Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,360
Thank you, Laura.
2
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:10,279
Sorry, Cameron. Let me see
if I can get this straight.
3
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:15,959
The police are no longer
investigating certain crimes?
4
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,319
Oh! No, no, no.
5
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,079
We're no longer investigating crimes
if they're no longer crimes.
6
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:25,519
This TRHV policy,
it's a reclassification of crime.
7
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,439
TRHV? Yes.
8
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,599
And we're no longer investigating
if there's no threat,
9
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,040
risk, harm or...
10
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,319
Oh, I always forget V.
What's V again?
11
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,079
Victim? No, it's not victim.
12
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,119
You'd think it would be victim,
but no, it's not.
13
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,359
Is...is it vengeance?
14
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,439
Oh, vulnerability! Ah, yes!
15
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,559
If there's no threat,
risk, harm or vulnerability,
16
00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,759
then we reclassify those crimes
as, well,
17
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,479
happenings,
18
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:53,439
events.
19
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,759
I'm no longer the victim of a crime.
20
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,479
I'm the victim of an event.
21
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,119
Take last month's
housebreaking numbers.
22
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,039
There were 1,286 such events.
23
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,879
But this TRHV policy meant
that we could take
24
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,719
a balanced, resource-minded
judgment on
25
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,719
how many to actually respond to.
26
00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:14,879
Which was?
27
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,239
None.
28
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,079
Allowing us to focus
our resources on...
29
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,839
Ah! Laser targeting serious crime.
30
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,919
And - hang on to your
Bryson DeChambeau flat cap -
31
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,239
by reclassifying crimes as events,
32
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:34,599
well, they fall off
the crime statistics.
33
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,839
Well, Cameron, this is
pretty impressive stuff.
34
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,039
Arrests up, crime down.
35
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,039
I think we can get behind this.
36
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,559
Oh, we can, can we?
37
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,400
We think I like that.
38
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,199
When is a crime not a crime, Rohan?
39
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,119
When it's not a crime.
40
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,519
I think I may be on the verge
of something big here,
41
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,679
not just practically,
philosophically.
42
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,519
Plato the polis.
OK, so government onside,
43
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,719
now for the press.
44
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,359
Oh, no time, Paul.
45
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,439
All right. Well, do you want me
to eat it for you?
46
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,079
Er, maybe half.
47
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:15,279
Er, Gavin Gilchrist,
editor of the Sunday Saltire.
48
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,999
Oh, big Gav!
49
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,239
Ah, we go way back.
Leave the talking to me.
50
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,839
Just keep hitting
laser targeting serious crime.
51
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,119
Don't you worry,
52
00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,759
by the time I'm through
with that word monkey,
53
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,599
he'll think TRHV is his policy.
54
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:32,719
Ah, Gavin! How's my favourite
purveyor of lies and misinformation?
55
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,999
All the better for seeing my
favourite authoritarian enforcer.
56
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,119
Yeah!
57
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,359
Go on, have a seat.
58
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,119
I haven't seen you since we scalped
the Jambos at the derby.
59
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,599
Oh, no! It's not been that long,
has it?
60
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,999
Katriona's been getting me
up to speed
61
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,719
on your new
"turn a blind eye" policy.
62
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,039
I didn't call it that, sir.
63
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,279
Well, as my deputy well knows,
64
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,999
this new policy allows us
to focus our resources
65
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,039
on laser targeting serious crimes.
66
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,519
Sorry. Is that a hobbit?
67
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,399
It is. Stolen from
Mr Gilchrist's property.
68
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,599
Nicked last night.
69
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,399
They cleaned out my garden,
took the lawnmower,
70
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,879
the rattan chair, and...
71
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,040
..Pippin.
72
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:17,919
Well, that's a perfect example
of our new policy.
73
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,359
There's no threat, risk,
harm or vulnerability.
74
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:22,879
We record it.
You tick a box for insurance.
75
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,359
B&Q sells you a new Pippin.
Everyone's happy.
76
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,679
Allowing us to laser target
77
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,439
that wee bam selling
crystal meth outside of Poundland.
78
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,039
You can't buy Pippin!
79
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,679
My son made him.
80
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,839
Pippin has great sentimental value.
81
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,919
Well, of course. Yes, sir.
82
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,599
Any father would be...
83
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,399
..proud of such a...
84
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,159
It's a wonderful rendering of...
85
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,679
I think what Mr Gilchrist
is getting at
86
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,159
is that there are
no victimless crimes.
87
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,879
Surely it's the police's job
to investigate all crimes?
88
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,679
Yes, but...but some crimes should
be more investigated than others,
89
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:57,399
is the point of the policy.
90
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,559
Well, we could always get a couple
of the boys to look...
91
00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:04,359
Or we could remain
laser targeted on serious crime!
92
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,439
Actually, could the Chief and I have
a private word?
93
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,799
Cool.
94
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,519
Yeah.
95
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,399
And in summary, the Scottish
Police Force would be delighted
96
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,000
if the Sunday Saltire could give
the TRHV policy a fair hearing.
97
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,079
That's a bit of a change
of atmosphere, Gavin.
98
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,679
You and I go way back, Cameron.
99
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,879
The Morningside Mandem.
100
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,559
As an old friend,
101
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,090
I've got to give you
the heads-up about something.
102
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,559
RECORDING: TRHV? It's bollocks!
103
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:42,159
It's just a way
to massage the crime figures
104
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,640
and keep that doughnut
at Justice happy.
105
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,370
What...?
106
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,959
What is that?
107
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,839
Sunday's front page.
108
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,520
Oh, come on, Gavin, you're not...
109
00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:57,199
You're not going to publish this?!
110
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,039
It's news. It's a story.
111
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,919
Yes, but a better story
112
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,799
is that...we're laser targeting
serious crime.
113
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,119
HE CHUCKLES
114
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,799
It's nothing personal, Cammy.
115
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,720
I'm just doing my job.
116
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,719
Gavin! Gavin!
117
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,159
You're not seriously
going to print this, are you?
118
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,399
So you didn't say it?
119
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,159
Well, I may have said it, but
I said a lot of other stuff too.
120
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,159
Have you got recordings
of all of that?
121
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:31,759
It's in the public interest.
122
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,719
Yeah, but it's not in my interest,
and I'm a member of the public too!
123
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,119
Listen, Gav...
124
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,999
Let's take it in a completely
different direction.
125
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,039
The man behind the myth.
126
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,879
Cover of the magazine.
127
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,999
Yours truly, relaxing at home.
128
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,559
We're not Hello! magazine.
129
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,599
Which is exactly why we go dark.
130
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,239
The messy divorce
of the people's chief.
131
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,799
Scotland's favourite cop
had his heart broken
132
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,559
by his giddy, wayward wife.
133
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,919
Tabloid.
134
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,759
Miekelson struggles
with his activist daughter.
135
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,799
Part Thunberg, part Malala.
136
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,519
The law-man and the law-lass.
137
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,879
Malala-lass.
It's a working headline.
138
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,079
You can... You can get a better one.
Cameron.
139
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,959
It's nothing personal.
140
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,159
Yeah, but it kind of feels personal,
Gavin.
141
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,039
Come on.
I was on your stag weekend.
142
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,839
If it wasn't for me,
143
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:22,239
you'd still be handcuffed to
that lamppost in Dundas Street.
144
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,279
Get Rohan to ping me
an official statement.
145
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,800
OK, listen...
146
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,479
Cut the BS.
147
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,759
What do you want
to kill the story?
148
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,439
Kill the story?
149
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,519
The Chief of Police, this is
his new, much trumpeted policy,
150
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,480
and calls the Justice Minister
a doughnut!
151
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,359
It's too much of a scoop.
152
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,039
As I said,
153
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,759
it's nothing personal.
154
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,440
Just doing my job.
155
00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:53,639
OK, listen. What about a tour
of the stolen goods warehouse?
156
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:57,039
Pick yourself out a new set
of golf clubs, eh?
157
00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,320
We've just got a nice...a nice set
of Callaways in!
158
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,519
RECORDING: TRHV? It's bollocks!
159
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,959
It's just a way
to massage the crime figures
160
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,520
and keep that doughnut
at Justice happy.
161
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,839
Not ideal. Is it definitely me?
162
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,639
It could be voice cloning again.
163
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,719
Like the cyber boys did of me
that time for the Christmas message.
164
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,839
Can we deal with Gavin?
165
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:21,999
Deal with?
166
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,559
Yes. Can he be dealt with?
167
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,719
Oh, sorry. I thought you meant
"deal with".
168
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,439
No! No, not "deal with".
169
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,959
Deal with! Bargain. Negotiate.
170
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,719
Quid pro quo his arse.
171
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,319
I've already tried that.
172
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,439
I offered him the the double page
spread, the dirt on the ex,
173
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,639
the supermarket sweep around
the stolen goods warehouse.
174
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:40,799
No, he's not budging.
175
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,999
OK, OK.
176
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,319
In that case, the strategy
is flat out denial.
177
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,959
Go full Trump. You think you heard
something, but you heard nowt!
178
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,839
Fake news. Gaslight the nation.
179
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,839
Or... Or, say no laws were broken
180
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,799
and you were working
within the guidelines.
181
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,199
Go full Boris!
182
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,599
This is a disaster.
183
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,239
This is career ending.
184
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,879
It's maybe not so bad.
185
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,079
I'm dissing my own policy
and calling my boss a doughnut!
186
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,960
Sounds bad to me, Rohan!
187
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,759
But who recorded it?
188
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,800
Who leaked it?
I don't have enemies!
189
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,160
No! No, you don't, Chief.
190
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,879
There's a rat in the building,
Rohan.
191
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,600
A snake. A sneak. A snitch.
192
00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:27,639
Wait till I get my hands on her,
193
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,040
or him, or them!
194
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,599
Until then, this stays between us.
195
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,880
Oh, yeah.
196
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,359
KNOCKING ON DOOR
197
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,919
You wanted to see me, sir?
198
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,599
Oh, Muldoon, yes.
199
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,359
Come on in. Please take a seat.
200
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,679
No! No, no, no, not there.
201
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,399
No. Have this one here.
202
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,519
Let me make it comfortable for you.
203
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,199
But that's your chair, sir.
204
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,439
Are you absolutely sure
about that, Muldoon?
205
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,639
Because this...
this is the Chief's chair, huh?
206
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,759
Reserved for the top dog
207
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,719
making all the policy decisions.
208
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,559
And that appears to be you!
209
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,920
Now, do you want my hat as well?
210
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,599
A crime is a crime is a crime, sir.
211
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,679
Yes, and they can't
all be investigated.
212
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,280
Resources, Katriona!
213
00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:33,319
I mean, right now, there's probably
someone two streets away
214
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,839
illegally streaming The Avengers.
215
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,919
What's that you say?
It's a crime?
216
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,879
Are we firing up the chopper?
217
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,359
Are we sending a team round?
218
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,119
No, sir, because that would be...
219
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,919
A waste of police resources!
220
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,199
Yes.
221
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,200
You've got there, PC Penny McDrop.
222
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,039
Don't undermine my policy
in front of the press.
223
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,999
In here, blue backs blue.
224
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,319
Sir, you know I'm always
blue backs blue.
225
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:06,439
So, may I retain my chair?
226
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,880
Your hat, sir.
227
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,479
Thank you.
228
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,839
That will be all, Muldoon.
229
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,280
Sir.
230
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,840
Evening.
231
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,879
You know, that's an imported beer.
232
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,840
Er, yes.
233
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,559
Imported from overseas.
234
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,359
Ships, lorries.
235
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,999
The fossil fuels consumed
to get you your beer, it's insane.
236
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,839
Well, until little Heinrich
walks them over here himself,
237
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,679
I don't have much choice.
238
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,199
Drink Scottish beer.
239
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,199
Drink Scottish beer?
240
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,839
I'm not a savage!
241
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,839
I drink beer
for the...the piney aroma,
242
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,319
the zesty zip
and pungent aftertaste,
243
00:10:56,320 --> 00:11:00,000
not so that I can have a pagger on
the Lothian Road of a Friday night!
244
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:03,799
Do you know where these bananas
are from?
245
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,479
Lidl. Guyana.
246
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,879
Well, they don't grow them
in Dumfries, so what can I do?
247
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,319
Do better. Make different choices.
248
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,799
Buy locally.
249
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,399
If I was to cook dinner
for you tonight with all
250
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,239
the sustainable food in the fridge,
251
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:18,919
do you know what we'd be having?
252
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,280
An Ayrshire potato.
253
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,919
Ellen, please.
254
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,479
I'm in the thick rough here.
255
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,040
I'm struggling to make par.
256
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,079
No. Oh, Ellen. Why is it..?
257
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:34,319
Oh, no.
258
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,119
Ellen, please don't tell me you've
cancelled the sports channels.
259
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,199
Saudi Arabian sportswashing.
260
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,679
Nice one, Dad.
261
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,639
How did you know my password?
262
00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,159
"P underscore assword".
263
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,599
You've had that for years.
264
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,319
Why can't I resubscribe?
265
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,959
Well, I've changed the password.
266
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,439
What have you changed it to?
267
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,599
Oh!
268
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,279
Is it "defund the police" again?
269
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,639
You weren't saying that
when you were 14
270
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,840
and police funding
paid for your skiing lessons!
271
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,679
I have the fullest confidence
in Chief Commissioner...
272
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,119
Oh, no! She's publicly supporting
my policy.
273
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,159
No, no, no, don't!
274
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,919
The policy is going to be trashed
on Sunday!
275
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:19,239
No! Yeah, get with the programme,
Una!
276
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:22,120
TRHV. It's bollocks!
277
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,999
Why did you say that?
278
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,199
Well, that's what you said the other
night when you were banging on
279
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,399
about the change
in the very nature of reality.
280
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,999
"Well, if I call my beer a health
drink, is it no longer a beer?"
281
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,120
The Rousseau of the Rozzers.
282
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,399
Did you record me
and leak it to the press?
283
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,639
Did I what?!
284
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,879
You just don't care, do you?
285
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,439
It's just chaos for chaos's sake.
286
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,599
Whoa! What have you been smoking?
287
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,439
The van and the activism and
throwing my life into disarray!
288
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,839
Wait, do you actually think
I leaked something to the papers?
289
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,559
That is low, even for you.
290
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,480
I wouldn't grass up my own dad.
291
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:08,959
Well...
292
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:12,519
I mean, obviously, I didn't
really think it was you.
293
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,239
I...
294
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,079
I just... Look, I have to rule
everybody out, is all.
295
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,919
I started with you first
because you're the last person
296
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,079
I'd suspect of doing it.
297
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,679
And that's...
that's classic police work.
298
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,120
I'm going to the van.
299
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,360
Oh, Ellen!
300
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:33,599
Do you want to take your potato?
301
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,960
Take your potato!
302
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,479
It's from Girvan!
303
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,880
DOOR SLAMS
304
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,799
I accused Ellen of being a leaker.
305
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,639
My own daughter.
Can you believe it?
306
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,879
What's become of me?
But I can't trust anyone!
307
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,719
Big man... I couldn't sleep
last night.
308
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,639
I think it could be Katriona.
309
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,719
I mean, who stands to benefit
most if I'm canned?
310
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,399
She does. Chief!
311
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,839
It's like I'm in The Traitors!
312
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,559
You know, who's a Faithful?
Who's a Traitor?
313
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,759
But if The Traitors taught us
one thing,
314
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,839
it's always to suspect
the seemingly most faithful.
315
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,199
It's you.
316
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,399
What?
317
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,039
I sent the recording
to cyber security. They traced it.
318
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,719
It's from your phone.
319
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:21,999
I'm the leaker?
320
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,599
Probably a butt dial.
321
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,599
I butt-dialled my own leak?!
322
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,920
I'm the snake!
The sneak, the snitch.
323
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,839
Well. So now we don't have
to look for the rat.
324
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,239
We found the rat.
325
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,679
I'm the rat!
326
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,559
I mean, it sounds bad,
but it's good.
327
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,640
Oh!
328
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,359
Well, that's one problem solved.
329
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,639
Next, the story. We know
it's coming. You'll get a kicking.
330
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,159
Fair play. That's their job.
331
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,239
So, we will need
to rehabilitate your image.
332
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,799
How is your cha-cha-cha?
333
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,119
Solid. Why?
334
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,879
So I could try
and get you on Strictly.
335
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,959
Er, no.
Maybe Strictly is too high profile.
336
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,519
The pottery one. Can you sew?
Sorry...
337
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,559
This is your plan to save my skin?
338
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,039
You're going to get me on what,
Homes Under The Hammer?!
339
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,999
Perfect! That's more your speed.
340
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,599
You don't have to be enjoying
this quite so much, Rohan.
341
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,999
Sir, this is a full blown crisis.
342
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,479
I'm a pig in the proverbial -
343
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,879
this or another campaign
against bogus gas fitters?
344
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,639
Crisis management every time.
345
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,599
What am I going to do?
346
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,799
In a crisis,
control the things you can.
347
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,399
Deal with Una!
348
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,630
You're going to have to sugar
that doughnut.
349
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,079
There you go. Thank you.
350
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:37,519
Oh! I, um, caught your performance
on TV the other night, sir.
351
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,599
Very statesman-like.
352
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,319
Stateswoman-like. Uh-huh.
353
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,759
Statesperson-like.
354
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,599
States..them...like.
355
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,519
No need for the kiss-ass, Cameron.
356
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,079
We're all in this TRHV boat
together.
357
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:52,119
Indeed we are. Which is why I just
wanted to get ahead of a story
358
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,519
that could possibly, maybe,
probably more than likely will be
359
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,199
breaking at the weekend.
360
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,479
Intriguing.
361
00:15:58,480 --> 00:15:59,679
Yes.
362
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,799
Sunday Saltire, unfortunately,
363
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,279
have a recording of
what they're claiming is me
364
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,919
saying something which
which might be construed,
365
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:11,559
if taken the wrong way,
as being potentially
366
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:13,440
mildly critical...
367
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,839
..of the TRHV policy.
368
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,239
The policy that the government
and I personally
369
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,879
have fully thrown our weight behind?
370
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,239
That's the one.
371
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,479
And was it you?
372
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,119
Well, my team feel that, on balance,
373
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:33,159
yes, there is a high percentage
possibility that, yes, it's me.
374
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,519
Right. I see.
375
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,719
Well, we've been here before,
right? We know the drill.
376
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,239
Private conversation
illegally leaked,
377
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,639
most likely by someone
who has a personal grudge.
378
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:47,679
And it will just all blow over,
and then we can get back to...
379
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:50,359
BOTH: Laser targeting serious crime!
380
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:54,599
Well, thank you for being
so forthright with me, Cameron,
381
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,879
I appreciate that.
382
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,520
Not at all.
383
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,559
Oh, one other thing.
384
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,279
The voice on the recording
which is trending towards
385
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:13,479
probably being me, also says
something mildly derogatory.
386
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:17,159
One word - basically
one silly little word -
387
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,240
about yourself.
388
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,840
About me? Yes.
389
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,359
And the word is?
390
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:25,679
You want to know the word?
391
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,760
Well, you've kind of
piqued my interest, Chief.
392
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,840
Doughnut.
393
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,159
Doughnut?
394
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,799
Yes. Said in jest, and very much
taken out of context.
395
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,959
You called me a doughnut?
396
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,799
Well, the voice on the recording,
which is trending towards
397
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,640
probably being me,
called you a doughnut.
398
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,599
But I just wanted to reassure you
that my media team
399
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,999
are all over it,
400
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,559
and they are working ceaselessly,
tirelessly,
401
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,719
to have the story squashed.
402
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,719
Or is it quashed?
403
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,399
I just...
404
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:05,760
I knew you'd appreciate me being
so forthright...with you.
405
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:14,119
So, this one has extra security,
406
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:17,319
minimising potential
for any accidental posterior mishap.
407
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,159
Wow. Finally, a phone that works,
408
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,839
fit for my purpose.
409
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,279
Three biometrics.
410
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:24,959
Facial, fingerprint and odour.
411
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,839
Odour? It can smell me?!
412
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,159
That's incredible.
413
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,119
Do I have to actually put it
under the...
414
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,399
No. No, no. Any skin contact. Oh.
415
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:36,439
Oh, look! It's got one of
those funny apps
416
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,799
that show you what you're going
to look like when you're old.
417
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,159
That's the camera, sir.
418
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,679
PHONE BLEEPS
419
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:43,319
Oh. Just say "answer".
420
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,999
Oh. Answer!
421
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,399
Answer.
422
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,039
Odgovori.
423
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,599
Odgovori?
424
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,919
Last used undercover, Serbian gang.
425
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,479
I'll get it changed.
Nice try, Cam.
426
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,519
Think you can win me over by
investigating the theft of Pippin?
427
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,719
Pippin?
428
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,039
What are you talking about?
429
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,559
A couple of your boys
came round, took a statement.
430
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,559
"We're launching an investigation.
431
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,799
"We'll leave no stone unturned."
432
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,479
Well, it's not going to work.
433
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:10,920
The story runs.
434
00:19:14,711 --> 00:19:18,759
And it's definitely a hobbit?
Good work.
435
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,159
And, eh, a chocolate milkshake
and curly fries, thanks.
436
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,519
Deliveroo.
437
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,799
Deliveroo is an app, Katriona.
438
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,719
Insubordination!
439
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:31,199
I'm just after telling you, don't
investigate events or happenings!
440
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,599
So don't send a unit into Mordor
to climb Mount Doom
441
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,159
looking for that wee clay clown.
442
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,559
But listen, sir.
443
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,759
Operation Gollum has yielded
results. Operation Gollum?!
444
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,239
You've given it a name?
445
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,559
Aye. The boys wanted to call
it Smeagol, but I thought...
446
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,839
I don't care what the boys
wanted to call it!
447
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,239
Shut it down.
448
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,240
But we've found Pippin.
449
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,119
How much have you spent?
What price justice?
450
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:55,799
That's what I'm asking!
451
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,599
Less than we spend on social media
for the police dogs.
452
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,439
The whole point of the TRHV policy
is to save money.
453
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,479
But the ex-wife took it.
454
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,879
She's a thief. Let me investigate.
455
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,720
Who knows? It could help
with the whole Gavin thing.
456
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:14,519
How do you know about
the Gavin thing?
457
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,639
The whole force knows
about the Gavin thing.
458
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,559
The fact there's a leak's leaked?!
459
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,919
The leak's leaking now!
460
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,039
Operation Gollum could reunite
Gavin with Pippin.
461
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,999
He's not going to care, Katriona.
462
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,039
The boy's dreaming
of a Pulitzer Prize.
463
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,719
A career-defining scoop that brings
down the people's chief
464
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,439
and his flagship policy
465
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,119
that redefines
the very nature of crime.
466
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:41,359
He's not going to throw
all that away for a garden gnome.
467
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,239
But we're the police.
468
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,559
If we police...
469
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:48,200
There's more to police work
than policing.
470
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,960
Shut it down.
471
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,839
OK, sir.
472
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,959
Operation Gollum is no more.
473
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,679
Thank you, Katriona.
474
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,839
Try and remember
that you are my subordinate,
475
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,680
not my insubordinate.
476
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,399
You get serious about serious crime,
477
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,480
and I'll keep us
out of the newspapers.
478
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:13,879
Ellen!
479
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,479
Ellen?
480
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,160
Funny thing is, it turns out
that I was the leaker.
481
00:21:19,161 --> 00:21:22,959
We'll have a good laugh about this
in the future,
482
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,030
when we remember that time it
turned out that I was the leaker.
483
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,039
What did you say on it,
the recording?
484
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,759
I was mildly critical
of police policy,
485
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,079
and I may have called
the Justice Minister a doughnut.
486
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,319
Whoo! And I'm the rebel?!
487
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,720
Welcome to the revolution, Dad.
488
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,679
It could be catastrophically bad,
Ellen.
489
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,719
And your first thought, your very
first thought, was that I did it.
490
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,479
Your own daughter?
491
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,119
My first thought, actually, was
that it might have been Katriona.
492
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,119
Another woman. Interesting.
493
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,759
You'll blame Mum next.
494
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,159
No, I would never blame Mum.
495
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,079
No, she's far too slick
and conniving to ever get caught.
496
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,679
No, it was definitely me.
497
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,639
Oh!
498
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:10,159
Look, El... Ellen, you can come
back up to the flat now if you want.
499
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,199
And by way of apology,
how about a reclassification
500
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,039
of our living arrangements?
501
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,679
A quid pro quo.
502
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,159
You come back up to the flat
and I'll...
503
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,639
I'll live on flat beer and weeds.
504
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:23,759
Ellen?
505
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,279
Sorry, what policy?
506
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,239
Oh, yes. The Chief Commissioner's
TRHV policy.
507
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,399
Yes, we're aware that the Scottish
Police Force are trying...
508
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,039
She's distancing herself.
509
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,999
We're being distanced.
510
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,359
It's a distancing.
511
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,279
HE SIGHS
512
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,999
Oh, she's now the we.
513
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,519
I'm just a he.
514
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,119
We need Una close.
515
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:48,600
Maybe it's time the government
put pressure on the Fourth Estate.
516
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,079
Call Una Struan.
517
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,399
VOICEMAIL: Una Struan.
Leave a message.
518
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,400
Ah, Una.
519
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,319
I can't help but feel I'm a little
bit distanced down here.
520
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,159
Yes, I know, it's just like
the Covid days.
521
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,039
Although I do feel
that you're keeping me
522
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,439
a little bit more
than two metres away.
523
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,959
Ah, come on, Una, we're all
in this together.
524
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,599
Could you...
525
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,039
Could you appeal to Gavin, please?
526
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,479
For me?
527
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,959
For the Scottish Police Force?
528
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,879
For us?
529
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,280
For the new Scotland!
530
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,639
Like I say, Gavin, it was merely
the Chief having a robust discussion
531
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:33,159
to test the solidity
of the new policy.
532
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,959
Stress testing.
533
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,879
Yes, a policy that is
being somewhat lost
534
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,359
among the general
background chatter.
535
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:45,599
And is calling you a doughnut part
of the background chatter?
536
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,119
Yes, absolutely.
537
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:49,639
I mean, we have many affable
nicknames for each other,
538
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,399
don't we, Chief? We've lots!
We've loads, don't we?
539
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,759
I call him...
540
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,119
..Cam the Bam,
541
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,520
Officer Dribble, er, The Lump...
542
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,799
What other names do I call you,
Chief?
543
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,439
Oh, she, er...
544
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,319
Gosh, there's so many.
545
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,599
Yes. The one about you carrying
a few extra pounds?
546
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,919
Oh, yes. What's that one?
547
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,279
It's a funny one.
548
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,999
She calls me Fat...Bo...
549
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,239
Bobby! Fat Bobby, she calls me.
550
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,599
Fat Blobby the Bobby.
551
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,199
You see, Gavin, the relationship
between the parliament,
552
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,639
the police and the press, do you
really want to risk all that
553
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,680
for something that isn't even
a thing?
554
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:34,959
Yeah.
555
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:39,039
If it wasn't a thing, do you think
I'd be sat here with you two?
556
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,479
We're going to run with it.
557
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,359
Well, thanks for the meeting.
558
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:45,920
I'll send a copy to Bute House.
559
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,559
Well, it was worth a shot.
560
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,359
What are we going to do now?
561
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,880
"We"?
562
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:58,479
Oh!
563
00:24:58,480 --> 00:24:59,799
You're back?
564
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,079
That's nice.
565
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,839
At least someone isn't distancing.
566
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,919
Good day propping up
the crypto-fascist state
567
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,879
and eroding our civil liberties?
568
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,519
I've had better.
569
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,679
Listen, I've been thinking.
570
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,159
If I do get canned,
maybe you and I could travel.
571
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,679
Peru?
572
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,039
Peru! I've always wanted
to see Peru.
573
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,479
You won't get canned, Dad.
574
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,559
You're the great survivor.
575
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,639
Smells good.
576
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,279
Looks...veggie.
577
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,919
Made with carbon neutral
ingredients,
578
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:31,279
all locally sourced.
579
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,040
However, I'm going to quid pro quo.
580
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,919
Here's an imported beer for you.
581
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,759
TRHV.
582
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:44,119
It's not an equal crime if I can
reclassify it as an equal event.
583
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:47,039
And the...sports channels?
584
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,959
There's only so much I can
reclassify. Ah, fair enough.
585
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,679
But I've changed the password back,
so fill your boots.
586
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,679
P underscore assword?
587
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,439
P underscore assword.
588
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:58,720
Oh, well...
589
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,439
Oh.
590
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,479
Bryson DeChambeau,
591
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,440
how I have yearned for you!
592
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,399
OK, here's your Hail Mary
statement.
593
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,239
Apologise. Misquoted.
Apologise again.
594
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,399
Out of context. Apologise.
595
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,999
A wee tear wouldn't go amiss.
596
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,560
Go full Sturgeon.
597
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,319
Sir, two things.
598
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,799
One, I'm afraid
I've been insubordinate again.
599
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,200
But two, you need to come
and see this, right now.
600
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,519
So, I couldn't help myself.
601
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,359
I thought no harm getting a couple
of boys to have a word with the ex.
602
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:38,759
When they get to the street,
603
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,039
they see this guy with
a huge pair of bolt cutters
604
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,559
sitting about the railings.
605
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,200
And would you believe?
606
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,319
Ah!
607
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:49,839
Gavin!
608
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,279
Gavin, Gavin.
609
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:55,959
Mr Gilchrist here was found damaging
his ex-wife's property.
610
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,559
She stole Pippin.
611
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:02,079
Trespass, breach,
antisocial behaviour, theft.
612
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,559
Aren't these exactly
the sort of crimes that
613
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,159
we used to prosecute to
the fullest extent of the law?
614
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,679
And still could.
Some think should.
615
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:14,599
But they are now reclassified
under the TRHV policy,
616
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,559
a policy that is, I believe,
617
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,840
fully backed by the Sunday Saltire.
618
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,999
Nothing personal, Gavin.
619
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,600
Just doing my job.
620
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,479
Ah, a "robust policy"!
621
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,040
Well said, Gavin.
622
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:41,960
Call Una Struan.
623
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,599
VOICEMAIL: Una Struan.
Leave a message.
624
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,559
Ah, Una!
625
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,239
Damnedest thing.
626
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,999
Turns out that the voice on
the recording wasn't me after all.
627
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,559
No, it was voice cloning.
628
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,999
Ah, it's incredible what
these cyber criminals can do
629
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,679
with technology these days.
630
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,119
Serious crimes.
631
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:06,999
Which, fortunately, is what
we are laser targeted on.
632
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,799
This is the real Cameron Miekelson
signing off.
633
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,639
This just came in
from the Justice Office.
634
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,839
Oh, very nice.
635
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:18,560
Oh! Customised.
636
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,319
Tuck in, Paul.
637
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,480
MUSIC: World Shut Your Mouth
by Julian Cope
638
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,439
# She sings,
World, shut your mouth
639
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,239
# Shut your mouth
640
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:37,039
# Put your head back in the clouds
and shut your mouth
641
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,759
# World, shut your mouth
642
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,919
# Shut your mouth
643
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,520
# Put your head back in the clouds
and shut your mouth... #
644
00:28:44,570 --> 00:28:49,120
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
46680
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof