Original subtitles

Come on, you've been scanning for the past 10 minutes.

Either pick a station or turn it off.

I'm just trying to find the right music so we can get this party started.

Come on, I got the party right here. Uh-uh. No, no, no, no, no.

I am not listening to four hours of the Partricks family.

The very fact that you like this stuff is something I don't want to know about.

Ooh, 50 North Barstow. Vegas, here we come! Remember

what happens in Vegas? Stays in Vegas.

Except for what we promised we'd tell Dee Dee. Yeah.

You know, Cross should have given us all the weekend off. Yeah,

I guess someone had to be on call.

Wouldn't it be nice if evildoers clocked out once in a while?

Except summer vacations. Gave up world domination for the holidays?

What do we do if Cross calls?

Pretend we're in a tunnel.

The whole way to Vegas? Works for me.

Don't answer it if it's Cross. Oh, Dee Dee.

Hey, girl, we were just talking about you.

Hey, guys, are you having fun? Yeah, but we miss you. That's so sweet.

I wish I were with you, too.

What's up? Nothing. Just calling to apologize.

Apologize? For what? This.

Hello, ladies.

They're three career criminals with one shot at freedom.

Now they're working for the feds who put them away.

These are the women of She Spies. Bad girls gone good.

I question my mind.

I'm really sorry, you guys. Oh, don't be.

We know Cosmo to call us. So, you're not mad at me?

No, why would we be mad at you?

Just because you took advantage of our trusting

natures? Trashed our vacation. Wasted our gas.

Broke David Cassidy's heart.

What a head backstage passes to his concert.

His weekend head, come on, get happy, written all over it.

So, you guys are gonna wait until I least expect it, then get back at me, right?

No. No way. Yeah, see, the thing is, you guys answered that way too fast.

Seriously, Deeds, we're fine.

Ladies, join me. You need Luis Garcia, alleged Mexican mafia boss.

That face says more than alleged.

FBI's been trying to nail him for ten years.

Now they finally think they have the charges to make it stick.

Like the D.A. was sure he had O.J.?

Hopefully better.

Garcia shot one of his rivals on a city street in broad daylight.

Three citizens witnessed the crime.

FBI put them in protective custody until they were

able to testify at Garcia's preliminary hearing.

Unfortunately, there was a gas explosion at the safe house.

Miraculously, one of the witnesses survived.

Joseph Baker.

Turns out he was in the backyard playing football

with his eight-year-old son, Tyler.

Wow, their lucky day.

Must have been in the cards.

Luck of the draw. Roll the dice.

I knew it.

You guys are mad at me for not getting to go to Vegas.

Sorry.

Please continue.

The evidence has led the FBI to believe that the explosion was an inside job.

Which is where we come in?

Exactly.

Didi, you'll hack into the computer mainframe at FBI Protective Services.

Look for any evidence of unauthorized access. And Shane,

you'll need to get Didi through security.

And me?

We're moving the witness and his son to the beach house to assure their safety.

Oh, I've never been that great with little boys.

Come to think of it, I've never been that great with big boys either.

Strangers in our house?

I'm not exactly thrilled, especially about the kid.

Come on, it'll be fun to have an eight-year-old around. We can play Simon Says,

read Cat in the Hat, make Jiffy Pop.

Now remind me again, how is that different from hanging out with you?

All I know is we're gonna have to share the bathroom, waterproof the sheets, and...

Hide the lingerie.

Come on, guys, you've got this all wrong. This is a poor, scared little kid.

He needs a place to feel safe.

Then you better keep him out of my room.

Don't worry.

Satin sheets and massage oil aren't exactly kid-friendly.

The only bedtime stories happening there are where the wild things are.

What did you do to your room?

Made it more kid-friendly.

Don't you think all the stuff you bought is a little girly, poor boy?

He's only eight.

But men in tights?

A lot of superheroes wear tights.

And none of them have healthy relationships with women.

Have you forgotten that Batman lives in a cave

and hangs out with a boy wonder half his age?

Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I grew up with a brother.

The one who loves Babs, Liza, and Pirates of Penzance.

So he likes show tunes, and he married a sailor.

What's your point?

Oh, they're here.

I'll get it.

Hi. Hi. Hi, I'm Cassie. This is Dee Dee and Shane.

Hi, I'm Joseph.

And, uh...

This is Tyler.

Say hello, Tyler.

It's okay. He just needs to feel at home.

Tyler, we have a room all ready for you.

You wanna come see?

Wow.

Please make yourself at home.

Thank you. Sorry to put you all in this.

Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Looks like this assignment might not be so bad after all.

This will be your room.

Why are all those stupid pictures on the wall? We can take them down if you want.

I guess you won't. I wanna play Demon Ninja Warrior! I

don't know that game. I wanna go home!

Okay, well, I can learn to play that ninja thing. What's in here?

This is your underwear!

It's cool.

I can see through it.

Okay.

You know what? That's not to play with. Okay. This is good.

You're feeling more comfortable. But we're not allowed to jump on the bed.

Okay. Tyler, I'm setting a boundary.

Please stop jumping now.

Okay, you have two choices. You can either keep jumping,

or we can do something really fun together.

Okay, that's it. I'm taking you out.

I mean, you're getting a time out.

Ow!

Ow, you little... Yeah, you better run.

Sponsored by Pfizer. Dedicated to helping people

live longer, happier, healthier lives.

Daddy, daddy, daddy!

She hit me! I didn't hit you, he bit me.

And I'll take that now, thank you.

Ty, did you bite Aunt Dee Dee?

Not on purpose. She grabbed me, and it just happened by accident. You grabbed him?

He was jumping on the bed.

Oh, yeah, see, I let him do that at home.

He gets a little wired sometimes, and it helps him burn off some energy.

Hey, Ty, what do you say we go outside and count the sailboats, okay?

Come on.

That is not a kid. It's Cujo in disguise.

Weren't you the one who said that he was just alone and scared?

I'm changing that to I'm scared to be alone with him.

Come on. Part of being a little boy entails jumping on beds and not listening.

Come to think of it, that's part of being a big boy, too.

Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. All right,

now that we got the lowdown on Eddie Munster,

Dee Dee and I have to go to the Justice Department.

Oh, Dee Dee, you forgot your purse.

I'm not falling for that.

I bet you guys rigged my purse to get back at me for the Vegas thing. Man,

aren't you over the whole revenge thing? Come on, we

told you we're not mad at you. Talk about paranoid.

What, you don't trust us? Don't take this the wrong way, but no.

But nice try.

I think I got him calmed down.

It must be hard on him being away from home.

It's hard on both of us.

One second, my life seemed pretty normal, and the next minute, it changed forever.

I know what that's like.

So how'd you get involved in all this?

I was returning a car I'd been working on to a client. I own a small body shop.

Anyway, all of a sudden, I hear this loud popping sound,

and when I looked down this alley to see what it was, a man was being shot.

Pretty brave to testify against Luis Garcia.

He's a very dangerous man. I just want to do what's right and protect my son.

He has no idea what's going on, except all of a sudden he has an Aunt Cassie,

an Aunt Dee Dee, and an Aunt Shane.

If I can ask, where's Tyler's mother?

She left us a year ago.

Yeah, Janice came to L.A. in search of fame and fortune, but she found me instead.

She thought she'd be happy being a wife and mother, but it didn't work out that way.

Okay, enough of the sad story.

Is there a place I can wash home?

Yeah, just at the top of the stairs to the right.

Thanks.

For everything you're doing.

That child should not be allowed to breed.

I can't believe he ripped the posters off the wall. No, I'm with him.

The only reason a man should ever wear tights is if he loses a bet.

You're just picking on me because you're mad at me for ruining your weekend.

Dee Dee, I'm not mad at you. When have I ever been mad at you?

Oh, are you kidding?

Lots of times.

Name one.

Any time we're on surveillance.

Such a waste of time.

Want to play I Spy?

No.

Want to see who can spot a Ryan's belt first? No, I don't want to play a game.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take... It's not a game.

It's a song.

Come to think of it, why are we friends?

Hi, Tyler.

Where's my dad?

Oh, he's just upstairs taking a shower.

Do you want some cookies? I hate cookies.

Okay. Guess you'll pass on the smokes and coffee, too, then.

Why aren't me and my dad staying at your house?

Because I'm your auntie.

No, you're not. I know we're hiding from bad guys. They want to kill my dad.

How do you know that? Does it look like I'm still in diapers?

Okay, um...

I'm not your auntie.

I work for the government. You see, I'm trying to protect you and your dad.

But don't worry, nothing's gonna happen to either one of you.

You're a girl. How can you protect us?

I'm a spy, okay?

I fight, I climb, I... Probably shouldn't have told you I'm a spy.

Girls can't be spies.

Hey, girls may have cooties, but they can definitely be spies.

Prove it. Tell me a spy story.

I can't. It's classified information.

Oh, you know, that was my grandmother's vase. Can you put that back, please?

Tell me a story. Okay.

Okay. Maybe just one.

An unclassified one.

We went to shoot pool once,

and we met these bikers there that were trying to hustle people out of their money.

That means cheating them.

So I decided to cheat back.

So good for your first time. Bet you won a lot of money from those guys over there.

Oh, about a thousand bucks or so.

I guess it was like on one of those beginner's lucky streaks.

How about if we play for that much? I mean, maybe I'll have a lucky streak.

How's about if I sink, oh, I don't know,

the rest of my balls on the table in one shot, you guys pay me, oh, I don't know,

The $1,000 you won from them?

And what if you, who I don't know, don't?

I'm sure we can think of something.

Sounds dreamy.

There you go.

Sorry, Fonzie. I thought you just hate getting hustled at pool.

I don't think so, sweetheart.

Told you the story. Now put the vase back, please.

That story sucked.

Spy kids could have done it better.

Well, spy kids are too young to get into a bar,

and I doubt they can make a six-hole bank shot.

Maybe not, but they have an anti-gravity machine.

You little... Tyler?

I'm so sorry, Aunt Cassie. I didn't mean to drop it. It was an accident.

I'm sorry, Dad. It's okay. It's okay. I'm sorry.

I'm sure he didn't mean to do it. I'll pay you whatever it's worth.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, Tiger, what do you say we go upstairs and I'll read you a story, okay?

You're the best dad ever! Let's go.

Wow.

Yeah. Mr. Garcia, I'm at the courthouse. The judge won't grant a postponement.

Even after the accident at the safe house?

I'm sorry, sir.

Don't worry about it. I know how to take care of that last witness.

Tyler fell asleep while I was reading him his story.

That's funny. He had a much more creative reaction to my story.

He can be a little rambunctious, I know.

But, uh, ever since his mom left, he's had a lot of anger issues.

I mean, she hasn't even tried to contact him.

Must be hard being a single father.

But it doesn't leave much room for a social life.

If you mean dating, um...

You know, I just put the last thing on my mind.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Come on.

You must have a date every night of the week.

Not in this line of work.

Really?

A beautiful woman like you?

I was dating this doctor once that I really liked.

Wow.

That's what I was going for. That thing with your tongue?

I don't know how that's physically possible, and I'm a doctor.

Maybe you just need a little hands-on training.

Any chance we can hold class upstairs? Tempt me.

Damn, I gotta go.

Now?

Use this time to think of all the ways that I can make this up to you.

Okay.

Just tell me.

Is it another guy?

Actually, it is.

And two women.

What a night that was. It went from bad to worse when I found out I had a new boss.

Jack?

Maybe we're in the wrong place.

Nice move. I've always been able to think fast on my back.

No, I meant... So, you're the she-spice.

I have to say I'm disappointed.

I blame the lighting.

You allowed yourselves to walk right into a trap. You never saw it coming.

It's hard to believe the chairman thinks you're the best he can get.

Okay, point made. You're not impressed. We get it. So what happens now?

We die.

Hey, that didn't hurt as much as I thought. We can't be dead.

We wouldn't all be in the same place.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Technically, I am the only one who isn't a criminal.

Okay, Jack.

Joke's over.

You can come out now.

Jack isn't here.

And if those bullets were real, you wouldn't be here either.

Why wasn't one of you deployed to watch your back?

It's basic espionage training. Spy stuff. 101.

Come on. We're on vacation.

In this job, there are no vacations.

Look, mister whoever you are.

Cross.

The name is Cross.

If you're so unhappy with our train,

then why don't you just take it up with our boss?

Jack's been reassigned. I am your new boss.

I met your boss at the hospital.

He came by to visit us after the explosion.

Seemed like a good guy.

Well, he's fine as long as you don't get him angry.

How about mission accomplished, bad guy in custody, world a better place?

Anything along those lines would work.

Sense of humor. I like that.

Oh, you didn't mean to be funny?

We said we were sorry. Actually,

we said that there was a breakdown in goal achievement.

Only because we thought it'd be more comfortable with government speak.

You want government speak?

How about the she-spy program is terminated

due to unforeseen and extreme circumstances?

Oh, and don't let the cell door hit you on the way in.

Uh, I, uh, thought you should know. They finished interrogating Miller.

He insists that Kovacs kept him in the dark about his plans.

Didn't trust him to know too much.

That's it.

The man who knew too much. That's the movie Doris Day sang that song in. Right,

except for your timing. No, don't you get it?

In the movie, they kept the kidnapped boy at the consulate.

Because consulates are sovereign territory.

You couldn't legally look around one, even if you wanted to.

I think I've got some stuff to do over there.

We know Kovac works for the Chinese, and there's a consulate in L.A.

Just because we thought of it doesn't mean it's wrong.

Oh, come on.

I'd be doing the same thing if I were you, spinning wild theories.

What if it's not wild?

It's worth a shot. You've got to give us a chance to make things right.

Give me one good reason.

Because if any other agent made this mistake, they wouldn't be going to prison.

All right.

I'll have the chairman authorize an insertion-extraction, with one condition.

The information Rain has is too powerful to let a foreign power control.

If you can't rescue him, your orders are to terminate him.

Kill him? You've got to be kidding. That's not part of the deal.

We're not assassins.

You asked for the chance to make it right.

No, you're asking for the impossible.

Staging area. Downstairs, two minutes.

If you're not there, I'll know your decision, and you will know your future.

So you killed someone?

No. Actually, we ended up saving him.

Well, I could never kill anyone. I mean,

just seeing Garcia kill that guy in the alley was like a nightmare.

Tyler?

Speaking of nightmares... Tyler!

What have you done? Tyler, this isn't like you.

Don't say you didn't mean to this time.

I just wanted to make it look like my room at home.

Can't we go home, Daddy?

I'll take care of this. It's all right, buddy. This is just an accident.

No unauthorized computer access. No paper trails.

No suspicious phone records. No snacks.

Except for a jar of stale trail mix.

Sounds like whoever gave Garcia the location to the

safe house must have had first-hand knowledge.

Which means it's probably an agent directly involved in the case.

She'd go to the Federal Archives building, check out Garcia's records,

get the names of any federal agents who've had contact with him.

It's a long shot, but it might lead us to who he's bought off.

I think about it, and yeah, it makes sense.

I think about it, and yeah, it makes sense.

Hi.

We're from ISD, and we need to go through some of your archived records.

Well, you've got 30 seconds, because that's when I close up.

What if I promise to lock up for you when we're done?

Well, you look like you have honest faces, high security clearances,

and it's quitting time, so...

Have fun.

That's the spirit.

M... K... H... G. All right, you want 81 to 89 or 90 to the present?

I'll take the 80s for 100, Alex.

Did you hear that sound?

That loud clicking and beeping sound?

That's the one.

We're locked in.

I can't believe he stopped for grande mochas.

Stay tuned. She Spies will be right back.

Sponsored by Pfizer. Dedicated to helping people

live longer, happier, healthier lives.

No windows, no phones, no air vents, no escape.

All right, this lock is on a timer,

which means it probably won't open until the morning.

Okay, let's review for a moment.

We're locked in.

Nobody can hear us. Our cell phones can't get a signal.

Those grande mochas are really starting to live up to their name.

Well, it could be worse.

Could it have had two grande mochas?

This is nothing.

Remember that time we had to escape from a giant trash compactor? Ah!

But then we landed on all this nice, soft... Garbage?

I've got a bad feeling about the immediate future.

Me too.

Someone threw away 50 simple things you can do to save the Earth.

Well, they could have at least recycled it.

Remember complaining about being too close?

We're about to get a whole lot closer.

I just remembered I forgot to return Star Wars to Blockbuster. What,

I can't face death in Mayfly?

I've got an idea.

The chute is 12 feet up. True. It's the only escape. True.

But we can't reach it. So? Two ways out. What's the first one?

Act of God. What's happened? What's the second one?

When the walls get close enough, Dee Dee, you do your famous wall walk-up.

You grab onto the sides of the chute, hang down, we'll climb up you,

and we'll pull you out right before you get crushed. Let's re-examine the God thing.

Next time, find a Buick.

Okay, guys, I'm going for it.

Here, Shane, let me help you.

You hanging in there, Deeds?

Let's hurry up.

How you doing, Deeds?

So togetherness is not always a bad thing.

Oh, yeah. You know what I remember most about that

compactor? It smelled like food. I'm starving.

I have peanuts in my purse.

Oh, yeah. Which I left at home.

Because you thought we rigged it.

Funny, huh?

Tyler helped me clean the room. He'd like to apologize.

Did he say apologize or terrorize?

I know he's been acting out a lot, but he really is sorry.

Why don't you give him a chance? He's just a kid.

I guess it's all right as long as there's no hugging involved.

Ty? Ty?

I'll just go get him a glass of milk.

Your dad says there's something you want to say to me?

I'm sorry, Kathy. I really didn't mean to be bad.

Yes, you did.

But I know why. Okay, I know what it's like to grow up without a mother.

How would you know?

My mother left when I was a kid, too.

I used to blame myself, and then I'd get mad,

and then I'd do things to make everybody else mad so they knew how I was feeling.

It took me a long time to realize that it wasn't my fault that my mother left,

and it's not your fault either.

Cassie, could you tell me another spy story? Sure.

I'm going to tell you about how I was reunited with my mom.

It turns out she was kidnapped by a foreign government

and brainwashed to be one of their spies.

Really?

Yep.

And her assignment was to kill a really good man. And I had to stop her.

Injection of warfarin, 2.7 milligrams.

Yes, doctor.

Get out of here! What do you think you're doing? If she injects that serum,

your patient's dead. What's going on here?

Come on, now!

Come on!

Listen to me.

You're not Brenda Morrison.

Your name is Catherine McBain.

You've got to remember.

I'm your daughter. Do you remember what you used

to tell me when you'd tuck me into bed at night?

I remember laying in the bed next to me. We'd try to count those stars.

I love you.

The child never forgets her mother.

You'd say I was your son?

And your moon?

And my stars? Cassie!

There's a lot here on Garcia, but nothing that helps.

Oh, here's something.

What's it say?

Surveillance photo of Luis Garcia with unknown associate.

Let's see our mystery man.

Oh, my God, that's Joseph.

So much for being an innocent victim.

We have to find a way to warn Cassie.

That timer doesn't release the door until 6 a.m. We can't wait that long.

So how long am I going to have to stay here? Be patient, my friend.

Look, man, I took care of the other witnesses like you asked. Now,

what's the problem? Unfortunately, there was a delay with your visa.

Joseph, do you want milk with your coffee?

Uh, yeah, please. And some sugar. Thank you.

Look, the longer I stay here, the greater the risk to both of us.

Do you understand me? We'll pick you up tonight.

Who was that?

I was just checking messages.

Oh, I thought I heard you talking with someone.

Um, do you want to have dessert out on the deck? It's a beautiful night.

Sounds great. Let me take that.

It's on a timer, remember? I know, but if we can get

the timer to move faster, then the lock will open.

Where's Marty's time-traveling DeLorean when you need it?

An electrical outlet runs on 110 volts, right?

Right.

Unless you're in Europe or Asia, in which case

the voltage is just... Don't work with me here.

If we run two legs of 110 volts, that'll give us 220 volts,

which will make the clock move twice as fast. Yeah, as long as we're dreaming,

why don't we get four legs? Who's dreaming?

How many batteries do you think it takes to put the boom in that box?

Enough to blow the head off that bunny?

I'll be right back. I'm just gonna get us more coffee. Okay.

Duncan Blue?

Duncan, I need you to run a check on this number.

There wasn't an area code on the caller ID, so it must be local.

Okay, I've got it. It's listed as a corporation, United Holdings.

Let me do a quick search. Okay.

Okay, I've got it. The primary shareholder for United Holdings is...

The Luis Garcia, are you sure?

I didn't create the database, so I can't vouch for its accuracy,

but these things are rarely wrong.

Thanks, Duncan.

You should have stuck to being Aunt Cassie.

I was never good with the June Cleavers.

That's all right. Let's go.

You're the one who blew up the safe house.

I do what needs to be done.

There's a bad guy cliche.

You're never going to get away with this alive.

Garcia's never going to let you live.

Garcia needs me.

I'm the one that came up with the plan to go undercover as a

phony witness so that I could get rid of the real witnesses.

Now Tyler and I disappear, and Garcia skates.

Kill her, or we'll dump her when we get to the desert.

ISD, get your hands on your head.

I came to tell you Joseph works for Garcia, and I guess you already knew that.

And we thought the kid was a nightmare.

She Spies will be right back.

You'd be happy to know Tyler's been reunited with his mother.

Seems she didn't abandon them after all.

She was run off by Joseph after she discovered his mob connections.

He kept her quiet by threatening their son, and she stayed away to protect him.

Well, let's hope she's better at discipline than his dad.

Women are better at everything.

Sorry.

Have fun in Vegas.

We're not going to Vegas. Where are you going? To the airport.

Our flight to Maui leaves at noon. You're going to Hawaii without me?

How could you? Payback time.

Aloha!

I can't believe they're going to Hawaii.

At least I know they won't want revenge anymore.

Yes, Mr. Chairman.

I'll let them know.

Right away, sir.

Tell who about what right away?

Didi, are you eavesdropping? The chairman has an immediate assignment for you.

All of you.

Please, no.

Don't make me do it.

But it was you who said women are better at everything. Remember?

Hi, guys.

Are you having fun?

Spies. Someone wants this congressman dead.

The only way to catch a killer is to become one.

Please don't do this. Just because I can tap into

the mind of a psycho doesn't mean I am a psycho.

And it all ends with a wedding that will leave you speechless.

It's gonna blow. Throw it!

On an all-new SheSpies.