All language subtitles for Ghosts S04E15 - The Bachelorette Party

How're we hanging?

Oh, hey.
Hey, what's up?

Is that Pete? Is Pete back?

Is that Pete?
SAMANTHA: No, Jay.

It's just Thor.
[groans]

Just? Thor not love that.

SAMANTHA:
Jay's a little anxious.

He's waiting on some big news.

Last week, a critic

from the Hudson Valley Gazette

came to review the restaurant.

A couple of us
ghosts sussed it out

when we overheard him
talking on his cell phone

in the parking lot
when he was leaving.

Anyway, we sent Pete
to the Gazette offices

to spy on the reviewer
and find out in advance

if it's a good review
or a bad review.

You know, I don't even care.
Reviews aren't important.

What matters is whether or not
I'm proud of the food.

[chuckles]:
Which I am.

So I think we just tell Pete
to call this whole thing off.

Hey, gang.

Hey! Pete's back.

What did he say? Did he like it?

Am I ruined? Am I a star?

Babe, come on here,
I'm drowning.

He hasn't said anything yet.

Well, let the man speak. Geez!

Okay, I'll get right to it.
It's a rave!

The critic loved
Jay's restaurant.

He loved it, babe.

Oh, what a relief.

This is huge!

Man, it feels good
to spread joy.

This must be what
Johnny Appleseed felt like.

You get an apple tree.
You get an apple tree.

You get an apple tree!

Where is this going, Pete?

I don't know. Sometimes it just
feels good to make noise.

[screams][groans]

That was pretty fun.

See? He gets it.

# #

Who's this guy?

That's Chris, the
dinosaur-loving stripper

that Sam previously
hired to dance

in front of
an empty chair

at Isaac's
bachelor party.

No, I know. I meant this guy.

I'm Isaac.

Oh, right on. Cool pants.

CHRIS:
Excited to be back, Sam.

Now, will I be performing
for an empty chair

while you watch again?

That wasn't for me. That was...

Well, you see, the reason...

There's really no
good explanation.

You'll be performing
for a bachelorette party

full of living humans.

I mean, people.

Smooth.

Well, then let's
talk price tiers.

There's the simple

"here's your pizza,
extra sausage" package.

That sounds pretty good.
Then you've got

your "fireman with a hose,"
your "plumber with a pipe,"

and then the big boy,

our premium package
known as "It's Raining Men."

Yes, please.
ISAAC: Samantha.

Can you request that he reprise

his erotic
Dilophosaurus clicking routine?

That's a crowd-pleaser.

Uh-uh, this is not your party.

This is my great-grandniece's
bachelorette party,

and she's not into dinosaurs
'cause she's an adult.

So just back off.
SAMANTHA: Oh, perfect timing.

Here comes the bride-to-be.

Alicia, this is Chris.

We're discussing his package.

Chris, great to meet you.
Sorry.

I don't want to be rude,
but it's bad luck

for the bride
to see the stripper

before the bachelorette party.

Oh, that's not true.
Carol saw her stripper

before the... Oh, my God.

Oh, uh, sorry, I wasn't aware
of that particular tradition.

CHRIS:
Oh.

Yeah, at least I have
my pants on.

Otherwise, the whole weekend
would be cursed.

Uh, Alicia,

I will see you tomorrow night.

And who knows,
it may just be raining men.

Hallelujah.

[clears throat] Thank you.

So, are you excited
for the big weekend?

Very. There's a rumor
CCR's gonna do a secret set.

ALICIA:I am.

[chuckles] Oh, it's
so amazing to be here.

And I know it sounds
woo-woo, but...

I really can feel
Alberta's presence.

[chuckles] I'm
right here, sweetie.

Ask about the guy, Sam.

Tell me about your fianc�.
His name's Derrick?

Yeah. He's pretty great.
We actually met on the subway.

And it's really weird
'cause the night before,

I had a dream I was gonna meet
someone on the subway.

And there he was.

He stood up to give me his seat.

He sounds like a gentleman.

Oh, he goes to church.
He's nice to his mom.

Oh, loving all of this.

Tell me, what does
he do for work?

He's a musician.

Mm-mm. Hell no.

Like, professionally?
ALICIA: Yeah.

He's a guitarist.

Tell her to walk away, Sam!

Being with a musician is
signing up

for a lifetime of heartache.

I'm very happy for you.

I can confirm,
musicians are no bueno.

Speaking as an oboist.

The bad boys
of the woodwind section.

Two reeds, twice the trouble.

[laughs]

You see anything?

MARK: Give me a sec.
THOR: Very dangerous.

That's how Sylvia Plath
kill herself.

TV was on PBS, and Trevor
not there to change it.

Looks like it's just
the pilot light.

I'll take care of it.

Oh, by the way,
the Hudson Valley Gazette is

publishing a review of Mahesh.

And a little birdie told me...
it's a rave.

Tweet tweet.
I'm the little birdie.

MARK:
Dude, that's amazing.

I say we celebrate
with some mortadella.

You know that stuff's
like $20 a pound, right?

Yeah, that's why I don't
have it at my house.

Not to gloat, but I may have
played a hand in that review.

Or more accurately,
played a finger in it.

Ugh, whatever
you're talking about,

you did not need
to say it like that.

Once we figured out that
that guy was a critic,

I used my power
to pose as an investor

and sent him a little cash-ola
in exchange for a good review.

What? Why would you do that?

Because I owe Jay.

I would've lost my finance job
if he hadn't pretended to be me.

But Jay wouldn't want to
get a good review that way.

It's a win-win.

Jay gets what he wants,
and his hands are clean.

Thor wish he would've died
with clean hands,

but alas, Thor eat onion

right before lightning strike.

[sniffs, groans]

Trevor, I think what
you did was wrong

and we need to tell Sam.

Okay, I will not be lectured to
by a Boy Scout

like I'm some kind
of sleazeball.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go spy
on this bachelorette party

and see what kind of talent
we're working with.

[sighs] Don't.

Yeah.

To our girl, Alicia.

I would wish you the best,

but you already
settled for Derrick.

So let's get drunk!
[laughter]

[whooping]
ALBERTA: See?

Even they know Alicia can do
way better than a musician.

Geez, what are you,
the grandma in Coco?

ALBERTA:
Trust me.

I know from experience.

Musicians only care about
themselves and their music.

When push comes to shove,
they'll leave you high and dry.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

I'll count the minutes
until I see you again.

I'll count the seconds.
I love you.

And I love you.

You're my everything.
My entire world.

And I can't imagine
my future without you.

I never saw that man again.

Mm. I'm so sorry, Alberta.

SASAPPIS:
Me, too.

But that doesn't mean
that all musicians are bad.

I think what Sass is saying
is that he's a virgin

and so his situation is

way worse than anything that
happened with you and that guy.

That's not remotely
what I was saying.

Oh, okay.

Delivery for the most beautiful
girl in the world.

Ooh, Derrick! Oh, my God.

Yeah, this guy seems
like he's the worst.

Oh, sweetie, they're gorgeous.

Thank you.
I cannot wait to marry you.

Run, Alicia. Save yourself.

I'll go put these
in some water.
Go, go.

I don't want to interrupt.

Have a fun weekend,
but not too much fun.

[laughter]

All right, the flowers
are kind of nice.

Hey, you left your
sweatshirt at my house.

What's this now?

Just bring it
when you come over this week.

Alicia's out of town
Wednesday and Thursday.

Are you down
for a little night sugar?

Uh-oh.

Hold on, maybe there's
an innocent explanation.

Aren't you worried
Alicia's gonna find out?

We're getting pretty good
at keeping it secret.

Never mind.
They're hooking up.
All right. Thursday then.

Thursday.[laughs]

I knew it! Derrick's
a low-down dirty dog.

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

Oh, Sass, "night sugar"
probably refers to sex.

Which is like a special
hug that adults share...
Please stop.

They're doing it, Sam.
Alicia's fianc� is having

a torrid affair
with her maid of honor.

I told you musicians were
no good.

Even if that's true,
I'm just not sure

what you want me to do about it.

Tell Alicia what's going on.

Ooh, do that thing you do

where you butt in
where you're not wanted,

but this time
you're actually wanted.

FLOWER:
Just throwing this out there.

What if we bring back
Creepy Todd?

He and Alicia did connect,
and he's unlikely to cheat

due to lack of opportunity.

Alberta, I just don't know
how I can get involved.

I mean, it's not like Alicia
and I are super tight friends.

SASAPPIS:
It's true.

Sam hinted heavily

that she would like
to join them for brunch

and was met with stony
silence and averted eyes.

It was sad.
SAMANTHA:
I think that was

just because there weren't
enough bagels.

Oh, Sam.

Alberta, I understand that
you care deeply about Alicia,

and I agree this is
a horrible situation,

but I just don't feel
comfortable getting in

the middle of things.
I'm sorry.

Fine. If Sam won't get involved,

then we'll have to tell
Alicia ourselves.

SASAPPIS:I agree.

And I know exactly how
to get her the message,

loud and clear.

[gasps]
Skywriting.

No. I'm going to go into
her dreams and tell her.

Yes! You can skywrite
in her dreams.

Yep. [sighs]
That is what I meant.

Oh... I just got an email
from the critic.

He wants me to fact-check
the review

before he posts it online.

I'm so nervous to read it.

Didn't you already hear
that it's great?

Yeah, but there's
a difference between, like,

"good food
and ample parking" great

and "the tikka masala
saved my marriage" great.

Thor never tried
tikki masala, but...

I think Jay setting bar
a little too high.

Okay, here goes.
PETE: This is killing me.

Jay deserves a great review,
but Trevor tainted it.

This review has Trevor's
taint all over it.

This is incredible.

In one sentence, he calls Mahesh
a revelation and a triumph.

Holy crap, this restaurant
might actually work.

There's nothing I love
more than a joyful Jay,

but not when it's
based on a lie.

Wait. What?
"Now that we have an exemplary

"Indian fusion restaurant,
it feels like the only thing

"missing from the Hudson Valley
culinary scene is

an upscale breastaurant."

What's an upscale breastaurant?

JAY:
It's kind of like
a Hooters but...

"even classier."

Huh. Is that, like,
an industry term I should know?

No. There's only
one other person

I've ever heard use it.

Ugh. I didn't mean for him

to mention breastaurant
in the review.

I was separately riffing
about great business ideas.

Okay, this isn't great,
but apparently,

Trevor bribed the critic
to give you a good review.

What? Why would he do that?
I think he was trying

to help you out because,
you know, you were there for him

with the whole
work retreat thing.

Exactly. It was a hero move.

Like when I bribed
the bouncer at Surf Lodge

into letting in my cousin
with the weird eye.

It was the best night
of his summer.

Tell him.

He says it was a hero move.

[laughs]
Well, thanks a lot, Trevor.

You know, this review
meant a lot to me,

but now I'll never actually know
if he liked the food

or if he really was mesmerized
by the ambience.

Well, there's
no way he wasn't.

I mean, the sconces
are undeniable!

ALBERTA:
Are you in her dreams yet?

Shh! It takes a sec.[sighs]

# #

To think this is where
it all began.
Mm.

CONDUCTOR [over P.A.]:
Next stop: Marriage-ville.

Mm, you hear that, honey?
We're almost there.

[acoustic guitar playing]

# Not so fast,
this guy's not being true #

# The real deal is #

# Derrick's cheating on you #

What?

# About this marriage
you should be afraids #

# 'Cause Derrick is doing it #

# With one of your #

# Bridesmaids. #

That is not a good song.

Look, when you can enter
people's dreams,

then you can criticize.

[gasps]
Hey.

What are you two doing in here?

Sam, this is
highly inappropriate.

You're breaking
into a guest's room

in the middle of the night.

I heard you singing.

Just stop it.
Get out of her dreams.

Sam?

Wh-What time is it?

Um...

2:18 a.m. [chuckles]

You asked
for a wake-up call, right?

- What? No.
- Okay.

Is this officially snooze,
or are you hitting stop?

Can you please
get out of my room?

Yep. Going.

ALICIA:
Jazmin,

I got to talk to you.
What's wrong?

No. Jazmin's the last person
you should be talking to.

She's the other woman.

I had a dream that Derrick
was cheating on me.

No.

Like you don't know, lady.

Oh, she's good.

Did the dream get into
who he was cheating with?

She asks guiltily.

One of the bridesmaids.
Look,

I know you put a lot of stock
in dreams and stuff,

but you have to know,
my brother loves you.

He's not a cheater.

Oh, Derrick is her brother.

Oh, no. Uh, I-I mean,
good, but... oh, no.

ALICIA:
I want to believe you.

I just don't know.

I mean, I was already
thinking this whole thing

was too good to be true.

Maybe it's a sign.

Maybe this marriage
is a mistake.

Leesh, slow down.
You're spinning out.

I got to go think.

[sighs]

Hold on. Her brother?

What about all the
"night sugar" talk?

What about Night Sugar?

Don't tell me what happens
in the latest episode.

I haven't seen it yet.

Night Sugar is a show?
Mm, it's a guilty pleasure.

It concerns a family
candy dynasty.

It's sort of like Succession

meets Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory,

except everybody's hot.
ALBERTA:
So, we ruined

a woman's engagement
because her fianc�

was watching crappy TV
with his sister?

Oh, I can't
believe this.

What did I do?

FLOWER:
At least Derrick's not
doing it with anyone.

Oh, Sass, "doing it"
is another term

for two adults
sharing a special hug.

I hate this.

Hey, Alberta, just
checking on you.

Hetty told me
what happened.

[scoffs] You mean how I ruined
Alicia's marriage

before it even got started?

"Ruined" is strong.

Placed in jeopardy
through gross misconduct.

I got this one, Hetty.

No, she's right.

I got carried away
with this idea

that musicians can't be trusted.

That's because you were
hurt by a musician.

That's not exactly true.

Don't forget me.

I could never.

ALBERTA:
New York City, here I come!

So, you were the musician
who hurt someone.

ALBERTA:
Yes.

We were engaged,

but then I got caught up
chasing my dreams,

and I never
looked back.

Well, you were
so young, Alberta.

I broke a good man's heart,
and I've never forgiven myself.

I've been carrying that guilt
for a hundred years.

Things don't always work out
as planned.

Well, regardless,
I took that guilt

and dumped it
on Derrick and Alicia.

And now, from beyond the grave,
I've ruined another engagement.

Here's the good news:

you have four seasons
of Night Sugar to catch up on.

I really envy her.
It's delectable.

JAY:
Hey, thanks
for meeting with me, Ron.

[chuckles]:
I just wanted to apologize.

I think one of my investors
got out a little over his skis.

And if he had spoken to me
before reaching out to you,

I'd have told him
not to offer you the bribe.

Mm, right. Your investor.

Look, if you're asking
for the money back,

I've already spent it

on a pretty spicy weekend with
my girlfriend in the Poconos.

TREVOR:
Poconos?

That was Cabo money at least.

Funny story,
when I was alive,

you know what we thought was on
the other side of the Poconos?

China.

I don't want the money back.
It's just that...

the bribe was a mistake.

I'm asking for a do-over review.

Mm, that's not really
how we do things

in the world of
restaurant reviews.

Oh, of course. Ron is suddenly
a fountain of integrity.

I don't want an unearned review.

I want you to write about
your authentic experience,

even if there's some things
you didn't like.

[sighs] Fine.

I got to say, in all
my years of doing this,

you're probably
the most honest guy

I've ever accepted a bribe from.

Eh, it's middling praise,
but praise.

But...

I just want you to know

that I really do think
you were onto something.

The Hudson Valley

truly could use
an upscale breastaurant.

Yes. See?

Thank you, Ron.
RON:And...

it should be called
Mountains of the Valley.

Okay. We are investing in that.

[sighs]

Oh, come on, Alicia,
and fall asleep already

so Sass can go into your dreams
and fix this.

And to ensure
that tonight's striptease

goes off without a hitch.

Not that that's the most
important concern right now.

I just think it's very
unlikely that she's gonna take

a nap right after
she finishes packing.

It's just a very
weird thing to do.

ALBERTA:
It could happen.

[stammers]
Is that a yawn?

It kind of looked like a yawn.

I don't think so.
She just downed a cold brew

20 minutes ago.
[sighs]

I know my ghost power must
seem godlike compared to yours,

but I don't stand a
chance against cold brew.

ALBERTA:But when she's all packed up,
she's gonna leave

and end her engagement,
and it will all be my fault.

Really? Nothing?

No one's gonna jump in

with some encouragement?

I'll try.

Great summary.
Devastating in its accuracy.

[Alicia sighs]

I just don't know
if he's cheating or not.

I wish there was
some sort of sign.

Ooh, should I get Trevor? Maybe
he could text her or something.

Oh, we don't have time for that.

I got this.

[humming]

[humming echoes]

What is that?

You can't ask for a sign
and then be surprised by a sign.

[humming continues]

Alberta? Is that you?

This is incredible.

So, does this humming mean
that he is cheating or not?

Seriously?

Sort of on her for not asking
a more clear question,

but nevertheless, here we are.

Quick, hum a lullaby,
and once she dozes off,

then I can tag in.
I told you, I got this.

[humming]

Oh, what is this?
I recognize this.

[humming]

# I know for certain
the one I love #

# I'm through with flirting #

# It's you
that I'm thinking of #

# Ain't misbehaving. #

[exhales]

So he's not cheating.

Oh, thanks, Alberta.

[whispers]:
Anytime.

# I don't stay out late #

# Don't care to go #

# I'm home about 8:00 #

# Just me and my radio #

# Ain't misbehaving #

# Saving my love #

# For you. #

[laughs]
Oh, I did it.

Take that, everyone.

Berty's power saved the day.

Cold brew ain't got
nothing on me. Ha!

And the striptease is saved.

A-As is the marriage. Huzzah!

What on Earth are we
doing out here, Samantha?

The latest episode of Night
Sugar starts in five minutes.

We've got to find out who pushed
Dmitri into that vat of caramel.

I think you'll be very happy
with what I have planned.

Oh, and Alberta,
I did some digging,

and I found Walter's obituary.

Oh, no, did he die of heartbreak

when he realized
I wasn't coming back?

"Walter Boyd, 84,
died peacefully in his home

surrounded by loved ones."

Aww, that's nice.

He lived to be 84? What
was he, a sorcerer?

'He is survived
by five children,

16 grandchildren
and his loving wife Osceola."

Only one wife? That's so sad.

See, Alberta?

He went on to have
a pretty happy life.

Wait a minute. Osceola Buford?

That was my best friend.
Oh, Walter, you snake.

[laughs]

But good for him.
Thank you, Sam.

[laughs]

SAMANTHA:
Ooh!

Right on time.

Hey, is it just me
or is the humidity rising?

What?
Yep.

The barometer's getting low.

Okay, what the hell
are you talking about, Sam?

I'm talking about that.

[engine passing]

Is that a bird?

It's a plane.

No. It's a stripper.

[gasps]

# It's raining men!
[laughter]

# Hallelujah! #

ALICIA:
Did you hire that stripper

to parachute into my
bachelorette party?

Yes, I did.

He said it's called the
"It's Raining Men" package.

He's getting pretty close.
Shouldn't he open his chute?

I think that he's delaying it
for dramatic effect.

Uh, he's cutting it
kind of close, isn't he?

SAMANTHA:
Oh, my God.

Guys, the review's up.

What does it say, Chef?

"Innovative...

"surprising
in the all the best ways...

a game changer."

He barely changed a word.
He loved it.

Yes.
TREVOR:
See?

It all works out.

[loud crash]
[distant screaming]

What the heck was that?

Oh, my God.

Crikey. You guys see that?

That was gnarly.

Can't believe I survived.

Dude.

You didn't.

Oh.

Bugger.

That makes sense.
Yeah.