All language subtitles for It s Always Sunny in Philadelphia - 9x02 - Gun Fever Too Still Hot.BluRay.en

Good morning, Philadelphia.

With us today is Frank Reynolds,

local business owner and a
man with a harrowing story.

That's right.

A few days ago, three
thugs tried to mug me.

- And I want to be very clear
about something. - Um,

- Mr...
- These pieces of garbage,

- they don't know who the hell they're
dealing with. - Mr. Reynolds, excuse me.

Do you think maybe you could
eat that sandwich later?

I'm starving.

You don't have nothing
to eat in this show.

- Let's get back to your story.
- Right, so these punks...

- Yes. - ...I don't know if they wanted
money or they wanted something more sexual.

- Wow.
- But it's a lucky thing I had my pieces.

- Your-your pieces?
- My guns.

- Oh, my.
- Anyway, I started blasting.

Bah! Bah!

Now, I don't see so good, so I missed,
then they ran away, I ran after them.

- Okay.
- Bang!

Tried to shoot them in the back,
but I don't run so good either.

Anyway, you guys all think I'm a hero,
and I'll accept that responsibility.

Now, weren't you concerned
though that an innocent

- bystander may have... - Look,
crime in this city is out of control.

- Mm. - Thank God I went down to
Gunther's Guns and picked up a spare.

I don't think one would've done it. I'm
gonna go out and buy some more.

- Okay.
- And I think you should, too.

Don't be a victim.

- It's time to fight back.
- Thank you.

This is crazy.

- Completely insane.
- Oh, it's driving me nuts.

The whole gun thing, it
just makes me really hot.

Yeah, well, it's a hot issue and
I'm getting hot about it, too.

This is good, we're all
hot at the same time.

- We should do something about...
- I mean, our schools aren't safe.

There are people out on the
streets with assault rifles?

We're living in constant fear!

Aw, guys, we got to get
more guns on the streets!

Yeah! Wait, what?

We got to get more
guns onto the streets.

Yeah, we got to get guns in the right
hands. I mean, we're just not safe.

That's what you guys are hot
about?

- Yeah, didn't you hear what Frank said?
- Yeah, what are you hot about?

There are too many guns
on the streets as it is.

- Guns off the streets is what we need.
- It's way too easy for anybody

to just walk into a
store and get a gun.

No, it's not. It getting
harder and harder.

The government's trying
to take our guns away.

- It's way harder than you think, dude.
- Guys, we're hot about the complete opposite.

- Shoot.
- Which is a bummer,

'cause I thought we were
on the same page for once.

- Still very hot though.
- Yeah.

- Oh, I'm even hotter if
I'm being honest. - Still hot.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

- Good call on these outfits, dude.
- It's the only call.

You know what I mean? Like,
you need a guy in a school

that even from a mile away, the school
shooter sees that guy and says, "Uh-uh."

- "I ain't messing with that dude."
- "I'm not messing with that dude.

- I'm not going near that school."
Uh, gentlemen,

I understand that you
would like to...

- You... How-how did you find me?
- Oh, shit, I know this dude.

- Who-Who's this?
- This guy was the principal

at the high school where I
was doing the janitor thing.

Yeah.

Right, so why are you at
a middle school now?

Well, I was... I
was transferred.

See, I have tenure, so they
couldn't actually fire me,

which was, of course, their
first choice, thanks to you.

Well, let's not throw
barbs at each other.

Look, we're actually here for a good cause.
We want to protect this school.

- Oh. - Yeah, we want to be
the armed security guards.

- Yeah, I brought a piece. We're good.
- Hey, hey, hey, no, no!

- Calm yourself.
- No, you got to put... no...

- It's not currently loaded.
- That's not the...

- Just put it away.
- I hear you, buddy.

I would not want to be around
this guy with a gun either.

He has got a hair trigger. I mean, one
little move and he'll just start blasting.

Uh, bullshit.

Look, the point is he shouldn't have a gun
in a school in the first place anyway.

- No.
- Guns just do not belong in schools.

No, they do not.
That is why I brought along...

- a saber.
- Aw, Jesus Christ.

Which is just about the most ridiculous
thing I've ever seen in my life,

because how are you gonna
stop a gunman with that?

- Bro...
- He's gonna get you from a distance.

If I come at you, I'll get to you faster.
We have been arguing about this all day.

- Because it's insanity.
- Ooh, maybe you can be the judge.

- I don't want... What?
- Here we go.

I'm gonna holster my weapon,
he'll holster his weapon.

- No, we, no... - I'll do, like, a one, two,
three count, you tell us who goes faster.

- Please don't do this in here. - Look,
dude, this is the only way to tell, okay?

And then we can protect your school, but we
got to go one step at a time, all right?

- I mean, for God's sake...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Sorry, sorry.
- Look out!

Ah. I guess I do have a hair
trigger, huh?

- Yeah.
- All right.

Look at all these maniacs.

Goddamn bloodthirsty freaks
walking in off the street.

So easy for anybody to just
waltz in and buy a gun.

Let's do it. Let's buy assault rifles

and just prove to Mac and
Charlie how easy it is.

- Oh, we're gonna, we're gonna.
- That's what we'll do.

- Hi, how are you, sir? Howdy,
- I'm Gunther. What can I do for you?

Oh, Gunther himself,
purveyor of destruction.

I would like to buy a man
destroyer from you, please.

Yeah, nice to meet you, Gunther.

Hey, maybe you could recommend
something that could blow a hole

- through an elephant, you know. 'Cause I
need that for my home protection. - Yeah.

I guess you're looking at an
AR-15.

Oh, look at that.
Yeah, that's great.

Now, theoretically, Gunther,
would I be able to slaughter

a roomful of innocent people
with that weapon?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Brother, that'd be on you.
- That would be on me, wouldn't it?

- Yeah, that wouldn't be on you at all.
- But here you go. But here you go.

- But here you go. Okay, great, we'll take
one of those, please. - Yeah, we got it.

- How much would that be?
- Uh, that's $1,500.

Woof! $1,500 for the
privilege, okay.

Hey, what is your, uh, what
is your return policy there?

- 30 days, no charge.
- All right.

Ooh, 30 days, sounds fair. My
goodness, Dennis, this feels good.

Feels good in my hands.

- Oh, good my kids are safe.
- I saved everyone!

Yeah, my yard's protected.

So, of course, it feels good, you know?
But that only proves our point even more.

- We'll take two of these, Gunther.
- Great.

- I'll need your licenses for the
background checks. - Okay, yeah.

Yeah, you can drive,
you can kill!

- Oh, Christ, look at this.
- Oh, God.

Oh, shit, I love this guy.

- ...become a bit of a local lightning rod
in these gun debates here. - Exactly.

Gun sales have skyrocketed.

We're running out of guns, and we
have to manufacture more guns;

supply is not
meeting the demand.

Can we...
can we cut?

Will my hands look this
small on the screen?

Uh, we're live, sir.

I thought the camera would
add ten pounds to my hands,

and I don't like the way they look.

Your hands look fine.
Put them down.

This is Jack Kelly.
He's my attorney.

He specializes in
Constitutional Law.

Our rights are being
infringed upon.

And people like my client
won't take it anymore.

The Constitution guarantees
our Second Amendment rights.

And these liberals like Al Gore,
they're trying to take that away

from us with this global
warming bullshit.

So, you see the two issues
as related somehow?

Damn right.

The government of today has no
right telling us how to live our lives,

because the government of
200 years ago already did.

- Yeah.
- Oh, okay.

They also protected us from tyranny
against the seizure of tasteful,

artistic photographs
of beautiful bodies.

Not now, Jack.

That same government wants to come into our
home, tell us what is and what is not art?

That's not right!

Okay, well, I'm gonna try and, uh,
keep things on track here, so...

Yeah. Get out and get those
guns before they run out,

and the government
changes the laws.

All right! Yeah!

- These idiots are buying this?
- It's crazy.

What is going on?
That was fast.

- You've been denied.
- What? That's ludicrous. Why?

It says here you have an extensive
history of felonious behavior.

Oh, there have been incidents, sure,
yeah, a few minor indiscretions, but,

you know, I-I'm simply a person of interest
in most of those cases, all right?

Being wanted and being
"wanted for questioning"

are very, very, very
different things, Gunther.

And you've been
institutionalized.

- Me?
- She... she... yeah.

What... I mean, one time, for
a short period of time.

That-that was against my will.
That doesn't even really count.

That's the only time it
counts, Dee.

Okay, look, it was, like, a teeny thing
that happened with a college roommate.

- It was really no big deal.
- Uh, yeah.

- Says here you burned her.
- I burned her, yeah. I burned her.

But...
She was so annoying.

I mean, it... She
deserved it, okay?

She was wearing my stuff, and
she was copying me, and...

- You were copying her. - I was copying her,
she was copying me... It doesn't matter.

Look, I'm sorry, but I
can't sell you the guns.

- Oh, God.
- Oh, well, look at you.

Oh, Gunther the morality king.

"Hi, I'm Gunther, I've never
lit anybody on fire before."

You know, you light one bitch on
fire, and everybody freaks out!

Oh, you son of a bitch.

- It was one time and one thing, I just...
- All right, all right, all right, relax, relax.

Okay, take it easy.

Look, there are other ways to
buy guns where people don't go

snooping around in your past.
Listen, pal...

- you just made my list.
- Your list?

- Yeah, I have a...
- Shh.

- Whatever, let's just go.
- Let's go.

How is that tasteless?
It's art.

Get that out.
Get that out.

- You can't even see the child...
- We'll be right back.

Weather, traffic and a trip
to the zoo, coming right up.

Okay, Charlie, I'm gonna demonstrate
to you how to thwart an attack.

Mm-hmm.

Now, pretend that this
dummy is a school shooter.

- Right. - I want you to stand back,
'cause I don't want you to get hurt.

Before he can draw his weapon...

Hie-aught! Hup, hut, hut! Hie!

How awesome was that?
Well, yeah, that's-that's

pretty awesome, but I feel like he
would've shot you from a mile away.

No, no, he wouldn't,

because you saw how I was zigzagging
like this and making sounds?

It was distracting.

Yeah, but did you ever
see Indiana Jones,

where the guy does the whole sword thing
and then he just shoots him dead?

Are you asking me if
I've seen Indiana Jones?

Are you seriously asking me?

I've seen that movie...
That is my...

- You're not understanding. Yes.
- Do you remember it?

But if I were to come at
you, it's all about how I...

- Okay, in that circumstance, maybe you
got there a little bit faster. - I got you.

But if I...! Okay.

- I got you again.
- But I... What if I zigzag like this?

- It's so easy to get you.
- And that's... that's not necessarily...

- I don't think that that's...
- Hold-hold on a second.

Look at this kid. Ooh, he's wearing
all black, he's walking by himself.

- What do you think he's doing on
that phone? - Oh, I'll tell you exactly

what he's doing. He's playing one of
those games where you shoot everyone.

I'm gonna profile this
guy really quick.

- Excuse us. Son, son, I'm sorry, hold up, hold up.
- Yeah. Hey, kid, kid, kid. Stop, stop.

What are you doing
on the phone there?

None of your business.

A sass-mouth, huh?
That's a red flag.

Son, you were asked a
question by an adult, okay?

You've been asked a
question, all right?

We're trying to ensafen
your school here, okay?

And you're acting like a punk?
Let me see the phone. I want to see.

Oh! He's killing zombies!

- I'm taking this.
- What the hell, man?

Hey, kid, you're
getting off easy!

- Now get to school.
- Go to school.

- Just know we're watching you.
- Go to class.

- Be careful.
- Look.

This is a red flag.

These are the kids that are
the threats to society,

the ones playing the
violent video games, man.

I play violent video games.

Well, yeah, I also play
violent video games.

- I watch violent movies. - Well, yeah,
violent movies mare the best movies.

- And I don't want to kill people.
- No, I mean...

All right, this... Yeah, it's not
really the best way to tell, you know,

- who's gonna be a threat or who's
not gonna... - What is going on out here?

Nothing, thanks to us, bro.

- Well, are-are you stealing kids'
cell phones? - Stealing, sir? No.

I've been confiscating them as
potential evidence.

Are you aware that you're holding
children up with a gun and-and a sword?

You just... you need to stay
off of school property.

- Sir, we are not on the school
property, okay? - Yeah, we're outside

- of the fence by, like...
- We're on the sidewalk, see?

You need to stay 1,000 yards
away from school property.

I mean, we're trying to
keep the school safe!

I know, well, yeah. Well, yeah,
we would all feel a lot safer

if you were further away.

- All right, I'm taking this guy out.
- Hey, whoa, settle! Settle, settle, settle!

Settle. Settle down.

Would you please stop
pointing that gun at me?

The school is safe,
thanks to us.

Here's the damn phone.

Well... please, just... if you could
just get away from the school.

- Get away from the children.
- Hey!

Just-just stay away from the
children.

- Have a good day, sir.
- Thank you.

- Have a good day.
- Go.

- We're leaving!
- We're leaving, we're leaving.

You know, Charlie,

if we can't be in the school zone, maybe
we need to train somebody who can be.

You know, someone
you'd never suspect

could stop a shooter.

I got an idea.

And here we are, Dee, at a
gun show, huh?

- Lowest common denominator.
- Is that a bazooka?

Insanely dangerous,
this place is.

It's crazy. Oh, look at
this guy right here.

He'll probably sell us a gun.
Excuse me, sir.

Um, I would like to
buy a gun from you.

Something that is
unnecessarily powerful,

something you would never
need in Philadelphia.

Yeah, ooh, ooh, but you know
what you shouldn't do though,

- is look into our very sketchy pasts.
- No.

Uh, it's not a problem.
We all got a sketchy past.

- Oh, genuine creep. Wonderful.
- Perfect.

- Hey, sir, could you please
sell us this AR-15? - Yeah.

Uh, despite, you know, who or
what we plan to obliterate with it.

- And don't ask questions, okay?
- No.

'Cause we just want to prove
to our friends how easy it is

to buy a high-capacity rifle.

- Absolutely.
- All right, man, great.

Hey, so give this guy
his 1,500 bucks,

and we'll just saunter right out of
here with a weapon of mass extinction.

- Three grand.
- What? I'm sorry.

- That's $3,000.
- No, not for this.

- Not for this.
- No, no. No, no, no, no, no.

- At Gunther's it's $1,500.
- Oh, this ain't Gunther's.

- This a price gouge? That's illegal.
- Oh, my.

Oh, you see, I'm a
private seller.

That means I can do
whatever I want.

- Shit. - Fine. That's fine.
We'll buy it, and we'll return it.

- All sales are final.
- Come on!

I'll show you what's final,
you redneck son of a bitch!

I will burn you alive like the
last bitch who crossed me!

Okay, all right, all right, Dee. That's
not getting us anywhere. Okay, she's hot.

I went... I went hot real
fast; it just happened.

Well, our whole crew's
been hot lately.

We're trying to cool down, but
you're not making it any easier.

- Mm-mm.
- All right, listen, I want this gun, pal.

Okay, I want it, because
it's easy to buy a gun.

And I need to prove that to some people,
so give me the gun at a fair price,

- and do it now.
- $4,000.

- Shit!
- Four thou...? $4,000?

Really?

I'll tell you what.

How about I just take it, huh?

'Cause I'm a maniac with a gun, and
there's nothing you can do about it.

- Oh. Oh, oh.
- Okay.

- Oh, okay.
- Oops.

Putting the gun down now.

Okay, this is just a...
just an exercise,

okay, to prove how unsafe it is...

for everyone to have guns, okay?

But I see now that I was
the maniac with the gun.

And you all made it safer...

- in here.
- Yeah.

- Good for you.
- Our bad, our bad for this experiment.

Thank you for joining us.

I know you may not see yourself as
a solution to a national problem.

You might not think you
have the ability, but, uh,

believe me, you were... you
were carefully selected.

And with a little hard work
and a whole lot of training,

we can help you keep
your school safe.

Are there any questions?

- Yo, can I get some beer?
- No beer.

- No. We said it, like, a million times.
- Guys, guys,

how many times do we have to be
through this? No beer, okay?

All right, you know, you can't
drink beer and be effective.

But you guys had, like, five.

Don't count beers, Carlos.
Not cool.

Yeah. And by the way,
Carlos, I've had six.

And I've had seven.

So don't be a rat, okay?

And if you are gonna be a
rat, get it right.

No more questions.
In fact, no more questions.

You guys are the ones that
asked for the questions.

- Shut up, Carlos!
- Carlos, shut up!

The time for questions is over.

It's now time for learning.

Okay? You're-you're impeding
on your own safety.

Okay, now my friend and I

have been arguing all day about
the efficacy of swords versus guns.

Okay?

So we met in the middle. Now
if you look under your seat,

you'll see that each of you
has been provided a weapon

that you could easily find in
your own classroom.

Some of you may have
compasses, others,

- sharp pencils.
- Okay, there are forks in the cafeteria,

there's piano wire
from the music room.

You need to learn how to make
every single item in your school

a potentially
life-threatening weapon.

Look at the person sitting next to you.
That person wants to take you out.

Guys, safety is the name
of the game.

- It's all about safety.
- Let's take it slow.

We're gonna take this in a
safe and orderly fashion.

Are you ready to begin?

- Okay.
- And, guys, let's have a little fun.

Shut it, shut it, shut it!

- Those-those kids are maniacs!
- Oh, my God, I think they're

all in gangs or something! There's a lot
of score settling going on in there!

Oh, yeah, dude, we created a
Hunger Games-type scenario in there.

- Imagine if they had guns!
- Oh, it'd be a disaster!

An absolute disaster!
These kids are all too violent.

It's, like, ingrained in them
or something.

Oh, my God, dude, we've been
singing the wrong tune.

Society is getting more savage.

We need to get the weapons
out of their hands!

Maybe we should call the cops, the
only people who should have guns!

They got to come in here,
they got to calm this down!

Oh! Oh, shit, Charlie, I got to admit
something, dude. I'm bleeding pretty bad.

One of the kids got you?

I nicked myself back in the principal's
office just trying to upholster my weapon.

Jesus, man.

I didn't want to say anything 'cause
it was a little bit embarrassing.

- All right, can I go to the hospital?
- Yeah, let's go. Go, go, go, go, go.

First they disarm us,
then they oppress us.

So I want you to get
every gun you can buy

and bring it to 17th and JFK,

and we're gonna
march on City Hall.

And bring whatever guests
you want, regardless of age

or whatever restriction the government
puts on our expression of beauty.

Just get the guns and bring
them down to City Hall.

- Well, you better believe I'll be there.
- I know you'll be there.

Bring your kid.
You have kids?

- Yes, of course, of course.
- Bring them.

I mean, come on. He's really
going off the deep end, Dee.

I don't know. I hate to admit it,
Dennis, but he's got a point, you know.

It doesn't seem like it's all that
easy to buy an assault rifle.

No, no, no, no, no. Don't you
start with that shit, Dee.

- Well, I'm sorry. - It is incredibly
easy to buy assault rifle,

and I'm gonna prove to you how easy it is
right now. Okay, here comes our guy.

Mm, mm. No.

- Hi.
- Uh, you got my money?

You got my people-killer?

- Right here. - Oh, ho, ho, ho.
That's the stuff, baby.

Now, I got $1,500, which
is the fair asking price.

I hope that's okay.

- Yeah. Give it to me.
- All right.

There you go.

All right, now, I'm not really totally
comfortable rolling the window down.

I'm sure you understand why, so I'm just
gonna pop the trunk and you can, uh,

you can throw it in
there, all right?

- Back there?
- Yeah.

- In the trunk?
- Yeah.

Okay, I got you.

You see how easy that is, Dee?

You just give a man $1,500

- and he gives you an assault rifle.
- Uh-oh. Ooh, ooh. Ooh, ooh.

- What? Where's he going?
- Well, he appears to be sauntering off.

Well, don't do... No. Well,
sir, I gave you the $1,500.

Don't saunter away. I'm try...
That's not fair!

No, it's not fair!
You stop right now!

Listen, you stop in your tracks!
Uh, Dennis, go stop him.

Denni... Go stop...?
The man has an assault rifle!

- What am I supposed to do?!
- Shit!

- I can't buy one!
- The only thing that stops

a bad guy with a gun is a good guy
with a gun, which we can't get!

Goddamn son of a bitch
Frank, you were right!

- Frank was right!
- Shit!

- Where's Frank? We're hot. We're coming
in super hot! - Where is Frank?!

- Oh, you guys hot?
- You guys are still hot?

- The whole thing's hot, man!
- Oh, yeah, I'm burning up right now!

- It's a crazy situation!
- We're on your side now!

We got to get these
guns off the streets!

- Boo-yah!
- Wait, what? No, no.

Off the streets?
What are you, crazy?

- We need the guns on the streets!
- Everyone needs to have guns!

We need to flood the
streets with guns!

- To stay safe.
- Aw, shit.

I mean, I think, uh...

You know, I think we crossed right past
each other like ships in the night, man.

- We flip-flopped. - Yeah, 'cause we're
on the opposite side now.

- That side makes no more sense to me.
- If we could've just met up, like,

- two hours ago...
- Oh, oh, there's Frank.

Hey, Frank! Frank, is that a box of guns?
What is that?

Guns? No.

Water filters.

Water filters?

All right, guys, load 'em in.

Very nice.

Hey, Frank, why do you have a
truck full of water filters?

Uh, you know what, I don't give
a shit.

Let's get down to
that rally, man.

- Rally?
- Yeah.

Yes, the freedom rally.
The one you organized.

Ooh, shit, I'm not
gonna go down there.

It's gonna be a bunch
of nuts with guns.

- Too dangerous.
- Wait, hold on a second.

What's going on?
I thought you were into guns.

You know, why have you been on
TV talking about all that shit?

I bought a stake
in Gunther's Guns.

I got everybody
angry and scared.

They bought the guns,
I made a fortune.

Oh, my God. This is crazy. So you don't
give a shit about the gun issue at all?

Uh, uh...

I mean, what the hell?
You're like the NRA.

Yeah, a little bit like the NRA.
Little tiny bit.

But I-I think of myself more like Al Gore.

You know, he got everybody
worked up over global warming.

Then he made millions.

- Huh?!
- Yeah. Everybody does it.

Liberals, conservatives,
doesn't matter.

This is America: you're either a
duper or a dupee.

I'm a duper. You
guys are the dupees.

I got to go.

Where you going now?

With us now is local community
activist, Frank Reynolds,

with a terrifying statistic.
Frank?

- Yes. Thank you, Chet.
- You're welcome.

Do you know that 90% of
your water is 100% toxins?

Who knows what the other 10% is?

- It's probably far worse, I would imagine.
- It's really worse.

I have a water filter for you that you
need to put in every single home.

It will protect you and
your entire family.

You can even give that
water to your babies.

Wow.

Well, babies, look out, because
this next segment is just for you.

Don't turn that channel. Your
life may depend upon it.

- Got to give it to him. He is good.
- That son of a bitch.

- Goddamn.
- Yeah.

I think I'm gonna get one
of those water filters.

- I do kind of want one, right?
- For safety, for safety.

- I mean, he does make
some good points. - Yeah.

- The water's toxic.
- I mean, it is. Yeah.

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