All language subtitles for The.Rebound.2009.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.h264-Spekt0r

[ soft acoustic country ]

Same thing.
Every fucking morning.

- I heard that.
- No, you didn't.

- No, you didn't.
- Okay, here we go.

CROSSING GUARD:
Hey, Sandy! What the hell?

Oh, Mom.

It's just the germs.
They're your enemy.

Good luck on your test.

Like I need luck.

I'm sorry.

Have a great day.

And remember,
own your own power.

You're a powerful
little chicken nugget.

[ kids laugh ]

Sorry.

Don't forget to bring
the DVD for my birthday.

I told Lizzie I'd bring it
in for show and tell tomorrow.

Do I ever forget anything?

Just do it, okay, Mom?

[ school bell rings ]

♪ I'm a bitch, I'm a lover,
I'm a child, I'm a mother ♪

♪ I'm a singer, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed ♪

♪ I'm your hell I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between ♪

♪ You know you wouldn't
want it any other way ♪

We have many famous guests.
What have we here?

[ all guests cheering ]

So cute.

[ rapping ]

♪ You must try to ignore

♪ That it means
more than that ♪

♪ What's love got to do,
got to do-- ♪

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, Molly.

Molly Foster?

MOLLY: I love knowing
Sandy's in the next room.

[ Sandy singing Tina Turner ]

FRANK: Oh. Come here.
Molly.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yes, Molly.

SANDY: Oh, my God!

SADIE:
Mom, I don't understand

SANDY: The city is the center
of everything, guys.

It'll be a fresh start.

SADIE: Colin's dad
said that only minorities

and venture capitalists
live in the city.

SANDY: And now we do too.

[ hip hop music ]

SADIE: Are we gonna meet
any transvestites?

FRANKIE:
What's a transvestite?

SADIE: It's a person who
has a penis and a vagina.

And they live in the city.

SANDY: That's not what it is,
Sadie.

All right, guys.
This is the place.

FRANKIE: I really have to pee.

SANDY: Can you hold
it a little longer?

Welcome to New York City.

We're only here 'cause are
parents are getting a divorce.

Not to sight see or
see Phantom Of the Opera.

- Sadie--
- I've read about this.

It's fairly typical behavior
for children of divorce, so.

How 'bout taking the bags?

Hey, mom. Check this out.
We're writing our names.

Just give me some time.

Ugh, such a smart girl.

But she never
graduated college.

But the French,
she spoke it so beautifully.

She was from there.

She was a Finklestein.

It's hard not to love
a Finklestein.

Anyway, I spoke to
your cousin Ruth,

and she arranged a job interview
with the Women's Center

where she used to work.

Get you out of your funk.

But I have a job
at the coffee shop.

Oh, it's depressing, and you're
a college graduate, Aram.

For crying out loud.

And you'll finally put that
ladies studies major

of yours to good use.

It was a minor, Dad.
And it's called sociology.

B.A. from Stanford,

M.A. in journalism
from Northwestern.

You do realize that this
is a fact checking job.

I've been raising two kids,
and, well--

The truth is
I'm getting divorced.

But I'm sure I'd be good at this
because I'm very organized,

um, I love sports.

Well, not hockey so much.

You see,
once the kids were born,

I decided to stay home
for a while, which was okay.

'Cause, you know,
babies take up a lot of time.

Oh, maybe you don't know.

Anyway, um, eventually
they went to school.

And I started having
more time on my hands.

And I compiled
these stat books

and made up this
graphing system.

Yeah.

[ clears throat ]

Take a look.

Just time and a great
satellite TV package.

Aram Finklestein.

That's a Jewish name, right?

Mmm-hmm.

What are your feelings
about women, Aram?

Are you kidding?
I think they're great.

Up until recently,

I was planning on spending the
rest of my life with a woman.

Not that I wouldn't want to
spend it with a man,

I-- just this one
experience with a woman,

not a man.

Um, kind of took away my faith

in, well, I guess everything.

Aram, I know you took some

women's studies
courses in college,

but other than that,

do you have any kind
of experience

that you think might've
prepared you for this job?

Uh, I used to buy
tampons for my mother.

You will fit in perfectly.

Yes.

You met a really hot French
girl who needed a green card.

She was just so--

Hot.

- It wasn't that.
- Sexy.

Something else.

She needed me.

Yes. To get a green card.

Oh, there's gotta be more
meaning to it all than this.

You know, living at your
parent's place isn't exactly

grabbing life by the balls,
you know?

I'm saving up.

Dude, I hate to tell you this,

but you work in a coffee shop.

SADIE: Stop it.

Can I get you something?

Uh, yeah.

This ad says you have
an apartment for rent?

Oh, yeah. The owner
has a loft upstairs--

Which I would be
happy to show you.

Sure.

[ whispers ]
Milf.

I'm Mitchell.
And this right here is Aram.

- What's Milf?
- I don't know.

He's trying to figure
out the meaning of life.

He also is a wonderful
babysitter,

if you ever need one.

Just a peek at the apartment.
Hey, little guys!

Mom, I do not
wanna live here.

SADIE: I want my own room.

FRANK: How many more apartments
do we have to look at?

I found an apartment.

Wow. You're fast.

It's not great,
but my husband won't be there,

so that's a plus.

How are you
so well adjusted?

All those years with the PTA.
Had no other choice.

How's the job search?

I got one.
Fact Checker at SNN.

Unbelievable.

You're almost fully healed.

Everybody says what a nightmare
it is to get divorced.

No. This is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Trapped in some
suburban hell.

Same thing day after day,

like a hamster in a wheel.

Focus deep.
Let's ride to happiness!

All you need now to complete
the healing is to get laid.

Oh, no. That's one thing
I'm not ready for.

Look, I don't expect you
to fall in love with this guy.

This guy? Oh, no.
What've you done?

My chiropractor.

He fixed me after that whole
elevator shaft thing.

Anyway, he smells great,

and he went to an
ivy league college.

- Where?
- UC Santa Barbara.

That's not ivy league.

Well, he's in great shape,
he has a country house,

and I already told
him all about you.

Wait, wait.

I think that's the kid who
showed me the apartment.

The one who tried
to kiss you?

No, no, no. He just works
in the coffee shop right below.

Oh. Too bad. He's cute.

Yeah, like ten.

Nice ass, coffee boy!

[ Daphne laughs ]

Look, just go out
with the chiropractor

and have a good time.

Maybe screw him. You know.
If it seems right.

[ movie continues ]

Ow.

[ Yankee baseball broadcast ]

[ sighs ]

I'm fine.

There's this huge kid.

And he has, like,
so much fat on him.

And he sat on me
in gym class.

Then he told me he was
changing my name to Pablo.

Frankie, that is terrible.
Are you okay, sweetie?

It's Pablo.
And yes, it was fun.

So listen--

- Uh oh.
- What?

it's always something weird.

It's not weird.

It's just that I'm thinking
about going on a date.

I think it'll be
a positive step for me.

I just wanted to see how
you guys would feel about it.

Are you gonna have
sex with him?

That's an inappropriate
question.

Eww!

Oh, god.

Hey, guys.

You know, if we're
gonna live in the city,

we're gonna have to learn

to deal with this kind
of stuff, okay?

So, just stick with me
and be polite.

Let's go.

- Hi.
- Hi.

[ all scream ]

Thanks for coming in
on such short notice.

I wouldn't normally throw you
in to this kind of situation--

- Hey, Sheila.
- Hey, girl.

--without some training,
but we're really in a bind.

Whatever I can do to help.

Great. Why don't you
put your suit on

then meet me in
the activities room.

My suit?

It's in the closet
behind you. Try to hurry.

Self defense class starts
exactly at 5:30.

Mom, why do we
have to do this?

Because now that
we live in New York

we're gonna meet all
kinds of different people.

And we need to know
how to deal with them.

Like the man with the penis?

So, you're walking
down the street.

And all of the sudden you hear,
[ whistles ]

Hey, mommy.
Why don't you come over here

and sit on my face, eh?

Hey, kid. How'd you like
to make a quick hundred bucks?

- Yeah, sure!
- No, you don't, kid.

You don't want that money.

Self preservation
in a city of predators.

That's what you
will learn in here.

[ vinyl suit squeaks ]

Hi.

Oh! What--?

No words, perp.
Unless they're scripted.

Begin scenario eight.

[ martial arts yell ]

Scenario three.

Hey, baby.
That should be illegal.

Hi-ya!

Five.

Mrs. Sanchez, it appears
you have a yeast infection.

And--

an unbelievable set of tits.

For our last exercise,
I am going to demonstrate

what I call ocean of anger.

Hold on, because we
are about to go deep.

All of us, as women,

And these reservoirs put
together

form an ocean.

And this ocean is available
for all of us to draw from.

It holds the collective power

of every woman who
has ever been wrong.

An inappropriate
sexual remark.

Being underpaid for a job
you've done better than a man.

An ancestor who was a slave.

Or rice picker,

or simply low man
on the totem pole.

who has cheated and lied
to you, or you, or you.

Or you.

I'm a lesbian.

See me after class.

All of this anger is present
in all of you

right now and always.

I need a volunteer.

Mom!

Come.

Mom, don't!

Mom.

You are going to call
upon this history

and unleash the ocean
of anger on our perp.

Can I just get a
quick bathroom break?

Zip it, perp.
Tell him to zip it.

Zip it, perp.

Again. Good. Louder.

Zip it, perp.

No tell him what you
want to tell him.

Good. Good. Good.

You dirty, little,
fucking scumbag!

For all eternity!

While the devil burns you
with hot, jagged metal!

And suffocate you
with molten fury!

Now, unleash!

Is there a safe word
I should be aware of?

Ah, this is not what I--

[ yelling, grunting ]

I wish I was beating Frank!

It's okay.

Don't I know you?

I just-- I don't see
how getting beat up

by a bunch of chicks everyday

is getting you closer
to the meaning of life.

I'm helping people.

I'm contributing
to the world.

Not like an actor.

What did you-- buddy,
I reflect life back onto itself.

Okay? Thereby
taking a mirror--

like a theater mirror.

Oh, god. Look at you.

My mom is sorry she
beat you up so bad.

Thank you, Frankie.

Don't worry about it.
Your mom didn't beat me up.

I've been going
through a lot recently.

- Can I get a blueberry muffin?
- Not right now, sweetheart.

I've been going
through a lot recently.

I didn't realize how much
it was affecting me.

Don't worry about it.

This is me just saying sorry.

- I picked it out.
- I helped.

If you fell face first into it,
you could die.

I was wondering if I could take
you up on your offer.

To babysit.

If it still holds, that is.

I don't really-- I mean
I haven't in a little while.

I figure that since they hired
you at the women's center

you must be trustworthy.

I guess I could
pop upstairs

someday after work
for a couple hours.

Would Thursday work?

- She has a date.
- Sadie--

With a big pimp.

And where do you
learn this stuff, huh?

Olivia at school taught me.

- God.
- Whatever happened to kickball?

Yeah. So would 7:00 be okay?

Oh, great.
Thanks.

You, young man, are going
to have some talking--

There are times when
the lost must be found.

Then other times where the lost
must find themselves.

Very well said, Rabbi.

It's not that he's
a bad little boy.

Just misguided.
Fallen in with the wrong crowd.

I only hang out
with you and Dad.

And the battles
are not only fought

on the battlefield, Roberta,
but also in the soul.

My soul is fine.
It's great.

So what does his
future hold, Rabbi?

Mom, he's not
a palm reader.

A new job is in order.

Calm his shpilkes.

Luckily,
my cousin is a headhunter.

Are you interested
in business, Aram?

- [ groans ]
- Yes.

SANDY:
Kids! Your babysitter's here.

Come say hello.

Sadie usually goes to bed
a bit later than Frankie,

but due to her unscheduled
emergency surgery,

she'll be going
to bed the same time.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure I should
be staying with her

after she just had surgery?

- This...
- Oh!

... was her surgery.

I told you it was dead
when I found it.

Yes, but I highly doubt its
organs had been harvested.

Can I play Wii?

You're gonna be okay, right?

Yeah.

Truth is, I don't even know
if I want to go on this date.

It's just my friend.
She's kind of forcing me.

She think I need to get la--

Release some tension.

[ door buzzer ]

I look okay?
Everything's in order?

Seems to be.

Keys. Okay.
Bye, Frankie!

Bye!

Hey, Frank.

He also had some sub-cranial
seizures as well as TMJ.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

So what did you do?

I went right home
and took out my skeleton.

Your skeleton?

It's not really-- it's not as
weird as it sounds.

See, I have this bone
replica skeleton

and I keep him at the house

This way I can put him
into different positions

and see how they affect
his bone structure.

It's a him?

Yes, it's a him.

Thought it'd be weirder
if it was a her.

That way people might
think I'm seeing somebody

and it might
actually drive away.

Beautiful women like you.

I'm a mom.

Why did I say that?

It's okay, it's okay.
It's all right. I know. Yes.

- I'm sorry.
- Yes, it's true.

You are a mom.

And you are incredibly
beautiful.

And you have
excellent posture.

Excuse me for just a second.

[ door locks, seat goes down ]

Now you really haven't told
me much about yourself.

[ softly ]
Oh, my God.

Hello?

I'm here.
I'm here.

Good. I thought
I lost you for a second.

You from the
city originally?

No. I-- I grew up
just outside San Francisco.

That's a great town.

Do you have any hobbies?

Just take care of my kids.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's not a-- a hobby.

Oh, my God.

I used to like
to windsurf.

Long board, short board?

Ocean? Lake? What?

[ loud grunt ]

I competed when
I was younger.

Competitive windsurfing.

Now that's impressive.

[ zips ]
So, uh... you.

You, you, you.

You are fascinating.

[ video game SFX ]

SADIE: So what's
your normal job?

I work at
the coffee shop.

I mean your real job.

That is my real job.

But you have
a blow up suit too.

That was just once.
I quit there.

Didn't you go to college?

Yes.

I hope I have a real job

by the time I'm your age.

Knockout!

Yeah! The Pablo Man
has knocked you out!

I poned you!

We gonna have any fun tonight,

or are you gonna be one
of those boring babysitters?

Hey, guys. It's me.

Um, I don't know why
you're not picking up.

Uh-- anyway.

I hope everything's okay.

And, um, yeah.
Okay, bye.

Yeah, um.

It's a new babysitter.

I know exactly what you need.

Really?

Yeah.

See, we all hold
our tensions somewhere.

And just a little
bit in your ass.

If you had as much
experience as I've had,

you could tell just
by the way people walk.

And even by the
way they smile.

Oh.

No charge.

[ high-pitched squealing ]

[ growls ]

I don't know what to do!

I'm running!

Not my other arm!
Please leave me one arm! Please!

[ high-pitched yelling ]

I would get claustrophobic
wearing a human skin mask.

You couldn't even wear
a mask last Halloween.

That's 'cause it was hot.
And it smelled bad.

That was your
breath, retard.

[ overlapping dialogue ]

It's 11:00.

Gotta get you to bed
before your mom comes home.

Come on.

Tell us about
"The Exorcist".

- I don't feel so good.
- What?

Ugh. This chocolate
bar's bigger than you.

If you're gonna throw up,
can we do it before your mom
gets home please?

Cool. Most grown ups,
you mention throw up

I love throw up.
Watch the chainsaw.

Eww. Do you love
to eat throw up?

- Sadie.
- What?

You're gonna freak him out.
You'll get us all in trouble.

That's nice. Listen.

What?

with mustard and rotten milk.

Okay--

Just chewing
on those intestines

and those little bones.

- Off to bed. Come on.
- Yummy.

[ retches ]

Oh!

[ light hip-hop plays ]

[ softly ]
Touch my cock.

SANDY: Stop the car!

You have a problem!

[ Sandy fumbling at door ]

Shit!

[ door opens ]

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Thanks for offering.

I'd love to touch it.

Taxi seems like
the perfect place.

Hobbies? Ugh.

Salsa dancing
and windsurfing.

Homemaking.

Oh, God.

How could
this happen to me?

Do you ever wonder that?

How could I have
floated so far

off the path
I thought I was on?

I just thought maybe

And that's the big joke.

Well.

'Cause I--
I think the kids

could really use
some continuity.

[ softly ]
Shit.

I have no fucking money.

Can you believe that?

Can I pay you tomorrow?

It's no problem.

[ soft acoustic music ]

Hey. Look at you.
Eating that croissant.

French chick
must be fading, huh?

Don't change the music.

What, this? Oops.

What do you think
about kids?

I think about making
them all the time.

That's not what
I'm talking about.

I don't know.

It's crazy.

- Aram! Aram!
- Mom is dead!

- What?
- Come on!

ARAM: She's not dead.

SADIE: Could be
post mortem twitch.

Kids, fall back.

[ whispers ]
Sandy? Sandy?

Sandy?

[ groans ]

It's morning.

[ soft groan ]

Oh, my God, I slept
with the babysitter.

No, no. You didn't sleep with
the babysitter.

We thought you were dead.

Okay. Wow.

Aram can take us to school
'cause we're already late.

Could you?

Sure.

Can you pick them up too?

Are those stat
sheets ready yet?

Sandy?

You got a minute?

Sure.

- So, Sandy--
- Am I fired?

What? Why would you say that?

Because, uh--

I'm so hung over I guess.

I have two two kids
and no husband.

Haven't had a real job
since graduate school.

I'm so sorry.

Oh. please don't apologize.

I was really calling you in

to see if you wanted
to write for me.

I find the guy's stuff gets
boring and repetitive.

And I saw that stat book
you put together.

Amazing. Clearly obsessive.
Reminds me of me.

Do you do yoga?

I'm gonna take you sometime.

Well.

Oh. yeah.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Cool! What's your
catch phrase gonna be?

I don't think it's going
to be like that, Frankie.

I'm just going to be writing
the basis of the stories

and she'll fill in the flavor.

- What about, "Suck it"?
- Frankie--

- Why are you such an idiot?
- It's just an idea.

It's really exciting though.

You could even get
some air time.

I don't think so.

That'd be cool, mom.

You have the face for it.

That's a nice thing to say.

SADIE:
You have the face for it.

[ kids make kissing noises ]

I'm-- I'm just saying
that your mom has a face

that-- uh, that would
look good on TV.

I'm very together.

I never miss taking my kids
to school, picking them up.

You don't have to explain
anything. I promise.

I know what it's like
to go through a divorce.

Your parents divorced?

No, I am. Sort of.

What? You're so young.

When do you have the time?

It was short lived.
Her name was Alise.

She left me for her brother.

He wasn't really her brother.

He was just posing
as her brother

so he could be close to her

so she could use me
to get a green card.

What?

That is horrible.

Yeah. It's pretty bad.

to finalize the divorce
because if I do

then she'll get kicked
out of the country.

Just be so cruel, you know?

God. Wish I could get my husband
kicked out of the country.

It's that bad, huh?

Yeah.

I'm just so sorry.

this has been
really hard for me.

And with a new job, there's
going to be some longer hours,

and I was thinking maybe you'd
be willing to help us out

on more of a full time basis.

A nanny?

You're not from Trinidad,

you're from the upper
west side of Manhattan.

Did we send you to college
for this? Harry?

You always said you just
wanted me to be happy.

Within reason.

This is not how you
contribute to the world.

Mom, you worked
for Ralph Lauren.

People need clothes.

This family needs me.

- She just got divorced.
- Oi.

And she got this great job,

and she needs someone that she
can trust to take of these kids.

Mom, it's not like it's forever.

I'm going to be making money.

You're still going out on
interviews for other jobs?

And in the meantime,
you can keep this faktione.

- Aram Finklestein?
- Yeah.

INSTRUCTOR: Deep breaths.
We got one more.

WOMAN: Is there anything
going on at home?

Anything you'd like
to talk to us about?

We'd do anything to help.

Six team deal waiting
for the ink to dry,

the Eastern Conference
is on the verge of--

[ both laugh ]

It would be a commitment
not just to the job,

but to the community
of people that work here.

You're gonna get back
whatever you put in.

Look at Yael over here.

It takes more than good memory
to have good memories.

[ all laugh ]

I think this is
a cheap restaurant.

MAN: I'm gonna
try to get a job.

It's not the same thing.

You have to say the frickin'
first to make it work.

It's much funnier with
the frickin', right?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go outside
and grab a smoke.

- Do not step on my punch line.
- Ladies.

They smoke? What are they?
From the stone age?

Please.
You're so goddamn cocky.

You have to find something wrong
with every guy, don't you?

Do you see how long it take the
guy to order a bottle of wine?

His father owns
a vineyard in Napa.

So he knows
a lot about it.

Like he mentioned
several hundred times.

He mentioned it once.

Oh, God.

Who is calling you?
You don't have a life.

- Oh, my God!
- What?

You have a thing
for the nanny!

Oh, please.

Excuse me.

He's just telling me
that my kids are asleep.

Right.

"Kids asleep. Frank took
two-foot long poop.

We measured."

That's disgusting.

And I appreciate that.

He's very funny.

And besides,
he's a lot more adult

than those guys
you set me up with.

In a 24-year-old
kind of way.

Let me see what you wrote.

- No. You're not.
- Oh, come on.

"Set up monopoly."

Oh, this is pathetic.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Wow.

Hey, come on over here.

I would love you to meet, uh,
Sunshine and Cinnamon.

They're in my acting class.

Yep. They love
talking and stuff, so.

Hey, try to be normal,
all right?

Stay positive.

Sorry.

Aram, hey.

That's a weird name.

Thank you.

So, Mitch tells me
you're divorced.

That's weird, huh?

It's kind of normal to me,
you know.

It's my life, so I'm
kind of used to it.

I guess if you--

I guess if you mean
it's unusual, then yeah.

You've thought
a lot about this.

I guess.

I love theories.

They make me a little horny.

I think I'm gonna go.

[ band plays light rock ]

Hi. Hey, it's me.
What're you guys doing?

That was truly dreadful,
Aram Finklestein.

Thought you were kind of a
little pitchy in the beginning,

but dog, I mean, you pulled
it together in the end, man.

Well, "Randy" liked me,

but I don't think I'm going
through the next round.

I'm not going to be able to make
it home for dinner tonight.

Yeah, no problem.
I could feed the kids.

You may have to put
them to bed too.

Gonna be a late one, huh?

Yes. A couple
of the Vikings players

were charged with sexually
assaulting a stripper.

I have to come up with something
pithy for Laura to lead with.

Well, Vikings have been
attacking people

in ships for centuries now.

Aram, that's perfect.

See you when I get home.

Sandy? You ready?

♪ Left a good job in the city

♪ Working for the man
down in New Orleans ♪

[ door unlocks, opens ]

Uh, I'm sorry.

God.

I can't imagine there'd be
many more days like this.

No problem. There's dinner
for you on the table there.

Oh, thanks. You didn't
have to do that.

Oh, just whipped up some stuff
that I learned on Top Chef.

Oh.

The kids helped.
Frank's pretty good.

Delicious. Wow.
Wait, wait.

I have these two tickets
for the fight on Saturday.

I thought that you might
be able to use them.

Aren't the kids with
their dad this weekend?

Yeah. Yeah.

And you don't
wanna use these?

My girlfriend's not free

and I can't face
another date.

So, take whoever you want.

Wow. That's really nice.
Thanks.

Hey, I was wondering if you
were free this weekend,

'cause I've got these
tickets to the big fight.

RING ANNOUNCER:
Tonight's main event

is for the New York State
Heavyweight championship.

Come on!

Hook with the body!

SANDY: That's it!

Down and hook it!

[ overlapping cheers ]

Burn that liver!

No! That's not right!

ARAM: What is that?

Oh, come on.

Come on, ref!

I hate it when
the ref does that, huh?

Why bother having a ref?

just let them
bare knuckle it.

God.

I can't believe you weren't
thinking about coming.

Oh. God, I could never
be like this with Frank.

It was like I didn't
even know if I was happy

when I was with him.

What makes people do that?
Just coast along.

You know, the thing
that really sticks for me,

is that I never got the chance
to tell him how I felt.

He has this strange
ability to--to--

to make me entirely
lose my voice.

Like some superpower.

Crazy.

No-Voice Man.
Steal Your Voice Man.

Quiet Man.

Doctor Silence.

That's a good one.

Hey, Aram, right?

Yael from Rockwell Mathis.
I interviewed you.

Oh, hey, hey.
How are you?

Dude, you're the only person
who ever said no to us.

Most people would
kill for that job.

Oh. Sorry about that.

Ringside at the fight doesn't
look like you're doing too bad.

Let me know if you
ever change your mind.

Thanks.
Good to see you again.

It was just
an entry level thing.

At Rockwell Mathis?

And you let that go
to be my nanny?

That's idiotic.

Yeah. I thought so too
for a minute.

But I wasn't really
thinking clearly there

after Alise.

And suddenly I had this very
clear thought in my head that--

What really matters are
the people in my life.

You and your family were--

are some of those people
that make me feel good.

Make my life good.
Everyday.

That is the most wonderfully

unjaded, naive thing
I've ever heard.

It's rare to find a guy
who's such a romantic.

[ laughs ]

Come on.
Come on!

[ all cheering ]

Put him away!
Put him away!

SANDY: Nice!

Oh!

Okay.

Bright light.

I'm not tired.

Aram, you've gotta
sleep this off, buddy.

I'm gonna put
these here, okay?

I know.

I had fun tonight.

Yeah. Me too.

FRANK SR: Would you like it
if I called you that?

It's not okay to call
me that word, okay?

It's not a bad word though.
It just means female dog.

Look, Frank, I'm gonna
have a semantics debate, okay?

What're you doing here?

You know what it means.
It's not okay top call me that.

Or anyone else
for that matter.

You've been in the city
a few months,

they're already
totally corrupted.

- Dad's place sucks.
- Yeah.

- Aram!
- Guys, careful, careful.

Come on, you late night--

that's not gonna work.

- ARAM: Off to jail.
- SADIE: Hey, guess what?

You wanna give me
a million dollars?

We saw a dead deer
on the side of the road.

Oooh, even better.

We wanted to touch it,
but Dad wouldn't let us.

Oh, how mean.

You running a home
for delinquent boys?

Well, the kids weren't here,
so what's he doing here?

You have no rights
in this house, okay?

I don't like the way
this separation is going.

Oh, really?

Well, I'm loving
the way it's going.

This is exactly how
I envisioned my life.

Never noticed how weird
this thing was.

- That's mine.
- Hello.

What I wanna say--
it's gonna come out wrong--

I want you back.
I want our life back.

Why are you doing this?

The truth is,
I could've handled the kids,

I just wanted to see you.

You must miss me
at least a little, huh?

I don't want you here, okay?

If you're good, I'll come
back and do the grudge.

You could even work
if you wanted to.

Part time.

There's so many things
I wanted to say to you.

SANDY: I, um--

We're not gonna
need you any more.

Unless you want to grab a bite
to eat and he can sit.

Are you on an hourly?

I think Sandy had something
that she wanted to say to you.

Didn't you?

Yeah.

I just want to tell you

about some feelings
I've been having.

Um, you know.

Regarding you and your
treatment of me.

and this is pretty
much word for word

if I remember properly,

that you're a dirty,
little fucking scumbag,

and I might be
paraphrasing here,

but you should take your
disease-riddled whore

and fuck her in hell
for all eternity.

While the devil burns you
with hot, jagged metal

and suffocates you
with molten fury.

Molten fury.
That's right.

Fuckin ' nut house.

And don't come begging
to come back.

This was the last straw.

[ exhales ]

That was really-- really--

And by the way!

I never loved you!

And I'm changing our
son's name to Pablo!

So I'll never have
to be reminded of you!

MAN ON STREET: Okay.

You're off tomorrow.
Come take me out.

MITCH:
Dude! Back in the saddle!

Who's the unsuspecting
lovely lady?

Yes. The thing you will
be calling out in bed

when she's all up on you.

Sandy.

That's your bosses name,
isn't it?

Wait a minute.

Are you gonna
diddle your boss?

Oh, that's hot!

Oh, man. Oh wait, though.
She's like 60 I thought.

She's 40.

She got, like,
a hundred kids though.

ARAM: Two.

So when's this
all going down?

Actually, tonight.

Dude, uh,
tonight's my showcase.

Sent you a postcard about it.

Right.

No, it's just that she already
hired another babysitter,

work's been really busy,
so finding another time

would be virtually impossible.

You understand.

Hooligan Theatre
Group Showcase Workshop.

Thank you.

You are about to see
46 of the most daring,

the most empathetic beings
in this, our fair city,

offering to you performances
from their favorite works

of stage and screen.

Please keep your
seats throughout.

For there will be
no intermission.

Thank you,
and let the magic begin!

Stella!

Stella!

To be, or not to be,

that is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind

to suffer The slings and
arrows of outrageous fortune

There's a mean, juicy--
juicy Beefsteak tomato.

I need an evening
of vegetables--

There he is.

I had him in view.

I was peeling over
the egg into a dive.

He saw me when
I moved in for the kill.

There wasn't any danger...

Is that how you
remember it...

Maverick?

Is this "Top Gun"?

I'm pretty sure.

They-- they are there
for your safety.

You will obey them.
Is that clear, Maverick!

Yes sir, perfectly clear.

I guess we-- I was just
a little over enthusiastic.

I guess you were.

Dismissed!

Keep it simple and lie.

Hey! Oh, bro!

I'm so glad you made it.

Yeah. I made it.

I'm here.

Saw the whole thing.

Even your part.

Sweet.

We thought you
were really great.

I loved your post-modern
take on the whole thing.

It was creative
how you acknowledged

how derivative it was.

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Okay.

I told you guys.
Huh? Huh?

You gotta go party with us!

[ all cheering ]

I guess in a tree house?

Outdoor shower.

Refrigerator.

In a refrigerator?

All over it.

In the display case at the
coffee shop where I work.

You don't have to do
that if you don't want.

The craziest place.

I have to say on
a surfboard in the ocean.

This is some good shit.

That's real romantic.

[ loud hip hop music ]

Ah!

Aram, how are you?

Oh, mon dieu.I've been
thinking so much about you.

Hi, Alise.

I-- I have regrets
about, you know,

I found I have this problem.

I have this problem with sex

because I just use
it to get what I want.

But, um--

[ inaudible dialogue ]

I would love to meet
with you so we can--

so I can make some--

you know,
some apologies to you.

Amends.

I'm really sorry.

You know what,
I-- I should get going.

I don't want to keep
my sister waiting.

Tell me about it.

FLAVOR FLAV: Wow. I mean,

the girls ain't even
been in the house.

Owie, yeah.
It's time for me now.

So?

It was long.

I know. I figured you went
to a hotel or something.

Oh, please.

Honey, what's with your hair?

Okay, fine.

It was awkward
and kid of tedious.

Did you just say,
"kid of tedious?"

I mean, he's a kid
and it was tedious.

It sounds like you
didn't give him a chance.

Did you even kiss
those young, supple lips?

We didn't get there.

We went to his
friend's acting showcase

and to this after
party at a loft.

Acting showcase?

But now I need a bath.

Thanks for babysitting.

Okay.

Sorry you couldn't
get laid.

Shut up.

Tedious?

Just trying
to get rid of her.

It was. It was. I'm sorry.

Oh, wait a minute.

Right now,
don't go into much tongue.

That's specific.

[ soft music plays ]

That's gross.

- Oh, shit!
- Oh, God!

Frank. What're you doing up?

No! Frank!

- No.
- I would never do that.

Okay. Are you sleeping over?

- No.
- No. No?

Don't forget your pants.

Does that mean you and mom
are gonna have a baby?

No.

I don't get it. You said
that "spern" makes a baby.

Can we stop talking
about this please, okay?

I like your mother,
and I think she likes me,

And that's all
that's important.

And you also work for her.

Who's turn is it?

Okay, come on, Frankie.

Let's get off the doughnut.

How is that possible?

So, you like Mom.

Are you two gonna date now?

ARAM: I don't know.

SADIE: You don't really
know anything, do you?

I mean, she's kind
of your girlfriend.

Yeah, and what
will we call you?

Jesus, I'm not being nominated
to Supreme Court here, guys.

I just had sex
with your mother.

And when I say sex, I mean
that I gave her a nice massage.

With sperm.

Oh, you conniving
little liar.

What, was he
hiding in the hall?

Oh, my God.
He was.

It sounds so dirty.

Okay, it's a little dirty.

[ both laugh ]

Well. Well you got that
out of your system.

Now you're free to meet
your next real guy.

It means now when you
meet a viable man,

he won't have
to be a rebound.

'Cause your nanny
was your rebound.

It gives you pleasure
to say that, doesn't it?

[ cackles ]

I'm not sure I buy
into the rebound thing.

Oh, wait.
You're gonna date the nanny?

Was having a one-night stand
with a nanny more dignified?

No, just more practical.

I guess.

Wait a minute.

You actually have
feelings for this kid?

Feelings?
I have feelings for everyone.

That's the way
the world works.

Oh, god. You're in serious
justification mode.

Why do you have
to be so cynical?

This is not about judgment,
this is about my friend.

It's about me not wanting
to see you get hurt.

- Happy birthday!
- Thank you.

Are you one, are you two,
are you three, are you four,

are you five, are you six--

ARAM: Need anything?

No.

Stop it.

Harry.

No.

They're going to give me
a new asshole.

There are children here.

- Cool! Like from a dead guy?
- Sadie--

I think they're gonna just
fashion one out of something.

Hopefully something elastic.

Awesome.

Excuse me.

This is so... weird.

My dad telling you
about his surgery?

Yeah. I didn't know
they could even do that.

You look really pretty.

Ah, no, no, no.

Were in your parents' house.

I know.

Where is everybody?

Uh-huh. It's just a little red,
but I don't think it's strep.

- Oh, good.
- Uh-huh.

Cake time.

Aram, this one
is just from me.

Gummi Bears and hand lotion.
Thanks, Dad.

Here. Oh.

Please, open your mother's.

No, no. He'll open yours.

You're his mother.

Well, you're his employer.
I insist.

You're gonna love it.

It's not fake poop,
is it?

- No.
- That's for Christmas.

Uh. Now, Christmas?

What do we got here?

Gotta get you up
there next time.

I don't think so.

This is great.
Thank you so much.

- Welcome.
- This is perfect.

Mmm-hmm.

Thanks, Mom.

That one's just from me.

It's so nice.

My grandmother gave
that to my father,

and now I think it's time
for you to have that.

Mom.

And the message applies
all these years later.

A mother's love can
never be replaced.

[ both ]
Never.

Thanks, Mom.

Yes, darling.

It's antique.

Oh, that's cool.

It's beautiful.

Oh, what's the chances?

60/40.

60/40, huh?

Oh, well. Which direction?

Well, at least you're
learning your percentages.

Get these off.

Sing me a song.

Sing me a song,
or I'll throw up on you.

When you put it that way.

Let's see.

Let me reach into
my repertoire here.

♪ Baby, we can't
solve any problems ♪

♪ Why we losin'
all these tears ♪

♪ Oh, and so you go
again ♪

♪ When the leading
man appears ♪

♪ Always the same thing

♪ Can't you see

♪ We've got everything goin'
on and on and on ♪

♪ Every time you go away

♪ With you

Throw up averted.

Stay tonight.

[ restaurant chatter ]

LAURA: Are we sure
this guy is real?

I mean, has anybody met him?

He has no time to meet us.
He has high school.

And all that homework.
Isn't he on the baseball team?

He's just running
a little late.

Well he's definitely responsible
for an attitude change.

Because you are-- well you just
can't stop smiling.

She's glowing.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Babysitter needed to be
walked through everything.

Hi.

- Hi.
- I'm Aram.

SANDY: I'm sorry.

This is Aram.

I'll actually have some wine.

So, Aram, I've heard
a lot about you.

I hope all good things.

That you're a wunderkind
with the children,

that you're a great cook,

that you were born in 1983.

Oh, Jesus,
I was pregnant in 1983.

Let's just go on and get
it out on the table.

Get it out in the open
so we can enjoy our dinner.

Yes, I was born
in the early '80s.

She also told me that
you're very handsome

and that seems to be true.

Look, I think it's great
that you guys are together.

In the words of the Bard,
"The heart wants what it wants."

Oh, god. You are so gay.

Sir, are you ready?

Uh, I can be.

- Scott, right?
- Uh, huh.

I'm just kidding. I'm only 25.
I don't need reading glasses.

Oooh!

Touche.

Don't you want to
travel around the world?

You know, get crazy.
Rock Cleveland.

Do things that people
your age are supposed to do?

Rock Cleveland?

Yeah! Rock it.

You know what I mean.
Live.

To tell you the truth, this is
the most alive I've ever felt.

I hate to be so
goddamn romantic.

What about kids?
Kids of your own?

But I'm an old 40.

The hell does that mean?

Wrinkly.

You have no wrinkles
on your face. Do you?

You seem to have eyes.

Something that I
really love about you.

I love you.

And when you
compliment me.

I love it when
you compliment me.

You know,
I heard you the first time.

I have no idea what
you're referring to.

I didn't say that.

Yeah,
I'm pretty sure you did.

And I love you too.

Really?

Sorry, but I do.

Let's just take
it slowly.

Slowly.

Terrell Owens,
the man with more baggage

than a first class
passenger on the Titanic.

Reaching, but funny.

T.O., the Pig Pen
of the National Football League,

wherever he goes,
he's surrounded by the stink

of controversy.

Oh. I like it.

All that sex really agrees
with your creative side,

but honey, are you okay?

Are you all right, sweetheart?
You look pale.

All right.

Well get that to me, please,
right away. Thanks.

All right.

It helps me think.

We should talk.

You think the books that
I read are too juvenile.

I know, it's just,
I've always liked this stuff.

I'm pregnant.

But-- I pull out
most of the time.

I know you're not
ready for this.

Just know that I know that.

I'd feel the same way
if I were you.

Wow. I just thought
that we'd--

that you wanted
to take things slowly.

I did.

This is... big.

We should've
been more careful.

I know this sounds crazy--

I don't blame you.

But I think I wanted
this to happen.

What?

You said it yourself.
You don't want to just coast.

Just coast along.
This isn't coasting.

This is-- this
is roller coasting.

God.

No, not oh, God.

This is--
this is a good thing.

Not the roller coasting thing.

That was-- that was cheesy.

But-- but, having a baby
with you. That's not cheesy.

I mean-- that's
not what I'm saying.

Just excited.

I wanna be your father.

- What?
- I wanna be a fa--

I wanna be a father
with you as the mother.

That's the important part.
You being a mother.

You know, I hope
the kid is like you.

I hope the kid
is like you.

Or just any color eyes.

Well, eyes in a baby's head.
Not just eyes.

What about Guillaume?

For a boy, obviously.

Guillaume Finklestein?

Point taken.

Okay. The doctor
will see you now.

Okay, so.

So.

The blood work is normal.

In other words,
you are healthy,

for future pregnancies.

What do you mean future?

I mean, this here is what we
call and ectopic pregnancy.

There are any number of
explanations for this.

It's not necessarily
because of your age.

This is something that
happens periodically.

An embryo is formed,

but it takes root inside
the Fallopian tube

instead of the uterus.

[ voice fades ]
This doesn't mean you
can't have children again.

Sandy.

This was crazy!

You are so young.

God. You live at your
parent's house,

and I was thinking
about having your baby?

What is going on?

Do you have to know?

That is a deceivingly
mature thing to say.

Why is it deceiving?

Because you're 25 years old.

You get drunk off
half a beer.

And you read the Harry Potter
series in your spare time.

A lot of adults
read those books.

Besides,
the way I remember it,

you were the one
that asked me out.

I appreciate that
you feel this could work.

You are such a good person.

I mean,
not filing for divorce

so your horrible ex-wife
can get a green card?

- What would be the point?
- See, that's what I mean.

An old girlfriend
with two kids.

You're an ageist.

Oh, please
don't patronize me.

You know,
I may live with my parents,

and get drunk off
of half a beer,

and, yeah, I admit
to being slightly adrift

thus far in my life,

but I'm not
a complete idiot.

I know how I feel about you.

It's you who doesn't know
how they feel about me.

I just wish you had
the guts to say it.

You've meant so much
to me and my family.

But this doesn't
make sense.

I mean, what future
could we possibly have?

[ sobs ]

Know what I'm going
to miss the most?

You.

Your friendship.

Are you going
to be gone a long time?

No. You'll see me soon.

Think about all
the fun things we did--

[ overlapping dialogue ]

We need some fresh blood
for our company softball team.

I saw there in your resume...
[ dialogue fades ]

[ background chatter ]

[ inaudible dialogue ]

Come on, please.
Come on, please.

I'm from Istanbul.

[ dialogue fades ]

You know it's not
going to go out.

[ all cheering ]

[ singing, chanting ]

[ no audible dialogue ]

[ cheering ]

... the class of 2012,
Sadie Paget.

And Sadie also received the
award for Best Science Project.

[ background chatter ]

E is for Elephant.

[ class ]
E is for Elephant.

LAURA: As we sign off from this,
our 10,000th episode,

we need to say a
special thanks to you

I'm Laura Riley.

And I'm Scott Reynolds.
TMI coming at you next.

[ theme music plays ]

Hello, hello?

Hello, people.

Our illustrious leader,
Ken Gordon,

has an announcement to make.

Although change
can be painful,

A necessary step in the
evolution of a company.

A family, like ours--

ARAM: From the beginning
of time, all the way to today,

there are certain things
that you'll always find.

Now if you look
at the pictures,

can anyone see what
they all have in common?

Liv?

There are people
in all of them.

Exactly. Great answer.

So almost everywhere
you go in the world,

you're gonna find these little
communities of people.

Just like you guys.
You guys are a community.

Your class, your family.

I just came back
from Mozambique.

Okay.

BOY: I've been to
the Nantucket Film Festival.

[ all kids talking ]

Aram.

You're the only one
who gets gifts from the kids

at the end of every tour.

That's probably because they're
so excited the tour is over.

It's good to see you.

I was gonna go get a drink.
You wanna join me?

have plans already.

I do.

You're impossible.

[ laughs ]

See you tomorrow.

LAURA: Here's to your mother.

The newest and undoubtedly
most qualified

anchor at the network.

Very deserved.

Thank you.

Congratulations, Mom.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, Mom.

I know your own show
is a big step up

but, I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, I will be one studio over.

And I'll come and
guest anchor with you.

All girls. I don't think
they've done that yet.

I'm gonna hold you to that.

All right.

I need to use
the ladies room.

Then we can
stuff our faces.

So let's see.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Hi.

Wow.

[ both ]
How are you?

You first.

I'm good.
Yeah. Good.

Kids are great.
I just got promoted.

I'm gonna start anchoring.

I've watched you on TV.
You're fantastic.

If that's any surprise.

You look really good.

I'm 30.

I'm sorry about,
you know--

No. Don't even.

It's just timing.

Yeah.

I traveled around
the world.

Never rocked Cleveland,

but some pretty amazing
things happened to me.

Dad, I told you
I could do it myself.

I knew you could
do it yourself.

I bumped into
a friend of mine.

Sandy, I want you
to meet my son, Zeke.

Met him in Bangladesh,

and we kind of fell
in love with each other.

Took a couple years,
but I'm his Dad.

Hi.

Hi, I'm Zeke Finklestein.

You are, huh?
I'm Sandy.

Nice to meet you too.

It's hard to find someone
who's good enough for us.

Right?

And what about you?
Boyfriend?

Mmm, dating wasn't my thing,
I've discovered.

That's too bad.

Would you like to join us?

- They talk about you a lot.
- I'm with my parents.

You had me so worried.
Did you fall in?

I thought you fell in!

Mom, you remember Sandy.

- Hey.
- How could I forget?

You talk about
her every day.

I was just saying to Aram,
if he wants to join us--

Oh, are you kidding?
Oh, we would love to.

We would love to.
Oh, come with me.

Harry!
Get up!

- We're moving!
- What? I didn't do anything.

I didn't say you did anything,
I said we're moving tables.

- Moving tables?
- Yes.

Look how huge you are!

You, you look like you're 13.

- I am.
- What?

I want you guys
to meet someone.

This is my son, Zeke.

- You wanna play Gameboy?
- Yeah, go ahead.

Take a seat.
He'll teach you.

HARRY: Nice to see you.
It's been years.

Yeah.

We all get older
and you stay the same.

- Hello.
- Hi.

You remember us, Sadie?
You came to our house?

HARRY: They're a group.

They're already a group.

[ overlapping conversation ]

["Every time You Go Away" plays]

[ overlapping conversation ]

Closed Captions provided by
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