All language subtitles for The Interview (2014)

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam Download
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,337 We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 2 00:01:44,436 --> 00:01:46,638 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough 3 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,542 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 4 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,110 Today, an official of the United Nations 5 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:55,646 tried to tell the world... So there will be no mistake... 6 00:01:55,747 --> 00:01:59,117 That we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 7 00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:02,587 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition. 8 00:02:02,688 --> 00:02:04,355 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 9 00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:06,724 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:08,259 Good evening. 11 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,162 I'm Dave Skylark. 12 00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:13,765 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, 13 00:02:13,865 --> 00:02:16,135 Oscar-winning songwriter, 14 00:02:16,235 --> 00:02:18,569 Detroit's own Eminem. 15 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,139 He'll speak with us about his new album, 16 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,841 which has been mired in controversy 17 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:27,747 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly. 18 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,549 Tonight... 19 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,283 on "Skylark Tonight." 20 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:43,395 And... action. 21 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,764 "It's hell to be Shady. 22 00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:47,331 "Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult 23 00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,334 "at an elderly lady. 24 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:52,771 "Then I asked her how it felt to be 80. 25 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:55,841 "'F' word a senior citizen. 26 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,411 Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 27 00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,346 "Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 28 00:03:00,444 --> 00:03:01,580 It's funny. 29 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,616 "And why you drive so slow for? 30 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,385 "Don't you want to get where you're going faster 31 00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:10,455 "since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore? 32 00:03:10,556 --> 00:03:12,425 "Die, old bitch, die, 33 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,259 before I murder you." 34 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,195 What do you mean by this, Em? 35 00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,229 Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap, 36 00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:21,667 like, people twist my words. 37 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,367 Okay, but can you see 38 00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:26,271 how an old person might say, "I think 39 00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:30,509 "what this guy is telling me... this Eminem... is that I should 40 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,846 go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that." 41 00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:36,348 I mean, I don't 42 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,819 necessarily rap about the things that I hate. 43 00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:42,421 It's more about... the things that I fear. 44 00:03:42,521 --> 00:03:44,622 - I get you. - You know, it's like, 45 00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:47,692 - if I say something about women or whatever... -Yes. 46 00:03:47,793 --> 00:03:49,353 I think a lot of that is more or less me 47 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,497 just dealing with issues with... 48 00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:53,533 you know, old issues with my mom or whatever. 49 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:54,932 With your "mutha." 50 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:57,301 Yeah, or-or... you know, 51 00:03:57,401 --> 00:03:58,722 when I say things about gay people 52 00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,405 or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, 53 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,473 - Mm-hmm. - You know, it's because I'm gay. 54 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:04,643 Um, when I rap about violence 55 00:04:04,742 --> 00:04:07,413 - Wait... -or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, 56 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:09,716 I think that, uh... you know, 57 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,651 - it's more or less because... - What? -What, what, what? 58 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,830 You know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just, 59 00:04:13,884 --> 00:04:15,454 you know, confronting it. 60 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:16,923 - What did he just say? - Wait, can we play that...? 61 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,658 - He said he was gay. - Did he just...? Dave? Dave? 62 00:04:18,757 --> 00:04:19,992 - Did he just say he was gay? - We're pretty sure 63 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,995 in the booth we just heard him say he was gay. 64 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,430 Em, let's just... back it up a moment. 65 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,401 You... just said 66 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,468 that you were gay? 67 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:33,605 Um... and I'm just curious 68 00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,707 what you meant by that exactly. 69 00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:37,677 I mean I'm gay. 70 00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:40,812 Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "gay" 71 00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,415 can mean a lot of things. 72 00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:43,814 I am a homosexual. 73 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:48,819 Meaning...? 74 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,889 I like men. 75 00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:54,593 What the fuck just happened? 76 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,596 Eminem just said he was gay... four times. 77 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,298 That's what the fuck just happened. 78 00:04:58,398 --> 00:04:59,432 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 79 00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:00,699 Eminem's gay on our show. 80 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,701 - Eminem's gay on our show! - Oh, my God! 81 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,303 Camera two! Camera two! 82 00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:05,504 Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up. 83 00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:06,884 - Holy shit. - Change the chyron. 84 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:08,440 "Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark. 85 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,043 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 86 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,879 - Oh, my God. -Holy shit. Push in on gay Eminem! 87 00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,658 This is the greatest moment in gay history! 88 00:05:14,713 --> 00:05:17,915 ...are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 89 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:20,853 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet. 90 00:05:20,951 --> 00:05:23,454 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 91 00:05:23,555 --> 00:05:24,889 Gay peekaboo. 92 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,324 Yeah. But, um... 93 00:05:26,425 --> 00:05:27,658 Shit. Camera one. Camera one. 94 00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:29,399 - This interview is over. Shut it off. -No! 95 00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:30,896 - Shut it off. -Get the fuck out of here, Darryl. 96 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,632 I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you, 97 00:05:32,731 --> 00:05:34,033 - pull the fucking plug right now. -No. This is gold. 98 00:05:34,132 --> 00:05:35,634 I am not cutting this interview off. 99 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,002 This is the best interview we've ever done. 100 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:38,637 - What happens if I just do this? - No, get out. 101 00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:41,540 Shut it off! Shut it off! 102 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,475 Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here! 103 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:44,877 I will murder you and everyone you love! 104 00:05:44,975 --> 00:05:47,045 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. 105 00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:48,514 Say what I say: 106 00:05:48,612 --> 00:05:51,550 What did you mean when you rapped... 107 00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,752 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 108 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,487 "...vasectomy, Hector. 109 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:57,757 "So you can't get pregnant 110 00:05:57,856 --> 00:06:00,892 if I bisexually wreck ya." 111 00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,961 I've pretty much just been leaving a... 112 00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,831 bread-crumb trail of gayness. 113 00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,665 - I see that now. - You know. 114 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:07,899 But yeah, actually Hector... 115 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,769 Hector was a... was a real person. 116 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,038 Hector and his rectum were real? 117 00:06:12,137 --> 00:06:14,439 - Holy shit. -It's real! Hector rectum is real! 118 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,776 - Yes! Yes! -Oh, I knew it! - Slim Shady, everyone! 119 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:18,644 Dude! Dude! 120 00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,379 Aaron, bring it in. 121 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,447 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 122 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:23,827 Oh, my God... 123 00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:25,850 - Oh...! - Oh, my God! 124 00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:27,420 What the heck just happened? 125 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:28,853 The real Slim Shady just stood up. 126 00:06:28,954 --> 00:06:30,521 Oh! -That's what the fuck just happened. 127 00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:32,790 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white. 128 00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:34,170 I can't believe what's happened. 129 00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:36,127 - You da man! You da man! - You da man! 130 00:06:36,228 --> 00:06:37,396 You're the best. 131 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,997 You're the best. You're the best. 132 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,632 - Unreal. -All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. 133 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:41,834 I want you to meet me downstairs. 134 00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:43,101 I got something to show you. 135 00:06:43,201 --> 00:06:45,403 Dude, just... where are we going? 136 00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:47,406 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man. 137 00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:48,875 - No, no, no, no, no, no... - What is this place? 138 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,810 We're just, you know... just hanging out. 139 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,079 - Okay. -All right, all right, all right. 140 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,947 It's a surprise party... for you. 141 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,850 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 142 00:06:57,949 --> 00:06:59,418 Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited. 143 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,420 This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. 144 00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:02,687 I don't understand what's happening. 145 00:07:02,788 --> 00:07:04,723 Surprise! 146 00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,158 All right, all right. I already told him. 147 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,860 I already told him. Come on, come on. 148 00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:09,560 You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker. 149 00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:11,430 All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on. 150 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,531 - Come on. -Thank you. Why... why is this happening? 151 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,100 You've been with us 152 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:16,636 for 1,000 episodes. 153 00:07:16,735 --> 00:07:18,771 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 154 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:20,137 - Are you fucking... - Come on. 155 00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:22,173 I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it. 156 00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:23,841 - All right. - Okay. 157 00:07:23,942 --> 00:07:25,444 All right, now, 158 00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:29,615 I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun. 159 00:07:29,713 --> 00:07:32,617 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 160 00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,987 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 161 00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:37,456 Before we started working together, 162 00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,925 my show barely broke the top 15. 163 00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,927 So I called up this professor that worked 164 00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,827 at the Columbia School of Journalism that I... 165 00:07:43,829 --> 00:07:45,598 I was having sex with, and I said, 166 00:07:45,697 --> 00:07:49,067 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment. 167 00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,137 I need a real journalist." 168 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:54,906 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee 169 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,043 to my Frodo Baggins. 170 00:07:57,141 --> 00:08:00,612 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 171 00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:03,783 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make, 172 00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:05,149 this is the most important: 173 00:08:06,884 --> 00:08:09,622 I'm Gollum... 174 00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:12,223 ...and you're my precious. 175 00:08:13,891 --> 00:08:15,894 Smeagol needs Aaron. 176 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,896 "One Ring to rule them all, 177 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:20,500 and in the darkness bind them." 178 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,235 Now, get up here! Get up here! 179 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,704 - Come up here, buddy. I love you. -Okay. Okay. Okay. 180 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,673 - I fucking love you. - Oh... 181 00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,778 Hey. 182 00:08:34,812 --> 00:08:36,048 Hey! 183 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:38,049 Hey. 184 00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,818 Yeah. Like, what's that? 185 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:41,919 Come on, man. What's happening? 186 00:08:42,019 --> 00:08:43,654 - Hey, yeah. - Hey, yeah. 187 00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:45,190 - Wh-What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 188 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:47,927 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right? 189 00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,129 - Yeah. Probably. - Wow. And, uh... 190 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,197 Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a... 191 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,533 you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," right? 192 00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,768 I'm now a senior producer. 193 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,168 - No way, man. - Yeah. Yeah. 194 00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:58,702 - That's awesome. - Thank you. 195 00:08:58,802 --> 00:09:01,841 Look at us... both producing news for television. 196 00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:03,009 Yeah. 197 00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,677 - What was that? - Nothing. 198 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,846 It was clearly something. What's the joke? 199 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,548 No, I mean, like, you've got your job, 200 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,115 I got mine, but they're different, you know? 201 00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:12,585 Yours is cool; mine's just 202 00:09:12,683 --> 00:09:13,951 a little bit more serious, you know? 203 00:09:14,052 --> 00:09:16,120 What are you saying? We have the same job. 204 00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:19,256 I report real news... you know, stuff that matters... 205 00:09:19,356 --> 00:09:21,625 and then you report on all the cool 206 00:09:21,725 --> 00:09:22,726 "who's getting new boobs" and, like, 207 00:09:22,826 --> 00:09:24,261 the fun eating disorder stuff. 208 00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,131 You really helped build up "60 Minutes," too, right? 209 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,765 They'd be nothing without you. 210 00:09:27,865 --> 00:09:29,267 It's only been on for 80 fucking years. 211 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:30,836 Look, I... I'm sorry. 212 00:09:30,936 --> 00:09:32,238 I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this, 213 00:09:32,336 --> 00:09:34,173 but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes," 214 00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:36,142 and we could use somebody like you. 215 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,775 Are you serious? 216 00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:39,577 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You? 217 00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:41,779 At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office. 218 00:09:41,879 --> 00:09:43,716 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys, 219 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:44,917 but cheers, man. 220 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,153 Congrats... or whatever. 221 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,725 When did the hair begin to go? 222 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,225 I would say... 223 00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:56,927 around "The Outsiders." 224 00:10:00,264 --> 00:10:02,099 When you're ready. 225 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:05,004 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 226 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,139 - Oh, wig's coming off. - Oh. 227 00:10:12,677 --> 00:10:14,080 Whoa. 228 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,746 Oh, Jesus fuck. 229 00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:17,750 Why does he keep the long pieces? 230 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:19,619 His head looks like somebody's taint. 231 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,886 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 232 00:10:21,985 --> 00:10:23,621 You... you said you were bald. 233 00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:25,289 I... I see a little stuff on top. 234 00:10:25,389 --> 00:10:27,158 - It's so freeing! - Rob... 235 00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:32,030 is there anything that you would like to say to America? 236 00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:37,936 Good evening. 237 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,037 I'm Phillip Sterling 238 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:40,940 with a UBS News Special Report. 239 00:10:41,038 --> 00:10:42,173 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 240 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:43,875 Kim Jong-un's military forces 241 00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:46,312 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island 242 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,315 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 243 00:10:49,413 --> 00:10:50,948 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore. 244 00:10:51,048 --> 00:10:52,850 - They just cut our feed. - We're off the air? 245 00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:55,888 Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on? 246 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,657 They fucked us! Goddamn it! 247 00:10:57,755 --> 00:10:59,190 Somebody tell me what's going on? 248 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:03,729 Dude... seriously, what is up with you? 249 00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:06,063 You know how I'm good at picking up energies? 250 00:11:06,163 --> 00:11:08,799 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. 251 00:11:08,899 --> 00:11:10,368 What's going on? 252 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,004 We have millions of viewers every night 253 00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:13,739 watching our show, and what do we do? 254 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,274 We just shovel shit into their faces, man. 255 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,076 We could be doing something positive. 256 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,980 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 257 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,981 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. 258 00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,817 "Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit. 259 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,686 Mangia, mangia, mangia." 260 00:11:26,784 --> 00:11:30,221 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina 261 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,721 fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys. 262 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,030 You don't like that brown sugar? 263 00:11:33,091 --> 00:11:34,692 Nothing to do with brown sugar. 264 00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:36,153 I just can't keep doing this, okay? 265 00:11:36,226 --> 00:11:37,327 We have to change. 266 00:11:40,865 --> 00:11:42,966 - Fine. - Are you serious right now? 267 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:44,937 - Yeah. - Do you promise you'll do this? 268 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:48,106 I promise if you promise you'll never leave. 269 00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,774 If you promise, then I'll promise. 270 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,308 - Well, then, same time. - One, two, three. 271 00:11:51,408 --> 00:11:52,409 - Promise. - Promise. 272 00:11:52,509 --> 00:11:53,509 - Okay. - Okay. 273 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,947 That's all we had to say. 274 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,448 - Fine. - Don't put me through that. 275 00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:59,149 - Okay. - I hate it when we fight. 276 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:01,385 No, this is not a joke, okay? 277 00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:03,153 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending. 278 00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,423 - Look! Look, look, look... - What? Yeah... one second. 279 00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:06,158 Shut up. I'm on the phone. 280 00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,893 Okay? Uh... 281 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:10,995 Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office. 282 00:12:11,096 --> 00:12:12,264 Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck. 283 00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:14,399 This tops it. "The Times" printed it 284 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,869 about... about North Korea. Read the bottom. 285 00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:19,471 After all the... the death camp shit. 286 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,373 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people 287 00:12:21,471 --> 00:12:23,274 "with cries for the destruction 288 00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,442 "of the United States of America, he is known 289 00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:28,212 "to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 290 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:31,149 His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory...'" 291 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,085 And...? 292 00:12:33,183 --> 00:12:35,452 "...and 'Skylark Tonight.'" 293 00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:37,221 Oh! Boom! 294 00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,392 This is great! 295 00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:42,226 This is what you were talking about. 296 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,328 I interview this guy. 297 00:12:44,428 --> 00:12:45,996 Are you joking me, man? He's the most 298 00:12:46,096 --> 00:12:47,197 reclusive leader on the planet. 299 00:12:47,298 --> 00:12:48,799 It's not gonna happen. 300 00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:50,769 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 301 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,904 Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere. 302 00:12:54,004 --> 00:12:55,807 You remember that club? 303 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,176 Three-month waiting list. 304 00:12:57,274 --> 00:12:58,842 First night. 305 00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:01,044 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 306 00:13:01,144 --> 00:13:03,181 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there. 307 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:04,450 It's impossible, Dave. 308 00:13:04,548 --> 00:13:05,817 Here's what we're gonna do. 309 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,418 We're gonna do that interview, 310 00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:11,023 everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously, 311 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,525 and then you're never gonna leave me. 312 00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,461 North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 313 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,495 I bet they have an office that is 314 00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,197 set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee, 315 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,432 so there's probably 316 00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:22,368 some infrastructure for communicating with 317 00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:24,067 the outside world through that. 318 00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:25,803 Good idea. Those wheels are turning. 319 00:13:25,903 --> 00:13:27,471 - If I leave a message for that office... -Yeah. 320 00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,341 - then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, -Mm-hmm. 321 00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,143 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - That can actually work. 322 00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,211 - We could interview the most famous man on the planet. -Yeah. 323 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,947 - That would be the biggest interview ever. -Yeah... 324 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,480 Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've 325 00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:38,260 heard this, but some pictures just came out 326 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,884 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 327 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,221 - Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? - Ew... 328 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,956 McConaughey Goat Fuck. 329 00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,390 Uh... 330 00:13:45,490 --> 00:13:48,025 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that, 331 00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:49,460 so... we should put that together. 332 00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,363 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay? 333 00:13:51,461 --> 00:13:53,264 - First thing tomorrow. Okay. - Book him, though. Book him. 334 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,000 - Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat! -I'm on him. 335 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,836 Get the goat! 336 00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,837 I got some questions for that goat. 337 00:14:04,942 --> 00:14:07,378 Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight." 338 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,280 We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan 339 00:14:09,379 --> 00:14:11,381 of our show, and we'd love to have him on. 340 00:14:11,481 --> 00:14:14,018 Uh, please get back to me and let me know. 341 00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:16,153 I'm about to head to an important meeting, 342 00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:17,990 but, uh, I'll be around in the morning. 343 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,370 Hope to hear from you. 344 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:22,059 Ooh! Yeah. 345 00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:24,562 - Hi. - Hey. 346 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,566 Uh, Mercer and Spring, please. 347 00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,567 Whoo! 348 00:14:36,673 --> 00:14:38,043 Hello? 349 00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,445 Hello. Who dis? 350 00:14:39,543 --> 00:14:41,278 I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport. 351 00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:42,615 You got Aaron Rapoport. 352 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,884 - Who dis is? - You left word 353 00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:46,118 with our office regarding an interview. 354 00:14:46,216 --> 00:14:47,586 Look, Dave, is this you? 355 00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,053 'Cause if it is, 356 00:14:49,153 --> 00:14:51,423 you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 357 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,956 Me so "solly." 358 00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,125 Me gots to go now, son. 359 00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:57,096 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park, 360 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:58,898 Secretary of Communications 361 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,077 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. 362 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,034 Oh, my God. Uh... 363 00:15:03,134 --> 00:15:04,635 Shit. Uh, me so solly. 364 00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:06,904 I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor... 365 00:15:07,004 --> 00:15:09,975 I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 366 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,644 We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting 367 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,047 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 368 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,248 Security concerns dictate 369 00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:18,448 that the matter be discussed in person. 370 00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:21,085 Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that? 371 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:24,490 We will meet at latitude 40.1326, 372 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,393 longitude 123.9889. 373 00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,227 Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar 374 00:15:29,326 --> 00:15:30,495 with my longitudes and latitudes, 375 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,197 where is that again? 376 00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:35,634 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 377 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,469 Did you just say "China"? 378 00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:39,471 And did you just say "dong"? 379 00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,313 Going to motherfucking China, y'all. 380 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:07,365 Excuse me, can I get in there? 381 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,134 Thank you. 382 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,601 Hi, there. 383 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:14,206 No, thank you. 384 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:17,442 I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 385 00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:21,412 Selfie! 386 00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:51,442 Well, where the fuck are they? 387 00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,379 What the fuck? 388 00:17:09,192 --> 00:17:10,428 No, no! 389 00:17:28,747 --> 00:17:30,115 No! No! 390 00:17:30,213 --> 00:17:31,750 I'm an American journalist! 391 00:17:31,848 --> 00:17:32,848 Aaron Rapoport! 392 00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:33,916 I was invited here! 393 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,555 I come in peace! 394 00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:37,689 I'm here for interview! 395 00:17:37,788 --> 00:17:41,358 Please don't kill me! 396 00:17:52,769 --> 00:17:56,508 Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park. 397 00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:59,076 The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview 398 00:17:59,177 --> 00:18:01,380 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 399 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,316 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself. 400 00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:07,653 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 401 00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:10,654 - That's it? - Yes. 402 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,723 Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone? 403 00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:14,660 Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 404 00:18:14,759 --> 00:18:16,528 Do you have Skype here? Okay. 405 00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:18,429 Well, look, can you give me some water? 406 00:18:18,528 --> 00:18:20,397 That guy has water! 407 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:22,500 Please give me a ride somewhere! 408 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,536 I didn't pack well for this trip! 409 00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:26,403 I packed like a fool! 410 00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,740 Like a goddamn fool! 411 00:18:28,838 --> 00:18:31,808 Please! Please! 412 00:18:31,910 --> 00:18:34,145 Whoa. 413 00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:49,427 Damn, she was sexy. 414 00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,828 The fucking helicopter landed. 415 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:53,464 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 416 00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,134 Two soldiers jump out. 417 00:18:55,232 --> 00:18:56,393 I think I'm gonna get killed. 418 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,737 Then, out comes Sook. 419 00:18:58,836 --> 00:18:59,836 I told you about her. 420 00:18:59,836 --> 00:19:01,373 She comes out of the helicopter. 421 00:19:01,471 --> 00:19:03,240 - She's hot, super sexy. - How hot? 422 00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,910 - Did you get in there? -Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter. 423 00:19:05,009 --> 00:19:06,309 My fucking man! 424 00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,881 No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 425 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,780 - Okay. -She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions. 426 00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:13,184 They were gonna write all the questions. 427 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:14,318 We can't do it. 428 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:15,586 We're essentially letting him 429 00:19:15,685 --> 00:19:18,155 interview himself with your mouth. 430 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,458 Look! 431 00:19:19,557 --> 00:19:20,625 Look at this buttfuck! 432 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,861 He's got a whole parade of nukes. 433 00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,229 He's ready to use them. 434 00:19:24,327 --> 00:19:26,396 When you score a bin Laden 435 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,401 or a Hitler or an Un, 436 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,868 you take it by the balls! 437 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,605 It's the first rule of journalism. 438 00:19:33,703 --> 00:19:35,605 You give the people what they want. 439 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:36,909 That's not the first rule of journalism. 440 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,288 I think that's the first rule of, 441 00:19:38,375 --> 00:19:39,855 like, circuses and demolition derbies. 442 00:19:39,876 --> 00:19:42,880 This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon. 443 00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:44,883 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years, 444 00:19:44,981 --> 00:19:47,250 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 445 00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,487 We do this, we can interview 446 00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:51,390 any president on the planet. 447 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:54,192 And then you can ask them the real questions. 448 00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:57,361 This is like eating our vegetables. 449 00:19:57,461 --> 00:19:58,596 Once you eat those, 450 00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,397 then you get to eat the steak. 451 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,500 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 452 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,369 This is like... 453 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:06,505 "The Lord of the Rings." 454 00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:08,271 Okay? 455 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:11,710 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins. 456 00:20:13,644 --> 00:20:16,682 And you are my Sam. 457 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:17,949 My Samwise. 458 00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:19,916 I can't do it without you. 459 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:21,653 - Okay. - Come with me. 460 00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:23,288 To Mordor. 461 00:20:23,386 --> 00:20:24,955 Okay, let's fucking do it. 462 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,692 - Yeah? - Yeah. 463 00:20:30,059 --> 00:20:32,829 As always, I'd like to thank my guest, 464 00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:34,465 Joe Gordon-Levitt. 465 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,732 And before we go, 466 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,569 I have a very special announcement. 467 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,807 With the help of my outstanding producer, 468 00:20:41,905 --> 00:20:44,808 Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview 469 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,246 of the 21st century. 470 00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,279 Three weeks from tonight, 471 00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:52,351 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, 472 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:56,355 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview 473 00:20:56,453 --> 00:20:58,423 with President Kim Jong-un. 474 00:20:58,521 --> 00:21:01,858 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored 475 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,430 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 476 00:21:05,528 --> 00:21:07,865 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing 477 00:21:07,964 --> 00:21:09,834 the dictator of North Korea. 478 00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:11,903 100 bucks Skylark thinks 479 00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:13,837 he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 480 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,607 Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 481 00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:18,442 This is a man who tortures, 482 00:21:18,541 --> 00:21:20,678 terrorizes and starves his own people. 483 00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:23,448 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 484 00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,517 Meeee-ow. 485 00:21:25,615 --> 00:21:28,051 What a fucking bitch, am I right? 486 00:21:28,153 --> 00:21:29,721 No, you're not right. 487 00:21:29,819 --> 00:21:31,721 He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 488 00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:35,527 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous. 489 00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,028 - He's not jealous. - He's putting 490 00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:39,029 KY jealous all over his dick. 491 00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,032 What is there to be jealous of? 492 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,067 Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us. 493 00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:44,734 They hates us 'cause we "anus"? 494 00:21:44,836 --> 00:21:46,715 What the fuck does an anus have to do with this? 495 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:49,074 They hate us 'cause they ain't us. 496 00:21:49,173 --> 00:21:50,807 That's not what it is. 497 00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:52,344 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 498 00:21:52,442 --> 00:21:53,711 They hate us 'cause we is us, 499 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:55,813 and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 500 00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,714 They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us. 501 00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,750 - Stop saying that. They don't - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 502 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:01,819 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 503 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,689 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. -I'm used to it. 504 00:22:03,788 --> 00:22:05,788 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. 505 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,059 - Don't say it again. - Shh. 506 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,661 Baby. 507 00:22:09,759 --> 00:22:11,628 Haters gonna hate. 508 00:22:13,029 --> 00:22:14,566 And ain't-ers gonna ain't. 509 00:22:14,664 --> 00:22:17,067 That is not an actual thing people say. 510 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,936 This is what you do to haters. 511 00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:21,839 You just smile. 512 00:22:28,011 --> 00:22:29,946 What is that? 513 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:32,951 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 514 00:22:53,570 --> 00:22:55,005 Oh... 515 00:22:55,105 --> 00:22:57,075 Oh, what the fuck? 516 00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,378 Okay. 517 00:23:01,644 --> 00:23:02,748 Okay, I'm coming. 518 00:23:08,451 --> 00:23:09,953 Oh, shit. 519 00:23:11,788 --> 00:23:13,557 Oh... oh, God. 520 00:23:16,093 --> 00:23:17,429 Mr. Rapoport. 521 00:23:17,528 --> 00:23:18,895 I'm Agent Lacey 522 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,132 with Central Intelligence, 523 00:23:20,230 --> 00:23:21,700 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 524 00:23:21,798 --> 00:23:23,601 Aaron, whoever that is, 525 00:23:23,701 --> 00:23:24,868 tell them to fuck off. 526 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:26,703 Dave, it's, uh, 527 00:23:26,805 --> 00:23:29,840 - it's not... -Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night, 528 00:23:29,941 --> 00:23:32,176 but I got some stink dick. 529 00:23:32,277 --> 00:23:35,180 Yo, my dick stinks! 530 00:23:35,278 --> 00:23:37,781 So weird how you, like, 531 00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:40,049 just want to keep smelling it, though. 532 00:23:40,151 --> 00:23:42,487 Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit. 533 00:23:42,586 --> 00:23:43,721 Yo, come smell this. 534 00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:44,855 You got to identify this. 535 00:23:44,954 --> 00:23:46,057 I don't know what it is. 536 00:23:46,155 --> 00:23:47,826 Excuse him. 537 00:23:47,924 --> 00:23:49,160 He has stink dick. 538 00:23:49,259 --> 00:23:51,430 It kind of smells like guacamole. 539 00:23:51,528 --> 00:23:53,131 May we come in? 540 00:23:53,230 --> 00:23:55,432 Would you, um, 541 00:23:55,534 --> 00:23:58,603 like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine? 542 00:23:58,701 --> 00:24:00,637 This is not our cocaine. This is... 543 00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:02,073 No, I'm sure it's not. 544 00:24:02,173 --> 00:24:05,509 So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for? 545 00:24:05,608 --> 00:24:07,144 - Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure? -AARON: Yeah. 546 00:24:07,243 --> 00:24:08,679 Well, Aaron, Dave, 547 00:24:08,778 --> 00:24:09,846 as I'm sure 548 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,615 you know already, 549 00:24:11,714 --> 00:24:12,883 Kim Jong-un is now capable 550 00:24:12,982 --> 00:24:16,186 of nuking all of the West Coast. 551 00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,788 The point is we're talking about nuclear nations 552 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:20,791 at war with each other. 553 00:24:20,892 --> 00:24:22,160 Nuclear. 554 00:24:22,259 --> 00:24:23,560 He does have one 555 00:24:23,662 --> 00:24:25,895 tactical advantage over the West. 556 00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:28,900 He's more than willing to let millions and millions 557 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,469 of his own people die. 558 00:24:30,567 --> 00:24:33,703 Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face. 559 00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:35,906 I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night. 560 00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:37,075 Why are you telling us 561 00:24:37,173 --> 00:24:38,976 - all this information? - Well, 562 00:24:39,076 --> 00:24:41,980 well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen 563 00:24:42,078 --> 00:24:43,913 are going to be in a room alone with him, 564 00:24:44,015 --> 00:24:45,483 and congratulations, by the way. 565 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:46,917 That's right! 566 00:24:47,018 --> 00:24:48,698 Which is part of the reason why we're here. 567 00:24:48,751 --> 00:24:50,186 The CIA would love it 568 00:24:50,288 --> 00:24:52,557 if you two could... 569 00:24:52,655 --> 00:24:54,557 take him out. 570 00:24:56,058 --> 00:24:57,796 Hmm? 571 00:24:57,894 --> 00:24:59,529 - Take him out. - Take him out? 572 00:24:59,631 --> 00:25:01,199 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 573 00:25:01,298 --> 00:25:03,067 - Take him out. - Take out. 574 00:25:03,166 --> 00:25:04,902 - Like, to dinner? - Take him out to a meal? 575 00:25:05,001 --> 00:25:06,202 Take him out. 576 00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:07,905 - Like, on the town? - Party? 577 00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:09,907 No, uh... 578 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,076 take him out. 579 00:25:12,175 --> 00:25:15,746 You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea? 580 00:25:15,846 --> 00:25:18,682 - Yes. - What...?! 581 00:25:18,781 --> 00:25:20,142 If we kill him, won't they just get 582 00:25:20,218 --> 00:25:21,738 another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo 583 00:25:21,786 --> 00:25:23,121 to come in and replace him? 584 00:25:23,221 --> 00:25:25,757 - Exactly, exactly. -And then the same thing happens? 585 00:25:25,855 --> 00:25:27,625 Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction 586 00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:30,095 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 587 00:25:30,193 --> 00:25:32,596 They want change; they're too scared to act alone, 588 00:25:32,695 --> 00:25:33,998 and they need you two to go in there... 589 00:25:34,097 --> 00:25:35,266 Hmm... 590 00:25:35,365 --> 00:25:39,135 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt 591 00:25:39,237 --> 00:25:41,105 and take over. 592 00:25:41,204 --> 00:25:44,541 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 593 00:25:44,643 --> 00:25:47,644 I am going to be in your ear, 594 00:25:47,746 --> 00:25:51,115 by your side, every step of the way. 595 00:25:51,214 --> 00:25:53,983 Then I have one answer. 596 00:25:54,085 --> 00:25:55,921 No more Kim. 597 00:25:56,019 --> 00:25:57,755 Uh, you know what? 598 00:25:57,855 --> 00:25:59,057 Actually, I think we should talk about it more. 599 00:25:59,155 --> 00:26:00,790 - Okay, all right. - Okay, let's just... 600 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:01,859 - We're just gonna talk. - We're just gonna talk. 601 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:02,960 By all means. 602 00:26:02,992 --> 00:26:03,992 Just for the record, 603 00:26:03,993 --> 00:26:05,996 I don't have stink dick. 604 00:26:06,096 --> 00:26:08,333 Come over here, come here, come in here... 605 00:26:08,432 --> 00:26:11,134 I think we need to do this. 606 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,672 She is so cool. 607 00:26:13,770 --> 00:26:15,810 You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious. 608 00:26:15,905 --> 00:26:16,906 - It's crazy, man. - What? 609 00:26:17,008 --> 00:26:18,676 They're honeypotting us. 610 00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:19,856 - What? - It's an attractive 611 00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,278 spy woman who lures men 612 00:26:21,377 --> 00:26:22,779 into doing shit they're not supposed to do. 613 00:26:22,881 --> 00:26:24,015 How can you not see that? 614 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:26,750 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 615 00:26:26,851 --> 00:26:27,851 - This is 2014. - Dude... 616 00:26:27,884 --> 00:26:29,220 Women are smart now. 617 00:26:29,318 --> 00:26:31,087 Do you actually think she just so happens 618 00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:32,990 to have everything you find attractive? 619 00:26:33,089 --> 00:26:35,826 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 620 00:26:35,925 --> 00:26:36,925 They're fake, man. 621 00:26:36,993 --> 00:26:38,295 Fake glasses? 622 00:26:38,394 --> 00:26:40,163 How could the CIA come up with such a thing? 623 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,932 Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat. 624 00:26:42,031 --> 00:26:44,801 Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly 625 00:26:44,903 --> 00:26:46,336 and when we're horned up might not be... 626 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:47,338 - Horned up? - You are horned up. 627 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,839 Oh, please! 628 00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,042 You got half a fucking chub right now! 629 00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:53,811 - Take your hands away. - Hmm-mm. 630 00:26:53,912 --> 00:26:55,313 - I saw the boner. - I'm not taking my hands away. 631 00:26:55,413 --> 00:26:56,980 Move your fucking hands. 632 00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:58,215 Fine, you want to see it? 633 00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:00,018 - Yeah. - Feast your eyes. 634 00:27:00,116 --> 00:27:01,086 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 635 00:27:01,184 --> 00:27:02,424 I'm gonna poop out these drugs. 636 00:27:02,487 --> 00:27:03,688 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 637 00:27:03,788 --> 00:27:05,323 If we both still want to talk 638 00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:07,959 about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then. 639 00:27:08,057 --> 00:27:11,028 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 640 00:27:13,395 --> 00:27:15,700 In three days, 641 00:27:15,798 --> 00:27:17,867 you will fly from New York to Beijing, 642 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:20,238 where you will transfer to a commercial airline 643 00:27:20,336 --> 00:27:22,641 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 644 00:27:22,740 --> 00:27:24,142 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, 645 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,644 but, um, what happened to your glasses? 646 00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:31,816 Oh, I... I got LASIK. 647 00:27:31,914 --> 00:27:33,349 Between the time I saw you and now? 648 00:27:33,451 --> 00:27:35,854 - Yes. - Okay. 649 00:27:35,952 --> 00:27:37,989 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here, 650 00:27:38,087 --> 00:27:40,958 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 651 00:27:41,057 --> 00:27:43,292 So, preceding the interview, 652 00:27:43,394 --> 00:27:45,363 you are going to shake Kim's hand, 653 00:27:45,461 --> 00:27:48,832 administering a fatal dose of poison 654 00:27:48,932 --> 00:27:51,403 with this, a transdermal time-delayed 655 00:27:51,501 --> 00:27:52,903 ricin strip. 656 00:27:53,002 --> 00:27:54,371 When you shake his hand, 657 00:27:54,471 --> 00:27:57,740 the poison will be absorbed into his skin, 658 00:27:57,842 --> 00:28:00,744 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 659 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:03,748 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 660 00:28:03,846 --> 00:28:05,383 No one will know? 661 00:28:05,481 --> 00:28:09,788 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 662 00:28:09,886 --> 00:28:12,122 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 663 00:28:12,221 --> 00:28:13,856 - This isn't what I pictured. - What did you picture? 664 00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:15,759 I walk in there like a fucking gangster 665 00:28:15,858 --> 00:28:17,928 and blow his little fucking ass away 666 00:28:18,028 --> 00:28:19,262 on television. 667 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:22,400 This is a major television event. 668 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:25,103 You don't want to blow it with offscreen death. 669 00:28:25,201 --> 00:28:27,003 Okay? 670 00:28:27,105 --> 00:28:30,740 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 671 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:32,711 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it, 672 00:28:32,809 --> 00:28:35,413 and then right before they finish, you cut to black 673 00:28:35,511 --> 00:28:36,947 and say, "Oh, don't worry, 674 00:28:37,048 --> 00:28:39,017 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 675 00:28:39,115 --> 00:28:40,917 No! We want 676 00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:42,287 the all-over close-up. 677 00:28:42,385 --> 00:28:43,153 All over his face. 678 00:28:43,252 --> 00:28:45,490 The end! 679 00:28:45,588 --> 00:28:47,356 Ah... 680 00:28:48,357 --> 00:28:49,826 Bam! 681 00:28:49,927 --> 00:28:51,061 What kind of porn are you watching? 682 00:28:51,162 --> 00:28:52,521 What happens when all of his guards 683 00:28:52,528 --> 00:28:54,731 start firing back at you for killing their leader 684 00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:56,166 right in front of them? 685 00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:58,036 - That's a good question. - My bulletproof vest... 686 00:28:58,134 --> 00:29:00,238 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 687 00:29:00,336 --> 00:29:02,839 - You don't have one of those. - I will dodge those bullets. 688 00:29:02,941 --> 00:29:04,976 What happens after you escape the compound, Dave? 689 00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:06,344 I look back over my shoulder. 690 00:29:06,442 --> 00:29:08,244 I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. 691 00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:09,846 We run out into the woods. 692 00:29:09,948 --> 00:29:12,817 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 693 00:29:12,915 --> 00:29:14,317 We exit said tunnel. 694 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,454 At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six 695 00:29:17,555 --> 00:29:19,923 swoops in, puts us on one 696 00:29:20,022 --> 00:29:22,792 of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water, 697 00:29:22,894 --> 00:29:25,163 we're out of there, on our way to you. 698 00:29:25,261 --> 00:29:27,765 If you did try to do this, what would kill you first? 699 00:29:27,865 --> 00:29:28,904 Sub-freezing temperatures. 700 00:29:28,932 --> 00:29:30,201 I don't like the cold. 701 00:29:30,299 --> 00:29:33,002 - Okay, we... - Starvation, starve to death. 702 00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:34,806 You telling me the CIA doesn't have 703 00:29:34,904 --> 00:29:36,941 North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty? 704 00:29:37,039 --> 00:29:38,474 Cap'n Crunch? 705 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:39,942 What about Siberian tigers? 706 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:41,980 - Did you think about that? - What? 707 00:29:42,078 --> 00:29:43,380 You're not going to shoot him. 708 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,847 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest, 709 00:29:44,949 --> 00:29:46,351 and nobody is going to know 710 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,251 that you had anything to do with this. 711 00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:50,121 That's it, that's the plan. 712 00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:51,288 - Period. - Okay. 713 00:29:51,387 --> 00:29:52,890 Two years later, 714 00:29:52,990 --> 00:29:54,991 I come out with my bestselling tell-all. 715 00:29:55,093 --> 00:29:56,361 "An Unexpected Journey: 716 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:59,497 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea." 717 00:29:59,596 --> 00:30:01,132 You can't write a tell-all. 718 00:30:01,230 --> 00:30:02,901 "We were an oddly-shaped gray room 719 00:30:03,999 --> 00:30:04,867 "at the CIA headquarters. 720 00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:06,003 The titillating Agent Lacey..." 721 00:30:06,104 --> 00:30:07,238 Stop doing that. 722 00:30:07,336 --> 00:30:08,971 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 723 00:30:09,073 --> 00:30:11,241 "'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said. 724 00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:13,044 "She looked at him. 725 00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:16,446 She trembled with rage, or was it passion?" 726 00:30:16,547 --> 00:30:18,849 - Stop it. - I just want everybody to know 727 00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:21,152 that I know what you did to me 728 00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:23,221 - With the glasses? - What? 729 00:30:23,319 --> 00:30:25,423 - Honeycombed me. - What does that even mean? 730 00:30:25,521 --> 00:30:27,192 You honeypotted him. It's honeypot. 731 00:30:27,290 --> 00:30:29,010 - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. 732 00:30:29,093 --> 00:30:30,893 - No, I didn't. -He's said a lot of stupid shit 733 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:32,063 in the last ten minutes, but for reals, 734 00:30:32,163 --> 00:30:33,529 you did honeypot him. 735 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:35,567 I bet you got him in here as a honey dick 736 00:30:35,665 --> 00:30:37,300 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not, 737 00:30:37,402 --> 00:30:39,135 but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 738 00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:41,538 - You honey dicking? -Look, she's not honeypotting you, 739 00:30:41,637 --> 00:30:43,539 - and I'm not honey dicking him. - It's very offensive, 740 00:30:43,641 --> 00:30:45,542 'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me, 741 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:47,009 you're saying because I'm a girl, 742 00:30:47,111 --> 00:30:48,880 and because I'm attractive, 743 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:52,016 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 744 00:30:52,115 --> 00:30:53,416 I think it's offensive, too. 745 00:30:53,518 --> 00:30:55,077 and that's exactly what I said to Aaron. 746 00:30:55,117 --> 00:30:56,920 I said that bitch is blind as a bat. 747 00:30:57,019 --> 00:30:58,423 Can we please move on? 748 00:30:58,521 --> 00:31:01,090 We have a dictator to kill. 749 00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:03,228 When handling the ricin strip, 750 00:31:03,326 --> 00:31:05,596 operate with extreme caution. 751 00:31:05,695 --> 00:31:08,498 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 752 00:31:08,597 --> 00:31:11,567 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 753 00:31:11,669 --> 00:31:13,637 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, 754 00:31:13,738 --> 00:31:16,374 your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 755 00:31:16,472 --> 00:31:18,342 Your body will strain to reject the poison 756 00:31:18,442 --> 00:31:20,576 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting. 757 00:31:20,678 --> 00:31:21,958 Within minutes, you will be dead. 758 00:31:22,011 --> 00:31:23,380 - Okay. - Got it? 759 00:31:25,714 --> 00:31:28,451 Aaron peels off the film marked A, 760 00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:31,189 exposing the adhesive coating. 761 00:31:31,288 --> 00:31:33,522 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm. 762 00:31:33,624 --> 00:31:36,227 - Okay... -Aaron will then remove the film marked B, 763 00:31:36,326 --> 00:31:38,229 exposing the ricin. 764 00:31:38,327 --> 00:31:39,327 - Clear. - Okay, clear. 765 00:31:39,364 --> 00:31:40,596 - Okay. - Okay. 766 00:31:40,698 --> 00:31:42,232 Dave needs to appear casual 767 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,335 as he is transferred from his room 768 00:31:44,433 --> 00:31:46,302 - Okay. - To the broadcast facility. 769 00:31:46,403 --> 00:31:49,272 It is critical that he keeps his hand open 770 00:31:49,374 --> 00:31:50,508 and touches nothing. 771 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:53,944 Dave Skylark. 772 00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:55,246 Mr. Kim... 773 00:31:55,346 --> 00:31:57,146 Just shaking hands. 774 00:31:57,248 --> 00:31:59,217 Hi. 775 00:31:59,317 --> 00:32:00,652 Nice to meet you. 776 00:32:00,750 --> 00:32:02,685 Dave will bow to Kim 777 00:32:02,787 --> 00:32:04,122 then shake his hand, 778 00:32:04,221 --> 00:32:06,155 immediately disposing of the strip 779 00:32:06,257 --> 00:32:08,492 in his jacket pocket, which will be lined 780 00:32:08,593 --> 00:32:12,096 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 781 00:32:32,281 --> 00:32:33,951 Oh, no! 782 00:32:34,050 --> 00:32:35,318 Hey! Hey! 783 00:32:35,420 --> 00:32:36,653 Agent Lacey! 784 00:32:36,752 --> 00:32:38,423 - What's this mean? - You're dead. 785 00:32:38,521 --> 00:32:40,241 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place 786 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:42,460 the ricin case in this pouch here. 787 00:32:42,558 --> 00:32:43,598 It will magnetically seal, 788 00:32:43,692 --> 00:32:45,296 and then you're good to go. 789 00:32:45,394 --> 00:32:47,964 So you want me to carry this bag? 790 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:49,166 This is the bag. 791 00:32:49,267 --> 00:32:50,667 This is a douche bag. 792 00:32:50,768 --> 00:32:54,072 The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 793 00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:57,008 It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center. 794 00:32:57,106 --> 00:32:58,407 - Aaron to Dave. - All radio communication 795 00:32:58,509 --> 00:33:00,411 should be done using call signs. 796 00:33:00,509 --> 00:33:01,678 - Cool. - Dave, 797 00:33:01,778 --> 00:33:03,145 you are "dung beetle," 798 00:33:03,247 --> 00:33:05,148 - What? - And Aaron, you are "aardvark." 799 00:33:05,249 --> 00:33:06,449 I can't even carry this thing! 800 00:33:06,482 --> 00:33:07,616 What do you mean you can't carry it? 801 00:33:07,718 --> 00:33:08,720 Aerodynamics are all off. 802 00:33:08,818 --> 00:33:09,618 It's hitting my leg. 803 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,321 It's, like, bulky. 804 00:33:11,422 --> 00:33:14,392 Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into 805 00:33:14,490 --> 00:33:18,028 the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth. 806 00:33:18,127 --> 00:33:20,596 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 807 00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:23,468 His people revere him as a god. 808 00:33:23,567 --> 00:33:25,103 They'll believe anything 809 00:33:25,201 --> 00:33:29,240 he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins 810 00:33:29,338 --> 00:33:31,240 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 811 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:32,710 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 812 00:33:32,808 --> 00:33:35,046 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop? 813 00:33:35,144 --> 00:33:36,313 I'm telling you he does, and he lies 814 00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:37,315 to his people and they believe him. 815 00:33:37,413 --> 00:33:38,750 Everybody pees and poops. 816 00:33:38,848 --> 00:33:40,650 Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode. 817 00:33:40,750 --> 00:33:42,184 But he does talk to dolphins. 818 00:34:01,738 --> 00:34:03,673 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 819 00:34:03,772 --> 00:34:05,342 All right, how do I look? 820 00:34:05,442 --> 00:34:06,742 Fucking awesome? 821 00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:08,378 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice. 822 00:34:08,478 --> 00:34:10,347 - Yeah. - And that just... 823 00:34:10,447 --> 00:34:12,349 What the fuck is this? 824 00:34:12,449 --> 00:34:13,750 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful. 825 00:34:13,851 --> 00:34:15,753 That's just not the bag the CIA gave you. 826 00:34:15,853 --> 00:34:17,221 Oh, that bag? 827 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,556 Yes, that bag! 828 00:34:18,655 --> 00:34:20,215 That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug." 829 00:34:21,224 --> 00:34:21,759 Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison 830 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,561 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country. 831 00:34:24,094 --> 00:34:25,362 Kim is a super fan. 832 00:34:25,463 --> 00:34:27,164 He knows I take fashion risks. 833 00:34:27,264 --> 00:34:28,297 Look, I show up with that other bag, 834 00:34:28,398 --> 00:34:29,467 Kim's gonna be like, 835 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:30,768 "Oh, no. 836 00:34:30,867 --> 00:34:32,670 "You got ugly bag? 837 00:34:32,768 --> 00:34:34,172 "You no Skylark, you secret agent. 838 00:34:34,271 --> 00:34:35,505 Terminate him." 839 00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:37,074 Where's the fucking poison strip? 840 00:34:37,175 --> 00:34:40,177 I put the strip in a pack of gum. 841 00:34:40,277 --> 00:34:41,644 They'll never find it. 842 00:34:41,746 --> 00:34:42,746 I am not cool with this. 843 00:34:42,813 --> 00:34:44,514 - It's showtime. - Showtime? 844 00:34:44,614 --> 00:34:46,250 It's not showtime. 845 00:34:46,349 --> 00:34:47,518 - What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!" 846 00:34:47,617 --> 00:34:48,652 Stop walking! 847 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:50,121 - Stop walking. - Hello. 848 00:34:50,221 --> 00:34:51,556 We are going to North Korea. 849 00:34:51,655 --> 00:34:52,824 Yo, Skylark, which side 850 00:34:52,922 --> 00:34:54,525 of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 851 00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:56,527 I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say 852 00:34:56,626 --> 00:34:58,695 I might give him something special with my hand. 853 00:34:58,795 --> 00:35:00,262 You gonna jerk him off? 854 00:35:00,364 --> 00:35:01,797 What? No. That's a double entendre. 855 00:35:01,898 --> 00:35:03,266 Shut the fuck... Shut up! 856 00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:04,335 - I'm foreshadowing! - Shut up! 857 00:35:04,434 --> 00:35:05,702 Shut up! Get in the fucking car! 858 00:35:05,802 --> 00:35:07,672 Shut up! Shut up! 859 00:35:07,771 --> 00:35:10,440 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 860 00:35:16,313 --> 00:35:17,681 All right, here we go. 861 00:35:19,416 --> 00:35:20,818 What's that noise? 862 00:35:20,918 --> 00:35:22,353 - I don't know. - Do you hear that? 863 00:35:22,452 --> 00:35:23,588 Yeah. 864 00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:34,664 Wow. 865 00:35:35,864 --> 00:35:37,168 This is crazy. 866 00:35:38,335 --> 00:35:41,172 - Hello, North Korea! - Wow. 867 00:35:41,271 --> 00:35:42,273 This is crazy. 868 00:35:42,373 --> 00:35:43,739 Okay, okay. 869 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,608 - North side! - Okay. 870 00:35:45,710 --> 00:35:49,313 Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing. 871 00:35:49,413 --> 00:35:51,449 Hello! Wow... 872 00:35:51,547 --> 00:35:53,451 I like your style. 873 00:35:55,219 --> 00:35:57,188 Good to see you again. How are you? 874 00:35:57,288 --> 00:35:58,623 - Hi. - Hello. 875 00:35:58,722 --> 00:36:00,224 - Hello. - This is great. 876 00:36:00,324 --> 00:36:02,592 Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park. 877 00:36:02,693 --> 00:36:03,894 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes, yes. 878 00:36:03,994 --> 00:36:05,461 That you won't stop talking about? 879 00:36:05,563 --> 00:36:07,398 That's not true. 880 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,750 We are different people. 881 00:36:25,849 --> 00:36:27,951 We speak different languages. 882 00:36:28,052 --> 00:36:29,786 Huh? 883 00:36:29,887 --> 00:36:32,422 We have different faces, 884 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:35,259 but inside 885 00:36:35,358 --> 00:36:37,693 we are same-same. 886 00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:40,664 Same-same, but different. 887 00:36:40,764 --> 00:36:42,666 But still same. 888 00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:45,369 Oh, thank you. 889 00:36:45,469 --> 00:36:46,938 Konichiwa. 890 00:36:47,038 --> 00:36:49,507 You know, I'm very, 891 00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:52,275 very interested in the history of your young nation. 892 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,710 I hear that 893 00:36:53,811 --> 00:36:56,347 absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death. 894 00:36:56,447 --> 00:36:57,748 No. 895 00:36:57,847 --> 00:36:59,916 It's quite all right. 896 00:37:00,016 --> 00:37:01,518 This is a common misconception. 897 00:37:01,619 --> 00:37:03,820 Oh, okay. 898 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:04,920 See for yourself. 899 00:37:08,056 --> 00:37:09,860 Oh, wow! It's a grocery store. 900 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:11,661 Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place. 901 00:37:11,762 --> 00:37:14,731 Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all. 902 00:37:14,831 --> 00:37:17,099 We have an abundance of food here. 903 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:18,936 And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid! 904 00:37:19,036 --> 00:37:20,737 Hi, little fatty! 905 00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:22,940 Hi. Mm-mm! 906 00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:26,677 We have many fat children in North Korea. 907 00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:27,777 The Supreme Leader 908 00:37:27,844 --> 00:37:29,278 believes it is a hallmark 909 00:37:29,380 --> 00:37:31,014 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 910 00:37:31,114 --> 00:37:32,849 I don't know about all that, 911 00:37:32,949 --> 00:37:34,818 but this one is one that I heard. 912 00:37:34,918 --> 00:37:36,686 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 913 00:37:36,786 --> 00:37:40,389 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 914 00:37:40,489 --> 00:37:42,690 You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo? 915 00:37:42,726 --> 00:37:43,960 Does-does he have a butthole? 916 00:37:44,061 --> 00:37:45,896 He does not have a butthole. 917 00:37:45,996 --> 00:37:47,998 He has no need for one. 918 00:38:24,867 --> 00:38:26,902 Whoa! 919 00:38:27,003 --> 00:38:28,639 Ho-ho! Damn, son! 920 00:38:28,739 --> 00:38:29,806 Damn... 921 00:38:29,907 --> 00:38:31,474 Right this way. 922 00:38:36,612 --> 00:38:38,815 I get it. Fucking stop it. 923 00:38:52,561 --> 00:38:55,664 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 924 00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:56,867 They are the heads of 925 00:38:56,967 --> 00:38:59,902 our Supreme Leader's personal security. 926 00:39:00,003 --> 00:39:02,373 They have been with him since he was a little boy. 927 00:39:02,472 --> 00:39:03,940 They will search you one last time 928 00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:06,777 before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 929 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:11,581 Just a Gucci bag. 930 00:39:20,090 --> 00:39:22,059 What's this? 931 00:39:22,159 --> 00:39:24,061 Uh... 932 00:39:24,161 --> 00:39:25,061 gum. 933 00:39:25,161 --> 00:39:26,396 That is gum. 934 00:39:31,701 --> 00:39:33,902 Oh, you fucking tried it? 935 00:39:34,003 --> 00:39:35,838 This gun has no flavor. 936 00:39:35,940 --> 00:39:37,907 - If you don't like it, just spit it out. -Just spit it out. 937 00:39:38,007 --> 00:39:39,887 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out. 938 00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,144 Your gum taste like shit. 939 00:39:42,246 --> 00:39:44,547 Okay. 940 00:39:44,648 --> 00:39:46,751 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 941 00:39:52,956 --> 00:39:54,157 This room 942 00:39:54,257 --> 00:39:56,159 - for Mr. Skylark. - Cool. 943 00:39:56,260 --> 00:39:58,161 Thanks. 944 00:40:00,230 --> 00:40:02,099 This room for Mr. Rapoport. 945 00:40:02,199 --> 00:40:03,501 Ooh, lovely. 946 00:40:03,601 --> 00:40:04,835 - Thank you. Quaint. - Cute. 947 00:40:04,934 --> 00:40:05,936 You know, I'm tired. 948 00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:07,704 How are you feeling? 949 00:40:07,804 --> 00:40:09,572 - We go now. - Okay. 950 00:40:09,672 --> 00:40:11,440 Dude, what the fuck? 951 00:40:11,541 --> 00:40:13,143 Hey, uh, you know, 952 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:14,911 - how's your tummy feeling? - You should have some Tums. 953 00:40:15,012 --> 00:40:15,980 Maybe you should have some tea. 954 00:40:16,079 --> 00:40:17,114 Fuck. 955 00:40:17,213 --> 00:40:18,213 - Shh. - Shh. 956 00:40:18,215 --> 00:40:19,617 They could be recording. 957 00:40:19,717 --> 00:40:21,885 - Oh, the thing. - The thing, all right, go. 958 00:40:21,985 --> 00:40:23,753 - Oh, uh... - Lovely room. 959 00:40:23,853 --> 00:40:25,556 - Yeah. - Oh, yes. 960 00:40:25,655 --> 00:40:26,922 Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now. 961 00:40:27,023 --> 00:40:28,893 Okay, I'll take one with you. 962 00:40:28,992 --> 00:40:30,527 Why would you take one with me? 963 00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:31,561 I'm just making up fake conversation. 964 00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:32,661 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 965 00:40:34,164 --> 00:40:37,168 What... the... fuck... dude? 966 00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:39,969 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 967 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:41,672 - You're not even supposed to touch it. -And he ate it. 968 00:40:41,771 --> 00:40:44,173 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 969 00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:45,809 Shit, he's gonna die. 970 00:40:45,909 --> 00:40:47,510 Look, look, look, look... 971 00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:50,012 He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay? 972 00:40:50,114 --> 00:40:51,793 He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 973 00:40:51,849 --> 00:40:53,150 He's probably worse than Kim, 974 00:40:53,250 --> 00:40:55,018 and we're okay with killing Kim, right? 975 00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,652 Yeah. 976 00:40:56,753 --> 00:40:58,552 How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way? 977 00:40:58,588 --> 00:40:59,757 We don't have any poison anymore. 978 00:40:59,856 --> 00:41:01,592 What happened to it? 979 00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:03,092 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 980 00:41:03,126 --> 00:41:05,061 Why the fuck did you switch bags? 981 00:41:05,161 --> 00:41:06,896 - Yeah, Dave! - All right, all right! 982 00:41:06,996 --> 00:41:09,065 I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry. 983 00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:10,686 - I told you. - Listen, just sit tight. 984 00:41:10,768 --> 00:41:12,202 I am going to contact you. 985 00:41:12,302 --> 00:41:14,103 Do not fall asleep. 986 00:41:14,204 --> 00:41:16,172 I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this. 987 00:41:16,273 --> 00:41:17,708 Thanks. Why'd you tell her? 988 00:41:17,806 --> 00:41:18,909 Tell her what? Because it's the truth. 989 00:41:19,009 --> 00:41:19,976 Why'd you tell her that he ate it? 990 00:41:20,077 --> 00:41:21,177 Because he did! 991 00:41:21,277 --> 00:41:24,547 Dude, that was a cock block. 992 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:26,916 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 993 00:41:52,943 --> 00:41:56,614 ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes. 994 00:41:58,581 --> 00:42:00,300 We have a bird en route. 995 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:03,152 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. 996 00:42:03,253 --> 00:42:04,554 Aardvark, 997 00:42:04,655 --> 00:42:06,657 your watch will transmit the coordinates 998 00:42:06,757 --> 00:42:08,157 to guide in the package. 999 00:42:08,257 --> 00:42:10,626 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover 1000 00:42:10,728 --> 00:42:11,695 where you can't be detected. 1001 00:42:11,795 --> 00:42:13,163 Okay? 1002 00:42:13,262 --> 00:42:14,965 What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it? 1003 00:42:15,065 --> 00:42:16,233 Why you? 1004 00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:18,068 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught 1005 00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,570 or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we? 1006 00:42:20,670 --> 00:42:22,306 You really think I could get caught or killed? 1007 00:42:22,405 --> 00:42:25,074 Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now 1008 00:42:25,175 --> 00:42:26,610 and make sure that you are 1009 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:28,309 at least 20 yards away from the building. 1010 00:42:31,847 --> 00:42:33,750 Approaching launch zone. 1011 00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:40,925 You ready? 1012 00:42:41,025 --> 00:42:42,326 I think so. 1013 00:42:42,425 --> 00:42:44,105 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. 1014 00:42:44,128 --> 00:42:45,596 - Okay, okay. - I think I can do it. 1015 00:42:48,097 --> 00:42:49,697 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna cherish 1016 00:42:49,766 --> 00:42:51,601 - all the memories we have. - Don't do this! 1017 00:42:51,702 --> 00:42:53,336 - What? -Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? 1018 00:42:53,436 --> 00:42:55,338 - I'm gonna be fine! - All right. I know. 1019 00:42:55,438 --> 00:42:57,141 I'm trying to psych myself up here; you're bringing me down. 1020 00:42:57,239 --> 00:42:59,643 I will love your mother like she was my mother. 1021 00:42:59,742 --> 00:43:01,010 - Just shut up. Shut up. - Okay. 1022 00:43:01,110 --> 00:43:02,144 Shh. 1023 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,182 It's really scary out there. 1024 00:43:07,284 --> 00:43:08,751 Yeah, super-duper scary. 1025 00:43:08,851 --> 00:43:10,371 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 1026 00:43:10,387 --> 00:43:12,121 - I got you. I will not drop you. - Okay. 1027 00:43:12,222 --> 00:43:13,356 - Yeah, just don't drop me. - I got you. 1028 00:43:13,456 --> 00:43:14,891 I got... Oh! 1029 00:43:17,728 --> 00:43:19,295 Aardvark, are you all right? 1030 00:43:21,164 --> 00:43:22,766 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 1031 00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,971 Aardvark is hot. 1032 00:43:27,070 --> 00:43:30,039 I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T hot. 1033 00:43:40,315 --> 00:43:42,050 - This is so scary. - Aardvark? 1034 00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:43,820 You're being extremely brave. 1035 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,088 Everybody here is very proud of you. 1036 00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:48,391 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. -Aardvark, 1037 00:43:48,492 --> 00:43:50,360 I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry. 1038 00:43:50,460 --> 00:43:52,061 Just a few more feet, okay? 1039 00:43:52,161 --> 00:43:54,163 Just five to ten more feet. 1040 00:43:54,264 --> 00:43:55,398 I got to keep going? 1041 00:43:55,498 --> 00:43:56,798 I don't want to keep going. 1042 00:43:56,900 --> 00:43:58,335 Fuck. 1043 00:43:58,434 --> 00:44:03,139 Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom. 1044 00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,708 Package is inbound. 1045 00:44:05,809 --> 00:44:07,710 Arrival time, two minutes. 1046 00:44:09,344 --> 00:44:10,780 Just five more feet. 1047 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,815 Five more feet, and you're on your mark. 1048 00:44:12,916 --> 00:44:14,184 Hey, hey, 1049 00:44:14,284 --> 00:44:16,085 hey, don't move. 1050 00:44:16,186 --> 00:44:18,121 I think I see something. 1051 00:44:18,222 --> 00:44:20,356 - Huh? - There's something out there. 1052 00:44:20,456 --> 00:44:22,259 What do you mean, there's something out there? 1053 00:44:22,358 --> 00:44:24,027 What is it? Can you zoom in on that? 1054 00:44:24,128 --> 00:44:25,728 What do I do? 1055 00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,431 Comm One, are you seeing this? 1056 00:44:27,530 --> 00:44:28,398 Zoom in one that thing. 1057 00:44:28,498 --> 00:44:30,298 What is that? 1058 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,119 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 1059 00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:34,170 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 1060 00:44:34,271 --> 00:44:37,206 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 1061 00:44:37,306 --> 00:44:39,442 What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything. 1062 00:44:39,543 --> 00:44:41,244 Dog, big dog. 1063 00:44:41,344 --> 00:44:43,846 - Big dog? - It's like Clifford size. 1064 00:44:43,947 --> 00:44:45,849 We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story." 1065 00:44:45,949 --> 00:44:47,117 It's like a dragon dog. 1066 00:44:47,217 --> 00:44:48,318 This is like a dragon dog. 1067 00:44:48,418 --> 00:44:50,987 Is that a fucking... 1068 00:44:51,088 --> 00:44:52,289 Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know... 1069 00:44:52,389 --> 00:44:53,922 It's like a big dog 1070 00:44:54,023 --> 00:44:55,159 that's orange. 1071 00:44:55,259 --> 00:44:56,726 It's got stripes. 1072 00:44:56,827 --> 00:44:59,128 It's like a big, orange, stripey dog. 1073 00:45:04,067 --> 00:45:06,003 There's a tiger. 1074 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:07,402 It's a fucking tiger. 1075 00:45:07,503 --> 00:45:08,871 It's a fucking tiger. 1076 00:45:08,972 --> 00:45:10,039 Yes. 1077 00:45:10,139 --> 00:45:11,474 A tiger. 1078 00:45:11,574 --> 00:45:14,010 You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch? 1079 00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:15,210 I told you there were tigers there. 1080 00:45:15,311 --> 00:45:17,014 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 1081 00:45:17,114 --> 00:45:18,014 Look, it's really dark out there. 1082 00:45:18,114 --> 00:45:19,248 He probably doesn't see you. 1083 00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:21,784 Oh, it fucking sees me. 1084 00:45:21,885 --> 00:45:24,353 - It ha... it has night vision. - They have night vision? 1085 00:45:24,454 --> 00:45:26,322 That tiger has night vision goggles? 1086 00:45:26,422 --> 00:45:27,923 It doesn't have night vision goggles. 1087 00:45:28,025 --> 00:45:29,860 It just naturally has night... 1088 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,260 - -Listen, just keep the line clear, 1089 00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,429 Dung Beetle, please? 1090 00:45:32,527 --> 00:45:34,264 Aardvark is in trouble. 1091 00:45:34,364 --> 00:45:35,898 What do I do? What do I do? 1092 00:45:35,998 --> 00:45:37,300 Talk to me, talk to me. 1093 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,934 I didn't want it to come to this, 1094 00:45:39,036 --> 00:45:40,170 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger. 1095 00:45:40,268 --> 00:45:42,271 No, do not! Do not fight the tiger! 1096 00:45:42,371 --> 00:45:44,773 Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls. 1097 00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:46,175 I don't see its balls. 1098 00:45:46,275 --> 00:45:47,876 Do not fight the tiger! You will lose! 1099 00:45:47,978 --> 00:45:50,179 If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch. 1100 00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,440 - Dave, shut the fuck up. - Cunt punt that fucking bitch! 1101 00:45:52,449 --> 00:45:54,184 Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea. 1102 00:45:54,284 --> 00:45:56,286 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger. 1103 00:45:58,922 --> 00:46:00,056 I'm gonna make a run for it. 1104 00:46:00,157 --> 00:46:01,157 Do not run for it! 1105 00:46:01,224 --> 00:46:02,224 You will die. 1106 00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:03,460 It's coming. 1107 00:46:04,893 --> 00:46:06,362 You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy! 1108 00:46:06,463 --> 00:46:07,797 Look out, look out! It's coming after you! 1109 00:46:07,898 --> 00:46:08,931 It's coming after you! 1110 00:46:21,476 --> 00:46:23,480 - Oh, God, I'm alive. - Aaron! 1111 00:46:23,579 --> 00:46:25,481 I'm alive. 1112 00:46:25,581 --> 00:46:26,820 Are you in the tiger, Aardvark? 1113 00:46:26,916 --> 00:46:28,085 Are you inside the tiger? 1114 00:46:28,184 --> 00:46:29,184 Are you okay? 1115 00:46:29,186 --> 00:46:30,320 Do you have the package? 1116 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:32,956 This is Aardvark. 1117 00:46:33,056 --> 00:46:35,016 I think the package just killed the fucking tiger. 1118 00:46:35,025 --> 00:46:37,960 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 1119 00:46:38,061 --> 00:46:39,496 Secure the motherfucking package. 1120 00:46:45,534 --> 00:46:47,869 He's got the package. He has the package. 1121 00:46:47,971 --> 00:46:49,273 I got it; what do I do with it? 1122 00:46:49,373 --> 00:46:50,407 Aardvark, there are people coming. 1123 00:46:50,507 --> 00:46:51,942 You have to act now. 1124 00:46:52,041 --> 00:46:53,576 Secure the package, secure the package. 1125 00:46:53,677 --> 00:46:55,311 - What do I do with it? -They're coming right towards you. 1126 00:46:55,411 --> 00:46:56,512 They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it. 1127 00:46:56,612 --> 00:46:57,547 You got to hide that little missile. 1128 00:46:57,648 --> 00:46:58,916 I have to hide it somewhere? 1129 00:46:59,016 --> 00:47:00,135 Where the fuck do I hide it? 1130 00:47:01,518 --> 00:47:04,855 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 1131 00:47:07,322 --> 00:47:09,425 What if you hide it in your butt? 1132 00:47:11,027 --> 00:47:13,530 I don't want to stick it in my ass. 1133 00:47:13,630 --> 00:47:15,297 You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark. 1134 00:47:15,398 --> 00:47:16,364 Comm One, please tell me I don't have 1135 00:47:16,465 --> 00:47:17,432 to stick this think in my ass. 1136 00:47:17,534 --> 00:47:18,969 Okay, you're right. Just give us 1137 00:47:19,068 --> 00:47:20,436 one second to come up with a better plan. 1138 00:47:20,536 --> 00:47:22,871 Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it? 1139 00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:24,875 I think he should put it in his asshole. 1140 00:47:24,974 --> 00:47:26,175 We don't have a better plan. You're going to have 1141 00:47:26,275 --> 00:47:27,309 to stick it in your ass. 1142 00:47:27,411 --> 00:47:29,277 No! No! 1143 00:47:29,378 --> 00:47:30,547 No! 1144 00:47:30,646 --> 00:47:32,481 I've never done that. 1145 00:47:32,581 --> 00:47:34,083 I've been there before. It looks huge. 1146 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:36,619 That tiger blood will lubricate it. 1147 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,288 This will mess up my asshole! 1148 00:47:38,387 --> 00:47:40,422 Aardvark, there-there are people there. 1149 00:47:40,523 --> 00:47:41,990 They are closing in on you. 1150 00:47:42,092 --> 00:47:43,092 They have guns. 1151 00:47:43,193 --> 00:47:45,429 You need to secure the payload 1152 00:47:45,527 --> 00:47:46,896 and you need to secure it in your ass. 1153 00:47:46,996 --> 00:47:47,896 Just stick it in your butt. 1154 00:47:47,998 --> 00:47:49,297 Okay, fine, fine. 1155 00:47:49,398 --> 00:47:50,932 I'm there with you, bro. 1156 00:47:51,034 --> 00:47:52,969 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. 1157 00:47:53,070 --> 00:47:54,070 Just breathe. 1158 00:47:54,170 --> 00:47:55,338 Oh, it's cold. 1159 00:47:55,438 --> 00:47:56,639 Just let everything go loose. 1160 00:47:56,739 --> 00:47:57,572 Oh, I don't like it! 1161 00:47:57,672 --> 00:47:59,342 The tip is... 1162 00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:00,943 it's the worst part. 1163 00:48:01,043 --> 00:48:02,311 Trust me on this. 1164 00:48:02,411 --> 00:48:03,579 Inhale as you do it. 1165 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,117 The tip of the package is secure. 1166 00:48:08,217 --> 00:48:09,952 Comm One, that thing is in his butt. 1167 00:48:10,052 --> 00:48:12,054 Owie, owie. 1168 00:48:12,155 --> 00:48:14,190 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. 1169 00:48:14,291 --> 00:48:15,358 Just take it home. 1170 00:48:23,532 --> 00:48:25,201 The package is secure. 1171 00:48:25,302 --> 00:48:26,436 You are a hero. 1172 00:48:26,536 --> 00:48:28,237 You are a goddamn hero. 1173 00:48:28,338 --> 00:48:29,373 - -All right, they're coming, they're coming. 1174 00:48:29,472 --> 00:48:31,239 I got to go. Over and out. 1175 00:48:33,143 --> 00:48:34,510 Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me. 1176 00:48:34,610 --> 00:48:35,610 Oh, God! 1177 00:48:45,355 --> 00:48:47,157 Don't hurt me, please! 1178 00:48:48,257 --> 00:48:49,259 See? There's nothing in here. 1179 00:48:49,358 --> 00:48:50,358 There's nothing in here. 1180 00:48:50,393 --> 00:48:52,394 What? 1181 00:48:52,496 --> 00:48:53,697 Oh, God, no! 1182 00:48:53,797 --> 00:48:56,132 Ow! 1183 00:48:56,233 --> 00:48:57,300 Come on! 1184 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:58,501 What the fuck? 1185 00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,635 Why? Why'd you do that? 1186 00:49:00,737 --> 00:49:01,737 Why'd you do that?! 1187 00:49:01,771 --> 00:49:03,239 Is this what you want? 1188 00:49:03,340 --> 00:49:05,007 There! You like it?! 1189 00:49:05,108 --> 00:49:06,576 You like it?! 1190 00:49:06,675 --> 00:49:09,112 It's all yours, fuckers! 1191 00:49:09,210 --> 00:49:10,291 Stay in the room, American. 1192 00:49:18,721 --> 00:49:21,992 Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt? 1193 00:49:22,092 --> 00:49:24,126 - No, they didn't look in my butt. -It's still in there? 1194 00:49:24,226 --> 00:49:26,096 - Yes, it's in there. - Wow. Must be deep. 1195 00:49:26,195 --> 00:49:28,130 - It is. - Get it out. 1196 00:49:28,231 --> 00:49:29,599 I'm gonna fucking get it out. 1197 00:49:29,699 --> 00:49:31,434 I'm here to help. 1198 00:49:49,284 --> 00:49:51,119 Hey. 1199 00:49:51,221 --> 00:49:53,422 - How'd it go? -One ricin strip with your name on it. 1200 00:49:53,523 --> 00:49:54,523 Got it. 1201 00:49:54,623 --> 00:49:56,759 All right. 1202 00:49:56,860 --> 00:49:58,128 See, not so bad. 1203 00:49:58,228 --> 00:49:59,695 Yeah, not so bad. 1204 00:49:59,795 --> 00:50:01,163 - What?! - Yeah. 1205 00:50:01,264 --> 00:50:02,297 - That? - This. 1206 00:50:02,398 --> 00:50:03,467 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 1207 00:50:03,567 --> 00:50:05,469 - No! - Yes. 1208 00:50:05,568 --> 00:50:06,469 I was picturing something, like, this big. 1209 00:50:06,570 --> 00:50:07,730 Yeah, that I could live with. 1210 00:50:07,737 --> 00:50:09,172 As soon as you get home, 1211 00:50:09,271 --> 00:50:10,239 you need to see a proctologist. 1212 00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,420 I'm afraid to fucking look. 1213 00:50:11,474 --> 00:50:13,342 You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 1214 00:50:15,445 --> 00:50:17,780 Uh, who is it? 1215 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,614 It is, uh, Kim Jong-un. 1216 00:50:19,715 --> 00:50:21,150 What? 1217 00:50:21,251 --> 00:50:24,320 Kim Jong-what? 1218 00:50:24,420 --> 00:50:27,155 I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea. 1219 00:50:27,257 --> 00:50:28,358 What? 1220 00:50:28,458 --> 00:50:29,659 What the fuck? 1221 00:50:29,759 --> 00:50:31,061 - It's him. - It's fucking him. 1222 00:50:31,161 --> 00:50:32,228 What is he doing here? What the fuck? 1223 00:50:32,329 --> 00:50:33,369 Hide it, hide it, hide it. 1224 00:50:33,429 --> 00:50:34,429 - Put it back up. - No. 1225 00:50:34,431 --> 00:50:35,510 I'm not putting it back up. 1226 00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:37,166 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room. 1227 00:50:37,266 --> 00:50:38,467 - Okay. What do I do with this? - Go say hi to him. 1228 00:50:38,568 --> 00:50:39,434 Do I put it on right now? 1229 00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:41,170 No, then he'll die when we're still here. 1230 00:50:41,271 --> 00:50:42,271 Put it in your pocket. 1231 00:50:42,338 --> 00:50:43,472 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 1232 00:50:43,572 --> 00:50:45,275 - Come with me. - No, I got to hide this. 1233 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:47,110 - Aaron, just come with me. - No, no... 1234 00:50:47,210 --> 00:50:49,246 Aaron, Aaron. 1235 00:50:56,518 --> 00:50:58,753 Hi. 1236 00:50:58,855 --> 00:51:01,123 Good morning, Dave. 1237 00:51:01,224 --> 00:51:02,525 Good morning. 1238 00:51:02,626 --> 00:51:04,360 Hi. 1239 00:51:04,460 --> 00:51:06,528 Dave Skylark, ah. 1240 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:08,130 It's crazy. 1241 00:51:09,864 --> 00:51:11,300 Oh, I have a gift for you. 1242 00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:12,434 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 1243 00:51:13,369 --> 00:51:15,105 This. 1244 00:51:15,204 --> 00:51:17,172 Oh, oh, this is me. 1245 00:51:17,273 --> 00:51:18,273 It's you. 1246 00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:19,608 Oh, that's great. 1247 00:51:19,708 --> 00:51:22,244 I always wanted one of these... a bust. 1248 00:51:22,344 --> 00:51:23,679 Dave Skylark. 1249 00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:24,780 Hey! 1250 00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:26,315 - Thank you. - You like that? 1251 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:27,784 So you really like the show? 1252 00:51:27,884 --> 00:51:29,786 No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 1253 00:51:29,885 --> 00:51:31,152 You're like a superfan. 1254 00:51:31,253 --> 00:51:32,721 I really am. 1255 00:51:32,822 --> 00:51:34,123 Yeah. 1256 00:51:34,224 --> 00:51:35,692 That's so cool. 1257 00:51:35,791 --> 00:51:38,126 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 1258 00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,697 Okay, so I, uh, 1259 00:51:40,797 --> 00:51:44,134 thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast 1260 00:51:44,233 --> 00:51:45,735 and a tour of my home. 1261 00:51:45,835 --> 00:51:47,804 I'd absolutely love to. 1262 00:51:49,271 --> 00:51:52,375 You know, I have to admit, before I came here, 1263 00:51:52,407 --> 00:51:54,543 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 1264 00:51:54,643 --> 00:51:56,211 Of course. 1265 00:51:56,313 --> 00:51:58,581 For decades, you've heard the false rumors: 1266 00:51:58,681 --> 00:52:00,583 "North Korea is a failed state. 1267 00:52:00,684 --> 00:52:02,619 We can't feed our people." 1268 00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,454 - Yeah. - It's all propaganda. 1269 00:52:04,554 --> 00:52:06,422 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 1270 00:52:06,523 --> 00:52:08,291 I did see a fat kid 1271 00:52:08,391 --> 00:52:10,327 and a really nice-looking grocery store. 1272 00:52:10,427 --> 00:52:13,463 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 1273 00:52:13,563 --> 00:52:15,465 You know, one of my favorite things to do 1274 00:52:15,565 --> 00:52:17,766 is just strolling up and down the aisles 1275 00:52:17,867 --> 00:52:20,302 to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 1276 00:52:20,402 --> 00:52:21,737 I can believe that. 1277 00:52:21,838 --> 00:52:24,340 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 1278 00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:25,907 Screw you, Dave. 1279 00:52:26,009 --> 00:52:28,478 - Hey, you want to see something cool? -Yeah. 1280 00:52:39,454 --> 00:52:41,556 Holy fuck-a-moley! 1281 00:52:41,657 --> 00:52:43,726 Is that real? 1282 00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:46,496 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 1283 00:52:46,596 --> 00:52:50,333 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 1284 00:52:50,431 --> 00:52:52,936 You're so funny, Dave. 1285 00:52:53,036 --> 00:52:54,402 Uh, right. 1286 00:52:54,503 --> 00:52:56,572 Well, can we look inside? 1287 00:52:56,672 --> 00:52:58,340 Fuck, yeah, we can. 1288 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:00,608 Come on. 1289 00:53:00,710 --> 00:53:02,344 This is so cool. 1290 00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,414 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 1291 00:53:04,514 --> 00:53:05,414 Whoa. 1292 00:53:05,514 --> 00:53:06,782 Is it still live? 1293 00:53:06,882 --> 00:53:08,416 I don't know. 1294 00:53:08,518 --> 00:53:10,686 Maybe we should find out. 1295 00:53:11,887 --> 00:53:13,356 Look... you have a... sound system in here? 1296 00:53:13,456 --> 00:53:17,193 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch. 1297 00:53:20,630 --> 00:53:22,498 - Katy Perry? - Oh... 1298 00:53:22,599 --> 00:53:25,534 Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there, 1299 00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:28,204 'cause I've never heard this before in my life. 1300 00:53:28,304 --> 00:53:29,538 I love Katy Perry! 1301 00:53:29,639 --> 00:53:33,376 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪ 1302 00:53:33,476 --> 00:53:36,512 ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth... ♪ 1303 00:53:36,612 --> 00:53:37,646 I love... I mean, I have this on... 1304 00:53:37,746 --> 00:53:38,646 I listen to this all the time. 1305 00:53:38,748 --> 00:53:41,384 - Really? - I love her! 1306 00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:42,918 You know why I really like her? 1307 00:53:43,018 --> 00:53:45,320 'Cause... because she has such a strong message 1308 00:53:45,422 --> 00:53:48,625 for young women and girls across the planet. 1309 00:53:48,724 --> 00:53:50,460 She's a... It's so empowering. 1310 00:53:50,559 --> 00:53:52,393 Yeah. 1311 00:53:52,494 --> 00:53:56,398 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 1312 00:53:56,498 --> 00:53:58,833 Drifting through the wind? 1313 00:53:58,934 --> 00:54:01,471 Wanting to start again. 1314 00:54:01,570 --> 00:54:02,938 Oh. 1315 00:54:03,039 --> 00:54:04,940 ♪ As you shoot across the ♪ 1316 00:54:05,041 --> 00:54:07,844 ♪ Sky, sky, sky... ♪ 1317 00:54:07,943 --> 00:54:09,679 Oh, good times. 1318 00:54:09,777 --> 00:54:11,581 - Yeah. - Yeah. Uh, Dave? 1319 00:54:11,681 --> 00:54:14,451 Do you think that margaritas are gay 1320 00:54:14,550 --> 00:54:16,418 because they are so sweet? 1321 00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:18,753 Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay? 1322 00:54:18,855 --> 00:54:21,489 No, it's just a question I have. 1323 00:54:21,590 --> 00:54:24,661 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay, 1324 00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,695 then who wants to be straight? 1325 00:54:26,795 --> 00:54:28,498 - Not me. - Boring! 1326 00:54:28,597 --> 00:54:30,431 Margaritas are great. 1327 00:54:30,532 --> 00:54:33,702 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 1328 00:54:33,802 --> 00:54:36,271 Let me ask you something. 1329 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,442 Does this thing still run? 1330 00:54:58,393 --> 00:55:00,896 Oh, man, this is great, right? 1331 00:55:00,996 --> 00:55:02,699 Can we fire the gun? 1332 00:55:02,797 --> 00:55:05,302 You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 1333 00:55:05,402 --> 00:55:06,503 - Really? - Close that shit. 1334 00:55:06,603 --> 00:55:08,471 - Closing the hatch. - Okay. 1335 00:55:08,570 --> 00:55:10,405 Boom, boom, boom! 1336 00:55:14,476 --> 00:55:16,045 Oh, shit! 1337 00:55:16,146 --> 00:55:18,315 Fuck you, tree! 1338 00:55:19,547 --> 00:55:21,516 The control room will be fully staffed 1339 00:55:21,617 --> 00:55:23,652 to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 1340 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:25,021 All right. 1341 00:55:25,121 --> 00:55:26,789 This is the kill switch. 1342 00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:29,958 During the interview, if any parameters are violated, 1343 00:55:30,059 --> 00:55:32,393 I will use it and cut the signal. 1344 00:55:32,494 --> 00:55:34,364 Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here. 1345 00:55:34,463 --> 00:55:37,365 I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission. 1346 00:55:37,467 --> 00:55:39,702 Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me 1347 00:55:39,802 --> 00:55:42,371 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show. 1348 00:55:42,472 --> 00:55:43,940 I know. I've watched every episode 1349 00:55:44,039 --> 00:55:45,909 in preparation for this interview. 1350 00:55:46,009 --> 00:55:47,009 Wow! 1351 00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:48,043 I particularly enjoyed 1352 00:55:48,143 --> 00:55:50,579 the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 1353 00:55:50,679 --> 00:55:52,780 Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good. 1354 00:55:52,882 --> 00:55:54,918 I've never heard this expression before. 1355 00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:56,920 But after seeing it, it is a perfect 1356 00:55:57,018 --> 00:55:59,588 representation of her vagina. 1357 00:55:59,688 --> 00:56:01,657 It is; it looked exactly like that, yeah. 1358 00:56:01,757 --> 00:56:03,525 - It's very deep. - Very deep. Yeah. 1359 00:56:03,626 --> 00:56:04,793 She has quite a hearty moose knuckle. 1360 00:56:04,893 --> 00:56:08,364 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1361 00:56:08,465 --> 00:56:10,699 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1362 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,800 Oh, yes, tons. 1363 00:56:18,940 --> 00:56:22,411 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1364 00:56:22,512 --> 00:56:24,614 It's crucial Dave review them before the interview. 1365 00:56:24,713 --> 00:56:26,481 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you 1366 00:56:26,583 --> 00:56:28,550 to your room, where you'll be served lunch. 1367 00:56:28,650 --> 00:56:29,952 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1368 00:56:30,052 --> 00:56:31,554 Oh, ha-ha. Great. 1369 00:56:31,652 --> 00:56:33,623 Thanks, guys. 1370 00:56:38,827 --> 00:56:41,130 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1371 00:56:41,231 --> 00:56:42,831 What are you gonna do? 1372 00:56:42,931 --> 00:56:44,400 You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.? 1373 00:56:44,501 --> 00:56:45,735 - Nuke your mama. - I bet they can't even 1374 00:56:45,835 --> 00:56:47,469 make it to Australia! 1375 00:56:49,706 --> 00:56:50,873 Face! 1376 00:56:53,175 --> 00:56:56,112 Man, this is so nice. 1377 00:56:56,210 --> 00:56:58,581 Let me ask you something. 1378 00:56:58,681 --> 00:57:00,416 Now, don't take this the wrong way. 1379 00:57:00,516 --> 00:57:02,418 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1380 00:57:03,485 --> 00:57:05,454 Do you pee and poo? 1381 00:57:05,554 --> 00:57:07,190 You've heard the stories, huh? 1382 00:57:08,190 --> 00:57:09,992 Yes, I pee and poo. 1383 00:57:10,092 --> 00:57:11,460 So you have a butthole. 1384 00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:12,628 I've got a butthole, 1385 00:57:12,728 --> 00:57:14,431 and it's working overtime. 1386 00:57:14,530 --> 00:57:15,864 You are awesome. 1387 00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:18,134 You know, this is so weird. 1388 00:57:18,233 --> 00:57:20,737 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1389 00:57:20,835 --> 00:57:22,172 But a lot of people 1390 00:57:22,271 --> 00:57:24,172 say that... 1391 00:57:24,273 --> 00:57:25,875 you're bat-shit crazy. 1392 00:57:25,974 --> 00:57:28,844 They're not wrong. 1393 00:57:30,179 --> 00:57:32,148 I'm 31 years old. 1394 00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:36,052 The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy. 1395 00:57:36,152 --> 00:57:37,853 Hey, what am I to do 1396 00:57:37,954 --> 00:57:39,889 when 24 million people 1397 00:57:39,989 --> 00:57:43,760 look to me as their leader, their god? 1398 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,463 What am I to do when my father's dying wish 1399 00:57:47,563 --> 00:57:50,164 was for me to carry his torch? 1400 00:57:50,266 --> 00:57:51,431 Wow. 1401 00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:55,971 You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1402 00:57:56,072 --> 00:57:57,806 What did he say, Dave? 1403 00:57:57,907 --> 00:57:59,208 "I'm disappointed, 1404 00:57:59,309 --> 00:58:01,643 because you haven't done enough with your life." 1405 00:58:01,744 --> 00:58:04,079 That is fucked up. 1406 00:58:04,179 --> 00:58:05,713 Yeah, tell me about it. 1407 00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:06,983 Jordan! 1408 00:58:08,117 --> 00:58:10,219 Oh! 1409 00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,789 - They call me incompetent. - That's exactly what they 1410 00:58:12,889 --> 00:58:16,059 - said about me when I scored this interview. -No way. 1411 00:58:16,159 --> 00:58:19,496 They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent." 1412 00:58:19,596 --> 00:58:21,197 You're handsome, competent, suave. 1413 00:58:21,297 --> 00:58:22,831 How dare they! 1414 00:58:22,931 --> 00:58:27,135 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1415 00:58:27,235 --> 00:58:28,903 But they do. 1416 00:58:29,005 --> 00:58:32,242 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1417 00:58:32,342 --> 00:58:34,277 Words. 1418 00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:38,146 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1419 00:58:38,246 --> 00:58:42,617 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1420 00:58:44,820 --> 00:58:46,822 Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 1421 00:58:46,922 --> 00:58:48,824 Exactly. 1422 00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:50,760 They hate us because they ain't us. 1423 00:58:53,494 --> 00:58:55,697 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 1424 00:58:55,797 --> 00:58:57,298 They hate us because they ain't us. 1425 00:58:59,135 --> 00:59:00,836 Kim! You got it, boy! 1426 00:59:00,936 --> 00:59:02,572 Okay. Okay. Alley-oop! 1427 00:59:02,672 --> 00:59:03,907 Oh! 1428 00:59:05,139 --> 00:59:06,775 That's all right. 1429 00:59:06,876 --> 00:59:09,277 - That's all right. - Oh, my ankles. 1430 00:59:09,378 --> 00:59:11,114 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1431 00:59:12,815 --> 00:59:15,050 Let me ask you something. 1432 00:59:18,152 --> 00:59:22,590 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1433 00:59:22,692 --> 00:59:27,730 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1434 00:59:27,829 --> 00:59:32,134 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1435 00:59:35,170 --> 00:59:38,172 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1436 00:59:38,273 --> 00:59:41,742 Because guess what I get tons of. 1437 00:59:44,179 --> 00:59:45,782 Pussy. 1438 00:59:45,882 --> 00:59:47,983 Oh, my God. 1439 01:00:21,315 --> 01:00:22,918 Hey. 1440 01:00:23,018 --> 01:00:24,786 Dude, you just spent the fucking day 1441 01:00:24,887 --> 01:00:25,989 with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1442 01:00:26,088 --> 01:00:27,222 Ah... 1443 01:00:27,322 --> 01:00:28,856 It was amazing. 1444 01:00:28,958 --> 01:00:30,659 - "It was amazing"? - Yeah. 1445 01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,061 I think it was one of the best days of my life. 1446 01:00:33,161 --> 01:00:34,730 - What? - We smoked joints, 1447 01:00:34,831 --> 01:00:36,864 played basketball, 1448 01:00:36,965 --> 01:00:38,333 fucked chicks. 1449 01:00:38,434 --> 01:00:40,135 We had the best margaritas. 1450 01:00:40,235 --> 01:00:42,137 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1451 01:00:42,237 --> 01:00:43,338 Oh, my God. 1452 01:00:43,438 --> 01:00:46,742 Kim Jong is an animal. 1453 01:00:46,842 --> 01:00:48,978 You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right? 1454 01:00:49,077 --> 01:00:52,414 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1455 01:00:52,514 --> 01:00:53,815 Okay. 1456 01:00:53,916 --> 01:00:55,851 America, you know, 1457 01:00:55,952 --> 01:01:00,657 always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up. 1458 01:01:00,757 --> 01:01:03,860 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1459 01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:05,960 - Yeah. - You're the media. 1460 01:01:06,061 --> 01:01:07,730 You get what's happening here? 1461 01:01:07,829 --> 01:01:09,731 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1462 01:01:09,831 --> 01:01:11,400 "Maybe the media's manip..."? 1463 01:01:11,501 --> 01:01:13,402 What the fuck does that even mean? 1464 01:01:13,503 --> 01:01:16,105 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right? 1465 01:01:16,204 --> 01:01:18,106 Spent face-to-face time. 1466 01:01:18,206 --> 01:01:19,442 Dick-to-dick. 1467 01:01:19,541 --> 01:01:22,244 It's just, man, I can sympathize 1468 01:01:22,344 --> 01:01:24,880 with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks. 1469 01:01:24,981 --> 01:01:27,050 Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks? 1470 01:01:27,150 --> 01:01:30,719 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1471 01:01:30,820 --> 01:01:31,721 I didn't see any here. Have you? 1472 01:01:31,820 --> 01:01:32,820 No. 1473 01:01:34,188 --> 01:01:36,458 Your attendance is required in the banquet room 1474 01:01:36,559 --> 01:01:38,293 of the Eternal Leader. 1475 01:01:38,393 --> 01:01:39,994 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. 1476 01:01:40,096 --> 01:01:42,264 You are looking fantastic. 1477 01:01:42,364 --> 01:01:44,266 Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being 1478 01:01:44,367 --> 01:01:46,436 is only making me more suspicious of you two. 1479 01:01:46,536 --> 01:01:48,103 - You don't have to be suspicious. -DAVE: Oh, no, no. 1480 01:01:48,204 --> 01:01:49,871 I just want to know what your routine is, man. 1481 01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,873 You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...? 1482 01:01:51,974 --> 01:01:53,041 - You're doin' somethin' right. - Yeah, you look good. 1483 01:01:53,141 --> 01:01:54,409 Do not ask us any more question. 1484 01:01:54,510 --> 01:01:56,913 Meet us in the banquet hall. 1485 01:02:31,512 --> 01:02:35,451 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1486 01:02:37,552 --> 01:02:39,153 I think it's funny. 1487 01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:40,989 That is funny. 1488 01:02:48,262 --> 01:02:50,164 Oh, no. 1489 01:02:50,266 --> 01:02:52,400 It's happening. 1490 01:02:58,206 --> 01:03:00,876 Dave. 1491 01:03:02,077 --> 01:03:03,378 Dave. 1492 01:03:06,114 --> 01:03:07,114 No. 1493 01:03:18,527 --> 01:03:20,963 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1494 01:03:21,063 --> 01:03:22,831 They're good. 1495 01:03:25,001 --> 01:03:28,804 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1496 01:03:28,905 --> 01:03:30,273 Caw, caw. 1497 01:03:39,014 --> 01:03:41,217 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1498 01:03:56,931 --> 01:04:00,001 Oh, no. Oh, no. 1499 01:04:00,101 --> 01:04:01,902 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1500 01:04:06,172 --> 01:04:07,909 It's happening. 1501 01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:24,626 So gross. 1502 01:04:27,128 --> 01:04:29,164 Oh, no, no, no. 1503 01:04:29,264 --> 01:04:32,032 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1504 01:04:38,373 --> 01:04:42,043 Oh, no. Oh, no. 1505 01:04:51,719 --> 01:04:54,188 It's okay, man. 1506 01:04:54,289 --> 01:04:55,458 No. 1507 01:04:55,556 --> 01:04:56,893 Come on, man. 1508 01:04:56,992 --> 01:04:59,327 We just killed two innocent men. 1509 01:04:59,427 --> 01:05:00,929 Look, Dave, first of all, 1510 01:05:01,030 --> 01:05:02,998 it's not your fault that those men died. 1511 01:05:03,099 --> 01:05:04,467 Second of all, they had to go. 1512 01:05:04,567 --> 01:05:05,902 They knew we were up to something. 1513 01:05:07,469 --> 01:05:10,206 - I'm out. - What? 1514 01:05:10,306 --> 01:05:12,226 - You cannot pull out of this. - I'm pulling out. 1515 01:05:12,306 --> 01:05:13,643 - You're way too deep to pull out. -I'm pullin' out. 1516 01:05:13,742 --> 01:05:15,076 No, you are not. You are leaving it in. 1517 01:05:15,177 --> 01:05:16,545 I been pullin' out for years, son. 1518 01:05:16,643 --> 01:05:19,014 You are not fucking pulling out of this mission. 1519 01:05:19,114 --> 01:05:20,282 That's the only reason we're here. 1520 01:05:20,382 --> 01:05:21,650 We are doing this! 1521 01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:23,018 Kim is not evil. 1522 01:05:23,119 --> 01:05:24,652 He was just born into a hard situation. 1523 01:05:24,753 --> 01:05:27,690 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave. 1524 01:05:30,659 --> 01:05:33,128 - Mm! - Ugh! 1525 01:05:33,228 --> 01:05:35,096 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1526 01:05:35,197 --> 01:05:37,532 You're fuckin' arrogant. 1527 01:05:37,632 --> 01:05:39,400 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1528 01:05:39,501 --> 01:05:41,503 He's shown you what you want to see. 1529 01:05:41,603 --> 01:05:43,105 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1530 01:05:43,204 --> 01:05:46,375 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1531 01:05:46,474 --> 01:05:50,112 This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1532 01:05:50,210 --> 01:05:52,514 But you're just Boromir. 1533 01:05:52,614 --> 01:05:54,048 I don't know who the fuck that is. 1534 01:05:54,150 --> 01:05:55,349 "I don't know who Boromir is." 1535 01:05:55,418 --> 01:05:56,518 That's such a Boromir thing to say. 1536 01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,987 This is fuckin' done. 1537 01:05:58,085 --> 01:05:59,521 You are fuckin' done after this. 1538 01:05:59,621 --> 01:06:01,989 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1539 01:06:02,090 --> 01:06:03,557 But you are going to kill him! 1540 01:06:03,659 --> 01:06:05,427 You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me 1541 01:06:05,527 --> 01:06:06,961 at the one guy who actually gets me. 1542 01:06:07,063 --> 01:06:09,264 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1543 01:06:09,364 --> 01:06:12,367 A gun can't fire without no bullets. 1544 01:06:12,467 --> 01:06:13,735 What the fuck are you doing?! 1545 01:06:13,835 --> 01:06:17,137 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yes, yes! Yes, yes! 1546 01:06:19,275 --> 01:06:20,675 Do you realize what you just did? 1547 01:06:20,775 --> 01:06:22,094 I just saved a life, you murderer. 1548 01:06:22,177 --> 01:06:24,679 - You piece of fu... - Mr. Skylark. 1549 01:06:24,780 --> 01:06:26,614 The Supreme Leader requests your presence 1550 01:06:26,715 --> 01:06:28,275 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner. 1551 01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:31,420 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1552 01:06:43,565 --> 01:06:45,400 Hey, Dave. 1553 01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:48,603 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1554 01:06:50,539 --> 01:06:54,409 That was super-gross and fucked-up. 1555 01:06:54,510 --> 01:06:56,045 Hi. 1556 01:06:56,143 --> 01:06:58,581 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader. 1557 01:06:58,681 --> 01:06:59,782 I'm Aaron. 1558 01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:03,719 - Aaron? - Hello. 1559 01:07:03,818 --> 01:07:07,623 Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1560 01:07:07,722 --> 01:07:10,659 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1561 01:07:10,759 --> 01:07:14,663 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1562 01:07:19,601 --> 01:07:21,737 Uh-huh. 1563 01:07:27,608 --> 01:07:29,510 No! 1564 01:07:29,612 --> 01:07:31,280 - Don't shake that hand. - Why not? 1565 01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:32,547 Yeah, why not?! 1566 01:07:32,648 --> 01:07:34,215 Because Aaron's a Jew. 1567 01:07:34,315 --> 01:07:37,117 - Oh, gross. - Let's go, Supreme Leader. 1568 01:07:37,219 --> 01:07:38,621 Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1569 01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:40,755 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1570 01:07:40,856 --> 01:07:43,291 Fuck you, fuck you! 1571 01:07:43,391 --> 01:07:44,791 Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1572 01:07:47,862 --> 01:07:50,164 Okay. Okay. 1573 01:07:50,266 --> 01:07:52,568 Oh, fuck. 1574 01:07:58,472 --> 01:08:00,409 Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data 1575 01:08:00,509 --> 01:08:02,677 the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview. 1576 01:08:02,777 --> 01:08:05,079 Now's not really the best time. 1577 01:08:05,181 --> 01:08:07,382 It will only take a moment. 1578 01:08:07,483 --> 01:08:09,784 Yeah, okay. 1579 01:08:09,885 --> 01:08:11,487 - Great. - Thank you. 1580 01:08:11,585 --> 01:08:13,655 Would you like to share a drink? 1581 01:08:16,358 --> 01:08:18,094 Raise your glasses. 1582 01:08:18,194 --> 01:08:19,862 Koh and Yu! 1583 01:08:19,962 --> 01:08:24,600 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1584 01:08:24,698 --> 01:08:26,801 Loyalty. 1585 01:08:26,902 --> 01:08:28,435 I know how you feel. My dog Digby died 1586 01:08:28,537 --> 01:08:31,407 when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1587 01:08:34,542 --> 01:08:37,746 Loyalty is what made my father 1588 01:08:37,845 --> 01:08:39,814 and grandfather so successful. 1589 01:08:39,913 --> 01:08:42,451 That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You. 1590 01:08:42,551 --> 01:08:44,420 Without loyalty, 1591 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,855 a country is a lawless jungle. 1592 01:08:49,858 --> 01:08:52,328 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1593 01:08:52,426 --> 01:08:54,895 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees. 1594 01:08:54,997 --> 01:09:00,301 How else can I prevail against so many enemies? 1595 01:09:00,402 --> 01:09:02,203 Defectors. 1596 01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:04,140 South Korean capitalists. 1597 01:09:04,238 --> 01:09:06,474 The people in this room... 1598 01:09:06,573 --> 01:09:09,478 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1599 01:09:09,578 --> 01:09:12,847 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1600 01:09:14,783 --> 01:09:17,920 To those who seek to undermine me, 1601 01:09:18,020 --> 01:09:20,189 at home and abroad, 1602 01:09:20,287 --> 01:09:23,224 I cannot respond with anything less 1603 01:09:23,323 --> 01:09:26,862 than the totality of my strength! 1604 01:09:26,962 --> 01:09:30,632 If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country 1605 01:09:30,733 --> 01:09:32,734 must be burned to prove it 1606 01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:36,337 then my worthiness as a Kim 1607 01:09:36,438 --> 01:09:38,805 will be demonstrated! 1608 01:09:48,617 --> 01:09:51,185 Um... 1609 01:09:51,287 --> 01:09:54,288 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. 1610 01:09:54,390 --> 01:09:56,192 Is that okay? I'm just feelin'... 1611 01:09:56,292 --> 01:10:00,195 Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever. 1612 01:10:00,296 --> 01:10:02,797 Okay. 1613 01:10:02,898 --> 01:10:04,533 I'll be back. 1614 01:10:04,631 --> 01:10:07,970 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads 1615 01:10:08,069 --> 01:10:09,837 of a, uh, dictatorship? 1616 01:10:09,938 --> 01:10:11,506 Ah. 1617 01:10:11,605 --> 01:10:13,509 One day, party officials came to my classroom 1618 01:10:13,609 --> 01:10:15,411 in search of a young woman 1619 01:10:15,511 --> 01:10:17,779 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1620 01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:20,582 They selected me. 1621 01:10:20,681 --> 01:10:22,318 Over the years, 1622 01:10:22,417 --> 01:10:24,385 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1623 01:10:24,484 --> 01:10:27,788 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1624 01:10:29,457 --> 01:10:31,793 And here I am. 1625 01:10:31,894 --> 01:10:34,563 Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too. 1626 01:10:34,662 --> 01:10:37,664 You've been with Dave a long time. 1627 01:10:37,765 --> 01:10:39,466 He's a hard guy to leave. 1628 01:10:39,568 --> 01:10:41,488 You just like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1629 01:10:41,502 --> 01:10:43,537 No... 1630 01:10:43,639 --> 01:10:45,806 Yes! I know you. 1631 01:10:45,908 --> 01:10:47,842 You're fuckin' awesome. 1632 01:10:47,943 --> 01:10:50,546 - No, I don't understand you. - And it's a little bit weird. 1633 01:10:50,645 --> 01:10:52,846 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country? 1634 01:10:52,948 --> 01:10:56,351 Is that too forward of me to ask? 1635 01:10:56,452 --> 01:10:59,453 What are you lookin' at? 1636 01:10:59,555 --> 01:11:02,658 - I should leave. - Why? 1637 01:11:02,756 --> 01:11:05,961 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you 1638 01:11:06,060 --> 01:11:08,264 will cause me to make mistakes. 1639 01:11:08,363 --> 01:11:10,331 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1640 01:11:10,430 --> 01:11:12,867 Fuck this! 1641 01:11:14,703 --> 01:11:16,302 Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop, 1642 01:11:16,372 --> 01:11:17,840 this is all I've been thinking about. 1643 01:11:17,939 --> 01:11:19,439 Me, too. 1644 01:12:39,554 --> 01:12:42,024 Fake. 1645 01:12:42,122 --> 01:12:44,492 Fake carrots. 1646 01:12:44,591 --> 01:12:45,760 Fake fruit! 1647 01:12:45,859 --> 01:12:46,929 Fake! 1648 01:12:48,729 --> 01:12:50,731 Fake! 1649 01:12:50,832 --> 01:12:53,501 Fake grapefruits! 1650 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,502 Fake! 1651 01:12:56,537 --> 01:12:58,538 Liar! 1652 01:12:59,908 --> 01:13:02,911 You liar! 1653 01:13:09,917 --> 01:13:11,920 Why aren't I naked yet? 1654 01:13:12,020 --> 01:13:14,122 Uh... 1655 01:13:16,158 --> 01:13:17,658 - Aah! - Yeah. 1656 01:13:17,759 --> 01:13:20,127 You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear! 1657 01:13:20,229 --> 01:13:22,163 You're fucking sexy, yeah. 1658 01:13:22,264 --> 01:13:24,131 Your nipples are so pink! 1659 01:13:24,233 --> 01:13:25,233 Yes, they are. 1660 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:26,568 I love it! 1661 01:13:27,868 --> 01:13:29,703 Okay, no, whoa, no! 1662 01:13:29,805 --> 01:13:31,573 - No hands. - No hands? 1663 01:13:31,671 --> 01:13:32,707 I'm not into handsy shit. 1664 01:13:32,806 --> 01:13:33,806 That's how I like it. 1665 01:13:33,876 --> 01:13:34,876 Well... 1666 01:13:35,810 --> 01:13:37,979 Just take it off. 1667 01:13:38,078 --> 01:13:39,814 Okay. 1668 01:13:40,916 --> 01:13:41,984 You said no hands! 1669 01:13:42,082 --> 01:13:43,152 You fucking hit me with your hand! 1670 01:13:43,252 --> 01:13:44,953 How do I get it off? 1671 01:13:45,051 --> 01:13:48,090 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1672 01:13:48,189 --> 01:13:50,024 Okay, I will! 1673 01:13:50,125 --> 01:13:51,560 This is awesome. 1674 01:13:57,297 --> 01:13:59,201 Oh, this is hard. 1675 01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:05,072 Shit... 1676 01:14:06,573 --> 01:14:08,576 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1677 01:14:09,978 --> 01:14:13,881 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1678 01:14:13,980 --> 01:14:16,018 are exaggerated. 1679 01:14:16,118 --> 01:14:17,653 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1680 01:14:17,752 --> 01:14:18,832 If you want, you can give me 1681 01:14:18,921 --> 01:14:20,587 the real numbers, and we can get back 1682 01:14:20,689 --> 01:14:23,492 - to what we were doing. - No, it's not just the numbers. 1683 01:14:23,591 --> 01:14:25,493 I am a terrible person. 1684 01:14:25,594 --> 01:14:26,595 No, you're not. You're the best person. 1685 01:14:26,694 --> 01:14:28,054 You were about to have sex with me. 1686 01:14:28,095 --> 01:14:29,814 That's like the best thing someone could do. 1687 01:14:29,863 --> 01:14:33,600 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1688 01:14:33,702 --> 01:14:35,604 That's an area you could improve, 1689 01:14:35,703 --> 01:14:38,139 but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything. 1690 01:14:38,238 --> 01:14:42,176 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him. 1691 01:14:42,277 --> 01:14:43,845 You knew this this whole time. 1692 01:14:43,944 --> 01:14:45,948 Why is this just bothering you now? 1693 01:14:46,046 --> 01:14:47,948 It's been bothering me for a long time, 1694 01:14:48,050 --> 01:14:50,917 and I'm not the only one, 1695 01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:54,922 but too many people see him as a god. 1696 01:14:55,023 --> 01:14:57,826 How do you prove to 24 million people 1697 01:14:57,926 --> 01:15:01,630 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1698 01:15:01,729 --> 01:15:03,729 Aaron, I need to talk. 1699 01:15:03,730 --> 01:15:05,033 Fuck, it's Dave... shit. 1700 01:15:06,268 --> 01:15:07,868 You, you hide in there, I'll be back. 1701 01:15:07,970 --> 01:15:10,072 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay, go, go, go... 1702 01:15:10,171 --> 01:15:11,771 Oh, shit. 1703 01:15:11,872 --> 01:15:14,576 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec. 1704 01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:17,512 - One sec... don't come in, don't come in! -I need to talk. 1705 01:15:17,613 --> 01:15:19,180 Hey, how's it going, dude? 1706 01:15:19,279 --> 01:15:20,814 - Not good. - Uh, maybe now's 1707 01:15:20,916 --> 01:15:22,117 not a good time, maybe we should take a walk. 1708 01:15:22,216 --> 01:15:24,652 No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off. 1709 01:15:24,752 --> 01:15:25,819 I cannot walk this off. 1710 01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:27,122 I need to... 1711 01:15:28,689 --> 01:15:29,856 I'm so fucking pissed. 1712 01:15:29,957 --> 01:15:31,117 I just want to hit something! 1713 01:15:31,158 --> 01:15:32,158 No, no! 1714 01:15:32,194 --> 01:15:33,295 No, don't punch anything! 1715 01:15:35,828 --> 01:15:36,832 Breathe. 1716 01:15:36,930 --> 01:15:38,733 Just breathe, maybe pace it out. 1717 01:15:38,832 --> 01:15:40,667 Fuck, man. 1718 01:15:40,769 --> 01:15:42,002 Kim. 1719 01:15:42,104 --> 01:15:43,837 - Wha-What about him? - He's going crazy. 1720 01:15:43,939 --> 01:15:45,207 He said he's going to blow up the world 1721 01:15:45,305 --> 01:15:46,974 just to show that he's the shit. 1722 01:15:47,073 --> 01:15:48,710 And at first, I thought, 1723 01:15:48,810 --> 01:15:50,945 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know, 1724 01:15:51,046 --> 01:15:53,681 maybe he doesn't mean it." 1725 01:15:53,782 --> 01:15:56,850 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. 1726 01:15:56,952 --> 01:15:57,984 What? 1727 01:15:58,953 --> 01:16:00,689 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1728 01:16:00,787 --> 01:16:02,090 He fucking lied to me. 1729 01:16:02,189 --> 01:16:04,826 Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1730 01:16:04,926 --> 01:16:08,829 I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps? 1731 01:16:08,930 --> 01:16:09,965 And the famine... maybe that's real. 1732 01:16:10,064 --> 01:16:12,033 God! 1733 01:16:12,134 --> 01:16:14,734 It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1734 01:16:14,836 --> 01:16:15,970 He fucking honeydicked me. 1735 01:16:16,069 --> 01:16:18,104 He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1736 01:16:18,206 --> 01:16:20,242 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1737 01:16:23,344 --> 01:16:25,845 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1738 01:16:25,947 --> 01:16:27,747 I want to know if you have the fucking poison 1739 01:16:27,849 --> 01:16:30,252 - so we can kill that motherfucker. -What?! 1740 01:16:30,350 --> 01:16:31,920 Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?! 1741 01:16:32,020 --> 01:16:33,779 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on here?! 1742 01:16:33,822 --> 01:16:35,256 - You can trust me, I'm okay. - You can trust her, man! 1743 01:16:35,355 --> 01:16:37,759 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her. 1744 01:16:37,859 --> 01:16:39,895 - Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Dude, I was in bed with her! 1745 01:16:39,993 --> 01:16:41,127 - What?! - We're hooking up. 1746 01:16:41,229 --> 01:16:42,631 - That's why she's here. - What?! 1747 01:16:42,729 --> 01:16:44,064 Let him go; everything is fine. 1748 01:16:44,166 --> 01:16:45,265 Now we got to kill the girl that you like. 1749 01:16:45,367 --> 01:16:46,801 This is the worst moment ever! 1750 01:16:46,902 --> 01:16:48,368 We're not killing her! 1751 01:16:50,005 --> 01:16:51,340 - She's loyal to Kim. - No! 1752 01:16:51,439 --> 01:16:54,609 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us. 1753 01:16:54,710 --> 01:16:55,743 I hate Kim. 1754 01:16:55,844 --> 01:16:57,813 He is a terrible leader. 1755 01:16:57,912 --> 01:16:59,079 - See? - Okay. 1756 01:16:59,180 --> 01:17:00,814 She can help us kill him. 1757 01:17:00,916 --> 01:17:02,684 What? No, no, no killing. 1758 01:17:02,783 --> 01:17:03,783 Kim must die. 1759 01:17:03,783 --> 01:17:05,185 That's the American way. 1760 01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:08,189 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1761 01:17:08,288 --> 01:17:09,823 As many times as it takes. 1762 01:17:09,925 --> 01:17:11,393 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1763 01:17:11,493 --> 01:17:12,761 You said it yourself. 1764 01:17:12,859 --> 01:17:14,395 We got to do something, right? 1765 01:17:14,496 --> 01:17:15,930 He will be replaced. 1766 01:17:16,029 --> 01:17:17,163 He has brothers, he has other generals. 1767 01:17:17,265 --> 01:17:18,367 The people need 1768 01:17:18,466 --> 01:17:21,167 to be shown that he is not a god, 1769 01:17:21,269 --> 01:17:22,770 that he is a man. 1770 01:17:22,871 --> 01:17:24,773 Then they will be ready for change. 1771 01:17:24,872 --> 01:17:26,942 Yeah, how? 1772 01:17:27,042 --> 01:17:29,176 Interviewing him. 1773 01:17:29,277 --> 01:17:32,046 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1774 01:17:32,145 --> 01:17:33,948 No... the interview's scripted. 1775 01:17:34,047 --> 01:17:37,252 His people are never going to let me ask real questions. 1776 01:17:37,350 --> 01:17:39,654 Dave, I am his people. 1777 01:17:39,755 --> 01:17:40,795 She controls the broadcast. 1778 01:17:40,822 --> 01:17:43,024 I can't do political interviews. 1779 01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:44,926 I do entertainment interviews. 1780 01:17:45,024 --> 01:17:47,429 Dude, you can fucking do this. 1781 01:17:47,529 --> 01:17:49,529 - Yeah? -Yeah, you don't interview with your brain. 1782 01:17:49,529 --> 01:17:51,064 You interview with your heart. 1783 01:17:51,166 --> 01:17:53,435 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1784 01:17:53,533 --> 01:17:56,438 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby 1785 01:17:56,537 --> 01:17:59,206 in front of all of North Korea? 1786 01:17:59,305 --> 01:18:00,942 They'll know he's not a god. 1787 01:18:01,042 --> 01:18:04,979 - I think I can do this. - You can do it. 1788 01:18:05,078 --> 01:18:08,350 I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone. 1789 01:18:08,448 --> 01:18:09,818 Yeah, you can. 1790 01:18:09,917 --> 01:18:12,286 Let's take this motherfucker down! 1791 01:18:26,167 --> 01:18:28,235 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Oh, ah! 1792 01:18:28,336 --> 01:18:30,176 - You got a lot of pent-up energy! - 1793 01:18:30,270 --> 01:18:31,270 Oh, God! 1794 01:18:33,474 --> 01:18:35,711 Okay, everything's ready. 1795 01:18:35,810 --> 01:18:36,844 Uh, you ready to rock? 1796 01:18:36,944 --> 01:18:37,978 Y-You memorize all those facts? 1797 01:18:38,078 --> 01:18:39,078 I'm ready, baby. 1798 01:18:39,078 --> 01:18:40,148 Great. 1799 01:18:40,247 --> 01:18:41,766 How many people in concentration camps? 1800 01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:42,850 200,000. 1801 01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:43,850 How many people malnourished? 1802 01:18:43,952 --> 01:18:45,051 16 million. 1803 01:18:45,153 --> 01:18:47,055 They spent $800 million on nukes last year 1804 01:18:47,154 --> 01:18:50,425 and got $200 million in food aid from the UN. 1805 01:18:50,524 --> 01:18:52,792 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1806 01:18:52,894 --> 01:18:55,261 Really good... you're going to nail this shit. 1807 01:18:55,363 --> 01:18:57,131 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. -Why don't we go 1808 01:18:57,230 --> 01:18:59,350 - to Japan? -Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan. 1809 01:18:59,367 --> 01:19:01,036 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1810 01:19:01,136 --> 01:19:02,904 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far. 1811 01:19:03,002 --> 01:19:04,404 - People have done it. - Nope. 1812 01:19:04,506 --> 01:19:06,305 - Yep, Michael Phelps did it. - That's not true. 1813 01:19:06,306 --> 01:19:07,346 Okay. -Okay. 1814 01:19:08,009 --> 01:19:09,288 Skylark, two-minute warning. 1815 01:19:09,377 --> 01:19:10,779 Just keep me on the air as long as you can. 1816 01:19:10,877 --> 01:19:11,912 I will, man. 1817 01:19:12,011 --> 01:19:13,782 Maybe we won't get out of here. 1818 01:19:13,881 --> 01:19:15,216 No, we might die. 1819 01:19:15,317 --> 01:19:17,786 I've had a great life. 1820 01:19:17,886 --> 01:19:19,154 I had the best best friend. 1821 01:19:19,252 --> 01:19:21,890 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1822 01:19:21,988 --> 01:19:23,425 And now it's time 1823 01:19:23,524 --> 01:19:25,760 for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1824 01:19:27,028 --> 01:19:29,765 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1825 01:19:31,230 --> 01:19:35,170 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, 1826 01:19:35,270 --> 01:19:38,172 they knew that this might be 1827 01:19:38,273 --> 01:19:40,341 the end of the long road, 1828 01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:42,444 but they also knew 1829 01:19:42,542 --> 01:19:45,247 how much they meant to each other, and even though 1830 01:19:45,345 --> 01:19:48,916 neither one could say it out loud, 1831 01:19:49,015 --> 01:19:51,484 they were both thinking... 1832 01:19:51,586 --> 01:19:54,122 I love you. 1833 01:19:55,957 --> 01:19:58,059 Okay, man, you got this. 1834 01:19:58,158 --> 01:19:59,158 Okay. 1835 01:20:02,395 --> 01:20:04,398 Showtime. 1836 01:21:02,023 --> 01:21:04,059 Dave. 1837 01:21:04,158 --> 01:21:05,393 Kim. 1838 01:21:07,993 --> 01:21:09,434 Are you ready to share with the world 1839 01:21:09,529 --> 01:21:11,399 that gorgeous smile of yours? 1840 01:21:11,497 --> 01:21:14,469 Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see. 1841 01:21:16,171 --> 01:21:17,404 I have something for you. 1842 01:21:17,505 --> 01:21:19,140 What?! 1843 01:21:21,676 --> 01:21:22,877 What's this? 1844 01:21:22,978 --> 01:21:24,212 Open. 1845 01:21:30,582 --> 01:21:32,653 Aw... aw! 1846 01:21:32,752 --> 01:21:34,287 For me? 1847 01:21:34,389 --> 01:21:36,291 For you. 1848 01:21:36,390 --> 01:21:39,094 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...! 1849 01:21:39,194 --> 01:21:41,896 Oh, he's just like Digby. 1850 01:21:41,997 --> 01:21:43,096 Just like Digby. 1851 01:21:43,198 --> 01:21:44,431 I think I'm gonna die. 1852 01:21:44,532 --> 01:21:46,368 - Oh, my God... - Don't die, please. 1853 01:21:46,466 --> 01:21:48,435 Not till after the interview. 1854 01:21:48,536 --> 01:21:51,104 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1855 01:21:51,206 --> 01:21:53,108 - He's crazy cute. - Can I keep it? 1856 01:21:53,207 --> 01:21:55,576 Take him home, forever and ever. 1857 01:21:55,676 --> 01:21:57,912 Why? 1858 01:21:58,011 --> 01:22:02,617 I live a lonely life, Dave... 1859 01:22:02,716 --> 01:22:05,252 and it warms my heart to know 1860 01:22:05,353 --> 01:22:07,188 that there is someone in this world 1861 01:22:07,287 --> 01:22:10,390 with whom I can truly be myself. 1862 01:22:10,492 --> 01:22:13,395 Whatever they say about you... 1863 01:22:15,127 --> 01:22:16,529 ...they're wrong. 1864 01:22:18,466 --> 01:22:21,202 I'm just me and I do my best. 1865 01:22:21,301 --> 01:22:22,403 You're my brother. 1866 01:22:24,171 --> 01:22:25,506 You're my brother. 1867 01:22:27,506 --> 01:22:29,344 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 1868 01:22:29,444 --> 01:22:31,112 - Okay. - Okay. 1869 01:22:31,212 --> 01:22:33,648 And what are we gonna name you, huh? 1870 01:22:33,747 --> 01:22:35,548 You need a name? Yes, you do. 1871 01:22:41,587 --> 01:22:43,725 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 1872 01:22:45,393 --> 01:22:47,362 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1873 01:22:47,462 --> 01:22:49,631 We see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 1874 01:22:51,430 --> 01:22:52,533 - Okay... - Okay. 1875 01:22:52,634 --> 01:22:54,368 - Shall we begin? - Are you ready? 1876 01:22:54,469 --> 01:22:55,670 Shut the fuck up. 1877 01:22:55,770 --> 01:22:57,130 Guys, it's starting! It's starting. 1878 01:22:58,471 --> 01:23:01,341 And we're on in five... 1879 01:23:01,443 --> 01:23:03,310 four, three... 1880 01:23:06,345 --> 01:23:08,015 Good evening. 1881 01:23:08,114 --> 01:23:09,684 And good morning to our viewers around the world. 1882 01:23:09,783 --> 01:23:11,518 I'm Dave Skylark. 1883 01:23:11,618 --> 01:23:15,523 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 1884 01:23:15,622 --> 01:23:17,291 I'm with President Kim Jong-un 1885 01:23:17,390 --> 01:23:20,260 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 1886 01:23:20,359 --> 01:23:22,197 We are broadcasting 1887 01:23:22,296 --> 01:23:24,364 from a station outside of Pyongyang 1888 01:23:24,466 --> 01:23:26,201 for this very special edition of: 1889 01:23:26,301 --> 01:23:28,069 "Skylark Tonight." 1890 01:23:29,502 --> 01:23:31,604 Thank you for joining me, 1891 01:23:31,706 --> 01:23:33,306 President Kim Jong-un. 1892 01:23:33,408 --> 01:23:35,076 It is my pleasure, Dave. 1893 01:23:35,176 --> 01:23:37,679 You know, there is so much misunderstanding 1894 01:23:37,779 --> 01:23:39,413 about North Korea 1895 01:23:39,514 --> 01:23:41,381 and, uh, me personally. 1896 01:23:41,483 --> 01:23:43,417 - Mm-hmm. - And I can't think of a man 1897 01:23:43,518 --> 01:23:45,685 with greater intelligence than you. 1898 01:23:45,787 --> 01:23:47,221 I am grateful 1899 01:23:47,322 --> 01:23:49,756 for this opportunity for my government 1900 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:52,158 and for the international community 1901 01:23:52,260 --> 01:23:55,796 to forge a better relationship. 1902 01:23:55,895 --> 01:23:57,564 So you want to set the record straight. 1903 01:23:57,663 --> 01:23:59,033 Indeed, Dave. 1904 01:23:59,134 --> 01:24:00,568 Camera three. 1905 01:24:00,667 --> 01:24:02,103 Tensions between your nation 1906 01:24:02,203 --> 01:24:05,340 and South Korea are at an all-time high. 1907 01:24:05,439 --> 01:24:08,509 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 1908 01:24:08,609 --> 01:24:11,179 So, what I want to know is: 1909 01:24:11,279 --> 01:24:13,715 In these times of great stress, 1910 01:24:13,814 --> 01:24:15,582 do you do karaoke? 1911 01:24:15,681 --> 01:24:17,350 Yes, I do, Dave. 1912 01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:21,055 I believe that it is important for those in power 1913 01:24:21,154 --> 01:24:23,524 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 1914 01:24:23,625 --> 01:24:26,661 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 1915 01:24:26,761 --> 01:24:28,328 Well, how can I not be? 1916 01:24:28,429 --> 01:24:29,828 He's reading the scripted questions. 1917 01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:31,666 He lulls them and then he gets them. 1918 01:24:31,765 --> 01:24:33,268 It's his technique. 1919 01:24:33,368 --> 01:24:34,668 The beauty guides you. 1920 01:24:34,769 --> 01:24:36,237 It guides my hand. 1921 01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,773 This is fuckin' bullshit. 1922 01:24:38,872 --> 01:24:40,442 Let's take it to a serious tip. 1923 01:24:40,542 --> 01:24:42,277 Supreme Leader Kim, when... 1924 01:24:42,377 --> 01:24:44,145 the United States, 1925 01:24:44,243 --> 01:24:47,282 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons, 1926 01:24:47,381 --> 01:24:52,453 insists that countries like yours have none, 1927 01:24:52,554 --> 01:24:55,488 does that feel hypocritical to you? 1928 01:24:55,590 --> 01:24:57,859 Many Americans do not realize 1929 01:24:57,957 --> 01:25:00,161 that the war in North Korea 1930 01:25:00,261 --> 01:25:02,863 was entirely the fault of the United States. 1931 01:25:02,962 --> 01:25:05,698 Damn! Kim's callin' us out! 1932 01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:07,720 - You really are still hopeful? - No, no, I'm not 1933 01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:10,171 hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan. 1934 01:25:10,270 --> 01:25:12,305 America, what you done to these Koreans? 1935 01:25:12,407 --> 01:25:14,408 This is a little embarrassing. 1936 01:25:14,509 --> 01:25:17,243 So when you think of all that your country has been through... 1937 01:25:17,345 --> 01:25:20,148 The wars, the floods... 1938 01:25:20,247 --> 01:25:22,682 do you think that your people should be rewarded 1939 01:25:22,783 --> 01:25:25,786 for their resilience and strength? 1940 01:25:25,886 --> 01:25:28,456 Of course, Dave. 1941 01:25:31,725 --> 01:25:33,560 Then why don't you feed them? 1942 01:25:38,533 --> 01:25:39,734 Hmm.. -Mm... 1943 01:25:41,435 --> 01:25:45,206 Uh... I... 1944 01:25:45,305 --> 01:25:47,207 Camera two. 1945 01:25:49,210 --> 01:25:50,912 I... beg your pardon? 1946 01:25:51,011 --> 01:25:53,279 Why don't you feed your people? 1947 01:25:53,381 --> 01:25:54,480 They are hungry. 1948 01:25:54,582 --> 01:25:56,551 Specifically, two-thirds of them? 1949 01:25:56,649 --> 01:25:58,920 Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're 1950 01:25:59,020 --> 01:26:01,288 the one they view as a provider and a god? 1951 01:26:01,389 --> 01:26:04,359 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 1952 01:26:04,457 --> 01:26:05,926 And you have 16 million people 1953 01:26:06,027 --> 01:26:07,529 who are starving? 1954 01:26:13,533 --> 01:26:16,435 Are you sure you don't, uh... 1955 01:26:16,537 --> 01:26:19,172 mean to ask me about potato yields? 1956 01:26:19,274 --> 01:26:20,507 No, I want to know 1957 01:26:20,608 --> 01:26:22,176 about that other thing I just asked. 1958 01:26:22,277 --> 01:26:23,478 Okay, uh, well, uh... 1959 01:26:23,578 --> 01:26:26,314 Dave, as you have seen for yourself 1960 01:26:26,412 --> 01:26:29,184 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 1961 01:26:29,283 --> 01:26:31,219 What I saw for myself 1962 01:26:31,319 --> 01:26:34,588 was a fake grocery store 1963 01:26:34,689 --> 01:26:36,890 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it. 1964 01:26:40,560 --> 01:26:42,796 Okay, uh, this is, uh... 1965 01:26:42,895 --> 01:26:44,730 an offensive line of questioning. 1966 01:26:44,832 --> 01:26:47,268 I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important. 1967 01:26:47,368 --> 01:26:48,502 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions, 1968 01:26:48,603 --> 01:26:49,671 you can just get up and walk away. 1969 01:26:49,770 --> 01:26:51,738 I can't keep you from retreating. 1970 01:26:51,837 --> 01:26:53,506 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's not. He's sitting there. 1971 01:26:53,608 --> 01:26:55,475 - He's not moving. - He's going for the button. 1972 01:26:55,576 --> 01:26:57,612 He's going for the button, he's going for the button... 1973 01:26:57,712 --> 01:26:58,613 He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move! 1974 01:26:58,712 --> 01:27:00,881 Don't move, homie! 1975 01:27:00,980 --> 01:27:02,780 Get your hand away from there! Get over there! 1976 01:27:02,783 --> 01:27:03,783 Over there! 1977 01:27:03,783 --> 01:27:04,885 Get over there! 1978 01:27:06,618 --> 01:27:07,654 I will cap you! 1979 01:27:07,755 --> 01:27:08,957 I'm exploding with energy. 1980 01:27:09,055 --> 01:27:10,591 I can't believe this is happening. 1981 01:27:10,692 --> 01:27:12,894 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 1982 01:27:12,993 --> 01:27:15,429 He's got him. Nice! 1983 01:27:15,529 --> 01:27:16,849 - Dave! Dave... - I know you, Kim. 1984 01:27:24,805 --> 01:27:26,306 Dave... 1985 01:27:26,407 --> 01:27:28,443 perhaps the question you should ask is: 1986 01:27:28,542 --> 01:27:32,246 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished 1987 01:27:32,345 --> 01:27:35,314 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions 1988 01:27:35,416 --> 01:27:39,386 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 1989 01:27:39,487 --> 01:27:41,956 Sanctions? Uh... 1990 01:27:42,055 --> 01:27:43,789 Don't you know that the United States 1991 01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,960 has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea? 1992 01:27:47,060 --> 01:27:48,929 - No. But... - So, perhaps, now, 1993 01:27:49,029 --> 01:27:50,730 you would like to return 1994 01:27:50,832 --> 01:27:54,335 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon. 1995 01:27:54,435 --> 01:27:56,470 Uh... 1996 01:27:56,569 --> 01:27:58,404 No! 1997 01:28:02,676 --> 01:28:04,612 Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 1998 01:28:08,881 --> 01:28:10,850 Camera three! Camera three! 1999 01:28:15,823 --> 01:28:17,891 Do not move, homie! 2000 01:28:26,466 --> 01:28:28,868 Give me something! Give me fucking something! 2001 01:28:28,970 --> 01:28:30,770 Okay... 2002 01:28:30,872 --> 01:28:32,707 Why?! 2003 01:28:32,805 --> 01:28:34,908 Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 2004 01:28:35,009 --> 01:28:37,511 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 2005 01:28:37,612 --> 01:28:39,845 Have you seen one person mistreated 2006 01:28:39,947 --> 01:28:41,983 since your arrival here? 2007 01:28:45,618 --> 01:28:47,487 Oh, shit! Someone's coming. 2008 01:28:47,587 --> 01:28:48,755 Someone's coming. 2009 01:29:02,636 --> 01:29:04,372 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 2010 01:29:04,470 --> 01:29:07,375 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo 2011 01:29:07,475 --> 01:29:08,609 of widespread hunger... 2012 01:29:15,480 --> 01:29:16,480 Aaron! 2013 01:29:29,595 --> 01:29:31,497 Do not fuck with my angles! 2014 01:29:43,911 --> 01:29:46,046 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 2015 01:29:47,145 --> 01:29:48,582 You're fucking up the angles! 2016 01:29:50,184 --> 01:29:51,386 Sit still! 2017 01:29:51,484 --> 01:29:53,520 Go wide, camera two! 2018 01:29:53,621 --> 01:29:55,523 Slow push! 2019 01:30:08,469 --> 01:30:10,537 Thank you! 2020 01:30:10,636 --> 01:30:12,605 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 2021 01:30:12,707 --> 01:30:16,109 You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing. 2022 01:30:16,210 --> 01:30:17,810 You made this long journey 2023 01:30:17,912 --> 01:30:20,081 just to show the world that they were right about you. 2024 01:30:20,180 --> 01:30:24,117 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 2025 01:30:24,216 --> 01:30:26,752 You're a joke! 2026 01:30:29,721 --> 01:30:31,692 Maybe you're right. 2027 01:30:31,792 --> 01:30:34,828 Yeah, it sucks. 2028 01:30:34,929 --> 01:30:37,029 Because I need people's approval. 2029 01:30:39,265 --> 01:30:40,734 Desperately. 2030 01:30:40,835 --> 01:30:42,103 Because I could never get it 2031 01:30:42,203 --> 01:30:44,572 from my father when I was a kid. 2032 01:30:51,912 --> 01:30:54,916 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 2033 01:30:56,114 --> 01:30:57,716 Your father... 2034 01:30:57,818 --> 01:31:02,590 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 2035 01:31:03,756 --> 01:31:06,193 He told you that margaritas are gay. 2036 01:31:06,292 --> 01:31:10,162 I have no comment on margaritas. 2037 01:31:10,264 --> 01:31:11,864 Then why don't you drink them? 2038 01:31:11,966 --> 01:31:14,635 I... don't like brain freeze. 2039 01:31:15,836 --> 01:31:17,604 Fuck you, Dave. 2040 01:31:17,703 --> 01:31:20,675 You fucking asshole. 2041 01:31:20,774 --> 01:31:22,844 I just have one more question for you. 2042 01:31:24,743 --> 01:31:27,081 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2043 01:31:27,180 --> 01:31:29,817 ♪ Like a plastic bag ♪ 2044 01:31:29,917 --> 01:31:31,886 ♪ Drifting through the wind ♪ 2045 01:31:31,984 --> 01:31:34,622 ♪ Wanting to start again? ♪ 2046 01:31:34,720 --> 01:31:36,157 What is that? 2047 01:31:36,256 --> 01:31:38,225 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, yes, you do. 2048 01:31:38,326 --> 01:31:40,926 No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life. 2049 01:31:41,028 --> 01:31:42,962 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2050 01:31:43,064 --> 01:31:44,899 ♪ Feel so paper thin ♪ 2051 01:31:44,997 --> 01:31:47,068 ♪ Just like a house of cards ♪ 2052 01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:50,971 ♪ One blow from caving in? ♪ 2053 01:31:51,072 --> 01:31:52,640 I don't know 2054 01:31:52,738 --> 01:31:53,738 what you're singing. 2055 01:31:53,739 --> 01:31:55,076 You know exactly what it is. 2056 01:31:55,176 --> 01:31:57,645 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie anymore. 2057 01:31:57,743 --> 01:32:00,113 Katy Perry's your favorite! 2058 01:32:00,212 --> 01:32:01,680 Katy who? 2059 01:32:01,782 --> 01:32:03,261 I don't know who you're talking about. 2060 01:32:03,350 --> 01:32:05,051 ♪ You just got to ignite ♪ 2061 01:32:05,152 --> 01:32:07,255 ♪ The light ♪ 2062 01:32:07,354 --> 01:32:09,956 ♪ And let ♪ 2063 01:32:10,055 --> 01:32:11,559 ♪ It shine ♪ 2064 01:32:11,658 --> 01:32:13,594 - Not the chorus, please. - ♪ And own ♪ 2065 01:32:13,694 --> 01:32:15,095 ♪ The night ♪ 2066 01:32:15,194 --> 01:32:17,832 - Stop! ♪ Like it's the Fourth of July ♪ 2067 01:32:17,930 --> 01:32:20,001 ♪ 'Cause, Kimmy ♪ 2068 01:32:20,100 --> 01:32:22,969 - Stop! - ♪ You're a firework ♪ 2069 01:32:23,069 --> 01:32:27,006 ♪ Go and show 'em what you're worth ♪ 2070 01:32:27,108 --> 01:32:28,242 ♪ And make 'em go ♪ 2071 01:32:28,341 --> 01:32:30,243 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2072 01:32:30,344 --> 01:32:35,082 ♪ As you sail across the sky-y-y ♪ 2073 01:32:35,180 --> 01:32:38,085 ♪ Kimmy, you're a firework! ♪ 2074 01:32:38,185 --> 01:32:39,686 No! 2075 01:32:39,787 --> 01:32:41,721 I don't need my father! 2076 01:32:41,822 --> 01:32:44,591 I am strong! 2077 01:33:08,948 --> 01:33:09,948 Excuse me. 2078 01:33:10,015 --> 01:33:11,117 Did you just shart? 2079 01:33:11,216 --> 01:33:12,618 No, I didn't. 2080 01:33:12,720 --> 01:33:14,921 It was that camera guy. 2081 01:33:15,020 --> 01:33:16,122 It wasn't me. 2082 01:33:16,221 --> 01:33:17,221 Ladies and gentlemen, 2083 01:33:17,256 --> 01:33:19,158 Kim Jong-un has just pooed 2084 01:33:19,260 --> 01:33:20,292 in his pants. 2085 01:33:26,100 --> 01:33:28,069 Let's get the fuck out of here. 2086 01:33:28,167 --> 01:33:30,671 Yeah, let's go. 2087 01:34:10,743 --> 01:34:12,345 Damn, girl. 2088 01:34:12,444 --> 01:34:14,046 You a bad-ass. 2089 01:34:14,148 --> 01:34:16,082 I thought you were my friend, Dave. 2090 01:34:16,181 --> 01:34:19,118 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 2091 01:34:19,220 --> 01:34:21,788 I thought everyone lied about you. 2092 01:34:21,889 --> 01:34:23,989 And then I saw that fake grapefruit 2093 01:34:24,091 --> 01:34:26,060 in that fake grocery store, 2094 01:34:26,158 --> 01:34:29,130 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 2095 01:34:30,831 --> 01:34:32,931 And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up 2096 01:34:33,033 --> 01:34:35,202 just to show what a big guy you are? 2097 01:34:35,301 --> 01:34:36,703 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 2098 01:34:36,804 --> 01:34:39,238 You're just a flawed man 2099 01:34:39,340 --> 01:34:41,408 with a big old butthole. 2100 01:34:41,509 --> 01:34:43,743 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 2101 01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:56,222 Well, tell me this, Dave. 2102 01:34:58,192 --> 01:34:59,827 Will you be so cocky 2103 01:34:59,926 --> 01:35:02,295 when I slay you in front of the whole world, 2104 01:35:02,395 --> 01:35:04,764 you Yankee motherfucker? 2105 01:35:04,863 --> 01:35:06,032 If you shoot me, 2106 01:35:06,131 --> 01:35:09,269 you'll just be proving me right. 2107 01:35:09,368 --> 01:35:10,738 You're just a sad little man. 2108 01:35:15,341 --> 01:35:17,743 Dave! Dave! No! 2109 01:35:22,283 --> 01:35:23,884 This is Dave Skylark 2110 01:35:23,984 --> 01:35:25,418 signing off. 2111 01:35:31,925 --> 01:35:33,926 Good-bye, Dave. 2112 01:35:43,036 --> 01:35:44,738 Oh, man. 2113 01:35:51,377 --> 01:35:53,078 Bulletproof vest. 2114 01:35:53,180 --> 01:35:54,881 Genius! 2115 01:35:56,448 --> 01:35:57,952 He's alive, everybody! 2116 01:35:58,051 --> 01:35:59,051 Oh, fuck! 2117 01:35:59,153 --> 01:36:00,886 Got a bulletproof vest on! 2118 01:36:00,988 --> 01:36:03,323 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on! 2119 01:36:03,422 --> 01:36:05,792 Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un. 2120 01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:07,292 This is Dave Skylark 2121 01:36:07,394 --> 01:36:09,363 signing off. 2122 01:36:09,462 --> 01:36:11,163 No! 2123 01:36:11,265 --> 01:36:13,466 - Aaron! - Let's get the fuck out of here. 2124 01:36:13,567 --> 01:36:14,902 Wait! 2125 01:36:15,002 --> 01:36:16,103 The puppy. 2126 01:36:16,203 --> 01:36:18,171 Hey, what happened to your hand? 2127 01:36:18,270 --> 01:36:19,439 Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 2128 01:36:19,538 --> 01:36:20,841 That's just like Frodo! 2129 01:36:20,939 --> 01:36:23,109 Oh, shit! 2130 01:36:23,210 --> 01:36:24,478 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 2131 01:36:40,027 --> 01:36:41,127 Go! 2132 01:36:45,230 --> 01:36:46,233 Oh, no! No! 2133 01:36:46,332 --> 01:36:47,412 - What is that?! - Oh, oh, no! 2134 01:36:47,466 --> 01:36:48,466 Oh, shit! 2135 01:36:48,502 --> 01:36:50,136 Oh, God! 2136 01:36:50,237 --> 01:36:51,372 Oh, no! 2137 01:36:51,470 --> 01:36:53,340 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! there's more! 2138 01:36:55,475 --> 01:36:56,542 You're a hero! 2139 01:36:56,644 --> 01:36:58,813 Thank you, sir! 2140 01:37:52,332 --> 01:37:54,268 That's the only way out. 2141 01:37:54,368 --> 01:37:55,269 Hey... 2142 01:37:55,368 --> 01:37:57,304 I have an idea. 2143 01:37:57,404 --> 01:37:58,439 Follow me. 2144 01:38:12,618 --> 01:38:15,488 Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 2145 01:38:15,587 --> 01:38:17,489 Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate. 2146 01:38:31,104 --> 01:38:33,073 Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes? 2147 01:38:33,171 --> 01:38:34,239 Let me check! 2148 01:38:37,310 --> 01:38:38,510 Oh, we really fucked up! 2149 01:38:38,578 --> 01:38:40,979 He's arming his fucking nukes! 2150 01:38:46,551 --> 01:38:47,587 Aah! Fuck! 2151 01:38:58,529 --> 01:39:00,533 Skylark! 2152 01:39:05,404 --> 01:39:07,974 Kim! 2153 01:39:08,073 --> 01:39:09,676 Fuck you! 2154 01:39:11,277 --> 01:39:12,412 Fire! 2155 01:39:25,658 --> 01:39:27,426 I've been grazed! 2156 01:39:27,528 --> 01:39:29,261 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 2157 01:39:29,363 --> 01:39:31,131 You protect that puppy with your life. 2158 01:39:42,108 --> 01:39:43,143 We got to do something! 2159 01:39:43,243 --> 01:39:44,545 He's gonna fucking kill us! 2160 01:39:44,645 --> 01:39:45,546 We're in a tank! 2161 01:39:45,645 --> 01:39:46,645 Shoot him back. 2162 01:39:50,050 --> 01:39:51,551 It's loaded! 2163 01:39:51,652 --> 01:39:54,587 Let's barbeque this motherfucker. 2164 01:40:02,229 --> 01:40:03,229 On three. 2165 01:40:04,698 --> 01:40:06,166 Balls to the wall, motherfuckers! 2166 01:40:07,567 --> 01:40:09,167 Boom, boom... 2167 01:40:10,569 --> 01:40:11,703 Boom! 2168 01:41:37,689 --> 01:41:39,091 Yes! 2169 01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:41,595 Yes! Yes! 2170 01:41:41,694 --> 01:41:43,162 Yes! 2171 01:41:43,261 --> 01:41:45,832 - Okay. - Okay. 2172 01:41:45,931 --> 01:41:48,435 That way. 2173 01:41:48,533 --> 01:41:50,368 It's an old mining tunnel. 2174 01:41:50,470 --> 01:41:51,636 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. 2175 01:41:51,738 --> 01:41:53,605 Away from Pyongyang. 2176 01:41:53,707 --> 01:41:55,309 Keep moving until you reach the coast. 2177 01:41:55,408 --> 01:41:57,210 I wish you both luck. 2178 01:41:57,310 --> 01:41:58,478 You sound like you're not coming with us. 2179 01:41:58,578 --> 01:41:59,479 - Yeah, Sook....? - What-what are you doing? 2180 01:41:59,578 --> 01:42:01,314 I have to go to Pyongyang. 2181 01:42:01,413 --> 01:42:02,783 That's going right back into the snake pit. 2182 01:42:02,881 --> 01:42:04,216 I can't leave North Korea. 2183 01:42:04,318 --> 01:42:06,118 I just helped plunge it into chaos. 2184 01:42:06,220 --> 01:42:07,720 - Yeah, yeah. -So did we. I'm okay with leaving. 2185 01:42:07,819 --> 01:42:09,389 I have to ensure that the power 2186 01:42:09,488 --> 01:42:10,927 does not transfer to the wrong hands. 2187 01:42:10,989 --> 01:42:12,591 I can't deny 2188 01:42:12,693 --> 01:42:14,493 that we have a chemistry, 2189 01:42:14,595 --> 01:42:17,197 but I have to stay here for my people. 2190 01:42:18,363 --> 01:42:19,731 Okay. 2191 01:42:19,832 --> 01:42:22,234 I'm glad to meet you. 2192 01:42:22,336 --> 01:42:23,636 Okay. 2193 01:42:23,737 --> 01:42:25,639 Kiss her. 2194 01:42:27,538 --> 01:42:29,341 Kiss her, dude. 2195 01:42:29,443 --> 01:42:30,877 Yeah, get in there. 2196 01:42:34,747 --> 01:42:36,481 Ooh... 2197 01:42:40,386 --> 01:42:43,555 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 2198 01:42:43,657 --> 01:42:45,559 You, too. 2199 01:42:46,693 --> 01:42:48,162 Bye, Sook. 2200 01:42:48,261 --> 01:42:50,162 Have fun with the war. 2201 01:43:12,283 --> 01:43:14,188 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 2202 01:43:16,787 --> 01:43:17,858 Okay, here you go. 2203 01:43:17,957 --> 01:43:19,457 - You got him? - All right... got him. 2204 01:43:19,559 --> 01:43:20,694 Yeah. 2205 01:43:20,792 --> 01:43:22,729 You out of that big, old, scary hole? 2206 01:43:25,363 --> 01:43:27,300 Where are we? 2207 01:43:27,399 --> 01:43:28,734 I don't know. 2208 01:43:28,835 --> 01:43:30,270 Is this China? 2209 01:43:30,368 --> 01:43:31,671 I don't know. Looks like North Korea. 2210 01:43:31,770 --> 01:43:32,837 Yeah. 2211 01:43:32,939 --> 01:43:34,474 Man. 2212 01:43:34,573 --> 01:43:36,372 - Well, which way's the coast? - I have no idea. 2213 01:43:36,376 --> 01:43:37,711 Does that do something? 2214 01:43:37,810 --> 01:43:39,412 Dogs always run to the sea. 2215 01:43:39,511 --> 01:43:41,680 - That's not true. - You got to find the sea. 2216 01:43:41,782 --> 01:43:43,341 I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave. 2217 01:43:43,417 --> 01:43:44,850 Shit. 2218 01:43:44,951 --> 01:43:46,987 - Shit! Shit! Shit! - Protect the puppy! 2219 01:43:47,087 --> 01:43:49,555 - Protect the puppy! - Stop! It's them. 2220 01:43:51,555 --> 01:43:52,826 Echo Romeo Five. 2221 01:43:52,926 --> 01:43:54,895 Echo Romeo Five, we have contact 2222 01:43:54,993 --> 01:43:56,761 with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 2223 01:43:56,863 --> 01:43:58,998 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung, 2224 01:43:59,099 --> 01:44:01,001 - SEAL Team Six. - Holy shit. 2225 01:44:01,100 --> 01:44:02,368 How'd you guys find us? 2226 01:44:02,469 --> 01:44:03,604 We tracked you using the GPS 2227 01:44:03,703 --> 01:44:04,737 - on your wristwatch. - Oh, my God. 2228 01:44:04,837 --> 01:44:05,904 Let's get you boys home. 2229 01:44:06,006 --> 01:44:07,341 Oh, my God. 2230 01:44:07,439 --> 01:44:08,506 For you. 2231 01:44:08,608 --> 01:44:09,908 Me? 2232 01:44:10,010 --> 01:44:11,345 Is it the president? 2233 01:44:11,444 --> 01:44:12,746 Mr. Obama? 2234 01:44:12,845 --> 01:44:14,713 Nope, just me, Agent Lacey. 2235 01:44:14,814 --> 01:44:16,515 Agent Lacey. 2236 01:44:16,614 --> 01:44:17,884 Fancy hearing from you here. 2237 01:44:17,984 --> 01:44:20,453 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 2238 01:44:20,554 --> 01:44:23,023 Now try not to fuck up your extraction. 2239 01:44:23,122 --> 01:44:25,024 Get home safe. 2240 01:44:25,125 --> 01:44:28,362 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 2241 01:44:28,462 --> 01:44:30,363 - And you get all the good stuff, - Okay, let's just go. 2242 01:44:30,462 --> 01:44:32,743 - and it's nice. -Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay. 2243 01:44:43,676 --> 01:44:44,810 Get them in. 2244 01:44:46,377 --> 01:44:47,747 Take the dog. 2245 01:45:11,904 --> 01:45:13,407 She honeypotted me. 2246 01:45:13,506 --> 01:45:14,974 What? What are you talking about? 2247 01:45:15,073 --> 01:45:16,309 Sook. 2248 01:45:16,408 --> 01:45:17,676 Think about it, man. 2249 01:45:17,778 --> 01:45:20,380 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me, 2250 01:45:20,479 --> 01:45:22,715 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. 2251 01:45:22,814 --> 01:45:24,451 I mean, she used me. 2252 01:45:24,551 --> 01:45:27,988 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause, 2253 01:45:28,087 --> 01:45:29,956 but she honeypotted me. 2254 01:45:30,055 --> 01:45:31,390 Yeah. 2255 01:45:31,489 --> 01:45:32,524 Well, good riddance. 2256 01:45:32,626 --> 01:45:33,960 I hated that fucking bitch. 2257 01:45:34,060 --> 01:45:35,061 Really? 2258 01:45:36,595 --> 01:45:39,597 Nah, just thought it would make you feel better. 2259 01:45:39,698 --> 01:45:41,600 That was your one true love. 2260 01:45:41,701 --> 01:45:43,603 Now she's gone. 2261 01:45:43,703 --> 01:45:46,707 Doesn't make me feel any better. 2262 01:45:46,805 --> 01:45:49,009 Well, you have us, 2263 01:45:49,109 --> 01:45:51,011 and "we wuv you." 2264 01:45:55,014 --> 01:45:57,617 "We aw wuv each other." 2265 01:46:06,225 --> 01:46:08,560 "And as the North Korean coastline 2266 01:46:08,662 --> 01:46:10,462 "receded in the distance, 2267 01:46:10,564 --> 01:46:13,899 "we heard the crackling of gunfire. 2268 01:46:14,000 --> 01:46:17,738 "It was the beginning of a revolution... 2269 01:46:17,837 --> 01:46:22,041 "a revolution Aaron and I started. 2270 01:46:22,140 --> 01:46:25,377 "Of course, in a tale like this, 2271 01:46:25,479 --> 01:46:27,747 "you might expect to find 2272 01:46:27,846 --> 01:46:30,649 "some hot CIA 2273 01:46:30,750 --> 01:46:32,152 "honeypot 2274 01:46:32,252 --> 01:46:34,787 bombshell..." 2275 01:46:42,060 --> 01:46:43,662 "...maybe a few drones 2276 01:46:43,761 --> 01:46:46,899 or a secret CIA watch." 2277 01:46:47,000 --> 01:46:48,402 You got Skype! 2278 01:46:48,502 --> 01:46:49,502 So good to see your face. 2279 01:46:49,603 --> 01:46:51,037 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 2280 01:46:52,506 --> 01:46:53,538 Guess what we named him? 2281 01:46:53,640 --> 01:46:54,908 Kim Jong-un. 2282 01:46:55,006 --> 01:46:56,742 Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no? 2283 01:46:56,841 --> 01:46:58,912 Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though. 2284 01:46:59,011 --> 01:47:01,413 "But there was none of that. 2285 01:47:01,515 --> 01:47:02,748 "No. 2286 01:47:02,849 --> 01:47:04,917 "This was a revolution 2287 01:47:05,018 --> 01:47:07,685 "ignited with nothing more 2288 01:47:07,787 --> 01:47:09,422 "than a camera 2289 01:47:09,523 --> 01:47:11,055 "and some questions. 2290 01:47:11,157 --> 01:47:13,960 "Questions that led a man 2291 01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,628 "once revered as a god 2292 01:47:15,729 --> 01:47:18,698 "among mortals to cry 2293 01:47:18,796 --> 01:47:20,966 "and shit his pants. 2294 01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:24,837 The end." 2295 01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:25,938 Thank you. 151484

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.