Original subtitles

♪ ♪

[shattering glass]

Boy In White Shirt: That guy's

as queer as a three dollar bill.

Boy In Green Shirt: Yeah, let's teach him a lesson.

Boy In White Shirt: Yeah! (laughing)

(peppy rock music)

Boy In Blue Shirt: Jason Potts is such a fag.

Smear the queer, it never gets old.

Dark-haired Boy: I'm telling you dude, Mike Holts is a fag.

Dark Blond Boy: What about Steve Schultz?

You see how he prances around in gym class.

Dark-haired Boy: Yeah, you're right.

Dude, Steve Schultz could use a good ass-kicking

for the fag way he plays basketball.

Curtis: No one's name going on the wall today.

Dark-haired Boy: Principal Banks,

we didn't see you there sir.

Dark Blond Boy: Wait, you're not gonna

paint over this wall, are you?

Curtis: Oh, sure am.

Dark Blond Boy: But this wall is like

a Smythe High School institution.

Dark-haired Boy: Yeah, painting over this wall

would be like destroying town records.

At least let me take a picture of it.

Curtis: Pass the word on.

Anybody starting a new list gets suspended.

Dark Blond Boy: Oh, dude!

Jason: I swear every time I go home it's like

walking into a Tennessee Williams play or something.

Paul: (laughing) Well, you are the gay son,

and your brother Frank is the alcoholic,

and you mother is the drama queen,

and your sister is a bit of a kook at times.

Jason: I wish my Dad was still around.

Paul: Hey, come here.

Hey, come here.

Do you remember the first time that you took me home

to Smythe, and I was asleep in the guest bedroom

and it was like five o'clock in the morning,

and your Dad came in and he shook me awake.

And he said um ...

Jason: He said, "If you can't fish- Paul: "And you can't fish,

Jason: "then you can't date my son." Paul: "then you can't date my son."

Jason: He meant it, too.

If you hadn't caught one he would have

put you straight on the plank.

Paul: (laughs) I have no doubt!

Listen, you just need to go home,

you need to get Frank into rehab and see your Mama,

and you come back home on Sunday, okay?

Jason: Okay. Paul: And Jason?

Paul: When you get home to Tennessee,

you need to tell your mother about our good news.

Jason: Oh, she's gonna flip out.

She already hates that I live here.

If she finds out that I interviewed in London,

she's gonna have a heart attack.

Paul: Right, she's not gonna throw a parade for you

or anything like that but you gotta tell her at some point.

Jason: Can't I just send her a postcard when we get there?

Paul: Uh huh, yeah.

Jason: Like a picture of the queen or something.

Paul: No, she don't need a picture of the queen,

she's got plenty of pictures of you.

Jason: Oh, you bitch!

(happy music and whistling)

Jason: Wow, the town looks exactly the same as I remember.

I'm gonna need a drink after this.

I think I'm gonna go to Jack's Bar tonight.

Ruth: Well, Reverend Gray thinks this intervention

might go on for several hours.

Might even take all weekend.

Jason: Really?

Ruth: Yeah, Mom thinks this will be difficult.

Jason: I guess I didn't realize

Frank had that much of a problem.

Well you know, growing up in this family

it's understandable why somebody would drink.

Rebecca: Oh, here they are!

Oh, the prodigal son returns!

Frank: No, stop.

Jason: Are we doing this now?

Jack: Yes, if you need a moment

to freshen up this is the time to do so.

Jason: I'm okay, are you ready?

Jack: A few ground rules.

Only one person at a time may speak,

I don't want any crosstalk or ganging up.

Everybody in this room loves you,

your mother wants what's best for you.

Your Uncle Pete's here to lend support.

Your sister, her husband, and your brother.

Let's all just take a deep breath in.

And release.

Several people have written statements

they'd like to read to you.

Ruth, I believe we agreed that you would go first.

Ruth: Jason, your niece and nephews miss you.

They need you to move back home and be a full-time uncle.

Jason: Thanks, Ruth.

Ruth: I'm sure you've had fun in New York

but it is time for you to settle down.

Smythe has one of the best libraries

in the state of Tennessee.

I know you will enjoy working there.

(whispers) Was that good?

Rebecca: (whispers) It was good.

Jason: Are we getting off track here?

Jack: Pete?

Pete: When I was a young man I went off to Asia

and saw all sorts of things, had adventures.

But I settled down near the family.

Jason: First of all, Uncle Pete, you were drafted.

It's not like you were out having adventures.

And secondly, what does any of this

have to do with Frank being an alcoholic?

Frank: See this is where it gets good!

I'm not an alcoholic.

Rebecca: Oh, oh of course you're not, son.

Everybody has a cocktail before dinner.

Jason: Mom- Rebecca: It's only normal.

Jason: Mom, you called me last week in tears

begging me to come home for an intervention for Frank.

Rebecca: Oh, oh but we are having an intervention, Jason.

It's for you!

Roy: We think it's time you move back

from New York, back home to Tennessee.

Rebecca: Ethel Hemingway is retiring from the library

and I've already talked to the Mayor,

the job is yours if you want it!

Jason: Oh, no, no.

Rebecca: That is not even half of the good news.

Ethel is putting her house on the market

and moving to Florida.

Can you imagine?

You'd be three houses down from me

and right across the street from Ruth and Roy!

Frank: Yeah, and Mom even made me move back

into my old room upstairs for you.

Jason: Okay, Mom?

Me and Paul are thinking about moving to London.

I've already interviewed for a job there.

Rebecca: Why didn't you tell us?

I'm so happy for you! (laughing)

Jason: You are?

Rebecca: Well yes, I mean London's only 30 minutes away.

It's right across Highway 8, and they have

the cutest little town square.

You know, back when your father and I were dating-

Jason: Mom, Mom, Mom!

London, England.

Rebecca: Why would you want to do that?

It's so far away!

Ruth: I've got to be honest.

I'm a little offended that you don't want to move back home.

Is this about the gay thing?

Because Smythe has changed a lot

since you were in high school.

Jason: Oh, I'm sure it has.

Rebecca: No, it has, son.

Over at the junior college in my drama class,

we got one or two of the gays-

Roy: We got a gay that works in the

county hospital up in radiology, I think.

At least I think he's gay, he's got that look, you know.

Jack: We just hired a new organist.

He's just like you, a homosexual.

Frank: Yeah, and there's that lesbian couple

that lives on Highway 8, no one messes with them.

Roy: Your sister and I were in Memphis last weekend

and we picked you up this gay newspaper.

It's got all types of information

for people like you and Paul.

Ruth: We drove around town and counted seven gay bars!

Roy: They have this map and we circled where the bars are.

Ruth: Downtown Memphis has an arts district!

Gallery shops, a museum, I know Paul would love that!

Jack: You and Paul can drive into Memphis for the weekend

and it would be as if you never left New York.

Roy: They have a gay film festival every fall.

Ruth: And a gay parade!

Rebecca: Now what time shall I tell Ethel

to expect you, come by and look at the house?

(screaming)

Well, he didn't say no!

Dewayne: I don't know what to say, Preacher.

Joe: Say yes, Dewayne, say yes.

Dewayne: Yes, absolutely, yes!

Amy and I we were just discussing

this very subject last night.

Joe: Amy would make a wonderful first lady of Smythe.

She's already had a marvelous impact

on the young people in our church.

And Dewayne, you'd make a commanding mayor.

Dewayne: Thank you, Preacher, thank you.

Joe: What this city needs is a strong moral leader,

one who will stand up for us Christians

in this 21st century.

Don't get me wrong.

Mayor Clark's a decent man.

He brought jobs to the city, kept the mill from closing,

but we need a mayor who will concentrate

on morality as well as jobs.

Dewayne: Do you really think that I can

beat him in next year's election?

Joe: (laughs) I've talked to some

pretty deep pockets here at the church.

They're ready to line up and back your candidacy.

They've been impressed by your work on the city council.

You've been a strong moral leader.

Now's the time to step up to the next level.

Dewayne: I'm ready.

I'm ready to fight the good fight.

Joe: Good, now what we need is an issue to run on,

something that will fire people up, something of importance.

Dewayne: I think your hair looks great!

Amy: Thanks honey, why don't you get us a couple beers?

I'll find a table.

Dewayne: Oh, say hi to Chris.

Chris, how are you?

Chris: Hi, man.

Dewayne: How's the family?

Chris: Well, I got me- Dewayne: Excuse me.

Dewayne: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there.

Oh my goodness, are you all right?

Jason Potts?

I didn't know you were back in town.

Well, what brings you home, is your mother okay?

Jason: Yeah, actually.

Dewayne: Jackie, two beers please.

Jason: I'm just here for a short visit.

Dewayne: Still having a gay old time up in New York?

Oh sweetie, I want to introduce you to someone.

Honey, this is an old high school friend of mine.

Jason Potts, I want you to meet my wife, Amy.

Jason: Nice to meet you.

Amy: Nice to meet you!

Are you alone?

Because we have a table in the back if you want to join us.

Dewayne: Oh yes, please, come join us, that would be great.

You can tell us all about your life

up in New York City with your gay lover.

Amy: There's a gay person at the bar?

Does Jackie know?

Dewayne: Yes, Jackie knows everything's all right.

Jason's okay, he knows how to act when he's in town.

He knows how things are.

Curtis: Jason, hey man, thanks for calling!

Jason: Hey, Curtis. Curtis: Great to see you man!

Curtis: Dewayne, Amy, hey.

Dewayne: Hey Curtis, you know if there's anything you need

at the high school, anything at all,

don't hesitate to call, you know?

I'm a friend on the city council.

Curtis: Thanks, Dewayne.

Amy: He's gay!

Dewayne: So I guess I'll let you two catch up?

Curtis: Mm hmm.

Dewayne: Jason, so very good seeing you again.

Please tell your mother that Amy and I say hello.

Jason: It was so nice to see you both, really.

Curtis: Principal Butler died with his boots on.

It was in the middle of summer school

and he was chewing out some kids

for loitering in the parking lot when bam,

he dropped dead of a heart attack.

Jason: No way.

Curtis: Yeah, Mayor bumped me up to principal.

Jason: So, how's it going?

Curtis: Everyone's supportive, pulling together.

I finally got rid of that smear the queer wall.

Jason: You didn't.

Curtis: Yes, I did.

Jason: Well, on behalf of me and

everyone else on that wall, thank you.

Curtis: You know, I would like to start some sort of

gay/straight student alliance at the school.

Jason: Good luck with that.

I mean, that's not gonna go over very well.

Curtis: Yeah, no doubt.

So, how long are you in town for?

Jason: Just till Sunday.

Curtis: Well, the next time you're in town

it'd be great to have you come talk to the students.

I know we have several closeted kids

who could use a role model.

Let them see gay men do graduate

and go on to bigger and better things.

Jason: I mean, surely things have gotten

somewhat better for them, right?

Curtis: Well, things have changed in the world

and the kids see that on TV and the internet.

But Smythe is still Smythe.

Being gay is the worst possible thing to be.

Jason: Listen, next time I come in town, let's set that up.

I'll do it.

Curtis: Good.

Jason: You have time for another beer?

Curtis: Yeah, let me call Lucy

and let her know we're gonna stay for another round.

Jason: Yeah, all right, I gotta pee, I'll be right back.

Curtis: All right.

Man In Gray Shirt: What the hell?

Jason: Please, I didn't do it.

Man In Blue Shirt: Don't look at me, I'm not a fag.

Man In Baseball Cap: Hey, it's Frank Potts'

gay brother from New York City!

Jason: I'm his only brother.

Man In Gray Shirt: This isn't some New York gay bar, okay?

Jason: Oh really, cuz I thought I was in Chelsea.

Man In Gray Shirt: That kind of attitude is gonna get you

in trouble around here if you're not careful.

Is that all you fags do in New York?

We don't tolerate that kind of bullshit here in Smythe.

Jason: Hey what, hey let me go!

Hey, let me go, guys!

Hey, what the hell, guys?

Man In Baseball Cap: This doesn't concern you, boy.

Go sit down!

Curtis: Fuck you.

Dewayne: Break it up right now!

Let Jason Potts go, let him go!

Man In Gray Shirt: Mr. Cotton, he grabbed my ass twice.

Jason: No I didn't, these guys

grabbed his ass and they set me up.

Man In Checked Shirt: Damn liar!

Man In Baseball Cap: Hey, we're not the fags here.

Dewayne: Hey, hey, hey!

Everyone calm down right now, okay?

Now Jason, I know you're only here for a short time

and I'm sure that your mother would like

to see as much as she could of you.

Jason: Yeah well, we're gonna finish

our beers first and then we'll leave.

Curtis: Oh no, let's just go.

Man In Blue Shirt: Yeah, you do that!

Dewayne: Guys, guys, guys, come on now!

This is not the 1990's, all right?

You can't just grab somebody, take them outside

and beat the shit out of them!

Man In Gray Shirt: Yeah, would you rather become a gay bar?

Dewayne: No, of course not!

But come on, we gotta think, all right?

We gotta use our heads here!

Now, why didn't you just wait outside for him

a couple doors down and then when he walks by, BAM!

You jump him then, you kick him, you hit him!

Huh, let's use our noggins!

How do I look?

Jason: You know I've been coming here since I was 17,

never had anything like that happen before.

Curtis: Yeah well, things are changing in Smythe,

Tennessee too, not necessarily for the better.

That's why I want you to come and address the school.

Let them see a healthy, successful gay man!

Jason: Thanks, Curtis.

Curtis: Hey, you're welcome, man.

Jason: Good to see you.

Curtis: Good to see you, too, look, be careful.

Jason: All right.

(sneaky music)

Hey baby, listen, how would you feel about moving to Smythe?

(laughs) No wait, listen, hear me out, okay?

(door creaks)

Rebecca: Lunch is ready!

Fried chicken, tater salad, come on!

Roy: Wash your hands before you go sit down.

Jason: I'd like to continue the conversation

that we started yesterday.

This won't take long.

So, last night I talked to Paul and we agreed

to seriously consider moving back to Smythe.

Rebecca: Oh son, you've made me so happy!

Jason: Here's the thing.

I need to know that Smythe has really changed.

I need to know that Paul and I are gonna be safe here.

Ruth: Of course you'll be safe here.

Smythe is a different town.

Jason: Just to be sure, I want to throw a gay pride parade.

Rebecca: That's no problem!

We'll gather the kids together right after lunch,

we'll march them all the way down

to Oak Street, to the corner and back!

Ruth: And then we can come back

and have ice cream to celebrate their moving home!

Jason: No, no no no no no no.

I want to throw a parade down Main Street!

Ruth: Jason look, a few things have changed

in the last few years but you've got to be realistic.

The city council is not going to approve a parade like that.

Frank: Yeah, there's probably gonna be

a safety issue or something.

Ruth: Yeah.

Jason: Oh, so yesterday, y'all made Smythe out

to be the Fire Island of the south.

And today, you're singing a different tune.

Rebecca: What do you want from us exactly?

Jason: I checked the website.

The city council meets on Monday.

Now I've already pushed my flight back.

I'm gonna go before the city council

and present my idea for the first Smythe gay pride parade,

and all I want is for my family to be supportive of me.

Rebecca: I can do that!

Frank: Yeah, we'll go.

Maybe the conservative members

of the council will be sick that day.

Roy: The kids are seated at the table.

Rebecca: I think I'm too excited to eat, come on!

Roy: Did I miss something?

Ruth: (laughing) Jason actually might move home!

Roy: Oh, really?

That's great news!

Ruth: Oh, I feel so much better knowing he's here

to take care of Mom once we move to Nashville.

Roy: Me too, me too.

(cell phone ringing)

Jason: Hello?

Paul: Hey baby, I'm just checking in with you.

Jason: I am filling out the parade permit right now.

Paul: Are you sure about this?

Jason: Don't worry, there is not a chance in hell

that the city council is gonna pass this.

But just to be sure, I'm gonna lay it on so thick

that they might just run me out of town.

Paul: Hey look, be careful!

Jason: I will, don't worry, it's foolproof really.

The TV and the newspaper will be there

and they'll run a story on me,

a gay man with a supportive family,

you know it might just give the closeted kids some hope.

Paul: And you family doesn't know anything about this?

Jason: No, not at all.

They think that I really want to do this.

I can be pretty sneaky when I want to be.

Paul: Oh, I know.

I still have rope burns on my ankle

Jason: Oh, gotta go.

Jason: I gotta pour some more gas on the fire, okay?

Paul: Hey listen, be safe!

Jason: Okay, I love you.

Dewayne: Oh, these are great!

(knock on door)

Come in!

Jason: Hey Dewayne, you got a minute?

Dewayne: Oh Jason, I am very busy right now.

Jason: Yeah, real quick, I just wanted

to say thanks for everything you did the other night.

Dewayne: Well, I was glad to help stop the trouble.

I've got a city council meeting, so ...

Jason: Yeah, that's kind of why I came by.

I was filling out this permit and I plan

on going before the council today,

and I was just wondering if you could

look it over and see if I did everything okay.

Dewayne: What business do you have

coming before the city council, Jason?

Jason: I want to throw a gay pride parade here in Smythe,

right down Main Street.

Dewayne: Uh, I'm sorry, what?

Jason: I figure it can be a homecoming

for all the gays and lesbians from Smythe.

Remember Matt Johnson and Clyde Barksdale?

Those are just a couple of guys from our class

that we could call back and they could bring their boyfriends.

Dewayne: Let me see this!

Jason: I didn't really know how many people

would show up so I just sort of estimated.

Dewayne: A thousand homosexuals marching down

Main Street, are you out of your mind, Jason?

Jason: So, did I fill everything out okay?

Dewayne: Jason, I'm very busy right now.

I will see you at the council meeting.

Jason: Okay, thanks, thanks for your time.

Dewayne: Hey, Preacher?

This is Dewayne Cotton.

I mean he was so smug!

You know, I can't believe that Jason

would pull this sort of bullcrap, pardon me.

You know what else?

Last Saturday night, he got into some sort

of trouble down at Jack's Bar, in the bathroom.

(intercom beeps)

Sarah: Reverend Barns?

Joe: Yes, Sarah?

Sarah: Rev. Webster is here to see you.

Joe: Send him right in.

Lamar, good of you to come over so quickly!

Lamar: Morning, Joe.

Joe: Dewayne, you remember Rev. Webster?

Dewayne: Yes, good to see you, Reverend.

Lamar: Dewayne.

Joe: Dewayne, fill him in.

Dewayne: I was in my office not 30 minutes ago

when Jason Potts walks in and acts like he owns the place.

Joe: Oh Lamar, Jonathan Potts, lawyer,

seven or eight years ago he was killed in a plane crash.

His son Jason is homosexual and lives in New York.

Lamar: Their family goes to the Presbyterian church.

Joe: That's right, Dewayne?

Dewayne: So Jason comes in, tells me that

he wants to have a gay pride parade down Main Street

and that he's gonna approach city council this afternoon.

Lamar: You've got to be kidding me!

Dewayne: No sir, I wish this were a joke.

Lamar: Well, thank you for the advance warning.

We'll put a stop to this nonsense.

In fact, I'll call Shirley Jackson,

make sure she votes against this queer parade.

Joe: Lamar, that was my first thought as well.

But I've had a few more minutes to consider our predicament.

Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to quash this parade.

Sarah?

Why don't you call Fatty Pigs, order a tray of sandwiches,

there are gonna be three of us plus Shirley Jackson,

and we'll need some hot coffee and cold drinks.

Mayor: All right, the motion passes unanimously.

The city of Smythe will extend the road from Highway 8

into the mill, and the city will pay all costs.

Charles: Thank, Mr. Mayor.

Thank you members of the city council.

Mayor: Thank you, Charles.

We appreciate everything that your company has done

to expand the mill's operations.

Charles: I must return to Atlanta.

If you have any followup questions please get with Roger.

Thank you.

Mayor: I believe that concludes our business for today.

Dewayne: Actually Mr. Mayor, there's one item

that was added a few hours ago.

Mayor: Oh, Jason Potts wishes to address the council.

Welcome home, Mr. Potts, what have you got for us today?

Jason: Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

It is lovely to be back in Smythe.

What I would like to bring before the

council today is my parade permit.

What I want to do is throw a gay pride parade,

right here on Main Street!

I envision dykes on bikes, drag queens on floats,

gays and lesbians marching together waving the flag,

holding hands, marching down Main Street!

I love a parade

Oh, let's see, there would be leather daddies with paddles,

go-go boys in cages, I could get some transgenders

sent from Memphis, a whole busload of them.

Let's see, we could have bears and twinks,

and everybody united together in delicious decadence!

Mayor: Does anybody have any questions for Mr. Potts?

Dewayne: Yes, I have a question.

Is there a theme for the parade?

Jason: A theme, well yeah, let's see.

Oh, how about All My Queer Children

or One Gay Life To Live. - No.

Oh, how about Gays Of Our Lives or Balloon Knots Landing.

I know several gay soap stars in New York.

If I could get one of them to be

the grand marshal of the parade,

that would bring national media attention right here

to Smythe and it would show the whole country

how open and affirming you all are to all queer people.

Mayor: The council, please cast your

vote on whether or not to have a

gay pride parade on Main Street in November.

Man With Blue Shirt: No!

Woman With Scarf: No.

Woman With Short Red Hair: Yes!

Shirley: Yes.

(apprehensive music)

Dewayne: Yes.

Mayor: Motion passes, meeting adjourned.

Frank: [Holy crap], man!

Rebecca: You did it, son!

Paul: You did what?

Jason: I never thought in a million years it was gonna pass.

Paul: You flew down there to get your brother into rehab

and you end up being in charge of the first ever

gay pride parade in Bumfuck, Tennessee, Jason?

Walk me through how that happened exactly.

Jason: I know, right, it doesn't make any sense.

It's like I fell down the rabbit hole.

It's like everything that I thought

was gonna happen, none of it turned-

Paul: Okay, then what are you gonna do about it?

Jason: I don't know!

I work in a fucking library.

I tell people to shut up all day long.

What do I know about getting people riled up for a parade?

Paul: Well, you've got about three months to figure it out.

Jason: I've got three months to figure my way out of it.

You are such a bitch.

See what it's like to die.

(cell phone ringing)

Paul: Hey Jason, hey baby?

It's the library of London calling.

Jason, hey Jason, hey hey hey hey!

Hey baby, London's calling, baby!

London's calling!

Jason: No, it's too early for the [clash].

Paul: No baby, it's the fucking royal library of London.

Jason Oh, shit!

Hello?

No, hey Mr. Richards, no no no, I've been awake for a while.

Yeah, yeah?

Of course I'll take the job.

Okay, October 20th, yes.

Just send me an email with all the details.

All right, great, thank you!

Paul: This is so wonderful!

Jason: I gotta cancel the parade in Smythe.

Can't be in both places at once.

Paul: Nope!

See, the universe has a way of working things out!

Joe: So how was everything at school today, Jeff?

Jeff: Fine sir, just fine.

Dewayne: Jeff, if one of your classmates had cancer,

you'd want them to get treatment, right?

Jeff: Yes sir, of course.

Is someone sick?

Joe: There's a sickness at your school,

there's a sickness in the community.

Fortunately there's a cure, but first

we have to know who needs it and who doesn't.

Jeff: I don't understand.

Dewayne: Jeff, let me tell you a story about Luke Jennings.

He was a year ahead of me in high school,

good guy, played football, ran track.

He went off to college, got mixed up

with the wrong crowd and caught AIDS.

He never saw 21.

Jeff: Does someone at school have AIDS?

Joe: Well, we hope not.

But Luke Jennings was a member of this church.

I was his preacher and I didn't know

he had run afoul of the homosexual

lifestyle while he was in high school.

Dewayne: See, if the Preacher had known Luke's problem,

he probably could have got Luke the help he needed

before he went down the wrong path in life.

Jeff: I'm not gay, I don't have AIDS!

Joe: (laughs) No one's saying that, Jeff!

Dewayne: Jeff, it might be hard to understand

but for the good of your classmates

that are struggling with the homosexual sin,

we would like you to ask your principal to gather

those gay students to march in the gay pride parade.

Jeff: Why?

Dewayne: Well Jeff, when the students march,

the Preacher can identify who needs help,

and then that way he can go to the families

and the healing process can begin.

Surely you don't want any of your classmates to catch AIDS.

Jeff: No sir, of course not.

Joe: You did such a fine job in the church play last spring,

I'm sure you'd have no trouble convincing

Principal Banks that you're a concerned,

questioning student who might be homosexual.

Jeff: I guess I can try.

Dewayne: Jeff, this has to be our secret.

You can't tell anyone.

You can't tell any of your friends what you are doing.

Jeff: Yes sir, I can do it.

Joe: God bless you, Jeff!

Dewayne: I told you Preacher, you can count on

Jeff Jones to do the right thing.

Jason: I'm late, love you.

Paul: Jason, Jason, hey hey hey!

And what are you gonna do today?

Jason: Pick up that DVD from the bookstore?

Paul: It is Friday, you said that you

were gonna contact him by Friday.

Jason: Okay, I'll call Dewayne today,

tell him can't do the parade.

Either find someone else to do it or just cancel it, okay?

Paul: Oh, and do get that DVD,

we have all weekend to watch it.

Man With Beard: I'm curious as to why

the two of you voted for the gay pride parade

at Monday's city council meeting.

Dewayne: Jason Potts and I were good friends in high school.

His mother and my mother are really good friends.

I was also afraid that no one else would

vote for his proposal and I didn't want him

to feel like the whole town was against him

just because he's a homosexual.

Man With Beard: Have you received any negative feedback?

Shirley: No.

Dewayne: None at all.

Man With Beard: Thanks.

Dewayne: Thank you.

Have a great day!

Shirley: You can't believe

the hateful phone calls I've had in the last few days.

Dewayne: These aren't Christmas cards,

and let me read you this one

I found particularly interesting, "Dear Faggot Lover,

"Do you own a bible?

"This country was founded on Christian values.

"You and your ilk will never be happy

"until you elect Barney Frank president.

"P.S. Go to Russia if you hate freedom so much.

"P.S.S. You are gay."

Shirley: Who sent that?

Dewayne: It' not signed, none of them are.

Shirley: I don't think I can make it another three months.

Dewayne: I know what you mean.

Intercom: Dewayne, you've got a call on line three.

It's Jason Potts from New York.

Dewayne: Hey Jason, I got you on

speaker phone here with Shirley Jackson.

Jason: Oh good, I first want to thank you both

for voting in favor of the parade.

Dewayne: Well, we just thought we were

doing what was best for Smythe, Jason.

Jason: Well, that's great but I've got some bad news.

I've taken a job in London and I start October 20th.

Dewayne: What's the problem?

London's 30 minutes away on Highway 8, Jason.

Jason: I'm moving to London, England, Europe.

I'm just torn up about the parade.

Maybe you can organize it or something.

Dewayne: Jason, why don't we move it to

October 1st, the first Saturday.

The city calendar's open.

Jason: No no no, I couldn't ask you to move the parade.

Shirley: We'll be happy to do it!

Dewayne: The weather's better, it's better for everyone.

Shirley: Have you gotten your soap star yet?

Jason: No.

Shirley: You better hurry, only seven weeks to go.

Dewayne: Consider this a done deal, Jason, October 1st.

Jason: Wait a second, just listen to me.

Dewayne: Nope, goodbye Jason, thanks.

Shirley: I think I can make it another seven weeks.

Dewayne: Yes, yes indeed.

The Lord has a way of making things right.

Curtis: Jeff, it is okay, you are not alone.

I've already had five students come by

my office wanting to march in the parade.

We're gonna do it!

Jeff: There are others like me?

Curtis: Yeah!

Listen, I want you to know that my office is a safe zone.

Jeff: I'm scared.

Curtis: It's okay.

We're gonna form a gay/straight alliance.

We have got to move this school into the 21st century,

or at least into the late 1990's.

Jason: The subway was packed tonight.

Paul: Baby, dinner's almost ready.

How was your day?

Jason?

Baby, how was your day?

Jason: I called Dewayne, told him

I couldn't do the parade in November.

Paul: How did he take it?

Jason: He moved it to October 1st.

Paul: What?

Jason: It's like the city council

is hell bent on me having this parade.

Paul: Well, then you gonna have to call them

on Monday and tell them there's no way

you can throw a gay pride parade in two months, baby!

In some cities it takes like a year to plan the parade

and even some of those don't turn out so well.

Jason: You know I just want to give

the high school kids some hope.

Something I never had.

(cell phone ringing)

Speaking of high school ...

What's up, Curtis?

Curtis: Hey, Jason.

Just want to let you know I've had six students

since the council meeting ask me

to form a gay/straight student group.

Jason: Are you serious?

Curtis: We're marching in the parade.

Had a kid from the Baptist church

in my office this afternoon asking for help.

You have really made a change here

at the school, probably the whole town.

Jason: I don't know what to say!

Curtis: Hey, what's the date?

Jason: October 1st.

Listen, Paul just put dinner on the table.

Can I call you in the morning?

Curtis: Sounds good.

Jason: Okay, okay thanks.

I guess I better find 76 trombones!

I mean, it doesn't have to be a big parade, right?

Just a few people marching down Main Street.

Curtis said the high school kids really want to come out.

I mean this could be really big for them.

Not only for the kids but for the adults as well.

Paul: Okay.

Okay.

I'm gonna help you.

Jason: Yeah.

Paul: And we are gonna make this the best

gay pride parade that Smythe, Tennessee has ever seen.

Jason: Yeah?

Joe: [Eigbruce] will let us put a camera on the roof.

We'll be able to film everyone who marches by.

Dewayne: That's great, now you know that

the parade's gonna line up in Forest Alley, right?

We need to get somebody in Gene Hodge's

hardware store, second floor window.

Joe: Good idea!

Dewayne: Myself, Shirley Jackson, we're gonna be

on the ground taking notes on everyone who marches.

Joe: I estimate there gonna be

50 people marching in this parade.

Dewayne: That many?

Joe: Better to be over estimating than under.

Dewayne: True Preacher, true.

Hey, let me buy you a barbecue sandwich over at Fatty Pig's.

Jack: Joe, you got a minute?

Joe: Dewayne, why don't you go pick us out a table.

I won't be long.

Dewayne: Great, good day, Reverend.

Jack: Joe, I been trying to get

in touch with you for a week or so.

I want to talk to you about the new

Meals on Wheels program we're trying to start.

I want to get all the churches involved.

Joe: You Presbyterians have all the good ideas.

I want to help.

I really do want to help and we will help.

But right now I'm focused on another project.

So, why don't you call me after October 1st.

Jack: We're in the planning stage right now.

The more input we have the better the outreach.

Joe: Sorry, my plate is full at this moment.

We'll work together soon!

Jason: Hey Mark, this is Jason Potts from Smythe.

I know it sounds crazy but I'm trying

to organize a gay pride parade back home.

So, if you could give me a call back

and I could give you some more details.

Thank you.

Rebecca: We told Jason that we

would be supportive of his parade.

So, I think we should pick a soap opera family to go as.

Now I've narrowed it down to five families.

There's the Ewings, the Carringtons, the Horton's,

the Snyder's, and the evil Cassadine's.

Roy: Rebecca, I don't know who these people are.

Rebecca: Oh, well let me give you a quick history.

You see, Miss Ellie and Jock Ewing,

Ruth: Mom!

Ruth: Why don't we just wear cowboy hats

and go as the Ewing's, that's pretty simple.

Rebecca: Oh, okay.

But I thought since it was a gay pride parade

perhaps going as the Carrington's

from Dynasty might be more appropriate.

Ruth: Fine, we can go as the Carrington's.

Roy: Glad this is settled.

I gotta get back to the hospital.

Ruth: I gotta pick up the kids.

Rebecca: Of course, there is all this farmland around us

so going as the Snyder's might be kind of fun!

Ruth: Mom, who do you want us to dress up as?

We'll go as whatever family you want us to.

Rebecca: Oh, I don't care.

It's whatever you want to do.

Ruth: Fine, let's just vote on either

the Ewing's or the Carrington's.

Frank: You could go as Sue Ellen

since you like to kick back with a cocktail and get drunk.

Frank: I'm sorry, what was that?

Ruth: Oh, he's just kidding with you.

Frank: No, Uncle Pete, do you actually

think that I'm an alcoholic?

Pete: Well, if the bottle fits.

Frank: Mom, that's what you told Jason

to get him down here a few weeks ago.

He thought that I had a drinking problem.

Do you all think that I'm a drunk?

Rebecca: Oh now son, your father

would have a drink before dinner.

Ruth: A drink, not a bottle.

Roy: You know I can get you some pamphlets

from the hospital on treatments and everything.

Frank: Okay well, if you don't mind

I got a big day to be hungover for tomorrow, so ...

I'm not an alcoholic!

Rebecca: It's settled then!

We're going as the Ewing's!

Jason: So, with the whole soap opera thing,

we thought that you would be the perfect choice

to be the grand marshal in the Smythe gay pride parade.

Paul: It would be huge if you publicly

came out and rode on the float.

Soap Opera Actor: Get out.

Jason: Excuse me?

Soap Opera Actor: Get out now!

Jason: Your character's just so popular

that of course you were are first choice

to be the grand marshal in our gay pride parade.

Claude: Of course I'll do it!

Paul: Hey! (laughing)

Jason: Thank you so much!

Claude: I can't wait to ride down Fifth Avenue

in a convertible, waving at thousands and thousands of fans!

Jason: That's the thing.

We're not with the New York pride parade,

our parade is in Tennessee.

Claude: Tennessee?

Well, it's one thing to go off Broadway but Tennessee?

Jason: You have a lot of fans in Tennessee.

Claude: At my age I can't be too choosy, right?

Hell, I'll do it!

It's gonna be fun getting out,

traveling a little bit, meeting with fans.

I tell you boys, you made this old man very, very happy.

Jason: Claude? Paul: Claude?

Dewayne: Listen Jason, I'm a little concerned.

I'm looking at your website right now

and you don't have very many people signed up yet.

You do know that this is two weeks away.

Jason: Dewayne, do you know how hard it is

to plan a parade in only six weeks?

Dewayne: Yeah, but I just figured with your background

that planning a parade would be easy as pie.

Jason: With my background?

Dewayne: Yeah, you know being gay and all that.

I mean don't you all love to dress up

and march around the streets of New York?

Jason: Yes Dewayne, that's exactly what we do.

In fact, I'm wearing a dress right now.

Every day at about four p.m. we all march down my street.

Dewayne: Well okay, then what's the problem?

I mean you said that you were gonna get

a lot of people to come back to Smythe.

You said that you were gonna get

some big soap opera star to come.

Jason: Look, I've been calling people

and sending out emails all day every day.

You know, getting gay people to commit

to something, it's like herding kittens.

Dewayne: I also see that you've got

a small group marching from the high school.

Do you know how many, know their names?

Jason: Curtis told me about five or six.

I don't know their names.

Dewayne: Okay well, good.

Thanks, buddy!

Listen, I don't have to tell you.

You've got two weeks to get this thing organized.

I've got a committee meeting to get to so I've got to run

but good luck, if you need anything give me a shout.

Jason: Oh I sure will Dewayne, thanks for calling.

Prick.

Dewayne: Preacher, this just might be the

puniest parade this town has ever seen.

Joe: Well, we can't have too many, 50 tops.

We can't have this town overrun with homosexuals.

Dewayne: I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

So far he's got a small group marching from the high school,

he's got some people from PFLAG, whatever that is,

his family's marching, oh and get this.

Reverend Gray from the Presbyterian church is gonna march.

Joe: He is so misguided.

Well, tell me about this DVD you received in the mail.

Dewayne: Yes, it's right here.

A friend of mine from Texas sent me that.

Now my thought was after the parade

we could round up all the gay kids,

bring them into the church with their families

and then we can play this for them.

Jeremiah: Is your son going to hell?

He is if he's a homosexual.

(mystical music)

Hello, I'm Jeremiah Faulkner, founder

and executive director of Camp Nineveh.

As I'm sure you remember, Nineveh was

a wicked, wicked city in the time of Jonah.

God was gonna destroy the city until the

people repented and accepted the word

of the Lord into their hearts.

Here at Camp Nineveh, we want your son to repent

from his homosexual sin and accept the word

of Jesus Christ into his heart.

Sure, maybe you've tried other ex-gay minitries

and 12-step programs to help cure your son.

Most of those places are merely a hotbed

for Timmy and Tommy to fall in love,

run off to Canada and get married.

Or, later you find out that the

camp director was a closeted homosexual.

Not here at Camp Nineveh.

With our stringent three-month program,

we will provide the tools your son needs

to lead a manly Christian lifestyle.

We'll teach your son how to change the oil in his car.

We'll teach your son how to play football.

Go deep, boys!

We do have an arts and crafts

program but it's biblically-based.

Bobby, what you been working on today?

Bobby: Well I made a popsicle rendition

of the Tower of Babel after God destroyed it.

Take a look!

Jeremiah: Well, that's nice.

Bobby: Thank you. Jeremiah: That's real nice. Bobby: Thank you.

Jeremiah: That is really nice.

Bobby: Thank you.

Jeremiah: You're welcome.

That is really, really nice.

Bobby: Thank-

Jeremiah: But most importantly,

we'll teach you son that there is

a cure to the homosexual affliction.

Here at Camp Nineveh we practice the three C's,

classroom, counseling, and conversion therapy.

Saturday is movie night.

We watch a good wholesome movie

with strong American values.

All right men, what are we gonna watch tonight?

Man In Blue-checked Shirt: Stalag 17.

Blond Boy: The Great Escape.

Man With Red Hair: Victory.

Man In Yellow Vest: Von Ryan's Express.

All: Oh! Von Ryan's Express!

Jeremiah: All right, Sergeant Baker's dozen it is then!

You boys love your WW Two movies!

When your son graduates from our program

he will receive a bible and a map

to the city where he will live.

We will black out the forbidden zones

in the city your son will live.

These are areas of the town that might have places

that would trigger a return to the homosexual lifestyle.

Places like gay bars, musical theaters, movie theaters,

colleges and so called places of higher learning,

parks, all sports stadiums, non-religious bookstores,

malls, museums, and so many many more places.

I hope this short video has whetted your appetite

to find out about the cure for the homosexual affliction.

Please take the time to visit our website

to learn more about how you can save

your son from eternal damnation.

Joe: Dewayne, this is perfect!

This will help families, it'll give them hope!

Dewayne, this is an example of why

you'll make a wonderful mayor.

Dewayne: From your mouth to God's ears, Preacher.

Thank you.

Kyle: It's so unfair!

None of them even understand the genre.

Oh don't even get me started on that bastard.

You're right.

Luke and Laura practically saved

that network back in the 80's.

Well of course I'm pissed.

Don't worry, unlike those network suits I'm a professional.

I'm gonna work on that soap opera until the last day.

I love you too, Chad.

See you tonight.

Okay bye, bye.

Jason: Did I just hear you say

that you work on a soap opera?

Kyle: Yeah, Children of Eden.

Well we just got canceled.

We have three months to wrap up all the story lines.

Jason: What are you gonna do next?

Kyle: Don't know.

My boyfriend thinks I should reinvent myself.

Come out of the closet, make some headlines.

Get my name out there.

(inaudible)

Jason: My name's Jason Potts.

Kyle: Kyle Peterson.

Jason: How long you been on the show, Kyle?

Kyle: As of last Tuesday exactly five episodes.

But I've taped two more.

Jason: Good enough.

Kyle: Hmm?

Jason: It just so happens that I'm organizing

a gay pride parade in my hometown in Tennessee.

We have a soap opera theme.

If you were the grand marshal in that parade,

it would make big headlines.

Kyle: In Tennessee?

Jason: Tennessee.

Dewayne: I'd first like to thank my beautiful wife

for all her support during this campaign.

She has been my rock.

She's been my Gibraltar.

I'd like to thank my wife for all

the support during this campaign.

She has been my Rock of Gibraltar.

I love you, honey.

As I solve the homosexual problem here in Smythe,

my plan is to stay focused on the issues

that matter most to my fellow Smytheonians.

No alcohol sales on Sunday, it's the Lord's day.

I will restore school prayer in all public places.

There will be no more stem cell research in Smythe.

Do not take our jobs, Mr. Illegal Immigrant.

I will lower taxes for everyone in our city except

those ones who are stealing and living off of welfare.

Your taxes are about to go up.

Your free ride is over, Jack.

Pledge of Allegiance twice a day,

once in the morning, once in the afternoon.

No, three times a day!

No stem cell research!

Bye bye, gays, all ready did that!

Teenage pregnancy, wiped out!

Abortion, gone!

Adoption, go for it!

Illegal aliens, see you later, hit the road!

Thank you for the support!

God bless you, God bless Smythe, God bless America!

I think that's good, I think.

Paul: Hey, close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Jason: Can I open them? Paul: No.

Jason: Can I open them now? Paul: No, you cannot!

Jason: Can I open them now?

Paul: Open!

Jason: Oh my God.

It's beautiful, thanks baby!

Paul: What, baby?

What, what, what, what, what?

Jason: I've only got like 20 people confirmed.

I wanted hundreds!

Paul: I know.

Okay look, you've got four days, right?

Jason: Mm hmm.

Paul: So just fly down there and you take these posters

and you put them in all the gay bars all over Memphis,

and then you put them up all over Smythe.

I'll stay here and I'm gonna update the website,

and I'm gonna send out mass emails to all our gay peeps,

and then I'm gonna fly down there

and we're gonna have the best gay pride parade ever.

Okay, even if it's just you and me.

Jason: You're probably right.

With Dewayne and the city council on our side,

maybe by parade day there will be some people there.

Paul: Maybe.

Jason: Thanks, babe.

I gotta go, I gotta get Kyle to the airport.

Paul: Hey, hey, hey!

Don't forget!

Jason: Thanks, babe.

Paul: Oh!

Jason: Love you.

Paul: I love you!

Jeff: Hey Peter, it's Jeff.

Yeah.

My parents went to Memphis with some friends

to see a show tonight and I was wondering

if you wanted to come over and watch TV or something.

Really, great!

We can order a pizza or just hang out, talk, whatever.

They won't be home till almost midnight.

See you soon.

Dewayne: I'll tell you, Shirley, this becoming mayor

is just a stepping stone for me.

I'll serve one term and then

it's off to the governor's mansion.

Who knows, the sky's the limit!

You and I we work very well together, Shirley,

and I think that maybe you should consider

hitching your car to the Dewayne train.

Come work for me in Nashville and then maybe Washington DC?

Oh, Jason Potts, so good to see you!

I assume that you're working hard

on the parade for this Saturday?

Jason: Really hard.

Dewayne, Shirley, this is Kyle.

He is on the show The Children of Eden.

Kyle: Nice to meet you both.

Shirley: Wow, great!

You know my grandmother has been

watching that story since day one!

What's your character's name?

Kyle: Police Officer Number Three, but I think

I'm gonna end up being Lucas Ford's long lost son!

Shirley: Wow, great!

Can I have your autograph?

Kyle: Sure, I've got some head shots in my bag.

Shirley: Thank you!

Dewayne: So when did you fly in?

Jason: Just last night, and then we went to

all the gay bars in Memphis and hung up some of these.

Dewayne: You put those posters in every gay bar in Memphis?

Jason: Yup, all of them and look at this!

This just came out yesterday, the new Pride Paper,

and there's an article about the parade in there.

I was hoping for a little bit more coverage

but beggars can't be choosers, right?

Dewayne: This paper right here,

this is in every gay bar, too?

Jason: Yup, sure is.

So listen, I was hoping that you

could hang up some of these for me.

That would be fabulous!

I'm gonna show Kyle around our thriving metropolis

and we're just gonna flyer the whole town!

Kyle: Nice to meet you both.

Guess I'll see you at the parade!

Shirley: "To Katherine from Kyle.

"You are truly what divas are made of."

My granny is going to love this!

Dewayne: Yeah, that's great.

Listen Shirley, I need you to tell the mayor that I'm not

gonna make this afternoon's committee meeting.

You have my notes so just tell them about the changes.

Shirley: Are you okay?

Dewayne: Yeah, I just um, I have some

business that I have to attend to.

You can do it.

You played tight end in high school football.

You've been hunting!

You're not doing this just for you, okay.

You're doing this for the town of Smythe.

Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor, you can do this, you can do this!

Let's do this.

Let's do it!

(sneaky music)

Bartender: Can I get you a drink?

Dewayne: Hi, I'm Frank Potts.

My brother Jason Potts came in here

yesterday and brought you some posters

for a gay pride parade in Smythe.

Bartender: Yeah man, a bunch of us are thinking about going.

We think it will be cool!

Dewayne: The thing is that the date

and the time on the posters is wrong.

So Jason, he wanted me to come in here, get those posters,

and then he was gonna bring you the

right posters with the right date and time.

Bartender: Sure man.

There's one right there and the other one's by the door.

Dewayne: Also, do you guys carry the gay paper?

Bartender: We sure do, it's right by the front door.

Dewayne: Thank you, sir.

Bartender: See you later, Mary.

("Spirit" by Jeffery James & the Haul)

(funky electronic music)

Dewayne: Hi!

Excuse me!

Did my brother Jason Potts bring some posters

in here last night about a gay parade?

Bartender: Cute guy, right?

Dewayne: Uh yeah, sure, whatever.

Bartender: We had a little trouble last night

with some vandalism, I didn't have time to put them up.

Dewayne: That's great because the poster's

have the wrong date on them.

If I could just get them back,

I could bring you some posters with the right date on them.

Bartender: Look man, you're gonna have to

talk to the owner and she's real busy right now.

You can wait around here for a minute and she'll be out.

Bar Owner: Who the hell are you?

Dewayne: Hi, Frank Potts, my brother is Jason.

Bar Owner: I don't give a fuck who your brother is.

What are you doing back here?

Dewayne: Listen, I don't want to cause any problems

so I'm just gonna leave these here

and then I'm just gonna go ahead-

Bar Owner: There was some vandalism here last night.

I want to see some I.D.

Dewayne: I don't really think that that's necessary.

Bar Owner: The hell it's not!

Hey Jeff, tell Tony at the bar to get back here now!

Dewayne: Okay, all right, hold on, here is my I.D.

Policeman: Dewayne Cotton from Smythe?

Bar Owner: What the hell you doing in my bar?

Dewayne: I know this seems questionable, I do, it does.

Bar Owner: You don't live in the city.

You lied to us about your name and we caught you

red-handed stealing property from my bar.

Dewayne: What, a couple posters and a gay newspaper?

Come on!

It was a joke!

I'm a collector!

Bartender: Hey boss, Bruce called.

He's a few minutes away.

Bar Owner: Damn it!

I'm sure Mr. Cotton's a fine upstanding citizen of Smythe.

Dewayne: I am, I am.

Bar Owner: And I'm willing to overlook

any problems here tonight if he goes onstage

and fills in until Bruce gets here.

Dewayne: (laughing) Onstage?

I'm sorry, I'm not a crossdresser

or whatever you call them.

Bar Owner: Stripper night.

Dewayne: No way.

Policeman: Your choice.

48 hours in the jail cell downtown

or a couple of minutes onstage.

Bar Owner: Drop 'em!

(applause and cheering)

(rhythmic dance music)

Man With Glasses: BOO, YOU STINK!

(booing)

Dewayne: Oh this is great, just great.

Do you know who I am?

You know, when I'm governor of this state,

I'm gonna close down every fag bar across the entire state.

I had a jacket!

Thanks!

Jason: Dewayne!

Jason: Dewayne!

Dewayne: Jason Potts, you can't

tell anybody I was here tonight.

Do you understand that, NO ONE!

Jason: Okay, okay I won't tell anybody.

It's just that I get it now, I mean I understand.

Dewayne: What do you think you understand, Jason, huh?

Let me show you something.

(mysterious music)

Jason: What are you doing with those?

Dewayne: I've been to every fag bar in Memphis

to take down your parade posters

and pull out every newspaper that was in them.

Jason: But what about what just hap-

Dewayne: The owner, she blackmailed me

to become a stripper and then she tried

to turn me into some sort of gay wad!

Jason: I don't understand.

Dewayne: You don't understand?

Jason: No.

Dewayne: Do you really think that we were

gonna let you have some sort of

gay pride parade down the streets of Smythe?

Me and a couple preachers, we've come up with a plan.

Any teenager who marches in the parade

will be targeted by my preacher

to get help and then sent to Camp Nineveh.

Jason: You can't do that!

Dewayne: I can't?

I think I can, Jason!

Any adult will have to either repent or leave town!

Stores will be boycotted.

Any of your queer friends show up,

and I pray they show up, because Preacher Barns

and Minister Webster will be there waiting for them.

You know why, Jason?

We don't need any of your queer-bait friend outsiders

coming to Smythe stirring up a bunch of trouble.

Jason: Why would you do all this?

Dewayne: It's what the voters want, Jason.

Smear the queer, never gets old.

Goodnight.

Curtis: Bottom line is I can't have these students

put at risk while marching in the parade.

Jason: I agree.

Jack: What Dewayne and those ministers

are doing is downright despicable.

Jason: Maybe I should just talk to the mayor.

Cancel the whole thing.

Jack: There's got to be some way around this.

(footsteps)

Frank: Oh, what are you doing?

Just another Thursday on Oak Street!

Rebecca: I am solving your problem.

You change the theme from soap opera to Mardi Gras

and everybody wears mask and costumes!

Jason: Mom, that is a brilliant idea!

Jack: The kids can make papier mache masks

in the fellowship hall this afternoon after school.

Curtis: No, that's not gonna work.

It's against the law to march down Main Street

or any street in Smythe wearing a mask or a hood.

My Dad helped pass that law 30 years ago.

Jason: Damn it, you're right.

Rebecca: Come on, Kyle.

I bet my class would be thrilled to meet a soap star!

Curtis: I'm gonna try and wait a day

before I say anything to the kids.

Please, try to make this work.

Jason: I think that you and I ought to go talk to the mayor.

Mayor: Let me make sure I understand this correctly.

Jason, you didn't really want to have a parade

but you wanted to make some noise

so you could be a role model for gay kids.

Jason: Something like that, yes.

Mayor: And Dewayne, you didn't

really want this parade either,

but you wanted to out the closeted high school kids

so that they could be cured of being gay?

Dewayne: And the adults too, yes.

Jason: You are a son of a bitch.

Dewayne: Hey watch it, Potts, skating on thin ice.

Mayor: Now hold it, both of you!

Now we need to walk back from the brink here.

Together we can work out a solution to this problem.

Dewayne: Mr. Mayor, are you saying that you're in favor

of gays and lesbians prancing and dancing

on the streets of Smythe acting crazy?

Mayor: I grew up in this town, Dewayne,

and not once has anybody complained to me

about gays and lesbians gallivanting

and running around the streets of Smythe.

Now look, I want us to put aside our differences and talk.

We can come up with a solution to this.

Dewayne: My solution is to restore morality to this town.

Mayor: Oh really, when exactly did it leave?

Jack: There's no threat of Christianity

going out of business here in Smythe.

Dewayne: Ah, right on time, Preacher.

Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I'd like to

announce my candidacy for mayor of Smythe.

Judaic-Christian values need to be restored here.

Now, a lot of people have been asking me

about my vote for the gay pride parade down Main Street.

Truth is this parade is gonna help us find out

and round up all homosexuals living among us.

And any teenager that marches is gonna be targeted

by his or her minister to get the tools they need,

to get the help they need to be cured of their illness.

Now at this time I'd like to ask the current mayor

where he's gonna be this Saturday.

Is he gonna be a protester or a marcher?

What is it Mr. Mayor, protester or marcher?

Mayor: I'd rather be on the lake fishing.

Dewayne: Or are you gonna take the

coward's way out and cancel the entire event

so you do not have to take a stand.

Mayor: Dewayne, if I was brave enough

to march through the jungles of Vietnam,

I guess I'm brave enough to march down

Main Street with a group of homosexuals.

Dewayne: You were in Vietnam?

Mayor: That's right, Dewayne.

What exactly was your military service?

Dewayne: I sir am a soldier in the culture wars.

I fight the good fight every day.

Day in, day out, eight days a week.

110 percent.

And sometimes I think we're losing that fight.

Jason: Losing?

The gays are the ones being bullied.

Mr. Mayor, please don't cancel the parade and march with us.

Mayor: Oh, I'm marching with you.

I'm gonna start by marching

out of this bullshit press conference.

Dewayne: You know, I'm surprised Mr. Mayor.

I never thought I would see the day that you

were gonna be walking hand in hand

with homosexual activists down Main Street.

This is our time.

And it's a time to make a decision here and now.

Get right with God.

Joe: Amen, amen!

Dewayne: God bless America and God bless Smythe.

Joe: Homosexual activists are descending

on our town in the morning.

Jason Potts is bringing his homosexual lover

and Lord knows who else into our peaceful town.

Now this is not a fight of our choosing,

but we are gonna stand up and be counted!

This church must stand as a levee against

the tidal wave of sin coming into this town.

Dewayne: Evening everyone.

I'm not here to scare you.

Okay, but I believe that truth

must always come to the light.

This poster was made by Jason Potts for his parade.

Can everyone see it?

The theme for his parade is Queer As Soap.

Now, I've contacted several gay code experts

and they're all in agreement that Queer As Soap

is gay code for male prison rape.

(audience gasps)

Woman With Red Hair: Oh my God!

Dewayne: Let me say it again.

Queer As Soap is gay code for male prison rape.

Like you know, don't drop the soap, ha ha ha.

But I bet it's not so funny when you're

the one being male prison raped.

(audience objects)

Now I don't know what earthly reason

the mayor of this beautiful town would be

in favor of gay male prison rape,

he'll have to answer to a higher voice than mine.

But trust me folks, lock your doors, lock your windows,

keep your teenage boys safe this weekend.

There's also an unconfirmed rumor

that a very large group of angry lesbians

is coming down from Memphis, too.

They're very angry and they are coming.

Jason: But you know who I had

the biggest crush on in high school?

Ryan Parker.

Classmate: Oh my God, he was the hottest guy in our class!

Jason: I know, right?

Hey listen, I want to thank you for coming back.

And I want to thank you for your help,

and I know things may get scary out there tomorrow

but we're gonna make history one way or another.

Frank: To my brother, the gayest man in Smythe!

Classmate: To Jason Potts, cheers!

(wistful music)

Jason: Oh, I'm so glad you're here!

Paul: How are you holding up?

Jason: It's been a rough couple of days but I'm good now!

And who are you supposed to be?

Paul: I'm Billy Douglas all grown up.

Jason: It's perfect.

Paul: And I live in New York City

with my fabulous partner who is

the bravest man that I have ever known.

You ready?

Jason: Yeah.

Okay everyone, gather round, the time has come.

Now, there are cameras out there

so if anybody wants to back out now would be the time.

Nobody?

Great!

Dewayne seems to have scared a few people away

but we're not gonna let that stop us, right?

We're gonna show everybody that we're here,

we're queer, well some of us are,

so they better get used to it, right?

OKAY, LET'S DO THIS!

(cheering)

Marchers: Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Woman In Straw Hat: Bob Clark is gay?

Man In White Hat: He was a groomsman at our wedding!

Man In Brown Jacket: That's it?

I know just about everyone in that group.

This ain't now tidal wave of sin!

Man In Rust Shirt: Look at that homosexual

walking around town in a dress like he's normal or something.

Man In Baseball Cap: I'll be damned, that's Tommy Pritchard!

I didn't know he was a homosexual.

[chanting]

Man In Plaid Shirt: [unintelligible]

Joe: Jeff, I want you and Peter to come with me.

Nobody's angry, I just want you to get the help you need.

Dewayne: Yes, are your parents around?

We need to find them and let them know about your sickness.

Mr. Jones: Is there a problem here?

Joe: I don't want to alarm you but your son is a homosexual.

He marched in this parade.

Dewayne: There's no reason to panic right now.

So if we could all just go back to the church,

watch this wonderful video on Camp Nineveh,

we can call, get you a couple spaces to

get you the help you so desperately need.

Jason: Ring ring, ring ring, hello?

Oh Dewayne it's for you.

It's 1962 calling, they want you to come home!

Dewayne: Ha ha, faggot.

Mr. Jones: My son told us last night that he was gay,

and I'm glad the truth is out.

Because secrets, they do a lot of harm.

Come on boys, let's go have lunch.

Joe: At least take a brochure?

Dewayne: Sir?

Curtis, listen, I want you to know that

there's not a chance in hell that the city council

is gonna give you permission to have

some sort of gay club in the high school.

Curtis: Oh well, you're right.

I'm not gonna even try that.

Dewayne: You're not?

Jack: I'm going to start a gay/straight club

at First Presbyterian Church.

Dewayne: Preacher, this is not a joke?

Oh you, you beat all, Preacher, you know that?

You beat all!

You're gonna let those sinful kids into your church?

Jack: Well, maybe it'll make up for the fact

that I and most of the adults in this town

have turned a blind eye to the

gay and lesbian kids being bullied and beaten.

Dewayne: Thou shall not lie with the male

as those that lie with the female.

It is an abomination!

Leviticus 18, verse 22.

Jason: Come on, Dewayne.

You can't just cherry-pick quotes out of the bible

and recite them like they're the

goddamn US Constitution or something.

Joe: Jack, you can't be serious.

Let gay teenagers meet at your church?

Jack: I spoke with Rabbi Goldberg over in Harris County,

he's going to do the same thing with the teenagers there.

Dewayne: I don't know what to say.

Mr. Young: While you're speechless I got something to say.

Mayor: Mr. Young, didn't know

you were coming to town today.

Mr. Young: Got wind of this parade nonsense.

Flew in this morning to see for myself firsthand.

When my company purchased the plant

it was my plan to close it down.

But Mayor Clark here convinced me not to.

But I got two gay sons.

Dewayne, the day you're elected mayor

is the day this plant closes down

and I take these jobs to Mexico.

Dewayne: Sir, you can't do that.

Mr. Young: I don't think the voters

are gonna put up with this.

Dewayne: We can just talk about this.

Restaurant Owner: Half of my restaurant

customers come from that mill.

If that place closes down, I'm coming

straight for your sorry ass, Dewayne.

Dewayne: I will fix this.

Joe: What we need here is calm, we need to cool down.

Come on this way, let's chat a bit.

Dewayne: Jason Potts, you turned the whole town against me?

You know what you are?

You're a professional homosexual activist.

Skipping around the country, stirring up

trouble wherever he goes.

Jason: Bye, Dewayne.

Dewayne: Is this funny?

Is this some kind of joke, I'm not done!

Huh?

Listen, I am the victim here friends. ME!

Jason Potts should never have been allowed

to come back to town, none of them should!

THEY'RE ALL ACTIVISTS!

LEFT WING, LIBERAL, MAINSTREAM MEDIA,

PINKO SOCIALISTS, HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS

WITH KNOWN TIES TO TERRORISTS!

WHY AM I RHYMING?

Rebecca: Instead of who shot J.R.,

we got who shot Mama in the heart,

and I have a roomful of suspects.

Ruth: Mom.

Rebecca: You all have been plotting to leave me.

London, Nashville, even you, Pete,

to Laos and Vietnam and Cambodia?

Pete: I just want to see the countryside

without anyone shooting at me.

Rebecca: At least Frank loves me, he's not going anywhere.

Frank: Yeah Mom, I've been doing some soul searching

and let's be honest, I am an alcoholic.

I've decided to take that rehab

therapy session that lasts for 120 days.

Rebecca: Fine, all of you leave me!

I just hope I don't fall and trip down those stairs

in this big empty house with only the cats to hear my cries.

Ruth: Mom, our new house has a

large bedroom suite with your name on it.

Jason: And I'm sure there's some very nice hotels

around our apartment in London.

Ruth: We'll always come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Rebecca: Okay, I hadn't wanted to say anything

till the appropriate time but I think this is it.

I have been working on a one-woman show about my life.

I was just gonna play it here at the community college

but since all of you gonna be spread out all over

I thought I would take it on the road to all of your cities!

Roy: Yeah, that would be great if you came for a short visit.

Rebecca: This is going to work out so well!

Rebecca Potts, the life and times of a

simple yet courageous woman from a small town in Tennessee.

Oh come on, let's get the kids and celebrate!

Frank, you think I could perform at your treatment center?

Frank: Oh Ma I have no doubt that

my therapist would want to meet you!

Rebecca: Jason, I wonder if the queen will come see my show.

Jason: Oh, I'm sure.

Paul wouldn't miss it for anything!

Paul: Bitch!

You sure you want to move to London?

Jason: Yeah.

Paul: Maybe you'll like Smythe ...

("Spirit" by Jeffery James & the Haul)