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1
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,895
♪ You know it's gotta be
G'd up ♪
2
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:12,654
♪ The kind of ish that make
you cowards get beat up ♪
3
00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:14,930
♪ We on the outs until
we caught it and go do bids ♪
4
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,826
♪ Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ♪
5
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:18,240
♪ Come on ♪
6
00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:21,482
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪
7
00:00:26,931 --> 00:00:28,654
Damn you, Folgers crystals!
8
00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,136
What's going on, Ma?
9
00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:32,481
Maybe you need
to lay off the coffee.
10
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:34,999
That judge did give you
a strict three-cup-a-day limit.
11
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,757
It's not that, boulder head.
12
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:39,895
I'm in a rush 'cause I just
heard my beautician Ronda
13
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:41,654
is out sick
with the hantavirus.
14
00:00:41,655 --> 00:00:43,309
Hanta-what?
15
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,619
It's something you can get
when you're exposed to rodents.
16
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,826
She can't do my hair
because she has diarrhea
17
00:00:47,827 --> 00:00:50,102
and severe abdominal pain.
18
00:00:50,103 --> 00:00:51,688
She's so selfish.
19
00:00:51,689 --> 00:00:54,826
Now I have to do a walk-in
at my old salon
20
00:00:54,827 --> 00:00:56,447
if I want my hair
to be acceptable
21
00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:58,688
for the pastor's anniversary
tomorrow night.
22
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,171
I'm glad I'm not you, Ma.
23
00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:01,654
Last time
you got your hair done,
24
00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:02,964
you were there so long,
25
00:01:02,965 --> 00:01:04,171
you missed a major milestone
in my life.
26
00:01:04,172 --> 00:01:05,999
For the umpteenth time,
I apologize
27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,757
for not being
at your christening
28
00:01:07,758 --> 00:01:10,481
because I had to get my hair
done for your christening!
29
00:01:10,482 --> 00:01:13,378
Well, I better hurry up and get
myself on that walk-in list.
30
00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,309
I don't have time
to make you boys lunch,
31
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:17,171
so I'm writing a detailed list
of everything
32
00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:19,412
I need your uncle to do.
33
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,895
He's in charge when I'm gone,
so whatever he says goes.
34
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,447
Understand?
- Yeah.
35
00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:26,033
- I guess.
- Good.
36
00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:27,619
Now, give this to your uncle
37
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,136
and be sure to let him know
this money is only to be used
38
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:32,550
for an emergency!
39
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,447
Ooh, pray for me.
40
00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:37,102
You know I'm going to need it.
41
00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:40,550
There's two things
I look for in a man,
42
00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:43,654
the money to control
his own destiny
43
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:46,619
and bomb dance skills.
44
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,826
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
45
00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:50,550
Were you thinking about how
fine Halle Berry be looking?
46
00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:52,102
No, you idiot!
47
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,688
I'm not talking
about Halle Berry,
48
00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,171
although she is fine.
49
00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:56,757
I was just thinking,
maybe we should split
50
00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:59,136
the emergency cash
and then trash the note.
51
00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:01,136
Unc would never know!
52
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:04,585
Damn, Kev, that's the kind
of maniacal shit I would do.
53
00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:07,861
I'm sure this has got something
to do with that Rhe-Rhe.
54
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:10,792
Good enough for me.
55
00:02:10,793 --> 00:02:13,481
Now give me my cut.
56
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:17,550
What's all this damn
jibber-jabber about?
57
00:02:17,551 --> 00:02:19,757
Y'all fucking with
a nigga beauty sleep.
58
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,309
Nothing, Mom had
an emergency hair appointment.
59
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,171
Poor, poor woman.
60
00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,930
God bless her.
61
00:02:25,931 --> 00:02:28,792
She said you're in charge
while she's gone, Unc.
62
00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,861
And she say you got to do
all the house chores
63
00:02:30,862 --> 00:02:33,136
and clean up our rooms, too.
64
00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:34,964
That's a heavy
responsibility,
65
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:38,550
which is going to require me
to be a little bit more caring.
66
00:02:38,551 --> 00:02:40,378
Now hurry up and get dressed
67
00:02:40,379 --> 00:02:43,240
and get the fuck
out of my hide!
68
00:02:43,241 --> 00:02:46,723
Ladies, as you can see,
everybody and their mama
69
00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:48,585
is up in here
to get their hair done
70
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,067
for the pastor's anniversary.
71
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:55,343
So I kindly ask you to please
be patient and courteous.
72
00:02:55,344 --> 00:02:57,930
Uh-uh,
forget all that!
73
00:02:57,931 --> 00:03:01,964
My baby hair need to be
attended to, pronto.
74
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:06,309
If you have a problem
properly conducting yourselves,
75
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:10,619
I will shove a hot comb
down your fucking throat!
76
00:03:10,620 --> 00:03:12,343
Ay, Dios.
77
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,896
Do I make myself clear?
78
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,033
I always knew
this place was ghetto,
79
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:21,447
but not level-orange ghetto.
80
00:03:21,448 --> 00:03:24,171
Hey, Keisha, girl!
81
00:03:24,172 --> 00:03:28,378
Well, if it isn't Nancy,
82
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,171
I'm too good
to get my hair done
83
00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:32,378
at Keisha's anymore, Hart.
84
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,412
It's nothing like that,
Keisha.
85
00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:35,516
I didn't want to leave.
86
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,412
You know the only reason
I left you
87
00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,964
was because you had to go away
for a little while.
88
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,895
Well, ain't nobody perfect.
89
00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:44,481
A bitch had to do a week
in the county
90
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:46,585
because she got some
unresolved anger issues.
91
00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:49,619
- Ow!
- I completely understand.
92
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,619
It is a struggle sometimes.
93
00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:54,688
And about that,
could you see your way clear
94
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:57,481
to squeezing me in
on your waiting list?
95
00:03:57,482 --> 00:04:00,550
I really need my hair done.
96
00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:03,861
Hmm, I got to do
a finger wave,
97
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:06,619
some spiral curls,
a couple of side ponytails,
98
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:09,516
a bob, swoop, crimps,
and some French twists.
99
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:12,481
You're number 12
on the wait list.
100
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:14,654
See, now,
this is some bullshit.
101
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,930
She's the third person
you gave number 12.
102
00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:20,964
Can somebody
hand me my hot comb?
103
00:04:25,172 --> 00:04:27,861
Ugh, good thing I brought
a book to read.
104
00:04:27,862 --> 00:04:29,447
Girl, we going to
be here so long,
105
00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,550
you should have brought
a book to write.
106
00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:33,205
Boys and girls,
we are holding
107
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,378
art class outside today.
108
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:36,757
This is going
to be so much fun!
109
00:04:36,758 --> 00:04:38,585
That's what
I'm talking about, bitch.
110
00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:40,999
So we can paint
our Black pride mural.
111
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,585
This is bullshit, bitch!
112
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,895
All right, I know
it's really exciting,
113
00:04:45,896 --> 00:04:48,792
but we will be starting
right after lunch, OK?
114
00:04:51,586 --> 00:04:55,067
Lunch is Kev's time
to really impress Rhe-Rhe.
115
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,102
Watch the master work.
116
00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:00,585
Uh, hey, Rhe-Rhe.
117
00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:02,343
I just want you to know
that I have what it takes
118
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,550
to control my destiny.
119
00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:04,861
I jumped the fence,
120
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:06,585
went over to that cart
right there,
121
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,309
and I purchased
my lunch today,
122
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:09,826
did it with my own money.
123
00:05:09,827 --> 00:05:11,688
Got myself a cheesesteak
with extra peppers,
124
00:05:11,689 --> 00:05:13,757
a Frank's black cherry
to wash it down,
125
00:05:13,758 --> 00:05:15,826
and a strawberry yogurt
for dessert.
126
00:05:15,827 --> 00:05:18,102
Ain't no other kids in here
buying their own stuff
127
00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,964
with they broke asses.
128
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,136
Oh, OK.
129
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:26,895
Uh, did y'all hear that?
OK, that's short for, ooh, Kev!
130
00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:30,171
♪ Work that thing, yeah,
let me see you do it ♪
131
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:32,171
♪ Show me what you got ♪
132
00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:34,895
♪ It's time to get into it ♪
133
00:05:36,862 --> 00:05:39,550
Lunch period
has now started.
134
00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:41,619
All you poor kids,
please have
135
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,550
your free-lunch cards out
136
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,136
to prove that your family...
- Gotta get dirty.
137
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,550
Has no money.
138
00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:51,964
It's showtime!
139
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:54,240
There you go, child.
140
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:56,205
God bless you.
141
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,309
Morning, Ms. Gloria.
142
00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:05,102
Hello, young man.
143
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:08,136
How's your mother,
still haven't found a job?
144
00:06:08,137 --> 00:06:11,412
Nope, it's been months now.
145
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,309
And she's too proud to admit
146
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:16,619
that we need
free-lunch tickets.
147
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,654
Oh, that poor, sad,
impoverished woman!
148
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:23,586
I will keep her in my prayers.
149
00:06:25,862 --> 00:06:27,861
Here.
150
00:06:27,862 --> 00:06:29,481
Bless you.
151
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:32,240
My eight siblings and I can
stretch this for dinner tonight
152
00:06:32,241 --> 00:06:34,102
and breakfast tomorrow.
153
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,550
Take these, too.
154
00:06:36,551 --> 00:06:39,999
God bless you, ma'am.
155
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,550
I got turkey sandwiches.
156
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,619
Turkey sandwiches here,
157
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,033
made with the finest
government cheeses.
158
00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:50,619
Yes, sir, this $6
pushcart cheesesteak
159
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,930
with extra peppers
is delicious,
160
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:57,067
probably the best that I--
161
00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,516
Mm, I'm glad you're
enjoying your food.
162
00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:02,861
OK, let's get going
on our pride mural.
163
00:07:02,862 --> 00:07:05,654
We will be working in pairs.
164
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:07,723
Oh, come on, God.
Please let me be with Rhe-Rhe.
165
00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:09,688
Come on, please, please,
please, please, please!
166
00:07:09,689 --> 00:07:13,516
Rhe-Rhe will be partnered
with Kevin.
167
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,861
Oh, my God, my prayer worked!
168
00:07:15,862 --> 00:07:17,723
Oh, I got to start going
to church more often.
169
00:07:17,724 --> 00:07:19,792
Let's make a thing of beauty.
170
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:21,964
♪ It's you and me,
you and me ♪
171
00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:23,964
♪ And it's mostly
happy, heavy ♪
172
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:27,274
♪ 'Cause I love it, love it ♪
173
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:30,033
♪ When I'm here with you,
with you, with you ♪
174
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:34,964
♪ Yeah, it makes me feel so,
feel so, feel so happy ♪
175
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,033
Um, Kevin, are you OK?
176
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,343
Of course.
177
00:07:42,344 --> 00:07:44,964
Everything's always OK
when you're around.
178
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,136
Hold on, oh, man.
179
00:07:47,137 --> 00:07:52,826
I had a dream that you got
the bubble guts, Kev!
180
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:56,343
Excuse me, Miss Green?
Can I get a pass?
181
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:58,309
OK, oh, God.
182
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,171
Kev's going to blow.
183
00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:04,654
Brothers and sisters, do what
I didn't do in Memphis, duck!
184
00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:08,309
Ew!
185
00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:11,309
Everybody, from now on,
Kev's new nickname
186
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:14,412
is the Green Chunk Punk.
187
00:08:14,413 --> 00:08:15,930
all:
Green Chunk Punk,
188
00:08:15,931 --> 00:08:19,688
Green Chunk Punk,
Green Chunk Punk!
189
00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:23,378
I am not controlling
my own destiny
190
00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,171
right now.
191
00:08:28,896 --> 00:08:32,654
Next on BET,
"Mr. Baby's Mom,"
192
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:35,205
starring Larenz Tate.
193
00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:38,102
Pfft, that nigga Larenz Tate
parenting skills
194
00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:41,136
ain't got shit on mine.
195
00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:45,585
Unc, my life
as I know it is over!
196
00:08:45,586 --> 00:08:48,447
A mother's work is never done.
197
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:55,343
Oh.
198
00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:01,033
Hello, Richard.
I did it!
199
00:09:01,034 --> 00:09:03,930
I know it's late,
but I finally got in the chair,
200
00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:07,861
and I'm not leaving until I get
that Halle Berry special.
201
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,481
I need you to continue
202
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,102
running the house
until I get back,
203
00:09:11,103 --> 00:09:13,550
no matter how long it takes.
- No problem.
204
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,826
Everything's good here.
205
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:16,688
Emergency--No, no!
206
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,723
I'll see you
when you get out. Bye!
207
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,999
Don't puke
on my bathroom floor.
208
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,274
I just waxed it!
- Oh.
209
00:09:24,275 --> 00:09:28,067
Mm, just like they used
to make it in the joint,
210
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,585
so penitentiary.
- Good morning, Unc.
211
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,757
Damn, Kev,
It's 10-o-fucking clock.
212
00:09:33,758 --> 00:09:35,412
Why the hell you not in school?
213
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:38,309
Well, first of all, you know,
I still feel a little shaky,
214
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:41,205
and, secondly, I'm never,
never going back there
215
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,102
after what happened
to me yesterday.
216
00:09:43,103 --> 00:09:45,309
I refuse to be called
the Green Chunk Punk
217
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,964
for the rest of my life.
218
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:50,067
Oh, so you're going to let
a little bitch-ass tummy ache
219
00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:52,688
stop you from getting
your grind on, hmm?
220
00:09:52,689 --> 00:09:54,309
Yes,
that's pretty much my plan.
221
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,826
Wrong!
222
00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:58,654
If you don't go back there
and handle that shit
223
00:09:58,655 --> 00:10:01,309
the right way,
guarantee, they'll call you
224
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,861
Green Chunk Punk
for the rest of your life.
225
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:05,447
- Huh?
- OK.
226
00:10:05,448 --> 00:10:06,723
Seeing as
I'm your parent now,
227
00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:08,102
let me help you out in a way
228
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:10,343
that Cliff Huxtable
helped out Theo.
229
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,688
Man, in the joint one time,
I was playing one-on-one
230
00:10:13,689 --> 00:10:15,619
with a dude named Dozy Loke.
231
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:16,895
They called him Dozy Loke
232
00:10:16,896 --> 00:10:18,654
because the nigga
had narcolepsy.
233
00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:20,999
Anyway, he goes up for a dunk.
234
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,274
I'm talking
the Clyde the Glide,
235
00:10:23,275 --> 00:10:27,205
nuts-in-your-face kind of dunk.
- Ah, oh, ow, oh, ugh.
236
00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:29,171
Well, that made everybody
on the yard
237
00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:31,895
start calling me Teabag Richie.
- Oh, my.
238
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:34,378
That really happened to you?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
239
00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,309
Who's going to lie
about balls in their face?
240
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:37,999
I mean, I ain't got
no problem with it,
241
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,792
if that's what you're into.
242
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,999
Every fucking day, people
called me Teabag Richie.
243
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,895
I couldn't stand that shit.
244
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:47,757
So I waited till the next time
Dozy Loke nodded off,
245
00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:49,792
and I slapped
that nigga so hard,
246
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:51,826
I cured his narcolepsy.
247
00:10:51,827 --> 00:10:56,412
After that, everybody called me
Back Slap Bill.
248
00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:58,412
That's what you got to do.
249
00:10:58,413 --> 00:11:00,964
- Cure somebody's narcolepsy?
- No, fool.
250
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,826
Change the narrative!
251
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,274
You gotta roll back up
to that school
252
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:06,481
and do something
that'll make them forget
253
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:07,930
all about Green Chunk Punk.
254
00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:09,930
Control your destiny.
255
00:11:09,931 --> 00:11:12,792
Control it with your chest!
256
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,895
You know what?
I will.
257
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:16,999
Thanks for the advice, Unc.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
258
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,688
Just don't, uh,
try that slap thing.
259
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:21,688
I got that shit trademarked.
260
00:11:23,827 --> 00:11:26,481
How you doing today, Robert?
261
00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,378
Taking it day by day.
262
00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:32,757
My cousins Nettie, Adam,
and Celia just visiting,
263
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,067
and they haven't had
real food in months,
264
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:37,550
just Pop Rocks and Tic Tacs.
265
00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:40,240
Why must we live like this?
266
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,792
Oh, here, son.
267
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:45,585
Take these
so you and those babies
268
00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:46,999
can have full bellies.
269
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,343
Thank you so much,
Ms. Gloria.
270
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,481
Nettie, Adam, and Celia?
271
00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:56,378
Now, where have I heard
those names before?
272
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,792
Oh, hello, Kevin.
Are you feeling better?
273
00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:06,102
- Yes, Miss Green.
- I'm glad.
274
00:12:06,103 --> 00:12:09,447
Well, we're going to give
the mural another try.
275
00:12:09,448 --> 00:12:11,033
You know, we move on.
276
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:15,309
Hey, Green Chunk Punk showed
his green chunk face again!
277
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:17,964
Yes, we do move on.
278
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:21,447
It's time.
Don't mess up on your lines.
279
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,964
Look, everybody,
Kev's rocking the new style
280
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:25,688
that Kris Kross made popular!
281
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:27,205
What?
282
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:31,171
Mr. Hart, your overalls
appear to be on backwards!
283
00:12:31,172 --> 00:12:33,205
No, they're on right,
Principal Johnson.
284
00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:36,136
Kris Kross Kev
is changing the narrative.
285
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:38,274
Hit it!
286
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,826
♪ Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ♪
287
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,964
♪ Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ♪
288
00:12:42,965 --> 00:12:45,343
Oh, no, man, I gotta--
289
00:12:45,344 --> 00:12:46,585
♪ Jump, jump ♪
290
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,033
I gotta go.
Come on, come on.
291
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,757
Oh, no, man, stupid overalls!
292
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:52,619
Why won't you work backwards?
293
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,999
This cannot be happening!
294
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,378
It's everywhere!
It's even in my socks!
295
00:12:58,379 --> 00:13:02,550
Oh, man, Green Chunk Punk
shit all over himself.
296
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:06,964
From now on,
Kev's new name is Caca Kev!
297
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:10,516
all:
Caca Kev! Caca Kev!
298
00:13:10,517 --> 00:13:12,688
Caca Kev!
299
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:18,516
Get your burritos,
hot and mild sauce included!
300
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:20,861
Your cousin's names are
from "The Color Purple"!
301
00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:22,378
Oh, shit, Ms. Gloria!
302
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:24,757
I am so ashamed
that I lied to you.
303
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:28,240
I'm just glad my mother isn't
alive to see me like this.
304
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,171
Did I mention she died
this morning?
305
00:13:30,172 --> 00:13:32,826
My mother, Claudine?
- Claudine?
306
00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,861
Boy, get your butt back
into that school!
307
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:38,343
Ooh, Nancy,
your hair is so pretty!
308
00:13:38,344 --> 00:13:41,067
You must have Indian
in your family.
309
00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:43,067
Almost done,
just a couple more hours,
310
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:44,688
and you'll be out of here.
311
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:47,930
Everybody on the ground
right now, or I'll fuck you up.
312
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,964
Calm down, cheeky.
- A knife.
313
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:52,102
Now listen to me
and listen to me good.
314
00:13:52,103 --> 00:13:54,930
I want a flat-iron flip
with some of them waterfalls
315
00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:57,481
and a swoop, not now,
but right the hell now.
316
00:13:57,482 --> 00:14:00,033
And, you, get the hell
out of my chair!
317
00:14:02,448 --> 00:14:03,723
Fuck you!
318
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:04,861
I'm going to SuperCut,
where they know
319
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:06,067
how to treat a bitch right.
320
00:14:06,068 --> 00:14:07,274
And if you come back,
321
00:14:07,275 --> 00:14:09,619
I'll jam these scissors
in your eye!
322
00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:14,792
I do believe you were
about to bump my ends?
323
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:16,723
Attention, students!
324
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,757
Kevin has cleaned himself up.
325
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,654
He is wearing clothes
from the lost and found
326
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:24,895
and a hat that he hopes
will change the narrative.
327
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:26,619
Do not mock him.
328
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:29,654
Repeat, do not mock him!
329
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:31,826
You are welcome!
330
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,550
- Hey, guys.
- Look, everyone!
331
00:14:33,551 --> 00:14:36,585
It's Caca Kev,
wearing a crappy cap.
332
00:14:36,586 --> 00:14:40,585
all:
Caca Kev, crappy cap!
333
00:14:40,586 --> 00:14:43,033
Caca Kev, crappy cap!
334
00:14:43,034 --> 00:14:44,757
That's enough!
335
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,964
I'm tired of being the butt
of your little stupid joke.
336
00:14:46,965 --> 00:14:49,723
Y'all hear that?
Caca Kev said "butt"!
337
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,723
You fucking fat-head,
ass-yanking, snaggle-tooth,
338
00:14:56,724 --> 00:14:58,447
bear-breath, ringworm-having,
339
00:14:58,448 --> 00:15:00,550
reject from three
different foster homes,
340
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:03,516
flunked out of the third grade
dumbass motherfucker!
341
00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,240
Oh, I ain't done.
342
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,343
You musty,
no-deodorant-wearing,
343
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,343
booger-nose, paste-eating,
mama's a ho,
344
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:15,274
has been on Maury Povich
eight times,
345
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:18,033
but still don't know
who your daddy is ass nigga!
346
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:25,378
Man down!
347
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:27,550
Kev ain't Caca Kev no more.
348
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,481
He's Comedy Kev now.
349
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:32,654
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
350
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:35,136
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
351
00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:37,688
Oh, my God, I did it.
352
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:39,412
I changed the narrative!
353
00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:42,619
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev,
354
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:47,310
Comedy Kev,
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
355
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:51,688
Fight, fight, fight!
356
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,964
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
357
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:55,550
I'll be back with the author
358
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:59,033
of "My Menopause, Myself"
in a minute.
359
00:15:59,034 --> 00:16:01,654
Don't nobody know our pain.
360
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,274
Yo, who this?
361
00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:07,585
I am the principal
at Kevin's school.
362
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:11,481
Damn, nigga, what the fuck?
Is you on a bullhorn?
363
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:13,688
Oops, my bad!
364
00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:15,861
I'm calling to let you know
that Kevin
365
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:18,792
got into a little altercation
this afternoon.
366
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:22,067
He has a few minor injuries,
but he'll live.
367
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,861
Bring a fresh set of clothes
and come get him.
368
00:16:24,862 --> 00:16:26,516
I changed the narrative, Unc.
369
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:29,378
I did exactly what you told me
to do, and it worked!
370
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:32,481
Oh, shit.
I'm on my way.
371
00:16:34,413 --> 00:16:37,067
Damn, this parenting shit
ain't no joke.
372
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:38,792
Who this now?
373
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:41,723
May I please speak to the
legal guardian of Robert Hart?
374
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:44,999
Fuck!
375
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,033
If I don't get this shit fixed,
Nancy gonna kill my Black ass.
376
00:16:48,034 --> 00:16:49,240
Oh, shit.
377
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,757
Ah, my man Richard!
What's the hurry?
378
00:16:56,758 --> 00:17:00,033
Oh, man, Nancy put me
in charge of your damn kids
379
00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:02,240
while she's in the hair salon,
380
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:04,516
and I just got a call
from their school,
381
00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,102
talking about
I got to get down there
382
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,688
and deal with some bullshit
they done got themselves into.
383
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,619
Ooh, boy,
I sure don't envy you.
384
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:16,102
Good luck with that.
- They your kids, motherfucker!
385
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:20,895
I've been their mom and dad
by myself, no help, no sleep,
386
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,688
no pussy for 48 hours.
387
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:27,136
Do I look like Eddie
motherfucking Murphy, nigga?
388
00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:29,067
All right, all right,
well, I'll do it.
389
00:17:29,068 --> 00:17:30,516
I'll go ahead
and take care of my boys.
390
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,688
I mean, I did shoot them
out my salami rocket.
391
00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:35,067
I don't remember the time
in particular, but they mine,
392
00:17:35,068 --> 00:17:36,688
and I guess
that's what I'm going to do.
393
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:40,102
Good, I'll handle
Lil Kev's fight situation,
394
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:42,516
and you deal
with Robert's fraud shit.
395
00:17:42,517 --> 00:17:44,309
I will.
What kind of fraud?
396
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,585
Man, fuck if I know.
397
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:49,274
Just handle it!
398
00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:50,757
I finally have a chance
399
00:17:50,758 --> 00:17:53,205
to help my oldest son
commit fraud.
400
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,930
My daddy ain't never
taught me shit!
401
00:17:58,448 --> 00:18:01,309
Damn, Kev,
you look like hell.
402
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,654
Who'd you get in a fight with,
Mike Tyson?
403
00:18:03,655 --> 00:18:07,033
- That's Comedy Kev!
- I know!
404
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:08,654
Dude got jokes.
405
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,757
I get that, but that's
besides the point, Unc.
406
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:13,033
All that matters is that
I changed the narrative.
407
00:18:13,034 --> 00:18:14,792
No, all that matters is
your mama's
408
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:18,654
going to kill me when she sees
what I let happen to you.
409
00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:21,412
I got to lead us
out this situation,
410
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:25,171
and I'ma need
powerful inspiration.
411
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,723
That's it!
412
00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:33,136
Thanks, Black heroes.
413
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,723
Now, let's paint over
those bruises, Kev.
414
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,654
It's not the smartest idea
in the world,
415
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:41,033
but to be honest,
it's the only idea we got left.
416
00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:44,481
Weird, this looks just like
the mural I painted
417
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:46,930
in my prison art class.
418
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:49,688
Have any of your little friends
do time in Rockview?
419
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,516
Ma'am, I'm sure that we can
deal with this misunderstanding
420
00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,999
as responsible adults...
421
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,619
Without the involvement
of law enforcement.
422
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:01,412
Mr. Hart,
your son is a criminal.
423
00:19:01,413 --> 00:19:04,136
He lied for months
to get free cafeteria food
424
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,826
that he sold for cash,
425
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:08,688
saying he got a strung-out
and unemployed mother,
426
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,826
eight siblings,
and a deadbeat father.
427
00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:14,999
- Only most of that is a lie.
- Ha ha.
428
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,654
Wait a minute.
429
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,826
Don't I know you
from somewhere?
430
00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:20,619
No, you do not.
431
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,343
I'm an upstanding
Christian woman.
432
00:19:24,344 --> 00:19:28,447
Gloria, Glo, it is you!
433
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,792
You was Miss Crack Ho USA
in 1985.
434
00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:35,516
I remember!
It's me, Huffing Henry!
435
00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:37,585
You still juggling balls
for rocks?
436
00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:39,481
Ya-da-dee!
- Ugh.
437
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:41,964
I-I'm not proud of my past.
438
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:45,895
Ms. Gloria, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
439
00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:48,654
Motherfucker,
I just said I was!
440
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:51,481
Oh, Henry...
441
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:55,205
can we keep my past between us?
442
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:56,964
both:
What's it worth to you?
443
00:19:56,965 --> 00:20:00,067
We got them fish sticks,
now made with real fish.
444
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:04,343
- Got them tater tots!
- Got them chicken pot pies!
445
00:20:04,344 --> 00:20:06,343
Now, the secret
to good makeup
446
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:09,309
is blending upward, like so.
447
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:10,723
We don't want you out here
448
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:14,136
looking like you had
an autopsy or nothing.
449
00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:16,792
- Oh, my God, I've been robbed!
- Uh-oh.
450
00:20:16,793 --> 00:20:18,792
- Nigga, don't make me cut you.
- Oh.
451
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:23,309
- Miss Green?
- Richard, from Cell Block 8?
452
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,757
You two know each other?
453
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:27,343
Yeah, Miss Green
taught my art class
454
00:20:27,344 --> 00:20:29,205
while I was locked up.
455
00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:32,412
Man, she inspired me
to find my inner artist.
456
00:20:32,413 --> 00:20:35,792
And your uncle inspired me
to say it with my chest
457
00:20:35,793 --> 00:20:37,930
on a regular basis.
458
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:41,205
Yeah, Unc, um, I still
don't know what that means.
459
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:45,102
Just a few more minutes,
ladies!
460
00:20:45,103 --> 00:20:46,585
I swear,
this is the last time
461
00:20:46,586 --> 00:20:49,757
I come to this unprofessional,
ghetto establishment.
462
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,931
Never again.
463
00:20:57,896 --> 00:21:00,723
Nancy, got anything to say?
464
00:21:00,724 --> 00:21:04,067
You think you could fit me in
next Tuesday/Wednesday?
465
00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:05,930
Oh, sure thing, girl.
466
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,964
You'll be number 12.
467
00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:11,067
You see, Kevin,
the secret to good makeup
468
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:13,516
is to use makeup, not paint.
469
00:21:13,517 --> 00:21:15,067
Looking good, Kev.
470
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:18,619
Your mama never know how bad
you got your ass beat today.
471
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:22,343
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
472
00:21:22,344 --> 00:21:24,964
Comedy Kev!
- Hey, Unc, do you mind if I--
473
00:21:24,965 --> 00:21:26,447
Nigga, go get
the fuck out of here
474
00:21:26,448 --> 00:21:27,757
and go be with your fans!
475
00:21:27,758 --> 00:21:29,964
Time for me to be
the master of my destiny.
476
00:21:29,965 --> 00:21:33,481
Hey, Rhe-Rhe,
here comes Comedy Kev.
477
00:21:33,482 --> 00:21:35,757
And thank you
for helping me out.
478
00:21:35,758 --> 00:21:38,826
Man, being a single mother
is no picnic.
479
00:21:38,827 --> 00:21:41,481
Uh, yes,
and no need for thanks.
480
00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:44,481
You were my favorite student
in the penitentiary,
481
00:21:44,482 --> 00:21:46,688
Back Slap Bill.
482
00:21:46,689 --> 00:21:49,723
Oh, dang.
I was pretty special, wasn't I?
483
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:52,067
All right, peep this.
484
00:21:52,068 --> 00:21:54,964
I'd love to get your digits so
I can give you a call one day.
485
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,481
You know what?
I would like that, too.
486
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,723
My number is 215...
487
00:21:59,724 --> 00:22:02,102
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
488
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:08,793
♪ Holding hands
under the moonlight ♪
489
00:22:10,931 --> 00:22:15,999
♪ Oh, whispering
sweet serenades ♪
490
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,585
♪ We'll dance till
the morning brings ♪
491
00:22:19,586 --> 00:22:24,136
♪ Feeling of love, it stays ♪
492
00:22:24,137 --> 00:22:28,344
♪ I'll be the one
now and forever ♪
36526
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