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======
- Previously on awkward...
2
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,805
- You're suspended.
- Ms. Marks called you
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,507
For dating advice, and she made
you touch her breast?
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,709
I am not gonna publish this.
- It's all true.
5
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,412
- It's cruel.
- I need to go home.
6
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,446
- See ya.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,881
- Thank you for being my hero.
8
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,817
- That's all
I ever wanted to be.
9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:21,520
[austra's hurt me now]
10
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,088
- Morning had broken,
and so had I,
11
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,824
Because of the choices
I had made under the influence
12
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,093
Of a drug--
collin jennings.
13
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,561
- Against my better judgment,
14
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,263
I had bought into
his propaganda,
15
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:35,200
And it left me heartbroken,
alone, and humiliated.
16
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:38,570
I felt left out
in the cold...
17
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:39,204
- Because I was.
18
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:43,709
[leaf blower roars]
- ♪ on a bed of stone ♪
19
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,044
- Surprisingly,
my dad was willing
20
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:48,213
To let me back in the house...
- ♪ oh, don't hurt me now ♪
21
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,281
Which didn't
mean he was ready
22
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,550
To put me back on his
"friends and family" plan.
23
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:56,555
- ♪ oh, don't hurt me now ♪
24
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,357
- There were
no "buts" about it.
25
00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,426
I had hit rock bottom.
26
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:01,560
I wanted my life back.
27
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,862
I knew it wouldn't be
an easy campaign,
28
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:08,667
But I couldn't make an omelet
without cracking a few eggs.
29
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,437
Fresh pepper?
30
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,006
- Sure.
[chuckles]
31
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,976
I printed off the college
basketball scores
32
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:21,246
From this morning's paper.
Go, jayhawks.
33
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:22,347
- Thanks, jenna.
34
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,249
- My campaign seemed
to be working.
35
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,352
I was winning over constituents
left and right.
36
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:30,789
What's this?
- Your bill for the month.
37
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,458
If you don't want to live
by our rules,
38
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,827
Then this is
a business relationship,
39
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,695
And you can pay rent.
40
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:37,096
Oh!
41
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:40,632
I'll deduct 20 bucks since
you slept in the yard.
42
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,934
I may be your landlord,
43
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,803
But I'm not heartless.
- Mm.
44
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,444
- My well-meaning breakfast
45
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,980
Having done nothing
to sway public opinion,
46
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:58,016
I resorted to pandering.
47
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,686
I know you love
that extra vent.
48
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,689
You look pretty.
49
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:06,625
- I know.
50
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,327
- What are you doing?
51
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:13,398
- Getting a life.
52
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,168
Apparently, I need one.
53
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:20,005
- Okay, posters up,
banners draped, speech written.
54
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,740
Do you think people will know
I spelled "president"
55
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,474
With a "z" on purpose?
56
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,510
No one's gonna vote for me
if they think I'm a dumbass.
57
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,479
- I can't believe you did
all this in one night.
58
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,547
Did you sleep at all?
- Yeah!
59
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,416
I made these too, with my
button maker from fifth grade.
60
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,451
Thank god my mom's a hoarder.
61
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,586
- I was hoping I could win back
my friends
62
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:38,223
With a little glad-handing.
63
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,259
Hey, guys!
64
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,560
- Hey.
- Uh, hi.
65
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,562
- I think you'd make
a great president, t.
66
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,598
You always were a leader.
- Are you being sarcastic?
67
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,901
- Not at all.
68
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,503
Can I wear one?
69
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:01,313
Well, you both look good.
70
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:04,416
- [sighs]
71
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,652
You proved your point.
This is hilarious,
72
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,954
And adorable,
and you can stop now.
73
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,156
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
I am running.
74
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:14,693
I already got the required
175 signatures.
75
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,328
- Overnight?
- Look, jake,
76
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,162
If you want to be president,
77
00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:19,064
You're gonna have to fight
for it like everyone else.
78
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,533
You think it was easy for me
to find banner paper
79
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,368
And grommets after 7:00
at night?
80
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,970
Crepe paper doesn't
twist itself.
81
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,805
So, if you're done dancing
around the maypole,
82
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:30,342
It's time to strap on
and play some hardball.
83
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:34,112
- Okay.
Game on!
84
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,048
Game on.
85
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,517
- More like game off!
- That's not a thing.
86
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,886
- The warm--or rather,
lukewarm--reception
87
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,454
From my peers was a clear sign
88
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,289
My approval rating was
on the rise.
89
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:47,960
I felt encouraged, inspired,
and like myles mcallmond,
90
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:50,329
I was determined to run
a clean race.
91
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,130
- ♪ breathe it out
breathe it in ♪
92
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,999
- And, like myles, I would fail.
93
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,069
As a result of my recent trip
down ecstasy lane,
94
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,237
I have conveniently forgotten
95
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,973
The mud-slinging
had already begun,
96
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:03,976
And I was the one with mud
on my hands.
97
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:06,245
Mr. Hart, you cannot publish
my essay about val.
98
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:08,180
You were right, it was cruel,
and when I wrote it,
99
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:09,114
I was in a bad,
bad place.
100
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,482
But I am no longer
in that place,
101
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,483
So you can just
throw it away,
102
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,052
And I will write something new.
Deal?
103
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:17,155
- Hart's not here today,
so I'm covering for him.
104
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,991
His grandma died.
105
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:19,891
Again.
- Great!
106
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,627
Not great about his grandma,
107
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,028
Great that I have time
to kill my essay
108
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,463
Before the experior comes out.
109
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,965
That would have been
all over the place.
110
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,601
- Wow, timing on that
couldn't have been better.
111
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,236
- There was
nothing I could do.
112
00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,772
The information
had gone public.
113
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,341
I had to warn valerie.
114
00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,556
- I need some advice
about getting a life.
115
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:54,860
I want do something,
be something, go somewhere.
116
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:59,665
- I cannot tell you how long I
have waited for you to say that!
117
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,166
I have always wanted
118
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,202
To blow this town
thelma and louise style.
119
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,571
Like, take a drive
into a canyon.
120
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:10,142
Then we live how I imagine
they lived in that canyon,
121
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,244
With some indians.
122
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:14,179
- No, I mean, get a job.
123
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,949
There's got to be something here
at the school I can apply for.
124
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,652
I'll do anything.
125
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,455
- Can you apply a band-aid?
- Yes!
126
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,490
- Can you dial 911?
127
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:25,924
- Yes.
128
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:29,528
- Can you wield an ice pack,
even if it's really cold?
129
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,029
- Yes!
- Can you wield
130
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,698
A really cold ice pack
131
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,966
While dialing 911?
132
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,335
- I can!
133
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:38,904
- You're qualified.
- Oh, my god.
134
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,905
- Yeah.
135
00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:41,606
- I'm qualified!
136
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:42,541
Wha--uh--for what?
137
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:46,645
- Have you heard of
the a.S.S. Contest?
138
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:47,212
- I won one!
139
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:51,350
But I didn't get a paperweight.
I won 50 bucks.
140
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:54,353
- It's a district-wide
after school special contest
141
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,020
That we won!
142
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,255
And the prize is
a nurse for a month.
143
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,690
- A school nurse?
144
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,158
Am I really qualified
for that?
145
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,761
- No, but you don't
have to have any experience,
146
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,663
Or to pass
any competency tests.
147
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:06,732
Heck, our last nurse
was certifiable...
148
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,634
In cpr, but she was also
koo koo kachoo.
149
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,738
I mean, she had a walrus face.
- Huh.
150
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:13,905
- One last question.
151
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,607
Do you have any problems
with nepotism?
152
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:18,110
- Don't even know
what that is!
153
00:06:18,112 --> 00:06:19,611
- You're hired.
154
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,512
- I'm a nurse!
155
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:24,015
And, I already own
a nurse's outfit.
156
00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,952
- Okay, crotchless
doesn't count.
157
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,997
- Hey, is it okay
to sit here?
158
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,000
- [clears throat]
absolutely.
159
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,970
Is devon gonna be okay
with that?
160
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:45,370
- Yeah.
161
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:49,908
She's actually off-campus and...
[phone chirps]
162
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,478
Texting as we speak.
[sighs]
163
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:57,883
- Is everything okay?
- Everything is fine.
164
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,851
- Do you want to talk about it?
- I think that might be
165
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,520
A little weird, you know?
Considering?
166
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,988
- We don't have to talk
about it.
167
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,356
- Good.
- Great.
168
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:05,490
- Okay, so here's the deal.
169
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,725
Devon was totally cool about
170
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,661
You and our...History.
I mean, she completely
171
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,196
Encouraged me
to stay your friend.
172
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,764
- Wow, she's perfect.
173
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,101
- That is what I thought,
until she completely freaked
174
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,136
On me last night when
I went to pick you up.
175
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:18,970
- Well, she's human.
176
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:22,107
Wait, you left her
to pick up me?
177
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:22,908
- That is besides the point.
178
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,745
The point is that she hasn't
stopped yelling at me over text.
179
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:27,446
- Is it all in caps?
180
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,947
- Half and half.
- Then you're good.
181
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,715
She's just venting.
- But now I am--
182
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,584
I am a little freaked out.
183
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,552
I mean,
I've had enough drama,
184
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:37,456
So I think I might need
to take a break or something.
185
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,626
What do you think?
- It was a loaded question.
186
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,062
Selfishly, I wanted him
to take a break
187
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,097
And spend his
free time with me.
188
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,500
But, it was time
to stop being selfish.
189
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,436
I think you should take a beat
and let her calm down.
190
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,872
It's understandable
why she's upset.
191
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,974
I would be too.
192
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:56,775
- Yeah, you're right.
193
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,344
- Now, can I get your opinion
on something?
194
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,346
- Sure.
- During my sanity sabbatical,
195
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:05,383
I wrote a mean article about val
for the lit magazine,
196
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,384
And it came out today.
197
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,320
- Hey, maybe it's not
as bad as you think.
198
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,689
Let me take a look.
199
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,291
- The lowercase "t"s are
gluten free, 'cause I care about
200
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,127
The digestive requirements
of all students.
201
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,329
Vote for tamara!
202
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,599
[fanfare music]
- my fellow titans,
203
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:23,869
Vote for jake!
[cheers and applause]
204
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,872
[laughs]
all right!
205
00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:27,672
[cheering]
206
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,076
- Ming! You forgot to "asiacate"
the mafia about the game change!
207
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:34,379
- Dude!
Take off the shirt.
208
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,147
- Unh!
209
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:39,217
[grunts]
[groans]
210
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,520
Mm!
- Vote for tamara, okay?
211
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,988
- [mumbles]
- got it?
212
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:43,922
[distant cheering]
213
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,490
Point those crazy eyes
somewhere else.
214
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,158
I'll fix it!
215
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,828
- Sadie, I need your help.
- Skiddads, nancy pe-loser.
216
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,162
I'm making a deal
with urban outfitters.
217
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,498
Ten times what I got for
the banana slicer.
218
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,166
- But I need
your virtual support,
219
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,568
And since you're
my cheer-sister,
220
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,637
You have to give it to me!
221
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:02,073
- You wanna settle, crayzilla?
222
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:02,774
- Settling.
223
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,175
I know you've got thousands
of followers,
224
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,711
And even if only a few of them
go to this school,
225
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,612
It could totes rock my vote.
226
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:10,015
So, if you could just tweet
about me,
227
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:10,982
Maybe use one of my slogans,
228
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,450
Or post a pic of us
in our cheer gear?
229
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,520
- My followers look to my feed
for opinions delivered cruelly,
230
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,389
Sans couching,
in under 140 characters.
231
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:20,325
It's not about promoting you
or anyone else.
232
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,795
That said, if you'd like to be
a paid sponsor--
233
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:24,329
- Yes! How much?
234
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,164
- I'll give you
the banana slicer rate.
235
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,065
500.
236
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,600
- I don't have
that kind of money.
237
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:31,603
- Well, then, I guess
I can't help you.
238
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,773
Which works out,
because I didn't want to.
239
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:38,710
- Hmm.
240
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,112
These cookies
taste like defeat.
241
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,615
- So does my fist.
242
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:46,051
- Okay!
New mandate.
243
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,819
We're putting our support
behind tamara now.
244
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,254
- You're flip-flopping.
- So?
245
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,590
The circumstances were beyond
my control.
246
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,391
- Clearly.
247
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,026
- Now, I want t-shirts,
248
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:58,363
Cupcakes with tamara's face on
them with leopard print icing.
249
00:09:58,365 --> 00:09:59,431
Figure out how to do that.
250
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,199
And who do we know who's
a skywriter?
251
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,701
- I'm gonna stop you
right there.
252
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,302
We're not doing any of that.
253
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,570
- [mocking voice]
um, yes, you are.
254
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,038
- You still don't know
how this works.
255
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,373
- Please.
As head of the asian maf--
256
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,943
- That's exactly what
I'm talking about.
257
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,013
We never say
those words aloud.
258
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,215
We're supposed to be hiding
in the shadows.
259
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,618
Taking down posters
in the dead of night,
260
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,819
That's the kind
of thing we do.
261
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,887
And what's up with
the cheat sheets?
262
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,055
I'm getting "c"s.
263
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,690
- What?
- Yeah.
264
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,891
And have you seen our ledger?
265
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,660
It got puked on at a rave.
266
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:29,861
- The accountant went
to a rave?
267
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,363
- You need to get that kid
under control.
268
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:33,765
- And you need to lose
the 'tude,
269
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,567
And the jake shirts.
- And wear what?
270
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:38,570
- Do I have to figure everything
out for you?
271
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,540
You can go now.
272
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:45,710
- Wow!
273
00:10:45,712 --> 00:10:48,013
- It's bad.
- Yes.
274
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:51,149
But don't worry, people only
read the experior
275
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:51,850
For the sex stories.
276
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,752
Nobody's gonna bother
with your essay.
277
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,320
- As much
as it pains me to say,
278
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:58,156
Your essay is awesome!
279
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,090
I am impressed.
280
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,493
It is way more barbaric
than anything
281
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,460
I could have written.
282
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,095
- Unfortunately,
matty was wrong.
283
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,131
People were reading
my attack ad,
284
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:10,969
And worse,
they were believing it.
285
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,974
[bell rings]
286
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,409
- Hey, what's up?
287
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:20,078
Why are you giving me
the cold shoulder?
288
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:20,945
- Are you kidding me?
289
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,580
- I'm really sorry I didn't take
you home last night.
290
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:25,016
If it's any consolation,
I ended up getting a cab.
291
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,017
- That's why you're sorry?
292
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,585
- ♪ swing for me child
- is there something else
293
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,320
I should be apologizing for?
- ♪ swing for a while ♪
294
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,321
- Oh, I don't know.
295
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:31,623
Letting your ex slip me "x,"
296
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,458
Making out with her right
in front of my face--
297
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,460
I mean, right in front
of my face--
298
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,962
Trying to lure me
into a threesome?
299
00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:40,265
- I thought you'd be cool
with it.
300
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,233
- No. Not cool.
301
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:46,304
- Did you sleep
with angelique?
302
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,374
How long have you been
sleeping with her?
303
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,176
- ♪ you and I will become one
304
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,878
- [sighs]
- you never stopped.
305
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,447
- I'm sorry.
306
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:58,216
I thought we were on
the same page.
307
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,617
- So did I.
308
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:00,685
- Look, I'm pretty sure
I was clear
309
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,220
About not wanting
a girlfriend right now.
310
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,588
- If you were clear,
then I am deaf.
311
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,723
- Hey, if you brought
this up to me
312
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,890
At any point
in the relationship--
313
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,625
- So now it's a relationship?
- Yeah.
314
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:11,029
A relationship that was
never exclusive.
315
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,598
- I ruined friendships
because of you,
316
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,168
Alienated my parents,
publicly eviscerated valerie--
317
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,704
- Stop!
Those were all your decisions.
318
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,973
That's all on you, jenna.
319
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,476
- You're right.
320
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:27,979
And being an ass[bleep]
is all on you.
321
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:28,947
But I was a bigger one.
322
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,950
As much as I wanted
to blame collin, or the pot,
323
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,284
Or my evil twin
for corrupting me,
324
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:37,422
I was a willing participant
in my descent into darkness.
325
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,224
♪
326
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:42,694
And I'd pulled
val down with me.
327
00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:45,330
- That brings me
to proposal number 20,
328
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:46,197
Locker swap.
329
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,700
Many of you suffer
from l.P.S.D.,
330
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,735
Locker placement
stress disorder,
331
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:52,437
Because your locker
is near an ex's,
332
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:55,573
Or some creepy guy
who leaves you gross notes.
333
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,642
With locker swap,
you can trade lockers
334
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,077
With someone in
a different hall.
335
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,780
It's like online dating,
but for lockers.
336
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:05,150
In conclusion,
it's time for a change.
337
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,117
Vote for me.
338
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,987
Make palos hills tamara-land.
339
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,056
[cheers and applause]
340
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:16,394
- Whoo whoo whoo whoo!
[cheers and applause]
341
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,931
- And now, we'll hear from
our next candidate,
342
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:23,468
Jake rosati!
[cheers and applause]
343
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,103
- Hello.
344
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:26,504
- Whoo, whoo, whoo!
345
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,540
- Yeah, jake!
- You got it!
346
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:32,143
- I know what being a.S.B.
President entails.
347
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,412
My opponent, unproven.
348
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:38,483
You've trusted me
for three consecutive years,
349
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:41,319
But can you trust my opponent?
350
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,988
Well, that depends.
351
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:51,196
Can you trust someone
who sometimes pretends to be
352
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,864
On her period...
- Oh!
353
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:55,567
- To get out of gym?
[crowd murmurs]
354
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:56,568
Sorry, guys.
355
00:13:56,570 --> 00:14:00,939
With me, what you see
is what you get.
356
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,141
My opponent?
357
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,176
It's not even
her real hair color
358
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,044
Or her real eyelashes.
359
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,212
[laughter]
- oh! It's latisse!
360
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:10,582
They grow really long.
- Can I finish?
361
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:13,551
Honest, real hair color.
362
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,720
I think the choice
is clear, huh?
363
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,223
[cheers and applause]
364
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,058
- You want to play dirty?
365
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:20,692
Let's do this.
366
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,294
The only reason prom tickets
aren't sold out yet
367
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:24,696
Is because everybody thinks
368
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,165
"barack o-prom-a"
369
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,032
Is a lame theme.
[laughter]
370
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,667
- Miss kaplan,
this is not a debate.
371
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,169
Mr. Rosati,
don't respond to that.
372
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:34,138
This is a forum where people
can just speak--
373
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,139
- Please.
374
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,774
If it wasn't for me,
375
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:39,244
That water fountain outside
the cafeteria
376
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,411
Would have never been fixed.
377
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:41,713
- No one cares about
that drinking fountain.
378
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:45,383
With my soda machine initiative,
it will be totally obsolete.
379
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,486
[cheers and applause]
380
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,822
Instead of focusing
on the past,
381
00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:53,057
We should be thinking
about "tamara"!
382
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,460
- Give it a rest.
We got the reference the first,
383
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:57,228
Second, and twentieth time
that you used it.
384
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,397
[crowd oohs]
- at least I have a slogan.
385
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,299
- But how do you expect us
to take you seriously
386
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,967
When it's written
in glitter pen?
387
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,203
[laughter]
- it adds pizazzle,
388
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,305
Which is what I plan
to do in office.
389
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,408
I have an endless supply
of brills ideas.
390
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,910
- Like hiring a dj
for picture day.
391
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:12,744
- What's wrong with that?
392
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,212
- There's no need
to change picture day.
393
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,582
Picture day was just fine
on his own.
394
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,685
Like this campaign,
it doesn't need you.
395
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:21,819
- [gasps] you think
you can just
396
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:25,223
Show up on picture day
and put in no effort
397
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:25,957
Until the last minute?
398
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:29,127
Picture day is special.
Don't take it for granted.
399
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,729
- Don't you have plenty
of other things to worry about
400
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:33,831
Instead of meddling
in picture day?
401
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:34,999
- Well somebody had
to meddle in it,
402
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:37,035
Because picture day
was phonin' it in.
403
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,605
- Personally, I'm just glad
I'm not the type of leader
404
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,873
Who feels the need
to prove a point.
405
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:44,542
- And I'm glad I'm not the type
of leader that thinks everything
406
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:47,245
Will just be handed to them
because of their popularity.
407
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,314
[cheers and applause]
- this guerilla debate is over!
408
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,783
Ms. Marks, I need to see you
in my office.
409
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:56,354
- Oh, yeah, I know, cell phones
are verboten in auditorium.
410
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,656
It was an emergency.
411
00:15:58,658 --> 00:15:59,624
My kitties.
412
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,825
- My office, now!
413
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,627
- I didn't get a chance
to give my speech.
414
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,829
- Ugh, you were
never gonna win.
415
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:08,333
The speeches are over.
Get back to class.
416
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,600
Don't make me keep saying it.
417
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,736
I've said it,
like, 40 times!
418
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,238
- If our bodies
were 70% water,
419
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,507
I was probably down
to about 4%,
420
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,177
Which meant it was time
to face valerie.
421
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,746
If only I'd had a speech writer
to help me find
422
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:22,914
The right words to say.
423
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,048
But I couldn't help
but feel...
424
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,184
- ♪ the memories slide
- there weren't any right words.
425
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,752
[knock at door]
- wrap it up!
426
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,021
I need my favorite stall
for a tink and think.
427
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,224
- ♪ against my mind
428
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,693
- I didn't know it was you.
429
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,628
- How did your speech go?
430
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,831
- It was okay.
431
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,499
It wasn't okay.
It sucked.
432
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,368
- ♪ your arms crossed
to the ceilings ♪
433
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,636
♪ when the aliens came
- it was a bold move,
434
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,138
But I couldn't help myself.
435
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:47,972
I needed that hug.
436
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,342
The smell of her hair, and the
feel of her earring on my cheek
437
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,711
Reminded me of
the best of times.
438
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:54,912
Times I wanted back.
439
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,248
Our hugs were like
an old sweater,
440
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:58,416
The kind you...
441
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,785
Cram in a shrink bag.
- Have you seen ming?
442
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:04,622
I could really use
a friend right now.
443
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,224
- Um, no.
444
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,626
- Well, if you do,
tell her to come find me.
445
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:12,096
- ♪ wake me up after midnight
446
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:16,234
♪ with your atlas eyes
447
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:16,934
♪ your atlas eyes ♪
448
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,437
- Where's valerie?
I really need to talk to her.
449
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,938
- And what's there
to talk about?
450
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:24,108
I'd imagine you've said
all you needed to say.
451
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:24,842
- What's going on?
452
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,078
- Ms. Marks is on
an indefinite suspension.
453
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,881
I always knew she was a few
knights short of a crusade,
454
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,850
But I had no idea
she was that crazy.
455
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:36,788
- You killed it.
456
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:39,223
- Thanks, and thanks
for voting for me.
457
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:42,593
Bye.
[both screaming, laughing]
458
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:46,397
- Nice job, madame president.
- Look at us.
459
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,367
The two most powerful people
at palos hills.
460
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,268
- Yeah.
- Thanks for your help.
461
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,969
I couldn't have done it without
the asian mafia.
462
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:55,473
- About that--I'm not sure
they voted for you.
463
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,842
I mean, you won,
so they must have.
464
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,478
Why wouldn't they?
No, they did. [laughs]
465
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,146
I don't know.
466
00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:03,114
- That was so sexy.
467
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,716
We have to role-play again
like that sometime.
468
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,686
- That's my cue.
469
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,221
- What's wrong?
470
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,189
- Are you for real?
471
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,091
A.S.B. President was my thing,
472
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,760
So you took it from me
just for the hell of it,
473
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,561
And it means nothing to you.
474
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,463
- Well, it sure seemed like
it meant nothing to you.
475
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,697
You didn't even want
to work for it.
476
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,632
I don't understand
why you're so mad.
477
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,034
- You're my girlfriend!
478
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,536
What if I wanted to be
a cheerleader?
479
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,804
- I'd love that!
480
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,539
Camp would be a blast!
481
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:29,640
- What if I took your spot?
482
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:30,808
The only spot
left on the team?
483
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,611
- I'd go back to band.
- What if I learned how to play
484
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,346
The clarinet and then took
the last chair?
485
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:38,049
- I think anyone who wants
to join band can join band.
486
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:38,783
- You don't get it.
487
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,918
- I get that someone's being
a sore loser.
488
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,054
- I'm not being a sore loser.
489
00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:46,124
Whether or not you think
I was over it, I wasn't.
490
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:48,926
I loved being president,
and you ruined that for me.
491
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,163
You have no interest in this.
You just had to prove a point.
492
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:55,600
You had to put me
in my place.
493
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,369
Well now I'm gonna put you
in yours.
494
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,972
We're done.
495
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,374
Take care.
496
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,055
- I had bypassed dinner,
497
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,458
And I wasn't even on
a hunger strike.
498
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,359
I wasn't hungry.
499
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:24,629
All day, I had tried and failed
to navigate my way
500
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,665
Through the politics
of my relationships.
501
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,200
If aristotle's theory was true,
502
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,536
And man, by nature,
is a political animal,
503
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:34,639
I would argue that
I was a sitting duck.
504
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:38,376
There was no point in trying
to right my wrongs anymore.
505
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,043
I had gone too far,
506
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:42,680
And there was only one action
left to take--
507
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,982
Quit my campaign in disgrace.
508
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:52,290
♪
509
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,259
- Some say that actions
speak louder than words,
510
00:19:55,261 --> 00:20:00,298
But actions are temporary.
Words are forever.
511
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,266
I realized that
I was making the mistake
512
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,702
Of putting too much importance
on actions,
513
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:09,340
When ultimately, words were
going to provide my redemption.
514
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,809
Specifically, two of them.
515
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,711
I'm sorry.
516
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,614
I'm sorry.
517
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,650
I'm sorry.
518
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,619
I'm so sorry, mom.
519
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:25,356
[sniffles]
[both crying]
520
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:28,993
♪ ♪
521
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,429
I'm sorry.
522
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,903
- Next on awkward...
- What's tonight at matty's?
523
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,004
- The saint matty's party,
524
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,505
For saint patty's day.
- Devon and matty broke up.
525
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,407
- Why?
- Apparently, she's convinced
526
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:44,742
He's not over you.
527
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,743
- Everyone, this is hunter.
528
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,777
She's a former student of mine.
529
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,080
- What can I bring tonight?
- Just yourself.
530
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,148
- Matty, this is my friend,
bailey.
531
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,683
- Thank you for coming.
532
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,620
Come find me later.
I want to hang out.
======
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