All language subtitles for The Art of Being Straight.vtt

(muffled TV audience applause)

- [TV Host] Have a great show
for you tonight everybody.

Our top story tonight,

the President has signed
into bill a new law

about vegetable oil...

(laughing)

- That's really gay.

(knocking)

(knocking)

- Someone at the door.

(bottles clanging)

- You've done left the lady.

- We're on a break.

- You moved 3,000 miles away,

I'd say your break is broken.

So you keeping in touch
with anyone from school?

- Yeah, actually, do you remember Maddy?

- Yeah.

- She, she called me.

I guess, I guess she's out here.

She wants to go out, so.

- You are gonna love it out here, Jon.

The women.

- Yeah?

- You got the couch until
you can find a place.

Salut.

- Salut.

(acoustic Indie music)

♫ Sister, roommate

♫ I'm going away for the weekend

♫ Do me a favor

♫ Just lock the door when you leave it

♫ Now I trust you more

♫ Than anyone I've ever known

♫ These past few weeks
have erased all my friends

♫ That I left way back at home

♫ But don't look inside my chest

♫ Though I know we've talked

♫ Exchanged our secrets

♫ There are some words only meant for

♫ The wastepaper basket

♫ And no one else

♫ When there's no privacy

♫ There's no wonder

♫ Do you wonder

♫ What I mean?

♫ I shut the shades

♫ I'll do you your favor

♫ I lock the door and I can
feel the hair standing--

- Tabula Advertising.

Uh, Paul?

Just one moment.

- Hi.

(pen clicking)

- So, you're an East Coaster?

- Uh, New York originally, but
I went to school in Boston.

- I'll level with you,

it's not very creative.

Basically what they're looking for

is someone to be an administrative assist

and work their way up.

- I can do that.

- So Boston, very cool.

You um, you go out a lot in Boston?

- Sure, yeah.

- Like uh, like clubs?

- Uh, bars mostly.

- Like, like regular bars?

- Regular bars.

- When can you start?

(smooth acoustic guitar)

(laughing and chatting)

- I would've remembered that
because that was the same night

as run-a-block, walk-a-block.

- What's that?

- That's Andy's theory that
when you're drunk you don't know

what's going on, so you can
literally run a block and then

walk a block and it gets you home faster.

- I'm gonna go ahead and
say you're a donkey douche.

- What are you guys talking about?

- Uh, Matt here seems to
think that this kid that works

at the pool hall is a homo.

- Brian, if you like guys
that means you're gay.

- [Brian] Matt, he didn't
say anything like that.

- Then what'd he say?

- He didn't say anything,
ya dumpy bastard.

(laughing)

(office chatter and keyboard typing)

- Tends to work better
when it's not being broken.

- Oh, I, I couldn't seem
to uh, get it to uh,

'cause when I had it...

- Paul.

- Jon.

- We'll grab lunch.

- Jon! Jon!

Hi, muah!

Hi.
- How are you?

- This is Anna.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you, hi.

- So I'm gonna quit that soul-sucker

of a fucker job tomorrow.

- You've been saying
that for months, Maddy.

So, what is it you do, Jon?

- I, uh, I work at an ad agency.

- [Ann] Oh.

- Yeah, so.

- [Ann] How do you like it so far?

- Uh, this executive asked
me to lunch, so it's uh,

it's uh, good so far, yeah.

- Yeah?

- [Jon] Yeah.

- And how are your women, Jon?

- My women?

- Mm hm.

Jon always had an unsteady few
in rotation back in college.

- Is that right?

- That's not right, that is not true.

That is not truthful.

- That's bullshit.

What girl in our entire dorm
did you not try and screw?

Including me.

So where are you staying anyway?

- Uh, Andy's.

- Oh God.

- It's been fine really, really.

It's just, I'm just
saving up for a place, so.

So uh, how do you two know each other?

- (laughs) Wait, you didn't know?

Well, you didn't think
we were gonna like...

- Okay, no, I knew.

(laughing)

- I totally knew.

- That's cute.

(girls laughing)

(guys playing basketball)

- Jon!

Nice, get it!

- [Unison] Oh!

- There it is baby!

- That's what we do, we hug in LA.

(yelling and laughing)

- Do it up baby.
- Oh, here we go.

- [Unison] Oh!

- Matt, look, you think that
anybody with a naturally

jolly disposition is gay, and--

- No!
- you're wrong.

- Another round, boys?

- [Brian] Oh no, we're all right, thanks.

- Um...

- Hey, nice pints.

- My God.

- [Guy] Nice ass.

- Did you see her?

- Could fuckin' bounce
a nickel off that shit.

Right into the jukebox.

- I would bang the snot outta her.

- You should, you should
go up and you should get

her number right now.

- I'll give you 20 bucks if you go get--

- Uh you, you don't know Jon.

- I know Jon won't get it.

And.
- You don't think I would?

- No, I don't think--

- I think he's got sugar
tits in the bag, personally.

- [Matt] You don't think
he's gonna pussy out?

- I think you should just give me the

20 bucks now, look--

- Oh okay, oh, okay--

- Just write out a check,
we'll get back to Andy's.

- Move over bitch!

- Hey, what's up, did you get her number?

- Ah, did I?
- No, he did not.

- [Unison] Oh!

- No, no!

- You owe me 20 bucks right there.

- He's a freakin' Don Juan
Casanova or some shit.

Where'd you get this guy?

- Oh that's my boy from college.

- [Matt] Oh come on!

You, I hate you.

I hate you!
- Write me a check--

- Hi, Aaron.

I just moved in next door.

- Oh, you took the dead guy's place.

What are you, an actor?

Here to fill someone else's wet dream,

waiting tables for ten years just to

blow your 15-minute load on a bit part.

- Actually, I'm a history teacher.

- Of course.

I'm sorry.

Bad day.

- That's okay.

- Maddy.

- Nice to meet you, Maddy.

- Uh, no dead guy, by the way.

Just some bitchy old
lady with a farting dog.

- Hey um, you don't uh,
happen to know anywhere

around here I could some...

- Marijuana?

Yeah uh, just next door,
they usually have some.

- Nice to meet you.

- [Paul] So what's your angle?

- [Jon] My angle?

- [Paul] What do you do for fun?

- [Jon] I'm into photography.

- [Paul] I think I have a friend um,

downtown who runs a uh, a gallery.

- Well, I guess if I
sorta just accidentally

gave you some of my photographs
it probably wouldn't uh--

- Who's your favorite?

- Uh, photographer?

Uh, I like Capa.

- Robert Capa?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, he's great.

I went to a uh, to an exhibit of his

a few months ago at the Getty.

- Really?

I've uh, I've never been.

- Now I have to take you.

Are you okay?

- I was just uh, just wondering
where the, the food is,

it's almost two so I should probably um...

- So?

- So?

- Do you like girls?

- (laughs) Yeah, yes.

- Some were wondering in the office.

I didn't mean to make
you feel uncomfortable.

- No, no it, it doesn't.

- So are you straight?

- Yeah.

(nervous laugh)

What?

- I'd really like to see your photographs.

I might be seeing that friend
of mine in the next few weeks.

- All right.

- Good.

Ah, food.

- (nervous laugh) Thank
you. (clears throat)

(knocking)

- [Man] The landlord.

(laughs)

- I like your place.

- Thanks Aaron, I like your place too.

- You haven't seen it yet.

- Mm, but you have to
say that at some point.

Hey, so what's with the bike?

- What do you mean?

- I don't know, I always see you with it.

It's kinda like a hipster
requirement, isn't it?

- It's a, it's a bike.

- And you're a hipster.

- (laughs) I'm not a hipster.

- Oh no?

- No, and I'm not the one
smoking pot on my couch

and reading Sartre.

- Neither am I.

I'm smoking pot and reading Sartre.

- (laughs) Sartre, Sartre?

Am I pronouncing it wrong?

- I think so, yeah.
- I've always heard uh.

- I've always heard Sartre.

- Mm hm.

- Mm.

You know, you're not like a lot of the um,

other girls that I've met out here so far.

You seem like have um, a better
sense of who you are than

a lot of the people I run into.

It's uh, you seem uh,
content, that's what I mean.

- Okay yeah, well I'm not.

- Why not?

- Because I hate my job, and
the people that I work with

are a cult of bloodsucking vampires.

- Ew, what do you do?

- I work at an art gallery.

- Mm.

- Hey can I ask you a personal question?

- Yeah.

- How come you're wearing eyeliner?

- Eyeliner, I'm not wearing eyeliner.

- Are you gay?

- Am I gay?

- Well, you seem a little gay.

Well, I can see your
nipples through your shirt.

There's the eyeliner thing
and the sort of, just,

I don't know.

- No, I'm not gay.

- Okay.

- Are you gay?

- I have a girlfriend.

- Really, what's her name?

- Her--
(door knob rattling)

Shit.

- Hi.

- How'd you get in here?

- You gave me a key, remember?

- Look, I didn't ask you
for, I only want one.

Yeah, just one.

Yeah, is that the price listed?

(phone ringing)

Uh huh.

And that includes delivery?

Yeah, you can reach me here.

Nope, thank you.

Ah.

So, when am I gonna get
to see your photographs?

- Uh, soon, very soon.

- Mm, good.

I'm seeing that friend of mine soon.

How about this weekend?

- I, I have plans.

- Right, you have plans.

(phone ringing)

(cellphone ringing)

- This is Jon.

- [Paul] Hey, this is Paul.

- Paul, hi, how are
you, how are you doing?

- [Paul] Good, just picked
up some wine, relaxing.

What are you up to?

- Uh, what am I up to, I'm out with,

I'm out with some friends.

- [Paul] Why don't you
stop by on your way home?

- (clears throat) Stop uh, stop by?

- [Paul] Yeah, I mean uh, you can show me

your photographs, have a glass.

Come on, bring 'em over.

- Bring 'em over?

- [Paul] I'll be up, packing.

I leave for Vancouver
tomorrow, so this might be

the only chance I'll have
to look at them for a while.

- Um.

- [Paul] Yeah?

- Yeah it's uh, it's Jon.

- [Paul] Hold on, I'll buzz you in.

(buzzer)

- God.

- [Paul] Uh, yeah?

- Yeah it's, it's Jon,
I missed the buzzer--

(buzzer)

- Make yourself comfortable.

- This is a really nice place.

- It's okay.

- And did you fall asleep
in the middle of this?

- That was um, that was
an accident actually.

Um, you know, she was swinging
and I was taking that picture

and then, I didn't get the
exposure that I wanted, but--

- Have you shown these anywhere?

- Like a, like a gallery?

- Yes, like a gallery.

- Uh, no I mean it's
always just sort of been a,

like a hobby, so.

Is that, is that Hawaii?

- Oh no, Puerto Rico.

- Who's that, who's that
in the, in the picture?

- Oh that's, that's Kevin.

Just a good friend of mine.

- I went to uh, to Puerto
Rico with my family once.

- Have brothers, sisters?

- Hm mm, hm mm.

- Have you told them?

- Told them what?

- You're gay.

(laughing)

- I'm not gay.

- Kidding.

- I know, I knew, you were kidding.

- You know, I'm trying to
think of who else I know

in the art world with a gallery
that deals with photography.

I mean uh, at least someone that'll take

a look at your work.

No, most of my friends
they just show paintings,

fine art, stuff like that.

- Um, you don't have to
think of, I mean it's fine.

- No, no, no, it's
obvious, you've got talent.

- Thank you, appreciate that.

- I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

- Thank you.

Thank you, thank you. (laughs)

- I just find it hard to believe you never

kissed a guy or anything.

- Why?

- Well, you just seem like someone,

someone who'd be willing
to try anything once.

- I was, there was once, there was,

I was drunk once in high school.

- Really?

- Really.

I mean we, we didn't sleep
together or anything like that.

We just fooled around and stuff.

We were, we were drunk.

- And you're not gay.

- I'm not gay.

- But, you fool around with boys?

- Uh, um, boy, single, one.

- I notice you do that.

- Do what?

- That, when you're nervous.

- What this, no. (laughs)

I'm not nervous, it's fine.

Man!

Quite the collection you've got here.

I love this, I love this
movie, this is really,

- This one?
- One of my fave--

- Yeah.

I remember that, that, do
you remember that scene?

- Which one?

- With the um, when they
go to the pool hall--

- Yeah?

- and they bet them the, a hundred bucks

uh, that they're gonna um--

I can't do this.

- Sorry.

- I really can't do this.

- You just looked so
beautiful right there I

had to kiss you.

- I just, I just don't wanna,
I don't want, I don't wanna,

I don't, I don't wanna
jeopardize anything, so.

- I won't tell anyone.

About this, about what just happened.

Why would I, Jon?

I mean, I have just as
much to lose, if not more.

- I just, I just don't,
I don't think this is a,

this isn't a good idea, so.

- I'm sorry, I'm, I, I'm
sorry if I offended you.

- No, it's uh, I, I could
have stopped you, so.

- Then why didn't you?

Do you wanna move to the bed?

- Hey honey.

What's up?

- Nothin'.

- What do you mean nothin', I can tell.

- What?

- That little dimple
thing, right there, in the,

the side of your mouth when you're lying.

- No I don't, what?

- Oh my God, I can totally see it.

You're totally lying about something.

What are you doing?
- Nothing.

- Jon, do not listen to your
friend, he is a crazy person.

But seriously, did you, somebody?

- (laughing) I don't know
what you're talking about.

- Oh!

- Uh.

- Mm.

- Which one's the male and the female?

- I don't know.

- Oh.
- That one.

- That's the male.
- Yeah.

(running shower)

- Stay.

I wanna fuck you again in the morning.

(laughing)

- I have to, I have to go.

My roommate's, he's gonna be wondering.

- Okay.

This was really your first time?

Don't tell me you're
regretting it already.

- [Jon] I have to go.

- You're adorable.

- Look Anna, I'm not sure
about tonight, okay, I'm sorry.

Baby, can we talk about this later?

I gotta go.

- No cellphone in the gallery,
I've told you that before.

- I know I'm sorry, I just
had to make a quick call

and there was nobody here, so I thought--

- Here, fax that.

- Okay.

- Fax that.

- Okay.

- He's right, you know,

you're not supposed to
be on your cellphone.

- Thank you, I know that.

- Yeah Mom, everything's great, yeah.

No, I haven't talked to
Dad, no, no I will, yeah.

Okay, I love you too.

Okay, bye.

- Cowboy.

- What's up?

- I met a girl today.

I was at the supermarket buying mangoes

and there was this chick like
right there buying mangoes.

So we're standing in the
supermarket center checkout line

and I do this little
half-turn and I say, screw it,

and I look directly at
her and I say, "Hey."

I mean anyways, I wish I
could just pick up a bottle

of wine, brought her back to my place.

I mean it's more about the
fantasy and not the actual

reality of it, but I just still,

miss the old days, man,
when we used to go out.

- I did something last night, Andy.

- I knew it.

What'd you do?

- I can't tell you, man.

But I definitely did something big.

- Dude, you can't say you something big

and not tell me about it.

She's really getting to you, huh?

The girl back home that
you're on a break with?

You slept with that
chick from the pool hall.

And, and what, are you
feeling guilty about it?

You weren't in love.

You left her, remember?

- Yeah, you're probably right.

- You know, Bela and I
were talking about you

the other night, and I was telling her

that out of anyone I know I
think you're gonna make it.

Because you always know
exactly what you want

and who you are.

- Thanks Andy, appreciate that.

- Don't worry, man,
you're on the right path.

And trust me, sex is the best medicine.

- Hi.

So uh.

- [Jon] What?

- [Simone] Admit it.

- [Jon] Admit what?

- [Simone] You're a player.

- [Jon] (laughing) No I'm not.

- [Donna] Uh, yeah you are, I
can spot you boys a mile away.

You better be careful with me,

I've had my heart broken a lot lately.

- [Jon] Can I ask you a personal question?

- [Simone] Okay.

- Do you like magic?

- Um, yeah.

- All right good, I'm gonna
show you a card trick.

- Okay.

If it's 52-card-pickup, I will smack you.

- All right.

It's not 52-card-pickup but it's close.

No, I'm just kidding.

All right, ready?

Pick a card.

- I want--

- Just not that one, please.

- I want that one.

- Okay fine, you can have that one.

All right, you got your card?

- Yes.

- Okay, great, don't show it to me.

- I'm not.

- I almost saw it.

Put it back in.

There you go, all right.

Now shuffle, can you shuffle?

- Of course.

- All right, let's see it.

- Okay.

(cards shuffling)

- Oh, wonderful, you're done shuffling.

All right, ready?

All right.

- Okay.
- Top Card.

- The top one?

- Top one.
- Okay.

- Is that your card?

- (laughing) Wait, how did you do that?

- It's magic.

- Okay then, do it again.

- It's a one-time show.

- Wow, you really are a player.

- I'm not a player, I'm just,
I'm just a lowly magician.

- You're not gonna call.

- You're thinking of somebody else.

- I bet you say that to all your girls.

- Oh yeah?

- I don't often do this.

- Ha ha ha!

Yeah, I bet that's what
you say to all your guys.

Wanna move to the bed?

- Yeah.

- Where's the bed?

- (laughing) That way.

- Oh!

- Uh!

You're so hot.

- You are.

- Scorpio.

(heavy breathing)

- [Simone] Pleasure looks good on you.

(crickets chirping)

(distant heavy bass)

- Um, Bob Marley?

- Basquiat.

Come on, it's my feeble
attempt at a hip art reference.

- I know I, I see it.

- What are you supposed to be?

- I'm a history teacher.

- Good costume.

- Happy Halloween.

- Yeah.

- Um, where you coming from?

- Eh, we went to this
Halloween party, sort of.

It was really just a bunch of
lesbians with fake mustaches.

- We?

- Uh, me and Anna.

- Uh, care to join me?

No fake mustaches, I promise.

- Is that whiskey?

- [Guy] Andy!

- Andy!
- Andy!

- Freakin' A on your freakin' chest, man!

- I know man, it's A for Andy!

- Hey, know what it reminds me of?

The Scarlet Letter.

(laughing)

Dude, it is the Scarlet Letter.

- Oh!

- Oh, oh shit!

What?

- [Cole] Andy!

- What's up, man?

- Yeah, boy!

- Jon, you are way too sober
right now, you know that?

- You gotta take it off!

- We are sports fans,

and the R and the O are
meeting us at the party.

- [Jon] I see that, I definitely see that.

- Go Rays, Rays!

- Rays, rays!
- Guys, shut the fuck up.

- I gotta be up early man.

- Oh my God, I have to get
up so early, I really do.

(laughing)

- Well, what am I gonna be?

- Go Rays!

- What's goin' on, man!

- Dineenie the weenie!

My mom wants her dildo back.

- Hey man, everything you say tonight's

gonna be settled tonight, it's amazing.

- That's funny, that's real funny.

- And if you start waxing drunk
about that chick, I swear.

- Don't worry about me, pal,
I got laid again last night.

- [Andy] That's my boy, dude!

- Take back what I said.

- [Aaron] What's that?

- I don't like your place.

- Well, thanks Basquiat,
I appreciate that.

- I just mean you need some
art on the walls or something.

- Well, perhaps you could do
some of your graffiti there.

(glasses clink)

You've got a...

- What, what?

- A dreadlock.

- Oh. (laughs)

- Um, Velvet or Coltrane?

- Is that a record player?

- What?

- Oh, nothin'.

Hipster.

No, quiet's fine.

Thanks for the drink.

- How's Anna?

- She's good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

She wants to get serious.

- What's that mean?

- She thinks that we should live together.

Yeah.

- And you don't?

- I, I don't know, man.

- I was engaged.

- You were not.

- Yeah, um, about six months ago.

Trust me, we had all the art
on the walls you could imagine.

She uh, helped run this
gallery in Connecticut.

Something went wrong, she was just the

first to do something about it.

- And so she left you.

- Wasn't meant to be.

- You really believe in all that stuff?

- Sure, why not?

- I gotta go.

- You need Coltrane?

- I don't need Coltrane, I need sleep.

- Maddy.

You don't look anything
like Basquiat, by the way.

(electronic music)

- I'm holding it straight!

Listen to me, seriously, okay, so it's--

- Make sure I'm in it.
- Okay, okay.

- Class of 2008, remember this

for the rest of our lives,

seriously.
- Yeah yeah, no no.

- Are you ready, are you serious?

- Get in, seriously.

Here we go.
- Smile.

- There it is.

♫ Gotta know what type of
person you're dealing with

♫ Gotta know if he's a
hippie or he's a punk

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Where are you going?

- I'm going home, I told you I'm tired.

- I was just talking.

- And I'm just tired, Andy.

- Bela.

- Andy.

- Go Rays, asshole, go Rays.

- What happened to you?

- What do you mean?

- Why, why do you have, why
are you a pirate right now?

- Already happened.

- Yeah, what, what are you guys?

What is this, what is this?

- I'm just excited to see
you right now, that's all.

- Aw, you're sweet.
- What?

- Oh I'm sorry, I'm
just getting in the way

of your good time tonight.

- Yeah, ya are.

(party commotion and heavy bass)

- Reinforcements.
- Can't be offended.

- John, I gotcha.
- Thank you, thank you.

- [Brian] Don't worry about it, I'm on it.

- Can I ask you a question?

- You can ask me anything you want.

- But you can't get offended.

- Why would I get offended?

I would never get offended.

- Are you gay?

- Hah, no, what?

- Secrets, secrets,
don't build houses, okay?

Hey John, introduce us
to your friends, man.

- We're just gonna go
and get some refills.

- Wait, you can get your fill right here.

- Stop, stop, stop.

- What man?

What'd she say, man?

- Nothin', nothin'.

- [Brian] Ha ha ha, hey,
where'd the girls go?

- Come on, freckle dick! Come on.

Which way did he go, George,
I'm goin' left, I'm goin'...

- [Unison] Oh!

- Suck my balls, princess!

(singing mockingly)

- It's all right man, let's go.

- [Brian] Come on Andy, gimme the ball.

(scuffling and ball dribbling)

- Ah, shoot!

- Oh, shit!

- Come on, colon cowboy, come on!

Ho ho, ah!

Get that crap outta here!

Did you see that, you see that?

Ow, what the hell, are
you serious right now?

(guys struggling)

Get off!

- Hey hey hey hey!
- It's all right, you okay?

- What happened?

You okay, you sure, hey, you sure?

(police siren)

(muffled TV voices)

- Bela's not calling me back.

I'm thinking of calling
that girl from the party.

Yeah...

So...

'Night Jon.

(busy street noise)

(office commotion)

- I know what's going on.

- With what?

- I, I can't be sure
if it's you or not, but

the ass copies.

- What?

- The ass copies, copying your ass.

Someone's been doing it, and
you're always by the machine.

- Rand, I--

- Look, I'm not necessarily accusing you,

I'm just saying that the
machine will break down

with all that weight on it.

- I really have no idea what you--

- (laughing) I was gonna
say, man, I was like--

- No, but, but seriously.

I took a call from the New
York office this morning,

and apparently they didn't get the package

I asked you to send.

- But I, I confirmed this
morning that the package was,

I confirmed this morning
that it was confirmed uh, I,

excuse me, I confirmed
that it was delivered

at 9 AM this morning.

- Yeah, they received it,
but it's not the package

that I asked you to send.

Okay, half the presentation
materials were missing,

not to mention the cover letter.

(light knocking)

Yeah?

- Uh, Rand?

Um, line one.

- Okay.

(deep sigh) Look, I get
it, mistakes happen, okay?

I see my barbed wire tattoo
in the mirror every morning.

People are talking, okay?

You're fallin' off, buddy.

I'm just sayin', stay on target.

Be that confident, big blue-eyed Jon

that I hired, all right?

All right?

- Okay.

- All right, thanks.

This is Rand.

Yeah.

(melancholic acoustic music)

♫ Locks us in our bedroom

♫ With no way to get out

♫ It forces us to idolize

♫ Only what we read about

- Yeah.

- Tatum.

- Poor name's Lacy Tatum?

- (laughing) Yeah, it's hot right?

- Sounds good.

- Sexy.

- [Andy] Where you off to?

- Nowhere.

- What's up man?

- [Matt] Don't cheat, you faggamuffin.

- [Brian] If I can't cheat, don't suck a--

- Don't cheat, fagamuffin.

- Matt, shut up.

- Hey what's your problem, man?

- Nothing man, just shut up for once.

(light knocking)

- Why would you call me when you're drunk?

- I'm not drunk.

♫ They'll take away our bodies

♫ Then they'll take away our sight

♫ This machine wasn't built by people

♫ But it'll run off all our strife

♫ We give it power

♫ We give it power

- You look bored.

Are you done?

What if we went on a date?

- What?

- What if we went out on a date?

No, I'm serious.

But I love this, you coming over.

I'd just like to take you out.

- I don't think so.

- Why?

- Because, because I don't, I
don't think so, I don't know.

- No, we can have dinner, talk,

just have a nice conversation.

- I can't go on a date with you.

- Why not?

- Because, because there's
a lotta reasons why not.

- Tell me one.

- You're twice my age.

- What does age have
anything to do with it?

- If I was gonna, if I
was gonna go on a date

with someone like you, I--

- What do you mean someone like me?

What are you afraid of?

- (laughing) Okay, I have to go.

- Of course you do.

You don't wanna raise any suspicions.

You don't wanna any of your
friends wondering what you

might be doing, finding
out their friend is a fag.

- Fuck you, Paul.

(crickets chirping)

(passing cars)

(sharp breath)

(sensual moan)

(sharp breath)
(sensual moan)

(dry heaving)

(male voice and footsteps)

(toilet flushing)

(heavy breathing)

It's good to see you.

- Yeah, I'm glad you called.

Do you remember that
time, like the first week

freshman year we got busted gettin' high

in your dorm room?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, remember that little
bitch RA, that little like

mini troll, fuckin', I
don't know her name, what?

- Vanessa, I think.

- Vanessa, was it?

She had a big crush on you.

- Have a crush on me?

- Knockin' on the door, "I
smell something funny in here."

So, I'm gonna quit my job this week.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

- What are you gonna do?

- I don't know, join the circus?

- How's Anna?

- I'm over it.

- Over what?

- Whole relationship thing, you know?

You wanna spark it?

- No, I'm good, thanks.

- Man up, dude, there's
no cops around here.

- I slept with a guy.

- You did what?

- My boss.

- When?

- Last week.

- So, were you?

- Was I what?

- Were you givin' or takin'?

- Don't ask that.

- Come on, it's legit.

- No it's not.

- Eh, come on, eh.

You know, fine.

Top or bottom?

Come on, just tell me, please.

- Shut up.

You were a bottom, right?

- Shut up.

- You were a bottom.
- Shut up.

You were the cutest little bottom!

I can picture it!
- Stop!

- Well, did you like it?

- I don't know.

- You don't know?

- A little.

I liked the attention I guess.

- So you think you're gay?

- I like girls, I slept
with a girl last week.

- What girl?

- Some girl.

- Ugh, so typical.

- What?

- You go out and you sleep with this girl

so you can get this guy outta your head.

- No I didn't.

- Yes you did.

- No I didn't.
- Yes you did!

Why is it so hard for
you to admit that like,

you might be gay?

- Because I'm not gay.

'Cause I don't even have
the, I don't have the urge to

fall in love with a man, or.

I don't even have the urge to kiss a man.

- But you just wanna fuck him?

Look okay, I say you go
around for like a week

and tell people that you're
gay, and just see what happens.

- That's ridiculous.

- Why not?

Are you gonna do it again?

You totally loved it.

Oh my God.

- Maybe I am gay.

- Please don't say that
like it's a disease.

- I just, there's days when I know

that I'm straight, I know it.

And then, and then there's days when...

- Maybe what you can get from
a woman, like emotionally,

you just can't get from a guy.

- You're fuckin' stoned.

- Yeah well, I am stoned
'cause I'm smoking this

joint by myself.

Well, if you need anything.

- [Woman] (laughing) Stop it.

I cannot believe you'd say that.

- [Aaron] Well, wow,
which one do you prefer,

like just tell me, just
tell me, that's all--

- Hey.

- Hey.

Um, Michelle, this is my neighbor Maddy.

Maddy, Michelle.

- Oh, Basquiat girl.

- In the flesh.

- Um, what are you doing out here?

- I was waiting for you, obviously.

The chicken is burned,
and dinner is ruined.

Just kidding.

- I know.

Um, have a good night.

- Nice to meet you, Missy.

- Yeah, it's Maddy.

- [Michelle] (laughing)
No, I can't believe

you would say that!

- [Aaron] Why, it's like--

- You're not listening to me, David.

What I'm trying to say is that the client

asked for something, and we gave him

what he wanted, we delivered.

- Paul, the ad looks like shit.

It sends the wrong message to buyers,

we're gonna end up losing both clients.

- Jon, come here for a second.

- [David] You're gonna ask him?

- If he likes it.

- You're banking a half
million dollar deal

for a gay-targeted ad on
a fucking straight kid?

- Jon, does this make you wanna buy jeans?

- Um, no not really.

- [David] Thank you.

- You're right, what was
I thinking asking him?

(knocking)

- Maddy, hey.

- Hi.

- What's up, are you okay?

- Mm...

(slow brooding music)

- Do you have a condom?

- I'm a lesbian.

- What is it?

- Um.

Um.

I'm sorry.

It was a fantasy, you know.

I'm sorry.

I really did think about it, a lot.

Like a lot, a lot, a lot,
like all the fucking time.

- (laughing) Okay.

- I know.

(laughing) You got a couch.

- I got a couch.

- Snuggly couch.

(slow brooding music)

- This one really represents,
you know, a rebirth of sorts.

- And yet it's, there's
so much death in it.

- Yes.

- Let me get back to you.

- I saw you out there on your cellphone.

Ah, ah!

- I want out.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- All right.

- All right.

- [Man 1] No, no, I...

We've been talking about
being gay this whole time--

- [Man 2] Do you mean is
the party gay like it's lame

or gay like it's homosexual?

- [Man 1] No, I meant
as in homosexual, yeah.

- Yeah, like if there was a
really sexy girl and she's like

I wanna barf on you while
I'm, you masturbate.

I'd be like, really okay,
like that turns you on, okay.

Like, I'll, I'll, I've never done that.

- You have dated a lot of gay guys?

So that a guy being gay
wouldn't, wouldn't stop you?

- There was come a point,
I'd be like, "Are you gay?"

And they'd say, "No."

Take their word.

(cellphone vibrating)

- Might wanna answer that?

- Uh, no, it's okay.

- So, how do you know Madeleine?

- Uh, school, we went to school together.

- Is this guy bothering you?

- We're just talking.

- Fine.

(couple chatting)

- [Woman] Hey.

- [Man] Hey.

- [Jon] How you guys doing?

- [Man] How you doing, man?

- [Jon] Hey.

- What the hell are you doing out here?

- Nothing.

- Are you just mad because all the girls

in there are lesbos?

It's okay 'cause all
the boys are lesbos too.

So you're in luck.

- Congratulations, by the way.

- Thank you.

Oh! (laughs)

How's the job coming?

- Uh, it's fine.

- Good as it can be when
you're fucking your boss?

Ah, ah, no wait, it was
more like this, right?

Ah! (laughs)

I'm sorry, that's
inappropriate, let's go dance.

- I'm not much of a dancer.

- I know, but just come dance anyway.

- Ha ha, I really, I'm
not a good dancer really.

- I know, you're a terrible
dancer, but please,

I just quit my job and I want
you to dance with me, please!

- All right, that's all I want.

Okay, let's do it.

One dance.

- One dance turns into two dances,

turns into 75 dances.

- Just let me get my shoes.

- Fuck your shoes!

(lively Indie music)

- So how do you know Maddy?

- She went down on me in Barcelona.

No, I just work next
to her at the gallery.

- Oh, I see.

What do you, what do you do?

- What do I do, or what do I wanna do?

- Uh, both I guess.

- I wanna write novels.

- Are you working on something now, or?

- God's pussy smells like flowers.

It's the title, God's
Pussy Smells Like Flowers.

- Oh, okay yeah it's
a, that's a good title.

- But during the day I
uh, I work as a freelance

web producer for advertising agencies.

- I work in advertising actually.

- Really, what agency?

- Uh, Tabula Advertising.

- Yeah, I know Tabula.

- Really?
- Does uh,

- Does Paul Mendez still work there?

- You know Paul?

- Yeah, took me out to lunch once

at a place on Vine uh, Debussy's or--

- Debussy's?

- Yeah, small world.

- [Paul] Do you find it
hard to um, find clothes

that fit you properly?

- Yeah well, you know,
it's not like um, huge,

but sometimes they're
a little loose in the,

in the mid range--

- Okay, 'cause this looks,
this looks pretty good.

- You think so?
- It fits nice.

- Well thank you, that's
very nice of you to say,

appreciate it man, and not
so bad, I like, I like this.

(Andy laughing)

(muffled TV laughter)

- 'Sup dude?

What's up?

- I slept with a guy.

- What?

- I slept with a guy.

- Uh,

when?

- Two weeks ago.

- Wow.

Why?

- I don't know why.

- That, that's uh, surprising?

- I know.

- Um, are you gay?

- No, I, I don't know.

- Did you enjoy it?

- What?

- I just can't picture you doing it.

- Don't picture me doing it.

You're taking this better than I thought.

- Well, I knew something was going on.

- Hi.

- [Maddy] Go back.

- [Anna] I can't go back any further.

- Just move back a little bit please,

that'd give me a better angle.

- Just move, just move the right--

- No here, look, put it down right here.

There, that's a great
place for a fucking table.

- [Anna] I'm gonna go back for the rest.

- Yeah, no more patio furniture, please--

- It's just little stuff.

- Look at all this shit!

Smoke me, John.

(coughing)

- This is good stuff.

- Hm.

I know.

- So how's your new job.

- Mm, gallery?

Less blood sucking I guess, same shit.

- I'm thinking of uh,
going back to school.

- That's dumb, why?

For what?

Eh.

Well um, you make any
other decisions recently?

Is that it?

- Everything.

- [Maddy] Yay!

What?

- How can you be stoned?

I was gone for like two minutes.

- I'm not stoned.

- You are, you're a little
- I am not stoned, God.

- Get off my back, woman!
- Stoner! (laughs)

- [Maddy] Shit.

(birds chirping and singing)

(camera click)

(guys laughing and chatting)

- That is awesome.

- Yeah.

I'll laugh like in a few hours--

- Awesome!

- That is awesome.

- Bet you get, crazy eyes sells it--

- [Matt] With a lazy eye, just like--

- [Bela] I feel like you start
being a standup comedian.

I do, I feel like

you would be so good.
- I, I second that--

- In fact--

(electronic Indie music)

♫ Craze that sweeps
the nation is proximity

♫ My new parents, my brothers and sisters

♫ Are within ten feet of me

♫ Can modern education
give me a new family

♫ All conveniently within
the ages of 18 and 23

♫ And so, pick your friends

♫ Don't let a place pick all your friends

♫ And pick your friends

♫ Don't let a place pick on your friends

♫ And don't let a place
pick on your friends

♫ The city screams
"Here's your street, baby"

♫ Like you better settle down

♫ The neighbor yells about the condos

♫ You wish he'd just shut his mouth

♫ The boss said "This
kid's lazy" and I just

♫ Don't want him around

♫ The cop swears you'll go nowhere

♫ Just take a crappy job downtown

♫ And so, pick your friends

♫ Don't let a place pick all your friends

♫ And pick your friends

♫ Don't let a place pick on your friends

♫ And don't let a place
pick on your friends