Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,916
♪ love and marriage ♪
2
00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:21,219
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:24,589
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪
4
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:28,760
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
5
00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:30,662
♪ you can't have one ♪
6
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,197
♪ without the other ♪
7
00:00:33,198 --> 00:00:35,299
♪ love and marriage ♪
8
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:38,603
♪ love and marriage ♪
9
00:00:38,604 --> 00:00:42,641
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪
10
00:00:42,642 --> 00:00:46,377
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
11
00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:51,082
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
12
00:00:51,083 --> 00:00:56,121
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
13
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,390
♪ it's an illusion ♪
14
00:00:59,391 --> 00:01:02,093
♪ try, try, try ♪
15
00:01:02,094 --> 00:01:07,899
♪ and you will only come
to this conclusion ♪
16
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:10,301
♪ love and marriage ♪
17
00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:20,411
Uh, mom, are you going
to make any breakfast today?
18
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:24,015
Nah, I'm not hungry.
19
00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,651
Well, maybe tomorrow.
20
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,856
Hey, did anybody hear
any noises last night?
21
00:01:31,857 --> 00:01:34,492
Well, your father had gas.
22
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:41,566
No. These were noises
I never heard before.
23
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:42,867
Well, then
it could have been
24
00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:44,803
A girl
moaning your name.
25
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:50,508
Al: Peg! We're out
of toilet paper!
26
00:01:52,411 --> 00:01:53,678
Daddy's up.
27
00:01:57,049 --> 00:02:00,018
Use some tissues.
28
00:02:00,019 --> 00:02:02,854
Where are
the tissues?
29
00:02:02,855 --> 00:02:07,525
On the top shelf
of the linen closet.
30
00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:08,893
I think.
31
00:02:08,894 --> 00:02:12,831
You need anything
while I'm up?
32
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,834
Well, daddy's going
to be in a mood.
33
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:18,402
Just tell him
I went shopping.
34
00:02:18,403 --> 00:02:19,804
Could you get us some milk?
35
00:02:19,805 --> 00:02:21,339
[laughs]
36
00:02:24,376 --> 00:02:27,178
Did you hear any
noises last night, kel?
37
00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:28,479
I mean, for a while,
38
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,414
I thought they were
coming from your room,
39
00:02:30,415 --> 00:02:32,984
But they weren't
the usual noises.
40
00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:35,120
You know, the whispers,
41
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,688
"quiet. You'll wake up
my parents."
42
00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:39,157
Then the muffled sound
of eight footsteps
43
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:41,259
Heading for the window.
44
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:42,493
Then the sound
of loose change
45
00:02:42,494 --> 00:02:45,329
Hitting the pillow.
46
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,531
You know, bud,
47
00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:50,468
With your good looks, I think
that you should be a model.
48
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:53,704
I mean, I could see it now,
your little face on a poster
49
00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:54,906
With the caption,
50
00:02:54,907 --> 00:02:58,243
"my daddy didn't use a condom."
51
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,854
You know, I had a horrible dream
last night.
52
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:12,523
There was this big mosquito
53
00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:17,495
With a huge red head
and tight pants...
54
00:03:17,496 --> 00:03:18,863
Hovering over me,
55
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:21,800
Sucking money
from my wallet.
56
00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:26,404
Then it wanted a kiss.
57
00:03:26,405 --> 00:03:29,040
By the way,
where is your mother?
58
00:03:29,041 --> 00:03:31,843
Uh, she went
shopping.
59
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:34,279
The garage or basement?
60
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,414
Basement.
61
00:03:36,415 --> 00:03:37,816
Did you hear any noises
last night?
62
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:40,685
It might have been me sobbing,
son.
63
00:03:41,353 --> 00:03:42,921
Aah!
64
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:44,422
Aah!
65
00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:47,025
Oh! Oh! Aah!
66
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:49,027
Aw, jeez. What?
67
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,429
Oh, al, it was horrible.
It was terrible.
68
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:53,331
I've never been so scared
in my entire life.
69
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:56,167
What's the matter?
You see the vacuum?
70
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:00,104
No.
71
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,006
Al, it was a mouse.
72
00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:04,542
Oh, great. This was all
our life was missing.
73
00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:05,643
Kill it, al.
74
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:06,644
Well, don't worry.
75
00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:08,246
As soon as it sees
how we live,
76
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,315
It'll go away.
77
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,583
I know I would.
78
00:04:12,584 --> 00:04:14,618
No, al, you've got
to kill it.
79
00:04:14,619 --> 00:04:16,187
It was so
disgusting.
80
00:04:16,188 --> 00:04:17,222
Oh, hold me.
81
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,324
Oh, why?
82
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,125
I didn't do
anything wrong.
83
00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:26,530
Why are you so afraid
of a little mouse, anyway?
84
00:04:26,531 --> 00:04:30,768
Well, it all started
when I was five.
85
00:04:30,769 --> 00:04:32,303
You see,
86
00:04:32,304 --> 00:04:35,539
I found this little stray
chihuahua puppy in the yard.
87
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:38,843
I snuck it past mother
and I kept it in my room.
88
00:04:38,844 --> 00:04:42,313
I slept with it and snuggled it
and kissed it,
89
00:04:42,314 --> 00:04:44,015
And then one day, it got sick.
90
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,886
And still, you go on
kissing others.
91
00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:55,659
Anyway, I took it
to my kindergarten teacher,
92
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,229
And I said,
"what's wrong with my dog?"
93
00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:00,298
She said,
"that's not a dog, dear.
94
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,632
It's a mouse."
95
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,004
And then she threw up.
96
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:09,440
And then all the kids
threw up.
97
00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:12,110
And then, they made up
this little song about me.
98
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:14,112
♪ mouse in your face
worms in your hair ♪
99
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:15,646
♪ where's the little
mouse girl? ♪
100
00:05:15,647 --> 00:05:17,949
♪ there, there, there ♪
101
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,620
[snorting]
102
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:28,526
Well, that's sweet.
Thank you very much.
103
00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:31,362
Well, kids, I think we
learned something today.
104
00:05:31,363 --> 00:05:33,364
Don't touch your mother.
She has cooties.
105
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,573
Al, call an exterminator.
106
00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:46,844
Great. $50 for someone
to kill some stupid mouse?
107
00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:48,246
I'll take care of it after work.
108
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:49,948
I don't know
what the big deal is.
109
00:05:49,949 --> 00:05:52,183
I mean, what harm
can one little mouse do?
110
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:02,793
Well, that takes care
of that.
111
00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:03,828
The traps are set.
112
00:06:03,829 --> 00:06:06,697
That mouse has seconds to live.
113
00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:11,602
So as usual, it proves
that daddy's life is dirt,
114
00:06:11,603 --> 00:06:13,438
And, uh, he's defeated
the enemy.
115
00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,574
Don't be too sure, dad.
116
00:06:16,575 --> 00:06:17,808
It says right here
117
00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:18,809
That mice
are pretty intelligent.
118
00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:20,478
Yeah, right.
119
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:23,814
Look, bud, a mouse has a brain
about this big.
120
00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:26,951
Mine's at least
twice that size.
121
00:06:28,753 --> 00:06:30,955
Yeah, but if you
only use it half as much,
122
00:06:30,956 --> 00:06:33,091
It becomes
a fair fight again.
123
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,760
Dad, you cannot be serious.
124
00:06:36,761 --> 00:06:38,762
A mousetrap in my room?
125
00:06:38,763 --> 00:06:42,100
The guys under the bed
object, kel?
126
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,601
Dad, it's a humiliation.
127
00:06:43,602 --> 00:06:45,436
I mean, what are my friends
going to think
128
00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:47,538
When they come over and see
mousetraps all over the place?
129
00:06:47,539 --> 00:06:49,874
Well, they'll think that,
unlike mr. Bundy,
130
00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:52,543
The mouse gets to eat
before he dies.
131
00:06:52,544 --> 00:06:55,480
Mom, how long are we going
to have to live with this mouse?
132
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,982
Well, your father's
taking care of it.
133
00:06:57,983 --> 00:07:00,985
Oh, great. Might as well
build him a room.
134
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,653
Does anybody but me
think it's strange
135
00:07:02,654 --> 00:07:05,990
That with the three of you here,
it's the mouse I'm after?
136
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:08,192
Ah, look. I'm going bowling.
137
00:07:08,193 --> 00:07:09,693
Oh, no, you're not.
138
00:07:09,694 --> 00:07:12,196
You are not leaving
this family alone
139
00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:15,400
Until either you
or that mouse is dead.
140
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,902
Wow, what a horse race.
141
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:20,371
[mousetrap snaps]
142
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,841
He's done.
143
00:07:29,248 --> 00:07:30,748
What?
144
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:33,251
Why doesn't somebody
check the trap?
145
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:36,354
Well, I can't.
It's just too disgusting.
146
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,588
Oh, come on.
147
00:07:37,589 --> 00:07:39,557
You used to sleep
with one.
148
00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:44,662
Well, I sleep
with you too,
149
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:46,597
But you don't see me
cleaning up after you,
150
00:07:46,598 --> 00:07:47,631
Do you?
151
00:07:47,632 --> 00:07:48,966
This is great.
152
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:51,169
"daddy, I need money."
"daddy, I need food."
153
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,437
"daddy, we need somebody
154
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,605
To clean up a mouse
with a broken neck."
155
00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:57,108
Just once
I'd like to hear,
156
00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,177
"al, I'm out of here
and I'm taking the kids."
157
00:08:03,115 --> 00:08:07,085
But on the good side,
life is half over.
158
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:12,056
Kids, I am sorry
to make such a big fuss
159
00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:13,724
Over such a little thing
like a mouse,
160
00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:14,992
But you know,
161
00:08:14,993 --> 00:08:16,427
There are just some things
from childhood
162
00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:17,928
You just can't forget.
163
00:08:17,929 --> 00:08:20,465
I hope that
isn't true, mom.
164
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:23,534
Now, how about
a hug?
165
00:08:23,535 --> 00:08:25,303
Can't, mom.
You've got cooties.
166
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:33,077
Is he down there?
Did you get him?
167
00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:34,445
What happened, al?
168
00:08:34,446 --> 00:08:38,382
He doodied on the trap.
169
00:08:38,383 --> 00:08:41,152
And in my bowling shoes.
170
00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:42,653
Oh, my god.
171
00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:46,524
He was in your shoes
and he lived?
172
00:08:48,827 --> 00:08:51,962
This is no ordinary mouse.
173
00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:53,964
Can we call
the exterminator now?
174
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,600
No, no. It's personal now.
175
00:09:01,006 --> 00:09:03,007
Not only
will I kill this mouse,
176
00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:04,509
I'll torture it.
177
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:07,111
I'll smack him around.
178
00:09:07,112 --> 00:09:09,614
I'll throw it against the wall,
179
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,882
And if
there's one spark of life left
180
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:14,018
In its twitching little body,
181
00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:16,254
I'll strap it to a chair,
tape its eyelids open,
182
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:18,422
And make it watch
thirtysomething.
183
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:28,399
No one doodies
in al bundy's shoes
184
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,933
And lives!
185
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:48,852
I'm worried
about daddy.
186
00:09:48,853 --> 00:09:51,522
Shh!
187
00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:54,058
Mom, even if the mouse
is stupid enough
188
00:09:54,059 --> 00:09:56,060
To stick his head out
for the cheese,
189
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:59,063
Won't dad smash his hand
with the hammer?
190
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:00,565
Yes, bud, he will.
191
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:04,535
But you know, everyone
who watches roadrunner cartoons
192
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,604
Knows the coyote is going
over the cliff,
193
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:10,007
But you watch it
and laugh anyway.
194
00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:17,147
A-ha!
195
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:19,116
Aah!
196
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:22,052
Beep beep!
197
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:34,365
I can hear him
laughing, peg.
198
00:10:34,366 --> 00:10:36,767
He thinks
he's got me.
199
00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:37,968
No, al.
200
00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:41,004
He's laughing because
he knows I've got you.
201
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:44,508
Well, you know
I have no insurance,
202
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:47,445
So you must be killing me
for the sport.
203
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:48,613
Honey, believe me.
204
00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:50,648
Don't you think I wish
you could do things
205
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:55,286
Like kill a mouse,
make love, earn a living?
206
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:57,655
But, sweetheart, you can't.
207
00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:01,058
Now, I've learned to live
with poverty and frustration,
208
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:04,194
But I just have to draw the line
when it comes to rodents.
209
00:11:04,195 --> 00:11:07,030
So please call
an exterminator.
210
00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:09,833
Maybe, just maybe,
a professional can succeed
211
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:12,370
Where an idiot
has failed.
212
00:11:13,772 --> 00:11:15,038
Well, you'd love that,
wouldn't you?
213
00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:16,574
You get a pro in here,
214
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,108
Catch him
in a couple of seconds,
215
00:11:18,109 --> 00:11:19,577
And leave me standing here
looking stupid.
216
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,011
Yeah, you and the mouse
217
00:11:21,012 --> 00:11:24,815
Would really get a chuckle
out of that.
218
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,250
Well, don't count on it,
219
00:11:26,251 --> 00:11:28,619
Because I haven't played
all my cards yet.
220
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,987
I went downstairs
221
00:11:29,988 --> 00:11:32,657
And I only pretended
to take up all the traps,
222
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:36,327
But I left one, a big one,
223
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:37,828
With a nice juicy piece
of cheese,
224
00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:40,063
And this one won't go off
with just a little pressure,
225
00:11:40,064 --> 00:11:41,332
Giving him
time to escape.
226
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,268
No, this one takes
the entire body of a mouse
227
00:11:44,269 --> 00:11:45,469
To set it off.
228
00:11:45,470 --> 00:11:47,171
I checked it myself.
229
00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,811
You know, that's what really
sets you apart, al.
230
00:11:53,812 --> 00:11:57,748
An average joe
would have used a stick.
231
00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:59,350
Listen!
I hear something!
232
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:00,484
[mousetrap snaps]
233
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:01,919
[dog yelps]
234
00:12:08,593 --> 00:12:10,695
You stupid dog!
235
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:13,731
Al, honey, listen.
236
00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,434
You tried.
You did your best.
237
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:19,337
But you're just
not smart enough.
238
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:22,807
Now, please,
call an exterminator.
239
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,608
No one has to know.
240
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:25,743
You know,
241
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:28,045
We could tell everybody
that you caught it.
242
00:12:28,046 --> 00:12:29,347
How would that be?
243
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,614
Well...
244
00:12:30,615 --> 00:12:31,649
[mouse chewing]
245
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,183
What is that?
246
00:12:33,184 --> 00:12:35,152
He's chewing.
Al, he's always chewing.
247
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:37,254
Now, what do you say?
248
00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:39,523
Bud: Dad!
249
00:12:39,524 --> 00:12:41,392
Dad, the mouse chewed
through the wires.
250
00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:45,195
What do I say, peg?
251
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,831
I say stand back,
252
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,433
Because I'm kicking
some mouse ass!
253
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:08,952
And $75 for the vet.
254
00:13:08,953 --> 00:13:10,488
Oh, and then
there's the electrician.
255
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:11,822
They're really
expensive.
256
00:13:11,823 --> 00:13:14,258
That's another $200.
257
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:15,626
That comes to...
258
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:20,130
$680 in damages from one mouse.
259
00:13:20,131 --> 00:13:22,500
I'm sorry, peggy.
260
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,869
Why can't men ever
utter the words,
261
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,637
"I don't know how"?
262
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:31,542
Even on our honeymoon,
al just would not admit it.
263
00:13:31,543 --> 00:13:33,844
I really thought steve
would be able to talk al
264
00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:35,979
Into getting an exterminator.
265
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:41,084
But, just like a man, he says,
"we can do it ourselves."
266
00:13:41,085 --> 00:13:44,588
[amplified breathing]
267
00:14:03,675 --> 00:14:07,177
Don't go upstairs.
We set off some bombs.
268
00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:10,881
Oh, tell bud I think
his goldfish is dead.
269
00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:13,784
How's my oxygen, al?
270
00:14:13,785 --> 00:14:16,186
Good. Mine?
271
00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,855
Check. Let's hit
the basement.
272
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:21,592
And they wanted to hire
an exterminator.
273
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:35,272
Well, at least
yours makes money.
274
00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:36,640
Yes, and yours--
275
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,716
Steve: It's him!
276
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:47,417
Al: 12:00,
coming hard!
277
00:14:47,418 --> 00:14:48,452
Watch him!
Watch him!
278
00:14:48,453 --> 00:14:51,622
Aah!
Aah!
279
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,824
[coughing]
280
00:14:56,461 --> 00:14:57,995
What happened?
281
00:14:57,996 --> 00:15:00,998
Steve came up behind me.
I thought he was the mouse.
282
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,935
I shot
from the hip.
283
00:15:04,936 --> 00:15:06,203
I'll tell you this.
284
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:08,038
If that mouse had been
where steve's face was,
285
00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:09,607
He'd be one dead mouse.
286
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,876
Did we get him?
287
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:13,176
No, buddy,
288
00:15:13,177 --> 00:15:14,945
But we took out
the water heater.
289
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:20,484
Steve? Pumpkin?
290
00:15:20,485 --> 00:15:22,386
Who's speaking?
291
00:15:22,387 --> 00:15:24,955
It's marcie, steve.
292
00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:28,458
Maybe now you'll tell al
to hire a professional.
293
00:15:28,459 --> 00:15:30,728
That's just
like you, marcie.
294
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,295
It's like when
we're out driving,
295
00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:34,798
And I know
where I'm going,
296
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,600
And you keep saying,
"ask someone."
297
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:39,737
It is so irritating.
298
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,238
By the way, marcie,
299
00:15:41,239 --> 00:15:44,107
I inhaled a great quantity
of poison.
300
00:15:44,108 --> 00:15:46,109
Don't worry about it, steve.
301
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,244
It wasn't for nothing.
302
00:15:47,245 --> 00:15:49,246
We may not have got him
with a direct hit,
303
00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:50,247
But I'll tell you this.
304
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:51,448
He'll be dropping soon,
305
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,017
Because we cut short
the lifespan
306
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,085
Of every living thing
in this house.
307
00:16:00,425 --> 00:16:01,725
[mouse feet tapping]
308
00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:02,893
That's him!
309
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:05,663
He's not running
as fast as he used to.
310
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,230
Saddle up, steve.
We're going back in.
311
00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:09,934
Forget it, al.
The mouse beat you.
312
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:13,871
Now, you know it, we know it,
and steve...
313
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,439
Well, if he didn't have
toxic poisoning,
314
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,274
He'd know it too.
315
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:19,843
Now, I am calling
an exterminator.
316
00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:21,278
Don't call an exterminator!
317
00:16:21,279 --> 00:16:23,080
Why not?
318
00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:24,915
Because we melted
the phone line
319
00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:27,985
When we took out
the water heater.
320
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:31,755
It's okay, peggy.
You can use my phone.
321
00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:34,257
Steve, you don't look
so good.
322
00:16:34,258 --> 00:16:36,093
Honey, come on home,
and I'll lie you down.
323
00:16:36,094 --> 00:16:37,260
Oh ho ho!
324
00:16:37,261 --> 00:16:40,798
You'd love that,
wouldn't you?
325
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:44,068
Well, I can take care
of myself.
326
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,603
The feeling's coming
back to my feet,
327
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,905
And I'm seeing
colors again.
328
00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:49,607
So I'm fine.
329
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:50,641
You go ahead.
330
00:16:50,642 --> 00:16:53,443
I know what I'm doing.
331
00:16:53,444 --> 00:16:55,479
Come on, peg.
332
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,056
I think I'm dying, al.
333
00:17:06,057 --> 00:17:08,993
Right, but we won't give her
the satisfaction.
334
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:11,528
We'll pretend
that you're just real sick.
335
00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:13,831
Right, buddy.
336
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,332
But I'll tell you,
337
00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,567
We made one hell
of a team down there,
338
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:18,836
Didn't we?
339
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,037
No, we didn't, steve.
340
00:17:20,038 --> 00:17:22,006
We shot each other in the face
with poison
341
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:23,841
While he danced on the walls.
342
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:25,843
What became of my life?
343
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:27,344
I used to win.
344
00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:29,613
Sports, fights...
345
00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:31,882
Anything I'd put my mind to,
I'd win.
346
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:33,050
You know why, steve?
347
00:17:33,051 --> 00:17:36,720
Oh, just tell me, al.
My innards are rotting.
348
00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:37,921
Okay.
349
00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:40,024
It's because no matter
how big the guy was
350
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:41,224
I was up against,
351
00:17:41,225 --> 00:17:42,660
I wouldn't quit.
352
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,594
I remember one football game.
353
00:17:44,595 --> 00:17:46,163
We were up against this team
354
00:17:46,164 --> 00:17:48,666
That had the biggest linebacker
in the city.
355
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:51,301
He was like
a building with teeth.
356
00:17:51,302 --> 00:17:53,637
I tried finessing him,
faking him,
357
00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:55,906
But he was always there.
358
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:58,608
He was real good,
real, real cocky.
359
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,610
I don't like cocky guys.
360
00:18:00,611 --> 00:18:02,079
Anyhow, towards the end
of the game,
361
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,947
I decided that I was going
to try something
362
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:06,684
That no one else tried before
with this guy.
363
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,752
I was going to run right at him.
364
00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:10,020
I ran right over him
365
00:18:10,021 --> 00:18:12,422
Like a bus
over an ice cream cone.
366
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:16,560
It was the only touchdown
we scored that day,
367
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:19,663
But I was a winner.
368
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:21,565
You know what becomes
of winners, steve?
369
00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:23,934
They become
shoe salesmen.
370
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:29,406
They lose to their kids
and their wives...
371
00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:32,976
To a mouse.
372
00:18:32,977 --> 00:18:34,778
You know something, al,
373
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:37,581
I think I am going
to go home and lie down.
374
00:18:37,582 --> 00:18:38,816
It's not so much
the poison
375
00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:41,151
As your life
that's making me sick.
376
00:18:43,855 --> 00:18:47,091
You know what the problem is
with this mouse, steve?
377
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,792
We've been too cute with him.
378
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:50,928
We've been finessing him,
we've been faking him.
379
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:52,495
He's cocky.
380
00:18:52,496 --> 00:18:55,432
I don't like cocky mice.
381
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:57,801
So this time,
382
00:18:57,802 --> 00:19:00,938
I'm going right at him.
383
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,273
Al?
384
00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:04,975
What are you
doing up there?
385
00:19:15,453 --> 00:19:18,288
I have a date
with a mouse, peg.
386
00:19:21,726 --> 00:19:23,994
Dad's gone,
isn't he?
387
00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:28,498
Will we be
getting a new dad?
388
00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:30,067
Al?
389
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:31,235
Honey?
390
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,137
I like the mouse.
391
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,471
Really.
392
00:19:34,472 --> 00:19:36,974
Kids, don't we like that mouse?
393
00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,475
Oh, yeah.
394
00:19:38,476 --> 00:19:40,110
He's the coolest.
395
00:19:40,111 --> 00:19:42,946
He's the deadest.
396
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,417
Okay, kids.
Now, listen to me carefully.
397
00:19:47,418 --> 00:19:49,586
Remember when we used to have
that fire drill
398
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:52,589
Where we would calmly walk
single file to the nearest exit?
399
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,091
Well, this is no drill.
400
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:55,625
Let's just get
the hell out of here!
401
00:20:00,131 --> 00:20:02,299
Say, "cheese."
402
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,601
Hello!
403
00:20:04,602 --> 00:20:07,337
[gunshots]
404
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:10,774
Al?
405
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,276
Al?
406
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,777
Are you okay?
407
00:20:13,778 --> 00:20:15,779
Call me a doctor, peg!
408
00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,114
Well, what happened?
409
00:20:17,115 --> 00:20:19,616
I think I dislocated
my shoulder.
410
00:20:19,617 --> 00:20:22,119
This thing kicks
like a mule.
411
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,621
Oh, by the way,
I missed it,
412
00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:27,157
And we have
no furnace.
413
00:20:27,158 --> 00:20:29,693
[doorbell rings]
414
00:20:31,162 --> 00:20:32,462
Hi, folks.
415
00:20:32,463 --> 00:20:34,965
I'm wally
from wally's pest control.
416
00:20:34,966 --> 00:20:38,135
We hate meeces to pieces.
417
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:39,970
Yeah, we stole it,
418
00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:42,539
But the cartoon characters
can't sue.
419
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:44,308
You'll never get him.
420
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,508
Come on.
421
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:47,244
He's right down here
in the basement.
422
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:48,478
Never.
423
00:20:48,479 --> 00:20:49,746
Not in a million years.
424
00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,949
This is a mouse
from hell.
425
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,416
He'll never
get him, peg.
426
00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:54,784
A little wimp
like that?
427
00:20:54,785 --> 00:20:57,287
The mouse will
have him for dinner.
428
00:20:57,288 --> 00:20:59,756
Well, got him.
429
00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:02,692
You didn't get him.
No one could get him!
430
00:21:02,693 --> 00:21:04,828
Well, "nobody" just did.
431
00:21:04,829 --> 00:21:06,263
It was easy.
432
00:21:06,264 --> 00:21:09,066
Poor thing was trapped
on a piece of wood
433
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:10,633
In the rising water down there.
434
00:21:10,634 --> 00:21:13,170
But technically
I got him.
435
00:21:13,171 --> 00:21:14,771
I'm the one that
blew up the basement.
436
00:21:14,772 --> 00:21:15,805
So I got him, right?
437
00:21:18,943 --> 00:21:20,443
You sure did.
Ha!
438
00:21:20,444 --> 00:21:22,312
Let me see him.
439
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:26,383
That's him.
440
00:21:26,384 --> 00:21:29,887
You don't look so tough
in there, do you?
441
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,154
You know, lots of times,
442
00:21:31,155 --> 00:21:33,790
Kids get these little white mice
as pets.
443
00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:35,392
Parents won't let them
keep them,
444
00:21:35,393 --> 00:21:38,395
So they just turn them loose
in the streets.
445
00:21:38,396 --> 00:21:39,796
Want to see him, mrs. Bundy?
446
00:21:39,797 --> 00:21:40,998
Oh, no.
Get that away.
447
00:21:40,999 --> 00:21:43,000
Oh, come on, peg.
He can't hurt you.
448
00:21:43,001 --> 00:21:44,634
You've got to learn
to face your fears.
449
00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:46,236
Now, take a look
at him, just once.
450
00:21:46,237 --> 00:21:47,470
Stop being a girl.
451
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,415
Gee, al.
You were right.
452
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:01,919
All these years, I've been
deathly afraid of mice,
453
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,420
And for nothing,
454
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:05,255
And it took you
to show me that.
455
00:22:05,256 --> 00:22:06,723
Thanks, al.
456
00:22:06,724 --> 00:22:07,891
Uh-huh.
457
00:22:07,892 --> 00:22:10,093
Good night, honey.
458
00:22:10,094 --> 00:22:11,461
Good night, peg.
459
00:22:13,764 --> 00:22:15,999
[squeaking]
460
00:22:23,507 --> 00:22:26,109
Isn't that cute, al?
461
00:22:26,110 --> 00:22:28,645
He's running
on the treadmill.
462
00:22:42,726 --> 00:22:45,128
[♪]
31581
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof