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♪ love and marriage ♪
2
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,385
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ go together like
a horse and carriage ♪
4
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:28,927
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
5
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,829
♪ you can't have one ♪
6
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,364
♪ without the other ♪
7
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:35,466
♪ love and marriage ♪
8
00:00:35,467 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ love and marriage ♪
9
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:42,807
♪ it's an institute
you can't disparage ♪
10
00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:46,544
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
11
00:00:46,545 --> 00:00:51,249
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
12
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:56,287
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
13
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:59,557
♪ it's an illusion ♪
14
00:00:59,558 --> 00:01:02,260
♪ try, try, try ♪
15
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:08,066
♪ and you will only come
to this conclusion ♪
16
00:01:08,067 --> 00:01:10,468
♪ love and marriage ♪
17
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,614
Tv reporter: Yes, christmas eveis finally here,
18
00:01:23,615 --> 00:01:26,117
And so is the newlakeside mall.
19
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,285
Bring the little kiddies.
20
00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:29,287
We've got six santas.No waiting.
21
00:01:29,288 --> 00:01:32,123
And for you bigger kids,come to the red nose bar
22
00:01:32,124 --> 00:01:38,129
And meet santa's very specialreindeer, donna.
23
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,931
So come on down.We're open till midnight.
24
00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,733
Singers?
25
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,869
♪ santa claus is comingto the lakeside mall ♪
26
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:50,775
Thanks for the help, kids.
27
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:51,776
Oh, by the way, listen.
28
00:01:51,777 --> 00:01:52,777
If you're thinking
29
00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,378
About what to get old dad
for christmas,
30
00:01:54,379 --> 00:01:55,413
Don't worry about it.
31
00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:57,415
You've already given it to him.
32
00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:59,851
It's called a hernia.
33
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:02,887
Dad, can we go
to that new lakeside mall?
34
00:02:02,888 --> 00:02:05,890
Kelly can shop,
you can get bombed,
35
00:02:05,891 --> 00:02:09,761
And I can ride santa's
very special reindeer.
36
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,530
Dad, why don't we get bud
one of those scratching posts
37
00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:13,598
To rub against?
38
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,700
You know, it'll save
the furniture.
39
00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:18,136
You really want to save
the furniture, kel?
40
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:21,906
Why don't you stop putting
notches on your bedposts?
41
00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:24,275
Now, bud,
apologize to your sister.
42
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,409
No.
43
00:02:25,410 --> 00:02:26,978
Okay.
44
00:02:28,647 --> 00:02:31,116
So, dad, can we go
to that new lakeside mall?
45
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:32,717
No, we can't,
and I'll tell you why.
46
00:02:32,718 --> 00:02:34,986
That mall is
killing your father.
47
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:37,688
Oh, I thought
mom was doing that.
48
00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:40,725
Let me tell you kids something
about that lakeside mall.
49
00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:43,228
It's taken all the business
from my mall,
50
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,562
Which, if this continues,
51
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:46,364
We'll be broke
and living in a cardboard box
52
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:47,732
Under the el.
53
00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:50,735
Not us. We'll be
in a nice warm foster home.
54
00:02:50,736 --> 00:02:52,237
Come on.
Let's go, kel.
55
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,337
Nobody move.
56
00:02:53,338 --> 00:02:55,339
That mall's not so great.
57
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:58,342
Just a bunch of stores filled
with cheap, gaudy merchandise
58
00:02:58,343 --> 00:02:59,610
That only appeals
59
00:02:59,611 --> 00:03:01,445
To the tasteless,
low-class shopper.
60
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:07,652
♪ santa claus is coming
to the lakeside mall ♪
61
00:03:07,653 --> 00:03:10,655
Oh, god,
I love that lakeside mall.
62
00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:12,657
Al, give me some money.
I'm going back.
63
00:03:12,658 --> 00:03:13,925
Anyone want to come with me?
64
00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:14,959
I do, I do.
Yeah.
65
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:15,994
Peggy,
66
00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:17,361
I'm ashamed of you.
67
00:03:17,362 --> 00:03:18,863
I know, al.
68
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,767
Don't you
understand?
69
00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,535
If people
keep shopping there,
70
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,370
We'll be broke
and living under the el.
71
00:03:26,371 --> 00:03:30,141
Oh, not me.
I can always remarry.
72
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,709
And we'll be
in a foster home.
73
00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:32,844
Let's go shopping.
74
00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:34,712
Family, before you go,
75
00:03:34,713 --> 00:03:36,247
Would you bring old dad
his shotgun
76
00:03:36,248 --> 00:03:38,582
And stand
close together?
77
00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:40,151
Come on, al.
78
00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,385
I only go to that mall
79
00:03:41,386 --> 00:03:44,022
Because it's so much closer
and better than your mall.
80
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:46,524
I mean, it's not like
I was buying shoes there.
81
00:03:49,895 --> 00:03:52,330
You should see it,
honey.
82
00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,798
For christmas, they have
these little elves
83
00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:55,566
That help you
with your packages,
84
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:59,137
And a real reindeer
for the kids to ride...
85
00:03:59,138 --> 00:04:01,405
Although I think
he may be dying.
86
00:04:01,406 --> 00:04:02,941
Well, then,
let's hurry.
87
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,175
Yeah, come on, al.
88
00:04:04,176 --> 00:04:07,011
Santa is parachuting
into the mall at 5:00.
89
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:08,012
All right!
90
00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:09,113
Oh, come on.
91
00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:11,615
That's not what
christmas is about.
92
00:04:11,616 --> 00:04:15,119
Christmas is about
family and giving.
93
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:19,690
Okay, here's all the crap
my family gave us last year.
94
00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:22,193
It's time for
the traditional rewrapping
95
00:04:22,194 --> 00:04:23,461
Of this garbage
96
00:04:23,462 --> 00:04:24,595
For your family.
97
00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:25,964
Now...
98
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,034
Well, all except
aunt pooh's fruitcake.
99
00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,569
Everyone in the family
already got that.
100
00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:33,938
Dad, you punted that
around the house last year.
101
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:37,675
All right. We'll give it
to steve and marcie.
102
00:04:37,676 --> 00:04:39,310
Now, has anyone
picked out a tree yet?
103
00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:41,112
Oh, you know, the tree
in the ginty house
104
00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:42,446
Sure is pretty this year.
105
00:04:42,447 --> 00:04:44,448
It's got lots
of tinsel on it.
106
00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,084
That'll be our tree.
107
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:47,785
Now, kids, that's your job.
108
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,620
He throws it out
the day after christmas,
109
00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:50,821
So bring it home.
110
00:04:50,822 --> 00:04:52,190
Right, dad.
111
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:54,825
That about does it
for christmas this year.
112
00:04:54,826 --> 00:04:57,461
Oh, I'm tired.
113
00:04:57,462 --> 00:05:00,365
Aren't you
forgetting something,
114
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,933
Greatest daddy
in the world?
115
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,168
Coolest dad
in the universe.
116
00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:07,038
You, who makes my
life worth living.
117
00:05:07,039 --> 00:05:09,140
You all want your presents,
don't you?
118
00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:13,477
No. We really
love you.
119
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:15,079
Ah, life stinks.
120
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,314
Well, okay.
121
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,816
Let me go get
my christmas bonus,
122
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:20,952
And then I'll go buy
your presents.
123
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:23,421
Dad, you didn't get
our presents yet?
124
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,756
It's christmas eve. The stores
are going to be packed.
125
00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,692
Not in my mall, son.
126
00:05:32,631 --> 00:05:34,165
Okay. He's gone.
127
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,666
Now for daddy's present.
128
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,669
Bud, run upstairs and get a tie
out of daddy's closet.
129
00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:40,171
I'll get a box.
130
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:41,605
Oh, no, no, no. Wait.
131
00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:44,608
It's christmas. We should
make it special for him.
132
00:05:44,609 --> 00:05:48,479
Bud, get one
of his shirts too.
133
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,916
Oh, gosh.
I just love christmas.
134
00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:56,620
I can't wait
to see daddy's face
135
00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:59,357
When he opens it.
136
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,925
That's his
favorite shirt.
137
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:03,194
Yeah, I saw a belt
up there
138
00:06:03,195 --> 00:06:04,728
That would be great
for his birthday.
139
00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:06,431
[doorbell rings]
140
00:06:11,536 --> 00:06:13,537
Hi. Do the rhoades live here?
141
00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:14,605
Why?
142
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:17,108
I have a delivery for them.
143
00:06:17,109 --> 00:06:18,709
Oh, why, yes.
I'm mrs. Rhoades.
144
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,279
Oh, thank you.
145
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,282
Oh, gee. I don't have
any change.
146
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,451
Bud, could you take
care of that, please?
147
00:06:31,590 --> 00:06:33,524
Thank you, dear.
148
00:06:33,525 --> 00:06:36,527
Oh, kids,
look at what we got
149
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:40,764
From, uh...
The schmidts from philadelphia.
150
00:06:40,765 --> 00:06:42,400
Hey, honey.
151
00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:45,436
Look what we got
from the schmidts.
152
00:06:45,437 --> 00:06:48,572
Ah, they're
good people.
153
00:06:48,573 --> 00:06:51,575
Uh, dad, I don't
see any presents.
154
00:06:51,576 --> 00:06:53,344
He probably has them
in the car, stupid.
155
00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:54,979
Don't you, dad?
156
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,282
Well, you know how, even
when we didn't have too much,
157
00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:00,284
We could always look
at the poor people
158
00:07:00,285 --> 00:07:01,552
Who were less
fortunate than us
159
00:07:01,553 --> 00:07:03,388
And feel better.
160
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,256
Well, let's find
a mirror.
161
00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:07,992
Business was so bad,
162
00:07:07,993 --> 00:07:10,061
I didn't get a christmas bonus
this year.
163
00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,330
Oh, al, no.
164
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:14,432
You mean we told you
we loved you for nothing?
165
00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,969
So you're telling us
there's no reason to live.
166
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:20,438
Yes, I am.
167
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:25,476
Dad, I'm not like the others.
168
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:27,578
I don't care
if you have no money.
169
00:07:27,579 --> 00:07:29,480
You're still my father
and I love you.
170
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:30,981
Thanks, son.
171
00:07:30,982 --> 00:07:33,984
You're really getting me
a present, right, dad?
172
00:07:33,985 --> 00:07:35,986
You're just cutting
out the women.
173
00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:37,121
Good, because
you should hear
174
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,057
How they talk
about you.
175
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:41,725
Nobody gets a present, son.
176
00:07:41,726 --> 00:07:43,627
Pretty low, dad.
177
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:51,269
Al, christmas without presents
will be like our birthdays.
178
00:07:52,671 --> 00:07:55,506
Happy birthday, hon.
179
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,308
I know what we can do.
180
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:58,976
Let's go down
to the lakeside mall.
181
00:07:58,977 --> 00:08:00,078
Santa's going to drop
182
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,613
Gift certificates when
he jumps from the plane.
183
00:08:02,614 --> 00:08:05,583
Let's trample the weak
and get all we can.
184
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,553
Go to the mall
that killed me.
185
00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,154
[doorbell rings]
186
00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,358
♪ we wish you
a merry christmas ♪
187
00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:16,094
Both: ♪ we wish you
a merry christmas ♪
188
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:17,595
♪ we wish you
a merry christmas ♪
189
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:19,630
♪ and a happy new year ♪
190
00:08:19,631 --> 00:08:22,133
Delivery from santa
for the bundys.
191
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,135
Aw, gee...
Well, thank you.
192
00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,636
Good thing
they're labeled.
193
00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:27,972
I wouldn't want
to get them mixed up
194
00:08:27,973 --> 00:08:30,408
With the presents
al gave us.
195
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,610
What did peggy
get you, al?
196
00:08:32,611 --> 00:08:35,313
Irregularity.
197
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,881
And these two.
198
00:08:37,882 --> 00:08:39,717
Al, have you been
to that new mall?
199
00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:41,586
It is a sea of people.
Traffic is unbelievable.
200
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:43,387
Didn't ease up till
we got near your mall.
201
00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:45,756
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me my present, steve.
202
00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:49,560
Al, we thought long
and hard about this,
203
00:08:49,561 --> 00:08:51,929
And then we came up
with the perfect gift.
204
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:52,830
Here.
205
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,834
We donated some money
in your name
206
00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:58,736
To the national organization
for women.
207
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:00,371
Merry christmas.
208
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:04,074
Oh, that's great.
209
00:09:04,075 --> 00:09:07,011
Do I get tickets
to their 10k man-stomp?
210
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:09,046
All right.
It's our turn.
211
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,515
What do we get?
What do we get?
212
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:15,953
A fruitcake.
213
00:09:15,954 --> 00:09:17,054
With a footprint on it.
214
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:18,022
Mm.
215
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,459
Well, thank you.
216
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,528
Hey, do you mind
if we turn on the tv?
217
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:24,728
It's time
for the news.
218
00:09:24,729 --> 00:09:26,063
Maybe they'll show santa
parachuting in
219
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:27,265
To the lakeside mall.
220
00:09:27,266 --> 00:09:29,267
Oh, come on.
It's the news.
221
00:09:29,268 --> 00:09:30,768
There's plenty
of important stuff on there.
222
00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:32,370
I'm sure they're going
to spend their time
223
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:33,538
To promote a mall.
224
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:36,674
Well, connie, I'm here
225
00:09:36,675 --> 00:09:39,177
At the jam-packedlakeside mall.
226
00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:41,612
And if their low pricesaren't enough,
227
00:09:41,613 --> 00:09:44,382
Santa, wearinga pair of high-top reeboks
228
00:09:44,383 --> 00:09:46,384
Available at weejee'sin the mall,
229
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:49,119
Will be parachuting inany minute now.
230
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,556
And they wonder who's going
to fill cronkite's shoes.
231
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:52,590
Shh!
232
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,091
There's the piper cub
233
00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:56,594
Coming outof the clouds now,
234
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:59,096
And santajust made the jump.
235
00:09:59,097 --> 00:10:01,098
What a beautifulfreefall.
236
00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:02,667
And don't forget,
237
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,069
He's coming with a sackfilled with gift certificates
238
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:06,070
For the lakeside mall,
239
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:07,338
That's the lakeside mall,
240
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:10,974
Where shopping isn't just fun,it's news.
241
00:10:10,975 --> 00:10:12,376
Come on!
Shh!
242
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,445
Wow, look at him fly.
243
00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:17,981
Why is he flapping
his arms like that?
244
00:10:17,982 --> 00:10:21,485
Santa's chutedoesn't seem to be opening.
245
00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,923
Oh, he's beingblown off course.
246
00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:27,925
Our camerashave lost him!
247
00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:32,430
Ladies and gentlemen,we don't know where he is.
248
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,997
[tree limbs crack]
249
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:37,335
[heavy thump]
250
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:53,317
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
251
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:54,418
Oh, my god.
252
00:10:54,419 --> 00:10:55,620
Oh, my god.
253
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,521
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
254
00:11:04,896 --> 00:11:06,230
Hey, peg.
255
00:11:06,231 --> 00:11:08,532
You know what we
ought to do tonight?
256
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,168
We ought to make
some christmas cookies.
257
00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:13,804
Oh, yeah, and maybe
some eggnog with nutmeg.
258
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:16,440
You ghouls!
259
00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:17,808
Don't you understand?
260
00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:21,245
There's a splattered santa
all over your yard.
261
00:11:21,246 --> 00:11:23,281
What do you want me
to do, steve?
262
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,549
Quit eating?
263
00:11:25,550 --> 00:11:27,618
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
264
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:29,186
Oh, my god.
265
00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:31,088
Could you
keep her quiet?
266
00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:33,891
We're trying to have
a christmas here.
267
00:11:33,892 --> 00:11:36,761
Well, that about
wraps it up out there,
268
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:38,629
Except for a few questions
for the coroner's report,
269
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,897
If you don't mind.
270
00:11:39,898 --> 00:11:42,333
Did you know the deceased?
271
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:46,637
Well, you know,
I've read about him in books,
272
00:11:46,638 --> 00:11:49,440
But in books,
he's usually going up.
273
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,843
So that's a no.
274
00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,312
Did anyone
actually see him fall?
275
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,580
I wish.
276
00:11:58,883 --> 00:12:02,620
You know, um, son, I don't want
you get confused here, okay?
277
00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,888
The real santa would have never
jumped out of a plane
278
00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:07,458
With a bottle of muscatel
in each hand.
279
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,393
No, the real santa,
he's alive and well
280
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:11,128
And he's living
at the north pole,
281
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,897
And he'll visit your house
real soon.
282
00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,299
I'm sure he'll find it.
283
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,667
It shouldn't be
too hard.
284
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:18,636
Just follow
the buzzards.
285
00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:25,008
Uh...
286
00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:27,911
Is that
your shoe, al?
287
00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:30,381
Nope.
288
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:31,915
Oh, my god.
289
00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,851
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
290
00:12:33,852 --> 00:12:36,320
You know, mr. Bundy,
that's evidence.
291
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,322
Aw, what the hell.
It's christmas.
292
00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:40,691
Let him keep it.
293
00:12:40,692 --> 00:12:43,260
Santa's gone.
294
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,863
I'll never be able
to enjoy christmas again.
295
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:47,498
Well, you're in
the right place.
296
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,001
Come on, marcie.
These things happen.
297
00:12:51,002 --> 00:12:54,772
When has this happened?
298
00:12:54,773 --> 00:12:57,140
Come on, marcie. Cheer up.
299
00:12:57,141 --> 00:12:58,409
It could've been worse.
300
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:01,144
He could've landed
on the picket fence.
301
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:10,020
Now, calm down and have
some christmas pizza.
302
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,523
[bells jingling]
303
00:13:14,158 --> 00:13:15,393
Oh, my god.
304
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,661
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
305
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:20,297
Merry christmas, folks.
306
00:13:20,298 --> 00:13:22,266
Yeah, yeah.
God bless us, every one.
307
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:26,970
Kids: We want santa!
308
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,140
Uh-oh.
309
00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,742
What's wrong now?
310
00:13:31,743 --> 00:13:35,479
Did the easter bunny
hang himself in my front yard?
311
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,981
Uh, no.
There's kids out there.
312
00:13:37,982 --> 00:13:39,583
This might have
a bad effect on them,
313
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,785
This being christmas
314
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,220
And santa here looking
like tree sap and all.
315
00:13:43,221 --> 00:13:45,355
We can't take him out there now.
316
00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:47,024
Swing him back over that way,
boys. Come on.
317
00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:48,659
[bells jingling]
318
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,160
Oh, my god.
319
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,830
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
320
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:55,165
It's okay, marcie.
Come on.
321
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,667
I'll take you home.
322
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:57,835
Yes, home,
323
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,336
Where perry como sings
324
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:02,272
And santa's still alive.
325
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,575
Is santa okay?
326
00:14:04,576 --> 00:14:05,843
We heard he landed
in your yard.
327
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,010
Yeah!
Yeah!
328
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:08,679
Oh, yes. He's fine.
329
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,683
He's a fat, jolly man,
and he'll never leave us.
330
00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:15,986
As long as there's
a christmas, there'll be...
331
00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:20,691
Killers!
332
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:22,593
I'm going
to take marcie upstairs
333
00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:23,994
And lay her down.
334
00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:25,395
Put her on our bed.
335
00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:28,031
Steve, I'm afraid.
336
00:14:28,032 --> 00:14:31,134
I'll lay down newspaper.
337
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:34,605
Hey, this bag o' santa's
getting pretty heavy over here.
338
00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:37,107
Oh, just put him
over by the presents.
339
00:14:37,108 --> 00:14:39,510
There's plenty of room there.
340
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:42,513
You know, no matter how many
bodies I handle,
341
00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:44,515
Christmas corpses
always get me down.
342
00:14:44,516 --> 00:14:46,116
Well, that's it.
343
00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:47,952
Now, listen. We're trying
to have a holiday here.
344
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,820
So why don't you get out of here
345
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:51,589
And take the spirit of christmas
with you?
346
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,958
Hey, I'd love to, mr. Grinch,
347
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,360
But I'm not taking him out there
with those kids out there.
348
00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:58,762
Al, get rid of those kids.
349
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,632
If I knew how to do that,
we wouldn't have ours.
350
00:15:03,935 --> 00:15:05,002
Okay, everybody.
351
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:06,537
Uh... Boys and girls,
352
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:09,573
Uh, and you, tony...
353
00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:11,675
Uh, santa's okay.
354
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:15,713
Now, he just had a little bit
of mrs. Bundy's cooking,
355
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:18,782
And he's in the bathroom,
bent over,
356
00:15:18,783 --> 00:15:20,551
But he's going
to be fine.
357
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:22,052
So... Go home.
358
00:15:22,053 --> 00:15:24,221
All: We want to see him!
359
00:15:24,222 --> 00:15:25,455
No!
360
00:15:30,094 --> 00:15:31,862
I'm rolling him out
right now.
361
00:15:31,863 --> 00:15:33,130
Al, they're children.
362
00:15:33,131 --> 00:15:35,365
This will grow them up.
363
00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:37,601
Sorry, bundy.
Can't let you do that.
364
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:39,003
For the sake
of their mental health,
365
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,872
That body's not going anywhere
till those kids have left.
366
00:15:41,873 --> 00:15:44,374
You know, pizza,
it always reminds me
367
00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,309
Of my first day
on the job.
368
00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:55,252
Al, you know
what you have to do.
369
00:15:56,054 --> 00:15:58,155
All: We want santa!
370
00:15:58,156 --> 00:15:59,990
Come on, santa!
371
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:01,291
Ho ho ho.
372
00:16:01,292 --> 00:16:03,293
Hi, everybody.
373
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:06,263
Yay, santa!
374
00:16:06,264 --> 00:16:07,731
Thank you. Thank you.
375
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:08,899
I'm fine.
376
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,901
I landed on my belly.
377
00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:12,570
Ho ho ho.
378
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,072
Merry christmas,
each and every one.
379
00:16:15,073 --> 00:16:16,239
And remember,
380
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,943
I know
when you've been sleeping.
381
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:21,579
I know
when you're awake.
382
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,582
You, joey, I know it was you
who lit that bag of doody
383
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,150
And put it
on the bundy porch,
384
00:16:27,151 --> 00:16:30,054
So you're out of luck
this christmas.
385
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:33,256
But the rest of you
will get plenty,
386
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:35,759
And remember, santa's not
at the lakeside mall.
387
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,629
Santa hates the lakeside mall.
388
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,598
Go on home now
and torture your parents.
389
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:41,665
Ho ho ho.
390
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,834
But what did
you bring us?
391
00:16:43,835 --> 00:16:46,704
Uh, noth--
392
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,171
Nothing yet.
393
00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:50,373
That's why I got to get
back to the north pole
394
00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:52,209
With dancer and prancer
395
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:56,546
And, uh...
Donald and goofy.
396
00:16:56,547 --> 00:16:58,515
But we haven't told you
what we want.
397
00:16:58,516 --> 00:17:00,050
Santa knows.
398
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:03,553
Then what do I want?
399
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,288
I don't know.
What do you want?
400
00:17:05,289 --> 00:17:07,357
I want to sit
on your lap.
401
00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:09,960
Uh, all right,
but make it fast.
402
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,195
Santa has hemorrhoids.
403
00:17:14,465 --> 00:17:16,066
Um... What do you want?
404
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,636
I want to know why you came
to old man bundy's house.
405
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,804
Oh, well, I came to bring him
special presents
406
00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:22,806
Because he sells women's shoes
407
00:17:22,807 --> 00:17:27,310
And is cursed with a foul wife
and has ungrateful kids,
408
00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:29,346
But still, he goes on.
409
00:17:29,347 --> 00:17:31,815
But he's a butthead.
410
00:17:34,418 --> 00:17:36,586
No, he's not.
411
00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:38,922
He's the nicest man
on the block.
412
00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:40,791
Boy, you must be santa.
413
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,993
I told you I was.
What do you want?
414
00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:44,762
I want a real live horse.
415
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:45,929
Hmm.
416
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,464
Your mom's the one
417
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:50,067
Who makes pies
for everyone in the neighborhood
418
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:53,303
But those nice bundys,
isn't she?
419
00:17:53,304 --> 00:17:54,471
All right, well,
420
00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:56,173
Santa will leave you a horse
tonight
421
00:17:56,174 --> 00:17:57,507
Under your tree,
422
00:17:57,508 --> 00:17:59,109
But if it's not there
in the morning,
423
00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:01,111
It's because your mommy
chased it away
424
00:18:01,112 --> 00:18:02,780
And killed it.
425
00:18:04,716 --> 00:18:06,383
Next.
426
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,321
Aah!
427
00:18:11,322 --> 00:18:14,124
Ah, don't jump on santa's lap
too hard, little girl.
428
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,259
Mrs. Claus won't like that.
429
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,397
No, no, nestor,
430
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:21,832
Despite what
your mom says,
431
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:26,070
Mr. Bundy doesn't really sprout
a tail at midnight,
432
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,739
But here's a special
christmas gift for daddy.
433
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,141
Tell him to come home
for lunch some day
434
00:18:31,142 --> 00:18:33,476
Around when
mr. Mailman's there
435
00:18:33,477 --> 00:18:36,246
With a special delivery
for mommy.
436
00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:40,250
That'll be a real
yuletide treat for old dad.
437
00:18:40,251 --> 00:18:42,519
But what do I get?
438
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,189
A new home
and a fresh new mommy.
439
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,124
Ho ho ho.
440
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,659
Well, old santa's
got to hit the road,
441
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:50,894
But I'm going to go in
442
00:18:50,895 --> 00:18:52,529
And say goodbye
to my favorite family,
443
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:53,597
The bundys.
444
00:18:53,598 --> 00:18:54,965
Be nice to them,
445
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:57,467
Or you won't get
christmas gifts next year.
446
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:00,938
Kid: Santa smells
like beer!
447
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,140
Catch me in five minutes,
I'll smell like hard liquor.
448
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,141
Ho ho ho.
449
00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:06,143
On, dondi.
450
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,244
On, dumbo.
451
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:09,512
Hi-ho, silver. Away!
452
00:19:09,513 --> 00:19:11,548
Yay, santa!
453
00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:16,686
Well, they're gone.
454
00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:19,656
All dead guys
and non-relatives, out.
455
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:21,458
So long, kel.
456
00:19:21,459 --> 00:19:23,627
Yeah, like they really
intended to have you.
457
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:26,930
Now, kids.
We wanted both of you.
458
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:29,767
It was your father
I didn't plan on.
459
00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,435
I'm feeling
a little better now.
460
00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:35,372
Oh, no! He was
better off dead.
461
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:36,473
Ho ho ho.
462
00:19:36,474 --> 00:19:37,507
[doorbell rings]
463
00:19:37,508 --> 00:19:38,876
Oh, great.
464
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,578
It's probably an elf
with a knife in his back.
465
00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:44,614
Hi.
466
00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,016
Is this the house
467
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,885
Where the, uh...
Yuletide incident occurred?
468
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:48,986
What's it to you?
469
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,553
Well, I'm from
the lakeside mall,
470
00:19:50,554 --> 00:19:52,156
And I just wanted to offer
our apologies
471
00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:54,191
For any inconvenience
this may have caused you.
472
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:56,726
Hey, no problem.
No inconvenience.
473
00:19:56,727 --> 00:19:58,095
You just took
all my business,
474
00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,163
Cost me my bonus,
475
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:00,764
Made my family hate me.
476
00:20:00,765 --> 00:20:02,565
That's right.
477
00:20:02,566 --> 00:20:04,201
And on top of all that,
478
00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:06,103
You slam-dunked santa
into my backyard
479
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,338
And almost ruined christmas for
every kid in the neighborhood.
480
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:09,539
Almost?
481
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:12,509
Well, you see,
my husband dressed up as santa
482
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:14,845
So the kids would know
he was okay.
483
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,980
By the way,
love your mall.
484
00:20:16,981 --> 00:20:18,282
We've got it all.
485
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:22,352
So, no one around here
knows what really happened, huh?
486
00:20:22,353 --> 00:20:24,955
Nope. Thanks to me.
487
00:20:24,956 --> 00:20:26,656
Hey, that ought to be
worth something, huh?
488
00:20:26,657 --> 00:20:29,559
Not anymore.
489
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,863
I mean, if the kids think
santa's okay, santa's okay,
490
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,064
So why should I bribe you
491
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:36,333
To say something
you've already said?
492
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:37,367
It would be stupid,
493
00:20:37,368 --> 00:20:38,969
Kind of like
paying that dead guy
494
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:42,306
For disappointing a whole
parking lot full of kids.
495
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,674
I'm saving money
right and left here.
496
00:20:44,675 --> 00:20:48,278
It's the best christmas
I've ever had.
497
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:50,347
Well, that
about wraps it up here.
498
00:20:50,348 --> 00:20:51,648
Roll him out, boys.
499
00:20:51,649 --> 00:20:53,817
You know, bundy,
you're a decent guy,
500
00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:56,320
So here's a little tip
from me to you.
501
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:58,922
Don't die
with your jewelry on, huh?
502
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:05,795
Well, al,
look at it this way.
503
00:21:05,796 --> 00:21:07,464
You did a nice thing,
504
00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:10,767
Cost us a nice bribe
and a shot at a happy christmas.
505
00:21:10,768 --> 00:21:12,202
Thank your father, kids.
506
00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,071
Thanks, dad.
Thanks, dad.
507
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:16,907
Yeah, I know I let
everybody down.
508
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,508
It's okay, dad.
509
00:21:18,509 --> 00:21:20,744
It's not like this
never happened before.
510
00:21:20,745 --> 00:21:21,778
Yeah.
511
00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,813
I mean, the santa corpse
was a new twist,
512
00:21:23,814 --> 00:21:26,116
But heck, it's something
to tell a psychiatrist
513
00:21:26,117 --> 00:21:27,584
Later on in life.
514
00:21:27,585 --> 00:21:30,620
Yes, it's a bundy christmas...
515
00:21:30,621 --> 00:21:33,623
And unfortunately,
we're bundys.
516
00:21:33,624 --> 00:21:34,691
[clunk]
517
00:21:34,692 --> 00:21:35,993
What's that?
518
00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:38,028
I don't know, but if it's dead
and has a red nose,
519
00:21:38,029 --> 00:21:39,496
We'll throw it
in steve and marcie's yard.
520
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:47,470
What is it, al?
521
00:21:47,471 --> 00:21:49,306
I don't know. It looks
like it fell off the roof.
522
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,540
Hey, look!
523
00:21:50,541 --> 00:21:52,509
It's $10 certificates
from the lakeside mall.
524
00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:53,710
Hundreds
of them!
525
00:21:53,711 --> 00:21:55,913
It must have been the bag
santa had when he jumped!
526
00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:57,680
Oh, we're rich!
We're rich!
527
00:21:57,681 --> 00:21:58,982
I found it!
528
00:21:58,983 --> 00:22:00,217
Thank your father, kids.
529
00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:01,518
Thanks, dad.
Thanks, dad.
530
00:22:01,519 --> 00:22:03,353
Let's go bust the mall.
531
00:22:03,354 --> 00:22:06,656
But first,
a moment of silence,
532
00:22:06,657 --> 00:22:10,928
As we owe a lot
to that jolly, flat man.
533
00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:13,964
Okay, let's go!
534
00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:15,665
[kids shrieking]
535
00:22:15,666 --> 00:22:19,869
♪ although it's been said ♪
536
00:22:19,870 --> 00:22:23,173
♪ many times, many ways ♪
537
00:22:23,174 --> 00:22:29,813
♪ merry christmas ♪
538
00:22:29,814 --> 00:22:36,019
♪ to you ♪
539
00:22:42,626 --> 00:22:44,594
[♪]
37688
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