All language subtitles for 2023-Do Not Expect Too Much From The End Of The World

DO NOT EXPECT TOO MUCH
FROM THE END OF THE WORLD

(A) ANGELA: A CONVERSATION
WITH A 1981 FILM

OLD BLANKET

WHICH SHALL I COVER

MY HEAD OR MY FEET?

Fucking shit!

Fuck it!

Fuck!

WE SEND YOU TO THE USA

CHANCES, AMERICA

ANGELA MOVES ON

Wassup, this your bro Bobiță.

Thanks for the likes yesterday.

I'm up early, last night
I was with my mate Andrew Tate,

picking up some hot stupid cunts

who flocked around my Maserati
like they hadn't seen a car before.

They wouldn't let me go until
I fucked them in the ass, mouth, and cunt.

See ya, cheers!

Remember, like and share!

- Our promotion...
- I know it.

Uber also has Uber for Ukraine.

I heard a joke about it.

In the US, where you can
buy guns from supermarkets,

a teenager buys a whole arsenal
to slaughter his schoolmates.

The shop assistant goes
"Would you like a bazooka?

For each bazooka we sell,
we send a machine gun to Ukraine."

For all Bobiță fans,
here's a Hollywood production,

introduced by the MGM lion.

Blow me!

Blow me!

...Let's do the robot
Let's destroy the whole lot

Let's kick the dead man's butt
Make him do the robot...

2-9-5, here we start.

Apusului Street,
where tram 36 turns,

Comrade Zaharia.

The Cimpoiului tram stop.

♪ ...downing bottles like a freak
Proper way to start the week

♪ Make the whole club scream and shout
Rocking out with his cock out... ♪

Angela Răducanu
from Forbidden Planet.

Please take off your shoes!

Sure.
My friends with babies do the same.

No babies for us yet,
but we like to keep clean.

Of course.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Mr Pepenaș?
- He's out fishing.

Bebe called him,
he went out with him.

No way.
I'm here for his audition!

I told him, but...

And he let me drive here
first thing in the morning!

Whatever.

He said you could do it over Zoom.

- He has the app?
- Of course!

We use it to talk to
our daughter in Spain.

- She lives in Zaragoza.
- That's in Spain.

No idea.

Back then, they got
orders from the Secret Police,

or from Ceaușescu himself.

If he wanted a footballer
to win the Golden Boot,

they had to let him score
3-4 times in each game,

against each team.

That's how Rodion Cămătaru
won the Golden Boot in 1987.

Right. I'm ready.

I need you to introduce yourself

and tell your story,
how it all happened.

In your own words.

And show your
bandaged arm to the camera.

End with the advice
about following regulations.

Then I send the footage
to Forbidden Planet and they decide.

Well, some foreigners do.

And the contract will be with you?
It's 500 euro, right?

If they select him.
But it's the company who signs, not me.

Please use an artificial background.

We can't show you having fun.
It should look dramatic.

Something tragic.

This is a better image.
Let me press "record".

You can start.

My name is Pepenaș Rodion,
like the footballer.

I'm 54.

Two weeks ago we tested
a new planing machine

and I didn't follow
the operating instructions.

It caught my hand and cut off my fingers.

My coworkers helped me,
bandaged it with a shirt,

at the hospital I got a lot of stitches,

my fingers couldn't be saved,

and they put on a sterile bandage.

- Were you wearing a helmet?
- No, but that doesn't protect hands.

I know, but they make me ask.

They bought new equipment
with fancy protection sensors

and they want to show it off.

What was also very serious, I believe,

is that his two coworkers
first called the bosses, who said

not to call an ambulance
until they check his employment contract.

They left him howling in pain
for about an hour.

He won't tell you, but they took
his mobile phone, so he wouldn't call.

Yes.

Now the advice, right.

Go.

When new equipment
is brought into our plant,

all my colleagues using them
should follow the instructions

so they don't share my fate.

I was lucky, it could have been worse.

Excellent.
Let me take a photo.

A screenshot.

- And now we hope.
- Yes.

We could do with that money.

Winter is coming
and we can't afford the heating.

It was cut off for two months last year.

My nose nearly froze off.

Prices are so high,
what with the war in Ukraine...

Let's hope they pick you.

Fuel prices are up too,
but it's not the war.

Shell is boasting a 500% profit growth.

OMV too.

Those bastards deserve to be
burned alive in oil barrels.

We too, if we had a union
we'd have had some leverage.

Should have unionised.
I'll hang up now.

- Strong rod, Rodi!
- I caught some already.

Speaking of fish,
I just remembered that horrible joke.

What does a blind man
say at the fish market?

"Hi there, girls!"

I knew it.

Hi, Bobiță here!

Aparently here, on the lake,
they're gonna make a huge water park.

You'd have to be a retard
to get in this filthy shithole

when you can go to Therme,
or Fratelli, some luxury joint!

Let me tell you
who's going to come here.

Sluts!

Syphilis and AIDS-ridden
sluts and their pimps.

And I don't mean like Pimp My Ride.

A nation of sluts and pimps!

Fuck them all.

You won't catch me dead here.

You'll find me in Therme,

mouth-fucking all those
pretty, healthy, clean girls.

Clean enough you'd
drink water from their cunts.

None of those sluts
full of cellulitis and stretch marks,

crawling with cooties, like this guy.

♪ Pay me cash, don't ask why,
No invoice, VAT goes bye-bye,

♪ Don't make me say it twice, son.

♪ Give me the money!

♪ Show me that money! ♪

Think you can stop anywhere?

Taxi drivers.

You're blocking traffic!

Great start to the day.

So sorry I'm late!

Check out that belly button!

HOW FAR WOULD YOU
GO FOR YOUR BABY?

Prince Charles will be king now.

You know he has an estate here, in Viscri.

- He'll give us a lot.
- Yes, a royal cock.

Language, dear.

Me, I liked the Queen.
She had that elegance.

- Just ask the Indians.
- Oh well.

Thanks, man.

Everyone just bulls forward,
forget traffic regulations!

Poor souls!

There's no more room.
We'll suffocate each other.

Sometimes when
I get out of the car...

I feel like an astronaut.

Look at this one.

Come upon a planet with
an atmosphere made of 100% farts.

There's the illegal garbage burning, too.

I hope those guys
die slowly and painfully of cancer.

Gypsies, all of them.

It's foreign companies
sending garbage from all over Europe.

- Germany, Italy...
- But our Gypsies burn them.

- Why doesn't anyone stop them?
- It's a vicious circle.

...if I forgot and handed you the knife,

you slapped me
because that starts the argument.

I can't remember.

Of course.

Hi!

- Hello.
- What's up, Angi?

Looking for a double-muzzled dog
that can bark while it bites.

What?

Working, what else?

I sent you the first handicapped guy.

I saw. Is he able?

Not sure, he was gone fishing,
we had a Zoom call.

But he's articulate and cooperates.

We have one more in Ferentari.
I mailed you the phone and address.

Ferentari? OK.

- When can you have them done?
- Including the new one, maybe 1:30.

Two o'clock tops.

Good. Don't miss
the pre-production meeting.

I'm dead tired!

You know I put in 16 hours a day
for the History Channel idiots.

Can't be helped, everyone's
filming for Canis Majoris Attacks.

They're doing overtime too.

I'm low on staff,
there's a lot of green screen.

The director is a crazy German,
Uwe Boll, who beats people up.

And I'm telling you I'm dead.

It's one thing to be in the office
and another to do fieldwork,

doubling as driver and whatnot.

Last night I fell asleep at the wheel,
I woke up when a lorry honked.

I've been doing
16-17 hours for a month.

Just have a strong coffee.

If I had anyone else to send,
I would. See you at four.

Can't be helped. Bye.

Hard times.

Hope he dies
slowly and painfully of cancer too.

They make dozens of thousands of euros.
It makes 16 hours a day worth it.

And I need to beg them
for my fucking salary!

Language!

CHRISTIAN ORTHODOX CEMETERY

WWW.CEMETERY.RO

They say Saint Seraphim of Sarov

always shouted "Christ is risen!"
when entering a cemetery.

And the buried dead
merrily answered "Truly He is risen!"

Hello?

No, no.

I'm not interested in insurance.

No, Madam, I'm busy.

I'm busy later too.
And tomorrow and the day after.

I'm not interested,
why do you insist?

I see, well I have to hang up now.

PASSER-BY, DON'T PASS COLDLY
I WAS LIKE YOU, YOU WILL BE LIKE ME.

Hello.

- Which part got returned to the owner?
- Everything over there.

Who will do the exhumations?

No idea, Madam,
we just know there was a lawsuit.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

How are they supposed to know, Mum?

Sanda told me you're doing
those vulgar videos again.

Big deal.

I'm just making fun of things.

So I don't go crazy.
All day long, just work, work, work.

BUCHAREST
MARTYRED CITY

Getting cultured?

This is hardly a woman's job.

- What's your job?
- Me?

I'm a chef.

Good one.
So that's a strong man's job?

You should know
the best chefs are always men.

You don't say!

How much do you make?

- The basic salary...
- Not that.

It's the tips that make the difference.

- I don't count that.
- You don't trust me?

No.

Stop here.

♪ ...Hands up for the cleaning lady,
Or not, she can't use them anyway.

♪ No reincarnation either?
That sucks, brother.

♪ Better have no principles,
Say fuck it, I'm invincible... ♪

- Who's there?
- Hello, this is Angela Răducanu.

I'm here to film you.

I need to film you so they can
decide if they're picking you.

For the work accident video.

Come in.

The electricity's been cut.
I forgot what it's like.

Then I'll ask you to go by the window.

- May I help?
- No thank you, I'm fine.

- Will the children stay quiet?
- Don't worry.

My name is Docea Mariana, I'm 43.

One day, I was working overtime,
I was tired.

At the end of my shift
I had to go along a walkway,

I lost my balance and fell,
breaking my spine and hip.

It left me in this wheelchair forever.

That day, it was a coworker's birthday.

He offered us
some brandy in plastic cups.

I mention this because
I had been accused of being drunk.

- But I only had a sip.
- I see.

- Did you wear your helmet?
- Yes, but what was the use?

It could have happened to anyone.

Now your advice to your coworkers.

I ask my colleagues
to wear the protective equipment,

safety helmet included,
and never drink alcohol.

Perfect!

I'll just be a moment,
while I transfer the footage.

Sure.

I have to back it up,
they need it for a meeting.

You know, my car is downstairs.

There were some shady guys there,
I'm a bit worried.

Don't worry, it's safe.

I was a bit stressed,
with my laptop and my phone...

The neighbourhood is dirty,
but the people are good.

The garbage isn't collected for months.
But we're good people.

When that hysterical mayor
argued with the waste disposal guys,

Sector 1 was full of rats too.

The 'civilised' throw even more
garbage on the street.

- If I may ask something...
- Please.

When do I know if I've been picked?

This evening, we'll call you.

I hope they pick you,
you stand a good chance.

We have only four cases
and you're the only woman.

- But it's the Austrians who decide.
- I see.

That cat is gorgeous,
so realistic.

- You can have it.
- God, no! Just saying.

Please, it's my pleasure.
A souvenir.

- Maybe the children like it.
- They have others.

You know I'm a believer.

An Orthodox Christian,
though I don't go to church.

But I realised I look
like Father Arsenie Boca!

Look!

Same forehead, same...

The Dostoyevskian gaze, the eyebrows...

What could it mean?
It must mean something, right?

I'd ask Father Visarion Alexa,

but he's busy ass-fucking
a parishioner behind the altar.

Spare some change?

Babies born left and right!

- Boy or girl?
- Boy.

Better. Girls have it harder.

What's going on?

- Move, lady!
- What's wrong?

Get medical help if you're that nervous!

Hurrying like you're late
to your own funeral.

Oi, fucking blonde skank!

Who was the fucking idiot
who taught you to drive?

Like you own all the lanes!

- Are you fucking with me?
- Fuck off, retard!

Fucking piece of shit!

Fuck you and your mum!

Suck it, cocksucker!

Don't make me come over
and fuck you in the ass!

- Fuck off!
- You suck cock to get your license?

Fuck off, you moron!

Mr Trofăilă is still
in his mindfulness class.

Follow me to Brâncuși Hall.

But we had an appointment!
My mother did.

As Aristotle says
the improbable is a possibility.

- Hello!
- Hello.

- Dan Trofăilă.
- Angela Răducanu.

I was looking at...

A joke for our business partners.

When they see it, they freeze,
thinking it's Marx's.

- It's just a book about New York.
- Funny.

It looks like a gold bar.

The author's name is Goldsmith.
No further comment.

The cemetery was extended
aggressively, without a permit.

In breach of the minimum
sanitary distance of 50 m.

Plus some trees.

It's not your fault,
but it's not ours either.

The innocents pay for corruption.

But I, well, my mother
bought that burial place legally!

You acted in good faith.

But the law wasn't observed.

They invaded the land
that we later bought.

16 m of the cemetery
encroaches onto our property.

Not to mention the legal borderline.

My clients can't step out among
the graves of a private cemetery.

Imagine having coffee on your terrace
next to a wailing widow in black.

At least if it was
a cute young widow, like you.

- Do I digress?
- Sort of.

The right of ownership
is guaranteed by the Constitution.

Article 44, paragraph 2.

"Private property is guaranteed
and protected by law.

Irrespective of who owns it."

- It says so right here.
- I know.

But we have to unearth my grandparents.
My mother's parents.

- We have a problem with that.
- A religious problem?

Rest assured, we've hired
elite priests recommended by Mr. Pleșu.

We make sure it's done by the canon.
Reburial service and all.

I've lost my mother too,
I am mindful of this.

- This isn't normal!
- I understand your distress.

But theologically speaking,
we're good. 100%.

And our company
covers all the expenses.

Even a 10-year subscription
to another cemetery.

They get reburied
after 7 years anyway.

Some of the dead were
more reticent, I mean recent.

The bodies are rotting, full of worms...

My grandma was buried
just five months ago!

At any rate, we provide
the hearse and premium coffins,

from the funeral company
that handled King Michael I.

Top specialists.

Although the municipality
or the private cemetery are responsible.

You could sue them,
but it takes time.

- My mother can't sleep...
- I can understand.

It's tough.

We made a Minecraft portal,
want to see?

Wait for me in the cubiculum.

I told you, religiously speaking,

it's all by the book,
they'll be relocated soon.

Both I and the manager
Van Meegeren are religious,

though he's a Protestant,
not one of ours.

I guess.

Allow me to offer you
my business card.

Call me any time,
I'm here at your pleasure.

- Thank you.
- Please.

Thanks.
Who's that in the painting?

You've noticed.

It's a Fayum portrait.
A copy, of course.

We are trying to purchase the original.

These covered the faces of the dead
when they were interred.

- In Egypt, first and second centuries AD.
- So she died young.

Quite.

The coincidence is a bit creepy,
if I say so myself.

Take it down until we sort things out.

This is Dallas, Texas!

Your bro Bobiță Ewing
came out of this skyscraper.

I was in JR's office
and our old mum came in and said

"Bobby, a hard cock without a story
doesn't get the cunt!

"Jock doesn't fuck me lately,
won't you give me some?

"I won't tell Pamela.

I'll give you a million dollars
and an oil well."

I was tired, but when
I heard about all that money

I got so hard
my balls were hurting like crazy!

I said "Mommy, I'll fuck you,
but only in the mouth, no dentures."

She closed the door,
took off her dentures

and sucked me off
with those toothless gums...

Sod off.

It's lunchtime,
Bobiță's eating fresh fish!

- Good fish?
- Yes, it's easy to swallow.

Please, Madam.

Get the fuck out of here!

Leave her alone!

Out, you fucking scum!

You're the scum!

Fuck you!

Kisses!

...Where have they gone,
The golden years of their glory?

Where are the daggers,
Horses and rifles in outlaw stories?

The highway he roams no more
To put the rich under the sword

And feed the poor
With the purse of the lord

PRIVATE PARKING

Really, my name is Angela too!

- Come in!
- Thank you.

Ovidiu should come back
from the doctor's any moment.

- I'll take my shoes off.
- No need!

A coffee?

Please, I'm dead tired!
An espresso would be great.

When I heard your name,
I thought you were a Gypsy.

Isn't Răducanu a Gypsy name?

- I don't know.
- Like that football player!

Who, Cămătaru?

No, the goalkeeper, Răducanu.

And Emma Răducanu,
the tennis champion.

- No idea, but I'm not.
- I have nothing against them, God forbid!

Just saying.

I was a taxi driver,
now I'm retired.

- Does Uber pay into your pension?
- No, and no medical insurance either.

- It's considered a phone app.
- Really!

My full-time job is
collaboration-based as well.

What was it like,
being a taxi driver?

Back then...

It was great because I was young!

And we didn't have this horrible traffic.

- I couldn't drive through this.
- Really?

Yes.

That's how I met my husband,
in my taxi.

- You did?
- Yes, the filthy bastard!

He got into my taxi dead drunk.

My ex-husband had been a drunkard too.

When I first picked up Gyuri,
he was also dead drunk.

But he was elegant!

Comrade! Where to?

- I hope I didn't upset you.
- Oh, no.

You were a true gentleman.

My ex-husband drank,
I'm used to it.

I should have known.
He was married, too.

Stay away from married men
like they're the devil!

- I'm sorry, it's the only drink I have.
- This will do.

He said he was going
to India to work in drilling.

And he did, briefly.

Good morning, Sir.
Can I help?

Then he came back.

Because someone informed
the Secret Police about him.

He came back,

fell in with some whores,
the baby was already born...

So I told him,
make up your mind!

He quit drinking, quit the whores.
It was good, for a while.

Then the Revolution came

and we got divided by politics, damn them.

Being an ethnic Hungarian,
he went to Târgu Mureș

back then we almost had
a civil war, in March 1990.

Naturally, I sided with the Romanians,
he with the Hungarians.

We made up, but...

Why are you here?

To tell you
I can't live without you.

He had conflicts
with some Romanians at work.

Then he lost his job.
Around '93 he started drinking again.

Good Lord, the grief he gave me.

I only repeat things once.

Never twice.

After a lifetime's work as a taxi driver,
my pension is shit.

My life's been nothing but torment.

When did he die?

Who?

Your husband.

The bastard's alive and well,
in the other room!

- Gyuri!
- I was watching the Queen!

May she rest in peace.

This is Angela, my namesake.

- Hello, Ms Angela! I'm Gyuri.
- Nice to meet you.

You are an elegant, sweet girl!

And you look like Clark Gable!

- Thank you!
- Oh my!

Shall I recite you some Petőfi Sándor?

- Wow, lovely!
- Now some Eminescu.

"If...

If there was ever a way to acquire
My heart's most fiery inner desire,

I would become a mirror aglow
To take you in from head to toe!"

- Lovely.
- Show off!

- Ovidiu is back.
- Hello.

- Angela.
- Hey, Ovidiu!

This is Angela, love.

I'll get my backpack.

Take your time.

- All good?
- Yes.

IT'S LATER THAN YOU THINK

"While I still live, I must contend

that I have not yet met my end!"

Gyuri dear, sit down.

- Thank you!
- Sit down.

Mr Ovidiu, you can start.

My name is Ovidiu Bucă.

During the 2020 pandemic,
after working overtime,

I was heading towards the gate,
passing by a barrier,

a coworker driving an old Dacia
was speeding towards it.

The barrier wasn't painted appropriately

so he hit it and the barrier hit my head.

That's all I remember,
as I then fell into a coma.

I woke up a year and one month later.

After all that time in a hospital bed,

my back was full of raw bedsores.

And I'm wheelchair-bound.

Now the advice
about safety equipment.

It's very important
that everyone wears it.

- With more conviction.
- OK.

It's very important that everyone
wears the safety equipment!

Perfect.

- It really is important.
- I'll take a photo.

Now to see who
our foreign clients pick.

I don't think they'll pick him.
He's sued the company.

I hope it's not that idiot Pepenaș!

He's so obsessive
about "that idiot Pepenaș",

like in The Count of Monte Cristo!

- You know it?
- Never saw the film.

There's this scene with two friends
sentenced to death by hanging,

and one is pardoned at the last moment.

The other one complains,
not that he is to be executed,

but that his friend is not.

In a way, I understand.
It's easier when you're not alone.

There's a Slovenian joke

God tells a peasant
"Make a wish.

It will be granted, and
your neighbour will also get it, doubled."

The peasant thinks

"He gets it too, but doubled?
Take out one of my eyes!"

"Greek town, feels like home."
Eight letters.

Starts with a K.

No idea.

What do you think about Viktor Orbán?

Orbán Viktor is a great leader!

An extraordinary man!
Hungary has never before had

a leader who cares so much
for the population's wellbeing.

- Isn't he a dictator?
- No, he is not!

Everything he does is...

For the benefit of the people!

Could be "Kalamata".

Kalamata? Yes!

Here's another one:
"Emotion after a roast" nine letters.

"Heartburn".

"Major stars" eight letters.

"Insignia".

"White for the yellow".

"Rice."

Last one

"Serves God and country tidily."

- What is it?
- "Orderly."

- Lovely meeting you.
- Likewise.

Take care of yourself, dear.

Men come in two kinds,
the good and the bad.

Said my mother from Uranus.

EXCELLENCE IN ROBOTIC SURGERY

What do you do after work?

Why?

We're celebrating
a fellow chef's birthday.

I thought you could come.

After you get changed and
put on some makeup.

I'm sure with some touching-up
you look like a lady.

I'm busy tonight.

Sorry to hear it.
Very sorry to hear it.

That will be 100.

Keep it.

It really is such a pity.

"Like a lady."

What the hell do I look like now?

Here is the contract,
we'll need your signature.

We have a side room, you see.

I can't really book
the whole restaurant for this amount.

Just for two hours,
our clients' lunch break.

But still...

- We're talking 8-10 people, right?
- Could be 11 or 12.

- How about this lovely table?
- No way!

They're some snobbish Austrians,

they want the whole
restaurant for themselves!

- We'll have a string quartet too.
- A what?

We'll bring them a string quartet

to play while they eat.
Schubert, Couperin, stuff.

The Decline of the West
by Oswald Spengler.

They say that
Antoine Bourdain, the chef,

killed himself after seeing his chick
getting pumped by a loser.

- So he killed himself.
- I don't know.

I'll call Albeșteanu to ask
8,000 euro more for the whole place.

No problem.

Hi from London, you peasants,

from the Queen's funeral,
that poor cunt!

While they were putting her in the grave,

I looked down with tears in my eyes

and through my tears
I saw a gorgeous lawn,

every juicy blade cut to size.

So I asked the new king, Charles.

I knew him from Viscri,
we double-teamed a truck stop slut there.

He mostly ass-licked her,
his age doesn't help.

I say, "Your Majesty,

how can I grow a lawn like this
around my villa?"

Charles says "Bo-bee-tzuh,

you water the grass,
mow it, that's about it."

"Really?" I ask.
"Yes," says Charles.

"300 years later,
you'll have a lawn like this."

Hey, what's up?

All good, love,
only we can't meet this afternoon.

I was supposed to have time off,
but they're killing me.

I have to go to...

I see. Not even
for ten minutes?

- I can't! Not until late tonight!
- Let's see.

- Should I call later?
- Sure, I don't have obligations.

I got the innuendo.

It's no innuendo, I'm just saying
I don't want a new cage.

I'm staying a free woman.

Alright, later then.

I'll hang up,
I have an appointment.

By the way,
I loved your story on Morii Lake.

Do more location stories,
I even have an idea.

I will.

I got 20,000 views,
up since last week.

Wow.

Hello?

Anyone home?

Can you please do that trick?

I told you he can't talk at all.

Right, I see.

Thank you.
I'll just take a photo.

I don't know, I think they need
someone who can speak.

I’ll go home for a nap.
I can’t keep going like this.

Send someone else
for those lenses.

I don’t have anyone.

A driver from the Canis Majoris set?

I’m not interfering with their production.
You rest when you get back.

I’m worried I might fall asleep
and cause an accident.

I don't want to end up
like those poor cashiers,

who died in that minibus accident.

Think positive!

Have a Red Bull,
or pull over for half an hour.

I’m not sleeping in the car,
I can’t. I just can’t.

- There’s no pleasing you, I swear.
- OK bye!

Fuck you!

What the...

Forward!

- Forward?
- Forward!

Can you fall in love in traffic?

We look forward to hearing your story
after the next track. Call us...

Already a caller
wants to tell us their love story!

Hello, who are we talking to?

Come on,
say for our listeners to hear too.

Hello!
People call you every morning...

...As of today, I'm a free mac
This office chair's ruined my back

While you built your dominion
On the one deathless criterion

Work, work, round the clock,
Work, work, no time to talk...

PRIVATE PROPERTY

- So, who's Bobiță fucking today?
- Every slut in town!

- I'm Angela, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

You're killing me with
that get up, I'm addicted.

Andrei says they're too vulgar.

Oh, how delicate!
Anyway, I'm dead tired.

- I'm here for some lenses.
- Here.

- How is it here?
- Lots of overtime, otherwise OK.

- Lots of green screen shooting.
- What's it about?

Action!

Cut, cut, cut!

God!

So, blankets gone!

I said it before, take the blankets
don't bring them back.

Mask off, everybody.

And we need more energy, look at this!

It's a monster,
it can eat you! Yeah?

So you have to be scared,
fight for your life!

More energy.
Hey, masks off!

Now she films here?

Dr Boll, she's a colleague of mine,
she works here in another production.

OK, OK.

I just came to pick up some lenses,
I'm Angela Răducanu.

- Not our lenses!
- No, no.

It's from another project.
I just wanted to see...

I saw a clip with you on YouTube
when you were...

beating the shit out of some film critics!

Absolutely!

- Why did you do that?
- I hated them.

They were trashing my films,
they were not even looking my films.

You know, I shot 30 films
and they watched two.

And then I only got bad reviews
for all my films.

"So I said" Look, guys,
if you want to destroy me,

I'll destroy you in the ring."

And then they came
and I smashed them.

That is history of cinema.

Yeah, but I hope my films
are also, in a way, history of cinema,

not only my boxing
fights against the critics.

But it was fun, and a lot of directors
actually gratulated me to it.

They said "Look, I really wanted
to do the same, but I cannot box."

I saw your film
Assault on Wall Street and,

and you know, sometimes I have the envy
to take the gun and do the same thing.

With my boss, for example.
Don't tell him!

I also do some small movies
with this filter and I post on Instagram.

It's horrible!
It's like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde here.

Yes.

Do you agree to make
a small movie with me?

OK, OK.

Hello, I am here with Dr. Uwe Boll,

and to all our haters,

I tell them,
we tell them to fuck off!

- Fuck off!
- Just fuck off!

- Fuck you, also.
- Yeah.

- And fucking...
- Fuck you!

Totally.

Sir, we are seconds away.

- Seconds or minutes?
- Seconds.

Perfect! Yeah.

So get it ready, I'll turn my chair
and let's shoot the next one.

You mentioned the writer
Robert Louis Stevenson.

You know how he died?

- From Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
- Exactly, yes.

He had a brain haemorrhage,
and his brain was in blood,

and he started hallucinating and said

"My face is transforming!
My face is transforming!"

Then he collapsed, dead.

I'm looking for
a good spot for a video.

Can I be in it?

Sure, let me find a spot.

Bobiță Unforgiven here
from the Wild West!

Just mined some 14-carat gold
and found this Pocahontas here.

Hi!

After I fucked her mouth
and explained a few things

about Romania,

she said this, in her Indian language -

It's applying the filter on you.

She says "A cunt is like four countries:"

"Wet like the UK,
split in two like Korea,

bloody like the Wild West
and glad to be fucked, like Romania!"

A very great and courageous man.

Why's everyone crying?
No one's died.

Here's looking at you, kid.

- Long live Communism, Boss!
- Right, Boss!

Trick Ț, trick 72...

Asking if I ever had a threesome.

You can have sex with...

Any number of people.

But no, never had one.

I heard he was in Dubai
shooting an ad for Coca-Cola.

He had dinner at the hotel,
said he was tired,

then they found him dead.

- Like David Hemmings.
- Who's that?

Huge actor,
he was in Antonioni's Blow-Up.

- Blow Job!
- That was Warhol.

Blond, sexy guy, sensual lips.

He was filming here about 15 years ago
and died of a heart attack on set.

You should have heard Rică,
the camera assistant, he died of Covid.

"I look over, the old guy's not moving.

Grandpa, wake the fuck up!

Nothing! Dead as a dodo, drooling."

"Film gets cancelled one week in,
we get sent home with no pay.

Fucking old timer
picked some time to die!

I had dropped
another project for that one."

Just think!

To be the big star from Blow-Up,

who uncovered a murder
just looking at a photo...

And that Godard, committing
assisted suicide at his age.

Like a cat!

- What could he do, shoot himself?
- It's not a Christian thing to do.

Doris logged on.
Hello, Doris!

She is Doris Goethe,
our boss from Austria.

Doris, you heard the tragedy,

that our beloved Massimiliano
died all of a sudden.

- So we thought of Tibi...
- Hello.

Who fortunately was eager
to embark with us on such short notice.

I was absolutely
shocked when I heard the news.

But let's go, because in an hour
I have to run to the airport, you know.

Yes, the show must go on.

- Can you introduce yourself?
- Yeah, sure.

I direct television
and advertising since 2000,

I have also made one feature film,
a Mircea Eliade adaptation.

I have directed, basically,
more than 500 TV ads.

And my most important clients
were OMV Petrom, McDonalds,

Procter&Gamble, the Bonux brand,
Beer Bucegi, ING Bank and Dacia Renault.

You know, I feel bad myself,
to be honest.

It feels like
I have the job only because

this guy, whom I enourmously
respected passed away.

Come on,

Come on,

that is life!

"Life is life!"

Are you frozen?

Sorry?

Oh, it's OK.

Yeah, you know, it's like...

Of course we can have our success
only because the others died.

I mean, imagine if Goethe or Shakespeare,
you name it would be alive today.

Nobody would publish,
I don't know, Elena Ferrante.

I told you to be careful
with night-time customers!

No dilly-dallying!

Take it all off!

Stop it, we're not highway robbers!

What if he had his way with Victorița?

- Get dressed, chickie.
- Thanks, Ma'am.

People can see you naked here.
And you don't have much to show.

Laugh, but this will
cause you trouble.

I wanna be clear
we're not... commercials here,

but films about the care
our company has for its workers.

Our emphasis is on the fact that we want
our workers to respect the procedures,

the rules, the regulations,

to wear their protection equipment,
you know, helmets and so on,

to make them aware of the dangers.

Now, this man with
the face broken in half?

I think it's not appropriate
to have him, it's too scary.

Doris, don't worry,
we already included him out.

Ah cool, I feel bad for the guy
but, you know.

Yeah, too much Tod Browning's Freaks.
I totally agree.

Yeah, no...

you know,

funky creatures or whatever, yeah.

The way I see this small film is

that these people,
who were wounded but are alive,

they are survivors and
they have a story to tell

and a message to tell us

and especially to the other
workers, their colleagues.

"Respect the rules, because
if you don't, you are fucked."

This should be the focus!

Regarding the style,
I was thinking to film everything

in a sequence shot, in one shot,

with a wide lens, let's say
a 25mm Cooke S4 lens.

This will create a feeling of reality.

But also we must show the money.

I mean its' production value, in the end.

Yeah, that's why we'll use a gold
diffusion filter directly on the camera,

so as to give it a warm, golden glow.

OK. Very good.

OK.

So let's take a look
at the casting, now

I mean the real heroes who
will be in front of the lens.

Maybe Angela here
can give us all the details.

Yes, sure.

Hello.

She is Mariana Docea,

she drank something and fell.

Her text will be about the responsibility
of not drinking while working.

And she's also a great mother.

- She looks nice!
- Yeah, she's great.

Optimistic and strong, she has
a commitment for your company.

Well, that's great!

And she's Gypsy, so
it will show we're more inclusive.

Yes, but don't forget,

that for the Romanian market
this is not a good point.

- Sad but true.
- Yes.

Ah, well, you know better.

The next one.

He is the victim of an accident,

- He was going out of your whorehouse...
- Warehouse!

...and the barrier moved or something,
he didn't pay attention

and hit his back and his head.

Because he didn't wear a helmet he got
into a coma and remained half-paralysed.

He's nice, I mean he's got a nice smile,
he's much younger and healthier.

Very joyful, it's very moving.

But he shouldn't mention Russia, though.

No, no.

No problem, don't worry, Doris.

- Does he have a family?
- Yes.

He has a mother, a daughter,
I think a wife.

His father is batshit crazy,
he's Looney Tunes.

They can appear in the
clip as well alongside him.

Family values, I will think about it.

We have a small problem.

The name of the man is Ovidiu Bucă.
"Bucă" means "his ass" in Romanian.

No, it's actually "half-ass".

"Buttocks," "Buttock."

Would that be a problem?

Well, yes,
especially for the target.

I mean, you see the film and
you laugh at his name of "Buttock",

and you don't pay attention anymore.

So what we suggest is, we use
in the testimony only his first name,

- Ovidius.
- I agree.

That's fine with me,
let's keep him, you know.

He's more impressive,
he's got a real energy.

Well,

I have a message
from my boss, Mr. Hans Frank.

He read the booklet too
and he wants to, here he is.

- Hallo, Herr Hans Frank.
- Hello!

Where is my director?

Here!
Hello, Mr Hans Frank.

I am Tiberiu Berbece,
I am very glad to be working for you...

I have only one word for you

emotion!

Yes.

We want to use a gold diffusion filter.

- Is he out?
- Yes.

- So he wants emotion.
- I heard "locomotion".

No, emotion.

He means he wants a close-up.

No problem, we will shoot 8K,
you can zoom in as much as you like.

OK!

I think we can end
this Zoom conversation now.

- See you later, alligator!
- OK, bye!

We'll have a catering especially for you.

From the company that is the official
furnisher for the royal family.

OK, bye!

Bye!

It was good. We survived.

That went great.

A book?

Oh, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie.

- How much?
- 5 lei a piece.

Here's 6, give me
Seven Apocalyptic Years too.

Your bro bought a book
to get high-cultured!

Here, The Prime of Ass Whorrey.

It's written by some skank,

Mooriel Spank.

More like a wannabe skank,
who would fuck her?

It's about how I made
that Miss into a Madam.

I didn't take her prime fuck though,
her old cunt was dry as wood.

I told Miss Broad-y
"Stuff some margerine up your ass!"

Then I fucked the slut
with a maize cob...

Sorry.

William Faulkner style!

I bought it off
a poor beggar in the street,

one of the fucks
who leech off us honest citizens!

Fuck you!

Rodica, pleased to meet you.
Come in.

- No need to take off your shoes.
- Thank you.

Angela, my sweet!
Come by my side!

Thank you, I'll just sit here.

- He wasn't feeling well, he dozed off.
- I'll wait here.

We have to go to the fitting session,
Ms Angela is here.

If they pay you for the recording,
can I go on that mountain trip?

I visited India
when I worked in drilling!

You know this one?

All Romanian women are Hungary for it!

What's the news on Salman Rushdie?

- Did he die?
- I don't know.

Might have.

But...

Could be.

"'O, my shoes are Japanese, '
Gibreel sang."

- The lift's out of order.
- It is.

- Fuck it.
- It's the stairs, then.

- Can I help?
- Please.

- Can you manage?
- I'll help.

- I'm steadying the wheels.
- Take it slow!

Easy, easy.

This is great for
exercising your pecs.

You know that song...

- "Baby, work your chest"...
- Ovidiu, stop it!

Easy.

- This one's lower.
- Yes, it's lower.

Let's avoid those stones.

- So many stones.
- Boulders!

- Just a moment.
- Sure.

- Can I help?
- Rodica will help.

Let me get ready.

We have our technique.

Wait, not yet.

Now?

Let's try.

- All good?
- Need help with the chair?

She'll manage, she has experience.

♪ ...Check the moon, check the stars,
check the lifeguard!

♪ Vamos a la playa, only in Mamaia,

♪ Carnivals by Mazăre,
hotter than in Saint Tropez!

♪ The Romanian Ibiza, when we party
It's a madhouse, a wild banger,

♪ 1, 2, 3, banger!

♪ Party up, party hard,

♪ Who's paying? The lifeguard! ♪

"The Lifeguard" is mayor Mazăre.

Yes, it's that old song by Loredana.

The Mamaia Anthem.

I don't think he was corrupt.
He is a political prisoner.

Could be, what do we know.

He was all for young people and fun.

Could you stop the music

or turn it down?

It's the radio.

Sorry, but if I do
I might fall asleep at the wheel.

I apologise.

Mum, what's wrong with the music?

Hi, wanna trade chewing gum?

Mine's better than Orbit!

I'm off, good luck
and have a pleasant evening!

Thank you.

I'm here by the royal train,

with a special question
for all my fans on TikTok.

Ernst Kantorowicz spoke about
the king's two bodies.

Does that mean
our King Michael had two cocks?

- What's up, baby doll?
- Great.

Who was the old fart in that video?

Some German director
shooting a bug-killer film here.

Didn't he say he was a doctor?

Doctor in film criticism, don't care.

- You said you had a surprise.
- The surprise is I have no surprise

and you expect one and there's none.

Shoot!

I'm off my period
and you can cum in my mouth.

So good, yes.

I love your cock!

- Pull over.
- Why?

I said pull over!

Why did you never tell me?

Gyuri!

- What do you want?
- Wait.

When was it?

When you stayed over
at your mother's?

Yes.

Finish in my mouth!

Shove it in my mouth!

Wait, what the fuck?

You shot sperm all over my dress!

And I need to go to the airport!

The airport, at this hour?

Some bitch coming from Austria.

You know what?

One time we were shooting
a porn film for some Danes

and in the middle of the scene,
the guy couldn't get it up anymore.

So he got up from
that hot ass under him

all naked and sexy as hell,

and to get it back up
he went on PornHub on his phone.

It struck me as apocalyptic.

- How am I supposed to show up like this?
- You can't see a thing on that glitter.

Could you lend me 200 lei?

- Lost at the slot machines?
- No, man!

They just haven't paid me.

I keep having to beg for my pay.

And the war's pushed prices up.

- On Revolut?
- Yes, thanks a lot.

Did you see what it says
on contactless card readers?

- No, what?
- "You blinked, you paid."

I'll be there in five,
tell her to wait at the taxi stop!

She's there already!

Didn't she have
check-in luggage to wait for?

- We're embarrassing ourselves!
- Can't help traffic, bye!

Fuck off.

Fuck off!
Fuck your mother!

Sorry!

Sorry, I was...

- I'm sorry, the traffic was hell.
- It's OK.

So sorry.

- So, only this luggage?
- Yeah.

- Tomorrow evening I fly to Singapore.
- Great, amazing!

Yeah...

I parked the car there.

To Otopeni.

- My car was first in line!
- He's going to Otopeni.

You want to drive him?

Lucky me.

Another woman would have...

I'm not easy to scare.

Have you been a taxi driver long?

- Five years.
- Nights too?

You really nailed it.

If your wife was a taxi driver,
you'd know how it is.

I've never had a taxi driver wife.

No wife at all, in fact.

And I doubt I ever will.

Not like you need one.

- Can I ask you something?
- Please.

Are you related with Goethe?

- The writer?
- Yes.

I'm his grand-grand-granddaughter,
so to speak.

- No way!
- Yes.

- No!
- I am, through my father.

Wow, that's so cool!

Do you think that what he wrote
in Dichtung und...

Dichtung und Wahrheit.

Dichtung und Wahrheit
yeah is true

that what you wish for when you are young
you get it galore in old age?

No idea, it...

To be honest, I never read him properly.
Faust, maybe no, but...

When it's family, somehow you don't...

you don't feel like doing it.

Yeah, sure, sure.

So I hope I make it
'til I'm 70, and then...

Although I feel already very old.

And maybe he meant it
only for the Germans, who knows?

- The drivers are very aggressive here.
- Oh, yes!

A lot of idiots. They don't care!

You know, on a road to
a city called Buzău,

there are more crosses for the people
who died in accidents than kilometres.

I don't get it.

The road is like 250km long,
and there are around 600 crosses.

When someone dies in a car crash,

the relatives install
a Christian cross there.

- Oh, I see!
- Yeah.

- Horrible!
- Yes, and...

You can imagine that some crosses
have more than one person

and some dead people
don't have crosses put there,

or they're stolen or destroyed.

Why does this happen?

Because that is a one lane road

and it has an emergency lane
that's very narrow.

And people treat that narrow
emergency lane as a real lane.

Like it would be a two lane road,
which it's not.

- Sounds very stupid.
- We are.

I mean it's easy to fix,

the police should just force the people
to only drive on the legal lane.

Nobody does it, we are alone!

And to be honest,
I'm really afraid to drive on that road.

Especially since, as a PA,
I drive a lot and work extra hours.

How much do you work?

Well, when I have projects, I don't...
15-16 hours a day,

sometimes even 20 hours.

We are exploited. Slaves.

I hope for this project you weren't
forced to work extra hours.

Oh no, for this one no, of course not!
Only 8 hours, don't worry.

But otherwise,
some foreign productions

film or television, are the worst!

They treat us like cattle.

But maybe robots and Tesla or other
self-driving cars will solve this problem.

Maybe, but can we trust their software?

Self-driving cars, I mean...

I guess so, why not?

Well, let's imagine this situation.

A self-driving car approaches
a child who got on the road.

And the only way not to kill the child

is to turn left and throw
the car and the driver into a wall

and kill the driver.

What decision the software takes?
It will kill the child or the driver?

I honestly don't know.

I just read a study on the plane,

saying that Romanians
are the poorest in Europe.

6 times more than the European average.

I don't know if it's about
the European Union or the whole of Europe.

Well, I think it's about the EU.

Otherwise the Albanians are more poor.

- More primitive, too.
- Oh, yeah. Sure.

Can I ask you something delicate?
But please don't get me wrong.

OK.

Is it true that your company is actually
destroying the Romanian forest for wood?

Or is just a rumour?

Wood for the furniture factories,
of course.

I work in the marketing department,
I have no idea.

I don't think so,
I've never heard of it.

Anyway, if it happens,
it's because Romania allows it.

If the Romanians would say no,
it wouldn't happen.

Yeah, a lot of corruption,
politicians corrupted.

Probably.

Citizens who accept, as well.

But it's better for us to
just do our job, and that's it.

That's the secret of happiness.
"Wu wei", as the Taoists say.

Meaning "all flowing".

We should flow with the world,
we shouldn't force.

Tell me, do you like
this "manele" music?

This turbo-folk or...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sometimes, yes.
I like all music, why?

Could you play me some? Manele?

Oh, sure!

My favourite is Sandu Ciorbă. Soup!

Ia de-aici că n-ai servici, meaning
"Take this 'cause you don't have a job".

It's pretty cool.

He's from Transylvania.

Take this 'cause you don't have a job

Just make sure you don't fall down...

Wow!

So huge! Very impressive.

Was there something here before
or was this an empty field?

No no, as far as I know
it was a neighbourhood.

"Uranus" or something like that.

Ceaușescu demolished it
to make this huge palace.

Second after Pentagon.

What happened to the people living there?

Their houses were put down, destroyed,

and they were moved
to some block of flats.

Ceaușescu was an imbecile.
He destroyed Romania.

To Uranus, please.

Maybe a baby
would have saved your marriage.

Yeah, right.

I was four months pregnant
when he beat me up.

Enough about me,
it's not interesting.

I find it very interesting.

You don't regret
not having children?

I only regret what I have done.

It's not too late, though.

At my age?
Last thing I need!

Why?
You still look young.

Your mother is amazing!

Stop there, at the iron gate.

Interesting.

♪ ...What a beautiful Gypsy ♪
Shaking her asshole gives me shivers. ♪

...something in the Danube Delta,
and they will come back tomorrow,

directly after the shoot.

Excuse me, the lady's name was?

Goethe, G-O-E-T-H-E.

- You know what Goethe said when he died?
- No.

Apparently he said Mehr Licht!
"More light!"

But my grandfather told me
what he actually said was Mehr Nichts.

"More nothing".

I can't go on like this, Mr. Vladimir.

That's what you think.

(B) OVIDIU: RAW MATERIAL

"NOW THAT YOUR HEAD BROKE DOWN THE WALL,
WHAT WILL YOU DO IN YOUR NEW CELL?"

Hello, I am Ovidiu Bucă
and on the 24th of November 2020,

after 17 hours of constant work...

Ovidiu, no need for your family name.

- "Ovidiu" will do.
- OK.

It's friendlier and
it makes you think of the poet.

- The Roman.
- Exactly.

Tristia and Ex Ponto!
"Carmen et error"!

So the audience see you
as one of them.

- I see.
- As a friend.

Lovely name, too, Bucă.
I'll have it changed when I turn 18.

If he took his wife's name...

It's your name, so what.

Just a bit funny
when you first hear it.

My name means "ram",
so I know what it's like.

Also, Ovidiu, try to articulate.

- I'll do my best.
- Given the circumstances, of course.

Though the event is tragic for him,

we want to show him as a fighter.

Action!

Hello, I am Ovidiu.

On the 24th of November 2020,
I had worked non-stop for 17 hours.

We had a furniture order
to fill for Russia and France,

the holidays were coming
and we were all working hard.

I came out and walked
towards the parking lot,

to my car, so I could go home.

The lighting outside here is poor,
it's pitch black at night.

Suddenly,

an old Dacia 1310 came this way.

The driver didn't see that barrier
and drove into it.

It's not marked,
just a rusty metal bar on a cylinder.

The car sent the bar flying
and it hit me in the head.

I was in a coma for
one year and one month.

Hey, man.

I woke up to find myself
paralysed from the waist down.

My back was all
red raw from bedsores.

...those weeds and the rubbish.

Right! Well done.

Very good, very touching.

We need to take off
that vodka ad and move the lorry.

And he can't mention Russia.

Your company still
has branches in Russia.

Because we'd have to fire people
and we care about our employees.

We're neutral, like Switzerland.

We need to get rid of that banner.

And move out that Kuchnie lorry.

- So don't mention Russia.
- Only France?

Go get that thing.

- What?
- The frame.

- You know what this is?
- No.

- A nuclear fallout shelter.
- Really?

The door is welded shut.

Besides, how many people could it fit?

Not enough
for the whole country!

- Making any new films?
- This one.

I meant a feature, something serious,
not corporate stuff.

Everything is for corporations now.

This shot looks like a Lumière film.

The Lumière brothers' first film,
with the workers leaving the factory,

is considered a documentary,
but that was only the first take,

when they filmed workers
actually leaving the factory,

the brothers didn't like it,
so the second take was directed.

They made them come out again.

So fiction was there from the start,
as were ads and corporate films.

Their footage was also
an ad for the Lumière factory.

And in 1897, Meliès had already
shot a Bornibus mustard ad.

- What mustard was that?
- Bornibus.

- I'd like to see it.
- It's sadly lost.

Only a photo from the shoot survived.
Photos last longer than films.

But yes,
I might do a series for Pro TV.

An adaptation of
Scorsese's The Irishman,

with old Romanian gangsters
working for the Russians.

Ex-Communist Secret Service agents.

Bobiță says hi!

It's very hot today!

The city is full of
naked asses and tits today,

I've had it!
Stay the fuck inside!

Can't look this way,
can't look that way,

where the fuck should I look
if your tits and ass are out?

Fucking sluts!

Man, you're so vulgar
with this Bobiță!

I criticise by way of extreme caricature!

I'm like Charlie Hebdo, sucker!

They say 14,000 children were sent
in front of the troops to set off mines

during the war between Iran and Iraq.

More to the left.

Sound.

Rolling.

- Set.
- Action!

Hello, my name is Ovidiu

and on the 24th of November 2020,
I had worked non-stop for 17 hours

to fill a furniture order for France.

The holidays were coming
and we were all working hard.

I came out of the warehouse
and walked to the exit,

to get my car from
the parking lot and go home.

The lighting outside here is poor,
it's pitch black at night.

Suddenly,
an old Dacia 1310 came this way.

The driver didn't see that barrier
and drove into it.

It's not marked,
just a rusty metal bar on a cylinder.

The car hit it, sent it flying,
it hit me in the head.

I was in a coma
for a year and one month.

I woke up to find myself
paralysed from the waist down.

My back was all
red raw from the bedsores.

I'd like to urge everyone
to be careful at work,

so incidents like this
don't happen again.

Cut!

Bravo, Ovidiu.

Will we repeat this a lot?

It depends on what
you consider "a lot".

Chaplin is famous for
the 800 takes he did for City Lights.

- What?
- 800, Madam.

For one shot,
because, wait for it,

he didn't like how
Virginia Cherrill spoke.

In a silent film!

I like Buster Keaton!

Ovidiu, you shouldn't
mention the overtime.

Or the makeshift, rusty barrier.

You can see it's still rusty,
how can I say it wasn't?

Doina!

This thing really is dangerous.

It's a heavy iron bar!

If a car hits it, it will fly again.

I'll tell them.

I'm in marketing,
I have nothing to do with it.

I know, but this man...

It's Communist heritage,
we didn't put it here.

The building is an interwar jewel.
Those cornices!

The building, yes.
The barrier is from Communist times.

But it's been 33 years
since the Revolution!

And the place
still isn't lit properly at night.

Only that block gives some light.

I'm glad you told me,
I'll forward this.

It will be fixed.

Right!

It's very important for us
that Ovidiu mentions

he wasn't wearing his safety helmet

and advise his coworkers
and everyone watching

to wear their safety helmet.

Just like we had to wear
a mask to not get Covid.

The safety helmet is the same, Mr Bucă!

What Covid?

But the helmet wasn't compulsory,
that's why we sued.

The regulations say
it's compulsory everywhere.

It's in the occupational safety
regulations you signed.

- It includes the courtyard.
- I was by the exit!

But still in the courtyard.

- I was two metres from the barrier!
- But in the courtyard!

Could be a micron or a light-year!

Excuse me, but we're still
waiting for the court's decision.

Sure, the rules may say so,
but it's ridiculous,

wearing the helmet out here,
by the exit, with no falling hazards!

If the barrier was properly attached
and made of plastic, not 30 kilos of iron,

if it was painted visibly,
if there was even a little lighting,

the driver would have seen it.

Or, anyway,
this wouldn't have happened.

So don't ask us to lie.

We're not asking you to lie!

Just don't say things detrimental
to the company paying you.

1,000 euro for one day's shooting
is no small thing.

We're doing this to help people,
not to be seen in a bad light.

He puts himself in a bad light.

If you were so unhappy with the barrier,
why didn't you speak out?

Do anything to change things?

Did you send a memo
to the management?

No, so there's no point complaining now.

I will only speak the truth.

Then why won't you say
you weren't wearing a helmet?

- It's not important.
- Of course it is, Mr Bucă!

With a helmet, you'd be fine,
or you'd only have light injuries.

- You can't know that.
- Nonsense!

It stands to reason,
that's why the helmet is compulsory.

As for the overtime work,

you were paid for it,
so no point in mentioning it.

- I wasn't!
- You should have asked for it.

He did, and they said
it's a delicate time for the company

and everyone must make sacrifices.

Though they declare rising profits.

Mr Hans Frank boasted their profits
grew by dozens of millions.

Euro! Euro, at that!

Maybe before the pandemic,
but the two aren't mutually exclusive.

Even with higher profits,
you can have a lot of issues.

Negative growth is a thing.

But the accident happened
because of overtime.

At 5pm there's still light,
the driver would have seen the barrier.

Speculation!
And 5pm in late November is dark.

No it isn't.

And it had been
sunny the whole week.

No point complaining
about overtime.

In these hard times, you could
have made a small effort.

We keep praising the Americans,

but did you see them
during that tornado?

Workers in a candle factory
in Kentucky were kept at work

and Amazon asked an employee
to deliver in the tornado.

You think you're exploited
because of a few minutes of overtime!

- I'm not complaining.
- Yes you are.

And Kentucky is full of troglodyte apes.

That Colonel Sanders from KFC
was apparently a huge racist.

- That's why I prefer McDonald's.
- Same here!

Or Burger King.

Profits grew in Lithuania, not here.

Tibi, can I have a word?

Let him say whatever first,
then add the safety helmet thing.

And we'll just use the second part.
Can't we edit out the rest?

Yes, of course, but...
I don't agree.

This is supposed to be
an educational film.

Telling the truth.

- Don't start.
- I don't, but...

I can't tell him what to say.

I won't edit it out, either.

I'll give you the complete footage.

I left the camera running the whole time,
you can even do a "making of."

- Then we'll edit it.
- Suit yourselves.

I'm staying out of that.

I'll be fair and give you
the footage with all he says.

Wait, Doris is calling me.

Break for two minutes!

- I'm on your side.
- Thank you.

I won't have you say
anything but the truth.

We have to,
the lawsuit is still on.

This footage
could be used against us.

The defense would go
"He himself says it was his fault!"

And it's not true,
it was their fault.

Maybe it wasn't a good move
to accept this.

We meant not to.
But it's good money.

Could be a peace offering,
maybe we'll strike a deal.

- Don't give up.
- We won't.

But you know their bean-counters
cling to every straw.

We need to stay alert.

In the Second World War,

an American officer who had been
in command of an execution squad

went around to each person
executed for defection

and pulled out the bullets.

- What for?
- I'm getting there.

He made a necklace
out of these bullets.

His superior notices and
court-martials him for robbing cadavers.

Here's where it gets interesting.

The officer, or his attorney,
claims he didn't rob the bodies,

as the bullets weren't
the property of the executed,

but the property
of the execution squad.

As such, the officer only
took back what was rightfully his.

Sure, the prosecutor says,
they belonged to the squad,

but firing them was
the same as discarding them.

So the squad
had relinquished ownership.

Basically, the firing squad
made a donation,

donated the bullets
to the executed.

Which means our officer
did rob the cadavers

who had came to own
the bullets by donation.

But, says the officer,
or his lawyer,

we may presume,

as confirmed by their attitude
before and during the execution,

we may presume, then,
that the executed

firmly rejected
the donation of bullets.

They absolutely
did not want those bullets.

As they refused them,
our officer robbed no one.

He just took back the refused
donation from the executed.

I don't get it.

It's raining.

- Is this story made up?
- No!

No, it's all true!

I read about it too.

- So what was the sentence?
- Not guilty, apparently.

Fuck off!

Go back to India!

Come again and I'll break your legs!
Little bastards!

- Serves them right!
- They're children, Madam.

Children today, thieves tomorrow!

Doris is at the hotel, not feeling well,
but she wants to see our framing.

What a racist hag!

Ioana wants to show our framing
to the Austrian client.

She can come with her phone
and film the video assist monitor.

Don't worry,
it's just a light drizzle.

We're getting wet!

Can you see?

I can't see very well, but
if the barrier is rusty and dirty,

then keep it out of the frame.

I don't want to give ammunition
to our enemies, really.

OK, and what
should we have in frame?

Well, only the building, no barrier.

Yeah, tschuss!
Keep up the good work, bye.

We need to keep the barrier
out of the frame.

It's fine, we're filming in 8K,
you can zoom in all you need.

All the way to close-up.

No, remove it.
The raindrops will show if we zoom in.

Get rid of it.

Take it away.

Did you know that during communism,

occupational safety films
blamed the workers, too?

All films were censored back then.
Motherfuckers!

Ovidiu!

We removed the barrier,
so don't point to it.

Go to the back,
keep the ladies dry.

When he talks about his coma,
you should take his hand.

Affectionately.

Affectionately,
Grandma Angela moves on!

- It doesn't cover all of us.
- We'll get one more.

- Only hold it between takes.
- Understood.

I'll record this take with my phone,
so Doris can send it to her boss.

It will look bad on a phone.

Hans Frank wants to see
what we're filming.

Fine, just go!

It's raining!

- Sound!
- Rolling.

Wait, you're leaving?

Action!

Hello, I am Ovidiu.

On the 24th of November 2020,
I had worked non-stop for 17 hours

for a furniture delivery to France.

The holidays were coming
and we were all working hard.

I came out of the warehouse
and walked to the exit,

to get my car from
the parking lot and go home.

The lighting outside here is poor,
it's pitch black at night.

Suddenly,

an old Dacia 1310 came this way.

The driver didn't see that barrier,
so he hit it.

It's not marked,
just a rusty metal bar on a cylinder.

The car hit it, sent it flying,
it hit me in the head.

I was in a coma
for a year and one month.

I came out of the coma

and found myself paralysed
from the waist down.

My back was all infected from bedsores.

It was all red raw.

I want to tell everyone
to wear their safety helmets,

so that incidents like this
don't happen again.

Cut! Great!
Bring the umbrellas.

Bravo, Ovidiu!

I'm sending this to Austria now.

We'll wait for their feedback.

Waiting in the fucking rain!

If you want to leave,
I'll drive you.

Yes, let's go.

They're bastards!

In those communist films they used to show
horrible things, hands chopped off.

They also blamed the workers!

They were made to say:
"I made this fucking mistake..."

Hi, it's Bobiță!

This is my atomic fallout shelter
with some sluts inside,

can't tell you much about them,
there's people around.

Just want to say:

I support President Putin
in his crusade against Nazis

as for Zelensky,
that two-dime Jew actor,

I hope he dies like Hitler
and his Ukraine with him,

and Mr Putin stays there forever!

Slava Rossii!

- Are you OK?
- Yes.

Surya Bonaly!

Aren't you afraid
they'll label you a Putinist?

No, I hope some people
are still smart.

- You worked for 30 hours?
- Even 48, once.

I was younger,
I wouldn't do it now.

We were shooting in the mountains

that took 40 hours, for a beer ad.

- The one with the deer?
- No, the one with the squirrel.

Now I don't accept anything over 16 hours.

- As everyone should.
- Except they don't.

- To each their own.
- They don't want to upset producers.

Hans Frank says
he has a problem with the text.

- Says he wants the Bob Dylan thing.
- What?

"No way, the text is problematical.

Do it like in the stupid
hippie kike Bob Dylan clip. With papers."

Sounds like Donald Trump.

Zimmerman!

Wait, I get it!

Bob Dylan has this video where
he's holding sheets with the lyrics

and letting them drop one by one.

Subterranean Homesick Blues.

- Subterranean Homesick Blues!
- Yes, we know.

Do we even have paper?

You can write the text
and I'll go print it out.

Then let's do this.
Page one...

"After work."

Page two
"I was heading to the exit."

Page three
"A car hit the barrier."

Page four
"I wasn't wearing a helmet."

Wait, the paper will be shiny.

In our truck there's
a big green board.

- We just cut that.
- We need white ones, not green.

No, this green board
works like a chroma key.

You can fill them with
any text you want later.

Great idea, Andi, hats off!

- And it won't stay green?
- No it won't!

They're green because
it's easy to replace in CGI.

- Bănel!
- Yessir!

Cut that green board
into ten A3 rectangles.

- Ten will do, right?
- Even fewer.

So you are like
Charlie Hebdo, Anjelica?

Maybe you'll be shot in the head.

Valeriu Sterian made
a remake of Dylan's video.

Oh, the one with...

"Declaration" and all that shit.

- You don't know it?
- No.

Who?

Valeriu Sterian, he had this video.
Holding papers.

Here it is.

- It's in English?
- Yes.

Didn't he sing the one with
"Look what's left of humans"?

...Institution, Separation
Prostitution, Decoration...

I think it's about 90s stuff.

I think that one's
about President Iliescu,

he called himself
an emanation of the Revolution.

They called him "The Emanated."

Fuck you and your filming!

Why isn't Doris Goethe here
if she cares so much,

instead of directing us
from Heldenplatz?

She's feeling sick,
she's at the hotel.

Between you and me, last night
she drank with some creeps.

A €2000 tab.

They're paying our fees too,
we can't badmouth them.

Ms Goethe can keep
her airs to herself.

Read Thomas Bernhard, you'll see
the Austrians were real Nazis.

Millions of them
applauded Hitler in 38 in Heldenplatz.

They were happy with the Anschluss,
only played the victims later.

In the 80s they voted an SS officer
for president, Kurt Waldheim.

I can't stand them.

They come here, destroy our forests,

and we just stand by
and make videos for them.

Ready?

Fast as a circus artist!

Getting ready to shoot!

You hold these like
Bob Dylan in the video.

Or like Vali Sterian.

And, one by one,
you pass them to the young lady.

- In silence?
- Yes.

Understood.

- Sound!
- Rolling.

- Set!
- Action!

Excellent!

Now, Ovidiu, the same thing.

Pass him the boards.

- Just slower.
- Understood.

And action!

Very good!

Lunch break, then home!

OK, lunch break,
shooting's over!

- Finally!
- Great work!

Madam, perfectly done.

There's nothing
on those green boards.

No, they'll add text
with computer graphics.

So they can write
whatever they want?

I'll raise hell if that happens!

Don't worry, Madam,
we'll write what we said we would.

- You won't trick us, will you?
- God, no!

We're a world-class company.

We can't ruin our
international prestige for...

You can always sue us.

We don't have the time or the money
and we're fed up with lawsuits!

Bobiță asks

are there any vegetarians
among cannibals?

I hope they won't write
something that could harm us.

Out of the question.

Something that could be used against us.

Don't worry.

Let's eat!

It's all I can do.
It really is!

- Thank you for being on our side.
- Don't mention it.

My, I'm so stiff.

Ilinca, wait for us!

Get in!

Don't let the dog near me.

- But we're going to eat.
- They told us to come to lunch.

I have to drive you home,
I'm so busy today.

We are hungry!

Let's go, fuck those bastards!

FRAGMENTS FROM THE FILM
ANGELA MOVES ON BY LUCIAN BRATU

QUOTATIONS FROM

IN THIS WORLD

WE WALK ON THE ROOF OF HELL

GAZING AT FLOWERS

SOUND OF A SAW;
POOR PEOPLE, WINTER MIDNIGHT

WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

LET'S BE FRIENDS

SLEEPING BUTTERFLY

YOU MAKE THE FIRE

AND I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING WONDERFUL:

A BIG BALL OF SNOW!

DON'T WORRY, SPIDERS.
I KEEP HOUSE CASUALLY.

PERSONALLY WRITTEN AND DIRECTED
BY RADU JUDE