Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:05,002
[♪]
2
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,542
Is it really
gonna happen today, daddy?
3
00:01:17,543 --> 00:01:19,611
Are we really gonna eat?
4
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:22,680
That we are, kids.
5
00:01:22,681 --> 00:01:24,416
And this time
it's no pipe dream.
6
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,218
I gave your mother
some money,
7
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,019
Towed her car
to the supermarket,
8
00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:31,289
Tied her hands--
tied her hands to the cart,
9
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,557
Put my foot on her rear,
10
00:01:32,558 --> 00:01:36,394
And jump-started her
towards the meat department.
11
00:01:36,395 --> 00:01:38,563
So get ready, kids,
'cause soon our mouths
12
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:41,899
Will be alive with dead animals
from every race and religion.
13
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:44,136
Good.
Mm.
14
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,338
You make it sound
so good, dad.
[chuckles]
15
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:47,805
Tell us again
what supper was like
16
00:01:47,806 --> 00:01:49,374
When you were a boy.
Yeah.
17
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:50,975
Well...
18
00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:52,877
You young'uns never get tired
of hearing it.
19
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:53,878
No, no.
No.
20
00:01:53,879 --> 00:01:54,946
All right.
21
00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:57,248
Well, back in the old days,
22
00:01:57,249 --> 00:01:59,250
Whenever the sun would go down,
23
00:01:59,251 --> 00:02:01,352
We'd all gather at a table,
much like this one.
24
00:02:01,353 --> 00:02:03,021
[whispers]
wow.
25
00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:05,990
Matter of fact,
it was this one.
26
00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:07,591
And there before us,
27
00:02:07,592 --> 00:02:09,994
Stretched as far
as the eye could see,
28
00:02:09,995 --> 00:02:12,297
Was meat.
Mm.
29
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:15,066
Oh, do I remember the meat.
30
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:16,468
I was only 5 years old,
31
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,202
But I remember
my dad telling me,
32
00:02:18,203 --> 00:02:21,640
"save your table scraps
for mommy."
33
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:24,276
Of course we never did.
34
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:28,012
[tearfully]
oh, look, dad,
your little boy's eating again.
35
00:02:29,882 --> 00:02:31,783
Daddy, who made you
this meat?
36
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,685
Well, back then,
we called her mother.
37
00:02:35,254 --> 00:02:37,455
See, kids, "mother" meant
"home cooking" then.
38
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:39,357
'course back then,
"gay" meant "happy."
39
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,192
Well...
40
00:02:43,061 --> 00:02:44,829
Dad, were there
any vegetables?
41
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:47,699
Yeah, but we pushed them
off to the side.
42
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,701
Save room for the biscuits
and the butter.
43
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:53,504
And not that hard butter either
that cruelly rips the bread.
44
00:02:53,505 --> 00:02:56,608
But soft butter
that spreads smooth
45
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,244
Like your grandma's butt
on a barstool.
46
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:02,647
Mm, mm, mm.
47
00:03:02,648 --> 00:03:05,216
[peg humming]
48
00:03:05,217 --> 00:03:07,017
[lock clicks]
49
00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:10,321
[humming]
50
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:20,865
Ooh.
51
00:03:38,016 --> 00:03:40,217
Where's our meat,
woman?
52
00:03:42,087 --> 00:03:44,856
Al, did you get these kids
into a frenzy again
53
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:47,025
Over this eating thing?
54
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:48,660
You know,
you just won't be happy
55
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,428
Till I'm as afraid to come home
as you are, will ya?
56
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:56,734
Well, this is a fine
how-do-you-doody.
57
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:01,539
You with your fairy stories
about meat,
58
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:03,708
And you,
who goes to the market
59
00:04:03,709 --> 00:04:05,209
And brings home what?
60
00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:06,611
Something with letters
61
00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:09,013
That aren't even
in alphabetical order.
62
00:04:10,749 --> 00:04:12,450
Which, I suspect,
are of use
63
00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:15,853
For only those
who can read.
64
00:04:15,854 --> 00:04:17,988
Now, we were promised food.
And what do we get?
65
00:04:17,989 --> 00:04:19,824
Just another meatless Monday.
66
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:22,326
This is no fun day.
67
00:04:23,962 --> 00:04:25,496
It-- it's the meat d.T.'s.
68
00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:26,531
Bud,
69
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,065
Take your sister
for a walk.
70
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:29,400
And don't tie her
to a hydrant
71
00:04:29,401 --> 00:04:31,869
And go for a soda
like last time.
72
00:04:31,870 --> 00:04:35,440
Just 'cause she can't think
doesn't mean she can't feel.
73
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:39,243
Honey, it'd be good for you
to be seen with a pretty girl.
74
00:04:39,244 --> 00:04:40,611
Yeah, right.
75
00:04:40,612 --> 00:04:42,914
They'll just think I paid
for her like everybody else.
76
00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:52,791
Look.
Buck has a bone.
77
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,659
Oh, god,
it's got meat on it!
78
00:04:57,929 --> 00:04:59,097
Pookie.
79
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:00,565
Yes, honey?
80
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,168
Take all your clothes off
right now.
81
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:04,969
[chuckling]
oh, baby.
82
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,004
You finally
wanna do it.
83
00:05:07,005 --> 00:05:10,341
No, but I need something
to kill my appetite.
84
00:05:11,877 --> 00:05:15,513
Peg, what did you spend
the $20 on I gave you for food?
85
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:18,516
Well, I ate,
of course.
86
00:05:18,517 --> 00:05:21,886
And then I bought
this magazine, amazing homes.
87
00:05:21,887 --> 00:05:23,754
Just look
at this house, al.
88
00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:24,989
Why can't we have a house
89
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:28,593
With a name
like chateau paradise?
90
00:05:28,594 --> 00:05:29,827
[coughing]
well,
91
00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:31,896
Maybe I'm mismanaging
my $3.20 an hour.
92
00:05:31,897 --> 00:05:33,831
Let's see.
93
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:38,035
Well, I'm sure
that the shoe salesman
94
00:05:38,036 --> 00:05:39,904
That owns
this house is, uh--
95
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:40,905
Well, wait a minute.
96
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:43,174
No, it's not
a shoe salesman.
97
00:05:43,175 --> 00:05:46,677
That's bob "I'm a zillionaire"
hope's house.
98
00:05:46,678 --> 00:05:49,180
Oh, wait. Maybe this really
big house is a shoe salesman's.
99
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:51,983
No, dagnabit.
This is a drug lord.
100
00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:57,489
Gee, I-- I feel so worthless.
You deserve so much more.
101
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,890
I mean, your rear end
should be squashing a couch
102
00:05:59,891 --> 00:06:01,926
Much bigger than ours.
103
00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:03,027
Oh, honey.
104
00:06:03,028 --> 00:06:05,563
You can be so sweet
when you want to be.
105
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:06,964
But don't feel bad.
106
00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:09,634
I never expected you
to amount to anything.
107
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,368
You know, the guy
I fell in love with
108
00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:13,137
Was just a crazy,
carefree guy
109
00:06:13,138 --> 00:06:16,340
With an easy smile
and a fast car.
110
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:19,410
'course, he wouldn't marry me,
so I took you.
111
00:06:19,411 --> 00:06:21,813
But I've never looked back.
112
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:22,814
Ooh.
113
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:25,417
Except when we kiss.
114
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,018
Well, don't look back
the next time I ask you
115
00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,620
To open the garage door
for me either.
116
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,921
'cause if you do, you might see
the mighty dodge emblem
117
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:32,290
Bearin' down on ya.
118
00:06:35,427 --> 00:06:38,496
Yeah, like I'd really stand
in front of your car.
119
00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:39,998
I'm telling you,
120
00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:42,466
This magazine says
we can have a lovely home.
121
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:45,269
And it says that
it doesn't cost very much money.
122
00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:47,839
All it takes
is a decorator's eye,
123
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,475
Which I have,
according to professor lavar.
124
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,513
Professor lavar?
125
00:06:55,514 --> 00:06:57,415
How much, peg?
126
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:58,949
You're just
gonna love him, al.
127
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:00,251
He is the professor
128
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:02,620
At the cook county school
of interior design,
129
00:07:02,621 --> 00:07:05,190
Of which I am now enrolled.
130
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,491
How much, peg?
Ooh.
131
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,225
I feel so good.
132
00:07:08,226 --> 00:07:10,127
Two thousand dollars.
133
00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:12,096
[sighs]
134
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:13,998
I have finally found
my calling,
135
00:07:13,999 --> 00:07:16,367
And I knew you'd be happy
for me, honey.
136
00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:18,803
Honey?
137
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:22,573
[muttering]
138
00:07:22,574 --> 00:07:24,074
Oh, al, watch out.
139
00:07:24,075 --> 00:07:25,876
Let me get your tongue.
140
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,049
[grunts]
141
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:34,585
You spent $2000
on a decorating school?
142
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:35,919
[giggling]
uh-huh.
143
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:38,789
Well, it must be my fault.
144
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:43,060
Sure, I'll take the blame.
I didn't have to say, "I do."
145
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,262
I could've just taken
146
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,264
One of your uncle's
shotgun blasts in the back,
147
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:48,266
Be done with it.
148
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:51,702
But then, honey, we couldn't
have had that great reception.
149
00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:53,971
You know, where your father
whispered in my ear,
150
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:55,973
"if you like my son,
I'm twice as fun."
151
00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:57,275
Ah...
152
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,845
Oh, come on, al. Go with me
on this decorating thing.
153
00:08:01,846 --> 00:08:04,548
I'm really good at it.
You'll see tomorrow.
154
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,816
My homework assignment
155
00:08:05,817 --> 00:08:07,885
Is to make one room
in this house
156
00:08:07,886 --> 00:08:09,086
Breathtakingly beautiful.
157
00:08:09,087 --> 00:08:10,087
Peg,
158
00:08:10,088 --> 00:08:11,989
This is my house.
159
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:15,058
If you want it
to look better, dust.
160
00:08:18,096 --> 00:08:21,064
If you want it
to smell better, cook.
161
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:24,802
If you want it
to be happy, leave.
162
00:08:28,139 --> 00:08:30,641
But do not touch
this house.
163
00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:32,976
I am not a man
happy with change.
164
00:08:32,977 --> 00:08:36,614
Well, that explains your job
and your underwear.
165
00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:40,251
Peg, I'm warning you.
166
00:08:40,252 --> 00:08:42,019
Touch not a hair
in this house.
167
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:45,223
Do not redecorate.
168
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:47,057
I won't.
169
00:08:47,058 --> 00:08:48,659
A pox on you.
170
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,628
Like I'd notice.
171
00:09:02,674 --> 00:09:04,275
Seems normal.
172
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,388
Yep. Normal.
173
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:21,191
Let me check upstairs.
174
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:27,865
Al:
She listened to me!
It's normal!
175
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:29,033
[al laughing]
176
00:09:33,404 --> 00:09:37,108
Son, I'm glad you're here.
177
00:09:37,109 --> 00:09:40,211
I wanna talk to you
about being a man.
178
00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:41,546
See, son, a man--
179
00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,147
I know
what you're getting at.
180
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:46,751
Do you think I want to be
home early on a Friday night?
181
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,820
You think I'm not trying
desperately to get a date?
182
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:51,622
Do you think I like
hearing the chants:
183
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:53,724
"bud, bud, alone he'll sit.
184
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:55,293
Bud, bud, will touch no--"
185
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,528
I don't wanna talk about you.
186
00:10:00,966 --> 00:10:04,435
I wanna talk about my great
victory over your mother.
187
00:10:04,436 --> 00:10:05,970
Revel with me, son.
188
00:10:05,971 --> 00:10:07,571
She listened to me.
I put my foot down,
189
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:08,940
And your mother listened
to me.
190
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,008
And you know why?
191
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,510
Because I am the man.
192
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:15,412
The chief.
The king. The boss.
193
00:10:19,918 --> 00:10:22,954
Bob's big boy with fries.
194
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:26,190
Extra cheese,
maybe a little bacon.
195
00:10:26,191 --> 00:10:28,760
God, I'm hungry.
196
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:29,894
But anyway, bud,
197
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:34,098
Always remember
that the man is the boss
198
00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:36,667
Because the man--
and it's proven the world over.
199
00:10:36,668 --> 00:10:38,736
Any country you go to,
no matter what it is,
200
00:10:38,737 --> 00:10:41,405
There's always
a word for man.
201
00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:46,410
Dad, are you absolutely sure
you're my real father?
202
00:10:47,579 --> 00:10:49,414
[laughing]
yes.
203
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:51,816
Don't you know I called
for an immediate blood test?
204
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,017
[laughing]
205
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,656
Son, now I'm going
to go celebrate my victory
206
00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:01,859
The way a man
celebrates his victory.
207
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:04,228
[grunts]
208
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:06,430
[humming]
209
00:11:32,724 --> 00:11:35,392
How long was I out?
210
00:11:35,393 --> 00:11:38,162
A good 45 minutes.
211
00:11:38,163 --> 00:11:39,964
Why didn't you come get me?
212
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:43,167
Dad, you're always
in there for 45 minutes.
213
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:45,737
You did 45 minutes
in the bushes one time.
214
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:49,473
That was the jenkins' yard.
That was a good spot.
215
00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:52,143
Well, their roses won prizes
that year.
216
00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:02,019
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, bud.
217
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,154
Hey, where's kelly?
218
00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:04,421
You know,
we haven't seen her
219
00:12:04,422 --> 00:12:05,689
Since you took her
for a walk.
220
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:10,561
So I forgot.
221
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:13,931
Well, don't worry.
222
00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,633
I mean, how much trouble
can she get into
223
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,201
Double-knotted
to a telephone pole
224
00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:19,837
In front
of the pussycat theater?
225
00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:23,674
Okay, al.
226
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:25,443
Now, I know you seen
the bathroom.
227
00:12:25,444 --> 00:12:26,677
What do you think?
228
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:28,079
Well, peg,
229
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,048
It's just like your hair
got larger and became a room.
230
00:12:32,617 --> 00:12:33,951
So you like it?
231
00:12:33,952 --> 00:12:36,920
Peg, you took
my once-mighty ferguson,
232
00:12:36,921 --> 00:12:40,458
And you put a little,
pink fuzzy thing on it.
233
00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:43,594
It cried out to me
in its pain, peg.
234
00:12:43,595 --> 00:12:46,129
It's a toilet, al.
It can't talk.
235
00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:49,132
Well, I've known it long enough
to know what it's thinking.
236
00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,969
Now, you've desecrated
the toilet I call home.
237
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,570
Oh, al.
238
00:12:53,571 --> 00:12:55,539
There is plenty of you
left in that bathroom.
239
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:56,674
Where's my shaving cream?
240
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,609
In the right cup
of the bra rack.
241
00:12:58,610 --> 00:12:59,743
Where's my razor?
242
00:12:59,744 --> 00:13:02,146
In the tampon carousel.
243
00:13:04,883 --> 00:13:06,517
Where's my deodorant?
244
00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:09,687
That is a trick question.
You don't use any.
245
00:13:10,989 --> 00:13:12,723
You promised, peg.
246
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:15,193
Well, I promised not to do
a room in this house.
247
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,161
A bathroom is not a room.
248
00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:18,629
Yes, it is a room!
249
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:21,731
It says so in the title:
"bath-room."
250
00:13:21,732 --> 00:13:24,201
From the greek,
bathroqopolis.
251
00:13:26,571 --> 00:13:28,905
A quiet oasis,
away from camels and women.
252
00:13:28,906 --> 00:13:31,208
Now I have to machete my way
through your pantyhose
253
00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:32,777
To use the one upstairs.
254
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,779
Oh. Gee, al, I don't think
you wanna do that.
255
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:39,851
You see, I did that one sort of
more like a woman's bathroom.
256
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,752
You know,
it has ballerina faucets
257
00:13:41,753 --> 00:13:42,920
And a bidet.
258
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:45,623
Oh. And a mel gibson
shower nozzle. Heh.
259
00:13:47,192 --> 00:13:49,894
It's shaped just
like his head.
260
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:50,628
[laughs]
261
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:53,430
God, I feel so clean.
262
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:56,067
Gee, I-- I hope
professor lavar likes it.
263
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,169
Him and the entire class
are coming over tonight
264
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,770
To grade me
on what I did.
265
00:13:59,771 --> 00:14:03,074
But, peg, now I have no place
to go to the bathroom.
266
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:05,376
Oh, stop whining,
you big baby.
267
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:07,778
Look, why don't you at least
try the new bathroom.
268
00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:09,981
I put a very special
feature on it.
269
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:11,249
When you flush the toilet,
270
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,184
It plays
"we've only just begun."
271
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:16,620
Peg, you know that's
our wedding song.
272
00:14:16,621 --> 00:14:20,224
Every time I hear it,
it freezes up my innards solid.
273
00:14:20,225 --> 00:14:22,826
Oh, come on, honey.
274
00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:23,827
Look, just try it.
275
00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:25,262
If you don't like it,
276
00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:26,663
You never have
to do it again.
277
00:14:26,664 --> 00:14:27,931
I've heard that before.
278
00:14:27,932 --> 00:14:30,434
If that was true,
explain bud to me.
Oh.
279
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:37,140
[heartbeat pounding]
280
00:14:42,647 --> 00:14:44,948
[heartbeat intensifies]
281
00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:01,732
[♪]
282
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:13,344
Al:
No! No! Oh!
283
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:21,886
Peg? I tried it,
I don't like it.
284
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,721
Change it back.
No.
285
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:27,992
Peg, a bathroom should be
cold, white, soothing.
286
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:29,560
It should say,
287
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,929
"step up to the bowl, pardner,
and make it a double."
288
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:38,669
But, peg,
my toilet's not a man.
289
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:41,706
My ferguson
has become...Fergie.
290
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,874
Change it back, peg.
291
00:15:43,875 --> 00:15:45,109
No.
292
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,144
I see we have--
what we have here.
293
00:15:47,145 --> 00:15:49,246
We have a battle of wills.
Well, that's fine.
294
00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:51,215
'cause I will not bend,
I will not break.
295
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,217
I will not sit,
I will not make.
296
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,387
Was that john keats?
297
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:57,388
That was bundy.
298
00:15:58,223 --> 00:15:59,924
Al bundy,
299
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,224
Man.
300
00:16:01,225 --> 00:16:02,593
And I'm telling you, peg,
301
00:16:02,594 --> 00:16:04,227
If you don't change
my toilet back,
302
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:06,263
There are plenty
of single women out there
303
00:16:06,264 --> 00:16:09,566
That have just the kind
of bowls I'm looking for.
304
00:16:09,567 --> 00:16:11,769
So test me, peg,
305
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:14,872
And you'll see me sitting
in a bathroom
306
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,306
In a penthouse apartment
307
00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:19,543
With a blond with a match
waiting outside the door.
308
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:31,855
Mother-in-law
visiting again?
309
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:33,690
Yeah. How about you?
310
00:16:33,691 --> 00:16:35,259
My daughter's home
from college.
311
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,426
Ah, that's rough.
[sighs]
312
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:38,996
Hey, new guy.
313
00:16:38,997 --> 00:16:40,965
What are you in for?
314
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:42,800
Wife made the bathroom pink.
315
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,568
Ho!
Whoo!
316
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,415
Thanks, guys.
317
00:16:58,416 --> 00:16:59,617
What's it like in there?
318
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,618
White, cool,
319
00:17:01,619 --> 00:17:02,886
Graffiti disparaging women,
320
00:17:02,887 --> 00:17:04,855
And a couple of boasts
from guys about how long
321
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:06,924
It would take them
to get connie chung pregnant.
322
00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:13,697
Hey, you in there.
What'd you do, fall in?
323
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:16,066
[all laughing]
324
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:17,568
Hey, the new guy's funny.
325
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:19,202
[both laughing]
326
00:17:19,203 --> 00:17:21,605
[toilet flushes]
327
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:35,686
Hey, ya bum.
Ah!
328
00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:38,889
What do we do now?
329
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,190
Well, if you don't mind
the drive,
330
00:17:40,191 --> 00:17:42,359
Nothing beats barney's,
on the wisconsin border.
331
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,161
They don't even have gas pumps
anymore, just acres of toilets.
332
00:17:46,631 --> 00:17:47,731
Well, wait a minute, guys.
333
00:17:47,732 --> 00:17:49,433
I know I'm the new guy here,
334
00:17:49,434 --> 00:17:52,202
And it's not my place
to speak up, but...
335
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:53,870
What're we doing?
336
00:17:53,871 --> 00:17:55,205
We're men.
337
00:17:55,206 --> 00:17:57,474
We were put
on this planet to--
338
00:17:57,475 --> 00:17:59,743
Well, I don't know what we were
put on this planet to do,
339
00:17:59,744 --> 00:18:01,211
But we're here, damn it.
340
00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:02,646
And we're americans.
341
00:18:02,647 --> 00:18:03,980
And we have a right to use
342
00:18:03,981 --> 00:18:06,416
The best toilet system
in the free world.
343
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:09,052
Are we to use a gas station
bathroom like some--
344
00:18:09,053 --> 00:18:10,654
Some common russki?
345
00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:13,824
We're being driven
from our homes,
346
00:18:13,825 --> 00:18:15,058
Room by room,
347
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:18,862
Running like a frenchman
from a cap gun.
348
00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:20,864
And from whom?
349
00:18:20,865 --> 00:18:23,133
From our women.
350
00:18:23,134 --> 00:18:24,768
They've taken over
our closets,
351
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:27,504
Driven us out of our bedrooms
by their very nakedness.
352
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,341
Now, you guys can take it,
353
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:33,877
But not this yankee
doody dandy.
354
00:18:33,878 --> 00:18:37,748
Tonight, I'm reclaiming
my toilet bowl.
355
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,451
All right!
Yeah!
356
00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:48,792
So, what do we do now?
357
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:51,595
Well, how bad could it be?
358
00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:53,463
I'm going in.
359
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:03,173
Gee, I've been needing
something for church. Heh.
360
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:11,281
Hi, honey.
361
00:19:11,282 --> 00:19:12,583
What are you doing home?
362
00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:14,250
I thought you were
out on the town,
363
00:19:14,251 --> 00:19:15,886
Marking your territory.
364
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:20,323
Woman, I have come to take back
what is rightfully mine.
365
00:19:20,324 --> 00:19:21,959
My bathroom.
366
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,060
[doorbell rings]
367
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:24,728
Oh, not now, al.
368
00:19:24,729 --> 00:19:26,263
I'm really nervous.
369
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,632
This is the first thing
I've done that I'm proud of
370
00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:31,802
Since I got 'em to up
your mastercard limit to $100.
371
00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:36,206
Hello, mrs. Bundy.
Hello.
372
00:19:36,207 --> 00:19:37,440
Hi.
373
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:41,011
Class...
374
00:19:41,012 --> 00:19:45,282
How many decorating
don'ts do we see?
375
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:53,991
Oh, don't mind him.
376
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:56,760
He's just choppin' wood
for his dinner.
377
00:19:56,761 --> 00:19:59,296
Come upstairs
and see my bathroom.
378
00:19:59,297 --> 00:20:02,099
Change it, peg,
or suffer the consequences.
379
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,001
Oh, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
380
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,002
Ya marry me?
381
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:06,302
[laughs]
382
00:20:10,975 --> 00:20:12,509
Then I have no choice.
383
00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:15,212
[george thorogood's"bad to the bone" playing]
384
00:20:30,828 --> 00:20:33,597
♪ now, on the dayI was born ♪
385
00:20:33,598 --> 00:20:35,932
♪ the nursesall gathered round ♪
386
00:20:35,933 --> 00:20:38,302
♪ they gazedin wide wonder ♪
387
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,770
♪ at the joythey had found ♪
388
00:20:40,771 --> 00:20:42,606
♪ the head nurse spoke up ♪
389
00:20:42,607 --> 00:20:45,509
♪ said leave this one alone ♪
390
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,877
♪ she could tell right away ♪
391
00:20:47,878 --> 00:20:50,380
♪ that I was badto the bone ♪
392
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,782
♪ bad to the bone ♪
393
00:20:52,783 --> 00:20:55,119
♪ bad to the bone ♪
394
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,621
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
395
00:20:57,622 --> 00:21:00,056
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
396
00:21:00,057 --> 00:21:02,559
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
397
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,961
♪ bad to the bone ♪
398
00:21:04,962 --> 00:21:07,531
♪ I broke a thousand hearts ♪
399
00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:09,733
♪ before I met you ♪
400
00:21:09,734 --> 00:21:12,202
♪ I'll breaka thousand more, baby ♪
401
00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:14,638
♪ before I am through ♪
402
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:16,940
♪ I wanna be yourspretty baby ♪
403
00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:19,343
♪ yours and yours alone ♪
404
00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:21,811
♪ I'm here to tell ya, honey ♪
405
00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:24,348
♪ that I'm bad to the bone ♪
406
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:26,650
♪ bad to the bone ♪
407
00:21:26,651 --> 00:21:29,019
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
408
00:21:29,020 --> 00:21:31,522
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
409
00:21:31,523 --> 00:21:33,390
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
410
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:35,859
♪ bad to the bone ♪
411
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,660
♪ bad to the bone ♪
412
00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:13,029
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
413
00:22:13,030 --> 00:22:15,365
♪ b-b-b-b-bad ♪
414
00:22:15,366 --> 00:22:17,501
♪ whew!I'm bad to the bone ♪
415
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:27,043
[♪]
29218
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof