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1
00:00:09,379 --> 00:00:11,067
♪ You know it's gotta be
keyed up ♪
2
00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:12,688
♪ The kind of show that make
you cowards get beat up ♪
3
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:14,930
♪ We on the outs until
we called to go do bids ♪
4
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,861
♪ Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ♪
5
00:00:16,862 --> 00:00:18,309
♪ Come on,
burglars and murderers ♪
6
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:19,861
♪ And all kind of fiends ♪
7
00:00:19,862 --> 00:00:21,930
♪ Bogeymen in real life,
it ain't nothing clean ♪
8
00:00:21,931 --> 00:00:24,378
♪ Babies traumatized,
and their daddy drunk ♪
9
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:26,309
♪ It don't matter,
can't be no punk ♪
10
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,378
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪
11
00:00:27,379 --> 00:00:28,895
♪ Yeah, Lil Kev ♪
12
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,723
♪ You don't wanna be
out here with us ♪
13
00:00:30,724 --> 00:00:32,309
♪ It's bad, boy ♪
14
00:00:32,310 --> 00:00:33,688
♪ Don't turn that corner ♪
15
00:00:33,689 --> 00:00:35,136
♪ Let the streetlights
hit you ♪
16
00:00:35,137 --> 00:00:37,826
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪
17
00:00:54,448 --> 00:00:55,723
Oh, shit!
18
00:00:55,724 --> 00:00:57,413
- Shit!
- One time!
19
00:00:59,206 --> 00:01:01,205
Man, you gotta love
the hustle and bustle
20
00:01:01,206 --> 00:01:02,895
of my amazing neighborhood.
21
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:03,964
Never a dull moment.
22
00:01:03,965 --> 00:01:05,550
- Kevin!
- What?
23
00:01:05,551 --> 00:01:07,343
You better get your natural
Black behind in this house
24
00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:10,171
before those streetlights
come on.
25
00:01:10,172 --> 00:01:11,999
You know the rules.
- Oh, don't worry, Ma.
26
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,240
I'm just enjoying the sights
and sounds of my city.
27
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,171
I got plenty of time.
28
00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:17,861
Oh, snap.
29
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:20,550
Ah!
30
00:01:20,551 --> 00:01:22,343
You know good and well
31
00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:24,033
you're supposed to be
in here by now.
32
00:01:24,034 --> 00:01:27,136
There's crime and gangs
and drugs on those streets.
33
00:01:27,137 --> 00:01:28,654
It's not safe when it's dark.
34
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,723
It's barely okay
in broad daylight.
35
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,688
Ma, with all due respect,
you gotta give me some room.
36
00:01:33,689 --> 00:01:35,654
I mean, I can take care
of myself.
37
00:01:35,655 --> 00:01:39,723
Sweetheart, my job is
to keep you healthy and safe.
38
00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:42,757
And if I have to destroy
your spirit and individuality
39
00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:44,999
in the process, so be it.
40
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,895
Now, let's see what you're
trying to hide from me.
41
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:49,240
I'm not hiding anything.
42
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:50,826
All the kids stash
their backpacks
43
00:01:50,827 --> 00:01:52,309
under couch cushions nowadays.
44
00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:54,240
You think you slick, huh?
45
00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:56,757
You know I don't allow
this crap in my house.
46
00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:58,067
It's not crap. It's cheese.
47
00:01:58,068 --> 00:01:59,067
And you're always
telling me that I need
48
00:01:59,068 --> 00:02:00,274
more dairy in my diet.
49
00:02:00,275 --> 00:02:01,964
Keep using that tone
with me, boy,
50
00:02:01,965 --> 00:02:04,550
and you'll add the back
of my hand to your diet.
51
00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:06,792
Aw.
52
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,102
Ghetto Gangsta Mafia?
53
00:02:09,103 --> 00:02:10,585
Goodbye.
54
00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:12,447
Aw, Ma!
55
00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:15,033
You are listening
to something good for the soul.
56
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,240
Marvin Gaye?
57
00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:18,378
Marvin Gaye never sang
about violence
58
00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:20,654
in his entire short life
59
00:02:20,655 --> 00:02:23,343
that ended when his father
shot him.
60
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:26,067
Uncle Richard Jr.,
can you please tell my mom
61
00:02:26,068 --> 00:02:28,136
that there's nothing wrong
with the Ghetto Gangsta Mafia?
62
00:02:28,137 --> 00:02:30,757
Yo, I love that group.
63
00:02:30,758 --> 00:02:32,136
They tell it like it is.
64
00:02:32,137 --> 00:02:34,378
I think they won Best Song
to Do a Drive-By To
65
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:35,688
at the Prison Grammys.
66
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,240
They are dangerous!
67
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,826
Yes, they are.
68
00:02:38,827 --> 00:02:40,861
Bad influence too.
69
00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:43,067
Listen to your mom, Lil Kev.
- That's right.
70
00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:45,550
And dinner's ready,
so take a seat at the table.
71
00:02:45,551 --> 00:02:48,895
Robert, get your butt
down here and eat!
72
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,999
Hello, best mom
on the planet.
73
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,550
- Hey, baby.
- Mwah.
74
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,550
What is going on here?
75
00:02:58,551 --> 00:03:01,102
Ma, you violated
my constitutional rights
76
00:03:01,103 --> 00:03:02,826
over a bag of Hot Cheese Balls,
77
00:03:02,827 --> 00:03:05,240
but you let Robert
get away with murder.
78
00:03:05,241 --> 00:03:07,309
Robert is older
and bigger than you,
79
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:09,033
and you're way too naive.
80
00:03:09,034 --> 00:03:10,550
He knows how to stay safe
81
00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:12,688
because he doesn't
trust anybody
82
00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:14,792
and he thinks the whole world
is out to get him.
83
00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:16,550
Thanks for believing
in me, Mom.
84
00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:18,688
Well, there's no time for me
to ever get in trouble anyway,
85
00:03:18,689 --> 00:03:20,412
with all these
after-school activities
86
00:03:20,413 --> 00:03:21,792
you force me to do.
87
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,516
Ah, that reminds me,
tomorrow you're joining
88
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:25,654
the MC Hammer Dance Club.
89
00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:27,516
You can't get hurt
while avoiding people
90
00:03:27,517 --> 00:03:28,826
from touching this.
91
00:03:28,827 --> 00:03:30,067
Aw, no, Mom!
92
00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:31,481
Basketball tryouts
are tomorrow.
93
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:33,481
Please, please, please,
please, please?
94
00:03:33,482 --> 00:03:35,378
All right,
all right, all right.
95
00:03:35,379 --> 00:03:37,343
I will let you try out
for basketball
96
00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:39,757
under one little,
teeny-weeny condition:
97
00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:44,481
you must abide by all
of my rules at all times.
98
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:48,516
That goes for you
and you and you.
99
00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:50,240
What the hell are you
doing here?
100
00:03:50,241 --> 00:03:51,550
Honey, I'm home!
101
00:03:51,551 --> 00:03:53,826
Wait, this is my home, right?
102
00:03:53,827 --> 00:03:55,067
Get out!
103
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,792
Shit!
104
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:59,378
Goddamn, girl, you all
jacked up on that creatine?
105
00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,826
Henry Hart,
for the last time,
106
00:04:01,827 --> 00:04:04,171
stop trying to sneak
back in this house.
107
00:04:04,172 --> 00:04:05,447
You know the rules.
108
00:04:05,448 --> 00:04:07,930
You've been demoted
to being a stepdad.
109
00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:10,447
That means you are not
allowed past my front step.
110
00:04:10,448 --> 00:04:12,930
Ma, why you gotta be
so mean to Daddy?
111
00:04:12,931 --> 00:04:14,412
Some father.
112
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:16,964
I bust my butt working
double shifts at the hospital
113
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,688
to put clothes on your back,
and where is he?
114
00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,550
Doing drugs, getting arrested,
115
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:23,619
disappearing
for weeks at a time.
116
00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:27,205
Now, in my defense, I only
disappeared for weeks at a time
117
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:29,240
'cause I got arrested
for doing drugs.
118
00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:30,723
I gotta go to work.
119
00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:32,895
Tell your sperm donor
good night
120
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:34,654
and go back in the house.
121
00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:37,240
And you,
get your life together.
122
00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:40,723
Mm-hmm, it's obvious.
123
00:04:40,724 --> 00:04:42,723
She sure love her some Henry.
124
00:04:42,724 --> 00:04:45,136
Yah-dah-dee!
125
00:04:45,137 --> 00:04:47,999
Man, Pop, she's been
so unfair to you and me lately.
126
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,481
I mean, why does she gotta
go out of her way
127
00:04:49,482 --> 00:04:50,826
to treat us so bad?
128
00:04:50,827 --> 00:04:52,550
Son, your mama problem
with us
129
00:04:52,551 --> 00:04:54,757
is that we see the world
in a different way.
130
00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:57,067
While everybody else is worried
about they next steps,
131
00:04:57,068 --> 00:05:00,102
we thinking about flying,
our heads in the clouds.
132
00:05:00,103 --> 00:05:01,999
But it's up to us
to convince her
133
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,999
that we ain't gonna
crash and burn,
134
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,792
which might be
a little harder for me
135
00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:07,550
because I did
crash and burn before.
136
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:08,792
But that ain't right.
137
00:05:08,793 --> 00:05:10,378
You only crashed into
and burned down
138
00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:11,826
one check-cashing place.
139
00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:13,895
I never said the world
was fair, son,
140
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:15,654
but I'll figure out
a way to win her back.
141
00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:17,964
I just need a little taste
of my thinking juice.
142
00:05:19,241 --> 00:05:20,895
You gotta clean up
your act, Dad.
143
00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:23,550
And that means
no more thinking juice.
144
00:05:23,551 --> 00:05:26,516
Liquor from the Lord!
145
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,792
Crack-a-doodle-doo!
146
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:37,447
- Crack!
- It's a crack-a-thon!
147
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:40,723
Dr. K pushes
the ball up the court.
148
00:05:40,724 --> 00:05:42,550
He feeds Sir Kevin Hartley
149
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:44,481
a behind-the-back,
no-look pass,
150
00:05:44,482 --> 00:05:46,274
and slam dunk!
151
00:05:46,275 --> 00:05:47,516
Thank you. Thank you.
152
00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:49,481
Thank you.
153
00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:50,585
I don't know why your ass
going out
154
00:05:50,586 --> 00:05:52,171
for the basketball team anyway.
155
00:05:52,172 --> 00:05:54,723
You'll need a boost just to
ride the bench, Uggsy Bogues.
156
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:57,240
Oh, yeah?
157
00:05:57,241 --> 00:05:58,481
Well, Muggsy Bogues
making it to the NBA
158
00:05:58,482 --> 00:06:01,067
proves you wrong,
Naysaying Ned!
159
00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:02,412
Kev's right.
160
00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:03,930
You don't need height
to be good.
161
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:06,723
My cellmate Marlon
was only 4'10",
162
00:06:06,724 --> 00:06:09,619
and he was the Michael Jordan
of the whole prison.
163
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:11,654
He knew the secret to life.
164
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:13,205
Say it with your chest.
165
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,033
Uh, okay.
166
00:06:15,034 --> 00:06:16,274
What does that mean?
167
00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:19,033
It means...
say it with your chest!
168
00:06:19,034 --> 00:06:21,102
Uh, yeah.
169
00:06:21,103 --> 00:06:23,585
Saying it louder doesn't really
make me understand it better.
170
00:06:23,586 --> 00:06:25,447
You gotta be tough
on that court, Kev.
171
00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:26,619
It's called Jail Ball.
172
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,378
I wrote the book on it.
173
00:06:28,379 --> 00:06:30,309
- Jail Ball?
- Hell yeah.
174
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:31,585
I'll demonstrate.
175
00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:33,999
Act like this is a basketball.
176
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,999
Goddamn, Unc,
177
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,274
this ball smell like Corn Nuts
and Funky Cold Medina.
178
00:06:38,275 --> 00:06:39,861
You and your opponent
179
00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:42,309
are at the center of the court
for jump ball.
180
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:43,585
Game is on the line.
181
00:06:43,586 --> 00:06:45,240
Ref blows the whistle.
182
00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:46,240
Bam!
- Ah!
183
00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:47,240
- Boom!
- Uh!
184
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,619
Kick in the shin!
185
00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:49,999
Elbow to the throat!
186
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,033
Kapow!
187
00:06:51,034 --> 00:06:52,309
Smack to the neck!
188
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:53,550
Ow!
189
00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:54,826
Those were flagrant fouls.
190
00:06:54,827 --> 00:06:57,688
Punch the gonads
for bitching to the ref.
191
00:06:57,689 --> 00:06:58,999
Ding-dong!
- Ah! Damn!
192
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,654
Uh, Unc, yeah,
as fun as that was to see,
193
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:02,895
I think I got this.
194
00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:04,447
Have it your way, youngblood.
195
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:06,067
But I know
what I'm talking about.
196
00:07:06,068 --> 00:07:07,033
Wow.
197
00:07:07,034 --> 00:07:08,412
You did write the book on it.
198
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,585
Damn straight.
199
00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:12,826
Fools said I was
the next John Grisham.
200
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:16,102
In fact, they used
to call me John Gristle
201
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,688
'cause I was known
to eat the fuck
202
00:07:17,689 --> 00:07:19,378
out of a piece of chicken.
203
00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:22,861
Is something wrong, Henry?
204
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:25,964
You haven't said anything
incoherent in a while.
205
00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:29,240
I'm not feeling my usual
hilarious self today, fellas.
206
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:33,550
Nancy does not want me anywhere
around her or the boys.
207
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:35,964
I got to find a nice gift
to help win her back.
208
00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:39,274
Well, if it ain't here,
that shit don't exist.
209
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:42,999
Welcome to the land
210
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,861
of povertunity!
211
00:07:46,862 --> 00:07:48,999
How about you get Nancy
a movie?
212
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,102
That's romantic as fuck.
213
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,930
Th-thi-this guy's got
all the good bootlegs--
214
00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:56,550
"Old Jack City,"
"Crack to the Future,
215
00:07:56,551 --> 00:07:58,757
"The Little Hermaid."
216
00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:02,240
Damn, this Ariel
got some tig ol' bitties.
217
00:08:02,241 --> 00:08:05,481
Th-that Jamaican crab
is definitely hitting that!
218
00:08:05,482 --> 00:08:07,240
Guys, I got to do better
than this
219
00:08:07,241 --> 00:08:10,171
if I'm gonna get Nancy
to fall in love with me again.
220
00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:13,102
Well, just hold on to that.
I like aquatic adventures.
221
00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:19,930
I told him to get out
and stay out,
222
00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:24,378
but somewhere deep down,
I guess I still love him.
223
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:26,792
He's sweet and funny.
224
00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,861
Ooh, and in the bedroom,
mm-mm-mm.
225
00:08:29,862 --> 00:08:32,550
He made Bobby Brown
look like Charlie Brown.
226
00:08:32,551 --> 00:08:35,240
Damn, that's a creepy-ass way
to talk about your son.
227
00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:37,481
I was talking about Henry,
not Kevin!
228
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:39,171
Ay, I'm sorry, girl.
229
00:08:39,172 --> 00:08:40,516
I am just distracted.
230
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:42,240
I am too focused on caring
231
00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:44,792
for these poor,
unfortunate patients.
232
00:08:44,793 --> 00:08:47,102
Hey! I've been waiting here
for three hours.
233
00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:49,723
My leg is leaking
like the "Exxon Valdez."
234
00:08:49,724 --> 00:08:51,102
Your ass should have
thought of that
235
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:53,757
before you got hit
by the stray bullet.
236
00:08:57,793 --> 00:08:59,240
Hey, Dirty Dante,
237
00:08:59,241 --> 00:09:01,585
how come your clothes
always be so dirty?
238
00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:07,274
Duh, because my mama be using
our laundromat money
239
00:09:07,275 --> 00:09:10,516
at the casino
so she can make us rich.
240
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,102
Yeah, well,
good luck with that, homey.
241
00:09:13,103 --> 00:09:14,895
Guys, look,
get ready to be amazed
242
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:18,343
by your boy Lil Kev,
AKA The Tiny Titan.
243
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:21,171
Okay, line up for tryouts!
244
00:09:21,172 --> 00:09:22,619
Expeditiously!
245
00:09:22,620 --> 00:09:24,792
And with all
deliberate seriousness!
246
00:09:24,793 --> 00:09:26,723
I guess Principal Johnson
really liked
247
00:09:26,724 --> 00:09:28,826
that Morgan Freeman movie
248
00:09:28,827 --> 00:09:31,481
where Morgan Freeman
yells like Morgan Freeman.
249
00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:34,550
Quiet!
Here comes my queen.
250
00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:36,274
♪ You're all I want ♪
251
00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:39,136
♪ You're all I need ♪
252
00:09:39,137 --> 00:09:40,654
Ah, Rhe Rhe.
253
00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,895
Let's run some layup drills.
254
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:47,619
Mr. Hart, take it to the hole.
255
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,309
Oh, it will be taken.
256
00:09:51,379 --> 00:09:53,481
Whoo! Go, Kevin!
257
00:09:53,482 --> 00:09:55,447
Go, Kevin!
258
00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:57,033
You're like a short stack
259
00:09:57,034 --> 00:10:00,757
with extra-sweet syrup
and butter.
260
00:10:06,965 --> 00:10:09,688
Ah!
261
00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:12,205
Get your punk ass up,
Bushwick Bill,
262
00:10:12,206 --> 00:10:14,136
before I knock you
on your ass again.
263
00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:15,895
Chin Check, now, look,
now, you been bullying me
264
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:17,102
since the third grade.
265
00:10:17,103 --> 00:10:19,102
I mean, you gotta
be bored by now.
266
00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,964
When you gonna go on and
move on to your next victim?
267
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,067
When you make me, bitch!
268
00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:25,378
Oh!
269
00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:28,274
Take a page out
of my book, Kev.
270
00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:29,412
All right, fellas.
271
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:31,136
Let's do some one-on-one.
272
00:10:31,137 --> 00:10:32,033
Game on.
273
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:35,067
Time for some Jail Ball.
274
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:38,999
What the hell was that?
275
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,067
My Nate Dogg lunch box.
276
00:10:41,068 --> 00:10:42,378
Oh! Ah!
277
00:10:43,827 --> 00:10:45,481
Don't tell me
you're gonna let him
278
00:10:45,482 --> 00:10:47,688
make you look bad in front
of your future baby mama.
279
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:52,688
No, I won't,
Uncle Richard Jr. Book.
280
00:10:52,689 --> 00:10:55,447
I'm gonna say it with my chest.
281
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:03,447
both:
Finish him! Finish him!
282
00:11:03,448 --> 00:11:04,999
He is finished!
283
00:11:17,206 --> 00:11:20,309
Riot season
is starting early this year.
284
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,102
Okay, listen up.
285
00:11:34,103 --> 00:11:36,067
I gotta take
the worst patients first.
286
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:38,343
So if you are dead,
raise your hand.
287
00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:41,378
Today Philadelphia endured
the most destructive riot
288
00:11:41,379 --> 00:11:44,309
the city has seen
in over two weeks.
289
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:47,378
That poor man over there said
he got punched by a statue.
290
00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,205
I don't know what this world
is coming to.
291
00:11:49,206 --> 00:11:51,033
This catastrophe
was all started
292
00:11:51,034 --> 00:11:55,033
by the act of one
out-of-control, disrespectful
293
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:56,654
inner-city student.
294
00:11:56,655 --> 00:11:57,930
The problem
with the youth today
295
00:11:57,931 --> 00:11:59,826
is a lack of home training.
296
00:11:59,827 --> 00:12:01,895
That's why I do
everything I can
297
00:12:01,896 --> 00:12:03,550
to keep my kids
on the right track.
298
00:12:03,551 --> 00:12:06,274
I hate to toot my own horn,
but toot, toot.
299
00:12:06,275 --> 00:12:08,205
I should teach a class--
300
00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:10,654
Action News 10
has obtained this photo
301
00:12:10,655 --> 00:12:13,481
of the under-aged hooligan.
302
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:15,205
What in the hell?
303
00:12:15,206 --> 00:12:17,240
Ay, poor Nancy.
304
00:12:17,241 --> 00:12:19,792
You're number 68
to see a doctor.
305
00:12:19,793 --> 00:12:21,516
Number 3!
306
00:12:23,862 --> 00:12:25,999
There won't be
any legal action
307
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,412
against your son, Mrs. Hart.
308
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,964
But here's a list
of everything he did
309
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,136
on that basketball court
today--
310
00:12:31,137 --> 00:12:33,447
you know, for easy reference
when you beat his ass later.
311
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:36,412
Elbow to the cranium?
312
00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:37,688
Kick to the testicles?
313
00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:39,102
Oh, yeah,
oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
314
00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:40,550
And tell her what you said
about Chin Check mom.
315
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,723
Do I have to?
316
00:12:41,724 --> 00:12:43,447
Subject said...
317
00:12:43,448 --> 00:12:46,447
"Your mama stuffs so many
wieners in her mouth,
318
00:12:46,448 --> 00:12:49,654
Oscar Meyer wants her
to be their new logo."
319
00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:52,171
Damn, Kev, that's terrible.
320
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,757
You wouldn't happen to have his
mom's phone number, would you?
321
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:57,240
What in the hell
were you thinking?
322
00:12:57,241 --> 00:13:00,757
I am dying to know what
possessed your narrow behind
323
00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:02,274
to do all this stuff.
324
00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:04,033
Well, to tell you the truth,
325
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,309
what I was actually
thinking about--
326
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,516
I don't wanna hear
one word out of you!
327
00:13:07,517 --> 00:13:09,171
- But I was just answering--
- You heard your mama.
328
00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:12,585
She don't wanna hear
what or who
329
00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:14,688
made you do what you did today.
330
00:13:14,689 --> 00:13:16,964
You take that to the grave.
331
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:18,930
Ma, I was only
standing up to the bully
332
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,654
and giving him a taste
of his own medicine.
333
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,619
I mean, you're the one
who's always telling us
334
00:13:22,620 --> 00:13:24,757
God says you reap what you sow.
335
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:26,688
Boy, don't you
steal the Lord's words
336
00:13:26,689 --> 00:13:28,274
and use them against me.
337
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,550
Don't make me beat you
for plagiarism too.
338
00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:31,861
You gotta believe me.
339
00:13:31,862 --> 00:13:33,757
This is not like those
other times that I lied.
340
00:13:33,758 --> 00:13:37,550
In this case, I am telling
the truth for a change, okay?
341
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:38,895
It was an accident.
342
00:13:38,896 --> 00:13:40,412
I didn't know anything else
was gonna happen.
343
00:13:40,413 --> 00:13:43,102
That "anything else"
was a major riot.
344
00:13:43,103 --> 00:13:45,343
People were looting everywhere.
345
00:13:45,344 --> 00:13:47,309
Disgraceful. Mm-mm-mm.
346
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:51,619
Kevin Darnell Hart,
this is serious.
347
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:53,378
This is how so many young men
348
00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:56,205
start down the road
to the thug life.
349
00:13:56,206 --> 00:13:59,067
When I think of all
the shot-up gang members
350
00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:01,378
I see every night--
351
00:14:03,137 --> 00:14:05,688
Hoo-hoo, I know that look
a mile away.
352
00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:07,102
Put your jacket on, Kevin.
353
00:14:07,103 --> 00:14:09,516
I am taking you to the hospital
with me tonight.
354
00:14:09,517 --> 00:14:12,136
When those half-dead thugs
get wheeled in,
355
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,171
you'll rethink
your life of crime.
356
00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:15,757
Aw, come--do I have to?
357
00:14:15,758 --> 00:14:18,481
Look, I don't have a sister
to send you to in Bel-Air,
358
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:19,826
so you're coming with me.
359
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:26,930
This way, Nino Brown.
360
00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:28,205
Pay attention
to what you see in here...
361
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:29,619
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
362
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:32,999
No matter how awful
or disturbing or bloody...
363
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,447
Or boring?
364
00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:37,067
This place is dead
365
00:14:37,068 --> 00:14:39,274
and not in a good
"laying on a stretcher,
366
00:14:39,275 --> 00:14:41,171
full of bullet holes"
kind of way.
367
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,895
Where's all the usual action?
368
00:14:42,896 --> 00:14:45,033
Ooh, a heart machine
that beeps, cool.
369
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,619
It is not cool.
It is punishment.
370
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,378
Ah!
371
00:14:55,137 --> 00:14:57,723
Am I stoned on Windex,
372
00:14:57,724 --> 00:14:59,964
or have we been standing here
for five hours
373
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,067
watching Henry pick out a gift?
374
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:05,378
We've been standing here
for six hours.
375
00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:07,136
And yeah, you stoned on Windex.
376
00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:09,861
Come on, there's a lot
riding on this gift, guys.
377
00:15:09,862 --> 00:15:11,309
It has to be
the perfect balance
378
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:13,930
of cheap and not too shitty.
379
00:15:13,931 --> 00:15:17,550
Hmm, does my eye spy
a sparkly wallet?
380
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:18,757
Ooh.
381
00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,343
It's a genuine Tommy Hotfinger
382
00:15:22,344 --> 00:15:24,412
with real fake diamonds on it.
383
00:15:24,413 --> 00:15:26,447
You can put your bus pass in
that little window right there.
384
00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:29,205
Mm, take those
grimy sweatpants off,
385
00:15:29,206 --> 00:15:33,033
you beautiful, funky,
long-balls-having man.
386
00:15:33,034 --> 00:15:35,033
Yah-dah-dee!
387
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,067
Ooh! Whoo!
388
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,723
Mm, that's right, baby,
with that big ol' ass.
389
00:15:39,724 --> 00:15:41,378
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
390
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:44,274
What, you want that wallet?
$2.
391
00:15:44,275 --> 00:15:47,585
This is just the thing to get
my wife to love me again.
392
00:15:47,586 --> 00:15:50,448
In that case, $5.
393
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:54,792
Be advised.
Shooting at Broad and Lehigh.
394
00:15:54,793 --> 00:15:56,895
Shooting at Broad and Lehigh.
395
00:15:56,896 --> 00:15:59,378
Hallelujah. It's on.
396
00:15:59,379 --> 00:16:01,481
Get ready to be
scared straight, Kevin.
397
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:05,447
Spike Lee is shooting
a movie at Broad and Lehigh.
398
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:07,723
Be on the alert
for elaborate tracking shots,
399
00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:11,102
blaring jazz music,
and non-subtle messages.
400
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,447
Damn it!
401
00:16:12,448 --> 00:16:15,619
I said it's $5.
402
00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,309
$0.
403
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,619
$5!
404
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,688
$0!
405
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,964
Why do you keep saying $0?
406
00:16:23,965 --> 00:16:25,516
'Cause that's all I got!
407
00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,103
Get your broke ass
out of here!
408
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:35,033
Let--let--let me tell you
about that man over there.
409
00:16:35,034 --> 00:16:38,516
His wife tossed him out
because he got hooked on drugs,
410
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:42,619
lost 11 jobs,
and wore white after Labor Day.
411
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:45,688
But Henry Hart did not
let that defeat him.
412
00:16:45,689 --> 00:16:48,964
He is determined
to clean his life up.
413
00:16:48,965 --> 00:16:50,688
He is a good man.
414
00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:53,205
He is a changed man.
415
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:55,309
He is
a "taking that wallet" man.
416
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:57,861
- Shit.
- I'm coming, Nancy!
417
00:16:57,862 --> 00:16:59,792
Stop, thief!
418
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:01,826
Ah! Oh, Lord!
419
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:04,550
Leave me alone, dog!
420
00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,309
I ain't oxtail!
421
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,654
I'm just covered in them!
422
00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,309
This is a disaster.
423
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:13,205
How is Kevin
gonna learn to be good
424
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,964
if nothing bad
happens here tonight?
425
00:17:14,965 --> 00:17:16,309
Don't worry.
426
00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:17,999
I'm sure being
bored off of his ass
427
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,274
will scare him away
from ever wanting
428
00:17:20,275 --> 00:17:22,033
to come back
to this place again.
429
00:17:22,034 --> 00:17:23,688
Hey, what's going on?
430
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:25,792
How we doing,
Killer King Hospital?
431
00:17:25,793 --> 00:17:27,102
What in the hell?
432
00:17:27,103 --> 00:17:29,033
Is everybody sick,
injured, and happy?
433
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:32,757
I need morphine!
434
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,654
This is MC ER
coming at you live.
435
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,792
♪ My, my, my, my ♪
436
00:17:37,793 --> 00:17:39,171
♪ You got a nasty cut ♪
437
00:17:39,172 --> 00:17:40,585
♪ Uh, why ♪
438
00:17:40,586 --> 00:17:41,792
♪ 'Cause you fell off a truck ♪
439
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:42,895
♪ Right onto your butt ♪
440
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,240
♪ Look at that running sore ♪
441
00:17:44,241 --> 00:17:46,067
♪ It makes me say,
oh, my Lord ♪
442
00:17:46,068 --> 00:17:47,067
♪ Don't touch that ♪
443
00:17:47,068 --> 00:17:48,343
Let me break it down!
444
00:17:48,344 --> 00:17:49,688
- Okay, that's enough.
- Oh, come on, Ma.
445
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:51,309
Wait, wait, wait, wait, Ma.
I'm almost done.
446
00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:52,930
♪ Stop, hammertoe ♪
447
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:55,688
- I said that's enough!
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
448
00:17:55,689 --> 00:17:58,033
Ooh, you are lucky
cameras are everywhere.
449
00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,516
Otherwise I would beat you
450
00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,757
like you led me
on a high-speed chase.
451
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:03,274
Ma, what are you doing?
452
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:05,136
Let me go!
453
00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:06,585
- No!
- Ow, ow, ow!
454
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,619
I'm not letting you go
until you start displaying
455
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,688
the home training I've been
shoving down your throat
456
00:18:11,689 --> 00:18:13,240
for the last 12 years.
457
00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:14,654
Will you please
stop babying me?
458
00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,585
I'll stop treating you
like a baby
459
00:18:16,586 --> 00:18:18,757
when you stop acting
like a baby
460
00:18:18,758 --> 00:18:21,447
and start seeing the world
how it really is.
461
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,447
Oh, so that's
what this is about?
462
00:18:22,448 --> 00:18:23,826
Because I have a happy attitude
463
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:25,585
and I don't sit around
complaining all the time,
464
00:18:25,586 --> 00:18:27,136
you don't think
I know what's up.
465
00:18:27,137 --> 00:18:28,895
That is exactly what it is.
466
00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,171
So you don't think
that I know that we live
467
00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:31,619
in a crime-infested
neighborhood, Mom,
468
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:34,205
or that my daddy is drunk
or high half the time?
469
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:35,654
It's not that I'm blind.
470
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:38,654
I just choose to see the world
I wanna live in.
471
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:40,481
I'm just trying
to keep you safe.
472
00:18:40,482 --> 00:18:42,481
I am safe,
as safe as I'm gonna be
473
00:18:42,482 --> 00:18:43,619
living in North Philly.
474
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:45,033
I mean, I know what time it is.
475
00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:46,481
I know who I need
to stay away from,
476
00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:47,861
like that old man
in the trench coat
477
00:18:47,862 --> 00:18:49,205
that hangs out by my school,
478
00:18:49,206 --> 00:18:50,757
staring at us
through the chain-link fence,
479
00:18:50,758 --> 00:18:52,999
licking his lips
with his hands in his pockets.
480
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,205
Oh, I know what he's up to.
481
00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,343
- You do?
- Of course!
482
00:18:56,344 --> 00:18:58,757
I know he wants to steal
our snacks and our juice boxes.
483
00:18:58,758 --> 00:18:59,930
Well--
484
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:01,378
Okay, so now that you know
485
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:03,205
that I'm not a dumbass
about life,
486
00:19:03,206 --> 00:19:04,792
can you please
knock off the babying
487
00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:06,895
and let me listen
to the music that I like,
488
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,688
get me the hell
out of that quilting club,
489
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,240
and start treating me
like I got some goddamn sense,
490
00:19:11,241 --> 00:19:12,723
damn it?
491
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,619
This will help them
identify my remains.
492
00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:22,654
We got a major injury here!
493
00:19:22,655 --> 00:19:23,861
Drive-by victim.
494
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,619
Yes, my prayers
have been answered.
495
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,930
In your face, Mr. Happy Talk.
496
00:19:27,931 --> 00:19:29,930
Time to get scared straight.
497
00:19:29,931 --> 00:19:31,378
Two gunshot wounds
to the abdomen!
498
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,378
Losing blood!
499
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:34,136
Oh, my God.
500
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:35,688
He's just a kid.
501
00:19:35,689 --> 00:19:36,930
Dirty Dante?
502
00:19:36,931 --> 00:19:38,688
Dante Elliott from my class.
503
00:19:38,689 --> 00:19:41,240
Somebody get me
two units of whole blood!
504
00:19:41,241 --> 00:19:42,481
Hang in there, young man.
505
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,067
You're gonna be okay.
506
00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:45,516
Where's his mother?
507
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:46,585
We were told
she was at a casino
508
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:48,447
all the way in Atlantic City.
509
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,309
Hopefully someone
will get ahold of her soon.
510
00:19:56,931 --> 00:19:58,999
Mom, I just wanna say
that I'm so sorry
511
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,447
that I cussed at you earlier
512
00:20:00,448 --> 00:20:02,792
and that--that there's
no excuse for that.
513
00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,723
And--and right now, I--
514
00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:07,067
I present my natural
Black behind for beating.
515
00:20:07,068 --> 00:20:08,826
I'm not going to beat you.
516
00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:10,516
Not tonight, anyways.
517
00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:14,067
I know that I'm tempting fate
by asking this, but...
518
00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:15,930
why not?
519
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:18,861
Kevin, you wanna know
why I'm so hard on you?
520
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,654
Yeah, I mean, it's
crossed my mind a few times.
521
00:20:20,655 --> 00:20:23,136
Because you're
my responsibility,
522
00:20:23,137 --> 00:20:26,516
and I can't afford to be
soft with you all the time.
523
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:29,171
I'm just trying to protect you
from all the bad things
524
00:20:29,172 --> 00:20:30,688
that can hurt you.
525
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,136
And maybe that's why
I smother you so much.
526
00:20:33,137 --> 00:20:34,930
Because I love you, son.
527
00:20:34,931 --> 00:20:38,033
I love you more
than you'll ever know.
528
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:39,378
I know, Mom.
529
00:20:39,379 --> 00:20:42,343
Look, son, I'm not
gonna be perfect at it,
530
00:20:42,344 --> 00:20:43,550
but I'm gonna try to give you
531
00:20:43,551 --> 00:20:46,033
a little more freedom
around here.
532
00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:47,723
You're not a baby anymore.
533
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,757
Ugh, uh-oh.
534
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,930
I know that look
from a mile away.
535
00:20:51,931 --> 00:20:53,792
You're not gonna do
"it" again, are you?
536
00:20:53,793 --> 00:20:54,792
Mm-mm.
537
00:20:54,793 --> 00:20:55,930
Nope.
538
00:20:55,931 --> 00:20:58,240
Nope, I won't do it this time.
539
00:20:58,241 --> 00:21:00,964
I won't do it. I won't do it.
540
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:03,171
Good, because I don't really
think that's a good--
541
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:06,792
♪ Hush, little baby,
don't say a word ♪
542
00:21:06,793 --> 00:21:08,619
Aw, come on, Ma.
You're embarrassing me.
543
00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:12,033
♪ Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird ♪
544
00:21:12,034 --> 00:21:14,102
I don't want a mockingbird.
I want a pit bull!
545
00:21:14,103 --> 00:21:15,448
Yo, Nancy!
546
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,447
Forever my lady!
547
00:21:19,448 --> 00:21:21,033
♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
548
00:21:21,034 --> 00:21:24,447
Why get a pit bull
when your daddy's a dog?
549
00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:26,930
Henry Hart, what are you
doing out there?
550
00:21:26,931 --> 00:21:30,136
I got you a romantic gift
to prove my love!
551
00:21:30,137 --> 00:21:31,654
Thanks, Henry,
but you're still not
552
00:21:31,655 --> 00:21:33,826
allowed past the front step.
553
00:21:33,827 --> 00:21:35,930
That ain't what
thought-bubble you said.
554
00:21:35,931 --> 00:21:39,309
Thought-bubble you was down
to do the wild thing, yeah?
555
00:21:39,310 --> 00:21:40,964
Good night, Henry.
556
00:21:40,965 --> 00:21:42,964
And put on some pants!
557
00:21:42,965 --> 00:21:44,378
Good night, son.
558
00:21:45,827 --> 00:21:47,378
You did good, Pops!
559
00:21:47,379 --> 00:21:49,240
It's baby steps,
but you're gonna win her back.
560
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,481
Thanks, son!
561
00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:52,205
I'm gonna be a better dad
for you, boy,
562
00:21:52,206 --> 00:21:53,481
starting right now.
563
00:21:53,482 --> 00:21:56,102
You gonna see
a whole new Henry.
564
00:21:56,103 --> 00:21:57,240
Aah!
565
00:21:57,241 --> 00:21:58,654
Damn, Cujo!
566
00:21:58,655 --> 00:22:00,654
You sure ain't Scooby-Doo!
567
00:22:03,379 --> 00:22:06,240
My ass is not
as tasty as it looks.
568
00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,758
My ass is neither
a Kibble nor a Bit.
569
00:22:10,758 --> 00:22:12,171
♪ Go, Little Kev,
go, Little Kev, go ♪
570
00:22:12,172 --> 00:22:16,136
♪ Go, Little Kev,
go, Little Kev, go ♪
571
00:22:16,137 --> 00:22:20,757
♪ Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go ♪
572
00:22:20,758 --> 00:22:23,274
♪ Go ahead, go, go ♪
41082
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