Original subtitles

[woman speaking]

No, no, no, no, no.

[children screaming]

[Hilaria] Hey, why are your pants down?

Wait! Who's got the baby?

What are you doing with that bone?

[sighs]

The past few years have been the hardest

and the most complicated that we have yet to experience.

[reporter 1] According to police, Baldwin discharged a prop firearm

when something went horribly wrong.

[reporter 2] A grand jury has just indicted the actor.

We're going through some very stressful things.

And we're trying to parent through it.

All we can do is do our best and try to make our kids happy.

I'm 66 years old and I've got seven kids.

We have no time to waste.

I'm worried.

I got a spoon and I get a little bit of coffee.

Then we go to the pantry.

What you doing?

And what's the concept about it?

This honey is also really good for the face.

-Give me that. -Okay, I'm learning.

I'm learning. I want to know about it.

-Okay. So you put honey. -So what does the honey do?

I don't know. It just said stuff that's good for your face

when I Googled it, so...

[laughing]

[Hilaria] The kids are off school.

It's summer break, and Carmen, age wise, she's not in the day camp.

She very much is like little mommy in some ways.

-Is this for your face or Daddy's face? -[Carmen] Both of ours.

Oh, you're gonna- Oh, that's so cute. Do at the same time.

But she's a kid, and we need to remind her that she's a kid.

I mean, she- she worries and worries and worries.

This should be lip and eye mask.

-And that will put on our face. -[Hilaria] Okay.

Actually, this is just for lips 'cause Dad has really small lips,

but they're wide, so it's like this...

I love it, but I hate it 'cause all this means

like you're sort of kind of like parenting them with your parents.

But at the same time I, like, get to go out to dinner with my parents.

I get to stay up later, which is fun until, like,

well, like my siblings, they get more attention.

Dad?

Oh, Dad?

-[Alec] Yes, I'm right here. -[Carmen] Where?

But I'm definitely my dad's favorite. It changes every day.

-Get off your phone. -[Alec] Okay.

He's very, like, he's funny sometimes like 40% of the time,

60% of the time he's like, "Well, back in my day. Back in my day."

This is for your lips. Your really tiny ones.

-Okay, Carmen, do me a favor. -Go up, up, chin up.

-Carmen, would you refrain... -Dad, Dad, Dad. Dad!

...from making unpleasant comments about me while we do this. Okay?

[Hilaria] All right, I'm going...

Stay here in case she puts some bird poop on my face.

-[Hilaria] I'll be back. -First, we're gonna do facial spray on you.

Actually, no. Let's cleanse your face first.

I'm gonna put this back.

We've got to go to New Mexico because Alec has to go on... in trial,

and we don't know what's going to happen.

He could go to prison for a long time

so he wants to be there for as many moments as possible.

No, ew, don't touch your hair. You could have lice.

[laughs]

[Carmen] So now let's put this coffee scrub on your face like this.

And what am I doing?

Putting coffee scrub on your face.

-I don't want coffee on my face. -[Carmen] Yes, you do

'cause then you're gonna be younger.

I must say that because my relationship with my daughter, Ireland

was so negatively impacted by my divorce from her mother,

and having a very protracted custody battle

that the media really were having a party about everything.

It went on for seven years,

of which the financials were probably a year and a half,

and then everything else was custody.

Just insanity.

And really, really tough.

One of my most regrettable things about the whole thing

was how it affected Ireland, but Ireland has grown.

She's 28 years old.

I have a good relationship with her.

She loves the kids.

I mean, she's very sweet to them and she's their older sister.

But she's not in that pack.

No, Carmen. What are you gonna do?

-Am I gonna go blind? -Yes.

-Look, Carmen, it's going all over me. -[chuckles]

-Oh, Carmen. [groans] -I don't care.

This is why I think I'm so focused on Carmen

having... I want to have a good relationship with Carmen

'cause I have a girl all over again.

Now we're gonna leave that for a little bit.

Just keep your mouth shut.

This is how you get him to shut up.

Just put stuff on his mouth that he doesn't want to eat.

Um...

Exfoliate all those, like, 66 years of not washing your face.

-Mmm-mmm. This is gonna also go under your eye bags. -[groans]

You sound like an orca when you do that. [mimics orca vocalization]

[chuckles]

Carmen was an only child for two years.

And boy, she really wishes she could go on a time machine

and go back to the good old days when it was just Carmen.

-Dad, your anniversary's coming up with Mom, isn't it? -Yep.

What are you gonna do?

I assume you're gonna hang out with me and mom this entire anniversary?

-Since it's... -Yes, I'd love that.

This is our 12th anniversary.

No, it's not. I've been alive for 11 years this year.

We got married in 2012.

Every minute I spent around her, I thought she was a very special person

and she still is the most special person I've ever met in my life.

-[Carmen] What was I gonna do? -Can you give me a face lift?

-[Carmen] Face lift? -Do you know how to do that? Yeah.

-You get behind, pull my skin. -I need a needle and thread.

You put your foot in the back of my skull and you go... [blows raspberry]

And then tie it in a big balloon knot in the back.

Can you do that?

-[chuckles] -Okay, that's... that's...

Okay. Ow. Ow. Ow.

-You're really... -You still look 66.

Okay, that was... that was, uh, step one.

We'll go do a couple more steps later on.

Doesn't he look like a pretty pony?

I... Can I tell you something?

I was going to come in and take a good look.

I was going to come in and I was gonna...

-Know the coffee thing that she did. -...say he looks great

no matter what,

but it actually does look really good.

-You're like glowing. -She scrubbed my face with coffee beans.

You look good.

Okay, now make a nice face. Okay.

Scary. Scared face.

-A happy face. -[chuckles]

Oh, Carmen has the same thing for every single one.

He's such a good dad and he's had to go through a lot of things,

and being a good dad and like coming out

and, like, you know, I'm gonna have my moments,

but I'm gonna steer back to being a good dad.

It's beautiful to watch my children have that warm and fuzzy feeling,

especially now.

-Yeah. -You look good. I love it.

-Hey, guys, wait, wait, wait. I need to carry them in. -Hey.

You want to carry something 'cause you're so helpful. Come on.

What are we waiting for?

[gasps] Lu Lu.

It's 5 o'clock. Where's the pizza?

-Pizza's ruined. -[Alec] The pizza's what?

-Ruined! -[Alec] How?

Okay.

-[yelling] -Go carry that to the table.

What's happening to you, Leo?

[Hilaria] That'll be the special pizza.

Why? Somebody dropped it.

Did they drop it?

[Hilaria] Yeah. Don't touch that.

-Did they drop it? -[Hilaria] Um...

My wife knows that the pizza I like best

is a pizza that's thrown down a flight of stairs before you get it.

And there it is.

I can't wait.

[Hilaria] Okay, one second. You want one too?

-Okay. Okay. One second. -[boy] Mom, I wanted this.

[Alec] Like a bear just took a salmon out of the water.

You got your lollipop. Come on, bud.

I'm gonna go inside and get cleaned up.

[Hilaria] Alec's trial in New Mexico is coming up.

And that's a scary thing to go through,

especially when you have seven kids right behind you

that you're supposed to maneuver through everything.

It's a very difficult thing.

So we're deciding,

do I go with Alec, or do I stay with the kids?

I love that you and I are both completely covered in tomato sauce.

I love the shrimps.

-So I'm so hurt. -I know, but you know what's so great?

-It's washable. It's so washable. -I'm so [bleep] hurt.

-I just love this shirt. -You don't have to worry about it.

I know, but it's great. You can still love it

-as soon as it goes through the wash. -It's from a clothing company

that doesn't exist anymore.

Well, you know what? It's good that we have soap and water.

Carroll and Company, one of the great, great, great

old clothing stores there in Los Angeles.

Some of the greatest shirts I've ever worn in my life.

Um, you never laugh at my stuff, do you?

I'm laughing.

I'm laughing. But if I laughed out loud, I just would be so tired.

I'm in my power save mode. I don't know if it's called that.

-It's something like that. Power save mode. -Low power mode.

Low power mode. I'm in my low power mode.

[Hilaria] I think in some ways, yes,

because I don't know what my life is going to look like

a week from now, and it's hard.

It's hard sometimes.

But, um, you know, I think like any relationship or most relationships,

you go through some dark periods,

and the question is, do you work together and you grow together,

or do you go separate ways?

We've had bad moments,

but we have found our foundation.

We're solid and we're here together.

[Alec] So I'm leaving Monday to LA.

I have to work for, like, three days.

Years ago, when I would go to work acting,

it was new, so it was thrilling.

I was thrilled. I was gratified just to be chosen.

I was getting jobs, and I was like, 'Wow," you know.

And then once I met you and the other kids,

I'm like, "Oh, God," you know, I just want to stay home.

Right. But that's also been something not just because of the kids.

But that's also been something because of the past few years.

[Alec] And there was a period all this last year,

when I'd lay in bed and I think,

"I don't want to get out of bed."

And I think to myself, "My children are downstairs having breakfast."

The last year was the year, which I think that

they noticed I was really, really down.

But the person that saved me was my wife because she got up,

and there's times she didn't want to, either.

But she did. See, that's the difference.

I feel so lucky that I have you as my partner.

You know, the past few years have been very, you know, hard.

And it's important that we keep on going and keep on working.

[Alec] Opportunities for jobs have been so few and far between

because of the situation.

A lot of people were... a lot of people cut my throat.

A lot of people cut my throat in my business.

I mean, they were like, "Hey." [chuckles] Gone.

Whatever that word is, ghosting.

They just took off. They disappeared.

When you go and you do this...

...gratitude.

Gratitude.

I'm grateful for work.

I'm grateful for every single job. That is a kind thing.

Somebody wants to have you there.

-I'm accepting the work all right. -[Hilaria] Right.

And I am grateful that you go. I'm grateful that you go

because you're taking care of our family.

I experienced a reversal of fortune in terms of my business,

and the media. I've accepted the fact

that I can't be as finicky and as picky as I've always been.

And I know that this next month is gonna be really hard.

It will be.

[Hilaria] I want you to know that we prefer it when you're here.

-Only because... -Let's end on that note.

[Hilaria] You're not alone.

I know I'm not alone. I know I'm not.

Ew, that's, been, like, in the pool.

Leo, lay down

because I'm going to put your ear drops.

[Hilaria] Alec has gone to LA for two days for work.

And it's pure chaos.

Raf, I'm gonna take this. I'm taking this away.

[speaking other language]

Yeah, gracias.

-Okay. -Thank you.

This is just the madness that I've signed...

I have signed up for that because I had a lot of kids.

Romeo, should I eat my toast with Nutella or syrup?

I think the syrup is old.

[Hilaria] I'm trying to raise my kids the best that I can

through very difficult experiences, especially over the past few years.

-Ay, Carmen, no. -Romeo wants it.

-Why are we eating chocolate? -Stop.

Cappuccino stuck it in her mouth.

Give me your hands. Both hands.

Cappuccino stuck it in her mouth.

Kids are very smart, and I think parenting

is walking this very difficult balance

between giving them information

because if you don't give them information, they're going to make up,

they're going to fill in the blanks by themselves.

[chuckles]

They're both not good.

And protecting them.

Hey, this one is the bad one.

The other one doesn't mean anything.

And this is the good one.

And so I've had to have very difficult conversations

with our children of explaining things.

Guys. Get out on the porch.

I'm gonna go do your sunscreen.

I lost my coffee.

I have to fill my children's days with positive energy.

Doesn't mean we ignore bad things.

[gasps and chuckles]

Stop stealing cookies!

But they have to see a smile on my face.

They have to see me being kooky and silly.

Who's next? You.

Lu Lu, stop beating people.

Come on. Arms up. Arms up. We gotta do your sunscreen.

Come on, please. Come.

I'll go and I will close myself in the furthest bathroom when nobody's around

and I'll scream for about 45 seconds and cry.

No, you don't go to camp yet.

Rafa, put the seat belt right, so you can show them.

No, that's not right.

Okay, now Romeo has it.

Lu has it.

Leo has it.

Rafa has it.

Schmitty doesn't have it.

Come on, put it in your arm. You want to be safe, okay?

Ay, there's a dead squirrel. Somebody hit it. Gross.

I wish I could have a pet squirrel.

You want a pet squirrel?

I really want a pet squirrel.

-[Hilaria] You want a pet squirrel? -Yeah.

Let's add that to our menagerie.

This morning, I'm just watching the baby for my mom

'cause my dad's in LA working on this AI thing.

I don't really get it.

Do you want to help me make the pasta?

-[mumbles] -[Carmen] Yeah.

It's flour.

I will do a little bit just 'cause...

[Hilaria] When Alec was charged the first time...

Actor Alec Baldwin is now charged with involuntary manslaughter.

The actor fired the prop gun that killed cinematographer Halyna Hutchins.

[Hilaria] ...Carmen would not be alone in her room for months.

We had to move a bed into sleeping with the boys.

She has a fear of is our family going to be torn apart?

So with that, there is an awareness of what's going on.

He's so, like, stressful, about everything.

-You want Dada? -[mumbles]

Yeah, Dad is in California

getting a body scan or something.

[Hilaria] Do you guys want to FaceTime Daddy?

FaceTime Daddy.

Are you talking to Siri?

Hey, Dad.

[Alec speaking]

Wait, it's night?

-Wait. Where are you? -[laughs]

It's like super early in the morning. So it's still dark.

[Alec speaking]

-[Raf] Hi, Dad. -[Alec speaking]

Hi, Dad.

[crying]

Uh, no fighting.

Lu Lu, give it to...

No!

-Hey, no bad words. -Stop saying that word!

You guys... you guys taught it to her.

Sit.

Yeah, you're in the big girl chair.

Let's start with tofu.

Eat it, it's circle.

[Hilaria] Carmen asked me last night.

She said, "When Daddy goes to New Mexico,

do I have to say good bye to him?

Like I have to say goodbye to him for a long time.

Should I say goodbye to him in a special way,

like I won't see him for a long time

'cause they're trying to take my daddy from me?"

And I said, "Yeah, you should."

She just lost it.

So you know, um...

...we've never even been away from each other for three weeks.

So if he goes there, that's never even happened.

Are you happy?

[mumbles]

-[laughs] -[chuckles]

Look, we're here. We're here. We're here.

[crying]

All right, guys, why are you crying?

Okay, guys, you say bye to Daddy.

Thank you.

-Morning. -[man] Morning, everybody.

[Hilaria] Good morning, guys.

Happy summer. How are you?

Oh, I like the hat.

[man] Let's make a digital version of you.

-Um, only in my dreams, I think. -Okay.

[man speaking]

To your skin.

-Mmm-hmm. -You're kidding.

No, we used to glue the hats to their heads.

So Tom Hanks had, like, the whole thing. gaffe-coated to his head.

It couldn't come off.

Even Tom Hanks has to put up with this [bleep].

"Luke, I am your father."

My love of films, I got from my dad.

This makes me very emotional.

He loved movies.

[man] All right. And we're good to go.

[Alec] I called my parents to say, "I'm gonna leave GW

and not go to law school and go into acting."

My mother starts screaming on the phone.

The phone is melting in my hand while my mother's screaming.

And my father goes, "Right, let's hear him out. Let's hear him out."

So I go to New York and I study acting for a year.

I get out and I just keep working.

So I did the soap. The Doctors was a famous a half hour on NBC.

Then after that, made good movies.

So some movies [bleep] movies, you know.

Then I was casted Married to the Mob.

Working Girl with Mike.

The earliest things I did Great Balls of Fire! was not a good movie.

But I was so tickled to work with Dennis

'cause I really admired Dennis.

I got cast in, uh, Beetlejuice,

which I remember the whole time I was there. I was like, "I don't get it.

What is this about?"

[man] Okay, guys, let's get set to capture here.

Let's roll sound.

My perfect mother eats chocolate fudge from a tube.

From a tube.

From a tube!

I go do Hunt for Red October in 1989

and the most powerful actor in the movie

and the powerful actor in the world, he just talks...

...[Scottish accent] "Like your fathers and your grandfathers before you...

...we sail into history."

[in normal voice] I remember just watching him, and I was like, "Oh, my God."

I was like, "Oh, my God."

You know, this guy, he's like...

He's the king.

[man] Monkey paw.

Lunge. Big arms around.

I had a lot of good years, you know, we did some TV shows,

30 Rock, a good job.

and what I'm doing, but with some of the the unpleasantries

we've had to deal with with seven children.

The biggest challenge for me, honestly, is to have time with them individually.

-[Raf speaking] -Hold it back. "I look like an astronaut."

Everything's better if I'm with them.

And it's hard.

It's hard when I can't be there.

[cat meows]

okay. Can I show you what I have in this bag?

-So, you know it's our anniversary coming up? -[Carmen] Yeah.

-Do you know what I always do for anniversaries? -No.

[Hilaria] So I look up on a website

-what's like the traditional and what's the modern gift? -[Carmen] Oh, yeah.

And you gave Dad like a piece of leather one year.

So this year, pearls is one.

And no, I didn't get, like, real pearls.

I got, like, it's something creepy.

-And then... -You know, I'm scared.

I know. You should be a little scared, actually.

And then the other one is silk.

So this is Saint Michael.

Protection in silk.

In my very bad moments, I will let my mind...

start to wander and spiral.

Think about what's the worst case scenario.

You know that we're, you know, we're going through some hard things this summer, yeah,

and so, I got him this necklace of Saint Michel.

Cute.

[Hilaria] I believe that the worst case scenario is

if they can convince people to find him guilty,

they will take him away right there.

And I'm hoping that he'll wear it and it says, "We're here to protect you,

stand with you, love you. You're not alone."

[speaking Spanish]

[Carmen] Nice.

Whether or not I go to New Mexico,

I want him to know that I am always by his side.

I am always with him and I hope that this gift will be something

that he can hold with him every single day and know that I am by his side.

[Carmen] What's that?

[Hilaria laughs] I, like, I asked for freshwater pearls and this is what came.

No, stop.

[Hilaria] This is, like, really gross.

I didn't think I was buying real pearls,

I thought I was buying something plastic.

I think we should look at our shopping cart and see what we ordered, hold on.

[Carmen] Okay.

10-piece fresh water, live pearl oyster with round pearl inside for pearl gift.

Fun for children.

[Carmen] No, stop it. That's scary.

-[Hilaria] And what- -So now, we're ordering seafood from Amazon?

Well, it does have a weird smell.

Do you have any, like, tools? Like, tweezers?

I feel like... get your tweezers, go get your tweezers.

No, it stinks. I can smell it from here.

-[Hilaria] No, come on... -[Carmen] No, I love my tweezers.

[Hilaria] You're gonna abandon me.

-Go, go, go. -Okay.

I got goggles. [both laughing]

Protection first.

I know, okay.

-Cute. -[Carmen chuckles]

And there's the pearl.

[Hilaria exclaims]

[Carmen] Ooh, this won't come off now, it's on my rug.

[Hilaria laughs]

Okay, last one. Last one. Thank God.

[Carmen] It's a mess.

[Hilaria] Ayi-yi-yi.

I don't even think these are real pearls.

[Hilaria] I will learn to always read the description from now on.

Lesson learned.

-Hello, friend. -Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

-Good, how are you? -It looks nice in here.

Well, you know, I just threw it together.

Danny is one of my very best friends.

I have known him for 12 years.

-This always makes me nervous. -Okay.

Okay, that's a really big pour.

That's what we call an appropriate pour.

This is an appropriate pour.

My family doesn't live close and Alec's family doesn't live close.

And, so my friends have stepped in...

as family.

We are so close, we show up for each other,

and during hard experiences, you learn who your friends are.

With everything that's been going on, I mean, like, we always talk about the kids,

everybody else, like, how are you doing in coping

with all the pressure that you're under and everything that's going on?

Um...

I don't wanna make you sad.

You're not gonna make me sad.

Um...

I mean, maybe I'm sad. Um...

I don't know how to answer that because I'm in war mode.

-Yeah. -My guess is I'm not doing well.

-But you don't know it yet. -And I won't acknowledge that

because I don't have the ability to,

because if I do, then I'll break.

And hopefully, it'll be swift and I'll get it out of the way

so it doesn't affect anyone else.

And I think that that's what it's like to be a mom.

I imagine that, however, this is going to end one time.

It could be the worst ending in the world, it could be...

and I can't even call it a good ending 'cause none of this is good.

-A son lost his mom. -Yes.

A family lost their person.

Halyna lost her life in the most unforeseeable tragedy.

This is never something to forget.

This is never something to not think of.

This is about honoring a really incredible person

for the rest of our lives,

and to pass on her memory

to our children and our children's children.

It was a very traumatic thing for everybody that was in that room,

and everybody that was somehow connected to it.

Mmm-hmm.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

It was a very traumatic thing

for everybody that was in that room.

I found these text messages the other day between us

you know, the day after, and he said he wanted to kill himself.

Mmm-hmm.

[Hilaria] He has survivor's guilt.

You're involved in this thing that nobody could even possibly imagine.

And so, he goes back to that day, he wishes it were him.

He would change places in a second.

I remember being on the phone with him in the days after

the situation happened and it was speaking

-to a completely traumatized... -Yeah.

...person.

I mean, I remember him just walking through the sequence of events,

like, of just, starting from when he showed up in New Mexico to film.

It was heart wrenching 'cause he... it was like, he was so traumatized.

-He was so heartbroken. -Yeah.

[Danny] And he was just trying to figure out, what the hell even just happened.

[Hilaria] And he'll never be the same.

This has affected his health and his mental health tremendously.

In the past few years, all of a sudden, he has started having heart problems.

He's been hospitalized multiple times and I... uh... he's fainted,

and he just... and everybody started screaming,

and I'm going on top and I'm shaking him.

It's hard sometimes,

but um...you know, hopefully, we're in the hardest,

but the tail end of it.

-I need to ask your advice about something. -Mmm-hmm.

You know that Alec has to go to New Mexico soon?

Yep.

Do we all go?

Do we stay together because that's what we're used to.

I mean, we're a very tight-knit family. We're always together.

Do I stay with the kids?

And he goes and has to do that by himself?

I don't know what to do, and I know that any decision I make

will have some very wrong things about it.

Or will feel wrong.

Or will feel wrong. I mean, there's no way to make any of this feel better.

And I know that I'm gonna get criticized, no matter what.

I'm gonna get criticized if I go, and then I'm a bad mom.

And I have left my kids.

I'm gonna get criticized

if I stay, then I'm a bad wife.

I'm going to, you know, if I bring them, I'm using them as a pawn,

-you know? -That's why I think you have to try to remove

that from the equation.

You can't be worried about what other people are going to think about it.

You have to just worry about how to get through it with your kids.

-Yeah. -The kids are already anxious about this,

I mean, Carmen is anxious to begin with.

She's always concerned about her brothers,

her sisters, like, that's her personality.

So, this has already... has her on edge, and she's older.

She knows more what's going on.

No, you're right.

She came to me and she started to cry,

and she said, "I'm afraid that when you and Daddy go into court,

that somebody's gonna shoot you.

I can't lose both of my parents.

-They're gonna... they're gonna hurt you" -Right-

"And you're not gonna come back."

I don't think that her feelings are justified,

but she's too young to, like, she just has to be made to feel safe.

I always try to be as honest as possible with them,

and you get to a point where you're like, "Well, I don't know,

but I think so."

-And that for a kid... -Yeah.

-...is not good enough. -It's scary.

So, it's hard to... um... especially when there's, you know, real consequences

that... um...

[clicks tongue] that are looming.

And I don't know how I'm gonna parent.

I don't think...I don't know how you could know.

Like, I don't think that that's something that anybody would be prepared for.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

-[Hilaria] Okay, here we go. -[kids chattering]

I'm gonna go very slowly-

There's a horse.

-Daddy, there's two... -[Hilaria] Which horse is that?

You guys remember which one that is?

-Sonadore. -[Hilaria speaking Spanish]

-Sonadore. -Sonadore, and there's also...

Sonadore is mine!

-Pumpkin. -And Pumpkin. I saw Pumpkin the other day.

When something bad happens and you have to look at the kids,

and you have to say, "You know, I'm gonna put a smile on my face

and we're gonna fake it."

-Okay. -[kids chattering]

We're coming in for the big landing here.

-[Hilaria] All right. -[kids chattering]

Apollo 11, we've landed on the moon.

It's extraordinarily difficult when you feel so horrible inside and so scared.

[Alec] You want me to carry the baby?

You want Daddy to carry you? Come here with Daddy, oh, who's a big girl?

-[kids chattering] -There's a lot of horsies.

-[Alec] Would you, baby? -[child] They're into the poop.

-Hi, Pack! -[Alec] With...

the trial inching closer, inching closer, I'm just trying

really hard to have time with them individually.

It's time that they can't get back, I don't want to have that regret.

[Hilaria] Let's go get the stuff and go clean the poop.

We're going to shovel the poop?

-We are gonna shovel the poop. -Oh, wow.

[Alec] I'm the best poop shoveler around here.

Lu, don't ever say I didn't pass anything on to you.

I think all children are so connected to their parents.

They take a lot of things off their parents.

Do you want that one?

Okay, here. Come here.

Here, boogie.

When I was a kid and we were home,

and home wasn't at all what we might have hoped it would be.

My dad was always, you know, a little on edge.

He was financially struggling every day of his life, every.

Had six kids and no money.

My mother had no help.

She... there was a period in my mother's life

where she popped a bunch of pills and went to sleep every day,

and she was really, really... she was, like, she was just lost.

[Hilaria] It's okay.

-[Hilaria] It's okay. -[Alec] Let me just call Emily really quickly.

This is urgent.

Oh, oh!

[Romeo] Your anniversary is literally on Sunday.

[Alec] Then I left home and I didn't have a home.

I walked around for 35 years, I didn't have a home.

And when I met Hilaria, I had a home.

It's the white gold pearl earrings, morning dew earrings.

Can you overnight 'em tomorrow for Saturday delivery?

I wanted this. I wanted kids.

To walk into a door and really just feel like...

there was home.

[Hilaria] If you want, I can wipe off your face paint, okay?

We have been parenting

from a near empty tank.

Hey, Lu Lu, will you help me?

-Will you help me give a present to Daddy? -[baby crying]

And while I always try to be fun, my kids, like many, many kids,

are intuitive and they're smart.

Where's Dad?

Uh... I think hopefully, he's coming.

And they know when I am coming

from a place of a pit in my stomach.

-[Carmen] Love you. -Hmm.

[Alec] Romeo. Is she okay?

[Hilaria] Yeah, she's just mad.

All right, guys, can you get this to Daddy?

Where's the card that I had?

Daddy.

All right, guys. Here, guys.

-[kids chattering] -[Hilaria] Okay, one second.

[complaining indistinctly]

Don't get it wet on anything, please.

Will you give that- Hey.

-[Hilaria] Here, come. -[Alec] Is this a Harry Potter...

-It's a Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter. -...a key ring?

Who is that?

[kid shouting] Mom.

[Hilaria] Wait, no, she can't have popcorn, she's a baby.

[kid] Mom, stop.

There's multiple things in there, okay?

[Alec] Pearls.

Pearls and there might be beads.

-[kids chattering] -[Alec] Wait, wait, wait. Don't touch that.

Wait, those are mine, hold on.

No, no, no. Don't do that.

And you made me drop one.

Now, this is a necklace to wear around my neck.

[Hilaria] Mmm-hmm.

-Is it gonna fit me? -I don't know.

[all chattering]

You know somebody long enough, you'd think...

-[Hilaria] Thiis is St. Michael. -[Alec] Can I look and see?

This is St. Michael. He is... he is the saint of protection.

Let's get his cell phone number.

[Hilaria] I think one of the most important things

when we are facing challenges is to know

that there is something bigger than us.

Regardless of what you believe.

Because faith will guide us

out of this dark period.

Listen to me. Did you see what. .. did you see what I gave Daddy?

What is the last part made in Spanish?

-Because I can't read, my eyes are so bad. -[Hilaria] Okay.

[speaking Spanish]

What does that mean?

May God bless you today and forever.

Maybe it'll fit you. It'll be like a choker.

-[kids screaming] -Mommy!

[Alec] Okay, I'll put this around.

-[kids chattering] -Look at this...look at...

-Really? -No, no, no, not even close.

-[kids crying] -Go inside, Eduardo.

I would like to try to figure out, not now,

how we're gonna get that off of his face.

It will come off, Alec, let him be a kid, it's just face paint.

-Go ahead. -Listen.

I know.

You know what?

-Mom, I wanna go in the pool. -Let's go.

[Hilaria] But, just... just for like... literally give me 10 minutes.

-Mom, I wanna go in the pool. -Let's go.

But, just... just for like... literally give me 10 minutes.

-[Hilaria] Ten... ten... -[kid] I wanna take a shower.

Okay, Carmen's gonna go give you a spa.

-[Carmen] No, I'm not. -[Hilaria] Carmen, yes, you are.

Come on, yes. Come.

What did I get my wife?

Well, I kinda hit the ball right down the middle.

So...

here we go.

[exhales]

Hey.

That was a traumatic present.

It was supposed to be meaningful. Okay, wait. Let me try again.

So, you have a box, that's protection,

and then inside the box is the silk.

-Uh... -Real silk.

A pocket square.

-Silk, it's perfect. That's a beautiful... -It is real silk.

-That was real silk. Not the pearls, but it's real silk. -I love it.

Anyway,

I want you to think that you're never alone and you're protected.

-I know that. -Did you open up my card?

Yes.

You gave me a card, you wrapped it and you opened it up for me.

Well, yeah, because I wanted to hasten this along.

Oh, my gosh, this is the 12-year,

is the express... the express anniversary.

"H, very soon, this will be behind us and then we can rebuild our lives.

We have so many reasons to move on in peace. Love, A."

We're going to.

Now, you know, when you think of pearls

and you want to get something that's kind of nice.

Okay, so you went for the real pearls?

We don't... you don't know that.

You don't know that I ordered smelly, rotten oysters and...

[Hilaria] I went for the vegan pearls except...

-Now, I know you, I know you. -From the dead... from the dead oysters.

And, you probably won't like these.

I like them.

This is where our age difference sometimes, like-

Your generation has no taste and my generation has sublime taste.

Okay.

-Shall we? -Aw, they're so pretty.

That's very sweet. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. I love them.

-Thank you. -I think it's pretty.

How are you feeling about me coming with you?

-I want to be there. -Let's not ruin our anniversary.

It's on my mind.

My mind is not made up.

We've got to go to New Mexico because Alec has to go on trial and we're deciding,

do I go with Alec?

Or do I stay with the kids?

He wants me to stay here with the kids.

But he's also the kind of guy that will never ask for help.

And he's like, if he's sick, he will...

he's like the animal that will go off into the woods and just die alone.

He's really bad at asking for help,

Which means that I have to be there, I'll have to take care of him.

Don't you think it's gonna be easier for you if I'm there with you?

Um... it depends on how it's going.

If we walk out of there after day three and four, and five,

and these guys are coming back with us saying

that they're very encouraged by the way things went down.

Great, then we're in pretty good shape.

I want to protect her.

I don't want her to suffer if she gets pulled into this and it's been tough on her.

-You know, I'm just, uh... -You don't want me to be there if you feel like

it's not going well.

I think for any reason it didn't go well...

um...

If it doesn't go well, we have to sell those earrings right away.

[laughs] I'll keep them in good shape.

I'm gonna bring the baby, and then Carmen, I think,

is gonna come and help me with her.

And hopefully she'll... because I'm afraid to,

you know, I just... I'm very afraid to leave all the kids here.

You okay?

We've been through a lot, you know.

I don't know where I'd be without you.

I say this all the time, but I'm very grateful to you.

You've been very patient.

I know a lot of people who would say, who said I can't handle this, you know.

Yeah.

I wonder what our life is going to be like next year.

-[Alec] Don't go anywhere. -[Hilaria] Oh, I'm here.

I'm crazy, but I'm scrappy.

I'm very stubborn.

I don't ever want to be without you.

It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna be okay.

-Happy anniversary. -Happy anniversary.

[kids crying and chattering]

[Hilaria] I have never been away from all of my kids

for longer than going into the hospital and having a baby.

[reporter] Mr. Baldwin. Would you like to say anything?

What do we do if I don't bring him back from New Mexico?

This was an unspeakable tragedy.

[woman] Alec Baldwin acted recklessly.

[Hilaria] Where do you go from a tragedy?

Right here, guys.

[Hilaria] Hopefully, we can do the necessary healing.

I really want to make sure that we're being smart

about where do we go from here?

Two years, nine months of this. It changes you.

And for me, the stress and the pressure

of public life.

At my age, that's not good.

[Hilaria] Alec is a man born in the 1950s.

Asking for help is a difficult thing.

I do not want to go back to the life I had, I don't.

I don't care.

I don't want to go back, I don't.

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