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1
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,931
- ? You know it's gotta be
G'd up ?
2
00:00:10,932 --> 00:00:12,723
? The kind of show that make
you cowards get beat up ?
3
00:00:12,724 --> 00:00:14,999
? We on the outs until
we caught it and go do bids ?
4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,930
? Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ?
5
00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:18,344
? Come on, come on ?
6
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:21,379
- ? I can't take the hood
out of me ?
7
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:27,482
- All right. Come on, Ma.
8
00:00:27,483 --> 00:00:29,481
Let's hurry up and get to
church so I can see my boys.
9
00:00:29,482 --> 00:00:31,240
- Church is for
getting your soul right
10
00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:34,724
with the Lord, not silly things
like playing with your friends.
11
00:00:34,725 --> 00:00:36,792
It's also not about
you embarrassing me
12
00:00:36,793 --> 00:00:38,586
in front of my friends.
13
00:00:38,655 --> 00:00:40,586
So let me get that cold
out your eyes.
14
00:00:40,655 --> 00:00:43,344
- Come on, Ma.
Stop, no, that's nasty. Ew.
15
00:00:43,345 --> 00:00:45,619
You're embarrassing me in front
of all the crackheads
16
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,241
and homeless people.
17
00:00:47,242 --> 00:00:50,033
- And that's hard to do because
we suck dick for spare change.
18
00:00:50,034 --> 00:00:52,103
- I don't care what they think.
19
00:00:52,172 --> 00:00:54,172
You're my responsibility,
not theirs.
20
00:00:54,173 --> 00:00:55,757
- I can't wait till
Robert gets back
21
00:00:55,758 --> 00:00:57,481
from his tour of all those
historically Black colleges.
22
00:00:57,482 --> 00:00:59,896
I hate being an only child.
23
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:01,827
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
24
00:01:04,137 --> 00:01:07,310
- Then Jesus said,
you will know the truth,
25
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,310
and the truth
will set you free.
26
00:01:10,379 --> 00:01:12,309
- Jesus must have
done time because he
27
00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:13,758
knew what he talking about.
28
00:01:13,827 --> 00:01:17,206
Freedom is beautiful,
just like you, boo.
29
00:01:17,275 --> 00:01:18,931
- I'm talking freedom.
30
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,344
The Lord wants us to be free.
31
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,310
- See how much I'm improving?
32
00:01:23,379 --> 00:01:25,310
Just a month ago,
I would have slapped
33
00:01:25,311 --> 00:01:26,723
the Holy Ghost out that dude.
34
00:01:26,724 --> 00:01:31,655
But my freedom
kept me in check.
35
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:33,241
- Mom, no. Come on, stop.
36
00:01:33,242 --> 00:01:35,033
You're messing up my waves
for the babes.
37
00:01:35,034 --> 00:01:36,412
- Jesus don't care
about your waves.
38
00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:41,517
- Now, we need to use
our gift of freedom
39
00:01:41,586 --> 00:01:45,241
to provide those in need
with a helping hand.
40
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:47,620
- Lord knows.
congregation: Amen.
41
00:01:47,689 --> 00:01:49,862
- I'm so glad you
agree with me, saints,
42
00:01:49,931 --> 00:01:54,068
because there is a child among
us who needs our helping hands.
43
00:01:54,137 --> 00:01:56,896
This young man's father
lost his freedom
44
00:01:56,965 --> 00:01:58,965
to the system years ago.
45
00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:00,758
- Amen, brother.
46
00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:03,310
- And his mother, sadly,
is going away
47
00:02:03,379 --> 00:02:05,000
for a short time herself.
48
00:02:05,068 --> 00:02:06,517
- So shameful.
- Mm-mm.
49
00:02:06,586 --> 00:02:08,931
- So trifling.
- So neglectful.
50
00:02:08,932 --> 00:02:11,654
- Yeah, I could use a little
bit of that neglect myself.
51
00:02:11,655 --> 00:02:14,172
- So he needs the care
of a loving family
52
00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:16,896
to watch over him
until his mother is
53
00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:19,206
once again among us.
54
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:20,448
Come up here, young man.
55
00:02:21,310 --> 00:02:23,482
[dramatic organ sting]
56
00:02:23,551 --> 00:02:25,448
- Man, not Dirty Dante.
57
00:02:25,517 --> 00:02:26,931
- I'll get the usual.
58
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,206
- The smell, it burns!
59
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:31,103
- Whew!
60
00:02:31,104 --> 00:02:33,205
- Whoo, that's the funkiest kid
I ever smelled in my life.
61
00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:34,256
Hallelujah!
62
00:02:34,275 --> 00:02:36,068
- Oh, my God.
63
00:02:36,137 --> 00:02:38,000
- Oh, it smells bad.
64
00:02:38,068 --> 00:02:39,931
- Oh, that foul smelling baby.
65
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,172
- Oh, baby.
- Oh, Lord.
66
00:02:42,241 --> 00:02:44,206
That's that poor boy
who got shot
67
00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:46,379
the night I brought you
to the ER with me.
68
00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:49,862
- Doesn't anybody want to take
this child in?
69
00:02:49,931 --> 00:02:52,724
- Maybe God put this baby
in my path for a reason.
70
00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:54,931
- Mom, no.
Look, he'll be fine.
71
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,758
Dante's like a roach, okay?
He'll outlive us all.
72
00:02:57,827 --> 00:03:00,620
- [sniffs, sighs]
73
00:03:00,689 --> 00:03:04,689
I just want everybody to know
that I don't eat much.
74
00:03:04,758 --> 00:03:07,172
And I don't use a lot of water.
75
00:03:07,241 --> 00:03:08,689
- Or soap.
76
00:03:08,758 --> 00:03:10,413
- Oh, my Lord.
77
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:13,896
We do have a little room now
with Robert away.
78
00:03:13,897 --> 00:03:15,757
- Mom, look,
don't get sucked into this.
79
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,896
I'm telling you,
I'd never live it down.
80
00:03:17,897 --> 00:03:20,516
If the dirtiest kid in Philly
comes to stay with me,
81
00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:23,136
he'll make our house smell
like armpits and boo-boo
82
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,447
and spoiled fruit cocktail.
83
00:03:24,448 --> 00:03:26,689
- But his mother is
going away to jail.
84
00:03:26,758 --> 00:03:29,034
- No, no, no, no,
his mother is not exactly-
85
00:03:29,103 --> 00:03:30,965
- She made some bad choices.
86
00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:33,689
But we can't hold that
against that poor baby.
87
00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:36,862
He needs a good mother,
which I am.
88
00:03:36,931 --> 00:03:38,758
I'm a great mother.
89
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,275
I'll do it.
90
00:03:40,344 --> 00:03:42,965
- Well, here comes
the roasting.
91
00:03:43,034 --> 00:03:45,068
[laughter]
92
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:47,689
- Kev, you're gonna
need to wear a hazmat suit
93
00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:50,724
just to breathe at your crib.
94
00:03:50,793 --> 00:03:53,758
- Kevin Hart's gonna
turn into Kevin Fart.
95
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:02,586
- You are a true angel,
Sister Hart.
96
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:06,034
- I'm but a willing vessel
of the Lord.
97
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,896
He knows I'm here to-
98
00:04:07,897 --> 00:04:09,516
- Yes, yes, Lord, Hallelujah!
Amen.
99
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,758
I got to go. Bye.
100
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:15,275
- Dante, I'm so sorry about
your mom having to go away.
101
00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:16,447
Where are they taking her to?
102
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,172
- Atlantic City.
103
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,724
- Atlantic City?
104
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,379
What institution is out there?
105
00:04:21,448 --> 00:04:22,620
- Caesar's Palace.
106
00:04:22,689 --> 00:04:24,137
That's her bus right there.
107
00:04:24,206 --> 00:04:25,517
- A casino?
108
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:27,551
- I tried to tell you, Mom.
109
00:04:27,552 --> 00:04:29,688
- Now, Dante, baby,
go and pray for your mom
110
00:04:29,689 --> 00:04:31,688
and wish me luck, because
when I'm sitting in front
111
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:34,482
of that slot machine and
them three cherries come up,
112
00:04:34,551 --> 00:04:35,827
I'ma be thinking of you.
113
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,965
- You're leaving your son
with me to go
114
00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:39,379
on a stupid gambling trip?
115
00:04:39,448 --> 00:04:40,965
- Stupid gambling?
116
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:44,689
I'll have you know, playing
that nickel slot is my career.
117
00:04:44,758 --> 00:04:47,379
Mm-mm, baby, it put
more food on my table
118
00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:48,793
than any man ever did.
119
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:50,034
- That's true.
120
00:04:50,103 --> 00:04:52,093
Mama always comes home
with the shrimp
121
00:04:52,137 --> 00:04:55,034
from the Emperor Nero buffet.
122
00:04:55,103 --> 00:04:56,310
- Jumbo shrimp?
123
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:59,103
- Not just jumbo shrimp-
they almost prone.
124
00:04:59,172 --> 00:05:02,206
And I mean, these shrimps
got driver's license.
125
00:05:02,275 --> 00:05:04,965
So don't you say
I neglect my son,
126
00:05:04,966 --> 00:05:07,102
'cause baby, when it come to
being a good mother,
127
00:05:07,103 --> 00:05:10,448
Tinky Singletary takes
a backseat to no one.
128
00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:12,147
- Now leaving
for Atlantic City.
129
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,379
- I call the backseat.
130
00:05:14,896 --> 00:05:16,793
[tires squealing]
131
00:05:16,862 --> 00:05:18,655
- [sneezes]
132
00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:25,413
- ? What's a sunny day
without you ?
133
00:05:25,482 --> 00:05:27,000
- Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
134
00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:31,000
They got one of them mugshot
caricature artists here.
135
00:05:31,068 --> 00:05:32,482
- Oh, my gosh.
136
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:34,551
- That's the bomb.
Can we go over there?
137
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:38,310
- Go ahead, kids,
and remember not to smile.
138
00:05:38,379 --> 00:05:40,241
- Hell yeah.
- Bitches.
139
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,551
- Pew, pew, da-da-da.
140
00:05:44,413 --> 00:05:46,689
- Life on the outside is sweet.
141
00:05:46,758 --> 00:05:50,655
From now on, I'm gonna be
a career non-criminal.
142
00:05:50,724 --> 00:05:52,689
- I'm glad it's
all working out.
143
00:05:52,758 --> 00:05:56,482
Do you ever miss your time
in the joint, or miss anybody?
144
00:05:56,551 --> 00:05:59,068
- Why would I?
I got my whole life here.
145
00:05:59,137 --> 00:06:03,310
I got you, my freedom,
and my sweet kids.
146
00:06:03,379 --> 00:06:06,034
- Daddy, can we go see
"The Lion King"?
147
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:08,482
I heard it's about an OG lion
that gets smoked.
148
00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:11,655
Then his kid comes back to cap
the motherfucker who did it.
149
00:06:11,724 --> 00:06:13,517
- Sound like a plan to me.
150
00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:15,034
What do you say, Allison?
151
00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:17,551
- Oh, I'd love to,
but I have to go teach
152
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,551
a new class, uh,
in prison today.
153
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:22,551
I'll see you guys later.
154
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,275
- I didn't know she was
teaching cons again.
155
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:27,103
Why is she acting so weird?
156
00:06:27,172 --> 00:06:30,068
[upbeat music]
157
00:06:30,137 --> 00:06:32,000
? ?
158
00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:35,137
- Dang, Mom,
I think he's broken.
159
00:06:35,206 --> 00:06:37,689
Uh, Dante? You okay?
160
00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:42,655
- Oh, my God,
your oven actually works?
161
00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,413
We just use ours to keep
our broken remote controls
162
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:47,586
and empty bread bags in it.
163
00:06:52,482 --> 00:06:54,103
- What's wrong with that kid?
164
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:57,137
He's like a baby bird that
just hatched and then fell
165
00:06:57,206 --> 00:06:58,862
out of the nest onto his head.
166
00:06:58,863 --> 00:07:00,205
- That's what I was
trying to tell you,
167
00:07:00,206 --> 00:07:02,689
but you wouldn't listen.
- [sighs] Oh, well.
168
00:07:02,758 --> 00:07:04,379
What are we gonna do with him?
169
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,274
- I say we lock him up
in Robert's room
170
00:07:06,275 --> 00:07:08,343
with a few Hot Pockets
till his mom comes back.
171
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,862
- We can't do that, silly.
172
00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,172
Just hang out with him
until dinner is ready.
173
00:07:12,241 --> 00:07:13,482
- Hang out with him?
174
00:07:13,551 --> 00:07:15,586
I can barely breathe
the same air as him.
175
00:07:15,655 --> 00:07:17,206
- You have a point there.
176
00:07:17,275 --> 00:07:19,137
I know what job one is.
177
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,034
Dante, sweetheart-
what the hell?
178
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:26,793
How did it get
so filthy in here?
179
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:29,413
We were only gone
for two minutes, tops.
180
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:31,034
- Mom, you just got Danted.
181
00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,413
- Kevin, take our guest
to the bathroom
182
00:07:33,482 --> 00:07:36,275
and explain to him
what a shower is.
183
00:07:36,344 --> 00:07:37,413
- I'll try.
184
00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:39,137
Come on, Dirty D.
185
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:42,482
- Ooh, your TV has knobs?
186
00:07:46,241 --> 00:07:53,137
? ?
187
00:07:56,103 --> 00:07:59,517
- Oh, my God, Dante,
you're light skinned.
188
00:07:59,586 --> 00:08:01,379
Who knew, under all that dirt?
189
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,586
- How long has it been since
you had a proper shower?
190
00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:08,793
- Um, when was
the last time it rained?
191
00:08:10,103 --> 00:08:13,000
- Meatloaf, mac and cheese,
and green beans?
192
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:14,241
Again?
193
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:16,586
Oh, can I just make myself
a sandwich?
194
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:18,482
- What's wrong with you, Kev?
195
00:08:18,551 --> 00:08:20,551
This is the best meal
I've ever had.
196
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,000
Macaroni and cheese?
197
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:24,517
- See, Kev?
198
00:08:24,586 --> 00:08:28,000
You can learn a little about
gratitude from Dante here.
199
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:30,448
And because of that gratitude,
200
00:08:30,517 --> 00:08:33,793
I'm going to wash and iron your
clothes for school tomorrow.
201
00:08:33,862 --> 00:08:35,586
- Oh, man.
Can you hook me up too?
202
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:36,965
- Nope.
203
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:39,144
Your too-grown behind
can do it yourself.
204
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:48,379
- I still can't believe y'all
got covers on your beds.
205
00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:51,034
- And if you get a little cold
during the night,
206
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:54,310
we have extra blankets
in the hallway closet.
207
00:08:54,379 --> 00:08:56,068
- Y'all got a hallway?
208
00:08:56,137 --> 00:08:57,689
- Jesus, Lord.
209
00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:00,723
Look, I don't need any of that
stupid mothering stuff anyway.
210
00:09:00,724 --> 00:09:02,206
I'm too old for that crap.
211
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:06,655
- ? Hush, little baby,
don't say a word ?
212
00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:09,344
- Is she singing him my song?
213
00:09:09,413 --> 00:09:10,463
So what?
214
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:11,965
I don't care.
215
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:14,862
- ? Mama's gonna buy you
a mockingbird ?
216
00:09:14,931 --> 00:09:17,344
- You got mockingbird money?
217
00:09:17,413 --> 00:09:20,000
- Agh!
218
00:09:20,737 --> 00:09:25,274
- Ms. Greene know I'm trying
to leave jail behind,
219
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:28,344
but she keeps bringing it up,
telling me she fears
220
00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:29,965
for niggas still locked up.
221
00:09:30,034 --> 00:09:32,103
And now she going back
there to teach.
222
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,862
- So?
223
00:09:33,863 --> 00:09:35,826
- So maybe she's starting not
to feel me no more,
224
00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,758
because I'm no longer
about that life.
225
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,034
- Here we go.
226
00:09:39,103 --> 00:09:41,965
- I'm just saying,
maybe she only wanted me
227
00:09:41,966 --> 00:09:43,343
because I was
a hardened criminal,
228
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:45,205
and now that
I'm trying to switch it up,
229
00:09:45,206 --> 00:09:46,620
she ain't with it.
230
00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:48,724
Shit got me all fucked up.
231
00:09:48,725 --> 00:09:50,033
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
232
00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:51,481
Somebody fucked
with you, Richie?
233
00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:52,586
Who do I gotta ride on?
234
00:09:52,587 --> 00:09:53,999
- Whoa, whoa.
Hold up, Chincy.
235
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,103
Hold up. It's not like that.
236
00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:59,551
It's just my girl, sending me
mixed signals and shit.
237
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:00,862
- Oh, okay.
238
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:03,206
Love is complicated, brother.
239
00:10:03,275 --> 00:10:05,310
I won't shoot her then.
240
00:10:05,379 --> 00:10:06,931
- Good old Chincy.
241
00:10:06,932 --> 00:10:09,205
Always up to smoke
a motherfucker for a friend.
242
00:10:09,206 --> 00:10:11,240
- Now, Richard,
I think you're tripping.
243
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:13,965
That woman loves
the fuck out of you.
244
00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:15,862
I mean, I've heard
of crazy people
245
00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:18,000
out there with
criminal fetishes,
246
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:21,103
but my craydar tells me
Ms. Greene ain't like that.
247
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,310
- I knew it.
248
00:10:22,379 --> 00:10:24,655
She's got a criminal fetish.
249
00:10:24,656 --> 00:10:26,826
She's gonna leave me
and start hooking up
250
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,895
with one of those
hardcore dudes in the joint.
251
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,862
- Come on, Richard,
you gotta trust her.
252
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:34,103
- Okay, you're right.
253
00:10:34,172 --> 00:10:35,413
I do.
254
00:10:35,482 --> 00:10:37,689
And I'll prove it.
255
00:10:37,758 --> 00:10:38,827
With a trap!
256
00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:42,172
[dramatic musical sting]
257
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:45,655
- Ms. Hart, can you
read to me like they do
258
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:48,310
on that show, "Family Matters"?
259
00:10:48,379 --> 00:10:50,275
- I'd be delighted to.
260
00:10:50,344 --> 00:10:53,965
It's been so long since
I got to read a book to Kevin.
261
00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:56,309
- Yeah, well, that's 'cause
I know how to read on my own.
262
00:10:56,310 --> 00:10:58,586
I read chapter books, punk.
263
00:10:58,587 --> 00:11:00,516
- Kevin, why don't
you go play with Soupy
264
00:11:00,517 --> 00:11:02,103
and Loopy or whoever?
265
00:11:02,172 --> 00:11:03,517
- Gladly.
266
00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:06,068
- My saint for this kid.
267
00:11:06,137 --> 00:11:10,379
Now, dear Dante, what would
you like me to read to you?
268
00:11:10,448 --> 00:11:13,482
- Uh, "Pimp" by Iceberg Slim.
269
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:16,862
My uncle mama's boyfriend
left it when he went to work
270
00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:20,413
Super Bowl week in Pasadena.
271
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:22,310
- Uh, well...
272
00:11:22,379 --> 00:11:25,310
[soft music]
273
00:11:25,379 --> 00:11:26,448
? ?
274
00:11:26,517 --> 00:11:27,724
Of course.
275
00:11:27,793 --> 00:11:29,344
Now, snuggle up.
276
00:11:29,413 --> 00:11:31,689
God help me.
277
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:35,379
Chapter 1: Birth of a Player.
278
00:11:35,448 --> 00:11:38,551
- Stupid, Dirty Dante,
funking up the bathtub,
279
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:39,931
stealing my mom.
280
00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:41,723
- I thought you said
your mom was always
281
00:11:41,724 --> 00:11:43,275
all up in your business.
282
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:45,103
Pop. Dang it.
283
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,551
- No matter how it broke,
it broke, and I win.
284
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:48,670
Let's go again.
285
00:11:48,689 --> 00:11:50,862
- She is, or she was.
286
00:11:50,931 --> 00:11:54,103
But now she's all up
in Dante's business.
287
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,379
- Yeah.
288
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,862
In your face, spoon.
289
00:11:57,863 --> 00:11:59,481
- Will you stop
playing Spoon Pop?
290
00:11:59,482 --> 00:12:01,723
Okay, this is some serious
Mom stuff I'm dealing with.
291
00:12:01,724 --> 00:12:03,137
- Oh, sorry.
- My bad.
292
00:12:03,206 --> 00:12:04,689
- Yeah, I'll show her, though.
293
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:05,930
When she yells for me
to come in
294
00:12:05,931 --> 00:12:07,033
when the street lights come on,
295
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:09,068
I won't come in,
not right away.
296
00:12:09,069 --> 00:12:10,412
And then you know
what's gonna happen?
297
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,309
She's gonna come out
all mad and be like,
298
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:15,240
Kevin Darnell Hart, get your
natural Black behind in here.
299
00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:16,896
- Kevin.
300
00:12:16,897 --> 00:12:17,930
- And I'll be like,
so the lights are on.
301
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:18,981
So what, Mom?
302
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,137
You can't make me.
303
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,000
Then she'll be like-
- Kev, Kev!
304
00:12:22,068 --> 00:12:25,551
The street lights
are already on!
305
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:26,670
Ooh.
306
00:12:26,689 --> 00:12:29,034
[upbeat music]
307
00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:30,853
- Dang, she's still
reading to him.
308
00:12:30,862 --> 00:12:32,689
She's acting it out
and everything.
309
00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:34,724
- Kev, you're not getting this.
310
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:36,448
You're a free man now.
311
00:12:36,517 --> 00:12:38,862
- Yeah, you got some mom
who don't give a shit
312
00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:41,758
what you doing, just like us.
313
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,413
- You know, I've been tripping.
314
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,688
This isn't a bad thing, because
now I can do whatever I want.
315
00:12:45,689 --> 00:12:47,517
I'm free. I'm free!
316
00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:49,275
[laughter]
317
00:12:49,344 --> 00:12:51,241
It's Kev after dark.
318
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:53,827
- ? Y'all gon' make me
lose my mind ?
319
00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:56,103
? Up in here, up in here ?
320
00:12:56,172 --> 00:12:58,586
? Y'all gon' make me
go all out ?
321
00:12:58,655 --> 00:13:00,931
? Up in here, up in here ?
322
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,275
? Y'all gon' make me
act a fool ?
323
00:13:03,344 --> 00:13:05,517
? Up in here, up in here ?
324
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:08,068
? Y'all gon' make me
lose my cool ?
325
00:13:08,137 --> 00:13:10,206
? Up in here, up in here ?
326
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:12,481
? I bring down rain so heavy
it hurts the head ?
327
00:13:12,482 --> 00:13:14,654
? No more talking,
put him in the dirt instead ?
328
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:17,482
? You keep walking,
less you tryna end up red ?
329
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:19,965
? Cause if I end up fed
y'all end up dead ?
330
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,481
? He ain't playin' with y'all,
he ain't playin' with y'all ?
331
00:13:22,482 --> 00:13:25,586
- [cackling]
332
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:28,206
- [laughs]
333
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,344
[laughter]
334
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,344
[horn honking]
335
00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:34,793
[chainsaw buzzing]
336
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:37,241
- [cackling]
337
00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:41,275
- ? Ain't nothin'
y'all can do now ?
338
00:13:41,344 --> 00:13:45,517
- "'You best get me my money,
Patchy Joe,' I demanded.
339
00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:47,344
The very next day-"
340
00:13:47,413 --> 00:13:51,862
- [murmuring, snoring]
341
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:54,655
Don't make me cut a bitch.
342
00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:56,448
- So sweet.
343
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:59,448
[soft music]
344
00:13:59,517 --> 00:14:01,413
? ?
345
00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:03,620
[tense music]
346
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:07,862
- Spoon fucking pop.
347
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,000
- God dang it.
348
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,620
- $5, pay up.
349
00:14:10,689 --> 00:14:12,344
And no food stamps this time.
350
00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:15,724
- I guess it's ketchup packets
and tap water for lunch
351
00:14:15,793 --> 00:14:17,896
Monday, again.
352
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:19,965
- Yo, yo, yo.
353
00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:22,517
Can Lil Kev get
a little action?
354
00:14:22,586 --> 00:14:24,655
Just a little
birthday card money
355
00:14:24,724 --> 00:14:26,344
from my Aunt Tina in Tampa.
356
00:14:26,413 --> 00:14:27,463
- Fancy schmancy.
357
00:14:27,464 --> 00:14:28,688
- That's what I'm
talking about.
358
00:14:28,689 --> 00:14:30,551
- Be forewarned, nigga.
359
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,551
This bad boy is from Wawa.
360
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:35,103
- Wonder Spoon will
give it a shot.
361
00:14:35,172 --> 00:14:37,896
- Oh!
- What?
362
00:14:37,965 --> 00:14:41,344
- Look at the bend back
on that bitch.
363
00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:42,274
- Let's pop.
364
00:14:42,275 --> 00:14:45,827
[dramatic hip-hop music]
365
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:47,655
- Okay.
366
00:14:47,724 --> 00:14:49,724
Okay, here she comes.
367
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:52,517
Omar, you know the plan.
368
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:55,724
- We've been over it
a hundred times.
369
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:58,448
I'll act all hardcore thug
370
00:14:58,517 --> 00:15:01,344
and then see if
she wants me to, as you say,
371
00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:03,586
"get all up in her guts."
372
00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:05,344
- That's right.
373
00:15:05,413 --> 00:15:09,482
Now, you gon' be tempted,
but try not to tap that ass.
374
00:15:09,551 --> 00:15:12,896
- I'll try.
375
00:15:12,965 --> 00:15:14,655
- Hey, Omar.
376
00:15:14,656 --> 00:15:16,378
You said you wanted to discuss
some artistic ways
377
00:15:16,379 --> 00:15:20,413
to spruce up this lovely,
lovely apartment.
378
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:21,586
- Damn straight.
379
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:23,586
I was thinking
maybe a nice pastel
380
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,482
to set off the toilet sink.
381
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:28,241
- Look, look.
They on the bed already.
382
00:15:28,242 --> 00:15:30,481
- You know that's the only
furniture we got, Richie.
383
00:15:30,482 --> 00:15:32,000
- They smiling.
384
00:15:32,068 --> 00:15:35,034
They laughing, about how she
wants to get freaky with him.
385
00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:37,310
- Richie, you need
to take a chill pill.
386
00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:40,137
- [laughs]
No fucking way.
387
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:41,620
Richard really did that?
388
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:45,206
- Yeah, he was a riot
in that riot.
389
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:47,620
- Get your hands off my woman's
fat white ass.
390
00:15:47,689 --> 00:15:49,758
- Richard, what are you doing?
391
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:51,655
- No, what are you doing?
392
00:15:51,724 --> 00:15:53,172
- We're just talking.
393
00:15:53,241 --> 00:15:55,724
- Talking about how much
you wanna fuck him
394
00:15:55,793 --> 00:15:58,517
while I watch across the street
with binoculars?
395
00:15:58,586 --> 00:15:59,827
- What?
396
00:15:59,896 --> 00:16:02,275
- Man, it ain't even
like that, Richard.
397
00:16:02,344 --> 00:16:04,551
- Like hell it ain't.
398
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:07,862
You not feeling me
like you used to
399
00:16:07,931 --> 00:16:11,931
'cause I'm not thug enough
no more.
400
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,655
You got a type, don't you?
401
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,793
- Yes, you.
402
00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:19,793
[dramatic music]
403
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:27,000
? ?
404
00:16:29,965 --> 00:16:31,105
- Come on, Wonder Spoon.
405
00:16:31,137 --> 00:16:32,275
Hang in there now.
406
00:16:32,344 --> 00:16:35,034
Kev needs a new pair
of Jordans.
407
00:16:35,103 --> 00:16:36,586
- Dang, he broke the spoon.
408
00:16:36,655 --> 00:16:38,137
- It's over.
409
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,413
- It's never over.
410
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:42,448
That's right,
a tablespoon, bitches.
411
00:16:42,517 --> 00:16:44,724
- Now, that's a spoon.
Double or nothing.
412
00:16:44,793 --> 00:16:48,655
- [sighs] Kev, thanks to you,
I'm learning to read,
413
00:16:48,724 --> 00:16:50,620
so I'll take it easy on you.
414
00:16:50,689 --> 00:16:54,241
You're already
in the hole 15 big ones.
415
00:16:54,310 --> 00:16:56,240
Walk away before
this gets out of hand
416
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:58,827
and I have to beat your ass
to collect my money.
417
00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:01,793
- I said, double or nothing.
418
00:17:01,794 --> 00:17:06,757
- Richard, I'm happy
you're moving on with your life
419
00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:07,896
on the outside.
420
00:17:07,965 --> 00:17:09,965
That's what this week
was about.
421
00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:11,343
I've been going back
to the prison
422
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:14,206
to sketch your friends there
for this.
423
00:17:14,275 --> 00:17:16,827
[soft music]
424
00:17:16,896 --> 00:17:19,551
I was gonna paint it on canvas
and give it to you.
425
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,551
It was supposed
to be a surprise.
426
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,517
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
427
00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:25,896
Hold up, hold up.
428
00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:27,793
You were doing this for me?
429
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:30,310
- Only for you, boo bear.
430
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:34,241
- And thank you
for restraining yourself
431
00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:35,896
and not jumping all over her.
432
00:17:35,965 --> 00:17:39,896
- It was hard because
I like women so much.
433
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:41,862
[laughs]
434
00:17:41,931 --> 00:17:49,034
? ?
435
00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:54,137
- Ooh, we better hurry up
and get to church.
436
00:17:57,517 --> 00:18:00,620
- I can't wait to thank
the Lord for you, Ms. Hart.
437
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:03,758
- Kevin, get your
natural Black behind up
438
00:18:03,827 --> 00:18:05,655
and dressed for church.
439
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:08,689
I said, get off that bed and-
[gasps]
440
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:12,034
Kevin, where are you?
441
00:18:12,103 --> 00:18:15,724
- Ready or not, here it comes.
442
00:18:15,793 --> 00:18:17,758
- He popped hisself.
443
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:20,275
- Time to pay up, bitch.
444
00:18:20,344 --> 00:18:24,103
- Perhaps we can work out
some kind of layaway plan?
445
00:18:24,172 --> 00:18:25,827
- Kevin!
446
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:29,620
- I would never even think
about leaving you, Ms. Hart.
447
00:18:29,621 --> 00:18:31,688
- Take your behind in the
kitchen and eat a cookie.
448
00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:34,000
My baby is missing.
449
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:36,000
Kevin!
450
00:18:36,068 --> 00:18:37,862
Kevin.
451
00:18:37,931 --> 00:18:41,655
Kevin! Kevin!
452
00:18:41,724 --> 00:18:43,103
Kevin Hart!
453
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:48,068
- Mmm, Smitty,
that is one good goddamn
454
00:18:48,137 --> 00:18:49,620
breakfast burrito cocktail.
455
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:50,931
- Uh-huh.
456
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,290
You know, the difference
is the poached eggs.
457
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,655
- Harry.
- [sputters] Nancy!
458
00:18:56,724 --> 00:18:58,594
- Kevin didn't come home
last night,
459
00:18:58,655 --> 00:19:01,103
and I can't find him anywhere!
460
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:02,827
- Oh, Lord.
461
00:19:02,896 --> 00:19:03,965
Okay, Nancy.
462
00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:05,344
Don't you worry, baby.
463
00:19:05,413 --> 00:19:08,172
We'll find him together.
464
00:19:08,173 --> 00:19:09,585
Pour that devil hooch
out, Smitty.
465
00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:11,136
I told you,
I don't want it no more.
466
00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:13,068
- But I do.
467
00:19:13,137 --> 00:19:14,379
Kevin!
468
00:19:14,448 --> 00:19:16,241
- Kevin!
- Kevin!
469
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,000
- Kevin!
- Kevin!
470
00:19:18,068 --> 00:19:20,448
- Kevin! Where are you, son?
471
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:23,241
- It's okay you didn't
come home last night.
472
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,655
I just wanna know you're safe.
- Kevin!
473
00:19:25,656 --> 00:19:27,343
- Mom, Dad,
I lost money to gamblers,
474
00:19:27,344 --> 00:19:28,343
and they wanna kill me.
475
00:19:28,344 --> 00:19:29,724
- You what?
476
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:32,275
- Oh, you better pay up.
477
00:19:32,344 --> 00:19:34,379
- Hang in there, son.
478
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:37,379
[dramatic music]
479
00:19:37,448 --> 00:19:40,206
? ?
480
00:19:40,275 --> 00:19:43,413
Kevin, come to mama.
481
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,551
- Mom! Mom, I'm so sorry.
482
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,826
I'm sorry I got mad at you for
neglecting me for Dirty Dante
483
00:19:48,827 --> 00:19:50,550
and I did all the stuff
that you don't let me do,
484
00:19:50,551 --> 00:19:51,895
and I got in real big trouble.
485
00:19:51,896 --> 00:19:53,206
- Mm-mm.
- Jesus.
486
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,413
- That ain't right.
487
00:19:54,414 --> 00:19:56,136
- Oh, that's a
neglectful mother.
488
00:19:56,137 --> 00:19:58,103
- For shame.
- Leave her alone!
489
00:19:58,172 --> 00:20:01,068
She's a single mama with
a handsome, deadbeat husband.
490
00:20:01,137 --> 00:20:02,724
- Mm!
491
00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:05,379
- I was wrong
to neglect you, Kevin.
492
00:20:05,448 --> 00:20:08,655
I guess I enjoyed having
a son to baby again.
493
00:20:08,724 --> 00:20:11,965
But you will always be my baby.
494
00:20:12,034 --> 00:20:13,793
I love you.
495
00:20:13,862 --> 00:20:16,482
- I'm truly jealous
of your family, love.
496
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,481
But I'm still gonna
have to put a hurt on Kev
497
00:20:18,482 --> 00:20:19,896
if he don't pay up.
498
00:20:19,965 --> 00:20:21,835
That's just the rules
of the streets.
499
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,137
- I got this.
500
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:24,448
I'll get you your money.
501
00:20:24,517 --> 00:20:26,655
How much does Kevin owe you?
502
00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:28,275
- $60.
503
00:20:28,344 --> 00:20:30,551
- [sucks in air]
Ooh.
504
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,724
Six-$60?
505
00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:36,000
Well, look, on the bright side,
at least we got another kid.
506
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,275
- Time to pay up.
507
00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:38,827
I want my money.
508
00:20:38,896 --> 00:20:40,793
- How about shrimp?
509
00:20:40,862 --> 00:20:44,241
15 pounds, straight from
the Caesar's Palace buffet.
510
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:47,137
- [gasps] Emperor Nero
jumbo coconut?
511
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,482
- Well, of course.
512
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:50,481
- That's worth, like,
80 bucks, easy!
513
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:51,758
You got yourself a deal.
514
00:20:51,827 --> 00:20:54,137
I'm the king of seafood.
515
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:58,827
This is good,
shells and all, baby.
516
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:04,068
- Thank you for helping me
save my son from himself.
517
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,724
- Oh, that's okay.
518
00:21:05,725 --> 00:21:07,516
I was just returning the favor
for you taking care of my son
519
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:08,689
while I was at work.
520
00:21:08,758 --> 00:21:11,379
- It was a pleasure
looking after him.
521
00:21:11,448 --> 00:21:13,862
- Uh, yeah, but where
the hell he at?
522
00:21:15,379 --> 00:21:17,448
- [eating noisily]
523
00:21:17,517 --> 00:21:18,827
[vacuum whirring]
524
00:21:18,896 --> 00:21:20,000
- Dante!
525
00:21:21,344 --> 00:21:23,310
- Hello, Ms. Hart.
526
00:21:23,379 --> 00:21:25,489
- Who the hell is this
light-skinned kid?
527
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,310
- Mama, you're home.
528
00:21:27,379 --> 00:21:28,724
- Baby.
529
00:21:28,793 --> 00:21:31,068
- And you smell
like cocktail sauce
530
00:21:31,137 --> 00:21:34,448
and watered down well drinks.
531
00:21:34,517 --> 00:21:37,137
- I'm sorry for
judging you so harshly.
532
00:21:37,206 --> 00:21:40,551
I understand how hard it is
to be a single mom.
533
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:43,103
We gotta work together.
- Yes, we do.
534
00:21:43,172 --> 00:21:46,103
- Why don't you and Dante
come by for dinner sometime?
535
00:21:46,172 --> 00:21:47,620
- That would be nice.
536
00:21:47,621 --> 00:21:49,654
- Well, just let me know
when you wanna stop by.
537
00:21:49,655 --> 00:21:53,551
- No time like the present.
Let's get busy, son.
538
00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:56,827
My God, y'all got a lot
of boxes of Rice Baloney.
539
00:21:56,896 --> 00:22:01,827
- And Mama,
they got proto cake here.
540
00:22:01,896 --> 00:22:03,526
- We in the
promised land, Dante.
541
00:22:03,586 --> 00:22:05,636
Don't tell me my God
don't know my wishes.
542
00:22:05,689 --> 00:22:07,034
- ? Oh, happy day ?
543
00:22:07,103 --> 00:22:08,758
? Oh, happy day ?
544
00:22:10,034 --> 00:22:12,379
- ? Happy day ?
545
00:22:12,448 --> 00:22:14,103
? Oh, happy day ?
546
00:22:14,172 --> 00:22:16,448
? Oh, happy day ?
547
00:22:16,517 --> 00:22:18,413
? When Jesus was ?
548
00:22:18,482 --> 00:22:20,517
? When Jesus was ?
549
00:22:20,586 --> 00:22:22,310
? Oh, when he was ?
550
00:22:22,379 --> 00:22:24,517
? When Jesus was ?
551
00:22:24,586 --> 00:22:26,206
? When Jesus washed ?
552
00:22:26,275 --> 00:22:28,000
? When Jesus washed ?
553
00:22:28,068 --> 00:22:30,103
? Washed my sins away ?
554
00:22:30,172 --> 00:22:31,275
? Oh, happy ?
555
00:22:31,325 --> 00:22:35,875
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