All language subtitles for E11 - Surprise [720p WEB-DL 140MB nItRo]

encoded by nItRo
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- Previously on awkward...

- You broke up? When?

- When I realized I wanted to
be with someone more like you.

- You said you were
never embarrassed of me.

- I lied.
- You're 16.

If there's ever
a time to be selfish,

It's now.

- Hey.

- It had been 31 hours--
minus the 2 I could sleep--

Of significant self-loathing.

I had cheated
on my boyfriend.

And with time travel
off the table

To undo the dirty deed,

I had to take control

And ensure it would
never happen again.

Get in.

What happened
last Friday was wrong.

- Agreed.

- I love matty.
- I know.

- And it is not right to hurt
the people you love.

- Couldn't agree more.
- So it's done.

- It's done.
- Just to clarify,

The "it" means "we."
we are done.

- Clarified.
- Good.

- Great.
See you in class.

- Bye.
- ♪ it's a long way home ♪

♪ it's a long way home
at last ♪

♪ we're not suffering ♪

♪ the seconds
that have passed tonight ♪

- Mm.
No, no, no.

We can't, we can't.
- It was a parting kiss.

- Seal of closure.
- Exactly. Now it's--

- We're--
- over.

- ♪ it's a long way home ♪

♪ it's a long way home
at last ♪

- Truce?

- ♪ the seconds that have
passed tonight ♪

- Truce.

♪

[knocks on window]

[pounds on window]

♪

[typing]

- I can't believe
you just saw that.

- I can't believe
you just did that.

This is bonky kong.

Your collin dalliance
was supposed to be

A one-time special event,

Like if I saw five erections

From one direction
in my direction.

You said you were just
living in the moment

And that the kiss
meant nothing.

- It didn't mean anything.

- Then why did
you do it again?

- I don't know.

- Jenna, once is an accident,
twice is an affair.

- I was trying to end it.

- By shoving your face
into his?

- Things got out of control.

- I know.
I saw.

So now,
you have two choices:

Either end it with collin
or tell matty.

- Oh, I've tried the first one,
and that's not working.

And the second option
is never gonna happen.

- Then it's all
about option three.

- There's a third?
- Yeah.

And it entails
me telling matty

Because I can't
keep a secret.

So if you don't choose
option "a" or "b" soon,

Option "c" might not
be an option

But rather
a foregone conclusion.

Jenna, holding on
to a secret this big

Runs the risk
of secret leakage.

- What?

- You know,
when little secrets

Spring up and out
in my attempt

To hold down
the big one.

Help me, jenna.

If you don't fix this,
I might explode,

And there is no telling
how many lives I might ruin.

- Your secret is safe.

I am amazing at secrets.

- I'm not, and I'm even worse
with surprises.

- Aren't they
the same thing?

- No.
Maybe.

Yes!

Oh, damn it, how am I
gonna pull this off?

I have been trying to throw
a surprise party for jenna

Since she was three.

And for whatever reason,

She always manages
to find out.

Mm, I ordered them
for your surprise party.

Shit.

You can wear it
for your surprise party.

Shit.

Shit.

The only surprise I've
ever pulled off for jenna

Was redoing her room
for her 16th birthday.

- And the real surprise there
was that she left it redone

As long as she did, oof.

- I really wanna pull off
her party this year.

Can you help?

- Can I help?

My middle name isn't "ta-da"
for nothing.

Actually, it wasn't
my given name.

I rocked it in college
when I worked at a gay bar

And I would show off
my man boobs for extra cash.

- Interesting.
- It was.

I mean, who knew gay men wanted
to see boobs on a dude?

- But you're not a dude.

- Exactly, which is why
it was such a great scam.

Cha-ching, cha-ching,
cha-ching-ching.

Cha-ching.

- So Friday!

Can you keep jenna busy
after school

So everyone can get
to the house and hide?

- You got it, l-dog.

I will take our girl
to my favorite dive bar,

Put a little hair on her chest,
and then drop her off.

Or we can paint mugs
at color me mine

And then head over.

- I was lost in thought.

I had to tell matty.
What would I say?

Nothing.

Which meant
I had to avoid him

Until I got back
from my guilt trip.

- Hey, we need to figure
some stuff out.

- My guilt trip
had been extended.

There's nothing
to figure out, it's over.

- But it's on Friday.

- What's on Friday?

- Your birthday.
[laughs]

What do you wanna do
to celebrate?

- Right, yes.
My birthday.

Uh, nothing.

I don't wanna do anything.

- Are you sure?

Okay, but think about it.

I'm not gonna let you
get out of it that easy.

- And I'm not either.

What are you thinking,
cheating on matty?

You need to shut
that shit down.

- Tamara has
such a loud mouth.

- Oh-ho-ho, I didn't hear it
from tamara.

I got it from my daily
mafia briefing.

- The mafia knows?

- Is that
a rhetorical question?

Of course we do.
We're magic.

But don't flip out yet.

Asians not only know
how to do great hair,

But they keep things quiet.

- Well, great, 'cause I'm on
my way to end it right now.

- Ming!

- [chuckles]
you're back!

- Am I?

- Becca's m.I.A.
Or laying low.

Either way, she's done.

There's nothing to fear.

How was idaho?

- Not bad.

Not good, just safe,

Although I'm gonna miss
taking ceramics.

I really worked out
a lot of my anxiety

Throwing a good pot
or two.

I even made you
a clay hat.

I've missed you, ming.

Just ming.

- I missed you too.

Why don't you sign up
for ceramics here?

- I tried, but they're
over capacity.

- Hmm.

Not anymore.
You're in.

- Huh.

- This is crazy,
and it needs to stop.

- What needs to stop?

- Uh, we were just
discussing my birthday.

Everyone's making way too big
a deal about it.

- Interesting,
because matty told me

That no one was making
a big deal about it.

You know matty, right?
Jenna's boyfriend.

- Sure do.

- You need to watch it.
- Watch what?

- Whatever it is
that's going on

Between the two of you.

Even though matty is blind
to your treachery,

I'm not.

I know
when something's up,

And something
is definitely up.

- Really?

Do tell.

- Um, we were
just discussing

Working on...

The assignment together.

I was thinking
that we could write a story

About the genesis
of a girl

Who goes from heinous wallflower
to hideous skank.

- So it's
an autobiographical piece?

- Yes.

No, I mean,
not about me.

- Miss saxton, don't feign
modesty in my class.

Anti-heroes are complicated
character studies.

And heinous skanks
are pleasures to read and ruin.

So why don't you write that up
and act it out?

I suspect you know
how to play

A heinous character
quite well.

- I-I can't--

I can't do that.

- Well...

Then don't fuck around
in my class.

Capisce?

If you wanna bully
miss hamilton here,

Do it online.

You grow some balls.

No one gets anywhere in life
taking shit.

Now give me 500 words

On the nuances
of being a pussy.

Now.

- Post-my cowardly
reflection expression

That was surprisingly
not hard to write,

I realized I needed to shed
my scaredy-cat skin.

I was not a wuss
or a puss.

So it was time to shut down
the collin ballin'

Once and for all.

- Hey, man.
What's up?

- Or once
my boyfriend skedoodled.

- Sorry I missed your party
last weekend.

Did I miss much?
- No, nothin'.

Nothin' at all.
- So I need a favor.

- Uh, okay.

- That photographer chick

That you had
the party for,

What's her name?

- Elizabeth karen.
- Right.

I'd love to buy
one of her photographs

For jenna's birthday.

Think you could help me
get one

In a reasonable
price range?

- I can look into it.
- Sweet.

And don't tell jenna.
I want it to be a surprise.

- Not a problem.

- And thanks for dropping
her off on Friday.

That was really cool
of you, man.

- [sighs]

- What did matty want?
- I can't tell you.

- Oh, god.
He knows, doesn't he?

He has gone blind say-dumb.

And he's convinced you

To be complicit
in this scheme

Because it's bros
over hos

And I'm the ho that
you're both now mad at, right?

Damn it, I should've told him
when I had the chance.

- He wants to buy you
one of elizabeth's photographs.

- What?
Why?

- For your birthday.

- Oh, shit,
that's even worse.

Here I am lying
and cheating.

And he is conspiring
to surprise me

With the most thoughtful,
generous gift.

I am a terrible person.
- You're not.

- Yes, I am.

I really love him.
We have to stop.

- We have to.

- Am I being paranoid,

Or does it look like
they're talking about us?

- They're definitely
talking about us.

- What did you tell them?
- Nothing.

I have said nothing.

I have been sweating
and stuffing it

Because the only way to keep
from spilling the beans

Is to eat them.

In fact, I had to eat
an entire jar

Of nutella last night
to keep from telling jake.

Thank god you and colin
are done.

- Well, don't thank god yet.

- Please tell me
you put it to bed.

- I tried,
but we accidentally made out.

- "accidentally"?

- I just need a day
or five

To figure this out.

- Well, you better
figure it out

Because I need
to figure it in.

I'm getting fat, jenna.

And if you don't handle this,

I'm gonna be headed
to fat camp.

- I'm gonna go hide
in the bathroom.

Don't say a word.

- And you:
No more secrets.

- We need you...
- To keep a secret.

- You gotta be
kidding me.

- You gotta promise me

You're not gonna
say anything.

- That means
lock-and-key style, babe,

Not verbal vomit,
which is your standard protocol.

- You cannot, under
any circumstances, tell jenna.

- I don't need to know
the secret.

- But you do.

Mrs. Hamilton is throwing jenna
a surprise party.

- Jojo malene
doesn't have any pubes!

I am holding down
too many secrets.

An oldie had to go
to make room for a newbie.

Safety precaution.

[iphone clicks]
[typing]

[iphone buzzes]

[iphone chimes]

[bell rings]

- Where do you think
the fire is?

- Up here!

There's no fire.

You wanted to see me.

And so, voila,
here I am.

- You set off the alarm?
- No.

But I made it happen.

- What do you mean
you made it happen?

- I wanted to see you.

So I sent a text.

You don't need to know
the details.

Even I don't know them.

Relax, no one got hurt.
Cappuccino?

- I don't think
we can leave campus.

- We don't have to.

- It's started.
- What?

- Your abuse of power.

If you don't nip it
in the bud,

You're gonna become evil.

You're gonna become becca.

- Chill.
I've got it under control.

It's not like I'm flying in
lobsters from maine.

Under my watch,
we get them local.

- It's too late.

You've already turned.

Look at your glamorous
hollywood hair.

- Where are you going?
- Away.

Far, far away...

To the parking lot.

I can't do this again, ming.

Not with you.

You have a choice.

It's either me...

Or the mafia.

That was just
an equipment check.

That was for fun.

Now, point me
to the flaming diablo.

- Yay.
Fire's out.

- I have
a yeast infection!

- Let me help you
with that.

That was a close call.

Did you guys see collin
holding my hand?

Or did you buy my fake
celebratory hand-slap hack?

- I didn't see shit.

But, shit, jenna,
please don't tell me

Any more stuff
on the down-low.

I am at capacity
with secrets.

You can't just keep
piling them on.

This is, like,
the third thing

I didn't need
to know today.

- Is there something
you're not telling me?

- No.
- Yes.

- No.
- Yes.

- Your mom's throwing you
a surprise party!

- No.
- Yes.

- Hi.
- How was school?

- Great.

- Anything interesting
happen today?

- Nope.
Status quo.

- [sighs]

Okay.
- Yeah.

You know, it is okay

Because with my birthday
right around the corner,

I just wanna lay low.

You know,
avoid surprises.

- That sounds great, babe.

- Technically, I didn't know
about the party.

And I didn't wanna be the one
to spoil her surprise.

So I was gonna make her
do it.

- What?
- Nothing.

Why do you have glitter
on your cheek?

- I...

Am trying out
a new makeup line.

It's called "glitter...

Girl."

- Ah.
Looks good.

Would be a nice compliment
to your sequin top.

- Oh, yeah.
That reminds me.

I have to pick it up
from the cleaners today.

- Oh, are you wearing it
out tonight?

- No, tomorrow,
to your surprise party.

Shit.
- Oh, no.

- I am so sorry, honey.

- Oh, it's okay.
There's always next year.

And I really appreciate
the gesture,

But I'm not up
to celebrating anyway.

I've got a lot going on,

And I just wanna
be alone.

- Are you sure
that's what you want?

- Most definitely.

- Shit.

- What was wrong
with me?

Why was I so fixated
on collin?

He was cute, yes,
and tall, yes,

And so smart that he was
smoldering with sex appeal.

Yes, yes, and yes.

So I knew why.

I just needed to quit
cold turkey.

- So...

Your dad and I
have decided

To honor
your birthday request.

In fact, we are gonna take
the opportunity

To go out of town together

And give you the house
to yourself.

If you don't wanna celebrate
your birthday,

We still do.

So we're gonna celebrate it
the old-fashioned way.

- Oh, gross, mom.

- Get your mind
out of the gutter.

We're going to seaworld.

- ♪ before I gotta go

- With my biological anniversary
on the horizon,

I was relieved to know
I'd have some downtime

To refresh and recalibrate
my sucky circumstances.

I could no longer
be seduced

By the shiny new boy-toy.

I was finally
taking control.

[car door closes]

- Hey, listen.
It's done.

Let's just not talk
about it anymore.

- Collin had taken control.

We were done.

And suddenly, my guilt
had turned to gloom.

17 sucked.

- Collin had barely been
a blip on my radar.

And then suddenly,
I was addicted.

I finally could sympathize
with the smokers of the world.

Withdrawal was real.

And painful.

- ♪ happy, happy birthday

♪ baby

- Open it.
- [sighs]

Wow.
So surprised.

Apparently, I wasn't
just a cheater.

I was also
a bona fide liar.

- Hope you like it.

[quiet pop music]

♪

- Oh, my god.

I love it.

Thank you.
I don't deserve this.

- Why not?

- I had a laundry list
of reasons.

But rounding out
the top of the list

Was the fact that I was simply
a terrible person.

It's too expensive.
- Oh, but you're worth it.

And please,
just enjoy it.

Making you happy
makes me happy.

I know you don't wanna do
anything today.

- How do you know?
- Your mom.

She called me
when she cancelled the party.

She said she was rolling out
of town tonight with your dad.

So how about we order in
and hang out?

I can sleep over.

- Can we rain check?

For whatever reason,

I don't feel
like celebrating tonight.

Maybe we can
do it tomorrow?

- Yeah, it's your day.
You can cry if you want to.

- I'm gonna cry.

- But you can't go back
to your normal life.

- I know.

But if I step down,

Becca steps up,

And you get shipped out.

The mafia is a burden
that I now have to bear.

And I accept
that you can't accept it.

But remember:
I do it for you.

- Aw, fuck it.

I love you.

And if that means
that I just have to enjoy

The nice things and not ask
where they come from,

I will do that...

For you.

- For us.

Now, put this on.

- Hey, t.

I don't know
where you've been all day,

But the deed is done.

It's over.
Happy birthday to me.

I promise there won't be
any more secrets

To keep any time soon.

I just need to figure out
how to tell matty

And then you can go on a diet.

I was finally getting
my birthday wish.

Time to decompress
and de-stress alone.

- Jenna.

- Or not.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm not causing trouble.

Promise.

I just felt like I was
a little harsh this morning.

And then, when I found out
today was your birthday,

I had to make amends.

I got you this.

- You didn't have
to do that.

- I wanted to.

Can we be friends?

I promise
to control myself.

And we can completely forget
anything ever happened.

- Sure.

Do you wanna come in?

You know, as a friend?

- I'd love that.

- ♪ tell me
if it's not enough ♪

♪ tell me
if it's not enough ♪

All: Surprise!

- Shit.

- Next on awkward...

I am an asshole
and a cheater and a liar.

And everyone hates me.

- Did you and matty
break up?

- They're over.
- Finished.

- Done-zel washington.
- They're not done.

- What happened next?
- Where are you going?

- To talk to matty.
- To...

Break up?
Make up?

- I don't know.
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