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1
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:56,806
Patrick.
2
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:57,974
Adeline.
3
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:01,770
This is going to be the best
Valentine's Day ever.
4
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,480
This place...
5
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,817
it's just so gorge.
6
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,818
Of course it is, babe.
7
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,237
- You picked it!
- I picked it!
8
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,287
Oh.
9
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,914
Mmm. Mmm.
10
00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:23,292
Mmm.
11
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:25,794
Mmm?
12
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,215
What the hell?
13
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,054
I told you
not to put it in my food.
14
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,392
- Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Sorry, I--
- It's fine. Keep going.
15
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,939
Adeline Delilah Garrett.
16
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,566
You're smart.
17
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,775
You're beautiful.
18
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,195
And perhaps
most important of all,
19
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,739
you make me think.
20
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:58,159
You're my person and I can't
imagine my life without you.
21
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,453
Will you marry me?
22
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,706
Yes. A million times, yes!
23
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,437
Why are you
calling me right now?
24
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:27,855
I didn't get it.
25
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,024
What the fuck do you mean
you didn't get it?
26
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,317
Yeah, I'm sorry, dude.
27
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,361
There was a couple
of sun flares and like...
28
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,530
Um, could you maybe
do it again? Or...
29
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,864
Why, yes.
30
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,950
Let me re-propose
to my fucking girlfriend
31
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,452
so you can do your job right.
32
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:44,455
- Technically she's your fiancée.
- Don't get cute with me.
33
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:47,835
Do it right this time
or I'll fucking end you...
34
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,503
- on Yelp.
- Okay, cool, thanks.
35
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,632
I'll talk to you later.
I'm not even on Yelp, dick.
36
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:02,348
Uh... Speech, speech, speech.
Lovey, lovey-dovey.
37
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,433
And...
38
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:05,893
Will you marry me?
39
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:08,397
Yes. A million times, yes.
40
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,904
Just one second.
41
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,158
Give me that. Hello?
42
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,910
Nico the Photo Guy.
Leave a message.
43
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,872
Are you fucking kidding... me?
44
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,035
No!
45
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:34,483
Hello?
46
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:40,697
You listen here, asshole.
47
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,662
I have been planning this day
my whole life...
48
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040
and you fucking killed him!
49
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,752
You messed with the wrong bride.
50
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,171
You hear me?
51
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,049
You messed with the wrong fu--
52
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,785
Whoa, ma'am, you can't be here.
What are you doing?
53
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,955
- He's trying to kill me!
- Please, just calm down.
54
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,376
Hey, buddy, you wanna tell me
what's going on?
55
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,839
Wait. Stop!
Drop the knife, asshole!
56
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,472
Somebody! Please!
57
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:17,377
Shoot.
58
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,761
Take that, you motherfucker!
59
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:09,972
Go away!
60
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:12,558
You go away!
61
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,019
You go away!
62
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:17,855
You go away!
63
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:26,905
No.
64
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,617
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
65
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,619
No, no, no, no, no. Please!
66
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,122
Hey! Hey!
67
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:38,792
No!
68
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,384
No!
69
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:51,430
No!
70
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,349
No!
71
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,113
It's Valentine's Day
72
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,867
and the nation
is once again on high alert.
73
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:58,120
{\an8}For the past two years,
a masked maniac
74
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,830
{\an8}known as
the Heart Eyes Killer...
75
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:03,334
{\an8}...or HEK, as authorities
call him for short,
76
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,711
{\an8}has emerged on a day
meant for romance
77
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,339
{\an8}to target, hunt
and brutally kill couples.
78
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,967
{\an8}HEK seems to target cities
at random.
79
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:12,343
{\an8}From a blood-soaked rampage
80
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:13,928
{\an8}in the Boston area
two years ago...
81
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,055
{\an8}...as well as a second
killing spree,
82
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,058
{\an8}which left several dead
in Philadelphia just last year.
83
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,061
{\an8}Even though he's after
couples in love,
84
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,272
{\an8}let me be perfectly
clear about this...
85
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:28,402
He will kill anyone
who gets in his way.
86
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,029
{\an8}...leaving Americans
once again plagued with anxiety
87
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,115
{\an8}on Cupid's holiday
asking the question...
88
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:37,202
{\an8}Where will the Heart Eyes Killer
strike next?
89
00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:43,416
{\an8}Do you expect
the Heart Eyes Killer
90
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,501
{\an8}to kill your
Valentine's Day plans?
91
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,795
{\an8}Who the hell
makes Valentine's Day plans?
92
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,505
{\an8}Yeah, this holiday sucks ass, dude.
93
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,048
{\an8}- Literally.
- Fuck Valentine...
94
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,717
{\an8}I ain't even low-key scared.
95
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,178
{\an8}The HEK ain't got nothin' on me.
You know, 'cause I--
96
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,139
{\an8}Shut up, Dylan.
You're afraid of the dark.
97
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,350
{\an8}No, I don't.
98
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,521
- The Heart Eyes Killer--
- So glad I'm single.
99
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,607
- I'm gonna celebrate inside.
- That dude hunts you.
100
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:10,193
...rubbing your shitty PDA
all up in our face--
101
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,485
He only kills straight people,
I think.
102
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:14,530
Whether you're with a partner
or looking for love,
103
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:17,242
stay vigilant
this Valentine's Day.
104
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,555
Shit!
105
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,809
- Nice one, dipshits.
- Got a cappuccino here.
106
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,937
Hope Cupid
shoots you in the dick.
107
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,813
Caramel soy latte for Monica!
108
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,983
- Oh, that's me.
- Okay, yeah. There.
109
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,402
Why do you look so stressed?
110
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,655
Is it 'cause you're single again
on Valentine's Day?
111
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,574
No, I'm... I'm stressed because
Crystal just called
112
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,660
an all-hands meeting
and the subject of her email
113
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,203
literally says
"Ally's Campaign."
114
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,621
- Hmm. I saw that.
- So, I'm fucked.
115
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,289
Okay, worst-case scenario,
116
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:08,167
you get fired and you never work
another day in your life.
117
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,128
Worst-case scenario, Crystal
wears my skin as a pantsuit.
118
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,381
Best-case scenario,
you got nice skin though.
119
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:14,507
Boop.
120
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,008
You know what? Whatever.
121
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,135
If you go down,
I'll go down with you. Okay?
122
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,554
We'll Thelma and Louise
this shit.
123
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,055
Large iced blended Americano
124
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:23,600
with oat milk,
two honey, one sugar.
125
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,436
Sorry, are you sure
that's yours?
126
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,481
Yes, that is definitely mine.
127
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:33,359
No one else would order
a large iced blended Americano
128
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,987
with oat milk,
two honey, one sugar.
129
00:11:35,988 --> 00:11:38,490
Sugar. Yeah. Look at that. Wow.
130
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,909
Guess we're coffee mates.
131
00:11:42,286 --> 00:11:44,203
- Nice dad joke.
- Thanks.
132
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,663
I thought I was the only one
in the world
133
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:47,415
with the most obnoxious
coffee order.
134
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,041
It's a pretty common
order actually.
135
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,460
Can you guys move? We're busy.
136
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,254
Yes.
137
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:54,673
He's hot!
138
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,887
Hey, can I interest you
in one of these guys?
139
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,347
Oh, no, I'm okay. Thanks.
I carry my own.
140
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,808
- Oh. Metal straw.
- I hate paper straws.
141
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,186
They just turn into mush
in, like, three seconds.
142
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:10,855
Yeah, no. I totally get
what you're saying.
143
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:13,065
Let's put all the coffee
in a plastic cup,
144
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,943
but, hey, as long as the straw
is paper, planet saved.
145
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,820
Planet saved.
146
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,781
- Uh, sugar though. Want one?
- Yeah.
147
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:21,866
A little slow poison
148
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:22,950
- for the pancreas. Oh.
- Oh.
149
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,535
- Ooh!
- Oh!
150
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:27,496
- I'm sorry. No, I'm--
- I'm sorry. No, I'm-- Sorry.
151
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,082
- I got it. It's okay.
- No, it's totally--
152
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,626
- Fucking Jesus Murphy!
- Oh, Shit!
153
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:32,793
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
154
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,046
- Yeah. Am I?
- Oh, my God. You're bleeding!
155
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,507
- Here. Shit. Uh--
- Oh-- Thank you for that.
156
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,967
Bye. Um, I'm gonna go.
I'll see you at work, Mon.
157
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,678
Sorry.
She's getting fired today.
158
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:45,556
Exactly one year
after a Valentine's Day massacre
159
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:48,142
left three couples dead
in Boston
160
00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:50,394
and four couples dead
in Philadelphia,
161
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,357
the Heart Eyes Killer
has come to Seattle.
162
00:12:53,482 --> 00:12:56,234
Four victims have
now been claimed at a winery,
163
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,570
ending one dream engagement
164
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:00,863
in a nightmare.
165
00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,658
{\an8}Chief Hartley, is this the work
of the Heart Eyes Killer?
166
00:13:03,659 --> 00:13:05,368
{\an8}That's not confirmed
at this point,
167
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,411
{\an8}but given the pattern
of targeting couples
168
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:10,039
{\an8}on Valentine's Day,
we suspect it's the work of HEK.
169
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,124
{\an8}What do you have to say
to all those couples out there
170
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,419
{\an8}planning to celebrate
Valentine's Day?
171
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,213
{\an8}Stay home.
172
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:18,882
{\an8}Well.
173
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,928
This is quite a pickle.
174
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:32,436
Why didn't a single one of you
175
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,606
tell me that there is a maniac
176
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,109
running around
slaughtering people
177
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:41,445
on Valentine's Day
these last couple years?
178
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,864
Tommy?
179
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,868
Not a single one of you.
180
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:50,121
This campaign
is certainly ill-timed.
181
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,832
Wouldn't you say so, missy?
182
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,252
Uh... Um...
183
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,713
- I mean--
- You know, Crystal,
184
00:13:58,714 --> 00:14:00,548
how you always tell us
185
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,884
that relevance is really
important in our pitches?
186
00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:08,264
Well, I personally believe that
Ally's campaign is very "now."
187
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,183
Monica, thank you so much.
188
00:14:10,184 --> 00:14:12,436
If you could do me a huge favor.
Shut the fuck up.
189
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,564
Tommy?
190
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:56,270
"Wow. Profiting off the death
of couples to sell rings."
191
00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,688
"Speechless."
192
00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,066
- "This is disgusting."
- I'll say.
193
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,901
"What did I just watch?"
194
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,236
"Straight-up tacky."
195
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:07,532
"Someone find out who made this
and dox their ignorant ass."
196
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,742
- I mean, it just... it goes on.
- I'm sure it does.
197
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:12,079
Ally, I'm worried
about your safety.
198
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,374
Gee, thanks, Tommy.
199
00:15:16,375 --> 00:15:19,210
How many people has this
heart-shaped asshole killed?
200
00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:21,546
I think, like, a lot.
201
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:22,756
A lot?
202
00:15:24,383 --> 00:15:29,178
You built a nationwide campaign
around romance ending in death?
203
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,721
Well, you approved it.
204
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,890
Because I trusted you.
205
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,851
I'm gonna need a new campaign.
206
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:38,230
- Okay. Um, no problem. I'll--
- Jay, get in here.
207
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,065
Jay? Who's Jay?
208
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,734
Thank you very much.
209
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,319
No way.
210
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,572
That's the guy whose nose you
smashed
211
00:15:47,573 --> 00:15:49,282
- in at the coffee shop.
- Mon, sit down.
212
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,784
Jay Simmonds, everybody.
This is Jay Simmonds.
213
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,327
Who is Jay Simmonds?
Well, I'll tell you.
214
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:57,123
Jay Simmonds is the former
CCD of BMY New York.
215
00:15:57,124 --> 00:16:01,210
He is the youngest freelancer
to win a Clio Award
216
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,379
for his viral
romantic campaigns.
217
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:08,092
Everything from fancy cars
to luxury chocolates.
218
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:10,303
And, he has then earned himself
219
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:14,056
a nice little moniker
of "Consumer Cupid."
220
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,725
That is Jay Simmonds,
221
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:16,809
and I'll tell you what.
222
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,437
When I realized how far up
shit's creek
223
00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,230
Ally here had paddled us,
224
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,441
I knew I needed
some reinforcements.
225
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,611
And thank Baby Jesus.
226
00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:28,529
Now, he's gotta leave
and push off tomorrow
227
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,532
and skedaddle,
so he's on the clock.
228
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,201
Jay. Everybody, Jay!
229
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,870
Thank you for the lovely
flattery, Crystal.
230
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:37,497
I appreciate it. Um...
231
00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:40,208
Listen, as I understand it,
232
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,543
we've experienced
some turbulence as of late,
233
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:46,214
but it's all about how you land
the plane that matters, so...
234
00:16:46,215 --> 00:16:47,841
we will get through this...
235
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,135
together.
236
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,725
- What the hell was that?
- I got a match.
237
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,853
Oh, for fuck sakes.
238
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:06,443
We're gonna get married.
I can feel it.
239
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,906
That's your boyfriend?
240
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:12,990
Yeah, he will be.
241
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:15,743
He's an actual firefighter
who loves puppies.
242
00:17:18,789 --> 00:17:21,540
You see?
That's why you're still single.
243
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,042
You know what you need, Shaw?
244
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:27,005
You need a real man.
245
00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:30,676
One that's willing to make
the first move.
246
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:37,099
Come on, detectives.
You're gonna love this.
247
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,434
Check it out.
248
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:42,563
What is that, a wedding band?
249
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:44,689
Could it be one of the victim's?
250
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:45,983
Unlikely.
251
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,739
The initials engraved
on the inside... JS.
252
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:55,534
Doesn't match
either of the deceased.
253
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,463
What kind
of an animal would do this?
254
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:14,302
Probably some incel virgin troll
living in his mommy's basement.
255
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:15,596
Assuming it's a man.
256
00:18:16,889 --> 00:18:19,265
What about the girl
who never got asked to prom?
257
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,683
The-- The love-scorned woman
258
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:23,311
who got cheated on
one too many times
259
00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:25,354
and just snapped.
260
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,607
Oh, fuck.
261
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,984
Oh. Yes. He replied.
262
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,235
The gay fireman?
263
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,154
No, no. This guy works in tech.
264
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:36,407
- Shaw's got a fetish for betas.
- I don't have a fetish.
265
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,326
Everybody's got a fetish.
266
00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:41,330
Gentlemen, this is more
than just a simple murder.
267
00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:43,582
It's a...
268
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,086
...kink.
269
00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:51,464
That's the understatement
of the fucking year.
270
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,508
How do you know for sure
it's HEK?
271
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,052
Here you go, Detective.
272
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,096
'Cause this is the last thing
273
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,933
the wedding photographer
ever saw.
274
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,479
Heart Eyes
has come to our city, boys.
275
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:07,897
And they've got
another ten hours
276
00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:09,983
of Valentine's Day left to kill.
277
00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:17,741
Excuse me.
What in hell are you doing?
278
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:21,786
What do you mean? You just fired
me in front of the whole team.
279
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:24,539
Fired you? I got six more months
on your contract.
280
00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:28,000
I intend to squeeze every single
last drop out of you.
281
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,169
Okay. Great. So what
am I supposed to do?
282
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,797
Get him coffee
while he lands the plane?
283
00:19:32,798 --> 00:19:35,675
No. You're gonna
turn in a sizzling,
284
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:38,928
sexy, seductive, blockbuster
285
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,471
Crystal Cane campaign.
286
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:43,559
And if you don't, I'll kill you.
287
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:49,021
I'm kidding. I won't.
I'll blacklist you, though.
288
00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:50,481
I won't kill you.
289
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:51,567
I mean, maybe.
290
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,318
But no.
291
00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:54,987
But would I?
292
00:19:57,656 --> 00:19:59,991
"Whoever made this,
I hope you get
293
00:19:59,992 --> 00:20:02,785
"murdered and canceled.
Not in that order."
294
00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,328
"Hashtag do better."
295
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,372
"As someone who may die someday,
296
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,957
"I find this commercial
297
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,960
"to be tone-deaf
and borderline ableist."
298
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,462
Wow, people are fucking dumb.
299
00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:16,465
{\an8}"The only thing deader
than the couples in this ad
300
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,302
"is the brain cell of the person
who created it."
301
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:22,430
"The level of cringe
in this video is off the charts.
302
00:20:22,431 --> 00:20:23,931
"Hashtag just stop."
303
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,017
Hey, Ally?
304
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:28,979
- Yeah?
- Howdy.
305
00:20:30,439 --> 00:20:31,814
Jay? Wha--
306
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,817
This is the women's bathroom,
dude. You can't be in here.
307
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,738
Technically, it is a unisex
bathroom, but...
308
00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:39,573
can we talk?
309
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,411
- Hi.
- Hi.
310
00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:45,913
I'm...
311
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,207
I am really sorry about earlier.
312
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:51,459
Oh, no, it's totally fine.
313
00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,461
Sorry to stalk and run,
314
00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:55,338
but I'm trying
to make this yoga class
315
00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:57,256
that starts in, like, an hour.
316
00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,008
You serious? Yoga?
317
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,093
Mmm-hmm.
318
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:03,054
Aren't we supposed
to be saving the company?
319
00:21:03,055 --> 00:21:06,516
Yes, and we will.
Just after yoga.
320
00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:09,102
I booked us a table at L'oie.
321
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:12,355
We get inspired,
talk about the campaign.
322
00:21:12,356 --> 00:21:15,191
You realize that
it's Valentine's Day, right?
323
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:17,235
Oh, that's right.
324
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,279
You probably got plans,
don't you?
325
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:22,281
- No.
- Well, great!
326
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,325
It'll be a great place
for some field research.
327
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:25,743
Romance, flowers, candles--
328
00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:27,537
Do you think that maybe we
could just do this tomorrow?
329
00:21:27,538 --> 00:21:29,288
Uh, see,
I would love to do tomorrow,
330
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,665
I just have to take
the first flight
331
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,959
out in the morning
for my best friend's wedding.
332
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,169
So, how about this?
We'll call it 08:00 sharp,
333
00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:36,796
and I'll see you there.
Yeah? I'm excited.
334
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:38,924
- No, no, I--
- It's gonna be great!
335
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:41,801
Oh, thank you so much.
336
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:45,888
Uh, no, Mon. Let me get this.
You're, like, $100,000 in debt.
337
00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:47,057
Not anymore.
338
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,101
Arthur paid it off.
And I get to keep the card.
339
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,854
- Are you serious?
- Mmm-hmm.
340
00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:55,857
Damn. Someone likes a little
sugar with their daddy.
341
00:21:55,858 --> 00:21:59,026
A-ha. Excuse me, Ally.
I do not have a sugar daddy.
342
00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:00,904
That term is very problematic.
343
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,323
I have a sponsor.
344
00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:07,743
And do you love your sponsor,
or is he just erasing your debt?
345
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:11,289
Yes, I love him. And I love
that he's erasing my debt.
346
00:22:11,290 --> 00:22:14,417
So, when am I gonna meet this
secret Hugh Hefner?
347
00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:15,751
Shall we all get dinner soon?
348
00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:18,004
What do you say,
like, 4:30? Soup?
349
00:22:18,005 --> 00:22:19,547
Ha-ha. Real clever,
Miss Judgy Judy,
350
00:22:19,548 --> 00:22:21,257
while you're literally stalking
your ex online.
351
00:22:21,258 --> 00:22:23,509
I'm not stalking him.
352
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:26,429
The algorithm
is stalking me, okay?
353
00:22:26,430 --> 00:22:28,973
- It's the algorithm?
- Hey, is Arthur Heart Eyes?
354
00:22:28,974 --> 00:22:31,018
Is that why
I haven't met him yet?
355
00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:33,270
That's not fucking funny.
356
00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:39,025
Of course
Arthur's not Heart Eyes.
357
00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:41,027
That guy has so much arthritis,
he can't run.
358
00:22:41,028 --> 00:22:42,987
- Honestly, I bet it's Crystal.
- Hmm.
359
00:22:42,988 --> 00:22:44,197
You know when she does that,
360
00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:45,698
- like, thing...
- Mmm-hmm.
361
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:47,951
...when her Botox doesn't
sit right and it gets stuck?
362
00:22:50,829 --> 00:22:53,372
{\an8}Breaking news.
Our Channel 7 affiliate
363
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:56,792
{\an8}is reporting that two more
couples have been found murdered
364
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,294
{\an8}at a downtown spa.
365
00:22:58,295 --> 00:23:00,421
We go live
to the scene in Seattle.
366
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:01,506
Can't watch this.
367
00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:03,382
Thanks, Mike.
We have confirmed reports...
368
00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:04,509
Ally.
369
00:23:04,510 --> 00:23:07,512
- Ally, hello? Hey, ho.
- Monica!
370
00:23:07,513 --> 00:23:09,138
Oh, my God.
Why are you torturing yourself?
371
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:10,473
You're the one who ended things.
372
00:23:10,474 --> 00:23:13,309
I know.
He just moved on so fast.
373
00:23:13,310 --> 00:23:14,560
I mean, what even is her job?
374
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:16,395
Look at her feed.
It's all vacation pics.
375
00:23:16,396 --> 00:23:18,606
And she doesn't even have
rich parents. I checked.
376
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:19,982
You need to stop
hate-fucking yourself
377
00:23:19,983 --> 00:23:21,317
and get out there
and actually find someone
378
00:23:21,318 --> 00:23:22,944
to actually fuck-fuck yourself,
you know?
379
00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:24,278
- No.
- Oh, what about that guy?
380
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:25,446
He's so cute.
381
00:23:25,447 --> 00:23:27,657
The-- The bathroom boy.
You know? Your little stalker?
382
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:29,617
You mean the guy
trying to take my job?
383
00:23:29,618 --> 00:23:30,911
Oh, my fuck.
384
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,331
He is so hot,
I could literally throw up.
385
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:37,042
My basement just flooded.
386
00:23:38,877 --> 00:23:40,170
He's okay.
387
00:23:40,546 --> 00:23:42,880
Wait, what are you
wearing on this date?
388
00:23:42,881 --> 00:23:44,465
It's not a date.
389
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:47,009
We're working. And what's wrong
with my clothes?
390
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:50,221
- You look like a before picture.
- Monica! That is so mean!
391
00:23:50,222 --> 00:23:51,472
Okay, this place,
what's the vibe?
392
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:52,807
Is it, what, fancy?
393
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:55,477
- Yeah, it's fancy. Why?
- Come on.
394
00:23:56,270 --> 00:23:57,770
Where are we going?
395
00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:59,982
We're gonna go fuck up
a credit card.
396
00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:13,911
- It's gorgeous.
- So much skin.
397
00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:15,037
- Hike it up a little bit.
- It's so much skin.
398
00:24:15,038 --> 00:24:16,915
- It can go shorter.
- Monica, no! It's not a date.
399
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:35,767
No.
400
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:48,738
Hi. Uh,
reservation for Simmonds.
401
00:24:48,739 --> 00:24:50,490
Of course. AJ?
402
00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:53,285
Arms out, please.
403
00:24:56,705 --> 00:24:59,040
- What gives?
- Heart Eyes.
404
00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,375
Can't be too careful.
405
00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:11,637
I'm environmentally conscious.
406
00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:25,691
Sharp, my ass.
407
00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:27,693
You look so
beautiful tonight, darling.
408
00:25:27,694 --> 00:25:30,030
Happy Valentine's.
I really mean that.
409
00:25:32,241 --> 00:25:34,617
Good evening, miss.
Will anyone else be joining you?
410
00:25:34,618 --> 00:25:36,745
Uh, yes. Um, a friend.
411
00:25:37,371 --> 00:25:38,579
A colleague.
412
00:25:38,580 --> 00:25:41,207
It's a-- It's a work dinner.
413
00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:42,959
Well, I'll be back
with the specials
414
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,126
once your date arrives.
415
00:25:44,127 --> 00:25:45,838
Oh, no, no, no.
He's not my date.
416
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:09,902
I am so sorry that I am late.
I tried to get a car.
417
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:12,113
And for what it's worth,
I had no idea this place
418
00:26:12,114 --> 00:26:13,907
was gonna be this nice, but...
419
00:26:14,867 --> 00:26:17,202
- You look amazing.
- Thank you.
420
00:26:18,662 --> 00:26:20,246
Welcome to L'oie.
421
00:26:20,247 --> 00:26:21,789
May I offer you a beverage?
422
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:24,041
- Um, I'm good. Thank you.
- Yeah, please. How about
423
00:26:24,042 --> 00:26:26,335
a bottle of champagne,
maybe two glasses?
424
00:26:26,336 --> 00:26:27,587
Oh, uh, no, no, no. I'm sorry.
425
00:26:27,588 --> 00:26:30,756
- No offense, but we're working.
- None taken.
426
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:31,967
I'll be right back.
427
00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:34,970
So, where you from?
428
00:26:36,597 --> 00:26:38,014
Uh, Phoenix.
429
00:26:38,015 --> 00:26:39,308
Do you have siblings?
430
00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:41,058
No.
431
00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,103
Are your parents still together?
432
00:26:44,229 --> 00:26:45,479
Mmm-hmm.
433
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:46,772
Well, that's nice.
434
00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:49,108
Yeah, I'd love to grow old
with somebody.
435
00:26:49,109 --> 00:26:50,443
Change their Depends?
436
00:26:50,444 --> 00:26:51,527
You know,
437
00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:54,780
I don't immediately go to poop
when I think about love,
438
00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:57,783
but yeah. I would change
an adult diaper
439
00:26:57,784 --> 00:26:59,703
if it was in the name of love.
440
00:27:07,127 --> 00:27:08,128
Here we are.
441
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:10,046
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
442
00:27:10,047 --> 00:27:11,381
- Miss?
- Yeah.
443
00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:14,301
Didn't want any, but thank you.
444
00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,471
And for you, sir?
445
00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:22,058
- Thank you very much.
- Enjoy.
446
00:27:22,059 --> 00:27:23,143
What do you say?
447
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:25,562
To love?
448
00:27:29,942 --> 00:27:30,943
Okay.
449
00:27:32,361 --> 00:27:34,862
- Listen, this is all very cute.
- Mmm-hmm.
450
00:27:34,863 --> 00:27:36,614
- And you're smooth.
- Oh, thanks.
451
00:27:36,615 --> 00:27:38,783
But I'm just trying
to salvage whatever's left
452
00:27:38,784 --> 00:27:40,660
of my career here,
so can we skip
453
00:27:40,661 --> 00:27:43,412
whatever this is and get
to cracking this campaign?
454
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:44,705
- By all means.
- Okay.
455
00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:46,249
I have a couple ideas in here.
456
00:27:46,250 --> 00:27:49,001
Some probably suck,
but I'm sure there's a kernel--
457
00:27:49,002 --> 00:27:50,879
You've had
your heart broken recently.
458
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,383
- I'm sorry, what?
- No, I just like to think
459
00:27:55,384 --> 00:27:58,262
I'm intuitive
with these things and...
460
00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:02,598
Ew. Yeah, no.
I did not get my heart
461
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:04,183
- broken recently.
- Mmm-hmm.
462
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:05,643
And it's really
none of your business.
463
00:28:05,644 --> 00:28:07,186
Oh, you're totally right,
it's not.
464
00:28:07,187 --> 00:28:08,855
- Definitely not. Okay.
- Nope.
465
00:28:08,856 --> 00:28:11,441
- Um...
- It's just your campaign.
466
00:28:12,484 --> 00:28:16,154
Doomed lovers? I mean, it hardly
screams romance to me.
467
00:28:17,531 --> 00:28:20,241
The most romantic stories
of all time are doomed.
468
00:28:20,242 --> 00:28:22,702
You got husbands, wives,
469
00:28:22,703 --> 00:28:24,453
partners, twin flames, soulmates.
470
00:28:24,454 --> 00:28:27,331
Whatever you wanna call it,
it's all gonna end.
471
00:28:27,332 --> 00:28:28,833
It's just
a matter of time before
472
00:28:28,834 --> 00:28:30,459
someone cheats, bails, or dies.
473
00:28:30,460 --> 00:28:33,004
What about butterflies
in your stomach?
474
00:28:33,005 --> 00:28:35,548
A lightning bolt to the heart?
475
00:28:35,549 --> 00:28:37,133
Cozy Sundays in bed?
476
00:28:37,134 --> 00:28:39,802
What's next, birth charts
and long walks on the beach?
477
00:28:39,803 --> 00:28:42,054
I like those things,
but I get it. Not for everyone.
478
00:28:42,055 --> 00:28:43,890
You wanna know how I feel
about romance?
479
00:28:43,891 --> 00:28:45,058
Yeah.
480
00:28:47,060 --> 00:28:48,395
It's a farce.
481
00:28:50,189 --> 00:28:51,273
A lie.
482
00:28:52,733 --> 00:28:55,402
Not to everyone, I know that.
Some people get...
483
00:28:56,195 --> 00:29:00,489
really lucky and stumble
into something real and forever.
484
00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:02,116
But the other 99% of us
485
00:29:02,117 --> 00:29:04,994
are just bouncing from one
failed experiment to the next,
486
00:29:04,995 --> 00:29:07,914
chasing the same regurgitated
fairy-tale bullshit
487
00:29:07,915 --> 00:29:10,750
that's been stuffed into our
brains since we were kids.
488
00:29:10,751 --> 00:29:14,003
Prince Charming? Till you
catch him fucking your sister.
489
00:29:14,004 --> 00:29:15,671
I thought you were
an only child.
490
00:29:15,672 --> 00:29:17,340
- It's a metaphor. Jesus.
- Right.
491
00:29:17,341 --> 00:29:19,092
My point is, it's not real.
492
00:29:20,344 --> 00:29:23,429
And somehow, I landed a job
that forces me to propagate
493
00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:25,598
a fantasy in order to sell
blood diamonds
494
00:29:25,599 --> 00:29:27,266
harvested from third-world
slave labor,
495
00:29:27,267 --> 00:29:29,227
so please forgive me
if I'm not swept away
496
00:29:29,228 --> 00:29:32,021
by your magical notions
of romance, Jay.
497
00:29:32,022 --> 00:29:33,106
Wow.
498
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:35,734
That's really...
499
00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:37,945
What?
500
00:29:39,071 --> 00:29:40,072
...sad.
501
00:29:45,410 --> 00:29:46,537
Why are you single?
502
00:29:47,579 --> 00:29:50,249
- Excuse me?
- No, really, Mr. Romantic...
503
00:29:51,500 --> 00:29:52,750
doe-eyed, first love,
504
00:29:52,751 --> 00:29:55,378
Esther Perel mama's boy
know-it-all. Why are you single?
505
00:29:55,379 --> 00:29:57,463
- Well...
- Are you really looking for love
506
00:29:57,464 --> 00:29:59,715
or are you just another
fake-ass, ho-hunting,
507
00:29:59,716 --> 00:30:01,634
- ankle-cuff prick in a suit?
- Oh, my God.
508
00:30:01,635 --> 00:30:02,760
You know, you don't know me.
509
00:30:02,761 --> 00:30:04,428
And you
don't get to cast judgment
510
00:30:04,429 --> 00:30:06,890
just because I don't think
like you, okay?
511
00:30:12,938 --> 00:30:13,939
Yeah, um...
512
00:30:15,482 --> 00:30:18,443
I think you were right.
Tonight's a bad night.
513
00:30:19,987 --> 00:30:21,904
Should've just
let you clear your head. Um...
514
00:30:21,905 --> 00:30:24,283
Don't worry about the champagne.
It's on Crystal.
515
00:30:34,626 --> 00:30:39,214
Jay! Jay!
I'm sorry, okay? You win.
516
00:30:39,715 --> 00:30:42,216
Listen, I told you it was fine
and I meant it. It's all good.
517
00:30:42,217 --> 00:30:44,385
No, I had
a really rough day and...
518
00:30:44,386 --> 00:30:47,597
and I took it out on you and
that was shitty and wrong and--
519
00:30:47,598 --> 00:30:49,390
Jay, please,
I can't lose this job.
520
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:51,518
Ally, I am not
gonna take your job.
521
00:30:52,186 --> 00:30:53,644
Although it does seem like
522
00:30:53,645 --> 00:30:55,564
you don't really want
this job, but...
523
00:30:56,773 --> 00:30:59,317
This is me, so...
524
00:30:59,318 --> 00:31:01,819
I'm gonna go back to the hotel,
brainstorm some creative,
525
00:31:01,820 --> 00:31:03,614
see what we can
salvage from-- Oh!
526
00:31:09,411 --> 00:31:10,412
Ally?
527
00:31:13,373 --> 00:31:15,416
Collin! What are you doing here?
528
00:31:15,417 --> 00:31:18,920
Um, well, Sienna and I are on
a little dinner date, actually.
529
00:31:18,921 --> 00:31:21,256
- I've heard so much about you.
- Really?
530
00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:23,091
Why?
531
00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:25,843
And, uh, you are?
532
00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:27,345
Oh, Jay. I'm Ally's...
533
00:31:27,346 --> 00:31:29,013
- He's my friend-- Boyfriend.
- ...Boyfriend.
534
00:31:29,014 --> 00:31:30,140
Friend. Boyfriend.
535
00:31:31,016 --> 00:31:32,725
I didn't know
you had a boyfriend.
536
00:31:32,726 --> 00:31:34,810
- Yeah! Yeah.
- Yeah.
537
00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:36,479
Yeah, I mean, why would you?
538
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,900
It's not like I publicize it
on social media or anything.
539
00:31:42,569 --> 00:31:44,487
Uh, well, it's nice
to meet you, Jay.
540
00:31:44,488 --> 00:31:47,573
Pleasure. So, um, dinner, huh?
541
00:31:47,574 --> 00:31:49,951
Yeah. Uh, it was supposed
to be a double date,
542
00:31:49,952 --> 00:31:52,079
uh, but unfortunately...
543
00:31:52,913 --> 00:31:54,247
- Ooh.
- What does that mean?
544
00:31:54,248 --> 00:31:57,501
You know the couple that got
murdered up at the winery?
545
00:31:58,544 --> 00:32:00,545
- What, you know them?
- We worked together.
546
00:32:00,546 --> 00:32:02,297
- Played racquetball.
- Racquetball.
547
00:32:03,298 --> 00:32:04,298
It's tragic, really.
548
00:32:04,299 --> 00:32:06,801
- Still kept the reservation?
- And you still came to dinner?
549
00:32:06,802 --> 00:32:08,845
Of course. In their honor.
550
00:32:08,846 --> 00:32:10,596
- Wow.
- Huh. Well, a lot to
551
00:32:10,597 --> 00:32:11,806
eat in there and it's good.
552
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,683
We should go.
See you, Ally, and...
553
00:32:13,684 --> 00:32:15,059
You have such a sexy suit.
554
00:32:15,060 --> 00:32:17,061
- Oh, that's a sexy dress.
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
555
00:32:17,062 --> 00:32:19,480
- You guys have a good dinner.
- Happy Valentine's Day!
556
00:32:19,481 --> 00:32:22,526
- Happy V-Day!
- Don't get killed, all right?
557
00:32:23,569 --> 00:32:25,486
- What was--
- Why would he say that?
558
00:32:25,487 --> 00:32:27,446
That was weird.
Oh, you're coming with me.
559
00:32:27,447 --> 00:32:29,241
That was so embarrassing.
560
00:32:45,007 --> 00:32:46,008
Thank you.
561
00:32:49,344 --> 00:32:51,805
Not a-- Not a problem.
562
00:32:59,563 --> 00:33:02,440
So is it the accent?
Is that what it is?
563
00:33:02,441 --> 00:33:04,358
Women love that fucking accent.
564
00:33:04,359 --> 00:33:06,486
God, I can't stand it now.
565
00:33:07,863 --> 00:33:10,741
- Brits are so unemotional.
- Mmm.
566
00:33:11,617 --> 00:33:15,787
Well, that would explain
the dead friends' resy.
567
00:33:16,580 --> 00:33:19,624
Love is a beautiful thing, no?
568
00:33:19,625 --> 00:33:21,834
- Oh, we-- we just work together.
- No, we're not a couple.
569
00:33:21,835 --> 00:33:23,794
- But you just kissed, no?
- Oh, see, no,
570
00:33:23,795 --> 00:33:24,879
that was a performance
571
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,049
to seem maybe more desirable
and perhaps less pathetic
572
00:33:28,050 --> 00:33:31,636
- in front of her ex.
- Oh. You love Spotify?
573
00:33:31,637 --> 00:33:34,764
I have Ultimate Sexies
playlist and--
574
00:33:34,765 --> 00:33:36,224
- I love Spotify.
- Yeah, no,
575
00:33:36,225 --> 00:33:37,517
we're okay. Thank you.
576
00:33:37,518 --> 00:33:39,228
Can we add a stop?
577
00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:42,688
Again, I'm really sorry
about tonight.
578
00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:44,232
I swear I'm not a lunatic.
579
00:33:44,233 --> 00:33:47,277
That's exactly what I think
a lunatic would say.
580
00:33:48,403 --> 00:33:49,404
Okay.
581
00:33:51,823 --> 00:33:53,658
Have fun
at your best friend's wedding.
582
00:33:53,659 --> 00:33:54,743
Thank you.
583
00:34:01,750 --> 00:34:02,751
Okey dokey.
584
00:34:08,549 --> 00:34:09,550
What the...
585
00:34:11,092 --> 00:34:12,093
No!
586
00:34:12,094 --> 00:34:15,639
Next stop,
2640 Westlake Avenue South, sir?
587
00:34:17,391 --> 00:34:20,685
Hey, can you hold off a second?
I think she locked herself out.
588
00:34:20,686 --> 00:34:22,770
You know what you should do?
589
00:34:22,771 --> 00:34:25,147
You should go to her,
590
00:34:25,148 --> 00:34:28,235
tell her you love her,
then never let her go.
591
00:34:31,655 --> 00:34:35,117
Right. Right. Yeah, you just
keep that meter running.
592
00:34:37,077 --> 00:34:39,746
Howdy. Everything okay?
593
00:34:40,414 --> 00:34:41,415
No.
594
00:34:42,291 --> 00:34:44,834
No, I think I left my keys
in a dressing room somewhere.
595
00:34:44,835 --> 00:34:45,918
Oh.
596
00:34:46,503 --> 00:34:48,754
Oh, my God. This night
could not get any worse.
597
00:34:48,755 --> 00:34:50,007
You have a spare hidden?
598
00:34:50,674 --> 00:34:53,886
Yeah, under a mat upstairs.
599
00:34:55,137 --> 00:34:57,096
It's okay.
I'll just break the window.
600
00:34:57,097 --> 00:34:59,765
No. What are you talking about,
breaking windows? No.
601
00:34:59,766 --> 00:35:01,225
No, it's fine.
My landlord loves me.
602
00:35:01,226 --> 00:35:02,435
Well, if you're serious,
603
00:35:02,436 --> 00:35:03,769
maybe you just, you know,
let me do it.
604
00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:05,688
- I can break a window.
- No, I know you can
605
00:35:05,689 --> 00:35:07,815
break a window, but if you
cut yourself, I'll be--
606
00:35:07,816 --> 00:35:09,443
I'm not gonna cut myself.
607
00:35:10,611 --> 00:35:11,820
Knock yourself out.
608
00:35:12,487 --> 00:35:15,323
Just know I don't condone this.
I'm worried for your safety.
609
00:35:15,324 --> 00:35:17,825
And you're punching with your
thumb inside your hand,
610
00:35:17,826 --> 00:35:18,951
which is not a good thing.
611
00:35:18,952 --> 00:35:20,036
Okay. Yeah. You're gonna do it.
612
00:35:20,037 --> 00:35:22,581
Yeah. Why don't you hold that?
Came prepared.
613
00:35:24,791 --> 00:35:26,334
Ah, not so bad.
614
00:35:26,335 --> 00:35:27,419
That's bad.
615
00:35:28,337 --> 00:35:30,755
I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.
616
00:35:30,756 --> 00:35:32,840
I'm sorry I'm bleeding
all over your floor.
617
00:35:32,841 --> 00:35:36,303
Here. Okay.
Let's run it under some water.
618
00:35:38,222 --> 00:35:40,306
- Thanks.
- Okay, you're just gonna wash up
619
00:35:40,307 --> 00:35:41,475
in here for a sec.
620
00:35:42,309 --> 00:35:43,601
Oh, God.
621
00:35:43,602 --> 00:35:46,354
Sorry it's so messy.
622
00:35:46,355 --> 00:35:47,522
I had a house cleaner,
623
00:35:47,523 --> 00:35:50,608
but she won the lottery
last week and fired me.
624
00:35:50,609 --> 00:35:53,361
Really? How much did she win?
625
00:35:53,362 --> 00:35:55,738
Like, a million dollars.
626
00:35:55,739 --> 00:36:00,994
Damn. Well, I hope you find
a replacement soon.
627
00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:07,543
Cute.
628
00:36:08,710 --> 00:36:11,045
I was Pikachu for Halloween too.
629
00:36:11,046 --> 00:36:14,007
- Yeah. That wasn't Halloween.
- What was it?
630
00:36:14,758 --> 00:36:17,051
It was Tuesday.
Yeah, I was pretty obsessed.
631
00:36:17,052 --> 00:36:18,554
Wore that shit everywhere.
632
00:36:20,389 --> 00:36:22,390
- I'll take that.
- It was on your shelf.
633
00:36:22,391 --> 00:36:23,891
No, I really wasn't
expecting company.
634
00:36:23,892 --> 00:36:25,142
Ever?
635
00:36:25,143 --> 00:36:26,727
Why don't you just take a seat
636
00:36:26,728 --> 00:36:28,564
while I look for
the first aid kit?
637
00:36:34,945 --> 00:36:35,946
Found it!
638
00:36:40,534 --> 00:36:41,535
Jay?
639
00:36:48,667 --> 00:36:49,668
Excuse you.
640
00:36:50,002 --> 00:36:52,671
I'm sorry. I didn't wanna sit
on your nice clothes.
641
00:36:55,215 --> 00:36:56,216
Ow.
642
00:36:57,759 --> 00:36:58,760
Would you relax?
643
00:36:59,469 --> 00:37:01,430
It's just
a very expensive jacket.
644
00:37:02,973 --> 00:37:04,433
Let's see your hand.
645
00:37:06,852 --> 00:37:08,687
- Ooh.
- Careful now.
646
00:37:09,563 --> 00:37:10,564
Does it hurt?
647
00:37:11,815 --> 00:37:14,234
No, actually.
You're really good at this.
648
00:37:14,818 --> 00:37:16,402
Did you go to med school
or something?
649
00:37:16,403 --> 00:37:19,573
I dropped out actually.
650
00:37:20,949 --> 00:37:22,200
I really can't do blood.
651
00:37:22,201 --> 00:37:23,784
- No way.
- Mmm, way.
652
00:37:23,785 --> 00:37:25,119
Hmm.
653
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,955
Well, I think you're doing
a pretty good job right now,
654
00:37:27,956 --> 00:37:29,458
if I do say so myself.
655
00:37:30,501 --> 00:37:31,542
- Uh--
- Oh.
656
00:37:31,543 --> 00:37:33,544
This is why we dropped out
of med school
657
00:37:33,545 --> 00:37:35,380
and pivoted to advertising.
658
00:37:37,216 --> 00:37:38,217
You're funny.
659
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,719
- Am I?
- I think so, yeah.
660
00:37:45,307 --> 00:37:47,642
Would you mind?
My hair, falling in my face.
661
00:37:47,643 --> 00:37:48,977
- Oh, of course.
- Thank you.
662
00:37:56,568 --> 00:37:58,779
- Okay. There we go.
- Oh, wow.
663
00:38:03,867 --> 00:38:05,785
So, you mind my asking
664
00:38:05,786 --> 00:38:08,497
what kind of medicine
you were planning on going into?
665
00:38:09,289 --> 00:38:11,207
Uh, nephrology.
666
00:38:11,208 --> 00:38:12,834
That's the liver.
667
00:38:12,835 --> 00:38:13,918
Kidneys.
668
00:38:13,919 --> 00:38:15,294
- Nailed it. Damn.
- Yeah.
669
00:38:15,295 --> 00:38:16,796
Well, why that?
670
00:38:16,797 --> 00:38:19,090
I had a family member
that was pretty sick.
671
00:38:19,091 --> 00:38:20,299
Mmm-hmm.
672
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:23,929
Guess I-- I don't know,
thought I could fix people.
673
00:38:25,973 --> 00:38:28,391
Anyway, now
I'm considered hemophobic.
674
00:38:28,392 --> 00:38:29,476
Oh.
675
00:38:30,060 --> 00:38:33,271
- I didn't take you for a bigot.
- Okay, wow.
676
00:38:33,272 --> 00:38:36,942
Between that and coffee mates,
your dad jokes are top-notch.
677
00:38:38,485 --> 00:38:41,988
I'm being facetious obviously.
Your jokes are cheesy as--
678
00:38:41,989 --> 00:38:43,073
Fuck!
679
00:38:43,866 --> 00:38:45,366
Ally! Ally!
680
00:38:45,367 --> 00:38:46,451
Oh, shit!
681
00:38:57,129 --> 00:38:59,381
Fuck you!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
682
00:39:00,841 --> 00:39:01,842
Run!
683
00:39:05,220 --> 00:39:07,597
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
What are you doing?
684
00:39:07,598 --> 00:39:09,307
Get your mind out of the gutter!
685
00:39:09,308 --> 00:39:10,433
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
686
00:39:10,434 --> 00:39:12,227
Come on. Come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
687
00:39:13,562 --> 00:39:15,147
Come on, come on, come on!
688
00:39:15,939 --> 00:39:17,399
- You got it?
- Yes!
689
00:39:20,194 --> 00:39:21,195
Good job.
690
00:39:22,529 --> 00:39:23,530
Thanks.
691
00:39:25,073 --> 00:39:26,867
Hey, you good?
692
00:39:27,326 --> 00:39:28,327
Yeah.
693
00:39:31,371 --> 00:39:33,999
- Help! He's trying to kill us!
- Oh, here's lovebirds.
694
00:39:36,543 --> 00:39:38,127
No! No, no, no.
You've got the wrong people.
695
00:39:38,128 --> 00:39:39,879
- Hey! What are you doing?
- He only kills couples, right?
696
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:41,672
We're not a couple.
We barely know each other.
697
00:39:41,673 --> 00:39:43,884
So back the fuck off!
698
00:39:44,551 --> 00:39:46,053
911, what's your emergency?
699
00:39:47,179 --> 00:39:48,180
Run!
700
00:39:50,891 --> 00:39:53,268
Help! Help!
701
00:39:54,186 --> 00:39:55,187
Help us!
702
00:40:02,653 --> 00:40:04,320
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
703
00:40:04,321 --> 00:40:05,405
What?
704
00:40:07,491 --> 00:40:08,575
Did you hear that?
705
00:40:10,536 --> 00:40:11,620
I don't hear anything.
706
00:40:12,538 --> 00:40:13,539
Oh, shit!
707
00:40:14,456 --> 00:40:15,457
Ally!
708
00:40:16,416 --> 00:40:18,042
Get off of her!
709
00:40:18,043 --> 00:40:19,837
Hey, hey!
710
00:42:54,908 --> 00:42:57,995
No! No! No!
711
00:42:59,997 --> 00:43:01,790
Help! He's right behind...
712
00:43:04,168 --> 00:43:05,460
- Here!
- ...me.
713
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:10,132
He was-- He was right here.
714
00:43:10,924 --> 00:43:12,217
I'll go check it out.
715
00:43:14,178 --> 00:43:15,179
Oh, my God. Jay.
716
00:43:16,138 --> 00:43:18,014
- Jay, is he okay?
- I don't know who
717
00:43:18,015 --> 00:43:19,557
- you're talking about.
- Jay Simmonds.
718
00:43:19,558 --> 00:43:20,933
We-- We were with each other
all night
719
00:43:20,934 --> 00:43:23,936
and-- and we got attacked
and we got separated back there.
720
00:43:23,937 --> 00:43:26,147
- You just left him?
- No, I didn't leave him!
721
00:43:26,148 --> 00:43:28,691
All units.
All units, stand down.
722
00:43:28,692 --> 00:43:30,526
We have Heart Eyes.
723
00:43:30,527 --> 00:43:32,904
- I repeat, we have Heart Eyes.
- Yes! We got that motherfucker!
724
00:43:32,905 --> 00:43:34,572
Seattle PD, baby! Fuck, yeah!
725
00:43:34,573 --> 00:43:36,407
On behalf of Seattle PD,
I just wanna say--
726
00:43:36,408 --> 00:43:38,034
Yeah, congratulations.
727
00:43:38,035 --> 00:43:39,995
Incredible teamwork, huh?
728
00:43:43,624 --> 00:43:45,834
Hey! Hey, you need to back up!
729
00:43:47,336 --> 00:43:49,170
- Fucking weirdos.
- What did I do?
730
00:43:49,171 --> 00:43:50,255
Detectives.
731
00:43:52,257 --> 00:43:53,342
Here she is.
732
00:43:54,343 --> 00:43:55,593
Detective Zeke Hobbs.
733
00:43:55,594 --> 00:43:57,888
This is my partner,
Detective Jeanine Shaw.
734
00:44:00,390 --> 00:44:01,391
Hobbs and Shaw?
735
00:44:03,143 --> 00:44:04,394
Like the movie?
736
00:44:07,231 --> 00:44:09,065
- I haven't heard of it.
- I haven't seen it.
737
00:44:09,066 --> 00:44:11,652
- We're here to ID a murderer.
- Oh, my God. Jay?
738
00:44:12,778 --> 00:44:13,779
Jay!
739
00:44:14,947 --> 00:44:17,074
- Jay, are you okay?
- Mmm-mmm.
740
00:44:18,450 --> 00:44:19,451
- Jay!
- Nope.
741
00:44:20,577 --> 00:44:22,203
Jay, are you okay?
742
00:44:22,204 --> 00:44:25,498
Uh, no, Ally, I'm not okay.
743
00:44:25,499 --> 00:44:28,168
Thank you for asking.
You ditched me.
744
00:44:28,919 --> 00:44:31,045
What? I did not ditch you!
745
00:44:31,046 --> 00:44:34,090
Oh, yes, you did! You absolutely
ditched me. We were a team.
746
00:44:34,091 --> 00:44:37,718
I was being chased
by a fucking serial killer!
747
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,973
I know! I also was
being chased by a serial killer.
748
00:44:41,974 --> 00:44:44,892
- What the fuck does that mean?
- Jay, you're tall and ripped
749
00:44:44,893 --> 00:44:47,311
and-- and perfectly capable
of defending yourself.
750
00:44:47,312 --> 00:44:49,897
Ally, I really appreciate
the compliments,
751
00:44:49,898 --> 00:44:51,315
especially coming from you,
752
00:44:51,316 --> 00:44:53,317
but right now
is not the time, okay?
753
00:44:53,318 --> 00:44:55,403
These muscles were not made
for violence!
754
00:44:55,404 --> 00:44:56,654
They're for cuddling!
755
00:44:56,655 --> 00:44:58,239
- Okay.
- Hey, we're talking here!
756
00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:00,449
Guys, this was not him.
We were together all night.
757
00:45:00,450 --> 00:45:02,118
Heart Eyes was after both of us.
758
00:45:02,119 --> 00:45:05,497
Ma'am... We found this man
in the park wearing this
759
00:45:06,790 --> 00:45:08,374
and in possession of this.
760
00:45:08,375 --> 00:45:09,625
Come on!
761
00:45:09,626 --> 00:45:11,919
No, that's--
That's not possible.
762
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:13,172
Jay didn't do this.
763
00:45:14,006 --> 00:45:15,007
Maybe.
764
00:45:16,425 --> 00:45:18,010
Maybe Jay wasn't acting alone.
765
00:45:19,052 --> 00:45:20,136
- What?
- What?
766
00:45:20,137 --> 00:45:21,679
We're gonna have to take your
767
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,724
tall, ripped friend in
for questioning.
768
00:45:26,268 --> 00:45:27,269
Oh!
769
00:45:28,478 --> 00:45:31,523
Hey, good going. Really great.
770
00:45:34,067 --> 00:45:35,694
See you at the station, I guess.
771
00:45:38,405 --> 00:45:40,365
Fuck.
772
00:45:43,410 --> 00:45:44,411
What is this?
773
00:45:45,162 --> 00:45:46,163
That's a ring.
774
00:45:47,956 --> 00:45:50,249
- Read it.
- Read what?
775
00:45:50,250 --> 00:45:52,502
Let me help you out.
Let me help you out.
776
00:45:52,503 --> 00:45:53,587
It says, "JS."
777
00:45:56,089 --> 00:45:58,508
- As in "Jay Simmonds."
- "Jay Simmonds."
778
00:45:58,509 --> 00:46:00,551
You are really good.
779
00:46:00,552 --> 00:46:02,386
You're really good
at detective work.
780
00:46:02,387 --> 00:46:04,097
That was really--
It's impressive.
781
00:46:09,102 --> 00:46:10,103
That sarcasm?
782
00:46:11,563 --> 00:46:14,732
A, I am not married.
783
00:46:14,733 --> 00:46:18,986
B, why would I leave a wedding
band at the scene of the crime?
784
00:46:18,987 --> 00:46:20,196
And C,
785
00:46:20,197 --> 00:46:22,532
who gets their own initials
786
00:46:22,533 --> 00:46:24,784
engraved in their
own fucking wedding band?
787
00:46:24,785 --> 00:46:26,035
Also, D,
788
00:46:26,036 --> 00:46:27,955
yes, that was sarcasm.
789
00:46:28,622 --> 00:46:30,706
- Hey, hey, hey! Hobbs.
- Hey, relax. Relax!
790
00:46:30,707 --> 00:46:32,417
Take five. Go. Go.
791
00:46:33,669 --> 00:46:34,670
Cool down.
792
00:46:35,295 --> 00:46:37,506
Come on.
793
00:46:44,721 --> 00:46:47,306
I'm sorry. He can get
a little hot under the collar.
794
00:46:47,307 --> 00:46:49,058
Yeah. No kidding.
795
00:46:49,059 --> 00:46:51,143
Do you need anything?
Water, coffee?
796
00:46:51,144 --> 00:46:54,606
- I am fine, thank you very much.
- Okay.
797
00:46:59,278 --> 00:47:00,279
Just you and me.
798
00:47:06,702 --> 00:47:08,662
I want you to look me
in the eyes
799
00:47:09,830 --> 00:47:11,164
and tell me the truth.
800
00:47:14,793 --> 00:47:15,794
All right.
801
00:47:16,628 --> 00:47:18,088
How long have you known Ally?
802
00:47:18,797 --> 00:47:19,798
Fourteen hours.
803
00:47:21,884 --> 00:47:23,260
You seem to care about her.
804
00:47:26,388 --> 00:47:28,307
Yeah. Maybe I do.
805
00:47:32,144 --> 00:47:34,854
But that ring. That's...
It's not yours, correct?
806
00:47:34,855 --> 00:47:37,482
No. Again, I am not married.
807
00:47:38,150 --> 00:47:39,150
You're not married.
808
00:47:39,151 --> 00:47:40,860
I mean, it's not, like,
by choice or anything.
809
00:47:40,861 --> 00:47:43,362
I--I just haven't met
the right person.
810
00:47:43,363 --> 00:47:44,531
You're telling me.
811
00:47:45,657 --> 00:47:48,035
- You're--
- Single. Shocker.
812
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:51,121
Kind of.
813
00:47:52,039 --> 00:47:53,707
No-- You really, um...
814
00:47:58,086 --> 00:47:59,213
Okay, um...
815
00:48:00,964 --> 00:48:03,257
Lady, I have been waiting here
for over an hour.
816
00:48:03,258 --> 00:48:05,551
First of all, it's "officer."
817
00:48:05,552 --> 00:48:07,261
Second, I already told you
818
00:48:07,262 --> 00:48:08,971
they're interrogating
the suspect.
819
00:48:08,972 --> 00:48:11,474
And I already told you they're
interrogating the wrong guy.
820
00:48:11,475 --> 00:48:13,309
Can you please
just go back there
821
00:48:13,310 --> 00:48:15,186
and give me some sort
of information?
822
00:48:15,187 --> 00:48:17,480
Sorry, Fran. The ethernet cable
was all frayed.
823
00:48:17,481 --> 00:48:19,816
- Should be working now.
- Thanks, David.
824
00:48:20,067 --> 00:48:24,529
What's a five-letter word
for a dog ending in H?
825
00:48:24,530 --> 00:48:25,614
Bitch?
826
00:48:26,323 --> 00:48:27,324
Excuse me?
827
00:48:28,075 --> 00:48:29,076
Female dog.
828
00:48:31,828 --> 00:48:34,331
Oh, yeah. Thanks.
829
00:48:34,957 --> 00:48:37,835
Can you please go back there now
and give me some sort of update?
830
00:48:40,379 --> 00:48:41,922
- Fine.
- Thank you.
831
00:48:42,381 --> 00:48:44,842
Hey. Do we know each other?
832
00:48:45,717 --> 00:48:47,594
No, I don't think so.
833
00:48:48,470 --> 00:48:49,471
Bumble.
834
00:48:49,972 --> 00:48:52,474
Yeah, no. I'm...
I'm not on the apps.
835
00:48:52,641 --> 00:48:54,851
Oh. It's a waste of time anyway.
836
00:48:54,852 --> 00:48:55,978
Hmm.
837
00:48:57,938 --> 00:48:59,272
Just shooting my shot here.
838
00:48:59,273 --> 00:49:02,024
Um, could I take you out
to coffee some time?
839
00:49:02,025 --> 00:49:03,193
I'll pay for it.
840
00:49:04,319 --> 00:49:06,446
I almost got murdered tonight.
841
00:49:08,282 --> 00:49:09,950
- I am so sorry. Um...
- Yeah.
842
00:49:10,826 --> 00:49:12,827
Stay safe. Have a good night.
843
00:49:12,828 --> 00:49:13,954
Thank you.
844
00:49:15,372 --> 00:49:17,040
Where the hell is everybody?
845
00:49:17,708 --> 00:49:18,709
Celebrating.
846
00:49:20,752 --> 00:49:22,129
They caught Heart Eyes.
847
00:49:33,932 --> 00:49:35,559
So, what else
do you want to tell me?
848
00:49:36,393 --> 00:49:37,811
I'm not a serial killer.
849
00:49:39,438 --> 00:49:40,814
So there's that.
850
00:49:40,939 --> 00:49:44,567
Were you in Boston
in February of '23
851
00:49:44,568 --> 00:49:46,737
and Philadelphia
in February of '24?
852
00:49:48,405 --> 00:49:49,405
I...
853
00:49:49,406 --> 00:49:52,200
Let me rephrase.
You were in Boston and Philly.
854
00:49:52,201 --> 00:49:53,701
Same dates and locations
855
00:49:53,702 --> 00:49:55,787
as HEK's
two prior killing sprees.
856
00:49:57,539 --> 00:49:58,874
Jay, I got to admit...
857
00:49:59,625 --> 00:50:01,293
that doesn't look very good.
858
00:50:02,294 --> 00:50:04,045
I-- I don't know
what you want me to say.
859
00:50:04,046 --> 00:50:07,925
I'm a freelancer, so yeah,
I travel for, like, work.
860
00:50:09,510 --> 00:50:11,845
Do you ever get lonely
on the road?
861
00:50:13,472 --> 00:50:16,724
I like to think
that I can keep myself busy.
862
00:50:16,725 --> 00:50:18,477
Yeah? How?
863
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:20,770
How do you blow off steam
864
00:50:20,771 --> 00:50:22,898
when you're alone
with your thoughts, Jay?
865
00:50:25,651 --> 00:50:27,069
Do you go to a vineyard?
866
00:50:28,237 --> 00:50:29,404
Maybe a spa?
867
00:50:39,623 --> 00:50:40,624
Holy... Who--
868
00:50:43,377 --> 00:50:45,628
So, for HEK
to come out of the blue
869
00:50:45,629 --> 00:50:49,048
and denounce Valentine's Day
and all it stands for...
870
00:50:49,049 --> 00:50:50,133
Hello?
871
00:50:50,259 --> 00:50:52,134
...by cutting these couples
down to size.
872
00:50:52,135 --> 00:50:54,596
In my professional opinion,
what we have here...
873
00:50:55,681 --> 00:50:56,682
Detective.
874
00:50:57,224 --> 00:50:58,766
We got an HWW out front.
875
00:50:58,767 --> 00:50:59,976
What do you want me to do
with her?
876
00:50:59,977 --> 00:51:01,227
An HWW?
877
00:51:01,228 --> 00:51:02,895
"Hysterical white woman."
878
00:51:02,896 --> 00:51:04,064
I'll handle her.
879
00:51:05,566 --> 00:51:06,567
You sit tight.
880
00:51:07,860 --> 00:51:08,986
We're not done yet.
881
00:51:11,071 --> 00:51:12,072
I'll be here.
882
00:51:12,990 --> 00:51:15,241
He just snapped.
883
00:51:15,242 --> 00:51:19,704
And he makes it a point to kill
again and again
884
00:51:19,705 --> 00:51:22,206
until the very concept
of an entire day
885
00:51:22,207 --> 00:51:26,962
dedicated to couples and romance
is eradicated.
886
00:51:27,796 --> 00:51:32,718
He sneaks into your house
and waits in the dark.
887
00:51:33,510 --> 00:51:37,514
Cunning and quiet as a corpse.
888
00:51:38,849 --> 00:51:42,102
And then,
when you least expect it...
889
00:51:43,854 --> 00:51:48,941
he pulls out
one of the many, many, many toys
890
00:51:48,942 --> 00:51:50,986
from his tools.
891
00:52:08,754 --> 00:52:10,838
- What the hell are you doing?
- God...
892
00:52:10,839 --> 00:52:12,549
bless the USA.
893
00:52:13,008 --> 00:52:14,091
- Told ya.
- Yeah.
894
00:52:14,092 --> 00:52:15,177
I'm so sorry.
895
00:52:16,386 --> 00:52:18,429
- Are you letting him go?
- Not yet.
896
00:52:18,430 --> 00:52:20,556
Why the hell not? He's innocent!
897
00:52:20,557 --> 00:52:22,683
Mmm-hmm.
Well, then tell me something.
898
00:52:22,684 --> 00:52:24,644
Why is the Heart Eyes Killer
after him?
899
00:52:24,645 --> 00:52:26,730
- You're not a couple.
- I don't know.
900
00:52:27,439 --> 00:52:30,858
I assume he saw us
and thought we were together.
901
00:52:30,859 --> 00:52:31,944
Why?
902
00:52:33,737 --> 00:52:34,738
We...
903
00:52:36,782 --> 00:52:37,824
kissed.
904
00:52:41,286 --> 00:52:43,872
We had-- We had-- We had--
We had to kiss.
905
00:52:45,123 --> 00:52:47,960
We had to kiss because...
because my ex...
906
00:52:48,919 --> 00:52:51,463
he was there, and I was jealous.
907
00:52:52,631 --> 00:52:54,632
- It's really stupid, I know.
- Okay.
908
00:52:54,633 --> 00:52:55,717
I get it.
909
00:52:56,844 --> 00:52:57,845
I do.
910
00:53:01,765 --> 00:53:04,935
So you're not interested
in him romantically?
911
00:53:06,228 --> 00:53:07,604
Why is that relevant?
912
00:53:08,522 --> 00:53:09,648
Just girl talk.
913
00:53:10,190 --> 00:53:11,984
I mean, he's cute, he has a...
914
00:53:12,693 --> 00:53:14,611
really good job.
915
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,740
Perfect candidate
for a little girl like yourself.
916
00:53:20,909 --> 00:53:22,661
A little girl like myself?
917
00:53:26,290 --> 00:53:27,457
Ay.
918
00:53:28,542 --> 00:53:31,127
Oh, relax.
Probably just the breaker.
919
00:53:31,128 --> 00:53:33,964
That's what people say before
they get stabbed to death.
920
00:53:35,591 --> 00:53:36,717
How would you know?
921
00:53:38,886 --> 00:53:39,887
Watch her.
922
00:53:42,347 --> 00:53:43,890
No, no, no, no, no.
She said to watch me.
923
00:53:43,891 --> 00:53:46,559
Calm down, I'm just getting
a flashlight. Little space?
924
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:48,645
Any closer, you'd be inside me.
925
00:53:49,354 --> 00:53:51,064
I'm sorry. I'm just scared.
926
00:53:53,025 --> 00:53:55,360
No, no, no, no. Careful.
He hides in closets.
927
00:54:04,494 --> 00:54:05,996
No killers in here.
928
00:54:50,499 --> 00:54:51,500
Help!
929
00:54:53,710 --> 00:54:55,294
Hey! Hey! What--
What's happening?
930
00:54:55,295 --> 00:54:56,588
- He's here.
- Who?
931
00:54:58,590 --> 00:54:59,967
Go! Get back! Get back!
932
00:55:08,475 --> 00:55:10,601
Hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Hey!
933
00:55:10,602 --> 00:55:12,311
Where are you going? Uncuff me.
934
00:55:12,312 --> 00:55:13,814
Don't worry, lover boy.
935
00:55:14,523 --> 00:55:15,816
I'll protect you.
936
00:55:16,525 --> 00:55:19,278
No. No. No.
937
00:55:27,536 --> 00:55:29,079
God! Damn it!
938
00:55:33,500 --> 00:55:34,751
Shaw?
939
00:55:54,146 --> 00:55:55,147
Shaw!
940
00:56:31,099 --> 00:56:32,100
Jay?
941
00:56:33,101 --> 00:56:34,102
Jay!
942
00:56:35,187 --> 00:56:36,522
Jay, can you hear me?
943
00:56:37,356 --> 00:56:38,689
Yes, yes, Ally.
944
00:56:38,690 --> 00:56:40,859
Ally, you've gotta
find the keys.
945
00:56:41,193 --> 00:56:44,070
Uh, Hobbs has the keys, okay?
You have to find Hobbs
946
00:56:44,071 --> 00:56:47,658
'cause he locked me in here
like a fucking asshole.
947
00:56:49,785 --> 00:56:50,786
Ally?
948
00:56:53,789 --> 00:56:54,790
Ally?
949
00:56:58,794 --> 00:57:00,087
She ditched me.
950
00:57:02,464 --> 00:57:03,465
That's okay.
951
00:57:06,009 --> 00:57:07,010
Ally?
952
00:57:19,982 --> 00:57:21,024
Hey.
953
00:57:25,279 --> 00:57:26,280
Hey.
954
00:57:30,534 --> 00:57:31,535
Come on.
955
00:57:32,119 --> 00:57:33,120
Hey, come on.
956
00:57:33,537 --> 00:57:34,538
This is not fair!
957
00:57:37,124 --> 00:57:38,125
Shit!
958
00:57:47,926 --> 00:57:49,011
Die.
959
00:57:51,388 --> 00:57:52,514
Ally! Ally!
960
00:57:53,056 --> 00:57:54,808
Goddamn! I'm right here!
961
00:57:56,977 --> 00:57:57,978
Jay!
962
00:57:58,645 --> 00:57:59,646
Careful! Careful.
963
00:58:02,566 --> 00:58:03,650
- Hi.
- Hi.
964
00:58:06,945 --> 00:58:07,946
Are you okay?
965
00:58:09,615 --> 00:58:11,616
You're a terrible shot,
by the way.
966
00:58:11,617 --> 00:58:13,410
Don't fucking push it, Romeo.
967
00:58:16,705 --> 00:58:18,581
- No! Hey!
- Ally!
968
00:58:18,582 --> 00:58:20,709
- Stop!
- No, no, no! Ally!
969
00:58:22,085 --> 00:58:23,377
Fucking assholes!
970
00:58:23,378 --> 00:58:24,712
You saved my life.
971
00:58:24,713 --> 00:58:25,881
You saved mine.
972
00:58:26,590 --> 00:58:27,591
I owed you one.
973
00:58:32,137 --> 00:58:33,429
We're not together!
974
00:58:33,430 --> 00:58:35,014
Go kill somebody else!
975
00:58:35,015 --> 00:58:37,434
- Get up. Get up. Get up.
- He's coming. He's coming.
976
00:58:44,233 --> 00:58:47,276
Oh, fuck.
Do you know what we just did?
977
00:58:47,277 --> 00:58:49,987
Yeah. We led a couples-killing
maniac to a...
978
00:58:49,988 --> 00:58:51,989
- To an all-you-can-kill buffet.
- Come on.
979
00:58:51,990 --> 00:58:54,784
A big fat lummox like you
hiring an aeroplane to write,
980
00:58:54,785 --> 00:58:58,372
"Hildy, don't be hasty.
Remember my dimple. Walter."
981
00:58:58,747 --> 00:59:00,206
Delayed our divorce 20 minutes
982
00:59:00,207 --> 00:59:02,042
while the judge
went out to watch it.
983
00:59:06,839 --> 00:59:08,006
Are you kidding me?
984
00:59:09,925 --> 00:59:11,885
Oh, shit!
985
00:59:20,769 --> 00:59:22,229
Yo, that costume is dope.
986
00:59:25,899 --> 00:59:27,025
I don't like that.
987
00:59:30,070 --> 00:59:31,613
That's not him, right?
988
00:59:32,948 --> 00:59:34,073
What the fuck?
989
00:59:34,074 --> 00:59:35,157
It is him!
990
00:59:35,158 --> 00:59:36,242
Was it my fault?
991
00:59:36,243 --> 00:59:38,995
Did I know that coal mine
was gonna have another cave-in?
992
00:59:38,996 --> 00:59:42,123
I intended to be with you
on our honeymoon, Hildy.
993
00:59:42,124 --> 00:59:43,208
'Sup, man?
994
00:59:46,044 --> 00:59:48,629
I spent two weeks in a coal mine
with John Kruptzky.
995
00:59:48,630 --> 00:59:50,256
You don't deny that,
do you, Walter?
996
00:59:50,257 --> 00:59:51,507
Deny it? I'm proud of it.
997
00:59:51,508 --> 00:59:53,176
We beat the whole country
on that story.
998
00:59:53,177 --> 00:59:55,261
Suppose we did. That isn't
what I got married for!
999
00:59:55,262 --> 00:59:56,346
Excuse us.
1000
00:59:57,848 --> 00:59:58,891
What a creep.
1001
01:00:04,021 --> 01:00:05,021
Left. Left.
1002
01:00:05,022 --> 01:00:07,149
No. Right. Go. Go, go, go.
1003
01:00:08,233 --> 01:00:09,234
Turn.
1004
01:00:11,778 --> 01:00:12,779
In here.
1005
01:00:26,627 --> 01:00:27,835
Hmm?
1006
01:00:27,836 --> 01:00:30,588
Put a fucking shirt on.
There's a killer after us.
1007
01:00:30,589 --> 01:00:32,382
Mmm. Oh, what is it?
1008
01:00:33,717 --> 01:00:35,301
The Heart Eyes Killer.
1009
01:00:35,302 --> 01:00:37,678
He's out there right now.
We need to be quiet.
1010
01:00:37,679 --> 01:00:41,390
Oh! Dude, that's so hot. Fuck.
1011
01:00:41,391 --> 01:00:43,518
- We love role-play.
- Yeah.
1012
01:00:43,519 --> 01:00:45,978
- Oh, my God. He's coming.
- We're so dead.
1013
01:00:45,979 --> 01:00:47,980
Oh, he's so scary and big.
1014
01:00:47,981 --> 01:00:49,483
- We can't stay here.
- No.
1015
01:00:53,612 --> 01:00:55,154
- ...without shuddering.
- Walter...
1016
01:00:55,155 --> 01:00:56,864
I made a great reporter
out of you.
1017
01:00:56,865 --> 01:00:58,991
You won't be half as good
on another paper.
1018
01:00:58,992 --> 01:01:00,076
We're a team.
1019
01:01:00,077 --> 01:01:02,161
You need me, I need you,
the paper needs us!
1020
01:01:02,162 --> 01:01:03,330
Sold, American!
1021
01:01:04,748 --> 01:01:06,374
It just didn't work out, Walter.
1022
01:01:06,375 --> 01:01:07,458
Oh, fuck.
1023
01:01:07,459 --> 01:01:09,919
It would've worked out
if you'd been satisfied...
1024
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,838
Maybe we lay low
for a little bit.
1025
01:01:11,839 --> 01:01:12,964
Yeah.
1026
01:01:12,965 --> 01:01:14,091
I wasn't satisfied.
1027
01:01:14,633 --> 01:01:16,050
I suppose I proposed to you?
1028
01:01:16,051 --> 01:01:17,134
You practically did.
1029
01:01:17,135 --> 01:01:19,303
Making goo-goo eyes at me
for two years.
1030
01:01:19,304 --> 01:01:21,264
"Oh, Walter." And I still...
1031
01:01:21,265 --> 01:01:23,307
I actually kind of
like this movie.
1032
01:01:23,308 --> 01:01:25,102
- Yeah, you like that?
- Yeah.
1033
01:01:25,936 --> 01:01:26,979
Really?
1034
01:01:29,064 --> 01:01:30,649
Yeah. Are you surprised?
1035
01:01:32,943 --> 01:01:34,486
Little bit, yeah.
1036
01:01:39,700 --> 01:01:41,410
I did ditch you.
1037
01:01:43,161 --> 01:01:44,997
No. Ditch me?
1038
01:01:47,207 --> 01:01:48,542
It's what I'm best at.
1039
01:01:49,251 --> 01:01:50,961
- Ditching people?
- Running.
1040
01:01:51,587 --> 01:01:53,796
Hey, I was holding my own.
You didn't see me?
1041
01:01:53,797 --> 01:01:55,924
He was shaking
in his little leather boots.
1042
01:02:00,637 --> 01:02:03,140
Jay, I wasn't entirely honest
at dinner.
1043
01:02:04,558 --> 01:02:06,476
My parents had this, like...
1044
01:02:08,020 --> 01:02:09,730
storybook romance.
1045
01:02:11,315 --> 01:02:13,066
They were literally
perfect together.
1046
01:02:16,528 --> 01:02:17,821
And then my dad died.
1047
01:02:21,658 --> 01:02:23,702
I don't think
my mom ever fully recovered.
1048
01:02:27,456 --> 01:02:28,457
I'm sorry.
1049
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:33,295
You know, when I was a kid,
1050
01:02:34,421 --> 01:02:37,716
my parents just...
hated each other.
1051
01:02:38,675 --> 01:02:41,887
I mean, they fought...
all the time.
1052
01:02:43,514 --> 01:02:44,806
I think that...
1053
01:02:45,933 --> 01:02:47,434
is why I'm just this...
1054
01:02:49,269 --> 01:02:50,729
hapless romantic.
1055
01:02:52,022 --> 01:02:55,566
Just putting every girl
I fall for on a pedestal,
1056
01:02:55,567 --> 01:02:58,611
only to have
my heart broken over...
1057
01:02:58,612 --> 01:03:00,363
- More.
- and over...
1058
01:03:00,364 --> 01:03:01,531
More?
1059
01:03:01,532 --> 01:03:02,658
...and over.
1060
01:03:04,409 --> 01:03:05,618
Keep going.
1061
01:03:05,619 --> 01:03:06,912
All because they...
1062
01:03:09,206 --> 01:03:12,333
they just can't... breathe
1063
01:03:12,334 --> 01:03:14,294
my suffocating attempt
1064
01:03:15,629 --> 01:03:18,340
to prove Mom and Dad wrong.
1065
01:03:23,595 --> 01:03:24,680
You know, I think...
1066
01:03:26,431 --> 01:03:29,350
I think tonight
should've been, like,
1067
01:03:29,351 --> 01:03:31,061
the worst night of my life.
1068
01:03:35,315 --> 01:03:36,316
But it isn't.
1069
01:03:41,446 --> 01:03:42,447
Ditto.
1070
01:03:45,117 --> 01:03:46,368
Baby, you're so wet.
1071
01:03:52,916 --> 01:03:55,711
God, you're so hard! Ow!
1072
01:04:00,007 --> 01:04:01,340
At least they're having fun.
1073
01:04:01,341 --> 01:04:02,885
Oh, shit!
1074
01:04:04,803 --> 01:04:05,804
It's kinda loud.
1075
01:04:08,182 --> 01:04:09,183
Yeah, it's too loud.
1076
01:04:09,516 --> 01:04:10,559
Shut the fuck up!
1077
01:04:11,351 --> 01:04:14,020
- Shut up! Shut the fuck up.
- Quiet down!
1078
01:04:14,021 --> 01:04:16,230
- Samm! I'm coming!
- Oh, God!
1079
01:04:16,231 --> 01:04:18,859
- I'm coming!
- Shut up! Shut up!
1080
01:04:41,048 --> 01:04:44,426
Holy shit. Someone call 911!
1081
01:04:49,473 --> 01:04:50,474
Fuck!
1082
01:04:57,231 --> 01:04:58,232
Please, no!
1083
01:05:37,980 --> 01:05:39,480
What are you-- Hey, Ally.
1084
01:05:39,481 --> 01:05:40,982
- What are you doing?
- Wait.
1085
01:05:40,983 --> 01:05:42,860
Wait for what?
He's gonna kill us.
1086
01:05:43,735 --> 01:05:45,320
And if he doesn't kill us,
1087
01:05:46,196 --> 01:05:47,947
he's gonna keep killing people.
1088
01:05:47,948 --> 01:05:49,241
We brought him here,
1089
01:05:50,826 --> 01:05:51,827
we end it here.
1090
01:05:52,369 --> 01:05:53,787
- We--
- Come on.
1091
01:05:54,621 --> 01:05:56,123
I thought we were a team.
1092
01:06:38,290 --> 01:06:40,000
Hey, Fuck Eyes!
1093
01:06:43,504 --> 01:06:44,546
Wait, wait, wait.
1094
01:06:45,464 --> 01:06:46,465
We need a weapon.
1095
01:06:47,591 --> 01:06:48,592
I have this.
1096
01:06:49,468 --> 01:06:51,178
That is not a weapon.
1097
01:06:54,014 --> 01:06:55,015
That could work.
1098
01:07:01,438 --> 01:07:03,524
- I don't think I can do that.
- What? Hey...
1099
01:07:03,982 --> 01:07:04,983
Yes, you can.
1100
01:07:06,026 --> 01:07:07,027
Come on.
1101
01:07:24,419 --> 01:07:25,420
Run!
1102
01:07:28,841 --> 01:07:29,842
Ally!
1103
01:08:03,292 --> 01:08:04,459
Oh, shit!
1104
01:08:19,933 --> 01:08:21,475
Thanks a lot, Jay.
1105
01:08:21,852 --> 01:08:22,853
What?
1106
01:08:24,188 --> 01:08:25,688
You got it in my mouth.
1107
01:08:25,689 --> 01:08:27,063
I just saved your life.
1108
01:08:27,064 --> 01:08:28,900
Oh, my God.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
1109
01:08:28,901 --> 01:08:30,027
No. Hey.
1110
01:08:30,944 --> 01:08:31,987
Oh, no, no, no.
1111
01:08:40,328 --> 01:08:42,371
I told you
I was not good with blood.
1112
01:08:42,372 --> 01:08:43,582
Yeah, no kidding.
1113
01:09:03,894 --> 01:09:05,520
Uh, who the fuck is that?
1114
01:09:06,563 --> 01:09:07,856
I have no idea.
1115
01:09:14,071 --> 01:09:15,863
He's lost a lot of blood here.
1116
01:09:16,990 --> 01:09:18,533
Do you have an ID on the victim?
1117
01:09:19,033 --> 01:09:21,495
You two, you're gonna be famous.
1118
01:09:22,037 --> 01:09:24,747
The couple
that stopped Heart Eyes. I--
1119
01:09:27,792 --> 01:09:29,044
It's very cute.
1120
01:09:30,002 --> 01:09:31,211
Thank-- Thank-- Thank you.
1121
01:09:31,212 --> 01:09:32,673
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1122
01:09:33,465 --> 01:09:34,925
I'm gonna leave you alone now.
1123
01:09:42,474 --> 01:09:43,850
Shot in the dark here.
1124
01:09:45,269 --> 01:09:46,561
Wanna come back to my hotel
1125
01:09:46,562 --> 01:09:49,189
and try and crack this campaign
before my flight?
1126
01:09:51,358 --> 01:09:53,193
Just actually eat some dinner.
1127
01:09:53,777 --> 01:09:55,612
Order a whole bunch
of room service.
1128
01:09:58,532 --> 01:09:59,575
Um...
1129
01:10:01,243 --> 01:10:03,370
Jay, I can't.
1130
01:10:11,378 --> 01:10:12,421
Hey, you two.
1131
01:10:16,049 --> 01:10:18,594
Just wanted to make sure
you both got home safe.
1132
01:10:19,178 --> 01:10:20,470
Either of you need a lift?
1133
01:10:21,096 --> 01:10:23,765
Um... Actually...
1134
01:10:25,642 --> 01:10:27,643
I don't suppose
you have a phone,
1135
01:10:27,644 --> 01:10:29,020
just so I can call a cab?
1136
01:10:29,021 --> 01:10:31,147
No, don't be silly.
I'll give you a ride home.
1137
01:10:31,148 --> 01:10:32,857
Least I can do.
1138
01:10:32,858 --> 01:10:34,193
Your chariot awaits.
1139
01:10:35,527 --> 01:10:36,778
Okay.
1140
01:10:41,867 --> 01:10:42,993
Work call later?
1141
01:10:45,412 --> 01:10:46,580
Sounds like a plan.
1142
01:10:50,626 --> 01:10:52,960
Hey, uh, does anyone have a pen?
1143
01:10:52,961 --> 01:10:54,463
- I got you, dude.
- Okay.
1144
01:10:56,882 --> 01:10:57,883
Can I see that?
1145
01:11:05,516 --> 01:11:06,934
That's me.
1146
01:11:10,437 --> 01:11:11,855
Your chariot awaits.
1147
01:11:21,490 --> 01:11:22,866
She's not my type.
1148
01:11:41,093 --> 01:11:43,344
Hey, I got another call,
1149
01:11:43,345 --> 01:11:45,471
so I'm just gonna
have to take that
1150
01:11:45,472 --> 01:11:47,224
and that too.
1151
01:12:00,821 --> 01:12:02,447
Hey, do you need a ride?
1152
01:12:39,484 --> 01:12:40,484
Hey.
1153
01:12:40,485 --> 01:12:42,445
Um, do you have
something you wanna tell me?
1154
01:12:42,446 --> 01:12:44,071
Oh, you're never gonna believe
what happened.
1155
01:12:44,072 --> 01:12:45,698
Hello, Heart Eyes?
Are you kidding me?
1156
01:12:45,699 --> 01:12:46,991
But wait. Are you okay?
1157
01:12:46,992 --> 01:12:48,451
Tell me the truth.
Do you need to come over?
1158
01:12:48,452 --> 01:12:49,786
You can sleep
in Arthur's panic room.
1159
01:12:51,997 --> 01:12:53,707
No, I-- I hate this feeling.
1160
01:12:54,625 --> 01:12:55,626
What feeling?
1161
01:12:57,336 --> 01:12:58,504
Liking someone.
1162
01:12:59,671 --> 01:13:01,131
God, I fucked up.
1163
01:13:02,174 --> 01:13:03,299
I fucked up, Mon.
1164
01:13:03,300 --> 01:13:05,551
I met a really,
really great guy,
1165
01:13:05,552 --> 01:13:06,720
and now he's gone.
1166
01:13:09,723 --> 01:13:10,724
Where is he?
1167
01:13:11,350 --> 01:13:12,642
At the airport.
1168
01:13:12,643 --> 01:13:14,894
Oh. Okay, great.
He's at the airport. Go get him.
1169
01:13:14,895 --> 01:13:15,978
Mon, I--
1170
01:13:15,979 --> 01:13:18,815
Hey, Ally. Ally, listen to me.
1171
01:13:19,399 --> 01:13:20,858
You deserve to be happy.
1172
01:13:20,859 --> 01:13:23,027
You deserve
to have someone love you
1173
01:13:23,028 --> 01:13:26,281
for the beautiful,
neurotic mess that you are.
1174
01:13:27,199 --> 01:13:29,242
I mean, you can be
so clueless sometimes.
1175
01:13:29,243 --> 01:13:31,744
It's one of the ten things
I hate about you, honestly.
1176
01:13:31,745 --> 01:13:34,413
You can't let Jay go off
to his best friend's wedding
1177
01:13:34,414 --> 01:13:36,040
and hook up
with a bunch of bridesmaids
1178
01:13:36,041 --> 01:13:37,543
and move to Notting Hill. No.
1179
01:13:38,085 --> 01:13:39,419
This is love, mama.
1180
01:13:40,087 --> 01:13:42,630
Some kind of wonderful,
1181
01:13:42,631 --> 01:13:45,968
crazy, stupid love, actually.
1182
01:13:47,928 --> 01:13:50,805
Go get him. Go get
that beautiful, melanin man.
1183
01:13:50,806 --> 01:13:52,056
- Okay!
- He's gorgeous!
1184
01:13:52,057 --> 01:13:53,182
- Oh, my God.
- Ally, go!
1185
01:13:53,183 --> 01:13:54,767
- You go get him right now!
- Okay. I'm going.
1186
01:13:54,768 --> 01:13:56,186
I love you! You're beautiful!
1187
01:13:58,522 --> 01:14:00,815
This is your final call
for all passengers
1188
01:14:00,816 --> 01:14:03,318
on flight 403 to Boston.
1189
01:14:05,612 --> 01:14:06,738
Thank you.
1190
01:14:08,615 --> 01:14:09,615
Jay?
1191
01:14:09,616 --> 01:14:11,242
Please have
your boarding pass...
1192
01:14:11,243 --> 01:14:12,994
- Jay!
- ...and identification ready.
1193
01:14:12,995 --> 01:14:14,079
Thank you.
1194
01:14:18,125 --> 01:14:19,126
Jay?
1195
01:14:21,503 --> 01:14:22,879
- Jay!
- Fuck!
1196
01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:23,964
Sorry.
1197
01:14:27,259 --> 01:14:28,260
Jay!
1198
01:14:31,346 --> 01:14:32,680
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
1199
01:14:32,681 --> 01:14:34,308
I thought
you were somebody else.
1200
01:14:34,892 --> 01:14:37,268
Paging passengers
Mr. and Mrs. Jones
1201
01:14:37,269 --> 01:14:38,519
flying to Denver...
1202
01:14:38,520 --> 01:14:40,021
- Sorry.
- ...on flight 273.
1203
01:14:40,022 --> 01:14:42,523
Your flight is boarded
and ready for departure.
1204
01:14:42,524 --> 01:14:43,941
Please make your way
1205
01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:46,527
to gate lounge 11 immediately.
1206
01:14:46,528 --> 01:14:48,654
- Hello?
- Roses are red,
1207
01:14:48,655 --> 01:14:50,698
violets are black.
1208
01:14:50,699 --> 01:14:52,325
Guess who's with me
1209
01:14:52,326 --> 01:14:54,452
and not coming back?
1210
01:14:54,453 --> 01:14:55,537
Who is this?
1211
01:14:57,080 --> 01:14:58,332
We've met before.
1212
01:14:58,832 --> 01:14:59,999
Forget me not.
1213
01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:01,959
Ally! Ally! No!
1214
01:15:01,960 --> 01:15:04,003
Don't-- Do not--
1215
01:15:04,004 --> 01:15:05,714
St. Valentine's Chapel.
1216
01:15:06,423 --> 01:15:08,382
Come alone or he dies.
1217
01:15:08,383 --> 01:15:09,468
Okay.
1218
01:15:10,052 --> 01:15:12,638
Call for help, he dies.
1219
01:15:13,263 --> 01:15:14,932
Okay. Just please
don't hurt him.
1220
01:15:16,350 --> 01:15:18,310
That's up to you, sweetheart.
1221
01:16:03,188 --> 01:16:05,524
They say love is blind
1222
01:16:06,441 --> 01:16:09,027
and lovers cannot see,
1223
01:16:11,989 --> 01:16:16,243
the pretty follies
that they themselves commit.
1224
01:16:18,078 --> 01:16:21,248
But love isn't blind...
1225
01:16:29,464 --> 01:16:30,465
is it?
1226
01:16:31,717 --> 01:16:32,843
Wait, you're--
1227
01:16:34,178 --> 01:16:35,179
It's me.
1228
01:16:37,514 --> 01:16:38,515
David.
1229
01:16:43,437 --> 01:16:44,563
The IT guy.
1230
01:16:45,856 --> 01:16:47,941
Wait, who the fuck
did we kill then?
1231
01:16:49,276 --> 01:16:50,319
Eli.
1232
01:16:50,819 --> 01:16:52,988
Poor, stupid Eli.
1233
01:16:53,447 --> 01:16:54,989
You guys were a couple?
1234
01:16:54,990 --> 01:16:56,366
Couple? No. No.
1235
01:16:58,827 --> 01:16:59,828
Throuple.
1236
01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:06,335
Love looks with eyes wide open.
1237
01:17:08,128 --> 01:17:10,547
Seeking what the heart desires
the most.
1238
01:17:12,466 --> 01:17:13,467
A partner.
1239
01:17:14,927 --> 01:17:16,470
Its true companion.
1240
01:17:21,892 --> 01:17:24,603
I found mine ten years ago
in a chat room.
1241
01:17:26,230 --> 01:17:27,605
David saw me.
1242
01:17:27,606 --> 01:17:29,315
He understood me
1243
01:17:29,316 --> 01:17:31,151
and I understood him.
1244
01:17:38,492 --> 01:17:39,701
We got married here.
1245
01:17:40,702 --> 01:17:43,247
You know, I didn't really
take you for the religious type.
1246
01:17:44,581 --> 01:17:47,501
No. We just like the story.
1247
01:17:50,671 --> 01:17:52,130
Saint Valentine...
1248
01:17:54,842 --> 01:17:56,093
was beheaded.
1249
01:17:59,555 --> 01:18:01,473
You murdered innocent people.
1250
01:18:02,933 --> 01:18:04,935
- Share what you love.
- Share what you love.
1251
01:18:07,229 --> 01:18:10,315
And we love hunting, killing...
1252
01:18:11,525 --> 01:18:12,651
Deceit.
1253
01:18:13,485 --> 01:18:15,529
Taking turns on our victims.
1254
01:18:17,155 --> 01:18:18,448
Murdering couples.
1255
01:18:22,035 --> 01:18:23,495
- It's our kink.
- It's our kink.
1256
01:18:24,872 --> 01:18:26,790
Everybody's got a fetish.
1257
01:18:31,795 --> 01:18:34,463
Well, too bad we wasted
your boyfriend at the drive-in.
1258
01:18:34,464 --> 01:18:37,384
Oh, God.
He wasn't our boyfriend.
1259
01:18:37,801 --> 01:18:40,803
No, Eli was just
a stupid fanboy.
1260
01:18:40,804 --> 01:18:42,471
He was obsessed with us.
1261
01:18:42,472 --> 01:18:43,723
He was obsessed with me.
1262
01:18:43,724 --> 01:18:45,434
Yeah. Learned a lot from me.
1263
01:18:46,435 --> 01:18:47,436
It just got messy.
1264
01:18:48,187 --> 01:18:49,312
Fuck!
1265
01:18:49,313 --> 01:18:50,647
I almost got you at home.
1266
01:18:51,481 --> 01:18:52,482
Go, go, go, go!
1267
01:18:53,859 --> 01:18:55,444
- I killed your driver.
- ...lovebirds.
1268
01:18:56,320 --> 01:18:57,528
No, no, no!
You've got the wrong people.
1269
01:18:57,529 --> 01:18:58,613
What are you--
1270
01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:01,950
And I had a blast wasting those
vile dickheads at the winery.
1271
01:19:04,244 --> 01:19:06,205
Ooh! That reminds me.
1272
01:19:07,206 --> 01:19:08,748
- Huh.
- Found this.
1273
01:19:08,749 --> 01:19:12,502
God, you're the fucking best.
1274
01:19:12,503 --> 01:19:14,003
Isn't she the fucking best?
1275
01:19:14,004 --> 01:19:15,087
Yeah, I know.
1276
01:19:15,088 --> 01:19:16,798
And as luck would have it,
1277
01:19:18,008 --> 01:19:19,217
your initials match.
1278
01:19:19,218 --> 01:19:21,887
J. Shaw.
1279
01:19:22,346 --> 01:19:25,265
Jeanine Shaw, bitch.
1280
01:19:26,517 --> 01:19:28,851
Why us? We're not even a couple.
1281
01:19:28,852 --> 01:19:31,230
Just let him go! Let him go!
1282
01:19:32,105 --> 01:19:33,356
Truth be told,
1283
01:19:33,357 --> 01:19:35,984
we were gonna kill the other
couple at the restaurant.
1284
01:19:37,402 --> 01:19:38,403
But then...
1285
01:19:39,780 --> 01:19:42,324
- we saw that kiss.
- That kiss! God!
1286
01:19:43,033 --> 01:19:46,119
Your chemistry is undeniable.
1287
01:20:00,884 --> 01:20:04,011
Well, I didn't know that murder
was a love language.
1288
01:20:04,012 --> 01:20:05,097
Try it.
1289
01:20:05,931 --> 01:20:07,182
Maybe you'll like it.
1290
01:20:12,813 --> 01:20:14,022
Pick it up.
1291
01:20:15,941 --> 01:20:16,942
Pick it up.
1292
01:20:18,110 --> 01:20:20,152
There's a single bullet
in that chamber
1293
01:20:20,153 --> 01:20:22,656
with one single choice,
him or you.
1294
01:20:32,124 --> 01:20:33,749
We may have
mistaken you for lovers
1295
01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:36,628
at the beginning of the night,
but can you prove us right?
1296
01:20:37,337 --> 01:20:39,172
Could you save
his life with yours,
1297
01:20:39,173 --> 01:20:42,551
thus proving that love
really does conquer all?
1298
01:20:44,428 --> 01:20:46,930
If you don't love him, kill him.
1299
01:20:48,307 --> 01:20:49,641
And you're free to go.
1300
01:20:53,437 --> 01:20:54,438
Wow.
1301
01:20:57,149 --> 01:20:59,860
You know,
your dedication is impressive.
1302
01:21:02,613 --> 01:21:03,989
It's twisted as fuck, but--
1303
01:21:09,494 --> 01:21:10,662
Jay.
1304
01:21:13,749 --> 01:21:16,960
I've spent so long
running from love.
1305
01:21:19,546 --> 01:21:21,465
Convinced it would destroy me.
1306
01:21:29,223 --> 01:21:30,974
I don't wanna be
that person anymore.
1307
01:21:35,896 --> 01:21:37,689
I want the storybook thing.
1308
01:21:44,780 --> 01:21:47,324
It was just one single night...
1309
01:21:51,453 --> 01:21:53,288
but I fell hard for you, Jay.
1310
01:22:02,631 --> 01:22:05,842
No, no, no. Don't do that.
1311
01:22:05,843 --> 01:22:07,718
No! No, hey.
1312
01:22:07,719 --> 01:22:09,470
Hey. Hey, no.
1313
01:22:09,471 --> 01:22:11,849
- No, no! Ally!
- Forgive me.
1314
01:22:23,318 --> 01:22:24,695
Baby, no!
1315
01:22:25,779 --> 01:22:27,071
- Come on.
- Oh, you shot me.
1316
01:22:27,072 --> 01:22:29,073
Sorry, I overcorrected.
1317
01:22:29,074 --> 01:22:30,492
That's a lucky fucking shot.
1318
01:22:38,542 --> 01:22:40,919
Ally, did you mean
what you said?
1319
01:22:42,087 --> 01:22:43,088
Come on.
1320
01:22:43,714 --> 01:22:45,007
Pookie.
1321
01:22:45,841 --> 01:22:47,300
Chop that pretty boy up.
1322
01:22:47,301 --> 01:22:48,926
I'm gonna have fun
with this one.
1323
01:22:48,927 --> 01:22:51,179
- No. No.
- Oh, yes, Mommy.
1324
01:22:51,180 --> 01:22:54,308
No! No!
Don't you fucking touch him! No!
1325
01:22:55,517 --> 01:22:56,518
No!
1326
01:22:57,186 --> 01:22:58,187
No!
1327
01:23:02,274 --> 01:23:04,026
You shouldn't
have shot me, bitch.
1328
01:23:13,660 --> 01:23:14,745
Hey, hey, come on.
1329
01:23:15,871 --> 01:23:17,039
Look at her go.
1330
01:23:20,792 --> 01:23:22,753
Oh, you don't wanna miss this,
do you?
1331
01:23:23,587 --> 01:23:25,129
Isn't she perfect?
1332
01:23:25,130 --> 01:23:26,381
You talk too much.
1333
01:23:43,524 --> 01:23:45,400
I'm gonna fucking kill you both.
1334
01:23:59,915 --> 01:24:01,124
You watching, Jay?
1335
01:24:02,501 --> 01:24:04,253
I want you to see her die.
1336
01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:11,260
Love hurts, bitch.
1337
01:25:35,177 --> 01:25:36,720
Your day fucking sucks.
1338
01:25:41,350 --> 01:25:42,351
Jay.
1339
01:25:43,185 --> 01:25:44,311
Jay. Hey.
1340
01:25:45,062 --> 01:25:46,063
Hey.
1341
01:25:46,897 --> 01:25:47,898
Hi, you.
1342
01:25:48,273 --> 01:25:49,274
Hey.
1343
01:25:54,363 --> 01:25:56,698
I think you got over
your fear of blood.
1344
01:25:58,909 --> 01:26:00,284
I'm gonna kill you.
1345
01:26:00,285 --> 01:26:02,079
I'll fucking kill you.
1346
01:26:02,579 --> 01:26:04,122
I'm gonna fucking kill you.
1347
01:26:17,761 --> 01:26:18,846
Planet saved.
1348
01:26:21,014 --> 01:26:22,224
Planet saved.
1349
01:26:48,041 --> 01:26:50,960
Now, if you told me that,
a year ago,
1350
01:26:50,961 --> 01:26:54,922
I'd be drinking
to the highest recorded sales
1351
01:26:54,923 --> 01:26:57,008
in Crystal Cane history,
I'd say,
1352
01:26:57,009 --> 01:26:59,760
"Y'all just a lying sack
of hot trash."
1353
01:26:59,761 --> 01:27:02,598
But... here we are.
1354
01:27:03,891 --> 01:27:07,477
And it's all thanks
to these two marketing mavens.
1355
01:27:11,064 --> 01:27:13,108
Right here. These two.
1356
01:27:14,151 --> 01:27:16,068
Now, Ally. I am,
1357
01:27:16,069 --> 01:27:17,820
believe it or not,
mildly devastated
1358
01:27:17,821 --> 01:27:19,531
that this is your last day.
1359
01:27:20,073 --> 01:27:22,909
But I am proud of you for going,
pursuing your dreams,
1360
01:27:22,910 --> 01:27:24,702
going back to doctor school.
1361
01:27:24,703 --> 01:27:27,163
All told, I really do hope
that you're better with a needle
1362
01:27:27,164 --> 01:27:28,790
than you are with a pitch deck!
1363
01:27:31,585 --> 01:27:32,877
To success!
1364
01:27:32,878 --> 01:27:34,754
- To success!
- To success.
1365
01:27:34,755 --> 01:27:35,839
Wait.
1366
01:27:37,466 --> 01:27:38,467
To love.
1367
01:27:45,557 --> 01:27:46,558
Hey, baby.
1368
01:27:47,142 --> 01:27:48,143
Hi.
1369
01:27:49,102 --> 01:27:50,144
What did I miss?
1370
01:27:50,145 --> 01:27:52,313
Hey, do you think it's weird
having a date here
1371
01:27:52,314 --> 01:27:54,106
after everything that happened?
1372
01:27:54,107 --> 01:27:55,484
Nope. Not to me.
1373
01:27:56,360 --> 01:27:58,862
This is where I realized
that I was in love with you.
1374
01:27:59,196 --> 01:28:01,531
So, feels symbolic.
1375
01:28:01,532 --> 01:28:03,158
Okay. Symbolic?
1376
01:28:03,784 --> 01:28:05,035
You think it's symb--
1377
01:28:06,245 --> 01:28:08,913
Listen, don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
1378
01:28:08,914 --> 01:28:11,375
I know stuff like this
can freak you out, but...
1379
01:28:14,211 --> 01:28:16,338
Ally, this has been
the best year of my life.
1380
01:28:18,590 --> 01:28:19,591
So...
1381
01:28:21,593 --> 01:28:23,095
will you move in with me?
1382
01:28:32,396 --> 01:28:33,397
Jay, I--
1383
01:28:35,524 --> 01:28:36,733
I don't know what to say.
1384
01:28:38,068 --> 01:28:40,820
Yeah, no. I--I know
where that's going.
1385
01:28:40,821 --> 01:28:42,196
- It's okay.
- No, I--
1386
01:28:42,197 --> 01:28:43,448
I don't want a key.
1387
01:28:46,118 --> 01:28:47,119
I don't want a key.
1388
01:28:51,540 --> 01:28:52,541
I want you.
1389
01:29:06,430 --> 01:29:07,681
Jay Simmonds...
1390
01:29:10,517 --> 01:29:11,643
will you marry me?
1391
01:29:23,071 --> 01:29:24,072
Yes.
1392
01:29:25,032 --> 01:29:26,616
- Yes?
- Yes. Yes.
1393
01:29:26,617 --> 01:29:30,037
A million fucking times, yes.
1394
01:31:23,775 --> 01:31:24,775
Hello?
1395
01:31:24,776 --> 01:31:26,110
Roses are red,
1396
01:31:26,111 --> 01:31:27,988
violets are blue.
1397
01:31:29,072 --> 01:31:32,117
Guess who just took
a picture of you?
1398
01:31:32,826 --> 01:31:33,827
Who is this?
1399
01:31:35,078 --> 01:31:36,287
Relax, bitch.
1400
01:31:36,288 --> 01:31:37,371
Too soon?
1401
01:31:37,372 --> 01:31:39,332
Monica, that's not funny!
1402
01:31:39,333 --> 01:31:40,918
Where even are you?
1403
01:31:41,793 --> 01:31:42,793
Did you get it?
1404
01:31:42,794 --> 01:31:44,295
Of course, I got it.
Are you kidding me?
1405
01:31:44,296 --> 01:31:45,379
You look super cute.
1406
01:31:45,380 --> 01:31:46,964
I mean,
I would have gotten a manicure,
1407
01:31:46,965 --> 01:31:48,591
but I told you that,
and you're fine with that.
1408
01:31:48,592 --> 01:31:50,718
You're a natural gal.
You look great.
1409
01:31:50,719 --> 01:31:54,473
Okay, enjoy the movie, fiancés.
Love you.
1410
01:31:56,266 --> 01:31:58,143
Ally? Hello?
98662
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