Original subtitles

Nico thinks everyone will stop calling me Swamp Thing...

eventually.

But this Charlotte girl is, like,

an elephant in designer pumps, she'll never forget.

Ah, well, you're a great kid, Luce;

they'll all see that sooner or later.

(scoffing) What are you wearing?

Both: I'm prepared.

For what?

What if I get invited to a last minute event,

or the paparazzi find me, or-

- Man: Francesca! - Francesca: Si?

- (woman speaking Italian) - Certo.

Every time.

(camera shutter clicking)

- Grazie. - Ciao. Grazie.

Imagine how embarrassing that would have been

if I had been...

(shuddering) ...under-dressed.

(all chuckling)

I mean, sure, you look great, but are you prepared

for rain, for injury,

for being too cold, for being too hot,

for fighting off bears?

Or?

In case the bears are hungry?

- (chuckling) - In case we run out of food.

William, we will only be out of the apartment

for two hours.

No!

My limonata!

- Trapped forever. - William: Or is it?

Hmm.

- Grazie. - Lucy: Prego.

William: Be careful, Luce. That's sharp.

I am so sorry, let me- ahh!

- Oh! - Francesca: Oh no!

- I'm sorry. - La mia burrata!

Okay, everyone freeze. It's okay.

Here.

And would the ladies prefer

the beef jerky or the trail mix?

- Hmm. - See?

I'm prepared for anything, even Lucy.

(both chuckling)

♪ La mia nuova vita ♪

♪ My new life I just can't wait to meet ya ♪

♪ My new life ♪

♪ La mia nuova vita ♪

♪ My new life take me with ya ♪

♪ Take me with ya ♪

♪ A little scared but more excited ♪

♪ And I just can't wait to find out ♪

♪ Who I am and who I get to be ♪

♪ It's really nice to meet ya ♪

♪ La mia nuova vita ♪

What about some of your custom stuff?

You sew your own clothes, Lucy.

That's gotta count for something.

In the land of Italian designer fashion?

Everyone at school is so fancy. Come on.

Okay, how's this outfit?

- Maybe a statement necklace? - Oh.

I said "statement",

not "cry for help".

Which one of these says "Lucy"...

is a dry, normal, human girl,

who doesn't deserve to be called Swamp Thing?

Kyla: I still can't believe the kids at school are

calling you that, even after the clip of you singing on stage

with your super famous and glam stepmom.

It's only given them more ammo.

Today, a bunch of kids sang, "Swamp Thing"

at me in four-part harmony.

The worst part is, they sounded amazing.

This is still about the jacket you ruined?

I mean, what if you just fixed it?

Oh, I tried.

The fabric was too delicate to mend,

so I put a patch on it.

If you ask me, it looks 'purr-fect.'

Apparently, the jacket was one of a kind.

Also, she hates cats...

and puns.

This person is a monster.

Just let me put a hex on her already.

Let's make sorcery plan B.

I'm working on a classic Lucy DIY piece of jewelry for her.

So between that and this amazing new look,

I should be good, right?

No, no, this will never work.

Who are you?

I'm Bruno, the building manager...

son. Francesca called me for a broken radiator.

Should I call 911? What's 911 in Italian?

Don't worry,

Bruno is always here to save the day.

If you want them to stop calling you Swamp Thing,

you cannot wear that.

It brings out all your swampy greens in your skin tone.

How long have you been standing there?

Do I really have swampy greens?

No comment.

Any other advice?

Of course.

Who knows fashion better than us Italians?

Okay...

You should be thinking layers, texture.

Ugly... but elevated.

That's fashion.

This is what the kids are wearing.

Ky, what do you think?

Are you sure you don't want me to call nove-uno-uno?

I looked it up.

(sighing)

(knocking)

(clearing throat)

Hi, Willie! What brings you to my office?

Just seeing if you actually fixed the radiator or...

Oh no, I made it much worse.

So, your dad will come tomorrow?

- Yep. - What's that?

My X-box.

Game consoles are so different in Italy.

Oh no, that's all the stuff left behind by Francesca's exes.

She always lets me have the good stuff

after she breaks up with them.

Michael B. Jordan's boxing gloves, I believe.

Yeah, probably.

Harry Styles' boa.

- A hundred percent ostrich. - Naturally.

And Ryan Reynolds' motorcycle helmet.

You are not like the other guys she's dated.

Well, we're not dating, we're married.

And still, we're all handsome, intelligent men, right?

Vieni.

Don't like that answer.

Francesca Fortuna's boyfriend, red carpet.

Look at these dreamboats.

That's a lot of dreamboats.

Oh, there's one of me from when we first started dating.

"Francesca Fortuna humors

"unnamed American tourist at an awards show?"

But it's good that you're different.

For years I've been saying,

"Francesca, save yourself the heartache.

"Date a boring guy."

I'm not... boring.

Do boring guys speak Latin?

Yes.

Look. Look, there's another one of me,

but the caption's in Italian. What does it say?

"Francesca Fortuna takes pity

"on a strange man in cargo pants."

I told you.

Probably something lost in translation.

Yeah, but I'm not allowed to curse.

Is this trendy?

Try to think like super chic 13-year-old pit-bull.

All this effort to win over one girl.

A che t’importa?

A leopard doesn't change its spots so easily.

What if she's actually just a house cat?

Not everyone is going to love you, Lucy.

Says the universally beloved pop star.

Hardly.

Have you looked through the comments on my socials?

The things they say about my poor Salsacino.

That doesn't bother you?

Of course.

But the best way to overcome this

is to simply live your best life.

(sighing)

Ideally,

my best life would involve not being a total outcast at school.

What if you come tomorrow night?

- To your movie premiere? - Mm-hmm.

With like, red carpet and free shrimp and everything?

Yes!

You can watch me perform my song, mingle with celebrities.

And where did we land on the shrimp?

But how does this fix things with Charlotte?

I didn't say it would, but it will take your mind off it.

(sighing) But what would I wear?

The fanciest thing in my closet is my dress jeans.

No holes.

I have a friend who is a designer,

and an idea for the perfect look.

Do you have a pen?

(door opening)

Did somebody say "pen"?

What are you looking for?

Ballpoint? Felt tip? Red? Black? Purple?

Lucy's coming to the premiere.

Oh, that's great, Luce. You'll have so much fun

hanging out with cool, fancy people,

and they'll probably also have free shrimp.

Ooh...

- Maybe I should go. - Francesca: Really?

You'd have to dress up,

eat fancy food, small talk with strangers.

Small talk, I love small talk. Smaller the better.

I love teeny-tiny miniature talk.

Besides, don't you have plans

to read some extremely long new book?

- Oh, yeah. - Extremely long new book...

We're only talking about the newly published essential text

on footwear from Republican Rome through the Imperial Pyramid.

- (snoring) - Okay, I get it.

I'll leave you two to your fashion and your mockery.

(Lucy laughing)

Are you ready to find out what red carpet Lucy looks like?

Which one of these shapes is me?

Hey, uh...

how's this outfit look?

Say, for a special occasion.

Great!

Are you going to wrestle bears in the Arctic?

You happen to know

where these ex-box guys went shopping around here?

(Lucy squealing happily)

Just a few things from my friend's boutique.

One of these will be perfect.

(Lucy squealing happily)

Lucy, I am so jealous, it's causing me actual physical pain.

Are these really that much better

than our dresses for semi-formal last year?

We went to Darlene's Discount Dress Depot.

Fashion show!

- Fashion show! - All: Fashion show!

Fashion show!

♪ I am that it girl ♪

♪ I got the good-good ♪

♪ So, don't trip, I'm lit ♪

- ♪ I-I-I am that hip girl ♪ - Ooh!

♪ I am hot as they come ♪

♪ Ball chic, I'm lit ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ Legit, I'm it ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I it girl ♪

♪ I got the good-good ♪

♪ So, don't trip, I'm lit ♪

♪ I-I-I am that hip girl ♪

♪ I am hot as they come ♪

♪ Ball chic, I'm lit ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I ♪

(gasping)

Lucy, I'm dying. You look amazing.

I kind of do, don't I?

Yeah, all you have to do is learn to pose.

Pose?

♪ All of my girls get out tonight ♪

♪ Oh (Go be an it girl) ♪

♪ (Go be an it girl) ♪

Rilassati. You're going to be amazing.

Just remember, shoulders in, hips turned,

toe pointed, your elbows out, and most important,

be natural.

What if I get back in the car

and they drive me around until you're done?

Don't be silly. Here.

- Formaggio. - Formaggio.

(camera shutter clicking)

See? We look great.

Strepitose. Post that so Charlotte sees.

Oh. It's your turn. Go.

And when in doubt, give them a look over your shoulder.

- Okay. - Okay.

Photographers: Lucy!

(camera shutter clicking)

(photographers clamoring)

(photographers speaking Italian)

(speaking Italian)

(photographers speaking Italian)

(squealing)

Photographers: Oh!

(photographers clamoring)

(gasping)

Hard for you to stand on dry land, huh, Swamp Thing?

I hope whatever's wrong with you isn't contagious.

You think anyone saw?

I'm kidding. What are you doing here?

My dad's the striker for the city's best football club.

- Or do you call it "soccer"? - Mmm-hmm.

Ugh, disgusting. Anyway,

he gets invited to these things all the time,

so he gives me his tickets.

Ugh, fix your lip gloss.

Oh my gosh, your nails are so cute.

Who did them?

Oh, thanks. I did.

Started doing it with my mom when she was in the hospital.

Helped with my anxiety and kept me from biting them.

After she died,

I guess I just kept doing it to feel close to her.

Aww, that's beautiful.

But, uh, don't share that here. The vibe is way too tragic.

Okay, let's go find the swag bags.

Why are you being so nice to me?

I'm just happy someone my own age is at one of these things.

And I have a problem.

Some anonymous gossip account

has been posting unflattering pictures of me for two weeks.

(Lucy chuckling)

I'm hoping that's not contagious.

Sorry. Wait, that's from tonight.

Yeah, which means they're here.

I've narrowed the suspect list down to three.

Help me figure it out?

I should find Francesca.

Please?

As long as I make it to her performance, it's probably fine.

Let me just text her.

Okay.

(whooshing sound effect on phone)

Okay, I'm in.

Who's your first suspect?

Him.

Behind the adorable child?

That is one of Italy's most powerful influencers.

He reviews toys in his videos, which are incredibly successful

for some reason I do not understand.

Oh, unboxing videos!

They're the worst. I... also hate them.

He's had it out for me ever since I beat him in an auction

for this rare toy bear he was always talking about.

Why did you want a rare toy bear?

So my designer friend could turn it into this.

Oh...

Let's go confront that little brat.

Wait, he'll just deny it.

I know someone who can help us.

Wow, this kid posts a lot.

Content is key.

Woman: That's it, ladies!

Sorry, I'm just waiting for Janet to finish her Zumba class.

She has the music in her. She's gotta let it out.

Yeah! Whoo!

Okay, can we focus?

- Sorry. - Kyla: Right.

Okay, so...

according to the tags and the geolocation data on his photos,

this can't be your perp.

He was out of the country, touring a toy factory,

when at least two of the posts went up.

Thanks, Ky.

No problem. Eat some shrimp for me!

She's actually kinda cool.

She's the best. Who's next?

Revered film director Lorenzo Di Cavoli.

Wow! You have a diverse group of enemies.

(woman singing in Italian)

♪

Oh. (speaking indistinctly)

♪

(Francesca laughing)

(grunts)

(grunts)

William, you're here!

And you look...

Wow!

No way I was going to miss your big night.

I'm so glad you came.

Are you coming?

My shoes are too slippy.

Oh.

Oh, before I go on, can you take some of my things?

- Yeah, of course. - Thank you.

I'm going to fill it with tartine.

- Canapes. - Right.

Okay, maybe some of this could stay in your purse?

You know, I get too nervous to eat before I perform.

But when the adrenaline wears off, I will be ravenous.

- Right. - Grazie.

You are okay?

Yeah, no, I feel as good as I look.

You go kill it.

Okay.

Oh!

You go.

Somebody got overzealous with the floor polish.

He's so... old.

Yeah, don't let that fool you.

He's had it out for me

ever since I acted as an extra in one of his films.

I accidentally brought my coffee cup to set,

and it got in one of the shots and no one noticed.

(grunting)

Apparently,

they didn't have ice mochas in neon cups

in ancient Rome.

I don't know. My dad's always digging up

all kinds of surprising things at work.

That's... funny.

Oh, I know. One sec.

Buona sera, Signor Di Cavoli.

I'm from the blog Pop... Fun Squeeze!

We're doing a piece

on the last three pictures on celebrities' phones.

We're hoping to give your young audience

a glimpse behind the scenes and into your film.

Bellissimo.

Not him. Every single photo on his phone is a bathroom selfie.

I will say, the guy knows his angles.

Yeah, you'd have to with those brows.

(both laughing)

That leaves us the one last suspect,

Ginevra Ferrari.

- Ooh. - The car company heiress.

We were at a music festival in the Mediterranean

that turned into a disaster.

I had my dad's yacht come pick me up

and I forgot to give her a ride.

Oh, you abandoned her?

It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

The lizards weren't that big

and barely poisonous.

- Eh... - She was fine.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your attention...

Oh, no. I have to go watch Francesca.

...to the piano for a very special performance.

I know you need help,

but it would be rude not to even see her perform.

Of course it would be rude to abandon you, but...

I was gonna say we should follow each other,

so we can stay in touch.

Oh, I already follow you.

Yeah, I know.

- (phone buzzes) - Done.

(Francesca singing indistinctly)

♪ ...That won't get you far ♪

♪ Who said the world don't wanna see you ♪

♪ Exactly as you are? ♪

♪ Who needs a picture perfect moment ♪

♪ That isn't your best life? ♪

♪ There's a price for being flawless ♪

♪ Don't need a million likes ♪

- Lucy: Dad? - (crowd gasping)

Oh, I'm sorry, man.

♪ Don't wear a mask ♪

♪ Don't fit that mold, don't hide your light ♪

I don't have my first-aid-

I don't have my first-aid kit.

♪ You don't need no filter ♪

I may have overcorrected.

I'll see you at home, okay?

(shoes squeaking)

♪ It's never been clearer ♪

♪ You don't need no filter ♪

♪ Don't pretend or try to hide, just be you ♪

♪ No filter ♪

(chattering)

You sounded amazing!

Grazie, tesoro. Where is your dad?

He went home.

I think there was some kind of leather pants mishap.

But he said we should stay and enjoy the party.

Brava, Francesca!

- Mind-blowing as always! - Grazie!

Chiara produced the song. This is my step-daughter Lucy.

I was at Francesca's concert

the moment you joined her on stage, so special!

Oh, wow!

Thanks. I was mostly just trying to apologize to her.

See, I thought she wanted me to call her mom

and then there a couple of (unclear)-

Have you ever thought about becoming a singer yourself?

I think you're incredibly talented,

and I have some ideas.

Lucy! How exciting!

Sorry, I should get back to my... friend?

Charlotte?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Did you catch our culprit?

Charlotte: Yeah. It's you.

What? No, I would never.

Yeah, you did.

Ginevra helpfully directed me

to a photo you posted on my feed,

and the rest are from the backgrounds of your photos, too.

How could you post such terrible pictures of me?

I didn't do it on purpose,

and I'm not the one who zoomed in

and posted them to some mystery account.

Yeah, you're too naive for that.

That means the person behind the account

probably isn't even here.

This was all a huge waste of time.

I don't know.

I thought it was kind of... fun.

Even if that were true, it can never happen again.

You're a liability to my brand.

Unfollow.

Francesca: Still a leopard?

Yup. Big ol' spots...

teeth, claws.

Photographer: Hey, one more shot

with your beautiful step daughter?

Okay.

(camera shutter clicking)

Hey, your form has already improved.

Guess the night wasn't a total bust.

Oh come, the movie's about to start,

and I've got the snacks.

- Shrimp canapé. - (giggling)

Thanks, Kika.

Good.

(door opening, closing)

Ah, there he is.

Who?

My husband.

Some weird imposter showed up at the premiere.

Strangest thing.

Yeah.

(sighing)

Bruno showed me all these pictures

of your old famous boyfriends,

and I wanted you to not think I was boring.

You were feeling fragile.

Can you blame me?

It would be like you finding out I used to date Celine Dion

or Angela Merkel, or- those are just the first two names

that popped into my head, but they're powerful women.

Those other guys, they could never handle my success.

So, whenever I took them anywhere,

they tried to make it all about them

and would end up causing a big scene.

Hmm... That does seem familiar.

I hope I didn't ruin your night.

I promise I will never be like that again.

Bravo.

Because while I dated those guys,

there's a reason I married you.

Is it my impeccable culinary taste?

Among other things.

You know what your fancy Italian chefs don't know about?

Mechanically separated chicken.

(Lucy laughing)

Oh my gosh, how do these keep getting worse?

I don't know. Oh...

I look like a baby deer

who has literally just been born.

(laughing)

Well, at least this gossip account

posting them pushed Charlotte down the feed.

Not that she'll ever forgive me.

Whatever. Who needs her?

We did have fun for a bit,

but Francesca's right,

not everyone is going to love me.

And that's okay because I love you!

(making kissy sounds)

- (chuckling) - Ooh...

I'm saving these to my desktop.

Oh, maybe I'll get one printed on a blanket.

Oh... (laughing)

(woman singing in Italian)

♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0