Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,896
- ? You know it's gotta be
G'd up ?
2
00:00:10,897 --> 00:00:12,723
? The kind of ish that make
you cowards get beat up ?
3
00:00:12,724 --> 00:00:14,999
? We on the outs until
we caught it and go do bids ?
4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,895
? Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ?
5
00:00:16,896 --> 00:00:18,241
? Come on ?
6
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,482
? I can't take the hood
out of me ?
7
00:00:22,896 --> 00:00:25,827
[upbeat music]
8
00:00:25,896 --> 00:00:26,946
? ?
9
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,655
- Damn you, Folgers crystals!
10
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,137
- What's going on, Ma?
11
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:32,482
Maybe you need
to lay off the coffee.
12
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:35,067
That judge did give you
a strict three-cup-a-day limit.
13
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,758
- It's not that, boulder head.
14
00:00:36,827 --> 00:00:39,896
I'm in a rush 'cause I just
heard my beautician Ronda
15
00:00:39,965 --> 00:00:41,655
is out sick
with the hantavirus.
16
00:00:41,724 --> 00:00:43,310
- Hanta-what?
17
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,688
- It's something you can get
when you're exposed to rodents.
18
00:00:45,689 --> 00:00:47,895
She can't do my hair
because she has diarrhea
19
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:50,103
and severe abdominal pain.
20
00:00:50,172 --> 00:00:51,689
She's so selfish.
21
00:00:51,758 --> 00:00:54,827
Now I have to do a walk-in
at my old salon
22
00:00:54,828 --> 00:00:56,516
if I want my hair
to be acceptable
23
00:00:56,517 --> 00:00:58,757
for the pastor's anniversary
tomorrow night.
24
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,172
- I'm glad I'm not you, Ma.
25
00:01:00,173 --> 00:01:01,723
Last time
you got your hair done,
26
00:01:01,724 --> 00:01:02,965
you were there so long,
27
00:01:02,966 --> 00:01:04,240
you missed a major milestone
in my life.
28
00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:06,067
- For the umpteenth time,
I apologize
29
00:01:06,068 --> 00:01:07,818
for not being
at your christening
30
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:10,550
because I had to get my hair
done for your christening!
31
00:01:10,551 --> 00:01:13,447
Well, I better hurry up and get
myself on that walk-in list.
32
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,378
I don't have time
to make you boys lunch,
33
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:17,240
so I'm writing a detailed list
of everything
34
00:01:17,241 --> 00:01:19,413
I need your uncle to do.
35
00:01:19,482 --> 00:01:22,896
He's in charge when I'm gone,
so whatever he says goes.
36
00:01:22,965 --> 00:01:24,448
Understand?
- Yeah.
37
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:26,034
- I guess.
- Good.
38
00:01:26,103 --> 00:01:27,620
Now, give this to your uncle
39
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:30,205
and be sure to let him know
this money is only to be used
40
00:01:30,206 --> 00:01:32,551
for an emergency!
41
00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:34,448
Ooh, pray for me.
42
00:01:34,517 --> 00:01:37,103
[door opens]
You know I'm going to need it.
43
00:01:37,172 --> 00:01:40,551
- There's two things
I look for in a man,
44
00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:43,655
the money to control
his own destiny
45
00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,620
and bomb dance skills.
46
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,827
- Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
47
00:01:48,828 --> 00:01:50,619
- Were you thinking about how
fine Halle Berry be looking?
48
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:52,103
- No, you idiot!
49
00:01:52,104 --> 00:01:53,757
I'm not talking
about Halle Berry,
50
00:01:53,758 --> 00:01:55,172
although she is fine.
51
00:01:55,173 --> 00:01:56,826
I was just thinking,
maybe we should split
52
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:59,137
the emergency cash
and then trash the note.
53
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:01,137
Unc would never know!
54
00:02:01,206 --> 00:02:04,586
- Damn, Kev, that's the kind
of maniacal shit I would do.
55
00:02:04,655 --> 00:02:07,862
I'm sure this has got something
to do with that Rhe-Rhe.
56
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:09,241
- [laughs]
57
00:02:09,310 --> 00:02:10,793
- Good enough for me.
58
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:13,482
Now give me my cut.
59
00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:17,551
- What's all this damn
jibber-jabber about?
60
00:02:17,620 --> 00:02:19,758
Y'all fucking with
a nigga beauty sleep.
61
00:02:19,827 --> 00:02:22,357
- Nothing, Mom had
an emergency hair appointment.
62
00:02:22,379 --> 00:02:24,172
- Poor, poor woman.
63
00:02:24,241 --> 00:02:25,931
God bless her.
64
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,793
- She said you're in charge
while she's gone, Unc.
65
00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:30,930
- And she say you got to do
all the house chores
66
00:02:30,931 --> 00:02:33,137
and clean up our rooms, too.
67
00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:34,965
- That's a heavy
responsibility,
68
00:02:35,034 --> 00:02:38,551
which is going to require me
to be a little bit more caring.
69
00:02:38,620 --> 00:02:40,379
Now hurry up and get dressed
70
00:02:40,448 --> 00:02:43,241
and get the fuck
out of my hide!
71
00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:46,724
- Ladies, as you can see,
everybody and their mama
72
00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,586
is up in here
to get their hair done
73
00:02:48,655 --> 00:02:51,068
for the pastor's anniversary.
74
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:55,344
So I kindly ask you to please
be patient and courteous.
75
00:02:55,413 --> 00:02:57,931
- Uh-uh,
forget all that!
76
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,965
My baby hair need to be
attended to, pronto.
77
00:03:02,034 --> 00:03:06,310
- If you have a problem
properly conducting yourselves,
78
00:03:06,379 --> 00:03:10,620
I will shove a hot comb
down your fucking throat!
79
00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:12,344
- Ay, Dios.
- [whimpers]
80
00:03:12,413 --> 00:03:14,896
- Do I make myself clear?
81
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,034
- I always knew
this place was ghetto,
82
00:03:19,103 --> 00:03:21,448
but not level-orange ghetto.
83
00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:24,172
Hey, Keisha, girl!
84
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:28,379
- Well, if it isn't Nancy,
85
00:03:28,448 --> 00:03:30,172
I'm too good
to get my hair done
86
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,379
at Keisha's anymore, Hart.
87
00:03:32,448 --> 00:03:34,413
- It's nothing like that,
Keisha.
88
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:35,562
I didn't want to leave.
89
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,413
You know the only reason
I left you
90
00:03:37,482 --> 00:03:39,965
was because you had to go away
for a little while.
91
00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,896
- Well, ain't nobody perfect.
92
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:44,482
A bitch had to do a week
in the county
93
00:03:44,483 --> 00:03:46,654
because she got some
unresolved anger issues.
94
00:03:46,655 --> 00:03:49,620
- Ow!
- I completely understand.
95
00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:51,620
It is a struggle sometimes.
96
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,689
And about that,
could you see your way clear
97
00:03:54,758 --> 00:03:57,482
to squeezing me in
on your waiting list?
98
00:03:57,551 --> 00:04:00,551
I really need my hair done.
99
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,862
- Hmm, I got to do
a finger wave,
100
00:04:03,931 --> 00:04:06,620
some spiral curls,
a couple of side ponytails,
101
00:04:06,689 --> 00:04:09,517
a bob, swoop, crimps,
and some French twists.
102
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:12,482
You're number 12
on the wait list.
103
00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:14,655
- See, now,
this is some bullshit.
104
00:04:14,724 --> 00:04:16,931
She's the third person
you gave number 12.
105
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,965
- Can somebody
hand me my hot comb?
106
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:23,379
[tense music]
107
00:04:25,172 --> 00:04:27,862
- Ugh, good thing I brought
a book to read.
108
00:04:27,863 --> 00:04:29,516
- Girl, we going to
be here so long,
109
00:04:29,517 --> 00:04:31,551
you should have brought
a book to write.
110
00:04:31,620 --> 00:04:33,250
- Boys and girls,
we are holding
111
00:04:33,275 --> 00:04:35,379
art class outside today.
112
00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:36,826
- This is going
to be so much fun!
113
00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,654
- That's what
I'm talking about, bitch.
114
00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:41,000
- So we can paint
our Black pride mural.
115
00:04:41,068 --> 00:04:43,586
[all groan]
- This is bullshit, bitch!
116
00:04:43,655 --> 00:04:45,896
- All right, I know
it's really exciting,
117
00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:48,793
but we will be starting
right after lunch, OK?
118
00:04:48,862 --> 00:04:51,586
[upbeat music]
119
00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:55,068
- Lunch is Kev's time
to really impress Rhe-Rhe.
120
00:04:55,137 --> 00:04:57,103
Watch the master work.
121
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,068
[hums melody]
122
00:04:59,137 --> 00:05:00,586
- Uh, hey, Rhe-Rhe.
123
00:05:00,587 --> 00:05:02,412
I just want you to know
that I have what it takes
124
00:05:02,413 --> 00:05:03,551
to control my destiny.
125
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:04,862
I jumped the fence,
126
00:05:04,863 --> 00:05:06,654
went over to that cart
right there,
127
00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:08,310
and I purchased
my lunch today,
128
00:05:08,379 --> 00:05:09,827
did it with my own money.
129
00:05:09,828 --> 00:05:11,757
Got myself a cheesesteak
with extra peppers,
130
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:13,758
a Frank's black cherry
to wash it down,
131
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,827
and a strawberry yogurt
for dessert.
132
00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:18,171
Ain't no other kids in here
buying their own stuff
133
00:05:18,172 --> 00:05:19,965
with they broke asses.
134
00:05:20,034 --> 00:05:22,137
- Oh, OK.
135
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:26,896
- Uh, did y'all hear that?
OK, that's short for, ooh, Kev!
136
00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:30,172
- ? Work that thing, yeah,
let me see you do it ?
137
00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:32,172
? Show me what you got ?
138
00:05:32,241 --> 00:05:34,896
? It's time to get into it ?
139
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:36,862
[school bell rings]
140
00:05:36,931 --> 00:05:39,551
- Lunch period
has now started.
141
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:41,620
All you poor kids,
please have
142
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,551
your free-lunch cards out
143
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:45,205
to prove that your family...
- Gotta get dirty.
144
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,551
- Has no money.
145
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:51,965
- It's showtime!
[chuckles]
146
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,241
- There you go, child.
147
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,206
God bless you.
148
00:05:56,275 --> 00:05:59,034
- [pained grunting]
149
00:05:59,103 --> 00:06:01,310
Morning, Ms. Gloria.
150
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:03,586
[coughs]
151
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,103
- Hello, young man.
152
00:06:05,172 --> 00:06:08,137
How's your mother,
still haven't found a job?
153
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:11,413
- Nope, it's been months now.
154
00:06:11,482 --> 00:06:13,310
And she's too proud to admit
155
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:16,620
that we need
free-lunch tickets.
156
00:06:16,689 --> 00:06:20,655
- Oh, that poor, sad,
impoverished woman!
157
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:23,586
I will keep her in my prayers.
158
00:06:25,862 --> 00:06:27,862
Here.
159
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:29,482
- Bless you.
160
00:06:29,483 --> 00:06:32,309
My eight siblings and I can
stretch this for dinner tonight
161
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,103
and breakfast tomorrow.
162
00:06:34,172 --> 00:06:36,551
- Take these, too.
163
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:40,000
- God bless you, ma'am.
164
00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:41,551
I got turkey sandwiches.
165
00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:43,620
Turkey sandwiches here,
166
00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,034
made with the finest
government cheeses.
167
00:06:46,103 --> 00:06:47,310
[upbeat music]
168
00:06:47,379 --> 00:06:50,620
- Yes, sir, this $6
pushcart cheesesteak
169
00:06:50,689 --> 00:06:52,931
with extra peppers
is delicious,
170
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,068
probably the best that I-
[burps]
171
00:06:57,137 --> 00:07:00,517
- Mm, I'm glad you're
enjoying your food.
172
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,862
- OK, let's get going
on our pride mural.
173
00:07:02,931 --> 00:07:05,655
We will be working in pairs.
174
00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:07,792
- Oh, come on, God.
Please let me be with Rhe-Rhe.
175
00:07:07,793 --> 00:07:09,757
Come on, please, please,
please, please, please!
176
00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:13,517
- Rhe-Rhe will be partnered
with Kevin.
177
00:07:13,586 --> 00:07:15,862
- Oh, my God, my prayer worked!
178
00:07:15,863 --> 00:07:17,792
Oh, I got to start going
to church more often.
179
00:07:17,793 --> 00:07:19,793
Let's make a thing of beauty.
180
00:07:19,862 --> 00:07:21,965
- ? It's you and me,
you and me ?
181
00:07:22,034 --> 00:07:23,965
? And it's mostly
happy, heavy ?
182
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:27,275
? 'Cause I love it, love it ?
183
00:07:27,344 --> 00:07:30,034
? When I'm here with you,
with you, with you ?
184
00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:34,965
? Yeah, it makes me feel so,
feel so, feel so happy ?
185
00:07:35,034 --> 00:07:38,000
[stomach gurgles]
186
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:41,034
- Um, Kevin, are you OK?
187
00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,344
- Of course.
188
00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:44,965
Everything's always OK
when you're around.
189
00:07:45,034 --> 00:07:47,137
[flatulence]
Hold on, oh, man.
190
00:07:47,206 --> 00:07:52,827
- I had a dream that you got
the bubble guts, Kev!
191
00:07:52,896 --> 00:07:56,344
- Excuse me, Miss Green?
Can I get a pass?
192
00:07:56,413 --> 00:07:58,310
OK, oh, God.
193
00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:00,172
- Kev's going to blow.
194
00:08:00,241 --> 00:08:04,655
Brothers and sisters, do what
I didn't do in Memphis, duck!
195
00:08:04,724 --> 00:08:08,310
- [retches]
- Ew!
196
00:08:08,379 --> 00:08:11,310
Everybody, from now on,
Kev's new nickname
197
00:08:11,379 --> 00:08:14,413
is the Green Chunk Punk.
[laughs]
198
00:08:14,414 --> 00:08:15,999
all: [chanting]
Green Chunk Punk,
199
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,689
Green Chunk Punk,
Green Chunk Punk!
200
00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:23,379
- I am not controlling
my own destiny
201
00:08:23,448 --> 00:08:25,172
right now.
202
00:08:25,241 --> 00:08:28,896
[vacuum whirring]
203
00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:32,655
- Next on BET,
"Mr. Baby's Mom,"
204
00:08:32,724 --> 00:08:35,206
starring Larenz Tate.
205
00:08:35,275 --> 00:08:38,103
- Pfft, that nigga Larenz Tate
parenting skills
206
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:41,137
ain't got shit on mine.
[door opens]
207
00:08:41,206 --> 00:08:45,586
- Unc, my life
as I know it is over!
208
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:48,448
- [sighs]
A mother's work is never done.
209
00:08:48,517 --> 00:08:51,241
? ?
210
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,172
[tires screech]
211
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,344
- Oh.
212
00:08:55,413 --> 00:08:58,275
? ?
213
00:08:58,344 --> 00:09:01,034
- Hello, Richard.
I did it!
214
00:09:01,103 --> 00:09:03,931
I know it's late,
but I finally got in the chair,
215
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,862
and I'm not leaving until I get
that Halle Berry special.
216
00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:09,550
- [groans]
- I need you to continue
217
00:09:09,551 --> 00:09:11,171
running the house
until I get back,
218
00:09:11,172 --> 00:09:13,551
no matter how long it takes.
- No problem.
219
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:14,827
Everything's good here.
220
00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:16,689
- Emergency-No, no!
[retches]
221
00:09:16,758 --> 00:09:18,724
- I'll see you
when you get out. Bye!
222
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:21,000
Don't puke
on my bathroom floor.
223
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:24,275
I just waxed it!
- Oh.
224
00:09:24,344 --> 00:09:28,068
- Mm, just like they used
to make it in the joint,
225
00:09:28,137 --> 00:09:31,586
so penitentiary.
- Good morning, Unc.
226
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,758
- Damn, Kev,
It's 10-o-fucking clock.
227
00:09:33,827 --> 00:09:35,413
Why the hell you not in school?
228
00:09:35,414 --> 00:09:38,378
- Well, first of all, you know,
I still feel a little shaky,
229
00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:41,206
and, secondly, I'm never,
never going back there
230
00:09:41,275 --> 00:09:43,145
after what happened
to me yesterday.
231
00:09:43,172 --> 00:09:45,310
I refuse to be called
the Green Chunk Punk
232
00:09:45,379 --> 00:09:46,965
for the rest of my life.
233
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:50,068
- Oh, so you're going to let
a little bitch-ass tummy ache
234
00:09:50,137 --> 00:09:52,689
stop you from getting
your grind on, hmm?
235
00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:54,378
- Yes,
that's pretty much my plan.
236
00:09:54,379 --> 00:09:55,827
- Wrong!
237
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,655
If you don't go back there
and handle that shit
238
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:01,310
the right way,
guarantee, they'll call you
239
00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:03,862
Green Chunk Punk
for the rest of your life.
240
00:10:03,931 --> 00:10:05,448
- Huh?
- OK.
241
00:10:05,449 --> 00:10:06,792
Seeing as
I'm your parent now,
242
00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,103
let me help you out in a way
243
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,344
that Cliff Huxtable
helped out Theo.
244
00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:13,689
Man, in the joint one time,
I was playing one-on-one
245
00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:15,620
with a dude named Dozy Loke.
246
00:10:15,689 --> 00:10:16,949
They called him Dozy Loke
247
00:10:16,965 --> 00:10:18,715
because the nigga
had narcolepsy.
248
00:10:18,724 --> 00:10:21,000
Anyway, he goes up for a dunk.
249
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:23,275
I'm talking
the Clyde the Glide,
250
00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:27,206
nuts-in-your-face kind of dunk.
- Ah, oh, ow, oh, ugh.
251
00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:29,240
- Well, that made everybody
on the yard
252
00:10:29,241 --> 00:10:31,896
start calling me Teabag Richie.
- Oh, my.
253
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,379
That really happened to you?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
254
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,378
Who's going to lie
about balls in their face?
255
00:10:36,379 --> 00:10:38,067
I mean, I ain't got
no problem with it,
256
00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:39,793
if that's what you're into.
257
00:10:39,794 --> 00:10:42,067
Every fucking day, people
called me Teabag Richie.
258
00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:43,896
I couldn't stand that shit.
259
00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:47,758
So I waited till the next time
Dozy Loke nodded off,
260
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:49,793
and I slapped
that nigga so hard,
261
00:10:49,862 --> 00:10:51,827
I cured his narcolepsy.
262
00:10:51,896 --> 00:10:56,413
After that, everybody called me
Back Slap Bill.
263
00:10:56,482 --> 00:10:58,413
That's what you got to do.
264
00:10:58,482 --> 00:11:00,965
- Cure somebody's narcolepsy?
- No, fool.
265
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:02,827
Change the narrative!
266
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,343
You gotta roll back up
to that school
267
00:11:04,344 --> 00:11:06,514
and do something
that'll make them forget
268
00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:07,931
all about Green Chunk Punk.
269
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,931
Control your destiny.
270
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,793
Control it with your chest!
271
00:11:12,862 --> 00:11:14,896
- You know what?
I will.
272
00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:17,067
Thanks for the advice, Unc.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
273
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:19,689
Just don't, uh,
try that slap thing.
274
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:21,689
I got that shit trademarked.
275
00:11:21,758 --> 00:11:23,827
? ?
276
00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:26,482
- How you doing today, Robert?
277
00:11:26,551 --> 00:11:28,379
- Taking it day by day.
278
00:11:28,448 --> 00:11:32,758
My cousins Nettie, Adam,
and Celia just visiting,
279
00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:35,068
and they haven't had
real food in months,
280
00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:37,551
just Pop Rocks and Tic Tacs.
281
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:40,241
Why must we live like this?
282
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:41,827
[somber music]
283
00:11:41,896 --> 00:11:43,793
- Oh, here, son.
284
00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,612
Take these
so you and those babies
285
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,000
can have full bellies.
286
00:11:47,068 --> 00:11:49,344
- Thank you so much,
Ms. Gloria.
287
00:11:49,413 --> 00:11:51,344
[chuckles]
288
00:11:51,413 --> 00:11:53,482
- Nettie, Adam, and Celia?
289
00:11:53,551 --> 00:11:56,379
Now, where have I heard
those names before?
290
00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:59,344
[upbeat music]
291
00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:02,793
- Oh, hello, Kevin.
Are you feeling better?
292
00:12:02,862 --> 00:12:06,103
- Yes, Miss Green.
- I'm glad.
293
00:12:06,172 --> 00:12:09,448
Well, we're going to give
the mural another try.
294
00:12:09,517 --> 00:12:11,034
You know, we move on.
295
00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:15,310
- Hey, Green Chunk Punk showed
his green chunk face again!
296
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:17,965
[chuckles]
- Yes, we do move on.
297
00:12:18,034 --> 00:12:21,448
It's time.
Don't mess up on your lines.
298
00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:23,965
- Look, everybody,
Kev's rocking the new style
299
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,689
that Kris Kross made popular!
300
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:27,206
[crowd oohs]
- What?
301
00:12:27,275 --> 00:12:31,172
- Mr. Hart, your overalls
appear to be on backwards!
302
00:12:31,173 --> 00:12:33,274
- No, they're on right,
Principal Johnson.
303
00:12:33,275 --> 00:12:36,137
Kris Kross Kev
is changing the narrative.
304
00:12:36,206 --> 00:12:38,275
Hit it!
- [grunting]
305
00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:40,827
- ? Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ?
306
00:12:40,896 --> 00:12:42,965
? Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ?
307
00:12:43,034 --> 00:12:45,344
Oh, no, man, I gotta-
308
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:46,586
? Jump, jump ?
309
00:12:46,655 --> 00:12:49,034
I gotta go.
Come on, come on.
310
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:50,758
Oh, no, man, stupid overalls!
311
00:12:50,827 --> 00:12:52,620
Why won't you work backwards?
312
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,000
This cannot be happening!
313
00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:58,379
It's everywhere!
It's even in my socks!
314
00:12:58,448 --> 00:13:02,551
- Oh, man, Green Chunk Punk
shit all over himself.
315
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:06,965
From now on,
Kev's new name is Caca Kev!
316
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:10,517
all: [chanting]
Caca Kev! Caca Kev!
317
00:13:10,586 --> 00:13:12,689
Caca Kev!
[splat]
318
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:15,413
[somber music]
319
00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:18,517
- Get your burritos,
hot and mild sauce included!
320
00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:20,930
- Your cousin's names are
from "The Color Purple"!
321
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,379
- Oh, shit, Ms. Gloria!
322
00:13:22,448 --> 00:13:24,758
I am so ashamed
that I lied to you.
323
00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:28,241
I'm just glad my mother isn't
alive to see me like this.
324
00:13:28,310 --> 00:13:30,180
Did I mention she died
this morning?
325
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,827
My mother, Claudine?
- Claudine?
326
00:13:32,828 --> 00:13:34,930
Boy, get your butt back
into that school!
327
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:38,344
- Ooh, Nancy,
your hair is so pretty!
328
00:13:38,413 --> 00:13:41,068
You must have Indian
in your family.
329
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:43,127
Almost done,
just a couple more hours,
330
00:13:43,137 --> 00:13:44,689
and you'll be out of here.
331
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:47,931
- Everybody on the ground
right now, or I'll fuck you up.
332
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,965
Calm down, cheeky.
- A knife.
333
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:52,103
- Now listen to me
and listen to me good.
334
00:13:52,172 --> 00:13:54,931
I want a flat-iron flip
with some of them waterfalls
335
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,482
and a swoop, not now,
but right the hell now.
336
00:13:57,551 --> 00:14:00,034
And, you, get the hell
out of my chair!
337
00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:02,448
[tense music]
338
00:14:02,517 --> 00:14:03,724
Fuck you!
339
00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:04,930
I'm going to SuperCut,
where they know
340
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,136
how to treat a bitch right.
341
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,275
- And if you come back,
342
00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:09,620
I'll jam these scissors
in your eye!
343
00:14:09,689 --> 00:14:14,793
I do believe you were
about to bump my ends?
344
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:16,724
- Attention, students!
345
00:14:16,793 --> 00:14:18,758
Kevin has cleaned himself up.
346
00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:21,655
He is wearing clothes
from the lost and found
347
00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:24,896
and a hat that he hopes
will change the narrative.
348
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,620
Do not mock him.
349
00:14:26,689 --> 00:14:29,655
Repeat, do not mock him!
350
00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,827
You are welcome!
351
00:14:31,896 --> 00:14:33,551
- Hey, guys.
- Look, everyone!
352
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:36,586
It's Caca Kev,
wearing a crappy cap.
353
00:14:36,655 --> 00:14:40,586
all: [chanting]
Caca Kev, crappy cap!
354
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:43,034
Caca Kev, crappy cap!
355
00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:44,758
- That's enough!
356
00:14:44,759 --> 00:14:47,033
I'm tired of being the butt
of your little stupid joke.
357
00:14:47,034 --> 00:14:49,724
- Y'all hear that?
Caca Kev said "butt"!
358
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:52,931
[laughter]
359
00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:56,792
- You fucking fat-head,
ass-yanking, snaggle-tooth,
360
00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:58,473
bear-breath, ringworm-having,
361
00:14:58,474 --> 00:15:00,619
reject from three
different foster homes,
362
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:03,517
flunked out of the third grade
dumbass motherfucker!
363
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:06,137
- [gasps]
364
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,861
[children cheering
and laughing]
365
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,241
- Oh, I ain't done.
366
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,344
You musty,
no-deodorant-wearing,
367
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,412
booger-nose, paste-eating,
mama's a ho,
368
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,343
has been on Maury Povich
eight times,
369
00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:18,034
but still don't know
who your daddy is ass nigga!
370
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:20,655
[laughter]
371
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:25,379
- Man down!
[laughs]
372
00:15:25,448 --> 00:15:27,551
- Kev ain't Caca Kev no more.
373
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:29,482
He's Comedy Kev now.
374
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:32,655
all: [chanting]
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
375
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:35,137
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
376
00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:37,689
- Oh, my God, I did it.
377
00:15:37,758 --> 00:15:39,413
I changed the narrative!
378
00:15:39,482 --> 00:15:42,620
all: [chanting]
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev,
379
00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:47,310
Comedy Kev,
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
380
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:51,689
Fight, fight, fight!
381
00:15:51,758 --> 00:15:53,965
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
382
00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:55,551
- I'll be back with the author
383
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:59,034
of "My Menopause, Myself"
in a minute.
384
00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:01,655
- [sniffles]
Don't nobody know our pain.
385
00:16:01,724 --> 00:16:03,689
[phone rings]
386
00:16:03,758 --> 00:16:05,275
Yo, who this?
387
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:07,586
- I am the principal
at Kevin's school.
388
00:16:07,655 --> 00:16:11,482
- Damn, nigga, what the fuck?
Is you on a bullhorn?
389
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:13,689
- Oops, my bad!
390
00:16:13,758 --> 00:16:15,862
I'm calling to let you know
that Kevin
391
00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:18,793
got into a little altercation
this afternoon.
392
00:16:18,862 --> 00:16:22,068
He has a few minor injuries,
but he'll live.
393
00:16:22,137 --> 00:16:24,862
Bring a fresh set of clothes
and come get him.
394
00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:26,517
- I changed the narrative, Unc.
395
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,379
I did exactly what you told me
to do, and it worked!
396
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:32,482
- Oh, shit.
I'm on my way.
397
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:34,413
[phone rings]
398
00:16:34,482 --> 00:16:37,068
Damn, this parenting shit
ain't no joke.
399
00:16:37,137 --> 00:16:38,793
Who this now?
400
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,752
- May I please speak to the
legal guardian of Robert Hart?
401
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,310
- [whimpers]
402
00:16:43,379 --> 00:16:45,000
Fuck!
403
00:16:45,068 --> 00:16:48,078
If I don't get this shit fixed,
Nancy gonna kill my Black ass.
404
00:16:48,103 --> 00:16:49,241
Oh, shit.
405
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:51,448
[upbeat music]
406
00:16:51,517 --> 00:16:54,000
[groans]
407
00:16:54,068 --> 00:16:56,758
- Ah, my man Richard!
What's the hurry?
408
00:16:56,827 --> 00:17:00,034
- Oh, man, Nancy put me
in charge of your damn kids
409
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,241
while she's in the hair salon,
410
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:04,517
and I just got a call
from their school,
411
00:17:04,518 --> 00:17:06,171
talking about
I got to get down there
412
00:17:06,172 --> 00:17:09,689
and deal with some bullshit
they done got themselves into.
413
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:12,620
- Ooh, boy,
I sure don't envy you.
414
00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:16,103
Good luck with that.
- They your kids, motherfucker!
415
00:17:16,172 --> 00:17:20,896
I've been their mom and dad
by myself, no help, no sleep,
416
00:17:20,965 --> 00:17:23,689
no pussy for 48 hours.
417
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:27,137
Do I look like Eddie
motherfucking Murphy, nigga?
418
00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:29,136
- All right, all right,
well, I'll do it.
419
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:30,585
I'll go ahead
and take care of my boys.
420
00:17:30,586 --> 00:17:32,757
I mean, I did shoot them
out my salami rocket.
421
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,136
I don't remember the time
in particular, but they mine,
422
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,757
and I guess
that's what I'm going to do.
423
00:17:36,758 --> 00:17:40,103
- Good, I'll handle
Lil Kev's fight situation,
424
00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:42,517
and you deal
with Robert's fraud shit.
425
00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:44,310
- I will.
What kind of fraud?
426
00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:46,586
- Man, fuck if I know.
427
00:17:46,655 --> 00:17:49,275
Just handle it!
428
00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:50,758
- I finally have a chance
429
00:17:50,827 --> 00:17:53,206
to help my oldest son
commit fraud.
430
00:17:53,275 --> 00:17:55,931
My daddy ain't never
taught me shit!
431
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,448
[grumbles]
432
00:17:58,517 --> 00:18:01,310
- Damn, Kev,
you look like hell.
433
00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:03,655
Who'd you get in a fight with,
Mike Tyson?
434
00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:07,034
- That's Comedy Kev!
- I know!
435
00:18:07,103 --> 00:18:08,655
Dude got jokes.
436
00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:10,826
- I get that, but that's
besides the point, Unc.
437
00:18:10,827 --> 00:18:13,102
All that matters is that
I changed the narrative.
438
00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:14,861
- No, all that matters is
your mama's
439
00:18:14,862 --> 00:18:18,655
going to kill me when she sees
what I let happen to you.
440
00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:21,413
I got to lead us
out this situation,
441
00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:25,172
and I'ma need
powerful inspiration.
442
00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:29,000
[sweeping orchestral music]
443
00:18:29,068 --> 00:18:30,724
That's it!
444
00:18:30,793 --> 00:18:33,137
Thanks, Black heroes.
445
00:18:33,206 --> 00:18:34,517
[grunts]
446
00:18:34,586 --> 00:18:36,724
Now, let's paint over
those bruises, Kev.
447
00:18:36,725 --> 00:18:38,723
- It's not the smartest idea
in the world,
448
00:18:38,724 --> 00:18:41,074
but to be honest,
it's the only idea we got left.
449
00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:44,482
- Weird, this looks just like
the mural I painted
450
00:18:44,551 --> 00:18:46,931
in my prison art class.
451
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,689
Have any of your little friends
do time in Rockview?
452
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:52,585
- Ma'am, I'm sure that we can
deal with this misunderstanding
453
00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:55,000
as responsible adults...
[flatulence]
454
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,620
Without the involvement
of law enforcement.
455
00:18:57,689 --> 00:19:01,413
- Mr. Hart,
your son is a criminal.
456
00:19:01,482 --> 00:19:04,137
He lied for months
to get free cafeteria food
457
00:19:04,206 --> 00:19:05,827
that he sold for cash,
458
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:08,689
saying he got a strung-out
and unemployed mother,
459
00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:11,827
eight siblings,
and a deadbeat father.
460
00:19:11,896 --> 00:19:15,000
- Only most of that is a lie.
- Ha ha.
461
00:19:15,068 --> 00:19:16,655
- Wait a minute.
462
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:18,827
Don't I know you
from somewhere?
463
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,620
- No, you do not.
464
00:19:20,689 --> 00:19:24,344
I'm an upstanding
Christian woman.
465
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:28,448
- Gloria, Glo, it is you!
466
00:19:28,517 --> 00:19:31,793
You was Miss Crack Ho USA
in 1985.
467
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:35,517
I remember!
It's me, Huffing Henry!
468
00:19:35,586 --> 00:19:37,586
You still juggling balls
for rocks?
469
00:19:37,655 --> 00:19:39,482
Ya-da-dee!
- Ugh.
470
00:19:39,551 --> 00:19:41,965
I-I'm not proud of my past.
471
00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:45,896
- Ms. Gloria, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
472
00:19:45,965 --> 00:19:48,655
- Motherfucker,
I just said I was!
473
00:19:48,724 --> 00:19:51,482
Oh, Henry...
474
00:19:51,551 --> 00:19:55,206
can we keep my past between us?
475
00:19:55,275 --> 00:19:56,965
both:
What's it worth to you?
476
00:19:57,034 --> 00:20:00,068
We got them fish sticks,
now made with real fish.
477
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:04,344
- Got them tater tots!
- Got them chicken pot pies!
478
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,344
- Now, the secret
to good makeup
479
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:09,310
is blending upward, like so.
480
00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:10,724
We don't want you out here
481
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:14,137
looking like you had
an autopsy or nothing.
482
00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:16,793
- Oh, my God, I've been robbed!
- Uh-oh.
483
00:20:16,862 --> 00:20:18,793
- Nigga, don't make me cut you.
- Oh.
484
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:23,310
- Miss Green?
- Richard, from Cell Block 8?
485
00:20:23,379 --> 00:20:24,758
- You two know each other?
486
00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:27,344
- Yeah, Miss Green
taught my art class
487
00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:29,206
while I was locked up.
488
00:20:29,275 --> 00:20:32,413
Man, she inspired me
to find my inner artist.
489
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:35,793
- And your uncle inspired me
to say it with my chest
490
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:37,931
on a regular basis.
491
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,206
- Yeah, Unc, um, I still
don't know what that means.
492
00:20:41,275 --> 00:20:45,103
- Just a few more minutes,
ladies!
493
00:20:45,104 --> 00:20:46,654
- I swear,
this is the last time
494
00:20:46,655 --> 00:20:49,758
I come to this unprofessional,
ghetto establishment.
495
00:20:49,827 --> 00:20:51,931
Never again.
496
00:20:55,931 --> 00:20:57,896
[ethereal music]
497
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,724
- Nancy, got anything to say?
498
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:04,068
- You think you could fit me in
next Tuesday/Wednesday?
499
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:05,931
- Oh, sure thing, girl.
500
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,965
You'll be number 12.
501
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,068
- You see, Kevin,
the secret to good makeup
502
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,517
is to use makeup, not paint.
503
00:21:13,586 --> 00:21:15,068
- Looking good, Kev.
504
00:21:15,137 --> 00:21:18,620
Your mama never know how bad
you got your ass beat today.
505
00:21:18,689 --> 00:21:22,344
all: [chanting]
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!
506
00:21:22,413 --> 00:21:24,965
Comedy Kev!
- Hey, Unc, do you mind if I-
507
00:21:24,966 --> 00:21:26,516
- Nigga, go get
the fuck out of here
508
00:21:26,517 --> 00:21:27,758
and go be with your fans!
509
00:21:27,827 --> 00:21:29,965
- Time for me to be
the master of my destiny.
510
00:21:30,034 --> 00:21:33,482
Hey, Rhe-Rhe,
here comes Comedy Kev.
511
00:21:33,551 --> 00:21:35,758
- And thank you
for helping me out.
512
00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:38,827
Man, being a single mother
is no picnic.
513
00:21:38,896 --> 00:21:41,482
- Uh, yes,
and no need for thanks.
514
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:44,482
You were my favorite student
in the penitentiary,
515
00:21:44,551 --> 00:21:46,689
Back Slap Bill.
516
00:21:46,758 --> 00:21:49,724
- Oh, dang.
I was pretty special, wasn't I?
517
00:21:49,793 --> 00:21:52,068
[chuckles]
All right, peep this.
518
00:21:52,137 --> 00:21:54,967
I'd love to get your digits so
I can give you a call one day.
519
00:21:55,034 --> 00:21:57,482
- You know what?
I would like that, too.
520
00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,724
My number is 215...
521
00:21:59,793 --> 00:22:02,103
- Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
522
00:22:02,172 --> 00:22:08,793
- ? Holding hands
under the moonlight ?
523
00:22:10,931 --> 00:22:16,000
- ? Oh, whispering
sweet serenades ?
524
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:19,586
? We'll dance till
the morning brings ?
525
00:22:19,655 --> 00:22:24,137
? Feeling of love, it stays ?
526
00:22:24,206 --> 00:22:28,344
? I'll be the one
now and forever ?
527
00:22:28,394 --> 00:22:32,944
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38969
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof