Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[timpani drumroll, ♪]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪

( man ) Good morning, Mar.

Oh, good morning, honey.

I got that.

Okay.

Oh, here we go.

You are so handsome.

Thank you, baby.

Is everything okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

You're talking about this morning, huh?

Look, Mari, I'm sorry about this morning, okay, baby?

I feel horrible.

I mean, I don't know, my body's failing me, I suppose.

I know one thing for sure.

I close all these big deals at work, baby,

I'm gonna feel so much better.

You think we...

Maybe we should see somebody, like a doctor?

Oh no, Mari.

I don't know about all that.

I mean, but...

We'll be all right, right?

Yeah.

In fact, next time I lay you down, baby,

I'm gonna give it to you just the way you like it.

I am not worried.

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

I just thank God that he blessed you to be my wife.

My king.

I made you breakfast.

Your favorite.

Scrambled eggs, pancakes and toast,

lightly toasted, the way you like it.

Great, 'cause I'm starving.

( phone ringing ) Is that your phone or mine?

No, that's mine.

I have to get to the office soon.

Okay, let me hurry up.

Oh, did you know that Real and Leela are getting divorced?

Are you surprised?

No, I'm not surprised, but it's the way he was caught.

I mean, he was caught with another woman in their bed.

That's insane.

Honey, he brought the mistress to the house.

Now, that is way across the line.

Yeah.

He should have just took her to a hotel

or go to her house if she's single, you know?

Or his office.

He's got that big couch.

I mean, people really trip me out.

They act like they don't know how to cheat.

( phone ringing )

One second.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hey.

Can I give you a call back in a second?

Great.

Later.

- Love you. - I love you, too.

Hey.

How you doing?

You know, I need to talk to you immediately

about what we talked about at the gym.

Yeah.

Well, where are you gonna be?

That works for me.

Okay.

See you shortly.

♪

( Mari ) Hey, hey. - Hey.

I'm so glad you were able to meet me this morning.

So how you been?

I been good, been good.

You look good.

Thank you.

So how's married life treating you?

Um, married life is good.

I enjoy being a wife.

All the cooking and the snuggling.

Actually, that's my motivation for getting with the gym.

I want to keep my sexy.

Mari.

Stop.

Okay, I know you didn't bring me out here

this morning to talk about working out.

I know you better than that.

Come on, now, what's really on your mind?

You still mad at me, ain't you?

Okay, Drew, I have to admit, I am

disappointed that you didn't ask me to marry you

after being with you for two years.

Okay. - I mean, what did you expect from me?

I expected you to let me do what

I needed to do at the time without all that pressure.

Okay, well, good luck trying to find someone to be with you

for years and years as your girlfriend.

( phone ringing )

Excuse me one second.

Okay, that's my next client

and I gotta get to work, but I got you.

I'll train you at the gym

in the morning with me, thoroughly,

and we'll get you back tight and right in no time.

Okay... Thank you.

You are the best.

And you know that.

So I'll see you at the gym.

I will see you at the gym.

Have a nice day. You too.

( Jacques ) Ton', what up, brother?

What's up, man?

I'm doing pretty good, brother.

You in early today.

Man, just trying to get the office up and running.

Uh-huh.

Oh, lines been blowing up crazy for you.

Yes, sir.

That means more clients.

All right, cool.

Actually, there's some chick who

keeps calling, won't leave her name.

Got a new client?

Oh, damn.

What you do, man?

Ton', I think I know who that is, bro,

and I think I'm in trouble.

Trouble?

Jacques, what are you saying, dude?

- You remember Mr. Lane, right? - No.

The old guy with the big...

The ear, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember when he came through to discuss his hundred-unit...

Yeah, portfolio, yeah.

What you do?

He asked me to meet with his daughter

to show her how to get her real estate license.

And she fine as hell.

Dog... Come on, man.

- What are you saying? - I didn't do nothing.

You ain't do nothing?

Man, I don't know how this happened to me,

but Mari, Mari has been coming in so late...

But that's...

Dude, listen, she's been going straight to sleep

so I figure while she's gone, I can, you know,

spend a little time with honey and...

You know, we can bond and her father can

help us close these deals and we can make some millions.

And things happened.

What you mean things just happened?

You think this woman is gonna walk away

quietly while you and your wife

live happily ever after off of her family's bread? - I never said that,

I never said that.

Dude, I see now you don't know much about women, man.

'Cause you gonna ruin us.

And when I'm gonna get a bigger desk?

Look at this, man.

Look.

( woman ) Mari, these dresses are amazing, girl. Ooh, girl.

That is beautiful, I love the color.

And is this the belt?

Yes, it does a little wraparound.

Oh, my god, I love it. Beautiful.

This is hot, we like, we like.

Oh, yeah.

That's really nice, I like that.

Cover here.

Listen, I don't mean to be nosy,

but you ran out of here yesterday.

I mean, what's up?

Uh, you are being nosy, thank you Miss Mitzi.

I had some things that I needed to take care of.

Okay.

I...

I do have a question for you, though.

You think my husband Jacques would ever cheat on me?

Absolutely not.

Wait.

Why are you asking?

I don't know, I see a lot of talk about open marriages

and I've got this friend, Christopher Nolen

who has a "Keeping it Real" radio show and Facebook page

and everybody's always talking about this wild sex.

I just...

I wonder if he gets ideas, you know.

He wants to go crazy sometimes.

What is that look?

Facebook?

Open marriage?

Come on, girl.

Wait, wait.

Did...

Did Jacques say something about this?

No, my husband's great, he would never say anything.

I'm just wondering if I need to reevaluate things,

you know, to keep things hot and spicy.

Reevaluate?

Girl, what are you talking about right now?

Okay, why don't we stick to the designs.

Can you get me some more dresses?

Thank you.

Honey, what the hell are you doing here?

Baby.

Doing what I should have done a long time ago.

I'm bringing my man his favorite coffee.

All right.

Just kidding.

Oh, sweetie.

Baby.

Look, what was I supposed to do?

You're not taking my calls.

I miss you.

Don't you miss me?

Honey, I asked you to never come to my office.

Remember that?

I remember, I remember.

But I was nearby and I just had to see you,

I was going crazy.

I couldn't take it one more day.

But...

I asked you to never come to my office.

I mean, what if my wife was here?

Jack, stop reminding me about your little wife, okay?

Honey does what Honey wants, and Honey gets

what Honey wants when she wants it.

And what I want is you.

Now.

Why do you want me so bad, Honey?

I'm just not getting it, I'm sorry.

What do you mean why do I want you?

'Cause you're my man.

That's why.

'Cause I know that I'm the only one

that can truly make you happy.

That's why I made a decision for both of us.

And what was that?

Well, I want you to divorce your wife and marry me.

I know it's crazy but I think it's a good idea.

Wow.

I mean, you're kidding me, right?

- No. - You're serious.

No, no.

Honey, that was never an option, I'm...

No.

Hell no.

I don't...

Um...

But you told me you loved me.

You said you weren't happy.

You made me fall in love with you, Jacques.

It was all a lie, wasn't it?

Hmm?

To get what you wanted.

I guess the prospect of managing

my father's portfolio wasn't enough

so you had to have me too.

Is that it?

Huh?

Was that part of the deal?

Was it part of the deal?

Honey, what the hell are you talking about?

Look, you know what, Honey, this is not

a good time to discuss this, okay?

Can we do this on a later basis, please?

I mean, damn.

Can we do this later, Honey, please?

Hmm?

Is that all right?

Yeah.

Okay.

But I want to tell you something.

And I want you to hear me and you hear me good.

If I find out for a second that this was about money...

everything... and I mean everything,

will be miserable for you.

Do you understand?

Nod if you understand!

Yes.

I understand.

Good.

I knew you would.

God, I love you.

And you love me.

And we're gonna get married.

Forever and ever and ever.

And I'm gonna be the wife you're supposed to have.

I'm gonna get out of here and let you get back

to work because by the looks of it

you clearly have a lot of work to do here.

Mama don't want no broke husband.

Look at me.

I love you.

- I love you. - Yeah.

Okay.

Enjoy that coffee.

Toodles.

Put this in with Miss Liz Russell.

Fabo.

Okay, Miss Mari, I am all done.

Oh.

- What do you think? - This is wonderful.

Really?

Yes.

You are doing a great job and I love it.

- Aw, thanks, boss. - You know what?

I want you to take the rest of the day off.

Wow, Mari, are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure and you deserve it.

Thank you.

You can go home and get some shut-eye

and relax a little bit. - That's awesome.

Thank you so much.

So I'll see you tomorrow, then. - Yes, bright and early.

- Okay, see you then. - Okay.

And I too, can get out of here.

Let's see here.

Tell me again why I had to rush over here.

Where's the fire?

In my heart.

Wait, what are you doing?

Is this another exercise routine to avoid getting fat. - No.

For the record, I'm using meditation to get what I want.

Oh, what does Honey want now?

You only call me over when there's money or a man involved.

So what's his name?

What's his wife's name?

What did he do?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I don't know why I can't just spend

time with my favorite big sister.

Come on, look.

This is me you're talking to.

I know how you operate.

And I know that if none of us know about

this man that you're seeing,

there's got to be a reason you're hiding it.

So spill it.

Okay, fine.

His name is Jacques Vandelay.

So cute.

Okay... So what's his issue?

Is he a weirdo or...

- Hey. - Just playin'.

Don't come in here with the name-calling.

He is my man.

I love him.

You love him?

Yes. It's been how long?

Two weeks?

A week?

Actually, it's been a wonderful sex-filled

few months and for the record, you can fall in love

in a few months, there's no time...

Please, you barely know each

other's faults after a few months.

Holiday.

Look, and if...

If you were so into this man, I would have met him by now.

I'm in love with him, okay, Holiday?

Period.

So stop being a hater.

It's not cute.

Fine.

I'm not a hater.

So what's his problem?

Okay, if I tell you, you can't judge me.

I just want to spend more time with him

and I'm getting so sick of just communicating via text.

Only?

- Only by text? - Yeah.

Wait, are you really dating a married man, Honey?

Woosah.

Hello?

( whistling )

Honey, are you serious?

Not really.

No, you can't date a married man.

What is wrong with you?

Holiday, seriously, you're always so negative.

I always get what I want.

This is no exception, so chill out.

Negative energy.

No.

Look.

Let me tell you something.

If you're dating a married man, you are nothing but a dip.

Oh God.

Nothing more.

He will never be with you.

You need to just leave him alone.

I can't.

We're in love.

He doesn't love you.

He's married.

He loves the woman that he took vows with.

You know what, Holiday?

He does love me and if you don't want to believe me,

I'll just show you the text that he sent.

- He told me. - I don't want to see a text.

Fine.

God, why are you tripping?

Daddy's the one who introduced us,

so clearly, he doesn't have a problem with it.

So Daddy knows about this?

- Not really. - Oh God.

Please, look, you need to get smarter about...

I am.

Okay, you won't listen to me.

- I'm out. - Bye.

I don't even know why I called you over here,

all you are is negative.

I can't believe we come from the same parents.

Then don't believe it.

You're negative and this is a positive energy field.

Bye!

This is positivity over here, positive.

Positive!

( Toni ) You know what I mean?

- Yo. - What's up?

I just got the text from Mr. Pierce.

He said he has the paperwork ready for you

for Mason's rehab project.

All right, tell him I'll meet with him in a bit.

All right, cool.

Hello?

( phone ringing )

This is Jacques Vandelay.

Hey.

Honey, what did I tell you about calling my office phone?

I said, call my cell phone.

I know, sweetie, but it was an emergency.

Well, call 9-1-1.

It's not that kind of emergency, silly.

I was hoping maybe you could stop by later,

I sort of have some good news for us.

Oh, okay.

What's the great news?

It's a surprise.

I want to tell you when you get here.

Do you think you can stop by tonight?

It's your father.

Your father gave you some great news for me, huh?

Yeah, something like that.

You think you can come over?

Honey, you...

This is so...

It's so crazy.

I was just sitting here thinking to myself,

I really need to go and see my Honey bun.

Then you called.

Wow, that's crazy.

I'll see you in a second, all right? - Okay.

Thanks for calling me.

I love you.

Hell...

He didn't hear me.

That's okay.

Okay.

So I'm happy you finally made it.

And I'm sorry about the shirt.

It's all right.

I still got other shirts, it'll be all right.

- Of course. - All right.

You know, I'm happy I came as well.

You know what else I'm happy about?

What's that?

I'm happy that you're talking me up to your father.

That makes me want you even more, Honey.

Is that right?

What's wrong?

I don't know, I just...

I feel like you've been treating me differently lately,

like I'm, like, some type of ho or dip or something.

No, no, baby, you're not a ho.

You're my ho.

All right, baby, that totally came out wrong.

Yeah, I hope.

Honey, you're my Honey dip.

- Wanna sex? - Oh.

You're kidding.

♪

( Mari ) Thank you for working me out.

I mean, letting me use your home gym

is really gonna save me a lot of money

and we can get a lot more work done.

No problem, Mari.

The way I figure, you can work out

with me as my guest in the morning at the gym

and then some evenings, you can come back here

and get a second workout in that day.

You'll be tight in no time.

I'll drink to that.

I have a confession.

I'm listening.

This is my good ear.

When we were together,

I felt very free and uninhibited sexually.

And I haven't felt that free and...

been sexually satisfied in a long time.

That's terrible.

You don't have to say it like that.

I'm just playing.

Mari, you gotta remember one thing, okay?

- You listening? - Yes, I am, of course.

Sometimes the grass is actually greener on the other side

and you should have waited for me.

You really should have.

Yeah, I know.

Not that I care, but when we do finally get it in,

you think your husband's gonna catch on?

Wait a minute, I didn't say that

we were going to get it in.

See, you just...

You just go too far.

And if we did get it in, I can keep a secret.

I'll bet you can.

Uh-huh.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

Yes.

You know, the sex was great when we were together.

Let's do it right now, Mari.

Right here, right now, on the love seat.

That's why they call it a love seat.

Oh my God, no.

The sex was...

The sex was good because we didn't...

We didn't just have sex.

I mean, it meant more than sex.

It was...

It was magical.

Magical?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was magical.

That's your last drink.

Yes, and quit babysitting.

What do you mean?

I'm working on it.

Handle that so I can handle you.

You gave me a lot.

This is a lot.

I'm gonna give you a lot more, drink up.

You know, I really like this.

You and me, together at my place.

Yeah, I know.

Stay the night with me, Jacques.

No, Honey, you know I can't do that.

As a matter of fact, I have to get going.

I'm sorry.

Now?

Yeah, yeah I have a lot of work to do.

Jacques, I already told you what you need to do.

If everything was so great at home,

then you wouldn't be here with me,

so just stay.

See, there you go.

You're doing too much.

I can't do this no more.

Nah.

That's it for me.

You can't do what?

This.

I mean, whatever this is.

You're doing too much.

Yeah.

So you're saying you're not gonna

do what I asked you to do?

Look, Honey, how about we just slow things down a bit?

I feel like we're moving way too fast.

Take a break.

All right?

Here I am, thinking about our future.

All three of us.

What you mean, the three of us?

There was never even a two of us.

I mean, what is this third person?

Who is that?

You're on the pill, remember?

I was on the pill.

I may have forgotten one or two.

Or three.

Actually, I don't think I took any last month,

so you never know.

Stop playing.

You play too damn much.

Fine.

But you are gonna do what I asked

you to do, or else there's...

Or else what?

Or else I will tell your wife myself.

Honey, you don't have to do

all of that, all right?

Look, I'm sorry for what I said.

I'm sorry.

But can we talk about this on a later basis?

Please?

Hmm?

Okay.

Thank you.

But you have until the end of the week

or I'm gonna ruin life, your business,

and I'll make sure that that deal

with my daddy is dead, okay?

We don't want that.

I'll see you later.

Oh, and wash my shirt for me... Thanks.

♪

9:00.

Just in time to shower before wifey gets home.

( laughing )

Oh my gosh.

Oh God, God.

Here I am, having my wife thinking

I have erectile dysfunction issues.

Silly job.

Damn.

It's not right.

I have to treat my wife better than this.

Hey, Marianne works all day, sometimes all night.

Right?

No, still not good of enough reason.

It's wrong.

Wait a minute, this is wrong, man.

Yeah.

Just wrong.

What are you into over there?

Checking stocks and ESPN before I go to bed.

You gonna go to bed this early?

No, I'll probably grab something to eat.

Oh good, I can whip something up.

You used to love my cooking.

Uhhh, naw.

I can cook my own food.

Oh.

I see.

I guess the only thing that you miss about me is sex.

Mari, look.

The sex was really, really good tonight,

but I ain't gonna lie.

All this is ever gonna be is sex.

All this ever can be is just sex.

You're married.

So you're not gonna real train me.

Yes, I'm gonna train you.

I just don't need you in here cooking

and homemaking and all of that, okay?

I can cook my own food.

And plus, I got a long day tomorrow, too.

I hear you.

I appreciate the concern.

You gonna want to do this again, huh?

I don't know.

Okay.

Cool.

Well, I will see myself out.

All right.

Text me to let me know you made it home, okay?

And do me a favor, lock that bottom lock for me.

It sticks a little bit, so wiggle it to the left.

I'm gonna get it fixed.

Hey.

Oh hey, baby.

You're just in time.

I have dinner.

I have wine.

And your bath water that's upstairs waiting for you.

Oh, you really know how to make a girl smile.

I try.

Let me just get out of these stinky clothes.

Yeah, yeah, go freshen up.

Is there anything you'd like me to wear?

Absolutely nothing.

Nothing at all.

You are dirty.

Maybe, I just like seeing my wife naked.

Sue me.

Oh baby, no grandma looking flannels now, all right?

Got it.

You all right?

Yeah.

I mean, you seem distracted.

I just had a crazy, long day.

Okay, I feel you.

Well, hurry up, baby.

'Cause old daddy ready to eat.

And I'm not talking about the food, Mari.

♪

( crying )

( Mari ) Naked enough?

Oh yes, indeed.

Wow, this is really nice.

Thank you.

Baby, I'm your husband,

you don't have to thank me, all right?

Well, here's to my husband.

And I appreciate dinner.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

So tell me, baby, how was your day today?

It was busy.

We were really trying to get this fashion show together.

Baby, it'll be all right.

I mean, you're great at everything you do.

Remember that, all right?

Thanks, thank you.

That's...

That's nice coming from you.

Mitzi is really wonderful.

I can really depend on her.

She's a great worker, she's a good friend.

That's good, baby.

Do you think you can free up tomorrow around lunchtime?

You know I love to take my wife out

and show her off every now and then.

I know.

Yes, I can make myself available for you.

There is no place I'd rather be.

Is that right?

Yes.

What's up, bro?

( Jacques ) Sup, bro?

Just got back from a showing.

Good, how did it go?

Good, man.

Great.

I need to talk to you, brother to brother.

All right, talk.

Look, man, I know this Honey thing is messing with your head.

Come on, come on, Ton', don't start this man.

You gotta let her go.

Karma ain't no joke.

- You do know this, right? - Yes, I know that.

I mean, what are you trying to say?

I mean, what are you... - I mean, how would you like it if Mari

was doing the same thing to you?

You ignorant as hell for that, okay?

I would kill her.

Exactly.

Let the chick go.

You got a good wife, you living a good life.

Don't mess it up over a piece of ass, okay?

( Mitzi ) Here you go, Mari, some fresh coffee,

just the way you like it.

Do you need anything else?

Marianne?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What did you say?

Do you need anything else... Is everything okay?

No, I...

I just have a lot on my mind.

These designs, my husband, my life.

I just feel like I'm multitasking all the time.

Girl, I hear you.

Listen, I'm always here if you want to talk about anything.

I mean, I know I work for you, but...

I also consider you a really good friend.

Thank you, Mitzi.

Actually, I...

I have lunch with my husband, so I'll see you later.

Okay, have a good lunch.

( man ) So again, that is my vision

for Mr. Mason rehab projects, you know.

You like the numbers for 'em?

Yes, I...

I love 'em. Great.

- Great man, great job, Pierce. - Thank you, sir.

I'm telling you, man, you're really doing some great things

for the company and I really appreciate it.

Thanks for the opportunity, bro.

- No problem. - Sure.

Well, it's closing time for me

and I have a lunch date with the wife.

- All right? - That's what's up.

Hey, I wanna be like you when I grow up, dog.

- It's hard work. - It's hard work?

Oh yeah. Cool.

Hey man, look.

Forget all this business stuff, we boys.

Let's talk personal, brother to brother.

K-I-R.

Keep it real.

I will. All right.

All right. Tell me this.

How do you stay faithful and committed to your wife?

Be committed to her with all these women around here?

Man, I need to know.

Holler at me, man.

I knew that question was coming.

To be perfectly honest with you, it's...

- It's easy. - Easy?

Yeah, yeah.

It's very easy.

- Oh yeah. - Yeah?

It's very easy.

I mean, you know, I want to get married,

you know, have a family and all that,

but man, right now, I'm sowing my wild oats, man.

I'm getting it in, dog.

I mean, I gotta get it out of my system, you feel me?

I mean, I can't be on no shady stuff if I'm married,

you know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I can believe it.

Yeah, yeah.

I admire you, brother.

I mean, you and your wife,

I think y'all are the perfect couple.

I mean, y'all living that good life.

I mean, you guys are great for the community, man.

We need brothers and sisters like you

showing us how to be in committed relationships

and committed marriages.

You're an inspiration, brother.

I'm glad I had the opportunity to be your friend

and work with you, bro.

Yeah.

Appreciate that.

Well, I'm gonna go in and get going to the wife.

Hey, tell the wifey I said hello.

Indeed. Yes, sir.

All right. Yeah.

( Mari ) Yes.

I just got off the phone with my mother.

Is everything all right?

Yes, she wants us to come over for dinner.

You told her no, right?

I told her that we would love to come over for dinner.

Mari, why would you do that?

I thought you loved my parents.

Baby, I do, but it's your mother.

I mean, she asks some of the most

personal questions and it's uncomfortable.

Like?

Okay.

She asked me, so I prefer to wear boxers or boxer-briefs.

I'm serious.

Baby, she even asked me one time,

when you take a piss, do you hold your penis

with your left hand or your right hand?

- You know what? - That's just too much.

You are really being dramatic right now.

I mean, like, even now,

if I eat this salad with the wrong fork,

she will haul up and slap the hell out of me.

Could you call her back and tell her we said no?

Will not!

And miss the opportunity to watch you squirm

and come up with nice things to say to my mom?

Absolutely not.

No.

All right.

The week of, I'm gonna have so many

late night meetings and so much paperwork to do.

I'm gonna get out of it one way or another.

We'll see about that.

Come here.

Give me a kiss.

Honey, it's getting late.

Do you mind if we get out of here?

Yes, yes we do.

- We have to get going. - Okay.

Ooh!

( phone ringing )

Hey, Honey, how are you?

Well, Jacques, I'm not doing so well.

Who was that woman you were with?

Is that your ugly little wife?

Yes, Honey, that was my beautiful wife.

I can't believe you brought her around me.

How disrespectful.

I'm your girlfriend.

Come on, Honey.

You act like I knew that you would

be at the same restaurant as us,

and besides, I mean, it is my wife.

And for the record, you're not my girlfriend.

Jacques, I will split your head open

to the white meat, do you hear me?

You disrespected me by bringing her around.

Listen, girl, you better watch your mouth, or else.

Or else what?

Huh?

Huh, punk, what?

I'm gonna tell you what.

I'm gonna tell your wife all about us,

and if you won't leave her,

I'll make sure she leaves you,

and not only that, I'll guarantee that you don't

ever do business with my daddy.

Look, Honey, stay away from my wife now.

Why?

If you want to live.

If, if, if, "if" was a gift.

Nobody believes you, you need more people, Jacques.

You're not gonna do anything with your

little tired-ass idle threats.

Okay, Honey, I'm telling you.

Don't play no games with me.

Play games?

Really?

Shut up, Jacques, shut up.

You're the one who thought this

was a game the whole time, right?

You're the one who came to me for help.

You're the one who begged me

to wait for you to get a divorce.

You're the one who said you wanted kids, not me.

You're so stupid, Honey.

Okay, dummy, I only said that because there's

no way I was gonna have children with you.

You know, I made a lot of mistakes in my life,

but you by far are the biggest mistake I ever made.

I'm gonna give you one more time to get

this right before things get really bad.

So I'm gonn ask you again, and I need you

to listen and think before you answer.

Are you going to leave your wife

and be with me like you promised?

Um...

No.

Final answer?

Honey, here's my final answer.

Hell no!

I am not divorcing my wife to be with you.

Is that better?

( car horn honking )

Shut up!

I'm sorry, Jacques, but that is the wrong answer, okay?

The right answer was, yes, honey, I am gonna leave my wife

and be with you like I promised

so that we can live together happily and rich

forever and ever and ever and ever.

Why are you so damn crazy?

Yeah, I am crazy.

I'm so crazy.

But you got yourself in an adulterating mess.

And dude, you are in trouble, 'cause I'm gonna hunt down

that little nappy head of yours.

Move!

God.

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna hunt...

Shut up!

Because I'm gonna hunt down that little nappy head of yours

and I'm gonna tell her all about us, Jacques,

and I'm not gonna leave out one thing.

I'm gonna tell her how you got me pregnant

because I missed a pill or two

and I have all your text messages and everything

and I will show her all of it.

I won't leave anything out, I promise you that.

I promise you.

I will destroy that little girl's world

and I will ruin your life

and your business all at the same time.

Now, do you want to play with me?

Do you want to play with me?

Okay, Honey, I'm... I'm real mad now.

I'm telling you, you playing with fire.

Yeah, yeah, I am playing with fire, baby.

Burn, baby, burn!

Burn... As a matter of fact, I'm a damn burning house.

Now you enjoy the rest of this nice, beautiful, sunny day,

because I have a nappy head to go find, okay?

Now you enjoy your day.

Shut up!

I'm not staying away from nobody.

I'll see you later.

I need to go pay a visit.

Shut up!

I don't care, Jacques.

It's over.

The games have officially begun, Goodbye.

Sitting up here playing with me.

I will find her and I will ruin his life, Jacques.

You can't play me, you can't play me like this!

What you doing, praying to the heavenly father

to wipe all your cheating sins away?

You got jokes.

Look, that I do.

Hey, don't forget.

You have a meeting with Kim

later on about renewing her license.

Great.

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm cool.

I just think I need a vacation, that's it.

Honey's a problem, huh?

Hell yes, man.

Damn, dude, she's getting out of control, man.

She threatened to tell Mari about our affair. - What?

Yes.

You know, Ton', to be honest with you,

I was just trying to hold her around long enough

just until we close on these deals, because you know

we really need that portfolio, right? - Yeah.

You know we really need the damn portfolio, right, Ton'?

You can't ruin your marriage over one deal.

Is it worth it?

It's not.

It's not worth it at all.

All right, well then, there you go.

Look, why don't you knock out this meeting, all right?

We'll sort these other matters out together, all right?

Keep praying.

Jesus is on the main line.

Tell him what you want.

You just call him up and tell him what you want.

Ton'!

I'm done.

Wow.

Fantastic, Kim.

Fantastic.

And you know what?

That should definitely close the Harris account.

You and Pierce.

Y'all have really stepped your game up

and you've been doing some great things for the company,

I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jacques,

that really means a lot coming from you.

You know, we just want to do the best we can

so that everyone can grow.

Oh, yes indeed.

Appreciate that.

Wow.

You know, Jacques, there's something

that I want to ask you about.

I need a male's perspective.

It's not business related.

I hope you don't mind.

Sure.

Well, I just found out that my husband's been cheating on me

and I haven't confronted him yet because,

well, actually...

Well, honestly...

Look, unfortunately, I've cheated on him as well,

he just doesn't know about it

and I don't know whether or not I should confront him,

tell him what I've done and try to call it even

or just forget anything's ever happened

and try to forget about it.

That's deep.

Well, to be honest with you, you know, we all make mistakes

a time or two in our life, and in your case, you just have

to do what's best for you, you know?

I mean, at least that's what I should do.

Damn, I mean, that's what I would do,

if I was in your shoes.

Obviously, I'm not, of course.

But, yeah, let that other guy go.

Completely "X" him out.

Yeah.

Get rid of him.

Thanks, Jacques, I really appreciate that.

You know, I couldn't go to my girlfriends with this because

first of all, they're too judgmental and they

can't keep a secret to save their lives.

Trust me, I know about the judgmental friends.

I'm just happy that I was able to help you.

That's it.

Well, hey.

Let me get going.

I have to get to the wife and I will see you tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.

You have a good one.

Oh damn.

Honey, how many times have I asked you

to put your things away when you come home?

Damn, baby, it slipped.

I'm sorry.

- You all right, Mari? - Yeah, I'm...

I'm fine.

You must have had a long day.

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah?

Can I get you anything?

Oh, no, no.

I'm all right, thanks.

How was your day?

My day sucked.

Actually, the best part about my day was lunch with you.

Yeah.

Are you stressed?

Yes, I'm very stressed.

I bet you, you...

You're a little stressed?

Yeah, I'm a little stressed.

It figures.

You know what?

What?

We're gonna be okay.

We are. Yes, we are.

You know why?

Because I feel do good in your arms.

I feel safe.

You know, it feels good to have my wife in my arms.

You know what I'm gonna do, Mari?

What's that?

I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna cook us some dinner.

Is that all right?

Yes.

Okay.

Well, you sit here and you chill

and I'll call you when dinner is ready.

And can you get that bag for me?

Thanks.

( Jacques ) So we need to meet and close with Marshall immediately.

Have Ton' give him a call, okay?

But it has to be soon.

All right?

I have another phone call.

I'll call you back.

All right.

Hello?

You dump that little nappy head wife of yours yet?

Honey, why the hell are you calling my phone?

Okay, I don't have anything else to say to you.

Yeah, well, I got a lot to say, so maybe

your wife would like to hear from me, huh?

Honey, stay the hell away from my wife, all right?

And what if I don't?

What are you gonna do, huh?

What?

Honey, believe this like you believe in God.

Do not go near my wife.

If you go near my wife, you're gonna see a whole

'nother side of Jacques Antonio Vandelay.

Nobody gives a damn about what you're

saying right now, Jacques, okay?

I'm not intimidated by you.

Go.

Nobody's scared of your little empty

tired-ass threats, all right?

You and I both know you ain't nothing but a three-button

alligator-shoe-wearing, tired, scary-ass punk.

You're an asshole and your wife needs to know it

and I'm gonna be the one to tell her.

You can believe that.

You can cash that check at the bank.

Try going near my wife,

you're gonna find out soon enough.

I'm not playing with you.

Oh, Jacques, I'm the one, I'm the one driving the car.

I'm the one that's gonna

tell you how this thing is gonna go,

so you need to listen up and listen up real good, okay?

This is what I want you to do.

And don't get it twisted.

Shut the hell up.

Dummy.

Hello?

Ooh!

I hate him!

Jacques, I hate him.

Hey.

What was all that urgency about?

I need to talk to you.

Sit down.

Or you want to go straight upstairs?

Did you hear what I said?

I want to talk to you.

We could have talked over the phone.

This means nothing to you.

What is so damn funny?

You, Mari.

Come on, I love you.

Did you come over here to get that thing or not?

I can't do this.

Do what?

I can't just have sex with you.

I mean, I wish I could, but I can't.

I can.

Well, that's not who I am and I...

I wanted to tell you this in person.

Look...

Fine, all right.

Cool.

You're here, so we might as well

at least have one more incredible run at it,

just one for the road, baby. - No, Drew, I don't.

Baby, you know you need it.

No, I don't.

Do me a favor.

Shut up and kiss me.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

( Jacques ) Come on, Ton', man, get out of my chair.

All right, we close this deal with

Mr. Lane, we will definitely get a...

Damn.

Surprise.

Oh, Jacques.

Why aren't there any pictures of me in here?

Huh?

I'm the key to your biggest real estate deal.

I deserve some props.

Honey, get the hell out of my office before

I call the police on you.

Jacques, you probably don't even know the number.

You're not calling anybody.

Grab that chair and pull it up here, we need to talk.

Who the hell you think you're talking to?

Grab the chair before I blow the spot up, Jacques.

You wanna talk?

Talk.

Good.

Now.

Did you leave your wife, like you promised me?

Like I asked you to?

Honey.

I am not leaving my wife.

It's over, okay?

So you do whatever it is that you have to do.

I'm sorry, but you understand, right?

So.

I'm just...

Like a toy.

And when you're done with me,

you just throw me to the side, is that it?

Come on, Honey, I'm not saying that, okay?

So please, let's not...

Don't touch me!

Don't...

Don't touch me, Jacques.

Don't.

You made me, you made me...

You made me do this.

You made me be like this.

It's too late.

It's too late, Jacques.

I have to ruin your life.

I have to.

It's over.

It's over.

And it starts with your wife.

So...

You can say goodbye to the life you knew,

because it ends today.

Damn, bro.

What happened?

I have to get rid of her.

Dude, what you gotten yourself into?

Ton', I have to get rid of her.

You always do this, man.

If she makes it to Marianne, bro,

this will kill her,

especially if she come with this...

This whole baby stuff she just made up last night.

Baby mess?

Yes.

Okay, all right.

( phone ringing )

That's her.

What do you want, Honey?

You messed up, little boy.

You messed up big time.

Shut up.

You know after your little lunch that you had with girlie?

I made it my business to find out more about her,

just like I told you I would.

So you know what?

I know where Marianne Vandelay works.

Your time is up, Jacques.

I'm going there today.

All right, look, Honey.

Let's not get crazy here.

I'm not going crazy, I am bored!

Do you hear me?

This is me bored.

You don't know crazy.

I haven't shown you crazy,

but I am gonna show you crazy today,

because I am going to your wife

and I am going to tell her everything that has happened,

because if you don't want me, that's fine.

That's fine, you don't have to want me,

but you won't have her either, okay?

You will be alone and broke when I am done with you.

I am going to ruin you.

I am going to eat you up and spit you out.

You have messed with the wrong girl.

I'm tired of playing these damn games with you, do you hear me?

You can't just use people like you want to.

This is not a game, this is real life.

Listen to me.

Your day has come and I am gonna ruin your shit.

All over, it is done! Honey...

I am going to her office now.

- Goodbye, Jacques. - Honey, Honey!

( laughing )

God, please help me.

Please.

What's up now, dog?

Come on, man.

Talk to me.

She know where Marianne works. - You serious?

And she said she's on her way there.

I gotta go.

I have to go.

Pray for me.

-All right. God likes you a whole lot better

than he likes me right now.

I'll do that.

Be careful, man.

Wear your seat belt.

Lord have mercy, about to kill her.

Okay.

♪

( phone ringing )

Oh, sh...

( crashing )

♪

( sirens )

Hey, Marianne.

I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Honey Lane.

She would like us to design her engagement dress.

Wow, congratulations and good to meet you.

-Thank you. ( phone ringing )

Excuse me just a second.

Hello?

Oh my God.

Yes, I can come right away.

Oh my... Jacques just got into a really bad accident.

Please, finish this and take our paperwork on our new client.

I'm so sorry.

I hope he's okay.

Oh.

Oh, honey.

I'm here with you.

Oh, God.

Damn.

I'm so sorry.

I gotta be a better wife.

I promise I'm gonna be a better wife.

( Jacques ) Baby, you a great wife already.

Oh, you can hear me?

Yes, I'm not dead.

I'm just in a lot of damn pain.

Are you paralyzed?

They still work.

That's just the medication.

Oh baby, I gotta go see your doctor,

I gotta make sure you're okay.

Oh no, baby, you don't have to do all that, I'm alright.

No, you gonna...

I'm just a little bruised up, that's it.

You're acting like you're Superman.

No, I'm not saying that.

I know, but you're acting like it.

That's how you got here, you're not Superman.

Baby, you're right.

So do I look bad?

I mean, do I look scary?

You look pretty busted up, but it's okay.

We're gonna focus on you getting better, okay?

All right.

I guess can do that.

Let me go find your doctor and make sure everything is okay.

- All right. - Okay, I'll be right back.

I'll leave this here.

Hello, Jacques.

Honey, what the hell are you doing here?

Well, I figured I'd give you one

last chance to win me back.

Look at you.

Laying here all helpless and ugly.

Are you near death?

Hmm?

Because I would love to pull the plug on your ass.

Security!

- Shut up! - Security!

Shut up, shut up.

Shh, shh, shh, shh&

Security, security.

God, I don't know why I like your little scary-acting ass,

always trying to call someone on me.

Shut up.

Why are you so nuts?

Nuts?

Why don't you call me emotional, Jacques?

That's what you men like to call us women

is emotional after you emotionally rape us

with your cheating habit.

Just as guilty.

You knew I had a wife.

That little nappy head can have you.

I'm not the one who made my vows to God, you did.

You, you, you, you.

God, you make me sick.

So this is it?

You ruined my life and I almost died trying to stop you.

You end up here at the hospital with me.

You're so damned evil.

It's beautiful, ain't it?

Oh.

And Jacques, that deal with my daddy?

It's dead.

It's dead, Jacques.

It's not gonna happen.

( Mari ) Hello.

Oh.

Hi.

You know, you were in such a rush and left out,

I was worried, so I decided to follow you.

Wait a minute, you what?

The office.

I was in your office when they called.

So I decided to come down here

and make sure everything was okay.

But you know that engagement dress that I told you about?

I actually won't be needing it after all.

Okay.

Yeah.

I dumped the asshole.

I'll let you two have some time together.

Have a nice day.

Wow.

Women are crazy.

I mean, she was in my office.

Never mind, honey, I love you.

Are you okay?

Honey?

Oh, yeah.

I have a confession.

Yeah?

What is it, baby?

Baby, I'm...

I'm...

Sweetheart.

Baby, I'm so happy to be alive.

And I love you so much, Mari. - Oh, Sweetheart.

I just don't want you to ever leave me.

I love you, too.

And I'm never gonna leave you.

Ever.

I...

I have some unfinished business that I need to take care of.

So I'm gonna be right back.

Don't you go anywhere.

Mari, where could I go?

That's right.

I love you.

You too.

I'll be right back.

I won't be long, okay?

Thank you, God.

Hey, hey.

Girl, get on in here.

I just had a nap, I'm ready.

( Mari ) I'm not in the mood for that.

What you mean not in the mood?

You could have told me that earlier.

I could have called somebody else.

You just leave your door unlocked

so women can walk on in here as they please?

Pretty much.

Please tell me we not about to argue over

that same mess as we always argue about.

It's over.

What?

It's over between you and I.

Wait a minute.

If this is about me saying I could call somebody else,

we done already had that discussion

and I already told you,

there's always gonna be other women in my life.

Okay, I'm not settling down.

I'm living the good life, baby.

This party will never die.

No, it's not about that.

I could care less.

I can't believe I almost lost my husband.

I have other things that are more important

than coming and having random sex with you.

It just...

It doesn't fit in.

I get it.

You just keep sexing women.

Have you thought about what you're doing?

What is it that I need to think about?

I wear a condom every time

and I already told you,

until the day I get married, I'm single,

so what do I gotta think about?

Every woman that you have sex with,

you have sex with everyone that she's had sex with.

And you can get other things.

I mean, you can get things with a condom.

What if I told you I had AIDS?

That ain't funny... Don't play like that.

And besides, we use a condom every time,

but don't play like that, Mari.

That ain't funny.

What if I did?

Do you?

Do you?

Mari, I ain't playing.

You don't play with somebody like that.

Answer me!

No, I don't.

I have a husband and I need to respect our relationship.

Look, I'm sorry.

When I...

When I called you, I needed someone.

I needed to talk to someone, I needed to be with someone.

And it was just selfish.

I realize that my husband is all that

I need and I need to respect our commitment.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Go home to your husband, Mari.

Do you forgive me?

Of course.

Take care.

You too.

♪

Yes indeed, baby.

This is the good life.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm so happy.

♪

Maria, I'm back.

Yeah.

Remember that order?

That I certainly have, I had to break it...

because I'm thinking about what I do

when I have guacamole and avocado paste.

It's riveting how I go tear up a bathroom.

So Maria.

Yes, "el pollo" does mean "chicken."

"Carne asada," "steak."

"Puerco sucio," "dirty pig."

You see that?

"Puercos sucios."

You didn't know I spoke that.

An apple?

Apple, "manzana."

You know what... Thinking of apples,

I get physical in the bathroom with apples.

Lord have mercy.

Another riveting experience.

My septic tank just blows up.

Okay.

Too dirty for you?

Well, how much "dinero"?

That means money.

Poquitos?

Tostadas, enchiladas, tacos, carne asada.

Avocado paste.

Oh, the little bit of the avocado paste,

it's like mayonnaise.

It sticks to my ribs.

Okay.

Guala-guala, to you, too, then.

Hey, Olive Garden.

I want some Pinot Gri-not.

Can y'all do me a favor?

Can you add salt and pepper to my Pinot Grinot?

Garlic bread, can you cut it down the middle?

Guess what I want you to do with it?

Put salt and pepper on each slice.

Y'all got lasagna?

No cheese, all meat and vegetables.

You like how I said that?

"Ve-ge-tables"?

Let me get a satchel of napkins.

Guess what?

Salt and pepper on that as well.

I'm hungry right now.

If I stick my hand through this phone,

could you put salt and pepper on my hand?

I sure is hungry.

I'll hold.

Hold, hold, hold.

Y'all got ice water?

Do me a favor.

Could you put salt and pepper in the ice water?

( laughing )

♪