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(crickets chirping)

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(rock music)

♪ You can't depend on your teacher.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend on your preacher.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend on politicians.

♪ Whoa.

♪ You can't depend on superstitions.

♪ Whoa.

♪ Hey, we rock you!

♪ Can't stop you!

♪ Love is like a rock.

- Woohoo, man you better have them.

- I told you dude, I was saving them for a rainy day.

- It's not even raining out.

- Joanie said it might.

- Hey Dale, is your sister home, can we call her?

- No.

- Well how about her big boobs, are they at home?

- Shut up!

- Alright so what are we doing now, what are we doing now?

- I don't know, what do you got in mind?

- I don't know, but this night is good,

I'm feeling good with this night, I want to keep it going,

we gotta think of something, man.

Stacy Perkins, now we need to call Stacy Perkins.

I know that she will party with us right now.

- It's three in the morning.

It's uh, it's Tuesday.

- It don't matter 'cause the Chuck wagon's open

all night, whoo!

- Hey, you hear about Kate?

- What about her?

- She broke up with that rum dumb over there in Cleveland.

- Oh, get out.

- Yeah yeah I heard it from a reliable source.

- I'll tell you right now Dale, you need to pounce on that.

Right now.

- Chuck, she ain't a piece of meat, man.

'Sides, I like her.

- Here's your problem.

You're constantly trying to draw the defense all sides.

Sooner or later, you gotta call the play,

go down the side line for seven.

- Told you I had some.

- Whoo.

- Nice nice nice.

- There we go, my man.

- Are they cold?

- Well they're luke warm, but you know.

- So they're warm?

- Yeah they're luke warm.

- It's the same damn thing.

- No no no, luke warm is temperature.

- It's warm outside, so they're warm.

- No that ain't how it works.

- Who the hell is Luke?

Alright, go in there and get me a Steve cold beer,

and a hot Stacy, 'cause right now I'm freezing Chuck.

- You shut your mouth when you're talking to me.

- I'm gonna have to go with Chuck on this one.

- Oh you would; idiots think alike.

- Hey Daryl, is your sister still work down

at Fashion Bugs?

- Dude first of all, it's not Fashion Bugs, okay?

When you say that, you make it sound like little insects

are wearing clothes.

Second of all, stop talking about my sister, dude.

- [Chuck] I can't help it, she's hot.

(clanging)

- What the hell was that?

Oh them damn coons probably got in the skids again.

See what they do is they get in the skids,

and then like, they take a shit, right,

and when I'm cleaning it out the next day,

shit falls into my hair and then I have shit hair

for a whole day.

- It's shit hair for a shit head,

but you gotta watch them coons, though,

'cause they got rabies.

- Yeah, I'm well aware of that.

(snarling)

(yelling)

- Oh shit, go!

- What the hell was that?!

- I don't know, that thing's out there

eating all of Daryl.

- We gotta do something.

(techno music)

You ready for this?

- Yeah.

(suspenseful music)

One, two, three!

(spooky music)

(owl hooting)

(phone ringing)

- [Mayor] Yeah?

What?

I'll be right there.

Shit!

- So I bought some new socks the other day

and I don't know, I think I'm going to return them.

(door opening)

- Oh Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Devlin, I thought she was asleep.

- [Mayor] What has been the protocol since day one?

Never go in alone.

I made that very clear.

- I was just trying to give it some food,

and I didn't think she would notice me.

- Show me what you did.

Show me.

- Well (muttering)

I took her food over here, she was asleep in the corner,

and then she just slammed me up against the wall,

and then she took off.

- Didn't you hear her waking up before that?

- Well I had my headphones on.

- Headphones?

Headphones.

Headphones.

(slamming)

There, when we get her back, you can be her supper.

- Please Mr. Devlin, don't leave me in here.

- I want Helga and her crew down here now.

Last thing we need are a couple of idiots finding this thing

- No, no no no no, guys guys.

(gun firing)

- So you boys say it had about a six foot reach?

- I mean it sure seemed like it was

a six foot reach, it could have been 12.

- We couldn't tell, it was dark,

and by the time we got enough balls to go after it

it ran in the woods.

- And we would have chased it if them woods

weren't covered in all them jaguars like they are.

- Just how drunk were you's guys?

- We had a couple.

But this sobered us right up.

- Yeah.

- Well regardless, you know,

it still doesn't change the fact that you guys

were intoxicated when this incident happened.

I mean, who was driving?

- [Both] Daryl.

- Yeah, right, now boys I feel really bad about this.

But this crazy story you're giving me,

it's not helping anything.

I mean, it looks like a bear attack to me.

- Sheriff Bill, I know what a bear looks like.

This was no bear.

- You know Chuck, this sounds a lot

like the time you called me to tell me you saw

a dragon in the bathroom at Long John Silver's.

- I ain't huffed gas in over four years.

This was real.

- Boys, sorry to interrupt.

Sheriff, can I have a word with you?

- [Sheriff] Yeah sure.

I'll be right back, stay put.

And don't touch anything.

- What do you think the mayor's doing here?

- Damage control.

I can't believe Daryl is dead.

I mean, just like that.

- Yeah, you know I don't think the news has really

hit me yet.

- Chuck, you think we're a couple of skirts?

- What?

No, why?

- I mean, that thing just grabbed him,

and we didn't even do a damned thing.

- It just slashed him in two right away,

there was nothing we coulda done.

I just, wish we got a better look at it.

- Yeah.

- You know what?

You can call me crazy,

but you know what I think it looked like?

- Crazy.

- I said, don't call me crazy.

- You just said "call you crazy."

- But don't call, I'm telling you.

You know what it kinda looked like?

- What?

- Alright boys, the mayor would like to have a few

words with you.

- Boys, I just want to say I'm really sorry

about what happened to your friend.

And I am making it my number one priority

to find the animal that did this.

We have a special team of professionals

working on it now.

- Thanks, good to hear.

- Now boys, I know you've had a really long night,

so why don't you just go home and get some rest,

and leave it to us?

- Well maybe we could help you out.

- Yeah.

- Maybe ride along with you, we did get a good look at it,

after all.

- No no no no no, we're fine.

You just go home and try to take it easy.

- Look, Dale.

We called your boss, he says you can take the rest

of the week off.

Oh and Chuck, we talked to your mom.

She says you don't have to worry about raking those leaves.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Alright, um, you guys are going to have to go now.

- Right now?

- I'm feeling kind of worn, boy,

I don't really want to leave.

- I mean now, come on.

- Can I take this sticker?

- Yeah fine, take it,

but it doesn't make you a deputy, Chuck.

- Don't want it then.

(rock music)

- I'm so sorry.

I'm still in shock.

- Yeah, we're in shock still too.

- Hey Chuck, let's get some shots, guys.

- Sounds good.

- To Daryl, a great guy.

- To Daryl, a great friend and an awesome drunk.

Man, did he piss people off.

It was fantastic.

- And one of the best

corn hole players I ever got to play with.

- Let's not go making outrageous claims

just 'cause he's dead.

Can't spell corn hole without Chuck.

- Who got me the championship last year?

Wasn't your ass.

- I told you my perception was off

'cause that sweat bead stung me in the eye.

Can we get over that?

- Still blaming it on the bead.

- Let's see a sweat bead sting you in the eye

and hit a shot from 30 yards away.

- Can we finish this?

- Yeah let's finish it, just drop it.

- For I sting you in the face with my fist.

To Daryl.

- So what happened, guys?

- That, Kate, is yet to be discovered.

All I know is it weren't no damned bear.

- Wait who said it was a bear?

- The sheriff did, and the mayor comes walking in,

gives us a line of crap.

- The mayor showed up?

- Yeah.

- Huh.

- You guys know about that property he has on 19?

- Yeah.

- Well my friend Jen's boyfriend said he did construction

on it, looks like he's building a wild animal park

out there, or something like that.

- What?

- Yeah, exotic animals from around the world.

- Hm.

- Hold on, wait, I'm getting a thought here.

What if, what if...?

- One of those animals escaped.

- And wolfed down all of Daryl!

- [Dale] That's why they were being so weird

out at the police station.

The mayor knew whatever got Daryl, it belonged to him.

- That's why they didn't want us following them around.

Says he's got his special needs team handling it.

Can you believe that?

All I know is I'm not gonna let them get away

with what it done.

- Sounds like we got some hunting to do.

- Yeah sounds like it.

You know what, I'm going to grab the shotgun

and the spotlight.

- Okay, get a twelver to go.

- You got it, just don't shoot each other, okay?

- It's not gonna happen twice.

(western music)

- Dale, there's a little subject I want to bring up to you

right now, it's important.

Now take it for what it is, but it might be uncalled for,

Katie will totally sympathy bang you right now.

You need to jump on that.

- What?

- You saw the way she was looking at you.

She knows you're bummed about Daryl.

As am I.

And she wants to do anything she can to help.

With her va-gee-na.

- You know, you're freaking sick, man.

You know that.

Daryl's corpse ain't even in the ground yet.

- Daryl would totally understand this.

I mean right now he's looking down,

and he's realizing hey,

I'm a great wing man, even from heaven.

- No he'd be looking down saying

why'd I ever hang out with these rum dumbs.

- Ah, get out.

Hey Dale, what's that over there in the field?

Slow down, pull over.

(suspenseful music)

- What the hell rip a cow apart like that?

- See anything out there?

- I don't see a damned thing.

- I tell you one thing, she's still got some

good steaks left in her ass there.

- There's no way you're putting that in my truck.

- You got that tarp in the back still,

we'll just throw her right in the back.

- Chuck, it ain't happening.

- Wasteful.

(growling)

(horn honking)

- Hey let's go, let's move that truck.

- Did you just see that?

- See what?

- The thing.

- All I see is you guys blocking the road, let's move it.

Get out of the way.

- Just calm down there Captain Jag-off.

Was that a--

- Yeah.

I mean, you know, one of those--

- It was Sasquatch.

- I can't believe it.

- Sure looked like the thing that killed Daryl.

- It's still out there on the loose,

killing people and cows.

It needs stopped, we've got to stop it

before Devlin gets his hands on it.

- We need to kill it

or else they're just going to try and save it.

- I realize it's an anomaly of some sort,

but it killed our friend.

You kill our friend, we kill you,

that's been our motto since day one.

Since we was in the second grade.

- So we're on the same page.

- Hell yeah.

Only problem is how are we going to go about doing it.

- I don't know.

Have to keep it quiet.

We're going to need some help on this.

- Definitely.

- Somebody with some expertise in this field.

(country music)

- I see a pig, thing will eat anything.

I see a pig eat a whole roll of tin foil one time.

- Oh bullshit.

- I got pigs, I ain't never seen one eat tin foil.

- It's gotta have some food on it first,

ain't just gonna eat it plain.

- You know, I had a dog one time eat a whole butter dish.

- Well now a dog, that's a completely different story.

My dog one time got into a pizza box,

ate that wax paper in there, he couldn't poop it out.

I had to pull it out of his ass.

I ain't never heard Rex make a noise like that before.

- You're eating and you're talking about

pulling things out of a dog's ass.

- Wasn't he just talking about

the pus on his big toe?

I think this conversation's

already taken a nose dive, Uncle.

- As soon as you started talking.

- Hey Burl.

- Hey boys.

- Hey ain't you the little sonofabitch I seen

shooting BBs at my chickens?

- No, it wasn't BBs, it was paint balls.

And it weren't even me, it was other kids.

- You're the only dipshit I know

that got a hairdo like that.

- Alright easy, easy.

- You know, Burl, we have to talk to you.

- Frank, two beers.

First off, let me just say how sorry I am

about Daryl.

You know, he was a great guy.

He could party with the best of them

and he was a hell of a good corn hole player.

- Slow down, he weren't that good of a corn holer,

not like we're talking about me or nothing.

- He's pretty good.

- [Chuck] That's debatable is all I'm saying.

- Anyways, what's going on?

- Burl, there's something out there.

Something you're going to have to help us with.

- You got a rodent problem?

- No, way crazier than a rodent problem.

- Don't scare me.

I'm an exterminator, that's what I do.

I exterminate things, you know, pests, vermins.

Except humans of course.

- Of course.

- Sorry, that's a little extreme.

- No, no no, it's a, it's a (mumbling)

- Spit it out.

- It's a Sasquatch, we was a Sasquatch.

- Bigfoot?

- Yeah.

- You's messing with me?

- No.

- Not at all.

- Anyone else know about this?

- No it's just us.

- Wait, I thought they said a bear killed Daryl.

- No they said that just covering it up.

- Who?

- The mayor.

- Why's that?

- You know he's been building that, like,

animal park lately, you know?

So we figure the Bigfoot is like the main attraction

and now he's trying to scoop it up

before anyone else finds out about it.

- I don't know fellas, this sounds pretty thin.

I mean, I commend what you're doing and everything,

but I just can't get involved with it, you know?

I just don't have that much free time, you know?

Between the job and my wife and kids.

I just can't go run around looking

for some mythical creature.

- Burl, don't you dare turn your back on this town.

- I'm not turning my back on this town.

I just ain't got the time.

Now I commend what you're doing,

if you's need some like guns or ammo,

I'll hook you up with that.

But I just can't go hunting for some Bigfoot.

- What about Daryl?

- Yeah what about Daryl?

- I'm sorry.

- I can't believe this.

Daryl served with that man for four years,

high school football, and this is how he's gonna act?

- Freaking ginger jag-off.

- Daryl would have been out there hunting

for Bigfoot for that fatass, and that is a fact.

- That's for damned sure.

- What the hell's wrong with you?

- I don't know, I just got this pain in my side.

- Well what did you eat?

- Same damn thing you did.

- Alright, come on, I'll take you to the doctor,

he'll prescribe you some perc-es and you'll be alright.

- [Dale] It really hurts.

- [Chuck] I know.

- [Dale] What's up, Doc?

So what is it, Doc?

- You have a kidney stone.

- A kidney stone.

Ain't I kinda young to be getting those?

- Depends.

How often do you consume alcohol?

- Uh, just social events.

- Yeah, you got one.

- Well what am I gonna do?

- Just drink plenty of fluids

and not beer, and just wait for it to pass.

- Pass?

You mean like, out my pecker?

- Yeah.

Generally, yeah, out your pecker.

(chuckling)

(giggling)

- Uh, that's gonna hurt real bad, isn't it?

- It's pretty painful, yes,

it could be yes, very painful, sometimes.

- You can't give me any drugs or meds or anything?

- Well, no, not you.

Not with, no.

Nice meeting you.

- Thanks Doc.

- [Doctor] Good luck.

- How you doing?

- He told me I couldn't drink beer.

- I heard that, but he ain't say nothing about no light beer

see, you've always got to find loopholes with these doctors.

Tell you what, Dale,

why don't you just go home, ice your ball sack down.

Put on your stories and I'll go hunting for Bigfoot tonight.

(rock music)

Hey, what's going on here?

- Nothing to see here, move along.

- Alright mister, no need to get sassy.

- Move now!

- Alright.

Hey I'd give you's a ride, but the only people

I ever let ride this beast are me, myself,

and that mannequin from Mannequin,

if you've seen that movie.

It's a little tricky there.

(techno music)

(knocking)

- Somebody call an exterminator?

So what seems to be the problem?

- Chipmunks.

- Chipmunks?

- Yeah chipmunks, we have them on the back porch

eating our peanuts out of the basket,

I bet they snuck in here.

- Whoa, you hear that?

Stay here, I'll be right back.

(suspenseful music)

Ahh!

(sighing)

What do you got there?

- I got a gun, I saw you pull yours out,

I thought you might like some backup.

- Fair enough.

Come on, Mrs. Dowdy,

let's take care of that chipmunk problem.

(western music)

- [Wife] Hector, Hector!

- What?

- [Wife] Don't forget to lock the front door.

- Ah Jesus.

Alright!

Been locking that damned door 30 years, you old bag.

(suspenseful music)

- Ditty!

- [Wife] What?

- I just seen something really big out by the barn.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Just tell Burl to get his ass over here quick.

- [Wife] Don't you go doing anything stupid.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, wherever you are, you picked the wrong damned barn!

'Cause I'm gonna go in there and shove this shotgun

so far up your ass you're going to see double.

You got that?

(snarling)

(screaming) (shotgun blasting)

- No no no no no!

Uncle!

Where are you, huh?

Where are you?

Come on, show yourself, show yourself!

(western music)

- Can I talk to you boys for a moment?

Now hold on, you're not in trouble.

I'm afraid we've got some more bad news for you.

- Real sorry to hear about your uncle there, Burl.

- Yeah we uh just found out about that.

- That man gave me my first nudie magazine.

- Yeah, that was a Butts and Jugs, May '76.

- Bought me a beer when I was under aged, multiple times.

- Man we had a few of them.

- Yeah we did.

- I'm sorry I doubted you fellows.

I know what needs to happen now.

We need to find this beast,

and we need to kill him.

He need to kill him dead!

(cheering)

(rock music)

Here we go, now.

(guns firing)

(yelling)

- Alright I'm done.

- Alright, I'd say we're pretty stocked up right here.

Why don't you just take a couple of these with you

just in case you see him when I'm not around,

you know, you can take him out.

Oh there is one more item I want to pick up,

just sort of a Plan B type of situation.

- We got a freaking arsenal here,

what else could you need?

- Hey I just want to make sure that when we take him down,

we take him down.

- I agree.

- Thank you.

Only thing is, I gotta go to Pittsburgh to pick it up,

and kinda need some backup,

so I need you guys to come with me.

- Why would you need backup?

- Pittsburgh, what are you getting?

- It's just a precaution, okay?

Oh and wear something nice.

- I got dressed up for Daryl's funeral,

I ain't dressing up again.

What are you getting?

- What's wrong with you, you alright?

- Just kidney stone again.

- Oh here have some of this moonshine,

that will take care of that.

- Thanks.

- What are you getting?!

- Oh great.

- Burl, there's a lady on the phone about a bat in her house

- Okay I'll handle it.

- Now, Burl.

- Alright.

I'll see y'alls tonight.

- Want to know what you're getting first.

- I'll see you's tonight.

- I'll see you tonight.

- What are you doing later?

- Just gonna go blow some steam off with the fellas, okay?

My uncle just died.

- Is that moonshine?

- What?

I'm mourning.

Drink my moonshine, don't tell me what to do.

Ah!

Mm.

(country music)

(rock music)

- Dale.

Dale!

You good with your beer?

- Yeah yeah, I'm good, thanks.

- Excuse me, can I get another Chardonnay, please?

- Yeah.

- I've only asked twice.

- Hey, she's busy.

- What, do you want to bang her or something?

- Get real.

- I'm going to the bathroom.

- Alright well don't take too long, we gotta leave soon.

- So what are you guys doing tonight?

- Oh me and the boys, we're going down to the Burg

to see a friend of ours.

- Oh yeah?

- There's no toilet paper in the bathroom

and it smells like piss.

- I'll take care of it.

- Sure, can we go now?

- You're not going to finish your drink?

- No, I'm not paying for that.

Took too long.

- Thanks, last time I come in this place.

It's a shit hole.

- Hey!

- Whatever, I'm out of here.

- What an asshole.

- Anyways, I'm working til two if you want to come back

later, when you get back from Pittsburgh?

Have a night cap?

- Alright sounds good.

- Okay.

- Alright Kate, thanks.

- Yeah.

- Ready to get out of here, talk to you later.

- See ya.

- [Burl] Alright fellas, when we get in there,

just follow my lead.

(hip hop music)

- Ha, look who it is.

- Hey Kenny, this is Chuck and Dale.

- Hey what's up, bro?

Hey, aren't you supposed to be hitting the balls

with the white ball?

- No, that's white man's rules.

This black man's rules.

What you do, you use every color, hit the white ball

and the last ball that you use to hit that white ball

in is the black ball.

You understand what I'm saying,

you play black rules in my establishment,

if you don't you can get the hell up out of here.

- Ha, that's really neat.

Anyways I just wanna come and hang out,

check out the place.

- Hey you got a uh, a spitter?

- A what?

- You know, like a spitter?

- Oh hell no, you ain't spitting in here.

This is a very classy establishment,

you understand what I'm saying,

this ain't the damn set of Hee Haw.

- Uh can I get a drink, or is that going to be a problem?

(snapping)

You's drink melted down candles?

- It's Hennessy.

- Henry's tea?

- Shut up, shut up!

Sorry 'bout that.

So, you get my message?

- Yeah I got your message.

- And uh, we doing business?

- I got the item,

but uh, I ain't selling it.

- Why's that?

- You see, I thought about it for a second.

Every time you come in here, you just do business

and you leave, you never stay, get a drink,

you never hang out, nothing.

You just come down from your little hick town

into my black establishment

and you just do what you want to do.

I bet when you leave here you'll be like

oh Lord, I hate doing business with those jigaboo coons.

- You got us all wrong!

- I've got like two El deBarge tapes, I don't know...

- Bullshit, you don't listen to the Barge.

You do not know about feeling the beat

and the rhythm of the night.

- I think there's a little bit of misunderstanding.

We're not like that.

- Oh is that right, then how come you never hang out, Burl?

Do you have an answer, huh?

Why don't you ever get a drink,

why don't you ever say

Hey Kenny, I want to be your BFF.

- Well I didn't think about that.

- You and your homeless Johnny Cash

and the Midnight Cowboy can get the hell up out

of my establishment 'cause I don't do business

with people that don't hang.

- We came all the way down here,

and we ain't doing business?!

- Oh no business at all.

- Fine.

- [Kenny] Yeah that's right, get up on out of here.

- Three shots please.

- What are you doing?

- I've got an idea, just follow my lead, alright?

- I'll follow that lead all day.

- Alright.

- What the hell's he doing?

(hip hop music)

(laughing)

- Y'all see this?

Yeah, you go, Burl!

Dance, white boy, dance, that's right!

Hey wait, where are you...?

(laughing)

That is how you hang, bro, that is how you hang!

Three highly explosive arrow heads, as you requested.

- [Chuck] Just like Rambo Part Two used.

- Bro we got a deal?

- Yep.

- Good.

- So y'all going to hang, y'all gonna party?

- Oh yeah we'll party.

- Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Hey Potter, pop a couple bottles!

(hip hop music)

- Alright, Kenny, you have to try this shot,

I invented, it's a must-try, and it comes from

my personal arsenal.

Yeah you try it, what you think, it's called an Olive M.

Give that a, try it up.

- Man what the hell's in that, what type of liquor is that?

- All of 'em!

- All of them!

You're a genius my friend.

(retching)

(laughing)

- Thank you for taking me out tonight.

I had a good time.

- Same here.

I'm sorry about the bar earlier.

I know you're a classy lady and you deserve better than that

- Yeah?

- Hey, watch the hair.

- Oh please.

So you took me to the point tonight, huh?

- Yeah, I think it's a pretty romantic spot.

- Yeah.

- Oh yeah.

Baby, you're so hot.

- You mean that?

- Totally.

You're hotter than hot.

So hot you make me want to take this jacket off.

- Kevin you are so silly.

- Now where were we?

What?

- I just want to take it slow.

- I am, come here.

- You know, Kevin, I'm not like that.

- Well that's not what I hear.

- What?

And who said that?

- Kiley Whitman told me you gave Derek Lanker a BJ

on the first date.

- Well she's a freaking liar, and she's a skank.

- Yeah?

Well at least she puts out.

I should know.

- You know what, you are such a perv.

I'm out of here.

- Becky, where are you going?

You going to walk home in the middle of the woods?

- Yes, I'd rather be with the animals out here

than the animal in the car!

(snarling)

(screaming)

- Becky!

I'm coming, Becky!

(romantic music)

Becky, where are you?

Come to me, say something!

I'm sorry I asked for a BJ.

Becky!

(screaming)

- Kevin.

- Becky.

(yelling)

(snarling)

(sad music)

- Would you look at this?

More dead bodies.

If we weren't partying with Kenny last night,

we could have stopped this.

- This is bad, this is real bad.

I ain't feeling so good.

- I tell you I think I'm still drunk from last night.

- Chuck, you're drinking a beer right now.

- Yeah that's probably it then.

- Hey hey hey just pull it together.

We've got to go out there and deal with this right now.

- He's right, now come on Dale, come on.

- Let's just go.

- Let's get a ladder down here okay.

And where's the coroner at?

Look, you guys can't be here.

- My uncle was just killed by that beast.

I got a right to be here!

- Like hell you do.

Look, I got a crime scene here.

- Sheriff, you gotta hear us out.

- Sheriff Bill, this wasn't a lion, bear, or tiger.

- Then what?

- It's Bigfoot, and I'm not talking about the

monster truck, which is bad ass.

It's going back down Civic Rig 'Em next month,

we gotta get tickets.

- Really?

- Sheriff, I know he sounds like an idiot,

but you got two bodies shredded to pieces up there.

You ever seen anything like that before?

- Look I ain't got time for this,

you guys have gotta leave.

(protesting)

Now!

And stop drinking during the day, you smell like booze!

- You stop drinking during the day, Sheriff!

(country music)

- What's the situation?

- I'll tell you what the situation is.

It's a bloody mess, that's what the situation is.

I got two more dead bodies from this freak of nature

that you brought into town.

- Let's talk in private.

- What was that jag-off looking at?

- I'll punch him in the face, I'll tell you that.

- Oh, look at that pile of shit there.

Oh that is a big pile of crap.

- Oh that's disgusting.

- Looks like there's something in it.

- You guys think that's Bigfoot's crap?

- Possibly okay.

Let's not jump to conclusions, we gotta think it through.

- It stinks though, can't we move along?

- Dale come on, it's just shit.

- Lookie here.

(retching)

- Dale knock it off.

- That shit's gross Dale, gross.

- You just stuck your hand in a pile of shit

and I'm being gross.

- Dale why don't you just wait by the truck

if you can't be a part of this team.

- Alright.

- We'll see you in a minute.

- Something wrong with you guys.

- Evidence.

- The last thing I need is you freaking out in front

of everybody.

- Well last thing I need is more dead bodies.

That's four now, Carl.

Look, I can't keep a lid on this while

you're out chasing the bear of yours.

Which I'm beginning to believe is bullshit.

- We talked about this,

I told you it would take some time.

- Yeah but I didn't think more people were going to die.

Look I gotta call this into the county.

- Watch it Bill.

- Or what?

- You promised me a week to find the bear.

Now if you break that promise,

those pictures I have of you and that sweet young tart

might just resurface.

I'm sure your wife would love to see those.

- Now, you think this might be Becky's nail from last night?

- It could be.

I'll tell you one thing, I'm impressed those nails

are meant to last.

- Wish there was a way we could

analyze it or something like that.

- Yeah but Sheriff Bill wouldn't believe us anyhow.

- Hey guys, come check this out.

- You got 24 hours, then I don't care what kind

of dirt you have on me, I can't let this continue.

I mean, it's getting out of hand.

- Can't be undone now.

- 24 hours, Carl.

- Look how large this footprint is.

- [Chuck] Oh man that's huge.

- It's big; it's a big foot.

You get it?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Get that sheriff over here to check it out,

but he probably think it was an elephant

footprint or something like that, stupid sheriff.

- Yeah, I got it, with the big foot,

it's 'cause it's like the two meaning, but you did it in a,

I got it, I'm a little off today.

- Yeah yeah don't worry about it.

- Holy hell, your stomach shook just from me

hitting you like that.

(laughing)

At least we'll know when there's an approaching T-Rex,

look at this.

We put a tap in there, will we get ginger beer out?

- We'll get the whole town drunk on that.

- Maybe a couple less wings next time there.

- You don't have to eat them all, you can leave some there.

Is there a goldfish in there?

- Alright alright knock it off!

- Oh man he's probably crying.

- Oh Burl, you need a hug?

(country music)

- Hey guys what's up.

- What's up Kate?

- Kate.

- Hey Chuck, you just missed it, Bigfoot was just down here.

Boning your mom!

- Hey Dan Fetty, I got a math book over here,

and if I open that up, there's going to be

some problems for you.

But you ain't gonna find the answers in the back,

they're in my fist.

- Ooh.

- Why do you let that brown butthole come in the bar?

- Don't change the subject.

Are you chasing Bigfoot?

- No...

Well we're chasing something.

- I gotta piss.

- [Dan] Hey Dale, me and the boys

are putting together a crack team, go hunt down a unicorn.

You in, dickhead?

(laughing)

- Oh yeah, good one, good one Dan Fatty.

Oh I can't stand him, that piece of shit.

- Hey guys.

- Hey what's up Burl?

- Here comes the third stooge now.

- Somebody knows.

- Oh yeah.

- Is he still running his mouth over there?

- Hey don't start any shit.

- I'm not, he's talking shit.

- Can I get three shots please?

- Hey Burl, who's got a bigger pecker,

Bigfoot, or your wife?

- [Kate] Don't worry about that jag-off, alright Burl?

- No need to apologize for him, Kate.

- Hey, Steelers suck!

(laughing) (music stops)

- Let's do this.

(upbeat country music)

(grunting)

- I's just standing here, minding my own business.

Chuck here comes over, tags me in the man bag.

- Shut up Dan Fetty.

You know what, better still, just get out of here.

(mocking)

Shut up, Chuck!

- Sorry, sorry.

- You know gentlemen, this is the second time today

that I've had to put up with your bullshit.

And let me tell you something, there is not

going to be a third.

Now if I so much as hear one peep

that you guys are out causing any kind of trouble,

whatsoever, I'm going to throw your asses in jail,

so fast and for so long you're going to have

a hard time remembering what sunlight looks like.

Do we got it?

- Yeah, but what if I have to get some milk or something?

- That sounds like a peep to me, mister!

- Hey Sheriff, it was Dan Fetty that started the fight.

- Yeah well thanks for the update, Kate.

- Uh so that means we can go out, 'cause I gotta pick up VO5

I can do that tomorrow, that will wait til tomorrow.

- Good idea.

- [Dale] That went bad, pretty bad.

- My wife is going to be pissed at me.

- Will you give me a ride home?

- [Burl] No.

- Can I get two six-packs on Dan Fetty's tab?

- No.

- Worth a try, I'm taking your towel.

- Hey uh, thanks for sticking up for us.

- No problem.

- So what time do you get off?

- Pretty much now.

- Cool, let's go hang out.

- Okay.

- Shots first?

- Yes.

(upbeat music)

You're crazy.

I can't believe you think it's a Bigfoot.

- I do, I really do, I think it's the same thing

that killed Daryl.

- Well uh,

speaking of Daryl, there's something that I really

need to get off my chest.

- Anything you want to get off your chest,

I'm alright with that.

- Well I've been meaning to tell you this.

Uh, I slept with Daryl.

- You what?

- We were at a party, we were drinking,

and we were just playing flip cup,

and it just happened, I don't know what to say.

I mean, I'm really sorry,

I like you and I needed to be honest with you.

- He knew how much I liked you, what an asshole.

- I'm really really sorry, please.

Come on, we need to talk about this.

- No no, I'm done talking to you.

- Dale, Dale!

Shit!

(upbeat music)

- Frank, I need some beer to go.

Sixer, twelver, twenty-four-er.

- You know I can only sell you 12, state law.

- That's the dumbest shit I ever heard in my life.

What if I walk outside and I come back in?

- No.

- Why?

- 'Cause I don't like you, Chuck.

- Well I'm guessing I'm just going to have to drink less.

How's that, you happy?

No tip.

How's it going, Angela?

- Chuck.

- I was just thinking, I've got all this beer,

house to myself, my mom's gone for the night.

Plus a boom box with tons, loads of good tapes.

You ain't got to pay for music like you do right here.

- So what are you getting at?

- You know what I'm getting at.

Now we've gone through this song and dance before,

I think it's time we make this happen.

- So you think it's that easy?

- I'll tell you right now, if I could

redo the alphabet, I'd put you and me right together

there in the middle.

- Are you going to stand here all night

and keep spitting lines at me?

- Well not all night 'cause my beer's getting warm.

What do you say we throw caution to the wind?

- Well I do kind of like how you were

beating on Dan Fetty earlier.

- Yeah, punched him right in his nuts.

Also put him in a million dollar dream.

- What's that?

- Oh it's an old wresting move, let me show you how to do it

see a guy will come up from behind like this,

real quiet like, sort of smooth like that,

and then he'll put his hand up,

and then he'll do this until they submitted.

- Ugh, just buy me a drink.

- That's what I'm talking about.

Ma!

She's not home, come on, come on in.

(moaning)

Whoa, why you bite me like that?

Remind me not to feed your ass after midnight.

- Why don't you shut up and put on some music.

- I got just the thing for you my dear,

you just hold on one second.

(rock music)

That's my band, called Red Hot Fire Chucks.

Quartered demo a few weeks back, weren't

that big a deal, one of the little gems we got

from that, that recording.

- I don't know if it's the booze, but,

this ain't half bad.

- Yeah, you like that?

I tell you what, I can make you a copy of the tape

because I'm working with a two-deck system over here,

ain't even that big a deal.

- Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the show.

(rock music)

- Oh yeah, I like that.

Whoa, don't grab them nips!

You know, milk in there.

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

Whoa!

- What the hell?

- I know it sounds crazy, but Bigfoot's out there.

I gotta go shoot him.

Keep them boobs idling.

Damn Bigfoot cockblocking me.

Oh!

Ah!

- Payback's a bitch.

Hey boys, I got him right in the octagon!

- Nice shot!

- Merry Christmas, dicknose.

- Dan Fetty, you jag-off!

Angela, help me!

Get my chew.

Bring some ice.

And your mouth, and your mouth.

- I tell you what, I have had one hell of a day.

Where you going?

- Out.

- Come on Shell, don't you start.

- I don't want to hear it Burl.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to go to the store

and have the pay-for-it lady tell you that

your husband was just in a bar fight.

- I was going to tell you, I just hadn't seen you yet.

- I'm getting so sick of this.

It's like you're in high school again.

- Hey it's not like I'm having fun,

I just got my ass kicked.

- And who started that fight?

- Well I don't want to get in details about it,

but it just kinda happened, but I got hurt.

- Don't let Danny stay up too late.

If you could do me a favor while I'm gone.

- [Burl] What's that?

- Grow up.

- Oh grow up, and where do you think you're going?

- I'm gonna go find Bigfoot.

- Oh that's real funny, that's real funny.

You know you'll be laughing if you do run into him,

and if you do you call me.

- Oh hey bud.

- Are you and mom fighting again?

- Ah no no, she just couldn't hear me

'cause she was walking away and I had to yell to her,

you know she's, hearing problems.

- You wanna watch Ralph and the Little Boy with me?

- Sure thing.

- Cool.

(sad country music)

(knocking)

- Chuck!

Hey, Chuck.

- The hell you want, I'm in here rolling pierogis

you bang on the door like the cops.

- You ain't going to believe what's in the paper.

- Mayor destroys bear, city safe.

- Yeah, that two tall asshole's blaming it on a bear.

The city's buying it.

- That son of a--

I tell you right now, this is just like in Jaws

when they kill the tiger shark but the great white

is still out there.

But we're like Brody Quint and Hooper,

and we're going to track this thing

and we're going to kill it.

- Alright alright.

As long as I ain't Quint, 'cause he gets eaten.

- Ah Burl will be Quint.

Let's go get him by the way, come on.

- Hello boys.

Read the news this morning?

- Yeah.

- Well I just wanted to make sure your

minds were all at ease.

So there's no need for you to go driving around

at night like a bunch of jackasses.

- It's a pretty typical night for us.

- Yeah I mean, is it a crime to go out driving around

spotting deer, shooting shotguns,

all while drinking beer?

- Yes actually those are all crimes.

- Cut the crap, we know it's a Bigfoot.

- A what?

- Oh don't play dumb with us.

A yeti, a Sasquatch, a hairy from the Hendersons,

we seen it, we know it's yours.

- You got some imagination.

- Let me ask you something.

What kind of mayor puts his people's lives

at stake over some overgrown ape.

- Alright hold it right there,

I don't think you know who you're dealing with.

One more word out of either of you and I'll

have you arrested for assault.

And as for your little derelict adventures into the night,

the sheriff is under orders to arrest you

and your fatass friend if he sees you driving around

at night, so chew on that!

- We can't let him get away with this.

- No, let's go get the fatass, come on.

- I can't believe this, the dogged son of a bitch,

who does he think he is?!

- He's laughing right in our face.

- So they're gonna arrest us if we're out tonight,

that's the plan?

Alright, I'll tell you what we'll do.

We bring Bigfoot to us.

What I do, I'll open up the barn in there,

and I'll get a cow in there, some chickens,

put some steaks in there,

he'll smell that he'll come running then boom!

- Yeah.

- That might just work there, Burl.

- Yeah and you know what that jag-off

and gonna make us look like jag-offs.

- Yeah if anyone's gonna make us look like jag-offs,

it's gonna be us.

- That's right.

- What I'm saying is no longer are we

going to be the laughing stocks of this town, he is.

- That's right we're going to take Bigfoot out.

- March that son of a bitch right down a parade

like in the middle of town.

- We're gonna take Bigfoot, we're gonna grind him up,

we're going to turn him into jerky, and we're

going to sell it to the town.

- I'll give you my world-famous deer jerky recipe.

- That sounds good, let's do this!

- Yeah!

- Alright, Chuck, you and me, let's go get the guns.

- Guns.

- Dale, you're on beer.

- Okay, I actually gotta go talk to Kate

about something anyway.

- You know Dale we don't have time for you

to go to the bar and not get laid.

- You dick.

Listen to this.

I found out that Kate slept with Daryl.

What, you knew?

Does everybody know?

- Well not everybody.

The pastor didn't know, and so I told him.

- Burl knows!?

Burl just found out what VCR stands for!

- What the hell's that supposed to mean?

- Hey hey hey hey leave Burl alone.

He's got enough problems.

Look at his shirt.

Jeeze, turning food into verbs somehow.

It was a drunk night,

they were pounding the bottles, listening to

Simply Red, he said it weren't even that good.

Kinda great.

- If he wasn't dead already, I'd kill him myself.

- Well well well.

- I can't believe the selfishness coming out of your mouth

right now.

Now Daryl is dead, Bigfoot ate all of him.

Even his dong.

And I don't know if you know this,

you die out here without a wang,

you don't get to take it to heaven with you.

Now poor Daryl's up there in heaven

with the likes of Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe,

and that girl from Poltergeist with no peck.

- Whoa that girl from Poltergeist, she's like 10 years old.

- Not that one, the older one that died.

- Yeah but the younger one, she died too.

- Oh she did, I didn't know that.

- They're all dead.

- No not Coach T. Nelson.

He ain't ever going to die.

- That's right.

And I do recall someone slept with Daryl's sister

awhile back when they were drunk.

- Oh.

- [Burl] Never told him that did you?

- Yeah, eye for an eye, tit for a tit.

- You got a point there, Burl.

Alright I'm sorry, I apologize.

- Hey man, it's water under the crick.

- It's water under the bridge.

- Yeah, well, you know.

- Who the hell cares?

- Can we get back to this plan already?

Let's do like a one two three, go type of thing, okay?

- How about a one two three, jump, high five

like the after school special type of thing.

- [Burl] Well you'll jump too high.

- Well lose weight, you'll get to the same level as me.

- My knees hurt.

- Oh come on, you're always ruining the special moments.

(arguing)

Where did Dale go?

- Dale you going to weigh in on this?

- See, now when you hesitate we lose Dale.

- Well let's go.

(rock music)

- Kate, can we talk?

- Yeah, I guess so.

Okay so.

- Just hold on, alright.

I want to talk to you about something.

You know, I've been thinking.

The past is the past, right?

- Yeah.

- I mean, you're freaking hot

and he just did what any guy would do in that situation.

- Well like I said, I didn't know how you felt about me.

And I'd really like this to work out.

- Yeah, me too.

- So we're good?

- Yeah, we're good.

- Alright, well I'm getting off soon if you want to hang out

- Alright, well, I'm meeting Burl and the guys

out at his uncle's barn, um, you want to go do that?

- The Bigfoot stuff?

- I know it sounds dumb.

- Eh, if there's beer, I'm down.

- Really?

- Yeah, pretty entertaining watching you guys

run around the woods drunk looking for Bigfoot.

- I guess that does sound pretty entertaining.

Let's go then.

- Alright.

(arguing)

- There she is, Kate, round of beers!

- When are you getting out of here?

- I just have to wait for Tracy to get here.

Don't start any shit okay?

Jeff's still really mad about yesterday.

- Don't worry, I won't.

- Hey Dale, your nose is looking awful pretty there.

- Yeah keep it up, asshole.

- Or what?

Me and the boys will just mop the floor with you again.

- I gotta run out to my truck, I'll be right back.

- That's what I thought.

(screaming)

(rock music)

Sorry Puddwacker, we're still here.

(laughing)

- I can go, Tracy's here.

- Just hold on a second, I got to take care of something.

Hey Dan Fetty, when I go outside,

I'm gonna piss all over your truck.

Then I'm gonna come back in here

and kick your ass.

- Like hell he's pissing on my truck!

- You quit pissing on my truck, pecker stain!

Oh shit!

- This shit stops right now.

You got it, Puddwacker?

- Cool.

- Oh yeah, the Browns suck.

- What's going on?

- Don't worry about it, I took care of it.

Ready to get on out of here?

- Yeah.

- Let's roll.

- What the heck?

- Yeah, they won't be bugging you anymore.

- Dale.

- Yeah?

(rock music)

- Alright, I say we get the cow, put it out in the field,

you stand out there with it, Bigfoot shows up,

you run in, he follows you, chop him in the balls.

- Now why am I the one running?

- Well first off, you're in a lot better shape than I am.

- Yeah.

- Second, you're the one always bragging

about those 550 yards you ran our senior year of football.

- 557.

- Bigfoot comes in, I pump him full of lead.

If that don't work,

we've got Dale up there with the exploding arrows,

sh-poof!

Explodes him, problem solved.

- Come on, I'm way better with a bow than Dale.

- You're running.

I can't have you running and shooting at the same time.

I don't have a clone of you, Chuck.

- Could you imagine if there was two of me?

Double Chuck.

(horn honking)

- Just get the cow.

Oh hey bud.

- I cannot believe you.

- What?

- What do you mean what?

You're coming home with me right now.

- Like hell I am.

- [Shell] Why are you being a child?

Get in the truck.

- Don't ever get married, okay?

- [Burl] You're being this pain in the ass.

Everybody else is giving me shit,

and I got to deal with you, too.

- You're looking for Bigfoot, idiot,

do you have any idea how stupid that is?

- You know what, I ain't got time for this.

- [Shell] Well I ain't got time for you.

So you can stay at your idiot friend's house tonight.

- [Burl] Oh so you're kicking me out?

- [Shell] Yeah.

- [Burl] You can't kick me out, this is my house.

- I'd say something right now if the kid wasn't with me.

- You know, why don't you just say what you want to say?

- F you.

- F me?

F me?!

You've got a lot of nerve, you know that?

(suspenseful music)

(snarling)

- Oh F me.

- Stop eating all my friends!

- Hey fat turd, why don't you pick

on somebody your own size?

(snarling)

Come on, come get it!

(rock music)

Welcome to the pain train!

(roaring)

Chuck, grab a shotgun!

- Hey!

- What are you waiting for, shoot!

- Well I have something cool to say first.

- Well say the line from Jaws or something.

- Oh damn.

Hey are those ninjas?

- Get her in the van, grab everything.

- [Kate] Where are they going?

- [Dale] I don't know.

- [Kate] Well should we follow them?

- [Dale] Yeah probably.

- What happened, it feels like I'm drinking for days.

- You have been drinking for days.

We got hit by tranquilizer darts.

Where are we?

I feel like we're at Seven Springs or something.

- Burl, see if you can get in my back pocket there.

- Oh you got a knife?

- [Chuck] No, my can of chew.

- Are you kidding me?

- It helps me think.

- Oh well look who it is, surprise surprise.

- Yeah speak of the Devlin.

- What did I tell you boys?

Mind your freaking business!

And this is what happens.

- Asshole, you think you can just stick a Sasquatch

in this town and nobody's going to find out?

Ah!

- Yeah, I do.

- Yeah well I know all about your little plan,

and I'm about as good at keeping secrets

as I am jobs.

- Well look who's keeping their mouth shut now.

I tell you, you idiots really piss me off.

Because of you, I have a one-handed Sasquatch

down there who's all messed up!

And it's not like they're a dime a dozen!

- Yeah you're lucky I don't have my dirt bike.

- Yeah, wait, what is that gonna do?

- I don't know, just, I don't know.

(suspenseful music)

- Shit.

Something ain't right up there.

I knew we couldn't trust that prick.

- Well it's up to us.

- You just want to go in there like guns a-blazing?

- [Kate] Hell yeah, Dale, don't be such a freaking skirt.

Let's do this.

- Don't you even care about the people you killed?

- Yeah that's real sad.

But there's plenty of people.

I only got one Sasquatch.

- You heartless son of a bitch.

My uncle's dead because of that thing,

and our friend.

- And?

- You're going to pay for that, mark my words.

- Do you really think you should be talking to me like that?

Considering the situation that you're in?

- You threatening us now?

- No, I am giving you options.

I plan on taking Sasquatch world-wide.

It's gonna put this place on the map.

People from all over the world are going to come

here to see her.

- They will, what, her?

It's a girl?

- Yes it's a female and with any luck,

she can have babies.

And wait, what I'm getting at,

is you boys can be a part of it.

- What, we'd operate the freaking ferris wheel

at the Bigfoot park?

- Just so happens I know how to run a ferris wheel,

but ain't no way in hell I'm running yours.

- Well it sure beats your alternatives.

- You don't have the guts to kill us.

- Really, I would love to kill you

after what you did to her hand.

- Why does your breath always smell like

you just got done eating cream of wheat?

It's like the third time I've talked to you

and it's like even worse this time.

(gun clicking)

- Can't let you do this Carl.

Too many people have died already.

- Sheriff Bill, you were in on this?

- No, yeah, just let me handle this okay?

- And how are you going to handle it, Bill?

You going to shoot me?

- Well I'm not going to let you kill these idiots.

Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go out, get my squad car,

we're going to take a little ride down to the station,

and then...

- Damn!

- Nice work, get his gun, put him down the cage,

we'll deal with him later.

(suspenseful music)

- Is everything ready?

Good, let's begin.

(snarling)

You better get her more anesthetic.

(screaming)

- [Walkie Talkie] We have a situation at the barn.

- Now what?

What is it, copy?

Hello, copy?

Hello?

(static)

Shit.

- What's going on up there?

- [Burl] I don't know but we have to get out of these.

- Hey how'd you guys find us?

- We followed you.

- How'd you get in?

- We snuck in, it's crazy up there.

- Get us out, get us some guns.

- Hey, is that a bar over there?

- Alright now that we got our nerves calm,

let's get into this plan, alright?

Mayor's gone nuts, he's crazy,

he's talking about Bigfoot parks and us running

ferris wheels and stuff like that.

- Yeah he's all spitting on you when he talks,

his eyes are all cookie monster,

it's a little disturbing.

- Yeah and he was even talking about killing us,

so if he sees you guys he might try to kill you, okay?

He's trying to operate on Bigfoot right now,

hand got ripped off, and--

- Whoa whoa, there's a Bigfoot here?

- I told you.

(arguing)

- Sorry.

- Well you ain't going to believe this.

Bigfoot, he's a girl.

- What?

You kidding me, I hate her already.

- I hate her too, so let's find it and kill it.

We'll split up, holler if you see it,

we'll all come running, and pump it full of lead.

Pump it so full of lead that it'll be full of lead

and it'll die, 'cause...

- You want to try that again,

I ain't leaving the room on that one...

- No I'm just really excited, I just want to go shoot it.

So let's go, okay.

- Okay after another shot.

- Sasquatch is on the loose, I repeat,

Sasquatch is on the loose.

(suspenseful music)

- Freeze, drop it!

- Please don't hurt me.

- Oh hey.

- [Sheriff] Burl, Burl is that you?

- Sheriff?

- Yeah, get me out of here.

What the hell's going on, why can't I move?

- You got shot by one of those tranquilizer darts.

Here I'll get some help.

- Wait don't leave me.

- Alright.

- Uh uh uh, put them down.

No, wait a minute, why don't you guys shoot each other?

- Come on man.

- It's either you tranq each other,

or I pop you with this bad boy.

On the count of three.

One, two--

- Sorry Bud.

- Three.

That was easy.

- I'm gon' kill some shit.

- What the Jesus?

(snarling)

(yelling)

- Come on Burl we gotta get out of here,

can't you go any faster?

- Shut up.

My back is killing me.

(struggling)

(snarling)

(gun firing)

- Alright, I ain't never hit a woman before.

- And you haven't yet either.

- Oh really?

- What are you, a pussy?

Not going to fight me like a man.

- I guess.

- Burl, what's going on, Burl?

- [Kate] Dale, Dale!

Help!

- I got this.

- I got this.

- Nah, I got this.

(snarling)

We got enough hairy bitches in this town.

(suspenseful music)

(exploding)

- We're here reporting live in Ellwood City

at the home of Carl Devlin where a major explosion

has happened.

Police have told me there are several fatalities.

I'm still working to get details,

but I have had the opportunity to speak

with a couple of eye witnesses.

- I bet you coulda seen that explosion

whole way from Route 288.

And when the smoke clears we'll get in there

and prove to you Bigfoot was real.

Oh by the way, call Burl's Extermination.

Burl's the best.

- I was right there, Chuck blew it to smithereens,

parts flying everywhere.

I can't smoke on camera?

- It was Bigfoot, okay?

And I can tell by the way you're looking at me,

you think I'm crazy, I ain't.

- I got shot by a dart.

- Hey Dale, see if you can find Bigfoot's face!

Well check up on the roof, it exploded everywhere.

Get the ladder, man.

Oh okay, oh hey.

I'm just here to tell you's that all you city folk

think up here in the stix we're just a bunch

of hicks sitting around, getting drunk

and telling stories of space ships landing,

and now here we saw Bigfoot.

Alright, well I'm here to tell you,

I'm here to tell you right now,

I just killed Bigfoot,

and as soon as I can prove it,

with a body part or his ass or something,

I'm going to bring you the proof.

And that's all you need.

I ain't no drunk, and I ain't no liar.

- As you can see, many adamant believers about

what happened here tonight.

We'll continue to report the facts as they come in.

Reporting live, I'm Darieth Chisolm,

back to you.

- Brought you a sixer there, Daryl.

- Yeah Daryl we did it.

- Yes we did.

- Avenged your death and this town is safe again

once again thanks to us.

- You shoulda seen it, Chuck shot him from like

30 yards away.

- 32.

- Anyways, blew him to pieces.

Now, town's grateful,

but they still don't believe it was Bigfoot.

- Yeah but we know it was Bigfoot

and that's all that counts.

- That's right.

- But I think we're getting a little bit off topic

here, Dale, don't you have something you'd like to say

to Daryl?

Get off your chest here, come on.

- Well, (mumbling)

- No no no, he is six feet under the ground,

he ain't going to hear that.

Come on, from the heart.

What we talked about in the truck, come on.

You can do it.

- Daryl, I forgive you for banging Kate.

- There it is, geeze look at that.

Don't you feel a lot better, you look better.

I look great,

and dead Daryl feels a lot better now.

Let's drink beer.

- Alright let's do it.

- Maybe that, we should leave that?

- No nope no.

- We'll leave that for Daryl.

- Well look who it is.

(greeting)

Thought you fellas might want to wet your whistle.

I saw you's over there putting a sixer

in Daryl's grave, I was doing the same thing for my uncle.

- Well great minds, you know what I'm talking about?

- Ain't these for your uncle?

- I left him three, I'll bring him three more tomorrow.

- All I know is I just can't drink one beer,

that's like shooting one squirrel or looking at one boob,

you know?

- Well let's do some drinking.

I have the rest of the day off, let's do it.

- Of course.

- Hey, I gotta hang out with Kate later.

- That's cool she can drink with us.

How's that going by the way?

- Yeah how is that going with her?

(cheering)

- This close.

- I want details.

Anyways fellas, I just want to make a little toast.

To saving the town.

- To saving the town.

- To saving the town.

Be real nice to have that Bigfoot jerky though.

(rock music)

(romantic music)

- Hi.

- Before you say anything, let me do a little talking, okay?

I want to apologize for the way I've been acting,

I've been a little crazy lately.

But that's behind me now, okay?

No more hunting for Bigfoot, nothing like that.

Just normal Burl, okay?

Now on a side note, I got the kid at your mom's tonight.

We go the house to ourselves.

I've got the tub running for you upstairs

with all the scented candles and all that stuff,

I thought I'd put a couple steaks on the grill,

pop open this bubbly, and come join you.

What do you think, huh, sound good?

- Yeah.

- Alright, well go on up, get on up there.

I'll be right up.

Go ahead, I'll pop this off and I'll be right up.

- [Shell] Burl you left the toilet seat up!

- Well at least I didn't pee on the seat,

why do I always have to put it down,

why can't you ever put it up, you ever think about that?

(rock music)

(dirt bike revving)

(snarling)

- Oh get out.