh good

afternoon Mr President and I kind of

laughed and saying who's the

president and you know looking looking

at the book and suddenly I I I looked

and he was in front of me and after a

while he said well call me and I said I

don't have your

number and then uh I got a call that

like a week after um inviting me to go

to chosak because I did the Inbal

likeness of being yes I was I was

playing in Czechoslovakian and uh and I

didn't

go do you think there was something

implied in that invitation

Juliet well uh I was not very

comfortable with the idea of going on a

private plane in Czechoslovakia with the

president no for a

weekend now listen very quickly are you

looking forward to the Beijing Olympics

yes yeah are you opening a restaurant in

Beijing no are you entering the Olympics

no no you could have by the bad luck

Paris losing out for

2012

Olympic we we yes or as we were saying

now [ __ ] we've got

them no CU there was about 15 minutes of

dancing at deala square and then like oh

[ __ ] and it's only four years away now

isn't it not a sign of them not a

sign it's going to be in an inflatable

Stadium it's going to be a giant banty

Castle they're going to put up in a

weekend cuz there's no sign of it

anyo for anyone un sure how to applaud

are you going to the Beijing Olympics no

of course you're dancing and if you're

going to the Beijing Olympics the

Chinese have come up with a four-step

program teaching you how to kind of

cheer okay so here's graphic one this is

the first one so this is a clap twice

and chant Olympics so do try it clap

[Applause]

twice what a great opening ceremony

that'll

be it sounds better when a billion

people do

it okay tap twice chant

China that was better they're growing

okay now there's one there there's H

with both fists clenched right stretch

the arms above the shoulder and chant

[Applause]

go that's a bit frightening that one

wasn't it or you could close both fists

tight raise thumbs hold both arms in

front chant

go now you do kind of think who the

hell would stand like that at a sporting

occasion I me you look like such a trap

wouldn't you

you wondered why we were doing that all

right all of that

[Music]

for you because Gordon has opinions he

does you will have noticed this you have

too actually I do yes I do I agree with

you that's my big opinion throughout the

whole show yeah green team member who

drinks green tea I drink green

tea what do

but Gord you are quite outspoken about

other television chefs or do you do you

consider yourself a TV chef not really

no no no I'm a proper Chef

yeah he doesn't you very you don't sit

there much demonstrating recipes no no

no it's not you know it's it's you know

I cook live every day so sometimes when

we see these TV chefs and they sort of

turn around and look here's one I made

earlier or you know welcome to ready

said [ __ ]

um um it's

don't want to know no no but I word I

can of guess yes oh can't cook won't

wank um so I hold on so it's real cuz we

cook every day and you know I enjoy live

I like that Jeopardy I don't want to see

things done by home economists well

listen we're always on the lookout for

uh the next TV cookery star so what

we're going to do now we're going to see

I'm liking this game H what we do is we

we're going to find a new commi Chef

right so we have some candidates lined

up up in the kitchen whites and we're

going to interview them right now the

Only Rule is they mustn't use the f word

by which I mean they mustn't use any

word beginning with F okay that sounds

easier than it is okay so uh let's uh

let's go to the kid this is my buzzer

offy thing so let's meet our First Comm

Chef hello hi there hi what's your name

Brock what Brock Brock yeah

okay yeah H describe some of the things

hanging on the shelves behind you uh

trout very good birdlike things crusty

sticks um a cooling

device passive what's what's what's that

thing over there the big metal thing

with the with the a

refrigerator well done

Brock okay what's five minus

one I'm

[ __ ]

okay hello hello what you do

Flo hello hello hi how you doing what's

your name uh Jonathan Jonathan all right

uh what sort of fries are in the

oven uh they're actually called chips

actually chips not what they're uh yeah

they're chips with fish that's what

that's what they're

called well I wasn't even

listening hello hello hi what's your

name Zack what is it Zack Zach yeah

spell it what spell it Z Gord want you

to spell your name z a k Zed a k thought

it was an F no I wondered why you wanted

to spell

Z are you going to keep in touch are you

going to write to it

and what are your favorite foods Zach uh

well I'd have to say ice cream is one of

my favorite foods I like I like good oh

yes

yes hello hey hi what's your name Dan

what Daniel Daniel okay and uh what do

you like to cook Daniel

stuff what white FL white flour what

what's what's the white substance and on

on the counter behind you powdery

[ __ ] what what's on the counter in front

of the Fig

pie some more of that powdery

[ __ ] should we let him win well all

right Danny well done

Daniel

okay

and they

there wasn't that much swearing there

the the f word is the name of the show

because he swears a lot as you saw yeah

you just heard is it true your your

people are teaching your son to swear no

on the bus they're just having a bit of

a laugh with him so it's very difficult

he's only eight so he's on the way back

um last week in fact and said Dad what's

a wanker oh mate I a cross between a

dick and a

knob so he's just trying to keep it down

but um it's hard and

sorry it's 9:45 he's long gone in bed

he's in bed bed and do you get do do you

still get angry with customers um

customers come in and sort of play

around sometimes they want the SE bass

garnish with the beef they want the

scallops to go with the rabbit and they

want the sort of dessert served with a

cheese at the same time so that's their

prerogative but I don't mind putting

things on the side but I don't want to

sort of mix it on the same plate but you

have screamed to people on on the air in

that restaurant yeah yeah some of them

you know you've got the most amazing red

mullet and it's been sort of caramelized

you got this wonderful sort of um

amazing coriander pink grapefruit

vinegarette and then some knob ass for

ketchup ketchup I understand your

frustration but but I do kind of think

in the end of the day yes it's a good I

mean you end up with his money and he

ends up a bit faster having a

[ __ ] that's a good exchange it's seems

like a very good business principal he

gets nothing you get the money yeah no

no no come on I mean sometimes customers

sort of you know come in um slightly

Larry pair of jeans on and sort of

strange jackets on

so they they they they sort of you know

upset other customers when things are so

Flash and Brash and loud so we have to

move certain customers to different

corners of the room you're telling me

never to darken your

door in France

I mean maybe it's fair or unfair but

they they have a kind of reputation

French waiters as being quite Surly is

that fair Surly what does it mean

gr ah yeah you've got to know them

you've got to be patient and there's a

way to turn around you humor cream them

like getting money you yeah

[Applause]

not like like me and my friends

friends no no no no I've got a lot

of on I didn't mean Ring sort of you

know but tip them for God's sake no no I

think it goes with language with uh

talking to them directly looking in the

eyes and did you find cuz I know you

you've you've talked about this that

when you won the Oscar and how I mean it

had been forever since a French actress

it was in 1958 a French actress seven

years yeah yeah and so so you must I

mean did you suddenly find everyone

amazingly nice to you the minute you got

off that plane uh yeah I was like the

queen of France oh they killed her

didn't

they that's not a good thing to be like

oh football player

winning yes very good and this will be

very very quick because we we we need to

get on but have you heard about these

miracle berries no no have you wor about

the miracle berries briefly just okay so

what it is is uh Miracle well they say

Miracle Berries this is terrible it does

look like but anyway uh so uh these are

your Miracle Berries uh no freeze dried

miracle berry okay now what you do is um

they're from West Africa right and they

make bitter and sour Foods taste

sweet that's why they're Miracle Berries

so you take a little bit and you sloosh

around your mouth right and then you can

well look here's things right so uh

apparently

I don't quite get this cuz apparently if

you eat a little bit of it um so

apparently makes Guinness tastes like uh

chocolate milk uh it makes uh lemons

taste like

sherbet this is true I'm going to try a

bit now okay here we go I'm going to try

a big bit cuz I have to say I did this

in

rehearsal wasn't such a

miracle really it just tastes like

Guinness H so don't some

[ __ ] try it

try you want to try

lemon I me it's supposed to taste it's

supposed like a lemon sherbet

yeah I I don't I don't like

din it work

it works you don't like Guinness I don't

like Guinness that was very stupid of

you I was hoping going be chocolate milk

oh I see

now it does it does work it does work

yeah so I try lemon oh no bearing in

mind both of you drink green tea hello

that does

work try that no it makes it sweet try

it it's amazing so seriously try

it

no that's Taste of lemon it tastes all

lemon but it's sweet lemon shb yeah

sherbet it is it's like lemon sherbet

now the weird thing

now no one I wouldve not try we haven't

got anyone to do this but apparently if

you do this you can even drink

vinegar right you do that right so does

anyone have a

go yeah you look at him

yes is this the free drink

syndrome apparently it will make it

taste like trle okay so I would have

quite a bit of my magic berries I let

put them in your thing

there yeah i' get all that down

you no it really is

vinegar it is look at

that oh God it is it is but it does make

me want some

chips all right got it all around your

mouth okay okay this is the ultimate

test for our miracle berry okay

okay listen you swallow it if you want

to swallow it I'm not I'm just this is

here just in case it didn't

work is that

really take takes the edge off it

[Music]

H now yes I know jul H because reading

about you what I really like how Frank

you are um it started with a NE is he a

winner or

not because you you you're very kind of

relaxed about uh nudity in your films

whereas a lot of actresses are quite

kind of koi about talking about it you

don't seem to mind well when depends

what kind of story you have to say to

tell it's not about me it's about what

I've got to tell in the story so the

nudity is it's not a decision out of

your mind like that but it's sto

storytelling cuz who was it was it Jean

L Godard you were doing the audition for

him MH and you yeah I had to do five

tests with him and one of them the last

one actually I had to comeb my here be

nude go around a chair and and recite a

poem that was the idea of the test I

tell you it's so hard as an actress to

start you know what I was not chosing

for the part he added another partt

afterwards where you walked on a chair

brushing she was so good at that she

was cuz now you posed naked as well

haven't you yeah yeah once yeah

hard no but did you pose you posed it

was for the Sunday Times sty magazine um

nude um with a congre hanging over my

widget was it a

live uh it was a big one

um no it was a dead one um and it was

around my neck and I was sort of on the

uh cover quite daunting to begin with CU

you're just sort of absolutely [ __ ]

yourself not to get hard

on sorry yes no I can imine no but it's

just yeah it's quite a weird thing to do

and it's like Christ this is um

runability and its best and then you you

sort of you sort of relax and then you

but isn't it is it true that your wife

fancies you most in your Che in your

Chef's whites oh [ __ ] she likes the

jacket yes Chef's jacket yeah there's

something is it true that thing about

she'll call you and say are you wearing

your Chef's jacket can you come home

with it on and um yeah cook me some um

spaghetti B

night is that it is that the home life

of the

ramies can we go on the naughty step

um well the naughty step's just above

the naughty rug you know when the kids

are bad you put them on the rug and they

sort of sit there for 5 minutes do their

homework and then they're allow upstairs

wait a minute you shag on the same rug

you punish the

two social services are so coming around

to your house we've all got a naughty

Step At Home haven't

we no you two guys have look at

you they have a naughty rug now

well now they do say they do say that uh

uh that French obviously is the language

of love yes okay so uh I think you'll

fine though we Brits we Brits also are

quite good in the field of romance and

we asked our audience right to tell us

the best chat up lines they've heard do

either of you have chat up lines what is

it a chat BL well now now for in oh now

this is a good because you've been

you've been proposed osed to is it four

times you've been proposed to yeah but

you always said no twice we were

separating what you were spitting up

when they asked that's desperate isn't

it I'm guessing you were doing The

Dumpling

yes and then the other two times it was

uh sort of the at the beginning and you

thought hold

on were any of them very romantic or was

it just kind of no they were all

romantic yeah in their own

way were you offred no no one's ever

asked me to to marry them isn't that

strange even

pretend so anyway anyway H here's uh a

few from our audience uh Joe Williams

Joe Williams look at Joe oh oh look at

Joe

Williams Oh Joe Williams is H do you

have any raisins how about a

date a youd shager for that wouldn't you

you and now Colleen jurer she's from

America uh she says in the US we call it

a pickup line

whatever where are you where you oh

there she is hello hi hello uh is your

husband here no he isn't he's back in

America my daughter is here Angie great

I don't care

[Applause]

[Music]

if you wanted to know that's her

daughter I didn't

and and her favorite chow line is

actually H this is horrible your

daughter right there is that a mirror in

your pocket cuz I can sure see myself in

your

pants she adds I know this is not a

great way to start a chest but I was

pretty easy in

the80s I love the daughter clapping

yay and that's why I'm

here

yay uh Haley Murray uh look at you where

there's Haley Murray is your partner

here no oh that is hiding oh he you said

this to her I can't believe you said

this to her your eyes are like spanners

every time I look into them my nuts

tighten com out you're having

that oh now this is good philipper Smith

Philipa Smith where's philipper

philipper this is did someone try this

on you uh no I've heard it from a friend

from work okay so my watch is Magic

right so imagine we're at a party my

watch is Magic it can tell me things

it's telling me you aren't wearing any

knickers right you then outraged go

actually I am wearing knickers to which

I apply of course you are I forgot to

mention my watch is 15 minutes

fast James cross James have you used

this on someone I didn't use it no I

didn't use it I thought about it I dream

I made it up

[Applause]

this is his Chanel so he's he's a

beautiful lady gorgeous lady at a party

he thinks this could work goes up to her

if you were

a if you were a burger at McDonald's I'd

call you MC

beautiful that's horrible that's

horrible isn't it I like telling man you

suffers from premature

McFlurry now Melody Kier Smith

Melody melody hello Melody hello hi did

someone say this to you no no no I heard

it in passing and it just made me giggle

I bet it

would I used to right I used to hate

donkeys until I checked out your ass

E I can only imagine how when well now

since both of you are fluent in French

right and what we're going to do is

we're going to get a few of those chat

up lines and see if they sound better in

a sort of French AR house setting I

think you'll enjoy it it involves no

nudity

so well you're lyed on big cards you

want them on big cards is that easier

yeah okay so you're ly to big

cards yeah so you talk you talk into

camera five and you talk into uh

yeah unless your [ __ ] son M that

left all right I'm queing you I'm queing

you one at a time and we're looking for

that kind of that kind of Moody you're

in the moment these are the most serious

lines you've ever said in your life okay

juli BOS

[Music]

action we no

no you

idiots you just keep going right okay

okay

okay oh

yeah you're not a very good

director I will not be

criticized okay okay and AC

can I just it as a director no no

no I didn't know was that silly this

[Laughter]

program okay go go ahead no I've done

it magic

[Music]

fore hey that's it for tonight please

take my guest Julie Vos and Gordon

Ramsey we'll see you next week with

actress Alicia super of the great Joan

Rivers now the players out with a new

single heartbeat it's Scouting For Girls

[Music]

goodbye am alone with your heart have a

hope with your heart cuz she's such a

teas

she's such a star well give me a reason

or give me a chance am alone in your

heart or I'm all alone it tells me

apart I'm all

[Music]

alone it's you and all I can do just

keep me close to you every time leave me

I skip a heart always up for a laugh

she's a pain in the ass every time that

we need I skip a heartbeat

well give me an evening or give me a

night I'll show you the time of your

life I'll walk you home safe from the

dark I'll give you my jacket I'll give

you my heart she won't come dancing

tonight she's having the time of

[Music]

her do it all I can do just to be close

to you every time that we need let keep

a heartbeat always up with laugh she's a

pain in the ass every time that we me a

heart I do love she just heartbreak I

did love she broke my heart I do love

she just Heart

Break she broke my

heart you my

[Music]

heart all I can do be close to you every

time we me I skip all always laugh she's

a pain in the eyes every time that me I

skip a heart

be I skip a heart be for here do all I

can do just to be close to you every

time that we me I skip a heart beat

always she's a pain in the ass every

time that me I skip a

heart a skip a

heart over

[Music]

[Applause]

you

e e