Original subtitles

Enjoy your flight to Branson, Mrs. Lawford.

Oh, and be sure to catch the Osmond family salute to Led Zeppelin.

It's inspiring. I mean, chills.

You know what I love about this mission? The excitement, the glamour,

the workers' comp claims.

No, the sense of satisfaction helping people get to their destination.

Steeds, you're handing out tickets, not flying the plane.

When it comes to serving the traveling public... We're all in this together.

Remember, a successful flight starts with you. You know this whole chirpy, smiley,

helpful-spirited, comply-with-this-thing-you-got-going-on?

It's really annoying.

See, that's why you were picked to work with luggage. You're not a people person.

You want to take a quick trip up the loading ramp?

I really hope this courier we're supposed to intercept shows up soon.

Tell me about it. I don't know how much more my back can take.

What are these people packing?

Emergency anvils?

A charter flight from San Francisco just arrived.

This could be it.

Great.

Now all we have to do is figure out which one of the dozen tourists

wearing the Ice Scape and Alcatraz t-shirts is the courier.

Only one passenger. Metal attaché case. Shifty eyes. It's got to be him.

All right, let's earn our paychecks. DeeDee,

go around back and come in from behind. Who are those bozos?

Unbelievable. He's getting mugged.

Nice suit.

Wouldn't want to ruin it by putting a nasty

hole in it now, would we? What do you want?

Well, a catalog diamond.

Come on, now.

Here, good chap.

Hand it over.

Don't you know it's rude to eavesdrop?

It's ruder to rob someone.

Why don't you be good little birds and fly away before someone gets hurt?

Hold it.

Don't move.

Drop your guns!

I mean it! I haven't shot anyone today and I'm a little jumpy.

Did you really think I couldn't tell the difference between a gun and your finger?

I didn't until now.

I'm glad I didn't have any breakfast.

You should have listened when I gave you the finger.

Oh, man.

The courier got away.

This couldn't have gone down any worse.

Oh, yes, it could.

He's British SIS.

Oh, don't tell me.

We just knocked out Her Majesty's Secret Service.

They're three career criminals with one shot at freedom.

Now they're working for the feds who put them away.

These are the women of SheSpies. Bad girls gone good.

I wonder what he's saying.

I doubt it's thanks for having your agents assault me and

allowing a target I've been tracking for months to escape.

Pretty quiet.

I'm trying to read their lips.

I know you can read lips.

I can't. I said I'm trying.

They're coming.

Ladies.

I guess introductions are unnecessary.

Actually, we've never formally met. Yeah, we didn't have any time, you know,

between the kicking and the punching and the falling down.

Logan Spencer, SIS. Meet the She-Spies, Cassie, Shane, and Dee Dee.

Well, I'd say it's a pleasure, but the Crown discourages insincerity.

Look, it's not our fault your agency didn't have the courtesy

to tell us you were working in our jurisdiction.

Were you reading my lips?

No.

Well, yes.

But if I said what you just said, it was a coincidence.

But while we're on the subject,

what were you saying when your lips kind of formed into a huge mushroom?

Moving on.

Please, you have to reconsider.

I'm not sure this is the agent I should be working with.

I'm working with him.

On what?

Treating the stolen Camelot diamond,

which we wouldn't have to do if you hadn't bollocked up my operation.

Which we wouldn't have bollocked if you told us who you were.

Which I would have done if you had identified yourself to me.

Which we couldn't do because we were undercover.

Wow, seen fewer volleys at Wimbledon.

Nice British tie-in.

Buckingham Palace has been extremely gracious about this situation.

The stolen diamond from the State Department's museum

has caused Washington a great deal of embarrassment,

so why don't we all just get along?

Shall we?

This is Mr. Decker, Justin Decker.

He pays his considerable bills by working as a black market acquisition specialist.

In other words, offense.

SIS and ISD now believe that Mr.

Decker plans on receiving and then later selling the Camelot diamond.

So you're saying the courier was on his way to see Decker?

Apparently, but he hasn't received the diamond yet.

But his weekend plans give us an excellent opportunity to intercept it when he does.

Twice a year, Mr. Decker hosts a lavish gambling party.

Top six money winners on the Friday night get invited to stay for the weekend.

Why do I feel my spidey sense is starting to tingle?

You and Mr. Spencer here will infiltrate that party as Mr. and Mrs.

Richard McDowell, a pair of wealthy gamblers.

Spidey didn't feel that one coming.

Decker has never met the McDowells before,

so he's not going to know your impostors. Your job is to, one,

make enough money to be invited to stay for the entire weekend, two,

keep tabs on Decker, and three, arrest him when he takes possession of the diamond.

Do we get to play?

You and Shane will redirect the real McDowells before they reach the party.

Is it okay if I trade places with one of them? I'm really good at kidnapping.

All right, we're not kidnappers. We're re-directors.

We need your computer skills to ensure Mr.

Spencer here makes enough with the gambling tables to make the cut.

Learn computers, my dad said.

Open new worlds, my dad said.

Well, I did get you sent to prison. Yeah, and you get to spend the weekend with him.

Thanks, Dad.

Yes, indeed. Thanks, Pop.

About tonight.

I shower first. You get the couch.

I sleep with the TV on, and you better not try anything.

I was going to talk about the mission.

But now that you've broached the subject, if we get invited to stay,

I have no intention of making a move on you, let alone desire.

Please.

I saw you.

Saw me what?

Looking at my bodice.

I did not.

And if I did, it would only be to check and see if your microphone was visible.

A, we don't use cleavage mics, and B, even if we did,

it doesn't give you the right to stare.

We're pulling up to Decker's house.

Did you talk to Cassie and Shane?

Yeah, they got the McDowell, so we're good to go.

Hi. The McDowells are here.

Oh, will you excuse me a moment?

McDowells! Justin Decker. So nice to meet you. Thank you for inviting us.

This is my wife, Francine. Pleasure.

Please, uh, mingle. Size up the competition. The games will begin shortly.

Enjoy yourselves.

See the stairs?

You mean the steps?

They're simple. Yes, we do.

Of course. I should have realized simple is better for you.

I'm just trying to make sure you're clear how to take those stairs, steps,

to get to the security room. Got it? I understand.

We intercepted the McDowell's downstairs. They're waiting. Yeah,

and they got some questions about why they're not attending Decker's weekend.

I'll take care of it.

I'm sorry, guys. I wonder why they're so bummed.

Hey, what's up, Wayne?

Our office poker game got canceled.

Office poker game?

Yeah, every Friday night at Frank's house.

But his wife has relatives spending the weekend, so she put the kibosh on it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, hold the kibosh.

Since when has there been an office poker party?

I don't know, about a year.

That's funny. I don't remember getting a memo.

Yeah, well, see, it's not really for chicks.

Okay, you do know that Fred Flintstone is dead, right?

And that chicks don't have to be barefoot and pregnant anymore?

They even have jobs, like lawyers, doctors, spies.

And some of us even have houses that are, well, perfect

for hosting a poker game. What's the catch?

We host, we play. Throw in some food and drinks, some alibis.

Deal.

That has something to do with cards too, right?

Your place, one hour.

Cash only.

Last again, dear.

Crikey, I've lost my mojo.

Perhaps I should take a break.

Capsule idea.

How much you down?

Gives you a chance at night, huh?

Almost the top of the hour.

The guard in the security room will be leaving for his break.

He'll have five minutes to get up there and take control of the cameras.

Duncan, you there?

Alice.

You win this time, zombie demon lord. But I'll be back.

Excuse me?

Sorry, I'm ready when you are.

I'm heading up the stairs now.

Duncan, didn't I say anything about Decker posting

a man at the steps to the security room?

Um, no.

Any idea how I'm supposed to get around this guy?

Sorry, that's not exactly my department. Great.

Now you can take a mini-break with new Kit Kat miniatures.

Busted.

I can't believe the run of bad cards you're having.

You'd think I'd somehow offended the blackjack gods.

Well, I'm sure if they were goddesses, they'd be treating you much better.

Would you like a card, sir?

Would you like a card, ma'am? Excuse me.

Just a moment.

Maybe if you'd focused on the mission instead of her, you'd know why.

Are you jealous?

Don't be ridiculous.

Well, I'd love to debate this with you, but you're supposed to be elsewhere.

What would you like me to do? Punch out the gorilla who's standing in the way?

Well, that's just like you Americans.

Your first instinct is always violence.

Fine.

What do you suggest?

Watch.

I'm gonna let it ride.

All right, be good.

Would you like a card, ma'am? Look here.

I believe this chap is cheating.

Cheating? What are you talking about? I'm not cheating.

Really? Then how do you explain that? What seriously is the problem?

This is outrageous.

I'm in.

There should be computer interface controlling the video cameras.

I see it. Wi-Fi transmitter's in place.

Perfect.

I am controlling the security camera in the gaming room.

Okay, I've got Logan's table.

Zooming in on the dealer's down card.

It's a five.

He's got 15.

Okay, Logan, not if you can hear me.

What should he do?

The dealer has to draw on 16 or less, so stand pat and let the dealer draw.

The odds that the dealer will bust are much greater.

It's okay, Duncan.

Logan, did you get that? Ooh. You won. At last.

Looks like my luck is turning.

Yes!

Yes! Place your bets.

I'm going back to the gaming room. Make sure he keeps winning.

Yeah, don't worry.

I'll make sure his luck holds up.

When you find the one you're looking for It's like a drug,

Yeah, it's like you got your money back at that time.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. That is officially the end of the game.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Magnificent comeback. Thank you. But I must confess,

I owe it all to my lucky charm right here. Oh, don't be so modest.

Trust me, he isn't.

Well, I'm sure that there was at least a little bit of skill involved.

Oh, he certainly is a player.

Well, as you probably know, I'm inviting the top six winners to spend the night,

take advantage of my hospitality, and continue the tournament in the morning.

Yes, we're looking forward to it, aren't we, darling?

I'm overjoyed.

Excellent. I have an absolutely wonderful room waiting for you. Oh.

Jacks are better to open.

Okay, does that mean we just need one jack?

No, that means you need a pair of them. That's two.

Oh, okay.

So, what do we do now?

Well, if you have a pair of jacks or better, you bet.

Okay, so we have a jack. Okay.

We bet one dollar.

Congratulations.

Um, we'd like four new ones, please.

Three's the limit, and you had to have a pair to open,

so why would you want to break up your pair?

So we can get a bigger pair.

Okay, okay, three.

Ladies, it's not that complicated.

Either bet or check?

We have a question?

Of course you do.

Okay, if we have three cards with the same number, but they're lower than a jack,

is that as good as two jacks?

What?

One. One.

So, how do we like our accommodations?

I'm not sure it's big enough to hold all three of us.

Ooh, three?

You, me, and your ego.

My ego? That's an unfair swipe.

Unless, are you still jealous of that woman who

was flirting with me at the gaming table?

Don't flatter yourself.

I just thought it was inappropriate, given that we were on a mission.

Oh, you are jealous.

Please. The type of men I'm attracted to are bright,

suave, good-looking, sensitive, and worldly.

And exactly which one of those am I missing?

I hardly call someone who openly flirts with a woman

when he's with another woman sensitive or suave.

Oh, I see. And if that's not jealousy, then what is it?

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

I'm all ears.

With nothing in between.

Look, it's just expecting some consideration.

I'm supposed to be your wife.

Is that how you treat your wife?

I've never had a wife.

And without behavior, I doubt you ever will.

Touché. Look, Dee Dee, I'm sorry.

I suppose if I was married to someone as lovely as... I mean, if you and I were...

Look, shall we simply say that if I was ever too merry,

I would never flirt with another woman in front of my wife?

So you'd do it behind her back? No, that's not what I meant. I swear,

the search for this damned Camelot diamond is a romantic nightmare.

What do you mean?

I've been tracking it for over two months, and everywhere I go,

problems with women seem to follow.

And you're blaming the diamond.

Well, up until now, I've always been quite successful with women.

What's the matter?

Just giving your ego room as it expands.

Well, I'm just scoring all sorts of points with you tonight, aren't I?

Is there any way I can get back on the right foot?

You could keep it on the floor and out of your mouth.

What's so funny?

You're extremely blunt.

You're extremely full of yourself.

I was trying to pay you a compliment.

I'd hate to see what you consider an insult.

Didi, we just found out who Decker's selling the diamond to.

It's a man named Amir Assad.

Keep an eye out for him. I've emailed you his photograph.

Got it.

They've ID'd Decker's buyer.

Cross is emailing me his photo.

Here it is.

His name is... Amir Assad.

You know him?

He killed my partner.

Flush. Looks like the chips win again. What, are you guys leaving so soon?

You cleaned them out, buddy.

Oh.

What, I missed the game?

No, come on in. Sit down.

Um, hey, Cassie. Yeah.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah, sure. Let's play another hand on that Texas Hold'em.

I think I'm getting the hang of that.

This is not good.

What are you talking about?

You're beating Wayne and taking all of his money.

And we're playing poker. That's what you're supposed to do. You don't get it.

Wayne's a very bad loser,

especially when he loses to somebody who beats him by dumb luck alone.

Newsflash, Duncan, it's not dumb luck.

I'm a con woman, remember?

I'm just warning you.

The first time I played with these guys, I beat Wayne, and the next morning,

my toilet seat was crazy glued shut.

I'm just saying, maybe you should let him come out even in the end. Come on,

I'm a trained agent. You think I wouldn't be afraid of some Intel pencil pusher?

Feelin' up, Wayne?

I think I like the old Logan better, even if he was a bit full of himself.

I'm sorry.

It's your ex-partner, isn't it?

Henry, yes.

A brilliant agent.

And this guy Assad killed him?

What bothers me is I had a choice. I could have gone back for him,

but that would have meant scores of lives at risk and sacrificing the mission.

Logan, you followed procedure.

You did what you're trained to do.

You can't blame yourself for doing the right thing.

That's just it.

Not sure it was the right thing.

Hey, what's going on?

Shane, there's no hot water. The coffee maker's not working.

The doors have been freezing.

Wayne.

Logan.

Ah, the same courier that was at the airport.

You think the deal's going down?

If it is, Assad's here too.

Let's go.

You didn't pay me enough for all the trouble that I've had. Problems?

Well, there's always obstacles to overcome, but it is here, isn't it?

That's a sword.

A legendary Camelot diamond.

Beautiful.

Stay back.

I'll take care of this.

This is all I need.

You can go, Ernest.

As we agreed.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Have a safe trip.

SIS!

Hands where I can see them.

Surprised to see me again?

This may not bring Henry back,

but it will give me some consolation to know that

you are going to rot away in a British prison.

Guess you needed more than just your gun after all.

These fives will be right back.

Sponsored by Pfizer. Dedicated to helping people

live longer, happier, healthier lives.

Penlock? Impersonal. Switchblade?

Too personal. ISD won't let us have guns. So what? We're killing weight.

I'm pretty sure we're already breaking enough rules.

Hello, girls. Oh, my. Someone is getting a late start.

You know, it's just been one of those mornings.

You know the kind. No heat.

No electricity, no hot water, no coffee.

And someone glued our door shut,

so we had to climb out the second-story window

just to get the paper, which wasn't even there.

Now all we have to figure out is what's the best way to get even.

Interesting dilemma.

I'll be sure to let you know if I find out who's responsible.

Have a nice day.

You get your own cell on death row, right? Oh, yeah,

and the appeals process can drag out for years.

So, how'd it go?

Bad guy caught. Diamond safe.

Kind of liking Logan.

Wow. That must have been some night you guys spent together. Okay, we want details.

And an overall rating if you have one.

Nothing special happened. Just kind of started not hating him. So now what?

He goes back to England. But I was thinking of making him dinner.

You know, as a goodbye gesture.

Who makes dinner for a guy they just started to not hate?

I'm just trying to foster goodwill between nations.

And the British still haven't gotten over that whole revolution thing.

If that's what you want us to believe, we're cool with that. Yeah,

and we'll be sure to stay out of it.

We've got a lot of havoc to wreak anyway.

Is this one of those things I shouldn't know

about because I might have to testify later? Possibly.

Probably.

So definitely.

This is interesting.

What do you call it?

You call it bangers and mash.

Of course.

Now I taste it.

So, when do you go back to England?

Oh, tomorrow, day after.

You know how it is.

Whenever they say, want to come with?

Sure, I'll just go get my purse.

I thought, you know, if you're doing anything,

maybe you'd like to come to England and become my partner.

You're kidding, right?

Except for Benny Hill, we English aren't really known for our humor.

As flattering as that is, I have this situation. Well,

alternative sentencing requirement is more accurate.

Yes, I know.

Work five years for ISD and they'll commute your prison time.

That's the one.

But you see, we've already spoken with your government.

They won't stand in the way of your being assigned with SIS,

international cooperation and all that.

You're serious? Yes.

You're asking me to leave the she-spice.

I just think we can offer you a better arrangement.

My people say they can have your sentence reduced, exchange rates,

the pay will be slightly higher, and we can become partners.

I don't know what to say.

Say your thing about it.

Hello?

Sorry to interrupt your evening, but we need you and Logan back here ASAP.

Sort of. You know that diamond you recovered?

Problem?

It's a fake.

Analysis thinks Decker's plan was to pawn this fake off

onto Assad and sell the real one to a second buyer.

Double your diamonds, double your fun.

I believe the courier was in on the deception.

He took the real diamond to another location and then delivered the fake to Decker.

So how do we find the real diamond?

We let Decker go. You're joking.

Much like you, British, he isn't known for his sense of humor.

Decker knows where the real diamond is. We plant a tracker on him, let him go,

he'll lead us right to it. But Decker would know we're watching him.

What makes you think he'll make his move now?

We're gonna tell Decker we're also releasing Assad.

Decker knows Assad will be bent on revenge.

Forcing Decker to get the diamond fast and get the hell out of Dodge.

Dodge?

It's an American cowboy thing.

It means he'll try and leave the country.

You know, I've got to hand it to you, Yanks. You've always been a crafty bunch.

I'll need to get approval from my superiors first,

and it wouldn't hurt to have you on the line. My office.

So, how was dinner?

Anything worth gossiping about?

Not really.

Really not really? He did ask me to go back to England with him.

You want to rewind that?

He wants me to be his partner.

And SIS is offering less time to serve and better pay. Better pay.

This must be about something or someone else, right? It's a hard offer to refuse.

So what are you going to do?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know? We're a team.

And you guys are like my sisters.

But something like this doesn't come along every day. But this isn't right.

Not after everything we've been through?

Is it really wrong for me to think about what might be good for me?

You're right.

It's for just being selfish.

Yeah, well, I like being selfish. It's a great way to get what I want.

And right now, I want you to... I want you to stay.

I'll let you know.

I understand trying to shake a tail, but he's been driving for hours.

If I thought I was being followed by someone like Assad, I'd be cautious too.

Quick, drop back a little.

Yes, we wouldn't want to get too close. Or would we?

Well, come on, I thought it was a rather skillful segue.

It wasn't bad.

That's not an answer.

It's a big decision.

I understand.

Take all the time you need.

Just remember the Super Save affairs expire at midnight.

Look at them all friendly and chatty.

Oh, Dee Dee, you're so wonderful.

Logan, what time is tea with the queen?

Makes me sick.

I know. I'm jealous, too.

Jealous?

Me?

Why would I be jealous? Some hot guy wants to

take Dee Dee to an exciting place like London,

partner up with her and shave years off her sins?

Okay, I'm jealous.

When you think about it, what would keep her here? Uh, us?

You think that'd be enough to make you stay?

Like I said, it makes me sick.

He's making a right.

Quick, don't lose him.

Gee, could you give me a little more notice next time? I just cut off...

Nice move. At least I didn't hit him.

Got a problem.

Just got pulled over by a cop.

Just go ahead without us. We'll catch up.

Got it.

He's turning into the Van Nuys Airport.

We'll meet you there.

There's Decker's car.

The courier must have hidden the diamond in that hanger right up the landing.

I'm wagering you didn't clear that through customs.

Put it on the ground.

Justin Decker, in the name of the crown, I place you under arrest.

If you don't mind.

My pleasure.

Let's go.

Tell him to let her go, or you're dead.

Logan, you've got the diamond.

Go!

Put the gun down and I'll let her live. Shoot me?

And she dies.

Don't let them play us against each other. Go!

Her life for the diamond?

Sounds like a good deal to me.

Don't trust him.

Make up your mind.

Tep is fugitive.

All right.

Let her go.

You made the right choice.

Now I have to do the same.

Kill them. We had a deal.

Sue me.

Looks like we missed all the fun.

We could've spent more time flirting with that cop. What?

Man, uniform, big gun.

Why didn't you go when you had the chance?

I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

These spies will be right back.

I don't say it hasn't been fun.

That's us.

Fun with a capital F. I sense Mr.

Cross still hasn't made peace with the thought of you joining me at SIS.

I guess you'd like my decision before you go.

Well, if experience has taught me anything, it's

to seize the moment, lest all else be lost.

Logan, this is a big decision for me.

I know.

Moving to another country, being away from all your friends and family.

Not to mention learning to drive on the wrong side of the road.

Well, considering we started it, I do believe it is the correct side.

Drinking warm beer.

Cold drinks are actually bad for your stomach.

Mr. Bean?

Well, there's no getting used to him now, I agree.

Logan, I can't go.

Are you absolutely sure?

Please don't take this the wrong way.

I'd love to live in London.

I'd love to have a lighter sentence.

And I'd love to be your partner.

But back at the airport, you could have left when you had the diamond.

The mission was accomplished.

But you didn't.

Because of me. You cared too much for me.

And I could get you killed.

Well, when you put it that way, it does seem rather boneheaded, doesn't it?

You hanging around my neck like an albatross. What was I thinking?

I'm going to miss you.

And I you.

Maybe one day I'll be back,

and I may ask you to leave with me again to be a different kind of partner.

When that day comes, maybe I'll say yes.

Hi, Wayne. How you doing?

You know, McBain, I could understand stealing my toilet seats.

I could live with the Vaseline on my windshield wipers.

I could even deal with this.

It's payback. I get it.

But screwing with the man's personal care products?

That's gone a bridge too far.

Hi, Wayne.

Interesting. Here.

What happened to him?

Just a little payback.

So, are you staying here, or are you off to London? You guys are like family to me.

There's no way I could ever leave you until our work here is done.

Cassie.

Shane.

Oh, word. Apparently, your little exploit at

the poker table has created quite a stir.

I just got a call from the chairman.

Big trouble?

Well, that depends.

He's invited them to play at his next parkour game.

Oh, well, that ought to be a lot of fun.

Well, unless he's a sore loser.

On the next She Spies, a husband-wife assassin team has taken a vow of murder.

And the only way to stop them is for Mr. Cross and Cassie to become a killer couple.

Boxers or briefs? Come on, you guys know I don't tell secrets about my roommates.

On the next She Spies.