Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

♪ Gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another, woo-hoo ♪

♪ Yeh-heah ♪

♪ I'm talking rainbows ♪

♪ I'm talking puppies ♪

♪ Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

( car alarm chirps )

( car alarm blares )

HEINOUS: Gemini, the door is jammed.

GEMINI: Are you sure it's not locked?

I know what it looks like when it's locked.

Get me out of this car.

Gemini!

Oh. Oh, coming.

How is my hair?

Like you just came from the salon.

Filthy lies, but I'll allow it.

Come now, Rasticore.

There's my baby bounty hunter.

You're growing back so fast, yes, you are.

Yes, you are.

Now we are prepared to wreak recrimination

on our foes.

Yes. Recrim-mim-mim-ination!

Hello?

Now are you convinced that parking meters aren't filled with candy?

It's all just a big tease.

How was I supposed to know... oh.

Okay, that was not like that before.

Okay, here's the plan.

I'll cover the back door, and on my mark,

- you bum rush the front door. - Got it.

One...

Two...

- Three. - ( yells )

( karate yell )

- Marco? - You!

You!

- Get her. - Narwhal blast.

Yeah! Get him, get him!

What did you do to my parents?

Unhand me, you little--

Stop! Marco, let go of that poor old woman.

Wait. You're mad at us?

We're trying to save you guys.

We let her in.

You are both being very rude.

Star, put away your magical whale.

It's a Narwhal.

You, too, Marco. Let Miss Heinous go.

But she's evil.

- Now! - Aahh!

This is the princess who ruined my life.

That's right, Princess Marco. I recognize you.

Even with your super-cute new haircut.

What is going on here?

This lady tied me to a chair,

and tried to brainwash me.

That's a gross exaggeration.

Your child has terribly wronged me,

and I'm not going anywhere until justice is served.

But if she doesn't leave...

Then how are we gonna have dinner with...

BOTH: The Morrisons?

- Who? - The Morrisons are so cool.

We've been on the wait list to have them over for months.

This dinner needs to be perfect. We can't mess it up.

Wow. That sounds really tough, guys.

You're gonna resolve whatever issue you have with Miss Heinous right now!

( evil chuckling )

Here you go.

Thank you, Your Highness.

What exactly is your issue with Marco?

Gemini.

Once, I was the headmistress of St. Olga's,

the most esteemed princess school in the multiverse.

It was a wonderful place where delinquent princesses

were taught manners and respect.

Until one day, an insolent princess showed up,

and inspired all the students to rebel against their elders,

who knew better.

Princess Marco left,

but the school was never the same.

They made her the face of a revolution,

even inspiring merchandise,

influencing the next generation of young princesses

with her devious ways.

Wait a minute. You have merchandise?

Yeah. I get a $650 royalty check every month.

As I was saying,

my students lost all respect for authority.

Soon, they were cutting classes just to party,

even inviting the boys

from a neighboring prince reform school.

They threw me out.

And now, I live in a car.

- BOTH: Oh! - Oh!

Don't touch me.

And it's all thanks to Princess Marco,

and her little sidekick, Princess Butterfly.

Marco, is this all true?

Well, yeah, but that place was a prison.

Those princesses were being oppressed.

They're way happier now.

And they blew up my bodyguard.

Yeah, we were wondering what that was.

He's my dear, sweet Rasticore.

This is just his arm, but he's part lizard,

so his whole body will grow back soon.

And then he'll be a big boy, won't you, sweetie?

( groans )

So how shall we proceed, Miss Heinous?

With a punishment commensurate with the crime.

How about we annihilate her and display her skeleton

as a warning against any further insurrection?

Agreed? Good.

Now, Rasticore, bring me Princess Marco's bones.

- Gemini. - Yes. Yes, milady.

( angry growls )

Okay, enough of this. ( karate yell )

Gemini, Rasticore, attack!

Get ready to feel the painous, Miss Heinous.

No, Star.

Excuse me. Is this 4815 Avocado Terrace?

The police!

Yes, it is. You're here just in time.

That lady is trying to destroy me.

And that trollish-looking guy-man-thing is totally helping her.

Uh, just ignore the girl waving a magic wand.

And it's probably a lesser charge,

but this severed lizard arm is complicit, too.

Well, that's something, all right.

Now if you'll all stay calm,

I'm sure we can clear this up right now.

Okay, I got a call about a car double parked,

but, uh, since the wheels of the top car

ain't on the ground, that's not my jurisdiction.

What? That's it? You're gonna ignore

all the evil going on?

Evil. Evil. Evil!

Ho-ho, that doesn't look dangerous.

It's one of those animations, right?

You mean animatronics.

Listen, kid, once there's a real crime,

give me a call.

( growling )

All right, let the bargaining begin.

I leave if you let me rip out Princess Marco's spine

and wear it as a fancy scarf.

Okay, that seems a little extreme.

Honey, we really don't have time for this.

The Morrisons are gonna be here soon,

and we haven't ' even picked out the placemats.

Um... what if we ground Marco for a week?

Or you let me grind her bones into a pulp.

- ( stammering ) - We won't let Marco play video games.

Do you even know how bargaining works?

No meat on Fridays.

Or even let me disembowel her.

He can do the dishes.

What if I just apologize?

An apology.

Yes.

An apology will suffice...

under certain conditions.

( relieved sigh )

Marco, you can't give up that easy.

I'll do anything to get Heinous out of here.

Whatever you want, Miss Heinous. Just name it.

Why did I day whatever you want?

( evil cackling )

It's finally happening.

Let's see what those princesses think of their idol now.

I can't believe our son led a revolution and we didn't even know.

I'm not sure if I should be mad or proud.

Hang on, hang on.

A princess can't go on camera without blush.

Dude, don't do this.

All those princesses, like, really look up to you.

I know. If I know a thing or two about princesses,

it's gonna take a lot more than some dumb video

to break their spirits.

Marco.

So how do I look?

Super pretty.

Enough dilly-dallying. Let's get on with it.

Just be careful.

Gemini, are you ready yet?

Yes, milady.

And we're rolling.

Uh, hey, princesses of the multiverse.

It's your girl Marco.

- What up? - MOTHER: Psst.

Morrisons.

Anyway, last time I was at St. Olga's school,

I said and did some stuff that I shouldn't have.

And that was... bad.

And, um, I just wanted to say, um...

I just wanted to say that I'm, like,

super sorry that I told you guys

to resist your oppressors and stuff.

As princesses, we should never think for ourselves,

and just, you know, give up on our dreams

and our own individuality.

Oh, I mean all this from the bottom of my heart.

And I'm definitely not just saying that because

Miss Heinous is threatening me and my family.

Okay, was that good?

Milady, I have notes.

( laughing ) It's perfect. Perfect!

Miss Heinous, we just want to apologize again

for Marco's behavior.

Yes. We hope this can be a fresh start for all of us.

Hm. We shall see.

Maybe this will inspire you to take a more active role

in your child's life.

FATHER: Good-bye, Miss Heinous.

Safe travels.

Well, this was a real eye-opener.

What else have you been hiding from us?

Now is the time to own up to any other inter-dimensional chicanery.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No chicanery here.

All good. Nothing to report.

I think we have some responsibility to accept, too.

Maybe we haven't been around enough for the two of them.

We can start fresh tonight.

I say we cancel dinner with the Morrisons,

and instead, have a family game night.

( all cheering )

Who needs to hang out with the Morrisons anyway?

The Diazes are so cool.

There you are, milady.

Pillow's fluffed just the way you like it.

Sweet dreams, milady.

And sweet dreams to you, too, Princess Marco.

The fairest in the land.

Soon, the multiverse will shiver in fear

once I destroy Princess Marco

and Princess Butterfly.

With you at my side, Rasticore...

Why, Rasticore.

You've grown an elbow.

You'll be a big boy again soon.

So very soon.

Karate brings the essence

of ka, ra, and te

together in a circular balance of the elements.

It is time for you to demonstrate

all that you have learned about the "DUH's" of karate.

Discipline.

Ed-U-cation.

And most importantly, Honor.

Honor.

I, Grandmaster of the How To Karate video series,

am coming to your dojo in your town of...

to watch your top student perform.

If Grandmaster deems them worthy,

your dojo will be How To...

This is a great honor for our dojo.

With Grandmaster's certification,

we won't just be a mini-mall dojo anymore.

We'll be a certified mini-mall dojo.

The student I will choose to represent the school

will be someone who has constantly impressed me

with their dedication and commitment.

Someone who has contributed so much to the dojo,

who really puts the "ra" in karate.

I will let you know my decision by the end of the week.

Uh, sensei, it's Friday.

Oh. Then it's Jeremy.

What?!

( nervous stammering )

Anyway, great class today.

You're all dismissed.

( evil laughter )

How does it feel, Marco?

He actually chose an eight-year-old over you.

L-o-s-e-r.

Marco lost to who?

J-e-r-e-m-y.

That spells winner.

That's me. Jeremy.

Yay! This is going to be the best trip yet!

Ready to board?

You bet, Sir Acha.

Let's sail away on our friend ship.

Hey, little buddy. What are you doing in my room?

( New Age music plays )

Hajime.

Whoa. That was amazing.

So is Jeremy still your choice to represent the dojo?

Yeah, for sure, Jeremy.

What?! I broke, like, three boards.

Marco, I didn't pick Jeremy because he's better at karate.

I picked him because of...

you know, who he is as a person.

Who Jeremy is as a person is a jerk.

( muttering ) As a person? Who do you think is a person?

Marco, listen.

No, you listen.

I'm ten times the person Jeremy is.

You're making a huge mistake.

Let's sail away on our friend ship.

( gasps )

You still have a lot to learn about honor.

Fine.

Mom, next time you cut the crusts off,

leave 'em in the bag.

Just 'cause I don't want 'em on my sandwich

doesn't mean I don't eat 'em later.

MOTHER: I'm sorry, my little cherub.

Is that...

That's a hundred-dollar bill.

Really?

Yeah. That's a Benjamin.

That's my favorite one.

But it's got all that stuff on it.

Yeah, it's a lot of stuff.

You know how many vinyls I could buy with that?

Three.

I'm going in.

Ew. Why does it smell like that?

Pretty rank, huh?

Well, maybe if I...

I'd start with the corner.

Man. Somebody glued this to the ground.

Glue?

What kind of a sick joke is this?

Try the other corner.

My glasses. And it's my birthday!

Uh, butler, refill.

- Shameful. - Hey, Marco, whatcha doing?

Do you mind?

I'm collecting evidence here.

( gasps ) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Keep it up, Jeremy.

You're giving me everything I need.

( rustling ) - Star? What are you doing?

I'm just helping you out at the scene of the crime,

collecting evidence.

Uh, it's not really a crime scene.

I'm hiding in the bushes and recording all of Jeremy's bad behavior.

Oh, so you're like a... like a...

like a creep.

What? No. I'm not a creep.

I've got lots of proof here, Star.

It's okay, Marco.

Wave that creep flag.

This isn't creepy. This is justice.

I'm gonna show all this bad stuff to sensei,

and then he'll have to change his mind

about letting Jeremy represent the dojo.

Huh?

( karate yells )

Hey, sensei.

Mr. Diaz.

There's something I need to show you.

If it's those pictures of the dog playing the harmonica,

I've seen them, and they're excellent.

No, no, this is not that.

It's about Jeremy.

Okay. What is it?

I wanna show you...

how...

Well?

How... sorry I am.

I shouldn't have overreacted the other day.

You have every right to choose who you want

to represent the dojo.

And if you really think Jeremy is the best choice,

then I can accept that.

I appreciate your apology.

It shows your noble spirit.

You're like a lion, or a really cool bird-lion.

- ( watch beeping ) - Oh, man!

Grandmaster's gonna be here any minute.

Or is Grandmaster already here?

( all gasping )

Grandmaster. Thank you for coming.

Do not thank Grandmaster.

It is by the will of karate

that Grandmaster is here.

That's the coolest sentence I've ever heard.

Who have you chosen to represent your dojo?

Me! Jeremy!

Yay. We love you, son.

I would like to express what a huge honor it is

for all of you to watch me perform.

♪ Jeremy is awesome ♪

♪ He's the best at everything he does ♪

Ahem.

Applause.

♪ He's the greatest that ever was ♪

Yah, yah!

- Mom, picture. - Yes, sweetie.

What a jerk!

I cannot stand that boy.

Why'd you bring me here for our anniversary

No, I'm not done.

Okay, that's it.

I'm sorry, sensei.

I just can't accept this.

Why did you pick Jeremy?

Because he brings so much to the dojo.

So much what?

Money, dude.

His family's filthy rich.

They give the dojo tons of cash.

That's how I keep this place afloat.

I really shouldn't be running a business.

So, wait.

You don't think he's a better person than me?

No. Of course not. He's a toilet.

Jeremy, Jeremy...

Why didn't you tell me this in the first place?

Because you and I are friends,

and that's what friends do.

They do hurtful things to each other,

without explaining why,

because they know their friend will understand.

That's not how... wait. We're friends?

Duh. You're my dojo bro.

Why else would I keep texting you to grab tacos?

You don't text me.

Whose number is this then?

For the record, friends are up front with each other.

Really? I gotta stop learning life lessons

from children's shows.

I'm so ignorant in the ways of friendship.

Perhaps you could be my friendship sensei.

I'd be honored.

( loud snoring )

Yes. Uh... yes.

Yes, indeed, yes, indeed.

Wonderful performance. Just wow. Wow all across the...

But I wasn't even done.

Yes, Grandmaster gets the gist.

Punch, punch, kick, kick. Very good, William.

It's Jeremy.

This dojo has proven itself

worthy of Grandmaster's certification.

The wind of karate beckons once again.

Grandmaster must go.

How did he do that?

Huh. Grandmaster is like the wind.

He is not bound by physical constraints.

You can't leave the Grandmaster!

Looks good.

Sure does.

( phone buzzes )

"Let's go grab some tacos."

Someone invited me to get tacos. Wanna come, too?

Sure.

You wanna go get some ice cream?

No? You wanna go glue some hundred-dollar bills

to the ground?

Yeah? Okay.

♪ I think Earth is a pretty great place ♪

♪ That's saying something ♪

♪ 'Cause I've been through outer space ♪

♪ I think it suits me, it's just my style ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna stay a little while ♪

♪ I think that strangers are just friends ♪

♪ You haven't met ♪

♪ I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat ♪

♪ I'm really thinking I could call this place home ♪