Original subtitles

- [? dramatic tabla music playing] - [Raj Dar] You knew about this?

[Prairie] No! Raj, listen, there's no time.

The FBI's gonna be here at any second.

[Raj] FBI? What?

- Huh? - [door slams]

- FBI. - FBI.

- FBI! - FBI!

- [Agent Frances Mercer] FBI! - [Director Brett Simpson] FBI!

Shit.

Fucking Prairie.

God. Why would I trust her?

[Simpson] Ah, go easy on yourself, Mercer.

Victory is preceded by lots of failure.

For me, it was years of chasing the broken dream

of being a professional sports mascot.

Then after I got clean, I thought, "Why not join the FBI?"

The rest is on the bestseller list.

Sir, you should see this.

[? upbeat music playing]

Hey-ho, Se�or Yayo.

? Oh ho ho ho so lonely ?

Are you there, Allah?

It's me, Mir.

I know we haven't spoken in a while,

but could you please bring Raj home safely?

I promise I-I'll be a better brother,

a better boss, a better human.

I-I mean, I'll tip the full 20%.

I'll hold elevator doors open.

I won't tell a lie except to, like, my fianc�e,

her whole family, and the IRS.

But you understand.

?

- Stop following me. - I'm not gonna stop following you, Raj.

- How could you do this to me? - Just let me explain.

Did you even love me? Is love even real?

Is this, like, an elaborate hallucination?

Raj, you can't ask me big philosophical questions like that and then zoom away.

Well, I don't wanna talk to you anymore.

You're not even gonna hear me out?

No. Okay? Because your lies put me and my whole family in danger.

That crazy FBI lady was gonna throw me in jail

on bullshit charges.

Plus I didn't think you were doing criminal shit.

Because I was trying to protect you.

Raj, I'm so sorry I hurt you, and I love you so much.

Can we please just figure this out?

No, you figure out how to leave me alone

because I never wanna see you again.

- [scooter whirring] - [Prairie] Raj. Ugh.

[Raj] Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- [screams] Oh, God! - [thuds]

- [clattering] - Ow! Shit!

Fuck.

[panting]

I'm still alive?

Oh, thanks, man.

[sighs]

Fuck.

[? funky upbeat music playing]

[gunshots]

[bullet shells clinking]

- [Mir Dar] What's that? - We've gotta muscle up.

We need to be prepared in case the Pho Brothers come back here

to finish the job.

Yeah, to think, I ordered delicious takeout from them,

and now they're coming after my fucking family.

Wait. Since when are we your family?

I was kidnapped, and you didn't do jack shit.

I'm gonna give you the same advice you gave me

when you dumped me on Chickie.

- Get over it. It's game time. - [Lucky mutters]

And like it or not, we're on the same team.

I pray nothing happened to Raj, son.

They could be turning him into a rich marrow-y broth as we speak!

Can you both stop, please?

If we're gonna find Raj, we need all hands on deck.

Lucky Auntie, my wedding's right around the corner. Okay?

Raj's wedding suit is tailored and everything.

No other grown man specifically requests a size 28 waist

with extra room in the crotch when he definitely doesn't need it.

[Raj] Uh, yeah, I do.

Raj, you are alive. You're alive!

- [all laughing] - [Ahmad] Thank God you're safe.

Oh. Ow!

Tell us, what did they do to you?

I will charge them a severed appendage

for every single scratch

- [Pho Bro 1] She's wearing a wire. - [Pho Bro 2] Grab the stuff and go.

- [Pho Bros clamoring] - Prairie, what the fuck?

You know what?

I just wanna turn my brain on airplane mode

for, like, 15 minutes.

No, no, no. Of course, of course.

Go upstairs. Mir... [speaking foreign language]

- Ahmad and I will tend to things here. - Cool.

Happy you are okay, my baby.

Thank you. I'm good, guys.

- We're good. We're all good. - I'm so glad you're back, man.

Let's get you upstairs. Get you some of that weed that you like.

- Hell yeah, dude. - You know, I prayed for you.

It worked pretty quickly.

- What? You prayed? - Yeah. Mm-hmm.

[? hip-hop music playing in apartment]

I'm sorry. I know it's not one of Prairie's exotic fishes

that shit steroids or whatever,

but ibuprofen should do the trick.

About that.

[sighs heavily]

Prairie and I actually broke up.

Oh, my God. Really?

I mean, weren't you guys like the Ying Yang Twins?

- Twin Flames. - Mm-hmm.

She did something really bad

that's hard to come back from.

Hey, come on. She has been with you through thick and thin.

I mean, how bad could it have really been?

Pretty bad. I mean...

she's kind of been talking to Agent Mercer...

and she's kind of been an informant

for her on the illegal shit that we've been doing.

Please tell me you're kind of kidding.

And she was definitely wearing a wire while I did a pickup.

A fucking wire?! Are you kidding me?!

- We're so fucked! - I know. I know.

This is bad! This is really bad!

Relax, okay?

She told me that she didn't tell them any of the important stuff.

Raj, she lied to you, she's trying to send us to jail!

And while you would thrive in a cool gang of Muslim converts

over, like, literature, sports, and Sufism,

I would become someone's chew toy, and you know it!

I know it sounds bad, dude.

But they were threatening her with jail time.

I'm sorry. Do you feel bad for her?

No!

Oh, my God.

Yes. Fuck! Yeah, I do.

Oh, my God. We have to tell them.

No, hey! We don't have to tell them, okay?

We can handle this, man. Just you and me, the two of us.

This is over our fucking heads. Okay? This is a threat to the entire operation.

- I have to tell them. - No, Mir.

Come on, man. They are both loose cannons, and you know it.

We don't know what they're gonna do, but you, man, you're smart, dude.

- You have a business degree. - Mm-hmm.

You, like, read hella memoirs and shit.

- Yeah. - You're a brilliant guy.

I'm confident in you

that you can come up with something on the DL.

Come on.

Sorry. I blacked out after you complimented me.

We have to tell Lucky Auntie and Ahmad Uncle, okay?

They're seasoned criminals.

I'm sure they'll come up with a levelheaded solution.

- That two-faced fairy fuck! - Traitor!

She's fucked us. We're finished.

[laughing] We're finished.

When I see her, I'm gonna fucking rip her fucking teeth out!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Guys, come on. Come on.

Let's just all take a deep breath. Okay?

And we can talk about this. We can figure it out.

Hey. Yeah. We don't know what the feds know,

and we don't know what the feds don't know.

Right? And even if she has talked,

who can follow a word that she says?

People usually check out after the third time she says "Chakra."

- We're fucked! - Fucked!

- Because Raj can't see beyond his dick! - Dick!

Hey, it's not my dick. Okay?

It's my heart. We were in love.

I know what you're going through is tough.

I loved a traitor once,

and then I killed him and fucked his cousin.

Just a circle of life. I need to think. I'm gonna think.

- What? - Okay, just to be clear,

are we putting a pin in the Pho Brothers trying to kill us?

Lucky for us, Prairie just stunk up the whole block.

No one's gonna attack us with the feds up our ass.

Issue is the feds are fucking up our ass.

- I'm sorry, Auntie. - Hey, buddy.

- It's not your fault. - [Lucky and Ahmad] Yes it is!

We have to talk to the Maaliks. We can't keep them in the dark.

- We have to. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, guys, we can't do that. Okay?

If we tell the Maaliks, they're gonna lose their shit.

The Maaliks have seen much worse than this.

- They are professionals. - Yes.

They will see a way through this.

Hello? Are you frozen?

I think they're having Wi-Fi problems.

No, we're frozen with fucking shock.

As Chief Communications Maalik, I can confirm there is no way out of this.

And we are, respectfully, fucked from all angles.

If we're dissolving, please deposit my last two paychecks

into my offshore accounts in The Bahamas.

Alright, gentlemen, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Could you put a statement in my file

that I knew the boys would fail all along?

- Everybody knew, chutiya. - No, no, no.

We didn't fail, okay? Mir has an idea.

- Mir, tell them the idea. - Yes. I do have a lot of great ideas.

One of them coming to me right now is

what if we blow up the FBI?

- Jesus. - That- I, I didn't mean that.

All in favor of ending the probationary period of Raj and Mir.

- [Maaliks] Hanjee. - No, no, no, no, that's not-

Gentlemen, we are thriving. Okay?

We've already paid off a huge chunk of our Peruvian debts

since taking over the business.

- This is just a slight oversight. - Tiny-

The deadline is less than a week away.

We'll never make it with the feds circling.

What if we all get plastic surgery, you know, like Face/Off?

And then no one will recognize us and we can keep doing business.

- Oh, great idea. - [Mir] What if we release

all the animals at the zoo, and then people will just be talking

about that and we can do business?

I motion that we put Operation Titanic into effect.

- Oh, no! - No, no, no, no, no...

- All in favor of jumping ship. - [Maaliks] Hanjee.

Motion passed.

That wa- No, that wasn't even a majority.

I suggest you tie up loose ends and kill the rat.

Kill. Did you say kill?

- Kill the rat. - [Raj] We-we're not,

we're not killing Prairie, guys.

Okay, gentlemen, gentlemen. I can fix this, okay?

Just give me until the end of the day, I can handle this.

Chutiya, by that time,

we will be halfway to Lahore with fake passports

and a cooler full of cheesesteaks.

- Meeting adjourned. - Fuck!

A cheesesteak sounds so good right now.

Oh, my God.

- Turn it off. - Yeah, we should hang up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...

- I think it's... - This side? This side.

- Right side. - End call. It says "end call."

I think I just opened up iTunes.

[Mercer] She says the wire got busted in a gang fight,

which I believe because she's pretty shaken up.

Did you tell her that we found some powder?

No.

And all we have so far is cocaine found in a warehouse.

Sir, we wanna get them on RICO. Intent to distribute.

I want the whole damn ladder top to bottom.

I wanna pin them to a wall

and fuck them with a pogo stick.

I like everything you're saying and how you're saying it.

These guys are done-zo.

You're fuckin' right.

Hey, go fuck yourself!

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! [grunting]

Yeah! Yeah, you like that?

You like that? Uhh!

So that, um...

that's not one of those, uh-

No, that's just regular glass.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I see that.

Is she looking at me?

- Watch this. - Ah, okay.

Let's take a beat before we go in there, huh?

- Yeah. - [Lucky] Focus, everyone.

Anything that links us to illegal activity must go.

Drug stuff, weapon stuff, murder stuff. Then we go to Pakora Palace.

Okay, I know I messed up, but I can figure something out.

- Okay? We could, uh- - You gotta think, man!

- You want a dab? - [Mir] No!

Maybe. I don't know!

We've been doing so well.

Charlie and I were planning a mini-vacay to Tulum.

Gee, Ahmad, do you think you could bring

your van around, please?

- [Ahmad] Yeah, sure. - Since when have you had a van?

Since Charlie upgraded his Rascal Scooter,

it no longer fits in my fucking Fiat.

[Lucky] [whispering] Raj, come here.

[Mir] [sniffing] Ew. What is that smell?

Drakkar Noir. Murderwalla was right.

Did you keep Hamza's hand?

Can you fucking get rid of that before Ahmad comes back?

- Woo! - [Mir groans]

[door slams]

Why am I here?

What are you charging me with?

I'm not playing today.

You are dangerously close to being put away

for a long, long time.

Okay, chill.

I've done everything you've asked.

You've done great, Prairie.

[Prairie] They're not doing anything illegal.

Raj's Pluto is in his fourth house,

which means crazy upheaval.

So maybe that's what the FBI is picking up on.

There's a strong chance that you are the worst mole in the history

- of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. - [Prairie scoffs]

- Okay, well, your roots are showing. - Whoa.

Well, you've done okay.

[lid clatters]

That's a lot of coke.

And we have undeniable proof that Raj intended to sell it.

We need you to get details on their distribution

so we can go after their gang.

If you do, maybe we can go easier on Raj.

[? dramatic music playing]

[Lucky] Okay.

That should be everything. [sighs]

We need to move this load discreetly.

I can't believe it. [sighs]

Just like that, this whole thing that we built,

that, that Baba built is going to be gone.

Yeah. Well, we don't have any other choice. [sighs]

Okay. That's not true. Okay?

Just give me a minute. I can figure something out. Okay?

- I just need to think. Okay? - [doorbell chimes]

They found the cocaine in the achar at the warehouse,

and they're coming to arrest you all.

You must be fucking kidding me.

- Prairie, ge-get outta here. - Raj, I'm so sorry. You know I love you.

I know. I love you too. Please go.

Ahmad, lock the door.

[Prairie gasps]

- We're gonna make this quick. - No. Lucky, no. Ahmad, we-we...

- Ahmad, door, now! - Mir, back me up. Mir, back me up!

Mir, be a good little boy and just tackle your brother to the ground.

Okay. In his defense, you cannot kill an active FBI bug.

- Oh, for fuck's sake! - [Raj and Ahmad grunting]

- She's the bug. - [Ahmad] Stop it! [grunts]

Make the bug a feature!

My God, you're all insane!

[Ahmad] Let... go! [grunts]

[gun cocks]

Where the fuck do you think you're going?

[? dramatic music playing]

- [? dramatic music playing] - [traffic noise, sirens wail]

You need a non-digital watch.

Agent Mercer, you have to help me! They're insane.

Prairie. What the hell happened to you?

They tried to kill me. They all ganged up on me.

I barely escaped with my life. You gotta find me a place to hide.

Okay. Y-yeah, I-I could- I could see us helping you out.

Maybe put her in witness protection?

Did you find out where they distribute from?

[Prairie] I saw it.

Pakora Palace, the one on Fontaine Street.

I've done it again.

[coworkers weakly applaud]

How is a cartoon movie better than people?

I think- feel like cartoons are consistently better than people.

People are, like, limited by their corporeal forms.

Cartoons can do anything.

- But it's a cartoon. - You're not understand-

- FBI! - [Simpson] FBI!

Hands where I can see 'em! Fan out.

What's going on?

Why don't you make everyone's lives a little easier

and show me the achar?

Leave us alone, assholes!

Hold up. I got this.

[police radio chatter]

Why don't you make everyone's lives a little easier

and show me the achar?

- You. - [? dramatic music playing]

[whistles]

The mother lode.

Well, go on. I'm not getting this outfit dirty.

[agents laugh]

[? dramatic music continues]

[Mercer sighs]

What?

[achar squelches]

Where are the drugs? I know there's drugs here.

[sighs] Where are the fucking drugs?! Fuck me!

- [agents laugh] - Fuck!

No, no, no, no.

Fuck! No, no, no. Fuck!

I know there are drugs here. Fuck!

Fuck! What the fuck? Where are the fucking drugs in here?

- Fuck! - [agents laugh]

[agent] Is she gonna cry?

[laughing continues]

Hey, listen up.

Yeah, this was a big fail, and she's hella embarrassed.

But Mercer is one of us.

So what are we gonna do about it?

We're gonna get the bad guys as a team.

[Mercer scoffs]

[Simpson stirs achar]

[Mercer sighs]

[smacks lips] This is pretty tasty.

[Simpson coughs]

[group cheering, whooping]

Fuck yeah! I'm a god.

- [Prairie and Raj sigh] - I just outsmarted

the legit Federal Bureau of Investigation!

More like, "The Fucking Boobs Innit?" [laughs]

[horn honks]

Ahmad, you are driving our entire inventory of cocaine.

So, eyes on the road and can you turn down the Boney M., please?

I'm so fucking proud of you.

You really came through for us.

Yeah. Thanks to my ingenious plan.

Now our hands are clean. The FBI's been thwarted once and for all.

I'd like to see them try to fuck with us again!

- Hell yeah, man. - [Mir laughs]

And someone tell the Maaliks we got an all-hands tomorrow, 9:00 a.m. sharp.

Okay, hearing Mir gloat is making me nauseous.

Yep. Me too.

[Lucky] [on phone] Thank you again, Prairie, for all your help.

No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for not killing me.

Oh, no, no, of course, of course. So here's the plan.

Prairie's handler will meet you at the Lancaster location.

Then he will drive her to a train stop far from town

with, uh, $20K and a new ID.

Thank you so much, Lucky Auntie.

You have no idea how much this means to me.

Just remember, beta, everything I do for you

is in your best interest.

[? "Rasputin" by Boney M. playing on radio]

[Mir] There we are.

[Raj chuckles]

I'm sorry for things I said when we were fighting, my queen.

You know I know, my king.

- I know. - [Prairie chuckles]

Oh. I think that's him.

That is not what I pictured for a guy who helps you disappear.

Okay. Um, goodbye, Mir.

Eat some fennel seeds and sleep on your back

to soothe your sensitive belly.

- Noted. Thanks. - Mm-hmm.

No goodbyes, my love.

See you in the liminal space.

Okay.

[Mir sighs]

What if I went with her?

Are you being fucking serious?

Come on, man. There's a new way to life.

We can get out of this shit, man.

We can start something new. Tallahassee, man.

- You can come, too. - I don't wanna go, Raj.

This is our life now.

It's just not who I am, bro.

Look at me. We got this.

We just convinced seasoned gangsters to spare a rat.

We are changing this business for the better. Okay?

We're like the guiding light of Dark DarCo.

Think if Baba could see us right now.

I can't do this without you.

[sighs] Okay.

I'm just gonna give her one last hug.

- I'll B-R-B. - Yeah.

[? muffled hip-hop music plays in car]

[metal clatters]

Hey, man. Please, uh, take care of my girl, would you?

[sniffs]

Is that Drakkar Noir?

? I am the boy with the vision ?

? And my words are vicious, yeah ?

Huh. It's funny.

A guy once told me that that was the best way

to cover up the smell of a body.

[? hip-hop music continues playing in Mir's car]

- Oh, shit. - Oh, shit.

- Uh-oh. - It's a fucking setup.

Prairie, get the fuck outta here right now.

- What? - Run, run, run. Go!

- [door thudding] - [both grunt]

Run, Prairie, run! Run!

? That girl is so fine I wanna make... ?

[Mir] Hey, come back!

[assassin] Ah!

- [punch thuds] - [assassin groans]

Fuck! Ow!

- [assassin] Fuck. - [Raj yells]

- Damn it! - What the fuck is going on?

It's a setup, man. We gotta run. Let's go.

[assassin groaning]

[engine revs]

[tires screeching]

Can't believe Lucky and Ahmad tried to fuck us.

I can. They think they're fuckin' running this shit?

Fuck that. We're in charge now. Go!

[tires screeching]

[? "Monkey Fight Snake" by The Bombay Royale playing]

?

[? song fades out]

[? fanfare playing]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0