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1
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:10,757
? You know it's gotta
be G'd up, yep ?
2
00:00:10,758 --> 00:00:11,757
? That kind of ish
that make you cowards ?
3
00:00:11,758 --> 00:00:13,379
? Get beat up, ha-ha ?
4
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,964
? We on the outs until we
called and go do bids ?
5
00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:16,930
? Man, you know the
streets ain't for kids ?
6
00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:18,310
? Come on, come on ?
7
00:00:18,379 --> 00:00:22,827
? I can't take
the hood out of me ?
8
00:00:22,896 --> 00:00:25,620
- A stray bullet from the
shooting struck and killed
9
00:00:25,689 --> 00:00:29,896
the zoo's 100-year-old giant
tortoise, General Sherman,
10
00:00:29,965 --> 00:00:32,827
another senseless gang murder.
11
00:00:32,896 --> 00:00:36,482
On today's Bright Side report,
students at Wilson Goode Middle
12
00:00:36,551 --> 00:00:39,103
School are racing to
complete their readathon
13
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:43,586
challenge to read 5,000 books
in the month of Bookvember.
14
00:00:43,655 --> 00:00:46,551
If they reach that goal
by tomorrow's deadline,
15
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:50,241
every participating student
will enjoy a pizza party
16
00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:53,275
and the ritual humiliation
of their principal
17
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:55,896
shaving his hair into a mohawk.
18
00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:57,034
[laughs]
19
00:00:57,035 --> 00:00:58,136
- Read!
20
00:00:58,137 --> 00:00:59,551
Literate yourselves!
21
00:00:59,620 --> 00:01:01,896
It's pronounced "Terabithia!"
22
00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:05,137
- We are this close to reaching
our goal for the first time.
23
00:01:05,206 --> 00:01:07,517
The kids can smell
the pepperoni.
24
00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:10,137
They usually smell
the dog food factory
25
00:01:10,206 --> 00:01:11,827
upwind a block from here.
26
00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:13,655
[kids chattering]
27
00:01:13,724 --> 00:01:16,931
- If the school does earn
its first-ever pizza party,
28
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,517
it'll be put over the top
thanks to the efforts of one
29
00:01:20,586 --> 00:01:25,172
dedicated student, who has
read over 400 books himself,
30
00:01:25,241 --> 00:01:28,827
sixth-grader Kevin Hart.
31
00:01:28,896 --> 00:01:33,068
- Damn, Kev, you on TV, just
like that turtle who saw
32
00:01:33,137 --> 00:01:34,862
some shit he shouldn't have.
33
00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:36,275
- I'm proud of you, son.
34
00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:37,655
You're an inspiration.
35
00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:38,931
Mwah!
36
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,068
Now, don't overdo
it on that pizza today.
37
00:01:41,137 --> 00:01:43,551
You know how cheese
backs you up.
38
00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,103
- Rest easy, Mom.
39
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,827
You know I practice
moderation in all things.
40
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:50,000
So much pizza!
41
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:54,344
I'm gonna eat it all!
42
00:01:54,413 --> 00:01:57,482
I want you inside me now.
43
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,310
[whistling]
44
00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,448
Ahh.
45
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:03,517
We actually did it.
46
00:02:03,586 --> 00:02:04,724
- Augh!
47
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:07,655
Somebody broke
into our classroom!
48
00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:08,757
- Oh, man.
49
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,172
And we made it up to two.
50
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:15,275
[distant sirens wailing]
51
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,793
[camera shutter clicking]
52
00:02:16,794 --> 00:02:18,999
- They took the pencil
sharpener, the globe-
53
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,343
which only had England and
France and some sea monsters
54
00:02:21,344 --> 00:02:22,412
on it, so it's
not a great loss,
55
00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:24,379
but this is a major violation.
56
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,550
- You'd be surprised
the things crackheads
57
00:02:26,551 --> 00:02:31,241
would steal for crack,
because they on crack.
58
00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,896
- Oh, no, it's such a shame.
59
00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:35,255
It's gonna take the fun
out of our pizza party.
60
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:36,325
Who am I kidding?
61
00:02:36,379 --> 00:02:37,586
No, it won't.
62
00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:38,827
- Uh-oh.
63
00:02:38,896 --> 00:02:41,793
Uh, they took the
Bookvember Fest logbook.
64
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,068
[dramatic music]
65
00:02:43,137 --> 00:02:44,187
- What?
66
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,137
Niggas will steal anything!
67
00:02:46,138 --> 00:02:47,481
- All the other
notebooks are here,
68
00:02:47,482 --> 00:02:49,344
but the readathon one is gone.
69
00:02:49,413 --> 00:02:50,827
- That's OK, right?
70
00:02:50,828 --> 00:02:52,688
I mean, you tallied
up all the books.
71
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:55,862
Turned the total in
for certification, right?
72
00:02:55,931 --> 00:02:57,275
- No.
73
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,964
I was going to turn
the book in today.
74
00:02:58,965 --> 00:03:01,412
- But without the logbook,
it's not official that we
75
00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:03,275
read all the books, so-
76
00:03:03,344 --> 00:03:05,310
- Oh, you sweet boy.
77
00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:07,655
I'm afraid there's
no pizza party.
78
00:03:17,068 --> 00:03:20,655
- Damn, damn, damn!
79
00:03:20,724 --> 00:03:22,241
- Come on!
Stay with us!
80
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:23,448
Live!
81
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:25,620
- Don't you die
on us, you culo.
82
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,482
[monitor beeping]
83
00:03:27,551 --> 00:03:31,000
Time of death, 9:10 a.m.
84
00:03:31,068 --> 00:03:35,482
At least we can lay him to
rest with his next of kin.
85
00:03:35,551 --> 00:03:37,758
- This hospital is a disaster.
86
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:41,000
A patient flatlined while I was
fixing the toilet yesterday,
87
00:03:41,068 --> 00:03:43,482
and I had to resuscitate
him with the plunger.
88
00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:46,000
- Ay, this hospital
needs 50 ccs of dinero.
89
00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:49,310
- We need somebody on the
inside to fight for us.
90
00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:51,655
- I will fight for you.
91
00:03:51,724 --> 00:03:53,241
- [grunting]
92
00:03:53,310 --> 00:03:56,000
- They said I'd never defeat
an incumbent or a drunk
93
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:57,102
who doesn't wear drawers.
94
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,551
But I did.
95
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:01,551
And as your senator,
I'll make history again.
96
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:04,482
I'm Coleman Bridges, and
I'll fight for Philadelphia
97
00:04:04,551 --> 00:04:05,758
in Washington.
98
00:04:05,827 --> 00:04:07,344
- Him.
99
00:04:07,345 --> 00:04:09,240
We got that snake in a
three-piece suit elected.
100
00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,344
He owes us.
101
00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:11,827
- Yes, he does.
102
00:04:11,896 --> 00:04:13,827
I am gonna march
right up to his office
103
00:04:13,896 --> 00:04:15,896
and give that man
a piece of my behind.
104
00:04:15,897 --> 00:04:16,964
- Hmm.
105
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,344
- I mean my mind.
106
00:04:18,413 --> 00:04:20,896
And then maybe my behind
if he's into that.
107
00:04:20,965 --> 00:04:22,413
[funky music]
108
00:04:22,414 --> 00:04:24,412
- After all the
evidence has been heard,
109
00:04:24,413 --> 00:04:28,241
the prosecutor and the defense
attorney give their summations.
110
00:04:28,242 --> 00:04:29,826
- Well, this just
doesn't make sense.
111
00:04:29,827 --> 00:04:31,447
- The jury must
find the defendant
112
00:04:31,448 --> 00:04:33,618
guilty beyond a
reasonable doubt or else-
113
00:04:33,619 --> 00:04:35,826
- I have a reasonable doubt
about this whole thing.
114
00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,103
- Kevin.
115
00:04:37,172 --> 00:04:40,275
- Miss Green, a crackhead
didn't break in here.
116
00:04:40,344 --> 00:04:44,551
I mean, why take a logbook, but
leave the VCR or the boombox,
117
00:04:44,620 --> 00:04:47,206
or all the confiscated
drugs in your desk?
118
00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:48,325
- Damn!
119
00:04:48,344 --> 00:04:49,862
- And what do we have here?
120
00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:51,723
Of all the notebooks
in your cabinet,
121
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:54,827
the robber only took
the readathon logbook
122
00:04:54,896 --> 00:04:58,689
because he stole it to deny
us our hard-won pizza party.
123
00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:02,413
- But who could hate
pizza that much?
124
00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:06,827
- Someone who wasn't going to
get pizza because that someone
125
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,792
didn't participate
in a reading challenge
126
00:05:08,793 --> 00:05:12,000
because they think
"books are ass," someone like-
127
00:05:12,068 --> 00:05:15,793
- [sniggering] No pizza for
you, you book-loving bitches!
128
00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:19,413
I done told y'all,
reading be ass.
129
00:05:19,482 --> 00:05:20,827
- There's your thief!
130
00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:22,275
[dramatic music]
131
00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:24,448
[sirens wailing]
132
00:05:24,517 --> 00:05:27,047
- We're so overtaxed that
sometimes we have to put
133
00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,758
four patients in one bed.
134
00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:30,697
- Yeah, we call that
Willy Wonka-ing.
135
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:33,068
And occasionally,
one of the patients
136
00:05:33,137 --> 00:05:34,931
makes chocolate in the bed.
137
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,137
Ironic, huh?
138
00:05:36,206 --> 00:05:37,551
- Unconscionable.
139
00:05:37,552 --> 00:05:39,378
Thank you
for inviting me here today.
140
00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:42,240
There is an appropriations vote
before the council this Monday,
141
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:43,240
and I give you my word-
142
00:05:43,241 --> 00:05:44,724
- Thank the Lord.
143
00:05:44,793 --> 00:05:47,143
- -that I will cast my
vote to finally shut this
144
00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:49,344
substandard hospital down.
145
00:05:49,413 --> 00:05:50,655
- [gasps]
146
00:05:50,724 --> 00:05:52,827
[camera shutter clicking]
147
00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:54,448
- Pizza murderer!
148
00:05:54,517 --> 00:05:57,344
[indistinct shouting]
149
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,413
- You've got marinara
on your hands!
150
00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:02,172
- And I'm about to throw
these hands, bitch!
151
00:06:02,241 --> 00:06:04,034
[grunts]
- Whoa!
152
00:06:04,103 --> 00:06:05,206
- Ooh!
153
00:06:05,275 --> 00:06:07,034
- Everyone, please calm down!
154
00:06:07,103 --> 00:06:08,206
- Order, children!
155
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:09,344
Order!
156
00:06:09,345 --> 00:06:10,585
- Chin Check stole the logbook!
157
00:06:10,586 --> 00:06:11,619
- Hell no!
158
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,172
I'm innocent, Ka-Ka Kev!
159
00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:14,344
- I'm not Ka-Ka!
160
00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,034
I'm officially Comedy Kev now!
161
00:06:16,103 --> 00:06:18,448
- Yeah, he changed that
narrative a long time
162
00:06:18,517 --> 00:06:19,862
ago, bitch.
163
00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:21,103
- Listen up!
164
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,310
I'm as upset about
all of this as you.
165
00:06:23,379 --> 00:06:27,137
It pained me to cancel that
order for all those pizzas.
166
00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:30,620
I got this stupid
Mr. T look for nothing!
167
00:06:30,689 --> 00:06:35,965
But Mr. Hart, I pity the
fool who levels baseless
168
00:06:36,034 --> 00:06:38,103
allegations in my school.
169
00:06:38,104 --> 00:06:39,205
- That's right.
170
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:40,551
We're a country of laws.
171
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:42,655
In America,
we have a system where
172
00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:45,000
the accused gets a fair trial.
173
00:06:45,068 --> 00:06:46,344
- [gags] Yeah, right.
174
00:06:46,345 --> 00:06:48,033
- Tell that to the
Central Park Five.
175
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:49,930
- That's what I'm contractually
obligated to tell you.
176
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:53,482
But what if we held
a fair trial of our own
177
00:06:53,551 --> 00:06:55,000
for our civics unit?
178
00:06:55,068 --> 00:06:57,655
You can all play a role,
Kevin, the prosecutor.
179
00:06:57,724 --> 00:06:59,172
Rhe Rhe, the defense.
180
00:06:59,241 --> 00:07:02,172
- And if I prove that Chin
Check stole the logbook,
181
00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:03,586
we'll have our pizzas?
182
00:07:03,655 --> 00:07:06,827
- Yes, if you prove
Mr. Check's guilt
183
00:07:06,896 --> 00:07:11,310
and recover the logbook,
then and only then,
184
00:07:11,379 --> 00:07:14,034
you can have your pizza party.
185
00:07:14,103 --> 00:07:17,482
- Friends, I promise you that
that book will be recovered
186
00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:19,827
and that pizza will be ours.
187
00:07:19,828 --> 00:07:22,240
And Rhe Rhe, though we'll be
opponents in this trial,
188
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:25,275
I hope this won't affect
our personal relationship.
189
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:26,862
- It won't.
190
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:27,792
- Good.
191
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:29,344
Justice will be served.
192
00:07:29,413 --> 00:07:32,310
And as God is my witness,
it will have stuffed crust.
193
00:07:32,311 --> 00:07:33,343
[together]
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
194
00:07:33,344 --> 00:07:35,137
- You know what I like!
195
00:07:35,206 --> 00:07:36,448
- Go, Kev!
196
00:07:36,517 --> 00:07:39,034
Go, Kev!
197
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:40,310
- Your smoothie, sir.
198
00:07:40,379 --> 00:07:42,310
- It better be
smooth this time.
199
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:45,655
I bet not find one banana lump.
200
00:07:45,724 --> 00:07:47,413
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, pendejo.
201
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:48,550
What the hell was that?
202
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,931
- You can't close us down!
203
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,275
The neighborhood depends
on this hospital.
204
00:07:52,344 --> 00:07:54,896
- Ladies, you just spent
an hour proving to me
205
00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:57,034
that King is a disaster area.
206
00:07:57,103 --> 00:07:58,896
The funds the city
wastes on it can
207
00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:00,827
be better used
at Money Permanente
208
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:03,103
Medical Center downtown.
209
00:08:03,172 --> 00:08:04,413
- Money Permanente?
210
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:06,137
- [sipping]
211
00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:11,068
- You mean the HMO that's
funding your Senate campaign?
212
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:15,000
- Legally, the councilman knows
nothing, allegedly, about that.
213
00:08:15,068 --> 00:08:16,275
Allegedly.
214
00:08:16,344 --> 00:08:19,310
- Councilman, that fancy
place is miles away.
215
00:08:19,379 --> 00:08:22,034
You have to take four
buses to get there.
216
00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:24,793
The community needs
this hospital.
217
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,551
It's vital to them.
218
00:08:26,620 --> 00:08:30,344
You must no- you cannot
close Killer King-
219
00:08:30,413 --> 00:08:32,896
uh, I mean regular King.
220
00:08:32,965 --> 00:08:34,620
Savior King.
- Sorry.
221
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:35,688
Go, go, go.
222
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,827
[tires squealing]
223
00:08:37,896 --> 00:08:40,172
- That's a bad sign.
224
00:08:40,241 --> 00:08:41,517
[sigh shattering]
225
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,862
- Now that's a bad sign.
226
00:08:43,931 --> 00:08:46,482
- [sighs] Let me get
the eyelash glue.
227
00:08:46,551 --> 00:08:47,724
[dramatic music]
228
00:08:47,725 --> 00:08:49,274
- In the criminal
justice system,
229
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,481
the people are represented
by two separate
230
00:08:51,482 --> 00:08:53,275
yet equally important groups-
231
00:08:53,344 --> 00:08:54,931
the police who investigate-
232
00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:57,136
- Soupy, this isn't an
episode of "Law & Order."
233
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,241
- Dang!
234
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,310
Can a nigga get one bom bom?
235
00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,965
- I'll allow it.
236
00:09:01,966 --> 00:09:03,033
- Thanks.
237
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:04,448
Bom bom.
238
00:09:04,517 --> 00:09:07,275
- The prosecution will
make its opening statement.
239
00:09:07,344 --> 00:09:10,586
- Your Honor,
members of the jury, Rhe Rhe.
240
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:11,931
- [groans]
241
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,690
- Look, we all know
you did it, OK?
242
00:09:13,691 --> 00:09:16,067
Just give us the book back,
and we can all have our pizza.
243
00:09:16,068 --> 00:09:16,895
The end.
244
00:09:16,896 --> 00:09:18,034
Do the bom bom.
245
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:18,930
- Bom bom.
246
00:09:18,931 --> 00:09:20,067
- Man, this is bullshit!
247
00:09:20,068 --> 00:09:21,655
- Watch your mouth, Chin Check.
248
00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:23,137
It's not over yet.
249
00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:25,862
The defense will make
her opening statement.
250
00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:27,275
- Thank you, Miss Green.
251
00:09:27,344 --> 00:09:29,965
My job is to convince
the jury that Chin
252
00:09:30,034 --> 00:09:33,172
Check didn't take that book.
253
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:34,291
But come on.
254
00:09:34,344 --> 00:09:35,664
He probably did it, right?
255
00:09:35,689 --> 00:09:38,275
- Rhe Rhe,
you're supposed to defend him.
256
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,724
- Hey, I like pizza, too.
257
00:09:40,793 --> 00:09:42,448
- He did it.
258
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:43,827
[indistinct shouting]
259
00:09:43,828 --> 00:09:45,171
- Stop making a mockery
of my mock trial!
260
00:09:45,172 --> 00:09:47,172
[together] Guilty!
Guilty!
261
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:49,172
Guilty! Guilty!
262
00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:50,724
- Man, fuck this shit!
263
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:51,965
I'm out of here!
264
00:09:52,034 --> 00:09:53,655
[sobbing]
265
00:09:53,656 --> 00:09:54,930
- Well, I think
we're done here.
266
00:09:54,931 --> 00:09:56,275
Let's order that pizza.
267
00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:57,586
- We are not done.
268
00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:59,758
Kevin, if you want
that pizza party,
269
00:09:59,759 --> 00:10:01,723
then you have to prove
Chin Check did it
270
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:03,241
and find that logbook.
271
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,517
Is that clear?
272
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:06,137
- Yes, Miss Green.
273
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,517
- Good.
274
00:10:07,518 --> 00:10:09,688
Until tomorrow morning,
we'll stand in recess.
275
00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:10,896
- Recess, all right!
276
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:13,586
[together]
Whoo! Yeah, recess!
277
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:16,793
- The system sucks balls.
278
00:10:16,862 --> 00:10:20,896
- Let's review everyone's
ideas to save the hospital.
279
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:25,896
Mrs. Park suggested arson
for that insurance good-good.
280
00:10:25,965 --> 00:10:29,241
- I know someone who
can torch it- me.
281
00:10:29,310 --> 00:10:31,068
- Mm-mm.
282
00:10:31,137 --> 00:10:35,689
Darnell suggested we sell those
hospital gowns
283
00:10:35,758 --> 00:10:37,379
with the ass out.
284
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,723
- Who doesn't love lounging
around the house on a Sunday
285
00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:44,689
with a cool breeze
and easy access?
286
00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:47,827
- And Mrs. Old Lady
suggested that we
287
00:10:47,896 --> 00:10:52,068
raise money by tap dancing
like Bojangles Robinson.
288
00:10:52,137 --> 00:10:55,413
- I love how
Shirley Temple tolerated him.
289
00:10:55,482 --> 00:10:58,586
Now, that was her real talent.
290
00:10:58,655 --> 00:11:01,482
- We're going to
lose the hospital.
291
00:11:01,551 --> 00:11:02,631
I don't know what to do.
292
00:11:02,655 --> 00:11:04,000
- I do.
293
00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:06,000
But I don't think
you want to hear it.
294
00:11:06,068 --> 00:11:07,862
- Girl, I'm so desperate.
295
00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:10,379
Even if you was Shabba Ranks,
I'd want to hear it.
296
00:11:10,448 --> 00:11:12,738
And you know how much I
hate dancehall reggae.
297
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:13,808
- OK.
298
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:15,482
Blackmail Coleman Bridges.
299
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:18,034
Threaten his mama,
throw boiling albondigas
300
00:11:18,103 --> 00:11:20,517
on him, whatever it takes.
301
00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:21,827
- Mm.
302
00:11:21,896 --> 00:11:23,068
- I told you.
303
00:11:23,137 --> 00:11:24,793
You wouldn't want to hear it.
304
00:11:24,862 --> 00:11:26,931
- We can't compromise
our morals.
305
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,758
We have to be better than that.
306
00:11:28,827 --> 00:11:31,000
When they go low, we go high.
307
00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:32,033
- Wrong.
308
00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:33,896
When they go low, we go lower.
309
00:11:33,965 --> 00:11:35,310
And we kick their nuts.
310
00:11:35,379 --> 00:11:37,241
If we want to
save our hospital,
311
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:40,896
our only choice is to get
some low-class people together
312
00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:43,068
and do some down
and dirty immoral
313
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,931
shit on Bridges that
might put us in jail.
314
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,551
- I can't believe
I'm saying this,
315
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,758
but I believe the Hispanic.
316
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:54,275
[gasps] Forgive me,
Father Coughlin.
317
00:11:54,276 --> 00:11:55,343
[gun clicks]
318
00:11:55,344 --> 00:11:56,343
- In!
319
00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:57,585
- I haven't crammed in a while.
320
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,310
- If he's in, I'm coming too!
321
00:11:59,379 --> 00:12:03,620
- Marisol, I know you mean
well, but I can't do it.
322
00:12:03,689 --> 00:12:05,551
It's not who I am.
323
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:07,034
- OK, have it your way.
324
00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:09,033
I'll be here when
you change your mind.
325
00:12:09,068 --> 00:12:13,137
I'll be heating up my
boiling albondigas.
326
00:12:13,206 --> 00:12:16,517
- The free clinic says
diabetes took my leg,
327
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:17,896
but I know it was him.
328
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:20,137
- Chin Check steals everything.
329
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,103
I haven't eaten
my lunch in years.
330
00:12:22,172 --> 00:12:24,896
That's why I got rickets!
[together] Ew!
331
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:28,103
- Come on,
we all know he did it!
332
00:12:28,172 --> 00:12:31,586
- Oh, for the umpteenth
time, you're supposed
333
00:12:31,655 --> 00:12:33,517
to be on his side, Rhe Rhe!
334
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,827
- Dante- I mean, Mr. Dirty,
what did you hear the defendant
335
00:12:37,896 --> 00:12:39,793
say about our pizza party?
336
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:42,137
- [coughs]
He said-
337
00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:43,171
and I quote-
338
00:12:43,172 --> 00:12:45,793
[sniffles] that it was ass.
339
00:12:45,862 --> 00:12:47,689
- Oh, I say a lot
of stuff be ass!
340
00:12:47,758 --> 00:12:49,241
That's my catchphrase!
341
00:12:49,242 --> 00:12:50,447
I didn't take that book!
342
00:12:50,448 --> 00:12:52,171
I couldn't have took it.
- Couldn't?
343
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,033
Why?
344
00:12:53,034 --> 00:12:54,137
- I ain't telling you.
345
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,256
Snitching be ass.
346
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:57,862
- Well, I say book
thievery be ass.
347
00:12:57,931 --> 00:12:59,620
- No, you be ass!
348
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,310
This whole trial be ass!
349
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:02,551
Justice be ass!
350
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,689
America be ass!
351
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,206
[moans]
352
00:13:05,275 --> 00:13:08,310
- Malcolm X couldn't
have said it any better.
353
00:13:08,379 --> 00:13:10,448
[sighs]
Let's try again tomorrow.
354
00:13:10,517 --> 00:13:15,517
- [coughs] Kev, are you
still gonna get us our pizza?
355
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,448
- I'm not so sure, Dirty Dante.
356
00:13:17,449 --> 00:13:18,516
- [groans]
357
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:19,567
- No pizza?
358
00:13:19,586 --> 00:13:21,517
- No pizza?
359
00:13:21,586 --> 00:13:22,758
- [sobbing]
Bom bom.
360
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,103
[distant sirens wailing]
361
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:29,137
- Lord, I don't want
to lower my morals.
362
00:13:29,206 --> 00:13:32,103
Please guide me
with your wisdom.
363
00:13:32,172 --> 00:13:34,275
[television shattering]
364
00:13:34,344 --> 00:13:35,620
[alarm blaring]
365
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:38,413
- Now are you ready to
do what has to be did?
366
00:13:38,482 --> 00:13:39,896
- I am.
367
00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:42,931
Let's do it your way
and take down Bridges.
368
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,827
- Yes, Marisol's time to shine.
369
00:13:46,896 --> 00:13:49,965
OK, team,
let's do someone dirty.
370
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:52,931
[dramatic music]
371
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,482
? ?
372
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:56,826
- I'm going to blow the
biggest case of in career,
373
00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:59,000
and the only case in my career.
374
00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:01,620
I gotta nail this guy.
375
00:14:01,689 --> 00:14:03,724
I'm sorry, pizzas.
376
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,034
I let you down.
377
00:14:05,103 --> 00:14:06,896
- Get the fuck away
from my window.
378
00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:08,551
You're scaring my customers.
379
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:10,034
- Sorry.
380
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:12,102
I'm just looking at the
pizzas I'll never eat.
381
00:14:12,103 --> 00:14:14,033
Guess you're mad
Principal Johnson had
382
00:14:14,034 --> 00:14:15,171
to cancel that big order, huh?
383
00:14:15,172 --> 00:14:16,586
- Principal Johnson?
384
00:14:16,587 --> 00:14:18,274
That dude never called
in no pizza order.
385
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,724
[horn honking]
Oh!
386
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,826
Watch it.
387
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,068
Are you ignorant?
388
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,930
The sign clearly
says, "Don't Walk."
389
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:24,930
- Shut your ass up!
390
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,206
I saw it.
391
00:14:26,275 --> 00:14:28,862
Maybe I wanted to
almost get hit.
392
00:14:28,863 --> 00:14:29,895
Huh?
Oh!
393
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:30,930
Ugh!
394
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,103
Stupid bitch!
395
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,655
Why didn't you warn me?
396
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:35,723
- Oh, god!
397
00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:37,137
I was wrong.
398
00:14:37,138 --> 00:14:38,895
Mister, you just helped
me solve this case.
399
00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:40,137
- Good.
400
00:14:40,138 --> 00:14:41,895
Now solve the mystery
on why the fuck
401
00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:43,482
you are still talking to me.
402
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,654
- Right after you answer a
few more of my questions.
403
00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:48,103
- Ugh, nigga.
404
00:14:48,172 --> 00:14:51,793
- OK, I speak, I wave,
I kiss one baby that's cute,
405
00:14:51,862 --> 00:14:54,862
but not cuter than me, and
we leave for the fundraiser.
406
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:55,930
- There he is.
407
00:14:55,931 --> 00:14:57,241
It's go time.
408
00:14:57,310 --> 00:15:00,655
- Hey, it's my
plan and my team.
409
00:15:00,724 --> 00:15:02,137
I get to say that.
410
00:15:02,206 --> 00:15:05,137
It's go time.
411
00:15:05,206 --> 00:15:06,896
- OK, let's get this going.
412
00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:09,655
[sipping]
413
00:15:09,724 --> 00:15:11,931
- Get my good side, DelRoy.
414
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,482
[camera shutter clicking]
415
00:15:13,551 --> 00:15:14,896
[upbeat music]
416
00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:16,715
Motherfucker,
I said my good side.
417
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:17,757
- Damn, woman!
418
00:15:17,758 --> 00:15:19,379
You got 15 sides.
419
00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:22,586
- Uh, excuse me,
but this is my photo op.
420
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,310
- And this is my foot.
421
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:27,448
You soggy piece of sourdough.
422
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:31,344
- The Negroes
are fighting again!
423
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:35,517
- Expired hot sauce eggnog,
work your magic.
424
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:38,551
? ?
425
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,827
- [sipping] My friends,
if North Philadelphia is
426
00:15:41,896 --> 00:15:44,862
to thrive, then we must
close down this antiquated
427
00:15:44,931 --> 00:15:46,724
eyesore and in its place-
428
00:15:46,793 --> 00:15:47,965
[stomach growling]
429
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,758
My chest!
[groaning]
430
00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:50,861
[camera shutters clicking]
431
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:54,344
? ?
432
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,379
[farts]
433
00:15:57,965 --> 00:16:01,068
- Class, I have been advised
by the, uh, attorney general
434
00:16:01,137 --> 00:16:03,482
that it's time
for us to end the trial,
435
00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:07,206
grieve the pizza party, and
start our unit on fractions.
436
00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:08,619
So if everybody could just-
437
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,689
- Your Honor,
if I may, I would like
438
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,138
to make a closing statement.
439
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,689
Young ladies and
gentleboys of the jury,
440
00:16:14,758 --> 00:16:17,241
it is the solemn job
of the prosecution
441
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,275
to see that justice is done.
442
00:16:19,344 --> 00:16:22,034
In that spirit,
it is my firm belief
443
00:16:22,103 --> 00:16:24,137
that Chin Check is innocent!
444
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:25,517
[all gasping]
445
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:27,482
- I didn't see
that shit coming.
446
00:16:27,483 --> 00:16:30,412
- I submit that Chin Check
couldn't have taken the logbook
447
00:16:30,413 --> 00:16:33,689
because he couldn't tell which
book in Miss Green's cabinet
448
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:35,172
was the logbook.
449
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,931
My proof is on this.
450
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,482
Chin Check, now,
what does this say?
451
00:16:41,551 --> 00:16:44,103
- Uh, it says-
452
00:16:44,172 --> 00:16:47,172
it says, you be ass!
453
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,274
- That's right.
454
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:50,896
You think reading be ass.
455
00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:52,517
And maybe it is.
456
00:16:52,586 --> 00:16:57,137
But maybe you feel that
way because you can't read!
457
00:16:57,206 --> 00:16:58,379
[all gasping]
458
00:16:58,448 --> 00:17:00,000
- [stammering]
[bleep] you!
459
00:17:00,068 --> 00:17:01,517
I can read!
460
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:03,793
I see words backwards
like everybody else.
461
00:17:03,862 --> 00:17:05,068
[all gasping]
462
00:17:05,137 --> 00:17:06,517
- Oh, my god.
463
00:17:06,586 --> 00:17:07,689
He's dyslexic.
464
00:17:07,690 --> 00:17:08,792
- No, I ain't!
465
00:17:08,793 --> 00:17:11,275
Mind your own nizbiz!
466
00:17:11,344 --> 00:17:13,310
- I'm having a heart attack.
467
00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:14,759
Take me to Money Permanente.
468
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,654
- Sorry to have to be
the one to say this,
469
00:17:16,655 --> 00:17:20,724
but your transternator's
fucked.
470
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:23,931
- Help me!
471
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,068
- We got you.
472
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:26,655
We'll take you right to King.
473
00:17:26,656 --> 00:17:27,757
- No!
474
00:17:27,758 --> 00:17:29,103
Not Killer King.
475
00:17:29,172 --> 00:17:31,655
- You go where we take
you, motherfucker.
476
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:39,724
- So if Chin Check didn't
take the book, then who did?
477
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:43,965
Maybe you know,
Principal Johnson.
478
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:45,084
- Well, now, hold on.
479
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:46,931
Why would I know?
480
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,344
- The answer is on this paper
that Chin Check couldn't read.
481
00:17:50,413 --> 00:17:51,482
Can you?
482
00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:53,448
- Ah.
483
00:17:53,517 --> 00:17:54,758
Oh, my Lord.
484
00:17:54,827 --> 00:17:56,637
- Principal Johnson
made a promise.
485
00:17:56,689 --> 00:17:59,620
If we read 5,000
books, he'd get a Mr. T,
486
00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:01,448
and we'd get pizza.
487
00:18:01,517 --> 00:18:03,482
See, but he never
thought we'd do it.
488
00:18:03,551 --> 00:18:04,827
But we did.
489
00:18:04,828 --> 00:18:06,826
Going Mr. T was easy,
but getting the students
490
00:18:06,827 --> 00:18:09,895
of this school 70 extra-large
pepperoni pizzas, well, that
491
00:18:09,896 --> 00:18:12,896
was hard when the only
pizza place in our hood
492
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:14,517
won't serve you.
493
00:18:14,586 --> 00:18:15,689
[all gasping]
494
00:18:15,758 --> 00:18:18,103
That's why you stole
the logbook, why
495
00:18:18,172 --> 00:18:20,482
you robbed us of
our cheesy reward,
496
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:25,862
because your checks bounced!
497
00:18:25,931 --> 00:18:27,448
[all gasping]
498
00:18:27,517 --> 00:18:29,344
- Oh, shit!
- Ugh.
499
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:33,137
- Oh, damn.
500
00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:34,655
You're right!
501
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:35,757
God damn it.
502
00:18:35,758 --> 00:18:37,206
It's true!
503
00:18:37,275 --> 00:18:38,965
They repoed my car.
504
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,689
My wife left me.
505
00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:42,793
I overdrew my account.
506
00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:44,482
God damn it.
507
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:46,896
I did it, so help me, God.
508
00:18:46,965 --> 00:18:48,448
[all gasping]
509
00:18:48,517 --> 00:18:50,827
- That'll get the kids
to trust teachers more.
510
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,000
- OK, here they come.
511
00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:53,481
Get ready to act
your asses off.
512
00:18:53,482 --> 00:18:54,551
- This is so exciting.
513
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:55,793
- I know, right?
514
00:18:55,862 --> 00:18:57,896
Whoever said crime
don't pay probably
515
00:18:57,965 --> 00:19:00,310
was just terrible at crime.
516
00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:03,275
- Hey, hey, hey,
corny nigga coming through.
517
00:19:03,344 --> 00:19:04,758
Watch out.
518
00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:06,619
- Ooh, you came to the
right place, brother.
519
00:19:06,620 --> 00:19:09,103
They got some angels
of mercy here.
520
00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:10,896
- God bless King Hospital.
521
00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:12,172
- Wait a minute.
522
00:19:12,173 --> 00:19:13,964
Didn't I see you
outside just now?
523
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:18,551
- Oh, so all of us fixed
income folks look alike to you?
524
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,137
You uppity Neg-
525
00:19:20,138 --> 00:19:21,619
- Councilman Bridges, I'll-
526
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,379
I'll try to get to you.
527
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:25,723
We're a little crowded with
all the neighborhood folk
528
00:19:25,724 --> 00:19:27,517
who depend on us.
529
00:19:27,518 --> 00:19:28,550
- Please!
530
00:19:28,551 --> 00:19:30,517
I'm dying here, lady.
531
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:34,517
- Let's hope old Sparky
hanging in there.
532
00:19:34,586 --> 00:19:36,275
- No!
533
00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:39,448
Please, please, save me.
534
00:19:39,517 --> 00:19:41,758
- What's it worth
to you, Councilman?
535
00:19:44,586 --> 00:19:46,965
[upbeat funky music]
536
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:48,413
- It's true.
537
00:19:48,482 --> 00:19:50,965
The district
is so poor that I'm
538
00:19:51,034 --> 00:19:54,758
going bankrupt buying school
supplies with my own money.
539
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,482
The pizza party
would have ruined me!
540
00:19:57,551 --> 00:20:01,172
So, in desperation,
I took the logbook
541
00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:03,482
and tried to pin
it on a crackhead!
542
00:20:03,551 --> 00:20:06,517
It was a perfect plan,
and I would
543
00:20:06,586 --> 00:20:09,241
have gotten away
with it if it wasn't
544
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:12,103
for you overachieving kids.
545
00:20:12,172 --> 00:20:14,344
- It's OK, Principal Johnson.
546
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,344
You were only trying to help.
547
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,861
- Yeah, look, just because
you're broke and sad,
548
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,757
it doesn't mean that
you're a bad person.
549
00:20:20,758 --> 00:20:23,310
- And I'm pretty sure if
Chin Check is dyslexic,
550
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:26,103
then we can get state
funding to help him.
551
00:20:26,104 --> 00:20:27,171
- That's right.
552
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,344
We can.
553
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:30,827
So much state funding.
554
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:34,344
God bless you, you learning
disabled little hero.
555
00:20:34,413 --> 00:20:37,068
Now we can have
100 pizza parties.
556
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,102
[together]
Yay!
557
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,517
Whoo-hoo!
558
00:20:40,586 --> 00:20:43,379
- I pledge my support
for repairs and new equipment
559
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:44,447
for Killer-
560
00:20:44,448 --> 00:20:45,689
[stomach rumbling]
561
00:20:45,758 --> 00:20:46,931
-King Hospital.
562
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,758
- Sis, you on TV,
just like Lena Horne,
563
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,655
or that bitch-ass turtle.
564
00:20:52,724 --> 00:20:54,965
- And I thank the
dedicated professionals
565
00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:58,896
who saved my life during my
recent medical emergency.
566
00:20:58,965 --> 00:21:02,103
- [snickers] Saved him
from his indigestion,
567
00:21:02,172 --> 00:21:04,068
but he'll never know that.
568
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,758
How does it feel, Nancy?
569
00:21:05,759 --> 00:21:08,412
- I hope I never have to do
something like this again.
570
00:21:08,413 --> 00:21:10,758
But we did the right thing.
571
00:21:10,827 --> 00:21:11,877
Thank you.
572
00:21:11,931 --> 00:21:13,172
- De nada.
573
00:21:13,241 --> 00:21:15,827
And thank you and your team.
574
00:21:15,896 --> 00:21:17,517
Here's your cut.
575
00:21:17,586 --> 00:21:20,034
- Now that's what
I'm talking about.
576
00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:21,517
Yo, check it out.
577
00:21:21,586 --> 00:21:23,103
We're billionaires.
578
00:21:23,172 --> 00:21:27,000
[together]
Yeah!
579
00:21:27,068 --> 00:21:31,137
- I must admit,
this pizza ain't ass.
580
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,275
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
581
00:21:32,344 --> 00:21:33,517
- Ah.
582
00:21:33,586 --> 00:21:35,551
That pizza party
was everything.
583
00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:37,310
Sorry again for
saying you did it.
584
00:21:37,344 --> 00:21:38,758
- Yeah, yeah.
585
00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:40,309
I'll beat the shit out
of you for that later.
586
00:21:40,310 --> 00:21:42,060
But for now,
I'm going to enjoy all
587
00:21:42,068 --> 00:21:46,034
this cheese before my sleepover
with the toilet tonight.
588
00:21:46,103 --> 00:21:49,517
[gentle music]
589
00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:51,827
And maybe reading
ain't ass after all.
590
00:21:51,896 --> 00:21:54,137
Maybe I was ass
for hating on it.
591
00:21:54,206 --> 00:21:56,137
And now I could
get some help so I
592
00:21:56,206 --> 00:22:00,448
can read about all the non-ass
stuff in them ass books.
593
00:22:00,517 --> 00:22:02,931
- You know, maybe the
first book you should read
594
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,793
is a dictionary.
595
00:22:04,794 --> 00:22:06,999
- I think I'm gonna beat
the shit out of you now.
596
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,758
- [grunting]
597
00:22:08,808 --> 00:22:13,358
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