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1
00:00:03,435 --> 00:00:05,269
[♪]
2
00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,282
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,283 --> 00:00:20,986
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:24,889
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪
5
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:29,060
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
6
00:00:29,061 --> 00:00:33,531
♪ you can't have one
without the other ♪
7
00:00:33,532 --> 00:00:35,767
♪ love and marriage ♪
8
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:38,402
♪ love and marriage ♪
9
00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:42,674
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪
10
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:46,611
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
11
00:00:46,612 --> 00:00:51,016
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
12
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:55,887
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
13
00:00:55,888 --> 00:00:59,524
♪ it's an illusion ♪
14
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:06,397
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
15
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,133
♪ to this conclusion ♪
16
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,135
♪ love and marriage ♪
17
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:19,644
Hey, peg. What's
for breakfast?
18
00:01:19,645 --> 00:01:20,812
Nothing.
19
00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:23,381
We had that
yesterday....
20
00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:26,384
But you sure know
how to make it.
21
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:29,788
Whose mail did the mailman
bring by mistake today?
22
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:31,289
Steve and marcie's.
23
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,791
They get such good magazines.
24
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,259
Should we keep their
architectural digest?
25
00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:37,562
Aw, why not? It'll impress
steve and marcie
26
00:01:37,563 --> 00:01:40,565
When they see it
on our couch.
27
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:42,067
What else did we get?
28
00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:43,634
Well, here's a letter
29
00:01:43,635 --> 00:01:45,570
From steve's friend
in west germany
30
00:01:45,571 --> 00:01:47,572
That he
plays chess with.
31
00:01:47,573 --> 00:01:49,240
Oh, look. It's
steve's turn.
32
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:50,641
Let's see.
33
00:01:50,642 --> 00:01:55,346
I think I'll move the
queen over here...
34
00:01:55,347 --> 00:01:57,749
Where
no one else is.
35
00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:00,484
I know that's where
I'd like to be.
36
00:02:00,485 --> 00:02:02,486
Since you're
doing your life,
37
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:03,922
Why don't you
lay the king down
38
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:06,024
And have those two horses
run back and forth over him?
39
00:02:07,559 --> 00:02:09,094
One move at a time, al.
40
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,595
Hey, look at this.
41
00:02:10,596 --> 00:02:12,597
Steve and marcie got invited
to fill out an application
42
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:15,566
For some new tv game show,
how do I love thee?
43
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:18,069
Oh, that's that game
show for newlyweds.
44
00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:21,072
Yeah, it's coming
to chicago for one week only.
45
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,607
We'll keep that.
46
00:02:22,608 --> 00:02:24,175
We'll have fun filling
it out for them.
47
00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:27,112
Hey, look at this.
48
00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:28,546
Steve and marcie's phone bill
is $200.
49
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:32,550
What a pair of morons to spend
that much time on the phone.
50
00:02:32,551 --> 00:02:35,319
Look. There must be 100 calls
to 976 numbers.
51
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,621
What losers.
52
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,090
That's our phone bill, al.
53
00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:46,364
Hey, mom, my clothes,
they smell...Clean.
54
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:49,868
And my sweater, you can
tell what color it is.
55
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:50,869
Yeah, look.
56
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:56,507
You got those grass
stains off the back.
57
00:02:56,508 --> 00:02:59,978
I told you, I fell.
58
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,480
That's it, kids.
Let's hear it for your mom.
59
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:03,982
We're always quick
to criticize her
60
00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:06,985
When she doesn't wash or cook
or clean or scrub, or...
61
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,487
Well, let's face it.
She does nothing.
62
00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:11,489
But you've got to admit,
after all these years,
63
00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:15,393
She's finally found a way
how to get our clothes clean.
64
00:03:15,394 --> 00:03:16,928
[doorbell rings]
65
00:03:20,532 --> 00:03:22,033
Here's your laundry.
66
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,535
I'm sorry it took so long,
67
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:28,673
But al's shorts were
particularly tricky today.
68
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:33,211
Thank you, mrs. Rhoades.
69
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,814
Good work,
mrs. Rhoades.
70
00:03:38,383 --> 00:03:41,286
Look, peggy, I know your
washing machine's broken,
71
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,055
But when I offered
to help 16 days ago,
72
00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:46,224
I thought al would have
fixed it by now.
73
00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:49,660
Yeah, me too,
but then I just gave up.
74
00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:52,730
I'll get you today's load,
marce.
75
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:56,201
Oh. You get
architectural digest?
76
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:59,570
We used to.
I wonder what happened.
77
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:02,106
Well, maybe you
should resubscribe.
78
00:04:02,107 --> 00:04:04,608
It's an excellent magazine.
79
00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:05,776
[doorbell rings]
80
00:04:05,777 --> 00:04:07,611
You want to get that, marcie?
81
00:04:16,688 --> 00:04:19,623
Uh, marcie, before
I go to work...
82
00:04:19,624 --> 00:04:21,125
I was
just wondering.
83
00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:23,627
You think you
could find some time
84
00:04:23,628 --> 00:04:26,097
To do any
of my laundry?
85
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:29,033
Look, steve.
I have a job too, you know.
86
00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:30,701
I'm putting a stop
to this right now.
87
00:04:30,702 --> 00:04:32,303
I thought I hit
a new low yesterday
88
00:04:32,304 --> 00:04:34,405
When I went to work
in my nehru jacket,
89
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,908
But obviously
I was mistaken.
90
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,409
Take your own crusted laundry,
91
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:42,080
Beat it against a rock,
but keep it out of our house.
92
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,249
But our washing
machine's broken.
93
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,383
No, it isn't.
94
00:04:45,384 --> 00:04:46,617
It's married to me,
and I'm taking it back.
95
00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:49,420
Hey, look, steve,
what do you want us to do?
96
00:04:49,421 --> 00:04:51,055
Start paying
for the detergent?
97
00:04:51,056 --> 00:04:53,324
They weren't paying
for detergent?
98
00:04:53,325 --> 00:04:57,528
Well, I felt
uncomfortable asking.
99
00:04:57,529 --> 00:04:59,463
Well, the free ride
is over.
100
00:04:59,464 --> 00:05:00,865
Hey, here's a radical thought.
101
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:02,867
Why don't you take your laundry
to the laundromat
102
00:05:02,868 --> 00:05:03,968
And do it yourself?
103
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:07,939
Ha ha! I'm not going
to the laundromat.
104
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:10,408
Why don't you buy
a new washing machine?
105
00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:12,410
Gee, steve, I'm a little
short this week.
106
00:05:12,411 --> 00:05:14,913
I got my paycheck.
107
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:20,919
Well, maybe we could
loan you the money--
108
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,453
Excuse us.
109
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:27,425
No. Please.
110
00:05:27,426 --> 00:05:29,127
Money is
important to me.
111
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,361
They are not.
112
00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:33,398
Oh, steve.
It's only $500.
113
00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,933
It's worth it.
114
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,902
Have you seen
their laundry?
115
00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:39,904
Marcie, I am putting
my foot down.
116
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:42,907
That is, if it's
okay with you.
117
00:05:42,908 --> 00:05:46,911
That $500 is going
for a super vhs...
118
00:05:46,912 --> 00:05:50,748
For the bedroom.
119
00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:52,083
Oh, steve.
120
00:05:52,084 --> 00:05:55,019
Well, it was going
to be a surprise.
121
00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,587
You're wonderful.
122
00:05:56,588 --> 00:05:59,623
To hell with them.
123
00:05:59,624 --> 00:06:02,327
Could we have
a loan from your bank?
124
00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:06,697
Gee, I hate them.
125
00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:09,200
Well, so much
for clean clothes.
126
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:12,203
Peg, I didn't want
to say this in front of them,
127
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:15,073
But you could go
to the laundromat.
128
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:16,574
Oh, be serious, al.
129
00:06:16,575 --> 00:06:18,742
Now, what are we going to do?
130
00:06:18,743 --> 00:06:21,045
I don't know, peg,
but I'll tell you one thing.
131
00:06:21,046 --> 00:06:22,580
They're not getting
their mail from me.
132
00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:23,681
I know.
133
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:24,849
Why don't we burn
that application
134
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:26,150
To the game show?
135
00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:29,653
You know, al, they give away
prizes on those shows.
136
00:06:29,654 --> 00:06:32,023
Ha ha. Even better.
They won't get any now.
137
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:33,524
No, honey.
138
00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:36,027
I mean prizes, you know,
like washing machines.
139
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,029
Look, peg, they don't
need one.
140
00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:42,066
Listen, machiavelli,
all we have to do
141
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:45,470
Is fill out that application
as steve and marcie,
142
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,738
Put our address down
as their address,
143
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:49,640
And get on the show.
144
00:06:49,641 --> 00:06:52,477
Yeah. Maybe we could
win a washer/dryer.
145
00:06:52,478 --> 00:06:57,681
Wow.
146
00:06:57,682 --> 00:06:59,750
That's much
better than my idea
147
00:06:59,751 --> 00:07:01,719
Of going on the show,
losing,
148
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,087
And coming home
with nothing.
149
00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:05,390
Well, you know, someone's
got to do the thinking
150
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:06,991
For us, peg.
151
00:07:08,293 --> 00:07:10,395
[♪]
152
00:07:13,965 --> 00:07:21,372
[applause]
153
00:07:21,373 --> 00:07:24,942
Hello there, and welcome
to how do I love thee?
154
00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:27,111
The game show
that dares to ask
155
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:30,148
"how do I love thee?"
156
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:31,782
For those of you
who are totally ignorant
157
00:07:31,783 --> 00:07:33,717
Of today's superstars,
158
00:07:33,718 --> 00:07:35,786
I'm bink winkleman.
159
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:40,258
[faint applause]
160
00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:41,959
Thank you.
161
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,761
Here's our own
little piece of fluff
162
00:07:43,762 --> 00:07:46,431
That the network
thrust upon me--
163
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,466
The lovely zelda.
164
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,202
[applause]
165
00:07:57,509 --> 00:07:59,510
Yes, soon to be
appearing naked
166
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:03,247
In squish magazine.
167
00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:05,716
Now, just a little reminder
of what we're all about.
168
00:08:05,717 --> 00:08:07,385
We take two
newly married couples
169
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:08,852
And find out how much
170
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,321
They're willing to
torture their loved ones
171
00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:12,523
For cheap prizes.
172
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:15,059
Sound good? You betcha!
173
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,628
Then let
the games begin!
174
00:08:17,629 --> 00:08:20,931
Right, bink.
175
00:08:20,932 --> 00:08:24,268
Okay.
176
00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:26,270
Now let's meet
our loving couples.
177
00:08:26,271 --> 00:08:28,573
First, from
cow lake, wisconsin,
178
00:08:28,574 --> 00:08:30,508
They've been married
16 months.
179
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:31,709
He's a tv repairman.
180
00:08:31,710 --> 00:08:34,011
She's a directory
assistance operator.
181
00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:36,114
Meet roland
and mona squab!
182
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:38,749
[applause]
183
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:48,792
And their opponents
from chicago, illinois,
184
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:50,194
Married 13 months.
185
00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:51,829
He's a banker.
She's a bankette.
186
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,931
Meet lovebirds
steve and marcie rhoades.
187
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:56,100
[applause]
188
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:11,315
God, I love you.
189
00:09:11,316 --> 00:09:13,484
Come on now,
mr. Rhoades.
190
00:09:13,485 --> 00:09:16,220
Leave the lovely
zelda alone.
191
00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:18,422
Who knows where
she's been?
192
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:22,893
Okay, any questions
before we get to our game?
193
00:09:22,894 --> 00:09:23,927
Uh, yeah.
194
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:27,165
Hey, bink, do you
know bob barker?
195
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,899
Okay.
196
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,735
Let's play howdo I love thee?
197
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,737
Lovely zelda,
will you take our wives
198
00:09:33,738 --> 00:09:36,240
Over to our
love test area?
199
00:09:36,241 --> 00:09:37,175
Right, bink.
200
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,549
We can't bear
to be apart.
201
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,884
Audience: Aww...
202
00:09:46,885 --> 00:09:49,453
Mr. Rhoades, would you like
to kiss your wife goodbye?
203
00:09:49,454 --> 00:09:52,956
Only if it really
was goodbye.
204
00:09:56,728 --> 00:10:00,731
Okay, husbands, now, we know
you love your little fillies.
205
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:04,602
Let's see how much you love
our first little prize.
206
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,637
What's the prize,
lovely zelda?
207
00:10:06,638 --> 00:10:10,374
It's a bowling ball, bink.
208
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:13,143
A pretty one.
209
00:10:15,947 --> 00:10:21,319
Okay, hubbies,
let's earn those balls.
210
00:10:29,494 --> 00:10:32,996
Now, the man who's willing
to set aside his love
211
00:10:32,997 --> 00:10:35,299
And spin his wife
the fastest
212
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,867
Wins the ball.
213
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:41,205
Uh, steve, remember, honey,
you already have a bowling ball.
214
00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:44,742
Ready to spin, bink!
215
00:10:44,743 --> 00:10:46,244
Now, remember the coin toss,
steve.
216
00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:49,012
Roland won the right
to go first.
217
00:10:49,013 --> 00:10:50,514
Roland?
218
00:10:51,683 --> 00:10:54,151
It's for
a bowling ball, dear.
219
00:10:54,152 --> 00:10:57,087
You deserve it.
220
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:01,692
[♪]
221
00:11:05,964 --> 00:11:08,966
I couldn't bear to see her
up there like that, bink.
222
00:11:08,967 --> 00:11:12,503
You came to play,
roland.
223
00:11:12,504 --> 00:11:17,608
Steve, do you think you
can beat 1/4 of a turn?
224
00:11:17,609 --> 00:11:21,111
Well, let us see,
shall we?
225
00:11:22,547 --> 00:11:25,549
Uh...Steve, it won't
take much to win now.
226
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,718
All you have to do
is spin me--
227
00:11:27,719 --> 00:11:28,719
Aah!
228
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,989
Aah!
229
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:36,560
Whoa! You really like
bowling, eh, steve?
230
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:38,763
Well, what the hell?
231
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,230
It's all for fun,
right?
232
00:11:40,231 --> 00:11:42,600
Give me
my bowling ball.
233
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,735
Looks like marcie's
going to be spinning
234
00:11:44,736 --> 00:11:47,237
For a while,
235
00:11:47,238 --> 00:11:49,540
So why don't we take
a little commercial break?
236
00:11:49,541 --> 00:11:52,643
Don't go away.
I know marcie won't.
237
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:53,678
[♪]
238
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,446
[peg screaming]
239
00:12:02,053 --> 00:12:05,155
[♪]
240
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:10,060
Looks like marcie's
off the wheel.
241
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:12,196
Let's bring her out.
242
00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:18,536
Over this way, marcie.
243
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,947
Come on now, kids.
244
00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:33,351
Marcie, your chance
is coming up right now.
245
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:34,952
Lovely zelda,
246
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:38,088
Would you like to take
our husbands backstage?
247
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:40,157
Right, bink.
248
00:12:48,032 --> 00:12:50,200
Bink, steve won't let me touch
the lovely zelda.
249
00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:53,771
Well, then, you won't be
at the clinic getting a shot.
250
00:12:59,043 --> 00:13:01,679
Okay, lovely zelda, would you
like to show our ladies
251
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,247
What they'll
be competing for?
252
00:13:03,248 --> 00:13:05,449
It's this lovely watch.
253
00:13:12,156 --> 00:13:13,591
You got to wonder
what she'd do
254
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:19,062
If it was a lovely hat.
255
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,599
All right, ladies, would you
like that watch?
256
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,700
It's swell, bink.
257
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,034
Marcie?
258
00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:27,037
Oh, bink, that's the prettiest
watch I've ever seen.
259
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:30,441
All my life I've wanted
a watch like that.
260
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:32,476
Nail him
to the wheel, bink.
261
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:34,712
No wheel this time, marcie.
262
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,980
Lovely zelda,
the curtain, if you please.
263
00:13:43,288 --> 00:13:45,956
We call this
a heavy problem.
264
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:48,859
Lovely zelda, would you
bring out the fat women, please?
265
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,968
Now, the idea here is this.
266
00:13:57,969 --> 00:13:59,470
Your wives will determine
267
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:01,972
How many of these
full-figured women
268
00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:05,075
Will get to sit
on top of you.
269
00:14:05,076 --> 00:14:07,511
We quit, bink.
270
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:09,647
Pour them on, bink!
271
00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:12,650
Remember, the wife
that cries "uncle" first
272
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:13,918
Loses her chance
at the watch.
273
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,753
But roland could be hurt.
274
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:18,622
That's what we're here for.
275
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,458
Do we want to talk,
276
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,093
Or do we want
to squash some man?
277
00:14:23,094 --> 00:14:24,862
Audience: Squash! Squash!
278
00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,130
You're a lucky man.
279
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:30,701
All right, ladies,
you're in charge.
280
00:14:30,702 --> 00:14:32,470
Mona, go for it.
281
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:37,307
But, bink, they're
so...Large.
282
00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:38,809
God, you're dull.
283
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:41,946
All right, marcie, want to
show her how it's done?
284
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:46,717
You betcha, bink!
Start the herd!
285
00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:51,154
That's one ton!
286
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:54,224
That's two tons!
287
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:57,260
That's three tons!
288
00:14:57,261 --> 00:15:00,764
Gee, this is so much fun.
Come on, gals.
289
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:07,538
Aah!
290
00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:10,340
How you doing
down there, steve?
291
00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:16,179
I can taste my spleen.
292
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:18,348
Well, mrs. Rhoades,
293
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:20,651
Looks like
you won the watch.
294
00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:26,524
Hi, mom.
295
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,559
You want to go
for the record?
296
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,394
Why not, bink?
297
00:15:30,395 --> 00:15:33,130
Here comes bertha.
298
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:41,605
Well, it's time to
bid adieu to the squabs.
299
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:42,740
Goodbye, squabs.
300
00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:46,710
We lost, mona.
301
00:15:46,711 --> 00:15:48,178
I don't care,
sweetheart.
302
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:49,914
I just couldn't bear
the thought of you
303
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:52,950
In the killer bee
booth.
304
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:56,453
[applause]
305
00:15:56,454 --> 00:16:00,323
By the way, you're
an excellent player.
306
00:16:00,324 --> 00:16:04,428
Hmm. Well, we can always
use another toaster.
307
00:16:04,429 --> 00:16:07,731
Well, mrs. Rhoades,
before we total up your prizes,
308
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:11,569
Let's just see if your husband
is conscious yet.
309
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,703
Lovely zelda.
310
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:22,846
How are you feeling,
mr. Rhoades?
311
00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:24,848
My tongue's
a little swollen
312
00:16:24,849 --> 00:16:26,817
From the bee stings,
bink.
313
00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:30,588
Well, let's take a moment here
314
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:33,223
To find out
a little bit about you.
315
00:16:33,224 --> 00:16:35,158
So, steve, you're
in the bank biz.
316
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:36,159
What's it like?
317
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,696
How the hell
would I know?
318
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:41,632
Ooh, irritable. Marcie?
319
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,234
Well, mostly we take out
these big fancy ads
320
00:16:44,235 --> 00:16:46,904
Telling people
to come for a loan,
321
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:49,773
And then we laugh at
them when they do.
322
00:16:49,774 --> 00:16:51,274
Now, what did we win?
323
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:54,277
Let's see. You won
the bowling ball, the watch,
324
00:16:54,278 --> 00:16:55,646
And, of course,
325
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,815
Your record-breaking stay
in the killer bee booth
326
00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,416
Netted you a toaster,
327
00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:00,618
But more important,
328
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,853
You're entitled
to this week's grand prize,
329
00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:04,955
Which is a washer/dryer!
330
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:07,491
Oh! Ha ha ha ha!
331
00:17:07,492 --> 00:17:09,226
Aah!
332
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:12,830
Happy, steve?
333
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,099
It's kind of hard
to talk here, bink.
334
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,433
Okay.
335
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:20,303
Marcie, you can take your prizes
and go home right now,
336
00:17:20,304 --> 00:17:23,406
Or you can risk
what you've won so far,
337
00:17:23,407 --> 00:17:25,809
Send your husband back
into our torture chamber,
338
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:28,578
And go for
our super grand prize.
339
00:17:28,579 --> 00:17:30,413
What is it? What
is it? What is it?
340
00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:32,349
This brand-new car!
341
00:17:33,484 --> 00:17:37,788
Ohh! Ah ha ha ha!
Ah ha ha ha!
342
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:41,291
[laughing]
343
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:47,297
Why don't you
just give her a rifle
344
00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:50,734
And have her shoot me?
345
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:55,973
Too easy, steve.
346
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:57,708
Now, remember, if you lose,
you lose everything,
347
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,010
But if you win,
you win everything.
348
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:02,846
What do you think
marcie will do?
349
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:07,217
I love it!
I love it! I love it!
350
00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:10,587
Gee, bink,
I don't know.
351
00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:12,690
We'll risk it, bink.
352
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:15,659
She's some competitor,
eh, folks?
353
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,062
[applause]
354
00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:24,467
Ready, steve?
355
00:18:24,468 --> 00:18:26,570
What's it going to be, bink,
356
00:18:26,571 --> 00:18:29,707
The old hand grenade
down the pants?
357
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,508
Spear in the pelvis?
358
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:33,376
Impale me on a fence?
359
00:18:33,377 --> 00:18:35,045
Come on, bink, don't keep me
in suspense.
360
00:18:35,046 --> 00:18:37,314
The wife needs a new car.
361
00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:39,516
Okay, steve.
362
00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:40,818
You and marcie
363
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,653
Are going to be going up against
an old married couple
364
00:18:43,654 --> 00:18:46,957
Who may not love each other
as much as you and your bride.
365
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:48,225
As always, we picked them
366
00:18:48,226 --> 00:18:50,560
From our studio audience
for the way
367
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:52,562
They filled out
our questionnaire,
368
00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:54,564
"why I hate my spouse."
369
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:57,500
From right here
in the windy city,
370
00:18:57,501 --> 00:18:59,103
He's a shoe salesman.
371
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:02,106
She's a waste
of a human life.
372
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:05,909
Married 16 years,
meet al and peggy bundy!
373
00:19:05,910 --> 00:19:07,477
[applause]
374
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:23,593
Bundys, meet the rhoades.
375
00:19:23,594 --> 00:19:28,565
So, you stole our mail
and our names, huh?
376
00:19:28,566 --> 00:19:29,566
How'd you find out?
377
00:19:29,567 --> 00:19:32,636
Your kids sold you out
for a square meal.
378
00:19:35,073 --> 00:19:36,606
How could you?
379
00:19:36,607 --> 00:19:38,909
For prizes.
380
00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:42,112
All right, now that you've
wished each other good luck,
381
00:19:42,113 --> 00:19:45,849
Gentlemen...
To your electric chairs!
382
00:19:51,489 --> 00:19:53,991
[♪]
383
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:01,832
I welcome death.
384
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:05,135
Steve, I didn't know
385
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:06,636
They'd have
electric chairs.
386
00:20:06,637 --> 00:20:08,305
Doesn't matter,
marcie.
387
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:09,739
Juice me till I'm ash.
388
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:12,042
They're not
getting that car.
389
00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:24,822
See you on the other side,
rhoades.
390
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:26,456
All right, ladies.
391
00:20:26,457 --> 00:20:29,592
Now, when you're
turning up the dials,
392
00:20:29,593 --> 00:20:35,899
Remember, ease it up...
Or you'll kill them.
393
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,936
Now, the one who cranks
the most juice into her hubby
394
00:20:38,937 --> 00:20:40,871
Gets to drive off in that car,
395
00:20:40,872 --> 00:20:43,807
And, kids, remember,
don't try this at home.
396
00:20:43,808 --> 00:20:44,808
Ready.
397
00:20:44,809 --> 00:20:47,010
That car is ours.
398
00:20:47,011 --> 00:20:50,948
You get that car
over al's dead body.
399
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,883
All right, ladies,
we'll alternate.
400
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:54,852
Peggy, would you start us off?
401
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:58,021
Yaa! More!
402
00:20:58,022 --> 00:20:59,456
Marcie.
403
00:20:59,457 --> 00:21:01,992
Aah! Less!
404
00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:05,762
We have 30 here, 35 here.
Do I hear 40?
405
00:21:05,763 --> 00:21:07,898
I don't think
I can.
406
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:10,700
A woman's place
is in the home.
407
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:11,902
Good! Good!
408
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:15,772
Hey, audience,
look at him twitch!
409
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:18,775
[applause]
410
00:21:18,776 --> 00:21:20,777
I won't go
any higher.
411
00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:21,778
Will you?
412
00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,646
No!
413
00:21:23,647 --> 00:21:25,482
Aw, come on, honey.
414
00:21:25,483 --> 00:21:28,252
It's for a car!
415
00:21:33,758 --> 00:21:35,259
What a car.
416
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:37,794
I can't wait
to drive it.
417
00:21:37,795 --> 00:21:38,962
Oh, come on, al.
418
00:21:38,963 --> 00:21:41,899
Stop sulking
and get on in here.
419
00:22:03,854 --> 00:22:07,457
[television turns on]
420
00:22:07,458 --> 00:22:09,759
Wow! It's so rad!
421
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,696
How long is he going to
be able to do that?
422
00:22:13,697 --> 00:22:16,166
Well, we're not really sure,
423
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:19,736
But don't give him
any water.
424
00:22:19,737 --> 00:22:22,172
Okay, kids who wants to go
for a ride in the car?
425
00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:24,507
I do!
Me!
426
00:22:28,212 --> 00:22:29,346
[tv turns off]
427
00:22:43,327 --> 00:22:45,528
[♪]
29488
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