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♪ You know it's gotta
be G'd up, yep ♪
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00:00:10,689 --> 00:00:11,688
♪ That kind of ish
that make you cowards ♪
3
00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:13,378
♪ Get beat up, ha-ha ♪
4
00:00:13,379 --> 00:00:14,895
♪ We on the outs until we
called and go do bids ♪
5
00:00:14,896 --> 00:00:16,861
♪ Man, you know the
streets ain't for kids ♪
6
00:00:16,862 --> 00:00:18,309
♪ Come on, come on ♪
7
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:22,826
♪ I can't take
the hood out of me ♪
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00:00:22,827 --> 00:00:25,619
A stray bullet from the
shooting struck and killed
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00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:29,895
the zoo's 100-year-old giant
tortoise, General Sherman,
10
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,826
another senseless gang murder.
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00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:36,481
On today's Bright Side report,
students at Wilson Goode Middle
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00:00:36,482 --> 00:00:39,102
School are racing to
complete their readathon
13
00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:43,585
challenge to read 5,000 books
in the month of Bookvember.
14
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:46,550
If they reach that goal
by tomorrow's deadline,
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00:00:46,551 --> 00:00:50,240
every participating student
will enjoy a pizza party
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00:00:50,241 --> 00:00:53,274
and the ritual humiliation
of their principal
17
00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:55,895
shaving his hair into a mohawk.
18
00:00:57,034 --> 00:00:58,067
Read!
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00:00:58,068 --> 00:00:59,550
Literate yourselves!
20
00:00:59,551 --> 00:01:01,895
It's pronounced "Terabithia!"
21
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:05,136
We are this close to reaching
our goal for the first time.
22
00:01:05,137 --> 00:01:07,516
The kids can smell
the pepperoni.
23
00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:10,136
They usually smell
the dog food factory
24
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,826
upwind a block from here.
25
00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:16,930
If the school does earn
its first-ever pizza party,
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00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:20,516
it'll be put over the top
thanks to the efforts of one
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00:01:20,517 --> 00:01:25,171
dedicated student, who has
read over 400 books himself,
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00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:28,826
sixth-grader Kevin Hart.
29
00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:33,067
Damn, Kev, you on TV, just
like that turtle who saw
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00:01:33,068 --> 00:01:34,861
some shit he shouldn't have.
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00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,274
I'm proud of you, son.
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00:01:36,275 --> 00:01:37,654
You're an inspiration.
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00:01:37,655 --> 00:01:38,930
Mwah!
34
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,067
Now, don't overdo
it on that pizza today.
35
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,550
You know how cheese
backs you up.
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00:01:43,551 --> 00:01:45,102
Rest easy, Mom.
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00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,826
You know I practice
moderation in all things.
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00:01:47,827 --> 00:01:49,999
So much pizza!
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00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,343
I'm gonna eat it all!
40
00:01:54,344 --> 00:01:57,481
I want you inside me now.
41
00:01:59,310 --> 00:02:01,447
Ahh.
42
00:02:01,448 --> 00:02:03,516
We actually did it.
43
00:02:03,517 --> 00:02:04,723
Augh!
44
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,654
Somebody broke
into our classroom!
45
00:02:07,655 --> 00:02:08,688
Oh, man.
46
00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:10,172
And we made it up to two.
47
00:02:16,793 --> 00:02:18,930
They took the pencil
sharpener, the globe--
48
00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:21,274
which only had England and
France and some sea monsters
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00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,343
on it, so it's
not a great loss,
50
00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:24,378
but this is a major violation.
51
00:02:24,379 --> 00:02:26,481
You'd be surprised
the things crackheads
52
00:02:26,482 --> 00:02:31,240
would steal for crack,
because they on crack.
53
00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:32,895
Oh, no, it's such a shame.
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00:02:32,896 --> 00:02:35,205
It's gonna take the fun
out of our pizza party.
55
00:02:35,206 --> 00:02:36,309
Who am I kidding?
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00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:37,585
No, it won't.
57
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:38,826
Uh-oh.
58
00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:41,792
Uh, they took the
Bookvember Fest logbook.
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00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:44,136
What?
60
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:46,136
Niggas will steal anything!
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00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:47,412
All the other
notebooks are here,
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00:02:47,413 --> 00:02:49,343
but the readathon one is gone.
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00:02:49,344 --> 00:02:50,826
That's OK, right?
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00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:52,619
I mean, you tallied
up all the books.
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00:02:52,620 --> 00:02:55,861
Turned the total in
for certification, right?
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00:02:55,862 --> 00:02:57,274
No.
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00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,895
I was going to turn
the book in today.
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00:02:58,896 --> 00:03:01,343
But without the logbook,
it's not official that we
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00:03:01,344 --> 00:03:03,274
read all the books, so--
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00:03:03,275 --> 00:03:05,309
Oh, you sweet boy.
71
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,655
I'm afraid there's
no pizza party.
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00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:20,654
Damn, damn, damn!
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00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:22,240
Come on!
Stay with us!
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00:03:22,241 --> 00:03:23,447
Live!
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00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:25,619
Don't you die
on us, you culo.
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00:03:27,482 --> 00:03:30,999
Time of death, 9:10 a.m.
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00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,481
At least we can lay him to
rest with his next of kin.
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00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,757
This hospital is a disaster.
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00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:40,999
A patient flatlined while I was
fixing the toilet yesterday,
80
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,481
and I had to resuscitate
him with the plunger.
81
00:03:43,482 --> 00:03:45,999
Ay, this hospital
needs 50 ccs of dinero.
82
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,309
We need somebody on the
inside to fight for us.
83
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:51,654
I will fight for you.
84
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:55,999
They said I'd never defeat
an incumbent or a drunk
85
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,033
who doesn't wear drawers.
86
00:03:57,034 --> 00:03:58,550
But I did.
87
00:03:58,551 --> 00:04:01,550
And as your senator,
I'll make history again.
88
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:04,481
I'm Coleman Bridges, and
I'll fight for Philadelphia
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00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:05,757
in Washington.
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00:04:05,758 --> 00:04:07,343
Him.
91
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:09,171
We got that snake in a
three-piece suit elected.
92
00:04:09,172 --> 00:04:10,343
He owes us.
93
00:04:10,344 --> 00:04:11,826
Yes, he does.
94
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:13,826
I am gonna march
right up to his office
95
00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:15,895
and give that man
a piece of my behind.
96
00:04:15,896 --> 00:04:16,895
Hmm.
97
00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:18,343
I mean my mind.
98
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:20,895
And then maybe my behind
if he's into that.
99
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,343
After all the
evidence has been heard,
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00:04:24,344 --> 00:04:28,240
the prosecutor and the defense
attorney give their summations.
101
00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:29,757
Well, this just
doesn't make sense.
102
00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:31,378
The jury must
find the defendant
103
00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:33,585
guilty beyond a
reasonable doubt or else--
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00:04:33,586 --> 00:04:35,757
I have a reasonable doubt
about this whole thing.
105
00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,102
Kevin.
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00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:40,274
Miss Green, a crackhead
didn't break in here.
107
00:04:40,275 --> 00:04:44,550
I mean, why take a logbook, but
leave the VCR or the boombox,
108
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,205
or all the confiscated
drugs in your desk?
109
00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:48,274
Damn!
110
00:04:48,275 --> 00:04:49,861
And what do we have here?
111
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:51,654
Of all the notebooks
in your cabinet,
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00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:54,826
the robber only took
the readathon logbook
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00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:58,688
because he stole it to deny
us our hard-won pizza party.
114
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:02,412
But who could hate
pizza that much?
115
00:05:02,413 --> 00:05:06,826
Someone who wasn't going to
get pizza because that someone
116
00:05:06,827 --> 00:05:08,723
didn't participate
in a reading challenge
117
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:11,999
because they think
"books are ass," someone like--
118
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,792
No pizza for
you, you book-loving bitches!
119
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:19,412
I done told y'all,
reading be ass.
120
00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:20,826
There's your thief!
121
00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:26,999
We're so overtaxed that
sometimes we have to put
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00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,757
four patients in one bed.
123
00:05:28,758 --> 00:05:30,654
Yeah, we call that
Willy Wonka-ing.
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00:05:30,655 --> 00:05:33,067
And occasionally,
one of the patients
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00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:34,930
makes chocolate in the bed.
126
00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:36,136
Ironic, huh?
127
00:05:36,137 --> 00:05:37,550
Unconscionable.
128
00:05:37,551 --> 00:05:39,309
Thank you
for inviting me here today.
129
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:42,171
There is an appropriations vote
before the council this Monday,
130
00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:43,171
and I give you my word--
131
00:05:43,172 --> 00:05:44,723
Thank the Lord.
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00:05:44,724 --> 00:05:47,136
that I will cast my
vote to finally shut this
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00:05:47,137 --> 00:05:49,343
substandard hospital down.
134
00:05:52,827 --> 00:05:54,447
Pizza murderer!
135
00:05:57,344 --> 00:05:59,412
You've got marinara
on your hands!
136
00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:02,171
And I'm about to throw
these hands, bitch!
137
00:06:02,172 --> 00:06:04,033
Whoa!
138
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:05,205
Ooh!
139
00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:07,033
Everyone, please calm down!
140
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,205
Order, children!
141
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,343
Order!
142
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:10,516
Chin Check stole the logbook!
143
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,550
Hell no!
144
00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:13,171
I'm innocent, Ka-Ka Kev!
145
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:14,343
I'm not Ka-Ka!
146
00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:16,033
I'm officially Comedy Kev now!
147
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:18,447
Yeah, he changed that
narrative a long time
148
00:06:18,448 --> 00:06:19,861
ago, bitch.
149
00:06:19,862 --> 00:06:21,102
Listen up!
150
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:23,309
I'm as upset about
all of this as you.
151
00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:27,136
It pained me to cancel that
order for all those pizzas.
152
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,619
I got this stupid
Mr. T look for nothing!
153
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:35,964
But Mr. Hart, I pity the
fool who levels baseless
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00:06:35,965 --> 00:06:38,102
allegations in my school.
155
00:06:38,103 --> 00:06:39,136
That's right.
156
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,550
We're a country of laws.
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00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:42,654
In America,
we have a system where
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00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:44,999
the accused gets a fair trial.
159
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,343
Yeah, right.
160
00:06:46,344 --> 00:06:47,964
Tell that to the
Central Park Five.
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00:06:47,965 --> 00:06:49,861
That's what I'm contractually
obligated to tell you.
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00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:53,481
But what if we held
a fair trial of our own
163
00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:54,999
for our civics unit?
164
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,654
You can all play a role,
Kevin, the prosecutor.
165
00:06:57,655 --> 00:06:59,171
Rhe Rhe, the defense.
166
00:06:59,172 --> 00:07:02,171
And if I prove that Chin
Check stole the logbook,
167
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,585
we'll have our pizzas?
168
00:07:03,586 --> 00:07:06,826
Yes, if you prove
Mr. Check's guilt
169
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:11,309
and recover the logbook,
then and only then,
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00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,033
you can have your pizza party.
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00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,481
Friends, I promise you that
that book will be recovered
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00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:19,826
and that pizza will be ours.
173
00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:22,171
And Rhe Rhe, though we'll be
opponents in this trial,
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00:07:22,172 --> 00:07:25,274
I hope this won't affect
our personal relationship.
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00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:26,861
It won't.
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00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:27,723
Good.
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00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,343
Justice will be served.
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00:07:29,344 --> 00:07:32,309
And as God is my witness,
it will have stuffed crust.
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00:07:32,310 --> 00:07:33,274
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
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00:07:33,275 --> 00:07:35,136
You know what I like!
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00:07:35,137 --> 00:07:36,447
Go, Kev!
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00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:39,033
Go, Kev!
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00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,309
Your smoothie, sir.
184
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:42,309
It better be
smooth this time.
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00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:45,654
I bet not find one banana lump.
186
00:07:45,655 --> 00:07:47,412
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, pendejo.
187
00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:48,481
What the hell was that?
188
00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:49,930
You can't close us down!
189
00:07:49,931 --> 00:07:52,274
The neighborhood depends
on this hospital.
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00:07:52,275 --> 00:07:54,895
Ladies, you just spent
an hour proving to me
191
00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:57,033
that King is a disaster area.
192
00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:58,895
The funds the city
wastes on it can
193
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,826
be better used
at Money Permanente
194
00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:03,102
Medical Center downtown.
195
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:04,412
Money Permanente?
196
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:11,067
You mean the HMO that's
funding your Senate campaign?
197
00:08:11,068 --> 00:08:14,999
Legally, the councilman knows
nothing, allegedly, about that.
198
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,274
Allegedly.
199
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:19,309
Councilman, that fancy
place is miles away.
200
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:22,033
You have to take four
buses to get there.
201
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,792
The community needs
this hospital.
202
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,550
It's vital to them.
203
00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:30,343
You must no-- you cannot
close Killer King--
204
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,895
uh, I mean regular King.
205
00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,619
Savior King.
- Sorry.
206
00:08:34,620 --> 00:08:35,619
Go, go, go.
207
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:40,171
That's a bad sign.
208
00:08:41,517 --> 00:08:43,861
Now that's a bad sign.
209
00:08:43,862 --> 00:08:46,481
Let me get
the eyelash glue.
210
00:08:47,724 --> 00:08:49,205
In the criminal
justice system,
211
00:08:49,206 --> 00:08:51,412
the people are represented
by two separate
212
00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:53,274
yet equally important groups--
213
00:08:53,275 --> 00:08:54,930
the police who investigate--
214
00:08:54,931 --> 00:08:57,067
Soupy, this isn't an
episode of "Law & Order."
215
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,240
Dang!
216
00:08:58,241 --> 00:09:00,309
Can a nigga get one bom bom?
217
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,964
I'll allow it.
218
00:09:01,965 --> 00:09:02,964
Thanks.
219
00:09:02,965 --> 00:09:04,447
Bom bom.
220
00:09:04,448 --> 00:09:07,274
The prosecution will
make its opening statement.
221
00:09:07,275 --> 00:09:10,585
Your Honor,
members of the jury, Rhe Rhe.
222
00:09:11,931 --> 00:09:13,654
Look, we all know
you did it, OK?
223
00:09:13,655 --> 00:09:15,999
Just give us the book back,
and we can all have our pizza.
224
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:16,826
The end.
225
00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:18,033
Do the bom bom.
226
00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:18,861
Bom bom.
227
00:09:18,862 --> 00:09:19,999
Man, this is bullshit!
228
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,654
Watch your mouth, Chin Check.
229
00:09:21,655 --> 00:09:23,136
It's not over yet.
230
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:25,861
The defense will make
her opening statement.
231
00:09:25,862 --> 00:09:27,274
Thank you, Miss Green.
232
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,964
My job is to convince
the jury that Chin
233
00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:33,171
Check didn't take that book.
234
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:34,274
But come on.
235
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,619
He probably did it, right?
236
00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:38,274
Rhe Rhe,
you're supposed to defend him.
237
00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:40,723
Hey, I like pizza, too.
238
00:09:40,724 --> 00:09:42,447
He did it.
239
00:09:43,827 --> 00:09:45,102
Stop making a mockery
of my mock trial!
240
00:09:45,103 --> 00:09:47,171
Guilty!
Guilty!
241
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:49,171
Guilty! Guilty!
242
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,723
Man, fuck this shit!
243
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:51,964
I'm out of here!
244
00:09:53,655 --> 00:09:54,861
Well, I think
we're done here.
245
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,274
Let's order that pizza.
246
00:09:56,275 --> 00:09:57,585
We are not done.
247
00:09:57,586 --> 00:09:59,757
Kevin, if you want
that pizza party,
248
00:09:59,758 --> 00:10:01,654
then you have to prove
Chin Check did it
249
00:10:01,655 --> 00:10:03,240
and find that logbook.
250
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:04,516
Is that clear?
251
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:06,136
Yes, Miss Green.
252
00:10:06,137 --> 00:10:07,516
Good.
253
00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:09,619
Until tomorrow morning,
we'll stand in recess.
254
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,895
Recess, all right!
255
00:10:10,896 --> 00:10:13,585
Whoo! Yeah, recess!
256
00:10:13,586 --> 00:10:16,792
The system sucks balls.
257
00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:20,895
Let's review everyone's
ideas to save the hospital.
258
00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:25,895
Mrs. Park suggested arson
for that insurance good-good.
259
00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:29,240
I know someone who
can torch it-- me.
260
00:10:29,241 --> 00:10:31,067
Mm-mm.
261
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:35,688
Darnell suggested we sell those
hospital gowns
262
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:37,378
with the ass out.
263
00:10:37,379 --> 00:10:39,654
Who doesn't love lounging
around the house on a Sunday
264
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:44,688
with a cool breeze
and easy access?
265
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:47,826
And Mrs. Old Lady
suggested that we
266
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:52,067
raise money by tap dancing
like Bojangles Robinson.
267
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:55,412
I love how
Shirley Temple tolerated him.
268
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:58,585
Now, that was her real talent.
269
00:10:58,586 --> 00:11:01,481
We're going to
lose the hospital.
270
00:11:01,482 --> 00:11:02,585
I don't know what to do.
271
00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:03,999
I do.
272
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,999
But I don't think
you want to hear it.
273
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,861
Girl, I'm so desperate.
274
00:11:07,862 --> 00:11:10,378
Even if you was Shabba Ranks,
I'd want to hear it.
275
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,688
And you know how much I
hate dancehall reggae.
276
00:11:12,689 --> 00:11:13,757
OK.
277
00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:15,481
Blackmail Coleman Bridges.
278
00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:18,033
Threaten his mama,
throw boiling albondigas
279
00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:20,516
on him, whatever it takes.
280
00:11:20,517 --> 00:11:21,826
Mm.
281
00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:23,067
I told you.
282
00:11:23,068 --> 00:11:24,792
You wouldn't want to hear it.
283
00:11:24,793 --> 00:11:26,930
We can't compromise
our morals.
284
00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:28,757
We have to be better than that.
285
00:11:28,758 --> 00:11:30,999
When they go low, we go high.
286
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:31,964
Wrong.
287
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,895
When they go low, we go lower.
288
00:11:33,896 --> 00:11:35,309
And we kick their nuts.
289
00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:37,240
If we want to
save our hospital,
290
00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:40,895
our only choice is to get
some low-class people together
291
00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:43,067
and do some down
and dirty immoral
292
00:11:43,068 --> 00:11:45,930
shit on Bridges that
might put us in jail.
293
00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,550
I can't believe
I'm saying this,
294
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:50,757
but I believe the Hispanic.
295
00:11:50,758 --> 00:11:54,274
Forgive me,
Father Coughlin.
296
00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:56,274
In!
297
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:57,516
I haven't crammed in a while.
298
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,309
If he's in, I'm coming too!
299
00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:03,619
Marisol, I know you mean
well, but I can't do it.
300
00:12:03,620 --> 00:12:05,550
It's not who I am.
301
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:07,033
OK, have it your way.
302
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:08,999
I'll be here when
you change your mind.
303
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:13,136
I'll be heating up my
boiling albondigas.
304
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:16,516
The free clinic says
diabetes took my leg,
305
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:17,895
but I know it was him.
306
00:12:17,896 --> 00:12:20,136
Chin Check steals everything.
307
00:12:20,137 --> 00:12:22,102
I haven't eaten
my lunch in years.
308
00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:24,895
That's why I got rickets!
Ew!
309
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:28,102
Come on,
we all know he did it!
310
00:12:28,103 --> 00:12:31,585
Oh, for the umpteenth
time, you're supposed
311
00:12:31,586 --> 00:12:33,516
to be on his side, Rhe Rhe!
312
00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:37,826
Dante-- I mean, Mr. Dirty,
what did you hear the defendant
313
00:12:37,827 --> 00:12:39,792
say about our pizza party?
314
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,136
He said--
315
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,102
and I quote--
316
00:12:43,103 --> 00:12:45,792
that it was ass.
317
00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:47,688
Oh, I say a lot
of stuff be ass!
318
00:12:47,689 --> 00:12:49,240
That's my catchphrase!
319
00:12:49,241 --> 00:12:50,378
I didn't take that book!
320
00:12:50,379 --> 00:12:52,102
I couldn't have took it.
- Couldn't?
321
00:12:52,103 --> 00:12:52,964
Why?
322
00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:54,136
I ain't telling you.
323
00:12:54,137 --> 00:12:55,240
Snitching be ass.
324
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,861
Well, I say book
thievery be ass.
325
00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:59,619
No, you be ass!
326
00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:01,309
This whole trial be ass!
327
00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,550
Justice be ass!
328
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:03,688
America be ass!
329
00:13:05,206 --> 00:13:08,309
Malcolm X couldn't
have said it any better.
330
00:13:08,310 --> 00:13:10,447
Let's try again tomorrow.
331
00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:15,516
Kev, are you
still gonna get us our pizza?
332
00:13:15,517 --> 00:13:17,447
I'm not so sure, Dirty Dante.
333
00:13:18,448 --> 00:13:21,516
No pizza?
334
00:13:21,517 --> 00:13:22,758
Bom bom.
335
00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:29,136
Lord, I don't want
to lower my morals.
336
00:13:29,137 --> 00:13:32,102
Please guide me
with your wisdom.
337
00:13:35,620 --> 00:13:38,412
Now are you ready to
do what has to be did?
338
00:13:38,413 --> 00:13:39,895
I am.
339
00:13:39,896 --> 00:13:42,930
Let's do it your way
and take down Bridges.
340
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:46,826
Yes, Marisol's time to shine.
341
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:49,964
OK, team,
let's do someone dirty.
342
00:13:54,482 --> 00:13:56,757
I'm going to blow the
biggest case of in career,
343
00:13:56,758 --> 00:13:58,999
and the only case in my career.
344
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,619
I gotta nail this guy.
345
00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:03,723
I'm sorry, pizzas.
346
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:05,033
I let you down.
347
00:14:05,034 --> 00:14:06,895
Get the fuck away
from my window.
348
00:14:06,896 --> 00:14:08,550
You're scaring my customers.
349
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,033
Sorry.
350
00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:12,033
I'm just looking at the
pizzas I'll never eat.
351
00:14:12,034 --> 00:14:13,964
Guess you're mad
Principal Johnson had
352
00:14:13,965 --> 00:14:15,102
to cancel that big order, huh?
353
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:16,585
Principal Johnson?
354
00:14:16,586 --> 00:14:18,205
That dude never called
in no pizza order.
355
00:14:18,206 --> 00:14:19,723
Oh!
356
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:20,757
Watch it.
357
00:14:20,758 --> 00:14:22,067
Are you ignorant?
358
00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:23,861
The sign clearly
says, "Don't Walk."
359
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:24,861
Shut your ass up!
360
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:26,205
I saw it.
361
00:14:26,206 --> 00:14:28,861
Maybe I wanted to
almost get hit.
362
00:14:28,862 --> 00:14:29,826
Huh?
Oh!
363
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:30,861
Ugh!
364
00:14:30,862 --> 00:14:32,102
Stupid bitch!
365
00:14:32,103 --> 00:14:34,654
Why didn't you warn me?
366
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:35,654
Oh, god!
367
00:14:35,655 --> 00:14:37,136
I was wrong.
368
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,826
Mister, you just helped
me solve this case.
369
00:14:38,827 --> 00:14:40,136
Good.
370
00:14:40,137 --> 00:14:41,826
Now solve the mystery
on why the fuck
371
00:14:41,827 --> 00:14:43,481
you are still talking to me.
372
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:45,585
Right after you answer a
few more of my questions.
373
00:14:45,586 --> 00:14:48,102
Ugh, nigga.
374
00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:51,792
OK, I speak, I wave,
I kiss one baby that's cute,
375
00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:54,861
but not cuter than me, and
we leave for the fundraiser.
376
00:14:54,862 --> 00:14:55,861
There he is.
377
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,240
It's go time.
378
00:14:57,241 --> 00:15:00,654
Hey, it's my
plan and my team.
379
00:15:00,655 --> 00:15:02,136
I get to say that.
380
00:15:02,137 --> 00:15:05,136
It's go time.
381
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,895
OK, let's get this going.
382
00:15:09,655 --> 00:15:11,930
Get my good side, DelRoy.
383
00:15:14,896 --> 00:15:16,688
Motherfucker,
I said my good side.
384
00:15:16,689 --> 00:15:17,688
Damn, woman!
385
00:15:17,689 --> 00:15:19,378
You got 15 sides.
386
00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:22,585
Uh, excuse me,
but this is my photo op.
387
00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:24,309
And this is my foot.
388
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:27,447
You soggy piece of sourdough.
389
00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:31,343
The Negroes
are fighting again!
390
00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:35,516
Expired hot sauce eggnog,
work your magic.
391
00:15:38,551 --> 00:15:41,826
My friends,
if North Philadelphia is
392
00:15:41,827 --> 00:15:44,861
to thrive, then we must
close down this antiquated
393
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:46,723
eyesore and in its place--
394
00:15:47,965 --> 00:15:49,757
My chest!
395
00:15:57,965 --> 00:16:01,067
Class, I have been advised
by the, uh, attorney general
396
00:16:01,068 --> 00:16:03,481
that it's time
for us to end the trial,
397
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:07,205
grieve the pizza party, and
start our unit on fractions.
398
00:16:07,206 --> 00:16:08,550
So if everybody could just--
399
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,688
Your Honor,
if I may, I would like
400
00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:12,102
to make a closing statement.
401
00:16:12,103 --> 00:16:14,688
Young ladies and
gentleboys of the jury,
402
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:17,240
it is the solemn job
of the prosecution
403
00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:19,274
to see that justice is done.
404
00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:22,033
In that spirit,
it is my firm belief
405
00:16:22,034 --> 00:16:24,136
that Chin Check is innocent!
406
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:27,481
I didn't see
that shit coming.
407
00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:30,343
I submit that Chin Check
couldn't have taken the logbook
408
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:33,688
because he couldn't tell which
book in Miss Green's cabinet
409
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:35,171
was the logbook.
410
00:16:35,172 --> 00:16:37,930
My proof is on this.
411
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:41,481
Chin Check, now,
what does this say?
412
00:16:41,482 --> 00:16:44,102
Uh, it says--
413
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,171
it says, you be ass!
414
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,205
That's right.
415
00:16:48,206 --> 00:16:50,895
You think reading be ass.
416
00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:52,516
And maybe it is.
417
00:16:52,517 --> 00:16:57,136
But maybe you feel that
way because you can't read!
418
00:16:58,379 --> 00:16:59,999
you!
419
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,516
I can read!
420
00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:03,792
I see words backwards
like everybody else.
421
00:17:05,068 --> 00:17:06,516
Oh, my god.
422
00:17:06,517 --> 00:17:07,688
He's dyslexic.
423
00:17:07,689 --> 00:17:08,723
No, I ain't!
424
00:17:08,724 --> 00:17:11,274
Mind your own nizbiz!
425
00:17:11,275 --> 00:17:13,309
I'm having a heart attack.
426
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,757
Take me to Money Permanente.
427
00:17:14,758 --> 00:17:16,585
Sorry to have to be
the one to say this,
428
00:17:16,586 --> 00:17:20,723
but your transternator's
fucked.
429
00:17:20,724 --> 00:17:23,930
Help me!
430
00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:25,067
We got you.
431
00:17:25,068 --> 00:17:26,654
We'll take you right to King.
432
00:17:26,655 --> 00:17:27,688
No!
433
00:17:27,689 --> 00:17:29,102
Not Killer King.
434
00:17:29,103 --> 00:17:31,655
You go where we take
you, motherfucker.
435
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:39,723
So if Chin Check didn't
take the book, then who did?
436
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:43,964
Maybe you know,
Principal Johnson.
437
00:17:43,965 --> 00:17:45,067
Well, now, hold on.
438
00:17:45,068 --> 00:17:46,930
Why would I know?
439
00:17:46,931 --> 00:17:50,343
The answer is on this paper
that Chin Check couldn't read.
440
00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:51,481
Can you?
441
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:53,447
Ah.
442
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:54,757
Oh, my Lord.
443
00:17:54,758 --> 00:17:56,619
Principal Johnson
made a promise.
444
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:59,619
If we read 5,000
books, he'd get a Mr. T,
445
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,447
and we'd get pizza.
446
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,481
See, but he never
thought we'd do it.
447
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:04,826
But we did.
448
00:18:04,827 --> 00:18:06,757
Going Mr. T was easy,
but getting the students
449
00:18:06,758 --> 00:18:09,826
of this school 70 extra-large
pepperoni pizzas, well, that
450
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,895
was hard when the only
pizza place in our hood
451
00:18:12,896 --> 00:18:14,516
won't serve you.
452
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:18,102
That's why you stole
the logbook, why
453
00:18:18,103 --> 00:18:20,481
you robbed us of
our cheesy reward,
454
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:25,861
because your checks bounced!
455
00:18:27,448 --> 00:18:29,344
- Oh, shit!
- Ugh.
456
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:33,136
Oh, damn.
457
00:18:33,137 --> 00:18:34,654
You're right!
458
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,688
God damn it.
459
00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:37,205
It's true!
460
00:18:37,206 --> 00:18:38,964
They repoed my car.
461
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:40,688
My wife left me.
462
00:18:40,689 --> 00:18:42,792
I overdrew my account.
463
00:18:42,793 --> 00:18:44,481
God damn it.
464
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:46,895
I did it, so help me, God.
465
00:18:48,448 --> 00:18:50,826
That'll get the kids
to trust teachers more.
466
00:18:50,827 --> 00:18:51,999
OK, here they come.
467
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,412
Get ready to act
your asses off.
468
00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:54,550
This is so exciting.
469
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:55,792
I know, right?
470
00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,895
Whoever said crime
don't pay probably
471
00:18:57,896 --> 00:19:00,309
was just terrible at crime.
472
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:03,274
Hey, hey, hey,
corny nigga coming through.
473
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,757
Watch out.
474
00:19:04,758 --> 00:19:06,550
Ooh, you came to the
right place, brother.
475
00:19:06,551 --> 00:19:09,102
They got some angels
of mercy here.
476
00:19:09,103 --> 00:19:10,895
God bless King Hospital.
477
00:19:10,896 --> 00:19:12,171
Wait a minute.
478
00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,895
Didn't I see you
outside just now?
479
00:19:13,896 --> 00:19:18,550
Oh, so all of us fixed
income folks look alike to you?
480
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:20,136
You uppity Neg--
481
00:19:20,137 --> 00:19:21,550
Councilman Bridges, I'll--
482
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,378
I'll try to get to you.
483
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:25,654
We're a little crowded with
all the neighborhood folk
484
00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:27,516
who depend on us.
485
00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:28,481
Please!
486
00:19:28,482 --> 00:19:30,516
I'm dying here, lady.
487
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:34,516
Let's hope old Sparky
hanging in there.
488
00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:36,274
No!
489
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:39,447
Please, please, save me.
490
00:19:39,448 --> 00:19:41,758
What's it worth
to you, Councilman?
491
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:48,412
It's true.
492
00:19:48,413 --> 00:19:50,964
The district
is so poor that I'm
493
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:54,757
going bankrupt buying school
supplies with my own money.
494
00:19:54,758 --> 00:19:57,481
The pizza party
would have ruined me!
495
00:19:57,482 --> 00:20:01,171
So, in desperation,
I took the logbook
496
00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:03,481
and tried to pin
it on a crackhead!
497
00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:06,516
It was a perfect plan,
and I would
498
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:09,240
have gotten away
with it if it wasn't
499
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,102
for you overachieving kids.
500
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:14,343
It's OK, Principal Johnson.
501
00:20:14,344 --> 00:20:16,343
You were only trying to help.
502
00:20:16,344 --> 00:20:18,792
Yeah, look, just because
you're broke and sad,
503
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:20,688
it doesn't mean that
you're a bad person.
504
00:20:20,689 --> 00:20:23,309
And I'm pretty sure if
Chin Check is dyslexic,
505
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:26,102
then we can get state
funding to help him.
506
00:20:26,103 --> 00:20:27,102
That's right.
507
00:20:27,103 --> 00:20:28,343
We can.
508
00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:30,826
So much state funding.
509
00:20:30,827 --> 00:20:34,343
God bless you, you learning
disabled little hero.
510
00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:37,067
Now we can have
100 pizza parties.
511
00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,033
Yay!
512
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:40,516
Whoo-hoo!
513
00:20:40,517 --> 00:20:43,378
I pledge my support
for repairs and new equipment
514
00:20:43,379 --> 00:20:44,378
for Killer--
515
00:20:45,689 --> 00:20:46,930
King Hospital.
516
00:20:46,931 --> 00:20:50,757
Sis, you on TV,
just like Lena Horne,
517
00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:52,654
or that bitch-ass turtle.
518
00:20:52,655 --> 00:20:54,964
And I thank the
dedicated professionals
519
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:58,895
who saved my life during my
recent medical emergency.
520
00:20:58,896 --> 00:21:02,102
Saved him
from his indigestion,
521
00:21:02,103 --> 00:21:04,067
but he'll never know that.
522
00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:05,757
How does it feel, Nancy?
523
00:21:05,758 --> 00:21:08,343
I hope I never have to do
something like this again.
524
00:21:08,344 --> 00:21:10,757
But we did the right thing.
525
00:21:10,758 --> 00:21:11,861
Thank you.
526
00:21:11,862 --> 00:21:13,171
De nada.
527
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:15,826
And thank you and your team.
528
00:21:15,827 --> 00:21:17,516
Here's your cut.
529
00:21:17,517 --> 00:21:20,033
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
530
00:21:20,034 --> 00:21:21,516
Yo, check it out.
531
00:21:21,517 --> 00:21:23,102
We're billionaires.
532
00:21:23,103 --> 00:21:26,999
Yeah!
533
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,136
I must admit,
this pizza ain't ass.
534
00:21:31,137 --> 00:21:32,274
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
535
00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:33,516
Ah.
536
00:21:33,517 --> 00:21:35,550
That pizza party
was everything.
537
00:21:35,551 --> 00:21:37,274
Sorry again for
saying you did it.
538
00:21:37,275 --> 00:21:38,757
Yeah, yeah.
539
00:21:38,758 --> 00:21:40,240
I'll beat the shit out
of you for that later.
540
00:21:40,241 --> 00:21:41,999
But for now,
I'm going to enjoy all
541
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:46,033
this cheese before my sleepover
with the toilet tonight.
542
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,826
And maybe reading
ain't ass after all.
543
00:21:51,827 --> 00:21:54,136
Maybe I was ass
for hating on it.
544
00:21:54,137 --> 00:21:56,136
And now I could
get some help so I
545
00:21:56,137 --> 00:22:00,447
can read about all the non-ass
stuff in them ass books.
546
00:22:00,448 --> 00:22:02,930
You know, maybe the
first book you should read
547
00:22:02,931 --> 00:22:04,792
is a dictionary.
548
00:22:04,793 --> 00:22:06,930
I think I'm gonna beat
the shit out of you now.
37920
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