Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

-And so the black knight and the captive maiden

were married and live happily ever after.

Oh, wasn't he wonderful.

-Gotta get it fixed.

Gotta get it fixed.

-You got to get what fixed, Mr. Edward?

-Well this dad blamed helmet-- oh, excuse me Ms. Geraldine.

That's interesting, awful interesting.

-You you the black knight looks something like you,

Mr. Edward, sort of there.

-Oh I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that, hardly.

-Oh.

-10 o'clock, latest I've kept you up in years, goodness.

-I guess you forgot about 1935.

You stayed 'til 12, remember?

-Oh, yeah.

New Year's Eve.

Yeah, I never got to bed until 12:15 that night.

So you think I look like a knight, huh?

-Yes Mr. Edward.

-Well, goodnight Ms. Geraldine.

-Oh, Mr. Edward, you've been trying

to go out that door for years.

-I know.

Silly, ain't it?

Now I can ride a horse alright, Ms. Geraldine,

but I don't know about one of them steeds.

-On the way home tonight, if you should

meet a damsel in distress, I trust

you'll draw your sword in her defense.

-Why you bet your life I'll draw my sword in her--

-Come out of there and fight like an man.

Sir Desmond, stand up there and fight, you coward.

-Ain't nobody named Sir Desmond living around here.

-Oh, howdy Newt.

-Hello Lum, what are you doing out there?

-Why I was, just looking for my dog, Sir Desmond.

You ain't saw him, have you?

-No, I didn't see him.

-Come on, Sir Desmond.

Come on boy.

Here Sir Desmond, come on boy.

-That's s funny name for a dog.

-No sir, I tell you, Mr. Dilbeck, Lum just

don't understand me, that's his trouble.

I never know I was gonna get into all this kind of trouble

when I traded for that momma and papa rabbit.

Get back now, get back.

I'll have your house fixed for you in a minute.

He just won't [INAUDIBLE].

Well--

-Good morning, Abner.

-Morning, Marjorie.

-Good morning, Mr. Dilbeck.

-What you got there, one of my rabbits?

-This young man was running away.

-Well as fast as I build a house, they outgrow it.

Now get back in there with your momma where you belong.

-And what does Mr. Dilbeck think about the rabbit?

-Oh, he feels like Lum, I reckon,

that I ought to quit trading too.

-But you have quit, haven't you?

-Well, now Marjorie, you know can't stop something like that

all of a sudden.

A fellers got to sort of taper off on that.

-Abner Peabody, have you broken your promise to Lum again?

-Marjorie, you know good and well

that old delivery car was falling all to pieces.

-Don't tell me you've stopped the delivery car?

-Well, at least a horse don't drink gasoline.

-A horse?

But a horse, does he pay in grain?

-Well, yeah, but when I thought of that done went.

-And who is they?

-Oh, a bunch of gypsy's that come and-- oh, wait

a minute, wait a minute, here comes Lum.

Don't say another word.

Don't tell him, I got to break this to him sort of gradual.

-Don't worry, this is one fight that I

don't want to be in the middle.

Good morning Lum.

-Oh, morning Marjorie.

Morning, Abner.

-Morning, Lum.

-Abner I sort of want to talk to you.

-Well, sure.

Ain't nothing wrong, is it?

-Well, no.

But did you ever stop to think that nothing

ever happens here in Pine Ridge?

That is, nothing very exciting.

For incidence, here we've been running this store here

for years and we never even had a robbery.

We're gonna find ourselves in a run.

-Ain't never had a robbery?

How about the time I catch little

Gomer Bates sneaking out of here with a double hand

full of candy.

Jawbreakers I believe it was.

-Well, a body can't make a hero out

of himself catching little Gomer Bates.

-Well, no, but who wants to be a hero?

-Well, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.

Last night Ms. Geraldine--

-Oh.

-Well now if you're going to do the talking, go ahead and talk.

-I guess that old.

-What do you mean old?

-Well, just saying old I reckon.

-You're always saying that.

How you gonna help me be a hero, just standing there saying old?

-Well, I see, you want me to help

you make a hero out of yourself.

What in the tarnation for?

-Well, she was reading out of the book, Ms. Geraldine.

Tales all about them knights and maidens and all that stuff,

and, well, I just thought maybe if I could make a hero out

of myself, maybe, maybe I could get her to marry me.

Now laugh, dad blame you.

-I know that I just can't help it, Lum.

So after all these years you're finely

going pop the question, huh?

-Well, she's a mighty fine little woman, Abner.

Might fine little woman.

-Oh, yes, she's a fine woman all right.

While I don't think she's stout enough to do the milking, chop

the wood, such as is a woman's work, well she is a fine woman.

-I thought they ought to be some way you could

help me make a hero out of myself.

Instead of wasting your time swapping for these dad

blame rabbits and that no good dog, where ever he's at.

What's he chewing up now?

-Lum, I know you never liked him so I got rid of him.

Sold him this morning.

-Well good for you.

What'd you get for him?

-A hundred dollar.

-Hundred dollars for that dad dang dog?

-I done it.

-Where abouts is the money?

-Why, uh, back in the shed.

-Back there in the shed?

That's a fine place to leave a hundred dollars laying around.

Come on, let's go get it.

-Well, now, wait a minute.

-Only good deal you've made in years

and you have to leave the money out here in the shed.

Wait a minute, what are these dogs doing in here?

Where'd they come from?

-Well that's a hundred dollars, Lum.

A fifty dollar momma dog, and five, 10 dollar pups.

-Well, goodness sake.

I ought a know there was a catch to it somewhere or other.

Got rid of one dog and got six--

[HORSE NEIGHING]

-What was that?

-I never hear nothing.

-Sounded like a horse.

-A horse?

Now what would a horse be doing in here?

-I don't know but I aim to find out.

-Uh, oh.

Here we go.

-My grannies, if that ain't a horse, what is it?

-Huh?

I don't see nothing.

-Well open your eyes, over here.

-Huh?

Oh, my doggies, that does look something like a horse.

Yes, sir, I believe you're right, Lum.

That's what that is, sure as the world, a horse.

-Cedric Wiehunt.

-Morning, Mr. Lum.

-What are you doing in there?

-Oh, I don't know, Mr. Abner just

told me to stay in here with the horse.

-Well, natural, Lum, we had to have

somebody take care of the horse.

You admit that yourself.

-[INAUDIBLE] do goodness.

Swap for a no good horse like this,

and then hire somebody to take care of him.

Grannies, I've got headaches enough without something

like this.

I laid awake all night last night,

trying to figure out some way to make a hero out of myself,

and you have to do this.

-Well, if that's all that's wrong with you, just

a headache, I can cure that for you.

-Ah grannies, wait a minute.

What ain't we got today, that we had yesterday?

-Huh?

-What did you swap for that horse?

-Oh, uh, uh, well now, Lum, you said yourself,

that old delivery car was just falling all to pieces.

-Deliver car?

You mean you swapped it off for that horse?

-I must have.

-Ah, grannies, you just take him back to wherever

you got him and get our car back.

-Well, Lum, I don't believe them gypsies

is coming back through here.

-Gypsies?

Why, grannies, you follow them until you find them.

-Well, here, here, take that Lum.

That will make you feel better, I know it will.

-Is that the water you've been giving the horse, Cedric?

-Yes, Lum.

But he's had all he wants.

-Go ahead and take it, Lum.

And Lum, if you would just let me keep that horse,

now, I promise you I'll never make

another trade as long as I live.

-Nothing doing.

-I'll do anything you want me to do.

Anything if you let me keep him.

-Now grannies, wait a minute.

I'll let you keep him one way.

-What's that?

-If you'll promise to help me make a hero out of myself.

-Why, sure I will.

Anything you want me to do.

-All right, grannies, put her there.

-Well when do we start?

-Well, let's go in the store and figure the thing out.

-Yeah.

Cedric, you take good care of my horse for me now.

-Mr. Abner, do I have to stay with the horse all the time?

I didn't get a wink of sleep last night.

He snores.

-Oh, well, uh, make him sleep on his back,

Cedric, that'll stop him.

-Yes Lum?

-Abner.

-Go Lum, if you're going to.

-I will, don't race me, don't race me.

-Abner.

-I got you cornered every way you go.

-Abner, are you going to get me that stack of flower,

or ain't ya.

-Huh?

-Been waiting for a half hour.

-Oh, uh, we're plum out of flour, Obadiah.

Why don't know you go over to Dick Hutterson's store

there and get it.

He keeps good flour.

-Yes, and I bet he wouldn't be too

darn lazy to get it for me neither.

-By doggies, that Obadiah getting grouchy here lately.

I don't believe that feller's well.

-What's the idea telling a cash customer we're out of flour?

-Well, Lum, if I got the flour for him,

he'd wanted something else.

He'll stand there and order stuff all day

if he wants to get started.

Move.

-Wait a minute, that's our ring, ain't it?

-I don't know, I never paid no attention.

Move.

Yep, yep, that's ours, I know that ring anywhere.

-I thought it was.

-Well move one Lum.

-Well, let's see.

By grannies I'll put a stop to that ringing anyway.

-That's [INAUDIBLE].

-Is this the Jot-'em-Down town store?

-Uh, oh.

-Sounds like the Widder Abernathy,

-Move.

-Well, I will, quick as I figure this thing out.

-You just get away from that checker board, Lum Edwards.

-How'd she know we's playing checkers?

She can't see through that thing too, can she?

Hang it up!

-I will, quick as I move here.

-I want five pounds of apples.

Good apples.

-We ain't got-- we ain't got no apples.

-And I want some cheese, about--

-No cheese.

-How can a fella concentrate on a checker game

with that going on.

Hang it up.

-I ought to have that dead blang thang took out of here.

-Or not to ever let them put it in here to start with.

That's what we ought to have done.

Hang it up.

Wrong number.

-Wait a minute, here comes uncle Henry Lunsford.

Expect I better get up and wait on him.

-Yeah, better, because he feel sort of embarrassed

even coming in here, owing us like he does.

-Well he ought not to feel that way.

Grannies, he's had a lot of hard luck at his place this year.

-Yeah don't mention the bill to him.

-Well, good morning, Uncle Henry.

-Morning, Lum.

-What can I do for you?

-I come to see you about that bill I owe you.

-Oh, well, uh, me and Abner just ain't got around

to making them bills out yet this month.

-Been owing it to ya so long.

-Oh, tough, tough, tough, now.

What was you needing?

-Well, been needing so many things

that we're plum out of flower.

-Flower?

-Yeah.

-Grannies, we got plenty of it.

Just got a fresh batch in day before yesterday.

-Uh, Lum.

Get Uncle Henry to try out some of them potatoes there for him.

Give him about a bushel of 'em.

-Oh, now, I don't want you to do that.

-Why don't you go get the wagon and drive around to the side

door there and we'll load her up.

You'll be wanting to get some feed anyway for the stock.

-If you insist.

-And, uh, here.

Take these cookies to the young'uns, I

know they'll enjoy 'em.

-Oh, when those young'uns see these cookies they'll be like

a bunch of hogs under an acorn tree.

-Abner.

-Huh?

-Come on up here and help me.

Let's get a big basket of stuff for him.

I know their plum out of everything.

-Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea, Lum.

-Wait a minute.

Grannies, here comes the Widder Abernathy.

-All full of love and matrimony as usual.

-I ought to hide what I ordered.

-No sir, you stay here and wait on her.

You're the one she's in love with.

Morning Widder.

-Morning.

Oh, there you are, Mr. Edwards.

You were so busy when I called you.

I thought I better begin this order.

Let me see, I want five pounds of potatoes.

-Oh, the potatoes is in Abner's department.

Uh, five pounds of potatoes, Abner.

-Five pounds of spuds.

-And a package of macaroni.

-Abner handles the macaroni too.

Package of macaroni, Abner.

-Macaroni, check.

-Perhaps it'd be best, after all if i just

left this list with you and had you deliver it.

In person if you please.

Where are those children?

-Here we are.

-It's so hard for one little woman to cope with them.

What they need is a good, strong father.

Don't you think, Mr. Edwards?

-Uh, we'll get the groceries over there some way

or other, Widder.

-Come children.

-What them kids need's a good strong right arm.

-Why that little vermin.

-He done it on purpose too.

-Why, sure he did.

By doggies, I know that ain't my department.

Go on, pick'em up, Lum.

-All right.

I'll straighten up the cans.

Here, you fill out the grocery order.

-Hand me a sack of them potatoes as you go by there, Lum.

By doggies, that woman's going get you yet, Lum.

She's been trying to marry you for years.

-Not if I'm in my right mind she won't.

I'd just leave Mary a bunch of poison ivy.

-Let's see, macaroni, yeah.

Uh, dog food, two cans.

Doggies must be gonna have company.

Didn't she say something the other day,

Lum, about her husband dying.

-Yeah that's what she claims.

I think she worried him to death.

Down in Oklahoma I believe she said it was.

-That's what it was.

Tulsa, Oklahoma.

That's what she said.

-He might a just run off and left her.

I know that's what I'd a did.

-Howdy, Mr. Lum.

-Oh, hello Cedric.

-Well, what'd you have, an accident?

-Yeah, one went through here a few minutes ago.

Come on, pitch in, help me straighten up these cans.

-Lum?

-Help me straighten up these tomatoes.

-Well stack 'em up there yourself, Cedric.

-Lum?

-Never mind, I'll do it myself.

-That old woman can throw more stuff out the back door

than two men can carry into the front to save their lives.

-Yeah, it's looking alright, Cedric.

-Say here, Lum.

-What do you mean, here yer?

-The deliver for the Widder Abernathy.

-Well take it on over there then.

-You were the one she wanted to bring it over.

-You was the one that swapped off the deliver car.

-Now, Lum, you said you wouldn't bring it up again.

-Go on take them groceries over there.

-I'll take it over for you, Mr. Edwards.

-No you don't, Cedric.

Make him do it.

By grannies maybe it'll learn him to trading with

everybody that wants to banter him .

Go on, take 'em over there.

-Dad blame it.

I always got to do all the work that's did around this place,

I had to do it.

-Well, that's, that get ya, Cedric.

Looks all right, don't it?

-Oh, there's one more there, Mr. Lum.

-Oh, hand me--

Well I'll be dad blamed.

-Huh, I didn't aim to do that.

-I'm hungry.

-You're hungry?

If you don't quit talking about eating I'm

going take a bite outta you.

Hey, nix it, comes a guy down the street.

He's got a basket of groceries, scram.

-Well thank you very much doctor.

You've opened up a new world for me.

-See if you can open up a can of sardines some place.

Well good morning, good morning, good morning, sir.

-Morning.

Doggie, that's pretty good to keep three of them things

in the air at once, you know what.

-Three?

I was juggling six balls.

-Six?

I never seen but three of 'em.

-Well if you can only see three balls when I'm juggling six,

there must be something wrong with your glasses.

Let me send you a pair of them.

-No, no.

I ain't got no money to be buying nothing, no.

-Well, maybe we could make a trade.

-Huh?

Trade?

-Yeah.

See you don't need cash.

We can trade the glasses for whatever you've got in there.

What have you got there?

-Oh, just some groceries.

Potatoes, and cookies, and butter,

and ham, and one thing another.

-Yeah.

Now you don't need cash.

You see, we're going to make this trade.

-Well I don't much believe I'd be

interested in buying no glasses right at this time.

-I got to study up some way another to make a hero out

of myself, so's I can marry Ms. Geraldine.

Course she don't know what a hero is.

-I do a done it.

I seen one at the opera house.

He saved the pretty lady.

-Saved her from what?

-An engine.

-What was he gonna do, scalp her?

-No, a railroad engine.

She was tied onto the tracks and he run in and untied her.

And, well, what do you think she done?

-What'd she do?

Kiss him?

-Aw, shucks, you seen it yourself.

But it made a big hero out of him.

-Did, huh?

-Yes, Lum.

-By grannies, wait a minute, Cedric.

I believe you give me an idea.

-Lum?

-How would you like for me to save

you from a railroad engine?

-I don't think I'd like it.

-No that's right.

It ought to be somebody more important.

-Yes, Lum.

-Somebody like, like Abner.

-Mr. Peabody, take these glasses and put 'em in your pocket

as a memento of an almost fatal mistake.

And put on these glasses that are

going to help you immeasurably.

Look at the cross street please.

-Huh?

Oh.

Doggies, what do we having, and earthquake?

-Earthquake?

Let me see those.

Oh yes, I see.

It needs a little crooked.

There we are.

Now then, look right across street again.

-I believe you better crimp 'em again.

They still ain't just right.

-Oh, they're all right.

You just read these large letters here.

-You're awful skinny, you know it?

-Well now, I keep myself in good shape.

Good glasses will keep you in shape.

-Well these must be x-ray glasses.

I can see every bone in your body.

-Every-- Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Beg your pardon that's from the last time.

There we are.

Now, please read this letter.

-Uh, B.

-Very good.

-This?

-O.

-Very good.

And this?

-Uh, P.

-Perfect.

And this?

-That's another O, ain't it?

-That's fine.

And here?

-Uh, Y.

-Excellent.

And this?

-V.

-Correct.

A 100% correct as we say in the optical world.

-Got 'em right, did I?

-You certainly did.

-Well, good for me.

What's that?

Oh, oh, yes sir, yes sir.

-Ah, the groceries please, Mr. Peabody.

-Yep.

What's fair is fair, yes sir.

What is fair-- Here now.

Is proud I run into you before it's too late.

Well, much obliged, doctor.

-Yes, Mr. Peabody.

What a blessing is clear vision.

-Oh, excuse me, ma'am.

Doggies, must've rained last night.

-And we'll tie Abner to the railroad track

and just as the train gets right to him,

I'll run up there and untie the ropes and save his life

and make a hero.

Wait a minute, here he comes now.

Don't let on, Cedric.

Don't let on.

-Oh, you gentlemen been waited on?

-Wait a minute, Abner, what in the world's

the matter with you?

-Huh?

Is that you, Lum?

-Well I'll be dad blamed.

-What's going on here?

-All right, Cedric.

May as well start stacking 'em up again.

-Lum.

Oh.

-Wait a minute.

Where abouts did you get them spectacles?

-From a feller right over there on the corner.

-Swine do goodness.

You needed new glasses about like we

needed that horse you swapped for.

-He give me an examination, and I passed it, Lum.

And he let me have a pair.

I was needing 'em awful bad.

He said so himself.

-Where abouts is the basket?

-Huh?

-You swapped the Widder Abernathy's groceries

for them things.

-Well, Lum, it ain't every day a feller get a chance to be

fitted by an expert this a way.

-Where abouts is he at now?

-Right over there.

-By grannies, give me them things.

-Wait a minute, what you fixing to do, Lum?

-I'm gonna make him give us them groceries back.

-Now wait a minute.

-And I'm going to run him out of town

so fast he'll set the woods on fire.

Come on, Cedric, I might need your help.

-Well be that, a fine howdy do.

A fine how do you do, I must say.

Oh, tomatoes are knocked down.

Knowed I believe I bit off more than I should, you rabbits.

Got me building pens, night and day.

[DOOR BELLS]

-Uh, oh.

Here comes Squire Skimp.

-Well, good morning, Abner.

How are you with this fine day?

-He's up to something.

Morning, Squire.

-Need this grocery order to be filled.

-Well, much obliged to you.

-No, not at all.

Not at all.

I hear you and Lum bought a horse?

-Well, we didn't exactly buy him, but we got one.

-Race horse, is it?

-Oh, I don't know.

As far as I know it's just a horse.

-Well I might take a look at him and let

you know what kind of a deal you made.

-Why, sure.

Be proud to get your opinions on him.

He's back here in the shed.

Come on back.

-Oh, you have him here, eh?

-Yeah, yeah.

Wouldn't want to buy some rabbit's cheese,

would ya, Squire.

-No, no.

I just had two when I started.

Yes sire, I believe I made a good-- well,

Cedric tied him up out here.

Whoa boy.

There, Squire, look him over.

Stands as square on his feet as a cook stove.

Ain't got a spur standing on him no wheres as I could find.

Broad through the chest as a wide oak stump.

Got a good look out of his eye.

How old you say he is, Squire?

-I'm afraid I couldn't tell ya, Peabody.

Somebody's been doing a pretty good of teeth filing there.

-They have, huh?

-Yeah, he's practically worthless.

-You could be wrong about that, uncle.

-What are you doing here?

-Oh, howdy, Marjorie.

-Hello, Abner.

I just dropped in accidentally, same as you did.

He looks to me like he's got some pretty parts.

-I repeat he's worthless.

Someone was telling me you were thinking about entering him

into the company sweepstakes at the fair next week.

But after looking him over, it's my opinion, Abner,

you're too smart to try to race him

against a horse like my brown Bess.

-While I wasn't picking on entering him.

Oh, a, well, you can't tell about a horse

anyway, Squire, until you try him.

-Oh, nonsense.

His conformation is all wrong.

Eh, what's his name?

-Well, I sorta thinking a while ago,

Lum went so high when I swapped for him,

I might just call him Skyrocket.

-Doesn't it look to you, uncle, as if he might've

been sold at the Frank Williams place, near Hot Springs?

-Oh, ridiculous.

Why that Williams stock is a fine, stable horse place.

Why that [INAUDIBLE] run a lick.

-I'd like to ride him sometime, Abner,

and see if he has any step.

And the Squire being a sportsman, wouldn't want you

and Lum to pass up a good bet, I'm sure.

-No, no, certainly not, certainly not.

But you're just wasting your time.

-Uh, oh.

Here comes Lum.

I hope he never hurt that feller when he run him out of town.

Did you have to fist fight him, Lum?

-No, uh, take off them glasses and put 'em in your pocket

or throw 'em away or something before they ruin your eyes.

-Huh?

-Here.

-Well, what's the matter?

Wouldn't he take 'em back?

-Well you can't expect him to work right off the bat, Abner.

You got to let 'em get used to your eyes.

He said to crimp 'em.

-Oh, well.

Uh, here, here, Lum.

He's an order for Squire Skimp.

If you put it out I'll deliver it over there.

-Yeah.

Potatoes, onions, sugar, beets.

Wait a minute.

Here.

-Huh?

Oh you got a pair too, huh?

-Yep.

I had to get 'em, Abner.

I had to get 'em.

-Well I never know'd your eyes is giving you trouble.

-Oh, yeah.

He says that might be what's been causing me asthma.

-Well.

-Grannies, he don't have to write so big,

I ain't hard of hearing.

Potatoes--

-Uh, oh, customer.

-Huh?

-Oh, come in, Cedric.

-Lum?

Oh, there you are, way over yonder.

-What's the matter with him?

-Well, I believe Cedric's bought some glasses too.

-Look out Cedric, don't run over a feller.

-Mr. Lum?

Where are you, Mr. Lum?

-Here we are, Cedric.

Right here.

-Oh.

-Here, here, here we are.

-Mr. Lum you got the longest arm I ever seen.

-Where you'd get them spectacles?

-The eye doctor.

He said I looked more distinguished looking

with 'em on.

-Well.

-By grannies, that's the biggest horse I ever seen in my life.

-Where?

-Right up this way.

-Look out, she'll run over us.

-Oh, that's Marjorie and Skyrocket.

You're a good boy, Skyrocket, good boy.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me.

-Well what about him, Marjorie?

If you say enter him in the county sweepstakes he goes.

-Yes, sir.

You're the boss.

-I'd like one or two more days before I

give you a definite answer.

-Well, what's the matter, ain't he fast enough?

Is that what you mean?

-No.

As a matter of fact, I think he's about two seconds

to the mile faster than Brown Bess.

-Well, what are we waiting for then?

By grannies, I can't hardly wait to see the expression

on the Squire's face whenever he has

to hand that cup over to us.

-But it isn't that easy.

I hate to tell this, but I'm afraid is a balker.

-He's a what?

-Um hmm.

He won't start.

Look, I'll show you.

-While I'll be dad blamed.

-Well didn't them gypsies tell you

that whenever you traded for him?

-No.

Well, now, come to think of it, I believe he

they did say that sometimes he stood awful quiet.

-Pick up that rope, Lum, and stretch it

straight across the road.

-Huh?

Oh.

-Well no wonder he balks, Marjorie,

if he's got to jump a rope to get started.

-Well, let's try him.

-Oh, all right, let's go.

One, two, three.

-Go!

-Doggies he's out of sight already.

Where'd he go?

-He never went.

-Huh?

Oh.

-See I told you he was a balker.

I've tried every trick I'd ever heard of to get him started.

Sometimes he'll go and sometimes he won't.

He'll look pretty foolish if he refused

to break at the county sweepstakes.

-Yeah.

Squire'd have a laugh on us then, wouldn't he?

-That's what I'm afraid of.

The horse is getting better I think.

But if Cedric's going to ride him

he better start working with him.

So Sky here can used to him.

-You know, I'll bet you Abner could ride him.

He used to be quite a rider when he's a young feller.

-Lum, I ain't been on a horse in 30 years.

-Well, you ain't a scared of him are you?

-Why of course not.

I can ride any horse that ever peeked through a bridal.

-Well get on him then.

See what you can do with him.

-Oh, oh boy.

Steady boy.

-Well, heh, heh.

How you getting on with Man 'O War ?

-We getting along fine.

We think we'll have a race horse one of these days.

-Someone was telling me he don't break very well.

I hope he ain't a balker.

-Squire Skimp.

Have you been snooping on me?

-No, no, no, no, certainly not.

But I heard a few rumors.

-Take him down the road, Abner.

Let him out a little.

-Well, don't you want to put the rope up first?

-Put up the rope.

Let's see him start.

If he will start.

-Well he'll start all right.

Come on, Lum, put her up.

-One, two, three, go.

-Get out, here we come, let's go!

Come on boy, let's go!

Get out there, get up.

Doggie you do stand quiet, don't you.

Come on, let's go, Skyrocket!

-By grannies, he's a power runner once he gets started.

-Yes, sir.

One rabbit power.

-Wait a minute.

So this is how you been snooping on us?

-Good day, Lum.

-Well I still like to know where we're going, Lum.

-Be quiet, Abner.

I reckon this is far enough, ain't it, Cedric?

-Lum?

Oh, yes, Lum.

-What are we doing down here on a railroad track, Lum?

Are we gonna hump a freight and run away from home?

-Course not.

-Well, well, what are we gonna do?

You said if I come down here you had a surprise for me.

Now what is it?

-Well, before I tell you, I think

we better tie him up, haven't we, Cedric?

-Yes, Lum.

-You tie his hands and feet there, Cedric.

-You gotta tie me up first, huh?

-Yeah.

-Well a good friendly, laugh Friday.

Yes.

Hurry up, Cedric.

-Well, now, you been caused to help me

make a hero out of myself if I let you keep that horse.

-I'll do it.

I'll do it, too, Lum.

-All right, this is your chance to play ball with me.

-Well, good.

Play ball?

Is that what the surprise is, a new mitt?

-Oh, not baseball, Abner.

-Well, Lum, I'm getting too old to play football

if that's what you're talking about.

-Tie him tight there, Cedric.

-Yes, Lum.

-Well I don't know what the game is, Cedric, but tie me tight.

I don't want to cheat.

No what is it, Lum, we gonna play?

-Well we're gonna tie you across the railroad track here.

-Well, good.

-And when the train gets about, oh, 100 yards from us here,

I'll run up the track here.

Cedric and I will hide out the side there, see.

And we'll run up the track here, and I'll

untie you and save your life and make a hero out of me.

-Well, uh, what kind of train?

-Why, the fast express.

-Fast express?

Oh no you don't!

Help, help, help me Cedric.

Help me.

Oh, don't now, Lum.

Now wait a minute now.

Lum, let's talk this thing over now, Lum.

Honest now.

-Ain't nothing to talk over, we done tried that.

-Dad blame it all.

Cedric, I'm going to have you arrested for this.

-Don't pay no attention to him, Cedric.

-Don't, that tickles my feet, don't do that, Cedric.

Help!

Help!

-Shut up, somebody might hear ya.

-Well that's the reason I'm hollering hell, so they will.

Now, Lum, Lum, listen.

-You got him, Cedric?

-Dad blame it all.

-That ought to hold him.

Now don't worry a bit, Abner.

I'll be right back to rescue you quick as the train comes.

You sit here behind this bush, Cedric so nobody can see you.

-Yes, boss.

-Ah, grannies, this is gonna make the biggest hero out

of me, Pine Ridge has ever seen.

-It is huh?

-Oh, yeah.

Grannies, it's worth every cent I'm paying to help me, Cedric.

-Well, when am I gonna get the 50 cents?

-Well we'll get around to that later.

-Cedric!

Don't be [INAUDIBLE].

Dad blame it all.

-Grannies, I hope they stop the train and all the customers

get out and shake hands with me.

Maybe the engineer will get me to sit up there in the engine

with him and ride me clear in the county scene.

-Dad blame it, Lum!

Come up here!

-Mr. Lum the train sound like it getting awful near.

-Oh, now we got plenty time, Cedric.

See the closer it gets to Abner the bigger hero

it'll make out of me.

-Lum!

Hurry up, Lum!

There comes the train, Lum!

-Yes, Lum, but it's getting awful close.

Oh, Mr. Lum, you better get on up there.

-Well you stay right here, Cedric.

-Help!

-Is this the greatest idea I ever had in my life, Abner.

This ought to make a hero out of me.

-Get me loose.

-Oh, I got plenty of time.

-Hurry up, Lum!

Hurry up, Lum!

-Grannies, Cedric's got these tied in a hard knot.

-I wish I'd never--

-Oh my goodness!

Stop the train!

Wait a minute!

Hold it back!

Hold it!

-Get it loose, Lum!

-Wait a minute--

-I reckon Mr. Lum's a hero now, ain't he?

-I'd rather not discuss it, Cedric.

-Yes.

-Aye doggies, if you get any higher I'm going

to have to get a ladder and plum up on everything

there is in the store.

No, as I was saying, Mr. Dilbeck,

if that Lum keeps up with that hero business of his,

somebody's going to get hurt around here.

And I think I know who it is too .

-Oh I don't believe I'd say that, Abner.

-Lum, don't come slipping up on a feller early in the morning

this way, you scared the daylights out of me.

-Abner, I've got a great idea.

-I don't want to hear it.

-But this is a gooder.

You're going to be kidnapped.

Think of that.

-I am thinking and I still don't like it.

-It's gonna be a secret.

-Well just keep it a secret from me then.

-Well wait a minute, what about that promise of yours?

-I don't recollect no promise.

-You mean to say you don't recollect promising

to help me make a hero out of myself?

-I never promised to put up with the kind

of foolishness you got me into yesterday.

-Well now, wait a minute.

-No sir.

No way.

There ain't no use arguing about it, Lum.

You're just wasting your time now.

-Well wait a minute, Abner.

I don't much blame you.

That railroad business never worked very good

for some reason or another.

But this is different.

Now tonight I'll get a ladder and I'll

come over to your house and get you out of the bedroom window.

You have to make out like you got a headache or something.

Go to bed early so your woman Elizabeth

won't think anything about it.

And we'll take you over to that hill,

back Uncle Henry Lunsford's place and pick out a nice spot

and tie you to a tree.

-I just stay there until I starved to death.

-No, no, we're gonna put a note on the front door there saying

you're being held for $1,000 ransom.

-A $1,000?

For me?

By doggies.

-See how important you're gonna be?

-Yeah, but now, how'd I get moved.

-Well I'm coming to that.

Now, tomorrow morning, right early, I'll

go down to that hobo camp, down there on the river.

And I'll get a couple of them tramps.

Pick out a couple of the meanest looking fellers.

Of course I'll have to pay 'em about five dollars a piece.

-And they turn me loose?

-No, no.

They're gonna stand guard over you.

They're the kidnappers.

-Oh.

-So after the posse forms I'll sort of

lead 'em to the right spot.

And then I'll come charging up the hill

a firing my six shooter.

-You needn't go any farther off.

-Why not!

-I saw you shoot that pistol, ain't a thing a doing.

-Oh, well, these a gonna be blank cartridges, silly.

-Oh, oh.

-But the hobo's will make out like they're real bullets

and they're just run like all get out.

And right in front of the posse I'll

come running up the hill to untie you.

Grannies if that don't make a hero out of me,

my ain't Lum Edwards.

-Well it sounds like a pretty good idea all right, Lum.

But I believe I better think it over.

For a week or two.

-No sir, we got strike while the iron's hot.

-Yeah, we're-- Huh?

-Huh?

-What'd you say about heating up an iron?

-I said we've got to strike while the iron's hot.

That's an old Edwards saying of mine.

-Well what kind of iron?

A flat iron like Elizabeth uses to iron with?

-Any kind of iron, hot or cold, we've got to strike tonight.

-Well you better make it a cold one, I'll tell you that.

If you think I'm gonna set up on top of that hill hold

a red hot iron waiting for come after me

you got another guess a coming.

-Well forget about the iron.

Tonight's the night.

[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]

-Abner.

Abner.

Hey, Abner.

Abner, are you awake?

Hey, Abner.

Abner, get out of there.

-Who is it?

-It's me, Lum.

-What are you doing out running around this time of night, Lum.

Go home.

-I come to kidnap you, don't you recollect.

-To kidnap?

Oh I changed my mind about that, Lum.

-No you ain't neither.

Get out of that bed or I'll come in there and get you.

-Now, Lum.

Don't argue now .

Don't argue.

-Get out of there then, hurry up.

-I'm getting, I'm getting.

-Be quiet before you wake up the whole household.

-Come around here at this hour of the night.

-Goodness gracious alive.

-Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Well let me get my britches on.

-Be quiet.

-Kidnap, make a hero out of yourself.

Doggies I wish I'd never hear of it.

Wait a minute, I'll give you a light here, Lum.

-Don't.

-Well wait a minute.

That's did the best prized lamp.

Told you this a fine time of night

to be getting a man out for something like this.

-Come on and shut up.

-Ought to have more sense then to listen

to ya in the first place.

Get up out of bed all hours the night.

-Keep quiet, goodness sakes.

-Ah, no don't it tickles, don't.

-Quiet.

-Well don't tickle my foot.

-That didn't break my back, it's a mercy.

-It ain't my back that's hurting me.

-Well come on let's get out.

We'll just leave that ladder there for evidence.

Come on.

-Oh, oh!

Lum these locks is--

-Quiet, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood.

-These locks is hurting my feet, Lum.

You're gonna have to carry me.

-Oh for goodness sakes, for two cents

I'd give this whole thing up.

-All right, doggies, that's a deal

-What are you doing?

-Nope, ain't got less than a nickle.

-Oh for goodness sake. Get on.

Get aboard.

You better get off now, Abner.

I got to put that ransom note on the door.

-This is fun riding piggyback, you know what?

-Quiet, not so loud.

You'll wake up the whole town.

It's a wonder we got out of the house

without waking Elizabeth up.

-Elizabeth?

Why she weren't there.

-Weren't there?

-No grandma Masters is sick, so she

went over there to sit up with her.

-Well this is a fine time to be telling me about it.

We could've walked right out the front door.

-I never thought about that.

-We got Abner.

And he's worth a $1,000.

You'd better get it ready.

If you ain't, we sending his ear one at a time.

More later.

-Abner's been kidnapped!

-Holding him for ransom.

-They're forming a posse now.

Get the boys and come a running.

-Hey, what makes you think they came this way?

-Well, I just figured it out, sheriff.

I just figured if I was a kidnapper

where abouts would I take you?

-Well, sounds like good reasoning to me.

All right then, follow along.

-Yeah, follow me.

-Oh, for land's sake.

Did you hurt yourself?

-What you feller's is got this all wrong.

It was just a joke.

-Well, the joke ain't gonna work, chump.

-See, me and my partner we was gonna

make out like I was kidnapped.

And then he's gonna rescue me.

And that'll make a hero out of him

and he'll get to marry Ms. Geraldine.

-Ah cut the comedy, we came by the store

and seen the ransom note.

-That was part of the joke too.

-He was gonna give us $10 and shake somebody down for grand.

Well if anybody's going to get it, we're gonna get the grand.

-Well we wasn't gonna get no grand.

It was a $1,000.

They'll be here in just a little while.

-Who'll be here?

-The posse and my partner to rescue me.

-There ain't gonna be no rescue mister.

Not til we've had time to collect.

And if that silly looking partner of yours

wants to get tough about it, we'll fill him full of holes.

-Doggies, ain't there nothing I can do to make you fellers

believe me?

-Well we believe ya.

And we're gonna be all nice little pals together.

Just as soon as we cut up that dough.

-Why you low down snake in the weeds.

-Hey, Butch.

There's a bunch of [INAUDIBLE] milling around down here.

-That's him, that's him.

They've come for me.

Hooray!

-Keep your mouth shut you little runt or I'll shut it for ya.

-You and who else?

Help!

Help!

-I said keep your mouth shut!

-Help.

Help.

-Just a minute, men.

Can't be more than nine or 10 of 'em up there.

I'll handle this by myself.

-But Lum you can't--

-No, no, I don't want none of you fellers to get hurt.

But if I have any trouble you fellers come and help me out.

And come a shooting.

-Hey, here comes the other guy.

-Let's get over behind the tree and give

a warning to keep away.

-Hey Lum!

Don't come up here they'll kill ya!

-That guy's so dumb he don't believe his own partner.

Better warn him off.

-Ha, ha.

Tell 'em to keep shooting, Abner.

That's gonna sound good from down there below.

-Lum don't come up here.

Stay back, Lum, they'll kill ya.

Lum!

Stay back, they're right over there by a tree.

-He didn't say nothing about shooting.

That thing looks like a young cannon.

-Hey, better not fire men.

You're liable to hit Lum.

-Lum, don't come up here!

Get back, Lum!

-They're right over there, Lum.

Right there, right over there.

-Just stay where you are, I'm gonna get you.

-Them bullets as big as marbles.

That guy must be crazy.

-He's asking for it, let him have it.

-Get on back, Lum!

Get back!

-The crazy one got me.

I'm getting out of here.

-That guy don't know when he's licked.

Come on!

-All right men, these men have breaked cover.

-Nice work, Abner.

I told you it'd work out just like we planned it.

-Yeah, you told me.

-It's a good idea having them fellers shooting blanks too.

Did you tell them to do that?

-Lum, them weren't blanks.

They was using real bullets.

They was going hold me here until pay them a $1,000 ransom.

-Oh you're just joking, Abner.

You're just saying that to get even with me on account

of that railroad business, I know.

-Just saying it, huh?

If you think them weren't real bullets they's using,

take a look at your hat there.

-Huh?

-Take a look at your hat there.

-Oh my goodness.

-Is he wounded, Abner.

-No. just shell shocked, I reckon.

Untie me Cedric, and then pick up his feet,

we got to carry him in.

Untie me!

-Oh.

-All the crazy, idiotic stunts I ever heared of in my life,

this one takes the prize.

-Uh, now is he a hero, Mr. Abner?

-I hope so, before one of us gets killed.

-You're sure I can't deliver these groceries

for you, Ms. Geraldine.

-Oh, no thank you.

And I'd like to tell you again how much

I admired your conduct yesterday.

It was knightly, Mr. Edwards.

-Weren't nothing much, hardly, to speak of.

-And I'd like to ask a very great favor of you Mr. Edwards.

-Why sure.

What is it?

-Well, I wonder if I could have your hat?

The one with the bullet hole in it.

I should like to preserve it.

-Why, of course you can have it.

I can't wear it now more no ways.

-Well, do come and see me.

You don't have to wait for the usual Wednesday night, do you?

-No, I, don't reckon I do.

I'll come by tonight and set a spell.

That is if it's alright with you?

And I'll bring the hat.

-Oh, thank you.

Well, au revoir, Mr. Edwards.

-Au-- goodbye Ms. Geraldine.

[HUMMING]

-Grannies it's a fine morning.

-Mighty funny when a feller don't know when he's well off

and goes and sticks his head into matrimony, ain't it?

-Have you popped the question yet, Lum?

-Well, that's the part that's got me stuck.

-He can dodge bullets and yet he's

afraid to ask a lady to marry him.

-Well, he might be right about that, Marjorie.

That getting married is awful dangerous business nowadays.

-How's Skyrocket, Marjorie.

-Well that's what I came to tell you.

I entered him into the county sweepstakes

today, in your names.

-Well good for you.

-Oh that old Squire feller [INAUDIBLE].

-You sure Cedric ain't gonna be too heavy for him?

-I don't think so.

He ran a mile in 1:42 this morning with Cedric up.

-1:42?

Doggies, that's faster than Brown Bess ever run it.

-Why sure.

[PHONE RINGING]

Is he still balking?

-Oh once in a while.

But he's getting used to it and I'll

think he'll start all right.

Isn't that your ring?

-I don't know, I never paid no attention.

-Of course it was.

Go on, answer the phone.

What you waiting on?

-I'm looking for my spectacles.

-They're on your forehead.

-Don't need glasses to answer the telephone no way.

-Gotta see who I'm talking to, don't I?

Hello?

Hello?

By doggies, must of hung up.

Hey, what's going on here?

What's that, a grocery order, Lum?

-No, I want to read you something.

Now no laughing.

This is serious business.

-It wouldn't be a proposal, would it?

-How'd you know that?

Listen to this, see how you like it.

My love for you is strong and true.

It'll last as long as the skies are blue.

Will you be kind and share my life.

In short, will you become my wife?

Signed, Lum Edward's, proprietor of the Jot-'em-Down store,

Pine Ridge, Arkansas.

-Why Lum, that's very sweet.

-Did you like it, sure enough?

By grannies, I sit up all night last night writing it.

But the question is, how I'm a gonna get it to her?

-Well why don't you go out and hand it her yourself?

-And stand there and watch her read it?

Oh, no, I couldn't do that.

-Well, then why not, uh--

-Don't be looking at me, I ain't no Cupid.

-Uh, wait a minute, Abner.

Wait a minute.

-There ain't no used to argue with me now, Lum.

I ain't gonna do it now.

-Wait a minute, Abner.

Grannies, after all I've did for you.

Sit up with you when you had the mumps.

Lent you money when you's a needing.

-Why Abner Peabody, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

-All right, dad blame it.

I'll hand it to her.

Give it to me.

-Well wait a minute, let's see if she's gone home yet.

She may still be down on the street.

-Oh, yeah.

-By doggies, I've got to get hole fixed.

-By the way, how are the new glasses panning out?

-Oh, I think we're getting used to 'em, sort of gradual.

-Yeah our eyes has been burning, we've

been having some awful bad headaches.

But that just shows how bad we's needing 'em.

-Yeah.

I believe eventual I can see might as good with these

as I did with my old one.

-Wait a minute, Abner.

Yonder is Ms. Geraldine now.

-Where?

-Standing right out there.

Or, over in front of the [INAUDIBLE] store.

-Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

I see her.

-Here, take this note on over there and give it to her right

now.

-Well, now, what you want me to tell her?

-Why, just tell her it's with the compliments of Mr. Edwards.

-Yeah, yeah, all right.

Woah, woah boy.

Woah, woah, woah boy.

Woah.

-Well, he'll deliver the note all right.

Here I expect I better get back in the store.

I don't want Ms. Geraldine to see

me standing out here watching.

-Good morning, Geraldine.

-Oh, I forgot something.

Lum!

-Huh?

-Look who's standing there now where Ms. Geraldine was?

-Oh my goodness.

Well, she'll be back out to-- You don't reckon Abner would?

-With those glasses on?

-Oh my goodness.

Wait a minute, Abner!

Abner!

Abner!

Wait a minute!

-I got something here for you.

He said to tell you with the compliments of Lum Edwards.

Now don't say a word until you read it.

-Abner!

Abner!

Wait a minute, wait a minute, give me that note.

-Now, darling.

You've made me the happiest woman in the world.

-By doggies, how did this happen?

-Look!

Look!

[CHILDREN CHEERING]

-Now you've done it.

-Aye grannies, this'll settle any argument

about where the middle of the store's at.

-Lum, do we have to go through all this again?

Just on account of a little bad eyesight?

-I'd rather not discuss it with you, Mr. Peabody.

You ruined my life, that's what you did.

Ruined my life.

-Well I never meant to--

-I got my half of the dried good on this side of the store,

and you've got your half of the groceries over there.

The store is equal divided now, and I'll

appreciate if you'll stay on your own side.

-Uh, oh.

Peabody sells it for less.

-Debtors for better merchandise.

-Bananas 25 cents a dozen.

-Two dozen for a quarter.

-Three dozen for a quarter.

-Four dozen.

-Five dozen.

-Wait a minute.

I don't want any bananas.

So you've divided the store again, have you?

-Yes sir.

-Divide it up, yeah.

-Well, I've come to see Lum, so I might as well

get on his side of the store.

How long is this feud gonna last, Lum.

-Ah, grannies, it's final this time, judge.

I ain't having no more dealings with him.

-I'm sorry to hear that.

Because what I've got to say to you

isn't make you feel any better.

-It ain't, huh?

-I'm afraid the Widder's got a mighty strong

breach of promise case against you.

-Wait a minute.

Come over here, judge.

He's got ears like a donkey.

-By doggies that's a heap better than being one.

-I'm afraid if you don't marry her,

she can take everything you've got.

-Grannies, ain't there no way out of it at all, judge?

-There's one chance.

That is if you give us back that note.

That's the only evidence she has against you.

-See if you can't get that note back, judge.

-I'm going down to see her now.

But you know the Widder better than I do.

-Hello, Judge Akins.

-Hello, Marjorie.

-Right over this way, lowest prices in town.

-Right over this way.

Oh, come in, Marjorie.

Grannies I'm glad you come in.

-Well what's the matter, Lum?

-Oh I just had a talk with Judge Akins.

He says the Widder Abernathy's got

an awful good breach of promise case against me.

-Lum Edwards, you need a guardian.

-And you know who's fault is was.

-Lum Edwards, give me those glasses.

-Wait a minute, what are you gonna do with 'em.

-I'll show you.

-Come on over here in the good store, Marjorie.

-Give me these new glasses, Abner.

-Well wait a minute, I'm just getting used to 'em.

-Come on, there's nothing wrong with your old ones.

-Well now, be careful with 'em.

-I'll be careful all right.

You two get into enough trouble without having

these glasses to help you.

-Why that's willful destruction of property.

-I know it is.

-What?

Oh.

[DOOR BELLS]

Right a place, there, Squire, lowest prices in town.

-Don't go over there to skinned, Squire, come over here.

-Now you two stop this right now, do you hear?

-Oh, fiddle faddle.

All groceries half priced over here, Squire.

-It looks like I might make some nice, smart bargains here

today.

-Yeah, what can I do for you?

-But that means what's on my mind, Lum.

I'm representing the Widder Abernathy in that little matter

of your contract of matrimony.

-Well, what are you doing sticking your nose in this?

You ain't no lawyer?

-Nevertheless, the Widder Abernathy

has asked me to represent her interests.

-I don't want to marry her.

The whole thing's a mistake.

-You'll marry Mrs. Abernathy on Saturday

night or take the consequences.

That'll be two decisions you lose on Saturday.

-What do you mean by that?

-When Brown Bess beats that nag of yours,

you'll realize what a fool you were,

entering him in the county sweepstakes.

-I wouldn't be too sure of that, uncle.

-He's a balker.

He'll never get off of the starting line.

-Oh, he'll start all right.

-Eh, fine niece you were.

Training a horse to beat Brown Bess.

What do you know about horses anyway?

-She knows a heap more than you do, Squire.

By grannies, I'll back her judgement

against yours any day.

-You will, eh?

How much will you back it for?

-Well.

-You're not gonna bet, are ya Lum?

-Just as I thought.

You're full of big talk.

But when it comes right down to backing your horse, you're--

-So that's what you come over here for, huh?

Always looking for a sure thing, ain't ya?

Well you ain't got one this time.

I tell you what I do, Squire.

If you really want to bet.

I'll bet you my half of the store

here against $1,000 that Skyrocket beats Brown Bess.

-Lum, you wouldn't do that.

-Keep still.

That's a bet, Edwards.

Shake on it.

-Don't do it, Lum.

-When this half of the store is mine,

I can fix it up and make something

out of this hodgepodge.

-Just a minute, Squire.

You're so awful smart, and appear

to think so much of the dad blamed hay burner of yours.

How would you like to make a real bet on that race?

-What do you mean, a real bet?

-I'll bet you my half of store, against you sending Marjorie

to that artist institution she's been wanting to go to.

-You were bluffing, Peabody.

You think I won't call you.

And here's where you lose.

I'll take that little bet too.

-By doggies, you made a deal.

-Good day, gentlemen.

Have the keys ready.

I'll be in to take possession on Monday morning.

-Good for you.

-Well now you've done it.

I declare I think you're both crazy.

-Of course we're crazy.

You got not business associated with us no way.

Why don't you go on away and leave us alone?

-Well, Lum.

-Well, for once I think he's right.

What do you hang around down here for?

Why don't you go on home and primp yourself up and get you

a boy like a young girl ought to.

-I've got a boy, Abner.

I've got two of them.

And I think they're both pretty grand.

But it you two think you can get rid of me as easy

as this just because my uncle got mad at me, then

you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

-Oh, Abner ain't ashamed of nothing.

Ain't got sense enough.

Just because I get mad and make a silly bet,

he thinks he got to do the same time.

-You think you're the only one can

stand up to Squire Skimp, huh?

-I think you are both pretty grand.

It didn't make sense but I was proud of ya.

-Aye grannies, Abner did call the Squire's bluff, didn't he?

-Well, if anybody around here is going to pick on Lum,

it's going to be me.

Not Squire Skimp.

-Hooray for the three musketeers!

-Ah, grannies, let's get this rope out of the way.

A body can't get from one side of the store to the other.

-Well, more than likely we will won't

a store after Saturday, no way.

Might as well be partners as long as we can.

-Step right this way, folks, and solve

the secret of that crystal maze.

-Hello Cedric, my boy.

Why don't you go in and see the show?

-I ain't got no money.

-Oh, well, I think that could be remedied.

Here you are, my son.

-Well, do you reckon I'll have time?

-Well of course, my boy.

It's an hour yet before post time.

-Much obliged, Squire.

-It's all right, Cedric.

-All right, right this way folks.

All right, step this way.

One dime, ten cents, and tenth of a dollar.

-What you looking so digested about, Skyrocket?

Grannies, I wish there's some way I could tell him

what he's carrying on his back today.

-Well I don't see why you can't.

Brown Bess always understood me.

-Well why don't we go talk to her then?

What are we waiting on?

-Listen, Bessie?

Do you think there's some way that you could manage to fall

down or something without hurting yourself?

The Ms. would appreciate it if you could.

-I reckon you out of luck today, Ms. Marjorie.

She sure is a fine fellow.

-She's in the pink.

-Reckon where Cedric's at?

How much more time we got?

-Almost an hour.

-You ain't saw him, have you Squire?

-Yeah he was over that way a little while ago.

-Well it's a good thing we put Abner's name

down as alternate rider in the entry today.

-Well that's the trouble, Abner ain't here neither.

Grannies he ought to have left Pine Ridge two hours ago.

-I'm afraid Mr. Peabody is temporarily detained.

I find that Skyrocket did come from the Williams stock farm.

Those gypsy's stole him.

And of course when they were looking for

him then had to take action when they

found him in Abner's possession.

-Well I'll be dad blamed.

Well I might've knowed you'd figure

out some way to horns-waggle us.

You put Abner in jail.

And I'll bet you done something with Cedric

too, so's he couldn't get her.

-Well Lum, you better go after Abner.

Maybe you can talk the sheriff into letting him out somehow.

-Well sheriff, I've told you a thousand or a hundred times

I ain't guilty.

-Well maybe so.

You know Abner I'm kind of sorry to see you

in here, even if you didn't vote for me.

-I voted for you.

I might've put it in the wrong box, but I voted for you.

Now, now, can I get out.

-Well if you voted for me you want to see me do my duty,

don't you?

-Yeah.

I reckon I do sheriff.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

-Hey sheriff, when you gonna let us out of here?

-Oh, in a week or two, maybe.

Hobo's ain't so popular in these parts.

-Hey sheriff, you ain't gonna leave me back here by myself,

are you?

-Hey Bill, that sheriff wouldn't rest so easy if he knew

how bad we was wanted in a couple of places, huh?

-Which bank job are you referring to, Joe?

-Let's see, there's that hundred grand

that we knocked off in St. Louie.

-How 'bout those bonds in K.C.

-Oh, well could I help that?

That bank messenger had the nerve to walk right past me.

Just like picking daisies.

-What they got you for, son?

Playing hooky?

-Huh?

-Probably stole some kid's marbles.

-By doggie, you feller's don't know who you're talking to,

do ya?

-No.

-Poor Steve Peabody's my name.

I'm a horse thief, am I. I bet you I stole

a, a, thousand head of horses during my time.

-That's a pretty tough racket, old timer.

-Tough?

That's the toughest deal in the [INAUDIBLE], bud.

-Well I bet you're through now, ain't ya?

-I ain't never gonna quit.

Come here.

If I ever get out of here I'm gonna steal Seabiscuit.

-No.

-I'm gonna do it.

Yes sir.

I done a train job not long ago too.

-Train robber.

-I sort of messed it up, but I done it.

-Tell us some more.

About that horse stealing, mister.

-Well, it weren't much to it.

We used to steal 'em from the Indians.

And of course we'd have to shoot about 15 or 20 Braves ever

time we done it.

And we'd take him down in Oklahoma and sell 'em.

Clean profit.

-Say, I used to live in Tulsa.

Did you every operate down there in Tulsa?

-Tulsa?

No, no.

I's heard of it, but we'd stayed out

on the plane's most of time.

-Uh huh.

-Yes, see, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Doggie, seems like I used to know

somebody that moved to Tulsa.

Let me see now, who was that?

-Yeah but we got to get him out, sheriff.

-I'm sorry, Lum, I can't do it.

Unless you've got $5,000 bail to put up.

-Well, can't I even see him?

-Why sure.

I'll bring him right out.

-Wait a minute, here's your keys, sheriff.

-Oh.

-I'm proud I run into you.

By doggies, that gives me a great idea.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, I hear somebody coming.

More than likely that partner of mine.

He's the one I's telling you about that killed Sitting Bull.

-Lum wants to talk to you.

-Hey sheriff, when you gonna get me my suit and all?

I feel plum undressed without 'em.

-What's the matter with you, Abner.

-Tell 'em how mean I am.

-You tell him.

-Oh, trying to make me talk, huh?

You fellers keep on tracting, maybe some day you

get as mean as me and get sent to the state penitentiary,

instead the little old country jail like this.

-I'm glad we have these bars between us and him.

-Yeah.

tough characters.

-For two cents, I'd a broke out of this bird cage,

you know that, don't ya, kid?

-Abner, you've got to ride Skyrocket.

-Skyrocket?

-Cedric ain't showed up yet.

-Lum, I can't be riding no horses,

I'm too busy stealing 'em.

-Oh, for goodness sakes, cut out that foolishness now.

If I don't get you back in time, Marjorie's

gonna lose her schooling and me and you

ain't gonna have no store no more.

-Huh?

-Sheriff, ain't there some way you could

lend him to me for an hour or two?

-Sorry, can't do her.

It's against the law.

-No, I voted for him, Lum.

He's got to do his duty.

Come on, lock me up sheriff.

-Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Who's that coming up out yonder?

-Where?

-Somebody after Abner I'll bound you.

-Doggies, maybe it's my woman.

-There's the fire alarm.

I got to get going.

-Well wait a minute, Lum.

I can't go with you, I've got to sit here in jail.

I'm a desper-radio.

-Hurry up.

Get [INAUDIBLE].

-Where to, sheriff?

-To the fairgrounds.

-Yeah, the fairgrounds.

-Stop over at the butcher shop, pick up Elmer and Oliver.

Hurry up!

-Better take your coat off, Abner.

-What for?

-So's you can put on this jockey outfit.

-I don't need no jockey outfit to ride a firetruck.

-Oh, come on, take off your coat.

-Well, Lum, I-- Help, help, Lum.

Save me, help, help, Lum.

-Hurry up, we're getting might neigh of the fairgrounds.

-Well I'm a hurrying.

-Here, take off that hat.

-Huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's a good idea.

Lum?

-Put this cap on.

-Why Lum, folks are gonna think I'm

crazy, wearing an outfit like this.

-Post time in two minutes, Ms. Marjorie.

-Please give us as much time as you can, Mr. Branigan.

I'm sure they'll be here any minute now.

-Ah, I insisted that we be starting on time, Branigan.

-There's the fairgrounds, I don't see no smoke.

-Oh, it's under the grand stand I think, chief.

-Under the grand stand.

-All right, boys, get ready.

-Wait a minute.

-The race is over here.

-I don't care about that.

Where's the fire?

-There ain't no fire.

-Well you told the fire chief there was.

-Never mind that now.

Come on, get on this horse.

Here he is, Mr. Branigan.

Come on, Abner, get on there quick.

-Dad blame that Cedric Wiehunt.

If I ever catch him, I'll whop him right on top of the head.

-We collected both of us come in together in order to win.

-There they go.

Brown Bess is gone to front.

And there's Skyrocket, left at the post.

-He won't go, Lum, he won't go.

-It's Brown Bess, a half a length.

Head the Tire is second.

Invincible is third.

Wheel Ride is fourth.

Lancelot is fifth.

And, Skyrocket.

-Sure wish we could see this race.

-Well we gotta find the fire first.

-I'd still like to see the race. -That's the half.

It's Brown Bess by a length.

Head the Tire is second by three lengths.

Invincible is third, Wheel Ride is fourth, Lancelot is fifth.

And, Skyrocket.

-I just thought of something.

-What's that, sheriff?

-That partner of yours belongs back in jail.

-Well, yonder he is, go get him.

Riding Skyrocket.

-Come on, Skyrocket!

-Come on, Skyrocket!

-On the back stretch.

It's Brown Bess still leading by a length.

Head the Tire is second.

Lancelot is fourth.

And Skyrocket is waking up, but still last.

Now he's passing wheel rider, he's passing Lancelot.

Round the far turn, Brown Bess is still in front.

Head the Tire second.

And here comes Skyrocket, moving past.

He's passed Invincible.

He's past Head the Tire.

Here he comes, he's challenging Brown Bess.

It's Brown Bess and Skyrocket.

They're neck and neck.

It's Brown Bess and Skyrocket.

It's Brown Bess and Skyrocket.

It's awful close, folks, it's awful close.

-I wonder who won that race.

-Skyrocket wins by a nose!

-Skyrocket wins!

Woo!

-I'm proud of ya, I'm proud of ya.

-Awful close.

Some might have hold him in a little too much, [INAUDIBLE].

-Well you win it, that's the main thing.

-Abner Peabody, I arrest for horse stealing, jail breaking,

and hitch hiking on a fire engine.

-Come here, sheriff.

-Oh, is that a fact?

-You got him locked up there now.

-Well, maybe.

Well, just the same, you've got to go back to jail.

-Oh, sheriff.

-You can't let them take Abner to jail.

At least I'd like to brag about what a good loser you are.

-Sheriff, I'll be responsible for him.

-Well it was you--

-Oh, this little matter can be cleared up.

-Well, if look at it that a way, Squire.

-Well, good for you, Squire.

-Well, I could hardly let him go back to jail,

seeing as he's got to be best man at a wedding tonight.

-What wedding?

Oh.

Did you have to remind me of that?

-No, can't see a thing.

-Well, I reckon we better give it up for tonight.

-Yep We'll get a fresh start in the morning.

-Yeah.

You can see a fire a lot further in the day light.

-Uh huh.

[MUSIC]

-Well, Mr. Edwards.

-Thought I had more sense that to got

yourself into this trouble.

-Right over here, Lum.

-Friends, we are gathered here today to--

-Can't you skip part of this, and get it over quick?

-You bet I can.

-Thank you, Judge.

-And if any man can show just cause, why this couple should

not be joined in wedlock, let him

now speak, or forever hold his peace.

I now--

-I object!

-What?

-I said I object.

-On what grounds do you interrupt this ceremony?

-Why, uh-- Dang if I had some reason to stand up awhile ago,

uh.

Oh, he's too young to know his own mind.

-Objection over ruled.

-Now wait a minute.

Are you tying the know here, or is he doing the hitching?

-Well, uh, go ahead.

-You may proceed, judge.

-Well are there any other just causes?

-Why, I, I sort of object myself.

-You?

Well this is all very irregular, I must think.

-Don't pay any attention to them,

just go on with the wedding.

-I now--

-Just a minute, Judge.

Am I too late?

-No, just in time Sheriff.

-Joseph!

-Pa!

-She can't marry Lum.

There's here legal wedded husband right there.

He run off and left her, and she's

been telling the round that he's dead.

-Well someone said he was.

-In view of this unfortunate circumstance,

I think we can consider this a wedding postponed.

-Postponed?

By grannies, it's cancelled.

-And so sang Sir Galahad with a thrust of his lance

on the horse of his opponent.

Wasn't he just wonderful?

-Yeah, reckon so.

-Only thing, uh, it don't work out that away nowadays.

A body just don't get no chance to be a hero.

-Aw, you're just too modest, Mr. Edwards.

But of course, all heroes are.

-Do you really think so?

-Um hmm.

-Well if you do, there's, there's

something I want to ask you.

-Yes, Mr. Edwards?

-Well, you see, that is, I thought maybe, well, maybe

me and you-- Ah, grannies, ten o'clock.

-Yes, ten o'clock.

-We're getting to be a couple of night owls, ain't we?

Well, goodnight, Ms. Geraldine.

-Goodnight, Sir Galahad.

-Oh, I'll be seeing you Wednesday night, I reckon.

-Oh, well.

Couldn't you come over on Saturday?

We could-- Mr. Edwards, you're always

trying to go through that closet door.

-I know it, I know it.

I don't know what's the matter with me anyways.

-Oh, Mr. Edwards, what were you gonna

say, just before 10 o'clock?

-Oh, why, I was gonna ask-- I don't

recollect what is was right now.

Maybe I can think of it by Wednesday night.

Goodnight, Ms. Geraldine.