All language subtitles for Eavesdrop.2008.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-ESub

Mmm, no...

Why?

We have an
appointment.

We have a really important
appointment at 2:00,

but you wanted
to come here?

Hal?

Hal?
Susie!

Dr. Thibideau has
the test results,

these results will determine
if treatment is an option,

so why are we
sitting here?

Why-- why--
I want to get up--
why-- it seems like
all I do is---

all I ever do is
explain myself to you!

Thirty-two years--
three--
thirty-three years...

My lover...

My best friend...

My sweetheart...

My name is hal.

I like chocolate-chip
pancakes.

I can't get enough
of Billie holliday.

I have... managed to find
a spot on the street

to park my buick
for the last...

Twenty-seven years

yes, 27 years--
that was yesterday,

today, I'm a goddamn
oncological case study

for the folks in little
white coats at St. Vincent's!

I'm tired.

It's okay.
Not today.

Honey...
I just...

Honey?
Not... today.

Hey!

Sorry it took
so long.

They have a blower
in there.

No, no, please--
I know.

I'm, uh-- I'm alone
more than you know,

nobody keeps better
company than me!

Oh, my god,
are you--

let me help you, sir--
you all right?

No, no,
never better.

Yeah, that's what my
grandfather used to say,

"never better!"

Better never do
that again.

Just be yourself.

I give you tea...

But no sympathy.

Okay...

King cliche,

how 'bout this?

There's many
a slip,

'twixt the cup
and the lip,

and you, mate,

are without your bitch for
the rest of this match.

You were so certain you
were going to win, yes?

Yes...

No...

Sh...

I haven't lived
a good life.

I've been bad...

Worse than you
could know.

Well that's good,

because if you actually
were as innocent

as you pretend to be,
we'd never get anywhere.

Well?

Please-- that's easy
as speakeasy,

"the Maltese falcon,"

hammet and huston-- the
hardest of the hard-boiled.

What can I get
you to drink?

Oh, yeah, uh...
Root beer float?

Okay, um...
A root beer float.

What-- i-is that--
is that okay?

I mean, you're laughing--
you guys have floats right?

No, yes-- no, we do--
we have floats

it's just cute to hear you
order a float for brunch.

Uh, oh, okay,
okay...

So, uhh, vanilla
ice cream,

uh, two scoops
if you can.

Okay, two scoops
if I can.

What about you?

Um, actually, I think a
root beer float sounds great.
Okay.

But just one
scoop, please.
Okay.

All right, so, how bout I
bring you one-- they're big...

With two straws?

Yeah, that's fine--
yeah, yeah--
yeah, yeah.

Ugh, no--
no, no...

That wouldn't be good-- I
think that I'd like my own.

Okay...
Oh, really?

'Cause, I'm just a
germ guy and all.

What-- you're
a germ guy?

Not so much germs,
like viruses...

Okay, so--

ya know...

I was walking to the
beauty salon the other day,

mmm.
And something
felt different.

It was so quiet,
honey.

I had on my
brand new heels.

They're a little
warn down now,

but when they
were new,

darling, they made
such a loud click--

no, no, no,
no, no...

We're not going to
do this today-

do what?
Ya know, susie, some would say
that this condition I have--

this cancer is a
rainy day at best,

and I would agree--
it's pouring over here.

Okay.
Cats and dogs--
thunder and lightning.

But let me
tell ya,

the one brief spot of
sunlight I get in all this,

is I get a relief
from the chatter,

from the mundane.

If you wanna talk,

well, then for god sake,
make it about something,

but don't just keep
filling the air

to make yourself
comfortable.

The food, the weather,
the clicking of the heels,

I won't have it.

My clock
is ticking,

so if you've got
something to say,

let's just get
down to it.

Fine, I'm sorry...

My bottom line
really depends on it.

Yes, her bottom line,
and my byline!

One cherry tea--
I'm sorry, Mr. Moon.

No, no--
can't hear you,

better yet, don't want
to hear you, Betty.

I don't want to hear
you either, Ollie.

I just want to
hear this-- quiet!
Shh!

Okay, you might want to
try composing yourself

before you
attempt music.

Oh, oh, god,
I'm sorry!

I-I should have
let you, you know,

aked what you
might've wanted--

let you order
first, Clara-

Clara.

Cla-clar-Clara

Clara.

It's fine-- don't
worry about it.

Ooh, hi,
Terrence,
oh, hello, v!

"V" as in venomous.
"V" as in
vainglorious.

As in vexing.
As in volt!

Ouch, good one.

I got a fresh pot
almost up, k-k?

Mmm, I can smell--
sure, I'll have a pour.

And I'll have a spot
more mint tea, v.

Spoonful of sugar?

Stirred in with
a chimney sweep.

And a coffee-Carly-
Simon for you, Terry?

Yup, with clouds--
you know me so, val.

So, is there just going to
be one of you today, or?

No, unfortunately not,
though I-I shouldn't say that.

That's just my
own fear talking,

or-or my-my
guilt, rather.

I don't know--
I don't know.

I don't know
how to...

Handle these.

I'm sorry-- no, what
am I a-apologizing for.

I haven't done
anything wrong, have I?

Nice for you to ask
for what I desired.

Oh, I'm so sorry,
Lulu bell,

so very sorry.

And not from the root word
"sorrow--" no, hardly.

"Sorry" as in...
Sore,

as in "it pains me
to have wronged you."

I don't like
your manners.

Ooh, you're
frisky today.

"Well, I'm not crazy
about yours-- I didn't ask to
see you.

I don't mind if you
don't like my manners,

I don't like them myself--
they're pretty bad.

I grieve over them on
long winter evenings.

And I don't mind
your ritzing me,

or drinking your
lunch out of a bottle.

But don't waste your time
trying to cross-examine me."

Ah, "the big sleep--"
hawks and Chandler,

bogart and bacall,

yeah, well, it's all just
a big dream to me...

You should keep your eyes
and ears on the game

in front of you, Donnie,
instead of everyone else.

You might have seen
that move comin'.

The game is bigger than
the board, my friend.

Chess is a metaphor
for life,

the answers are
all around us.

Okay, so, a glass
of Pinot comin' up.

A-A-And, um, perhaps I'll
have a shot of bourbon,

that I'll-- that I'll
just sip, not shoot,

so a rocks
glass will do.

A bourbon?

Life is a game?

No, it's more of
an experiment.
Experiment?

No-- it's a test.

Yeah, a test--
test tubes, you and me.

Mmm, life,
mere folly.

Yeah, folly?

It's a friggin' hoax--
now, move.

I suppose I'll need
a small cake.

A cake?
Right, but something
modest, um,

strawberry shortcake,
ladyfingers...

Something or other.

Right, so, you need a
wine, and a bourbon,

and a strawberry
shortcake.

This is a brunch
fit for liberace.

I'll also need the cake to
have candles, a-and not...

Not one,
but... 18,

eighteen?
Yes, 18.

Okay.

Ya know,
I'll be the--
don't do this
again, hal!

You know, I'll be the
first to admit that

when doc tippytoes
gave me the news--

Dr. Thibideau--
Dr. Thibideau!
Doc tippytoes--
tippytoes!

Tippytoes!
Thibideau !

As I was saying, Susan,
when doc tippytoes

first gave me the news,
I thought to myself,

"glioblastoma, what a lousy
way to check out, ohh!"

But then... when he added
the word "malignant,"

you should have seen
me-- I stood up.

I shook that
man's hand,

well, then, at least I had
something malignant, huh?

Something to give it a bit
more bite, more weight,
right?

You are a gift
for listening.

It's just, I mean--

I'm expecting some quite
special company, today.

Real special girl...

Okay, well, I'd love to stay
and play, but, you know,

I just got a four top, and I
don't want my smile to crack,

so...

No problem.

I-It's just that, when
I'm finished here...

I'll probably have
a cigarette,

you allow smoking
here, sweetie?

Shu-- "sweetie"?

Sure, yeah,
okay,

so, you're going to have
the Pinot, and the bourbon,

and the cake,
and the cigarette,

and the girl
on the way,

is there anything
else I can get you?

How 'bout, just-- ohh,
a pillow and a condom?

Nice jab-- you're quick--
I like that.

Is there
anything else?

I mean, what about your ego--
what's that going to have?

Let's see...

Hello?

Ah, well, no--
I just--

i-i-i can't believe i--
I-I think I'm just--

I'm nervous.

What-- you didn't
do anything wrong.

Um, d-do you see anything
you like here?

I mean, because we could
always go somewhere else.

Oh, no, this is great--
I think I'm all set.

What are you
thinkin' of having?

Well, I don't know.

I was thinking, maybe, like
a goat cheese salad, but...

Really-- that's
what I'm getting.

So, you-you're going
to get that, too, huh?

Well, you know what--
I'll get something else.

Oh, no, we can
get the same.

Okay, okay...

So, that's
kind of funny

that we're getting
the same thing?

Yeah, it's funny.

So, how did you finally
decide to do it?

Do what?

Well, Lulu-boohoo,

you're dressed up like
the stroke of midnight,

I can only assume that you
killed your character.

Oh, you know me so
well, Terrence,

you wanna guess?

Well, considering it
was Ursula dithers,

that hellcat
protagonist of yours,

I imagine you
light-bulbed her

to be deserved of only
one kind of a demise,

a violent one...

Right,
and the m.O.--

I haven't a clue of course,
but a whirl I'll give.

Let's say smothered, naked,
beneath a pale green sheet,

300 count, as she went
from pink to pale,

a post-coital
kill...

Nope, no...

No?
No.

No-- well, it's beneath
me to guess again...

Oh, you want
me to tell you?

You "sorry" as in
sore loser, you?

So, tell me,

what's the best-selling
book of all time?

The Bible.

Yeah, I kind of
gave that one away.

Yeah, too bad--
now, move.

- Six billion copies.
- What?

The Bible has sold
six billion copies.

Well, I'm sure it will sell a
hell of a lot more, now, move.

Kind of unbelievable,
isn't it?

Kind of hard to get
your head around it.

I mean, six
billion copies.

Like, what is that--
how much is that like?

It's kinda like thinking
about six billion dollars.

Like, how much
is that?

Don, why do you insist
on injecting trivia

into our game?

Casper, chess is
a battle of wits--
yeah, well,
congratulations,

you know a very lot
about the very little.

But I got
it right.

The Bible-- six billion
copies, so, touche.

Ursula wasn't bludgeoned,
she was butchered...

Mmm, yes?
By her husband...

It' getting dim,

with the same knife that
she was going to filet

the in-season mahi-mahi that
she had bought for her lover

for dinner
that same Eve.

Oh, splendid.

I lack what made
me so good.

Oh, Lulu, how
I love you so.

How so?

So-so, I mean such an
impassioned slaying,

yet elegant.

Oh, your mind--
how it works.

Well Terry, you can always
tell one's conviction

by the thought
that's behind it.

Behind what?

You know, all
the big stuff.

You know, if you're
going to kill someone,

you might as well make
it creative, right?

Right.

Sorry to get
so dark.

What I meant was,

say if you were...

I don't know,
propose to someone,

well, if someone was
to propose to me,

well, I couldn't
just say "yes,"

no matter how I felt
about the person,

unless he put
some effort

into creating a really
elaborate proposal,

and if he didn't,

I would have to question
whether or not...

We were the
right match,

and then I
might say "no."

Right.

Well, our duel is not
done yet my friend,

the Bible-- that
was easy, but...

I have another
little nugget.

What's the second best-
selling book of all time?

Oh, no-- no, no, no,
no-- not this time,

you are not going to
distract me from this game.

You and your
questions...

The Bible, I got it
right-- so who cares

what the second best-selling
book of all time is?

Well, winners are winners,
but I'll tell you something,

runners-up have a much
better story to tell.

"Oh, winners
are winners..."

800 million copies--

Don, why don't
you decide,

and pick a piece,
and move it!

Okay, okay, Casper--
all right, relax.
Just pick a piece!

I'll give
you a clue...

Jocelyn?

Jocelyn,
over here!

Jo... over here.

Hi!

So many better ways
to die, though...

Operatic ways,

massive stroke,
poisoning,

beheading...

Ways I deserve,

here, we go again.
Or how 'bout this?

Something even
more operatic,

something even
more tarzanic,

tarzanic?
Yes, you know, cardiac arrest.

Tarzan, okay,
I get it-- I get it.

You and your words.

Yes, gems, each and
everyone of them.

Just never...

Able to string 'em together
in just the right order

for any publisher
to pay attention.

To your memoir.
To my memoir.

Memoir!

I must be so red-- I hate
when I get red-- am I red?

No-- rosy.

I get like that, too,
when i-- when I first...

Oh, yeah, him--

so spruce with the
sweetest caboose,

he's at your table,
though, Bette.

Go, go, go--
tweet, tweet!

"Tweet, tweet"?

When the enemy
attacks, withdraw.

When they stop,
harass.

When they tire,
strike.

What the hell
is that?

Mao.
Mao?

Mao tse tung-- his
book of quotations,

second best-selling
book of all time.

Wow...

I'm not sure how that
sits with me, Don...

Awe, you're
in awe

so, can I get your friend,
here, something, or...?

Oh, um, excuse me--
yes, miss.

Miss?
Yes.

Um, how 'bout a
hot apple cider.

Would you
like that?

Yeah, sure,
sure, sure.

Sure.

Sure, "miss"?

So, Jocelyn...

Sh-sh-shh!
No-- what?

The door.
The door?

The bells.
The bells, what?

On the door-- the
bells on the door.
Yeah, somebody
just came in.

Ooh, that tall
drink of water.

More like a black
Russian in a highball.
What?

It was the bells-- they
didn't ring, they tolled.

Yes, they tolled--
a toll, indeed.

Yes, they did toll--
definitely a toll.

The harbinger of
a harried fellow.

No, not harried--
the toll was ominous.

Mm, portentous?
Yes, good, portentous--
a better, buttery word.

And resonant
with a vengeance.

One mint tea,

and a coffee with clouds,
'cause you're so vain!

No, no, no, sh-shh--
no offense val,

but we got a little
performance goin' on

right here.
Ooh, finally a little
haha for your brew,

- what's going on?
- Do you know that guy?

Who?
That man with the
bloodshot eyes like bela l.

Or the sartorial splendor
a la Rhett Butler-

nope, never
seen him before.

I know the gal.

Oh, do you, val?

Though, maybe not-- she's
pretty typical looking.

The gal, val--
hardly typical.

Yup, the blonde, hands
curled around her cup?

No, she's no
ordinary gal,

more a gamine,
or a popsy perhaps.

No... a damsel.

I had no
idea you--
shh!

My god, you must
have left the house

at a god-awful
hour to get here.

Unless you were coming
straight from the airport,

when did you get
back in town?

I thought you were do
later in the week?

Thursday--
I thought you said.

The waitress is coming
back in a second.

You know what
you want?

Or you need
more time maybe?

Maybe you want a
moment to decide?

A moment
to decide?

Why don't you tell me
about that moment for you?

Moment--
what moment?

Decide what?
The moment you
decided to kill me!

Can never be
bloody enough...

Or bloody at all.

Cassius, brutus...

Great names
Caesar had, huh?

What must it be like
to be stabbed?

Foo!

- Lou gehrig.
- Who?

Lou gehrig, that 0ld
son of a bitch, ha!

Coined his
own disease,

and that speech--
I was at that game.

Are you telling me that
your life is on par

with Caesar,
or Lou geerig?

It's "gehrig!"
Gehrig.

C'mon!

Great lives deserve
great deaths.

Okay, let me
get this straight.

So, so, the fact
that you may be dying,

is not as important
as the way...

You are going to die,
is that right?

Have I got
that right?

Yeah.

How ridiculous
are you?

You know what
I think?

Seldom.

I think that
you've given up.

I think that...

That you just
don't care.

I think that
you're scared,

you're scared,
my love,

of what kind of treatment
options are open to you

treatment options?

Treat a poison
with a poison?

Meet my maker glowing in
a radioactive green hue.

Yeah, that's
some option.

No, susie, I don't deserve
that-- not that way.

Cancer is slow--
cancer is undignified.

Cancer's not death.

Cancer's dying.

Death is the relief.

Can I tell you
something?

Anything-- i-I've been
waiting for this moment for,

oh, my gosh, I think
maybe my whole life.

Shh.
I know--
I know.

My high school English
teacher always tells me

to keep it down--
to take the edge off.

That's right, you're
still in high school.

Eighteen...

Yeah, I gue--
I guess...

I guess it's right-- I just
didn'-- I didn't realize--

even so, I would
be graduated,

but I stayed back
in second grade...

For?
Ohh, it was during recess
on the swings, i- -

yeah, you
know what?

It's not important.

Check.

Check.

Ohh, you're
being evasive.

You're seeing that girl
again, aren't ya?

No, no, no.

She bit me,
remember ?

That's right.

The bite.

Yeah, yeah.

I did go out, though--
yes I did,

Mr. Manhattan,
at it again.

I painted this town
a coat a red...

I think I painted
blue, too-- now, move.

So, wait-- we agreed that
the good book was number one,

and we agree that mao tse
tung was the runner-up,

but who is the
greatest author?

No, no!
What?

No, Don, please,
just go.

What?

You always do this, whenever
you're about to lose.

You start
looking around,

and then you start
asking these questions

about stuff that is so
irrelevant to the game

that I lose
my focus
everything is relevant
in its own way.

You just have to
pay attention.

Uh, so...

So...

- You, uh-- you live on the upper eastside?
- Yeah.

So you took the four, five
or six train to get here?

I took the six
right, yeah.

And you live?
On the upper Westside,
so I took the one.

Oh, really--
the one?

Yeah, the one.

Days, weeks,
months?

Indeed, months since
they've seen one another.

Yet no kiss,
no embrace.
To touch would
give them away,

but to not touch is
equally telltale.

Infidelity.

Faithless.
One forlorn.

But which one?
No, both?

Both-- yes, both
have lost their way

after having eaten each
other's breadcrumbs.

One a one night stand--
one carried on.

The affair was hers--
the stand his--
always his,

yet he loves
her no less

before or after the
trespass occurred.

But she disregards
his plea.

Even after his random
hump-hump was divulged,

she knows that divorce isn't
necessarily the only option.

No, divorce is so cliche,
relish is far better.

A quiet delight,
it is now her turn,

a turn already
taken?

You know...

I thought I was going to get
through the whole morning

without hearing about
your fantabulous book,

but hippity-hoo,
here, it is.

For your reading
pleasure,

yours and
yours alone-

for now, but
someday, ah!

Here come's
your peaches.

Thanks, yes--
delicious as always.

Okay, so we've
got one Pinot...

And a bourbon in a rocks
glass or 0l' pop pop
here...

And a hot apple cider for
the terror on the swing set.

Excuse me,
Jocelyn...

"0l' pop-pop"?

You know this is a
very sensitive issue

for both of us--
I hope you understand.

No, I do,
I do.

It's probably a phrase
you haven't heard
very much, is it?

"I do."

Shakespeare?

No.
That thing
is so thick.

I mean, why are
you convinced

that your life is
deserved of a memoir?

Tell me.
Because I've lived.

And not just me,
everyone has.

It's my belief that
as we go through life,

we all discover...

A nugget of truth
along the way,

and not just about ourselves,
but about this, about it,

about all of this,
what this is--

what the hell it is,
and this is just my way

of putting what I
discovered on the record.

Yeah...

And why not?

I'm pleased
with my life.

I'm pleased with what I've
come to learn about myself.

What's the title?

"Charmed."

"Charmed"--
that's the title?

Oh, boy.

Happy hal.

Jules verne...

Jules verne?

No.
No?

I often wonder what it
would have been like if we--

if we had met
years ago.

Look at you--
you are...

Oh, magnificent.

So, tell me.

What-what does your mom think
about us seeing each other?

Oh yeah,
my mom, right.

Well, she's not
too happy.

Yeah, nah, I didn't
think she-she would be,

but it was her choice.

Yeah, I know but --
um...

Say "yes."

Don't say "yeah,"
say-say "yes."

Because "yeah" makes
you seem so young.

Makes the generation gap
that much more apparent.

So now, like the fairest
young lady you are...

What do we say?

"Yes"?

Okay, you
were-you were--
saying, um,
I was saying,

yes, but, um...

But-- rrrr--

I dunno what I was
gonna ever say...

Lenin.

Lenin?

Well, obviously not
John Vladimir Lenin?

Yeah.
You're kidding me.

No.
That is scary.

Between that and mao,

it makes you think everyone
is a closet communist.

Um, uh,
so Clara, uh...

You're not a
communist are you?

Excuse me?

No, no, no, for-forget
I said that.

Uh, w-would you just
hold on just a second,

i-i-i just have to
use the restroom--

the-the float
and all...

Ah ha--
ah...

I get it, you're
kidding me, I get it.

And I'd also like
to say "check."

How did you do that?

Lenin.

Never underestimate
the pawns, right?

What the hell do you
think you're doing?

You have a beautiful
woman over there

and you are
absolutely blowing it.

I-I'm sorry,
who are you?

That doesn't matter--
look, you see this?

This, this, and this?

You know
what this is?

This is a sonata--
your sonata.

It's not for
full orchestra,

it's only for a
select few instruments.

A melody for two--
you and her.

A-A sonata, right--
so, th-that's great.

You gotta title yet?

At the moment?

"Shit."

This time
it was me.

Yes, but understand
something--

this was no
revenge fuck.

If it was I would have done
it back when you started--

there's a right to
remain desirable.
At least, the night
I caught you!

There's a retrograde
desire within all of us

with a love
of the dark.

You're a beautiful
woman... exquisite.

Just more susceptible
to your demons.

Go to hell.

At least
I know now

how black you're capable
of painting the picture.

What do you think I've
done that you haven't--
no, no--
I'm not here.

Okay-- I'm dead.

No longer able to exist as
that man-- your husband.

Listen, a symphony...

Like a grander
sonata, in Greek,

means "sounding
together."

Men and women--
relationships.

It's like a dance,
a longing look,

a lingering scent,
a twirl, a dip,

um, two
instruments, but...

One...

Magnificent...

Melody.

And you must
hear this melody,

and listen to hers,

and accompany,
then answer

and accompany
and answer.

O-Okay...
All right.

Now listen-- the acoustics
in here are not ideal,

but they'll
be okay.

So, first movement--
the allegro.

How-how
old is she?

Um, my mom?

Why?
I dunno,
just curious.

Can't fault me there--
that's kind of why we're...

Why we're here, no?
Yeah...

Yes...

That's okay, you're
a little nervous.

No, no, no, I'm not--
um, my mom, right.

Okay, Sara... she's not
much older than you.

Maybe even
the same age?

Divorced though--
figures, right?

Is she as breathtaking
as you turned out to be?

Well, she's my
mom and all--

I'm embarrassed
to say but...

Yeah, I mean, sorry,
no-- yes, yes!

Well hey, you don't have
to apologize to me...

Of all people.
She's beautiful.

O-Okay, so
your mom is...

Beautiful.

And now she lives?

Local, upper
eastside-- local.

Wow, how 'bout that.

All this time.

Yes, okay, go!

Uh, okay, but
w-what do I say?

"Say"?

No-no-no, you don't "say,"
y-y-you don't speak.

No... you gaze.

Gaze?

Gaze-- you not a flute,
you not an oboe, you are...

A cello.

Sonorous, dauntless.

You go back over there
and you look at her.

I mean, you
really look at her

because this gaze must be held
over four measures of rest

and then you
will listen...

And you will hear the
pluck of the violin,

and then a trill,

and then the first hint of
the melody on the piano,

and then...
You're off!

Just listen?
Yes.

But I can't--
di-di-di-di!

Just listen.

Listen, you will be surprised
how man people don't l--

no, can't listen.

But you'll see,
you know?

It will come
as it was--

as if it was always
there, you know?

Like all melodies,
they're in the air.

They're in you,
they're in me.

They just need
to be harnessed.

Okay, go.

Hi.

Are you okay?

I was thinking about
what you said.

What's that?

That great lives
deserve great deaths.

So, honey?

Honey?
Yeah?

Do you have an--

do you have an ideal
way you'd like to die?

Just one way?

No, I'm sure there are
several fitting ways--

I got one!

Um, uh, uh--
how 'bout crushed

and broad-sided by
a crosstown bus?

Make headlines.

No, no, no, accidents
are like red herring.

You know, how
about murdered--
ugh!

Premeditated-- yeah,
execution-style.

Two shots in the
back of the head.

Toosh, toosh!

Just like that...
By the jealous husband

of a beautiful young
alsatian woman.

Uh, artist,
painting landscapes

at the foot of
the black forest...

Who I discovered and
discovered and discovered...

Woo, wooo, wooo!

At the foot of
the black forest.

What are you--
living in a fairy tale?

That would have been a hell
of a time to go, though,

because, believe me,
I was ready,

because darling I
saw heaven with her.

Aren't you going
to eat your salad?

Yeah, yeah,
it's just--

I love New York.

I mean, as I'm sure you do,
as-as I'm sure everybody does.

It's just... the
trick to the city

is no matter how much you
love it, i-it's not capable
of loving you back.

Right.

But w-what the
city can do,

better than anyplace
else in the world,

is set the stage
for success.

A-And not just professionally,
b-but personally...

Set the stage
for love.

I'm overjoyed that you were
able to join me here today.

Onstage, but...

The spotlight's
hardly on me.

It's on you.

You're beautiful...

And I, like the audience--
I'm sure I'm having a hard
time

not only being at ease,
but taking my eyes off you.

Wow...

The way you said
that was so...

Yeah...

It is, I mean,
i-i-it was--

t-that was
eloquent.
Yeah!

Eloquent--
melodic even.

Wow, a real Casanova
you are, huh?

Yeah, that was good--
that was really good!

Mmm, how 'bout that?

What?

Casanova.

Funny how a guy could
die a hundred years ago

and still come up
in a conversation.

That is when you know that
your life has had an impact.

Casanova, right...

Trust?

Can't say I ever trusted
you in the first place.

Shouldn't truly place
your trust in anyone.

Only took half my life
to understand that.

Lucky me, huh?

Sounds like your
mother again...

Or do you call
her "madam," too?

Life lessons from
convicted felon--

tell me, Claude, she teach
you that through the glass?

Trust...

No.

More of a
hope, a belief,

that I provided
everything you required

to keep you
from straying.

"Required"?

What I required?

I had no idea
you were--
what you don't know
can't hurt you.

That's some sort
of absolute, right?

It is right.

It doesn't hurt.

It kills, slowly.

A gaze of
adoration...

Succumbing to what
has been there,

what has always been
there since the beginning.

And even there,
now in the end.

His love for her.
But love is
now fading.

There is another
passion, equally potent

and overriding his initial
affection for this Cleopatra.

Bet you don't know
who took more lovers.

Cleopatra or
Casanova?

What's the deal,
huh, Don?

Can we just
play chess?

I am playing--
I don't know...

Cleopatra took her first lover
when she was 12 years old.

Okay, okay--
12, okay, so what?

Just saying.

Something to be
said about that.

About what?

About getting
an early start.

Queen me, big guy.

Hal?
Yes dear?

Who's that
person that you--

the woman?

Yeah, the one you
saw heaven with?

In the black forest?

In hell, too...

Her name was
Dominique...

Dominique,
yeah right.

And her husband?

Never knew.

So, it's true?

Before or
after we were?

Before and after.

With Dominique?

And others.
And others?

You're asking?
I'm asking.

I'm interested--
I have a right to know.

Yes, you do,
and no, you don't.

Yes, I do--
we're married.

Oh come on, what's
that really mean?

It means that 33 years
ago we took vows

that's what it means--
oh, grow up.

There's a big difference
between the mind and the
body,

the body and mind,
and nothing,

not even marriage is going
to harness the latter.

I would appreciate
if you took the edge

off of your voice--
why?

You insulted me.
I insulted you?

You just told me that you
had multiple affairs!

Yes, and when you
asked me with whom,

you made it sound as if you
couldn't possibly believe

that any woman would even
have anything to do with me--

well, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!

What?
I mean...

What?
Look at you!

What!

It's just that
you're hal.

Yes, I am, I'm hal-- I mean,
it's nice to meet you!

That's exactly
why I did it!

You're my hal-- I mean,
since when did you get around?

When did I
get around?

I mean, let's be realistic,
in order for you

to park your car for
27 years on the street

without ever getting a
ticket, that little buick--

you had to lead a pretty
humdrum life--
humdrum?

I wouldn't
call it hum--
humdrum, baby.

Dull-dull-dull-dull,
dull-dull-dull!

When did you ever
leave the island?

Never since
I've known you.

Oh, but I have.

Oh, really?
Yes.

I've been nagging you to
take a trip since I met you.
Ha!

To leave the
borough at least!

It's just so amazing
to be here with you!

To touch you, to look at you,
like, I think about--

or thought about-- well, you
don't want to know that.

I don't know--
um, I mean...

I know it's just a short
time that we've spent--
"short" time?

My dear, in the grand scheme,
it's been but a-but a moment.

But we're
together now!

And its like you're the
missing piece in my life.

You make it possible to
finally make sense of myself!

All right,
all right...

Let's not get
carried away here...

Oh, ho ho!

So, Jocelyn...

Jocelyn, Jocelyn...
You know I wanna...

Be a part of your life,
a-a significant part--

well, yeah--
no, "yes!"

I mean you made me
who I am today!

No, no, I-I played
a small part--

yes, but i--
no, no, you're
not a small part.

No one understands me
and now I know why.

You're my answer-- you like
complete me, and stuff...

I already know
that I love you.

Oh my god, did
I just say that?

No, it--
it's true,
I mean, we were--

it's-it's okay.

I, um...

You know
what I heard?

What, what, what?

'Bout love.

Bukowski...
Charles bukowski.

The poet.

Doesn't mince
words, that guy.

He just-- the poetry
just falls out of him.

You know, he's pock
marked and smoking, and--

I saw a documentary
on the guy?
Mmm-hmm.

Sitting back and taking
drags of a cigarette

and the interviewer
asks him

'bout life and
death and... love.

What is love?

What about love?

Now, I wasn't paying much
attention up until then,

but then I sat up
and took notice...

And bukowski without
missing a beat,

in his short breaths and
raspy baritone voice says...

You've loved me?

Yes, love--
don't you love me?

Oh man, Jocelyn...
Love is...

"A morning mist...

"A fog...

"That the daylight of
reality burns away."

Bleak.

Bleak.

Hoo-- it is complicated.
Complicated?

Love isn't
complicated...

Oh, god, you are--
you're so free, so y-young!

You not only put
yourself out on a limb

but you are
dancing on it.

Well, can't you tell me--
don't you love me?

Well, let's just
put it this way--

you only know 25 percent
of who I really am.

Oh, my god.

Well, please introduce
me to the rest of you

as soon as possible.

It's in the book.

Gimme it.

Coming up.

Oh, my god,
I can't read this!

It's all handwritten--
are you kidding me?

Well, give it
back to me here.

You do it and see if you can
decipher it, and please,

none of the first chapters,
I don't want the--

I don't want none of the
kindergarten boo-boos

or the early
childhood crushes --
"boo-boos"?

Excuse me, my dear, this
isn't that kind of a book.

No, no, no, this memoir is
much more risque than that.

Everyone else?

Who?

What do you-- do you think
you're the only one?

There's someone else?
Oh, no,
now see?

You-you're crying...

No-- see i-- i--

I didn't-i didn't want
it to-- turn into--

now, you're crying--
I thought I was
the only one.

The only one?

No, no, no...
Well, how many
others are there?

I wouldn't know.
Holy shit!

Sh-sh-sh...
Don't-don't curse.
Oh, no?

Oh, you don't like
that-- no, no?
Don't curse.

Shit, shit, shit,
yeah, yeah, yeah!

All right, you
know what?
How do you like that?

You know what--
you need a drink.

Here you go--
oh no, no!

What am I doing?

Uh, you're not
old enough.

Oh, now you want
to be my father!

All right, all right,
I deserve that.

I have to go.

No, wait...

Go?

Okay, all right, i--

I dunno, I-I understand
why you have to go,

I-I just don't
hope you do.

No, I don't!

Jocelyn, it's for
your own good.

It's for your own
good, Jocelyn.

H-H-Hey, y'know, eh,
don't tell your mom...
Yeah, no kidding.

Although, I would like
to call her sometime.

Are you serious?

You don't want to see me,
but you're gonna call my mom?

All right!

Bye!

I guess...

She doesn't really need
to blow out the...

Two o'clock.

What?
Every time, two o'clock.

No...
That's when he's
due to arrive.

And this time I'll
be waiting for him.

No-no...
See, I too have a
love of the dark.

A demon...
No, you don't
understand.

I believe I do,
quite perfectly.

I suppose I can ask
you about your family.

Ya know, how you got
along with your father.

Your past relationships, all
the men you've been with.

Y'know, it's all the
things that men foolishly
concern themselves with

when they're meeting a
woman for the first time.

I guess, I just-- I really
want to know about you,

and now...

Ya know, like, uh,
the woman you've become-

except we've all
made mistakes...

Ya know what I mean--
like, you have, I have.

So, it's all right.

In fact, I like to
think the more mistakes
somebody has made

the more lessons
they've learned.

So the more life
they've lived.

Some people
call it jaded,

I g-guess I prefer
the term "angles."

Ya know, like-like the
more angles, like a prism,

the more spectacular
the light.

So, tell me something.

Right, well-- oh my god,
where do I begin?

Right here,
just right now.

You tell me what you
want me to know about you

and I will sit
here and do

what, I imagine, not many
men have done for you.

What's that?

Just listen.

Okay, um...

You know
what this is?

Yes.

You know what I'd like
you to do with it?

Oh, my word, look
at that ring!

The last time this box was
opened was 13 years ago

in St. Petersburg,

our favorite city,
yours and mine.

Above all others--
Paris, Rome, Prague.

We were there in June, at the
height of the white nights.

The three Bridges that
span the neva river,

rise splitting
the city in two.

We found ourselves
on the opposite side
away from our hotel

in the glow of the sun just
sitting there on the
horizon.

You remember
how cold it was?

You were a vision.

I mean, what
do you think?

What are men's
perspectives these days?

I don't know,
what do you want?

The, uh, th-the
man's perspective?

Because, you know,
on-on-on what?

It's just-it's just--
I mean, I am a man,

but I'm not
supposed to be.

I mean, I'm n-not
trying to be "man"...

I mean, you
are a man, no?

You're
being silly!
Mmm-hmm...

So, could you
just excuse me?

I have to go to the
restroom for a second.

Okay.

One moment, one
moment, por favor.

Let me put this
fermata in.

What?
Look, I-I don't know what
happened over there--

what-- well, you
were doing great.

You were so espressivo,
I mean allegro, you hit
every note, every accent

and you listened.

I know-i know,
I heard it, too!

Th-the first movement
and all but...
Yes!

But what?
I-It became
something else.

Yes, yes, yes, as anything
in life progresses,

it must become
something deeper.

I looked at you and
for the first time

was accepting
of all of you.

Your past,
your illness...

Illness?

What I did, I did for
money-- I'm not sick.

What's sick is your
mother hired me

and then introduced
to her darling son.

Is that you, darling?

I might have been a whore
but to be born to one?

You wear a
whore well.

You miss it,
don't you?

The spread, the stare
to the left, the wait.

Waiting, waiting till
he's done with you?

Tell me, Claude,
have you figured out

who your father is?

The ring--
I want it back.

Unceremoniously, not
for sentimental reasons

as much as it
will be symbolic.

I don't even
want to touch you.

I want you to take it out
of whatever dark place

you've kept it so
conveniently hidden,

place it in
this box,

and step out of
my life for good.

Then you'll be
dead to me...

As much as I'm sure
I'm dead to you.

You know which country has
the highest divorce rate?

Don...
Stop Don.

Just stop it.

And they're, uh, almost
double the divorce rate

of the second
highest country,

which happens to be
Cuba, of all places.

You know what,
I'm in.

Mmm-hmm.
I actually
want to know.

Which is it-- the U.S.,
britian...

No, and... no.

Well I don't know,
do you want to share?

Maldives.

Maldives?

Like Tsunami Maldives?

You know, Indian ocean,
series of small islands.

Wow, Maldives.

You know what the key
to a happy marriage is?

Don't get married
in Maldives.

Husband and wife like king
and queen, stay close,

but always independent
at all times.

Hi...

Chelsea.

Hi, Chelsea,
wow you--

wow, look at you,
you are gorgeous.

Oh, well, I wanted to
look my best for you.

And you do,
course you do.

Although you know,
I guess I am...

Well, I am somewhat
responsible for that.

So, how did you
know I was...

Oh, um, just
a country hunch.

Oh, i-- hmmph, I
haven't heard that one,

is that similar
to a country mile

ya know, the
illusion of something

being more of a stretch
than it really is?

I guess, I mean,
I don't know.

Look at you all Freddie
fidgety, you're funny.

A memoir?

Yes, memoir!

I hate memoirs.

People write down only
what they remember

and it turns out to be
everything they should forget.

Here's to memoirs.

Well, let's see,
no-no-no.

No, no, no...

I'll find something--

here, how 'bout
right here.

Go ahead.

Well that was
a very good day.

Yeah, which I'm sure
there were plenty.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, eh...

You may not know
this about me,

but, um, for a short time
I was a bugle player.

You were a
bugle player?

Yes, quite a
good one at that.

I played the Kentucky
derby three times.

Really?

And then, I hit a sour note,
sent the horses bucking

and maimed the
favored jockey.

Okay.

- What else?
- Well, let's see.

The second movement.

The adagio.

Meaning?

Adagio, means slow
like a ballad,

the strings
become like silk,

the violin and the cello
trading melodies like kisses--

la laaa-la-
la-lal-la

right okay,
so slower, deeper.

Yes-yes-yes-yes.

No, this is wrong.

What do you mean
it's brilliant

and getting better.

It's horrible.
Come again?

What, what's wrong?

Well, no wonder
she ran off,

he should at least
take a knee.

Agreed, a knee.

Yeah, proposals--

what are we talking, twice,
three times nowadays?

There's got to be something
we can do to nudge it along,

push it one way
or another,

he's just
sitting there.

You know what,
there is.

What'd you
say to her?

You'll see.

Do-do-do-
do-dooo

shut up.

I was reading rolling
stone the other day.

Here we go,
here we go.

Four pieces
on the board

and he wants to
talk about music.

Well, I thought you might like
to know what I read about?

Oh sure, you're going to
tell me regardless, Don.

No I won't,
no I won't,

not if you don't
want to hear it,

I won't tell you.

No, please,
by all means,

'cause you will
be telling me.

Well I was reading about
a certain musical artist.

Who has more international
acclaim and recognition

than any other musical
artist in the world.

People not only
know his music,

they know his lyrics...

And they can sing his songs
with the very same gusto

that they were intended
to be sung with.

Gusto?

Yeah.

Whether you're, uh, in
St. Mark's square in venice?

Or at a karaoke
club in Tokyo?

Whether you're up in the
arctic with the eskimos?

Or down in the Amazon
with a game hunter?

And the uncivilized
tribes of Africa?

Okay, you lost me
at the eskimos.

Okay, I got it.

So who is it?

I don't know, Don.

Is that
Billy Joel playing?

Figured you
might say that,

and, no, that is not
Billy Joel playing

although it
sounds like it

and no, that is
a terrible guess.

How wonderful for you.

What are your
sister's names?

Helaina and Scarlett,
they're younger.

Actually, four and
two and a half.

It's hard... it's
sometimes real tough,

coming down, late, for
breakfast in the morning,

and seeing them already all
huddled there around the table,

like a real family, doesn't
quite matter if i'm--

well, sometimes i'm
not sure where I fit

and maybe that's
why I'm here.

Well look, I'm here
for you now, okay.

You and I,
we're melodies.

We're melodies--
wow, I love that!

Yeah, right, of course,
we have to allow each other

to take the lead,

but what is the lead
without the accompaniment?

Nothing--
and in order for a melody to
reach its true magnificence

it needs the support
of a second instrument.

Right.
You know, a Harmony if
you will and vice versa.

Yeah, right.

Just like that first
movement of a symphony,

that first speeding
beat of our heart

in a new
relationship

is very much like
the happiest time

or the allegro.

Right.
As we both know, that
happy time is a tease

or a harbinger of
things to come later.

But in order for melodies to
reach their true fanfare,

they need
a second movement,

a deeper, emotional
bond of a movement,

the adagio.

Adagio?

Yeah, I feel like
a trumpet player

to your uh...

Oh, what am I?

Um, I don't know,
I'm uh... I'm a piano!

No-no, I'm uh,
a flute-- yes!

Well then you hear
it, the melodies.

Yes, I can hear it.

Oh, my god, I didn't
know that I had one.

I mean, not one that
I could hear or anything.

Melodies just exist.

Like, they have always
been there within us,

it's just about listening
to them and harnessing them,

and finding someone
to harmonize with.

Much as... we might've
found in one another.

You ask me
what men want?

They want the
same thing as you.

To find someone to make
beautiful music with.

I guess I'm just
a little bit alarmed

that you think you
feel this way already.

I mean, we're only
on our first date.

Oh, god, hal,
this is rich.

Yeah, let's see what
else is in here.

Here, let me see if
I can find another one.

Please.

I was an alternate on
the Marv Albert trial.

Is that so?

Yes, I was dying
to get on that,

because if anyone knows
about cross dressing,

it's this guy.

It's the Beatles.

Easy-- gotta
be the Beatles.

They're on everyone's lips,
they're in everyone's hips,

gotta be the Beatles.

They're in
everyone's hips?

Yes, they are,
in everyone's hips

and they're on
everyone's lips

that's how pervasive
the Beatles are.

No, it is not
the Beatles.

It's not them?

Okay, it's enough,
it's enough.

Lot more here.

Forgive me for
questioning you,

but when did
all this happen?

You never talked about
any of this to me.

Well, no...
No?

So?

It's in the silences.

In the silences?

Thirty years we've been
coming here, right?

Same spot, same table,
we're married, yes?

We're married.
We converse at
times, yeah?

More in the
beginning than now,

and usually
it's me listening

and you talking.

Oh, come on.

But most of all,
above all, we're quiet.

People look at us
and they think

"ugh, what a musty
life they must live,

"being together so long,

"nothing to talk
about but the day."

Yeah, the eggs,
the pancakes...

We're sitting idle here,
couple of blank looks,

wallowing in our own
familiarity for one another.

You're like a jazz
riff, you know that?

I always tell you not
to order the onion soup.

I know, I know,
it's so scrumptious,

but so toilsome to eat.

Oh, oh, oh, you have a
little something right here,

a small piece
of basil.

There you've got it.

Smells good, be careful
don't burn yourself.

I know you
love it so.

Oh, wait, you were here with
someone else before me?

Yeah.
This morning?

Yeah, and I have another
one coming in about an hour.

An hour, you're
giving me an hour?

Impossible.

Something's got to get
me back to where I was?

All right,
all right, all right!

All right, there's
only one way

you can seduce
her now.

What?

Just go back over there
and take the lead.

What do I do?

Just listen,
you'll hear it

and when you hear it you
won't have to know what to do,

it will just
take you over.

No, I didn't
order this.

Nope, nope--
not my faux pas,

this is from another
pair in the place

hoping for the best
for you and yours.

Anything for
you gallie?

Uh, yeah, hi.

How 'bout a Gibson?

Ooh, spicy, remind...

A jigger of
gin, Gordon's,

a pony of vermouth
preferably French,

and--

an onion--
Pearl, right?

Yeah-- a Pearl onion,
to chase away a cold.

Ooh, kinda chilly
in here, no?

Uh, no-no thanks.

I'm fine.

Had my last drag coupled
with my fourth divorce

fifteen summers ago.

Kicked a bad habit
and a bad husband,

bravo!

Kicked, no more
like I had my fill.

Don't suppose
I could tempt ya?

Like I said,
I had my fill,

of both smoking
and men-

I was talking about
the champagne.

I wasn't.

What is this
all about then?

What's what?

What, what, what?

This, us ...

No, understand
something...

Uh, there-there
is no us.

What you insist on making
out to be something

you did for purely
selfish reasons

is something
priceless to me.

And you act so
callous-- detached.

Your friends left you
here, by yourself.

They promised
they would.

Yes, they did.

Now what?

I don't know.

No, nor do I.

Any other guesses?
Elvis Presley.

No, not Elvis Presley.

Dylan?

You'd think
so, but no.

My mind has been
everywhere but here.

Life is in the listening,
least it is for me.

May I please
have that?

I just want to
get this straight.

So everything
you wrote down,

all this then
in your head,

this stuff, is this
stuff you overheard?

No, I don't know...

'Cause is you're
not joking,

this is, uh, a little
too much to, uh--

more than you can
take in all at once?

You betcha.

Well that's your fault

because I've been trying
to tell you for years.

It's amazing how
much you miss

when you rely solely on
a bottle for your message.

I'm drinking
because your sick.

But my dear, you have always
concentrated on one aspect

of the thing.

And what
would that be?

The gossip-- when there's
so much more to it

and so much more
money to be made.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

So what you do
is lucrative?

One has to be
smart about it,

of course, discount
most of what one hears,

but there have been
a few gems along the way,

stock picks,
horse race fixes,

real estate deals,
ideas heard in passing,

it's amazing the things
that people won't patent.

Right, is that so?

That's so.

Let's just say
there's a tidy sum

I've been
able to amass.

Tidy?
Yeah.

Several million, now
edging up into the teens.

Patience...

Pardon?
Patience, that's what the British call it.

Patience.

Right, forty thieves,
idiots delight, spider,

they're all variations.

But, I like mine pretty
much straight ahead--

it's a game
for one.

Me, I love Patience.

You know, it's like
striving for perfection...

Supposedly, Napoleon was
the first one to play it

and now me...

In exile no doubt?

Please, Mrs. Crimmins,

yes?

Tell me about
your husband?

What?

You want to know
about my husband?

Well, why don't you
just ask him yourself?

Mrs. Crimmins, please.

Do you mind?

No more of
that, please.

I ask only because for
a woman like yourself

to hold on
like you do,

he must have been
a very special man.

Okay.

Thanks doc.

What?

It's too late for me for
love, but not for you.

So go now and
let me begin.

No, no, no, don't worry
about it, I got her.

She's all mine.

Wait, you got her?

No, I romanced
her for you.

Without my music,
you are an idiot.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, yes, you see,
she's much too exquisite

to be that strong.

I start out
very delicately

just a legato,
a violin, a cello.

No, no, no--
no thanks.

I got it
from here.

Now, I suppose
I brought up Napoleon

because we do have
something in common,

but not exile.

No, we both have the ability
to stage one spectacular coup,

his passion
was France,

mine was bad marriages.

A woman can be so
delicious on the flipside.

Prepare for the
worst, right, hal?

Anything in your little
book prepare us for this?

I suppose we should
talk about your will.

My will?

Mmm-- not that I believe one
iota of what you told me,

or what you wrote,
but if it is true,

where the heck is this
money you're talking about?

Where?
Yeah, where?

I mean, I would like to
believe this is true

but nevermind.

I actually don't,
it's okay.

And if it is true and
I didn't leave it to you,

what would you do?

I would kill you faster
than any cancer could,

that's what
I would do!

Now let's go!

My husband...

He, uh?

Let's go!

I like to think he was the
world's last gentleman.

Pardon me, may I?

I-I didn't know what
I was getting myself into,

I-I didn't know
what I signed up for.

Well that's it then,
nothing to say?

What can I say?

Well, sucker born
every minute, right?

Don't... don't
tell your mom.

His stories
turned to tales

which grew
taller everyday,

I like to think he died of
an overactive imagination,

so what are you
doodling there?

The times crossword.

I thought the only
gray lady in this room
was four tables over,

you finished?

Right, well, yes and
no, let's just say,

"I'll show you mine
if you show me yours?"

What?
Your memoir,
do you mind?

No, go right ahead.

Oh, so you
did finish.

I did,
as did you.

You not only finished,
you started it,

you're royston wield.

That's me.

Call me Roy.

Roy, well it must be a lot
harder to do what you do.

Tougher to.

Most people solve
the problem,

but you have
to create it.

Creating it must be
a lot more daunting.

Create them everyday,

get even harder as
the week goes on.

Yeah, must be tough trying to
reach a deadline like that?

Yes and no.

As with anything
you develop a method

by which each puzzle
can be completed

and published on time.

Published?

Don't necessarily
think of it like that

but people do pay
for the paper.

Yeah, well you know,

uh, I'm been trying
to get my memoir--

published.

I know.

Yeah, I guess you
would because you--

overheard.
Right, yeah.

Oh, my god,
here he comes.

Now... pardon
me, for asking

and if this is
too forward,

by all means,
let me have it.

But would you...

Hmm-- would you be available
maybe in the coming week

for-- not for coffee,

obviously, but I don't
know, maybe dinner,

cozy Italian
hole in the wall,

then downtown for a little
jazz at this improv place--

wow!

What?
Are you kidding?

No.

You know I don't suppose
it's a coincidence

that rat trap is right
underneath your table?

Someone delicious
joining you today?

Divine.

Ah, but that love's
a puzzler isn't it?

I mean, sometimes
it's a match

but more often than
not it's a miss

and then how
do you know?

I mean, you're obviously
having a little proposal

going on over there.

Look at you with your
ring and your bubbly,

you popper you.

But how do you know
when it's time?

You are an
inquisitive one.

Hey, I can relate,

I mean,
I've got a lover, too.

Are you in love?

No question.

How do you know?

Umm?

Your overhearing
is beyond rude,

it's almost criminal!

Well, then explain it.

I mean...

My name is Grant,

the theme this
time was a person.

Me?
You!

You'll be in
Sunday's edition.

Sunday's edition,
really, tomorrow?

Well, next week.

Oh, yeah so...

Funny thing about crosswords,
the real effort--

besides coming up
with the words

is making them
all link together

uh, accordingly.

Both across and down,
to make other words,

well, you know...

But what you may not know
is that the final word

is sometimes filled
in on its own,

a word created based
solely on the other words

coming together,
a word unintended.

It just appears?

It just appears, and what's
even more miraculous,

every time it happens,
it always fits.

Fits?

With the theme
of the crossword.

I don't know why or
how, it just fits.

Care to see?

Uh, see, what?

Your word.

I donated,
to a sperm bank.

Legally you can do
so every three weeks

and I... ya know,
I did it,

I don't know,
a few times...

Paid me enough
to get by,

so over the next few
years, I donated,

and I donated,

and--
you donated-

and so now those
girls you see--

they're your kids,
your kids.

So why the cake?

Well legally, when they
reach the age of 18,

they're able to look at
the profile of the person

who donated and
I checked the box

that said they would be
willing to be looked up

when they were ready

and I suppose they get
to see the other stuff,

my IQ, my appearance,
my interests.

Suppose that's why I was
chosen by so many women

over and over
and over.

That and you're
a total hunk.

So, what do you say?

How 'bout it,
would you...

Like to?

Uh, this is uh...

I'm sorry, I didn't
get your name.

Laura, uh, whatever.

All right, whatever,
this is deidre.

We were just
talking about--

what were we
talking about?

Love.

Love, that's right.

Somewhat of a
puzzler that love,

wouldn't you say, Laura?

Right.

Yeah, but apparently, Laura's
got it all figured out

she knows when she's really
in love with somebody

who I guess is arriving
here any minute,

isn't that what you
said, around two?

Yup.

Gonna be late
I imagine.

Yeah.

Close to two.

Yeah, uh...

Well that begs the
question though,

what is it
about this woman

that's makes you know you
love her above all others?

Well, I...

Well I mean really who cares,
let's just have a toast,

we have to get
another glass.

No, no, no,
it's really okay.

No, really, come on,
we should have a toast.

So, we all set?

Oh, no, I was thinking maybe
we could get some dessert?

I mean, I'm having
such a great time

and I thought maybe
we could spend

a little bit more
time together.

Oh, okay, I mean,
I just thought.

What?

I mean, you know, since
we're getting along so well,

we could just go
back to my place.

And what?

Sorry.

Go back to
your place?

On a first date?

I mean, it's a little late
for sorry don't you think?

My god that was so rude,
but that's so typical.

No, no, no,
Clara I, uh--

Clara!

Did you see what
he just did?
What?

He sprinkled something
in that champagne flute.

What?

What, what--
rat poison!

All right, then.

You should know, you're
a fan of film noir, poison!

To fitting ends
and new beginnings.

Cheers.

- Rose?
- Rose.

Rose, I don't know.

Gotta get down to
the times now anyway,

have a puzzle I have
to deliver by four.

It's a doozy
all right,

I drew it up in
penn station yesterday.

Another cafe?

No, I had a coffee break
with some maintenance guys.

Definitely an
interesting crew.

By the way,
here's my card.

Yeah.
Main number on the bottom there with my extension-

you'll let me know
when it happens?

What?

Rose...
What it means.

Like I said,
always means something,

usually a good thing.
Yeah.

Poison what are
you talking about?

I know, I like
to dramatize,

but somebody's
been poisoned.

Who?
I don't know, he mixed
the glasses round .

No, no, no.

Look he's up and
about to take a knee.

Oh, my god,
the champagne.

Or maybe not.

What have we done?

He took the poison,

I thought it was
for you or you?

Turn around.

Wait, wait he's trying
to say something-

what did he say?
He said, "turn around."

What?

Will you marry me?

Clara, I just had a
good feeling about you

and, um, you know,
it's just like uh--

shhh!

What?

Shhhh!

Okay, okay-- shhh!

Can you just be
quiet for a second,

you've been doing
a lot of talking,

don't you think?
Okay.

Who is that man?

Uh, what man?

That guy, the guy who's
been staring at us

and you at him
the whole time?

Oh, that man?

Yeah.

Well, it-- kind
of a long story.

How familiar are
you with music?

That's what I mean,
I can hear it.

The sonata?

You can?

Yeah, it's beautiful...

Can you hear it?

No, I can't, I could
before, but now I can't.

Ohhh, look at
it sparkle.

Oh, she likes diamonds,
you're in big trouble.

I don't understand.

Wow!

Forgive me for
eavesdropping

but I heard most of
your conversation.

Anyway, I thought i'd
fill you in on someone.

My favorite artist,
poet, musician--

you may not have
thought about

regarding your
pain principle.

Someone who, uh, words
actually often come to mind

when I'm thinking
about my husband,

when I think about our
time here together.

Like I said,
it's been three years

since I'm knocking
at your door

and still I can
knock some more.

You see in life I know
there's lots of grief,

but your love
is my relief.

I got it.

I got it!

He's finally got it-

Bob Marley.

That's it!
Ha!

No woman no cry

please, don't cry .

Checkmate.

Congratulations.

So what'd you
think of my play?

I loved it--
ohh, I loved it!

You know, we're like
an hour into overtime?

I'm kidding,
I'm kidding -- brilliant!

So nice touch
with the poison...

Well, we tried
strangling in rehearsal

but it didn't really work
as well as the poison.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you, abientot?

Abientot.

Umm, obituaries please.

Yeah, hi?

Umm, yeah...

I'd like to place an obituary
for tomorrow, please?

Neither.

Nope, doesn't make
any difference how
I know him, I just do.

Yeah, hal smathers.

Hal smathers.

Uh, no-no wait,
$50.40?

And it's a five
line minimum?

No wait, let me
ask you something,

um, what's the maximum?

The maximum
number of lines?

There's no maximum?

No, um, I'll need
more than a fax.

Listen, I'll drop
it off today, okay?

Tomorrow, Sunday?

Wow, yeah, all right,
I'll be right down.

Okay.

What?

Rose?

Ya beat me everytime.

The wisdom
of the crowd.

The brilliance of
the bunch my friend.

H.l. Menken said,
"no one ever went broke

"underestimating
the intelligence

"of the great masses
of the plain people."

Which directly
contradicts mao,

who said
"listen to the people,

"and then teach them."

I disagree with mao.

I think is one's truly
aware of one's surroundings,

one can learn
everything one wants

from the
collective minds

that exist in the most
mundane of places.

Like this cafe.
Voila.

If one pays more attention
to one's surroundings

than oneself, it's
all quite a spectacle.

You want to
play again?