Original subtitles

( theme song )

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

♪ Gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another woo-hoo! ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm talking rainbows ♪

♪ I'm talking puppies ♪

♪ Puh-puh-puh-puh -puh-puh-puh-puuhh ♪

♪ It's gonna get a little weird ♪

♪ Gonna get a little wild I ain't from 'round here ♪

♪ I'm from another dimension ♪

( theme song ends )

Hiyaah! Hiyaah! ( yelling )

( growling ) Hiyaah!

My weak spot!

Yaa! ( shrieking )

Star? ( grunting )

( groaning ) Yes! Yes! Now somebody grab the wand!

Lobster claws, you!

Oh, yeah! I got this.

Go, red boy. Go, red boy.

Go, red boy! Stop flexing your thorax and get it already!

This is happening now!

( growling ) ( yelling )

( yelling )

Booyah!

I got it! I got it!

What the--

( gasping )

You got clawed.

Eww.

Ooohh. Wahh!

Poison Crystal Cupcake Kiss!

( all grimacing )

( all yelling )

I love cupcakes! Ahh! ( crying )

Ahhh!

Uhhh! Uhhhh.

( sighing )

That was fun! But we gotta go to school.

Oh, you're on my backpack.

Here.

All right, morons.

Walk of shame. You know the drill.

( all wincing )

Quit crying and rub some dirt on it.

Wh-wh-whoa. Who-whoa.

Where do you think you're going, hm?

Uh, back home. To celebrate how close we came with my bros.

After that performance?

You, sir, are a steaming pile of monster garbage.

( hysterical ) And you're fired!

Ha ha ha! Good one!

You really had me going, boss.

Ugh, you're even bad at getting fired!

I can't believe I was friends with him. What a loser.

( gasps )

( crying )

Earth history is so cool.

Ben Franklin blowing up that kite monster

with his electric lightning powers?

Like, whoa. ( laughs weakly ) Yeah. That's not what happened.

Hey, look.

Ahhh!

You want seconds on those cupcakes?!

Um, this is the part where you fight back.

( sobbing ) Go ahead!

Blast me! Do it!

( yelps )

Um. Are you okay?

Well, uh, the thing is... ( sobbing )

Master Ludo fired me.

I can never show my face on Mewni again.

Oh, man. He's taking this really hard.

This is probably just a monster trick.

I don't think he's faking it.

We should do something. Like what?

I don't know. But we can't just leave him like this.

Marco, why do you even care?

He's a monster!

( squirrels chittering )

Ahhhh!

Monsters are the bad guys.

I don't have to be bad.

In fact, I've always secretly wanted to be good.

Really?

Well, maybe we can show you how.

What? That's crazy!

Monsters...are...evil!

It's just their nature.

No, it's not! Look!

( squirrel whimpering like a dog )

See?

Yeah. ( gulps ) See?

( squirrel chittering ) Okay, lobster claws.

The key to being good is "Do unto others as you'd have them do to you."

( grunts ) ( screaming )

Like that?

Actually, that's 100 percent wrong.

You want to do the opposite.

Now say you're sorry.

That's all right!

I landed on a sprinkler!

This is too hard. I'm never gonna get this.

Yeah. You should just give up.

( laughing ) Okay. Don't listen to her.

Uh, the next time you get the urge to punch somebody,

just imagine how it would feel if it happened to you.

I got the urge!!

Wow, that totally would've hurt.

( sobbing )

( sobbing ) Aww, what's wrong?

My kitty's stuck in the twee. ( purrs )

Lobster claws, this is your chance.

Careful with my Mr. Mittens!

Ta-da!

Thank you so much, Mr. Lobster Man!

I knew there was some good in him.

( cat screeching )

( yelps ) ( gagging )

( mews ) Now do you see what we're dealing with?

Mr. Mittens is fine. No harm, no fou--

( girl's muffled screams ) ( yells )

Okay, that was my fault.

I assumed you knew this but... you can't eat children.

Really? Not even annoying ones?

Never! WOMAN: Help! Help!

Help me! My baby is still inside!

MARCO AND STAR: Your baby?

Don't worry. Red boy's got this.

Wait! And I'm totally not gonna eat it!

Cotton Candy Fire Extinguish!

My baby! Oh, my baby, my sweet baby...

( minor notes ) ...grand piano.

( hitting minor notes ) Are you scared? Tell me what you're feeling. ( plays note )

( piano self-playing ) ♪ Downtown lady sing this song ♪

♪ Do-da, do-da

I was wondering where that piano music was coming from.

Um... Where's lobster claws?

( gurgling )

( gurgling )

Well, he's not eating humans, that's a step forward.

Okay, here's an easy one.

Help the old lady cross the street.

( scurrying ) I'll help you, miss.

I'd say he's starting to get this.

Well, I'm not taking my eyes off him for one sec--

BOTH: Ahhh!

Ahh! Where's a sprinkler?!

LOBSTER CLAWS: Ahhhhhh!!!

( theme song from television ) NEWSCASTER: Tragedy today as a rampaging lobster man

destroyed four city blocks.

Miraculously, no one was injured,

but one cyclist mourns the loss of his new bike.

Oh, it was our first outing together.

Now I have nothing.

( laughing weakly ) Yeah, you know how the news sensationalizes things.

I still believe you can be good.

But until then, I'm gonna find some rubber bands for your claws.

( inhaling to say something ) MARCO: Save it.

Why is being good so hard?

The problem is Marco is trying to make you something you're not.

You're a vile, repulsive monster.

Why fight it?

Yeah. I am repulsive.

I shouldn't be helping humans, I should be hurting them.

You, in particular.

And I wish I could just get back to smashing your face!

Maybe there's a way we can both get what we want.

( snoring )

( knife cutting through )

Shh.

Ludo! I was just dreaming about kicking your butt.

I couldn't find any giant rubber bands,

but...teddy bear mittens!

Guys? ( busts through )

( yelps )

Star!!

They're back? Yeah. I lured them here.

To get lobster claws his old job back.

I'm gonna let him beat me up. Play along.

( screams ) What? That's crazy!

All right, Ludo, I got more than cupcakes this time!

Uhh, I said, "I got more than cupcakes this time."

Go, red boy!

Ahh! Boo-yah, ka-sha!

Don't worry, boss. I got this.

Raahhh!! Boss?

Didn't I fire you?

( mimicking fighting ) Whoo! Pew pew pew! Zing! Ahh! Ahh!

Uhhh! Uhh! Wah wah wah!

LOBSTER CLAWS: Ahh! Ahh!

You know, he has gotten way better.

Very impressed. ( gibberish )

Yes. Yes. I do see marked improvement.

But I'd really be impressed if you would just grab the wand!

He's defeated me!

Ahhhh!!

Hey!

Yeeesss! ( laughs )

Ahh! Wahhh!

( exploding )

( grizzly voice ) What's happening to me?

( growling )

Oh, not again!

Being bad feels so good.

How could you do this?

I was trying to help you!

( growling )

Whoa.

Don't listen to her. She's the enemy!

No, I saw the good in you! Don't do it!

Act like a monster and give it to me!

Lobster claws, please!

( growling )

( snarling ) Hii...yah!

Ahh! I always forget about that karate boy!

Stardust Daisy Devastation!

( coughing )

Retreat!

Wh-wh-wh-whoa. You.

You had the wand in the palm of your claws!

What did it feel like? It kind of tingled.

I knew it! I'm so jealous. Can I touch your claws?

( gushing ) Nice!

After you.

Don't do it, lobster claws!

What about wanting to be good?

LUDO: That's my monster!

Ahh. Marco. You were right.

There was some good in him, after all.

Not much.

( yawns )

( squawks ) Wha--?

( all squawking )

Huh? ( jungle noises )

Wow, Star's getting better at her magic.

This is really peaceful.

( creature roaring ) Ahh!!

Help! Ahh! ( creature growling )

Mega Explosive Crystal Laser!

( screeching like a cat )

Here, kitty kitty.

( gasping ) Thanks for saving me.

Again, that makes it 28 saves for you,

and four for me, but... ( laughs ) Who's counting?

Wow, Marco. I just love what you've done with the place.

( squawking )

Aw, so cute.

( laughing ) What? I didn't do this.

Well, somebody did. Somebody?

Birds and rainbows and... whatever that is.

'Sup? This has to be you.

Sorry, it wasn't me.

Eh, looks more like your dad's work.

This was my work.

Ha ha ha ha! But the rest of this, no.

MARCO: ( snoring )

Huh?!

( gasping ) ( shooting off lasers )

N-N-N-No.

( gibberish )

( yelps )

Star? What are you doing?

( hissing gibberish )

Ahhh! Okay. Oh, whoa whoa. AUTOMATED VOICE: Playing messages.

Star. Just calling with your daily reminder to behave like the queen- in-training that you are.

Paper. Tornado.

What? ( screaming )

Ow. Star! Wake up!

Beanbag. Monster. Metamorphosis.

( growling )

( roaring ) ( yelling )

Star!

( yawning )

Morning, Marco.

Morning, beanbag chair monster.

Marco! Lightning to the rescue!

Ahh! Ughh. ( sighs )

( heavy sigh ) You saved me.

That's, uh, 29 to 4.

( snoring ) What happened?

You were spelling in your sleep!

( battle cry )

That must be why you don't remember turning our living room into a jungle.

Oh, no, you gotta fix me, Diaz.

( inhaling ) Now's my chance to save you.

With psychology!

Psychology?

Psychology. Yeah. Psychology.

What is it?

Psychology is like karate for your mind.

I'm gonna dig deep in your brain to see what makes you tick.

Ohh. Yeah, we have something like that on Mewni.

( screaming )

Yeah, this is pretty different.

Now, before we start,

I must transform myself. Transform?

Ahhh. Glasses. Paper.

Clothes. Book. Dr. Marco, Ph.D.

What does Ph.D. stand for?

Pretty handsome dude.

Mom! Go back to bed.

All right, Miss Butterfly.

I'm going to administer a series of psychological tests to uncover what's bothering you.

Oooh. Tests. Sounds fun!

Oh, wait, no it doesn't.

Test number one. Role playing.

I want you to pretend to be someone close to you.

Hi, I'm Marco. My skinny jeans are awesome!

Ooh, here comes Jacquelyn Thomas!

I'm gonna impress her with my karate.

I got this cute little mole.

( exasperated sigh )

Test number two. Art therapy.

Paint me a picture of your childhood.

Mmmm. Such depth. So many symbols.

What does it say about your childhood?

I was just drawing unicorns and monsters 'cause they're cool.

Rawr! Egh! Rawr! Test three!

Ink blot test.

Tell me what you see on this paper.

An ink blot! I win!

Okay, no no no. What does this remind you of?

A fat porcupine.

Oh, yes, that's good.

What about this one? A little alien guy in a gnome cap.

( gasps ) Maybe I'm sleep-spelling because I'm secretly a little alien guy in a gnome cap.

No. Now what about-- ugh, wait. Hold on, this is a mistake. ( gasps )

That reminds me of my overbearing mother suffocating me

with all the duties of becoming a queen for the rest of my life.

I think we may have found the root of your problem.

You have mother issues!

Yay! I have Mother Issues.

No, that's bad. Aww. I have mother issues.

It's okay, Star. Identifying the problem is the first step to recovery.

Recovery.

( yelps )

( snoring )

Aw, man. STAR: Get away!

( grunting ) Huh?

( yawning )

Wait. What the--? Ahh! Oof. Ahh!

Undy pants? Oh, no.

Marco's naked.

No, I'm in my jam jams.

Look.

I want your face!

Ugh, you weren't sleep-spelling,

you were just defending yourself

against that sleep-goblin-elephant.

Wow! I'm hardcore.

I came here for your face!

To steal your face!

You hurt me in my butt!

( shuddering ) Ew.

Could you... stop yelling?

Well, I'm sorry. I don't have any ears.

Camera phone. ( clicks )

I'm on the run from St. O's.

Well, you can't stay here.

I don't want to go to St. O's!

Oh, you're going to St. O's.

You see, we're both big girls.

We got the same highs and lows,

the same east and west. You can hardly tell us apart.

Except for in the face.

Camera phone.

So I'm gonna laser finger your face off of your head.

Oh, you can have my face.

See, I'm gonna wear your face

and then you can go to jail. 'Cause you look like me.

It's just a classic face-switch scenario.

( guffawing )

Oh, yeah. Oh, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

It is not funny.

( screams ) Star!

Don't worry, Star. I'll save you!

Whoaaa! Ughh.

Ahem.

( laughs nervously )

Camera phone.

Ahhh!

Nose grab.

( evil laugh ) MARCO: Stop!

Whoaaa. Ahhh. Be careful on this roof.

It is slippery from the evening dew.

Let me go, you weirdy weirdo!

Is Marco small?

Or is he just really far away? I can't tell.

Laser finger.

( screaming ) Marco!

Nooo!

( grunting ) Whoa. Unhh.

Glasses. Paper. Clothes.

Book. Dr. Marco, Ph.D.

You don't have to do this.

I have an 'A' in psychology.

I can help you.

No, thank you.

Use your mind karate!

Listen to me.

I already told you. I don't have any ears.

Well, maybe that's why you're in this mess.

( sad music ) Okay, I do have ears. But I don't use them

to listen to people.

The only people I listen to is my mind.

And right now, my mind is telling me to steal her face.

But you can't keep running from your problems.

When you steal other people's faces,

all you're really stealing is your future.

But I like my future.

I don't like my future. Camera phone.

( laughing )

( growling )

( screaming ) Ahhh!

Wow, Marco. You really saved my face.

Yes! Finally.

I don't get it. Why is this tally thing such a big deal to you?

Uhhh...I don't know.

I guess... you're this magic princess from another dimension

and I'm just... ( clears throat )

Star, Ph.D. Marco, you are awesome.

We don't need to get caught up in who saves who.

All that matters is that we have each other's back.

Yeah. But this time,

I totally saved you. Woohoo!

Whoa.

You're right. We shouldn't keep track anymore.

♪ I think Earth is a pretty great place ♪

That's saying something 'caue 've been through outer space ♪

♪ I think it suits me, it's just my style ♪

♪ I think I'm gonna stay a little while ♪

♪ I think that strangers are just friends you haven't met ♪

♪ I'm blasting monsters and I never break a sweat ♪

♪ I'm really thinking I could call this place home ♪