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1
00:00:03,002 --> 00:00:07,038
[♪]
2
00:00:15,681 --> 00:00:18,049
♪ love and marriage ♪
3
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:20,518
♪ love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,519 --> 00:00:22,320
♪ go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:24,789
♪ a horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:28,793
♪ this I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:28,794 --> 00:00:30,729
♪ you can't have one ♪
8
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,064
♪ without the other ♪
9
00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:35,533
♪ love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:35,534 --> 00:00:38,269
♪ love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,270 --> 00:00:39,938
♪ it's an institute ♪
12
00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:42,340
♪ you can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:46,111
♪ ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,649
♪ and they will say
it's elementary ♪
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:55,453
♪ try, try, try
to separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:59,157
♪ it's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:04,495
♪ try, try, try
and you will only come ♪
18
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,732
♪ to this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:09,834
♪ love and marriage ♪
20
00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,408
Peg! Kids!
21
00:01:17,409 --> 00:01:19,744
Time to torture me.
I'm home.
22
00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:23,114
Let's hear the pitter-patter
of little feet,
23
00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:27,886
The thrusting
of greedy little hands.
24
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,387
What's this?
25
00:01:29,388 --> 00:01:32,390
"dear al, the kids are spending
the night someplace
26
00:01:32,391 --> 00:01:34,258
"and I'm going out
for a few hours.
27
00:01:34,259 --> 00:01:35,426
"peggy.
28
00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:39,497
P.S. Dinner's on the table."
29
00:01:44,536 --> 00:01:48,272
Yeah, nothing says loving like
something from the oven.
30
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:55,313
I'm a b-b-b-bud man
and a c-c-c-cub fan.
31
00:01:56,582 --> 00:01:58,482
Ah!
32
00:01:58,483 --> 00:02:01,252
Got the whole
house to myself.
33
00:02:01,253 --> 00:02:02,754
It's like I died
and went to--
34
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,122
Hi, al.
35
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,290
Hell.
36
00:02:07,893 --> 00:02:09,427
How was your day, honey?
37
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,395
Up till now, great.
38
00:02:11,396 --> 00:02:13,064
Today will go down
in history
39
00:02:13,065 --> 00:02:14,866
As the day
that nothing went wrong.
40
00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:17,468
First, I caught all the green
lights to and from work.
41
00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:21,072
Then, I heard three good songs
in a row on the oldies station.
42
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:24,408
Best of all, some fat woman came
in the store and yelled at me,
43
00:02:24,409 --> 00:02:28,947
Then she went out
and fell right on her ass.
44
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:33,084
And tonight, the cubs,
and you, you're going out.
45
00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,119
No, I'm not.
46
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,720
We were going to have
a tupperware party
47
00:02:35,721 --> 00:02:36,955
Over at mrs. Zimmerman's house,
48
00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:40,625
But the store was out of x-rated
tapes, so I came home.
49
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:45,196
You know, al,
since the kids are both gone,
50
00:02:45,197 --> 00:02:49,433
I was thinking maybe
we could fool around.
51
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:55,874
Peg, if we do that now, your
birthday just won't be special.
52
00:02:55,875 --> 00:02:57,508
Come on, honey.
53
00:02:57,509 --> 00:03:01,479
Ah, I got to say no,
but here's an idea.
54
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,783
Get me some chips.
55
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:07,418
Got to say no,
but how about this?
56
00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,420
Sex for potato chips.
57
00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:11,289
I got to say no.
58
00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:14,358
I'll give you 5 bucks.
59
00:03:14,359 --> 00:03:15,359
Well, what the hell.
60
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:20,231
This'll last longer
than sex, anyhow.
61
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:22,233
Where's the chips?
62
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,202
Probably at the store.
63
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,271
Ah, what the heck.
64
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:27,438
Still a good day.
65
00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:29,107
I got my game,
got my beer.
66
00:03:29,108 --> 00:03:31,142
Got my gal.
67
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:33,278
Well, at least
the kids are gone.
68
00:03:34,746 --> 00:03:35,914
Hi, dad.
Hi, mom.
69
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:37,882
I thought you were
staying out someplace?
70
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:40,651
Well, I was, but robby's
mom came home in a bad mood.
71
00:03:40,652 --> 00:03:44,255
She said something about
"no movies, no tupperware."
72
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:45,957
Skooch over.
73
00:03:46,959 --> 00:03:48,726
How was work?
Ah, who cares?
74
00:03:48,727 --> 00:03:50,494
How's school?
Who cares?
75
00:03:50,495 --> 00:03:52,997
Good boy.
76
00:03:52,998 --> 00:03:55,566
Now, shut up, bud,
the game's gonna come on.
77
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,568
Hi, mom. Hi, dad.
78
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,904
I thought you were
spending the night out?
79
00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:00,972
I did.
80
00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:04,209
Skooch over.
81
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:06,211
Oh, guess what.
82
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,511
You know billy's dad,
83
00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:09,881
You know, the one who goes
through his own garbage?
84
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,850
He just won a porsche
85
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:13,718
For being the 15th
caller on the radio.
86
00:04:13,719 --> 00:04:15,286
Isn't that great?
87
00:04:15,287 --> 00:04:17,088
That is the third porsche
on the block.
88
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:18,723
I can't believe
our neighborhood.
89
00:04:18,724 --> 00:04:23,427
Porsche, porsche,
dodge, porsche.
90
00:04:23,428 --> 00:04:25,830
Yeah, we also have wage earners,
wage earners,
91
00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:28,833
Leeches, and wage earners.
92
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,935
Kids, I think it's time
to thank your father
93
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:33,304
For bringing home
minimum wage.
94
00:04:33,305 --> 00:04:35,573
Thanks, dad.
Thanks, dad.
95
00:04:35,574 --> 00:04:37,275
Yup, I had a life once.
96
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,609
Any more good news?
97
00:04:38,610 --> 00:04:42,180
Yeah, we learned in school today
that by the time you retire,
98
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,715
Social security
won't be there anymore.
99
00:04:44,716 --> 00:04:48,920
You're not gonna come live
with us, are you, dad?
100
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,089
Did I tell you kids
that I love you today?
101
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,290
No, dad.
102
00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:54,192
Well, think about that
on your way upstairs.
103
00:04:55,794 --> 00:04:57,461
[doorbell rings]
104
00:04:57,462 --> 00:04:59,297
Gee, I wonder who
that could be?
105
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,599
That's steve and marcie.
Don't answer it, peg.
106
00:05:03,969 --> 00:05:06,704
Oh, look, it's steve
and marcie.
107
00:05:06,705 --> 00:05:07,705
Hi.
108
00:05:07,706 --> 00:05:09,207
Hey, al, ask me
what happened today.
109
00:05:13,845 --> 00:05:15,213
Peg, ask me how I'm doing.
110
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:16,247
How are you doing?
111
00:05:16,248 --> 00:05:18,249
You're looking at
the new manager
112
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:19,784
Of the leading
bank of chicago.
113
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:20,885
Steve got promoted.
114
00:05:20,886 --> 00:05:22,887
Well, congratulations.
115
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:25,290
Did you hear that, al?
Steve got promoted.
116
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:26,291
Gee, that's great.
117
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,293
What grade's he in?
118
00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:32,297
Oh, al.
119
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,899
You know when marcie got
that spot at kyoto national?
120
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,301
Her job at our
bank opened up.
121
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:39,503
Steve's going to be making
a lot more money now.
122
00:05:39,504 --> 00:05:41,005
Guess what I got
under my arm.
123
00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:43,007
Nair burn?
124
00:05:46,545 --> 00:05:48,512
A lot more money, al.
125
00:05:48,513 --> 00:05:50,448
Anyhow,
I brought some brochures.
126
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:51,983
We're gonna get a new car,
127
00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:55,820
You know, one that makes
a statement that says
128
00:05:55,821 --> 00:05:59,023
"why is he living
in this neighborhood?"
129
00:05:59,024 --> 00:06:00,925
I'm so proud
of my man.
130
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:03,661
Come and tell me
what it's like, marce.
131
00:06:05,297 --> 00:06:07,731
Anyhow, al,
you know about cars.
132
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:12,036
I've narrowed it down
to the volvo, the baby benz,
133
00:06:12,037 --> 00:06:14,305
And the bmw three series.
134
00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:18,977
Which would you get
if you had any money at all?
135
00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:21,545
Well, the bmw
is a driver's car,
136
00:06:21,546 --> 00:06:24,015
But if you should happen
to drive into a wall,
137
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:27,051
The benz has air bags,
so, uh...
138
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,421
I'd go with the bmw.
139
00:06:30,422 --> 00:06:32,723
What's the matter, al,
bad day?
140
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:35,659
Nope, because I'm gonna
watch the cubs.
141
00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:40,064
Yep, I'm watching them pull
the tarp over the field.
142
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:42,766
Tv announcer: ...And the gameis called due to rain.
143
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,769
Stay tunedfor something boring.
144
00:06:47,906 --> 00:06:50,341
Well, it's kind
of hard to describe.
145
00:06:50,342 --> 00:06:52,343
You know, it's the kind of
feeling of being happy
146
00:06:52,344 --> 00:06:55,646
To be married to him,
admiring him,
147
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:58,116
Looking forward
to him coming home.
148
00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:01,019
Marce, look at al.
149
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,389
Would you look forward
to him coming home?
150
00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:11,662
I'm sorry, peggy.
151
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:13,764
Anyhow, al, I can't
decide about the colors.
152
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:15,233
You see, I'm leaning
towards black.
153
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:19,904
That'll attract the women--
make them what they can't have.
154
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,508
Let's go, marce.
155
00:07:25,477 --> 00:07:28,979
Ooh, al-- by the way, marcie
has to go away this weekend.
156
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:30,314
Her mother's thinking
of remarrying,
157
00:07:30,315 --> 00:07:34,485
And she's driving up to run
a quick credit check.
158
00:07:34,486 --> 00:07:36,487
Can you give me a lift home
from work tomorrow?
159
00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:39,857
Why don't you ask a friend?
160
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,992
I don't want
to put any of them out.
161
00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:43,827
Let's go, marce.
162
00:07:43,828 --> 00:07:45,696
Let's go buy something.
163
00:07:45,697 --> 00:07:46,864
Ooh...
164
00:07:46,865 --> 00:07:50,634
I just love it when
you talk spending to me.
165
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,137
[door closes]
166
00:07:53,138 --> 00:07:54,872
I can't believe it.
167
00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:57,241
Everybody in the world
is making money.
168
00:07:57,242 --> 00:08:00,311
Aw, honey, that's not true.
169
00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:03,448
You're not.
170
00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,550
You're my rock, peg.
171
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:08,852
And you are
my albatross, al.
172
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:11,622
Look, honey,
you're still a young man.
173
00:08:11,623 --> 00:08:16,894
And there's plenty
of chances to make it big.
174
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,830
That's sweet of you, peg.
175
00:08:19,831 --> 00:08:22,567
A fella couldn't ask
for a better wife.
176
00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:28,239
[snoring]
177
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:39,883
It's okay, wyatt.
178
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:41,586
I'll get it.
179
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:47,658
Hi, al.
Be right with you.
180
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:50,361
Gee, I've never been in
a bank that was closed before.
181
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:53,063
Yep. This is where
it all happens.
182
00:08:53,064 --> 00:08:56,467
You know this is my favorite
time and my favorite place.
183
00:08:56,468 --> 00:09:00,104
Yeah, some people
like hawaii at sunset.
184
00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:01,205
Me?
185
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:05,075
Give me a bank
after hours.
186
00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:09,347
It's the cathedral
of capitalism.
187
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,949
Can you hear it, al?
188
00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:15,520
It's the sound
of interest accruing.
189
00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:18,689
I'll be with you
in a second,
190
00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,658
Just a few last minute
managerial duties.
191
00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:22,393
Tomorrow's a really busy day,
192
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:24,828
So I have to put out these
"next window, please" signs,
193
00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:27,398
Because we're only gonna
have two tellers working.
194
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,502
And I got one more
car loan to approve.
195
00:09:31,503 --> 00:09:33,070
Come on,
hurry up, steve!
196
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:34,172
It won't take long.
197
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,173
It's mine.
198
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,408
Yes!
199
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,879
Ok, al...
200
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,447
I'm ready.
201
00:09:44,049 --> 00:09:45,183
Al?
202
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,484
I'm in the vault!
203
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,919
Oh. The vault!
204
00:09:50,522 --> 00:09:51,989
Al, are you crazy?
205
00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:54,024
This is a federal offense.
206
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:55,693
I was just looking.
207
00:09:55,694 --> 00:09:57,828
Okay, I'm ready to go.
208
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:01,732
Al, you can't
touch this.
209
00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:03,367
This is money.
210
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:05,903
Only the bank president
and his squeeze
211
00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:07,771
Are allowed to play
with the money.
212
00:10:08,773 --> 00:10:11,008
Steve...
213
00:10:11,009 --> 00:10:12,276
Smell this.
214
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:16,247
Tell me we don't have
the same rights
215
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,818
As a bank president
and his squeeze.
216
00:10:20,819 --> 00:10:27,124
I'll see your 50,000
and I'll raise you...
217
00:10:27,125 --> 00:10:29,827
This gold bar.
218
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:33,931
I...Call.
219
00:10:33,932 --> 00:10:35,999
Read them and weep.
220
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,301
Jack high.
221
00:10:37,302 --> 00:10:39,069
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
222
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,338
Deuces, al.
223
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:43,006
Two of them.
224
00:10:43,007 --> 00:10:45,943
Hey, steve-- indian poker
for this guy's mortgage.
225
00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:48,879
I don't feel like it, al.
226
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,882
Is it unnatural for me
to be horny?
227
00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:55,620
Not at all, steve.
Money is love.
228
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:58,289
This is a car.
229
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:01,359
This is a house.
230
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,162
And all this is a blonde.
231
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:09,133
Look at these bonds, al.
232
00:11:09,134 --> 00:11:13,804
This little piece
of paper is worth $100,000.
233
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,339
[whistles]
234
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:17,875
Steve, I'm gonna just
throw something at you.
235
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:21,078
What say I pull
the car around back...
236
00:11:21,079 --> 00:11:23,714
We load it up...
237
00:11:23,715 --> 00:11:25,149
And head for canada?
238
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:27,318
Where the dollar
means something.
239
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,887
Call the girls
in about 10 years.
240
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,423
I can't.
241
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:33,491
Why?
242
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:34,725
I don't exactly know.
243
00:11:34,726 --> 00:11:35,993
Come on, steve!
244
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:38,596
They sell mercedes
in canada-- big ones!
245
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:42,032
And they come with hookers
dressed like college girls.
246
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:44,402
Come on, steve.
Get some bags.
247
00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,069
I'll toss out
peg's dry cleaning
248
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:47,772
And we'll make rooms
in the trunk.
249
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,973
It's not like we're never gonna
see the girls again, right?
250
00:11:49,974 --> 00:11:53,143
Right!
Okay, I'll get the car!
251
00:11:53,144 --> 00:11:55,913
If wyatt wakes up,
kill him.
252
00:11:58,082 --> 00:11:59,317
Wait a second.
253
00:11:59,318 --> 00:12:02,052
Al, this is insane.
254
00:12:02,053 --> 00:12:03,354
It's wrong.
255
00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:04,488
It's illegal.
256
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:07,525
Ooh, that's it.
It's illegal.
257
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,994
Aw, come on, buddy.
258
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:13,331
We've had our fun.
Let's go home.
259
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,332
All right.
260
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,766
You're right.
You're right.
261
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:18,602
It's all coming back to me now.
Ungrateful redhead, rotten kids.
262
00:12:18,603 --> 00:12:20,170
Yeah.
263
00:12:20,171 --> 00:12:22,740
Yeah, I'm back now,
but what a beautiful memory.
264
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,742
I wish I had
a picture of it.
265
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:27,177
So I could show my grandchildren
I had all this money,
266
00:12:27,178 --> 00:12:29,913
But their grandmother
spent it all.
267
00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:31,081
I know.
268
00:12:31,082 --> 00:12:33,016
But...
269
00:12:33,017 --> 00:12:35,886
We got our memories.
270
00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:37,688
Let's go, buddy.
271
00:12:48,867 --> 00:12:51,168
Well, I think we should
be proud of your daddy.
272
00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:55,840
He just cost us the only chance
we'll ever have for happiness.
273
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,074
I'll tell you this much--
274
00:12:57,075 --> 00:13:00,478
The man I marry would
have taken that money.
275
00:13:02,013 --> 00:13:03,614
Hey, leave dad alone.
276
00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:06,717
Don't you think he knows
he made the biggest mistake
277
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:09,052
Of all our lives?
278
00:13:09,053 --> 00:13:12,222
As I said to steve,
it's illegal and wrong,
279
00:13:12,223 --> 00:13:15,760
And I'll have no part of it.
280
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:18,128
Al, tell me something,
honey.
281
00:13:18,129 --> 00:13:20,564
When you were in there
with all that money,
282
00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:22,533
What did you
think about?
283
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:25,168
Well, peg, I thought
if I did take it,
284
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:27,705
You and me and the kids
would drive up to canada
285
00:13:27,706 --> 00:13:29,507
And live the life
we deserve.
286
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,308
Aw, honey.
287
00:13:31,309 --> 00:13:32,710
I know.
I know.
288
00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,113
All right, al, there's
a million dollars missing.
289
00:13:36,114 --> 00:13:37,815
Where is it?
290
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,683
Oh, al!
291
00:13:39,684 --> 00:13:40,584
All right, dad!
292
00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:49,860
I can have
everything I want.
293
00:13:49,861 --> 00:13:52,596
I love my daddy!
294
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:55,198
We all do, dear.
295
00:13:55,199 --> 00:13:58,135
Al, you are scum.
296
00:13:58,136 --> 00:14:00,404
But he can buy
and sell you, buddy.
297
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,575
Steve, listen, you know
I didn't take it.
298
00:14:04,576 --> 00:14:07,244
Now how could I carry
a million dollars?
299
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:08,479
Those security bonds.
300
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,947
Ten stinking pieces of paper.
301
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:12,550
You could have put them anywhere
while I was out of the vault.
302
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,252
Security bonds.
Brilliant, dad.
303
00:14:15,253 --> 00:14:18,355
Those are good in canada,
aren't they, al?
304
00:14:18,356 --> 00:14:21,792
A cashmere sweater,
a cd player,
305
00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:25,162
David lee roth
chained to my bed.
306
00:14:26,698 --> 00:14:29,066
Listen, al, Monday when
they check the duty roster,
307
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,936
One word is gonna come
from above: Rhoades.
308
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:34,371
I'll have one word
for them: Bundy.
309
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:36,841
Listen, steve,
I didn't take it!
310
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,041
Al!
311
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:41,411
We're talking 20-50
with chain saw killers.
312
00:14:41,412 --> 00:14:44,114
And don't think I'm serving
time alone, bunkie.
313
00:14:44,115 --> 00:14:46,316
If I'm going to be playing
in the showers with maniacs,
314
00:14:46,317 --> 00:14:48,318
You're gonna be
passing the soap.
315
00:14:50,154 --> 00:14:52,122
I did not take it!
316
00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:53,591
Hello, debbie?
317
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:56,360
Remember saying you
wouldn't go out with me
318
00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:58,362
For all the money
in the world?
319
00:14:58,363 --> 00:15:02,466
Let's test that theory,
shall we?
320
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,602
I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.
321
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:08,305
I'm going to go home,
drink moderately, and pass out.
322
00:15:08,306 --> 00:15:11,675
And when I come to, you're
gonna give the money back,
323
00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:15,513
Because I believe, deep down,
that you are an honest man.
324
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:19,249
So...Here I go...
325
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:21,752
Walking through
the door...
326
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,687
To leave you alone
with your conscience.
327
00:15:23,688 --> 00:15:26,857
Peggy, I'm depending on you
to make him do the right thing.
328
00:15:26,858 --> 00:15:31,461
Steve, if al said he didn't
take it, he didn't take it.
329
00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:36,534
God, I love you!
330
00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:41,071
Oh...Sure, my husband
shows me no affection
331
00:15:41,072 --> 00:15:45,976
And has a go-nowhere job,
but daddy is really taking care
332
00:15:45,977 --> 00:15:47,945
Of his family now, kids!
333
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:50,614
Yeah!
All right, dad!
334
00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:52,983
Peg, listen to me
for once in your life.
335
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:55,052
I don't have the money.
336
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:57,354
Now don't think you're
holding out on me, al.
337
00:15:57,355 --> 00:15:58,355
Uh-uh.
338
00:15:58,356 --> 00:16:00,190
I've made your breakfasts.
339
00:16:00,191 --> 00:16:01,792
I've had your children.
340
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:05,029
I've even gone
to the bathroom after you.
341
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,064
I've paid my dues, al.
342
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:09,900
I've earned that money just
as if I'd taken it myself.
343
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:13,070
Half of it's mine.
344
00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:16,807
Unless you go to prison,
and then it's all mine.
345
00:16:16,808 --> 00:16:19,977
So where is it, snookie?
346
00:16:21,079 --> 00:16:23,013
Don't know.
347
00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,715
Okay, al.
348
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:29,319
I believe you.
349
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,096
I know what you're thinking.
350
00:16:39,097 --> 00:16:42,833
"how can I serve my daddy?"
351
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,602
You can fix me breakfast.
352
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,336
What's in it for us?
353
00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:47,972
Right. Why should
I make breakfast
354
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:50,507
For a man who won't
even cut us in?
355
00:16:50,508 --> 00:16:53,744
Well, okay peg,
but I'll tell you this,
356
00:16:53,745 --> 00:16:55,345
If a guy did have
a million dollars
357
00:16:55,346 --> 00:16:57,014
He sure wouldn't
share it with someone
358
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,849
Who wouldn't fix
his breakfast.
359
00:17:04,288 --> 00:17:05,723
It's not golden brown
enough.
360
00:17:05,724 --> 00:17:06,924
I knew it!
I knew it!
361
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,458
I'm sorry.
362
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:09,860
The harm's done, bud.
363
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:11,461
Daddy's upset.
364
00:17:11,462 --> 00:17:13,764
Don't badger
your father, kids.
365
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:15,298
Juice, al?
366
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:18,201
Why not?
I squeezed it myself.
367
00:17:18,202 --> 00:17:20,570
Tell us again
about rio, honey.
368
00:17:20,571 --> 00:17:23,040
Okay.
369
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:26,677
We'll all be there,
laying in the sun.
370
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,079
Pulp.
371
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,016
The palm trees
will be swaying in the breeze,
372
00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,483
And the cabana boys...
373
00:17:33,484 --> 00:17:36,053
Ohh...
374
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,789
They live to serve you.
375
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:40,524
Kelly, move it
with daddy's juice.
376
00:17:42,393 --> 00:17:47,064
And the surfer boys in their
tiny little bathing suits
377
00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:50,233
Will be riding the waves.
378
00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:53,971
Tell me again
about their bodies, al.
379
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:55,973
They're tight, peg.
380
00:17:55,974 --> 00:18:03,047
Young, tight, and tan,
still glistening from the surf.
381
00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:12,022
Would you like another rubdown
with your breakfast, al?
382
00:18:12,023 --> 00:18:16,359
Peg, I'm raw, I'm full,
and I can't go on.
383
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,995
Leave me alone.
384
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,197
I don't have
the money!
385
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:22,833
Yeah, right, and I'm don't
have a date with debbie.
386
00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:25,202
18-year-old debbie?
387
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:27,738
Money talks, kel.
388
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:28,739
[doorbell rings]
389
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,075
I'll get that, dear.
390
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:37,181
♪ rio de janeiro
where the boys swing ♪
391
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,817
♪ their derriere-oh ♪
392
00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:45,422
Well, it's Monday.
393
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:47,157
Right about now
they should discover
394
00:18:47,158 --> 00:18:49,693
There's a million
dollars missing.
395
00:18:49,694 --> 00:18:51,095
They think back--
396
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:54,164
"let's see, who was the last
person in the bank on Saturday?
397
00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:56,133
"who had the opportunity?
398
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:57,968
"why, it was rhoades.
399
00:18:57,969 --> 00:19:00,437
"no wonder he called
in sick today.
400
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:01,839
"well, let's turn down
his car loan
401
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,442
And give him 20 years
to life."
402
00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:06,844
Of course,
I'll turn you in.
403
00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:09,046
And soon as we're
both behind bars,
404
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:11,782
I'm going to kill you.
405
00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:13,316
If I can't do it myself,
406
00:19:13,317 --> 00:19:16,954
I'll make sure my boyfriend's
bigger than yours.
407
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,392
Don't let him scare you, al.
408
00:19:22,393 --> 00:19:25,328
You could do 20 years
standing on your head.
409
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:27,998
Yeah, dad, and we'll
be waiting right here for you
410
00:19:27,999 --> 00:19:30,234
When you get out.
411
00:19:32,470 --> 00:19:35,438
Look, al, I can see
why you wouldn't mind prison,
412
00:19:35,439 --> 00:19:38,041
But I like my home life.
413
00:19:38,042 --> 00:19:39,276
Nice welcome home present
for marcie.
414
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:40,778
What's she going to say
415
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:43,580
When I don't show up for dinner
for the next 20 years to life?
416
00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:44,581
[doorbell rings]
417
00:19:44,582 --> 00:19:46,316
There's the long arm
of the law!
418
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:50,888
Nope, it's the frog legs
of your wife.
419
00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,622
Hi, steve.
420
00:19:52,623 --> 00:19:54,624
I missed you so much.
421
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:56,326
She's wearing red.
422
00:19:56,327 --> 00:19:58,295
That's how
they got dillinger.
423
00:19:58,296 --> 00:19:59,763
Are you feeling okay, steve?
424
00:19:59,764 --> 00:20:01,965
I went by your bank,
when I got back to town
425
00:20:01,966 --> 00:20:03,233
And they said
you were sick.
426
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:07,437
Uh...They happen to mention
anything else about me?
427
00:20:07,438 --> 00:20:11,675
Well, no, steve,
but you're going to love this.
428
00:20:11,676 --> 00:20:14,845
Your bank lost
a million dollars!
429
00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:20,951
Oh, I get another job,
and things just fall apart.
430
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:23,553
I mean, how do you lose
a million dollars?
431
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,322
They were in a panic.
432
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:27,925
The computer made a transfer
of funds to munich,
433
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:33,030
But the telex confirmation-- had
the 12-hour international delay.
434
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:34,064
Of course!
435
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:35,665
Well, I'm sure
you would have caught it
436
00:20:35,666 --> 00:20:37,600
If you hadn't
been out sick.
437
00:20:37,601 --> 00:20:39,569
I'm better now.
438
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,004
Isn't that something?
439
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:46,009
I'll bet some idiots down at the
bank thought somebody took it.
440
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:48,846
We are banking
professionals, al.
441
00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:50,513
Come on, steve.
Let's go home.
442
00:20:50,514 --> 00:20:52,182
Just a minute, marcie.
443
00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:53,283
Uh...Al?
444
00:20:53,284 --> 00:20:54,651
Yes, steve?
445
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:59,323
Keep your kids away
from my mercedes.
446
00:21:01,625 --> 00:21:03,227
The funniest thing is,
with that telex delay,
447
00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:06,663
Somebody could have really
taken that million dollars
448
00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:09,532
And been well into canada
by the time they caught it.
449
00:21:16,774 --> 00:21:19,676
We don't have
a million dollars, al?
450
00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:22,645
Peg, I've been trying to tell
you that for two days.
451
00:21:22,646 --> 00:21:25,615
You know I never
listen to you.
452
00:21:25,616 --> 00:21:27,284
Well, we're broke
again, kids.
453
00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:28,685
Thank your father.
454
00:21:28,686 --> 00:21:31,154
Thanks, dad.
Thanks, dad.
455
00:21:31,155 --> 00:21:32,222
Ah, what the hell?
456
00:21:32,223 --> 00:21:33,423
We're rich in other ways.
457
00:21:33,424 --> 00:21:35,158
We've still got each other.
458
00:21:35,159 --> 00:21:36,927
Well, I'm going to work.
459
00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:38,661
And I'll tell you what I'll do:
460
00:21:38,662 --> 00:21:42,032
I'll stop off after work
and get us some sugar pops.
461
00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:43,033
See?
462
00:21:43,034 --> 00:21:45,568
We're not too broke to eat.
463
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:54,611
Well, life isn't so bad,
is it, kids?
464
00:21:59,617 --> 00:22:01,151
Radio announcer:
And on a local note,
465
00:22:01,152 --> 00:22:03,720
Tragedy was narrowlyaverted moments ago
466
00:22:03,721 --> 00:22:06,890
When a sobbing woman and hertwo hysterical children
467
00:22:06,891 --> 00:22:10,660
Weretalked down from a ledgeon the sears tower.
468
00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:14,097
It's believed to be the firstfamily suicide attempt
469
00:22:14,098 --> 00:22:15,799
Inchicago history.
470
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,734
The woman was quotedas sobbing,
471
00:22:17,735 --> 00:22:21,838
"shoes.He sells shoes."
472
00:22:23,774 --> 00:22:25,175
I'm home!
473
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:48,999
[♪]
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