All language subtitles for E15 - A Very Special Episode of Awkward [720p WEB-DL 140MB nItRo]

encoded by nItRo
======
- Previously on awkward...

- Loser girl becomes
a loser burnout.

You are such a cliche.

- Your friends are supposed
to stay on your side.

- You're starting
to fixate.

- My reality felt
like solitary confinement.

Let's just get outta here.

- Collin and I had been seeing
each other for weeks,

But we hadn't felt
the need to d.T.R.

We were beyond it.

Because when it came to him,
I was all-in.

Not to mention
d.T.R.'ing was for suckers.

- Dude, your hair's smoking.

- Holy [bleep],
you're on fire.

[both chuckle]

- [gasps]

What the hell?

I loathed hanging out
in the sanctuary.

But it was the only place

Collin and I could be together
hater-free.

♪

And Monday mornings definitely
brought out the dregs.

It was like an a.A. Meeting.

All the addicts
needed their fix

To make it through
the week.

Thank god
I wasn't one of them.

- I gotta go.

- Wait, no, no, no.

Please, just one more.

- That's how it started
for me too.

- I can walk away
anytime I want.

[typing]

- Way to make an effort,
hamiltrick.

Nice bra.

- Okay, it is
an hour-long class.

Romeo will still be here
when it's all over.

Well, it's that time
of year again

When we put out a new edition
of experior.

Does anybody know
what experior means?

- Experior is a superhero

Who possess the power
of telekinesis

And extra-dimensional
time travel.

- It's latin for
"let it be printed,"

And it's also the name
of our literary magazine.

Now you will all
be submitting an essay

For this year's issue,

Which, judging by the level
of talent in this room,

Should look more like
a flyer.

This year's topic:
Heroes and villains.

- Hey.
- Oh, I'll be right back.

Yeah?
- I need your help.

And quite frankly,
you need mine.

I overheard principal cox
talking about

Another round-ee-round
of pink slips.

- That's just talk.

- Oh, yeah?

Look what I found
on my desk this morning.

- That's a phone message.

- Yeah, but it could have just
as easily been a pink slip.

- Who are you?

- Valerie marks,
guidance counselor.

And more recently,
choir leader,

Cheer coach,
drill team mentor.

- Oh, a woman
of many trades.

- Oh, no, only one.

I hate doing
all that other crap.

I'm just trying to make
myself indispensable.

- Why are you here?

- There's a district-wide
video competition,

The winner of which gets...

[drum roll]

Drum roll.

A nurse for a month.

- Our nurse was cut?

- Let's just say she went
gently into that good night.

E.E. Cummings.
- Dylan thomas.

- Who cares what
the nurse's name was?

If I win this thing,
it'll increase my profile

And make me
even more indispensable--

And you, if I can borrow
your students.

- Will this project interfere
with my teaching schedule?

- Just for a week.
- Perfect.

- Drama.

Intrigue.
Suicide.

Drugs.
Depression.

Friendship.
Love.

Alcoholism.

Freeze frames.

These delightful
and somewhat scary words

Describe my favorite
tv genre,

The after...

School...

Special.

A.S.S. For short.

I was addicted to them.

- Uh, you might want
to explain that,

Unless you brought
a time machine.

- I did not.

After school specials were
made-for-tv movies for pubes,

Pubescents,
back in the day,

Which dealt with
controversial subjects

And socially relevant issues.

Lifetime movies for teens.

And I need a crackerjack team
of writers and filmmakers

Who can make it happen.

We'll meet
after school this week.

Feel free to ask your friends
to participate.

But only the attractive ones.

We're talking hd-friendly.

Uh-uh.

- Ugh, the a.S.S. Is gonna
be a train wreck.

What should we do in it?
- Nothing.

Now that I'm grounded,

After school is the only time
we get to spend together.

- Yeah, but I don't think
we can get out of it.

- Oh, yes, we can.

- Have you been crying?
Your eyes look bloodshot.

- I guess I just
got a little emotional

When I found out
about my mom.

- Did something happen
to l-dog?

- She sprained her back.

- Oh, no.
Oh, I gotta call her.

- No, don't do that.

She doesn't want
anyone to know.

She's embarrassed.

- Oh, because it happened
during sex?

- I can neither confirm
nor deny.

- Hmm, I see.

I bet that kevin's a real
stingray in the sack.

- Collin and I have to go
straight home after school,

And we can't be
in your awesome video.

We're so bummed.

- If I had to guess
what your parents were doing,

I'd say the pile driver.

Or maybe the backwards
jellyfish.

Why does collin
need to be there?

- My mom needs help
getting to the bathroom

Until my dad gets home.

- You are released.

I take that back.

Must have been
the dirty santa claus.

- Are you trying
to torture yourself,

Or are you just
a straight-up creeper?

- I am just trying
to wrap my head around

How the hell
this happened.

- Why do you care?

Jenna is
a ho-bag-slut-machine

Who humiliated you
in front of the world.

- Yeah, but somewhere deep down,
she's still my friend.

- You are so nice,
it's annoying.

- The subject matter
for the after-school specials

Ran the gamut from drunk moms
to teenage prostitution

To rheumatoid arthritis.

- [giggles]

- Is that funny to you,
blondie?

How funny you think it was
for poor carol ann,

A skater on her way
to olympic gold

Who woke up one day
and couldn't fit

Her fat elephant feet
into her size 6 skates?

- Not funny at all.

- Even though every a.S.S.
Had a different message,

They had the same six steps
to get you there.

Number one,

Establish the problem
of the main character,

The troubled teen.

- Can I play her?

- Only if we end up doing
porn star runaway

Or eating disorder.

- Speaking of slutty,

How did jenna
get out of this?

- Can't talk about it.

Let's just say it involved
a sex injury.

- Of course it did.

I have an idea.

Why don't we do a story

About a troubled loser girl

Who's so desperate
for attention

She tries to commit suicide,
fails,

Then defies all odds
by becoming popular

And then manages
slowly but surely

To alienate everyone
in her life,

And then she dies?

- I think it's...

Perfect.

All we need is a title.

- How about, what are we gonna
do about jenny?

- I think we have a winner.

What are we gonna do about--

- Jenna.

Seriously, you guys,
what are we gonna do about her?

- I'm confused.

I thought you never wanted
to talk to her again.

- I don't wanna talk to her.
I wanna yell at her.

- I kinda wanna smack her.

- I tried to stay out of it,
but I can't just sit back

And watch jenna drift into
amanda bynesville.

- So what are we gonna do?

- I think we're gonna need
some guidance

Or some counseling.

Or some guidance counseling.

What do we do if we know
one of our friends

Is in trouble?

- I don't know,
talk to 'em, I guess.

- But he, or she,
won't listen to us

Because he, or she,
has been hanging out

With a really bad dude.

- Oh, I see.

Your friend's having
a gender identity crisis.

- No, our friend
is skipping school

And turning into
a gange-head.

- You strike me as being
very concerned

About your friend.

I'd go so far as
to call you

The concerned friends.

My advice is to get involved

In an after-school activity.

Ming, can you remove
your hat please?

Have you ever thought
about acting?

Tamara had a memorable
scenery-chewing turn

In dead stacey,
but what about you two?

- I was in it too.

- Eh, not so memorable.

- How is acting
going to help?

- It'll free you up
as people.

Okay, please stand up.

I'd like to try
some improv.

- I'm confused.

- Yeah, what are we supposed
to be doing?

- You're supposed
to be confused,

And you are succeeding.

You, you're about to be shipped
off to a german work camp.

You can only bring one friend.
The other friend will die.

Who do you choose?
Don't think!

- I don't know,
I can't decide!

But I would rather die than
kill off one of my friends.

- Oh, impressive.

You two in the back,
please step forward.

Jake, take one step back.

You two in the front row,
congratulations, you made it.

- [squeals]
- you in the back,

I'm sorry.

You'll have to tell your mom
that you'll be late to dinner,

Because you made it too!
- I made what?

- My a.S.S.,
my after school special video.

- No, I'm not doing that.
- Not my jam.

- I'll give you a mental health
day pass to skip school.

- Done.
- I'm in.

- I don't need the pass.

- Have you started
your essay yet?

- I'll write it tonight.

If I can stay awake.

What time did you leave
last night--2:00?

- Mm, more like 3:00.

Hey.

- What is it?

- A ticket for the "a" train.

- What if I need
a round-trip ticket?

[energetic techno music]

I hadn't decided what to write
my essay about,

So I was just writing anything
that popped into my head.

But why was it so hard to settle
on a subject matter?

Hero or villain?
Maybe running around the block

A few times
would help me decide.

I had never felt so inspired
and yet so scattered.

It was weird and awesome,
but what was even awesomer--

[soft piano music]
- there were certain things

I had learned about myself
over the years,

But the single
most important thing was

I loved writing about me
and all my stupid problems.

Maybe my side braid
was cutting off

The circulation
to my brain,

But I couldn't stop
doing dumb stuff

I would regret later.

- Cut!
[bell rings]

Enough with the blogging.
Jesus.

So boring.
Am I right?

- Totally.
- Watch yourself.

I wrote you into the script,
and I can write you out.

- This is about jenna.

- And she is
not gonna like it.

- Or it'll snap her
out of her insanity.

- Okay.

Let's move on to the
"establish the problem" montage.

Kyle, you're
the good guy jock.

Jake, you're the bad guy.

- Why do I have to be
the bad guy?

- 'cause you're always typecast
as a goody-goody.

- In what?
- In life.

[scoffs]

- I wasn't always
a bad girl.

I was just boring and lame.

But lately, I had become
a hard-core bitch

Who also happened to be
boring and lame.

But in order to understand
how I got where I was,

You needed to know
where I'd been.

After getting caught cheating
with calvin

On my boyfriend, danny,

I lost all my friends.

I was alone.

But it wasn't long
before I found a new friend

To lift my spirits--

Mary jane.

I had become an addict
and a loser.

Well...
[giggles]

A more epic loser,

Since I was a loser
from the start.

But my piece de resistance
was pushing away

The only people
who had to love me...

[door clicks open]

People who were far more
attractive than me

And in no way, shape, or form
could have been

My biological parents,

Because they were
smokin' hot.

I hate you and your boobs!
- I hate you!

- And it made me want
to die...

Even more than usual.

[gags]

- Hey, it's me.

I'm just calling to say
I miss you.

I know it's only been
ten seconds,

But I miss you already.

Meet me in my room
in 30?

Okay, bye.
Whoa.

- What the hell is this?

- You're sick?
- And you're unbelievable.

You don't even remember
your own lies.

They're from valerie.

- She's doing this lame video
project after school,

And I can't waste
my time on that

When I've got an important paper
to write for mr. Hart.

It's gonna be published
in his lit magazine.

Isn't that cool?

- So you lied to valerie

To get out of doing
her project,

And you used me
as your excuse,

Not to mention your dad,

Who valerie now thinks
is some crazy sex fiend.

Jenna, she sent me
a jellyfish balloon.

- Mom, it's no big deal--
- eh!

Get in the car.

You are doing
this lame video,

And on the way over,
you're gonna explain to me

What a backwards
jellyfish is.

- Cut!

[bell rings]

[sighs]

I've seen rock bottom,
and that wasn't it.

We are talking
depths of despair,

Basement level,
absolute bottom.

Like if your parents lost
all their money.

- In that case, I would
definitely kill myself.

If I were jenny.

- I know how to make
fake blood.

It totally looks real.
It even smells real.

But it's not.

[eerie screech]

- No. No. No blood.
No dying.

We are not gonna win
this contest

With a sad ending.

This isn't
the golden globes.

- Jenny lives.

- L-dog!

So good to see you
back on your feet,

You sneaky dickens, you.

You know, I've always believed
in the power

Of a good balloon arrangement.

That's why they call it
"heal-ium".

- And I am healed!

Which means jenna doesn't have
to take care of me anymore.

She is all yours.

- Great!

F.Y.I., it's a closed set.

Pick up where we left off!
[bell rings]

Annnd action!
Voiceover.

- I had hit rock bottom,

And it felt surprisingly
like home.

Even though there was nowhere
to go but up,

I wanted to stay there
and move in.

- What is this?

- An uber-tragic tale
about a loser girl

Who wants to die,
called...

What are we gonna do
about jenny?

- You've got to be
[bleep] kidding me.

- Jenna, you are going to be

Concerned friend
number four.

- Actually, I think I'd make

A much better enemy.

- No, no, no, no.

You're way too goody-two-shoes
to pull that off.

All right,
listen up, actors.

You're in the mall.

There are zombies
everywhere,

And they're headed
for the food court--

Only you are the food.

That is your emotional state.
And action!

- Get out of my room!

- We can't watch you
throw away your life!

- My life is over!

I had a hot boyfriend
who loved me

Even though I'm an unlovable,
plain loser freak

With no fashion sense,

But I dumped him
for a pothead douche hole,

And now I have
to live with that,

Which is why I get high

Just to make it
through the day.

- I don't care
if you hate us right now.

We're your friends,
and you need to hear this.

- I have no friends!

I'm a loser!

I'm so dirty and gross
and high,

I just want to kill myself!

- Stop talking like that.
We love you,

And we're worried
about you.

- Actually, jenny, I'm not
worried about you at all.

You seem fine to me,

So go on and live your life,

Which is
none of our business.

We'll leave you alone.

- We already left her alone,

And she made
some very bad choices.

- So what?
They were her choices.

- Were they?
Because it seemed like jenny

Was just doing whatever
her boyfriend wanted her to do.

- And that guy is bad news.

- They're improvising.

- Oh, improv.

- You don't even know calvin,

And I can say that
for a fact

Because I hardly know him,

Because we're too busy
getting high

And doing it
to have an actual conversation.

- Not true--you and calvin have
meaningful conversations

All the time.

- I think jenny's
just dating him

'cause she likes hanging out
with a bad boy.

- Or maybe because he has
the sweet pot connections.

- Or maybe because he owns
a jet ski!

- She's dating him
because she likes him.

End of story.

- All this fighting
and arguing

Just makes me want
to die more!

- You are so out of it,

You don't even know
what you're saying!

- I am not out of it,
and I don't need your help,

So leave me alone.

[the dig's over you]

- ♪ fall into a dream

♪ in a hollow room

- Uh, give me a minute.

- ♪ frozen in a sleep

- Hey.

- What?

Are you gonna talk
to me too?

Tell me I'm going
down the wrong path,

Hanging out
with bad people?

You wanna warn me?
Go for it.

- ♪ calling out to me

- Nope.

- ♪ calling out my name

- I'm sorry, j.

You're suspended.

- I got you the pills,
but this isn't enough.

- It's all I got.

I'll give you the rest
tomorrow, dude.

I swear.

- That's not good enough.

Guys: [grunting]

- Ugh!

- Oh, my god,
you killed him!

- Oh!

[gasping]

[dramatic synthesizer music]

♪

- Calvin!

Nooo...

All this fighting
and arguing

Just makes me
want to die more!

- You are so out of it,

You don't even know
what you're saying.

- I am not out of it,
and I don't need your help,

So just leave me alone.

- I just want
to kill myself!

♪

I wanted to die.

I deserve to die.

But I guess it's time for me
to start living...

For now.

[uplifting music]

♪

- First prize goes to...

Valerie marks,
for her moving portrait

Of a deeply troubled girl
who lost her way.

Deeply troubled girl
who lost her way...

- You are so out of it,
you don't even know

What you're saying.

- I am not out of it,
and I don't need your help,

So just leave me alo--
[click]

- Oh, my god.

I was so busy
with my a.S.S.,

I didn't see the a.S.S.
In front of my face.

Jenna is jenny.

[doorbell rings]

[crickets chirping]

- Why are you here?

- I'm the help that arrives.
Yay!

- Well, I don't need it,

So why don't you be
the help

That goes the hell away?

- That's the pot talking.

And I am sorry
that it took me so long

To get up to speed--
which you might be on too.

But I'm ready now.

And as your friend,
I'm ready to help,

'cause you're my girl.

- Your girl.

Don't you see
how weird that is?

No, of course you don't,

'cause you don't
understand boundaries.

I'm not your friend,

And I never have been.

You're just
my guidance counselor,

And a sucky one at that.

Since I had known her,

Valerie had always
crossed the line,

And I had always
let it slide.

But what was the point
of our special friendship

If she wasn't going
to let me off

With a slap on the wrist?

As far as I was concerned,

By suspending me,
she had crossed over the line

To the point
of no return,

Which is exactly
where I wanted to be...

Until I found a drug
that was going to make me

Feel really good--

Revenge.

The good thing
about having been suspended?

I had plenty of time
to finish hart's assignment,

And I knew exactly
who I would write about.

Only there weren't going to be
any heroes in my story,

Just a villain.

One very familiar villain.

- ♪ right to share
your queries ♪

♪ of the day

♪

- It was time for me
to take that bitch down.

- Next, on awkward...
What's going on here?

- Lil' bitch,
this is your intervention.

[grunts]
- you're all a bunch

Of hypocrites.

- You're grounded.
- I'm out.

- If you leave...
- What?

- Don't come back.

- You made it.
[giggles]

- You made it too.
[laughs nervously]

So random, running
into angelique here.

- Actually, I invited her.
======
encoded by nItRo