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♪ You know it's gotta be
G'd up ♪
2
00:00:10,931 --> 00:00:12,619
♪ The kind of show that make
you cowards get beat up ♪
3
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:14,930
♪ We on the outs until
we caught and go do bids ♪
4
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,757
♪ Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ♪
5
00:00:16,758 --> 00:00:18,412
♪ Come on,
burglars and murderers ♪
6
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:20,067
♪ And all kind of fiends ♪
- ♪ Smokers ♪
7
00:00:20,068 --> 00:00:21,930
♪ Bogeymen in real life,
it ain't nothing clean ♪
8
00:00:21,931 --> 00:00:24,378
♪ Babies traumatized,
and their daddy drunk ♪
9
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:26,309
♪ It don't matter,
can't be no punk ♪
10
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,378
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪
11
00:00:27,379 --> 00:00:28,895
♪ Yeah, Lil Kev ♪
12
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,723
♪ You don't wanna be
out here with us ♪
13
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:32,309
♪ It's bad, boy ♪
14
00:00:32,310 --> 00:00:33,688
♪ Don't turn that corner ♪
15
00:00:33,689 --> 00:00:35,136
♪ Let the streetlights
hit you ♪
16
00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:37,895
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪
17
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:43,861
Compassion...
18
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:47,171
it is the sweetest fruit
in God's cornucopia of bounty.
19
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,619
That's right.
20
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:51,516
It is a fruit
you wrap your lips around
21
00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:56,412
and feel His sweet nectar
dripping down your chin.
22
00:00:56,413 --> 00:00:58,378
all: Amen!
23
00:00:58,379 --> 00:01:01,861
Lord Jesus said
love thy neighbor as thyself.
24
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,412
I want to love the shit
out of this neighbor.
25
00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:05,792
Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:08,619
Because, uh,
we're all the Lord's children,
27
00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:11,171
all with the same
God-given dignity.
28
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,688
Hmm, no diggity.
29
00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:14,964
No doubt.
30
00:01:14,965 --> 00:01:17,309
But good Christians
don't just say,
31
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:18,757
"Love thy neighbor."
32
00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:22,654
They act on it no matter
who their neighbors are.
33
00:01:22,655 --> 00:01:23,861
Hallelujah!
34
00:01:23,862 --> 00:01:26,550
Let us all reach out
a helping hand
35
00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:28,930
to those less fortunate today,
36
00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:31,412
care for them, tend to them,
37
00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:35,619
put God's love all up in them!
38
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:38,102
Yes!
Oh!
39
00:01:38,103 --> 00:01:40,240
Thank you, my children.
40
00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:42,757
I hope you take my words
with you...
41
00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:45,102
on these CDs!
42
00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:47,999
The ones they sell at the
barbershop are bootlegs.
43
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,136
You buy those
and you're going to hell.
44
00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:53,067
Free at last, free at last,
45
00:01:53,068 --> 00:01:54,378
Great God Almighty,
46
00:01:54,379 --> 00:01:56,343
my butt cheeks
are free at last.
47
00:01:56,344 --> 00:01:57,723
Whoo!
48
00:01:57,724 --> 00:01:59,378
- Comedy Kev!
- Oh, you're killing me.
49
00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:02,240
Such a moving sermon,
Reverend.
50
00:02:02,241 --> 00:02:05,102
Especially around
the 3 1/2 hour mark.
51
00:02:05,103 --> 00:02:06,378
Thank you, Sister Hart.
52
00:02:06,379 --> 00:02:07,861
It pleases me greatly
53
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:11,964
to think my humble homily
has penetrated willing ears.
54
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,619
Oh, it did.
55
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:17,274
I promise you that your words
about compassion and dignity
56
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,757
had a real impact on me
and my boys.
57
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,309
Hey, y'all, peep Lucky!
58
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,481
He only got one leg!
59
00:02:23,482 --> 00:02:24,654
You would think this nigga
60
00:02:24,655 --> 00:02:26,102
could moisturize it
a little bit,
61
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:29,136
'cause his stump is ashier
than Ashford & Simpson.
62
00:02:30,896 --> 00:02:32,861
You got me.
63
00:02:32,862 --> 00:02:34,585
Eczema is hilarious.
64
00:02:34,586 --> 00:02:36,999
And look at Dirty Dante
dirty ass.
65
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,930
Yeah, he's so dirty, his
Sunday whites are Sunday brown.
66
00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:42,930
Oh, Kev!
67
00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:44,274
They brown!
68
00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:46,378
Sister Hart,
isn't that your son, Kevin,
69
00:02:46,379 --> 00:02:47,723
speaking with all that venom?
70
00:02:47,724 --> 00:02:50,792
Well, I--I--
I can't really see if--
71
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:51,723
Yeah, that's him.
72
00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,033
Ow!
73
00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:54,654
Aw, and look at that fool,
Chin Check.
74
00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:58,171
He's so dumb, he tried to use
food stamps to mail a postcard.
75
00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:01,930
Such a shame before the Lord.
76
00:03:06,655 --> 00:03:09,205
Thank you, thank you.
77
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:12,447
I'm here all week.
- No, you are not.
78
00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:13,792
Uh-oh.
79
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,826
Don't you disrespect
the Lord's teaching.
80
00:03:15,827 --> 00:03:17,688
Ow, Mom!
My lobe!
81
00:03:17,689 --> 00:03:20,034
Ooh, pulled by the ear!
That's cold!
82
00:03:20,448 --> 00:03:22,171
All these years,
I always thought
83
00:03:22,172 --> 00:03:24,964
the church was just about
drinking wine in the morning.
84
00:03:24,965 --> 00:03:28,171
Today, I really felt
something different.
85
00:03:28,172 --> 00:03:31,171
See, the rev was preaching that
we have to love thy neighbor,
86
00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:32,792
but first, love yourself.
87
00:03:32,793 --> 00:03:36,136
Man, times have changed!
88
00:03:36,137 --> 00:03:38,447
One time, I got arrested
for loving myself
89
00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:40,688
within 500 feet
of a playground.
90
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:43,481
I'm serious, Oscar!
I gotta get my life together.
91
00:03:43,482 --> 00:03:46,205
I can't keep on sleeping
cramped up in old cars.
92
00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:48,378
I'm getting Honda elbow.
93
00:03:48,379 --> 00:03:52,102
Hey, fellas!
Big house... open!
94
00:03:52,103 --> 00:03:54,516
What is it, boy?
Is somebody trapped in a well?
95
00:03:54,517 --> 00:03:56,516
There's an open house
up the block.
96
00:03:56,517 --> 00:03:59,343
Real nice place.
It's going fast.
97
00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:02,895
Yes!
Ask and ye shall receive!
98
00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:04,136
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
99
00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:06,136
You are asking for it
today, Kevin!
100
00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:08,033
Ah, why'd you do that, Ma?
101
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:10,136
You made me look bad
in front of all my friends.
102
00:04:10,137 --> 00:04:11,619
Well, you made me look bad
103
00:04:11,620 --> 00:04:13,826
in front of our Lord,
Jesus Christ.
104
00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:15,447
It's just jokes, Ma.
105
00:04:15,448 --> 00:04:17,481
Jokes at the expense
of others.
106
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:20,067
Like that poor child of God,
Chin Check.
107
00:04:20,068 --> 00:04:23,205
He beats me up every day.
And twice on Friday.
108
00:04:23,206 --> 00:04:26,688
You have to rise above that.
Didn't you hear the Reverend?
109
00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:29,516
All of God's creatures deserve
to be treated with respect...
110
00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:31,895
- Ow, ow!
- Love, and charity!
111
00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,792
Mom, seriously?
112
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:37,447
Look, not everyone
deserves Christian charity.
113
00:04:37,448 --> 00:04:39,274
Now, that's where
you're wrong.
114
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:41,378
OK, well, what about
the slave owner
115
00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:42,964
who cut off Kunta Kinte's foot?
116
00:04:42,965 --> 00:04:45,240
Maybe LeVar Burton
had foot cancer
117
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:48,654
and it saved his life, which
probably made him read more.
118
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,757
You wouldn't know unless
you walked a mile
119
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,171
in his... shoe.
120
00:04:52,172 --> 00:04:53,861
What about that white girl
in the fourth grade
121
00:04:53,862 --> 00:04:54,861
who touched your hair?
122
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,205
That mayonnaise-eating
mother--
123
00:04:57,206 --> 00:04:58,516
her, too.
124
00:04:58,517 --> 00:04:59,861
What about that guy who--
125
00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:01,136
ah!
- That's enough.
126
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:02,585
Whoever you were going to say,
127
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:06,274
yes, a good Christian
reaches out a helping hand.
128
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:07,999
Love thy neighbor.
129
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,550
Oh, I enjoy your
minstrel show bantering.
130
00:05:11,551 --> 00:05:14,447
But could you people
move from my stoop?
131
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:17,481
I need to get to
the train station.
132
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:19,343
Well, what about
Mrs. Old Lady, Mom?
133
00:05:19,344 --> 00:05:21,343
Hmm?
I mean, she isour neighbor.
134
00:05:21,344 --> 00:05:23,378
Do you love and respect her, too?
135
00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:24,999
I certainly do.
136
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,067
I'm visiting my son
in Feltonville.
137
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:31,964
Lovely neighborhood
full of Puerto Ricans,
138
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,930
but nice ones.
139
00:05:33,931 --> 00:05:36,274
Always throwing parades.
140
00:05:36,275 --> 00:05:37,757
Don't you think that
141
00:05:37,758 --> 00:05:40,067
we should offer Mrs. Old Lady
a Christian helping hand?
142
00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:42,102
Well--
143
00:05:42,103 --> 00:05:44,723
It's OK, Mom.
I mean, I guess I was right.
144
00:05:44,724 --> 00:05:48,482
There are some exceptions to
the "love thy neighbor" rule.
145
00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:51,585
We'd be happy to help you.
146
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:53,585
It's what a good
Christian does.
147
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,309
Lean on me, Mrs. Old Lady.
148
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,067
I will.
149
00:05:57,068 --> 00:05:58,516
Thank you.
150
00:05:58,517 --> 00:06:01,481
You are so welcome.
151
00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:05,067
Kevin, get
Mrs. Old Lady's bags.
152
00:06:05,068 --> 00:06:06,688
What is in these bags?
153
00:06:06,689 --> 00:06:09,447
Oh, it's just a few gifts
for Gavin.
154
00:06:09,448 --> 00:06:12,481
Canned peaches, a bowling pin.
155
00:06:12,482 --> 00:06:14,895
Oh, you know, trinkets.
156
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:18,378
What a wonderful idea
this was, Kevin.
157
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,378
So glad you suggested it.
158
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:21,447
Me, too.
159
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:24,309
You two are so helpful.
160
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:28,689
There should be a word
for this kind of free labor.
161
00:06:31,275 --> 00:06:33,861
Yo, Unc, who is that?
162
00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,688
Ms. Green.
163
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:38,585
She's the reason I made it
out of the joint in one piece.
164
00:06:38,586 --> 00:06:42,931
She's a multi-hyphenate,
taught art and fine as hell.
165
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,309
She is fine.
166
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:47,378
I'd hit it.
167
00:06:47,379 --> 00:06:48,930
Watch your fucking mouth!
168
00:06:48,931 --> 00:06:51,447
I'll cut you with part
of a balanced breakfast
169
00:06:51,448 --> 00:06:54,102
if you ever
disrespect that bitch.
170
00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:55,999
Man, you really like her.
171
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,240
When are you going
to see her again?
172
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:59,757
Yeah, you know--
you know, whenever.
173
00:06:59,758 --> 00:07:02,412
Uh, just, you know,
gotta, you know,
174
00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:04,654
call her and whatnot
and, you know,
175
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:06,930
make the motherfucking
arrangements and, you know,
176
00:07:06,931 --> 00:07:09,033
establish the details and shit,
you know.
177
00:07:09,034 --> 00:07:10,999
You mean to tell me
you never hit her up?
178
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,136
Man, m-maybe
I'm playing it cool, huh?
179
00:07:14,137 --> 00:07:16,688
Or maybe she not awake yet.
180
00:07:16,689 --> 00:07:19,999
Uh, m-maybe I gotta eat first.
181
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,550
OK, I get it.
182
00:07:21,551 --> 00:07:22,999
You calling me a punk?
183
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,723
I'll call her.
184
00:07:24,724 --> 00:07:27,654
I-I'll call her right now.
185
00:07:29,827 --> 00:07:31,205
Man.
186
00:07:31,206 --> 00:07:33,481
She gave me her pager number.
187
00:07:33,482 --> 00:07:34,964
Shit.
188
00:07:34,965 --> 00:07:37,274
She don't want me
calling her crib.
189
00:07:37,275 --> 00:07:38,792
She ducking me, right?
190
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,895
Uh, in the interest
of staying alive
191
00:07:40,896 --> 00:07:43,550
a few more minutes,
no comment?
192
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,895
Behold the open house!
193
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:51,516
Damn, Likey,
you really did some shit!
194
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:55,757
Damn, Likey.
You really did some shit.
195
00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:58,895
You gotta visualize
its potential, man.
196
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:02,585
Like, this ain't a pile
of wet newspapers.
197
00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:07,723
It's a cozy nook where you can
eat eggs and shoot up smack.
198
00:08:07,724 --> 00:08:09,274
I don't want
to shoot up smack!
199
00:08:09,275 --> 00:08:10,723
That's not what you said
when you was hooked on smack.
200
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,688
Cops! Hit the deck!
201
00:08:18,896 --> 00:08:20,516
What the fuck!
202
00:08:20,517 --> 00:08:21,964
What the fuck?
203
00:08:23,551 --> 00:08:26,792
Look what I found down here!
204
00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,723
This is what diggity
looks like!
205
00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:32,619
Fellas, we is hood royalty!
206
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:35,343
We going to be on "Lifestyles
of the Rich and Homeless."
207
00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:43,930
Kevin,
you are growing so fast.
208
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:49,585
You'll be a superpredator
in no time.
209
00:08:49,586 --> 00:08:51,171
Mrs. Old Lady,
210
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:55,378
this has certainly been
a walk down the block.
211
00:08:55,379 --> 00:08:57,481
You have a wonderful day.
212
00:08:57,482 --> 00:08:58,895
Just take this elevator
up to the plaza.
213
00:08:58,896 --> 00:09:00,550
- Do you mind?
- Ah!
214
00:09:00,551 --> 00:09:03,723
Some of us are trying
to relieve ourselves in peace.
215
00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:05,964
I guess we're
taking the stairs.
216
00:09:05,965 --> 00:09:08,171
Isn't that wonderful?
217
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:12,378
Three whole flights
to enjoy your company.
218
00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:13,412
Baby Jesus!
219
00:09:13,413 --> 00:09:15,447
Mm-mm!
220
00:09:18,137 --> 00:09:21,688
Once we cash in these coins
at the payday loan place
221
00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:25,516
and they take they 80%,
we going to be rich!
222
00:09:25,517 --> 00:09:27,723
Do you know
how many lottery tickets
223
00:09:27,724 --> 00:09:29,688
we can buy with this money?
224
00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,585
Uh-uh.
No lotto for me.
225
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,654
I gotta be smart
with my jug of coins.
226
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:36,033
Yours?
You mean ourjug of coins.
227
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,412
Right, right, right, right.
228
00:09:37,413 --> 00:09:40,619
I'll share a little,
but they're my coins.
229
00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:43,102
Yours truly is the finder
of the jug.
230
00:09:43,103 --> 00:09:45,792
Well, I found the open house.
231
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:48,688
Well, I burned the building
down in the first place.
232
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,378
You didn't even try
to burn anything down!
233
00:09:50,379 --> 00:09:53,550
Man, get off me! Get off!
Man, give me my coins.
234
00:09:57,206 --> 00:09:59,378
133,
235
00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:02,481
134,
236
00:10:02,482 --> 00:10:04,136
135.
237
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,585
Damn.
238
00:10:05,586 --> 00:10:08,792
Ms. Green ain't respond
to any of my beeper calls.
239
00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:11,067
Who am I kidding anyway?
240
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:13,619
She don't want no calls
from no broke ex-con
241
00:10:13,620 --> 00:10:16,067
who live in his
older sister's basement.
242
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:18,240
Now, just 'cause
she gave you a beeper number
243
00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:19,930
doesn't mean
she doesn't like you.
244
00:10:19,931 --> 00:10:21,447
You a catch, motherfucker.
245
00:10:21,448 --> 00:10:24,274
That's why you been caught
by the cops so many times.
246
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,723
You got it going on.
247
00:10:25,724 --> 00:10:28,826
Amazing upper body strength,
248
00:10:28,827 --> 00:10:31,481
lean, useless legs,
249
00:10:31,482 --> 00:10:35,447
and an ass so tight you can
bounce a quarter off it.
250
00:10:35,448 --> 00:10:36,826
So what do I do?
251
00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:38,585
You know the building
she lives in, right?
252
00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:42,102
So get her attention with
a grand motherfucking gesture.
253
00:10:42,103 --> 00:10:44,619
Some real
"Sleepless in Seattle" shit.
254
00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:46,343
Yeah, you're right.
255
00:10:46,344 --> 00:10:49,792
I'm going to go Meg Ryan
and Tom Hanks on her ass.
256
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,309
Man, y'all really know women.
257
00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:55,619
You two must get
mountains of nappy dugout.
258
00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:58,895
It's not really nappy,
per se.
259
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:02,205
I would say more like
Brazilian wavy.
260
00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:11,550
Whew!
261
00:11:12,620 --> 00:11:14,171
Thank you, Kevin!
262
00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:18,378
Aw, a good little boy like
you deserves a sweet.
263
00:11:18,379 --> 00:11:20,895
Chocolate Darkies!
264
00:11:20,896 --> 00:11:23,723
They match your skin, huh?
265
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:27,964
Which is dark! See?
266
00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,240
- Oh, look, good.
- Thank God!
267
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,585
- The train is here.
- Here you go.
268
00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:32,688
Stand on this spot
and have a blessed day.
269
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:33,861
Bye.
270
00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:35,999
I hope you're happy, Kev.
271
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,757
You see where disrespectful
behavior can get you.
272
00:11:38,758 --> 00:11:40,412
Well, I'd say that
this is what
273
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:42,861
always trying to teach a lesson
from a high horse can get you.
274
00:11:42,862 --> 00:11:45,240
Well, maybe if my son
learned some manners,
275
00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:47,309
I wouldn't have
to teach him a lesson.
276
00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:50,343
Yeah, and maybe if my mom
had a sense of humor,
277
00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:53,343
well, we wouldn't be stuck
babysitting a racist old lady.
278
00:11:53,344 --> 00:11:55,516
Who's about
to get hit by a train!
279
00:11:55,517 --> 00:11:58,241
- Oh, no!
- Look out!
280
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:03,654
Hey, you two are
handsier than the Italians.
281
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:08,274
Mom, if we leave her alone,
she's going to be safe, right?
282
00:12:08,275 --> 00:12:10,172
Right?
283
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:12,999
Oh, look!
284
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,447
A colored man wearing
a doctor's coat.
285
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:21,136
Oh, I didn't know
it was Halloween.
286
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:23,758
Lord, why do you punish me?
287
00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:26,723
You always pulling bullshit
like this, Henry.
288
00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:28,343
What bullshit?
289
00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:31,378
You've been hogging our one
pair of good shoes all week!
290
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:32,895
Sunday's my day, nigga!
291
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,619
I am the group leader,
ain't I?
292
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,757
Tell him, Likey!
293
00:12:35,758 --> 00:12:36,999
Likey?
294
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,757
I'm a trillionaire!
295
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:41,447
Son of a bitch!
296
00:12:45,793 --> 00:12:47,516
If it wasn't for this gout.
297
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,585
Ah!
298
00:12:50,586 --> 00:12:52,999
Damn it!
Damn!
299
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,309
Likey!
You greedy motherfucker!
300
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:58,447
I'd whip the hell out of you
if I could afford a belt.
301
00:12:58,448 --> 00:12:59,619
I can explain, fellas.
302
00:12:59,620 --> 00:13:01,343
The truth is...
303
00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:04,171
I wanted to spend all the money
and leave you both with none.
304
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:05,240
Fuck you!
305
00:13:05,241 --> 00:13:06,999
- Ow!
- You stole my money!
306
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,688
This is my money!
307
00:13:08,689 --> 00:13:10,102
Ow!
- Shh, shh.
308
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:12,964
Keep your damn voices down.
309
00:13:16,551 --> 00:13:18,240
We are in Druggie Alley.
310
00:13:18,241 --> 00:13:21,241
Also known
as Benjamin Franklin Boulevard.
311
00:13:23,379 --> 00:13:24,757
You got this.
312
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:26,412
Every woman wants a man
313
00:13:26,413 --> 00:13:28,896
to show up
to her house unannounced.
314
00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:31,999
Here we go.
315
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,067
Time for Harry to meet Sally.
316
00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:37,378
Yo! I'm looking for Ms. Green!
317
00:13:37,379 --> 00:13:40,827
First name, Miss--
oh, open the fuck up!
318
00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:44,861
Beg your pardon, sir.
319
00:13:44,862 --> 00:13:46,516
Or possibly ma'am.
320
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:49,964
If you'll excuse me, I'll be
looking the fuck elsewhere.
321
00:13:59,793 --> 00:14:01,378
Oh!
322
00:14:20,689 --> 00:14:22,481
Uh-oh.
323
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,723
Run!
324
00:14:26,724 --> 00:14:30,343
Run! Come on!
325
00:14:42,068 --> 00:14:44,585
Get these old titties
off of me!
326
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,999
Run, OJ, run!
327
00:14:59,793 --> 00:15:01,550
Lookit. OK, OK, fellas.
328
00:15:01,551 --> 00:15:05,792
Let's say we discuss this
like calm, rational crackheads.
329
00:15:08,793 --> 00:15:11,723
Oh! Oh!
Attack of the living baseheads!
330
00:15:13,655 --> 00:15:17,447
No!
331
00:15:17,448 --> 00:15:19,930
We gotta
a portable glory hole!
332
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:23,033
What will science
come up with next?
333
00:15:23,034 --> 00:15:24,930
Yay. Hey, yeah.
Hey, hey, me first!
334
00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:30,274
Here we are.
335
00:15:30,275 --> 00:15:34,136
I told you
we'd only take a minute.
336
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:36,895
Gavin will bring me home later.
337
00:15:36,896 --> 00:15:38,619
Good night, Mrs. Old Lady.
338
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,102
Aw, you, too, dearie.
339
00:15:41,103 --> 00:15:44,550
I very much appreciate you.
340
00:15:44,551 --> 00:15:47,274
Such a nice girl.
341
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,861
Ms. Old Lady, don't!
342
00:15:55,034 --> 00:15:58,517
Oh, your hair is
like a Brillo pad.
343
00:15:59,206 --> 00:16:02,654
Get your old lizard-skin
hands off my hair!
344
00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:05,447
You sorry, racist,
ungrateful old hag!
345
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,792
Huh?
346
00:16:06,793 --> 00:16:08,481
You got less manners
than you got teeth!
347
00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:10,688
I didn't carry your
dusty self around all day
348
00:16:10,689 --> 00:16:12,585
for this kind of disrespect!
349
00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:15,205
After everything
I've done to keep you safe?
350
00:16:15,206 --> 00:16:18,240
This is the longest day
of my life, thanks to you!
351
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:21,378
And I work in a hospital!
352
00:16:21,379 --> 00:16:22,930
Hey!
Keep it down!
353
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,240
Gavin!
Mommy's here!
354
00:16:25,241 --> 00:16:28,930
I brought your favorite,
two dozen wrenches.
355
00:16:28,931 --> 00:16:31,171
Jesus Christ, not you again.
356
00:16:31,172 --> 00:16:33,274
I told you to stop coming
around here, you old bag!
357
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:35,516
That is no way
to treat your mother.
358
00:16:35,517 --> 00:16:36,930
Yeah, you respect her.
359
00:16:36,931 --> 00:16:39,309
No matter how much of a pain
in the butt she is.
360
00:16:39,310 --> 00:16:40,999
This isn't my mother.
361
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,447
both: Huh?
- She's not?
362
00:16:42,448 --> 00:16:45,826
Maybe her son used
to live here, but not anymore.
363
00:16:45,827 --> 00:16:47,309
She just shows up
every few months
364
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,826
with bags full of bread ties
365
00:16:48,827 --> 00:16:51,516
and candies with names like
Ching Chong Crunchies.
366
00:16:51,517 --> 00:16:56,033
Oh, but Gavin,
you love those!
367
00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:58,033
I am not Gavin!
368
00:16:58,034 --> 00:16:59,688
I don't know who you are, lady!
369
00:16:59,689 --> 00:17:03,205
And I am running out of ways to
tell you to go fuck yourself!
370
00:17:03,206 --> 00:17:05,309
Hey, I don't care
if that's not your mother.
371
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,102
That's somebody's mother.
372
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:09,654
I mean, yeah,
she's mean and racist.
373
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,826
Plus, I'm starting to worry
that that candy she gave me
374
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:13,826
did some real damage
to my stomach lining.
375
00:17:13,827 --> 00:17:17,102
But she's a human being,
just like the rest of us.
376
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,171
So show her some respect,
compassion, and dignity.
377
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:23,516
Love thy neighbor
as you love thyself!
378
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:25,103
Whatever.
379
00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:29,205
You did listen
to the reverend.
380
00:17:29,206 --> 00:17:33,033
Come on, Mrs. Old Lady.
Let's get you home.
381
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:39,067
How much we got left?
382
00:17:39,068 --> 00:17:40,619
Not much.
383
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:42,619
About 6.50.
384
00:17:42,620 --> 00:17:45,930
So we're right back
where we started?
385
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:47,481
No. Fuck that!
386
00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:50,723
We got a hell of a lot more
than when we started.
387
00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:53,033
Damn.
Oscar's right.
388
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:56,033
You see the way we worked
through that alleyway together?
389
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,792
Fuck money.
We got brotherhood.
390
00:17:58,793 --> 00:18:02,309
So yeah, I say we're
a hell of a lot richer now
391
00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:03,930
than we were this morning.
392
00:18:03,931 --> 00:18:08,067
I meant 6.50 is more than 0,
but shit, that was beautiful.
393
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,861
To brotherhood.
394
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:16,033
Well, at least we got enough
for a couple of Bear Claws.
395
00:18:16,034 --> 00:18:17,343
Let's go to the liquor pantry.
396
00:18:17,344 --> 00:18:19,102
That Korean lady is mean,
397
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:21,448
but she don't
turn down loose change.
398
00:18:23,931 --> 00:18:25,723
Get ready!
399
00:18:25,724 --> 00:18:27,136
If this thing kills me,
400
00:18:27,137 --> 00:18:29,309
I need you to promise
that you'll love again.
401
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:30,826
I'll be sad,
402
00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:33,205
but I'll eventually
get back on the horse.
403
00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:34,826
Who the fuck is Horse?
404
00:18:34,827 --> 00:18:37,033
Is that the nigga that work at
the gym with the big areolas?
405
00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,688
Hit it!
406
00:18:40,724 --> 00:18:41,930
It worked!
407
00:18:41,931 --> 00:18:44,171
I can't believe
this shit worked!
408
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:45,619
Now that is some real
409
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:47,792
romantic comedy shit
right there.
410
00:18:54,448 --> 00:18:56,171
- Oh!
- Oh, shit!
411
00:18:56,172 --> 00:18:59,965
Display the digits!
412
00:19:00,344 --> 00:19:01,378
Oh, come on!
413
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:02,550
The stupid government
414
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,931
can't even keep the lights on
anymore!
415
00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:12,136
Huh?
416
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:15,171
Hey! Hey! Ms. Green!
417
00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:18,585
Down here!
- Richard, is that you?
418
00:19:18,586 --> 00:19:21,861
Wait right there!
I'm coming up!
419
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:26,412
Hey, you can't do--
420
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:29,585
Wow, that's impressive.
421
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,343
Fuck you, dawg!
422
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,723
- Yes?
- Romantic gesture!
423
00:19:37,724 --> 00:19:38,999
Bang!
- Oof!
424
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,274
You better go
and get your white woman.
425
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:44,033
I got mines, dude.
426
00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:46,964
Richard!
427
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:48,999
You did this for me?
428
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,619
Yeah, you know, just some
old grand gesture shit.
429
00:19:53,620 --> 00:19:56,964
I mean, you know, just proving
my worth to you and shit.
430
00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:58,481
Hang on.
431
00:19:58,482 --> 00:20:00,792
Why would you need
to prove anything to me?
432
00:20:00,793 --> 00:20:04,309
I like you.
I gave you my number.
433
00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:07,619
Well, yeah, but
you gave me your pager number.
434
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:10,412
I mean, when I hit you up,
you didn't hit me back.
435
00:20:10,413 --> 00:20:11,723
I figured you was ducking me.
436
00:20:11,724 --> 00:20:16,102
Richard, I'm so sorry.
I wasn't ducking you.
437
00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:19,240
I swear I don't have
a phone at home,
438
00:20:19,241 --> 00:20:21,205
and I've been in all day.
439
00:20:21,206 --> 00:20:23,171
Uh, OK.
440
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:25,550
Nothing weird about
not having a home phone.
441
00:20:25,551 --> 00:20:27,171
Shit, I don't even have a home.
442
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:29,619
I gotta hand it to you.
443
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:32,619
This was such
a romantic gesture.
444
00:20:32,620 --> 00:20:36,309
It's magical.
445
00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:43,343
Does God have it in for us?
446
00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:45,861
I don't know, Kev.
He just might.
447
00:20:45,862 --> 00:20:48,378
Mom, I'm really sorry
about today.
448
00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:49,826
I was kind of
being disrespectful
449
00:20:49,827 --> 00:20:51,067
in front of the church.
450
00:20:51,068 --> 00:20:52,895
I appreciate that.
451
00:20:52,896 --> 00:20:55,240
It takes a big person
to apologize.
452
00:20:56,896 --> 00:21:00,757
And, uh, maybe you got
something to say to me, too?
453
00:21:00,758 --> 00:21:02,274
I am.
454
00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:04,826
I was too hard on you.
455
00:21:04,827 --> 00:21:06,654
You're a good kid, Kevin.
456
00:21:06,655 --> 00:21:07,930
I'm sorry.
457
00:21:07,931 --> 00:21:10,757
I'm not proud of the way
I acted today.
458
00:21:10,758 --> 00:21:15,826
When I think about the things
I said to Mrs. Old Lady?
459
00:21:15,827 --> 00:21:18,654
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n--
460
00:21:18,655 --> 00:21:19,999
Look at her.
461
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,792
She even wants to say
the n-word in her sleep.
462
00:21:22,793 --> 00:21:25,067
I really cannot
stand this woman.
463
00:21:27,310 --> 00:21:29,205
Thank you, God.
464
00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:35,343
Love thy neighbor
is a process.
465
00:21:35,344 --> 00:21:37,033
None of us are perfect.
466
00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:38,861
Love is hard, sometimes.
467
00:21:38,862 --> 00:21:41,964
Love is a test.
468
00:21:41,965 --> 00:21:44,792
And that test is worth it,
saints,
469
00:21:44,793 --> 00:21:49,723
because there ain't
no better reward than love.
470
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:50,826
Amen?
471
00:21:50,827 --> 00:21:54,585
Amen.
472
00:21:54,586 --> 00:21:58,309
This is your humble servant,
Reverend Mooney,
473
00:21:58,310 --> 00:22:00,033
signing off, saints.
474
00:22:00,034 --> 00:22:03,654
You have a blessed evening.
I know I will.
475
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,964
You want to get baptized
in a hot tub tonight?
476
00:22:05,965 --> 00:22:06,964
Mm.
477
00:22:06,965 --> 00:22:08,655
Amen.
478
00:22:09,793 --> 00:22:11,999
♪ Oh, Lord, stand by me ♪
479
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,447
♪ Every day ♪
480
00:22:13,448 --> 00:22:15,585
♪ Every day,
that's what we need ♪
481
00:22:15,586 --> 00:22:17,274
♪ Stand by me ♪
482
00:22:17,275 --> 00:22:20,171
♪ Oh, Lord, stand by me ♪
483
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:21,619
♪ While I walk ♪
484
00:22:21,620 --> 00:22:24,378
♪ While I walk
this lonesome road ♪
485
00:22:24,379 --> 00:22:26,516
- ♪ If I struggle ♪
- ♪ If I struggle ♪
486
00:22:26,517 --> 00:22:28,516
- ♪ Pick me up ♪
- ♪ Pick me up ♪
487
00:22:28,517 --> 00:22:29,930
♪ Help me drink ♪
488
00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:32,895
♪ Help me drink
this bitter cup ♪
489
00:22:32,896 --> 00:22:36,861
- ♪ Oh, Lord ♪
- ♪ Oh, Lord ♪
490
00:22:36,862 --> 00:22:38,448
- ♪ Oh, stand ♪
- ♪ Oh, stand by-- ♪
34738
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