All language subtitles for Bigfoot.The.Movie.2015.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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(rock music)

♪ You can't depend
on your teacher.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend
on your preacher.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend
on politicians.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend
on superstitions.

♪ Whoa.

♪ Hey, we rock you!

♪ Can't stop you!

♪ Love is like a rock.

- Woohoo, man you
better have them.

- I told you dude, I was
saving them for a rainy day.

- It's not even raining out.

- Joanie said it might.

- Hey Dale, is your sister
home, can we call her?

- No.

- Well how about her big
boobs, are they at home?

- Shut up!

- Alright so what are we doing
now, what are we doing now?

- I don't know, what
do you got in mind?

- I don't know, but
this night is good,

I'm feeling good with this
night, I want to keep it going,

we gotta think of
something, man.

Stacy Perkins, now we need
to call Stacy Perkins.

I know that she will
party with us right now.

- It's three in the morning.

It's uh, it's Tuesday.

- It don't matter 'cause
the Chuck wagon's open

all night, whoo!

- Hey, you hear about Kate?

- What about her?

- She broke up with that rum
dumb over there in Cleveland.

- Oh, get out.

- Yeah yeah I heard it
from a reliable source.

- I'll tell you right now Dale,
you need to pounce on that.

Right now.

- Chuck, she ain't a
piece of meat, man.

'Sides, I like her.

- Here's your problem.

You're constantly trying to
draw the defense all sides.

Sooner or later, you
gotta call the play,

go down the side line for seven.

- Told you I had some.

- Whoo.

- Nice nice nice.

- There we go, my man.

- Are they cold?

- Well they're luke
warm, but you know.

- So they're warm?

- Yeah they're luke warm.

- It's the same damn thing.

- No no no, luke
warm is temperature.

- It's warm outside,
so they're warm.

- No that ain't how it works.

- Who the hell is Luke?

Alright, go in there and
get me a Steve cold beer,

and a hot Stacy, 'cause
right now I'm freezing Chuck.

- You shut your mouth
when you're talking to me.

- I'm gonna have to go
with Chuck on this one.

- Oh you would;
idiots think alike.

- Hey Daryl, is your
sister still work down

at Fashion Bugs?

- Dude first of all, it's
not Fashion Bugs, okay?

When you say that, you make
it sound like little insects

are wearing clothes.

Second of all, stop talking
about my sister, dude.

- [Chuck] I can't
help it, she's hot.

(clanging)

- What the hell was that?

Oh them damn coons probably
got in the skids again.

See what they do is
they get in the skids,

and then like, they
take a shit, right,

and when I'm cleaning
it out the next day,

shit falls into my hair
and then I have shit hair

for a whole day.

- It's shit hair
for a shit head,

but you gotta watch
them coons, though,

'cause they got rabies.

- Yeah, I'm well aware of that.

(snarling)

(yelling)

- Oh shit, go!

- What the hell was that?!

- I don't know, that
thing's out there

eating all of Daryl.

- We gotta do something.

(techno music)

You ready for this?

- Yeah.

(suspenseful music)

One, two, three!

(spooky music)

(owl hooting)

(phone ringing)

- [Mayor] Yeah?

What?

I'll be right there.

Shit!

- So I bought some new
socks the other day

and I don't know, I think
I'm going to return them.

(door opening)

- Oh Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Devlin,
I thought she was asleep.

- [Mayor] What has been
the protocol since day one?

Never go in alone.

I made that very clear.

- I was just trying
to give it some food,

and I didn't think
she would notice me.

- Show me what you did.

Show me.

- Well (muttering)

I took her food over here,
she was asleep in the corner,

and then she just slammed
me up against the wall,

and then she took off.

- Didn't you hear her
waking up before that?

- Well I had my headphones on.

- Headphones?

Headphones.

Headphones.

(slamming)

There, when we get her
back, you can be her supper.

- Please Mr. Devlin,
don't leave me in here.

- I want Helga and her
crew down here now.

Last thing we need are a couple
of idiots finding this thing

- No, no no no no, guys guys.

(gun firing)

- So you boys say it had
about a six foot reach?

- I mean it sure
seemed like it was

a six foot reach, it
could have been 12.

- We couldn't tell, it was dark,

and by the time we got
enough balls to go after it

it ran in the woods.

- And we would have
chased it if them woods

weren't covered in all
them jaguars like they are.

- Just how drunk
were you's guys?

- We had a couple.

But this sobered us right up.

- Yeah.

- Well regardless, you know,

it still doesn't change
the fact that you guys

were intoxicated when
this incident happened.

I mean, who was driving?

- [Both] Daryl.

- Yeah, right, now boys I
feel really bad about this.

But this crazy story
you're giving me,

it's not helping anything.

I mean, it looks like
a bear attack to me.

- Sheriff Bill, I know
what a bear looks like.

This was no bear.

- You know Chuck,
this sounds a lot

like the time you called
me to tell me you saw

a dragon in the bathroom
at Long John Silver's.

- I ain't huffed gas
in over four years.

This was real.

- Boys, sorry to interrupt.

Sheriff, can I have
a word with you?

- [Sheriff] Yeah sure.

I'll be right back, stay put.

And don't touch anything.

- What do you think
the mayor's doing here?

- Damage control.

I can't believe Daryl is dead.

I mean, just like that.

- Yeah, you know I don't
think the news has really

hit me yet.

- Chuck, you think we're
a couple of skirts?

- What?

No, why?

- I mean, that thing
just grabbed him,

and we didn't even
do a damned thing.

- It just slashed him
in two right away,

there was nothing
we coulda done.

I just, wish we got
a better look at it.

- Yeah.

- You know what?

You can call me crazy,

but you know what I
think it looked like?

- Crazy.

- I said, don't call me crazy.

- You just said
"call you crazy."

- But don't call,
I'm telling you.

You know what it
kinda looked like?

- What?

- Alright boys, the mayor
would like to have a few

words with you.

- Boys, I just want to
say I'm really sorry

about what happened
to your friend.

And I am making it my
number one priority

to find the animal
that did this.

We have a special
team of professionals

working on it now.

- Thanks, good to hear.

- Now boys, I know you've
had a really long night,

so why don't you just go
home and get some rest,

and leave it to us?

- Well maybe we
could help you out.

- Yeah.

- Maybe ride along with you,
we did get a good look at it,

after all.

- No no no no no, we're fine.

You just go home and
try to take it easy.

- Look, Dale.

We called your boss, he
says you can take the rest

of the week off.

Oh and Chuck, we
talked to your mom.

She says you don't have to
worry about raking those leaves.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Alright, um, you guys are
going to have to go now.

- Right now?

- I'm feeling kind of worn, boy,

I don't really want to leave.

- I mean now, come on.

- Can I take this sticker?

- Yeah fine, take it,

but it doesn't make
you a deputy, Chuck.

- Don't want it then.

(rock music)

- I'm so sorry.

I'm still in shock.

- Yeah, we're in
shock still too.

- Hey Chuck, let's
get some shots, guys.

- Sounds good.

- To Daryl, a great guy.

- To Daryl, a great friend
and an awesome drunk.

Man, did he piss people off.

It was fantastic.

- And one of the best

corn hole players I
ever got to play with.

- Let's not go making
outrageous claims

just 'cause he's dead.

Can't spell corn
hole without Chuck.

- Who got me the
championship last year?

Wasn't your ass.

- I told you my
perception was off

'cause that sweat bead
stung me in the eye.

Can we get over that?

- Still blaming it on the bead.

- Let's see a sweat bead
sting you in the eye

and hit a shot
from 30 yards away.

- Can we finish this?

- Yeah let's finish
it, just drop it.

- For I sting you in
the face with my fist.

To Daryl.

- So what happened, guys?

- That, Kate, is yet
to be discovered.

All I know is it
weren't no damned bear.

- Wait who said it was a bear?

- The sheriff did, and the
mayor comes walking in,

gives us a line of crap.

- The mayor showed up?

- Yeah.

- Huh.

- You guys know about that
property he has on 19?

- Yeah.

- Well my friend Jen's boyfriend
said he did construction

on it, looks like he's
building a wild animal park

out there, or
something like that.

- What?

- Yeah, exotic animals
from around the world.

- Hm.

- Hold on, wait, I'm
getting a thought here.

What if, what if...?

- One of those animals escaped.

- And wolfed down all of Daryl!

- [Dale] That's why
they were being so weird

out at the police station.

The mayor knew whatever got
Daryl, it belonged to him.

- That's why they didn't want
us following them around.

Says he's got his special
needs team handling it.

Can you believe that?

All I know is I'm not
gonna let them get away

with what it done.

- Sounds like we got
some hunting to do.

- Yeah sounds like it.

You know what, I'm going
to grab the shotgun

and the spotlight.

- Okay, get a twelver to go.

- You got it, just don't
shoot each other, okay?

- It's not gonna happen twice.

(western music)

- Dale, there's a little subject
I want to bring up to you

right now, it's important.

Now take it for what it is,
but it might be uncalled for,

Katie will totally sympathy
bang you right now.

You need to jump on that.

- What?

- You saw the way she
was looking at you.

She knows you're
bummed about Daryl.

As am I.

And she wants to do
anything she can to help.

With her va-gee-na.

- You know, you're
freaking sick, man.

You know that.

Daryl's corpse ain't
even in the ground yet.

- Daryl would totally
understand this.

I mean right now
he's looking down,

and he's realizing hey,

I'm a great wing man,
even from heaven.

- No he'd be looking down saying

why'd I ever hang out
with these rum dumbs.

- Ah, get out.

Hey Dale, what's that
over there in the field?

Slow down, pull over.

(suspenseful music)

- What the hell rip a
cow apart like that?

- See anything out there?

- I don't see a damned thing.

- I tell you one thing,
she's still got some

good steaks left
in her ass there.

- There's no way you're
putting that in my truck.

- You got that tarp
in the back still,

we'll just throw her
right in the back.

- Chuck, it ain't happening.

- Wasteful.

(growling)

(horn honking)

- Hey let's go, let's
move that truck.

- Did you just see that?

- See what?

- The thing.

- All I see is you guys blocking
the road, let's move it.

Get out of the way.

- Just calm down
there Captain Jag-off.

Was that a--

- Yeah.

I mean, you know, one of those--

- It was Sasquatch.

- I can't believe it.

- Sure looked like the
thing that killed Daryl.

- It's still out
there on the loose,

killing people and cows.

It needs stopped,
we've got to stop it

before Devlin gets
his hands on it.

- We need to kill it

or else they're just
going to try and save it.

- I realize it's an
anomaly of some sort,

but it killed our friend.

You kill our
friend, we kill you,

that's been our
motto since day one.

Since we was in
the second grade.

- So we're on the same page.

- Hell yeah.

Only problem is how are we
going to go about doing it.

- I don't know.

Have to keep it quiet.

We're going to need
some help on this.

- Definitely.

- Somebody with some
expertise in this field.

(country music)

- I see a pig, thing
will eat anything.

I see a pig eat a whole
roll of tin foil one time.

- Oh bullshit.

- I got pigs, I ain't never
seen one eat tin foil.

- It's gotta have
some food on it first,

ain't just gonna eat it plain.

- You know, I had a dog one
time eat a whole butter dish.

- Well now a dog, that's a
completely different story.

My dog one time got
into a pizza box,

ate that wax paper in there,
he couldn't poop it out.

I had to pull it out of his ass.

I ain't never heard Rex make
a noise like that before.

- You're eating and
you're talking about

pulling things out
of a dog's ass.

- Wasn't he just talking about

the pus on his big toe?

I think this conversation's

already taken a
nose dive, Uncle.

- As soon as you
started talking.

- Hey Burl.

- Hey boys.

- Hey ain't you the
little sonofabitch I seen

shooting BBs at my chickens?

- No, it wasn't BBs,
it was paint balls.

And it weren't even
me, it was other kids.

- You're the only dipshit I know

that got a hairdo like that.

- Alright easy, easy.

- You know, Burl, we
have to talk to you.

- Frank, two beers.

First off, let me just
say how sorry I am

about Daryl.

You know, he was a great guy.

He could party with
the best of them

and he was a hell of a
good corn hole player.

- Slow down, he weren't
that good of a corn holer,

not like we're talking
about me or nothing.

- He's pretty good.

- [Chuck] That's debatable
is all I'm saying.

- Anyways, what's going on?

- Burl, there's
something out there.

Something you're going
to have to help us with.

- You got a rodent problem?

- No, way crazier
than a rodent problem.

- Don't scare me.

I'm an exterminator,
that's what I do.

I exterminate things,
you know, pests, vermins.

Except humans of course.

- Of course.

- Sorry, that's
a little extreme.

- No, no no, it's
a, it's a (mumbling)

- Spit it out.

- It's a Sasquatch,
we was a Sasquatch.

- Bigfoot?

- Yeah.

- You's messing with me?

- No.

- Not at all.

- Anyone else know about this?

- No it's just us.

- Wait, I thought they
said a bear killed Daryl.

- No they said that
just covering it up.

- Who?

- The mayor.

- Why's that?

- You know he's been
building that, like,

animal park lately, you know?

So we figure the Bigfoot
is like the main attraction

and now he's trying
to scoop it up

before anyone else
finds out about it.

- I don't know fellas,
this sounds pretty thin.

I mean, I commend what
you're doing and everything,

but I just can't get
involved with it, you know?

I just don't have that
much free time, you know?

Between the job and
my wife and kids.

I just can't go
run around looking

for some mythical creature.

- Burl, don't you dare turn
your back on this town.

- I'm not turning my
back on this town.

I just ain't got the time.

Now I commend what you're doing,

if you's need some
like guns or ammo,

I'll hook you up with that.

But I just can't go
hunting for some Bigfoot.

- What about Daryl?

- Yeah what about Daryl?

- I'm sorry.

- I can't believe this.

Daryl served with that
man for four years,

high school football, and
this is how he's gonna act?

- Freaking ginger jag-off.

- Daryl would have
been out there hunting

for Bigfoot for that
fatass, and that is a fact.

- That's for damned sure.

- What the hell's
wrong with you?

- I don't know, I just
got this pain in my side.

- Well what did you eat?

- Same damn thing you did.

- Alright, come on, I'll
take you to the doctor,

he'll prescribe you some
perc-es and you'll be alright.

- [Dale] It really hurts.

- [Chuck] I know.

- [Dale] What's up, Doc?

So what is it, Doc?

- You have a kidney stone.

- A kidney stone.

Ain't I kinda young
to be getting those?

- Depends.

How often do you
consume alcohol?

- Uh, just social events.

- Yeah, you got one.

- Well what am I gonna do?

- Just drink plenty of fluids

and not beer, and just
wait for it to pass.

- Pass?

You mean like, out my pecker?

- Yeah.

Generally, yeah,
out your pecker.

(chuckling)

(giggling)

- Uh, that's gonna hurt
real bad, isn't it?

- It's pretty painful, yes,

it could be yes, very
painful, sometimes.

- You can't give me any
drugs or meds or anything?

- Well, no, not you.

Not with, no.

Nice meeting you.

- Thanks Doc.

- [Doctor] Good luck.

- How you doing?

- He told me I
couldn't drink beer.

- I heard that, but he ain't
say nothing about no light beer

see, you've always got to find
loopholes with these doctors.

Tell you what, Dale,

why don't you just go home,
ice your ball sack down.

Put on your stories and I'll
go hunting for Bigfoot tonight.

(rock music)

Hey, what's going on here?

- Nothing to see
here, move along.

- Alright mister, no
need to get sassy.

- Move now!

- Alright.

Hey I'd give you's a
ride, but the only people

I ever let ride this
beast are me, myself,

and that mannequin
from Mannequin,

if you've seen that movie.

It's a little tricky there.

(techno music)

(knocking)

- Somebody call an exterminator?

So what seems to be the problem?

- Chipmunks.

- Chipmunks?

- Yeah chipmunks, we have
them on the back porch

eating our peanuts
out of the basket,

I bet they snuck in here.

- Whoa, you hear that?

Stay here, I'll be right back.

(suspenseful music)

Ahh!

(sighing)

What do you got there?

- I got a gun, I saw
you pull yours out,

I thought you might
like some backup.

- Fair enough.

Come on, Mrs. Dowdy,

let's take care of
that chipmunk problem.

(western music)

- [Wife] Hector, Hector!

- What?

- [Wife] Don't forget
to lock the front door.

- Ah Jesus.

Alright!

Been locking that damned
door 30 years, you old bag.

(suspenseful music)

- Ditty!

- [Wife] What?

- I just seen something
really big out by the barn.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Just tell Burl to get
his ass over here quick.

- [Wife] Don't you go
doing anything stupid.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, wherever you are, you
picked the wrong damned barn!

'Cause I'm gonna go in
there and shove this shotgun

so far up your ass you're
going to see double.

You got that?

(snarling)

(screaming)
(shotgun blasting)

- No no no no no!

Uncle!

Where are you, huh?

Where are you?

Come on, show yourself,
show yourself!

(western music)

- Can I talk to you
boys for a moment?

Now hold on, you're
not in trouble.

I'm afraid we've got some
more bad news for you.

- Real sorry to hear about
your uncle there, Burl.

- Yeah we uh just
found out about that.

- That man gave me my
first nudie magazine.

- Yeah, that was a
Butts and Jugs, May '76.

- Bought me a beer when I was
under aged, multiple times.

- Man we had a few of them.

- Yeah we did.

- I'm sorry I
doubted you fellows.

I know what needs to happen now.

We need to find this beast,

and we need to kill him.

He need to kill him dead!

(cheering)

(rock music)

Here we go, now.

(guns firing)

(yelling)

- Alright I'm done.

- Alright, I'd say we're
pretty stocked up right here.

Why don't you just take a
couple of these with you

just in case you see
him when I'm not around,

you know, you can take him out.

Oh there is one more
item I want to pick up,

just sort of a Plan
B type of situation.

- We got a freaking
arsenal here,

what else could you need?

- Hey I just want to make sure
that when we take him down,

we take him down.

- I agree.

- Thank you.

Only thing is, I gotta go
to Pittsburgh to pick it up,

and kinda need some backup,

so I need you guys
to come with me.

- Why would you need backup?

- Pittsburgh, what
are you getting?

- It's just a precaution, okay?

Oh and wear something nice.

- I got dressed up
for Daryl's funeral,

I ain't dressing up again.

What are you getting?

- What's wrong with
you, you alright?

- Just kidney stone again.

- Oh here have some
of this moonshine,

that will take care of that.

- Thanks.

- What are you getting?!

- Oh great.

- Burl, there's a lady on the
phone about a bat in her house

- Okay I'll handle it.

- Now, Burl.

- Alright.

I'll see y'alls tonight.

- Want to know what
you're getting first.

- I'll see you's tonight.

- I'll see you tonight.

- What are you doing later?

- Just gonna go blow some steam
off with the fellas, okay?

My uncle just died.

- Is that moonshine?

- What?

I'm mourning.

Drink my moonshine,
don't tell me what to do.

Ah!

Mm.

(country music)

(rock music)

- Dale.

Dale!

You good with your beer?

- Yeah yeah, I'm good, thanks.

- Excuse me, can I get
another Chardonnay, please?

- Yeah.

- I've only asked twice.

- Hey, she's busy.

- What, do you want to
bang her or something?

- Get real.

- I'm going to the bathroom.

- Alright well don't take too
long, we gotta leave soon.

- So what are you
guys doing tonight?

- Oh me and the boys, we're
going down to the Burg

to see a friend of ours.

- Oh yeah?

- There's no toilet
paper in the bathroom

and it smells like piss.

- I'll take care of it.

- Sure, can we go now?

- You're not going
to finish your drink?

- No, I'm not paying for that.

Took too long.

- Thanks, last time
I come in this place.

It's a shit hole.

- Hey!

- Whatever, I'm out of here.

- What an asshole.

- Anyways, I'm working til
two if you want to come back

later, when you get
back from Pittsburgh?

Have a night cap?

- Alright sounds good.

- Okay.

- Alright Kate, thanks.

- Yeah.

- Ready to get out of
here, talk to you later.

- See ya.

- [Burl] Alright fellas,
when we get in there,

just follow my lead.

(hip hop music)

- Ha, look who it is.

- Hey Kenny, this
is Chuck and Dale.

- Hey what's up, bro?

Hey, aren't you supposed
to be hitting the balls

with the white ball?

- No, that's white man's rules.

This black man's rules.

What you do, you use every
color, hit the white ball

and the last ball that you
use to hit that white ball

in is the black ball.

You understand what I'm saying,

you play black rules
in my establishment,

if you don't you can get
the hell up out of here.

- Ha, that's really neat.

Anyways I just wanna
come and hang out,

check out the place.

- Hey you got a uh, a spitter?

- A what?

- You know, like a spitter?

- Oh hell no, you
ain't spitting in here.

This is a very
classy establishment,

you understand what I'm saying,

this ain't the damn
set of Hee Haw.

- Uh can I get a drink, or is
that going to be a problem?

(snapping)

You's drink melted down candles?

- It's Hennessy.

- Henry's tea?

- Shut up, shut up!

Sorry 'bout that.

So, you get my message?

- Yeah I got your message.

- And uh, we doing business?

- I got the item,

but uh, I ain't selling it.

- Why's that?

- You see, I thought
about it for a second.

Every time you come in
here, you just do business

and you leave, you
never stay, get a drink,

you never hang out, nothing.

You just come down from
your little hick town

into my black establishment

and you just do
what you want to do.

I bet when you leave
here you'll be like

oh Lord, I hate doing business
with those jigaboo coons.

- You got us all wrong!

- I've got like two El
deBarge tapes, I don't know...

- Bullshit, you don't
listen to the Barge.

You do not know about
feeling the beat

and the rhythm of the night.

- I think there's a little
bit of misunderstanding.

We're not like that.

- Oh is that right, then how
come you never hang out, Burl?

Do you have an answer, huh?

Why don't you ever get a drink,

why don't you ever say

Hey Kenny, I want
to be your BFF.

- Well I didn't
think about that.

- You and your
homeless Johnny Cash

and the Midnight Cowboy
can get the hell up out

of my establishment
'cause I don't do business

with people that don't hang.

- We came all the way down here,

and we ain't doing business?!

- Oh no business at all.

- Fine.

- [Kenny] Yeah that's right,
get up on out of here.

- Three shots please.

- What are you doing?

- I've got an idea, just
follow my lead, alright?

- I'll follow that lead all day.

- Alright.

- What the hell's he doing?

(hip hop music)

(laughing)

- Y'all see this?

Yeah, you go, Burl!

Dance, white boy,
dance, that's right!

Hey wait, where are you...?

(laughing)

That is how you hang,
bro, that is how you hang!

Three highly explosive arrow
heads, as you requested.

- [Chuck] Just like
Rambo Part Two used.

- Bro we got a deal?

- Yep.

- Good.

- So y'all going to
hang, y'all gonna party?

- Oh yeah we'll party.

- Oh yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

Hey Potter, pop
a couple bottles!

(hip hop music)

- Alright, Kenny, you
have to try this shot,

I invented, it's a
must-try, and it comes from

my personal arsenal.

Yeah you try it, what you
think, it's called an Olive M.

Give that a, try it up.

- Man what the hell's in that,
what type of liquor is that?

- All of 'em!

- All of them!

You're a genius my friend.

(retching)

(laughing)

- Thank you for
taking me out tonight.

I had a good time.

- Same here.

I'm sorry about the bar earlier.

I know you're a classy lady and
you deserve better than that

- Yeah?

- Hey, watch the hair.

- Oh please.

So you took me to the
point tonight, huh?

- Yeah, I think it's a
pretty romantic spot.

- Yeah.

- Oh yeah.

Baby, you're so hot.

- You mean that?

- Totally.

You're hotter than hot.

So hot you make me want
to take this jacket off.

- Kevin you are so silly.

- Now where were we?

What?

- I just want to take it slow.

- I am, come here.

- You know, Kevin,
I'm not like that.

- Well that's not what I hear.

- What?

And who said that?

- Kiley Whitman told me
you gave Derek Lanker a BJ

on the first date.

- Well she's a freaking
liar, and she's a skank.

- Yeah?

Well at least she puts out.

I should know.

- You know what,
you are such a perv.

I'm out of here.

- Becky, where are you going?

You going to walk home in
the middle of the woods?

- Yes, I'd rather be
with the animals out here

than the animal in the car!

(snarling)

(screaming)

- Becky!

I'm coming, Becky!

(romantic music)

Becky, where are you?

Come to me, say something!

I'm sorry I asked for a BJ.

Becky!

(screaming)

- Kevin.

- Becky.

(yelling)

(snarling)

(sad music)

- Would you look at this?

More dead bodies.

If we weren't partying
with Kenny last night,

we could have stopped this.

- This is bad, this is real bad.

I ain't feeling so good.

- I tell you I think I'm
still drunk from last night.

- Chuck, you're drinking
a beer right now.

- Yeah that's probably it then.

- Hey hey hey just
pull it together.

We've got to go out there
and deal with this right now.

- He's right, now
come on Dale, come on.

- Let's just go.

- Let's get a ladder
down here okay.

And where's the coroner at?

Look, you guys can't be here.

- My uncle was just
killed by that beast.

I got a right to be here!

- Like hell you do.

Look, I got a crime scene here.

- Sheriff, you
gotta hear us out.

- Sheriff Bill, this wasn't
a lion, bear, or tiger.

- Then what?

- It's Bigfoot, and I'm
not talking about the

monster truck, which is bad ass.

It's going back down
Civic Rig 'Em next month,

we gotta get tickets.

- Really?

- Sheriff, I know he
sounds like an idiot,

but you got two bodies
shredded to pieces up there.

You ever seen anything
like that before?

- Look I ain't
got time for this,

you guys have gotta leave.

(protesting)

Now!

And stop drinking during the
day, you smell like booze!

- You stop drinking
during the day, Sheriff!

(country music)

- What's the situation?

- I'll tell you what
the situation is.

It's a bloody mess, that's
what the situation is.

I got two more dead bodies
from this freak of nature

that you brought into town.

- Let's talk in private.

- What was that
jag-off looking at?

- I'll punch him in the
face, I'll tell you that.

- Oh, look at that
pile of shit there.

Oh that is a big pile of crap.

- Oh that's disgusting.

- Looks like there's
something in it.

- You guys think
that's Bigfoot's crap?

- Possibly okay.

Let's not jump to conclusions,
we gotta think it through.

- It stinks though,
can't we move along?

- Dale come on, it's just shit.

- Lookie here.

(retching)

- Dale knock it off.

- That shit's gross Dale, gross.

- You just stuck your
hand in a pile of shit

and I'm being gross.

- Dale why don't you
just wait by the truck

if you can't be a
part of this team.

- Alright.

- We'll see you in a minute.

- Something wrong with you guys.

- Evidence.

- The last thing I need is
you freaking out in front

of everybody.

- Well last thing I need
is more dead bodies.

That's four now, Carl.

Look, I can't keep
a lid on this while

you're out chasing
the bear of yours.

Which I'm beginning to
believe is bullshit.

- We talked about this,

I told you it would
take some time.

- Yeah but I didn't think
more people were going to die.

Look I gotta call
this into the county.

- Watch it Bill.

- Or what?

- You promised me a
week to find the bear.

Now if you break that promise,

those pictures I have of you
and that sweet young tart

might just resurface.

I'm sure your wife
would love to see those.

- Now, you think this might be
Becky's nail from last night?

- It could be.

I'll tell you one thing,
I'm impressed those nails

are meant to last.

- Wish there was a way we could

analyze it or
something like that.

- Yeah but Sheriff Bill
wouldn't believe us anyhow.

- Hey guys, come check this out.

- You got 24 hours, then
I don't care what kind

of dirt you have on me, I
can't let this continue.

I mean, it's
getting out of hand.

- Can't be undone now.

- 24 hours, Carl.

- Look how large
this footprint is.

- [Chuck] Oh man that's huge.

- It's big; it's a big foot.

You get it?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Get that sheriff over
here to check it out,

but he probably think
it was an elephant

footprint or something
like that, stupid sheriff.

- Yeah, I got it,
with the big foot,

it's 'cause it's like the two
meaning, but you did it in a,

I got it, I'm a
little off today.

- Yeah yeah don't
worry about it.

- Holy hell, your stomach
shook just from me

hitting you like that.

(laughing)

At least we'll know when
there's an approaching T-Rex,

look at this.

We put a tap in there, will
we get ginger beer out?

- We'll get the whole
town drunk on that.

- Maybe a couple less
wings next time there.

- You don't have to eat them
all, you can leave some there.

Is there a goldfish in there?

- Alright alright knock it off!

- Oh man he's probably crying.

- Oh Burl, you need a hug?

(country music)

- Hey guys what's up.

- What's up Kate?

- Kate.

- Hey Chuck, you just missed
it, Bigfoot was just down here.

Boning your mom!

- Hey Dan Fetty, I got
a math book over here,

and if I open that up,
there's going to be

some problems for you.

But you ain't gonna find
the answers in the back,

they're in my fist.

- Ooh.

- Why do you let that brown
butthole come in the bar?

- Don't change the subject.

Are you chasing Bigfoot?

- No...

Well we're chasing something.

- I gotta piss.

- [Dan] Hey Dale,
me and the boys

are putting together a crack
team, go hunt down a unicorn.

You in, dickhead?

(laughing)

- Oh yeah, good one,
good one Dan Fatty.

Oh I can't stand him,
that piece of shit.

- Hey guys.

- Hey what's up Burl?

- Here comes the
third stooge now.

- Somebody knows.

- Oh yeah.

- Is he still running
his mouth over there?

- Hey don't start any shit.

- I'm not, he's talking shit.

- Can I get three shots please?

- Hey Burl, who's
got a bigger pecker,

Bigfoot, or your wife?

- [Kate] Don't worry about
that jag-off, alright Burl?

- No need to apologize
for him, Kate.

- Hey, Steelers suck!

(laughing)
(music stops)

- Let's do this.

(upbeat country music)

(grunting)

- I's just standing here,
minding my own business.

Chuck here comes over,
tags me in the man bag.

- Shut up Dan Fetty.

You know what, better
still, just get out of here.

(mocking)

Shut up, Chuck!

- Sorry, sorry.

- You know gentlemen, this
is the second time today

that I've had to put
up with your bullshit.

And let me tell you
something, there is not

going to be a third.

Now if I so much
as hear one peep

that you guys are out
causing any kind of trouble,

whatsoever, I'm going to
throw your asses in jail,

so fast and for so long
you're going to have

a hard time remembering
what sunlight looks like.

Do we got it?

- Yeah, but what if I have to
get some milk or something?

- That sounds like a
peep to me, mister!

- Hey Sheriff, it was Dan
Fetty that started the fight.

- Yeah well thanks
for the update, Kate.

- Uh so that means we can go
out, 'cause I gotta pick up VO5

I can do that tomorrow,
that will wait til tomorrow.

- Good idea.

- [Dale] That went
bad, pretty bad.

- My wife is going
to be pissed at me.

- Will you give me a ride home?

- [Burl] No.

- Can I get two six-packs
on Dan Fetty's tab?

- No.

- Worth a try, I'm
taking your towel.

- Hey uh, thanks for
sticking up for us.

- No problem.

- So what time do you get off?

- Pretty much now.

- Cool, let's go hang out.

- Okay.

- Shots first?

- Yes.

(upbeat music)

You're crazy.

I can't believe you
think it's a Bigfoot.

- I do, I really do, I
think it's the same thing

that killed Daryl.

- Well uh,

speaking of Daryl, there's
something that I really

need to get off my chest.

- Anything you want
to get off your chest,

I'm alright with that.

- Well I've been meaning
to tell you this.

Uh, I slept with Daryl.

- You what?

- We were at a party,
we were drinking,

and we were just
playing flip cup,

and it just happened, I
don't know what to say.

I mean, I'm really sorry,

I like you and I needed
to be honest with you.

- He knew how much I liked
you, what an asshole.

- I'm really really
sorry, please.

Come on, we need
to talk about this.

- No no, I'm done
talking to you.

- Dale, Dale!

Shit!

(upbeat music)

- Frank, I need some beer to go.

Sixer, twelver, twenty-four-er.

- You know I can only
sell you 12, state law.

- That's the dumbest shit
I ever heard in my life.

What if I walk outside
and I come back in?

- No.

- Why?

- 'Cause I don't
like you, Chuck.

- Well I'm guessing I'm just
going to have to drink less.

How's that, you happy?

No tip.

How's it going, Angela?

- Chuck.

- I was just thinking,
I've got all this beer,

house to myself, my
mom's gone for the night.

Plus a boom box with
tons, loads of good tapes.

You ain't got to pay for
music like you do right here.

- So what are you getting at?

- You know what I'm getting at.

Now we've gone through
this song and dance before,

I think it's time
we make this happen.

- So you think it's that easy?

- I'll tell you
right now, if I could

redo the alphabet, I'd put
you and me right together

there in the middle.

- Are you going to
stand here all night

and keep spitting lines at me?

- Well not all night 'cause
my beer's getting warm.

What do you say we throw
caution to the wind?

- Well I do kind of
like how you were

beating on Dan Fetty earlier.

- Yeah, punched him
right in his nuts.

Also put him in a
million dollar dream.

- What's that?

- Oh it's an old wresting move,
let me show you how to do it

see a guy will come up
from behind like this,

real quiet like, sort
of smooth like that,

and then he'll put his hand up,

and then he'll do this
until they submitted.

- Ugh, just buy me a drink.

- That's what I'm talking about.

Ma!

She's not home,
come on, come on in.

(moaning)

Whoa, why you bite me like that?

Remind me not to feed
your ass after midnight.

- Why don't you shut up
and put on some music.

- I got just the
thing for you my dear,

you just hold on one second.

(rock music)

That's my band, called
Red Hot Fire Chucks.

Quartered demo a few
weeks back, weren't

that big a deal, one of
the little gems we got

from that, that recording.

- I don't know if
it's the booze, but,

this ain't half bad.

- Yeah, you like that?

I tell you what, I can
make you a copy of the tape

because I'm working with a
two-deck system over here,

ain't even that big a deal.

- Why don't you just sit
back and enjoy the show.

(rock music)

- Oh yeah, I like that.

Whoa, don't grab them nips!

You know, milk in there.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

Whoa!

- What the hell?

- I know it sounds crazy,
but Bigfoot's out there.

I gotta go shoot him.

Keep them boobs idling.

Damn Bigfoot cockblocking me.

Oh!

Ah!

- Payback's a bitch.

Hey boys, I got him
right in the octagon!

- Nice shot!

- Merry Christmas, dicknose.

- Dan Fetty, you jag-off!

Angela, help me!

Get my chew.

Bring some ice.

And your mouth, and your mouth.

- I tell you what, I have
had one hell of a day.

Where you going?

- Out.

- Come on Shell,
don't you start.

- I don't want to hear it Burl.

Do you know how embarrassing
it is to go to the store

and have the pay-for-it
lady tell you that

your husband was
just in a bar fight.

- I was going to tell you,
I just hadn't seen you yet.

- I'm getting so sick of this.

It's like you're in
high school again.

- Hey it's not like
I'm having fun,

I just got my ass kicked.

- And who started that fight?

- Well I don't want to
get in details about it,

but it just kinda
happened, but I got hurt.

- Don't let Danny
stay up too late.

If you could do me a
favor while I'm gone.

- [Burl] What's that?

- Grow up.

- Oh grow up, and where
do you think you're going?

- I'm gonna go find Bigfoot.

- Oh that's real funny,
that's real funny.

You know you'll be laughing
if you do run into him,

and if you do you call me.

- Oh hey bud.

- Are you and mom
fighting again?

- Ah no no, she just
couldn't hear me

'cause she was walking away
and I had to yell to her,

you know she's,
hearing problems.

- You wanna watch Ralph
and the Little Boy with me?

- Sure thing.

- Cool.

(sad country music)

(knocking)

- Chuck!

Hey, Chuck.

- The hell you want, I'm
in here rolling pierogis

you bang on the
door like the cops.

- You ain't going to
believe what's in the paper.

- Mayor destroys
bear, city safe.

- Yeah, that two tall
asshole's blaming it on a bear.

The city's buying it.

- That son of a--

I tell you right now,
this is just like in Jaws

when they kill the tiger
shark but the great white

is still out there.

But we're like Brody
Quint and Hooper,

and we're going to
track this thing

and we're going to kill it.

- Alright alright.

As long as I ain't Quint,
'cause he gets eaten.

- Ah Burl will be Quint.

Let's go get him by
the way, come on.

- Hello boys.

Read the news this morning?

- Yeah.

- Well I just wanted
to make sure your

minds were all at ease.

So there's no need for
you to go driving around

at night like a
bunch of jackasses.

- It's a pretty
typical night for us.

- Yeah I mean, is it a crime
to go out driving around

spotting deer,
shooting shotguns,

all while drinking beer?

- Yes actually those
are all crimes.

- Cut the crap, we
know it's a Bigfoot.

- A what?

- Oh don't play dumb with us.

A yeti, a Sasquatch, a
hairy from the Hendersons,

we seen it, we know it's yours.

- You got some imagination.

- Let me ask you something.

What kind of mayor
puts his people's lives

at stake over some
overgrown ape.

- Alright hold it right there,

I don't think you know
who you're dealing with.

One more word out of
either of you and I'll

have you arrested for assault.

And as for your little derelict
adventures into the night,

the sheriff is under
orders to arrest you

and your fatass friend if
he sees you driving around

at night, so chew on that!

- We can't let him
get away with this.

- No, let's go get
the fatass, come on.

- I can't believe this,
the dogged son of a bitch,

who does he think he is?!

- He's laughing
right in our face.

- So they're gonna arrest
us if we're out tonight,

that's the plan?

Alright, I'll tell
you what we'll do.

We bring Bigfoot to us.

What I do, I'll open
up the barn in there,

and I'll get a cow in
there, some chickens,

put some steaks in there,

he'll smell that he'll
come running then boom!

- Yeah.

- That might just
work there, Burl.

- Yeah and you know
what that jag-off

and gonna make us
look like jag-offs.

- Yeah if anyone's gonna
make us look like jag-offs,

it's gonna be us.

- That's right.

- What I'm saying
is no longer are we

going to be the laughing
stocks of this town, he is.

- That's right we're
going to take Bigfoot out.

- March that son of a
bitch right down a parade

like in the middle of town.

- We're gonna take Bigfoot,
we're gonna grind him up,

we're going to turn him
into jerky, and we're

going to sell it to the town.

- I'll give you my
world-famous deer jerky recipe.

- That sounds good,
let's do this!

- Yeah!

- Alright, Chuck, you and
me, let's go get the guns.

- Guns.

- Dale, you're on beer.

- Okay, I actually
gotta go talk to Kate

about something anyway.

- You know Dale we
don't have time for you

to go to the bar
and not get laid.

- You dick.

Listen to this.

I found out that Kate
slept with Daryl.

What, you knew?

Does everybody know?

- Well not everybody.

The pastor didn't know,
and so I told him.

- Burl knows!?

Burl just found out
what VCR stands for!

- What the hell's
that supposed to mean?

- Hey hey hey hey
leave Burl alone.

He's got enough problems.

Look at his shirt.

Jeeze, turning food
into verbs somehow.

It was a drunk night,

they were pounding the
bottles, listening to

Simply Red, he said it
weren't even that good.

Kinda great.

- If he wasn't dead already,
I'd kill him myself.

- Well well well.

- I can't believe the
selfishness coming
out of your mouth

right now.

Now Daryl is dead,
Bigfoot ate all of him.

Even his dong.

And I don't know
if you know this,

you die out here without a wang,

you don't get to take
it to heaven with you.

Now poor Daryl's
up there in heaven

with the likes of Grace
Kelly, Marilyn Monroe,

and that girl from
Poltergeist with no peck.

- Whoa that girl from
Poltergeist, she's
like 10 years old.

- Not that one, the
older one that died.

- Yeah but the younger
one, she died too.

- Oh she did, I
didn't know that.

- They're all dead.

- No not Coach T. Nelson.

He ain't ever going to die.

- That's right.

And I do recall someone
slept with Daryl's sister

awhile back when
they were drunk.

- Oh.

- [Burl] Never told
him that did you?

- Yeah, eye for an
eye, tit for a tit.

- You got a point there, Burl.

Alright I'm sorry, I apologize.

- Hey man, it's water
under the crick.

- It's water under the bridge.

- Yeah, well, you know.

- Who the hell cares?

- Can we get back to
this plan already?

Let's do like a one two
three, go type of thing, okay?

- How about a one two
three, jump, high five

like the after school
special type of thing.

- [Burl] Well you'll
jump too high.

- Well lose weight, you'll
get to the same level as me.

- My knees hurt.

- Oh come on, you're always
ruining the special moments.

(arguing)

Where did Dale go?

- Dale you going to
weigh in on this?

- See, now when you
hesitate we lose Dale.

- Well let's go.

(rock music)

- Kate, can we talk?

- Yeah, I guess so.

Okay so.

- Just hold on, alright.

I want to talk to
you about something.

You know, I've been thinking.

The past is the past, right?

- Yeah.

- I mean, you're freaking hot

and he just did what any guy
would do in that situation.

- Well like I said, I didn't
know how you felt about me.

And I'd really like
this to work out.

- Yeah, me too.

- So we're good?

- Yeah, we're good.

- Alright, well I'm getting off
soon if you want to hang out

- Alright, well, I'm
meeting Burl and the guys

out at his uncle's barn,
um, you want to go do that?

- The Bigfoot stuff?

- I know it sounds dumb.

- Eh, if there's beer, I'm down.

- Really?

- Yeah, pretty entertaining
watching you guys

run around the woods
drunk looking for Bigfoot.

- I guess that does sound
pretty entertaining.

Let's go then.

- Alright.

(arguing)

- There she is,
Kate, round of beers!

- When are you
getting out of here?

- I just have to wait
for Tracy to get here.

Don't start any shit okay?

Jeff's still really
mad about yesterday.

- Don't worry, I won't.

- Hey Dale, your nose is
looking awful pretty there.

- Yeah keep it up, asshole.

- Or what?

Me and the boys will just
mop the floor with you again.

- I gotta run out to my
truck, I'll be right back.

- That's what I thought.

(screaming)

(rock music)

Sorry Puddwacker,
we're still here.

(laughing)

- I can go, Tracy's here.

- Just hold on a second, I
got to take care of something.

Hey Dan Fetty,
when I go outside,

I'm gonna piss all
over your truck.

Then I'm gonna come back in here

and kick your ass.

- Like hell he's
pissing on my truck!

- You quit pissing on
my truck, pecker stain!

Oh shit!

- This shit stops right now.

You got it, Puddwacker?

- Cool.

- Oh yeah, the Browns suck.

- What's going on?

- Don't worry about
it, I took care of it.

Ready to get on out of here?

- Yeah.

- Let's roll.

- What the heck?

- Yeah, they won't be
bugging you anymore.

- Dale.

- Yeah?

(rock music)

- Alright, I say we get the
cow, put it out in the field,

you stand out there with
it, Bigfoot shows up,

you run in, he follows
you, chop him in the balls.

- Now why am I the one running?

- Well first off, you're in
a lot better shape than I am.

- Yeah.

- Second, you're the
one always bragging

about those 550 yards you ran
our senior year of football.

- 557.

- Bigfoot comes in, I
pump him full of lead.

If that don't work,

we've got Dale up there
with the exploding arrows,

sh-poof!

Explodes him, problem solved.

- Come on, I'm way better
with a bow than Dale.

- You're running.

I can't have you running and
shooting at the same time.

I don't have a
clone of you, Chuck.

- Could you imagine if
there was two of me?

Double Chuck.

(horn honking)

- Just get the cow.

Oh hey bud.

- I cannot believe you.

- What?

- What do you mean what?

You're coming home
with me right now.

- Like hell I am.

- [Shell] Why are
you being a child?

Get in the truck.

- Don't ever get married, okay?

- [Burl] You're being
this pain in the ass.

Everybody else is
giving me shit,

and I got to deal with you, too.

- You're looking
for Bigfoot, idiot,

do you have any idea
how stupid that is?

- You know what, I
ain't got time for this.

- [Shell] Well I ain't
got time for you.

So you can stay at your
idiot friend's house tonight.

- [Burl] Oh so you're
kicking me out?

- [Shell] Yeah.

- [Burl] You can't kick
me out, this is my house.

- I'd say something right now
if the kid wasn't with me.

- You know, why don't you
just say what you want to say?

- F you.

- F me?

F me?!

You've got a lot of
nerve, you know that?

(suspenseful music)

(snarling)

- Oh F me.

- Stop eating all my friends!

- Hey fat turd,
why don't you pick

on somebody your own size?

(snarling)

Come on, come get it!

(rock music)

Welcome to the pain train!

(roaring)

Chuck, grab a shotgun!

- Hey!

- What are you
waiting for, shoot!

- Well I have something
cool to say first.

- Well say the line
from Jaws or something.

- Oh damn.

Hey are those ninjas?

- Get her in the
van, grab everything.

- [Kate] Where are they going?

- [Dale] I don't know.

- [Kate] Well should
we follow them?

- [Dale] Yeah probably.

- What happened, it feels
like I'm drinking for days.

- You have been
drinking for days.

We got hit by
tranquilizer darts.

Where are we?

I feel like we're at Seven
Springs or something.

- Burl, see if you can get
in my back pocket there.

- Oh you got a knife?

- [Chuck] No, my can of chew.

- Are you kidding me?

- It helps me think.

- Oh well look who it
is, surprise surprise.

- Yeah speak of the Devlin.

- What did I tell you boys?

Mind your freaking business!

And this is what happens.

- Asshole, you think you
can just stick a Sasquatch

in this town and nobody's
going to find out?

Ah!

- Yeah, I do.

- Yeah well I know all
about your little plan,

and I'm about as good
at keeping secrets

as I am jobs.

- Well look who's keeping
their mouth shut now.

I tell you, you idiots
really piss me off.

Because of you, I have
a one-handed Sasquatch

down there who's all messed up!

And it's not like
they're a dime a dozen!

- Yeah you're lucky I
don't have my dirt bike.

- Yeah, wait, what
is that gonna do?

- I don't know,
just, I don't know.

(suspenseful music)

- Shit.

Something ain't right up there.

I knew we couldn't
trust that prick.

- Well it's up to us.

- You just want to go in
there like guns a-blazing?

- [Kate] Hell yeah, Dale,
don't be such a freaking skirt.

Let's do this.

- Don't you even care about
the people you killed?

- Yeah that's real sad.

But there's plenty of people.

I only got one Sasquatch.

- You heartless son of a bitch.

My uncle's dead
because of that thing,

and our friend.

- And?

- You're going to pay
for that, mark my words.

- Do you really think you should
be talking to me like that?

Considering the
situation that you're in?

- You threatening us now?

- No, I am giving you options.

I plan on taking
Sasquatch world-wide.

It's gonna put this
place on the map.

People from all over the
world are going to come

here to see her.

- They will, what, her?

It's a girl?

- Yes it's a female
and with any luck,

she can have babies.

And wait, what I'm getting at,

is you boys can be a part of it.

- What, we'd operate the
freaking ferris wheel

at the Bigfoot park?

- Just so happens I know
how to run a ferris wheel,

but ain't no way in
hell I'm running yours.

- Well it sure beats
your alternatives.

- You don't have
the guts to kill us.

- Really, I would
love to kill you

after what you did to her hand.

- Why does your breath
always smell like

you just got done
eating cream of wheat?

It's like the third
time I've talked to you

and it's like even
worse this time.

(gun clicking)

- Can't let you do this Carl.

Too many people
have died already.

- Sheriff Bill, you
were in on this?

- No, yeah, just let
me handle this okay?

- And how are you going
to handle it, Bill?

You going to shoot me?

- Well I'm not going to
let you kill these idiots.

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go
out, get my squad car,

we're going to take a little
ride down to the station,

and then...

- Damn!

- Nice work, get his gun,
put him down the cage,

we'll deal with him later.

(suspenseful music)

- Is everything ready?

Good, let's begin.

(snarling)

You better get her
more anesthetic.

(screaming)

- [Walkie Talkie] We have
a situation at the barn.

- Now what?

What is it, copy?

Hello, copy?

Hello?

(static)

Shit.

- What's going on up there?

- [Burl] I don't know but
we have to get out of these.

- Hey how'd you guys find us?

- We followed you.

- How'd you get in?

- We snuck in, it's
crazy up there.

- Get us out, get us some guns.

- Hey, is that a bar over there?

- Alright now that we
got our nerves calm,

let's get into
this plan, alright?

Mayor's gone nuts, he's crazy,

he's talking about Bigfoot
parks and us running

ferris wheels and
stuff like that.

- Yeah he's all spitting
on you when he talks,

his eyes are all cookie monster,

it's a little disturbing.

- Yeah and he was even
talking about killing us,

so if he sees you guys he
might try to kill you, okay?

He's trying to operate
on Bigfoot right now,

hand got ripped off, and--

- Whoa whoa, there's
a Bigfoot here?

- I told you.

(arguing)

- Sorry.

- Well you ain't
going to believe this.

Bigfoot, he's a girl.

- What?

You kidding me, I
hate her already.

- I hate her too, so
let's find it and kill it.

We'll split up,
holler if you see it,

we'll all come running,
and pump it full of lead.

Pump it so full of lead
that it'll be full of lead

and it'll die, 'cause...

- You want to try that again,

I ain't leaving the
room on that one...

- No I'm just really excited,
I just want to go shoot it.

So let's go, okay.

- Okay after another shot.

- Sasquatch is on
the loose, I repeat,

Sasquatch is on the loose.

(suspenseful music)

- Freeze, drop it!

- Please don't hurt me.

- Oh hey.

- [Sheriff] Burl,
Burl is that you?

- Sheriff?

- Yeah, get me out of here.

What the hell's going
on, why can't I move?

- You got shot by one of
those tranquilizer darts.

Here I'll get some help.

- Wait don't leave me.

- Alright.

- Uh uh uh, put them down.

No, wait a minute, why don't
you guys shoot each other?

- Come on man.

- It's either you
tranq each other,

or I pop you with this bad boy.

On the count of three.

One, two--

- Sorry Bud.

- Three.

That was easy.

- I'm gon' kill some shit.

- What the Jesus?

(snarling)

(yelling)

- Come on Burl we
gotta get out of here,

can't you go any faster?

- Shut up.

My back is killing me.

(struggling)

(snarling)

(gun firing)

- Alright, I ain't never
hit a woman before.

- And you haven't yet either.

- Oh really?

- What are you, a pussy?

Not going to fight
me like a man.

- I guess.

- Burl, what's going on, Burl?

- [Kate] Dale, Dale!

Help!

- I got this.

- I got this.

- Nah, I got this.

(snarling)

We got enough hairy
bitches in this town.

(suspenseful music)

(exploding)

- We're here reporting
live in Ellwood City

at the home of Carl Devlin
where a major explosion

has happened.

Police have told me there
are several fatalities.

I'm still working
to get details,

but I have had the
opportunity to speak

with a couple of eye witnesses.

- I bet you coulda
seen that explosion

whole way from Route 288.

And when the smoke
clears we'll get in there

and prove to you
Bigfoot was real.

Oh by the way, call
Burl's Extermination.

Burl's the best.

- I was right there, Chuck
blew it to smithereens,

parts flying everywhere.

I can't smoke on camera?

- It was Bigfoot, okay?

And I can tell by the
way you're looking at me,

you think I'm crazy, I ain't.

- I got shot by a dart.

- Hey Dale, see if you
can find Bigfoot's face!

Well check up on the roof,
it exploded everywhere.

Get the ladder, man.

Oh okay, oh hey.

I'm just here to tell you's
that all you city folk

think up here in the
stix we're just a bunch

of hicks sitting
around, getting drunk

and telling stories of
space ships landing,

and now here we saw Bigfoot.

Alright, well I'm
here to tell you,

I'm here to tell you right now,

I just killed Bigfoot,

and as soon as I can prove it,

with a body part or
his ass or something,

I'm going to bring
you the proof.

And that's all you need.

I ain't no drunk,
and I ain't no liar.

- As you can see, many
adamant believers about

what happened here tonight.

We'll continue to report
the facts as they come in.

Reporting live, I'm
Darieth Chisolm,

back to you.

- Brought you a
sixer there, Daryl.

- Yeah Daryl we did it.

- Yes we did.

- Avenged your death and
this town is safe again

once again thanks to us.

- You shoulda seen it,
Chuck shot him from like

30 yards away.

- 32.

- Anyways, blew him to pieces.

Now, town's grateful,

but they still don't
believe it was Bigfoot.

- Yeah but we know
it was Bigfoot

and that's all that counts.

- That's right.

- But I think we're getting
a little bit off topic

here, Dale, don't you have
something you'd like to say

to Daryl?

Get off your chest
here, come on.

- Well, (mumbling)

- No no no, he is six
feet under the ground,

he ain't going to hear that.

Come on, from the heart.

What we talked about
in the truck, come on.

You can do it.

- Daryl, I forgive
you for banging Kate.

- There it is,
geeze look at that.

Don't you feel a lot
better, you look better.

I look great,

and dead Daryl feels
a lot better now.

Let's drink beer.

- Alright let's do it.

- Maybe that, we
should leave that?

- No nope no.

- We'll leave that for Daryl.

- Well look who it is.

(greeting)

Thought you fellas might
want to wet your whistle.

I saw you's over
there putting a sixer

in Daryl's grave, I was doing
the same thing for my uncle.

- Well great minds, you
know what I'm talking about?

- Ain't these for your uncle?

- I left him three, I'll
bring him three more tomorrow.

- All I know is I just
can't drink one beer,

that's like shooting one
squirrel or looking at one boob,

you know?

- Well let's do some drinking.

I have the rest of the
day off, let's do it.

- Of course.

- Hey, I gotta hang
out with Kate later.

- That's cool she
can drink with us.

How's that going by the way?

- Yeah how is that
going with her?

(cheering)

- This close.

- I want details.

Anyways fellas, I just want
to make a little toast.

To saving the town.

- To saving the town.

- To saving the town.

Be real nice to have that
Bigfoot jerky though.

(rock music)

(romantic music)

- Hi.

- Before you say anything, let
me do a little talking, okay?

I want to apologize for
the way I've been acting,

I've been a little crazy lately.

But that's behind me now, okay?

No more hunting for
Bigfoot, nothing like that.

Just normal Burl, okay?

Now on a side note, I got the
kid at your mom's tonight.

We go the house to ourselves.

I've got the tub
running for you upstairs

with all the scented
candles and all that stuff,

I thought I'd put a couple
steaks on the grill,

pop open this bubbly,
and come join you.

What do you think,
huh, sound good?

- Yeah.

- Alright, well go on
up, get on up there.

I'll be right up.

Go ahead, I'll pop this
off and I'll be right up.

- [Shell] Burl you left
the toilet seat up!

- Well at least I
didn't pee on the seat,

why do I always
have to put it down,

why can't you ever put it up,
you ever think about that?

(rock music)

(dirt bike revving)

(snarling)

- Oh get out.