Original subtitles

All right, Carter, follow me. Put the phone down. Put the phone down.

All right, we're gonna start simple. We're gonna take off this wheel and tire,

check out the suspension, all right?

And we're gonna be using these tools.

What tool do we use to take off the lug nuts?

Lug nuts. Good one, Pops.

You gotta focus here. Gotta focus.

Oh.

Oh, boy. I recognize that sigh.

Having flashbacks of Matt mentoring me when I was Carter's age.

He doesn't know how to talk to kids.

I don't even think he ever was a kid.

Oh, yeah. When he came out the womb, his first words were,

"Back in my day."

You got to put down the phone.

Life is out here, not in here.

Yeah. Got it, Pops.

I didn't ask you anything.

You gotta put the phone down. You kids, you gotta learn how to work.

You gotta learn how to do things, not watch things.

I gotta help Carter.

Hey, look, man.

It's cool you wanna have his back,

but when you go in, don't expect the same out of me.

Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?

Whoa, whoa, boss, why don't you just ease it up a little bit?

"Ease up a little bit"? What do you mean?

Somebody get the first aid kit!

- What, what, what? - It-It's just, you know, uh,

mentoring takes a certain skill set,

and I don't think it's really one of your strengths.

It's not like, you know, you're weak. You're so strong.

The Rock has a picture of you on his refrigerator.

Am I right, Stitch? S-Stitch?

Tuck and roll, boy. Tuck and roll.

Yeah, all I'm saying is, uh, you're not the most patient guy in the world.

So maybe I shouldn't help my grandson

fix the car that I bought for he and I to restore.

No, that is not what I'm saying.

Why don't you just take over?

Uh, no, I-I don't want to impose.

I think it's a little late for that, isn't it?

You go ahead at it. It's all yours.

You know what?

I'm gonna take on this challenge. I'm looking forward to it.

Don't care.

Papa, we need to talk.

I can't talk now. I'm in the middle of something.

"Estate planning"? Boy, they don't make it easy in California, do they?

- Not gonna leave unless I talk to you? - Correct.

You're gonna become something very special in the future.

I don't know what it is, but I think it'll involve prison time.

Well, I just hope I'm half as successful as you are.

Not to mention as generous and bold.

Let's not forget not born yesterday. What do you want?

Would you be my guest at career day tomorrow?

I need a parent-guardian to join.

Well, lucky for me, I'm neither one of those.

But I want you to come.

Your auto shop's so cool. The kids will love it.

So you'll do it? I have a form for you to sign.

Well, yeah, why not?

Nobody your age knows how to build anything with their hands anyway.

"Learn to be an influencer." What is that?

Or a content creator.

You know who created content? God.

Ugh!

The community theater production of Cats came in today

and got fur all over the bathroom.

And who had to clean it up? Me.

I coughed up hair balls the whole drive home.

Cats. Boy, there's certain things that should have been left in the '80s.

I'll tell you what, karaoke, mullets, bongs.

I believe the next track on Matt Parker's Greatest Hits

is "No Sandwich is Worth More than Eight Dollars."

No sandwich is worth more than eight dollars.

Speaking of careers, I got an email inviting me to career day tomorrow.

You don't have to come, Mom. I invited Papa.

No, no, your mom's got this.

No, you gotta go. You signed a contract.

- This is something your mom should do. - But you signed a contract.

Fine, I'll go.

Eleven-year-old audiences are my sweet spot.

I can tell them the hair ball story.

But, Papa, you have to come too.

What, are you gonna sue me for breach of contract?

Maybe.

Hey, how's it going?

So great. Yeah.

It is such an honor and privilege to mentor the next generation.

I can't wait to thank Matt for giving me this wonderful opportunity.

Man, this ain't the Oscars.

And you ain't mentoring. You're doing all the work.

And look at Timothée Chalamet.

Over there taking weird selfies.

Yeah, okay.

It's been rough, okay? I can't get this kid to focus or sit still.

Got any ideas?

Well, my drill sergeant used to shout in our face till we was covered in spit.

It was effective till he gave three guys in my platoon herpes.

No, no, no, no. No yelling, okay? That's the Matt way.

We're gonna go with the Gabriel way. Patience and compassion.

Watch this. Hey, buddy.

Come over here. I wanna show you something.

What is your problem, man?

You spent this whole day just focused on your phone and yourself.

You kids, you gotta learn how to actually do things, not just watch things.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

It's happened. The Matt-amorphosis is complete.

Carter. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.

No, I'm sorry. I...

I can't focus 'cause there's this girl.

A girl? We are...

Leaning in.

Scooch.

Her name's Lily, and she's really cool.

And she does that sneeze where you kind of sneeze, but not really, like...

You got this, buddy.

Look, tomorrow at school, you just go up to Lily, and you go, "Hey."

Hey.

No, no, no. You just, you know, "Hey."

Nah, nah, nah, nah. Just turn on the charm.

Make her laugh.

No, play it cool. Leave her guessing, you know?

Make her heart race a little bit.

Do not listen to him. He got commitment issues.

You're the one who just broke up with your girlfriend.

Yeah, after she became president of the Flat Earth Association.

And she would never refill the Brita.

Now, you can be crazy or inconsiderate. Not both.

Thank you, Dr. Smith, for your moving presentation.

I think we all shed a tear listening to your story.

Tears of boredom.

I didn't know we'd be following someone who performed heart surgery.

On a donkey. Who cares?

These people have some impressive jobs.

Oprah's therapist, Kourtney Kardashian's stylist.

In Vegas, you either deal blackjack or sell gold teeth at a pawn shop.

Is it hot in here?

It is not often that we get both parents.

Now, let's welcome Mr. and Mrs. Parker.

- Ah! No, no, no, no. - Oh. No, no, no.

Oh, God, no, no.

We are not one of those age-gap couples.

No offense.

He's my dad.

Right. Age-gap couple, is that what we call this?

Young and hot. Rich, wealthy troll. No offense, man.

Well, it's good to be here.

I guess we all know now what jobs we do not want.

I'm Matt Parker, and I own Parker's Customs.

Who wants to hear about the car

that I restored for Robert Downey Jr. aka Iron Man?

They all do, Papa.

Wait, props?

I didn't know we could bring props. I could've brought my

ergonomic chair.

And that is reason 25 why cars are better than people.

Thanks, you guys.

Wait a minute.

I still have a gift for the best question, and I think that has to go...

I think it's Owen, right?

Owen, for the best question, "Do people mistake me for George Clooney?" You bet.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Anyway, I see big talent in you.

Now we're going to hear from Georgia's mom, Riley.

- Great job, Mr. Parker. - Thank you very much.

Maybe we should chat after class.

I see big talent in you too.

Gross. Hi, kids.

So, I work at a place called Premiere Dance Lab where I--

Work with really awesome dancers.

When are rehearsals for the new season of Dancing with the Stars?

Oh. Um...

Not sure, but I do love that show.

Mostly because watching people fail makes me feel better about myself.

You guys know what I'm talking about, right?

Is it true you started choreographing when you were still in high school?

Oh, um...

I might have exaggerated a bit.

- What? - Just go with it.

Oh, um...

Yes, when I was in high school, I did choreograph something.

Less of a dance, more of a heist

to get our raspberry vodka back from the principal's office.

She's kidding.

Let Georgia's mom finish her presentation before questions.

But can you tell us a little bit

about working with Rihanna for her Super Bowl show?

I'm not playing this game.

All right, kids, story time's over.

It's about to get real up in here.

Despite many requests from certain Vegas nightclub owners,

I'm not a dancer.

I am a receptionist.

Before that, I was a blackjack dealer at a retirement home.

And before that, I cleaned porta-potties at a go-kart track.

And the only thing worse than those kids' driving was their aim.

Wait a minute. I think you might have another gift here in the bag.

What's up, guys?

Yo, there he is. Hey, how'd it go with Lily?

Did you give her the, "Hey"?

Well, I-I went up to her in biology, and I was gonna give her the, "Hey."

But she looked at me, and I froze, and it kind of came out...

You know what? New plan.

Okay, maybe you'd be more comfortable with a text.

How about, uh,

"Hey, Lily. Who needs a garden when you can just plant yourself in my heart?"

You trying to get the boy a date or on America's Most Wanted?

I'm trying to get him on Lily's Most Wanted.

Carter, you got this. Just trust your instincts.

Okay. How about, "Hey, Lily, wanna hang sometime?"

- Do it, do it. - Yeah. Sounds good.

- What'd she say? - Did she respond?

Guys, chill. I just sent the message.

- What'd she say? - Was that her?

Well, she wants me to, uh, come over to her place and hang tonight.

Yeah, boy.

There's my star. You're the talk of the playground.

Let's cut the crap, okay? Although you're right, I drilled it.

You were very rude to your mother in that classroom.

What about me?

She embarrassed me, and now everyone thinks I'm a liar.

That's because you are a liar.

They weren't supposed to know that.

Trying to impress your friends, I get that.

You stepped over the line. You owe your mom an apology.

Ugh! What a day at work.

I was trying to teach Rihanna the Dougie.

And then Beyoncé called.

It's not easy, but apparently it's the life I chose in high school

when I decided to be a world-famous choreographer.

Georgia has something to say to you.

I didn't even want to invite you in the first place because your job is lame.

Oh.

That's not an apology.

So that's why you lied to all your friends about what I did?

I didn't lie. I was trying to make you sound more interesting.

Oh! I'm sorry I'm not more interesting.

I was too busy trying to put a roof over your head and buy you an iPhone.

Yeah, an iPhone 7. It still has the home button.

Oh, my God, you are such a brat. Go to your room.

This is just a weird thing to say,

but "roof over your head," I actually put a roof over your head.

Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon.

Are you here to apologize?

Um... No.

I'm here to get my backpack. I have a test tomorrow.

Oh, well, make sure you get an A

so you don't end up being a receptionist at a dance studio.

That's pretty sound advice.

Not helping.

Oh, you're wearing your Uggs.

I bought those using the tips I got bartending a poolside bachelorette.

Made 50 volcano bowls and had to save the bride from drowning.

I bet Timmy's donkey doctor dad couldn't do that.

You're being so dramatic and immature.

You're dramatic and immature. Also...

Papa, are you seeing this?

Don't you dare take her side.

For once in my life, I'm happy somebody's visiting.

- Hi, Matt. - I retract that statement.

I gotta talk to Carter. He sent me a text--

I don't need to hear it. I knew he'd break you. He broke you, right?

- Mentoring is no joke. - No.

How do parents do it?

Oh, well, it's actually pretty easy. Until your kids turn into giant brats.

I'm out of here. I'm going to study.

Also...

- Did she just... - She did.

She did.

Listen, I'm sorry you had to see all this.

No, it's all good. Yeah, it reminds me when Diane and Riley would go at it,

and you'd get involved, and somehow they ended up hating you.

It is like that.

Matt?

You still here?

Carter's in Sam's old bedroom upstairs.

Okay, going.

And the faucet in there is leaking really weird.

Yeah, I'm here on a mentor level. I'm not really on the clock.

I'm gonna take a look.

Could you be any louder?

Oh, is my trying to feed you making too much noise?

I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me? Can you turn that off, please?

I can't hear you. What?

Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off!

Hey! Come on. Come on.

Family, all right, listen. Sit, both of you.

Sit down over there. Boy, oh, boy.

Riley, this is ridiculous.

You're not acting like her mother. You're acting like a spoiled brat.

What?

Preach, Papa.

And your obsession with status is not real. It's pathetic.

- Tell her, Dad. - Just listen to you two.

You're getting all hysterical over nothing.

It's just typical chick drama.

I am not... What's that now?

Yeah, what's that now?

I know it's not a woman's strong suit, but we're talking about logic--

"A woman's strong suit"?

- Yes. - Why don't you take that phrase back

to the '30s where you both belong?

- 1830! - Nice.

This is why women are not in charge of anything,

because you're way too emotional.

Oh. Really, Dad?

- Yes. - Thanks for mansplaining that.

If it weren't for mansplaining, you women wouldn't know anything.

He's such a Neanderthal.

Actually, Neanderthals came along after your grandfather.

Why don't you go back to your cave?

And you two stay here in the kitchen and, I don't know, discuss sewing or barrettes.

I will go into the office and do all the major decision-making.

Men are ridiculous.

Yeah, just you wait.

Can I help with dinner, Mom?

Um... Sure. You can chop the vegetables.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

I know.

So you got my text?

Yeah, I wanted to see if you were okay.

You can't tell me you're flaking on Lily and leave me on "read."

What the hell is on your nose?

Oh, it shrinks your pores in your T-zone.

Twenty minutes later, you got that Hailey Bieber glazed doughnut glow.

I thought you were excited to go.

I was, until I found out it's not a date.

It's a group hang.

Have you ever had a girl put you in the friend zone?

Mmm.

No.

But, you know, maybe Lily's just, you know, nervous to be alone with you.

I know all you see is this smooth-talking guy dripping rizz,

but the truth is, I can be socially awkward.

Nah.

I panic around people.

Am I talking too much? Not enough?

Too much and not enough?

Yeah, I get it. I mean, high school's a beast, you know?

Figuring out who you are, who people want you to be, who you don't want to be.

For me, it was my chemistry teacher, Mr. Toledo.

His shirts were always so thin, his nipples so hard.

Yeah. But I-I mean, at least you had friends.

I have four, and three of them are robots.

I had six. Three Fords, three Chevys.

I was pretty anxious too, you know?

And then one day, I decided to be myself. Start putting myself out there.

Like Mr. Toledo's nipples.

I just... I don't wanna ruin it with Lily.

You won't know till you go.

If things go south, Stitch and I will be there to pick you up.

- Really? - Of course, man.

Part of our crew now. The Car-bro-retors.

Now I see why you didn't have any friends in high school.

Yeah.

But if you made it through, so can I.

I'll go.

Attaboy. Now we're talking.

- Whoa, whoa, you forgetting something? - Oh, right.

I love you, man.

No, dude. The nose strip.

Yeah.

I smell Mom's brownies.

Good for you.

Now, you remembered to put sugar in this time, right?

Damn it.

Man.

All that stuff with Georgia got me thinking about Mom.

You and your mom had a lot of fights in here, I'll tell you that.

Yeah, but I wasn't as bad as Georgia.

You forgot your whole childhood, right?

What are you talking about?

Your mom embarrassed you from the moment you put on those shiny black moon boots.

You mean Doc Martens?

I don't care what doctor you got them from, you were embarrassed by your mother.

You had her pick you up a block away from school.

You guys bolt in here for no reason, screaming at each other.

"Do you believe her, Dad?" And then Mom would point to me, "It's your daughter."

You two arguing like that was like being on The View on election day.

Then you'd come in with all your fake toxic male stuff

to give us a common enemy like you did today.

Yeah, but gotta be honest, back then it wasn't fake.

You made a big change.

And then when Georgia's older, she's gonna realize what you've done.

You know, when she's, like, 21.

And until then...

It's gonna be horrible.

And then they get into the teenage years. That's when you learn to be mean.

Then the hormones kick in, and that, uh, monthly visitor shows up.

Shark attack, shark attack. Ay-yi-yi.

Oh-ho-ho. You're, like, doing the fake caveman thing again.

What?

Guess who got a one-on-one date with Lily.

Peep the drip.

Whoo. Let's go.

Technically, she's giving me bio tutoring after school, but...

your boy's in the game.

It's still go!

Hello, gentlemen. I see no work's been done, so I was right.

You are a loser in this mentor business.

He may have failed with my car, but he won himself a little bro.

Gross. All right, Carter, hop over here.

We're gonna start this over again.

We're gonna figure out how to do the whole thing. Hold on.

Uh! You know the rule, Pops, no phones.

You have to learn to actually do things, not just watch.

Timothée Chalamet done lost his damn mind.